


For the Damaged

by Mortis_oculo



Series: For the Damaged [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Brainwashing, Child Soldiers, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Force-Sensitive Reader, Grooming, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Knight of Ren reader, Manipulation, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Psychological Trauma, Self-Mutilation, Slow Burn, Smut, Switch Reader, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, reader is not okay, slight praise kink, switch kylo ren, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-27 17:14:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 365,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mortis_oculo/pseuds/Mortis_oculo
Summary: Memories. They are what make us.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this garbage months ago. Consequentially, since the arrival of Episode VIII, many origins (mainly the Knights of Ren and the destruction of the New Jedi Academy) were reviled. I will not be following Episode VIII 100%, things will be altered to fit the direction of the story. I have already compiled 139 pages of writing and did not feel the need to change my story to fit in with that absolute cluster fuck of a movie. 
> 
> With that being said, this is my first dip into Reader-insert/Star Wars fanfiction. I'm nervous about this, admittedly, my knowledge of the Star Wars universe and technical names of objects, materials, planets, and piloting are lacking. I'm trying my best to make this feel as part of the SW universe as possible. I apologize for any errors with in these terms. I'm still researching and immersing myself back into the SW fandom and will try my best to rectify any errors. 
> 
> As far as Kylo Ren/Ben Solo goes, the first few chapters will not contain him at all. I apologize for any frustration this may cause. For all intents and purposes this is a "slow-burn." I want this story to feel organic, but I realize that sometimes you just have to push at things to happen, and this often feels clunky. I'm working at that within my own writing. 
> 
> Also, my god...I use commas like they are going out of style. My sentences run on far too long at times and at others are choppy at best. So basically, brace yourself for grammar issues. I tend to write as I speak/think. It's a mess. My bad. 
> 
> I'm not going to lie, the first few chapters are going to happen fast. There will be time-skips and jumps through out this whole series. I know this is a weak plot device, but damn it gets super boring writing about the same shit over and over again. I will attempt to avoid doing this too much...but I'm not gunna lie...it's going to happen. 
> 
> Chapters will vary in length. I apologize for the shitty formatting.
> 
> With all of that being said, thank you so much for even clicking on this absolute nightmare. Any and all feed back is greatly appreciated.

**Chapter 1**

_**The Culling (Part 1)** _

\----------------------------------------------------------------

 

                It started with a whisper. A single smooth voice in the darkness penetrating the core of your being. It was the only memory of the before. Any attempt to remember your mother and father, for surely you had parents, was only met with the sound of that voice in the darkness of your mind. You could not recall your home, not even the name of the planet, there was nothing for you to cling on to as a reminder of who you were or where you came from. You did not question the emptiness, not anymore, you had stopped trying to remember a long time ago.

 

               The next memory that you could recall were the blinding lights of a ship and the flashing of movement, the feeling of confusion and fear, the pressing of a crowd and crying. This memory made you anxious, the gathering and huddling of so many young bodies made your skin crawl. This was the selection process. The Culling. The planet you arrived on was a frozen waste land, cold and unforgiving in every aspect. Jagged rock faces and long stretches of barren permafrost were all that greeted your group. Once you had thought that there would be more brought in, or perhaps there were more before, but your group was the one and only. Perhaps there were more groups on other planets in other star systems, maybe those groups were met with a more habitable climate, and maybe more of them had survived. You had no real desire to find out, not anymore, not after so long. What good would it do to know this information other than to spark a flicker of jealousy at the prospect of perhaps having it easier than you did? No, you couldn’t dwell on these fantasies, not here.

 

               The first few weeks were spent in isolation with meager meals. These were meant to break you. You cried for a time but eventually the tears had dried and ceased to run. Your body weak and your mind starved for interaction, that’s when the voice was the strongest. He whispered about power, about the ability to do unimaginable things, about destiny, and you listened and hung on to every word like a life boat. In time you were able to communicate with the voice; your mind growing stronger out of necessity. He asked you to do things, to move things in the room, rearrange items, push and pull. At first you merely physically moved them with your body. Manipulating a cup with your hands, feeling the weight and the texture of the metal cup. The voice urged you to move past the physical, a concept too out of reach for your young mind, but he explained that you could do this. You had the ability to do these things, it was how he had found you and how you had been able to hear him from so far away. Where was he you asked? He would not answer directly, just with “Far away.” You nodded, a dim hum in your head of acknowledgement.

 

               After a month you were able to move the cup without touch. It had become a game, how long could you hold the cup in place. How long could you keep it in motion? Over time you would receive visits from a person clad in sterile white, they would bring new objects, heavier and larger in size. You would be tasked to move these objects with in your room. The voice sometimes would send reassuring words to you at these actions. Praise that made you smile. As your ability grew so did your meals. The better you did the more they fed you. Rewards for your success. Eventually the people in white would remove you from the dimly lit room out into the bright lights of the interior of the large building. Here you would see others around your age. You would not make eye contact with them and nor would they with you. The voice urged this isolation. These were your competition. Their numbers would dwindle over time you knew this, he had told you, attachment was weakness and you could not be weak.

 

               And the numbers did dwindle. Slowly over the months, thirty to twenty, twenty to fifteen, and fifteen to twelve. The next time you saw the remaining twelve you were all lined up and standing outside of a room. None of you spoke. Everyone stood silently as one by one you each filed in. A number branded onto your skin, your new names spoken for the first time.

 

_Number Eight._

 

               They did not disclose if these numbers were rank, but you were sure they had to be. You could feel the tension as you all gathered in a room together, fresh numbers glistening on the flat part of your upper left ears and on the new clothing you had each been given. You looked for Number One, you had to see who this person was and why they were better than you, jealously bubbling inside of you as you looked at them. He was tan and had light brown hair with thick eyebrows. He looked older than you, but that was probably only assumed by his height. You were not the smallest of the group but he was certainly the tallest. Your eyes squinted at him, what was so special about him?

  _Nothing._

 

               He wasn’t special by any means you had decided suddenly. He was nothing compared to you. His eyes turned to look at you, tawny colored and clear, you knew he could feel you looking at him and you didn’t care. You would destroy him. Your attention was shifted away from him suddenly as the lights dimmed to total darkness. A projection of size broadcasted in front of the twelve. A man sat on a throne, his face was grotesque, you wanted nothing more than to look away, but the voice kept your eyes locked on the figure.

“You are the only twelve remaining out of eighty. Welcome to Ziost and the Citadel, your new home for the time being. Over time each of you will be tested. Tomorrow your training will start. I have spoken to each of you over time, grown to know each of you. The strongest will survive, as you can see the process has already started…” He paused and appeared to look at each member individually, some flinched at his gaze, others looked on and a few looked away. You froze as his crystalline blue orbs washed over your body, you could feel a soft caress at the back of your head, almost lovingly touching you like a parent would their child. Reassurance. You blinked passively, allowing this mental touch without a flinch. You could feel him searching through your feelings and thoughts at this new information. There was fear at the prospect of death, anger and jealously at One, excitement, and pride. You could feel his approval, no words were spoken, you did not need the confirmation that he was the voice in the darkness, he already knew you would gather this as the others had.

****

               As time progressed, so did your training. Hand to hand combat, weapons training, and Force training were daily routines. His voice was there every step of the way guiding you in your training. Eventually the twelve grew into a unit of sorts, each taking a turn at lead to get a taste of power and to test your mental capabilities. The first excursion of the frozen land lead to the death of Eleven. A poorly timed leap across a ravine sent him down into the darkness below. Twelve cried out weakly and wept on the frozen ground as she peered down below. You stood above her watching her. You could feel her sadness and shock. You didn’t know what to do with these feelings, you were sure you had felt them some time before, but you couldn’t recall the memory they were tied to, you stood and allowed them to fill you. You could feel the tears encroaching on the inner rim of your eyes but you did not allow them to fall instead you pulled away, blocking her off mentally. A wash of cold nothingness came over you as you blinked the moisture away. You did not like those feelings and you turned to walk away from her. A few of the others grabbed at her urging her to move on. You kept moving, Snoke’s voice urging you to turn your back on her. You listened. He had never lead you astray before. One stood next to you and nodded as the others slowly fell back in line. One knew as well as you did, attachment was weakness and Twelve was weak. Both of you lead the procession back to the Citadel as Twelve wept surrounded by the others. There was a creeping thought pushing in the back of your head,

_“You should have pushed her over with him. She is weak. She is a problem”_ You mentally paused at this intruding thought. Was it your voice or was it Snoke’s? Sometimes you could not tell the difference and over time you had noticed this melding of thoughts more and more. Where did you start and Snoke end? You shrugged these thoughts away as you returned to your quarters. Stripping away your heavy layers and pack. You sat on the floor near your bed and meditated, feeling outwardly for anything to latch on to. One was there, his cracking voice speaking your number.

_“Eight.”_

_“One.”_ You replied mentally.

_“We should have ended her.”_ You mentally hummed at this, not entirely in agreement but acknowledgement. Twelve’s time would come to an end soon. You knew this. One knew this. You saw no need to speak further on the matter and allowed One to feel this sentiment. One mentally sighed, frustrated, he had been lead on the excursion. He should have been the one to do it. He knew it as well as you. You could feel his frustration ebbing through you. You pushed back these feelings, you would not dwell on it, this was his burden to bare.

_“One?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I trust you will make the right decisions in this matter?”_ You didn’t know why you projected the question, why you were continuing to converse on the matter but something roiling and dark inside of you urged you to push.

  
_“Yes.”_ His answer was curt. The connection fell away and you returned to solitude.

 

                You felt her. Twelve. Her struggle and her pain. At night when you slept your mental defenses were weaker, you had yet to master the ability to keep up your walls while you slept. You could mentally hear her crying out. You were sadden by this momentarily, but then you felt him with her, her surprise and then her panic. You could feel her frantic thoughts and his frantic but more resolute thoughts. You knew what was happening. You had urged this hadn’t you? You could feel the others too, confusion, outrage, anxiety melding into a giant emotional cloud. If you allowed this to continue their feelings would over whelm you. You ripped your covers away and stood, your bare feet padding to the door as you slid it open with the Force. You pushed through the door, the others peeking out of their rooms, you did not speak, only mentally pushed them back into their rooms signaling them to go back to bed. No one protested. You hit the door lock on the panel to Twelve’s room, you could hear the struggle, the door was locked. You pushed at it repeatedly. Annoyance growing. You mentally assaulted the door, the lock clicking open with force, you stood in the door way watching as One strangled Twelve on the bed. His long fingers clamped around her thin pale neck as her blonde hair sprawled across the pillows, her nails digging into his hands as she tried to claw him away. Her face was twisted and red, his was almost the same, you could feel his confliction at the act he was performing.        

 

               You stood and watched for a moment. Battling your own thoughts to allow this to continue. Finally you walked into the room, Twelve’s life was hanging by a thread, her fight was falling away, you raised your hand and with the Force you pushed One away from Twelve sending him onto the floor with a thud. Your eyes searched his, he looked back in a mixture of confusion, disgust, and perhaps a hint of gratefulness. You stood like a statue, not sure what his next move would be, not quite sure of what your next move should be. You mentally reached out to him, he refused you, you pushed harder more sharply. He held and so you spoke.  
“One.” You said sternly.

“Why did you stop me!?” He screamed.

“The Supreme Leader did not command this.” Your voice was cool and even. You locked every feeling away, mentally fortifying your walls for attack as One stood to his full height and walked toward you so he could hover over your small frame. You looked up at him, meeting his eyes in defiance. You could feel him pushing mentally at you now, trying to break down your walls to assault your mind. A technique that he was adept at and had only grown stronger over the course of the years training on prisoners of the First Order. You could feel him pushing at you, trying to make you bend to his will. Trying to intimidate you into submission. You kept your mental defenses up, a single crack and he would be in and you would be powerless to stop him short of flinging him across the room.

               He huffed and moved to step around you, easing his attack back, you cast your eyes towards Twelve she looked at you weakly, her hands cuffing her delicate throat, her eyes wild and blood shot.

“This is not over.” He stated flatly as he moved out of the room and back to his quarters.

               

                You looked over your shoulder, and then turned slowly back to Twelve, you weren’t sure if you should speak. You shook your head and moved to walk out as Twelve laid back and wept silently. You paused in the door frame.  
“You will die if you continue this course.” You said flatly. She did not speak as you walked away, mentally sliding the door closed. You didn’t know why you cared. You had no attachment to Twelve. You had no attachment to any of them, yet something small inside of you felt the gentle tug to protect Twelve, a conflict to the earlier emotion of wanting to kill her. You felt disappointment in yourself. Attachments were weakness.

 

                The following morning both One and you were summoned to The Supreme Leader’s chambers. Both of you stood in silence as his projection loomed over the both of you. Over the years you had grown accustomed to his gnarled and deformed face. His voice was still as soothing and comforting as it had been when you had first heard it. You pushed those feelings away, now was not the time to linger on them.  
“Eleven was weak. Twelve is weak, but there is a chance that she can grain strength from this, ending her so soon would be a mistake.” You fought the urge to look at One smugly, instead you continued to search The Supreme Leader’s face for where he was going with this meeting.

“Eight was correct in stopping you, it was not your place to take Twelve’s life into your own hands.” You could see One shift slightly. You wanted to smirk but fought the urge.

“But Supreme Leader, it was under my lead that Eleven died and Twelve should have also met her end purely for her weakness.” His voice was firm. You had to admire him for that.

“You were too late in your decision, and you tried to rectify it by attempting to murder her after the fact, you were no longer in charge. This was not your choice to make any longer.”

               Mentally you made note of this, once you were no longer in charge, you were absolutely no longer in charge. You stood just as still and listened as Snoke continued to speak.“One, you are dismissed. Eight. Stay.”

               Mentally you were panicked, what possibly could he have to say to you? One nodded and as he passed you a slight smirk crossed his lips. Your eyes narrowed at him as he exited. The door opened allowing light to flood the room in a wide stripe which was immediately removed once the door closed shut. You stood like a statue, you had never been one on one with The Supreme Leader, not where he could physically see you. Not that it made much of a difference, he had been inside of your mind more times than you could count or even recall. His voice was the first memory you ever had, you tried to recall the comfort you felt from that voice to calm your anxiety. He looked down at you and leaned forward slightly, shifting his legs as he moved.

  
“Eight. I can feel your conflict over this matter. Would you like to speak?” It was more of a command than a question you realized. Why hadn’t he just entered your mind and asked? You could feel your eyes widen as you searched for your feelings.

  
“I agreed with One’s actions. I urged him…in a way…to attack Twelve. To kill her. I stopped him because I suddenly felt conflicted over the action. It didn’t seem…the time.”  You looked down not sure if your words were satisfactory or not. He leaned back in his chair.

  
“I see.” You shifted awkwardly under his gaze. “We mustn’t allow our sentiment to get the better of us Eight. I could feel the pull to the light coming from you last night. You must not give in to it. You must maintain balance. There are others, who have been pulled to the light, a waste of potential. They are weak fools.”

               Your eyes shifted to look up at him through your eyelashes though you neither agreed nor disagreed, only listened.

“There is another. Who I have been trying to reach for some time. I can feel him through the Force. He is strong, much like you and One. Once he has come to his senses and see’s that the light has nothing to give him, then we can truly begin.” You lifted your head slightly. What was to begin? You wanted to ask but something told you not to. It would all unfold in time. “You are dismissed.” He said with a wave. You nodded and took a soft bow and moved to the door, the projection already gone.

 

 


	2. 2

Chapter 2

The Culling (Part 2)

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

More had fallen as the years passed. Two, Three, and Seven no longer apart of the group. They were weak you told yourself. Perhaps the musing of a child, though you were no longer a child. You were an adult now and your body reflected that as it did the others. Your hair had grown longer over time and reached down to your lower back, your body filled out with muscle, your mind was stronger than you could have ever imagined. Your Force abilities at manipulating objects excelled most of all. You were fast and flexible which proved to be a great advantage in a pinch. You trained daily with the others as the group had become more tightly knit over time. Learning to work as a team but still retaining the ability to work as individuals, Supreme Leader was most pleased with the progress. Though over time there had begun a natural hierarchy in the group. One and you were the unspoken leaders, a competition between the two of you for ultimate control of the group had been present since the incident with Twelve. The others fell to the way side with their own conflicts with each other. It still felt like a game at times, though the consequences had grown more severe as time went on, the group still retained the child like nature of competition.

 You stood in the training room going through a routine with a training sword. Your arms ached slightly as you continued to go through the motions. Repetition that kept your mind at ease as you moved through them. One stood sparring with Five, both men sweating profusely. Five was stocky and broad while One was lean and lanky. They danced around each other while panting. You watched as they moved around each other. “Are either of you ever going to hit one another?” You asked jokingly. Twelve sat on the floor in meditation and opened an eye to look at you. Her hair had been cropped short and looked elegant on her willowy body. Both of you had grown closer as time went on. She often braided your hair into a boxer braid for training and you both talked about the others. She confided in you her feelings and anxieties, you listened, never delving too deeply into the relationship. Supreme Leader had already warned against those sort of attachments. She was pleasant to be around all the same.

“Why don’t you stop twirling those sticks of yours around and come over here and fight.” Grunted One as he grappled with Five. You rolled your eyes.

“Looks like you’re busy at the moment.” You said tossing up one of your swords and catching it as you spun into a lunge.

One suddenly stopped with the grapple and pushed Five to the side with the Force. Five yelled at the sudden use but quickly bit back any words on the matter. One was moving towards you, you kept going through your routine. The others watched on curiously. Twelve made a motion to stand but you merely cast your eyes towards her signaling her to remain seated. You were not threatened. One stood close, but not close enough to be in your way, his arms were crossed over his chest as he stared at you.

“How long has it been since you and I sparred?” He asked with a slight smirk.

He knew how long it had been. In truth the both of you hardly ever sparred, your true feelings towards each other were too much to control, you hated him with every fiber of your being and he you. It took everything in the both of you not to outright slaughter each other. Things were fine when you weren’t butting heads, the fire inside returning to smoldering embers, but as soon as any conflict arose it took everything in you not to feed the inferno that quickly grew. You glanced at him momentarily but continued to practice your routine.

“You know that it would not be wise to spar. As I recall it took everyone to pull us apart last time. Supreme Leader would not approve.”

Ah, your ultimate excuse. Supreme Leader’s displeasure had spurred fear in every member of the group over the years. Even you no longer found complete comfort in his voice, no, things had changed as the deaths of Two, Three, and Seven had been at his hands. You could still faintly hear the screams of Seven as she plead for her life as Five cut her down in the snow. Vibro mace pummeling her to death, his strong muscles flexing with each whack. All of you aware of the urging that Snoke cast out into your minds. As much as you told yourself it was Five’s burden to bare, you carried the weight as well, you all did. One stood silently, you could feel him pushing mentally at the back of your head, you pushed back harshly, he winced slightly. You stopped your motions and moved to walk away, your anger starting to boil beneath your calm façade. Four stepped out of your way as you returned the swords to the weapon rack. One did not pursue, he knew it would only end in a fight that would possibly destroy the both of you. You left the training area and walked back to your quarters, once inside you mentally slid the door closed and stood silently in the room.  You attempted to calm yourself, internally seething with gritted teeth and closed eyes, you could hear a few of your belongings shake within the room. You were sure the others could feel you as well. You weren’t sure why you were so angry. Old books slapped angrily against the bookcase, a holopad clattered against your nightstand, your fists were clenched at your side, short nails digging into the flesh. The bite of blood being drawn pulled your mind back from the anger. You focused on the pain, allowing it to take over as you pressed your nails further inward. You could feel the wet heat of the pooling blood. You focused on the rivulets that ran down your fists threatening to drip on the floor. You released your fists and exhaled harshly, the clattering in the room had stopped. You slowly opened your eyes and looked down at your hands, crescent shapes littered your palms. They would heal over time as they always did.

 You stepped out of the refresher and quickly wrapped your body in a towel, it had been days since the incident with One. Neither of you had spoken since then, your silence was noted by the others, a warning to stay away for the time being. You trained by yourself during these times. Sinking deeply into meditation, focusing your anger and pushing it back under control. It had been a while since you had been this riled up. You viewed this loss of control as failure. Supreme Leader spoke softly to you during these times. You were in a fragile state, a volcano threatening to spill over the edge at the slightest provocation. He whispered about the other one, how once he joined the ranks things would be as they should. He was so close to breaking him. You hummed mentally as he continued to whisper. You wondered if he shared these thoughts with the others. You were no fool, you knew that there was always a possibility that he could be telling the others the same thing. Something deep inside of you urged you to be cautious. The same voice that urged you to control your anger, the same one that told you to be patient and forgiving with yourself. You looked at yourself in the mirror and combed through your long hair, wrapping it up into a towel and moved to get dressed. Once dressed you did a small stretching routine and picked up your quarters when your mind was suddenly on edge. The hairs on the back of your neck raised and you ssnapped to attention away from the bed you were in the process of making. Something was going on. The air felt charged. You reached out to Twelve and found her in the same state. _“What’s going on?”_ She asked urgently.

_“I’m not sure. I’m opening to the others. No one knows. Not even One.”_

 You ripped the towel away from your hair and put on your boots and slid the door to your quarters open quickly. Mentally urging the others to join together at the entrance hall of the Citadel. Your wet hair hung in wet ropes over your training clothes as you moved through the Citadel with an urgent pace. Twelve joined you in the hall and you both walked briskly. She mentally pushed at you about your hair. You shrugged her off, you would be fine, it wasn’t that cold you told her. You both walked in silence, her long legs keeping pace with your smaller quicker strides. You joined with Four and Five near the dining hall, Six, Ten, Nine, and One already stood at the entrance. Your eyes shot directly towards One. A mental cord passing between you both, be prepared he urged, you nodded. The others looked nervous. None of you had weapons on hand, a stupid move on your parts, under prepared, you mentally cursed yourself. The feeling only grew worse; there was something looming under the initial edge, something familiar. You focused on that and steadied yourself. You stood facing the doors next to One. Twelve was behind you and the others fanned out from there. You could hear a craft outside, large judging by the reverberating echo in the air. You remained as calm as possible. This could be nothing, but the small voice inside of you flashed danger, urging you to stay on edge, to protect the others. You could feel Twelve drawing on your resolve, you allowed this, you needed her to be ready. She was weak willed at times and would often seek you out mentally for reassurance. You could feel many on the other side of the door way, you could hear the crunching of snow beneath heavy feet. Armor, boots, blasters. You furrowed your brows, who would need such protection?

You looked briefly to One, his eyes shifting to you, you nodded. You flicked the doors wide open and moved forward. Your ability to manipulate physical beings and objects with the Force was the strongest. You were greeted with a blast of cold air and icy flakes of snow as the others got into stance as you moved forward. Your wet hair already soaking through your robes, you cursed yourself again, you better not get sick after this. You stepped out further and into the cold, your mind searching through the Force, finding what you already knew deep down. Supreme Leader. You automatically relaxed even though the small voice urged you to continue to be on edge. You stood straight as the procession moved forward. You mentally called back to the others, everything was fine. Relax. Red clad ‘troopers moved before Supreme Leader, he was bundled up against the cold, he looked frail but you could feel his presence looming over you. Oppressive in nature. You did not yield to it. You continued to stand as they moved closer as the others come to join you. One standing right next to you as you both shared a glance. What could The Supreme Leader be doing here? Why did he not inform you of his visit? Both of you reflected back on these questions.

When he finally approached he was as tall as One but looked so much smaller all bundled inside of his robes. You looked up at him and met his icy stare, blue eyes boring a hole through you. The oppressive nature that surrounded him pushed on you trying to weigh you down. You wondered if he was doing this purposefully or if the others were feeling it. You pushed back against it. You would not allow it to touch you. The small voice rang out again, danger, danger. “Supreme Leader.” You said with a bow, the others following suit.

“Eight. You all may rise.” His voice was soft.

You moved to stand beside him, allowing him to move into the warmer interior of the Citadel, One flanked his other side and the others followed. Twelve was close behind you finding comfort in your presence. You suddenly wished she would stop. Now was not the time. You closed yourself off to her. Snoke did not notice and if he did he did not mention it.

Once inside Supreme Leader stood and looked around momentarily as the ‘troopers filed in carrying luggage and other items. “It is nice to be back here.” He mused absentmindedly. You said nothing at this only waited for your group to be addressed. The others stood behind you and One once again.  He moved around the room slightly. Your eyes tracked his small movements. He paused again and turned to look back at the group. “You have all grown so much. I’m proud of all of you…but your trials are not over.” The oppressive feeling bared down even harder, you fought it back again. You could feel the other’s worries. You bolstered your mind again, another layer to the wall separating you from them. “We have much to discuss. Eight. One. Stay. The rest of you are dismissed.” The others bowed and quickly moved back to their respective quarters. You could feel Twelve sending a tendril towards your mind, you swatted it away.

_“Not now.”_

“Both of you, walk with me.” He commanded.

You filed behind him as he walked towards the projection room, One walking beside you as you both followed. Nothing was said as you walked. Once you entered the projection room you noticed that the chair that was always empty and dark was now spotlighted. When did this happen? You mentally shrugged. Supreme Leader moved gracefully to the chair and took a seat. It was as if it was made perfectly for him. You stood at attention next to One. Once Supreme Leader had settled he spoke. “We are close to completion. He will be joining us soon. When the news breaks of his family’s ties it will be the final straw.” Of course he had spoken to One of the same things he had spoken to you about, this wasn’t what was concerning you, though you could feel the flickers of jealousy lick at your mind at the thought of One being privy to the same knowledge as you, the thing that concerned you was the ‘He’ that would be joining you. You had never gotten a name, or who this person was exactly, just that they were the final piece. This concerned you more than you would have liked it too. It was bad enough that you were constantly battling One for dominance but now there was a possibility for another contender. Your face was a mask, carefully crafted over the years, you showed none of these emotions outwardly.  Neither of you spoke as he continued.

“There are some things we need to work on, there are some in the group who are wavering in resolve, they must be dealt with immediately.” His eyes shifted to you. A number flickered in your head. Your breath caught in your throat, a slight panic flickering across your eyes. The small voice in your head cried out.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Culling (Part 3)

\-------------------------------------

 

 His voice was in your head. Intruding on the panic. He chided you, your sentiment was a weakness. Treading a thin line you knew you were not allowed to cross.

_“You must be the one to do this. You have created this.”_ You did not reply to his voice, there was no need to. He knew you had only one true choice. You nodded solemnly. You could feel One’s eyes flicker momentarily to you. If you had been paying attention you would have found slight concern but you were too busy fighting off the small crying and pleading voice in the back of your head.

“Once this has been taken care of, I will personally attend your sessions, things will be different from what they have been. You are no longer children, it is time to act accordingly.” You gulped at this, One clenched his jaw. Snoke’s eyes moved back to you. You could feel the familiar gentle caress at the back of your head though you did not find solace in it as you once did when you were a child.

“I want this taken care of before the morning. Eight, do not fail me.” You nodded.

“We will rejoin in the morning for training. You are dismissed. One. Stay.” You bowed and turned sharply not even daring to look at One as you felt his eyes follow you out.

You moved quickly out of the room and started to run. You ran for the front doors and pushed past the ‘troopers that lingered around the front entrance. You mentally pushed the doors open once again and kept running. The cold bit at your face but you didn’t care. You weren’t even sure when the tears had started to fall but they froze painfully to your cheeks as you fell to your knees in the snow. The wet spots on your shirt were starting to freeze, your hair was plated to your body as it froze. You could feel the teeth of the cold chewing through your clothes.

This was so dumb. Why were you doing this? You knew this was coming. You knew all along. The small voice was still crying and panicking. Pleading softly. You wanted nothing more than to silence it. To end it. Just like you would be ending her. You bit back a sob. When had this attachment happened? You wanted to scream, you wanted to protest, you wanted nothing more than to rage against this order, but that was not a possibility. Your hands clenched down at the snow, feeling the sting of the cold as your nails pressed into the flesh once again. The pain centering your focus, you could feel the heat of blood welling up out of your fresh wounds. You needed to compose yourself and quickly. You were no longer a child. You knew death would eventually be on your hands. What was the difference between her and anyone else?  You clung to that thought. Your rational mind accepting it with a warm embrace. You sucked in the frigid air in with a giant heave of your chest.     

 Exhaling slowly. Your hands digging deeply into the snow. You clenched at it, it bit at your freshly healing wounds on your hands. The pain centered you. You dug down deeper mentally searching out that small voice that was still pleading. You could not find it but it was starting to silence its self the more you looked for it, like it knew you were trying to rid yourself of it. You stood, not even bothering to brush the snow from your body. You walked with hard resolve back into the Citadel. You slammed the doors open with a push of your hand. Your mind was on auto pilot.

You didn’t realize that you had been putting up a mental shield so thick that not even One would be able to reach you. You walked down the hall, your face was red from the cold, your fingers red with cold and blood from your wounds. You walked on allowing the blood to drip down your hands. You stood outside of her quarters and mentally slid the doors open quickly.

Now or never.

She sat on her bed in meditation. You raised your hand towards her, her eyes flickered open. The small voice was back pleading again. Screaming now. High pitched in your head, it made you angry. You just needed to do this, why was it trying to stop you. It was you or her. She is _weak_.  She gasped at your intrusion and tried to stand but it was too late. You mentally clamped on her throat. Smashing her windpipe, she gurgled, her eyes were pleading. Your tears fell again. You felt her life fall away as you quickly snapped your wrist, a crunching noise rattled around your head.

She fell limply. She hadn’t even thought to fight. She could have fought. Why didn’t she? You looked down at her now lifeless body. Anger welling inside of you. Why didn’t she fight you? Why didn’t she try? You were mad at her. Mad at her for her weakness. Mad at her for making you do this.

You stood heaving, tears falling down your face. Your eyes searched frantically around the room for something. Anything to take away the pain in your chest and the anger that was starting to spill violently. A memory flashing in your head suddenly;

                _“I got you something.” You were standing in Twelve’s quarters, she sat quietly on the bed, the covers pulled around her. She was still bruised around her neck but it was healing. She had been hiding in her quarters ever since One tried to kill her. She was skittish and frightened. Though you didn’t want to admit it, you were growing concerned for her wellbeing. She hadn’t eaten in days now, dark rings hung under her red eyes. She had been crying again. She didn’t make eye contact with you as you spoke, only looking at the wall. She clutched the blankets as you moved closer to her. You pulled the knife out from behind your back where you had been holding it. She flinched at the sight, her legs curling tightly as she pushed backwards towards the wall. You raised your hands upward trying to show her that you meant no harm. You allowed her to enter your mental space, opening the channels for her to peer inward. Her eyes were wild, she still didn’t believe you. You sighed. “I just thought you would feel safer with it here…keep it with you at all times okay?” You set it down quickly in front of her. She looked at it and then back at you. Not sure what she should do._

_“You’re good with a knife…this…this could be your last ditch effort to defend yourself. I know you can use the Force, we all can, but sometimes…it’s not enough.” Her eyes started to water from staring at you for so long. She blinked quickly, scared that you would move to grab the knife and plunge it into her. She moved her hand quickly to the weapon and snatched it up and held it to her chest. She looked like a child clutching a stuffed animal. You nodded and turned to leave._

_“Eight?” Her voice was so soft you barely heard it, you paused in the door way. “Thank you.”_

_You had a smile on your face as you nodded though you did not let her see the expression. You existed quickly._

The room rattled as you mentally searched for the knife, finding it under her pillow, you pulled it towards you quickly with the Force. She hadn’t even thought to use it on you. Stupid, stupid girl.

You wasted no time slamming your left hand down on to the flat surface of the small desk. Your anger was raging within you. You needed to get it back under control. Pain was the only solution. Slicing through the joint of your pinky finger, you sawed franticly the pain was hot and searing. It ripped through your chest, you welcomed it. You sawed through the tendons, knuckle and the flesh until it was detached from you. You screamed violently, the pain breaking down the walls that caged your anger instead of bolstering them. Your scream echoed through the room, your body shook violently as you clutched at your hand in a futile attempt to further focus on the pain. Why was this not working? Pain had always been the solution to controlling yourself. What had changed? Was the anger so out of control that not even removing a part of you could contain it?

The room shook again, items falling all around. You could hear the others running down the hall. The small voice pleaded for you to control yourself. You could kill them, you must pull it back inside! The objects in the room shifted violently in a cyclone as you screamed. The others stopped, you knew One was stopping them from coming closer. You could feel that oppressive feeling smothering the magma that flowed from your internal fire. You battled it. You clenched your hands at your head as you fell to your knees. Snoke was smothering everything you felt. He stood in the doorway. A glint in his eye. Pride. You clutched your severed digit in your unharmed hand tighter, pressing on the wound sending jolting pain into your core. Willing the pain to help ease the anger you were feeling.  

_“Calm yourself. Do not fight me.”_ For the first time his voice was sharp and demanding. You pulled back mentally from it. He pushed you mentally, the pain was immense. You cried out. There was no fighting him. You let him suppress you as your eyes shut, you understood.

****

 

 You could feel Five carrying you. You opened your eyes weakly. “Don’t reattach it.” You said softly. He leaned down closer so he could hear you. “Huh? What are you talking about?” His deep voice vibrated in his chest.

“The finger. Don’t put it back. I need to remember.” You said weakly as your eyes closed again.

 When you awoke you sat in the medbay. Your eyes practically flung themselves down to your bandaged left hand. Your right hand clumsily ripped at the cloth covering it. You pulled until you could see the flesh of your hand. A nub right at the joint was all that remained of your pinky. You exhaled. They had listened. You could feel an emptiness inside of you, it was small and hollow, you could no longer feel Twelve. You shut your eyes and laid back in the bed. You cast your mind outward searching for something that you knew you would not find. The emptiness gnawed at you. You had killed her. You had snuffed her out like an unwanted flame.  

The small voice was back and it was weeping. Crying out apologies and begging for forgiveness. You told it to shut up. There was no forgiveness to be had. There was nothing to be sorry for you told yourself. You completed your task just as Snoke had asked. Your mind going back to what you told yourself in the snow. It was you or her. Her weakness…your weakness, was the reason for his command. You had brought this about just as much as she had. You would live with the consequences of your actions. You had no choice, there was no going back, and there was no saving her from you. The voice quieted down to a soft murmur. Your head hung as tears welled in your eyes. You cursed yourself. You could not be weak, how dare you cry. How dare you when you were the reason for this.

_“When you are ready, come to the training room.”_ One said curtly, forcing you out of your reverie. You sighed.

How long had you been out? You shifted so your legs could dangle off the side of the bed. You clutched your left hand to your chest as you slid off the bed and onto the floor. Your bare feet padded softly as you heard someone walking towards you. The doctor looked at you with concern, he was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair, bags under his eyes and a large nose. “Where are you going?” he called out to you.

“My quarters to change.” You said as you kept walking.

“You need to come back here and left me rewrap that hand! At least let me put more bacta on it!” He called.

_“Do as the doctor says, Supreme Leader will no bet happy if you get an infection because you were being stubborn.”_ One chided.

You huffed, turning to approach the doctor, stopping in front of him while holding out your hand. He walked you back to the tray that contained the materials to clean and rewrap it. “How long until it’s healed?” You asked suddenly. “Well that depends on you. I’ve noticed that you Force users heal much more quickly than a normal person.” He mused as he applied a swipe of bacta and then started to wrap your hand. You hummed in response and said nothing more. Once he was finished you nodded and mumbled a ‘thank you.’

                You returned to your quarters and quickly changed into your training gear as best as you could manage. You thumped your hand every once in a while and slightly winced at the pain that jolted down your hand. It sent a tingle down your neck every time. Twelve’s face flashing through your mind’s eye at every jolt. A reminder of your failure. Wasn’t that why you wanted them not to reattach the digit?

Yes.

You needed to remember. You needed the constant reminder of the hole you had made in yourself. A physical reflection of the internal.

Once you were dressed you moved out of the door and down to the training room. The others were sparring each other. Snoke sat in a large plush chair watching. He shifted his eyes to you as you walked towards him. He eyed you curiously. You looked down in shame, you had lost control, you had made a mess of everything. You stopped at his side where he motioned you to take a seat on the floor beside him. He did not look at you as you hung your head low. _“You did well.”_ A hint of pride in his tone.

_“I lost control. I made a mess of everything. If you hadn’t stopped me I’m not sure I would have been able to contain myself.”_

_“Why do you hold back the anger that resides in you?”_ You looked up at him in confusion. Had he not told you that balance was the key? Why the sudden change? His eyes shifted over to you, cold blue orbs picking at you.

_“I…I don’t know. I can’t…I can’t control it. I cannot control myself when it happens. You told me…that balance was necessary. How can I remain balanced when my anger is so strong?”_

_“I was mistaken. I had not realized how powerful your anger was…I think it would be a mistake to contain such power. It would be a great injustice to you and to the Order to hold you to the same standard as I previously thought.”_

You chewed at the words. Power at the sacrifice of control, you didn’t like the idea of it, but you considered his words all the same. Your mind went back to the memory, you recalled briefly that you knew if you continued with your explosion that you could have very well of killed the others if they had been stupid enough to step in. Everything would have been for nothing. All the years spent training, everything would have been thrown away. Your brows furrowed at the thought, why suggest something that could be so harmful to your team mates? Something that could very well be harmful to you as well? You sat quietly as his gnarled hand landed softly on the crown of your head, perhaps in reassurance, but you felt the oppressive nature of it all the same. You fought the urge to move away. “The news broke while you were asleep. Not much longer now.” He finally spoke as he withdrew his hand from your head.

“I need you to be ready. I need you to prepare yourself for the things that are to come.” You weren’t sure what to say as you watched the others take turns sparring with weapons of their choosing.

“When he arrives, your training will be handed over to him until you are fully ready.”

“Supreme Leader?” You didn’t know what he meant by this, why was he always so vague.

“You are not yet ready to train under me. You have more trails to go through before your time comes.”

“Who is he?” You asked finally.

“He is a decedent of Darth Vader. His grandson. He has been fighting his true nature under the tutelage of his Uncle, Luke Skywalker. I will be his new Master. He shall be my apprentice.” Your anger flickered.

How was this man who had been apparently trained under some inferior Master going to suddenly rise to the ranks of being the direct apprentice of The Supreme Leader. Your mind reflected back on his previous statements about your readiness. You were not ready….but he was. What made him so ready? Your anger flashed hotly and rapidly, what gave this man the right to take what was rightfully yours? Just because he was someone’s decedent, as if that made him better than you or the others? Your mind was reeling, why were you not ready? What were these trials, hadn’t you already been through enough? Your thoughts wondered to Twelve, her blood was on your hands.

You looked at your wrapped hand, you must never forget.  


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Limbo

_____________________________________

 

A week had passed and your hand had ceased it’s dull throbbing though your mind still lingered on Twelve every morning you woke. She was always the first to greet you in the morning. Her voice had been soft, endearing, what you imagined a Mother’s voice would sound like. The small voice was back, murmuring apologies to no one who would hear. You shushed it, smashing it back down.

Your training had grown more grueling as the weeks passed. Your body ached more than it ever had. Your mind was tired. You had been paired with One more and more and it took everything in you not to kill him. Your anger was always boiling under the surface. Sometimes you thought that The Supreme Leader was doing this to push you, though you were not sure what there was to gain from One’s death.

Surely though One’s mental attacks had become harsher over time. He often started seeking you out shortly after you awoke. He would pound and pound at your mind until you grew either too annoyed to keep him out or until you grew too tired to be bothered with it. This morning you were prepared. Your mental barriers were already in place. Ready. You moved to the refresher and splashed you face with water. Sure enough you could feel his tendrils trying to find an entrance. You smiled as he continued to search. You continued your morning routine and then got dressed. He was now pushing harder creating a dull headache at the base of your skull. You cursed. You walked out of your quarters and moved to the dining hall to eat breakfast.

 Once you had gathered with the others over breakfast you could feel the pounding getting stronger. Your face remained a mask, a façade that you had practiced since arriving at the Citadel. You could not allow One to know that he was annoying you, much less causing you pain. You looked at the nub on your left hand as you lost yourself in thought. How much longer did you have to prepare for this Grandson of Vader? Truthfully you had been doing research on both Vader and Luke Skywalker before you retired to bed every evening. Very interesting things were being broadcasted into the media. Things about a Senator who was recently found to be the daughter of Vader. You wondered if this was the man’s mother. She was a war hero who had opposed The Empire and lead to the success of the Rebellion. It had to be his mother, his past Master had been his uncle…it would only make sense. Snoke had said that the man had been fighting his true nature his whole life. The Senator looked like a strong willed woman, and she certainly sounded like one in the holovideos that you had found of her actively arguing the New Republic. Your train of thought was cut as you felt One make entrance in your head.  
_“I win again. Good try though Eight.”_ Your eyes shot up at him, giving him a glare as he looked at you with a smirk.

  
_“Keep playing this game and I’m going to kill you in your sleep.”_ You smiled.

_“Not if I kill you first.”_ A true threat. You were unmoved.

  
_“The day I rip you apart will be a happy one.”_ You replied as you sent a sharp stab into his mind.

He winced and pulled away, standing to take his tray to the trash. He may be able to get in, but you still could hurt him. Normally, any entrance into each other’s mind was smooth, a bond forged over time, united and fortified from experiences and likeminded resolve. Pain was the direct result of putting up mental barriers to separate from the hive mind and having someone attack the walls in place. One took great joy in doing so to you, a subtle way of giving you a big ‘fuck you.’ Truthfully no one exactly kept the connection opened constantly, it could become overwhelming, sharing emotions and thoughts constantly, information overload. You wondered if One attacked the others as he did you. Probably not, then again you knew most of the others didn’t keep their minds as tightly sealed from the bond as you did. You found it hard at times to differ yourself from the others. Becoming lost in the collective was not what you called a good time. Twelve used to tell you that no one complained about your absence, that some of them felt that your emotions could be overriding, especially when you were in a state. She told you that she would always be there to share your emotional burden, she would remain open to you even if the others did not. She never kept you at a distance. You felt the hollowness in your being at the memory.

The others looked up at you as you stood and emptied your own tray of tasteless mush. Their conversation started back as you walked away.

****

Training consisted of hand to hand combat today. You were paired with Five. His fighting style was sheer brute force. Your only hope was to out maneuver him, if he got ahold of you things would be bad. Snoke watched on as you danced around him.

“Keep running Eight. All it takes is one good grip and you’re done.” He taunted as you evaded him once again.

You said nothing as you focused on his body language. Predicting his movements as he lunged again. This time he got a hold of your braid. You cursed as he snapped you downward. You struggled as he wrapped it around his hand. He hovered over you, now raising a hand to strike you in the face. He stupidly straddled you. You used your legs and shifted your body, kneeing him as you managed to free one leg. He cupped himself and released your hair. He was seething.  Scrambling upward you ran a semi-circle around him and jumped, sending your feet square into his chest, he fell with a thud as you scrambled to stand once again. You had to make this quick. He would come back even harder next time. He started to stand and you swept across his face with a foot. Not much of an effect, he was like a rock. He rubbed at his face with his large hands. He wasn’t playing anymore. You grimaced. Dancing around him again as he lunged, continuing into a run when you thought he would stop, he plowed into your stomach as you turned. The air was knocked out of you as you hit the hard floor. You wheezed. This time his fist came crashing into your face. Your eyes screwed up tightly. Pain rocked you. His fist was about to come back down but you rolled away from him and scampered upward. There was no way you were going to win this merely by using hand to hand.  You moved quickly around him again, when he lunged at you this time you raised a hand and stopped him from moving completely. He struggled against the Force.

  
“What do you say we make this more interesting?” You proposed.

  
“No, you’ve already forfeit the fight by using the Force. You know the rules.” He grunted.

You shrugged and lifted your hand upward pulling his body up, he shouted for you to put him down. You shrugged again and quickly slammed him back to the ground. He groaned as he rolled to his back. You walked off the matt and wiped the blood off of your face. You could feel the swelling already happening. Snoke made no comment as you left the training area. You were a sore loser, you knew if it was a real fight you would have won. It was complete bantha fodder. You were getting tired of the same routine day in and day out, you were tired of the walls of the Citadel, tired of everyone around you. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed Twelve. She was your only escape from the constant monotony. 

You laid in your bed staring blankly at the ceiling, your face was swollen and sore. You could feel the blood pounding under the delicate flesh. You would be deeply bruised and extremely lucky that Five hadn’t broken your cheek bone or your nose. You reflected back on your time with Twelve as your mind began to wander. You had been dreaming about her the past couple of weeks. You wandered if the others did too. You wandered if they could still hear her soft voice or her charming laughter.

The small voice encouraged these thoughts. Why couldn’t she have been stronger? Why hadn’t you been stronger? You huffed as a tear rolled down your face. You needed to stop, these thoughts were getting you nowhere. You rolled over and closed your eyes and reached out in the Force. You could feel the others and Snoke. You pushed past them and further outward until you could no longer push on. You fell asleep quickly as the hum of the force comforted you.

Your eyes opened slowly, the light of the room was blaring and your face hurt horribly. You groaned and rolled over pulling your thin blanket over your head. Your chest hurt. You felt empty and alone and you wanted nothing more than to cry yourself back to sleep. You closed your eyes again and drifted off back to sleep.  
               

 

> _You could feel her fingers combing through your hair. She laughed as you leaned back into her legs._
> 
> _“Don’t fall asleep on me now.” She said as she braided your strands tightly._
> 
> _  
> “I can’t help it. This is so relaxing.” You mumbled softly as you closed your eyes._
> 
> _“Well, it’s better than when I used to braid my sister’s hair. She used to squirm around.” You hummed in acknowledgement._
> 
> _  
> “Do you remember….a lot from the before?” You asked softly. She hummed._
> 
> _  
> “Yes. I remember my family, though only in bits and pieces. What about you?” She pulled a strand tightly. Pulling your head back slightly with it._
> 
> _  
> “I don’t remember anything. Only…his voice.” She paused and leaned downward, craning her neck so she could look at you._
> 
> _  
> “Do you remember your name? Your real name?” She whispered urgently. Your eyes moved downward and then flicked back to her. You shook your head._
> 
> _  
> “No. Do…do you?” You hesitated. She moved back so her mouth was close to your ear._
> 
> _  
> “Yes. I dare not speak it, but I remember it.” You exhaled through your teeth. Sadness flowed through you, you would never know your true name and you would never know Twelve’s either. She kissed the crown of your head and went back to braiding your hair._

                Your eyes fluttered open, your face was wet with tears as sadness welled inside of you. You rolled over face first into your pillow and rubbed your face into the fabric. The pain from the bruise jolted your mind. You clenched your hands into the pillow as you pressed harder into it. Your phantom digit ached. You wanted to cry out, you wanted to scream, you wanted to rid yourself of these feelings.  You gritted your teeth and hissed into the pillow. Rolling over you stared at the ceiling once again, your heart thudded anxiously in your chest. You took a deep breath and willed yourself to get out of bed. Your body ached from laying so long, your face pulsed from Five’s fist, you were sure you looked like hell. You walked to the small refresher in your quarters and flicked on the light.

Gazing at yourself in the mirror. Your eye socket, cheek and bridge of your nose were swollen and purple. You made a face of disgust at the sight and turned away from your reflection and undressed. Turning the water to scolding you stepped into the shower and allowed the water to burn your flesh. You leaned into the water, slowly scrubbing your skin with soap, you stayed in the water until it ran cold. You sighed and turned off the water. and moved to grab a towel to dry off. Once you stepped out of the shower you walked back into your quarters and dressed slowly.

You didn’t want to leave your room. You didn’t want to see anyone. You just wanted to be left alone to your thoughts. You shook your head and pushed the urge to lay back down away. Once you were dressed and your hair was combed you walked out of your quarters. Avoiding passing Twelve’s room. You couldn’t walk by it just yet. Too many memories. The hollow ache deepening at the thought of her.

You went the long way around to get to the dining hall. Grabbing a plate and taking a seat next to One. Not even bothering to speak to him. He hadn’t sent his mental assault this morning you realized.

“You look terrible.” One spoke jokingly, “Five, look at what you did to her face! It’s such a shameful sight.” Five shuffled nervously in his seat as he took a look at your face.

  
“It’s not that bad.” He mumbled.

You didn’t bother to acknowledge them as you ate your tasteless breakfast. Five glared at One signaling him to leave the matter alone.

  
“Five?” You said softly as you looked up. He shifted and nodded as you looked at him.

  
“Yeah?” 

  
“I’m sorry for lashing out at you yesterday. It was childish.” He merely nodded in acceptance.

Once breakfast was finished you moved to the training room with the others. You walked slowly, noticing One lingering on the side of the hall to catch you before you entered the large room. His brows were furrowed as he grabbed at your arm and pulled you to the side. You allowed him to grip your arm and pull you towards him, not even bothering to cast your eyes at him. You could feel him pushing a mental tendril to you. You allowed him to enter.

  
_“Are you alright?”_ There was concern in his voice, it felt alien and slightly wrong. Where was his constant attack, where was the hatred that was normally an undercurrent in your mental conversations.

  
_“I’m fine.”_  He searched your face, raising a hand to your chin as he lifted your face up to look at him. He searched your eyes looking for something. Tawny eyes glared into your own. You did not look away.

  
_“I don’t believe you. You need to pull it together. You can’t enter here like this. Not with **HIM** here.”_

He was right. You were at risk with Snoke there. You could not continue this way and survive. You were being _weak_. You nodded and mentally forced down all of your emotions. Your face returning to the familiar façade. He nodded at you and lingered for a moment, placing a hand on the crown of your head, and moved to walk away. You straightened your spine and cracked your neck. Huffing you walked into the training room with as much pride and confidence as you could muster.

Of course Snoke would pair you up with Five once again. You didn’t allow it to bother you. Five was already ready to go. His muscles flexing under his dark skin. He bounced on his feet to loosen up. You walked onto the mat and stood. Taking a deep breath, you got into stance. He charged at you and you simply allowed him to crash into your body. You bent to his power, your body was lose, allowing him to direct you with his sheer force. You stepped around him using his momentum. He huffed.

  
“Better.” He said with a smirk.

You said nothing as you watched him. He circled you and you stood for a moment watching his feet. Suddenly you charged at him coming in close enough to his face as you shot up an elbow knocking him in the nose. He staggered backwards as a small trickle of blood came out of his nostril. He grinned. Charging at you from the side he wrapped his huge arms around your shoulders. You rag dolled downward. Dropping from his grasp and putting you in the perfect position to wrack him in his genitals. You hit him hard and fast as he tried to block. His body crumpled forward as you scissored your legs upward to wrap around his neck, flipping him onto his back. Your strong leg muscles tightened as you reached for his arm. You pulled as he cried out. He tapped moments after. You both huffed and stood exiting the matt together. He stood next to you as you watched One and Four spar.

  
“Much better today. You can’t evade me like One, you need to get in close, I can’t build any power to hit you if you stay close.” He said. You turned to look at him.

  
“You let me win.” You said coldly.

  
“You needed a win.” A smile spread across your lips. He ruffled your hair as you went back to watching Four and One fight.

A thought passed through your mind, why was everyone suddenly being so nice to you? What had changed? Did they too know about your dreams, did they feel the hole inside of you? Were they also suffering in their own way?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Arrival

__________________________________________ 

 Another week passed, the swelling on your face had gone down and your bruises were starting to disappear. You had been working with Five on your technique all week, he was gentle with you, allowing you to brutalize him with your fists and legs. You were grateful for his help. Even more grateful when Snoke suddenly stopped attending the group sparring sessions.  He was too busy with other things to bother with any of you. You weren’t sure when you started to find comfort in his absence. It made you feel wrong and slightly conflicted. Perhaps it was the residual resentment of him choosing a stranger to be his apprentice? Surely that was it, it had to be you told yourself.

It was a few days later when you realized why Snoke hadn’t been attending training. You were about to leave your quarters for dinner when you felt it. You paused in your doorway. You reached out for One. _“He’s finally here.”_

You didn’t wait for a reply as you moved towards the entrance hall. Snoke was already waiting. You could feel him beckoning you to come closer. You moved to his side, your arms crossed over your chest as One joined you. He sent you a look and you merely nodded. He didn’t like this anymore than you did. You quelled the anxiety that was threatening to overtake you. Putting up your mental barriers, building the layers one by one. Your face was a stone mask. The doors flung open as flakes drafted in behind a tall form. Did it ever stop snowing?               

He carried nothing with him. His hair was dark with loose waves, his pale skin was kissed by moles and freckles. His robes were in shades of tan and deep greens, they loosely hung from his massive frame, he was possibly the tallest person you had ever seen. Dark eyes peered at the group curiously. Your own narrowed. He was unconventionally handsome, you would give him that. Snoke made no motion as he waited for the man to approach. His strides were with purpose, long and heavy. You stood without movement, building more walls around your head. You could feel the pang of One attempting to commune with you or perhaps he was checking your walls for gaps.

“Supreme Leader.” His voice was deep and his vocal patterns interested you mildly. You could imagine how it reverberated in the hallow of his chest.

“Welcome, welcome, Kylo Ren.” Snoke formed something that possibly at one point could have resembled a smile.

Your face remained the same emotionless expression as Kylo Ren searched your face. A pang felt in the back of your head. Unfamiliar and unwanted. You wanted to lash out but held back. You were sure One was receiving the same treatment. You stood still as Kylo Ren and Snoke spoke. You wanted to leave, this whole affair was starting to bore you. You had no interest in making nice with this stranger. This interloper. You began to tune out the conversation only to snap back when you heard your number.

You shifted your face to look at Snoke realizing that he had been speaking of the group. “Eight and One show great promise.” You could see a flicker of confusion come across Kylo Ren’s face at the mention of numbers instead of names. This amused you. Did he think of himself as more than just a mere weapon at the disposal of The First Order and Snoke? Names meant nothing here. The numbers were every indication of that.  He hummed in acknowledgement. You blinked passively, his voice was slightly soothing you realized, you shook the thought from your head.

He was not welcomed here you reminded yourself. “We shall see.” He said curtly. If he had been looking at you he would have noticed the sudden flash of anger in your eyes. A warning he would soon learn not to ignore. One pushed at you mentally, you pushed him away once again. He could see the signs, he had been the cause of that flash more times than not.

“I shall escort you to your quarters. I’m sure you would like to rest after your journey” Snoke said calmly.

“That would be fine.”

Snoke started to walk away with the tall man that was Kylo Ren. Both you and One remained standing at the entrance. The doors to the outside world had already been shut. You relaxed for a moment, the anger still present but not uncontrollable.

“You need to collect yourself.” You snapped your head over to One. “I could still feel the anger rolling off of you even with your mental blocks up.” He started to walk away from you, you followed.

“I already don’t like him, I cannot help that.” You said briskly as your shorter legs moved quickly to catch up with his long ones.

“You don’t like anyone.”

“That is not true!” Your mind flickered an image of Twelve, you pushed her face away quickly.

“Maybe. Either way, we have no choice but to deal with him.”  He stopped abruptly and looked at you. “If we do not, I’m not sure if either of us will survive. Supreme Leader already favors him, he has for a long time. We must be united when it comes to him. We need to put aside our differences until we can figure out our own standing.” You looked upward to meet his eyes and huffed.

“I know.” You continued to walk to your quarters, no longer hungry.

The next morning the group was summoned to the training room. You braided your hair into a single loose braid, it was all you could manage, you lacked the skill that Twelve had.

You walked briskly out of your quarters. You could hear the others already in the training room, One stood near the entrance making sure you showed up on time. _“You were dreaming about her again last night.”_ Your face flushed. _“You need to work on your mental defenses at night. It’s getting worse.”_ You froze, a blush creeping across your cheeks. You felt ashamed.

_“Will you help me?”_ You asked softly.

_“Yes.”_ His mental voice was calm, you weren’t sure if he would have helped you before Ren’s arrival. Things needed to change. A united front he had told you the night before. You needed his help, he was now obligated to help you. You did not take comfort in this musing.

Both of you joined the others in the training room and stood in line. Both you and One stood at opposite ends. Five stood next to you and playfully nudged you with his elbow. You flashed a smirk at him, things between the both of you had been pleasant and airy. There was a familiarity between the two of you that you didn't share with any of the others. You now both shared the same burden, death on your hands. Kindred spirits.

You quickly straightened your face as you felt Kylo Ren and Snoke approach the room. They walked in, Snoke first and then Kylo. Kylo Ren was dressed much differently, dark robes had replaced his previous light colored ones. He reminded you of a large shadow hovering behind Snoke. You didn’t make eye contact with either of them. Your eyes laid only forward, your face a mask once again.  They inspected the group as they walked further into the room. Snoke took a seat in his plush chair as Kylo stood where you had once sat weeks ago. A pang of jealousy. Snoke spoke first,

“I’m sure all of you are wondering why you have been summoned.” He paused. “I will be leaving soon, and in my place you will be in the hands of a new Master.” He motioned to Kylo, “My apprentice Kylo Ren.”  He nodded at all of you.

There was no sound in the room, everyone knew not to make a commotion. You gritted your teeth, your jaw flexed and your hands clenched. Five’s hand grabbed at your wrist firmly. Your eyes shot at him, a warning, he did not remove his grasp until you had calmed down. Kylo walked out and paced down the line, slowly edging towards you. You flung up every mental barrier you could. He paused when he got to you. His eyes shifted down to your left hand, noticing the missing digit in your now relaxed hand. Your eyes narrowed as he moved back up the line.

“I will not go easy on any of you. You will train until you are exhausted every day….until I deem you are ready. Anyone who does not meet my expectations will be…eliminated.”

His gloved fists clenched, your own mimicking the same motion. Five did not grab you this time. The small voice in the back of your head reminded you to stay calm.

“In order to get an assessment of each of your fighting skills, I will personally spar with each of you over the weeks. We will start today. One. Come forward.”

One stepped forward without hesitation. You eyed him curiously as he approached the circle and stood opposite of your new master. One got into stance following Kylo Ren’s motions. Squaring up One nodded at Kylo Ren to signal he was ready. Ren wasted no time and went in for a jab grazing One’s jaw line as he bent backwards to avoid the hit. One ducked quickly as another punch was thrown at him. You were surprised at the sheer speed of Ren’s actions. Was he using the Force to bolster his attacks?

One dove for his middle in attempt to take him down quickly, instead Ren sent an elbow to his back, One grunted but held steady while continuing to knock him down. They went tumbling downward smacking the matt with a dull thud. They tussled on the ground for a moment, wrestling around the matt each trading places as blows were exchanged.

You crossed your arms as you watched Ren’s movements, studying them for when it was your turn. One rolled to the side and pushed himself upward, sending his legs into the air to kick at Ren who was already standing. Ren easily deflected the kicks with his forearms. One rolled around to get behind Ren but it was too late, Ren was already prepared to send a boot down onto One’s face. The smack was loud as his appendage met with One’s face, causing him to splay outward for a moment.

Ren backed off allowing him to stand. One rubbed at his face where the boot hit, rolling his shoulders he squared back up. Both taking a boxer’s stance as they dance around one another. Ren threw a punch and narrowly missed One’s core as he moved back. While Ren was only a few inches taller than One, One had long arms and could just as easily hit Ren as Ren could hit him. One sent a kick to Ren’s core smacking him hard, causing a slight ‘Oof’ to come from the man as he moved backwards away from One.

The dance continued, One trying to keep distance with kicks as Ren kept getting closer taking multiple hits to his core, it only took one hard hook to catch One square in the jaw sending him crumpling to the ground. You exhaled loudly not realizing that you had been holding your breath, you shook your head in disappointment. Ren went to stand above One as he came back to slowly.  Putting out a hand to One, he lifted him back off of the matt and nodded at him, signaling the end of the match.

“Not bad.” Ren mused. One merely nodded and moved back into line, his pride had been hurt by the loss, defeat wearing on his shoulders as he hunched over in the line. You weren’t sure how Ren was still standing with as many blows as he took to his stomach. You had been on the receiving end of one of those kicks on several accounts and they had nearly sent you doubling over every time. Ren paced the line once again, stopping to stand in the middle of the line-up. “For the rest of the day I want you all to pair up and spar. One, you are to meditate on our fight for the remainder of the time.”

Snoke stood and exited the room with Ren, leaving the rest of you to merely follow orders. You walked over to One and stood above him as he took a seat where he was once standing, Five joined you waiting on you to spar. He spoke first, 

“You did well One. No reason to feel shame from defeat.” He said softly. One winced at the word ‘defeat.’

“I should have won.” He almost pouted. You shook your head.

“I don’t know how he took so many of your kicks to his stomach, two of those would have finished me.” You said trying to be nice, a rarity for you.

One merely shrugged. “You two better go spar, before they come back and see you defying orders.” With a hand he shooed you both away. You both walked over to a secluded area in the training room and looked at each other solemnly.

“This is going to be more of a challenge than I initially thought.” You said almost to yourself. Five nodded.

“He is a strong opponent, but that does not mean he cannot be defeated. Don’t underestimate your own will. You are strong.” He crossed his arms across his wide chest and looked at you with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and shoved him playfully.

“Not as strong as you.”

“You are strong in other ways. In a real fight, you would not just be fighting with your body, you know this.” You hummed in response.

At the end of the day your body ached and your head hurt. You practically forced your feet to move back to your quarters after eating dinner. All you wanted was to take a shower and crawl into bed, but One was waiting for you outside of your door. You eyed him suspiciously, he had not come to dinner with the rest of the group.

“One?.”

“I told you I would help you practice your barrier.”

It had completely slipped your mind. You nodded and slid the blast door open with your hand. One followed you inside and looked around your quarters, he had been in them before, you weren’t sure why he was looking around.

“I always imagine you being more of a slob.” He said amused by the clean sight of your quarters. You raised an eyebrow at him.

“You know Supreme Leader likes things organized.” You said, almost admitting to the fact that if you didn’t have to make your bed and clean your messes up daily that you wouldn’t.  He hummed in response.

“Alright. Let’s do this before both of us pass out.” You nodded and took a seat across from him on the cold floor.

“Your barrier is decent during your waking hours, but it’s shit once you sleep, you project in your sleep. I’m sure Snoke is well aware of what you dream about…as well as the others.” You grimaced and looked down in shame. Nothing was ever easy was it?

“How do I control it while I sleep?” You asked softly. He lifted up a finger to his clean shaven chin in thought.

“I’m not entirely sure. I usually fortify my barriers before sleep, but I’m always conscious of them, even in sleep. Are you?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t really think about it in my sleep. My dreams….are a bit….intense.”

He hummed. “I’m aware. Ugh, okay, so let’s try meditating and bolstering those barriers before you go to bed tonight. I want you to just imagine the hardest substance you can think of and then triple it….I know you’re a visual thinker, so this should help in actualizing it.”

You nodded and began thinking of beskar, Mandalorian iron forged so well that nothing could scratch its surface. You imagined it so thick that nothing could penetrate it. It would be cold and steel gray, flat and smooth, and forged by the best metalsmith. You focused on the heavy presence it would have on the surface that it rested upon. You dwelled on it and imagined it to be seamlessly endless, blocking all light, all sound, all pressure from the outside. Containing everything within. You huffed softly.

“You got it? I’m going to push…hard. Are you ready?” You nodded.

He leaned forward and touched your temple, his rough hands were slightly unexpected. He had pushed on your mind so many times without touch that you didn’t even think that he would need the contact. You grunted as he pushed, the pain at the contact of his fingers was strong. It felt like a hot poker that had sat in the fire for far too long, radiating from the contact points of his fingers and piercing inward. You could feel the sharp stabbing worsen as he pressed harder. It radiated all through your head as you continued to focus on the thought of the bekar. He released his hand from your head. Sweat prickled on your forehead. He wasn’t effected in the slightest.

“That should do for now…I’m not sure of Ren’s capabilities with probing, but hopefully that will keep your dreams tucked away.”

“Thank you.” You said softly.

“Sure. United front remember?” He stood from his spot and walked to the doorway, pausing for a moment, before turning back to look at you one last time. “Meditate on it again before you go to sleep…you cannot be weak…not in the slightest. I’m not sure about Ren just yet, we shall see his abilities as time passes, but you know Snoke…we know Snoke better than the others.” 

You paused, did you really know Snoke better than the others? What were the others experiencing? What was he telling them? Before you could reply he exited, closing your doors behind him.       

You stood in thought for a few more minutes before you moved to the refresher, stripping of your clothes and unbraiding your hair allowing the long curtain to drape over one shoulder as you turned on the water. Stepping into the shower you made an effort to clear your thoughts. You didn’t want to dwell on the distrust you were beginning to have of Snoke. Your mind shifted to Kylo Ren. The Senator’s son, what was his name before all of this? Who was he and why was here? Yes, he was Vader’s grandson, but why leave a family that wanted you and cared for you? You couldn’t imagine doing that to your own family…but in a way you had hadn’t you? You were taken away from them…you couldn’t even remember them. You could feel the thoughts of Twelve creeping in. You shook your head and groaned. Cursing yourself you finished up your shower and existed. Drying off you redressed in your night clothes and crawled into bed. Curling up into the fetal position you fell asleep with your wet hair draped over your pillow.

> _You laid in your bed as she laid next to you. Her back was pressed up against your own. Sometimes she would come and crawl into your bed in the middle of the night. She had nightmares. She had told you about them. Let you see them. They were blurry and always the same. The night she was taken. You had not been aboard the ship yet. Eleven was there. He comforted her as she cried. They had been from the same planet. Her mother’s face would flash, crying, begging as a blaster bolt met her head. She was dead. Twelve knew this. They looked so similar. Long blonde locks, pale sharp angled faces, bright blue eyes, and rosy cheeks. She had watched her own mother die as she was dragged away from her home. Sometimes you were glad you couldn’t remember. You wondered if she used to crawl into bed with Eleven when he was still alive and not frozen at the bottom of the ravine. Twelve turned so she could wrap her long slender arms around you. You took comfort in this though you wouldn’t admit it to yourself or to anyone else. Twelve knew this but she hugged onto you all the same. You made no protest, you never pushed her way, only allowed her to seek comfort in the shared warmth. You sighed as you tried to fall asleep. “Goodnight Eight.” She whispered._

Your eyes shot open, you could have sworn you heard her speaking in your ear. You closed your eyes and sighed. Grabbing the datapad you looked at the time. It was still early and you knew you wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Your hair was damp across the pillow, drying in waves and slight curls from sleep, you sat up and moved to get dressed in a fresh pair of training clothes. If you were going to be up you might as well be productive.

You stretched and moved down to the training room, your boots in hand as your feet made soft padding noises down the hall. You pushed the large doors open with the Force and closed them behind you softly. Flicking the lights on with the Force you walked over to the weapon rack, pausing to place your boots on your feet and pulled out a training sword.

You started through the forms. As you practiced through the forms you didn’t realize the doors had been opened and softly closed as you moved through Form III, fully focused on your movements you had tuned out everything else.

“Those are Jedi forms.” You stopped your movements at the sound of the deep baritone voice. Your eyes shifted to look over your shoulder.

“Does it matter?” You asked.

He moved closer hesitantly, you turned fully to look at him, he stopped suddenly a few feet away from you. If he had been closer he would have loomed over you.  Neither of you spoke as you stared each other down. Abruptly you walked back over to the weapon rack and placed the training sword back. Something crackled in the back of your head you stopped and turned.

“I suggest you don’t.” You said sternly. He paused for a moment, looking like he was trying to muster the words, his jaw clenched and flexed. Your eyes narrowed.

“I was just wondering who taught you those forms, there are only a few who still remember them.” He said finally.

“Supreme Leader…” You let your words hang as you turned and walked out of the room. You wanted to train in peace, his presence would be distracting. You walked back to your quarters and retreated back inside to meditate.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Bend or Break

______________________________

 

 

> _“You know I forgive you.” Her voice rattled in your ears. You could see nothing but darkness._  
>  _“How could you forgive me? I don’t even forgive me.” You said just as softly._  
>  _“You released me. I’m free. They’re here with me, my family.” You paused not sure what to say, she continued, “You have to stay strong. Things will change, you have something important to do before I see you again.” You could feel a warmth the crown of your head._  
>  _“Don’t ignore it. The Light. You can hear it, listen to it. Let it guide you. Trust in the Force Eight.”_

_  
_ You shot upward in bed, you could still feel the warmth at the crown of your head. You placed your left hand there softly, your nub tingled in response. You blinked away a tear. Huffing you grabbed your datapad, it was starting to be a nightly routine. You would dream of her and wake up unable to go back to sleep. Sometimes you thought you could still hear her in your ear, other times you thought she was lying beside you. You blinked and rubbed your eyes. Cursing, you stood and got dressed and headed down to the training room. Maybe it was early enough that he wouldn’t be there. Every time you went to the training room early he would come in a couple of hours later and you would leave without a word.

Today was no different. You were moving weighted numbered blocks around with the force, stacking the objects, levitating others around the stacks when he entered. He paused and watched as you unstacked them and placed them back to where they belonged, it was time for you to leave. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I don’t know why you insist on leaving once I get here.”

  
“I don’t know why you insist on constantly bothering me.” You shot back. He shook his head.

  
“Did you have another nightmare?” You stopped in your tracks, a cold chill running down your spine. You left hand curled tightly. Where you projecting again? You had been so careful, meditating before each sleep cycle, bolstering the walls in your head. Or, had Snoke told him, perhaps one of the others? You had noticed the slight changes in the others over the weeks since his arrival. There seemed to be no hesitation or resentment in any of them.

  
“That is no concern of yours Kylo Ren.” You said seething.

  
“It is when it comes to your resolve.” He said smugly. You turned to face him anger dancing behind your eyes. You both stared at each other, he moved closer hovering over you. He sent off a dominating vibe through the force. You would not bend to his will. You would not bend to anyone’s will.

  
“I will not bow to you.” You said sharply.

  
“I would expect nothing less.”

  
“Move.” You spoke through clenched teeth.

  
“No.” The oppression pushed further down on you. You raged against it.

  
“Do not make me move you.” You glared at his dark eyes.

  
“You will do no such thing.” He glared back.

You just wanted to be let alone. Why was he always persisting on interrupting you? Your anger at him was raging, welling up inside of you, seeping outward and searing throughout your body. You didn’t even move your hand, the anger boiling under your skin, you pushed him out of your way, he stumbled backward but recovered quickly. He pushed you back, you slid backwards your heels digging into the ground with the Force causing you to skid to a stop.

  
“This is not a game you want to play with me girl.” He hissed.

  
“That’s where you’re wrong, this is not a game you want to play with _me_.” You snarled.

If you had been calmer, you would have simply walked around him, but something about him, no, everything about him made your anger uncontrollable. Both of you began to push on the other, your hand shot out lifting him, your anger seeping through your skin, released from the depths in totality. He lifted but fought, pushing a hand out to you causing you to knock sideways. You flung him as you released. Both of you hit the ground at the same time. You stood and lifted several of the weighted shapes from around the room where you had previously stacked them. You knew you should stop, you knew that deep down the voice was screaming at you. You started to fling the objects at him, he deflected them, you only picked up more, lifting them with the Force readying to fling them at him. You wanted to crush him beneath their weight, just like he had tried to crush you under his oppressive projections.

“Eight! Stop!” Your head turned to look at the doorway, the others all stood glaring at you.

You paused for a moment, the objects stopped moving and halted in the air, allowing Ren to get close enough to wrap a hand around your delicate neck, his large hand gripping hard at your throat. Ceasing any air from entering your lungs. You seethed. Your legs kicked wildly as your hands dug into his, he hissed as you clamped down with the Force at the pressure point in his hand. He released. You fell to the floor and coughed. Anger radiating off of you in sharp waves, stabbing into anything that stood in your way. You stood slowly, your throat hurt, you were in pain, your teeth gritted, your hands slowly raising, the others knew what you were about to do, they had seen you do it before on an excursion.

 

 

>                 _It was unreasonably cold this far away from the Citadel. Your face was hidden behind a thick scarf that did nothing more than make you wish you had something else to stave off the cold on your skin. You lead the procession, the others behind you trekking through the dense snow as you moved towards the marked mountain pass on your map. Another scouting mission on the barren planet. You relished in these training exercises, glad to be free of the monotony of the Citadel and the daily training routine. As the group grew closer to the pass where you would set up a small campsite for the evening you could feel eyes watching you. The feeling was all too familiar, you had always felt watched, though this time it was not Snoke who mentally lingered in your mind, no, this time it was an external sensation. As if something or someone was actively watching the group. You hesitated for a brief moment, allowing the others to crowd at your back. You raised your arms out wide to stop them from proceeding._
> 
> _“Listen.” You urged._
> 
> _They stopped any movement, allowing the crunching of snow under boots to fade away. You could hear recent snow drifts crumble at the mouth of the pass. Twelve pressed against you, her mittens clamping onto your shoulder as she pointed upward to one side of the pass. You could barely make out the falling clumps of snow as they tumbled down the craggy mountain side._
> 
> _You tried to rationalize that you had never once seen a living creature on the planet and that this was possibly a result of the rising wind meeting the mouth of the pass, but the lingering feeling of being watched still nagged at you. You nodded and proceeded cautiously._
> 
> _Once the group had passed through the mouth of the pass you continued to move at a slow pace. You could feel the anxiety of the others clearly, they too were getting the same feeling of being watched you assumed. You moved slowly still, pausing every once in a while to listen for any movement. You tuned into the Force, trying to feel for any living thing above or in the pass._
> 
> _You could feel a nagging pull upward. Movement. Your eyes flicked up towards the signature. The others followed your line of sight. You waited. They readied themselves for whatever was stalking above. Your hands were in front of you ready to use the Force if it attacked. Moments went by as the tension grew, you huffed in annoyance. You pressed forward, still prepared for any attack as you moved to the final check point of the day, the foggy sunlight was dying as you moved. You needed to get the camp set up before night fell and the planet grew even colder._
> 
> _You could see the cave in the side of the mountain, it was small but it would suffice for the moment. You moved towards it and mentally searched through the Force before continuing into the narrow opening. It was a shallow cave, perhaps carved out by the harsh winds of the planet. The others moved in, you remained at the mouth and looked upward, still seeing nothing. You shrugged and moved into the cave. The others began to unpack supplies to make a fire as you watched the mouth of the cave._
> 
> _Nothing happened for the longest time, you assumed whatever it was, was only curious and would keep its distance.  You began to relax slightly as everyone munched on their meal bars. A tingling ran across your skin suddenly. You stood quickly as did the others._
> 
> _“Stay.” You mentally commanded._
> 
> _They all nodded. You could feel Twelve’s anxiety pulse through you. You closed her off mentally, already struggling with your own anxiety. You moved out of the light of the cave and into the dark night, you peered into the darkness, seeing nothing. You were about to search in the Force when you heard quick movement to the left of you. Your head turned quickly to the sound of quick crunching of snow under feet. It was coming quickly towards you, something in your mind screamed that whatever it was, it was going to attack, growing tired of merely watching. A flicker of a thought occurred to you, perhaps you were in its den. The urge to protect the others overcame you, whatever this thing was it was about to meet its fate._
> 
> _You crashed violently onto the ground, sliding in the compacted snow as sharp claws ripped into your shoulders. It had you pinned, snapping mouth struggling to reach at you as your forearm pushed at the fur in its strong neck. Its breath was hot on your face as drool dripped and flung onto your face, you could see multiple glowing eyes glaring hungrily at you. You were scared, but mostly you were angry, the pain ripping through your body and tearing into the pain receptors of your brain._
> 
> _You hissed and pushed it with the Force, sending it off of you briefly. Multiple clawed legs ripping in the snow trying to find purchase. It slowed and circled, you watched as best as you could, following the glowing eyes and sensing the Force signature of the creature to keep up with its pacing. You could feel its hunger, it ate at your insides, you were meant to be its first meal in a long time. **Hungry. Hungry. Hungry.** Your heart rate rising to match its own thudding heart, its hunger and need over taking your mental being. Its jowls snapping and smacking with wet heat as it attempted to intimidate you into making a move. Your hands rose slowly, your body hummed, your eyes growing wide, pupils dilating as you mentally melded with the creature’s needs._
> 
> _**Rip. Tear. RIP. TEAR.**_
> 
> **** _You focused on the heat within the beast, internal workings doing over time as adrenaline pulsed through it at the prospect of finally eating. Your fists clenched suddenly, mentally grabbing at every working organ within the creature, your hands quickly pulling apart, projecting the motions with the Force onto the creature as it lunged at you one final time. You felt splattering across your front, chunks of flesh and organs pelting you. Your eyes were wild, your body shook violently as your hands slowly fell to your side in shock. You felt a hand on your shoulder, you turned sharply ready to attack, to rip and tear._
> 
> _“Eight?” Her voice was soft, she was scared._
> 
> _Scared of you, you looked terrifying covered in entrails and deep dark blood. Your eyes searched her face for something, familiarity over taking you, her hands moved down to yours. Grabbing them quickly attempting to calm you. You shook at her touch but allowed it, you hadn’t realized that they had all been watching. They gathered around you and ushered you back into the warmth of the cave. No one speaking. You could feel the collective fear._

Your eyes looked wild just like they did then, pupils dilating wide as the memorized feeling of the same urge to rip and tear overcame you, drawing from the raging anger over flowing from the darkest part of you. The others leapt at you, knocking you over. Five had you pinned as One had his hands clamped down firmly on your head. Four, Six, Nine and Ten all applied the Force to your body in a joined effort. You could hear Six asking if they needed to call Snoke. You could hear Ren flatly say ‘No.’ One’s fingers pushed tightly into the flesh of your skull. Pushing through your weakened wall. No longer beskar, it had been replaced with bricks that could be knocked out one by one. One knocked and knocked until the wall crumbled completely, another force joined and pushed in, unfamiliar and unwanted. Five was using the Force to push you into the ground with the combined efforts of the others. You thrashed wildly, attempting to knock Five off of you, he lifted but did not relent, only pushing down on you harder, you felt your body aching in pain, you fed off of it. Your eyes were wild and alight with anger. The others closed in pushing with Five’s efforts. You could feel your body start to give to their combined effort. Your nerves were raw with pain and anger.  
“Hurry up One!” He screamed.

“LET.ME.GO.” You snapped wildly.

One sent sharp pains all over your head, you screamed out, he was searching for anything that would calm you, he found it, and pushed a memory to you, one you had dreamed of before. Twelve’s fingers combed through your hair, gently pulling the strands, separating them and twisting them together. How dare he use her against you? You wanted desperately to push the memory away, but failed.  
Your eyes grew heavy at the sensation, then you felt it the sharp command to sleep, this was from the unfamiliar presence. The fight left your body completely. Darkness was all that remained.

****

When you awoke you were in your quarters. Five and One immediately jumped and ready for a fight. You were too tired, your head was pounding so hard you leaned over the bed and vomited. Stomach bile landing on the hard floor. You winced and closed your eyes once again, your head was spinning. You curled up into a ball and shuddered. You shook violently as you tried to calm the raw nerves of your body. You felt something heavy sit on the bed and a hand go to the crown of your head, the pressure slightly quelling the shaking.

“Get Ren back in here. She needs to go back to sleep.”

  
“No.” you tried to say with as much conviction as you could muster but found your voice lacking the strength. Your throat screaming from pain.

  
“Yes, you idiot, you could have gotten yourself killed.” One’s voice was softer than you thought it would be. You could feel the calming pulse of the Force push through his hand. You curled tighter into a ball.

“I would have killed him if you had let me.” You whispered, your throat hurt horribly.

  
“Maybe.” You could hear two sets of heavy boots enter the room Five had returned with Ren. One’s hand removed its self from your head and was replaced by one slightly larger. You flinched at it and immediately regretted the motion. You felt the urge to vomit again. Back to blackness.

 

****

 

 When you woke the room was dimly lit. One and Five were gone and in their place sat Ren. How long had he been watching you sleep? He shifted in a chair that had been moved from your desk. You groaned.

  
“Welcome back.” You closed your eyes and rolled away from him to face the wall. You curled yourself into a ball once again.

  
“Leave.” You croaked.

  
“No.” He stood and walked over to you sitting on the bed. You scooted as far away as you could, your hands curled into fists, short nails biting into your palms. He snatched your wrists into his hands, you tried to pull them back but you were too weak, an electric jolt passed between you suddenly. Your eyes widened at the feeling, he seemed not to notice. Was he doing it?

  
“Stop fighting me.” You stopped, his voice was soft. You clenched your eyes shut.

  
“Please. Leave.” You said pleadingly. Releasing your right hand he pulled up your left hand to inspect it further. His long fingers gliding over your multiple moon scarred palm and then to the stump that was once your pinky finger. More electric pulsing flowed through at the points of contact. It made you feel something deep inside. Something foreign and warm, almost calming, it reminded you of Twelve. You gritted your teeth, you didn’t like it. It made you feel disgusted.

  
“You did this to yourself?” He asked. You decided to not reply. It was none of his business. “They told me you cut it off in a fit of rage…after you killed…” You summoned the strength to yank your hand away from him and clutched it to your chest.

  
“Don’t. Don’t you dare say her name.” You said softly. He sighed.

“We were supposed to spar today, you ruined that. The training room is a disaster.”  His attempt at lightening the mood only made you huff.

  
“What did Supreme Leader say?”

He got up and reached for something and sat back down with a metal cup of water. He urged you to sit up slowly. You did, the cold water stung down your throat. When you stopped you slowly handed him back the cup careful not to make contact with his hand, he bent down and placed it on the floor beside the bed. He slowly raised a hand to your chin and lifted up to look at your neck. You shivered at his touch on your face, the feeling intensifying with each touch.

How was he not affected by it, he seemed to not even take notice. He inspected the deep bruises that lined your throat, turning your head slightly as he looked at his hand imprint on the delicate flesh of your neck. His dark eyes shifted to your own, you looked at him defiantly. Something flashed in his eyes, regret?

  
“Supreme Leader had nothing to say on the matter.” You knew he was lying. You could feel it.

  
“You’re a terrible liar.” You squeaked.

  
He shook his head softly releasing your chin.“He said you needed to learn to harness your anger more productively instead of allowing it to rule you.” Another lie.

  
“You should have let me leave.” You grabbed at your throat wincing at the pain it took to talk. You leaned against the wall, pulling your legs to your chest. He noticed your discomfort in speaking and grabbed the water once again and handed it to you. You drank and winced at the pain.

  
“We do not have to speak, you allow the others to speak through the Force, let me in.” He said as his hand reached to your head. You shrank away from it. He sighed.

  
“You have been inside more than I am comfortable with.” You croaked again, he was the unfamiliar and unwanted prescience from earlier. You knew everyone's signature, it was the only other logical option.

  
“You should rest.” He stood and walked towards the door and paused. “Eight.” You looked up at him.

  
“You will bend, or I will break you.” Your eyes flashed at the thought of him breaking you. You chuckled, it was a horrible sound to your ears.

“Not if I break you first.” His face displayed no emotion, but a familiar flash in his eyes gave him away. He walked out promptly leaving you alone. You suddenly felt an ache in your core, it was not from the pain your body was in, it was from something else that you could not quite put a finger on.

 

  
****

             

It was a couple of days before you felt well enough to leave your quarters. Your throat looked terrible, the bruise over took the delicate skin. Painting it in deep purples, reds, and blues. It hurt horribly, you had been given some sort of liquid to drink twice a day by the same doctor who had attended your hand. It tasted horrible and made you want to vomit every time you sipped at it.

You had been taking your meals in your quarters, One and Five had been in to see you a few times, filling you in on what had been going on in your absence. You were glad to be out of your room, you were glad to be heading back to training. You were even happier to hear that Snoke would be leaving the next day. His presence had you growing weary lately. His oppressive presence in the Force was starting to slowly chip away at you. He had been in to visit you once, he did not say anything as you laid in your bed half asleep, he merely observed and then left. You were okay with that, you didn’t want to feel his disappointment.

When you walked into the training room the others were already sparring. Ren stopped sparring with Five as he walked over to you. He was careful not to stand too closely, giving you enough space to feel comfortable. You looked at him, your face back to a stone mask. His eyes searched yours, perhaps seeing how your mood was, you could feel him reaching out with a tendril, a tickle at the back of your head. You swatted it away. He merely blinked.

  
“Are you ready?” He asked. You blinked and then nodded.

  
“Are you?” You asked, your voice was stronger than the last time you had both spoken.

He nodded and smirked. A fluttering in your belly at the sight of the smirk. Disgust quickly rising to smash away the annoying fluttering. You both moved to the center matt and stood across from each other. You cracked your neck and rolled your shoulders. The others had stopped and moved around the both of you. You shared a look with One.

 _“Put me down if I get out of control again.”_ You mentally sent. He nodded.

“You will be fine.” Ren said flatly. You shot a look at him and shrugged, it wouldn’t have been hard to figure out what you both were conversing about.

  
“You never know…you have no idea what I was about to do to you before they stepped in.” You said equally as flat. He shrugged.

  
You got into your stance and nodded at the tall man. You charged at him, he was ready for the hit, but instead you slid under his legs and arched your back up to allow you to kick him in the tailbone. You rolled away from him as he turned to grab you, merely slightly phased by the kick to his spine. You dodged his grasp and moved away from him, his reach was far too long to come in so close so soon. It reminded you of sparring with One. You knew Ren could take plenty of hits, you needed to get him tired.

 He lunged at you and you rolled away from him popping back up to your feet. You ran around him, he merely stood watching you attempting to predict your next move. You flung yourself at him and onto his back. You clung onto him for dear life as he grabbed at you. You bit into his shoulder, pinching the skin under the thin cloth. Familiar electric jolts passing through you as hot liquid squelched into your mouth. He pulled you by your hair. You went with his hand as he flipped you over and tossed you to the ground. You thudded and scrambled upward a smile on your face and blood between your teeth. He raised a hand to his shoulder and looked at it once he felt hot wet on his fingers. You spit on the ground. You were not above fighting dirty, he outweighed you and was much taller and stronger. Fighting dirty was the great equalizer.

His face contorted in disgust and mild amusement. He lunged at you and you allowed him to grab you, much like you had done with Five you went limp and dropped down below him, kicking quickly at the back of his knee. He stumbled and you took the chance to grab at his raised foot and you yanked as hard as you could sending him downward. You crawled quickly to get on top of him, aiming to punching him in the throat, but you missed as he jerked out of the way. Your fist hit the matt with a dull thud. His eyes looked slightly alarmed. You wanted to smirk but he was already grabbing your wrists and held them steady. You would have bruises there later for sure. You thrashed about trying to shift your legs to where you could use them.

He rolled you and used his weight to pin you. You clawed at him, digging your fingers into any pressure point you could get ahold of. He merely used his knees to hold down your hands. Bad move. You arched your back and used the momentum to wrap your legs around his middle. You used your thick leg muscles and squeezed him, pulling him backwards. He shifted just enough so you could free one of your arms. You punched him right in his crotch. He cupped himself and rolled off of you, you got up quickly and kicked him solidly in the ribs. He doubled over once again. You leaned down and went to punch him but he recovered and rolled out of the way.

You rolled backwards and used your momentum to pop back up. He was standing again. You panted heavily as sweat covered your body. He didn’t look much better. There was blood on the matt from your bite. He charged at you quickly taking advantage of you being at rest for a moment. He slammed you down hard knocking the air out of you. You felt a crack in your lower rib cage. You winced. He punched you in the side of the cracking noise causing you to curl upward in pain. You wrapped your hand around your side in pain as he stood from you.

  
“Enough.” He said slightly out of breath. You curled into a ball on the floor and cursed. He walked over towards you and knelt down beside you.  
“Relax.” You relented and relaxed your body, uncurling yourself from the fetal position.

  
The pain was sharp and you winced again. He put pressure on your lower rib and you gritted your teeth.  
“Can you stand?”  You nodded as you gingerly shifted to stand. He helped you up, jolts passing between your hands. You released his grip quickly trying to rid yourself of the feeling. Your hand quickly wrapped around your middle like it was going to remedy the pain. You moved slowly. He lifted his hand to his shoulder and pulled it back to see that it was still bleeding.

  
Five moved to your side, One and the others stood on the outside of the matt waiting for instructions. You shooed Five away.  
“I’m fine. Rib is broken…that’s all.”

You moved out of the ring and walked slowly to the medic, Five walking next to you to make sure you made it there. You didn’t realize that Ren had followed behind. Five moved to open the doors for you as you moved into the wing. The Doctor on duty moved to your side and placed you onto a bed. Sitting hurt.

  
“Fuck.” You hissed. Five shook his head. Ren moved to stand at the end of the bed.

  
“You fight dirty.” He stated flatly.

  
“Yeah well…you’re fucking huge what did you expect me to do? Let you beat the shit out of me?” You said through gritted teeth as the doctor eased you down on to the bed. Ren chuckled. You glared at him.

  
“If it makes you feel any better, she got me with that same move, except she shot her elbow into my balls.” Five quipped.

“If I recall you let me.” You said with a smile which immediately retreated when the doctor put pressure on your ribs. “Fuck!” you said sharply. Ren chuckled again, something in you wanted to hear him laugh again. You scowled at the want.

  
“I need to push up your tunic.” The doctor said. You lifted your back slowly so you could lift your shirt enough for him to address the area. A nasty bruise was welling up around the area.

  
“At least it isn’t your face again.” Five chuckled. Ren looked away.

  
“Yeah, that was pretty bad…” You mused as the doctor grabbed a machine to x-ray the area. “I’m lucky you didn’t break my eye socket and cheek with that punch.”

 Five laughed. “I went easy on you. I could have shattered your face if I wanted to.” You hummed in response. Ren shuffled awkwardly, still not looking at you.

  
“You gunna get that bite looked at Ren?” You asked. He shot a sideways glance at you and then turned to walk away. You shrugged and then winced. Five shook his head.

  
“Stop moving around you idiot.” The doctor came back with the machine and took a scan of the area. Sure enough your rib was broken. The doctor made you sit up and wrapped you tightly and instructed you to take it easy on your ribs for a bit. You nodded as Five picked you up off of the bed by your arm pits and set you back down gently.  You winced at the pull in your torso.

  
“I’m not fragile Five. I could have gotten down.” You said in a pout. He shook his head.

  
“I didn’t want to hear you complain when you jarred yourself landing on the floor.” You rolled your eyes.

  
“I could have slid out of the bed.” He shook his head again.

  
“Are you going to be okay to get back to your quarters?” He asked. You nodded. He turned and walked away satisfied with your answer. You moved stiffly and looked for Ren, walking back further to see him with his shirt off and cleaning his wound himself. The place where you had kicked him was red.

  
“You could have someone do that for you.” You pointed out. He shrugged.  
“Sorry I bit you so hard.”

  
“You’re not.”

  
“You’re right.” You smiled. He stopped and looked up at you. You took him in fully, a slight blush coming to your cheeks. You turned away slightly disgusted with yourself. You had seen plenty of men with their shirts off. What was wrong with you? You cleared your throat.

  
“Well, if you have that handled, I’m going back to my quarters. Do you need anything else?” You asked before turning to leave.

  
“No.” You turned to leave.

  
“Eight?” You stopped and turned back to look at him.

  
“Yes?”

  
“You did well.”

  
“Not well enough.” He tilted his head slightly. “I would have only been satisfied if I had beaten you.” You mused.

  
“Well you said it yourself, the odds of you beating me in a fight were already stacked in my favor. You can’t be too disappointed.” You shrugged.

  
“I guess.” With that you walked out of the room, albeit slowly, but you moved back to your quarters.

The next day you joined the others in sending off The Supreme Leader. He did not part with any words to you, though you could feel his slight amusement at your injuries. He had been silent towards you since Ren had arrived. You figured he was busy spending all mental energies between his new apprentice and First Order issues. You were slightly disappointed with this notion, though the small voice in the back of your head sent off feelings of contentment of his ignorance of you. You tried to be indifferent to both feelings. You moved slowly back to your quarters after he left with all the red clad Praetorian Guard he had arrived with. You had no idea where he was going, no one did, you were sure. It was meant to be a secret to keep him safe from any opposing force. You could feel eyes on you as you moved down the long halls of the Citadel. You paused and turned to find Ren walking towards you. You cocked your head to the side slightly not quite sure what he wanted. He paused in front of you. Neither of you spoke for a moment, only stared at each other.

  
“Yes?” You finally asked as his dark eyes searched your face.

  
“How are you feeling?” He asked finally, his expression unchanged.

  
“Sore, but I’ll live.” He nodded.

  
“Try to meditate on your injury. It’s a light side skill that should help hurry the healing process.” You raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

  
“Would that even work…I’m not sure my alignment with the Force is quite…light enough for such a thing.” You mentally conjuring up images of Twelve’s lifeless body. He tilted his head in thought, as if he was trying to figure out your placement with in the Force.

  
“You should be able to.” You quirked an eyebrow, not quite sure how to take his assessment.

“Don’t question it. Just do it. You need to continue your training.” He said curtly and then turned and walked away from you. You cracked your knuckles in annoyance.

****

Your ribs were healing quickly thanks to large amounts of meditation on your part. Focusing the Force on the injury for hours on end. Your throat was looking much better as well, the bruises turning to green and yellows, some places had already fully healed.  You were slightly shocked at the ability, you never thought that your alignment with in the Force would remain so light with what you had done to Twelve. How could it be? You found yourself dwelling on it when alone. The little voice in your head would send words of encouragement, _‘It’s not too late. You can still overcome. Listen.’_ You were conflicted. You continued to push the voice away but it always returned. When would it finally stop?

               


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Doubt  
________________________________

Your shoulders were hunched as you sat in the snow. The sun was dim and high in the sky. It never was bright enough to feel any warmth from it, a constant cloud coverage sapped any possible warmth that it could bestow. You felt the sting of the cold on your exposed skin. You relished in it. A reminder that you were alive and that everything was real. You focused on the warmth inside of you, a sort of training exercise to not allow the elements to affect your fortitude. You heard the crunching in the snow but did not turn to see who it was, you already knew. You had seen very little of him over the weeks. He had been spending more time in the projector room speaking to Snoke than he had been spending on training the group.

“Yes?” You spoke first, wanting to get to the point of his intrusion.

“You should be training with the others.”

  
“As should you.” You said sharply. You could feel his annoyance in the Force.

  
“That is not for you to question.” You rolled your eyes. “Come.” He said curtly.

You rose to your feet, the sensation of walking sending tiny needles to your toes. You ignored it and followed behind him. You started to wonder what could possibly be so important that he needed you to come back inside. You both pushed through the front doors of the Citadel and further into the large building. You followed behind him allowing the warmer temperature to warm your cold body, his steps were always with purpose, you had noticed this over time. Never did he walk slowly or quietly. You kept with his pace as you arrived in the training room. The others were not present you noticed. You furrowed your brows at this but did not comment. He moved to the center of the room and took a seat, motioning you to follow. You obeyed. You shifted until you reached a position that was comfortable. He looked at you for a moment, your brows furrowed as agitation grew in the back of your mind.

  
“Why do you continue to fight me?” He asked finally.

  
“You know why.” You said flatly as possible.

  
“Jealousy.” Your eyes narrowed.

  
“I was here before you. I have been here for as long as I can remember. You had no right.” You snarled. He searched your face at this, slight amusement flickering in his brown eyes.

  
“And yet, Supreme Leader chose me over you. Chose me over the others to lead.” You gritted your teeth. You knew why deep down. You were not ready. He had told you yourself.

  
“I suspect only under the ties that your family has to the dark side, you are no better than any of us.” You barked, the anger bubbling once again.  You did not shield him from this feeling and he did not shy away from it.

  
“You know that is not the reason. You are not ready.” He said coolly. You glared at him and motioned to stand.

  
“Sit.” He commanded. You stopped, feeling the Force plant your feet in place. You gritted your teeth and pushed back allowing you to move forward once again. He did not falter and pushed you to freeze once again with more resolve than before. You trudged forward once again.

  
“I said SIT.” He pushed down on you with everything he had, you hadn’t been expecting it, you stopped completely. Slightly stunned and cut your eyes to look at him, anger turning into mild curiosity in your eyes. 

  
“Let me go.” You said firmly.

  
“No. You WILL listen to me, even if I have to MAKE you.”

  
“Do as you must.” You pushed back at him, a battle of wills. Evenly matched. He stood and walked over to you as you continued to war against each other.

 He lifted a hand and grabbed at your still injured rib and squeezed. The pain shot through you causing a surge of energy to pulse through you enough to break his hold. You shoved him away with the flick of your hand. He persisted this time grabbing you by the wrist where he had already bruised you during your spar. Electric jolts passing through the contact. You did not wince this time and instead focused on the pain to feed your own power.

  
“You’re inability to listen is what makes you not ready.” He said through gritted teeth, his jaw flexing under the skin of his face. You paused. Was that what it was? You had always obeyed Snoke, everything he had asked of you, you had completed regardless of how you felt. How could that be true?

“I have obeyed everything that Supreme Leader has asked of me.” You said softly suddenly unsure of yourself. Doubt rolled through you, weakening your resolve and weakening your ability to push against him. He gripped your wrist tightly, you winced at the pain combined with the electricity of his touch. His eyes once again searching your face. Your eyes had softened at the sudden doubt. You looked and felt like a child. He made no motion to say anything.

  
“I did whatever he asked of me. Regardless of what I felt about it. I…” You paused and thought about Twelve’s face. The face of Two. The face of Eleven and all those who had died.

  
“Your sentiment will be your down fall.” His face was soft as he said it, almost as if he was saying this about himself. You looked at him puzzled. Was this about you or was this more about him? He released your wrist and you continued to look at each other. His hand raised towards your face only to stop before making contact. He visibly willed himself to drop it. He turned sharply away from you and walked out. You continued to stand in the room by yourself. You were extremely puzzled by the entire exchange. He knew you would react this way, why press it? What was his game?  
               

 _“Why do you doubt me Eight?”_ You hadn’t heard his voice in your head in so long it was almost foreign. You stood stock still in the middle of the training room. Your eyes wide at his sudden reappearance in your mind.

_“I don’t.”_

_  
“You do. I can feel it.”_ You frowned.

  
_“I…”_ You faltered, what could you say, he knew you better than anyone.

  
_“I have made my choice in the matter and yet you actively fight against it. Do you doubt me as well?”_

_“Never.”_

_  
“Do not fight my will. Do not fight his. You will bend to him, until you are strong enough, you will do as he asks and as he wills.”_

_“Yes.”_ It was all you could muster. If you had been speaking the word would have come through gritted teeth.

You wanted nothing more than to rage against his will. Rage against Ren’s will. You did not want to bend. Your pride would not allow it. The small voice in your head urged you to fight, but you had learned that voice was not there to help you and so you pushed it down back into the darkness where it could not reach you. You pushed it down with what devotion for Snoke you could muster. You returned to your quarters, conflict raging inside of you.

 

****

 

You felt empty, far emptier than you ever had before. You had nothing to cling to anymore. You felt nothing but uncertainty and a lack of control over your destiny. You rolled over in your bed shifting to look at the wall. You wondered if the others had gotten the same speech. You closed your eyes and exhaled. You could not dwell. Dwelling would mean displeasing Snoke and displeasing Snoke meant death. 

When you woke up it was early. You sighed and made preparations to ready for the day, making your way down to the training area once you had completed your morning routine. You pushed the doors open to see Ren sitting in the center of the matt. You made no motion to speak to him only moved to sit across from him. He did not look at you as you took a seat, his eyes stayed closed in meditation.

You closed your own eyes and focused inward. You searched through your feelings, the sadness and confusion merely lying on the surface above your rage. You didn’t know where this rage had come from. You could never pin point where it originated from, only that it was there and that it was a tempest that raged inside of you. Your duty and will keeping it in check. It was the undertow. If you allowed yourself to go too far inward it would drag you under. You pulled away from it. Searching through your memories for the reason of it's being but you could find no direct memory or root to the cause. Hadn’t it always been there?

You could feel Ren push at you with a tendril. You opened your eyes and looked at him, he was staring at you, his eyes soft, you returned his look. Snoke’s words playing out in your mind, you _MUST_ bend. Your pride nagged at the back of your head. Maybe it was too soon to bend…you needed time to warm up to the idea.

  
“Show me what you were going to do to me, that morning, before the others intervened.” You shook your head softly. He leaned forward and reached a hand out to you. You flinched away. He stopped.

  
“No.” Your voice sounded frailer than you intended. He sighed. 

  
“Why not?” He mumbled. You straightened your back.

  
“You have not earned the right to.” He had not been there through all the death. He had not been there to train beside you as the others had. He had not earned the right to forge the bond that you had with the others, as strained as you made the bond at times, they never maliciously entered your head without reason. You did not want him to have the ability to do so, you were frightened of him seeing your weaknesses, of seeing the dreams that you knew sometimes spilled over your walls in your sleep. Though you had been sure that Snoke had already confided in him your troubles and your weaknesses, you would not openly allow him to see them for himself. Not yet if ever.

“Then I will earn it.” He said suddenly. You raised a brow at this not sure what to say. You merely nodded. His eyes searched your face, you looked down briefly, you didn’t like when he stared at you. It made your insides squirm. “I will be taking the group off planet soon, I think it’s time to see how we can work as a unit. I am confident with the skills of the group, I have no doubt they will be able to handle themselves. You though… I’m not so sure of.”

Your eyes shot upward immediately, narrowing at the suggestion that you could not handle yourself.

  
“Why is that?” You asked sternly. He shrugged.

  
“Something bothers me about you.” His truthfulness stung slightly. You hummed and shifted in slight agitation.

  
“I see, is this because I will not allow you to enter my mind?” You said flatly.

  
“I’m not sure. I could easily do it, I could take whatever information I wanted from you…easily. Your walls are weak at times, but even then, I could do it without the extra help.”

  
“Then why don’t you?” He furrowed his brows and his jaw flexed as he thought about it.

  
“I want to earn your trust, you are to be under my command, we need to both equally trust each other. The others have allowed me inside, though some have not fully opened, they at least make an attempt.”

You blinked slowly. This was news to you. One nor Five had mentioned this to you and you were the closest with the both of them, wouldn’t they have urged you to do the same? Didn’t One say you needed to be a united front. You felt slight betrayal at this new information. Suddenly you thought back to the interactions within the group concerning Ren, you had suspected this earlier, they were already forming bonds with him. You gritted your teeth. You would be having a conversation with the both of them later about this.

  
“I can handle myself and the team. I have successfully lead several training missions across this planet, you are aware of this.”

  
“I have seen what the others and what Snoke has shown me. You are confident and you are strong but you lack control.  Your anger, you do not know how to fully harness it yet. The others, are always on guard around you, never really sure when you’re going to explode and if they could stop you when you do.” You said nothing, what could you say? “I push you deliberately, I could have stopped you myself that morning, I only allowed the others to intervene for your own safety.” Your expression darkened you didn’t like his implications.

  
“So you’ve been playing a game to see how far you can push until I do explode?”

“Yes. I needed to see how far you were willing to go.”

  
“I would have killed you that morning if it hadn’t been for the others.”

  
“Perhaps I would have killed you. Perhaps we would have destroyed each other.”

  
“Maybe.” You conceded.

  
“It does not matter. You need to harness the anger that resides in you before it destroys you.” He was right. Wasn’t this what Snoke had been telling you all along?

No.

No that wasn’t right. He had said that you needed to just allow the anger to control you. Why would he say that when Ren seemed to be urging you to control and harness the anger inside of you. You furrowed your brows.

  
“This is not what Supreme Leader thinks.” You said softly.

  
“No, it isn’t. We disagree on the matter.”

“Why is that?”

  
“I have seen it first hand, I have been on the receiving end of it…you’re like an ion storm. Wild…charged, dangerous for all the wrong reasons. You could turn against anyone…that is not conducive to the First Order, or our own mission.”

You paused for a moment reflecting on his words. It wasn’t that he feared you weak. No. He feared your anger lashing out in every direction when it needed to be totally focused, like a blaster bolt, or a laser beam, not a raging fire that could burn anyone in its path. But Snoke seemed to disagree. He wanted the raging fire, he wanted the inferno…but why? Everything that Ren was saying made sense to you. Why not make it hyper focused…why allow it to be wild and out of control?

“We will work on this.” He finally said. You focused on him once again, snapping out of your thoughts.

  
“How?”

  
“You will join me every morning and we will meditate on focusing your anger. It will not be easy…sometimes…you _will_ have to allow me in.” You did not like the idea of that one bit. You were hesitant at the idea. Your fingers balled tightly.

  
“Is this all another game to see how long until I let you in?”

  
“No.” He paused. “I will only go where you show me. No further. I will not take advantage.”

“And I’m supposed to believe this?”

  
“Speak to the others. I have never pushed past what they have willingly showed me.” His eyes were searching your face again, trying to read the faint expressions that flitted across the usual stone mask.

  
“I will speak to them.” You finally said.

  
“Good. Once I return from my mission we will work on your control.”

  
“You’re leaving?” You raised an eyebrow.

  
“I have a mission from Supreme Leader. I will return in a few days.” He shrugged.

  
“What is this mission?”

  
“I have something I must find.” You tilted your head slightly, he was being awfully vague suddenly when just a short moment ago he had been entirely truthful and compliant with your questions. You clamped down on your biting curiosity and pushed it away. You would not ask, obviously he did not want to share the information…perhaps Supreme Leader had instructed his secrecy about the matter.

  
“I see.” You said flatly, your face turning back into a stone mask. Closing yourself away from him and his searching eyes. His jaw flexed at the sight of the mask returning.

“I will tell you once I return.” You did not show any interest at his words.

  
“When will you leave?” You asked.

  
“Today. They are preparing the ship as we speak.” You nodded and stood up.

  
“I will allow you to prepare then.” He looked up at you, a nice change from your normal positions. You walked away but he did not stop you this time.

You walked in search of One. You reached out to him asking where he was, he replied sleepily, obviously still in his quarters. You walked down the halls until you reached his quarters, they opened for you and you stepped inside. He sat shirtless on the edge of his bed. His wiry frame made the bed look small.

  
_“Why didn’t you tell me you let him in?”_

  
_“I didn’t see the point. I knew how you would react.”_ You huffed.

  
“You said we were to be a united front and you kept this from me.” He rubbed his large hand over his face as you crossed your arms in frustration.

  
“I only allowed him to see so much. He asked about you, I showed him my thoughts on you. It was easier than explaining…you to him.” He said as he motioned to you lazily.

“What did you show him?”

  
“Just….how you are. Snoke said it would be okay to do so.” You were stung by the implication of Snoke being behind it.

  
“Snoke…” You paused and blinked slowly, leaning against the wall and taking a deep breath. “He spoke to me yesterday.” You admitted.

“I know. He has been speaking about you with us as of late. It was only a matter of time before he confronted you about his suspicions.” You frowned deeply.

“What suspicions?” You already knew the answer, you just needed to hear them out loud.

  
“Your commitment to the Order…your commitment to him. You’re resentment of Ren is an indirect resentment of him.” He rested his elbows on his knees, his face serious as he gazed at you. Your heart dropped as anxiety pulsed through you.

  
“When you say us, you mean the group…and Ren?” He nodded. You gulped as your heart raced in your chest.  “Am I in danger?” you asked softly. He sat up and stood to face you from across the room as you looked towards the ground.

  
“I’m not sure, he seemed slightly amused by the notion oddly. I wouldn’t ignore whatever he said to you. Just because he’s amused does not mean that you are not in danger. His interests are fleeting at times…remember he was amused with Two for a while as well…you saw how that ended.”

You thought back on the spiral of madness that Two descended down abruptly ending with him killing himself with a blaster he had taken from a ‘trooper. You can still remember the sharp pain that you had felt as he blew his brains across his quarters. The sight sometimes crept into your mind at night. Snoke was unmoved by the event. For all you knew, Snoke was the one that drove him to it, weeding out the weak systematically. Was this another ploy to get rid of another weak link in the chain?  You shook your head, no, you would not be weak like Two. You would not be weak like any of the others.

  
“What else did he ask to see?” You asked finally.

  
“Our training and the before.” You paused at the mention of the before. You had never spoken to One about the before. Never asked where he came from or if he could remember anything about it. You had only spoken to Twelve about those things. It had been a secret, it was something you were sure you should not speak about. Not that you could remember anything, but what if you did, what would happen then?

  
“Don’t dwell on it.” He said suddenly, reading the worry on your face. “I don’t anymore.” He said almost sadly, his eyes looking away from you and down to the floor.

  
“I don’t remember anyway.” You admitted. His eyes snapped upward and towards you.

  
“What do you mean you don’t remember? Everyone else remembers…how can you not remember?”

  
“You just told me not to dwell on it and now you’re asking me to dwell on it?” You said defensively.

“Eight. Do you not remember your name from the before?” He had moved closer to you putting you on guard, not quite sure what his intentions were.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” You moved to leave but he grabbed softly at your hand. Softness you had only experienced only after your episode now emitted from his hand. He was trying to show you his actions were not in malice. You paused and looked at him.

  
“Show me what you remember.” He said finally, his tawny eyes searching your own. What was with everyone and the soft looks lately? You paused thinking about what the consequences of showing him would be. You weren’t sure you should show him, you weren’t sure you were going to like what he said about your memories.

“No.” You said finally, finding the ability to conjure some semblance of sternness. He looked downward and shook his head.

  
“It’s…just weird. How can you not remember?” He whispered. You shook your head and slowly pulled your hand away from him.

  
“We can’t dwell on this, you said so yourself. Let it go.” You said just as softly. He nodded.

“Right.”

You took your leave and went back to your quarters. You sat on your bed and pushed away the lingering thoughts about what One had said about your memories. You could not dwell. He said so himself. You nodded your head at the thought. The small voice pleaded for you to dwell on it, to look inward and find the answers.

 _"I don't have any answers though."_ You said back to it as you pushed it away again.

You cleared your mind as you took a deep breath. Exhaling all suspicions and worries with it.

"Fuck." You mumbled under your breath. Your hand ruffling through your hair as your anxiety began to creep back.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Recollection

___________________________

He returned a week later. The exhaustion was plain on his face. You eyed him curiously when he walked into the training room and sat in front of you. You said nothing as you looked at him. His shoulders hunched over. His eyes downcast like he was about to fall asleep at any moment.

  
“If you’re tired, go to bed.” You said finally. It wasn’t that you cared you told yourself. No, you just didn’t want to look at his exhausted face, in fear that perhaps his own exhaustion would rub off on you.

 

“I’m fine.” He said flatly. You hummed in response. He looked up at you, the shadows under his eyes seemed to deepen in the light.

 

“Did you find what you were looking for?” You asked trying to change the subject.

 

“Yes.” He said finally.

  
“Are you going to tell me what it was you were looking for?” He paused before he replied, as if weighing if he should. Perhaps he forgot that he told you he would tell you what it was he was looking for when he returned. You allowed him to ponder while looking at him with the same stone mask others had come accustomed to seeing. He nodded finally.

  
“My grandfather’s helmet.” He said finally. You tilted your head inquisitively.

  
“And why would you need that?” He huffed, you could tell he did not want to admit why he needed it.

  
“To make a stronger connection to the dark side.” You blinked as your brows raised high. He watched your reaction with slight amusement.

 

“Is your connection that weak that you need an object to draw power from?” You did not intend for it to come out so harsh, but you left the words where they fell.

 

 He turned his head away from you. A visible sting to his ego. You frowned. This man was meant to lead you and yet he needed to have an object to find his connection to the dark side. You wanted to scoff but bit back the urge to. He was being truthful with you and something in you wanted him to continue to be open with you. He continued to say nothing.

  
“I’m sure Supreme Leader has his reasons.” You said to deflect from the awkward feeling that was in the air. He nodded, his eyes still not meeting yours. Something deep in you wanted to comfort him, you were disgusted at the thought of such sentiment. You searched his downcast face for a moment before sighing loudly. “I should leave you to your thoughts.” You said finally, tired of the feeling in the room. You stood and started to walk away.

  
“No.” You paused. “Please. Stay.” He said slowly.

 

 You hesitated for a moment, you could feel his eyes on your back. You rolled your eyes at yourself as you turned around and returned to your seat.

  
“Are we going to train or would you like to continue to stare at each other in silence?” You asked finally.

His shoulders straightened at the implications of your words. Perhaps suddenly aware at how much he stared at you.

  
“Train.” He said suddenly. You nodded adjusting your position slightly.

  
“Okay.”

  
“I want you to focus on your anger. What causes it? Where does it come from?” He said finally.

  
“I’ve done that before, I never seem to find the root of it.” You admitted. He hummed in thought.

  
“Try again, really focus on it and any memories that are tied to it.” You huffed.

 

You had tried this so many times over the years, you knew it would yield nothing and yet you relaxed and closed your eyes. Attempting to find anything. You dug deeply into the vast sea of your anger yet actively tried to not drown in it. Your agitation was growing the longer you allowed yourself to be submerged.

  
“Stop.” He said suddenly.

 

You opened your eyes agitation was smeared across your face. You began constructing the calm façade once again. He simply watched you do this.

  
“Again.” He said finally.

 

You exhaled harshly preparing yourself to go back under. You closed your eyes and submerged again, desperately searching, grabbing at any fleeting thought or memory, only to have them slip from your hands like sand.

 

You continued this stopping and starting for hours. You were mentally exhausted by the time he finally called the session to end. You huffed angrily. He could easily see your frustration. He observed as you collected yourself once again.

  
“Anything at all?” he asked finally.

 

“Every time I make a grab at something it runs away.” You said in defeat. His jaw flexed in thought.

  
“Interesting. I need to think about this. We will pick up back again tomorrow.”

 

 You didn’t look at him as he stood. You sat silently, allowing your legs to unhinge themselves and slowly rest in front of you, your arms spreading behind you allowing you to stretch. He looked at your left hand again, you caught his eyes flit to the missing digit. You furrowed your brows and curled your fingers inward to diminish how noticeable the missing finger was. His jaw flexed again and he walked away without a word. You sat for a moment before getting up and going to seek out breakfast.

 

The others were already in the dining hall when you arrived. You grabbed a nutrient bar and took a seat next to the others.

   
“Where have you been all morning?” Asked Four, her hazel eyes watching you as you sat. You shrugged.

  
“Training.” You said between chews. Five looked at you curiously, Four rolled her eyes at you.

  
“When aren’t you training?” She said with a flick of her dark hair.

 

“Not like there’s anything else to do.” You said with another shrug.

 

“You never train with us anymore.” She said with a slight sting in her voice.

  
“I just trained with all of you for a week straight.” You pointed out in agitation.  She huffed.

  
“Oh leave it alone Four.” Six said with a wave of his hand his blue eyes locking onto Four with force. They were conversing inwardly. Probably arguing as they usually did. You went back to your breakfast. One was looking at you from across the table. You noticed but did not give into his prodding at your mind.

  
“Leave it.” You said flatly. He rolled his eyes at you.

  
You were tired and a headache was growing at the base of your skull. You broadcasted this to the others and went back to your quarters to nap.

 

****

 

You awoke a couple of hours later feeling only slightly better. A dull ache persisted as you moved to the refresher. You looked at yourself in the mirror. Your neck was back to normal, your ribs only ached with explicit movement but your face had dark circles nestled under your eyes. You looked like you hadn’t slept in months. You sighed and splashed water on your face. The Force couldn’t fix everything you mused.

 

You moved back out of the refresher and undid the braid in your hair. Combing your fingers through the waves gently and began to relax with each pass through. You could have easily used a brush, but the gentle motion of fingers on your scalp and the slight tug of resistance made you feel at ease. You sighed contently.

 

Your eyes closed and you sank into a deep calm. You could feel everything in the Citadel. The others, the staff in the medical wing, the cooks and technicians that flitted about the place, even some of the ‘troopers that remained, you could feel Ren too. You pulled away from his signature quickly once you touched it.

 

You didn’t want contact as you absentmindedly drifted with in the pull of the Force. You moved to your bed once again as tiredness over took your body. You laid down on your side and closed your eyes once more and fell into a deep sleep.

 

You did not dream. The first time in a long time. You awoke feeling refreshed, the wonders of finally getting a full sleep cycle worth of sleep. Perhaps the Force could fix everything. You smiled at the thought. You moved out of bed and prepared for your session with Ren. You didn’t braid your hair and instead allowed it to flow down your shoulders and chest. Absentmindedly running your fingers through it once again, a warm feeling made purchase in your chest.

 

You moved out of your quarters and into the training room, you could already feel Ren in the room when you reached it. He looked up at you when you entered, he was already seated on the center matt. His eyebrows quirked at the sight of you, your face suddenly fixing itself into the stone mask. Learned behavior taking control.

  
“You look rested.” He mused.

 

You shrugged. He looked better himself, the circles that shadowed his eyes the day before had pulled away slightly. You took a seat in front of him and meet his stare with bright eyes, a contradiction to the expressionless face you wore. He smirked and this agitated you slightly.

  
“Are we going to do this or sit here in another staring match?” You snapped. His smirk did not diminish.

 

“Your hair is down.” He said looking at your long locks. You shrugged.

  
“Didn’t feel like braiding it.” You said curtly. He hummed in response.

 

“Whenever you’re ready we can begin.” He said relaxing his shoulders.

 

 You followed suit and began your meditation. The warmth in your chest still radiated through you, you took comfort in it as you pushed through the now deepened layers in your mind. You stopped suddenly and opened your eyes, he did not notice as you looked at him.

 

His face was relaxed and peaceful, his full lips were softly parted as if he was sleeping. He was very handsome in this state you mused and then suddenly flustered at the thought. You closed your eyes once again and dove inward. Submerging yourself into the deepest pit of your anger, you could feel the emotion grab at you. Millions of hands grabbing at your very being, tugging you downward further. Your eyes flitted behind your eyelids as if in sleep.

 

You let the feelings contour to every inch of your metaphysical form. It caressed you like nothing or anyone had ever done before, you allowed it to happen. It felt like the heat of a fire on a cold night. It felt comforting and warm; but like a fire, the closer you dove the hotter it burned. You shifted uncomfortably, your brows furrowing slightly at the feeling of the sudden and intense heat. For a fleeting moment you were sure Ren would tell you to stop and regain composure but he didn’t. It was growing too hot, you recoiled away from the flaming licks. There was a flickering of light in your mind’s eye, images danced in front of you briefly. You persisted through the mental pain and peered more closely.

>   
>  _She was crying again. Her neck was blackened still. She was crying over him. Eleven. You had felt such a strong pull to her, she needed comfort you knew this, but you also knew that you shouldn’t give her any. You couldn’t possibly risk it. You hadn’t even realized that your feet had moved you to stand in her room, you had bypassed her lock easily. Just as One had done before, it made you wonder why any of you had even bothered with the stupid locks anymore. She didn’t look at you. She was ashamed; you could feel it with her sadness. Your body was moving before your mind could protest, your hand reaching out towards her, resting on the top of her pale hair, she stopped to look up at you. Her blue eyes were bloodshot and puffy. You felt every ounce of her sadness and shame. She had loved Eleven, Eleven had loved her, you were jealous of this emotion. Inwardly you were seething at her indulgence of it. How could she find it in herself to love anything or anyone in this place? Your teeth were gritted, her eyes flashed slight panic as you removed your hand from her head. She was reaching for you before you even knew it, her grip finding purchase on your left pinky finger. You stopped and looked down at her, your eyes were wild, you knew it, you could feel the anger coiling inside of you. You wanted to pull your hand away from her but she only pulled you downward to where she sat on the floor. She quickly wrapped her arms around you, her long limbs wrapping tightly onto you. You did not pull away as she hugged you tightly. Something was warring inside of you. Neither of you spoke. You allowed her to continue holding you, as if she was comforting you instead of the other way around. She kissed the top of your head which made your cheeks flush, her fingers brushed through your hair softly. Caressing you calm._

 

The vision flickered quickly as another took its place.

>   
>  _She fell to the floor. She hadn’t fought you. She didn’t even think to do so. Her eyes were open and protruding, lined in red. They mirrored your own. When did you grab the knife? What were you doing with it? Oh that’s right. You needed to cut a piece away from you, to quell the anger that was roiling through you, a sacrifice of sorts. You sawed through your flesh, searing pain buzzed through your mind, the anger was not calming, it was growing. You continued to cut and crunch through the cartilage of the joint. It popped and squelched in your ears. You hadn’t realized how much it would hurt. Removing the finger. Removing her. You did it all the same. Your anger fed on this. You were mad at yourself. You were mad at her for not fighting harder, for making you do this to her. For making you cut her presence away from you. But mostly you were mad at Snoke. It was all his fault._

 

Recoiling instantly away from the images and feelings you opened your eyes, your hands flinging outward suddenly. Ren was already braced for the Force push you emitted, it still knocked him slightly backward. He grunted in slight surprise, he hadn’t expected you to push _so_ hard.

 

Your eyes were leaking liquid, betraying you, you blinked rapidly willing them away. You wiped quickly and angrily at them, your mask falling away to true emotion. He watched you but did not move to still you. Your eyes were wild and you shook uncontrollably. His jaw flexed as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it.

 

One burst through the door causing both of you to snap your heads in his direction. His eyes were panicked, Five shoved closely behind him. They looked at both of you in confusion as tears streaked down your face still and your body trembled. One’s eyes flitted back and forth between the two of you.

   
“What the hell are you doing?” One asked suddenly. You weren’t sure to who exactly. Five lingered on the edge of the door just behind One. 

 

“I have this under control.” Ren paused and motioned towards you, “She has this under control.”

 

Your eyes shot back towards him. Were you really under control or was he just saying this to quell the worries of the others? One huffed but remained in the door way.

  
“I told you, I explicitly told you not to push her anymore.” He said finally moving forward into the room, Ren suddenly stood. You remained where you were and merely watched on helpless and confused.

  
“And I told you we have it under control.” He seethed.

 

The others were now present as Ren and One squared up against each other, both refusing to back down. One laughed wickedly.

 

“You have no idea what you’re doing.” He said softly. Ren narrowed his eyes, his jaw flexing and hands clenching in anger.

 

“You will remove yourself from this room! All of you!’ He screamed his anger finally taking grasp, you could feel it radiate off of him. The others recoiled, One merely stood his ground and continued to glare.

 

“She’s a ticking time bomb. You’re playing with fire Ren. She can’t control it. She will turn on all of us if she has to! You have only scratched the surface. She _has_ only scratched the surface. She _doesn’t_ even remember!” He screamed.

 

 You flinched inwardly. They didn’t trust you, they only feared you. You wanted to stand and leave but the voice in your head commanded you to stay and listen as One continued his verbal assault,

 

“We’ve shown you, all of us, the before, the training, but she doesn’t even remember all of it. She’s blocked out the parts she couldn’t handle. If you continue to make her push at those blocks you could very well kill us all.” His voice lowered at the admission. You blinked slowly what did all of this mean?  You finally found the will to stand.

  
“Both of you stop.” You said quietly.

 

They turned to look at you as if they had forgotten you were sitting there listening to them screaming about you. You felt like a forgotten child caught in a fight between parents. You pushed between both of them and past the others and out of the training room.

 

You returned to your quarters. Your mind reeling at all of the things that One had admitted. Your memories, you had distorted your own memories? What was so bad that you couldn’t handle? You hadn’t altered your memory of Twelve and her death…what could have been worse than that? You stood in the center of your room, your chest no longer occupied by the warmth, instead fear, anger and betrayal had taken its place.

 

You clenched your hands tightly, digging your nails deeply into your palm. The pain wasn’t helping anymore. It didn’t stop the feelings from wrapping its clawed grip on your very essence. You shook violently, the objects in your room began to fling about wildly, you heard the shatter of glass, the cracking of machinery as your datapad crunched in half. The book shelf fell downward with a loud bang. This jarred you enough to make you realize what was happening around you.

Your eyes darted around the room violently looking on almost helplessly at the damage you were causing to your own quarters. The voice in the back of your head loudly commanded you to stop and you listened. Everything stopped its movements.

 

You exhaled sharply. Relief washed over you, your mind conjured up the sensation of Twelve’s fingers combing through your hair, of her arms wrapped around you, of her lips pressing softly to your head.

A mother’s touch.

You fell to your knees and wept.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Into The Darkness

____________________________

 

You had secluded yourself from the others for a while after the incident in the training room. You were ashamed for some reason. You didn’t know yourself at all anymore and the realization that the others feared you crushed you.

 

 It shouldn’t you told yourself, let them fear you. Fear was good. They should fear you. These were hollow words you knew, but you told them to yourself all the same. You focused on them, willing them to give you strength but they did nothing but make you feel empty.

 

You continued to meditate on your anger in your isolation, replaying the only available memory that surfaced, learning to control yourself as you played it over and over again. You were not perfect at it by any means, this would be a long process you knew, but you pushed onward, what else were you to do? Wait until you exploded? Wait until they put you down finally?

 

You opened your eyes to the sound of knocking on your door. It was early you realized as you glanced at the new datapad that sat on your nightstand. You groaned and rolled over to face the door, not sure why anyone would be knocking on your door. They could have easily let themselves in. You slid the door open with the Force and mumbled,

  
“What?”

 

“Get up.” His voice was firm but not unkind. You rolled to face Ren, the covers clung to your body tightly as you shifted back away from him.

  
“Go away.” You mumbled. He huffed and moved towards you only to stop short, hesitation echoing off of him. You sighed.

  
“I’m not going to hurt you.” You said finally

  
“I didn’t think you were.” You sensed he wanted to say more.

 

“But?” You said softly still facing away from him.

 

“I wasn’t sure how close you would like me to be.” He admitted softly.

 

You scoffed. “Why does it matter?”

 

He did not reply right away, you could sense him mulling over what to say or possibly how to put it. You could imagine his jaw flexing as it did when he was thinking.

  
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” You peeked over at him and rolled back over to face him and sat up, pulling the covers over your chest and body as you sat to lean against the wall, your legs curling up towards your chest.

  
“I’m not uncomfortable. What is it?” His jaw flexed as his eyes glanced downward as if ashamed.

  
“I wanted to check on you. None of us have seen you come out of your quarters.”

“Well, I figured it was best if I stayed in here for a bit…give everyone time to calm down.” He hummed. And shuffled uncomfortably. You furrowed your brows.

  
“Are you sure you’re not the one who is uncomfortable?” You asked your face displaying no emotion. As if to show you that he was indeed _not_ uncomfortable he perched on the bed sideways to face you. A smirk flitted across your face briefly. He noticed and smirked as well, familiar fluttering of your insides rising at the expression. You pushed them away quickly.

 

“How is your training coming?” He asked.

  
“Slowly, though I’ll take the sign of no one bursting in to stop me as sign of progress.” You mused.

 

His eyes searched your face, you blinked slowly, why was he always staring at you? As if feeling your thoughts he looked down at the bed. You furrowed your brows and sighed.

 

“How are things with the others?” You asked trying to change the subject. He shrugged.

  
“Tension was high for a little bit, but they have fallen back into line. They were only worried about you.”

  
“They were worried for themselves.” You said flatly.

 

His full lips turned into a slight frown as his jaw flexed. His head suddenly snapping upward to look at you once again, his hand flinging outward and cupping your face softly, you had no time to flinch away, your eyes growing wide, a flicker of fear and uncertainty in your eyes as the electricity passed through you.

  
“Let me show you.” He said softly.

 

His other hand grabbed at your left hand, fingers grazing your hand softly as he raised your hand to his own face. He closed his eyes and you followed suit. You hadn’t done this in so long, the bond you shared with the others allowed for easy access to thoughts and memories. You shared no such bond with him. This would be the first time you had connected willingly. A part of you wanted this, wanted to assimilate with the others, but another part of you was afraid of this connection and its implications.

  
“This does not mean that I am bending to you.” You whispered.

  
“I know.” He whispered back.

  
You opened to the connection. You felt the jarring lighting of it. It felt like nothing you had ever felt. Your body tingled slightly as he opened the memory to you. You gasped at the feeling of the connection. Your fingers twitched slightly, his doing the same.

 

> _You felt agitation, from every direction. You were standing in the training room still, this was only Ren’s memory you reminded yourself. He and One were still squared up as you pushed through the both of them. You watched as you walked off. Disappointment._
> 
> _  
> “She is fragile Ren.” One said angrily. Ren snapped his eyes back towards One. The others had moved into the room watching the interaction._
> 
> _“She isn’t. She can control it. I’m sure of it.” He said firmly. Four moved forward to stand beside One._
> 
> _  
> “You have no idea what could have happened to her! She could have hurt herself again!” She was equally as agitated as One._
> 
> _He could feel the agitation growing, he pushed it back towards the others along with similar oppressive tones that Snoke used. You watched as Six moved to grab at Four’s elbow, she shrugged him off shooting him a look. They were conversing through the Force for a moment._
> 
> _  
> “I wouldn’t of allowed it.” He said sternly._
> 
> _“You have no idea what you could have done. You put all of us in danger, her even more so!” Four moved animatedly as she spoke. Ren was unaffected by this display._
> 
> _“What you experienced with her losing control was nothing! You weren’t there when Snoke had to put her out of it. She cut off her of kriffing finger Ren!” Six finally spoke up, perhaps at the urging of Four._
> 
> _“I know this.” He admitted. “You have all shown this to me, she needs to learn to control this anger inside of her, she needs to learn how to channel it properly, you have no right to prevent her from doing so.” He gritted his teeth, anger flaring again, you could feel the heat in his face growing. Anger similar to your own you noted._
> 
> _“We do when it puts her in danger.” Five said softly. They all collectively nodded._
> 
> _“When did you all realize she had been blocking her memories?” He hadn’t sensed these thoughts or emotions when asking about your previous actions. They had never signaled these sentiments to him. He trusted they would do so without prompting. He only wanted a cohesive team, why would they keep this from him?_
> 
> _“We weren’t entirely sure until recently. Twelve knew of course. They shared a close bond. She had confided in some of us about her thoughts on the matter.” Nine spoke evenly, her honey colored eyes flashed with concern over the mention of Twelve._
> 
> _They were all so apprehensive of speaking of their own fallen, even though some of them had been the reason of their falls, he mused._
> 
> _“I spoke with her after your first training session. She openly admitted to remembering nothing about the before. She wouldn’t show me, I didn’t want to push, I could have but I didn’t know what would happen if I did.” One shifted his eyes downward, his brown shaggy hair covering his eyes, “All of us remember. We remember the torture, and the isolation, the death. I remember seeing her once when we were let out of the isolation rooms. Everyone else was socializing, she was on her own, speaking to no one.”_
> 
> _You remembered the times out of the isolation room, this wasn’t true. No one spoke with anyone. Snoke has urged all of you to keep your distance. Had you altered this memory? Why? Ren was confused by this as much as you were. You were growing agitated at this. You were mad at yourself. You couldn’t remember any of these things._
> 
> _“She never talks about the past. She hardly ever really talks. She grows more and more distant with time. Even Twelve said she was very apprehensive about her. She said she was like a skittish animal at times. After Twelve…she started to open up more. You’re putting all of that in danger by doing this.” Nine added._
> 
> _It was true that you kept everyone at a distance. Attachment was weakness, you pushed this thought to Ren. You could feel him mentally nod._

You pulled away from the memory. You had seen enough. It left you feeling even worse. Ren’s hand stayed on your face for a moment, his long fingers cupping your cheek softly. Sadness in his eyes. You didn’t like it. Your brows furrowed.

  
“I don’t want your pity.” You said firmly. He nodded removing his hand from your face as you followed suit. You both sat awkwardly on the bed in silence.

 

“I don’t remember anything that they were talking about, well….about the torture….about coming out of the isolation room…” you said softly. His head turned back towards you his lips pinched. “I remember it differently, no one spoke to anyone….Snoke told us…me that they were merely competition…not to get invested or attached. I don’t ever recall any actual torture ever happening, I guess the isolation could be torture, but I was never really alone.” You admitted.

 

“What is your earliest memory?” he asked. You paused.

  
“Snoke’s voice in the darkness.” You said. His eyes grew wide as he deeply exhaled. His eyes flitted across your face rapidly, searching for a possible lie perhaps?  “What?” you muttered. His jaw was flexing again, his thinking face.

 

“It’s nothing…I…I remember something similar.” Your pulse quickened, you could feel the vein twitching in your neck. You raised your hand to the ends of your hair wrapping your fingers around them absentmindedly. He watched you do this with interest.

  
“You play with your hair when you’re in a state.” You paused and released your hair slowly. “Why is that?” He asked kindly. You shrugged halfheartedly.

 

“Twelve…she used to calm me down by playing with my hair.” You raised your left hand to the crown of your head as you looked downward.

 

You weren’t sure why you were sharing this with him. Something felt different between the two of you. He didn’t have to show you that memory. He could have let you wallow in your fears. Your fingers curled around the top of your head softly like what Twelve use to do.

  
“Would you show me?” He asked softly.

 

Your lips tightened, you weren’t sure if you should confide in him. What if he told Snoke about your secret attachment to the memory? What if he used it against you?

  
“I’m not sure if I should.” He frowned but did not push.

  
“He already knows everything you are attached to, that’s why he made you kill her.” He said.

 

Your eyes flashed fear briefly, but then acceptance. He was right. You had known it deep down, you had always known. Your lips pinched as you fought the emotions that were threatening to surface. He gingerly placed his hand on your arm in reassurance. You sighed.

  
“Fine.” You said. His hands raised to your face again, and yours to his. Electricity sparking between the two of you.

 

>                 _She laid in front of you, you were curled into her chest seething. In one of your moods again. You could no longer remember why you were mad, it didn’t matter anymore as her fingers combed through your long loose locks. Her lips rested on your forehead softly shushing you. Her hand rested on the crown of your head for a moment, the pressure was reassuring. Warmth radiated through you. You curled further into her neck her blonde hair curled around her shoulders and tickled your face. You breathed in her smell and relaxed further._
> 
> _  
> “It’s okay. Let it go.” She whispered._
> 
> _She kissed your forehead lovingly. She doted on you in these moments, she knew you needed it though you never actively sought her out. She always found you._

You cut the memory, Ren’s eyes were still closed his face was relaxed as you opened your own lazily. His hands edged upward towards your hair. He gently ran his fingers in it as he opened his eyes he removed the hand, his face slightly flushed. You stared at him softly removing your hand from him. You bit at your bottom lip subconsciously.

  
“Thank you.” He said softly.

 

You looked down at the bed no longer wanting to make eye contact. He had seen you at your most vulnerable and tender. You weren’t sure how you felt about it. You weren’t sure how you felt about his hand combing through your hair either. You said nothing. He took this as his cue to stand. You made no motion to stop him. You felt weird. Slightly unsettled and confused about the whole thing. You didn’t make eye contact with him as he looked at you sitting on your bed like a small fragile and broken thing. You only bit at your lip.

  
“Tomorrow, be ready to go off planet.” He said finally, your eyes snapped upward.

  
“What?” You whispered. What happened to him not trusting you?

 

“You’re ready.”

“Ready for what?” You asked softly. He did not reply and left abruptly leaving you to sit in confusion. You didn’t even know what time you needed to be ready or where you were going or what to pack. You furrowed your brows.

 

****

 

 

You had been sent a message on your datapad about the climate of the planet and what time departure would be. There was no listed planet name you noticed, slightly curious as to why. You bit at your lip anxiously. You hadn’t been off planet in a very long time…not since arriving at the Citadel. You weren’t sure if you were excited or scared. Probably a bit of both you mused.

 

You dressed quickly, your pack held a few items to be prepared with the cold climate of the planet. Twelve’s knife was tucked into your boot, a comfort that you needed at the moment. You probably had no real need for the weapon. Your Force abilities were strong as were the others. You sat on your bed and meditated until it was close enough to time to leave.

 

You walked out of the doors of the Citadel, the others were already waiting. You hadn’t spoken to any of them since the incident. They looked at you unsure about your mental state for a brief moment. You pulled down your walls and let them in all at once. You were fine you reassured them.

  
_“I understand now.”_ You said firmly.

 

They all nodded mentally. Five clasped a strong hand onto your shoulder and you smiled softly at him. Ren approached shortly after your arrival. You noticed something at his belt. Your eyes narrowed at the sight of the metal object.

  
_“When did he get that?”_ you asked the others.

  
_“While you were hiding away.”_ Four quipped.

 

_“Is it what I think it is?”_  You asked.

 

_“Yes.”_ They all said in unison. 

 

You closed your eyes, you had never seen a real lightsaber, only in drawings and rough schematics. You were jealous, it flared briefly inside of you, you pushed it down. You didn’t have time to waste on the emotion. Ren was already moving up and into the carrier as the others followed. He said nothing merely allowing all of you to board and take seats. Your anxiety was worsening. Your chest rose quickly, the others noticed.

  
_“Calm. Be calm. We will be fine.”_ Six said softly. You nodded at him. Ren was busy in the pilot seat. You sat between Five and One. One looked at you sideways.

  
“You’re going to be fine. Don’t think about it.” You glared at him. If one more person told you that you would be fine you were going to break someone’s finger.

  
“I’m fine.” You said showing your annoyance. Ten stood suddenly from his chair, you watched as he moved to the cockpit of the ship, raising an eyebrow Four spoke up,

  
“He’s going to be co-pilot.” She shrugged. “Gotta learn some time.” She said casually.

 

 This didn’t help your anxiety one bit. You gnawed at your bottom lip and brought your hand up to the end of your braid, twirling the loose hairs around your fingers and tugging at them softly. You huffed and leaned back into your seat. You could hear talking in the cockpit, both Ren and Ten going through the preflight check list, you could hear switches toggling and the engines come to life with a loud whirling. You shut your eyes tightly. Five’s hand reached for yours, you allowed him to clamp tightly onto you, taking slight comfort in the contact.

  
_“I don’t like it either.”_ He said softly.

 

Your fingers freed themselves from your hair and instead clamped down at the cloth of your pants. The craft lifted without a hitch and headed out of atmosphere. You were holding your breath and trying to focus on the pull of the Force. You exhaled once you broke away from the pull of Ziost and jumped into hyper space.

 

Your eyes remained closed for a bit longer, but you could hear the others shuffling around the ship, the memory of the only other time you had been on a ship echoed through your mind. The tight feeling in your chest, the uncertainty of where you were headed and if you would survive flittered in the back of your mind. Five squeezed your hand momentarily.

  
_“Open your eyes.”_ You shook your head, eyes still clamped shut, brows furrowed deeply.

  
_“Eight, just look.”_ Five’s voice rattled around in your mind as you begrudgingly opened your eyes.

 

 The viewport on the side of the craft displayed the blurring lights of hyper space. You focused on the movement and felt your stomach lurch. You clamped your hand over your mouth quickly, willing the bile to return from where it came from.

 

“Kriff are you going to be sick?” Nine jumped out of her seat to crouch in front of you, grabbing onto your knees. “Six, grab me something for her to be sick in!” She said quickly. You raised your hand and shook it as a signal not to worry.

  
“Whose getting sick?” Shouted Ten from the cockpit.

  
“Eight.” Nine shouted back.  Six returned with a medical bin and handed it to Nine, she set it between your legs as she remained crouched.

  
“If you vomit, I’m going to vomit, don’t do it.” Shouted back Ten who was apparently a sympathetic vomiter.

 

You could hear shuffling from the cockpit and heavy footsteps, Ren was moving towards you. Nine moved quickly out of the way. Your eyes clamped shut again, you didn’t want to look at him, you didn’t want to look at anything. You felt his hand go to the crown of your head, the pressure comforting you.

 

“Sleep.” He commanded and you felt the darkness swallow you whole in an instant.

 

****

 

 

Your eyes fluttered open suddenly as the others shuffled around the ship preparing themselves for exit. Ren’s hand was on your head you realized and flinched away. He removed it breaking the contact.

  
“We’re here. Prepare yourself.” He said curtly.

 

You unbuckled and adjusted your clothing, checking your boot for Twelve’s knife, adjusting your knee pads and shin guards as you returned to standing position. You pulled your hood over your head and cracked your neck, rolling your shoulders to loosen the muscles, shaking your legs out from disuse.  You were beyond ready to move out of the ship.

 

“Theta formation until Ren instructs further.” One said standing at the hanger doors of the ship.

 

 You moved to stand beside him as the others moved towards the door. You shuffled to the center as One stood forward and to your left, Ten was forward to your right, Five directly center behind you, Nine flanked your back right, Six across from her and Four in the center rear. Ren would take his place at center forward heading the procession. The hanger doors opened and you braced yourself for the temperature as the air drafted inward.

 

The sun was horribly bright, your eyes squinted as they adjusted, you haven’t seen a sun this bright…ever. The sun on Ziost was always dim in the sky and didn’t stay out long. You could feel the slight warmth on your face as the formation moved out of the hanger. You looked upward basking in the warmth for a brief moment, you sighed softly.

  
_“Feels good doesn’t it?”_ Five projected to you.

 

You hummed in response as you moved with the group. Everyone was silent as you moved forward following Ren through the mild blanket of snow that covered the ground. You noticed the trees, you had never seen trees in person before. Ziost was barren and craggy tundra. This place was beautiful you mused.

 

The group moved towards a mountain in the close distance, it was hours of walking but no one complained, what was there to complain about, you had felt like you’d been cooped up your entire life. This was exactly what you needed. You could feel the Force strongly here and took comfort in the growing hum as you neared the mountain.

 

Once you reached the base Ren halted the group. He turned to look at all of you and then looking up at the sun to gauge the amount of hours remaining before dark.

  
“I know we didn’t discuss why we are here in the briefing, but I’m sure you can all feel the strong pull of the Force here. Some of you will opt out of this mission, and that is fine, I merely wanted to offer the same opportunity to each of you.” He paused. “There is a thick vein of Kyber in this mountain, a secret of the Empire before its destruction. Supreme Leader has urged me to take each of you here once I felt you were ready to make a choice about your preferred choice in weaponry. If you chose to do so, you will find Kyber deep within a cavern inside.”

 

You chewed your bottom lip in thought. Should you choose to go inside you could essentially find your own kyber crystal to build your own saber, though you had assumed you would never get the opportunity to ever do so. Kyber was rare once the Empire took to eradicating its sources throughout the galaxy, a form of controlling and limiting any future Jedi resurgences after Order 66. You briefly wondered who would go inside. You sighed and stepped forward in step with One and Four. The others remained where they were standing. You looked back at Five with a quirked eyebrow.

 

_“I do not need it.”_ He merely projected. You shrugged.

“If this is all of you, about two meters from this location you will find a small opening. We will wait until two hours before sundown. If you do not return in that time you will be left behind. Is that clear?” You all nodded. “Proceed.” He commanded. You all moved in a quick pace towards the strong pull of the Force.

 

It didn’t take nearly as long to find the opening as you thought, the sun was still high in the sky, you were not sure when sundown would take place, he never indicated an exact time. You were slightly annoyed at this. One looked down at the small opening in the ground and chuckled. You furrowed your brow.

 

“What?” You asked.

 

“Stars, can you imagine Five trying to squeeze through this hole?” He said pointing at the slim opening on the earth. You huffed and rolled your eyes.

  
“You don’t think that he wouldn’t have widened it to fit” Four mused.

 

“Maybe.” One quirked, “I’m not sure what would happen to the cavern if the opening was disturbed with such force though.”

 

“We’re wasting time.” You said moving to the hole, you took a seated position at the opening and lowered your legs into the darkness.

 

You looked downward into the darkness and jumped down, using the Force to cushion your landing. One followed behind with Four last. You felt the tug in the Force roll through every fiber of your being as you moved towards the tugging. One stopped and closed his eyes as you moved past him further into the dark tunnels. He moved in the opposite direction of you, Four following him.

 

At points you had to crawl through tiny holes in the rock, sliding through pockets of broken stone wall as you pulled your way through the small gaps. You were glad Five hadn’t come. He would have had a very difficult time. You weren’t having such a smooth time of it either.

 

You could practically feel the weight of the planet crushing down on you as you moved through the tiny spaces. It made your chest clinch, you didn’t mind being in tight spaces but some of these opening were risky. You inched through a long slender and cracking passage edging closer and closer to the pull. You focused on it, using it to guide you further into the darkness, your hands pressed in front of you searching for any openings in the darkness.

 

You eventually just closed your useless eyes, it was far too dark to see without a light. You needed to trust in the Force. You could feel air rushing through an opening and you moved further into it. You opened your eyes noticing a faint glow further ahead. You moved towards it at an increased pace.

 

The opening wasn’t large by any means, but compared to the passages you took to get there it felt huge. You took a deep breath and exhaled harshly, relief washing over you as you looked at the far wall and noticed a slight twinkling. You could feel the hum reverberating through your skull as you moved towards it. Something was calling to you, the humming growing into a high whine.

 

 You pushed out a hand and felt along the wall as you edged along it. Suddenly you stopped and pressed hard onto the stone. You closed your eyes and sighed. Concentrating the Force into your hand you grabbed slowly at the wall, the rocks slowly crumbling in under the pressure of your guided Force use. A hole formed opening to another pocketed room.

  
“Fuck me.” You mumbled as you peered inside, seeing a large glowing light.

 

You were going to have to knock more of the wall out and you weren’t sure what would happen as far as the rest of the caverns went. You exhaled through pursed lips. You clenched your fist and pulled back, concentrating on the Force you followed through with a hard punch, the rock flaked but did not break. You punched again, feeling the pain in your hand at the impact. You kept going, feeding on the pain to fortify your blows, Finally enough crumbled away for you to squeak through the meager opening, not daring to open it anymore for fear of collapse. Your brow was sweating as you walked through the now opened cavern. You walked towards the cluster and noticed a pale geode that hummed so deeply that you could no longer deny touching it. Your very core shook with the pull. You wrapped your hand around it and yanked hard but it was not budging.

  
“Shit, why is nothing ever easy.” You mumbled as you reached down into your boot pulling out Twelve’s knife.

 

You set it against the small geode that poked through a small cluster of rock. You dug the knife in, the hum grew as you pried at it. It finally gave way to your attempts and you quickly caught it with your left hand. It vibrated and hummed in your hand. You smiled but quickly stopped at the sound of rumbling in the distance.

  
“Kriff what now?” You turned sharply and moved back through the opening.

  
_“What the hell are you doing down there?!”_ You snapped at Four and One.

 

_“Kinda busy. Talk later.”_ One replied.

 

 Four did not reply as more rumbling echoed through the passage way you were crawling through. You cursed as you crawled faster, sliding one arm in front of you as you pulled yourself through a particularly small gap. Your arms were tired and your back was starting to ache at all the odd positions you were forced into as you moved back.

 

Another loud rumble emitted through the caves. You could hear falling rock in the distance. You tried to quell the panic in your chest but failed. You moved faster. You needed to get out, something wasn’t right. You continued to slide through another tight passage, the Force guiding you through. Your nails dug into the crags of earth pulling you as you shimmed through the low gap. You felt the tunnel shake, your breath was coming in quickly, the claws of anxiety and panic ripping through your chest.

 

“Fuck!” you scrambled as the shaking grew worse.

 

 Panting hard as you pulled yourself along, twisting your body into odd angles to fit. Your legs kicking hard behind you. You kept telling yourself not to panic but to no avail. You cursed as you felt tiny rock chips crumble and pelt you, dust and dirt stirring, hindering your breathing. You coughed, the tight squeeze in your chest causing your heart to hammer. A cold sweat prickled across your body, the small voice in your head screaming to move quickly.

  
“Shut up, I know!” You screamed verbally.

   
_“What did you do?!”_ You mentally screamed at One and Four but got no reply as the shaking grew worse, larger rocks falling now, any moment you would be blocked in or crushed.

 

You paused in just enough time to fling your hand out in instinct, the Force holding back anything that may possibly come crashing down on you. You concentrated on getting out alive as you kept moving. The air was growing stagnant as you moved further into the stretch. You were back to being able to at least stand as you shimmied through another crag, climbing awkwardly through high debris that were not there previously. You didn’t like not being able to see, it was driving you mad and making you even more desperate to get out. You stumbled as another violent quake hit, causing you to scramble forward on all fours awkwardly.  You could feel sharp pricking at the base of your skull, Ren. You allowed his contact, searing pain shooting through, you had no time to ease him in.

  
_“What the hell is going on down there!”_

_“Collapse, Four and One not responding. Moving towards exit.”_ Your reply was fractured, the concentration it took to maintain contact too much at the moment, you cut him out, sending a sharp snap towards him.

 

You tumbled forward suddenly as another violent quake erupted, your hand shooting outward in a feeble attempt to grab on to something, you grabbed at the jutting edge of a rock, your feet dangled under you, you couldn’t sense the bottom. The hole wasn’t there before, you surely would have remembered coming across it earlier. You gnashed your teeth, your fingers clamped onto the edge with all the strength you could muster. You reached your other hand out, searching for something else to hold on to.

 

Your eyes glaring into the darkness as if you peered hard enough you would be able to see. Your other hand found purchase on another surface and you pulled upward, not sure if there was anything to land on. You felt out in the Force, yes, there was surface. Your muscles screamed at the strain. You huffed as you pulled upward onto a somewhat flat surface.  You panted noticing the searing pain in your hand, the wet warmth of blood was noticeable suddenly. You hissed clutching the hand tightly. You ripped your hood away from your back and ripped it into a strip, tying the strip around where the pain was located. You stood slowly, edging your toe around to find the edge of the hole to make sure you didn’t fall back in.

 

Finding it you moved away from it, you could feel Ren’s mental tendril pricking at you again, you started to push it away but stopped. You focused on the energy signature of it. You needed to move towards him. Your brow was furrowed as you moved forward. Stumbling as you moved slowly, allowing your feet and hands to feel out for anymore new openings as you focused on Ren’s Force signature. The quakes had now stopped, but you were still moving slowly to insure not falling into another pit.

 

You paused and forced yourself to calm down. You were not going to die in this fucking hole in the ground you told yourself. Taking a deep breath you exhaled and focused once again. You moved forward until you abruptly hit a wall. You felt along the edges, a collapse. You paused to see if you could feel any airflow, stopping your breath to get a proper gauge, you could feel slight movement of air through the Force, but not enough to feel noticeably on your skin. You needed to move the rocks in order to get out of there. You hesitated for a moment not sure if that was the best course of action, what if you caused another collapse?

 

The small voice in your head quipped a single word, _push_.

  
“Okay.” You mumbled.

 

You flung the Force at the wall, but you were tired, a few of the rocks moved but not enough. You took a deep breath. You inched back, you needed to channel your anger, find the core of it. You stood rigid and inwardly submerged in it, pulling it towards you, commanding it to supply you with strength. It was unwilling for a moment, you tried again this time mentally grasping at it hard, yanking it, willing it to rage through you and at your command.

 

You projected it through your core and into your hand as you flung it forward, the rocks blew outward quickly. You exhaled through your gritted teeth, pulling the anger to your hands and securing it to the position. You moved clearing the rocks in front of you without much thought. Your body in autopilot, you drove forward, exit the only thing on your mind as you followed where the Force lead you.

 

You slung your hands wildly with abandon, as if seeing for the first time, you could hear rocks exploding away from you as you cleared the way. You could see light up ahead, your heart surged with hope, you moved faster almost running towards it. Your hands no longer doing the work, your mind kept sending pulse after pulse to the field of collapsed rock. You finally reached the light and skidded to a stop.

 

You were panting by the time you reached it, your mind felt like it was on fire, your body screamed at you. You continued to push onward. You needed to get out of the kriffing hole now.

 

You stepped back and jumped, your hands grabbing at the small opening’s edges. You felt a hand on your wrist lifting you upward. You almost fought against it, your mind screaming to attack, but you pushed the thought away, you knew that strong grip well. Five hoisted you gingerly out of the hole that he straddled, his strong muscles doing all the work for you. The light was blinding even though it had dimmed from its earlier brightness.

 

Clenching your eyes closed tightly as he moved you to rest on the ground. You laid back panting. Suddenly a thought rose in your head and panic stricken you moved your hands over your body patting for the Kyber. The hum grew as if to let you know it was still there. Your hand gripped at the pouch strapped to your thigh. You didn’t even remember putting it there. When did you do that? You sighed and flung your arms back to the ground.

 

“What happened?” Ren’s deep voice rumbled out into the air.

 

“I don’t know.” You panted, your eyes still clinched shut, “I reached the chamber and when I was leaving back through one of the openings there was rumbling further away.” You paused again allowing yourself to collect your thoughts and calm down. Ren did not push allowing you to do so. “One. Four. Are they out?” You finally asked.

 

“Not yet.” Five said flatly.

 

“You look like hell.” Ten said softly.

 

“I never want to go back into a place like that ever again.” You panted slightly opening one eye, testing your ability to see. You slowly opened the other one, and then allowed them both to adjust at the same time. “It’s so bright out here.” You mumbled. Suddenly you could feel the worry from the others. Six was pacing you realized, surely worried about Four.  “They’ll be back.” You said suddenly. 

 

Six said nothing as he continued to pace like a caged animal, his short blond hair visibly ruffled from running his hands through it.

 

****

 

 

You weren’t sure how long you laid there, you had fallen asleep from exhaustion, you didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until your eyes opened again. The sun was setting and there was still no sign of the others.

 

“Are we going to leave them?” Nine asked softly.

 

Ren made no reply. There was a nervous energy in the air, having grown thicker while you slept. You curled your legs upward slowly, bending your knees up as you laid on the ground. Your legs ached horribly. You furrowed your brow at the pain. You forced yourself to sit up, the stinging returning to your injured hand as you braced you self to sit up.

 

“Let me take a look at that hand.” Ten crouched down beside you lifting it upward, his long dark hair swung around his high cheek bones. Dark brown eyes peered at the injury as he pulled away the tattered cloth. You winced as he pulled away the makeshift bandage, pulling at the crusted blood that stuck both to the cloth and your hand. Blood slowly began to weep outward.

 

“You’re gunna need some bacta on that when we get back.” He said finally.

  
“I would have needed more than bacta if I hadn’t caught onto that rock in time.” You laughed. “I didn’t realize the floor had collapsed…I was…” You stopped suddenly and snatched your hand away from Ten and scrambled forward quickly back towards the hole.

 

Your hands pressing into thin patches of snow and earth. The others followed you as you peered downward, you leaned your torso into the hole bracing yourself with your hands on the edge as you listened. Ignoring the searing pain in your injured hand. You could feel them, your eyes tried to pierce through the darkness but to no avail. You felt Five grab at your waist and effortlessly picked you up and move you away from the hole. You didn’t protest as he sat you back down and moved towards the hole to straddle it once again. Six had stopped his pacing and moved to stand near Five. Ren’s brows were furrowed, his jaw flexing as he clenched his teeth and unclenched. Nine moved to help you up, you allowed her strong arms to pull you upward, Ten waited on the side near Ren.

 

“I hear them.” Five said suddenly. Ren nodded.

  
“Four is injured.” Ren’s voice came out flatly.

 

“There they are!” Six said excitedly. You breathed out a sigh of relief allowing your clenched shoulders to relax.

 

“What the hell happened?” Five yelled into the hole. You could hear the rocks being knocked around inside from movement.

 

“Ask Four. She did it.” You could hear a slight note of amusement in his tone.

 

Five bent downward as arms rose out of the hole, his strong hand grabbing at slender forearms and pulling upward. Six danced around like an excited child. Four looked horrible, her leg was twisted at an odd angle, broken at the shin. The bone pressed through her clothing. You winced at the sight.

 

Six quickly grabbed at her and pulled her away from Five. He swing her bridle style into his arms and carried her away from the hole to sit her down near where you had fallen asleep.

 

“You kriffing idiot. Look at your leg!” He chided. She grinned.

  
“I missed you too Six.”

 

Your heart made a jealous pang, you rolled your eyes at it and looked back at the hole where One was being pulled out. He didn’t look much better, he was covered in dirt and was bleeding above his right eye. He walked over towards you and grabbed at your shoulders shoving you backwards so he could take a good look at you in the dim light.

 

_“I felt you. You did well. I’m proud of you.”_ You blushed slightly and looked away from him. The others looked on curiously.

 

_“You both almost killed me.”_

 

_“You’re here though…not quite dead yet.”_ You could hear his amusement.

 

“We need to move back to the ship.” Ren finally spoke up.

 

One released your shoulders and patted your head softly. Agitation flitted across your face at his sudden touch. Six moved to brace Four but Five stepped in and shook his head.

 

“It’s a long walk back, let me carry her for now.” He said softly. Six nodded handing off Four to him.

  
“Thanks.” She said flatly.

 

It was indeed a long walk back to the ship, the sun had disappeared in the sky long before you even saw the carrier vessel. You were relieved to see it. Ren opened the cargo hold and allowed the rest of you to walk in. He hadn’t said much since you had resurfaced and his face seemed to be in a permeant scowl. Your eyes locked briefly as you walked in, you could sense his agitation and stress. You said nothing as you walked in and took a seat and strapped in. Ren moved to the cockpit and Ten followed. The others got situated, as Nine went to brace Four’s leg.

 

“It’s going to jar when we take off and land, prepare yourself.” She reminded her. Four nodded.

 

One sat next to you and buckled into his own seat, Five was already seated his arms crossed over his chest. Once Four and Six got seated the engines started to whirl. You closed your eyes, too tired for the anxiety that plagued you. Inwardly pushing it deep down, your hand went to your pouch and grabbed at the Kyber. Your finger wrapped around it and it came to life in your hand. You took comfort in the hum. You fell asleep with it clenched in your left hand.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Repressed

_______________________

 

You were being carried, strong arms wrapped around your frame, cradling you like you were the most fragile thing in the world. Your arms were clenched to your chest holding onto the kyber like it would dissipate into the air. Your head was resting against the broad chest of whoever was carrying you, your eyes still closed and half asleep. You groaned softly at the jostling movements of this person’s strides. You were too tired to open your eyes, too tired to even look into the force and feel the signature. You assumed it was Five carrying you, he was usually the one to carry you to your quarters.

 

You heard the doors to your quarters hiss open with compressed air and felt the softness of your bed. Your eyes fluttered open softly as he pulled your injured hand away from your chest. A droid beeped at the doorway, had it been following you back? You didn’t remember hearing it before in your half-awake state. You wanted to curl up and nestle into your bed but the hand of whoever carried you held you firmly in place.

  
“Hold still.” Your eyes flung open suddenly your vision blurring slightly as you tried to see if you heard the voice correctly. It was him. Why had he carried you to your room? Where was Five? You felt a sting on your hand and hissed resisting the urge to pull it back to you. His grip wouldn’t have allowed it anyway.

 “Where’s Five?” you mumbled your voice heavy with sleep.

 

“He’s carrying Four back to Med bay.” His deep voice vibrated in your ears.

 

“You could have woken me up, I could have walked.” You said as you felt another swipe of liquid across your hand, this time no burning you noticed. He did not reply for a moment, your eyes finally focusing enough to clearly see his face in a slight scowl. His jaw was flexing again. Always thinking about what to say next around you. You turned your head away and closed your eyes again sighing.

 

“I didn’t want to disturb you.” He finally admitted.

 

You could hear the medical cloth unrolling and feel it wrap around your hand over what you assumed was a swipe of bacta. Your chest moved slowly, you were relaxed, too tired to argue with him, too tired to question his actions. Your left hand flexed tightly around the Kyber, it hummed back at you.

 

“I didn’t think I was going to make it back out for a minute there.” You said softly. “I didn’t think they were going to make it out either.”

 

He stopped his motions, you could feel his gaze on you. You rolled your head to look back at him, your eyes heavily lidded with exhaustion.

 

“What happened?” He asked finally.

 

“It would be easier to show you…but I’m too tired right now.” You said.

 

He nodded, a soft smile budding in the corner of his full lips. You tried to ignore it, you didn’t like his satisfaction with you showing him things. Maybe you shouldn’t show him at all you mused as you closed your eyes once again and drifted off into sleep.

 

When you woke you were covered in your blankets, your shoes and armor effectively removed and sitting in the corner of the room. He had removed them while you slept, you didn’t like the idea of him touching you while you slept. It made you feel…uncomfortable. You winced as you shifted around in your bed, your body ached, your mind reminded you of yesterday’s mission.

 

You thought about the scenery of the mystery planet, and smiled. Snapping out of the thought as you rubbed your face with your injured hand, and feeling the dirt and grime all over your body you forced yourself out of bed and stumbled to the ‘fresher. Stripping of everything slowly and unbraiding your hair you stepped into the hot spray. Standing there you allowed the heat and pressure to penetrate your aching muscles. You rubbed at them vigorously as you washed every surface possible on your body. Rinsing off quickly and wrapping a towel around your body and hair you stepped out to get dressed. You needed to stretch horribly, the tight muscles would only get tighter if you didn’t.

 

You moved through your morning stretching routine when you heard a knock at the door. You were laying on the floor with your right leg pulled back towards your face while your left leg laid flat on the floor when you called out,

  
“Come in.” The door opened with a familiar hiss and Ren walked in, noticing you in your position he looked away. You rolled your eyes and continued with your other leg. He said nothing only looked around the room awkwardly. Why was he always so awkward? If any of the others had walked into the room they wouldn’t have even noticed what you were doing.

 

“Yes?” You asked pulling the limb back tighter and gritting your teeth, the muscles pulling painfully.

He cleared his throat, “Did you want to practice channeling before physical training?” he was looking down at the kyber on your nightstand while he spoke. You released your leg and rolled backwards and popped up from the floor to stand in one fluid motion.

 

“That’s fine.” You said flatly as you moved to put on your boots, sitting on the bed to make lacing them easier. His eyes moved to watch you. You glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. There goes that jaw again. He looked away again and back at the kyber. Your eyes flitted to the saber clipped on his belt.  It looked much different from the designs you had seen. There was a cross guard, you weren’t sure why, perhaps merely for looks, perhaps out of function?

 

“You will need to channel your being into this.” He said looking at the kyber. You raised your brow.

 

“So I have heard.” You mused. He turned to look back at you. “I don’t remember you having one when you arrived.” You pointed at his weapon clipped to his side. His finger subconsciously touched it.

 

“I’ve been working on it since I returned from retrieving my grandfather’s helmet.” He said not looking at your face but to your wet hair. You moved to the ‘fresher and started to brush out any knots preparing to braid it. He did not pursue you instead stayed where he was standing.

  
“It’s a very interesting design…not that I can say I have ever seen one in person.” You called from the ‘fresher. He hummed.

 

“Yes…it was necessary.” You walked out in the middle of weaving your hair,

  
“Why is that?” You asked. His brow furrowed as he looked up at you his mouth opening to speak but then closing, your fingers continued to work through your hair.  “Look, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. There are plenty of things I would not like to share with you either.” Your eyes closed briefly as he turned to look away from you.

  
“The kyber…it’s cracked.” He finally admitted. You tilted your head slightly as you banded the braid closed.

 

“Did you choose for it to be cracked?” He merely shrugged.

 

“You will need to choose what you want your kyber to affiliate with, it can change, but it will never be the same if you choose to bleed it. It will fight you.” You quirked an eyebrow.

  
“Bleed it?”

 

“Yes, imbue it with the dark side. You must force it, it will fight you, kyber is naturally aligned with the light.” He said flatly.

 

“Does it weaken it when you bleed it?”

 

“No.” He said this sternly. You stood awkwardly for a moment biting at your lower lip.

 

“We can go to the training room if you’d like?” You said finally. He only nodded and exited, you followed him to the room.

 

                Sitting across from each other he relaxed. You looked at him curiously as his eyes closed, dark lashed resting on his cheeks. You closed your own eyes and relaxed as well.

  
“I channeled it yesterday.” You said softly. You could feel his eyes on you now, you opened your own to return the gaze.

 

“Would you like to show me what happened yesterday?” He asked. Your mouth twisted into a frown as you thought. You really didn’t like sharing with him, the connection between the two of you felt strange, you sighed.

 

You had promised to show him yesterday you reminded yourself. He had been very truthful about things that obviously made him uncomfortable. You thought back on what Snoke said to you about questioning his judgement. Your frown deepened. You needed to assimilate with the others, they were already able to communicate without touch or a blinding headache you had noticed, thinking about how Ten suddenly moved up to the cockpit from his seat in the hanger, obviously Ren had been communicating with him, it was a whim, not planned out telling from Ten’s previous seating. You sighed.

  
“I guess.” You conceded. 

 

You stood and sat directly next to him at an angle so you could easily reach him without either of you being in awkward positions, though it was still awkward with the height difference. You raised a hand to his face, your middle finger on your left hand grazing his temple, his right hand followed suit, the electric jolt passing between the both of you. Warmth passing between the both of you, reassuring you, you opened the memory to him.

 

Once he had finished he pulled away mentally from you, his hand lingering for a moment, yours was already pulling away, he finally did the same. He was smirking, you took in every inch of his face, he was especially handsome when he made that face you mused, quickly regretting the passing thought and scowling at yourself. He didn’t seem to notice.

 

“I’m amazed that you fit through some of those spaces.” Was the first thing that he said, perhaps the source of his amusement?

 

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.” He chuckled at this, you furrowed your brows at his reaction.

 

“I guess not, you did very well, I’m content with your progress.” 

 

“I can only pull a few sources…I’m still…” you huffed, you hated to admit it but the other’s words came flitting back to you, “Scared…to push on the blocks.” He frowned momentarily.

 

“We will work on those together.” His dark eyes were searching your own.

 

You bit on your lower lip. You nodded. You hated to admit it, but you needed help, you didn’t want it, but you needed it before you snapped completely. “Would you like to work on one today?” He asked softly. You frowned this time. You weren’t quite sure you were ready to push at them just yet, but if not now than when?

 

“Yes.” You said equally as soft. He nodded, both of you resting your hand on the other’s face.

 

“Let’s go back to the altered memory that One was talking about. The one where you were out of the isolation room.”

 

“Okay.” You said taking a deep breath and sighing.

 

_The doors opened, light pouring into the dark room where you spent all of your time. Your eyes shut tightly at the brightness. Rough hands grabbed at your thin arms and yanked you out of the room. You fell forward but the hand that gripped you did not let you fall completely. Your knees grazed the floor momentarily. You winced. They forced you into a walk, shoving you into a large room, you didn’t hear anything when they shoved you inside but you felt anxiety coursing through you radiating from the room. There were children all around you, some older some younger, they were all thin, just as you were._

 

You could feel Ren wince at this. “They used to feed us small meals, enough to keep us alive.” You said softly. You felt him nod under your hand.

 

_Your eyes darted around the room, you were unsure of what you were meant to be doing. Everything was slightly distorted in your eyes. You backed into a corner away from the others. You were scared, fear radiated from you. Snoke’s voice softly whispered in your head, “It is fine child. You are here to merely observe your competition. They will falter. Do not waste your time on them.”_

“There. Do you hear it?” He said softly. You shook your head no.

 

“I only hear Snoke.”

 

“It’s under his voice, there’s a buzzing.”

 

“I’m sure it’s some sort of ambient noise, perhaps the lights?” You suggested softly.

 

“No. Go back, listen.” You delve back in and listen, there’s a buzzing, it’s faint, something shifts in your head. Pain. You winced.

  
“Relax, I’m pushing at something, undoing something.” He continues to push, it feels like a searing hot poker worming its way through your head. You grit your teeth, he can feel you tensing, his other hand comes up to your head finding purchase in your hair, his fingers gently caressing you. You fought the urge to pull away, your anger was rising as the pain intensified.

  
“Ren. Stop.” You seethed through clenched teeth.

 

“Just a bit more, focus.” His fingers didn’t stop caressing you. You knew what he was trying to do, trying to calm you like he had seen Twelve do, but you felt uncertainty at his touch, the pit of your stomach clenched tightly at the feel of his caress. You wanted to push him away, the pain was burning hot, tears seeped from the outer edges of your eyes as your face scrunched.

 

_“It is fine child. You are here to merely observe your competition. They will falter. Do not waste your time on them.”_

_You looked at the others from where you stood, they all stood alone as well not speaking. There was a sudden flickering in your vision, like images from a damaged holovideo, it flickered again, you were catching glimpses of something else, you pushed the memory back again focusing on the buzzing as it grew louder, overtaking what Snoke was whispering to you. The noise only grew louder. Piercing. You were shaking with pain as the images in your memory shifted, clearing into something you had never recalled seeing before. The others. They were speaking to each other. They were comforting each other. You were alone, huddled in the corner, watching them. They looked at you curiously. Some of them attempted to speak to you. You didn’t realize this, Snoke was too busy speaking to you. You felt kindness projecting from them under the uncertainty. You were one of them. You had been going through the same things as they had been going through. They just wanted you to join them. The buzzing stopped suddenly._

You fell backwards Ren’s grasp was so tight and focused that he followed you backwards crashing down onto you. His weight pushed the air out of your chest. Your eyes snapped open quickly, rimmed with red and projecting pain and sadness. You curled up into a ball, Ren scrambled off of you as you moved.

 

Your body was shaking as your hands flung to your head, fingers digging at your scalp, pushing your hair out of the braid in places. You cried silently. Ren watched you not quite sure what to do perhaps?

 

“I think that’s enough for today…I…I need to go.” You stood quickly and fled from the room not giving Ren anytime to protest.

 

You ran down the halls and out the front door and into the cold air. The falling stinging snow clinging to your exposed skin. You took a deep breath, letting the frigid air sear your lungs. You doubled over and vomited suddenly. Bile staining the snow. You shook violently but not from the cold. Your chest was pounding, your breathing erratic as you clinched your eyes closed tightly. You braced yourself on your knees trying to calm yourself. You weren’t sure why you were so shaken by the memory. You knew that it was altered. You realized deep down you still hadn’t believed it, you didn’t want to think that you were capable of doing something like that to yourself. Why would you? Your brows furrowed suddenly at a thought. Why would you alter that memory?

 

 You wouldn’t…but you had a sinking feeling of who would. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit it. You didn’t want to. You knew once you started that train of thought and made it to completion there was no coming back from it. Your jaw flexed suddenly and you stood up straight, anger begging to be released. You internally snapped at it, telling it you were in control, you stomped it down and it did as you told it. The little voice in your head wanted you to vocalize who had done that to you, but you pushed it back down as well. You weren’t ready. Not yet.  Another time you told both of these things.

 

 You moved with a purpose as you moved back into the Citadel. The doors flinging open with the Force, you slammed them shut as you moved back to the training room. You could still feel Ren in there as you flung the doors open. He was lifting weights on one of the weight benches but stopped immediately when you burst through the doors. A cold rage quaking through you. He stood quickly as you walked towards him. He was preparing to be attacked you noticed. You laughed. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

  
“Relax. I’m fine.” You said quickly. He didn’t relax though, only continued to eye you suspiciously. “We will do this again tomorrow and the next day and so on, until I remember everything.” You said sternly.

 

 He relaxed suddenly, perhaps realizing that you didn’t want to fight, that he was not going to be the focus of your rage, instead he was going to help you focus and hone it like a fine blade. He nodded and hummed slightly. You turned to leave, you had nothing more to say, he didn’t stop you or follow you. There was a burning blaze in your core, but it was not hot, it was icy and focused. You felt more in control of yourself than you ever had before. There was no doubt in your mind that you could master it, you could become a blaster bolt instead of an explosion.

 

****

 

 

You walked into Med bay and actively sought out Four, you wanted to check on her, but mostly you were curious about what happened. You found her laying in a bed with her leg braced and hanging. You could smell bacta, she looked dirty still, they probably only submerged the leg in bacta instead of her whole body.

 

“How are you?” You asked. She looked at you curiously for a moment.

 

“I’m fine. My leg is fucked for now, but it will heal they assure me.” She snarked. A small smile passed on your lips.

 

“I’m surprised Six isn’t hovering like a coddling mother.” You mused. She laughed.

 

“Well, he just left to get some sleep, you missed all the coddling.” You nodded and looked around the cold white room and subconsciously twitched your nose at the smell of bacta.

 

“Did you get your crystal?” You asked wanting to break the small silence that lingered in the air. She frowned deeply and looked at her leg.

 

“No. I dropped it when the collapse happened.” You frowned at this, you could feel her disappointment.

 

“I’m sorry.” You said softly as she sighed loudly.

 

“Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.” She mused. Your frown deepened.

 

“What happened exactly?” You asked suddenly, your curiosity was actively gnawing at you. She huffed again, her shoulders heaving upward as she crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“Ugh, I was such an idiot. I got over zealous, I could feel it, the humming was so loud. I just wanted to reach it you know. I…I uh, knocked the wall out too far. At first I thought it was fine, I waited before going through the wall, I didn’t even feel any impending danger…” She paused and licked her lips thoughtfully, her hand reaching to brush at the dried skin. “I was too distracted by the humming I guess. I had it in my hand damnit!” Her brows furrowed deeply, she was mad at herself, you would have been as well if your places had been reversed. You hummed, urging her to go on, the gnawing of your curiosity chittering away, begging for more.

 

“I was leaving and as I passed through the kriffing wall caved in, I didn’t even feel it shaking. I actually made it through without getting hit that time, but it was too late, other parts started to collapse as well. I didn’t realize that my leg was broken for a little bit, I figured I had twisted it when it got caught in the second collapse.” She leaned back onto the bed, you watched as her nostrils flare in agitation. “I don’t know how I was walking, I guess the adrenaline helped, I blacked out shortly after that. One found me and I guess used that fancy mind thing that Ren does and jolted me awake. When I came to I was in so much pain and the crystal was gone. I begged One to let me go back to get it. I could still hear it.” She looked down at her leg again. Shame.

 

“He didn’t let me obviously…the bastard.” She clenched her hands on the bed sheets. “Ren kept pining at us, wanted to know what was going on, One did all the talking…I couldn’t get past the pain to form a coherent thought.”

 

You looked away at the mention of Ren, wondering if they felt the same electricity when he made connection, you didn’t say anything fearing the answer. Your eyes went to Four’s ratted nest of chestnut colored hair, she really did look like shit you mused, a soft smile coming to your lips briefly. She didn’t notice.

 

“I assume One carried you back?”

  
“Yeah, some of the spots were really tight, he’s surprisingly very delicate when he uses the Force…can’t say I’ve ever been on the receiving end of that side of him before.” She mused.

 

You nodded, “I’m sure he was trying earnestly not to injure you further, did he know your leg was broken, it was so dark down there, I couldn’t see anything, I relied on the pull of the Force to guide me through.”

  
“It was no better on the other side, though there were small gaps in the ceiling at points, not enough to see well, just enough to remind us of how dark it was…” She laughed suddenly. “He grabbed at my leg trying to feel if it was broken, I screamed bloody murder and knocked him into a wall…apparently causing a rock to pelt him in the head. He was pissed.” Both of you laughed at this. She yawned.

 

“You should probably get some rest…” She nodded.

  
“Kriffing Six kept me awake with all his fussing and scolding. I swear that man is a nervous wreck half the damn time.” She pouted. You smiled.

 

“He means well.”

 

“Of course, he’s just so annoying sometimes.”You thought of Twelve, she used to fuss over you and annoy you too. A sliver of sadness stabbed at your chest.

 

“Don’t take it for granted.” You said suddenly, her eyes searched your face, feeling your sadness. She nodded, understanding where you were mentally.

 

“We all miss her.” She said suddenly, as if she was trying to validate you in some way. You didn’t want to talk about it, you never did, not when you were the cause of it. You sighed softly. She bit at her lip pulling at the dried skin and ripping it away.

 

“You need to drink more water.” You said at the prompting of her motions. She rolled her eyes,

  
“Okay _Six._ ” You shook your head a sad smile flitting across your lips.

 

“Get some rest.” You said as you turned and walked out.

 

You walked back to your quarters, suddenly tired enough to nap before group training. You moved into your room and looked at the kyber on the bedside table. Your hand wrapped around it and brought it up to your chest. You plopped into bed and set an alarm on the datapad. You didn’t want to miss sparring.

 

You stood in the sparring room with Six, who, dare you say looked worse than Four.

  
“Did you get any sleep?” You asked amused.

 

“No, the kriffing idiot kept me up all night, she was projecting horribly, and I kept trying to tune her out but…” he paused and blushed. You raised an eyebrow.

 

“But?” You smirked.

  
“Nothing…she just wouldn’t shut up.” He looked away from you and down at the floor. You rolled your eyes and shook your head.

 

“What are you two talking about?” Nine quipped as she walked into the room, her blonde hair made a striking contrast to her umber skin you, but you thought that every time you looked at her. She was striking to look at, you often snuck glances at her when she wasn’t looking.

 

“Six was just saying how Four kept him up all night.” You smirked as Six flushed.

 

“She was projecting.” He mumbled. Four knocked him on his shoulder playfully.

 

“Sureeee.” She chuckled and looked at you suddenly, “You ready?” She asked. You nodded. “I’m not gunna take it easy on you like everyone else does.” She smirked. You rolled your eyes.

 

“I’ll bite you just like I bit Ren if you keep up the shit talking.” You laughed. She shoved you playfully.

 

Both of you squared up on one of the side matt barefoot and ready to spar. You both were far more evenly matched, similar in height and weight though she favored a more head on approach with heavy punches where as you relied on quicker motions and kicking.

 

“No cheating.” She said as she bounced up and down warming up her muscles. You crossed your arm across your chest stretching out the sore muscles in your arm and shoulders.

 

“No promises.” You smirked as you released your arm and twisted to crack your spine.

 

“If I recall, I still beat you even with your dirty cheating ways.” She laughed as she shook out her legs.

 

“You and I have a different recollection of that fight.” You laughed.

 

“Just because you broke my hand doesn’t mean you won.” She smirked. You shrugged.

 

“Enough talking.”

 

Both of you were laying down on the matt huffing, bruises forming on your bodies, your injured hand was screaming in pain, your muscles were twitching from heavy use.

 

“I’m going to have to start training with Five more.” She panted. You forced a snort.

 

“You are more than welcomed to it, he hits a lot harder than you.” You laughed. “I’d like to see you take one of his punches to the face.”

 

“Your face looked like hell.” She laughed.

 

“So you all keep reminding me.” You stretched out further as a comfortable lull passed between the two of you.

 

“Are you two just going to lay there all day or are you going to come eat?” Ten called. You both rolled your heads to the side to look at each other.

  
“Shall we?” She said with a final huff. You shrugged and winced as you went to stand. You went and grabbed your boots deciding not to put them back on but instead to drop them off in your room. Your bare feet padded across the cold floor as you moved to the dining hall.

 

Ten pushed the mush around his plate and sighed. You chewed absent mindedly. The food never had a flavor, the others liked to reminisce about food from the before. You could already sense the conversation coming.

  
“I miss real food.” Ten pouted. Everyone collectively groaned.

 

“Not again.” You mumbled.

 

“How many times are you going to bring this up Ten?” One groaned.

 

“Until I eat real food again.” He mumbled. You rolled your eyes.

  
“At least we’re eating something. You remember what we ate when we first got here.” Nine locked eyes with you briefly, uncertain of how you would be affected by her comment. None of them knew the extent of your memory blocks.

 

_“It’s fine, I remember that.”_ She nodded.

 

“I wonder what Ren eats.” Ten mused as he slapped his spoon softly into the mush.

 

“Who cares.” You said flatly. Ten looked at you in annoyance, you were ruining his complaining.

 

“It doesn’t matter, not like he eats with us anyway, he always just goes back to his quarters after training.” One added.

 

“I wonder what he does in there.” Six mused. You took another bite of your food and chewed, your mind starting to wonder why you even wasted the effort on chewing.

 

“He probably just meditates or speaks to Supreme Leader.” Five said between chews. You watched his jaw flexing, and smiled at the fact that you weren’t the only one attempting to chew the mush like it was something worth chewing.

 

“Speaking of which, have any of you heard him…Snoke?” Six asked. Your eyes darted around the faces, no one wanted to say anything.

 

“Not for a while.” Nine fessed.

 

“He’s busy with his new apprentice.” You said bitterly. One shot you a look. You glared at him.

 

_“Careful.”_

_“He doesn’t care about us anymore, you know that as well as I do. We were just a means to an end.”_ You wanted to comment on the fact that your names were literally numbers and if that wasn’t a sign of his disinterest than you didn’t know what was, but you bit this comment back.

 

_“Just because he hasn’t actively been in contact does not mean that he isn’t listening.”_ Your eyes grew wide for a moment, he was right. You clamped your mind shut instantly. He nodded his head. You got up instantly and dumped your tray into the receptacle.

 

“Where is she going?” You could hear Ten ask as you walked out of the hall and moved back to your quarters.

 

                Your mind was in a slight panic. You had somehow managed to forget about Snoke’s ability to pry into every thought. How could you have forgotten? Your skin grew cold suddenly, he had to know what Ren had undone…helped you undo.

 

You gritted your teeth and cursed under your breath. Your anxiety was growing as you paced your room. He was probably displeased with you. The small voice in the back of your head added,

 

_“Or perhaps he doesn’t care.”_ You shook your head, no he cared, how could you be so foolish to think he didn’t care?

You recalled the soft caress of his being when you were a child. The feeling of comfort you had felt from it reeling through every thought. Snoke cared…didn’t he? Ren’s presence made no difference, you were here long before him, Snoke had taken care of you, fed you, clothed you and taught you.

 

_“And took you from your home and family, tortured you, **used** you.”_ You shook your head again.

 

“No.” You said softly. You couldn’t accept that. 

 

That voice, that pleading and small voice _was wrong_ you told yourself. What did it know? Absolutely nothing. Deep down, in the deepest of your being you knew that as much as you hated that small voice, that seemed to only rise at the worst of times, that it was right. You mentally pushed it deeper away from you, you couldn’t listen, not now, listening meant death and you didn’t want to die, not yet.

 

You couldn’t bear to stand in your room anymore, your body was buzzing with pent up emotion and anxiety. You needed to do something productive so you moved quickly out of your quarters and went to the training room to run laps around the large gym.

 

Your bare feet padded heavily as you pumped your arms, your blood pumping as hard as your legs, you ran until your body screamed at you. You slowed to a jog and then into a walk as you attempted to cool down from your running. You felt so pent up, more pent up than ever before. Something inside of you ached harshly, you needed to leave this place, you needed to do something else besides training. It was all you did lately, and your skills were growing, but you felt stagnant. Your mind was wondering far too much lately, and leading you to places you didn’t want to go.

 

“Are you okay?” You looked up to see Ren at the doorway.

 

You were hunched over, hands braced on your knees as you gathered your breath back with deep exhales and inhales, a futile attempt to calm yourself you mused. Your brows furrowed.

 

“I’m fine. Just…feeling…pent up.” He hummed and moved to walk closer to you.

  
“I understand, I’ve been feeling rather pent up myself.” He casually said as he looked around the training room. You stood straight, your hand going to the back of your neck to rub at the tense muscles. You closed your eyes relishing in the feeling.

 

“Can I ask you something?” He ceased his looking and turned his gaze to you, slight amusement on his face.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What are we doing?” He looked confused for a moment as you continued, “All this training, what are we to be used for by you…now that Snoke has gone and we are under your command? What is our purpose?” You wanted to ask about your purpose exclusively, what exactly were _you_ going to be used for, but thought better of it. He looked downward for a moment as if searching for the words as he often did when in your presence. There was a long pause between you, you weren’t sure if he was ever going to reply, you started to walk away.

 

“Our purpose is to bring balance and order to the galaxy.” He said it as if that explained everything. You wanted him to expand on the matter but didn’t press, perhaps he didn’t truly know himself.

 

You stopped your walking and looked over your shoulder, you blinked slowly as you eyed him, his head was turned away from you, looking off into the distance, perhaps in thought. You inhaled deeply and pressed out the breath softly through your lips. You had so many questions you wanted to ask in that moment. Why did you leave the Jedi? Why did you abandon everything to come to this sarlacc pit of a planet? What could have possibly been so terrible to tear you away from everyone you knew, your own mother, your uncle, your father, what happened to the man that was not Kylo Ren? You nodded suddenly and walked away. Perhaps in time you would find the answers to these questions.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Lattice

_________________________

 

Another month had passed, or so you had assumed, time was starting to run together as training seemed to be non-stop. You were bored and growing more and more agitated with your confinement on the planet. You had a taste of the outside when you went to claim your kyber crystal and it had ruined you. You wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of the sun on your face while the coldness pressed around you. You often meditated on the memory before sleeping, your hands clutched on the kyber, falling asleep with it pressed to your chest.

 

You still hadn’t figured out what you wanted to do with your kyber. Ren had been allowing both you time to contemplate and meditate on your choices. One seemed adamant on not bleeding his crystal, stating that it was perfect the way it was, there would be nothing to improve by bleeding it. You weren’t sure where you stood on the matter, you never quiet looked at yourself so introspectively as far as your standing went within the force. Your life was a life of duty, a mere weapon to be used for, as Ren had put it, “balance and order.” You wished that someone would just tell you what to do.

 

You tried to think about where you drew your strength from and from an outsider’s point of view they probably would have said anger point blank, but you knew that wasn’t entirely true. You were somewhere between, well that wasn’t entirely true either was it? You had killed maliciously, surely that would be a mar on your standing as far as the Force was concerned. Again, the wish for someone to just tell you what to do came to mind. You looked down at the crystal and sighed, glancing at the datapad for the time you realized that it was time for your weekly session with Ren.

 

You arrived early to the training room, Ren was not yet present, so you decided to sit and wait for him. You stretched as you sat, pulling on your leg muscles absentmindedly. He was now late. Perhaps something had come up. You leaned backward and laid down, your eyes staring at the ceiling. Things had been changing so quickly lately. Your relationship with the others had become much friendlier, you had started to open up to them more.

 

Your relationship with One had especially improved. The competition was still there, it would always be there, but Ren’s arrival had made it necessary to put that hate on the back-burner. You still hated One right? You searched down deeply but could not find the resentment that seemed to have been there since first meeting, instead a friendly warmth took its place. He had been nothing but caring since Ren’s arrival, protecting you in many ways, reminding you to be careful and to keep your defenses up when they slipped. You weren’t sure how to feel about the new friendship. It felt odd, especially without his constant mental assaults which were now replaced with tender prodding. You sighed. Things had changed. You had changed, softer now, more open to the others, more in control than ever. 

 

What would Snoke think of this change? Would he think you weak? You could feel the threads of attachment to these people growing, and Snoke had reminded you so many times of how these attachments could be a weakness. Even your relationship with Ren had been growing over the course of your sessions.

 

There was something about him that made you more open, perhaps it was his constant truthfulness. You wondered time to time if you truly trusted him, your connection was still forcefully strained, mostly on your part, you kept him blocked off mentally unless it was in regards to recovering bits of your memories. You wanted to be more open with him, you wanted to let him in fully, but you still held resentment about his sudden position within the group.

 

Though that wasn’t the only thing that nagged you about letting him fully in, there was something under every connection, something you couldn’t put into words, something so charged and electric that you were frightened of it. You often wondered if the others felt it, was it just something about him, or was it just with you. You never voiced these concerns with the others, too worried about what the answer would be. You definitely kept these feelings locked up tight when Ren was present in your mind for the short periods of time that he was there, not that he ever really prodded further, he was still trying to earn your trust you assumed. Why else would he not openly delve into your mind when you gave him the opportunity each time you connected? You could hear the doors open but you remained in your position, you knew it was him, you knew his Force signature well enough now to be able to openly track him throughout the Citadel and possibly the planet.

 

“Sorry about that.” He said taking a seat next to you. You waved the apology away.

 

“Not like I have anything better to be doing.” You mused. He hummed, a small smirk on his face. Your heart dropped momentarily at the sight, you returned to a sitting position at the sudden quickening. Suddenly feeling too exposed as heat went to the apple of your cheeks. You looked away from him until the blush subsided. He didn’t comment. The silence was making you uncomfortable, “Supreme Leader?”

 

“Yes, he wanted an update on everyone’s progress.” You bit at your lip, you wanted to ask more, you hadn’t felt Snoke in so long, you were starting to wonder if he ever really existed.  “You have no need to be concerned. Things are going smoothly.” You hummed.

 

“I haven’t felt his presence in so long…it concerns me.” You said softly.

 

“He is busy with other things, there is no reason to be concerned.” You frowned, not sure if he truly understood the absence.

 

“He speaks to you almost daily…it used to be the same for me.” He frowned this time.

 

“I understand all too well how you feel.” You turned to look at him, both of your eyes meeting briefly before he turned away. You wanted to ask him to explain but sensed that now was not the time. You bit at the inside of your cheek.

 

“It’s lonely sometimes…he’s been a constant in my head since I can remember.” His jaw flexed momentarily. You watched as he mulled over what he was going to say. “Why do you do that?” You asked. His brow furrowed and face scrunched.

 

“Do what?”

 

“You hesitate before speaking to me…I have not noticed you doing that as often with the others as you do when we are alone.” His jaw flexed again, deep in thought.

 

“I’m not sure what to say to you sometimes…I’m never sure how much to tell you.” You frowned. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s…it’s different with you than the others.” Your nose crinkled, not sure how to feel about the statement.

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

You sighed at his words. “Is it because I do not allow you to fully bond as the others have?”

 

“Perhaps….it…just feels differently with you than the others…” His mouth opened momentarily and then closed. He wanted to say more, but couldn’t bring himself to do so.

 

“It’s fine.” You muttered. “You don't have to explain further if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, remember, I told you not to feel pressured to share. There are things I don’t care share with you either.” He frowned again. You weren’t sure why, surely he understood what privacy meant and how somethings were best not shared.

 

“Is that why you do not allow the bond to form?”

 

“Yes, I take you do not like this?”

 

“I’m not sure. It would make things easier, but I’m not sure how you would affect me emotionally. The others speak of the strain of being connected to you at times.”

 

“Yes, One tells me often how tiring it is to be connected to me, they all keep me at a distance for their own sanity I assume.” You laughed. His head turned to you, the laugh causing slight confusion to glint in his eyes. “I know how tiring it is to be inside my head, I am there all the time.” You explained.

 

He nodded and smiled softly sending your heart sputtering momentarily. You chided yourself, the feeling was unsettling. “Well, shall we?” You asked attempting to distract yourself from your fluttering heartbeat. He nodded. “Would you like to try it without touching?” You asked.

 

“We can…if you would like?” You nodded, you weren’t sure if you could handle him touching you at the moment, the idea caused your stomach to knot and flutter. It made you disgusted.

 

“Okay, I’m ready.” You braced yourself for the pain that the bond would have easily erased. You could feel his mental tendril caressing the back of your mind as if asking permission to enter. You allowed its entrance, a dull thudding under the electric pulse that you had become accustomed to feeling when you connected mentally. You exhaled.

 

_“What would you like to work on today?” You flashed images of the backs of your legs, a lattice of scars banded over them in varying degrees of thickness._

_“I do not remember where these came from, just that they appeared after I arrived. I can assume that they are from some sort of torture, Four has ones very similar.”_

_“Do you remember what memory is directly after their appearance?”_

_“The first few exits of the isolation room, I was young still, I remember adults still having to be looked up at vaguely.”_

_“Okay, let’s work forward from the visitation center.”_

You could feel him practically carding through your memories as if they were neatly placed in a file drawer. There was pain but this could not be helped. He slowed, as he watched a few images flicker past, he was listening for the buzzing you realized.

 

                Blinding light, the buzzing grew louder, your brain screeched out as he worked through it.

 

_“This is going to be very painful, you’ve buried this much more than the past few.”_

_“I’ll be fine.”_

His mental prescience clawed hard as he attempted to undo the block. You could feel your face contort and your teeth grit. You exhaled deeply through your teeth. Images pulsed through your mind as he slowly knocked out the blocks, the buzzing growing progressively as it fought to maintain permanence. 

 

 _“There! Stop!”_ You mentally screeched as the images flittered across your eyes, the darkness of the isolation room where you spent most of your time being replaced with the brightness of electric light. The room was sterile, you stood in the center of the room, weighted objects littered the floor a voice you did not recognize spoke.

 

> _“Do it again, with object 25, 33, and 87.” You could feel the mental strain you had been feeling. They had been pushing at you to move these objects into patterns you recalled. You mentally tugged at the large weights, You lifted 25 easily, 33 caused you to strain making object 25 falter in the air, your teeth were gritted as you pulled the objects upward mentally._
> 
> _“Pick up 87.” The voice was flat with undertones of slight static._
> 
> _You faltered again sending 33 crashing to the floor with a loud metallic smack. You winced and fear rose up in your chest. You wondered for only a moment why you were so scared only to hear the door open. You turned abruptly your hands flying to cover your face, too mentally strained to push with the Force. The person had a blurred face._

_  
“I can’t see the face.”_

_“Try to concentrate on it, see if it gets clearer.”_

_You paused the memory and strained to look at the face, it was humanoid, but the blurring did not clear, you stared at it harder willing the face to clear but it would not budge._

_“It’s not helping.”_

_“You may have been too frightened to see clearly. Your fear is especially high during this memory.”_

You could feel the frown deepening on your face, the movement hurt your head, you consciously made an effort to relax your face.

> _The humanoid grabbed at your arm and yanked hard, pain shot through the socket of your arm, dislocated. You were dragged out of the room and into another room. You were panicked as this being dragged you down the hall. You could hear echoes of screaming and pleading._
> 
> _“Pleasseee, let me try again! I can do it! Don’t take me back there! Pleaseee!!!!!”Your voice was broken and small it reminded you of something but you couldn’t put your finger on it._
> 
> _They only continued to drag you, you tried to twist in their grip but the pain in your shoulder screamed for you to stop. They opened another door, the room looked similar, sterile and white, but unlike the other room there was an A-frame structure in the room, the sight of it made you flail again. You ignored the pain in your shoulder as you twisted wildly._
> 
> _“No!!! Let me go!!!! NO!!!!” Your shrilled screaming hurt your ears._
> 
> _The strong grip tightened as you tried to use your body weight to stop them from dragging you. They yanked at you again, jarring your arm even more, you could feel the loose muscles twist around the dislocated socket. You screamed again. Another person had stepped in the room to help strap you into the A-frame structure. You were bent at an ‘L’, head down rear exposed. You screamed again causing the lights to flicker wildly._
> 
> _The fear you felt was maddening. Nothing happened as you struggled to get out of the restraints, then a quick smack on the back of your thighs as pain seared through you. You screamed and clamped your eyes tightly shut. Another whack and tears were streaming down your cheeks. Your whole body was shaking as the pain thudded through you. Another smack and another scream, one of the fluorescent bulbs burst above you. The pain rolled through your whole body, your heart thudded in your small chest, you pleaded again for them to stop. They did not. You were greeted with another hard smack of the pole. You stopped screaming your throat was raw with over use, you whimpered softly as you wept. They removed the restraints and drug you out of the room._

You cut the memory and swiftly pushed Ren out of your head, slamming down the beskar wall you used to keep him out. This had become a common occurrence with your weekly sessions, he was prepared for a swift mental exit at any moment. Your eyes were still closed, you could feel the sweat on your brow, the pain in your head was hammering, a slight ring sounding in your ears. You exhaled.

 

Ren had learned to allow you to process these memories before speaking. He didn’t always stay to watch them, sometimes he only lingered mentally to help with any hidden blocks, this time he had stayed through the whole memory. You sat for a long time with your eyes still closed taking in all the new information. You had always thought that they had kept you in your room to train by yourself in the darkness, another false memory.

 

“Four showed you something like this didn’t she?” Your voice was small.

 

“Only glimpses. I never pressured to see the whole memory, she didn’t want to share it.”

 

“When One mentioned the torture, I thought he was only talking about the isolation…though I guess I knew deep down that those marks could have only resulted from an outside source. I’m not sure how to feel about seeing that.” You opened your eyes slowly, greeted by Ren’s face contorted with a scowl. “That’s not the last time, we went through torture training in my teens, I remember that though…it was never like that. That was punishment…for being weak. It clearly wasn’t the first time I had underperformed.” Your left hand went to the back of your neck and rubbed at the throbbing spot on the base of your skull, attempting to ease the headache that had formed from the connection. Ren said nothing.

 

“What’s wrong?” You asked suddenly. He didn’t respond for a moment.

 

“I’m not sure if that was the whole memory. There was more, but it was too scrambled for me to even attempt to undo.” You hummed.

 

“I think that was enough for the day. I need to reflect and speak to Four.” You said as you stood. He remained seated.

 

“Eight?” You paused and looked back at him.

 

“Yes?”

 

“If you need to speak about anything, you can speak to me…”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Your fear…was…very concerning.”

 

“I am not the same person in that memory, she’s long gone now.”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Starlight

________________________

 

You were once again staring at the kyber crystal, your reflection ongoing. The recovery of blocked memories had slowly been swaying you on your decision in regards to your crystal. You had said it yourself, you were no longer that helpless person you had been in the past. You were ever changing, adapting to the changes that were thrown at you. Your dreams had stopped, Snoke’s voice had been silent, you were in your head by yourself more than you ever had been before.

 

You were initially unsure about the loneliness, but the mental solitude had pushed you to form a closer bond with the others, which made things far more pleasant. Ren’s presence still bothered you, but it wasn’t so simple as jealousy or resentment, it was complicated. You enjoyed his company, you had shared your memories with him, which was more than you would have allowed in the past, the problem was that you enjoyed his company a little too much. You found yourself staring at him when he wasn’t looking. Your face blushing every time he smiled at you or laughed. It was concerning and made you feel disgusted with yourself. You knew what it was, but you didn’t have the courage to admit it to yourself.

 

You needed to either fully accept the emotions and attachment or squash it before it became too late. The others were starting to wonder when you were going to allow the same bond that you shared with them to happen with Ren. You never commented on it when asked. It wouldn’t have been the same, you knew this and to some extent Ren felt it too. Things would certainly be easier with the bond, but you didn’t know what would happen after it had been in place. Ren had already expressed his own concern over the shared connection.

 

But you had more pressing matters to consider at the moment. Figuring out your intent with the crystal needed to be resolved and quickly. Perhaps you should converse with One about it again. You sighed. No, you thought, this was something you needed to do for yourself. Perhaps leaving the crystal the way it was would be fine, that was going to be One’s choice, but you were not One, you lacked his confidence in the power of your own crystal. Bleeding your crystal would be making a strong commitment to the dark side. Ren had made the choice to do so. You admired his strong resolve, though you mused he had probably had another saber before this one. He was already well progressed in his Jedi training when he arrived. Old enough to possibly be considered as a Knight. You mentally chided yourself. Just make a damn choice! You took a deep breath, you knew what you should do, what Snoke would want you to do, what would make you stronger and more connected. Wouldn’t that be the best choice? You nodded your head. Yes. You huffed and looked at the crystal.

 

“I think I know what I’m going to do, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”  You whispered. It did not reply, you didn’t expect it to. You needed to ask Ren about what you were to do. The quicker you did this the less time you had to be indecisive. You mentally looked for him, he was in his quarters, you sent out a tendril in the Force. He allowed your entrance.

 

_“Yes?”_

_“I need to speak with you about something. Could you spare a moment?”_

_“Yes. Come to my quarters.”_ Your brows furrowed. You had never been there before and felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea. You sighed.

 

_“Now?”_

_“Yes, now is fine.”_

_“Okay.”_

You grabbed your crystal and walked out of your quarters. You followed his Force signature through the Citadel, leading you down winding stairs and hallways. You didn’t realize how far away from the rest of you he was. You stood in front of the blast doors and waited for him to allow your entrance. You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you waited. The door opened and you stepped in. The room was large, much larger than your own. There were separate living spaces you noticed. What could he possibly need all this room for you mused. He walked out of the bedroom and into the living space.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’ve decided what to do with my kyber, but I need your instruction.” He raised an eyebrow.

 

“So, you are going to bleed it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I’m surprised. I figured you would follow One’s lead and allow it to stay the way it is.”

 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a long while, weighing my options, I think it would be best for me to bleed it. I don’t exactly fall on any one side of the Force, though I do draw most of my strength from the dark side, to ignore that would feel wrong.” He nodded.

 

“We can do it today if you’d like?”

 

“That’s fine.” He nodded again and motioned for you to enter further into the living space. He sat on the couch and you sat on the floor across from him leaving a glass top coffee table between you.

 

“You will need to concentrate on your anger and channel it into the crystal. I told you before it will fight you, you mustn’t allow it to win. You are its master. You must bend it to your will.”  You nodded. It sounded simple enough. “Are you ready?” He asked. You nodded.

 

You entered into a meditative state, calming the anxiety that was currently plaguing you and focusing on the sea of anger that laid inside of you. Lately it had been calm, you needed it to rile up and force it to surge. You had been practicing this, focusing it into a beam instead of an explosion. You dug for the memories, finding them just out of focus in your mind’s eye. Images flashed in front of you, past pain, past anger, past sadness and weakness feeding the churning waves. You willed them to go higher. Urging the tempest to rise. You could feel it surging inside of you, begging to be released, you obliged, forcing the raw power into your hands.

  
“Put your hands above the crystal and project into it.” He instructed.

 

You did as he told you, hovering your hands above the crystal, you allowed the anger and frustration of the past to flow through you. It felt hot and wild as you projected it into the crystal, you thought for a moment that it would merely absorb the energy but you were immediately met with strong resistance. You could hear a small whine in the Force around you. You continued to push.

 

 Twelve’s face flashed in your mind’s eye. Her lifeless eyes…blood shot and bulging, color fading from her, you could see her sadness, you could feel it. In return your sadness grew and your anger struck the sadness down and absorbed it, transforming it. Absorbing it. The searing pain in your missing digit flared momentarily as a reminder of your self-inflicted amputation. A reminder of your weakness. You grew angry at yourself and pushed that energy into the crystal. The whine grew louder, it pushed back even more. You continued to push, you would bend it to your will just as you had bent your anger to your will. You would control it. You would master it.

 

 Images flashed in your head but you were not the one to bring them forth. The crystal was actively fighting you now, no longer merely resisting. Twelve’s fingers combed through your hair, her lips brushed your forehead, her long fingers wrapped loosely around your now missing digit. You pushed at these memories. You were the master of them. You had the soul power to conjure them, the crystal had no right. You pushed them away. The anger flaring at them, ready to join them to the already present inferno, flames consuming brittle wood.

 

You pushed harder at the crystal, the whine was deafening. Your teeth gritted at the sound. You remembered the searing pain from the metal pole striking your soft skin repeatedly. Punishment for your weakness. You were no longer that weak little girl. You pushed harder, you were stronger now, you fed on the pain. Feasting on the anger inside of you. All the suffering and injustices, kindling to the fire. More images of laughing with the others, time spent over lackluster meals, jokes and teasing, warm feelings of being loved and cared for.

 

The crystal was growing desperate in its plight. You were sweating and frustrated. Images of things you had never seen before began to flash. On a green planet, warm temperatures, surrounded by friends and loved ones. You faltered momentarily. An older woman looked at you kindly, the crystal whispered _mother_. You shook your head. Lies, you told yourself. If they had killed Twelve’s family they had surely killed your own. You pushed harder, you would not be fooled, you would not give in.

 

 How could you give into such fantasies, you had done so many horrible things, you had killed the one person who had taken care of you. You had betrayed her trust. You had taken her life in exchange for your own. Selfish self-preservation over riding all attachment. No, you would not give into these images and feelings. You could not betray the actions that had brought you here. You mentally gnashed at the images, the fire consuming them and burning it to cinders.

 

 _No_.

 

You put all your energy into your hands, the crystal cried. You kept pushing, unrelenting, you were a tempest, a molten river, you were a calamity, the chaos of a storm, raging and destroying, you would not be deterred. The crystal cried loudly but its strength was dying.

 

“Keep going.” He urged.

 

You nodded. You mentally yelled at it, gritting your teeth harder, you were the maw of a Loth-wolf, sharp teeth and strength. You snapped your mind at it, mental teeth interlocking together like a cage, mentally envisioning closing yourself around it. There was no escape.

 

 _"Bend."_ you commanded. The give was sudden, your anger flowing without resistance now. You channeled it into every molecule of the crystal. You were its master.

 

“Good. Almost done.”

 

You kept raging at it, giving it every bit of yourself, it would be a part of you now, forever an extension of yourself.

 

“It’s done.”

 

You opened your eyes and looked down at the crystal, you were visibly drained, as you gazed down, eyes heavily lidded at the now crimson crystal. You sighed in relief.

 

“It fought much harder than I initially thought it would.” You whispered.

 

“You did well.” You nodded, your head was dizzy with exhaustion, a slight sadness lingering in the back of your mind. The small voice in your head cried. You lacked the mental strength to push it away, you let it cry its tears. You wrapped your hands around the crystal, it hummed but the tune was different, you did not find comfort in its sound. Ren looked at you as you clutched the crystal, sadness playing heavily in your tired eyes now.

 

“Come.” He said standing.

 

You lifted your heavy body from the floor, bracing the coffee table for support. Your body was so weak, you didn’t realize how much energy it took to over-ride the crystal’s will. You swayed for a moment, Ren moved closer, prepared to catch you if you fell. You shook your head, you were no damsel in distress. You started to move towards the door, he caught your shoulder stopping you.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Back to my quarters.”

 

“Don’t be stupid. You won’t make it back in the state your in.” He pulled you, your body too weak to fight. He led you to the bedroom and ushered you to the bed, pulling the covers back for you to lay down. You hesitated. Discomfort flashing on your face. He sighed.

 

“Just lay in the kriffing bed, stop fighting me.” You nodded weakly and laid down. He went to your boots and removed them, setting them next to the bed, and moved the covers over you. Your eyes strained to stay open. His hand rested on the top of your head, “Sleep.” Darkness enveloped you.

 

 

>                 _There was darkness all around you. You could hear a calling, the same familiar voice that resided in your head. Small, frail, and soft. Pleading._
> 
> _“Join us. Please. Turn away before it’s too late.”_
> 
> _“I can’t.”_
> 
> _“Why?” The voice echoed._
> 
> _“Snoke.”_
> 
> _“He will fall.”_
> 
> _“No. You cannot say that for sure.”_
> 
> _“Balance will be restored.”_
> 
> _“Yes. I will have a hand in it.”_
> 
> _“Not if you continue this path. Not in the way you wish.”_
> 
> _“You will not break me.”_
> 
> _“We don’t want to break you…but he will.”_
> 
> _“Who?”_
> 
> _“You know who, he has been trying this entire time, we still remain.”_
> 
> _“Who is we?”_
> 
> _“The light.” The voice was stronger, it was your voice you realized._
> 
> _“I am no longer you. You died when we arrived here.”_
> 
> _“No, we are still here. She wouldn’t have wanted this.”_
> 
> _“She’s dead…at our hands.”_
> 
> _“No. You were just a tool, the hand that used you still uses you. We are still here. We will remain until you choose. Balance, she told you that. Do you not remember?”_
> 
> _“I don’t remember a great deal as I am finding out.”_
> 
> _“You do, it is there waiting for you to rediscover…” The voice paused. “You were not meant to be here.”_
> 
> _“But here I am all the same.”_
> 
> _“Yes, but you do not have to remain.”_
> 
> _“Neither do you.” You were growing angry at the voice, your own voice. “You are a weakness I cannot abide.”_
> 
> _“We will remain, you are not yet finished with us, we will wait. There will be great darkness, it will tempt you, you must not give in. You are on a slippery slope. He has yet to give in as well.”_
> 
> _“Who?”_
> 
> _“The boy. Ben. We are with him as well.”_
> 
> _“Ben?” Flashes of Ren’s face appeared in the darkness._
> 
> _“We are with the others too.” Their faces were flashing now._
> 
> _“Then go bother them, I don’t have time for this.”_
> 
> _“We are already with them, they are aware of us. You are not alone.”_
> 
> _You scoffed. This was growing tiresome. You mentally pushed at it, shoving the voice, your voice, away and back into the depths of your mind. It did not fight you._
> 
> _The darkness surrounded you for only a brief moment before cascading you into a dream. You were sitting on something warm, hands were around you. You felt so small, so fragile but complete. Her voice was humming in your ear. You closed your eyes._
> 
> _“Close your eyes, I’m here, I’m not leaving.”_
> 
> _A familiar voice, it was soft and caring. You could see hair a few shades darker than your own cascading around you through your eyelashes as you peered sleepily into the softly lit room. You closed your eyes. You could feel her move, shifting you into a cradling position._
> 
> _You opened your eyes and peered at the face that was above you. Her eyes were the same color as your own, they looked lovingly at you. Twelve’s face flashed briefly. You blinked sleepily. She pulled you tighter to her warm chest and kissed the crown of your head. She hummed again, a soft and slow tune, you could feel the vibration in your very core. Reminding you of something else that had shared the same hum, though you could not quite remember what that was at the moment._
> 
> _“Close your eyes Starlight, nothing will harm you. I am here.”_

Your eyes fluttered open slowly. You were curled into a ball in a strange bed your heart was racing. You could feel heat radiating from behind you. You did not turn to look but merely took comfort in it. You shivered under the thin sheet, something was moving more blankets towards you, you had apparently kicked these off in your sleep. The hand was pale and large as you saw it wrap the thicker comforter over you. Something clinched in your chest, your eyes fully opened suddenly, you should not be here. You shot up, twisting out of the blankets to stand but the hand grabbed at your arm and pulled you back down.

 

“Let me go.” You said softly.

 

“Go back to sleep.” His voice was deepened with exhaustion.

 

“I need to return to my quarters.” Your voice had a hint of urgency, he noticed this as he shifted in the bed. You noticed he was still fully clothed still, you sighed in relief.

 

“You were thrashing in your sleep. I could hear you from the couch.” Your eyes searched his face, confusion and indignation coming to the surface.

 

“You should have woken me. I would have left so you could rest.” His face was soft and relaxed.

 

“I didn’t…want you to leave.” Your heart panged and your stomach knotted at his words, disgust riling to squash these flitterings away. Your brow furrowed.

 

“This…this is not right.”

 

“Why not, you used to do this with Twelve did you not?”  You paused and looked away. He was right but at the same time this was so much more different. The feelings were different, they left you feeling confused and disgusted. You pulled your legs up towards your chest. He frowned at this motion. “You were projecting in your sleep.” He said it like it would magically fix or explain the situation further, this only made you scrunch your face further.

 

“I’m sorry. I will guard my thoughts more carefully.” Your voice was flat. He huffed.

 

“The woman, in your dream, was that your mother?” Your heart clenched. You knew the answer, you knew he did as well, he just wanted you to admit it. You pressed your lips into a thin line. You looked away from him, his hand reached towards your face, pulling your chin softly to look back at him. The familiar jolt passing between you as your skin touched. Your eyes remained downcast. You didn’t want to look at him

.

“I should go.” You whispered.

 

His hand pulled away from your face slowly, hesitantly, you glanced at him for a moment. His eyes looked sad you noticed. You hated it. You got up quickly, your resolve to leave was wavering, you tried to conjure up those familiar feelings of disgust to push you out of his quarters.

 

“She called you Starlight…my mother used to call me the same.”

 

The sadness in his voice pushed you to move faster. You grabbed your boots quickly and pushed out of the bedroom and past the couch in the living room, there were blankets and a pillow laying on the plush surface. He was sleeping out there. He should have stayed out here you told yourself angrily.

 

 You exited quickly and practically ran to your room, where you quickly sealed the door and leaned against the cold metal dropping your boots to the floor with a dull thud. Your chest was heaving. Too close. He was getting too close. You went to clutch at the crystal seeking some comfort, but quickly realized that in your hasty exit you had left it in Ren’s room. You swore softly, remembering that even if you had had the crystal there would be no comfort to be had at its touch anymore. The soft hum, the same hum you heard in your dream, was no longer present.

 

You moved to your bed and sat down, hanging your head to look at your hands. Your shoulders heaved as you exhaled heavily. You were so tired. You removed your clothing slowly as you remained seated on the bed, once they were removed you forced yourself to lay down, pulling the covers over you, you took slight comfort in their cold touch. Your eyes closed and you fell into a fitful sleep.

 

You awoke to the sound of knocking at your door. One pressed at you softly mentally. You connected.

  
_“Get dressed and come down to the training room.”_

_“What’s going on?”_ You asked confusion washing over your face as you kept your eyes clamped shut.

 

_“Just get dressed. Ren has summoned the both of us.”_

_“Just us?”_

_“Yes. Bring your crystal.”_ Your heart clenched in your chest. It was still in Ren’s quarters, One obviously did not know this, but it worried you all the same. You dressed quickly, forgoing a shower, you left your messy braid the way it was. Your mind was too preoccupied with anxiety. You walked out of your quarters to see One waiting in the hallway. He eyed you and frowned.

 

“You look like shit.” You looked down the hall towards the direction of the training room.

 

“I didn’t sleep very well.” You said flatly. He hummed and started to walk.

 

You followed behind. Both of you entered the training room to see Ren sitting out with a stack of old papers. You furrowed your brows at the sight of him. He did not look at you. Following One’s lead you took a seat across from him. Your eyes downcast, you bolstered your mental walls as you waited. Beskar clamping your mind away from prying minds. Ren continued to look through the papers, no one spoke. You frowned slightly. You were still tired, you were sure there were bags under your eyes.

 

“Since both of you have made your choices about your crystals, I wanted to allow you the chance to look over some schematics and choose which style would be best suited for you.” Ren said still looking through the pages.

 

He paused and glanced at you finally, sighing at the sight of your appearance. You could feel a soft caress at the back of your mind. He wanted to speak to you but you weren’t sure if you should. You pushed him away mentally. He looked away from you quickly and shifted his eyes back to the papers. “Since your retrieved your crystals I have been pouring over light saber designs that I feel would suit each of you individually based on the weapons you are already trained in and excel at. You don't have to use these designs...it is ultimately up to you to choose what is best.”

 

He handed each of you a stack, you were careful not to make contact with his skin as you took the papers from him. You stood with the stack in your hands and moved away from both of them and settled into a position further away, allowing yourself space to spread out the pages. You looked at the designs. Ren had marked several to signal what he would think would be better suited. You mulled over them carefully.

 

 You could hear One shuffling through his own papers. You sighed. There were so many choices, you started to pull several away and set them to the side. You had no interest in a staff, you had no interest in the pike either. You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. You looked at the curved hilts that were best suited for those that used for Form II, you moved that one to the side for a second glance. You continued to pour over the designs and intended uses, feeling slightly overwhelmed by all the information. You needed to do this in private, causing you to gather all of your papers and leave the training room. You could feel One prod at you mentally, you brushed him away as you moved further from the training room.

 

You walked back into your quarters and set the papers onto the small desk near the bookcase. You stood looking at them as frustration grew at your core. Why was this so difficult? Your head was swimming with exhaustion. Your hand went to your braid as you quickly pulled it apart. You ran your finger through your hair ruffling the roots with your fingertips. You groaned in annoyance and frustration. Why was nothing ever easy?

 

You huffed and moved into the ‘fresher and stripped your clothing. Turning the water to the hottest setting in the small shower and stepped inside, allowing the water to soak your body. The heat felt wonderful but was only serving to make you even more tired. You quickly washed and combed your hair as the conditioner soaked the shafts. You rinsed and wrapped your hair into a towel and then wrapped your body into another towel after patting dry. You walked back out into the room and looked at the papers again. You rested your hands on your hips and screwed up your face. You allowed your shoulders to droop, you needed to sleep. Perhaps that would make the choice easier. You dressed into your underclothing and then your tunic and leggings. You laid in bed and closed your eyes, your mind entering into a deep meditative state as you drifted off to sleep.

 

 

>                 _Your hand was gripped around a cylindrical object, light and easy to move. Your eyes focused on it, it was a hilt of a lightsaber you realized. You turned it in your hand, it was solid black and slightly curved, a thin deflector ring at the top. There was no toggle switch you noticed. You turned it in your hand mentally willing your energy to search through the internal components. Studying it carefully, slowly figuring out where the internal toggle was. You pushed at it mentally, the blade humming to life, the weight shifting slightly as the crimson light flared into a single solid beam. You moved your arms hesitantly adjusting to the weight. Your body hummed in tune with the saber._

Your eyes opened suddenly adjusting to the dim lighting in the room. You blinked several times, you had never had a dream like that before. You furrowed your brows. Everything about the imagined saber felt right.

 

You sat up suddenly and looked at the datapad to check the time. You’d been out for hours, the sun was already gone by this time and the others would have already of had dinner. You frowned, you should have set an alarm. You laid back down willing the hunger pangs to subside.  You closed your eyes once again and tried to find a comfortable position, quickly realizing that the towel was still wrapped around your head you pulled it off and flung it to the floor.

 

You rolled over to face the wall, the loose waves of your long hair wrapping around you awkwardly. You pulled them away from you in a huff. There was a knock at the door, Ren. You rolled your eyes and lifted your hand over your shoulder to force the door open. He walked in without so much as a word, you didn’t roll over to look at him, you didn’t want to speak.

 

“You left this.” You could hear him placing the crystal onto the bedside table.

 

“Thanks.” You mumbled. He lingered for a moment, your stomach growled again. You sighed annoyed with the noise.

 

“Did you not eat?”

 

“No, I was too busy sleeping.” You mumbled. He huffed.

 

“You should take better care of yourself.” You waved a hand at him dismissively. You could still feel him hovering at the bedside table. You glanced over your shoulder to look at him.

  
“Anything else?” You asked. You could see his jaw flexing, his lips pinched into a thin line.

 

“Get up.” He said sternly.

 

“Why?”

 

“You need to eat.”

 

“I’m fine. Not the first time I’ve gone to bed hungry, you know that.” You shot back at him.

 

“Eight. Get up and come eat. There is no sense in this.” You huffed, your stomach growling almost in agreeance with his words. You rolled your eyes at the noise. You sat up and pulled the covers off and eased yourself off of the bed.

 

“Fine, if it’ll make you leave me alone…” He said nothing to your comment only looked at you confusingly.

 

He turned abruptly, taking it as a signal to follow him you padded barefoot through the halls and down to the dining hall. There was no one present and the room was dark. He flicked the lights on using the Force and you followed him into the kitchen. He moved through the area as he searched for something. You moved behind him and went to a large cabinet and opened it, he stopped and turned to look at you. You pulled out a meal bar and closed the door. He frowned at the sight of the bar. You opened the package and took a bite. It tasted slightly like what you imagined wood would taste like. Pulpy and dry. You chewed it without much thought.

 

“Are you really going to eat that?” he asked. You shrugged.

 

“Its food isn’t it?” He frowned.

 

“Not something I would eat.”

 

“Well, I don’t know what you’ve been eating, but everything tastes the same, this was just quicker.”

 

“Not that.” He made a face of disgust at the sight of you taking another bite of the bar. You shrugged again. He sighed. You finished off the bar and crumpled the packaging in your hand.

 

“Happy?”

 

“Not really.”  He mumbled.

 

“You’ll live.” He smirked. Your stomach fluttered at the sight. You stood awkwardly as you looked away from him.

 

“Have you made a choice about your saber?” He asked breaking the awkwardness.

 

“I have an idea, I’m not sure what materials yet, but I have a design in mind.” He nodded.

  
“We can gather whatever materials you may need. The First Order has vast resources.” You nodded this time.

 

“Are we done here?” You suddenly asked, not quite comfortable being in his presence alone after the other night. He looked away from you and sighed softly.

 

“You’re so infuriating.” He said quietly causing your face to contort into confusion. “Why do you keep shutting me out? You’re so hot and cold.” You bit at your lower lip, not quite sure how to respond to his words.

 

“You know how I feel about attachment.” You whispered.

 

“You’ve had attachments before…what are you so worried about?” Your face darkened.

 

“You saw what happened to the last attachment I had…I would like to avoid living through that again.” His hands clenched at his side.

 

“She made you weak.” He said angrily. Your jaw set suddenly, your teeth clenching.

 

“I know this.” You said through gritted teeth. “It would be no different with you.” You couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of your mouth. You flushed and looked away. Ren said nothing only looked at you. “I know you feel it too, it’s different between us.” You whispered turning your head to look at him. He was blushing now but did not move to look away and instead moved closer to you.

 

His hand reaching towards your head, you did not flinch or pull away as his hand cupped the back of your head tenderly. You looked up at him searching his eyes for the implications of this contact as the electric jolt passed through the both of you. You allowed a breath to pass between your parted lips, your heart raced in your chest, your stomach fluttered, you were desperately trying to remember the feeling of disgust but could not find it.

 

“Stop resisting it.” He said softly. You shook your head out of his hand and found the strength to move away from him breaking the spell he cast on you with his touch.

 

“I can’t…we can’t.” You said suddenly. You left him to stand in the kitchen alone as you returned to your quarters. Your mind was buzzing with conflicting feelings. You willed them to go away but they only pushed at you harder.

 

“Kriffing hell.” You swore. “This has to stop.” You found the disgust you were looking for, you could not become attached to him. You could not bond with him. You could not allow yourself to be weakened by him. A thought passed in the back of your mind, perhaps that’s what he was trying to do? Make you weak. Make you into a liability to be terminated. Your anger flared. You allowed it to further your resolve. You would not bend to his will, nor would you allow him to break you. The small voice in your head whispered,

 

_“You are already broken.”_


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned in the first chapter how sometimes you have to make pushes at the story...well here's that push.  
> I attempted to make this as organic as possible. I didn't want to rush into this and I'm still not quite happy with this chapter, I've tried rewriting it but it would only push back further chapters and cause a huge mess to what I've already written. I apologize.
> 
> Also...the formatting on this one is super wonky....I'm too lazy to fix it. My bad.  
> \-----------------------  
> Months have passed since the kitchen fiasco, Eight and Ren have been at slight odds with each other. Tensions grow between the two.

Chapter 13

Bond

________________________

 

You had worked for months on assembling and amassing the pieces to your saber. Phrik and other metals were compounded to create the shell of your hilt. It was light and lightsaber resistant. The internal workings of the saber had also been collected and meditated on as instructed by Ren. Today was the day to finally connect all the pieces. Ren had already walked both of you through the correct way to assemble each corresponding saber. You had studied the procedure over and over again. Any incorrect placement or connection could prove fatal once the saber was turned on.

 

You were nervous but determined to do this on your own. You sat watching as One assembled his own saber. He floated the pieces in the air, ready to fully assemble each piece inside of the hilt. Ren sat across from the both of you, watching as One went through the process. He guided the pieces one by one inside, you could see the amount of concentration on his face as he finessed wires and circuits to their proper positions. You meditated as you half watched, gathering the energy to finally complete the months long process.

 

Once One had finally completed his saber, Ren inspected it and instructed him to stand and toggle it on. One moved away from where you and Ren still sat and toggled the switch with his mind. You both had practiced the toggling with Ren for days now. He wanted to be sure the both of you would be able to do it effectively and efficiently. Glaring blue light emitted from the blade, the cerulean color was beautiful, causing you to wonder about what yours would have looked like if you hadn’t of bleed it. A grin spread to One’s lips.

 

“It’s a lot heavier than I imagined.” He said as he slowly moved the weapon in his hands. Ren nodded.

 

“It will be even heavier when clashing with another saber.” He stated flatly. You looked down at the laid out components of your saber. Ren’s eyes shifted to look at you, you could feel his gaze on you. Things had been distant between the two of you since the incident in the kitchen. You no longer met for memory sessions, you had begun to work on those by yourself now. He had been disappointed by this sudden change but did not press the matter. He knew why.

 

“Are you ready?” He asked. You nodded at him. “Just like we discussed.” He said in reassurance.

 

You took a breath and raised your right hand, applying the Force to the objects in front of you causing them to align in the air. You carefully slid the pieces together, your concentration acutely focused on each individual piece and its placement. Your eyes closed softly as you mentally pictured each piece sliding into place, your crystal nestled onto the primary crystal mount, you moved to connect the power cell and the power field conductor and so on. Once finished, you opened your eyes and looked at your saber as you slowly returned it to the floor in front of you. Ren reached out a hand to inspect the assembly and nodded. He placed it into your open palm.

 

One had moved to the side and was now watching. You could feel nervous energy flowing through you. You cleared your mind and drew on the internal ocean of anger with in you, drawing from it strength and purpose. You toggled the switch as you clutched the hilt like you would your practice sword. The weight was just as you imagined as the crimson blade emitted and hummed. You moved it in your hands, nervous of moving it too zealously, you needed to acclimate to the weight still. 

 

“How does it feel?”

 

“Perfect.” You muttered. Ren nodded.

 

“You will need to adjust your blade length to where it feels natural.” He said to both of you. You had discussed this earlier when initially putting the internal components together.

 

“For training purposes you will need to adjust your blade power. We will use a lower setting until you are both ready to use it at full power.” You both nodded, you mentally turned the small knob on the hilt. One followed your lead.

 

You moved your blade in a more purposeful motion, and stepped into your practice routine you initially used when first training with a sword. Ren stood and watched the both of you and nodded.

 

“I trust the both of you can handle yourselves and not injure each other?”

 

You furrowed your brows and twisted your lips into a slight sneer. Did he think you both to be children? He noticed your look and smirked. This face no longer affected you the way it once had a few weeks ago, you were slowly mastering how to ignore the fluttering in your stomach.

 

“Right. I have other matters to attend. We will pick up again tomorrow with the others.” He said as he moved to walk out of the training area. You rolled your eyes as he walked out. One watched your face curiously.

 

“He’s been awful moody lately.” He said. You shrugged. One frowned at your expression. “You’ve been rather weird yourself.” He continued. You rolled your eyes and continued through your motions. “What’s going on between the two of you?” he asked finally. You stopped and looked at him, familiar flashings of anger in your eyes. He shook his head taking your reaction as a sign to drop the subject. You went back to your motions, One followed in step.

 

The others had joined in the training room to watch you both practice with the sabers. Four was actively walking again, you could see the jealousy in her eyes as she watched both of you move with your sabers. You looked at her, your eyes locking,

 

 _“Would you like to try?”_ You mentally asked. Her face lit up as she nodded.

 

You deactivated the saber and handed it to her. She held it in her hands, testing the weight and feel of the hilt. She turned it over and over looking for something, you realized she was searching for a way to turn it on. You smiled.

  
“You have to switch the eternal toggle with the Force.” She looked at you confused. “Just try it.” You said reassuringly. You could see her face furrow with slight concentration as she mentally searched for the toggle. Her brow only creased further.

  
“It won’t turn on.” She said with a pout. Your brow furrowed. One stepped over to the two of you, deactivating his own saber as he approached.

 

“Here, try mine…Eight…has to draw on her anger to activate her blade.” He said as he held out his saber for Four to grab.

 

 She handed yours back to you and took One’s into her hand. She nodded as she found the toggle. You both moved away from her as she activated it. Her face looked like a child who had just gotten the best present. She moved it around slowly in her hand.

“It’s so much heavier than I thought it would be!” One chuckled at her comment.

  
“I said the same thing!” You smiled at the both of them, Five’s hand clamped down softly onto your shoulder. You turned to look at him.

 

“Could I try?” He asked. Your face flashed surprise.

 

 Five had told you that he didn’t feel a need for one, but you did not want to deny him the opportunity to try. You nodded and passed him the hilt. He studied it briefly and his face scrunched slightly. You stepped away. The blade activated suddenly causing you to smile. He twirled it in his hand for a moment and deactivated it, passing it back to you.

 

“I stand by what I said. I’ll take the vibro mace gratefully any day.” You smiled at his words. “It’s very interesting though, I can feel your anger when using it, does that have to do with what you did to the crystal?” You nodded.

 

“It’s in every piece of the saber, Ren made us meditate over each part, channeling ourselves into them.” Five nodded and smirked.

 

“I wasn’t surprised to see your choice of action with the crystal. You rely on your anger far more than any of us do.” He mused. You smirked momentarily, you could see the others trying out One’s saber in the background.

 

“Come now Five, we both know you are no stranger to the dark side either.” He smirked as he turned to watch the others.

 

“Yes, but it is always a last resort, your anger is a part of you, a part of your very core.” Your lips pinched, your mind thinking back to the dreams you had in Ren’s quarters. You hummed. “Do not be offended. You are strong with the Force, you will do well on the battlefield.” Your brows scrunched. Neither of you had been in a real battle, you weren’t exactly sure where these musings were coming from. “I have seen it.” He said flatly as he felt your confusion in the Force. You studied his face as he turned to look at you.

 

“Should I ask?”

 

“If you’d like, but Snoke has told me that these visions can at times be misleading, only possibilities of the future.” He paused. “I have no doubt at your success though.” You nodded and looked back to watch the others.

 

Once everyone had gotten a turn at the sabers you all moved to the dining hall to eat lunch. Everyone chittered with excitement, even you joined in on the conversation more than usual, though no one commented.

 

“Hey you know what we haven’t done in a while?” Ten’s eyes were twinkling with excitement.

 

“I’m scared to ask.” Six muttered, Four sent a soft elbow to his side, he huffed softly.

 

“Go on Ten.” Four urged.

 

“Well, you remember when we used to do One verses All?!” You all exchanged looks.

 

 It had been so long since you had done the exercise. The last time was Five verses the collective and it did not turn out pretty. It had originally started out as a game, something to pass the time that the instructors deemed acceptable, but as everyone’s strength grew it was less of a game and more of an all-out battle.

 

“Ten, don’t be a kriffing idiot.” Nine scowled at him, Ten looked visibly wounded.

 

“I’m not! Come on, you guys remember how much fun it used to be?!”

  
“I remember Five breaking my nose.” Six muttered. Five looked slightly downward at the mention of the incident.

 

“I don’t think it would be wise.” You stated flatly. One crossed his arms, a slight smirk coming to his lips. You turned to look at him your brow raised.

 

“You know who has never played?” You suddenly frowned realizing where he was going with his train of thought.

  
“No.” You said sternly.

  
“Oh come on! It’d be fun!” One leaned across the table to look at you better.

 

“What?” Ten asked excitedly.

 

“He wants Ren to play.” You said shifting your eyes to Ten. Ten’s face lit up. You shook your head cursing mentally at One for bringing up the idea. You searched the faces of the others, they all looked to be considering it. “Oh come on, you guys can’t be serious. Six, you remember your nose, it’ll be worse with Ren. No offense Five.” He shrugged.

 

“I don’t know, I’d like to spar with him again, he kicked all of our asses when he got here, I’m curious to see where we would stand with him now.” You huffed.

  
“Four, talk him out of it.” She looked down slightly, your eyes lit up with shock. “Come on Four, you know this is a bad idea.”

 

“I don’t know, I think it kind of does sound like fun. When was the last time we had fun?” her cheeks grew rosy, perhaps embarrassment of her own admission.

 

“He wouldn’t agree to it anyway.” You stated firmly, sure that this would finally settle the argument.

 

“I’m already speaking with him, he’s agreed to it after he finishes what he’s doing.” One said happily. Your face dead panned. You mentally cursed Ren. He had no idea what he was getting into. Your shoulders scrunched as you huffed.

 

“I have a very bad feeling about this.” You whispered. Five clamped a hand on your shoulder and shook you playfully.

 

“It’ll be fun. Don’t over think it Eight.” He said with forced cheer. You shook your head. This was going to be such a bad idea.

 

It was a horrible idea you deemed as all of you collectively moved outside. Ren deemed the training room too small for the activity, for once you didn’t want to go outside, you didn’t want to join in on what they kept telling you would be “fun.” You wanted to practice with your saber and be left alone for the rest of the day. You huffed as Ren lead the group away from the Citadel, you could see the puffs of water vapor escape your mouth, you noticed that for once it wasn’t actively snowing. This couldn’t be a good sign. Ren stopped when he deemed it far enough away from the large sprawling building, forcing the rest of you to stop as well.

 

“I’ve only agreed to do this because I’m pleased with your progress so far and you could all use a reward for your hard work.”

 

You knew that wasn’t why he had agreed to do this. One had told you a few days ago that he could hear slashing and crashing near Snoke’s projection room, and upon further investigation the hall had long gouges from Ren’s saber clashing into the rock. Ren was frustrated, why you did not know, but he needed to vent his anger and this was the prefect outlet. You shook your head knowingly, the others beamed stupidly at his words.

 

All of you had fully geared up into your armor at the insistence of Ren. The light pauldrons that covered your shoulders and neck pinched at the synth-leather underneath. You adjusted it again, causing the connecting rerembrace and vambraces to move in conjunction, everything was custom fitted down to your clawed gauntlets, the left hand missing a digit. The others had their own armor, different to your own. Some wore more others less. You had never put it all on since it was initially fitted, light to allow precise and swift movements, but strong enough to deflect blaster fire and blunt weaponry. You left the cloak in your room, finding it cumbersome and annoying. You wrapped your braid around your neck and fastened it tightly. You did not want to be grabbed by your hair in this fight. You decided that you would not press him unless he was pressing at you. You wanted no part of this little game. Ren moved further away from the group, his shoulders looked wider in the armor, he looked more menacing, all of you did. This was by design you mused. You moved to the back of the current formation. You noticed Six was standing near you. You shook your head. He wanted this as much as the others why was he back here?

“I changed my mind.” He whispered. You shot him a look.

 

“It’s a little late for that now.” You snapped.

  
“I can feel the anger rolling off of him…it…it reminds me of Snoke.” He continued to whisper. Your eyes narrowed as you too felt out in the Force, it was heavy and oppressive, meant to intimidate. It was working.  You shook your head.

“Pay it no mind, it is merely an intimidation tactic.” You said sternly, your eyes locking on to Ren.

“When you’re ready.” Ren said flatly. Everyone was nodding around you. One stood at the center front of the formation, Five and Nine on his flanks, the muscles of the group. It was possibly a smart move, hoping to overcome Ren with brute strength and causing him to tire out quickly, but it could also backfire, he could take them out quickly, leaving the rest of you open to the brutal force of his attacks. You huffed.

 _”NOW!”_ One projected. He fell back as Five moved forward, Nine circled around, the others moved around Ren, circling him stupidly. You stayed where you stood originally, you knew he was going to pulse the force outward and wanted to be out of the way. The others were too concerned with simply beating the shit out of him to fully strategize. You were disappointed with them.

 Sure enough the pulse shot around, the others flinched and braced at the sudden push, you moved backwards giving more distance between you and the group. Ren was too preoccupied with Four and Five’s double teaming to notice you starting to walk back to the Citadel.  You were going to head back to the training room, you didn’t care about any of this. You suddenly froze in your tracks. You huffed annoyed by the sudden pause.

_“Where are you going?!”_

_“I told you I wanted no part in this One.”_

_“We are a team, you will do your part.”_ You sighed. He was right of course, you needed to be a part of the team, you were being selfish you realized. He released his hold on you as Ren knocked him backwards into the snow. You turned sharply to see Four and Ten scrambling from the snow back towards a moving Ren. He was moving towards you. You sighed and moved towards him to meet him half way.

“You do not want to join the others?” he asked as you both met, the others had gathered back behind him, strategizing finally. 

“No. This is stupid.” His jaw set suddenly.

  
“You will join your team Eight. That is your duty.” He said sternly. Your jaw flexed this time. “I have allowed you many concessions, but this will not be one of them.” Your eyes flashed in anger. He had _allowed_ you concessions? What choice had you had in any of this? This was not your idea of a fun time, you had actively argued against this foolish game. You pushed at him, your hand suddenly flinging forward, he braced against your sudden push, only sliding back a few inches. 

“You want to play a game, go play with them. I will wait.” You said moving around him as he watched you move towards the others.  You moved into their huddle, One grinned at you. You rolled your eyes.

 _“What’s your plan?”_ you asked.

_“We’re just gunna go all out on him. Five and Nine will distract him with physical attacks, Four, Ten, and Six will be close behind, and you and I will push at him with everything we got. He can’t win.”_

You shook your head. _“Fine.”_

“Are you done?” Ren asked cockily. One nodded. “Fine. Proceed.” He readied his stance. Nine and Five immediately ran at him, Five charging like a raging animal, Nine joining in to tackle Ren to the ground. Ren pushed at them with the Force, stalling them both as they raged against his attack. His body moving swiftly and resolute. Power behind every movement. Nine and Five struggled to keep up on the onslaught. 

_“NOW!”_ One broadcasted as Six, Four, and Ten swooped in on him, causing him to decide between fending off their physical attacks and stopping Nine and Five from pommeling him into the snow. Six’s hands made contact with his body, as Four and Ten piled on top of him. Ren went down into the snow. There was a scrambling of movements, Five and Nine waited for an opportunity to jump in as Ren fought off the other three. You shook your head as one nudged you with his elbow.

“All of you are just going to piss him off.”

“No way he’s going to over-power all of us.”

“You need to think about this like you’re fight with me. You’re only feeding his anger.” One frowned.

“We’ll be fine. You couldn’t take all of us on either.” You shook your head.

“I’m not saying I could, I’m merely pointing out that you’re only going to succeed in pissing him off and one of you is going to get hurt in the process.” One smirked.

“It’ll be worth it to win.”

Sure enough Ten and Four went flying away from the dog-pile, both colliding with the cold frozen ground with huffs, the softer layers of snow flying into the air in a cloud. Five and Nine took this opportunity to join in as Six held on as he and Ren wrestled for control of the grapple.

“Consider me your last line of defense. I will not be joining in until I am needed.” You said flatly. One nodded.

“It won’t come to that, though I was sure once we started you would relish in the opportunity to fight.” You frowned and snapped your head away from the scuffle in front of you to look at One.

“Not like this, this is futile on both parts.” You said flatly.

“Why is that?”

“There is nothing to win from this. If we win, it just proves that Ren isn’t as strong as he thinks. If Ren wins, it means we have much more work to do, either way there will be injury.” He mulled over your words and sighed.

“You take the fun out of everything, you know that.” You turned your head back to watch the fight once more, One moved away from you suddenly, he flung his hand out as Ren moved to stand, everyone was panting you noticed, though no one had received serious injury so far. Four moved to stand beside you, holding onto her middle. You eyed her and then turned away.

“Are you calling it a quits?” You asked. She laughed

“Yeah, I really don’t want to be out of commission again. I just came back.” You nodded.

“Smart girl.”

“Are you not going to join?” She asked.

“Not unless I have to, I’m sure all of you can handle it.” She hummed in response. Ren pushed at everyone once again, you could see the agitation in his face, not taking kindly to everyone jumping in at him all at once. They were ready for the push this time, bracing themselves with the concentrated Force in their feet, they pushed back all at once sending Ren flinging backwards into the snow. One walked towards him and concentrated on holding him down with the Force, the others joined. You could hear Ren straining, feel it in the Force. Six faltered backwards but regained footing quickly and pressed on.

“Looks like we won.” She said with a small smile.

“So it does.” Suddenly the others all stepped away having effectively pinned Ren into submission with their combined Force powers. Ren rose slowly, you walked over to join the group and paused as the others regained their breaths. Your face was once again a stone mask. Ren eyed you, you could see the remaining frustration still there. You blinked slowly, signaling that you did not care. Your eyes shifted to the others, panting and battered. Nine was spitting out blood you noticed, a bruise forming on her umber skin.

“I think you kicked out a tooth.” She said moving her tongue in her mouth to check. Ren hummed, satisfied with the injury.

“My kriffing nose is broken again.” Six said with a wince. Four rested her hand on the back of his head and ushered him back to the Citadel. You could already imagine the argument they were having mentally with each other. You cast your eye to Five who looked only bruised and swollen in places. Ten held his hand to his chest, broken you mused. One was visibly tired and only a little bruised. Ren looked like relatively fine though his lip was busted and bleeding slightly.

The others filed back inside to tend to their injuries, leaving you and Ren standing in the snow glaring at one another. The tension was palpable.

“You are not satisfied.” You finally stated.

“No.”

“I can see the frustration in your eyes.”  His jaw flexed in further frustration at your observation. You smirked for a moment, taking joy in his reflex. You moved to leave but he grabbed your shoulder spinning you around to face him. Your face snapping back into the stone mask. His leaned down, his eyes searching your own, you blinked passively. His hand rose to your face, but froze before making contact. You did not flinch away instead you stood your ground. What was he looking for you wondered. Your expression softened for a moment. He wanted to touch you, he wanted shared contact, something you had been denying him since his urging for you to allow yourself to make the connection to him.

“Don’t.” He huffed, frustration turning to sadness in his eyes at your denial.

“Don’t you trust me?” Your face scrunched at his question.

“I do.” 

“Then why do you still resist?”

“You know why. Why do you persist?” His hand lowered for a moment only to finally make contact with your face. It was a tender touch, the gloves he wore did not allow skin contact, but the electricity was still there. He leaned in closer, his face was close enough to feel the brush of his nose on your own. You were mentally screaming at yourself to move way, but you were frozen. His eyes searched your own, asking for permission, your eyes betrayed you.

 

His lips brushed softly against your own, your heart stopped as the electricity passed between the two of you more strongly than ever before. You could feel all blocks beginning to dissolve, beskar melting way to nothingness as he deepened the kiss, you greeted him with your own efforts. Your body betraying you as you mentally raged. All mental alarms sounding, the walls came crashing down, your mind dangerously exposed for the first time. His lips were tender despite the blood, his fingers found their way into your hair as he pulled you closer, your own hands coming to rest on his chest as he engulfed you mentally and physically. Your mental alarms screaming at the contact and growing connection. You could feel every ounce of his frustration, his wanting and needing, everything, both of your emotions feeding off of each other. He could feel your panic now and suddenly pulled away. You were breathless, your eyes wide, at the sudden openness between the both of you. All blocks washed away like an old seawall to the ocean.

 

 _“I’m sorry.”_ The ease of his mental intrusion shocked you. Your brows furrowed and your eyes flitted across his face in confusion and panic.

 

 _“What have you done?”_ You mentally screeched at him. He winced as you attempted to throw up your walls.

 

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done.”

 

“No!” Your chest rose in panic, his arms wrapped around you holding you firmly, you raged against him, pushing him mentally, he did not budge. “Let me go! Now!” You screamed, your arms firmly pinned to your body.

 

You could feel the calmness he mentally pushed at you. There was no pain, there was nothing there anymore to protect you from him, you were completely exposed now. Tears of anger welled up in your eyes, your teeth gritted, and your body jolted. You pushed him again with the Force but he already knew what you were trying to do, he was ready for it. You fell to the snow on your knees, he joined you, you cried angrily, your chest heaving as you sobbed. His hands found their way to your hair as you continued to sob. His touch was calming, but you fought it.

 

“Please. Stop fighting it…stop fighting me. I’m only trying to help.”

 

“You’ve ruined me…” You stammered through sobs. He pulled you away from him, his hands firmly on your shoulders as he peered into your eyes.

 

“No. You are not ruined. Don’t you understand?” Your body wracked with another sob. He sighed. “This connection, will only strengthen you…It will strengthen me.” You paused and looked at him your eyes red and swollen. “I will not fail you as Twelve did.” He finally said.

                His words cut you deep. Your anger flashing suddenly, you flung him away from you, he looked at you in shock. You were seething, he could feel all of it, he could feel where his words had cut you suddenly. You shivered and stood, he followed suit but remained standing allowing you to exit. Giving you the space he knew you needed.

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

You didn’t respond and only miserably failed to throw up your walls again, you could still feel him there. You hated it. The openness left you feeling sick to your stomach, this wasn’t the same bond that you shared with the others. This was much different. There was no telling where Ren ended and you started. Both of you mentally merging into one cohesive emotionally charged mess. You could feel his confusion, his aggression and sadness and in turn he could feel your disgust, panic and anger. You felt betrayed, your trust in him completely broken. No amount of apologizing could fix it. There had to be a way to break it. You searched desperately for the answer as you moved into your quarters, not caring that he knew what you were doing.

 

You stood in your room and shook violently, not finding any other solution besides out right killing him. You clenched your teeth in frustration, Snoke would be most displeased if you killed him, it was not an option. Suddenly cold and calculated rage filled you. You needed to speak with Snoke immediately. You turned abruptly and tore out of your room, sudden determination filling you, you could feel Ren’s sudden panic.

 

_“Don’t.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“Eight. Don’t.”_

_“Fuck off Ren.”_

He was moving towards you to cut you off before you could reach the projection room, you only moved faster. You were running down the winding halls now, your boots making dull and quick thuds as you ran. You could hear the echo of another set of boots at the opposite end of the hall. Your legs kicked harder trying to reach the door before he could stop you, you could see him now running just as hard. His arm flinging outward to pause you, you fought against it, your wills clashing hard, shoving him backward.

 

His fear was feeding you and your anger in turn feeding him. His large gait provided him with the upper hand. You stopped pushing at him as he stopped in front of you, barring you from passing as he spread his stance outward. You saw the opening between his legs and ran full speed, falling into a slide to pass between his legs. He tried feebly to catch you before you passed, his hand grabbing at air as you slid behind him. You scrambled upward as quickly as you could, he turned and grabbed at you, grabbing at your booted foot.  He yanked hard sending you off balance once again, you stumbled but caught yourself, you could feel him pressing to freeze you again, your feet slowing almost immediately.

 

You gnashed your teeth, pushing at him angrily, both of your emotions causing conflict to rise in each other. You turned suddenly in attack, jumping into a spinning kick, his arms flung upward to block the kick, his stance widening to brace for the force behind it. You landed and turned for another kick from the opposite direction, his arms remained braced. He was not fighting back you realized. You stopped suddenly, panting slightly. His arms lowered and he looked at you cautiously, prepared to block another attack if you chose to do so.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you, just listen to me before you go in there.” Your eyes narrowed, but the constant emotional conflict made you want to listen.  He sighed. “Supreme Leader must not know about this.”

 

“And why is that!?” You snapped.

“Because he will not understand!” He yelled. Kriff you didn’t even understand, his fear was rising, there was a sense of urgency under it, panic and desperation. You tried to push those feelings away, they crept forward wrapping around you, putting you in a vice grip.

 

“Stop it!” You screamed. “This is wrong and you know it. You had _no_ right!” He deflated slightly as you continued your verbal assault. “You knew my wishes on the matter and you selfishly ignored them. How can I trust you?!” You seethed, betrayal squashing down his projected emotions.

 

“I couldn’t fight it anymore. I tried...fuck I tried, but I couldn’t resist anymore. The pull...it was driving me mad.” He whispered, you could feel his defeat. You had broken him, the bond had crushed his will, and you were now right there with him. Equally as broken. "I didn't know that...that this would be the result. I had just assumed that it would be the same with the others...that perhaps those concerns and worries were nothing." He looked at you, his eyes pleading for you to understand. 

 

“You’re a weak fool Ren. You have put us both in danger!”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re _sorry_?! SORRY?! I have NEVER had a choice in any matter concerning my life…you took away my choice in the matter completely.” He looked at the floor, trying to avoid the betrayal in your eyes, you could feel his remorse. “Pathetic.” You hissed, your voice dripping with venom. “I will not suffer your weakness. I will figure out a way to break this bond. Mark my words. I will be rid of you one way or another, even if I have to kill you, I will suffer the consequences for my freedom from you.”

 

 His jaw tightened, sudden resolve in his face, perhaps feeling your own resolve flow through him. He stepped towards you, confidence and power in his movements as he hovered over you, forcing you to look upward to make eye contact. His eyes narrowed as you both stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

“You will do no such thing.” His voice was firm no longer full of remorse, his hand went to your chin, pinching your face tightly as he lowered his face towards your own. You could feel his breath on your face. A shiver rolled through your spine, the electric pulse causing a quickening in your heart.  “I can feel everything you’re feeling, you cannot hide anything from me any longer. You are _mine_ as much as I am _yours._ This _will_ only serve to strengthen the both of us, you were the fool for denying it. Any fight against the bond will only weaken you, look at what Twelve has left in her wake. You know destruction of the bond would only further weaken you." He paused as you snarled at him, your fingers digging into his gloves as you tried to pry his fingers from your face. "Stay away from Snoke, I will handle this. I will never allow myself to burden you. I promise.” Your eyes narrowed.

 

“You promise?” You laughed. “Worthless, empty promises. It’s only a matter of time Ren, one of us will falter…” He cut you off quickly,

  
“And the other will be there to bolster their resolve, it is a two way street Eight, you do your part and I will do mine. I know you see the sense in this, just like you saw the sense in controlling your emotions, you are not stupid.”

 

He waan't entirely wrong. This could be used to your advantage, but you had your doubts, he did too, you knew it. Snoke would find out one way or another. He always did.  He released your chin and stood up straight. You wiped away at the place where he gripped, disgusted with his touch. He frowned as his emotions competed with your own. He had not meant to be so forceful but he saw no other way to make you listen. A jolt of regret running through you passing through the mental link that now bound you together; your upper lip snarled softly.

 

“Don’t touch me again. This connection…is not an excuse for you to touch me as you please. You want to keep this connection? Fine, but there needs to be rules.” His brow raised.

  
“Such as?”

 

“Keep your emotions to yourself as much as possible. Don’t touch me without asking. This needs to remain as professional as possible. You will treat me no different from the others.” He stared at you, you could feel his apprehension, he wanted to touch you, he wanted to share his emotions with you, he didn’t want it to be professional. “Agree or I will turn around and walk right into that room and inform Snoke of everything.” His jaw flexed, he was not happy, this was not going the way he wanted.

 

“Fine, but under one condition.”

 

“No. You may have no concessions.”

 

“Why not?!” He snarled. You could feel his flash of annoyance course through you.

 

“You made this mess, now deal with the repercussions.” His Adam’s apple bobbed sensing your finality on the subject. He nodded.  “Good, now move out of my way.” He paused for a moment, tempted to not move at all, you shot him a glare, he moved out of your way. You passed him without any resistance and went back to your quarters.

 

You stood in the middle of your room as your shoulders heaved. Your mind was buzzing with anger and fear. Snoke would know. How could he not know? If and when he did find out, what would he do? Would he kill you, would he kill Ren? You chewed violently at your bottom lip, ripping at dry skin as you mulled over the possibilities. If he killed Ren...you would be free from him, but in turn there would be another gaping hole within you. Weakening you. There had to be another way to break the bond. There had to be.

 

Until you could figure out a way to break it, you needed to learn how to block Ren out once again. You could feel his presence in your mind, though he did not comment on your thoughts. He didn’t need to. He had been clear on his stance on it. This was meant to strengthen you? You scoffed at the idea. No this was meant to strengthen him. 

 

He had already admitted that his connection to the dark side was weak. He needed his grandfather’s helmet to keep the connection. Drawing strength from the object. You were only another object to be used. Always the tool for whatever master you served. You gritted your teeth as anger welled inside of you. Your hands clenching tightly, metal claws of your gauntlets digging into the pliable synth-leather of the glove. You wanted to snap, to feel the release of destruction, but you thought better of it. What would it do in the long run? _Nothing._ It was only a quick fix.

 

You forced yourself to return to a calm state. The effort causing your body to stiffen and muscles to tighten in resistance. You didn’t care. Your body had already betrayed you, sending off signals that you were not prepared to send. You relished in the tightness and the pain as your muscles quaked with strain. Fighting your mental will to push back at the anger. Your body. The constant tool; eager to be used. The perfect channel for the churning waves that surged deep within.

 

You forced yourself to sit on the cold stone floor of your quarters. Your mind screaming at your body for calm. You needed to meditate. You needed to rebuild and restructure your walls. Ren’s lips and the passing electricity had forced the beskar to melt away. Too much raw energy in the connection to keep him at bay.

 

You would rebuild. You had no other choice but to lock him and the bond away deep within your mind. If you could manage to keep the others at a distance and the others with you, then you could do so with Ren. You closed your eyes and began to mentally build your walls once again. Layer by layer. He would not win.

 

You were _not his_ and he was _not yours_.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Turn the Page

\------------------------

 

You stood in the training room, One across from you, both of you had your sabers out and ignited. You glared at him from across the space between you, his eyes mimicking your own.

 

“You ready?” He asked.

 

                You nodded. He charged at you as you danced out of his way, twirling to face his backside, he halted and turned quickly to meet your incoming blow. The resistance at the clashing of your sabers was still taking time to get used to. You both grunted as the sabers clung to each other, you pushed down and away, trying to break the contact, he used the opposite direct to keep the contact. A smile coming to his face.

  
“You almost got me with that.”  You scoffed at him,

 

“Almost is not good enough.” You pushed him backwards with the Force, he was too distracted by the weight of the clashing sabers to steady his feet. He stumbled backwards. You moved in to strike at him, he rolled out of the way, careful to keep his own saber from burning him.

 

“You’re getting better at evading me.” You commented. He laughed.

  
“I was tired of getting burned.” You smiled, the red glare of your saber making your face into something menacing.

 

“You never were the best at sword play.” You snarked.

 

“Keep talking trash Eight and I’ll show you how good I’ve gotten.” A smirk now playing on his face.

 

You charged at him going for his long legs as you slid across the matt on your knees. He jumped just in time to avoid a full on hit though you still managed to graze his legs as he pulled them upward. You could feel Ren’s approval as he watched from the sidelines. Your annoyance rising at the feeling. You rolled away and popped back up to face One again. Both of you squaring up to start again. You attacked first, going in for a quick strike at his side, he narrowly dodged, curving his spine to avoid the blow. He was awkward with the sword, his movements too self-conscious, like he was afraid to make a mistake. You on the other hand had no fear of being burned by your own blade or his, no you had control of your movements, you may not be the strongest when it came to physically fighting fist to fist, but you practiced daily to be efficient with a sword and all that hard work was now paying off.

 

One moved away from you once again, waiting for another quick attack from you. Instead you stood at rest, waiting for him to come at you. He shook his head.

 

“Not falling for that.”

 

“Are you scared I’m going to burn you again?” A wicked smile playing across your face.

 

The power you felt when you used your saber was almost intoxicating. You felt powerful and strong, like nothing could touch you. You raised your hand to tug at his saber, shaking it in his hand for a moment before he steadied himself. He scowled at you, you laughed.

 

“Both of you stop playing around.” Ren commanded.

 

 At Ren’s words One bolstered his confidence, searching in the Force for the courage he was suddenly lacking from your assault. You were getting good at intimating him, slowly creeping under his skin and causing him to falter. 

 

He ran at you once again, you parried him, and spun to catch his blade as he swung in quick procession at your head, his long leg hooking around your own, causing you to fall, he swung down at you as you rolled away from him. You scrambled upward and re-squared.  You smiled at him,

 

_“Almost.”_

_“Almost isn’t good enough”_

His voice was more resolute in your head, he was slowly finding his confidence. You nodded at him as you did a small pace looking for a way to make contact, he stood still this time, calmer than before. Good. You suddenly snapped your footing, pivoting to run past him, twisting your spine like a Loth-cat, your legs twisting as you kicked at his head, he ducked as your blade followed with your movements, you landed and continued your assault, a flurrying of movements as you both swung your sabers at each other. He glanced his blade on your cheek, the burn seared, your anger flashed quickly throughout your body, flames coming to consume the pain.

 

You went harder, now wielding your sword in less of a flourished style and more along the lines of animalistic power movements. Hacking at him and pushing him back, he twisted around you trying to escape your fury. You perused him, your shoulders heaved, you knew this was Ren’s style of fighting, you could feel the connection broadcasting these movements to you, as if he were guiding you. You suddenly stopped, not happy with his extra help. One took the moment to come at you and slashed at your shoulder, catching you at the socket, you winced at the pain and quickly moved out of the way.

 

 _“Stop helping. I can do this on my own without your help.”_ You could mentally feel Ren huff.

 

One continued his assault, you returned to your fluid movements, Ren’s projection now gone, sealed behind the wall you had carefully constructed for his containment. One met every one of your blows with his blade, you were actively flustered with Ren’s intrusions, you were distracted. Your anger flared upward, begging to be fed or released. You pushed it back into its cage telling it to behave like you would a pet.

 

There was no need to release it here, you were in no danger, this was merely practice. You refocused your efforts, aiming for his long legs, causing him to focus his efforts lower at a more uncomfortable angle. You swiped at him once again, his blade coming to block, your leg swung upward as you pivoted on your planted foot, your raised foot smacked hard into his face. He stumbled back and blinked the pain away. You spun in quick procession, your blade tucked close as you jumped upward slashing at his shoulder with intent to drag the blade diagonally down his core. He went to a knee to fend off the attack, your blades humming heavily at the contact.

 

You pushed downward, he leaned back trying to push you away. You pushed on him with the Force as he did the same. Your leg lifted as you spun around him, he bent at an odd angle to fend you off, you sent a swift downward kick to his chest, causing him to smack onto the matt on his back, his legs bent under him. An awkward angle for someone who wasn’t flexible. Your saber went to his throat he relented. Both of you were huffing, you helped him stand.

 

“Getting better.” You said with a smile. He smiled back.

 

“Yeah, well you’d think I’d be better by now.” You shrugged.

 

“It’s never been your forte, you’ve made pretty good progress for the amount of time we’ve been practicing.” He nodded in agreeance. You had forgotten Ren was watching for a brief moment.

 

“Very good the both of you.” Ren approached. You moved subtly away from his close proximity, you could feel his displeasure at this, you didn’t care. He knew the rules. One looked between the two of you, his eyebrow cocked slightly. He knew something was going on between the two of you, but wasn’t quite sure what exactly. You cleared your throat,

 

“Are we done for the day?” You asked suddenly, trying to break the tension. Ren nodded.

 

_“Stop making things so awkward.”_

_“I’m not.”_

_“You have a tendency to stand too close_ , _mind your space.”_ He mentally sighed.

You rolled your eyes and walked out of the training room and back to your quarters. Your shoulder and cheek were on fire, you needed to tend to the burns or you would have even more scars on your body. You stepped into your quarters and pulled your tunic off, glancing at the burn to the cloth, you sighed softly as you threw the shirt to the corner of the room where a cleaning droid would come to pick it up. You moved to the bathroom and unhinged the mirror to get into the cabinet behind it. You pulled out the first aid kit and closed it back. You pulled a small swab of prepackaged bacta out and ran it over the burn on your shoulder and cheek.

 

The smell was strong causing your nose to wrinkle. You tossed the swab into the trashcan and moved to replace the kit back into the cabinet, glancing at yourself in the mirror. Soft impressions of circles under your eyes, you rubbed at them briefly, shaking your head and walking back out of the refresher. You walked to the wardrobe and pulled out a fresh top and put it on. You stood for a minute not sure what you were to do now.

 

Subconsciously you could feel Ren’s movements throughout the Citadel. He was pacing in his quarters, in a small room, you could feel him conversing with something, his annoyance was clear. You shook your head and pulled away. He was doing well at keeping most of his emotions away from you, but sometimes they still came through even with the containment wall you had so carefully constructed. It couldn’t be helped you assumed, it still annoyed you all the same. You had enough of your own emotional issues to deal with, you didn’t want anymore. You grabbed your datapad to look at the time, it was almost dinner time and you didn’t need Ren finding you and berating you for missing another meal. You decided to go and join the others.

 

Dinner was normal. Same tasteless mush, same conversations passing between the others. You were feeling the familiar boredom and need to escape your daily routine as you usually did when the day was winding down. You didn’t like the down time in between training, the restlessness was maddening. Your mind began wondering through the images of the unknown planet. You sank into the memory as the others talked. You could feel Ren’s presence in the back of your mind, you pushed him further back, like you did with the small voice that sometimes plagued you when it found it convenient.

 

You hadn’t heard from the voice in a while now, you weren’t sure how to feel about that. Everything had been quiet except for Ren’s impeding emotions and thoughts. Your brow furrowed as you thought back to the dream you had in Ren’s room. The light, it told you to be cautious, perhaps you were fulfilling what it wanted? Maybe that was why you hadn’t heard it in a while?

 

 _“What voice?”_ Ren’s voice reverberated through your head.

 

_“Don’t concern yourself with it. It has nothing to do with you.”_

_“What does it sound like?”_ He pressed, ignoring your request to drop it.

 

 _“You’ve heard it before, it speaks to you as well.”_ He was searching through your memories of the voice, you shook your head and stood from the table, dropping your tray off and moving towards his quarters. Down the winding halls and stairways you stood in front of his door, giving him the curtesy to open the door when he was ready.

 

The door flung open and you stepped inside. You weren’t exactly sure why you had come here, you hadn’t been in his quarters since you woke up in his bed after exhausting yourself by bleeding your crystal. Something was nagging at you to go to him; more than likely his own wishes being subtly broadcasted to you. He moved out of a back room, the small room he had been pacing in and speaking to something in. You moved to sit on the floor, his displeasure at you wanting to put distance between the two of you was evident as he plopped onto the couch.

 

“Well?” you asked.

 

“How long has the voice been there?” He asked concern on his face.

 

“A while now…it comes and goes as it pleases.” He hummed. “It tells me things sometimes. You’ve heard it, it told me that you have.” His brows furrowed.

 

“Yes, it sounds differently to me, but yes.” He paused.

 

“You don’t want me to listen to it correct?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“But you have not talked to any of the others about not listening to it? It speaks to them as well.”

 

“It is different with the others.”

 

“Because they are not connected as you and I are?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I see. I will be careful not to listen to it then.” He nodded. “Who have you been speaking to?” You suddenly asked, your curiosity getting the better of you. He tensed up suddenly, a slight flush coming to his face. A flash of embarrassment. You felt it creep up your face as well. You pushed the feeling away. “Why are you embarrassed?” He looked away from you. You rolled your eyes, “I’ll just listen next time.” You said flatly.

 

He huffed, “My grandfather.” Your face scrunched. He was speaking to the mask?

 

“Does he speak back?”

 

“Not exactly, it’s more of a feeling.”

 

“What do you speak about?”

 

“Nothing to concern yourself with.”

 

“If it regards you, I am concerned.” He knew the only reason for your concern was because of the bond. Both of your moods affected you much more than either were willing to admit.

 

“Don’t be.” Agitation flashing between the two of you briefly.

 

 Your eyes narrowed. You were growing tired of this dance, him keeping things away from you, you keeping them away from him, sometimes you just wanted to give fully into the bond, allowing each of you to consume each other entirely. You sighed.

 

“Fine.” The sudden thought of giving into the bond made you internally cringe. You needed to maintain control of the situation not allow it to overtake. You would be giving him everything that he wanted. That was not an option. He could sense your flittering moods and frowned.

 

“It’s private, it is nothing against you Eight.” You flicked your hand dismissively.

 

“I understand.” The constant flip and flop of your moods was starting to annoy you. Sometimes you wondered if you really did have as much control over the bond as you thought.  His eyes searched your face as you stared blankly at the wall behind him. Your upper lip twitched in annoyance. You huffed and stood to leave.

 

“You’re leaving?”

 

“Yes. There is nothing more to speak about.” He frowned, he didn’t want you to leave. You walked past the couch and back to the doorway. His voice made you pause as he spoke to you,

 

“Once you and One have worked more on your saber skills The Supreme Leader has a task for all of us to complete.” You hummed. “I can feel your restlessness, I just thought you would like to know.”

 

“I see. Are you going to tell me what it is that we are to be doing on this task?” He hesitated, you could feel his want to tell you but also his hesitation at what the mission involved and how you would take it.

 

“We must destroy the Jedi Academy…they must all perish.” You turned and looked at him, moving back to the couch and taking a seat next to him. His head turning to look at you, curious at your sudden nearness.

 

“And how do you feel about this? You must have a connection to these people. You spent a great deal of time there.” He paused, jaw flexing subtly. All the questions you had been wanting to ask since his arrival were suddenly trying to flurry from your mouth.

 

“I’m not sure. I know it is my duty and that it is necessary. But…”

 

“You are conflicted. Is that what you speak to your grandfather about?” He nodded defeated by his own admission.  Your eyes locked briefly, he looked away. “I am a weapon, I have resigned to my fate and you must do the same.” Your words came out void of emotion, a rehearsed line.

 

“Is that all you really think of yourself?”

 

“It is what I must think of myself. I am expendable just as any of us are. Even you.” He turned to look at you, his eyes searching your own, his hands gripped at the cloth of his pants. He wanted to touch you and comfort you, you did not want his comfort or his pity, and he knew this. “If we do not function as intended then we are of no use to the First Order or Supreme Leader.” You added, trying to get your point across. You were all only cogs in a great machine, if broken you could be replaced. He frowned. You tilted your head slightly confused by his reaction. Did he not realize this? Did he not even think that there was a possibility of being replaced? Did he think he was special and important enough to not even warrant the thought?

 

“I do not see it that way.” He finally stated.

 

“What? Our station in this eventual war or how I view it?”

 

“Both.” You smirked sadly.

 

“You are a child, you’ll find out eventually, anyone can be replaced.” His brows furrowed deeply, jaw set rigidly, clearly not happy with being called a child.

 

“I am no child.”

 

“You hope like one. You have yet to get your hands bloody.”

 

“You have no idea what I have done.”

 

“That may be true, but I know you have never killed. It leaves a stain, readable to anyone who has committed the act. I didn’t know of its existence until…” You sighed. “Until I killed Twelve. I can see it in the face of Five, I can see it in my own face now.” You turned to look at the floor, your eyes threatening to spill tears. You pulled them back. The tears were pointless, there was no taking back your actions, there were no do-overs.

 

You reminded yourself that it was between your survival and her own, you or her, you told yourself that she understood that. She did not fight you. She allowed you to end her, ensuring your own survival. Her sacrifice to you, for you. You sighed. “We did not choose you to be our leader, Supreme Leader made the choice, he sees something in you, do not disappoint him. Carry out your task, we will help, I…I will be there to make sure you do not fail.” His hand went to yours, the jolt passing between you, you allowed the contact. He needed it desperately and perhaps so did you.

 

“I will not fail you, any of you.” You faced him once again.

 

“I will not hesitate to do as Supreme Leader commands, no matter how I feel about the matter. If the time comes, I will do as I must. Even if that means ending you or any of the others.” Your eyes were cold and penetrating. His hand clenched tighter around your own, though not painfully so. “I expect the same of you.” You said firmly.

 

“I will do what I must.”

 

“Good.” You pulled your hand away from him slowly and rose from the couch. “I will take my leave. Do not forget what I said.” He looked at you longingly, you shook your head at the look, you could feel it too, deep within you, a dull ache for contact and comfort. You would deny yourself this, you could not lose control over the bond, you could not falter, for both of your sakes.

 

 He was weak and would make you equally as weak if you gave in. You must remain steadfast. He would learn in time to do the same. You exited and returned to your quarters to meditate, you could feel him do the same.

 

****

(Months later)

Your training did not halt. Progress was of the utmost importance. Ren drilled both of you tirelessly.  Practices going for hours at a time, your bodies sore from the over use of muscles, your minds numb by the time you each reached your individual quarters. Sometimes you would be so exhausted that you couldn’t even manage to find the strength to walk to the dining hall to eat with the others. Ren would always chastise you about this habit, pointing out that One had managed to drag himself to eat and why couldn’t you. This always made you angry. He was like a hovering overbearing mother at times, you just wanted to be left to your own devises. He never allowed it.

 

And your bond was only growing more intense as time carried on, it was growing harder to distance yourself from it. You could feel every sudden mood swing of Ren, who seemed to be especially unstable as of late. You assumed that it had to do with all the meetings that he was attending with Snoke. You tried not to listen at these times, it was none of your business, you wanted to respect the rules you had laid out. Giving each other as much privacy as you could manage, but sometimes things would slip, you would get a sliver of conversation, a flash of emotion, sometimes you would hear Ren’s thoughts before he spoke. You never brought these instance up to Ren. You didn’t want him to know that you knew some of what was talked about in these private meetings.

 

You were not surprised when Ren was waiting at the door of your quarters, you had missed another meal, you were prepared for his scathing words. He entered without knocking now, able to quickly sense if it was okay to enter. You were currently laying on your back, your tunic was scrunched around your middle exposing your midriff, your left boot half way off as you were attempting to remove each boot with your foot. You were exhausted, too exhausted to stand and undress like a grown person should. He knew it regardless of the bond. Your eyes were half opened, you originally had started in a seated position but quickly found yourself leaning farther and farther back until you were in your current position. You yawned as he stopped abruptly noticing you in your position.

 

“Did you skip another meal?” His voice was so annoying sometimes.

 

“Can we hurry this along?” You asked sleepily.

 

“What are you doing down there?” You sighed, and lifted your arm lazily, flicking your wrist to motion to yourself.

 

“Undressing.”  He said nothing, you could feel slight embarrassment, his to be exact. You weren’t embarrassed at all, you were tired and could care less. “Stop being embarrassed, it’s annoying.” He huffed and looked away from you, you could feel him willing the emotion away.

 

“You can’t keep doing this.”

 

“And yet, here we are.” You yawned again, your eyes shutting tightly, you could hear him moving, freeing your boots from your feet.  “I don’t need your help.” You muttered.

 

“Obviously.” He continued his motions, his hand slipping under your frame and pulling you upward, tingling passing between the both of you. Your stomach fluttered, it was getting harder to fight the feeling with your continued exhaustion. He made no comment, though you were sure he could feel it as well. He laid you on your bed. You groaned in annoyance.

 

“I need to shower, just, I can do it, just go.” Your wrist flicked at him limply.

 

_“I’m sure.”_

_“We can speak out loud, no sense in speaking in this matter.”_

_“It’s easier to speak like this.”_

_“You only do it to annoy me.”_

_“Perhaps.”_

_“Any excuse right?”_

_“To?”_

_“To be close.”_

_“Perhaps.”_

_“You can’t hide behind vague answers anymore. I can feel you.”_

_“I can feel you as well.”_ His hands were at the waist band of your pants, his long fingers tucking inward to remove them. Your hand flung to his and gripped. Your head raised upward, a warning glance, he did not remove his hands from their position.

 

“Don’t get cute.” Your voice was stern, he didn’t seem to care, no, he didn’t care, you knew that.

 

“Relax, I’m just trying to help.” You could see a slight glint in his eyes, you could feel his intentions and the underlying ones as well. You weren’t sure how you felt on the matter, not truly, something in you fluttered in excitement, you wanted him to remove them and the rest of your clothing, you wanted his hands on you. Another part, wanted him to leave entirely, not to touch you, not to look at you, just to be left alone. You huffed.

 

“Call one of the others in here then. There’s no need for you to help me undress, you wouldn’t help any of them undress.” He smirked softly.

 

“Very true, but I think we both know that it is entirely different between my bond with them and our bond.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. This is inappropriate.” He huffed.

 

_“I told you, I can feel you, why are you constantly battling this?”_

“And, I told you, boundaries. You know the rules.” His hands slowly removed themselves from your pants, he chewed on his bottom lip, something he had been picking up from you recently you noticed.

 

_“You’re too stubborn for your own good sometimes.”_

_“You are no different. Now leave.”_ He huffed and exited.

 

You had no intentions of removing yourself from your bed, you were too tired. You slowly cocooned yourself into your blankets and drifted off to sleep.

 

You woke up groggy and feeling especially gross. You rolled out of bed with a groan, your legs fighting against you to stand, you stumbled slightly as you moved to the refresher. Your arms clumsily removed your clothing and fumbled at the tap. The shower sprang to life and you stepped in. You stood in the spray for a few and then decided to wash. Your stomach growled angrily. You groaned again, cursing your body and its needs. You cut your shower short and dressed quickly forgoing drying your hair entirely and instead went down to the dining hall and grabbed a bowl of what could only be described as slop.

 

Four sat at the table by herself, the others yet to rise. You sat across from her on the bench and stared at your bowl of mush. You sighed and spooned it into your mouth. Bland mealy mush coating your tongue. You could feel Four looking at you. You raised your eyes as if to say, ‘yes?’

 

“Ren was in your room last night?”

 

“Yes, he wanted to yell at me about not eating…once again.”

 

“Hum. Interesting.” You glared at her, not quite understanding what was so interesting.

 

“How so?” She hesitated, you did not lift your glare from the bowl.

 

“Well…no…never mind…it’s nothing.”

 

“Four, just spit it out.”  Your eyes rising in agitation.

 

“Well, Six and I…have noticed…something different between the two of you.”

 

“It’s nothing. He just takes joy in annoying me.”

 

“Uh-huh.” You rolled your eyes. “Look, I understand you don’t want to talk about it, but I think I may know a little bit about what you’re dealing with.”

 

“And what is that?”

 

“The bond.” Your heart dropped. No, no you definitely did not want to have this conversation. “It’s different between some people, it’s uh, it’s different between Six and I…look what I’m trying to say is…the more you fight it, the more it fights back.” Your eyes narrowed.

 

“There is nothing to be concerned about.” You shoved another spoon of slop into your mouth.

 

“You do realize that all of us share a bond right? We can feel it, the tension, it’s going to keep building until it comes to a head. Just be careful.”

 

“Like I said, don’t concern yourself with it. I have it under control.” She shook her head.

You wanted to ask her about her bond with Six, but you also didn’t want to admit to the bond you shared with Ren. It would possibly too dangerous to divulge the information. The last thing you wanted was the information finding its way back to Snoke.

 

“Keep telling yourself that.” She suddenly clamped up as Nine walked in with Ten. You were grateful for their entrance, they went to go get their breakfast and sat at the table. You continued to eat your breakfast as you listened to them talk about training today.

 

“It’s been a long time since we’ve had anyone to interrogate.” Ten said excitedly. You hated interrogations, you hated being in other people’s heads.

 

“Yeah, well, I think things are getting a little more serious out in the galaxy. I overheard a nurse speaking to a tech about them shipping more Stormtroopers out here to station.” Nine chittered.

 

“And when you say overheard, you mean that you were actively probing their minds?” Four asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Absolutely not. I really did just happen to walk into the room at the right time.” Nine said defensively. Ten laughed.

  
“Would this happen to be the nurse you like so much? You know the one with the dark hair and…” Nine blushed suddenly and cut him off before he could continue.

  
“No! Shush!” You raised an eyebrow. You had no idea that Nine liked one of the staff on the base. When did this happen? Four smiled.

 

“She is very pretty Nine.” She added. Nine blushed even more. She was pretty when she blushed you mused absent mindedly.

 

“Ugh, shut up, this is all beside the point, things are changing out there and here we are still stuck in this kriffing prison, training our asses off for no damn reason.” You bit at your lower lip, you wanted to tell her what you knew but it was not your place. The group had a mission lined up and waiting, but the problem was that both you and One were not yet finished with training.

 

“We must be patient, Supreme Leader has a plan for all of us, it will come in time.” Four stated mimicking One’s motions and speech pattern. Everyone laughed. You shook your head.

 

“You think Ren is going to supervise?” Ten asked excitedly. You hoped he would be busy, his constant hovering was starting to hit on every nerve as of late.

 

“I’m not sure. He’s been meeting with Snoke quite a bit lately.” Four mused.

 

“I’m telling you, something is changing out there!” Nine said as she pointed her spoon at the group, her mouth pouched with food. “What do you think Eight?” She asked after swallowing her food.

 

“I’m not sure. It wouldn’t surprise me. It feels like we’ve been in a cold war for so long, though I try not to think about it, it doesn’t matter where we are concerned. We are not actively needed at this moment, no sense in hypothesizing on the matter.” Nine and Ten frowned, Four looked at you flatly.

 

“You’re such a buzz kill.” Nine pouted as she dipped her spoon back into her bowl.

 

“You’re as bad as One.” Ten added. You rolled your eyes, waiting for Four to add in her own comments, she made none.

 

“I wasn’t aware it was my job to entertain you.” You snarked. Four snorted. Ten’s face scrunched up.

 

“You’re as bad as a droid.” He huffed.

 

“Worse. At least droids can be programmed with personality.” Nine laughed.

 

“What are you guys talking about?” One asked as he took a seat next to you.

 

“How, I’m a robotic kill joy.” You spooned another bite into your mouth, the substance was rapidly cooling.

 

“Oh. Yeah. Definitely.” He smiled as the others laughed, a smile cracking on your face. You playfully elbowed him.

 

“Oh, look, she’s breaking her programming, she’s learning to emote!” Four cackled, you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” Your hand shooing at them as you talked with a mouth full of food.

 

“So? Interrogation training today?” One beamed. He excelled in the field, which was fine with you, you wanted no part of it.

 

“Yeah! I think they’re bringing in four prisoners.” Chirped Ten.

 

“Well, that’s not nearly enough for all of us.” One mused.

 

“That’s fine by me, you guys have at it.” You pulled up a spoonful of food and turned the spoon upside down, waiting for it to run out of the spoon, it didn’t budge. You frowned at it.

 

“You can’t keep avoiding these. You sat out last time too, that was almost a year ago.” One was looking at you intensely.

 

“I can and I will.” You said flatly. Four cleared her throat softly as if to say ‘drop it.’ One sighed.

 

“Where is Six and Five?” He asked trying to change the subject.

 

“Well Six is still sleeping, I’m not sure where Five is at.” Four said turning to look at the entrance to the dining hall as if she was expecting Five to walk in at any moment.  You searched through the Force for him, finding him walking towards everyone’s location.

 

“He’s on his way.” You added.

 

“Ah, okay.”  The conversation came to a lull as everyone ate, you sat and stared at the bowl with slight contempt. It was cold now and the thought of eating the now sticky substance made you want to vomit. You were no longer hungry anyway. You stepped out from the bench and took your food to the trash and threw it away.

 

“You leaving?” Called Nine from the table. You shrugged.

 

“She’s leaving.” Ten nodded. You rolled your eyes and walked out of the dining hall, passing Five as he walked past. You nodded at him and he at you.

 

“Porridge?” Your face contorted into a grimace.

  
“Yeah.”

 

“Goodie.” He huffed.

 

“Don’t let it get cold, it only tastes worse.” You added with a laugh, he shook his head.

 

“I’m not sure how that shit could taste any worse, but I’ll take your word on it.” He walked away and you returned to your quarters to finish preparing for the day.

 

You practiced through your forms, saber in hand, steady and flowing movements, your mind blank as muscle memory took control. You took great pleasure in these moments, nothing and no one was pestering you. The time alone was almost energizing. You continued to move, your feet making sure movements as your arms did their duty. A cohesive machine you mused.

 

“Are you going to twirl that all day or are you going to join the rest of us?” You paused and straightened your spine.

 

“You should be practicing as well.” You commented. You could hear his footsteps nearing you.

 

“We’ve been practicing non-stop for months now Eight. Come on, we have other things to practice as well.” You huffed. “I know you don’t like it, but it’s a necessary skill.”

 

“I understand that, but it does not mean it is necessary for me.” You deactivated your saber and clipped it to your belt. One was right though, you needed to become comfortable in strange minds, even if the very thought of it repulsed you.

 

“It is necessary for all of us. Supreme Leader would not have made us do it if it was not necessary.” Your upper lip twitched. You didn’t want to argue. You could still sit out of the interrogation and merely observe. Technically you could easily piggy back off of one of the others and gain the same experience from them.

 

“Fine.” You turned to finally face him, he smiled, you rolled your eyes. He was only smiling because he got his way.

 

You walked down corridors and deeper into the space below ground level. The walls were white and clean, almost clinically white. You didn’t like them one bit. The rooms you were passing started to feel familiar in a whole new way. Memories uncovered over time started to flash in your mind’s eye. These were the same rooms they used to train and torture you in. A shiver went down your spine. One made no comment. You were sure he and the others had always recognized these rooms, no ill feeling towards them anymore. They had had time to process the trauma.

 

“Don’t think about it.” He said suddenly, catching you off guard, you had been projecting.

 

“Sorry.” You said softly. He shook his head.

 

“The feelings will fade with time. No sense in dwelling on it.” You nodded.

 

When you arrived at the room, One walked in first with you following. The room you were standing in was mirrored, you could see through the mirror and to a man strapped to a chair. His auburn hair was disheveled, a scraggily beard covered his face, bags puffed under his eyes. He looked rough. Was this what the instructors saw when they looked through the mirror at you when they commanded you to do things? Fragile and ready to break. You moved further away from the mirror, passing between the others to stand against the wall. You were uncomfortable.

 

“Well, I don’t think Ren is going to be joining us.”  One mused. Slight relief passed through you.

 

“You want to take the lead One?” Six asked as he stood near Four.

 

“I can, but I will sit out the interrogation, I don’t need the practice.” You could practically feel his gloat. You said nothing, only tried to make your presence less noticeable as you leaned against the wall.

 

“Everyone read over the file?” He asked. Everyone nodded, you made no motion. You hadn’t even glanced at the damn thing. You didn’t want to, you didn’t want to humanize this person any further if you could avoid it. You knew One would force you into doing at least one interrogation, you were trying to make it easier when the time finally came.

 

“Good. Alright. Five, you’re up.” Five moved forward, his strong body gliding between the others gracefully. You remained in your position as the others moved closer to the two-way glass. You watched as Five moved through the door, the man strapped to the chair was not visibly shaken as Five stalked around him. No words were exchanged. Your lips pinched. Five moved closer to the man, but the man was not afraid, no he was exhausted, too exhausted to care anymore. He would probably break easily at this point, it seemed over kill to probe him. You wondered what they had been doing to keep him so tired. Five nodded suddenly, he was speaking with One you assumed. His meaty hands clamped around the man’s head. The man jolted suddenly, his face contorting in pain. You wanted to look away.

 

 _“Don’t look away.”_ Ren’s voice echoed in your head softly.

 

You shrugged him away quickly, pushing him further back in your mind. You looked away when you heard the man start to scream in pain. Your flesh prickled causing the hairs on the back of your neck to rise. You closed your eyes. His screams only grew louder, your eyes clamping shut even more as the screaming increased. You held your breath, and everything grew still, your mind was searching for a way to cope with the noise as your lungs began to burn. You focused on the burn, the pain driving your focus away from the screaming.

 

 _“Breathe Eight.”_ One reminded you. _“Calm down. Everything is under control.”_

You forced yourself to suck down air and exhale slowly. Your pulse was racing, your head was light and there was a slight ringing in your ears. You could no longer hear the screaming. Five walked back into the room, you didn’t dare look at the man in the other room. Too scared to see what kind of state he was in.

 

“Well?” One asked.

 

“He knew nothing about the missing materials. He was telling the truth.” Five said as he stood in front of the two-way mirror. All that pain was for nothing. Your skin was crawling, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach took hold. That was only the first, there were three more left, you knew One was going to force you into at least one interrogation. All for what? Missing materials? Didn’t Ren say that the First Order had vast resources? Why waste the time on some missing materials?

 

“Alright. One down. Three to go.” One reached for a com, and radioed to move the prisoner back to his cell. You looked up then, your eyes fixating on the man in the other room. He was slumped over, held only by his restraints. He looked like a broken toy. You shuddered. Moments later they brought in another prisoner, you watched as they strapped him into the chair. He looked as rough as the last one, but there was still a spark in his eyes. He would fight as long as he could.

 

“Ten, this is all you.” One Said firmly. Ten nodded and moved out of the room, you could feel the giddiness vibrating off of him as he exited. You wished you felt the same.

 

Ten walked into the room and took a seat across from the younger man. He stared at him for a few brief moments before finally speaking.

 

“Did you see him?” He asked.

 

 The man looked confused for a moment but it finally dawned on him that he was talking about the previous man. The man nodded. Ten hummed and smiled faintly.

 

“If you fight, you’ll be just like him…so don’t fight. It’s useless anyway.” The man gulped.

 

“I don’t know anything! I’ve been telling you people that for the past week!” He shifted anxiously in his restraints.

 

They had been in a cell for week? You frowned, they could have been doing anything to these people. You didn’t know why you cared so much. You shouldn’t, why empathize with any of them? You didn’t know these people, they were nobodies. You tried to focus on that fact, but it didn’t stop you from feeling any less guilty. You knew the real reason why you empathized, you didn’t want to relive their experiences, you didn’t want to make roost in their minds. You didn’t want to sink in and risk the emotions and memories taking hold.

 

“Well, it doesn’t matter now. I’m going to get to the bottom of it one way or another.”

 

Ten stood from his chair and moved over to the man, his slender fingers going to the man’s temple. The man struggled, trying to evade Ten’s touch. It was useless, he had nowhere to go, no way to escape. Ten’s fingers made contact, and the man grunted in pain. No screams just yet. If he was smart he would just show Ten the information, but you could tell from the way he was still actively trying to twist away from Ten’s fingers that he would fight. You shook your head and mentally urged the man to just show Ten what he wanted and to stop fighting. One shifted his eyes to you, watching you as you scowled at the proceedings.

 

_“I know you don’t like this, but remember that this is your job. This is necessary.”_

_“I know…”_

_“Why are you so scared?”_  Your brows furrowed and your eyes met with One’s.

 

 _“I don’t want to be them, I don’t want to live their lives. I don’t want to retain a piece of them.”_ He frowned momentarily.

 

 _“The only way to avoid that is to get better at it. It takes practice, you need to practice at it, just like anything else that you do. You will be taking the next one, I suggest you look over the files.”_ You exhaled through your teeth, emitting a soft hiss.

 

 One grabbed the files and handed them to you. You grabbed them and skimmed through the information. Missing blasters and rifles, weapons for the First Order. Important weapons. Durasteel and other materials also found missing from inventory. These were between several factories, a possible smuggling ring. You frowned. So much for endless resources.

 

 _“Just because they are endless does not mean that they would not pursue actions against a possible smuggling ring.”_ Ren’s voice sounded.

 

_“I understand that, it just seems that there are more important things that the Order should be pursuing.”_

_“This is important, if they feel safe enough to smuggle out materials what is keeping them from divulging information to the right people?”_ You sighed, he was absolutely right. _“Besides, your discomfort at doing this worries me. You need to be prepared to do your duty. Remember what you told me, anyone can be replaced.”_

Your shoulders slumped slightly, you didn’t like your own words being used against you but he was correct. You needed to focus on that mentality. You were merely a machine, programmed to do a job, if you failed to do it correctly or at all then you would be scrapped like a malfunctioning droid. You snapped your head up as the man let out his first scream. His eyes were screwed up tightly, Ten had a smug look on his face. You didn’t like it, this was just a game to him. You closed your eyes briefly and shook your head. Ten removed his touch from the man in the seat, the man was openly panting but still conscious. He broke.

 

“Was that so hard?” Ten laughed as he patted the man’s face playfully. You gritted your teeth.

 Unprofessional. You watched as Ten pulled the door open and walked out, the door to the observation room opened quickly, he had a smile on his face.

 

“Well, it seems he’s been a lying little thing. Not only did he know about the missing materials, he was the one who organized their transportation. Not the ring leader though, I got a look at her face, we don’t have her. She’s still back at the weapon’s factory.”

 

“Good. Did you get a name?”

 

“Yes, Corrin Yaritza.” 

 

“Good job Ten.” One nodded at him though he did not smile.

 

He grabbed the com once again and informed the ‘troopers to remove this man and to finish punishment. You took a moment to look at the man’s face. Soft, young, sad, defeated. This would be the last you would ever see of him. He would be executed after this. You watched as two Stormtroopers entered and forcefully grabbed the man after removing the restraints, making sure to cuff his hand together and pulled him from the room. The man still struggled, but there was no use. One grabbed the com and instructed for the next one to be brought in. You took a deep breath and tried to shake your anxiety.

 

 _“I can be with you if you’d like?”_ One asked. You shook your head. This was something you needed to over come. He nodded, understanding. The doors in the next room opened and another man was forced into the chair. Much older than the other two. His hair was all white, face wrinkled around his mouth and eyes. He probably spent a lot of his life smiling. He was no longer smiling though. His eyes were watery. Resigned to his own fate.

 

“Eight.” You nodded and walked between the others, opening the door and stood out in the hall for a moment. You inhaled through your nose and exhaled through your mouth.

  
_“I’ll be right here with you.”_ Ren’s voice echoed. You wanted to tell him not to bother just like you had told One only moments ago, but your resolve was quickly fading as you stood in the hall. You couldn’t find it in you to reply much less lock him behind the containment wall. You moved to the door that held the prisoner. Your fingers pressed at the keypad and the door unlocked. You pulled it open, it beeped closed.

 

 You could feel the others watching, you could feel Ren watching mentally. Your face was a stone mask, carefully constructed for moments like these where you felt helpless and conflicted. You walked to the man, sending out mental tendrils to get a feel for his emotional state. He looked at you, his eyes soft and yielding. You stood next to him, he was no longer looking at you. You sighed as you leaned down, your mouth inches away from his ear.

 

“Don’t fight it, just show me.” He flinched at the sound of your voice and slowly nodded. You lifted your hand to his temple, your fingers making contact. You channeled your mental tendril through your fingers, a missile on a mission. There was resistance briefly as the man screwed up his eyes. You could feel his pain.

 _“Please.”_  You shushed him mentally, sending waves of clam over the projection. He relaxed slightly.

_“Show me.”_

 

                His name is Maleic Rewin. His friends call him Mal.

 

 _“Show me Mal.”_  You urged again.

 

 

>                 _Mal is standing in a warehouse, there are loud noises, plasma cutters slicing through durasteel. Mal is looking at a panel, he has done this for so long that he no longer needs to look back at the screen to plug in the correct measurements for the cuts required. He feels a tap on his shoulder, he turns to look at a woman she is tall and has a shaved head. He knows her, he liked her, she remind him of his daughter. She smiled at him and he smiled back. She nods her head as if to signal him to join her. He huffs and turns to look back at the control panel, double checking to make sure everything was correct even though he already knows they are. Mal is careful. He turns once again and joins the tall woman. She leads him to a small nook behind pallets of already cut durasteel. Her voice fills your head, it is husky and warm._
> 
> _“So, do you want in?” She asks. Mal considers his answer again, he didn’t want any part of it, he didn’t want her to have any part of it._
> 
> _“Lyra. I don’t think it’s a smart move, I don’t think you should be a part of it either.” She looks down, disappointed._
> 
> _“Mal, I told you, it’d be such a small amount, they would never notice. The return on it is too much to pass up…you know…my mother…” She drops what she is saying. Mal knows her mother is sick, that she works to send her money home. He understands her motives, but he only wants to protect her. He rests a hand on her shoulder. They are nearly the same height, but his age makes him feel taller and wiser._
> 
> _“I understand. I still don’t think it’s a good idea. These sort of things, they never end well.” Her lips pinch, she knows._
> 
> _“I can’t pass it up.” Mal sighs._
> 
> _There is no talking her out of it. He knows this, she has already made up her mind. The credits too good to pass up on, she could use them and if he could he would give her some of his own in exchange for her uninvolvement, but he cannot. His daughter is getting married, he needs the credits as much as she does._
> 
> _“Just be careful. Not a word to anyone about it.” He instructs her. She nods._
> 
> _“Corrin won’t let anything happen. I trust her.” Her eyes are firm, she believes this. Mal is not so sure but he nods all the same. He pats her shoulder and they both exchange a smile. He walks away from her and returns to his post, checking on the machine._

You can feel the dull pounding in Mal’s head, it echoes in your own. You open your eyes and remove your fingers from his head. He sighs in relief.

 

_“He had nothing to do with this, but he knew…”_

_“I saw.”_

_“Will they kill him?”_

_“I’m not sure.”_ You huffed, not liking Ren’s answer.

 

You looked back at Mal, his eyes were tearing up. You wondered if he ever got to see his daughter get married. You lifted your hand once again, but stopped yourself from touching him. You could feel Ren’s disapproval, reminding you that this was a job. You had completed your task and now it was time for you to leave. You nodded and moved to walk out of the door.

“Please don’t hurt the girl.” You stopped in your tracks. “She’s young, she was only trying to help her poor Ma.” Your shoulders rose and fell slowly. You could still feel how he felt about Lyra. The want and need to protect her.

 

 _“Leave now.”_ Ren commanded.

 

You closed your eyes and punched in the numbers needed to unlock the door. You closed it behind you. You wanted to slump against the wall but you forged onward, entering the observation room. The others looking at you, waiting for the information, your eyes do not meet theirs. A great conflict rising in you.

 

You wanted to lie, say that the man knew nothing, but you knew they would know. That Ren already knew. Perhaps that was why he was actively watching, to make sure you didn’t lie.

 

“Well?” One asked suddenly snapping you out of your thoughts.

 

“He knew, but took no active part.” You said softly.

 

You felt like you had just betrayed Mal’s trust for some reason. Perhaps it was his willingness to show you or maybe it was still his lingering mental presence that made you feel so terrible for telling the truth, you felt terrible all the same.

 

“Good job Eight.” You moved further into the room head hung low as One called over the com for Mal’s removal. You couldn’t bring yourself to watch him leave. One was asking the others which one wanted to take the last interrogation. You could feel Ren projecting reassuring thoughts to you but you were so consumed by Mal’s mental presence that you couldn’t focus on them. You could hear One calling for the next prisoner to be brought in. Your eyes shifted up momentarily and froze on the figure being moved into the room.

 

Shaved head, tall, thinner than you had seen her before, her square face was too thin. Lyra. There was a stirring deep within you, the need to help her trying to overtake your mental space.

  
_“Fight it. You owe her or him nothing.”_ Ren’s voice sounded through clearly.

 

You closed your eyes and fought the urges, slowly destroying them. You could feel Ren actively trying to help, you allowed him to do so. You could not be consumed by these feelings. He was right, you owed neither of them anything. You watched as Nine left the room and entered on the other side. You force yourself to not shy away as you watch Lyra being probed. Her face scrunches in pain, Nine does not speak to her, she is swift and purposeful in her movements. Tears are actively falling down Lyra’s face as her mouth contorts in pain.

 

 Nine is unmoved. Finally a scream presses from Lyra’s throat, her body is tensed. She tried to fight. Stupid girl. You could still slightly feel Mal’s emotional connection and his feelings about Lyra pressing at the back of your mind, but it was much softer now and it could be controlled. You continued to watch as if to teach these impeding thoughts a lesson. Nine’s eyebrows crease in concentration, her eyes softly closed, her umber skin reddening at the effort. Lyra screams again, her body finally relaxes, giving in to the probe fully now. She wept openly.

 

You harden your face to the sight. Nine lets her hand fall and moves swiftly out of the room. She will say nothing that Mal hasn’t already shown you. She comes into the room and swiftly gives the information you already knew. One nods and tells her that she did a good job, and she did, something in you wishes you could have her resolve, a little spike of jealousy rising in you. She seems unaffected and you envy that.

 

 _“It will get easier.”_ You didn’t know what to say to Ren, slightly ashamed that he had felt your emotional state you sighed softly as you watched as the Stormtroopers removed Lyra from the room.

 

You blinked slowly and noticed as the others started to depart from the room. One eyed you curiously. You looked at him briefly and moved out to follow the others. He followed you as you walked down the long hallway.

 

“You did very well. Much better than I thought you would do.” He mused as he walked to be at your side. You hummed in response. He could sense that you didn’t want to talk and remained quiet for the rest of the walk back to the main floor.

 

You moved to your quarters. Opening the doors and plopped on the bed. Your mind was aching slightly. You pulled off your boots and pulled the covers over your head, reaching your hand outward to dim the lighting. You could feel him at your door. You sighed.

 

 _“Just come in.”_ You projected. The door opened and he walked in, his loud boot steps echoing in the quiet of the room. You could feel him pulling the covers off of your face as he peered down at you. You huffed.

 

“Yes?” You asked

 

“You crave comfort.” Your face scrunched into scowl. Absolutely not.

 

“I crave no such thing.” You said defiantly.

 

He rolled his eyes and shoved you over on the bed. He sat and removed his boots, and laid awkwardly behind you. He was far too big for the bed. He had to be uncomfortable, his back was to your own, you could feel his warmth radiate from him. You sighed.

 

“If you want me to leave I can.” He said at your sigh. You didn’t want him to leave you realized. You blinked in disbelief of yourself.

 

“No…just…stay.” You said as you moved closer to the wall, giving him more room.

 

“Is this fine?” He asked. You used the Force to pull the blanket up over the both of you. You huffed.

 

“Yes.” You mumbled. “Don’t get used to it.” You could practically feel him smile behind you. You rolled your eyes.

 

“I won’t.”  You fell asleep quickly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Hell 100+ kudos?! Thanks guys!

Chapter 15

Burden

________________________

 

His arms were wrapped around you, your bodies curled around each other. Your eyes fluttered open, the sounds of his soft snores in your ears. You listened to him for a moment before deciding to move out of the bed. You pulled his arm off of you slowly, careful not to wake him, you shimmed down to the foot of the bed and got up. He stirred slowly as if noticing your absence in his sleep. You put on your boots and grabbed the datapad from the bedside table and checked the time.

 

It was nighttime, you had been asleep for hours. You sighed, you had slept surprisingly well. You chided yourself quickly. This could not become a habit. It was highly inappropriate. You contemplated waking him but one glance at his peaceful face made you think better of it. You placed the datapad back onto the bedside table and opened the door to your quarters, glancing back briefly you moved out of the room and down to the training room.

 

You trained until you were tired again. Your body was sweaty by the time you finished. You returned to your quarters to shower. Upon entering you noticed him still sleeping in the bed. You shook your head. He was always talking about how you needed to take better care of yourself, yet he always looked like he never got enough sleep.

 

You grabbed some clothing and moved into the refresher, showering quickly and redressed into your night clothes. He was still in the same position when you came back out. You sighed, not sure what to do. Should you wake him, tell him to leave? You bit at your bottom lip. No you would let him sleep. You moved to the bed and placed a knee on the edge of the bed, you swung your other leg over him, his eyes fluttered open at the movement, his hand flinging to your side as you were in the process of climbing over him, causing you to freeze suddenly. You looked down at him, your eyes meeting.

 

“What are you doing?” He asked his voice full of sleep.

 

“Getting back into bed.” You said with a raised eyebrow. He hummed and closed his eyes again. Your hand gliding down to his own, which was still resting on your hip. You cleared your throat. He released you allowing you to move fully over him. You shifted until you were comfortable. His arm snaked back around you pulling you close to him like a child with a stuffed animal. You scowled.

 

“What time is it?” He asked softly.

 

“Early, perhaps late depending.”

 

“Have we been sleeping that long?”

 

“You have. I got up for a couple of hours to train.” He hummed, you could feel the vibrations from his chest in your back. It sent a tingle through your body. You frowned.

 

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked suddenly. You bit at your lower lip.

 

You knew what you should say. Yes. Leave. But you didn’t want him to, a nagging feeling in the back of your head urged you to allow him to stay. You sighed.

 

“If you want to, you are welcomed to leave.” You said finally. He shifted behind you slightly, his breath tickling your ear, sending another tingle down your body.

 

“What do you want?” He asked. You pinched your lips together.

 

“You already know.”

 

“You’re conflicted. I will do as you wish.”

 

“Stay.” You said suddenly. You could feel him nod behind you as he hummed softly. You closed your eyes once again and drifted off back to sleep.

 

You felt shifting on the bed, causing your eyes to open, his arms no longer around you causing you to turn to look over your shoulder. He was sitting on the edge of the bed putting his boots back on. You blinked slowly as you tried to process how you felt about him leaving. He paused his motions and turned to look at you.

 

He looked well rested, the dark circles that were normally under his eyes had lessened greatly. His hand went to your hair, tucking a loose strand behind your ear gingerly. You did not shrink away from his touch as you normally would have. His eyes were searching your face for something.

 

“I have to leave.”  He said suddenly. You blinked.

 

“It’s fine.” You said, your voice husky with sleep.

 

“I want to stay.” He admitted. Your upper lip twitched slightly at his admission. You weren’t sure how to feel about this whole scenario. Did he really want to stay or was it just your want for him to stay reverberating back through the bond?

 

“It’s fine Kylo.” An emotion flickered across his face momentarily, perhaps at the use of his first name?

 

“I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.” He said flatly.

 

“Where are you going?” You asked sleepily.

 

“I have some things to take care of before we all depart.” Suddenly your eyes widened and you sat up, he moved away to give you enough space.

  
“Wait, what do you mean all of us depart?”

 

“You’re nearly ready. Its time.” You swallowed harshly.

 

“Are you sure?” You asked softly.

 

“Yes.”

 

“But…”

 

“I’m sure Eight.” You looked away from him briefly, your anxiety welling up inside of you. This was going to be a monumental task. This was going to change everything. Feeling your thoughts his hand went to cup your face tenderly.

 

“I know.”

 

“Are you going to be able to do this?” You asked suddenly. He paused and removed his hand, his lips pressing into a line.

 

“I have no choice in the matter. We must succeed.”

 

“We will.” He nodded. “I won’t let you fail.” Your jaw clenched suddenly, resolve suddenly stemming from your words. .

 

“I must be going.” He said suddenly.

 

 He stood and you crawled out of the bed following him to the door. His large frame over shadowing you. You wanted to touch him, you wanted to press your lips to his, you fought the urge. Inappropriate. He smirked in a knowing way. You rolled your eyes. His hands wrapped around your head, combing through your hair comfortingly. You sighed softly.

 

“Be ready when I return. I will speak with the others before I depart. Continue to train.” You nodded. He released your hair and moved out of the room, leaving you standing awkwardly in your quarters.

 

When had things gotten so tender between the both of you? It was as if merely being next to each other was enough to wash away any of your previous concerns. His touch was like a spell, casting over your entire being, comfort and understanding wrapping around you like a blanket. Your mind flashed Twelve’s face. You shook your head softly.

“Yes…just like her…but more.” You whispered.

 

****

 

The first week was torture. Something in you was in pain, it wasn’t terrible pain, but a nagging emptiness. Like your entire being had taken notice of Ren’s absence. Perhaps you had grown so accustomed to him being on planet that you were just manifesting your emotional state physically. You could feel him sometimes if you truly concentrated, but the effort was so taxing that you had stopped trying, leaving you with a tension headache and growing emptiness.

 

You laid in bed for hours on end staring at the ceiling, your body was tired but your mind wouldn’t allow you to sleep. The restlessness was starting to get to you. Dark circles returning to your face, you started to look strikingly similar to the period shortly after Twelve’s death. The others had taken notice.

 

“You look like shit.” One said across the dinner table. You huffed. You knew that, why did everyone feel the need to tell you that?

 

“Have you been getting any sleep? I can feel you awake almost all night.” Four asked concern in her voice, there was something else there, a slight knowing maybe. She did say her bond to Six was far different from her bond with everyone else.

 

“I just can’t sleep.” You admitted. She frowned.

 

“Maybe you should go to medical, get something to help with that. Ren isn’t going to be too pleased to come back and see the state you’re in.” She pointed out. You frowned. No, he wouldn’t be happy, he would probably yell at you for not taking care of yourself.

 

“I guess I should at least try.” You mumbled. Truthfully you weren’t sure if there was really anything that the medical staff could give you that would really help. You had a sinking feeling that this was directly related to the bond that you and Ren shared. You wondered if he was just as restless as you were.

 

“I know you’ve got to be exhausted.” One stated as he chewed on a loaf of mystery protein that was served for dinner. Your stomach knotted.

 

“I am. I’m…just so restless.” You said pushing around your dinner with your fork. Four hummed knowingly. “It’s like this nagging in the back of my mind. I can’t quite figure out what it is.” You mumbled. It wasn’t quite a lie, you weren’t a hundred percent sure if it was the bond or just the simple fact that you missed Ren for some odd reason. You scowled. No. No, that can’t be it. Surely.

 

“Do you want me to accompany you to medical?” Four asked suddenly bringing you out of your thoughts.

 

“Hum? Oh, uh, no I think I can handle it.” You said. Since when was she so hell bent on helping you?

 

_“I want to speak with you in private.”_

_“This is private?”_ Your eyes narrowed slightly.

 

 _“Yes, but it’s…I don’t know. I just wanted to speak to you…out loud and in person?”_ A strange look crossed Four’s face as she communicated with you mentally, like she wasn’t exactly sure that she was making her point clear.

 

 _“Oh-kay?”_ Your brows furrowed in confusion.

 

 _“I’ll join you at medical then.”_ She nodded firmly.

 

Four walked with you to medical, it wasn’t a long walk, but it was awkward all the same. You didn’t say anything waiting for her to speak her mind. She halted you right outside of medical you stared at her expectantly, as if to say ‘well?’

 

“I know it’s the bond.” She said flatly. Your heart raced. Damnit, this wasn’t something you wanted to discuss with her. Didn’t she pick up the hint last time she brought it up? “Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you have got to stop fighting it.” She looked around quickly, as if she forgot she could use the Force to sense any nearby presence that may be listening in.  You huffed.

 

“I’m…I don’t want to stop.” You admitted. She shook her head.

 

“I fought mine with Six for so long. It was driving me crazy. Hell it was driving both of us crazy. It uh, we uhm. Well, it all came to a head eventually. We uhm, did some things…” Her voiced dropped to a whisper. “Some things I’m not certainly proud of…I mean it’s okay now…but then it was such an overwhelming urge and it uh, it could have been a huge mess.” You narrowed your eyes.

 

“Are you talking about sex?” You asked flatly. You weren’t an idiot. You knew what sex was. Something in you was enjoying watching her squirm around the use of the word. She shifted nervously, like this was all some sort of big secret. It wasn’t, everyone knew.

 

“Yes. It was uhm, very….intense.” She said as a blush crept up her face.

 

“I hate to tell you this Four, but…everyone already knows.” You chuckled. Her face paled briefly only to turn red in embarrassment. You shrugged.  “It’s natural Four. Nothing to be ashamed of.” She scowled.

 

“Yes, but I didn’t think everyone knew.” She mumbled. You shook your head a smile coming to your face at her embarrassment. You rolled your eyes briefly.

 

“Trust me. Nothing is going to happen between us. It’s…not like that between us.” But wasn’t it though? The constant tingles, and knots in your stomach, the fluttering and the quickening heart rate…it was exactly like that. She shook her head this time.

 

“Keep telling yourself that.” She chuckled. “I did for a long time. I tried everything to keep it from happening. I told myself how much I hated him, how much he disgusted me…it didn’t last. The harder I fought the stronger the feelings got.” She paused as a smile crept across her freckled face, a glint in her hazel eyes. “But, hey, you keep telling yourself that.” Your face contorted into a sneer. What a smug bitch you thought.

 

“I have control over the situation. I’m not concerned.” Your upper lip twitched. She raised her hands defensively, trying to diffuse the growing anger in you.

 

“I’m just trying to help. Look. Go get some sleep aid, and really consider what I’m telling you. As much as you hate the idea of it, I’m right and you know it.” She paused and looked at you, really looked at you, you really did look like shit. She shook her head and walked away leaving you to stand awkwardly at the entrance of Med Bay. You scowled. Stupid Four, what did she know? With a huff you pushed through the bay doors with your hands and waited for a nurse to walk up to you.

 

A dark haired woman greeted you quickly. You looked at her for a moment, taking in her facial features. She was striking, with a strong chin, and several beauty marks on her caramel colored skin, her hair hung around her face. _Not regulation_. Your eyes flittered downward, she was very busty. Oh, you thought, this must be the one that Nine likes. You smiled to yourself. She looked at you confused.

 

“Sorry, I uhm, I’m having trouble sleeping….as you can tell.” You said motioning to your face. She nodded and smiled.

 

“Of course. Well follow me and we can see what I can do for you.” Her voice was like velvet, smooth and full, almost plush. You could definitely understand Nine’s attractions to her. You followed her back to a small examination area, trying not to watch her motions, you didn’t want to be rude.

 

She patted the bed and you hopped up quickly, shifting so you could haunch over comfortably. Your body was so tired.

“So? Insomnia?” She asked as she moved to a computer, pulling up your chart.

 

You wondered how she knew which one you were but then you remembered the brand on your ear clearly displaying your number. Truthfully you had forgotten its existence, it felt like it had always been there, you didn’t even notice it on the others anymore. No one wore clothes that displayed their numbers anymore either. That had stopped in your mid-teens, was it your mid-teens? Your mind started to wonder along the thread of thought, how old were you exactly? You had never really considered it.

 

“Oh, yes. I’m tired, I can feel it, but I feel so restless.” You said looking at her back as she scrolled through your chart.

 

“Any anxiety accompanying your inability to sleep?” She asked as she started to type. You wanted to say yes, but you knew that would be recorded. No one needed to know.

 

“No.” You said firmly. She hummed and continued to clack at the keyboard. She swiveled around in her chair and rolled over to you.

 

“Sounds like just a sleeping pill would help…though I’m not entirely sure how that will, uhm, affect you.” You raised an eyebrow. Oh, your Force sensitivity. You nodded. “We can sedate you here and monitor you?” You shrugged, you were willing to try anything at this point.

 

“If you must.” You said dryly. She nodded,

 

“I would personally feel more comfortable.” You shrugged again. “Alright, well let’s move you to a room for observation.” She said suddenly as she stood. You slid off of the bed and followed her to a room further back in the Bay. She opened the door for you and you walked in, it was small, smaller than your quarters, but there was a bed and a pillow, what more could you ask for?

 

“Right, go ahead and climb into bed and I’ll be right back with the pill and I’ll hook you up to the monitor.” You moved to the bed and removed your boots, pulled back the covers and crawled into the bed, situating yourself and waited for her to return. She came back with a cup of water and another smaller cup with the sleeping pill. She handed you both, dropping the pill in your mouth and swallowing the pill quickly with the help of the water. You remained seated as she hooked the machine up to your body. She nodded as she double checked her work.

 

“Alright, you should be good to go. I’ll be in to check periodically, I’ll try not to disturb you.” She said as she moved to the door. You nodded and said a soft ‘thank you.’

 

You slept a dreamless numbing slumber. When your eyes finally opened you felt like you were in a haze. You scrunched your eyes closed attempting to clear your blurry vision. You heard the door open and forced your eyes back open. The same nurse from the previous night was back again to check on you. She looked at you quickly.

 

“You’re awake?” She sounded surprised. You furrowed your brow. Where you not supposed to be? “You’ve only been sleep for two hours.”  She confirmed your suspicion. You scowled, frustration growing in you.

 

“Obviously, that wasn’t the attended amount of time?” You asked. She frowned.

 

“No, uhm, perhaps I need to adjust the amount?” She mused as she looked down at her datapad. You huffed.

 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m just going to return to my quarters.” You said as you began to pull off the sticky pads that were connected to the wires that recorded your vitals. She frowned.

 

“Are you sure? We can try again?”

 

“It’s fine. I’ll eventually just exhaust myself to the point of sleep.” You said as you slipped out of the bed and grabbed your boots. You moved slowly, your vision still slightly hazy, your body felt oddly numb. Truthfully you didn’t like the drug induced sleep. It made you feel weird, hell you were still feeling weird.

She frowned.

 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” She said with a huff. You paused and looked at her.

 

“If you’d like you can come and check on me, or send a medical droid to my quarters if you must.” You crossed your arms across your chest, holding your boots in one hand, your other cupping your elbow.

Her face looked thoughtful for a moment as she mulled over your suggestion.

 

“That should be fine. If you feel anything…out of sorts, please don’t hesitate to call.” She said firmly. You nodded and moved out of the room, she followed behind you as you moved out of the Med bay, she stopped short of the double doors and watched you leave.

 

You returned to your quarters with no incident and moved back to your bed, dropping your boots with a thud, you face planted into your pillow, your body skewed across the mattress, leaving your legs dangling awkwardly off. You groaned. You were so tired, you just wanted to sleep. You grabbed at the pillow and smashed it into your face, muffling your voice as you continued to groan annoyingly. You released the pillow and huffed. You rolled to your back and looked back up at the all too familiar ceiling. You cursed under your breath.

 

“This is so ridiculous.” The emptiness beginning to gnaw at you as your drug induced haze wore off. You were fully awake once again. You huffed harshly.

 

“Damnit!” You pulled yourself out of bed and walked out of your quarters. Another night of running for you. You stretched quickly, and shook out your limbs, your mind felt like mush. You began to run, slow and steady at first, allowing your body to take control as your muscles flexed and contracted. You mind calming at the physical excretion.  You didn’t realize that you were searching for him, until your head started to pound. You halted quickly and panted.

 

 Cursing under your breath. You hoped he was feeling as miserable as you were right now. Serves him right. This was all his fault. You gritted your teeth and went back to running, focusing on your feet but actively conscious of your mind. You ran until you couldn’t run anymore, your lungs burned in your chest. You relished in the feeling, it was grounding in a way. You laid back on the floor and closed your eyes as you panted.

 

****

 

 

You still couldn’t sleep, only getting a few hours a night, it had already been two weeks. You didn’t know how much more your body and mind could take. You felt like you were going crazy. Your moods were horrendous, the others actively avoided talking to you whenever they were around you. They could feel your foul mood in the air, as if you were surrounded in a fog that you just couldn’t shake.

 

They gave you plenty of space, sometimes mentally sending you calming sensations, which only annoyed you further. You would swat away any mental attempts, they stopped trying after a few days of your attacks. You practically lived in the training room now, trying to push yourself to exhaustion every chance you could. The worst part were the medical droids that kept popping in to check on your vitals. They were annoying, you wanted to crush them like flies. You knew you could easily do so, but thought better of it, perhaps the only sane thought that had crossed your mind. They were only doing as programmed, you couldn’t hold that against them.

 

Your movements were clumsy, your eyes actively straining to stay open, you continued to push yourself. The medical staff standing off to the side of the training room, watching you as you continued to move the weighted objects. You had become a favorite pastime of the medical staff, you were aware of a betting pool between them, they were waiting for you to finally pass out entirely. You found this slightly amusing.

 

“Who’s got this slot?” You asked as you huffed through movements. You could hear soft thudding as the doctor in attending flicked through the spread sheet on his datapad.

 

“Amalia, another hour and she’s out.” It was the same salt and pepper haired doctor from your last major visit to the Med bay, Dr. Duran. He liked to hover too much sometimes, but other than that you didn’t all together mind his presence.

 

“Not yet.” You said as you continued to push. “But maybe soon.” You were growing clumsier and clumsier, the weighted shapes were growing heavier as you used the Force to push them. Some of the weights were teetering as you strained to move them in circular motions around you. Your hands were shaking, sweat was beading all over your body.

 

You were panting, and your mind ached, you felt light headed. You knew if you kept pushing that there was the possibility of passing out completely. You wanted it to happen. It had become your new goal. You scrunched your face and picked up a few more weights, adding them to the orbiting weights. Your heart rate rose, and you were starting to hear ringing in your ears, you continued to push. You were so close. You staggered, several of the objects thudding loudly to the stone floor. Dr. Duran moved back, startled at the sound of the objects falling. You could faintly hear him on the com asking for a gurney and crash cart immediately. You swayed, your eyes blinked lazily, your hands fell, causing the objects to fall with them. Your vision was blurred as the ringing increased, causing you to scrunch your face. So close. You didn’t fight your body, your mind screaming for rest, you thudded to the ground heavily as darkness overcame you, you huffed at the impact. You could hear Dr. Duran and the nurse scrambling to move the objects away to clear a path. Faint scraping as they slid them across the floor.

 

 

>                 _You peered into darkness, your metaphysical body turning a full three-sixty searching for something. What, you did not know. You paused suddenly, feeling a familiar presence. You moved in the darkness blindly towards it. It was almost calling you. There was a light, dim and warm, you moved towards it and stepped into it. You could feel him close, he moved out of the darkness to the same light. He looked terrible._
> 
> _“You look terrible.” He said as he stood in front of you. You scoffed._
> 
> _“I was just thinking the same about you.” A smile came to his full lips, you returned it._
> 
> _“When will you be back?” You asked suddenly. A look of surprise shifted across his face._
> 
> _“Soon. I’m returning as we speak.” You sighed in relief. “Do you miss me that much?” He asked with a slight laugh. You scowled._
> 
> _“I haven’t been sleeping and I have a suspicion that your distance is causing a strain on the bond…which is causing it.” His jaw tightened and flexed._
> 
> _“I’m sorry. I had no idea this would happen. If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been sleeping either.” It didn’t make you feel better, you frowned._
> 
> _“This is all your fault, you know that right?” You scowled._
> 
> _“I told you I was sorry.”_
> 
> _“You aren’t in the least bit sorry, I know it.” He frowned._
> 
> _“Where are you?” You furrowed your brows and shrugged._
> 
> _“Probably med bay by now.” His face suddenly shifted in concern._
> 
> _“What did you do?” He moved closer to you, his hand gripping your arm and tugging you closer to him, causing you to look upward to meet his eyes, he grabbed at your hands and peered at them for any further amputations. Gazing up and down the length of your body, inspecting you for any self-inflicted harm. Your brows furrowed and you frowned._
> 
> _“Well, two weeks of too little sleep, I kept pushing myself until I finally passed out.” You muttered._
> 
> _“Eight.” You shook your head._
> 
> _“I’m fine, medical staff has been following me around for the past few days.” You laughed at the thought of the betting pool going on between them. He furrowed his brows._
> 
> _“What is so funny about you pushing yourself to complete exhaustion?” He was angry, you could feel it._
> 
> _“Calm down, I was laughing about the betting pool between the medical staff about when I would finally give out. I guess Amalia won, I wonder how much the pot was…” You mused. He huffed and shook his head, relaxing his grip on your arm._
> 
> _“Highly unprofessional.” He said softly. You rolled your eyes._
> 
> _“Oh let them have their fun. This is the most excitement they’ve had in a while.”_
> 
> _There was a flickering in the light, it was starting to dim, you looked upward to see if you could see the source._
> 
> _“The connection…” He paused causing your head to lower to look at his face once more, your eyes meeting, you could see his longing. You wondered if your eyes betrayed you as his did. “I will see you once I return. It shouldn’t be more than a few days. I will send explicit instructions about your care.” Your upper lip twitched, a sneer coming to your face._
> 
> _“No. No special treatment.” You said firmly. He returned your scowl._
> 
> _“Yes and that is final.” The connection started to blink in and out, you looked around frantically, suddenly not wanting this to end._
> 
> _“Kylo?”_
> 
> _“I will be back soon.”_
> 
> _You could no longer see him as you returned to total darkness. Suddenly reminding you of the Kyber cave. You could feel your pulse rising as the darkness pressed in like a vice around you. Panic started to set in. You needed to leave this place. You mentally willed yourself to calm down, telling yourself to return inward and away from the darkness._

You could hear shuffling near you. You wanted to open your eyes but found that you couldn’t. You groaned, and tried to force your body to move. You felt completely detached from everything. The shuffling came closer, you could feel something, no, someone near you, familiar and calming. You tried to open your eyes again but couldn’t. A large hand brushed your skin, you wanted to move towards it, willing it to come back, it lingered on your flesh. You focused on it, trying to figure out where it was located on your body. Your face? No, but close. Your head, it was touching the crown of your head. You could feel yourself sigh.

 

“Go back to sleep.” His voice was so close. Were you dreaming? You tried to mentally project speech to him. “Don’t. You need to rest.” You returned to the darkness, time ceased to exist, you ceased to exist, nothing was real and nothing mattered. You took comfort in this.

 

Your eyes opened slowly, the room was dark. Your eyes blinked several times, as you tried to focus your vision. You groaned. You felt like you got hit by a meteor. Your face, yes you could feel your face again, winced in pain. You could feel shifting beside you. Warmth radiated from its direction. Finally you realized you were no longer in the medical bay. You could hear faint beeping. Your heart rate? Things were connected to you, tubing in places that were uncomfortable. You shifted again as your eyes finally came into full focus. You grimaced.

 

“Fuck.” You grumbled, the sound of your voice unsettled you. The beeping increased. The shifting behind you suddenly quickened. You felt a hand on the crown of your head, large and warm.

 

“You’re okay. You’re in my quarters.” You suddenly recognized the voice, anger suddenly swelling inside of you. No special treatment, you told him that. The heart monitor beeped frantically. “Calm down.”

 

“No.” Your voice sounded like gravel from disuse.

 

“Eight.”

 

“I told you, no special treatment.” You lifted your heavy arm, and mentally searched for the light dimmer, lifting it slowly. You were tired of the darkness. Finding it you slowly brightened the lights to the dimmest setting. He sighed.

 

“Was I supposed to just leave you in medical?” He asked in a huff.

 

“Yes.” You whispered.

 

You attempted to sit up, his hand forced you back down. You turned your face to look at him. He looked like hell, you probably looked no better. His dark eyes searched your own, pleading for you to remain calm. Your hand flittered across your body, feeling for the tubing keeping you stable, you found them and looked down. You scowled.

 

“Don’t you dare.” His voice was serious.

 

“Fuck you.” You said softly as you yanked out the first IV, the pain was sharp but you suddenly felt so alive as the pain seared through you. He moved from the bed quickly swearing under his breath. You felt the sticky pads and pulled them off as well, willing yourself to sit up. Damn it had they put in a catheter? Fuck how long had you been out?

 

“A week.” He said flatly as he turned off the monitor. You swore. Your head was spinning slightly. You winced again, a pinch in your arm as the other IV shifted. You pulled it out too. “Will you stop!” He grabbed your arms, pinning them to your side. You glared at him. His eyes were pleading. You huffed.

 

“Call Dr. Duran, I want this shit out of me.” You scowled, too weak to fight his strong grip.

 

“I was trying to but you’re such a stubborn brat.” He said through gritted teeth. You pinched your lips. Oh you were a brat? You? This was all his kriffing fault. He was the brat. Sensing your thoughts he sighed.

“Just, give me a minute. And for kriffing sake, don’t pull out your catheter.” He mumbled.

 

Dr. Duran was in the room quickly, Nine’s favorite nurse was accompanying him with a datapad and some other items in a bag. You sat scowling in the bed, not happy with the entire situation, you were radiating anger, Ren was having to concentrate to keep it from affecting him.

 

“Well, it’s good to see you awake.” He said as he leaned down to examine you. You didn’t reply, maintaining your scowl as he looked you over. “I see you ripped out your IV’s.” He stated clearly unhappy about it. You narrowed your eyes at him, as if asking him to test you. He shook his head. Ren stood in the corner of the bedroom and watched you. You ignored him.

 

“You let me sleep for a week.” You croaked. Duran looked over to Nine’s Nurse and informed her to get you some water. She came back quickly with a metal cup. You drank greedily.

 

“Slow down.” Dr. Duran, snatched the cup from you, the metal crunched under his hands, he looked down at it in surprise. You glared at him as if to say, ‘yes, I did that, be grateful it wasn’t your neck.’ He gulped.

“You have nothing on your stomach, you can’t just chug water, you need to sip.” He said in explanation. Your face remained a scowl. You decided this was going to be your face for the remainder of this visit.

 

“And yes, we let you sleep for as long as you needed. You were past exhaustion, I told you this would happen if you continued to push yourself. Remember that?” He said as he pressed down on your belly with both hands. You vaguely remembered, honestly you weren’t quite sure how fully awake you were during the last few days. Everything felt almost dream like during that period. You could hear Ren huff in the corner. You shifted your glare to him.

“You need to leave.” You told him sternly. His mouth opened briefly and then clamped shut as his jaw flexed angrily. Duran watched as he left slightly in surprise.

 

“He was very worried about you, made us move you from medical to here as soon as he returned.” Your lips pinched. So typical you thought, he never listened to your wishes, selfish child.

 

“He had no right.” You whispered angrily. Duran paused and checked over your chart briefly.

 

“He has every right. He’s in charge here.” You weren’t sure how it was possible for your scowl to deepen but you managed it.

 

“Snoke is in charge here.” You said vehemently.

 

“And by proxy, that makes him ultimately in charge.” He added as he moved between our legs. “Are you ready?” He asked. You nodded and tried to relax. He pulled the catheter out slowly, it burned horribly and felt completely unnatural. You grimaced. You sighed in relief once he finished.  “Alright. You should be okay to move freely, but do so carefully, you will need assistance, you’ve been laying in a bed for a week, so your muscles are going to be very sore and uncomfortable for a little while.” Your upper lip twitched. You nodded.

 

“I would like to be returned to my quarters.” You said suddenly. Dr. Duran looked at you quizzically and shook his head.

 

“I don’t think it’s best for you to be alone right now.”

 

“I don’t care what you think.” His eyes narrowed slightly, his hands running through his salt and pepper hair.

 

“I wasn’t aware you went to med school and graduated at the top of your class.” He sniped. A soft smile tugged at the corner of your chapped lips. You chuckled. He shook his head. “I will inform Ren of what I think is best, and I think we both know that he’ll side with me on the matter.” Your lips pinched suddenly, the smile fading from your face.

 

“Are you threatening me doctor?” He shook his head, a huff of a laugh passing through his lips.

 

“No, of course not. I am doing my job as instructed. If I remember correctly, Supreme Leader does not take kindly to unfollowed orders.” Your eyes narrowed, face going back to a scowl. You huffed and lifted your arm, willing the crushed cup to come to you. You grabbed it out of the air and sipped at the remaining water. He nodded.

 

“At least, return me to medical. I do not wish to be here.” He sighed.

 

“It is up to Ren, I will try to persuade him to allow you to return to medical for observation.” You nodded.

 

“Thank you.” You mumbled. A smile came to his face.

 

“Amalia won the pool by the way.”

 

“I figured as much…how much?”

 

“Three hundred Credits.”

 

“For some reason I thought the pool would be bigger.” You mumbled.

 

“Well, some of the staff didn’t feel it was ethical to join in on the wager.” You shook your head.

 

“How much did you lose?”

 

“About eighty credits. I thought you would last much longer, my blocks were farther down from the rest.” He laughed at this. You breathed out a laugh.

 

“You and me both.” He shook his head.

 

“You’re only human Eight, you lasted much longer than a normal person would have, that’s got to be something?”

 

“I guess.” He could sense the conversation coming to a close and nodded.

 

“Well, I’ll go speak to Ren. Do try not to push yourself. I don’t want to see you back in medical because you were foolish.” You smirked.

 

“I would never dream of it.” He shook his head and left the bedroom. Nine’s nurse wheeled out the medical equipment and followed him back.

 

You sat in the bed and sipped at your water waiting for Ren to return. You could feel his anxiety, hesitating to come back into the bed room, you didn’t quite understand the reason for this feeling. You were weak, there was no fight to be had from you. Not right now anyway. He eventually walked back into the room and stared at you, you glared at him.

 

“You do not wish to stay here?” He asked suddenly.

 

“No.”

 

“Why are you still fighting this?”

 

“Because, it will not control me. I will not allow it.” He shook his head.

 

“You realize that your constant struggle against the bond is what was causing your restlessness…I was not nearly as affected as you were.” Your lips pinched.

 

“I will suffer if it means that it does not control me.”

 

“Why are you always such a stubborn brat?”

 

“Why are you always such a selfish child?” You snapped. “If you had more control of your urges, then we would not be in this predicament. You lack discipline.”

 

“I told you, this is for both of our benefits, if you would stop fighting it you wouldn’t be suffering as you are.”

 

“I rather suffer than be at the mercy of emotional whims.” Your arms crossed over your chest. Perhaps you were being too stubborn, but that didn’t matter at the moment. You didn’t want him to be right.

 

“You’re a fool Eight, I can feel you, remember that. I can feel your conflict every time you and I are together. It’s making you _weak._ ” Your teeth clamped tightly, anger flashing in your eyes, you wanted to crush him. Rip him apart and rid yourself of the burden he placed on you. He huffed out a laugh. “Your hatred of me speaks volumes.”

 

“Does it?” You laughed dangerously, “It’ll speak even more once I rid myself of you.” His eyes narrowed as he crossed the room in quick strides, sitting promptly on the side of the bed and grabbing at your crossed arms, pulling them away from your body firmly.

 

“You couldn’t do it, not even at your strongest, you couldn’t bring yourself to destroy me.” Was he daring you?

 

“You have no idea what I am capable of, I have done terrible things to the people I care for the most. You will be no different.” Your faces were inches apart, you could feel his exhales on your face. You did not pull away, he wanted to see if you would flinch. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

 

“I know you more than anyone. I am with you always. I feel every fleeting emotion and thought, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.” His teeth were gritted now, anger and frustration coming over him. “You think you are in control?” He scoffed. “You control nothing and deep down you know this.”

 

He was wrong. You could do it. You could kill him. You wanted to kill him. Everything had fallen apart since his arrival, he was the direct cause of all of your current suffering. You both glared at each other for a long moment, something flashed in his eyes suddenly, his hand cupped the back of your head, pulling you towards him. Your lips crashed together, uninhibited passion flowing between the two of you at the contact.

 

You fought briefly to pull away from the contact, but your body was once again betraying you as your lips parted slightly, allowing the kiss to deepen. His other hand found its way to the side of your face, caressing you gently. You sighed softly, your mind screamed at you to gain control, to pull away. He pulled away again sensing your discomfort. Your eyes were wide as confusion crossed your face. His eyes peering at you tenderly, his thumb rubbing across your cheek.

 

“Please.” Your voice was soft and pleading, “Don’t force this on me. Don’t…do this to me.” Your anger washed away only to be replaced with a slow burning heat of another kind. It resided in the pit of your stomach and fluttered dangerously.

 

He pressed his forehead to your own, sadness in his eyes. Why was he sad, he wasn’t the one being forced into this whole mess. You could feel him clearly, too clearly, everything he was feeling suddenly crashing into your own thoughts. Melding together into one being. He was sad because he didn’t want you to fight anymore. He didn’t want you to suffer. He needed you and he knew that you needed him just as much. You were damaged, not only your memories, but pieces of you that had once been there were gone. Fallen away from past trauma. He wanted to fix you. He wanted you to fix him too.

 

“Do you understand now?” He asked softly, your eyes locked once again.

 

“Yes.” You said softly, he could sense the ‘but’ coming already and sighed. “I can’t…I…” you pressed your feelings to him, lacking the words to explain. You were terrified, affection had so many complications. You had experienced them first hand, he had yet to experience them.

 

He shook his head and closed his eyes, his lips brushed across yours again, the fluttering in you rose dangerously. You could feel his pleading, your lips gave way slightly, but you broke the contact, finding the strength to do so suddenly as you remembered the past pain of your connection to Twelve. He sighed.

 

“Eight, it will not always be that way.”

 

“But it could be.” He frowned and released his hands from your body, and moved away from you.

 

“Let it go.” He said firmly, your brows furrowed.

 

“It is too much a part of me to let go. I can never part with it…it’s my burden to carry.” His hand moved to your left hand, his calloused fingers fluttering over your missing digit, as if in acknowledgement of this.  You lowered your head, sadness filling you to the brim.

 

“You miss her so much.” His voice echoed your sadness, he could feel your pain. Your eyes filled with tears, allowing the feeling to overtake you.

“There’s an emptiness…and it’s so painful.” Tears were actively falling from your face now, you didn’t brush them away and instead allowed them to fall.

 

“I know…I can feel it.” He sympathized, his hand moving back to cup your face, he could sense your need for comfort.

 

“He will make you choose one day…and he will try to break you…” You shook your head softly, you didn’t want to say it, and you knew you shouldn’t, but the openness and tenderness that he had shown you earlier had completely over ridden all restraints on your emotions. “You mustn’t allow him to break you. Do as he asks, but do not let it break you…” He embraced you as you started to sob softly, the pain was too much, it had been sleeping under your anger, festering as it waited for the opportunity to overtake you. He kissed your forehead softly. Just like he had seen Twelve do so many times in your memory. Your shoulders slumped and you whimpered softly, the ache rising in your chest.

 

“Stay with me…just until you’re better…please.” Perhaps he was taking advantage of the moment, but you didn’t care enough to protest. You wanted to be touched and feel the comforts of shared warmth, you needed him you realized. His plush lips kissed your cheek softly. You took a shaky breath and exhaled through slightly parted lips.

 

“Fine.” You sounded defeated and broken. And you were. You were damaged and irreparably so, he could try and try all he wanted but there was no fixing you. There was no repairing the emptiness that Twelve had left.  His free hand went to the crown of your head and pressed firmly, reassurance, he was so sure of himself. He was a fool.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Bend

________________________

 

When Dr. Duran had told you how weak your muscles would be, he wasn’t lying. You were weak, it took effort to move, Ren had taken to following you around like a shadow, hovering and waiting for you to ask for assistance. Using the bathroom and showering had become a monumental task, he waited outside of the large refresher for you every time. It was embarrassing and you hated every moment of it.

 

“I’m getting into the shower now.” You called out to him, but of course he already knew.

 

The openness was at an all-time high. You felt horribly exposed. Ren never commented. You stepped into the shower and allowed the hot spray to pound into your muscles. Relishing in the feeling you sighed. You braced yourself against the wall as you moved slowly to wash. Your legs protested to holding your weight and trembled under you. You grimaced as you re-positioned to wash yourself further. Once you finished you gingerly moved out of the shower grabbing a towel and wrapped it around you. You stood for a moment before attempting to dress. Lifting your legs slowly to put on your underwear and shimmying them upward slowly under the towel. You should have dried off more, the fabric was sticking to the moisture still on your legs. You cursed under your breath. Gritting your teeth you pulled them up quickly, your body jolting at the sudden movement. You groaned annoyed at the sensation.

 

“Are you alright?” He called from the other side of the door. You huffed.

 

“I’m fine.” You called.

 

“I can help you if you need it.” He offered.

 

You weren’t entirely comfortable with the idea, you didn’t want him to see you so exposed. No, it would be too embarrassing and awkward. You would just have to push through it.  You forwent your bra, it would only be more of a hassle, and pulled your split tunic over your body. It was long enough to cover your private areas. You didn’t know if you could pull up your leggings with as much trouble as you had had simply putting on your underwear. You huffed. It would have to do.

 

“Can you do me a favor?” You called.

 

“What is it?” He asked.

 

“Could you turn away from the door and not look.” You said softly.

 

“Uh, yes?”

 

“Are you turned around?” You called.

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Thank you.” You weren't sure when you had gotten so shy about being so under dressed around the man. Perhaps it was the way he looked at you that made you suddenly embarrassed of your own body?

 

You moved to the door and opened it, peaking around the corner as much as your body would allow, you could see him turned away looking at the corner of the room. Your lips pinched tightly. You shuffled out of the ‘fresher and moved as quickly as you could back to the bed. The sheets were fresh having been changed while you were in the shower. You climbed into the large bed and pulled the fresh covers over your body, he remained looking at the corner.

 

“Okay, you can look now.” You said.

 

 He turned to look at you with a raised eyebrow. As far as he could tell you were decent, you could feel his perplexity at your request. You looked over his shoulder as you spoke, “The leggings…were too much work.” His face flushed suddenly, realizing that you were only in your tunic and underclothes. You could feel his flush with excitement at the idea. You scowled.  He composed himself quickly and mumbled an apology. You shook your head. He moved to the bed, pulling off his boots once he was sitting on the other side. He hesitated for a moment, your eyebrow raised slightly. Oh he normally slept in less clothing you mused.

 

“If you would feel more comfortable in less clothing, then just go ahead and do it.” Your cheeks flushed at the idea. You chided yourself for the thought. He stood and removed his shirt, you turned away quickly, not daring to look. You shifted so your back was to him, he laid down in the bed next to you, the lights dimming into darkness.

 

“If you would prefer, I can go sleep on the couch.” You frowned.

 

“It’s fine.” You could feel him shifting behind you, moving closer to you, your body froze, he paused his movements suddenly reflecting on the fact that you both were wearing considerably less clothing than you would normally be wearing.

 

“You’re going to be wrapped around me by morning, you might as well go ahead.” You said quickly, something greedy in you wanted to feel his skin around you.

 

 He moved over to you, his strong arms warping around your middle as he pulled you closer to him as gently as possible. You could feel his breath on your neck sending a shudder down your spine. He noticed and hummed in your ear. The fluttering in your stomach returned. Your body softening to his touch, you relaxed.

 

“I can braid your hair for you in the morning if you want?” Your brows furrowed, you turned slowly to look at him in the darkness, his face inches away from your own.

 

“You know how to braid hair?” You asked confused. He hummed, you could feel the vibration from his chest.

 

“My mother, used to let me braid her hair when I was younger.” You smiled at the thought, you could sense the comfort from the memory. His nose nuzzled yours suddenly, you moved away from him, turning your face back around. Your brows furrowed. You wondered suddenly what it was like to have mother, to remember her fondly as he did his own. Sensing this he gripped you tighter.

 

“It…was a complicated relationship.” He stated softly, you could feel his slight resentment of her suddenly.

 

“Why?” You asked.

 

“She, sent me away when I needed her the most.” He stated, you could feel the subtle undertones of pain in his thoughts. You frowned.

 

“At least you remember.” You whispered. At least he had that. You had a fleeting image and a voice only shown to you once in a dream. You wondered if you had made the images up, another false memory created to protect yourself. You thought about the humming, perhaps you had subconsciously put the familiar hum of the kyber into the dream. A way to comfort you in your time of need. Ren nuzzled your hair.

 

“No, that was a memory.” He said softly in your ear. You shivered again.  

 

“I forgot that you saw…I cannot truthfully decipher between dreams and memories…true memories.” He hummed.

 

“She loved you.” He whispered. Your brows furrowed as sadness overwhelmed you once again.

 

“She’s dead…I know it.” Your voice cracking with emotion. You didn’t know why you were saying such things, truthfully you had no idea if she was alive or not. Perhaps you wanted her to be dead for your own sake. You couldn’t stand the thought of your mother still waiting for you to return, growing older every day, her hair turning gray and her skin wrinkling. Would she even wait for you? Surely she would.

 

Ren shoved his nose into the wet ropes of your long hair, and breathed in deeply, you could feel his lips on the back of your head as he kissed you. His hand that was draped over your side finding yours and squeezing it comfortingly. Truthfully you didn’t mind the comfort, but something inside of you still wanted to recoil away from it. Away from him. You stared into the darkness, sleep eluding you, you had been sleeping for a week. You didn’t want to sleep anymore.

 

“I don’t know if I can sleep.” You mumbled. He hummed.

 

“Try. You need to rest.” You could hear how tired he was in his voice as it rumbled softly behind you.

 

“Kylo?” He hummed. You could feel his joy at hearing you use his first name, a fluttering in your stomach rising from it.

 

“Who were you before…coming here?” You asked. He sighed.

 

“Does it truly matter?”

 

“I guess not.” You mumbled. Truthfully you wanted to know more about him. Wanted to know his reasons for abandoning his family. You couldn’t imagine it was an easy choice.

 

“It…wasn’t.”

 

“Then why did you leave?” He was silent, you could sense his hesitation in explaining further.

 

“It was something that I needed to do. I never truly belonged. The relationship with my family…was always strained. They feared me…my father…” he paused. It was a sensitive subject, his mother he could talk about, but his father was a whole different subject entirely.

 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.” His hand clenched tighter around yours, a silent thank you.  You closed your eyes and attempted to sleep, you didn’t want to keep him up any further. You fell into a fitful sleep.

 

> _“Starlight?! Where are you?!” She sounded so panicked. She called for you again, a name you did not register, blanked out and garbled. You snickered, your tiny hands clamped over your mouth in the darkness. You were hiding under the bed. She didn’t realize that you were playing a game with her. You could hear her tearing through the small home going from room to room calling for you. You giggled again, your pulse pounding in excitement, she was getting closer._
> 
> _“Where are you?! Please come out!” She was really panicked now. You suddenly felt so guilty for hiding. You frowned and crawled out from under the bed._
> 
> _“I’m right here mommy.” You called. She ran to you and grabbed you, falling to her knees and wrapping her arms around you tightly._
> 
> _“Starlight! Didn’t you hear me calling you? I was so worried!”_
> 
> _“I’m sorry mommy, I just wanted to play a game with you.” You whispered, your guilt rising feeling her worry and fear coursing through you. Her feelings were so readable when she made contact with you.  She kissed your forehead, her hand wrapping around your hair, threading through your soft ringlets._
> 
> _“Remember, you have to tell me when we’re playing that game. You scared me.”_
> 
> _“I’m sorry mommy, I didn’t mean to.” You could feel tears pricking at your eyes, her fear and worry taking over your emotions. You sniffled. She pulled away from you, her eyes peering into your own, they were your eyes only darker. A fat tear rolled down your plump cheek. She gently chased it way and smiled at you softly._
> 
> _“Oh don’t cry Starlight, its okay. I have you.” She tugged you back into her, her arms scooping you up and carrying you on her hip as she moved back into the open living room. You rested your head on her chest as she sat on the couch and cradled you. Your face was in a pout as she combed through your hair with her fingers, calming you and the anxiety that her worry brought on._
> 
> _“Mommy?” She hummed._
> 
> _“I’m sorry.” Your voice sounded so small, it was a wonder that she could even hear you. She kissed the crown of your head._
> 
> _“It’s okay Starlight.”_
> 
> _“Mommy?”_
> 
> _“Yes darling?”_
> 
> _“When is daddy coming home?”_
> 
> _“I don’t know baby. He’s away on important business, hopefully soon though.” Your heart thudded in your chest. Her anxiety about your father coursing through you. She shushed you and hummed the same tune from before. Something told you that your father would never come home, perhaps it was her own subconscious thoughts radiating outward, but you knew deep down that he would never return._
> 
> _There was a sudden need to calm her, like she had always done for you, you clamped onto her tightly, your small fingers tugging onto her shirt as you attempted to squeeze the anxiety out of her. She wrapped her arms around you in return._
> 
> _“You know I love you right?” She whispered into your ear._
> 
> _“Uhm-hum.”_
> 
> _“Good. Don’t ever forget that okay?” You smiled._
> 
> _“Okay mommy.” She laughed and released you, allowing you to sit on her lap freely as she looked at you, her smile was sad but pleasing all the same. Her expression shifted suddenly into one of excitement._
> 
> _“Do you want to help me make dinner?!” You nodded enthusiastically and hummed. “Okay! Let’s go get started then!” She allowed you to shift off her lap and onto the hard floor, she stood and towered over you, her hand finding yours and you both walked to the kitchen only a few feet away._

You opened your eyes as tears began to well up. You sighed softly as emotion over took you, tears rolling down your face. You stared up at the ceiling, having shifted to your back in sleep, Ren was still wrapped around you, you could still feel his soft breath near your neck, his arm still draped over your middle. Your body shook with a sob as your hands went to cover your eyes in shame. You had forgotten.

 

 You had forgotten so much. You cried silently, Ren stirred softy beside you, moving upward on the bed and rising to an elbow to look at you as you cried, hands still clamped over your eyes, elbows tight to your chest. His free hand pulled a hand away from your face, allowing him to peer down at your face in the dim glow of the room. Your eyes were still clamped shut, not willing to look at him, you didn’t want to see his expression. You sobbed again, more tears progressing down your face, he moved your other hand, your arms falling limply to your sides in defeat. You couldn’t fight the constant onslaught of emotion anymore. You couldn’t find the strength.

 

“Eight?” He whispered. You turned your face away from him as another sob wracked your body. His large hand going to your face and turning you back to look at him. Your eyes opened this time, his brows scrunched in concern.  “You’re okay, I’m right here, you’re okay.”

 

“I forgot…her.” You said between sobs.

 

“You didn’t.” He said softly, you could see his full lips turning upward into a soft smile.

 

“I did. I… I…” You hiccuped softly, your words catching in your throat. His hand left your face and snaked down your body down to your waist, he tugged you toward him as he laid back down, pulling you to his chest and freeing his other arm to snake around your body, holding you tightly. He kissed the crown of your head and shushed you.

 

“She would forgive you, you know that.” He said into your hair.

 

Tears fell silently onto his chest, you sniffled. His rand rubbed under your shirt at your back, soothing you further, his fingers moving across the tight muscles and scars gently as he hummed to you. Mumbling words of assurance along with the hums. You closed your eyes as you took comfort in his touch and the low rumbling in his chest as it vibrated through you. You shivered, suddenly cold, he reached downward to pull the kicked off blankets back over you, his hand skimming the back of your bare legs, running over the thick lattice of scars that covered them. He paused over them, blanket still clenched in his hand. You could feel his urge to sit up and look at them. He released the blanket, abandoning it in favor of running his hand over the scars. You shivered, but not from the cold, he noticed and continued to run his hand over the scars, his fingers tracing the raised ridges.

 

“They’re a lot thicker than I imagined.” He mumbled.

 

Your hand reached down to catch his and pulled it back upward. You wanted him to stop touching you in such a way, completely uncomfortable with the sensations it was causing to stir deep within your core. He didn’t return his fingers and instead allowed you to pull the covers over the both of you, taking the hint that his touch was unwanted in that area. You laid your hand back onto his chest and settled into a comfortable position. His arms returning to your back once again as he started to rub you comfortingly. You sighed softly and fell back to sleep.

 

When your eyes opened again Ren was no longer in the bed, instead you were curled into a ball bundled in the blankets, his warmth gone from you and the bed. He’d been awake for a while you mused. You slowly uncurled your legs, they were stiff still. You groaned softly at the pain. You could hear commotion coming from the living room. You rubbed at your face and decided to get up. Moving slowly across the huge bed, you moved to a sitting position slowly, careful not to jar your body too much. You extended your legs slowly and forced yourself to stand. You moved as quickly as possible to the refresher to relieve your full bladder. Once finished you washed your hand and dried them and moved out into the living room, pulling your tunic down as much as possible to make sure you were covered. You opened the door and peered out into the room, seeing Ren sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table tinkering with something. You moved out further and watched from the hall way, leaning against the wall and crossing your arms against your chest.

 

“I had breakfast brought for you.” He said as he continued to tinker with whatever it was he was working on. You moved away from the wall and padded barefoot across the floor and into the small kitchenette. You removed the cover from a tray that had been set on the island in the center of the kitchen and peered down quizzically at the food. It looked different, it smelled different. You raised your head in confusion. He looked up at you sensing your emotions. He chuckled.

 

“Just eat it.”

 

“What is it?” You asked slowly, turning your attention back down to the food.

 

“Not that garbage you’re used to eating.” You furrowed your brows, your upper lip twitching slightly. You huffed and picked up the fork and hesitantly scooped a bite up, pausing to inspect it. It looked edible and smelled very strongly of something that was nagging you to remember in the back of your mind. You moved the utensil to your mouth and ate it. Your eyes suddenly growing wide as flavor, real flavor exploded in your mouth. Ren was watching you suddenly, smiling at your expression, continuing to stare at you as you chewed. You weren’t sure if you were ready to swallow it, too enthralled with the taste to be rid of it. He laughed. You swallowed it and went back quickly for another bite, eating as if you had never had food in your life.

 

“What is this?!” You mumbled through a mouth full of food. Ren stood suddenly and moved to stand across from you at the island counter.

 

“You like it I take?” He asked knowingly. You nodded like a small child and continued to eat. If it wouldn’t have been too awkward you probably would have licked the plate once you finished, but Ren was watching you so closely you felt it would be weird. He had a stupid grin across his face, looking oddly handsome, butterflies rising in your stomach at the sight of him. You blinked and looked away, peering behind him to see what he was working on.

 

“What’s that?” You asked as you moved from behind the counter and walked as quickly as possible towards the coffee table. You could feel Ren’s eyes on your body as you walked, probably looking at the scars he had been touching the night before. He followed you over to the small table and hovered behind you, you could feel the heat coming off of his large body. You huffed.

 

 “Go ahead and get a look at them.” You said dejectedly, feeling his want to do so.

 

 He crouched downward behind you, one hand clamping onto your bare thigh as he inspected the red and raised scars that littered your legs. His other hand moved to trace their shapes again. You could feel his urge to do more than touch them, you moved away from him suddenly and sat on your knees in front of the coffee table. He moved to stand and walked over to the opposite side of the coffee table and sat once again.

“It’s something I’ve been working on since I returned.” You cocked an eyebrow wanting a further explanation. “It’s a helmet.”

 

“Why would you need a helmet?” You asked slowly, completely perplexed.

 

 He frowned slightly. You pinched your lips together slightly, your hands raising upward to take hold of a large flared piece, the back of the helmet you assumed, you paused and looked at him asking permission to touch it. He nodded. You picked up the black piece and turned it in your hands, inspecting it slowly. You returned it to the table softly, careful not to scratch the glass top. “You haven’t answered my question.” You said suddenly.

 

“All of you will have one…for anonymity purposes…and as a way to further intimidate.” You chuckled suddenly.

 

“Are we not intimidating enough?” He shook his head, you could feel his slight embarrassment as he stared down at the helmet, he had been working on the front piece, a mask ridged and cold. You didn’t like it.

 

“The old Knights of Ren, they had something very similar, I figured why not continue the tradition.”

 

“Knights of Ren?” You paused as your mind mulled over just what he was saying. “Are…are we your knights?”  He looked up at you suddenly and nodded. You scrunched your face not entirely sure how to feel about the title.

 

“Once we destroy the new Jedi Order, you will be thankful for the anonymity.” He said suddenly. You nodded softly.

 

“So…we are still going through with that?” He nodded.

 

“It is a necessity.”  You hummed. “Once we complete their destruction, you and the others will be given new names.” You frowned deeply, he noticed and shook his head.  “You will pick your own names, you have earned the right to do so.”

 

“Just like you?” You asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“What was your name before this one?” You asked suddenly, you already knew, you just wanted to see if he would tell you. Would he remember the light telling you his name, his true name? He paused and looked at you, brows furrowed and jaw flexing. “It is only fair, you will have known all of our names before…we choose new ones.” You mumbled. His jaw flexed once again, his lips parting slightly.

“Ben.”

“Ben.” You tested the name out, your stomach fluttering once again as the name left your mouth in a near whisper. Sounding all too familiar to the small voice that whispered in the back of your mind. The Light. You could hear a slight hitch in his breath as you spoke, perhaps feeling your own internal stirrings. You looked at him softly he mirrored your look. “It’s a nice name…” You mused as a soft smile spread across your lips. Something flashed in his eyes at the sight of you, something clicking within him.

 

“You look like your mother when you smile like that.” He said softly.

 

Your heart dropped, momentarily forgetting that the combination of the bond and your habit of projecting in your sleep allowed him to see her face, not once but twice. You chewed on your lower lip as you recalled her sad soft smile from your dream. His long arms reached across the table, allowing his hand to make a connection to your arm. He gripped you softly.

 

You weren’t sure how to feel about his observation. You mulled over the memory in your mind once again, she had said your name, your true name…but you couldn’t hear it, something still blocked it from your memory. Sensing your thoughts he stood and moved to sit next to you, arms wrapping around you, pulling you into his lap, your head falling softly to his shoulder. Familiar sensations of comfort over coming you, your mother held you like this when she comforted you, he had seen her do it.

 

You looked up at him causing him to look down at you. His dark eyes were soft, you raised a hand to his face, cupping him softly, the urge to bring his lips to yours was overwhelming. He could sense your need for contact but did not move to press his lips to yours. He wanted you to make the first move this time, he could sense you fighting the urge, he didn’t want to pressure you you realized. Your lips parted slightly, your hand pulling him downward, his lips brushed against yours softly, familiar stirrings deep in your core urging you to continue the contact.

 

You pressed your lips against his softly testing the waters slowly. He did not rush you and allowed you to control the situation. You pulled away slowly, blinking lazily, his hand moving to your thigh and running upward towards your underwear, a slick sensation tingling between your thighs at the movement. Your breath hitched softly. His hand snaked under the cloth, bare hand curving around your rear, you panted softly, you could sense his pleasure at this reaction. He squeezed firmly around your round cheek, the wetness growing between your thighs. Your lips moved back to his, you kissed him passionately, your tongue grazing across his bottom lip asking for entrance. His lips parted and you deepened the kiss, softly nipping at his bottom lip, a low groan emitting from his chest at the feeling. His hand moved out from under your rear and under your tunic, grazing across your side and over your ribs. Fingers raising across your ribcage as he moved to your breast. Hand cupping you tenderly as his thumb grazed across your nipple, hardening the tip. You moaned softly into his mouth.

 

You needed to stop, this needed to stop, you pulled away from him, sensing your want to stop he allowed you to move away without protest. You panted softly, the wetness between your thighs wasn’t an altogether foreign sensation, and though not entirely unpleasant it was suddenly unwanted. You had never had this much of a sexual urge before and it scared you. He watched as you walked out of the room and back into the bedroom. Closing the door behind you, you cursed at yourself under your breath.

 

Just what the hell were you thinking? You couldn’t lose control over this. Your mind flashing back to the conversation you had with Four weeks ago. You had sounded so sure of yourself, you mustn’t allow your resolve to weaken. You took a deep breath and pulled your tunic off and grabbed your bra from the dresser, putting it on and then redressing in your shirt. You struggled with your leggings, but you were determined to put as much of a barrier between you and his bare hands. You couldn’t allow this to happen again you told yourself. You strapped your belt across your waist and clipped your saber to it. If you had had access to your armor at the moment you would have gladly of put on the uncomfortable pieces and walked out ready for battle.

 

When you walked back out of the bedroom, Ren had moved back to the other side of the coffee table and was back at work with his helmet. He made no comment at your dress when he looked back up. He seemed unmoved by your sudden change in appearance. Your hands fiddled with your hair, he watched you curiously.

 

“The offer still stands.” He said looking at you seriously. You weren’t sure if it was such a good idea at the moment. You weren’t sure how much you would be able to control your urges with his hands in your hair.

 

“Maybe later.” You said softly, he nodded at your words.

 

“What are you about to go do?” he asked as he returned to his tinkering.

 

“I guess train.” He looked back up at you.

 

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea at the moment.” You frowned at his words. What did he expect you to do? Stay cooped up in his quarters all day?  “No, but I don’t think straining your body right now is the best idea.” He added as he sensed your thoughts.

 

“I don’t physically have to train.” You added.

 

“Moving weights around with the Force for hours on end will eventually take a toll on you physically as well…you know that.” His lips pinched in slight agitation. 

 

Well what the hell were you going to do all day? Training was the only thing to keep your mind off of your current predicament with Ren. He frowned. “You could meditate on your body. You remember how to focus and heal yourself…that would probably be the best course of action.” He said with a slight sigh.  You huffed.

 

“Fine.” You walked over to the couch and sat on the plush cushions, crossing your legs and settling your shoulders as you attempted to relax. Your legs slightly protesting the position. You would focus on them first. You closed your eyes and reached out into the Force, searching for calm and balance, concentrating on allowing these energies to flow through your body.

 

You didn’t realize that you had fallen asleep, your body completely relaxed from meditation, Ren had apparently moved you to lay on the couch and covered you with a blanket. He was still fiddling with his helmet when you stirred. Your body felt oddly better, though the improvement was not by much, the soreness in your legs had lessened to the point that you would probably be able to do a light stretching routine.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” You mumbled. He hummed.

 

“It’s fine, I didn’t want to wake you.” Your hands patted down at your waist for your saber, finding it’s familiar weight missing from you. Ren paused and moved one of his hands down beside him and lifted up your saber for you to grab. Your hand wrapped around it, grazing his fingers in the process, he released his grip and went back to work on his helmet. You shifted and re clipped your weapon to your belt and forced yourself to sit up, a yawn over taking you.

 

“You should go get into bed.”

 

“I don’t want to sleep the day away, I need to get up and move around.” He shrugged.

 

You shifted your body so that your legs could fall on one side of him, allowing you to stand easily. You flexed your bare feet and twisted your shoulders and upper back, the sound of popping filling the quiet room. You sighed pleased at the feeling of the popping. You moved away from him and into a space large enough to stretch properly. Bringing your legs tightly together and bending downward, allowing your legs and spine to stretch out. You tested your motions slowly, not sure what would be too much as you widened your stance, allowing you to be closer to the ground. Your legs spread enough to be able to reach each leg and pull at your leg muscles further.

 

You counted to yourself as you switched from each side. Once you finished you returned to a standing position, lifting a single leg upward behind you and tugging upward, arching your spine and balancing on one leg. The pain felt good, it meant the muscles were loosening up slowly, tight from disuse. Your face scrunched at the pain, you held the pose longer, forcing the muscles to loosen. You switched legs and continued the process until you felt satisfied.

 

“There’s lunch on the counter, you should eat.” Your face lit up at his words, wondering what kind of new food you would be eating now.

 

You moved over to the island and pulled the cover back, your face suddenly falling flat at the sight of a meal bar. He watched your expression and smiled a chuckle rising from his throat.

 

“I was worried that too much new food would make you sick. I promise dinner will not be that trash they serve in the dining hall.” You scowled.

 

“Thanks.” You mumbled as you pulled the bar away from the plate and ripped off the wrapper.

 

Your mouth biting into it, the taste was horrible compared to the breakfast you ate earlier. You chewed quickly, wanting to be rid of the taste. He stood and joined you in the kitchenette, reaching for a cup and filling it with water from the sink and setting it next to you, but not before he drank from it. You took another bite, the dry compacted particles were terrible. You swallowed and reached for the water and took a deep gulp. How had you been eating this garbage before? Suddenly you felt horribly guilty. The others probably were eating the same flavorless mush and you had been able to enjoy some kind of exquisite breakfast. Ren shook his head, sensing your train of thought.

 

“Don’t feel guilty.”

 

“I can’t help it…you have no idea how much they complain about the food. I never realized how horrible it was until right now.” You frowned. He smiled kindly at you as you forced yourself to take another bite of the bar.

 

“I can remedy that.” Your eyes squinted, why the sudden concern over the food. He had been here for nearly a year now and hadn’t even thought to change what they served any of you in the dining hall.

 

“Truthfully, I didn’t realize any of you noticed how terrible the food was. I just assumed all of you liked it.”  You scrunched your brows and looked at him like he was crazy.

 

“You need to get out of your room more often and join us for a meal every once in a while, Ten is the worst, he brings it up almost every day.”  He chuckled.

 

“Well, how about tomorrow I’ll have the meals changed…gradually of course and I’ll start taking meals with all of you when I’m able.”  You smirked.

 

“Sounds like a plan, you have no idea how happy that would make them.”

 

“What? The meals or me joining?”

 

“Both…but probably mostly the meals.” You chuckled.

 

 He shook his head and smiled. He watched as you finished the bar and grimaced as you forced yourself to swallow quickly. You grabbed the cup quickly and washed down the remaining particles. You scrunched your nose.

 

“I understand why you made such a disgusted face at me that night in the kitchen.” He laughed. “So, are you almost finished with your mask?” You asked suddenly.

 

“Almost, there are still some components that need to be wired, but it’s almost done.” You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest.

 

“Can I see it once you finish?” You asked. He nodded.

 

“Of course.”

 

“And are you making each of us make one or are they being made elsewhere?”

 

“Each of you are welcomed to make your own, but if you truly don’t care to I can have the parts and designs sent off for assembly.” You nodded this time.

 

“I truthfully have no interest in making one.”

 

“I figured as much.” You shrugged.

 

“I have no qualms about showing my face, anyone that could possibly see it at the temple will be dead once we leave.” You mused. He smirked.

 

“What about after?” He asked.

 

“After?” You paused and thought about it. You figured you would be shipped off across the reaches of the galaxy to attend other matters. There was a great risk in keeping all of you together in one place if something were to happen, it could possibly wipe out the entire unit. What would the mask matter once the unit had been dispersed? No one will know who you are or the horrible things you had done, not in the far reaches in the outer rim or on any planet that you were sent to.  “I always figured the unit would be separated afterward. The mask will no longer matter then.” He frowned.

 

“It is always a possibility. Though the mask would signify you as part of the collective.”

 

“I do not see the point in hiding behind it, regardless of the symbolism that it will hold. I have been trained to act as a separate entity from the collective when it is needed. Away from all of you I am my own agent.”

 

“I see. I wonder how you would pass in the galaxy with your face known to every member of the New Republic. You would be hunted at every turn.”

 

“The Sith used tattooing to change their appearance, though I don’t wish to permanently mar my face with tattoos, I have considered using less cumbersome means of changing my face. The Royalty of Naboo once used face paints to costume their appearance. I see nothing wrong with the concept.”

 

“So instead of using a mask, which could prove as further protection, you choose to paint your face like a heathen?” You chuckled.

 

“Sure. It would have the same intended effects of intimidation, without having to deal with wearing something that could impede me.” He shook his head and smirked.

 

“I would like to see this face.”

 

“Get me the materials and I’ll show you.” You grinned cockily. Truthfully you hadn’t really thought out a concept, you were shooting from the hip. The idea of masking your face felt cheap. Should your enemy not know your face? Did they not earn the right to know who you were as you cut them down in battle? You wanted them to fear you not a mask…not a symbol.

 

“Deal.” You nodded and moved out of the kitchen and walked towards the entrance to his quarters. “Where are you going?”

 

“I need to do more research.”

 

“You can’t do that here?”

 

“I would like to contemplate alone.” He frowned.

 

“I will return…I agreed to stay with you until I was fully healed did I not?” He pinched his lips.

  
“You did.”

 

“Do you not trust my word?” He frowned again.

 

“I trust you.” He said flatly.

 

“Then you know I will return.” He nodded. “Right. Then I will be back for dinner.”  He smiled at your mentions of eating dinner with him. You rolled your eyes softly.

 

You returned to your own quarters, nothing had moved since your absence, you breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice to be alone. You grabbed your datapad and pulled out the accompanying stylus. You scanned your face into the datapad and brought up the image and started to work on some markings that you could easily replicate when needed.

 

Truthfully you had scribbled and scribbled and couldn’t come up with something even remotely good. You frowned at the datapad, glancing at the time displayed on the screen. Huffing you turned it off and set it back down, moving to your closet to gather some clothing for the next day. You needed to get back to Ren’s quarters soon or you would miss the meal that you had promised to join. You bit at your lower lip, not sure why you were indulging him so much. Something in you wanted to make him happy. You didn’t like that part of yourself, especially because that part of you seemed to be taking more and more control. You frowned and shook your head. It didn’t matter, you had promised to join him, and you needed to keep your promise.

 

You entered through the door without even knocking, Ren was holding his helmet inspecting some small components near what you assumed to be the mouth. He turned his head to look at you as you walked back in, following your movements with his eyes. You headed back to the bedroom and placed your clothes onto the dresser and walked back out.

 

“Any luck?” He asked, eyes still trained on you. You frowned.

 

“Not really.” He smiled and shook his head.

 

“You’re wasting your time.” You rolled your eyes. You motioned to his helmet,

 

“And you aren’t?”

 

“Not even remotely.” He smirked. You shook your head.

 

“Are you finished with it?” You asked moving to stand in front of him as he remained seated on the floor in front of the coffee table. Wires and tools littering the makeshift workspace.

 

“Getting closer.”

 

“Can I see?” He reached out to pass you what he was holding, you took it from him gently, scared that you would jar something loose. You inspected the front of the mask, noting a voice modulator that he had been inspecting.

 

“Voice modulator?” You mumbled as you glanced back at him. He hummed in response with a short nod.

 

“Fancy.” You mused and handed it back to him.

 

“Are you ready to eat?” He asked as he stood and stretched.

 

“I could eat.”

 

“Good, I’m starving.” You scoffed,

 

“I doubt it.”  He rolled his eyes softly and moved towards you, both of you standing in front of each other awkwardly. His stomach grumbled causing you to laugh. He blushed slightly. “Well, I guess you are hungry.” You chuckled. He nodded, the flush in his face receding from his cheeks. He walked past you and went to a com that was in the kitchen and requested two meals to be served to his quarters.

“That must be convenient.” He paused and looked at you slightly befuddled by your comment. You motioned to the com and he shrugged.

 

“Yes, it is. Beats having to walk all the way to the kitchen.” You smiled and shook your head.

 

“I bet.” You both stood awkwardly once again.

 

You popped your knuckles absentmindedly trying to distract from the silence in the room. You continued to fiddle with your hands as he looked around the kitchenette searching for something to talk about. Thankfully there was a buzz at the door, you sighed in relief as he moved past you and towards the door, opening it and coming back with two covered dishes on a metal tray. Your nose twitched. It smelled good, your stomach grumbled softly as if suddenly awakening at the smell. You looked down at your stomach and shushed it. Ren laughed.

 

“Well, glad I’m not the only one who’s hungry.”  You shrugged and followed him to the small table just outside of the kitchenette. He placed the tray down and sat the meals at each end of the table. You moved to your seat and sat. He joined you and uncovered his dish, you followed suit and looked down at the food on your plate. Your eyebrow raised, the food had actual color to it, unlike the varying shades of gray like the ones you normally ate. It smelled very rich and for a moment you weren’t sure if you could stomach it, causing a frown to come to your face. Ren noticed.

 

“You don’t have to eat all of it…just take it slow.” Your upper lip twitched slightly. You gripped your fork and shifted the meat around slightly, trying to figure out a plan of attack. He laughed as he watched you. You scowled.

 

“Keep laughing and I’ll shove this fork through your eye.”

 

“It’s just…amusing watching you figure out how to eat it.”

 

“Yeah…it’s almost like I’ve never eaten real food or something.” Your face was expressionless as you stared at him from across the table.

 

“Good point. Do you want me to treat you like a child and cut it up for you?” He snarked. You glowered at him as a smirk came to his face. Your expression softened at the sight of it; cursing his attractiveness mentally.

 

“Just…stop staring at me. I’ll figure it out.” You mumbled.

 

“Eight.”

 

“What?” You asked with a huff.

 

“Pick up the knife, surely you know how to use one.” You scowled again.

  
“Real cute Ren.”

 

“I thought so.” He hummed.

 

Using his fork to hold the meat he cut into it and waited for you to mimic his motions. You did so and lifted the fork and took a bite, your eyes going wide as the intense flavors washed over your tongue. Your eyes were watering you realized as you blinked rapidly to rid yourself of them. You chewed, the texture of the firm meat was pleasurable. Your toes curled in your boots at the sensation. Ren stared at you as you chewed, amusement plainly on his face. You swallowed finally, a slight hum coming from your throat. Ren chuckled.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so excited to eat before.” He mused.

 

“Imagine eating particle board all your life and suddenly one day someone gives you real food…you’d be acting the same way.” You mumbled through a mouth full of food.

 

“You’ve eaten real food before. Remember?” Your eye brows scrunched for a moment, not sure if he was referring to breakfast or the dream about your mother. Sensing your confusion he elaborated,

 

“Breakfast Eight, obviously you wouldn’t remember the other.” You nodded, trying not to take his comment personally, it stung all the same. He frowned, you raised a hand to motion that it was fine. You continued to eat in silence. You had to restrain yourself from eating everything on the plate, you knew you could easily do so, but you didn’t want to spend all night sick to your stomach. Vomiting was never pleasant, even if that meant you got to enjoy the meal once again.

 

Ren stood once he noticed that you were finished with your meal. He grabbed your plate and his own and took it and the tray and sat it in the hallway for collection. You felt sleepy after such a heavy meal, you could feel yourself nodding off. Ren tisked at you.

  
“Just like a child.” You glared at him with one eye open.

 

“It’s like you want me to snap your neck.” You snarked sleepily. He chuckled.

 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He pulled the chair that you were still sitting in away from the table and picked you up.

 

“I can walk.” You mumbled.

 

“I know.”

 

“Then put me down.” You mumbled again, the warmth from his chest was comforting and only made you even more tired. You curled into him like a heat seeking leech.

 

“I will when I get you to the bed.” You made no further comment, your eyes felt heavy with sleep, you tried to fight it but it was no use.

 

“You’re going to make me fat.” You mumbled sleepily knowing that sleeping after eating such a heavy meal was a terrible idea. He hummed.

 

“You could use some weight on you.”

 

“I’m fine the way I am.” You muttered

 

“Yes, but a little weight won’t hurt.”

 

“I’m not some house cat you can fatten up Ren.” He shushed you and laid you into bed and started to undress you. Unlacing your boots and pulling them from your legs and moving to your leggings. He pulled them down swiftly and threw them into the corner before you could protest. You could feel him gazing down at you.

 

“Stop staring.” You mumbled with your eyes closed. You could feel his slight embarrassment at being caught staring at you. He pulled the covers up over you and you snuggled further into the bed. You could feel him sit on the edge of the bed for a moment as he brushed the loose hair out of your face, you opened your eyes softly.

 

“Are you coming to bed?” You mumbled. He shook his head.

 

“Not yet.” You nodded slightly. “I’ll be back soon.”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I have a meeting.”

 

“At this hour?”

 

“Yes, now go to sleep.” You huffed. He stood and made his way out of the room, dimming the lights before leaving you to sleep.  You closed your eyes and fell into a deep sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name list:  
> One-> Einn  
> Four-> Vier  
> Five-> Marun  
> Six-> Anim  
> Nine-> Nove  
> Ten-> Zece

Chapter 17

Name

______________________

 

It took another full week to get back into your routine, Ren was very strict about your activities and how long your training sessions were allowed to go. He hovered over you like a mother hen. You found it increasingly annoying as the week progressed. By the end of the week you started purposefully waking up earlier than him and heading to the training room. He of course was not happy about this and once finding out that you were out of bed would come down to the training room to yell at you. You made no comments about his worries and only continued to train.

 

Over the week he had started to join you and the others for meals, dinners were changed to actual meals at his request. Everyone was extremely grateful. You didn’t realize how much more comfortable you were when he was around for meals with everyone else. You found yourself chiming in more during conversations and actually listening to what everyone was talking about instead of daydreaming. Ren of course knew no different. The others had noticed of course, but they also had been noticing other things between you and Ren. Like the fact that you had been sleeping in his quarters since his return.

 

When Dr. Duran finally cleared you to be able to return back to your own quarters you were terribly conflicted. You wanted your privacy and alone time, not that you didn’t have alone time when staying with Ren, but you knew he was always near. On the other hand you didn’t want to stop sleeping next to him, the contact between skin was a constant craving now. You didn’t know if you could wrench yourself away from that after being spoiled by it for so long, though you tried to tell yourself that you would manage, you weren’t entirely sure if you could.

 

The first night away you tossed and turned all night, finally resigning yourself to heading back to the training room to run until your body was tired. You were surprised to see Ren doing the same thing. You stood watching him for a moment before joining him, he slowed his pace allowing you to catch up. Neither one of you spoke as you both ran, granted you had to run a bit faster than him to keep up with his long gait but you didn’t mind. You could feel your body growing tired and slowed to a light jog, Ren followed suit.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked with a light pant.

 

“Yeah.” You huffed. You slowed to a stop, him stopping shortly after. “You couldn’t sleep either?” You panted. He nodded.

 

“You are more than welcome to stay with me if it would help.” He offered as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. You shook your head.

 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 

“Why not? You know we’d both sleep better.” You huffed.

 

“I know but…this” you motioned between the two of you, “can’t be a thing. I need to be able to sleep by myself…we won’t always be able to do this.” He jaw clenched.

 

“Even more reason to enjoy it while we can.” He forced a smirk. You rolled your eyes softly.

“I need to be able to do this on my own…I can’t risk not being able to rest once we are separated.” He huffed.

 

“I see.” He paused and looked over your shoulder thoughtfully for a moment, “I guess that would be the wisest choice in the matter.” You nodded, thankful that he would drop it.

 

“Did you finish your helmet?” You asked.

 

“Yes. Would you like to see it still?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Come on then.” He said as he walked back towards the entrance of the training room.

 

“Wait! Right now?” You asked as you moved to catch up with him.

 

“When would be a better time? Neither one of us are going to be asleep anytime soon.” You shrugged, he was right.

 

You followed him to his quarters, walking in behind him, using the Force to close the door behind you. He moved to the island counter where the now fully assembled helmet rested. He picked it up and handed it to you. It was heavy you mused as you tested the weight of it in your hands.

 

“How do you…oh. I see.” You pressed the latches on either side, a slight hiss emitting from sort of compression unit. The helmet opened as you pulled it apart. You turned it upside down to look at the inside.

 

“You can put it on.” He offered. You nodded and raised it over your head, he stepped closer to help you close it.

 

The inside was dark, the visor gave limited vision, causing you to swivel your head to get a clear view. You already didn’t like it. Your hair clung tightly to your head. It was uncomfortable.

 

“I don’t see how you’re…” You paused hearing your voice coming through the modulator. The sound was foreign to you, you weren’t sure you entirely liked it. “going to wear this in battle.”

 

Your hands fumbled for the latches and clicked them down, releasing you from the helmet. You pulled it off of your head and shook your hair away from your face. You looked down at it in your hands for a moment. You suddenly had the urge to see him wear it.  “Here, put it on.” You said as you pressed it back into his large hands. He shrugged and placed it over his head, latching it closed. You looked up at him and nodded.

 

“Better on you than me.” You said softly. He chuckled, the modulator causing the noise to come out in a garbled mess.

 

“Did you want to see the design I’ve been working on for you?” He asked, you found his voice was slightly off putting with the modulator. Your upper lip twitched slightly.

 

“Sure…but take that thing off.” You said crossing your arms over your chest. He obliged and removed the helmet, sensing your unease of it. He shook his wavy dark locks out just as you had done previously, setting the helmet back onto the island he grabbed his datapad off of the counter and tapped at the screen. He moved it lower to you, holding the screen to where you could see, you peered down at the image.

The back of the helmet mimicked Ren’s, the flair on the back was slightly longer though. The eyes were individual sockets, deep set, the face was almost skeletal in a way, the mouth looked like long teeth, the cheeks of the masks were angled in a way to make it appear as bone. You shook your head.

 

“I’m going to hate wearing this thing.” You mumbled. He laughed.

 

“But do you like the design?” He asked.

 

“It’s certainly intimidating enough. Will there be a modulator as well?”

 

“Yes, we will all have one.”  You frowned.

 

“You do not like them?”  You bit at your lower lip softly.

 

“I don’t like not being able to hear how all of you normally sound…its unsettling.”

 

“Well that’s the point Eight.”

 

“I gathered. Have you already sent the designs off?”  He nodded. You hummed.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” He asked suddenly, causing you to look up from the datdpad. Your brows furrowed, you wanted to stay, to crawl into bed with him and allow him to wrap around you and press soft kisses to your head. But you couldn’t. You needed to break the habit before it started.

 

“It wouldn’t be wise.” You said, you knew he could sense your want, you hoped he wouldn’t press the question again.

 

“I understand.”

 

“Well, I think we both need to try and sleep. Morning will be here soon.” You said as you moved towards the door. He nodded and allowed you to leave, though a part of you wanted to linger longer, you pressed forward and back to your quarters.

****

 

You stared down at the helmet and frowned. You’re assumptions were correct. You hated wearing it. Your field of vision was so limited while wearing it you had to rely heavily on the Force to fill in any gaps. It was cumbersome in every way, though when paired with your armor it was a ghastly sight, just as Ren had intended it to be. You looked like the personification of Death.

 

You were suddenly struck with an idea. You moved to your datapad and turned it on, clicking to the file of your uploaded face and started to scribble. Sharp angles under the cheek bones on each side, coming to another angle downward mimicking the jaw, three upward lines in the hollow of your cheeks, and the bottom lip blacked out with rest of the pattern. You looked down at it and nodded, but something was missing, you moved to your eyes and made heavy dark lids. Softening it on your lower lids. Your eyes looked haunting and sunken, almost mimicking your new helmet. You nodded, this could work. You would show Ren at a later time, right now you had a briefing with the unit concerning your first act as knights.

 

You gathered with the others into the projection room, Ren stood front and center while everyone else hung back behind him. You wedged yourself between One and Five, giving you a better view once Snoke appeared. His projection came to life as he appeared to sit on the chair before you. You hadn’t seen or heard from him in so long, you were nervous.

 

“It’s good to see all of you once again.” He said with a glint in his eye. You made no movement as his eyes shifted across each of you. A chill ran down your spine, you could feel the familiar caress at the back of your head. You sighed softly at the feeling of it, memories of comfort and care rippling through you, over taking any distrust you had previously expressed.

 

“I must apologize for my absence. I have been very busy, but as I can see, you all have fared well under Kylo Ren.” You could feel Ren’s pride blossoming at Snoke’s remark. Everyone nodded in unison. “I know you have spoken to Kylo about this mission, but I must reiterate the importance…the Jedi must be completely wiped from existence. They are a plight in the galaxy that must finally be rectified. I trust each of you knows what this will entail.” You nodded as if he were solely speaking to you, suddenly feeling completely alone in the room, you could hear faint familiar whisperings. His voice echoing the urgency of the mission.

 

“You will depart in two days’ time, you are to pack all belongs, you will not be returning to this place once you have completed this mission.” Your heart sunk slightly at the thought of never returning to your home. Where would you be going once this was completed?

 

“My parting gift to each of you…” He paused and nodded towards Ren, with a slight gesture of his hand, Ren stepped forward and stood in front of each of you with Snoke to his back.

 

“You each will pick a name of your choosing, you will be known as numbers no longer.” His voice was strong as it echoed in the chamber. You chewed on your bottom lip.

 

“You have been allotted time to think about this, each of you will step forward and shed your numbers. One, come forward.”

 

One stepped forward, his steps sure as he moved in front of Ren and Snoke. His voice was firm as he spoke,

 

“Einn.”

 

“You will be known as Einn Ren from hence forth.” Snoke commanded. One bowed and moved back to the group.

 

“Four step forward.” Ren motioned. Four moved away from Six and moved to the front where One had previously stood, she nodded.

 

“Vier.”

 

“You will be known as Vier Ren from hence forth.” Snoke commanded once again. Following Einn’s actions she bowed and moved back to line.

 

“Five.”

 

“Marun.”

 

“You will be known as Marun Ren from hence forth.”

 

“Six come forward.”

 

“Anim.”

 

“You will be known as Enam Ren from hence forth.” Bowing he moved back into line.

 

“Eight.” You blinked hearing your number called and moved forward. You made your legs move as surely as possible and stood in front of Kylo. He nodded at you.

 

“Ceph.” Your mind envisioning your mother’s hand resting on the crown of your head. Comfort and love radiating from the touch. A touch that you had received from Twelve and the others. A sign of affection and knowing. Ceph, a root word used in a language long dead. Head. The contents of this body part holding every precious recovered memory, every thought, the very essence of your being. It had not been a hard choice, every hair ruffle, every reassuring touch upon the crown of your head, solidifying your choice in the name.

 

“You will be known as Ceph Ren from hence forth.” You bowed slightly and moved back into line, pride at your new name overcame you. You had a name finally, a true name.

 

“Nine.” She moved forward.

 

“Nove.”

 

“You will be known as Nove Ren from hence forth.”

 

“Ten.”

 

“Zece.”

 

“You will be known as Zece Ren from hence forth.” He bowed and moved back to the group. “You will be collectively called the Knights of Ren from here onward. Kylo Ren will be your Master and Commander. You will answer to him unless otherwise. Do not fail.”

 

Each of you bowed slightly at his orders. There was something different within the group, a new connection rising between each of you. United under the title of Knight, sharing in the same last names, no longer a simple unit of Force users. You were now a task force, meant to carry out the most rigorous and heinous tasks. Your first task would be to enact a genocide of sorts, wiping out the entirety of the Jedi. And you would do as commanded.

 

“You have been dismissed.” You followed your fellow knights out of the room and back into the hall, leaving Ren to speak further with Snoke.

 

“Well, this is going to take some time to get used to.” Nove, previously Nine, mused. You nodded.

 

“We have two days to get these new names down.” You said as you leaned against the hall way wall, arms crossed over your chest.

 

“I’m sure we’ll manage. If anything, we have our numbers still.” Einn, previously One, chuckled. You rubbed at your upper ear where your number had been branded.

 

“We’ll never be able to shake those names…they’ll be with us always.”  Five, now know as Marun, uttered. You nodded and pushed yourself away from the wall.

 

“We need to start gathering our belongings, two days will be here quickly.” You said flicking your hand as you walked past them. They followed you back down the familiar hall that contained each of your quarters. You stopped suddenly at Twelve’s quarters, something in you needed to go inside of them one last time before you left. You flicked the door open with the Force and walked in.

 

The room looked different from when you last saw it. The bed was made, the objects that you had caused to scatter across the room in your fit of rage and pain were now back in their rightful places. You ran your hand across the small desk near the door, lifting your fingers to inspect for dust. There was none to be seen, they must have been still keeping the room clean since her death. You sighed and moved to the bed against the wall. You stared down at it for a moment before sitting. You ran your hands across the rough blanket, trying to recall the warmth that she would have left in the bed.

 

You frowned. The ache in you deepening. You laid down, putting your head on the pillow and tried to see if it smelled like her still, but you knew it wouldn’t, the sheets had been changed since she died, wiping her completely from the room. Your chest tightened suddenly as sadness washed over you. You wondered what she would have chosen as her name. Something lovely, as lovely as she was.

 

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered. “I did this to you…I miss you.” Hot tears pricked at your eyes. You allowed the tears to fall onto the pillow, rubbing your face into the plush surface as you tried to conjure what her presence felt like. You closed your eyes and sighed heavily.

 

“I had a feeling you would be in here.” Kylo moved into the room and joined you on the bed, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder. You opened your eyes to look at him.

 

“I needed to say good bye.” You whispered. He smiled softly.

 

“Ceph.” Your body shuddered at hearing your new name. It felt wrong in this place. He moved his hand upward to cup your cheek softly. You leaned your head into his touch.  

 

“I’ll be fine.” You mumbled.

 

“I know.” He sounded so sure, you wished you could mirror the same feeling. Truthfully you would never be fine. The hole would never be filled, nothing could replace her. You were _broken_ , this place had broken you. He sighed and leaned down and kissed your forehead gently. He stood realizing that you needed to be left to your reverie. “Stay with me once you are finished saying your goodbyes.” You nodded. He knew what you needed. 

 

You laid there for as long as you could. You didn’t want to pry yourself from her room, from the bed she slept in, from the place where you snapped her neck like she was nothing to you. A lie you had told yourself for so long. You pulled yourself away from the bed, wiping the last of your tears away. Huffing you glanced around the room one more time. Nothing was here for you anymore. She was no longer here. You shook your head softly, blinking back tears.

 

“I will honor your sacrifice Twelve, I won’t let your death be in vain.” You whispered. Sniffling you turned and moved out of the room, not risking another glance. This was a closed chapter in your life, you could never return to. Death was final.

 

You moved back into Kylo’s quarters, he was waiting for you on the couch and stood from his seat and came to you. Wrapping his arms around you tightly, feeling every shred of your sadness move through him. He accepted the feelings openly, wanting to share your burden. You sighed into his chest, his hands finding their way to your hair as he pulled the long loose braid apart slowly. You closed your eyes, accepting his touch. He moved you to the bedroom, your loose locks falling in uniformed waves across your body. You stood waiting for him to signal for you to do something.

 

He moved to you and pushed you to sit on the bed. You sat limply, allowing him to manipulate your body. He moved to your feet and unlaced your boots, removing them and setting them to the side. He pushed you backwards so you were laying on the bed, your eyes blankly staring at the ceiling as his long fingers found purchase at your waist and under your leggings. He pulled them away from you, setting them with your boots. He lifted you like a human doll, and pulled your top off leaving you in your under clothes, your long hair covering your chest in waves. He removed his shirt, leaving his chest bare and sat next to you on the bed to remove his boots. Standing again to pull his pants from his body. Both of you on equal footing clothing wise. He shifted on the bed and pulled you so your back was to him and manipulated you into a sitting position. You sat rigidly as he finger combed through your hair. Pulling away the loose pieces and tugging at any knots. Your shoulders hunched at his touch. You could feel tears returning to your eyes. You knew why he was doing this. Twelve. He knew this was what you needed, though it would not be the same, it was close enough.

 

Using a finger he parted your hair down the middle, doing it several times to make the line as straight as possible. Pulling one side of your hair over your shoulder and grasping the other to finger through once again before braiding it. He tugged firmly, just as he knew Twelve did, and started to braid your hair for you. You sighed softly. His fingers moving quickly through your long strands as he moved downward. He did not knot the ends or tie them closed, he allowed it to remain loose and free. Not sure how many more times you would need him to braid it back. You knew he would do it as many times as it took to relax and comfort you. Your comfort was his. He brushed a large hand across your jawline as he grabbed the side of hair that rested over your shoulder. He started to braid that side. Your eyes were closed, you could feel how tired you were. He continued to braid your hair, unbraiding and braiding over and over again until you could no longer hold your body upward. You looked up at him as your body fell into his chest. Your left hand rising to cup his jaw and cheek.

 

“Thank you.” You whispered. He smiled softly down at you.

 

“Do you want me to keep going?” He asked.

You shook your head, your eyes blinking for a long moment. His hand were under your arms as he shifted you upward and turned you to lay properly on the bed. He pulled the covers down and then pulled them over you. Your eyes closed once your head met the pillow.  He climbed into bed next to you, strong arms wrapping around you, his skin and yours pressing in places that had never touched before. You moved closer to him, taking a new kind of comfort in him, both of your legs intertwining as you drifted off to sleep.

 

 

> _“Starlight what are you doing?” You were peering into the small stream looking at the brightly colored minnows. “I’ve been calling for you.” You looked up suddenly as she joined you on the bank._
> 
> _“Look mommy!” You pointed excitedly. She smiled and squatted down next to you._
> 
> _“They’re pretty aren’t they?” She asked. You hummed in response. “They change colors when they get bigger.” She said. You looked at her with raised eyebrows!_
> 
> _“Really?!” She nodded._
> 
> _“Yup!”_
> 
> _“Will I change colors when I get bigger?!” She laughed._
> 
> _“No baby. Humans are different than fish.”_
> 
> _“Oh.” Disappointment in your voice, you furrowed your brows. She smiled at you._
> 
> _“You’ll change in other ways, you’ll get taller and stronger and your hair will get longer and a bunch of other things.” You blinked not sure what to do with the information._
> 
> _“Will I be like you?” You asked._
> 
> _“Maybe. It’s a possibility.” She stood and looked at the stream. You remained squatted down. “I guess we won’t know until you get bigger.” She smiled._
> 
> _“I wanna be strong like daddy! He can pick up heavy things!” You said excitedly jumping up from your squatted position._
> 
> _“Daddy is very strong isn’t he?” She mused, a sad smile coming to her lips at the thought of your father. You noticed and tilted your head slightly._
> 
> _“Mommy don’t be sad.” You wrapped yourself around her legs causing her to laugh._
> 
> _“Okay Starlight.” She bent down and pulled you away from her legs and up to her chest as she hugged and kissed you._
> 
> _“Mommy?”_
> 
> _“Yes baby?”_
> 
> _“I’m hungry.” She laughed again._
> 
> _“Well let’s go eat some lunch.” You nodded enthusiastically._
> 
> _“I wanna race!” You screamed as you ran up the bank, giving yourself a head start. “I’m going to beat you mommy!” You taunted as you ran as fast as your little legs could carry you. You could hear her running behind you, allowing you to beat her to the house._
> 
> _“Woo, you sure did beat me didn’t you!?” You nodded and moved excitedly to the small kitchen in the open room. She pulled out a stool for you to stand on so you could watch her make your lunch. You peered at her motions as she cut up some vegetables and fruits._
> 
> _“Mommy, I don’t like those.” You pointed to the green hairy fruit she was cutting up._
> 
> _“These are for mommy.” She hummed. You continued to watch her and hopped down from your stool once she finished plating everything. She watched you climb up the chair and sit down, the table was much taller than you. “Now, you know you can’t eat like that.”_
> 
> _“I can!” You said as you reached over the table. “See I can reach!” She shook her head._
> 
> _“Down.” She said firmly. You huffed and slid off of the chair and waited for her to set the books that she used to boost you up into the chair. Picking you up she sat you back down and then placed your plate in front of you. You grabbed greedily at the food shoving the cut up pieces into your mouth hungrily._
> 
> _“Slow down. One at a time.” She reminded you. You huffed and put some of the pieces back on the plate. She laughed at you as she began to eat._
> 
> _“Mommy?”_
> 
> _“Yes baby?”_
> 
> _“Daddy’s not coming back is he?” You weren’t sure what made you ask suddenly, you knew it would only upset her. You hadn’t seen your father in so long, you missed him dearly. She dropped the food in her hand and looked at you, her brows furrowed, tears starting to well up in her eyes. She held them back for your sake._
> 
> _“I don’t know baby.”_
> 
> _“You’re worried.”_
> 
> _“Yes. I always worry about your father.”_
> 
> _“Don’t be sad mommy, I’ll be here with you.” You said a smile coming to your face. She laughed as a tear rolled down her cheek._
> 
> _“Okay baby. I won’t be sad.” She forced a smile. “Now eat your lunch.” You nodded and went back to eating in silence as she stared off into the room._

His hands snaked up your body, cupping at your throat and breasts, pressing himself into you, you could feel his excitement. His breath hot on your ear. You moaned softly, leaning into him, your eyes still shut. The hand on your breast rubbed across the thin fabric of your bra causing your nipple to rise, he pinched at it softly. You pressed yourself into his erection eliciting a soft groan in your ear. He tilted your head back as his mouth found its way from your ear down to your delicate throat. Planting sloppy breathy kisses as his other moved down your body and towards your wet heat. His hand going under your panties and cupping your sex as he moved a finger between your slick slit. You moaned loudly, causing your eyes to open suddenly. What the hell were you doing? Your body went rigid suddenly. He paused noticing.

 

“Do you want me to stop?” He breathed into your ear. Your body was screaming no, but your mind wasn’t so sure.

 

“I’m not sure if this is the best idea.” You muttered sleepily.

 

“I can stop if you’re uncomfortable.”

 

“I’m not sure.” He kissed the shell of your ear and slowly removed his hands from your body.

 

“I can wait.” He said as he moved to stand from the bed. You instantly missed the press of his body against yours. The feelings of his hands on your skin as they explored your body. You groaned and rubbed your thighs together, the friction feeling wonderful, you knew what he was doing in the refresher. The idea sent a throbbing to your core. You panted slightly and mentally scolded yourself. Telling yourself to regain control, you took a deep breath and exhaled through your teeth. You cursed under your breath as you slowly regained composure, fighting the urge to slide your hand downward to find your own release.

 

It wasn’t like you hadn’t done it before, but it felt highly inappropriate to do so with Kylo so close, not to mention in his bed. You huffed and rolled to your back, placing your hands above the covers, as if moving them away from your lower half would rid you of the urge. You rubbed at your face, keeping your hands pressed into your hot eye sockets. Ren walked out of the refresher and moved back to the bed.

 

“You’re going to distract me all day if you don’t take care of yourself.” You pulled your hands away from your eyes and gazed at him. He was laying on his stomach, his elbows pressed into the bed supporting his torso.

 

“You’ll survive.” You muttered. A smirk coming to his face causing your stomach to flutter again. You were sure he was doing it on purpose. He wanted to watch you lose control, he wanted you to give in to the urges he elicited from you.

 

“I don’t know how you’re able to deny yourself when you clearly need release.”

 

“I don’t need anything.” You mumbled.

 

“I can feel you want to though. You’re wound so tight.” He ran his hands through his hair, “It’s very distracting.”

 

“Well I have a solution for that.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yes.” You pulled the covers back exposing your nearly nude body, he watched your movements closely, a pout coming to his face as he realized what you were about to do. You moved to your clothing and started to redress.

 

“That’s hardly fair.” He moped.

 

“You have your way and I have mine.” He huffed causing a smile to come to your face. “You lack discipline.” You said pulling your tunic down your stomach and grabbed your leggings and pulled them back on.  You sat on the bed and put back on your boots, he remained laying in the bed watching you.

 

“Are you leaving?” He asked.

 

“Yes. I have to prepare.” He hummed in response.

 

“Are you coming back tonight?”

 

“Not if I can help it.”

 

“Is it really that terrible…sleeping in the same bed?” You paused and looked over your shoulder at him.

 

“It is when you can’t keep your hands to yourself.” He smiled.

 

“I don’t understand why you keep fighting it.”

 

“I have my reasons.”

 

“I can wait.” You moved back to lacing your boots, ignoring his statement.

 

“Are you coming to training today?” You asked as you started on the other boot.

 

“I can…if you would like?” You shrugged.

 

“It’s up to you Commander.” You smirked as you glanced over at him. You can feel his excitement at using his new title. His hands went back into his hair trying to control his urge to grab you.

 

“Don’t be a tease.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean.” You said standing from the bed. “You better get used to people calling you that…can’t have you getting aroused every time someone calls you by your title.” He smiled sheepishly.

 

“I don’t think it’ll be as much of a problem as you think.” He mumbled.

 

“Oh? Well then…I’m not as much of a tease as you claim me to be.” You walked out of the room before he could reply. He didn’t follow though you could hear a muffled groan from behind you as you walked out into the living room. You smirked as you left his quarters. It was his turn to squirm.

 

You had packed everything that was worth packing. It wasn’t much. Your armor was still hanging in the closet, waiting for its first true use in battle, you stared at it in the now emptied closet. You sighed as your eyes moved to the helmet that sat on the floor of the closet. You wanted to kick it until it broke. You really hated that damn thing. You cursed Kylo under your breath for forcing you to wear it. Muttering more curses you closed the closet door and left your quarters.

 

The others were already scattered about the training room when you walked in. Einn was deflecting blaster bolts with his saber like it was something he had always been able to do. You watched his movements. He had finally found enough confidence in himself to wield the light saber like it was meant to be used. You nodded in approval. He smiled back at you.

 

“Eigh…Ceph.” He said momentarily forgetting your new name. You shook your head.

 

“Its fine, I’m still mentally thinking of you as One.” You laughed. He shook his head.

 

“This is certainly going to take some time.”

 

“Yes it is.”

 

“Kylo seems to have already grasped the new names.” Zece (Ten) calls from the other side of the room.

 

“Yes well, it’s not like he’s known us our whole lives by different names or anything.” Nove (Nine) chimed in.  You huffed out a laugh.

 

You moved to where the weights were and mentally tugged several towards you at one time. You started to make them orbit around you as warm up. Kylo walked into the room and made an effort to speak to everyone as he made his way back to you.

 

“This again?” He mused. You merely shrugged. Not like there was anything better to do. “Would you like to spar?” He asked.

 

“Sabers or hand to hand?” You asked.

 

“Sabers.” He said flatly. You nodded.

 

“Sure, why not.” You said as you began to return the weights to their original home in the far corner of the large room.  You could feel Einn press you mentally. You allowed his entrance.

 

_“I don’t think this is such a good idea.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“The mission, what if one of you gets hurt?”_

_“It’ll be fine.”_

_“Eight….”_

_“One…stop worrying so much.”_ You paused as a thought passed in your mind. _“Why don’t you join us?”_ You asked.  You could see him pause and his bushy brows furrow as he thought about it. He exhaled with a huff.

 

 _“Fine.”_ He said finally as he walked over to join you. You turned back to Kylo,

 

“On..Einn will be joining us.” You stated. Kylo’s brows raised in slight amusement.

 

“We should move outside then.” He said with a slight twinkle in his eye. Excitement passing through the shared tether.  You both nodded. The others pausing what they were doing to watch all three of you exit the room.

 

You dressed quickly in warmer clothing and joined Einn back in the hall, his lanky body covered in equally warm clothes. You both shared a look before walking to the main entrance way.

 

“Are we doing two against one…or is it a free for all?” He asked as his hands passed over the saber at his hip. You shrugged.

 

“Guess we’ll see when we start.” You said with a faint smile. Kylo stood at the door waiting for both of you, he chose not to change into warmer clothing. You could hear more foot steps behind you, the others were joining to watch.

 

“Are you both ready?” Kylo asked as the others joined you at the door. You nodded in synch with Einn. He pushed the doors open and all of you followed, moving back towards the area where you had all played One VS All. Snow falling lazily around you. You could hear the others chittering behind you in excitement.

 

The three of you moved away from the gathered group and stood in a triangle, each of you looking at the other. You mentally sealed them away, blocking them from your thoughts, preventing them from easily predicting your moves.

Kylo pulled his saber from his belt and ignited it, the loud red crackling plasma casting an ominous glow across the white snow. You pulled your own, casting a slightly darker crimson glow across your face as you moved to your ready stance. You could feel Einn looking at the both of you and then finally pulling his saber and igniting the cerulean blade.  A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. This would be fun.

 

You turned quickly towards Einn, your blade coming down towards him as he raised his own to parry you. His teeth gritted as you pushed against him. Your eyes wild with excitement, a smirk playing across your lips. You could feel Kylo rushing towards you, taking advantage of your distraction. You kicked at Einn, your foot landing forcefully into his stomach and shoving him away from you and into the snow. Spinning swiftly to catch Kylo’s blade with your own. Spitting sparks clashing with your solid blade, both of your hands gripping the hilt as you pushed against him.

 

You broke the contact, dragging your blade downward and swinging wildly towards his legs, causing him to step backward quickly to avoid being caught in the shins. Einn moved behind you and ran in the deep snow, you could feel his sudden resolve, no longer nervous about getting hurt. You turned to catch his blade and pushed against him just enough to cause his blade to knock backwards. Twisting back around to catch another blow from Kylo. You rolled away as soon as possible, giving you distance from both of them. Steam pouring out of your mouth as you huffed. You watched as both of them clashed, cerulean blade meeting forcefully with Kylo’s red. Both of their faces contorted into a sneer as they pushed forcefully at each other. Your hand flung forward and pushed at both of their feet. Causing them to falter and break away.

 

A glance passed between you and one. You nodded at him. He huffed out a slight laugh as he moved towards you. Long legs pushing through the snow and kicking up the fluffy top layers. He stood at your side. Kylo looking at the both you and shook his head. He moved towards you, stomping as he aimed in your direction.

 

His blade swinging downward, you suddenly opened the connection with Einn, thoughts and movements passing quickly between the both of you. You rolled over his back as he leaned downward, allowing you to evade Kylo’s blade and giving him time to slash at Kylo while he recovered from the over exaggerated down swing. He was powerful but with those power swings it took him time to recover his stance. Einn’s blade nearly caught him in the arm but was paused as Kylo’s hand shot outward to freeze it. You used the moment to run at full speed and charge into him, kicking at Kylo’s head as you jumped. He raised an arm to deflect your kick and moved backward as you moved to kick at him once again. Your spine twisting as your legs snapped back towards him. His blade returning to the hilt as he braced against your kicks with both arms raised.

 

Einn moved behind Kylo, saber ready to swing at his back. You pushed at him again with your legs, forcing him closer to Einn’s reach. Kylo side stepped your kick and using his arm to push your body into a spin, your saber flew from your hands as you landed with a soft thud into the snow, air knocked out of you with the forcefulness of the landing. You winced as you tried to catch your breath. You could hear their sabers clashing as you regained your footing. Your legs pushed under you, your hand reaching for your saber, calling it to you. Once again igniting the blade as the hilt flung towards you from the snow, the hilt now ice cold and wet biting at your ungloved hand. You gripped it tightly as you clashed your blade across both Einn’s and Kylo’s. Breaking them apart as you pushed down on the connection. Your leg pulling closely to your body as you raised it to push Einn away from Kylo and you. You cut the mental connection once again as he stumbled sideways, your blade twirling to catch at Kylo’s. Both of you hacking wildily at each other, he drove you backwards, your foot slipped forcing you into a slight split as his hissing blade swing downward at you. Your arms moved without much thought, ingrained impulses over taking you as you caught his blade in time to keep him from hitting your shoulder.

 

Einn jumped upward, tucking into a roll and bringing down the cerulean blade at Kylo’s body. He broke away from you to parry the attack. You scrambled away and ran around in a semi-circle gaining momentum as you clashed back onto their blades once again, landing on sure footing. Kylo quickly kicked at your leg sending you to a knee as his elbow crashed into Einn’s face. He staggered slightly but did not relent, his blade coming back to hack at Kylo as you returned to standing position. Your blade twirling in a wide arc to connect once again with the other two.

 

Both Einn and you kicking squarely at Kylo’s abdomen and sent him crashing backwards into the snow. You spun to hack at Einn swiftly, his arms raised as he moved backward avoiding the glancing blow that your saber would have made to his middle. His arms quickly returning to his side as he kicked you in your chest, your body curling slightly inward as the air was knocked out of you once again. Pain vibrating through your core, your anger rose greedily to consume it. You gnashed your teeth. Suddenly flying sideways and into a snow drift. Kylo. Your anger made you momentarily forget that he was there.

 

You pulled yourself from the large mound of snow, shaking out the cold wet powder in your hair and around your neck. You huffed as a shiver ripped through you. You could hear them fighting once again. No realizing how far away you were until you turned to look for the other two. Cursing under your breath you ran, saber deactivated in your hand as you pushed your legs to move faster. You could see them closer now, your hand clutching your saber raising to throw the weapon. Igniting it at it twirled towards the two men, it glanced Einn’s cheek, a cry of shock and pain leaving his mouth as the blade seared across his cheek. Your force abilities called it back to you quickly as the blade returned to the hilt, swiftly catching it and jumping once again at Kylo. Arms raised above your head as you brought your recently emerged blade downward, aiming to slash across his chest.

 

For a moment you thought it would connect, but his hand raised and pushed you back away, though not as far as the last time. You slid across the snow, the cold wet seeping further into your clothing. Your teeth gritting once again as the anger swelled inside of you. Angry at yourself for being so careless. You returned to a standing position and cracked your neck in agitation. Your eyes locked onto the two men once again as Einn was swept from his feet, his legs kicked out from under him as Kylo moved his blade down in a signified deathblow. His blade resting inches from Einn’s neck.

 

Something within you snapped. Your left hand reaching outward and ripped Einn’s saber from his hands, calling it to you with the Force. It snapped to your left hand, your chest raising and falling in quaking anger. Both of their heads snapping towards you as Kylo’s hand motioned towards Einn, signaling he was to remove himself from the spar.  He stood and looked at you as he walked past you to join the others on the sideline, his eyes locked onto his saber held firmly in your left hand. Your grip tightened around the silver hilt. Your eyes did not leave Kylo’s. You would need to call upon the light within you to activate Einn’s saber. He knew this and continued to watch you curiously.

 

Your eyes closed briefly, battling the anger that surged within you, you needed to split yourself in half. Your left hand channeling the light and your right the dark. Your brows furrowed in concentration, imagining the divide with in you.  You channeled the lightest presence you could imagine. Her face and energy coursing through you from your memories. Twelve. Her kindness, compassion, and love flowed through your left hand, your missing digit tingled at the sensation. The cerulean blade activated with a harsh hum, your right hand gripped tightly to your own saber as you channeled your anger back towards the internal toggle. Deep crimson emitting from the curved hilt. You twirled both blades in your hands, your eyes locking with Kylo’s.

 

His lips were pressed into a thin line. No long amused. He twirled his own saber, signaling that he was ready. Your chest rose sharply, your legs jolting as the electric impulses of your brain sent the command to sprint. You ran at full speed towards the man. Jumping once again, your legs swinging and twisting around, your spine shifting and snapping your arms around, bringing both blades down onto his own. He braced for the blow, his knees bending at the force of your strikes. He pressed back onto the blades, both hands now on his hilt as his jaw flexed tightly. Your eyes meeting, a million emotions passing between them. You gritted your teeth and snarled at him as you pressed down harder. His hands shifting his saber to break apart your arms as he attempted to kick you away once again. You rolled away, arms holding both sabers to your side as they hissed in the snow.

 

You stood once again and looked at him as you slowly moved around each other in a circle. His jaw set as tightly as your own. He charged at you suddenly, arm raised as he swing down towards the socket of your shoulder. You twisted your arms quickly to catch his blade with both sabers. Your arm muscles screaming from the pressure and the awkward positioning. You pushed your arms upward and effectively deflected his attempt. Spinning around him quickly, your arms tight to your body as you moved the twin sabers to slash at his core. He hissed as the deep crimson blade caught his middle as he attempted to deflect your attack. You could smell his singed clothing as you moved to re-square with him.

 

Twirling the blades once again, waiting for him to move as you both stalked around the other. His hand shot outward and sent a pulse in the Force, you were prepared for it as your right hand moved to press back on the pulse. Both of your pushes meeting and causing the top layers of snow between you to puff into a cloud. Snow cascading thickly in a harsh line. You ran through the thick divide, meeting his blade with your own as he too sought to take advantage of the cover. You swung your other arm, pulling Einn’s cerulean blade towards his head. He ducked swiftly and caught you in the rib with his own blade. The searing pain sent a quick pulse of anger through you. Breaking the forced spilt causing Einn’s blade to flicker, sputtering at the volatile energy that you projected in the Force. You didn’t have time to forge the spilt once again, the kyber within the blade now actively fighting against you. Your teeth gritted as you swung wildly at the man, going for his neck with every swipe of both of the blades.

 

He caught your left hand within his tight grasp and knocked Einn’s saber from your hand, using the kyber’s sudden resistance to send it flying out into the snow. Your right hand made a quick movement, adjusting the hilt in your hand swiftly, you swung the blade towards his now exposed neck, his own going for your own. Both of you holding your blades mere centimeters for each other’s necks. Stalemate.

 

Your eyes were locked, both of your chests rising heavily from exhaustion. You could feel the hissing sparks of his blade snapping at your neck like teeth. Your eyes snapped towards crunching in the snow as Einn moved towards both of you, his brows furrowed as he moved to stand in front of the both of you. His hands going to each of your own and forcing you to break away from each other with a harsh shove.

 

“Enough.” His voice full of agitation as he glared at the both of you. Your eyes locked with Einn’s tawny orbs, concern clearly broadcasting outward from them. You forced yourself to move away from Kylo and moved back towards the Citadel, leaving everyone behind. Your shoulders rising and falling as you huffed back inside of the sprawling building.

 

You moved with a purpose back to your quarters, forcing the door open swiftly and closing it promptly behind you. You stood in your room for a moment, willing yourself to calm down and regain control. You exhaled slowly through pursed lips, your body shivering from the wet cold that seeped into your clothing. You stripped the clothing away from you quickly and crawled into your bed in your under clothes. Pulling the blankets around you and willing warmth to return to your cold body. Your mind forcing your body to stop its shivering as you willed heat to surge through you. Your eyes clamped tightly closed as you sought your metaphysical center.

 

Your eyes opened slowly as your heard the door to your quarters hiss open. Your eyes adjusting to the light of the room and moving towards the doorway. Kylo stood rigidly, unsure of you, unsure of how you would perceive his presence after the spar.  As if in response to his appearance the burn on your ribs seared and flared. Your hand moved to cup the burn, the heat from your hand causing the searing to intensify. You hissed slightly.

 

He moved across the room in swift motion and pulled the covers from your body, his large hand gripping at your wrist and pulling your hand from your burn. He inspected you and sighed. Your eyes were locked on to him as shifted his own to look at you. He was still caged with in the walls of your mental space, only allowing brief impressions of feelings to pass between you. Concern, agitation, and perhaps pride echoed between the two of you. He released you and moved to the small refresher, you could hear him shuffling around the contents behind the mirror. You slowly eased the mental walls around him, allowing him to gain full contact slowly.

 

The commotion paused in the bathroom, suddenly feeling the strong bond course through him fully once again. He returned with the first aid kit and sat on the bed, pulling a few things from the kit he did not look at you as he proceeded to dress the burn. You hissed as he pressed a fresh bacta swab on the long burn, the coldness made your skin prickle. He huffed.

 

“I’m proud of you.” He said suddenly, breaking the tension that seemed to hang over the both of you like a cloud. You forced a huffed laugh.

 

“You’re angry as well.” You said flatly. His jaw flexed as his teeth clenched, his brows furrowing as his eyes locked onto your ribs, his nose crinkling slightly.

 

“I…” He paused releasing a huff, “I’m not angry.”  A lie.

 

“Are you angry at me or are you angry at yourself for not winning?” You asked, ignoring his lie. He shook his head, his hands clenching at his side, another harsh exhale passing through clenched teeth. His eyes avoiding your gaze.

 

“I’m disappointed with myself…you and I should not have been so evenly matched.” He admitted. Your upper lip curled upward, casting a cold sneer across your face.

 

“And why not?” You forced the words through clenched teeth, surprised that you even managed to do that.

 

“I’ve been training much longer than you…I…should have beaten the both of you.” He said as his dark eyes rose to meet your face once again, your eyes seared into his own.

 

“I’ve been training with a sword for just as long as you have, if not a bit longer…perhaps your eagerness to downplay my abilities was the reason you did not win.” You said harshly, you could see and feel the sting that your words caused him. He was the fool who underestimated you. “If you hadn’t of hit me, I would have won. You know it.”

 

He shook his head and closed his eyes. A huffing laugh passing between plush lips. Suddenly amused and no longer quite angry. “Perhaps.” Silence passed between you, your legs curling upward as you leaned against the wall, your forearms wrapping around you, gripping your legs. The burn flared as your skin shifted. You ignored the pain. Your eyes moving down to the burn on his stomach.

 

Something deep within you wanted to press your fingers to the burn that laid underneath the signed clothing. Something dark that wanted nothing more than to cause him pain. Pride. You forced your eyes away from him, forcibly willing your hands to stay put. He looked at you, feeling the urge passing between the shared connection. He stood and pulled the layers of clothing that he normally wore from his chest, exposing his upper body to you. He grabbed at your left hand, tugging you towards him as he placed your hand onto the burn. His face flinching as pain passed through him and onto you. You blinked as you felt the burning on your flesh.

 

You pulled your hand away from him, resting on our knees as you twisted your body to dig through the first aid kit that sat on the bed. You rifled through the box and pulled a few bacta swabs out but his hand caught your wrist, causing you to halt.

 

“Let it scar.” Your brows furrowed as your eyes locked. ‘Let it scar’, his words echoed in your head. You released a soft breath between your lips as his eyes searched your own. Your lips parting softly as you both continued to gaze at each other. His hand reaching down to cup your jawline. Tenderly running his thumb across your cheek. He bent downward slightly, bringing his face within inches of your own. His nose brushing your, lips centimeters from touching. “A reminder to never underestimate you again.” He said softly.

 

Your lips pressed against his tenderly. His other hand cupping the back of your head, his fingers finding purchase in your messy braid. You broke away from him before it could go any further, your stomach fluttering wildly. You exhaled a shaky breath as he returned to his full height, removing his hands from your face.

 

“Get some rest.” He said as he moved away from you and pulled back on his shirt. He left once his shirt was back on, pausing in the door way to look at you once more, leaving you sitting on your bed with furrowed brows.

 

“Fuck.” You muttered as you looked down at the first aid kit still sitting on the bed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name list:  
> One-> Einn  
> Four-> Vier  
> Five-> Marun  
> Six-> Anim  
> Nine-> Nove  
> Ten-> Zece

Chapter 18

Carnage

______________________

 

You sat in the ship, strapped into your seat, your heart racing. Kylo had not so much as spoken to you since the night before. You could still feel his longing for you and slight resentment at your teasing. You would have taken delight in this but your anxiety about the flight was over riding the emotion. Einn was in the cockpit with Kylo going through the preflight checklist. Muran sat next to you and fiddled with his straps. You closed your eyes and huffed. You could feel him looking at you. Moving your head against the headrest to look at him, you opened your eyes softly.

 

“It’s going to be fine.”

 

“Telling me it’s going to be fine is not helping my anxiety.” You grumbled. He smiled and laughed.

 

“Just meditate.”

 

“It’s not going to help.” You pouted. When was Kylo going to come back and put you to sleep?

 

You could hear shuffling in the cockpit and heavy boots thudding against the metal floor. He moved to stand in front of you, feeling your anxiety coursing through you. Radiating outward to him through the bond. He considered you for a moment, your eyes locking. His arm moved, stretching out towards you, his hand resting on the crown of your head. A slight comforting pulse moving through the contact point.

 

 _“Sleep.”_  You blacked out, head rolling backward suddenly and body going limp.

 

You awoke with a familiar hand on your head. Felling as no time had passed between your black out. You roused groggily. Wincing as your eyes adjusted to the artificial lights of the ship. The others were unstrapped and moving about. Kylo stood in front of you. You bit at the inside of your cheek. You could still feel the ship moving, you were still in hyperspace you assumed. Your anxiety fluttered in your chest.

 

_“Do I need to put you back under?”_

 

 _“No. I think I can manage.”_ He nodded and moved back to the cockpit. Marun looked away from his datapad to glance at you.

 

“Feel better?” He asked, his deep voice rumbling through his thick chest.  You managed to nod. He huffed out a slight chuckle and reached over to ruffle your hair, sending your body in whatever direction his hand moved. You blinked as a wave of dizziness washed over you. You swallowed thick saliva. “You drool in your sleep.” He laughed motioning to the slight wet spot on his well-muscled shoulders. You grimaced.

 

“Sorry.” You mumbled. He smiled.

 

“Don’t worry about it…I think I can handle a little drool.” You snorted and smiled at him.

 

“How much longer?” You asked as you looked around at the others as they occupied themselves with other activities.

 

“We’re not far, about an hour or so out. You should probably prepare soon.” He said as he looked back down at his datapad. You nodded.

 

 You decided to meditate, not quite sure what else there was to do besides putting on your armor. You centered yourself, searching with in you for calm. Your anxiety was starting to rise once again, and not from the impending mission. You had no doubt in your mind that you would fulfill your task, but you were worried all the same, perhaps Kylo's feelings echoing through you? Once finding your calm you started to work on your mental walls. Forging beskar across your mental space, you would still be able to feel the mental ping of your unit while also not allowing any foreign attacks. You weren’t exactly sure the skill set range of the Jedi at the temple, but assumed it was better to be over prepared than under. You felt a nudge at your elbow and opened an eye to look at Marun.

 

“You need to get dressed. We’ll be arriving in thirty.” You nodded and stood.

 

Stretching out for a moment, your muscles grown tight from sitting. You did a light stretching routine and then moved to your duffle containing your armor and mask. You dressed quickly all the while glaring at the mask. You would wait until the last possible moment before putting it on. You quickly unbraided your hair and wrapped it tightly into a makeshift bun. The large braid would not fit under the helmet, you had learned that the first time you tried it on.

 

You turned to look at the others who were already dressed, their helmets sitting near them. You wondered if they too hated wearing it as much as you. Einn moved back into the cabin and looked at each of you, pausing his tawny eyes on you. You looked at him quizzically. He walked over to you, you noticed his hands were shaking slightly. This concerned you. You motioned him further back and away from the others. Your brows furrowed, you felt a mental ping and allowed him entrance.

 

 _“What’s wrong?”_ You asked, concern on your face.

 

_“I’m nervous.”_

_“Don’t be.”_

_“I don’t…I don’t know if I can kill these people. It just seems…wrong.”_ You scowled briefly.

 

_“You will do as Supreme Leader commands, you need to put your feelings to the side.”_

_“Don’t you feel it?”_

_“What?”_

_“The Force, something….something feels off. I just…it feels wrong.”_ You frowned. You hadn’t felt anything different in the Force, though truthfully you may have been avoiding searching too hard, scared that the small voice would return to sabotage you.

 

 _“Ignore it. I don’t know any other way to put this…but I will not hesitate to kill you if you jeopardize this mission. Do you understand?”_  Fear flashed in your mind, his fear. You steeled your gaze. He nodded and took a deep breath, exhaling through his teeth. You looked behind him at the others. You wondered if they needed the same talk. You moved past Einn and stood in the center of the cabin, the others looked up at you feeling your need for their attention.

 

“I know most of you have never taken a life before, but I will stress this to you only once. Failure is not an option. I will do as I must to complete this mission and I will not bat a lash at taking any of your lives if you begin to falter.” You paused casting your gaze around the cabin. Perhaps you were over stepping your position, this was probably something that Kylo should be saying, but it felt cheap coming from him. He had only arrived a little over a year ago, you have been with them the whole journey and they with you. “I expect the same out of each of you. If I begin to falter, you have my permission to end my life.” They nodded, grave looks cast upon their faces. Your face the familiar stone mask. Kylo moved from the cockpit and into the cabin and stood in front of you, his eyes curiously peering into yours. He nodded at you, you knew he heard you, he seemed to approve of your words.

 

“We will be leaving hyperspace shortly. Once we land we will immediately begin our attack. Formation Alpha until further instruction.” Everyone nodded. “Ceph, a word.” He said curtly. You moved to follow him to the cockpit, your stomach doing a sudden flip at the sight of being in hyperspace. You turned away from the shield quickly. Kylo stood closely to you, forced to in the tight space.

 

“I need you to be completely open to me once we arrive.” You narrowed your eyes briefly.

 

“Why?”

 

“I need to be aware of your mental state at all times….I’m not quite sure how this is going to affect you.”

 

“Are you sure that’s the reason?” You could feel his want to touch you, his hand twitching at his side with the urge.

 

“Not entirely but it is a concern.” You furrowed your brows.

 

“Fine, but if I feel even a hint of weakness passing through you, I’m cutting you out.” You said seriously as your face returned to an emotionless mask.

 

“Fair enough.” He stated and turned to look out the shield. You did not follow his gaze, not wanting to be sick to your stomach at the sight. You moved away from the cockpit and back into the cabin, finding your seat and buckled yourself in, moving your helmet to your lap. You returned to meditation as you awaited arrival.

 

The landing went smoothly, though you kept your eyes clamped shut the entire time, Muran’s hand clamped in yours much to your chagrin. He was greatly amused by the action and laughed when your hand flung out to him. Once you heard the thrusters cut off you unbuckled, taking a deep breath and standing. Readjusting your hair to fit within the confines of your helmet and then finally placing it over your head and clasping it shut.

 

You felt like you would suffocate inside the tight space, your frustration rising as you adjusted to your limited range of sight. Turning your head to look at the others, also clad in their masks, looking alien and foreign. Kylo walked forcefully through to the bay doors, you moved to his right, saber ready in hand, Einn moved to Kylo’s left. The others falling into their respective positions. You relaxed your body, taking in a deep breath through the mask, allowing your body to move with the breath and exhaled deeply. You cracked your neck. Mentally preparing yourself to delve into the darkest place inside of you, for your muscles and abilities to be sustained on raw and painful emotion. You mentally opened yourself to Kylo, allowing him a space inside of your mind to find purchase before returning your mental wards.

 

 _“Are you ready?”_ He asked.

 

_“Yes. Are you?”_

_“Yes.”_ You nodded at him through your mask, he pulled up his cowl, you did the same, pulling the hood of your cloak over your head. The bay doors opened to reveal the planet that housed the New Jedi Order. It was lush with greenery and golden colored rocks. It was beautiful.

 

Kylo stomped down the ramp, his stance exuding raw power. The Knights followed their master reaching a small out post shortly. Finding few people there. They were surprised to see all of you, though they did not move to openly attack and instead merely watched. You activated your lightsaber, glaring scarlet reflecting off of your mask. At the sight of your saber they seemed to stir, their bodies moving with urgency as the few that stood at the outpost scrambled to sound the alarms. Kylo raised his hand quickly and flung them into the walls, knocking them out. You moved to stand over one of them, young and darkly tanned, light colored robes covered his form. You snapped this neck with the Force, your finger twitching slightly mimicking the motion of the twist.

 

Kylo did the same, Einn stood over a young girl, you could see his hesitation. He looked up, feeling your eyes on him. You nodded at him. He moved his long gloved fingers and clenched his fist and twisted. You could see the visible effort it took him to do it.  You moved out of the outpost, using the Force to search for other life forms. There were many gathered in a building further ahead. You waited for Kylo to join you. He stood next to you. He was feeding off of your anger, using it to bolster his own.

 

 _“You need to keep an eye on One…Einn.”_ You mentally broadcasted. He nodded.

               

You followed him to the temple. A large stone building built from the local rocks. There was a group of people training on a grassy area to one side of the great stone steps. Teenagers. They all halted to look at the masked group in dark robes and armor. Sensing something was amiss in the Force, their teacher moved in front of them.

 

“State your purpose.” The group peered around their teacher nervously, glancing at the ignited sabers in your hands and then to the various vibro weapons in the other’s hands.  Fear flickered in their instructor’s eyes suddenly, realizing your purpose here. “Move inside quickly, tell Master Luke, gather the younglings.” She instructed quickly. You huffed. Your hand outstretching suddenly freezing the few who tried to flee. They looked on wide eyed and helpless. You pitied them briefly as you squeezed your hand, focusing on their internal workings. Crushing their hearts. They collapsed to the ground as you freed them from your hold.

 

“RUN NOW!” The instructor screamed at the others as she moved in for an attack. Kylo raised his saber preparing for her attack as she ignited her own saber. Bright blue light clashing with flaring red. You watched as the others fled. Tilting your head slightly amused by their attempts. You watched, allowing the others to move out of formation and go in for the attack.

 

 _“I’m moving inward.”_ You projected to Kylo before starting up the steps. Allowing one of the young Jedi to run in front of you. You followed them as they ran away from you as you moved slowly. You paused in the large hall way, allowing them to gain ground. You were in no rush as you walked slowly, using the Force to search through the building, reading the force signatures of those inside. You felt Marun move behind you. His stout hulking form looking even more menacing in his helmet.

 

“The Commander wants us to start destroying their ships.” His already deep voice was even deeper through the modulator.

 

“Send Zece and Nove.”  Your voice sounded alien to your ears. You peered down the lit hall, having lost sight of the Jedi you were following. You waited for Marun to return, Kylo joined you instead.

 

 _“What are you waiting for?”_ You felt his sudden agitation flicker through you. Your teeth gritted under your helmet.

 

 _“Nothing.”_ You pressed flatly and began to move down the hall. You walked ahead of him, but slowed to allow you both to walk side by side.

 

The hall was long, much longer than any of the halls in the Citadel. Both of you halting in front of doors that housed what you assumed to be classrooms. Pushing them open with the Force as the sound of an alarm started to blare. You paused briefly outside of an empty room. They would be scattering soon. You turned to look out into the hall and surely enough people started to flee. You dug deeply into your well of anger, igniting your saber in time with Kylo. Both of you moving with a purpose as you cut down those who fled their rooms. Slashing with precision and power.  A trail of bodies lying in your wake as you progressed inward. The others surrounded the large building to catch anyone who tried to flee outside. Some tried to fight but most were too over whelmed with fear to attempt it. Their primal brains urging them to get away. The older members tried to hold you both off as you made your way deeper into the temple.

 

“Why are you doing this!?” A man not much younger than you screamed as he brought forth his own light saber, igniting a green blade. You could feel Kylo’s familiarity with the man. Perhaps one of his peers when he was a student here. He stood ready to attack, you turned your head to look at Kylo. He was facing the man but did not attack.

 

_“Do you need me to do it?”_

_“No.”_ You shrugged and stepped back, allowing the two to square up. The alarms still blaring overhead.

The man’s face suddenly flickered in recognition of Kylo. 

 

“Ben?” Klyo said nothing. “Ben where have you been?!  Master…”

 

Kylo lunged at him, sending his saber plunging into the man’s chest. You could feel the slight remorse in his actions, but there was anger there too, anger that was not your own merely reflecting back at you through Kylo. No, this was his own anger. Anger at his previous Master. Secrets held, lies told and empty promises. The man sputtered in shock as Kylo pulled his saber out of his chest. A mortal wound and a slow death. There would be no mercy.

 

You walked past him and further into the hall, allowing Kylo to deal with his emotional baggage. You paused briefly in front of a door. You could feel two presences behind the door, small blips in the Force. You forced the door open with a mental push. The room looked empty but you knew better. Stepping into the room and searching the Force once again, you flung your hand to a closet in the corner of the room.

 

A foolish place to hide you mused. The door flung open, two children cowering in the bottom of the closet. You paused and peered down at them. They were so young, you felt yourself frown. You fought at the emotion to leave them be. They would face the same fate as everyone else. You could not humanize them. They were a flaw in the system. They must be eradicated.

 

They cried and clutched at each other. You could feel the nagging at the back of your head. You smashed it down before it could even voice its pleadings. You closed your eyes briefly as you dug down into the well of emotion. Allowing it to consume you once again. You felt the anger and pain flow through you. You took comfort in it as you twitched your fingers in the same slight motions you had used earlier. They both fell limply against each other.

 

Their cries silenced. You moved closer to the closet and looked at their soft faces. You felt moisture on your cheek, unable to wipe them away because of the helmet. You sniffled slightly. New pain washing over you. You crouched down and peered at them closely. Their faces now soft and emotionless. The looked as if they were merely sleep, wrapped around each other tightly. Your stomach lurched. You wanted to vomit but fought the urge. You picked both of them up, setting them outside of the closet and laying them next to each other on the floor. You weren’t sure why you were doing it. Maybe you wanted to make sure they could be found and not forgotten in the closet, huddled together in fear. You wanted to take off the helmet and fling it far away from you. Your frustration swelled in your chest. You turned sharply out of the room. This was all their fault. They shouldn’t have been here.

 

You walked out of the room and mentally searched for Kylo, finding him further away from you. You moved past the bodies that littered the floor until you could hear the familiar humming crackle of his saber. You could hear shuffling and screaming as you rounded a corner into a large open area. Kylo actively battled two older members. You flung your hand outward sending one of them crashing into the wall, completely unaware of you presence. Kylo hacked at the one still standing, a powerful blow sweeping across their chest, plunging into cloth and flesh. The man fell to his knees, eyes wild as he attempted to accept his coming death. Kylo peered at you over his shoulder.

 

_“Where have you been?”_

“Cleaning up the stragglers.” You voiced.

 

“Move outside, they are amassing near where the ships are kept. Nove and Zece need your assistance.”

 

“And you Commander?”

 

“I will be in search of Skywalker.”

 

“As you wish.” You nodded and turned back the way you came, mentally searching for Zece and Nove’s signatures. Finding them on the other side of the building. You moved quickly towards them, using the Force to push you into a faster run. There was a large crowd around the now destroyed and flaming ships. Young ones being shielded by older and more experienced members. You could feel a familiar mental ping hit you. You allowed it entrance.

 

 _“Bout kriffing time you got here.”_ Nove spoke heatedly.

_“My apologizes, I didn’t realize you were having such a hard time.”_

_“There’s one in there that keeps sending super strong mental attacks. It’s straining to keep up physically and defend against their probing.”_ Zece said as you swatted at someone with his vibro-staff.

 

 _“Move back.”_  

 

They followed your command as you flung your hand outward and sent a large pulse into the crowd as soon as they were cleared. Bodies knocking in multiple directions. Zece and Nove moved back into the fray, killing with vicious strikes. You ignited your saber once again and plunged into the now scattered crowd.

 

They came at you from different directions, attempting to over whelm you. You slashed and dodged their attacks, the humming of sabers pressing at you from all sides as you fended off their attacks. You could feel your body slow almost to a halt as several applied the Force to your body in an attempt to freeze you. Your anger rising at their motions. You growled angrily as you tried to shake their grasps. Animalistic and frenzied as you struggled and raged against their efforts to halt you and bring you down.

 

Your body moving slowly, you twisted  using your own abilities to move you. You huffed. This was pointless. Slight panic rose inside of you, if you couldn’t break away soon you would be dangerously open to attack. You focused your energy into moving your head to scan the crowd for just one of them that was attempting to hold you in place. Your arms swinging with great effort as you continued to fend off the few that still tried to bring you down with their green and blue sabers.  Your eyes paused for a moment on a girl further away. Her face was scrunched in concentration. She was one. You sent out another pulse, knocking those who thought they could overtake you; sending them flying backwards.

 

You could hear Zece and Nove near you still fighting, too busy with their own targets to help. You dug down, gritting your teeth tightly, enamel scraping against enamel as you forced your hands upward. Your pupils dilating as you focused on the girl. _Rip. Tear. RIP. TEAR._ You could feel her heart beating frantically in the waves of the Force, you zoned in on it. Bringing your hands together with strained motions. You sent another pulse outward knocking the few who were still attempting to attack. You could feel Kylo moving towards your location. Feeling your wild panic coursing through him. You focused once again on the girl, your hands out stretched and close together. You mentally grabbed at her physical being with the Force, you saw her face flicker in panic as you lifted her upward. Your fingers suddenly clamping into a fist. Your body shaking in anger and panic. Focusing the emotion into your arms and using them as a conduit for your powers. You flung your hands apart quickly with exaggerated motion. She ripped apart as you screamed in primal release. Your voice distorted by the modulator.

 

Kylo was actively hacking through the remaining Jedi in an attempt to get to you. You staggered slightly as you finally felt a majority of the applied Force fade away from you. You could finally manage to move more freely. Your chest rose and fell as you huffed from physical strain. Your head was swimming, drunk on the anger and the power that coursed through you.

 

You hadn’t realized that you had dropped your saber in your struggle. You frantically searched for it, cursing the helmet once again for limiting your vision. You turned as you felt a body tackle into your own. Knocking you to the ground, forcing the breath out of you. You saw your saber laying feet away from you, your hand flung outward and pulled it toward you as hands reached down to your neck. You looked up at your attacker, a woman pushing her full weight on to you, her eyes wild and hair disheveled. Her limp messy mousey brown hair clung tightly to her scrunched face. Sweat pooling in the creases of her forehead.

 

She screamed at you as she clamped around your neck with the Force and her own hands. Your lungs burned in your chest as she squeezed tighter. You pulled at your saber more urgently, it flew to your hand, quickly igniting it and plunged it into her chest. Her hand loosening on your neck as she felt the first stages of shock roll through her body. She twitched, the plasma blade still in her chest. You switched it off, allowing her to fall on top of you. Someone was pulling her body off of you. Kylo. He grabbed at you roughly and pulled you upward.

 

You stumbled as you tried to regain balance. Your neck was alight with pain. You chocked a laugh, delirious, this was nothing you couldn’t handle. You have been here before, on the receiving end of much stronger hands. Your mind flashing to Twelve briefly, your hands wrapped around her neck as her eyes grew wide with strain. Anger rolled through you again gripping you tightly in it’s clutches. You looked around you, noticing the others had all gathered back together, cutting down those who remained. You could feel familiar anger and frustration course through you, but it was not your own, you allowed it to wash through you. Pulling you into its tide and sweeping you away with it, joining with your own and creating a tsunami within you. You closed your eyes to blink briefly, relishing in the emotion, a second wind of sorts coursing through you and urging you on.

 

You turned with renewed resolve, deep scarlet blade a light and humming. There were some still fleeing. Where could they even go? You laughed, the sound coming out as a garbled mess of sound out of your mask. You pursued an individual up a rocky hill. They stumbled and scrambled further up. You slashed at their back with your saber, a scream hit your ears. You kicked them over to face you. A young boy, bright green eyes full of tears, face scraped and bleeding. You tilted your head as he stared at you. His jaw set in determination. You nodded at him. ‘Yes. You will die too.’ You plunged your blade into his head and pulled it outward, his body sliding slightly down the hill. You moved over the crest, sensing something on the other side. You paused, Kylo was hot on your trail, his stomping thudding up the hill. He was seething. Then you saw why. A ship lifting at the cliff side.

_“Pull it down!”_

You nodded and lifted your hand, mimicking his motions, you mentally dug deep, each of you finding resolve and strength in the constantly cycling anger shared between your bond. You gritted your teeth and mentally clamped down on the ship. Your fist closed tightly as you tried to tug. Both of you pulled causing the ship to shake violently and for a brief moment you thought you would be able to stop it, but the thrusters kicked in quickly and as much as you tried you knew it was a lost cause. It was too far away and you were suddenly so tired. You watched as the ship broke atmosphere.

 

Your hand went to your helmet, fumbling with the claps on each side, you opened it and pulled it off your head. Your hair tumbled out freely as you dropped it to the ground with a thud. You turned to look at Kylo, he turned to look at you. He paused and considered you, his hand going to your chin, lifting your head upward. He leaned in and peered into your eyes as he turned your head in different directions. What was he looking for?

 

“Who was on the ship Kylo?”

 

He released your head suddenly and turned to look back out into the dark sky. You could feel his anger rising once again. Frustrated and seething inwardly. You mentally cut him off, too tired to deal with his emotions and your own at the same time. You bent down and picked up your helmet and cradled it under your arm. Your other hand clipping your saber to your belt as you moved away from him to allow him to brood. You moved slowly down the hill trying to avoid slipping, and passed the boy with the bright green eyes.

 

You paused briefly to look at him. You sighed and told yourself that his death was no more avoidable than the children in the closet. You could feel moisture at your eyes again. You blinked them away. Useless. They were dead and tears would not fix it. You broke away from the boy and joined the others who stood in the midst of the carnage. You surveyed the scene with a lazy glare. The others removed their helmets at the sight of your bare face. It was done.

 

The only source of light was from the burning craft, you swayed slightly as you turned to look at them. Smoke billowed out into the sky. You looked upward, dark clouds moving slowly above. It was going to rain you mused. No one spoke, the fire casting a warm glow over their tired faces. You turned when you heard movement behind you. Kylo stomped angrily back towards the group.

 

“Come.” He commanded. You all followed behind him, helmets in hand as you made your way back towards the shuttle.

               

You walked onto the shuttle and moved to your bag, dropping the helmet inside. You never wanted to use that thing again. If it wouldn’t piss Kylo off even more than he already was you would have left the damn thing on the hill. He did not remove his helmet you realized, not even once you returned to the shuttle. He moved to the cockpit and prepared to leave planet side.

 

Einn moved to join him but quickly turned around and came back out, taking a seat next to you and let out a huff. You furrowed your brows as you looked at him in confusion. You dropped your mental walls completely and was completely overwhelmed with the amount of charged emotion in the shuttle. It was suffocating. You quickly restored the walls but to a lesser degree, just enough to shield yourself from the emotionally charged atmosphere.

 

Einn shook his head and leaned back into the seat. _“He wants to be alone.”_ He projected. You nodded and buckled yourself into the straps. You were too exhausted to feel any anxiety about the flight. You just wanted to be rid of this planet and everything on it. You huffed and closed your eyes.

 

 _“Are you going to be okay to fly without being put to sleep?”_ Einn suddenly asked.

 

 _“Honestly, I’m too tired to care about it.”_ He nodded. You closed your eyes as you leaned your head against the head rest. You could hear the shuttle come to life, the whirling sound of the engines working filled the cabin. You sighed and allowed your exhaustion to take over your body and mind. Darkness surrounded you.

 

You awoke to a hand gently rocking you awake. You winced, your body hurt and your head was pounding. You opened your eyes slowly, preparing for the artificial lights to hit your sensitive eyes. Muran stood above you as his firm hands gently shook you.

 

“We’re here. Get your helmet on.”

 

“Where are we?” You asked as your hands suddenly jolted to your straps. Unclipping yourself quickly and moving to your helmet. Muran had his already on his head.

 

“The _Finalizer_.” You quirked an eyebrow at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks, we are inching closer to where I am in my writing, which means that the chapters are going to become a little more spaced out.   
> I may only post 1-2 times a week depending on how well I feel about the chapter(s) and the direction they are moving.   
> thank you for your continued support and kind words! I love hearing from all of you and look forward to hearing more from you!   
> XOXO


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 18

Punishment

_____________________

 

You gazed at your helmet with a look of disgust. You didn’t want to put the damn thing on, and would have probably protested but the atmosphere on the ship dictated otherwise. You fixed your hair and put the hunk of duraplast and metal back on quickly. The others were already prepared to exit the craft. Your stomach suddenly felt queasy as you moved. You could feel your weight shift unnaturally, the artificial gravity was alien and made you feel uncomfortable. You concentrated on calming your unease as Kylo stomped down to the bay doors and stood in front of all of you, briefly assessing each of you behind the visor. You could feel him sending a mental push against you, wanting entrance into your mental space once again. You huffed and allowed him inside.

 

_“I must have a briefing with Supreme Leader. You and the others are to go to your quarters. I will summon you once I am finished. Do not speak to anyone and keep your helmet on outside of your quarters.”_

_“Yes Commander.”_ You wondered if he was having the same conversation with the others. He turned sharply and the bay doors opened with a hiss.

 

Your eyes widened as you looked into the large bay. You had never been in a ship of this size, hell you had only been off planet twice. A feeling of excitement over took you as the dark procession moved out of the ship. You halted suddenly, noticing a man in uniform waiting to greet the group.

 

“General.” Kylo greeted him, a hint of familiarity passing between your shared mental space.

 

The general nodded, his arms clasped behind his back, his auburn hair perfectly coiffed and uniform expertly pressed. He looked well put together and was pleasing to look at in a way that it was pleasing to look at an organized space. Everything properly in its place, neat and tidy. You tilted your head slightly as you eyed the man, his eyes fluttered over you and the others.

 

“Commander. Knights.” He said curtly. You liked the sound of his voice, his voice exuded complete control, his title seemed perfectly suited you mused. You could feel a ping of annoyance at your thoughts from Ren.

 

“I have had the staff prepare your quarters. Supreme Leader is waiting for you to debrief.” The general motioned to another officer standing next to him, you hadn’t noticed this man, too busy assessing the general. “Pullet will show the Knights to their quarters.” The shorter man moved forward, his sandy blonde hair was equally as coiffed to perfection as the general’s. There was nervous energy about him that differed from the confidence of the general. Pullet moved to stand separately from the general and motioned for the group to follow. You made the first move, breaking formation and taking control of the group.

 

 _“Ensure they stay out of trouble. Your things will be brought to your quarters.”_ Kylo projected. You turned and nodded at him.

 

Pullet moved silently as you followed closely behind him. His nervousness was palpable in the air. His perfectly polished boots made slight clacking noises on the floor as he walked. He moved to a lift and waited for the group to follow. You stepped in first and stood closely behind him. His hand trembled slightly as he pressed the floor number. You raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure why he was so nervous. You weren’t going to attack the man. You wanted to reassure him of this but you had been commanded not to speak. You pinched your lips as the lift ascended to the correct level. Pullet moved quickly out of the lift, pausing briefly to allow for everyone to exit. You passed groups of white armor clad storm troopers on their rounds. You had never seen so many together at one time. This place was so much more different from the Citadel. The ship hummed with life, too much life, you could easily be overwhelmed by it if you weren’t careful.

 

Pullet marched down a long hall and halted in front of a doorway. “This is the first room, the next five down have been prepared for you, your things will arrive shortly.” You tilted your head slightly as the man spoke with false confidence. You nodded at him and turned to looked behind you, sending a mental tendril to each of your companions,

 

 _“Each of you take a room, I will take the last. Remain in your quarters until the Commander instructs further.”_ They nodded and moved past you. You noticed Vier and Anim go into the same room. They would be bunked together. You looked at Pullet.

“We have no need of the last room, Vier and Anim will share quarters.” His eyes widened briefly at the sound of your modulated voice. He recovered quickly and nodded. You moved to the room right before the last and used the Force to open the door.

 

The room was completely sterile. Clean pressed white sheets on the bed, a small sitting area with a table and two chairs, a closet and a refresher. It was larger than you were used to, but it was pleasing all the same. You closed the door behind you and moved to the refresher. You peered into the space and looked around. The shower was larger as well as the vanity and sink. You hummed in approval. This would most certainly do. You walked back out into the single room and waited for your things to arrive. You were beyond need of a shower and sleep. You moved to the table and sat in wait for your things.

 

There was a buzz at the door, you moved quickly and opened it. A single ‘trooper stood with your bags in hand. You stepped aside and pointed to the table. They sat your affects down gently and moved out of the room. You sighed in relief once they left. Your hands fumbled at the claps on your helmet and unlocked it, pulling it off of your head with a hiss. You threw the thing across the room and cursed at it. Your eyes lingered on the offending piece of armor. You wished that you could just destroy the damn thing. You forced your eyes away from it and began to strip your armor and clothing quickly. Kicking everything out of your path as you moved to the refresher. Your bare feet padded on the cold floor, something you took comfort in, it reminded you of the Citadel. Of home. You moved to the shower and began to play with the foreign knobs; stopping once the water was scolding hot and stepping inside.

 

The hot water burned at your skin, you hissed slightly at the burning but did not move to change the temperature. You felt filthy, mentally and physically. In desperate need to unpack all of your emotions from the mission, you closed your eyes and allowed the water to wash over your hair. Standing in the stream you allowed the tears of pent up emotion to fall. You tried to tell yourself that your actions were justified, but the faces of the two huddled children kept flashing in your mind. They were so young and frightened. Completely helpless. They did not deserve to die…but Twelve didn’t either. You sniffled and wiped at your eyes.

 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s done.” You whispered. You needed to hear yourself vocalize the thought. Somehow feeling that actually saying it would make it true.

 

You forced yourself to stop crying. The tears felt selfish and too indulgent. You had done as commanded. Their deaths were a necessity, a flaw in the system that needed to be fixed before it became more of a problem. They did not fit within the goals of the First Order, too uncontrollable, too much of a liability for progress.

 

 _“That could have been you.”_ The small voice whispered in the back of your head. You paused.

 

“But it wasn’t. Stop trying to make me feel bad.” You mumbled aloud.

 

_“You already feel guilt, you feel it so deeply. This can never be forgiven.”_

“It was necessary, there is nothing to forgive.”

 

_“It wasn’t. Do not allow his agenda cloud your true emotions.”_

“Shut up.” You hissed.

 

 _“Don’t you feel it? The imbalance.”_ You slammed your fist into the wall, the metal bent under the impact.

_“How much longer until you’re no longer a necessity?”_

“SHUT. UP.  JUST SHUT UP!” You screamed, crumbling to the floor, hand clutching at your head. “Just leave me alone.” You wept as sob racking through your chest.

 

 _“There is still time.”_ You shook your head. 

 

The voice was gone, its taunts still echoing in your head. You gritted your teeth and forced yourself to stand once again. You were disgusted with the self-pity that the voice brought out in you. You washed quickly once you managed to stand.

               

You wiped the fogged mirror with your hand, and looked at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were blood shot from crying. You gritted your teeth at the sight as a new wave of disgust rolled through you. You stomped out of the ‘fresher and dressed in your underclothes, slinging your dripping hair over your shoulder and sat on the bed. Your hands rubbing at your temples. You needed to rest you were too tired to fight with yourself and the conflicting emotions that stormed inside of you. You shifted yourself to lay in the bed and pulled the covers over you, using the Force to dim the lighting you closed your eyes. You willed yourself to not dream. You couldn’t handle anything but the darkness.

 

Thankfully you did not dream, and if you did you could not remember, you opened your eyes slowly. You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep but you could hear a dinging coming from somewhere in the room. Perhaps that’s what had woken you up? Groaning you flipped the covers off of your body and forcibly removed yourself from the comfort of your bed. You followed the dinging and found your datapad sitting on the table. When had that gotten in here? Perhaps you had unpacked it earlier and forgotten? You furrowed your brows and tapped the screen. You had a message alert on the pad, scrunching your eyes at the sudden bright white of the screen you clicked on the message.

 

_Ceph Ren:_

_You are to meet in the Holodeck for debriefing at 2100._

Glancing at the time at the top of the screen you cursed. Only a little bit before you were needed to the holodeck. You scrambled to dress, throwing clothes every which way as you dug in your duffle for something quick to throw on. Finding a pair of leggings and a simple tunic you dressed. Moving over to the pile of dirty clothing you found your belt with your saber still attached and slung it around your hips. Shit where had your helmet gone? You scrambled around the room and then remembered that you had thrown the damn thing, cursing you went to the corner where it laid and picked it up.

 

Coiling your hair to fit within the confines you placed it atop your head and moved back to the pile of your dirty clothing and armor. Grabbing your cloak you placed it over your shoulders and clasped it closed. You quickly put on your boots and moved to the door.  You stepped out of your quarters to find no one outside. How the hell were you supposed to find the damn holodeck? As you were about to start walking Pullet appeared at the end of the hall to retrieve you. You started to walk towards him, meeting him half way.

 

“If you will follow me, I will take you to the holodeck.” He said curtly. You nodded and followed him back to the lift and stepped in behind him. You leaned your back against the wall, your arms crossed over your chest. Pullet stood in silence, facing the lift doors as you moved to the correct level. You huffed, causing him to glance over his shoulder at you. You did not speak, your helmet glaring at him, he turned his gaze quickly away from you.

 

You rolled your eyes. The lift lurched to a stop, Pullet walked out quickly as you followed. Bringing you to a set of dark double doors, he moved to the side, bowing slightly and practically ran off away from you. You stood for a minute watching him return to the lift. Shaking your head you turned to the double doors and pushed them open with your hands.

 

The room was dark, using the force to guide your steps, you stood silently and waited. The projection flickered to life, Supreme Leader sitting in front of you as he normally did. His projection a bit smaller than you were used to. You bowed deeply.

 

“You may stand and remove your helmet my child.” His voice was like velvet. You stood straight and pulled your helmet away from your head and clamped it under the crook of your arm.

 

“Supreme Leader.”

 

“Ceph, it is good to see you my dear child.”

 

“As it is to see you.” You replied. He hummed a response and nodded his deformed and gnarled head, piercing blue eyes glaring at your form.

 

“I have been informed by Kylo Ren that Skywalker managed to escape, what do you know of this?” You paused, your brows furrowing slightly. The shuttle. Your teeth gritted slightly, biting back your anger at Ren for not completing his task.

 

“He and I separated at the temple. I went to aid Zece and Nove, Kylo went in search of Skywalker. He asked for no assistance, I assumed he handled the situation properly. I did not know that Skywalker was on the shuttle that escaped.” A flicker of annoyance crossed Snoke’s face. Your face mirrored the same expression. You did not like failure.

 

“I see.” He said flatly, clearly displeased. “So you were actively aware that a shuttle was allowed to escape?”

 

“Yes, though both Kylo and I attempted to pull it back from atmosphere, it was too far away to properly manipulate with the Force.” He hummed, you continued, “I was not aware that Skywalker had escaped Supreme Leader, Ren had not mentioned who was on the ship.”

 

“And if you had known….you would have tried harder to stop the ship? Is that what you’re getting at?” Agitation dripping in his tone.  You paused, you needed to be very careful in your response.

 

“It would not have mattered. The ship was too far away, it is a failure on both of our parts.” He sat silently considering your words.

 

“I can sense your displeasure at this, you should be displeased. This is a problem that needs to be rectified immediately.”

 

“Yes Supreme Leader, how would you like me to proceed?” He leaned back into his chair and steepled his gnarled fingers in thought.

 

“You will remain with Ren until further notice, the others will be sent on separate missions for the time being.” You sighed, that was not the answer you were hoping for.

 

“Yes Supreme Leader.” You bowed your head.

 

“I know you are displeased with the matter my dear, but it is for the best.” He said firmly. You nodded.

 

“Yes, as you wish.” He nodded at your response.

 

“Ceph?”

 

“Yes Sir?”

 

“I have every confidence that you will rectify this immediately, you have shown great promise in battle, I am proud of you.” Your heart fluttered in your chest, pride coursed through you like a drug. You nodded.

 

“Thank you Supreme Leader. I will not fail you.”

 

“You are dismissed.” You bowed deeply and turned away as the holo flickered off, leaving you in the now dark room. You moved back to the double doors and stopped at them, you could feel Kylo on the other side. Huffing you placed your helmet back on your head and moved back out into the hall.

 

“Commander.”

 

“Ceph.” You both stared at each other for a moment. “Come.” He said flatly. You nodded and followed him back to the lift.

               

You followed him to his quarters on the same floor as your own. You didn’t think your rooms would be so closely situated, but you assumed that most of the higher officers were stationed on this level. He entered his quarters and motioned for you to step inside. His were much larger than your own, almost mimicking his previous quarters in the Citadel, but instead of stone walls they were replaced with sleek durasteel. You stood silently in the entrance way, awaiting for him to lead you further into the room. He moved past you and pulled his helmet from his head, setting it on the coffee table in the center of the living area. He sat on the couch with a slight huff, leaning forward, elbows resting on his long legs as he ran his hands through his hair. He was exhausted and stressed you sensed. You moved to stand in front of him, releasing the latches from your own helmet and pulling it from your head, shaking your hair out and promptly rested it under your arm.

 

“Have you rested yet?” You asked flatly.

 

“No.”

 

“You should rest.”

 

“I will in a moment.” He mumbled. You sighed and moved around to sit next to him on the couch, placing your helmet next to his on the coffee table.

 

“You did not inform me that Skywalker had escaped.” Displeasure emanating in your tone. He turned his head to look at you, his brows furrowed.

 

“I…there was nothing that we could have done at the time to stop him.” You narrowed your eyes at his words. He sounded so defeated.

 

“This is unacceptable. I left you to handle your former Master, and now I am paying for your failure. Explain yourself.”

 

“He ran like a coward, I was in pursuit of him but felt you struggling…panicking.” He paused and looked away from you. It was a half lie, he felt you, but there was more, something he was keeping hidden from you. You could feel his sudden shame coursing through you.

 

“You’re hiding something from me…why?” You asked through slightly gritted teeth. He turned his head back towards you, his eyes wide with panic. His mouth opened and then promptly clamped shut his jaw flexing as he ground his teeth. Your hand raised in a stopping motion as you closed your eyes. You would drop it for now. Eventually you would find the truth. “So you allowed him to escape in order to check on me?” Your voice came out much quieter than you intended. Anger roiling beneath the skin.

 

You rose from the couch and started pacing, you could feel his eyes on you as you moved angrily back and forth, you inhaled and exhaled harshly, hands clenching at your sides as you slowly and methodically popped your fingers one by one.

 

“I’m so mad at you right now.” You mumbled. “I can’t believe you.” You closed your eyes and gritted your teeth. Your fingers itched for activity. You weren’t mad, you were furious. Furious that not only was he using you as an excuse for his failure but that he was actively hiding the full truth from you. You finally snapped as your anger boiled over, flashing hotly in your eyes and face.

 

You moved to the table and picked up your helmet and threw it across the room angrily a low growl emitting from your throat as you threw it. He merely watched you throw your tantrum. You closed your eyes and forced yourself to calm down. You were being childish, this was doing nothing to help the situation.

 

“I can’t look at you right now.” You said softly. You called your helmet back to you with the Force and caught it in your hand. You coiled your hair messily and put your helmet back on and moved with purpose back to the door way and paused. “Figure out how to fix this immediately, or I will.” You hissed and stormed out of his quarters. Your shoulders rising and falling in quick procession as a new wave of anger moved through you. Your fingers twitched at your sides as you clenched and unclenched them.

 

You needed to do something with this anger, returning to your quarters would only cause you to stew. The problem was that you had no idea where everything was located on the massive ship. Noticing a storm trooper moving on a path you halted it with your hand. The ‘trooper paused automatically at parade rest.

 

“Ma’am?” He asked promptly. 

 

“Where are the training facilities located on this vessel?” You snapped. He shifted slightly at the tone of your modulator, he was about to reply but you lifted your hand and motioned for him to pause. “Just show me.” He nodded and started to move back towards the lift as you followed.

               

The ride on the lift was quiet, your anger was roiling, sending out waves into the Force, the ‘trooper shifted in discomfort, your body language said it all. He moved quickly out of the lift and moved down several corridors until he reached a set of double doors, you could hear people inside. You clenched your teeth.

 

“Ma’am, they will be done shortly.” He said noticing your agitation at the noise.

 

“Leave.” You snapped as you pushed inside the doors. A large group of ‘troopers making motion to file outward. You watched as they left, you could feel someone lingering in the room. You turned your head to see who was still standing. A tall trooper in chrome armor stood watching you. You sent a mental tendril outward and met slight resistance, you searched for a title and grasped it quickly.

 

“Captain.”

 

“You must be one of the Knights.” She said unimpressed. You nodded.

 

“Ceph.”

 

“I see.” She moved over towards you, she towered over you, causing you to have to look upward slightly. “I have another group coming in about an hour, you are free to use the facilities as you see fit.” She paused again, “Though next time I would like notice.” You nodded.

 

“I apologize…” Your hands clenched again in agitation. “I did not know I would be interrupting.” Your teeth gritted slightly as you forced an apology. She nodded.

 

 

“It is quite alright.” She looked at your hands as they tensed and released. “I will leave you to it then.” She turned abruptly and left. You paused for a minute and looked around the large room. In the corner there were free weights sitting on a rack. It would have to do for the moment. You unlatched your helmet and dropped it to the ground with a thud. You called to the rack of weights with the Force, pulling all of the weights off of their slots and pulled them towards you, your hand going to your saber as you mentally toggled it on.

 

Red light casting across your features as you pulled the weights at you all at once, your blade moving to slice them into pieces. You slashed until you were panting, the small pieces of weights littering the training room floor. You dropped your hand holding your saber, looking at the mess you had made. You grimaced. This wasn’t going to make a good first impression. You weren’t quite sure what to do with the mess and looked around the room trying to come up with a solution. You noticed a com on the wall and moved over to it, clicking down the button you called a cleaning droid to the room, and grabbed your helmet. Taking one last look at the metal pieces you made a mental note to send an apology to the Captain about destroying the weights. You coiled your hair up once again and put the dreadful helmet back on.

 

Retracing your steps you made it back to the lift in time to avoid the Captain. You closed the lift and tapped your foot as you waited for the level with your quarters. Once the doors dinged open you walked briskly back to your quarters and walked inside. Closing the door behind you, you ripped off your helmet and placed it on the table. You looked around and sighed. You should unpack and straighten up since you were now going to be staying much longer than anticipated.   

 

Once you finished you weren’t quite sure what to do with yourself. You didn’t want to exit your quarters, that would require putting on the stupid helmet, but you also didn’t want to be cooped up in your room. You huffed and sat on your bed and resigned yourself to meditation. Just as you had settled yourself there was a bing on your datapad. Rolling your eyes you tried to ignore it only for it to bing once again.

 

“Kriffing hell, what now?” You groaned as you got off the bed and moved across the room to look at the new message. It was from Captain Phasma.

“Fuck.” You stared at it and blinked before clicking it.

               

                _Ceph:_

_While I don’t mind you using the training facilities, could you please refrain from destroying the equipment? If you need to work out some frustrations, you are more than welcomed to join for sparring and weapons training. I have attached a schedule of training times. Please let me know in advance so I may properly prepare._

_-Captain Phasma._

You stared at the message blankly. Well it could have been worse, she could have threatened to report you to Kylo. You huffed out a laugh and clicked to reply the message.

 

                _Captain Phasma:_

_I apologize for destroying your equipment, I may have gotten a little carried away. Again, my apologizes. Thank you for the invitation, I will be sure to let you know ahead of time if I plan to attend._

_-Ceph Ren_

 

You sent the message and placed the datapad back down. You huffed as you heard your door buzz.

 

“What now?” You grabbed your helmet and quickly bunched up your hair and latched it closed. You moved to the door and opened it, a droid holding a tray stood in front of you. You tilted your head and pulled the tray away from it. It abruptly turned and left, leaving you standing in the doorway holding the tray awkwardly.

 

You peered out into the hallway and noticed no one else. Shrugging you moved back into your quarters and placed the tray on the table. You pulled the top off of the tray and looked down at your meal. It looked edible enough. You unlatched your helmet and pulled it off tossing it to the bed as you sat to eat. You ate quickly, ravenously, you hadn’t realized how hungry you were. You knew if Kylo were sitting across from you he would have been highly amused as he usually was when you ate together.

 

You scowled suddenly. You needed to get this bond under control, there could be no more failure due to it, you needed to get him under control. You chewed on your bottom lip absently in thought. Getting up you picked up the tray and moved towards the door, opened it and paused. There standing in front of you were a pair of legs, finely pressed pants and shining boots. You pulled your eyes upward and blinked repeatedly. You weren’t wearing your helmet. Fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkk you mentally screamed.

 

The General looked at you with a raised eyebrow. You forced your face to return to the familiar stone mask. You calmly set the tray down on the floor and stood to your full height. He was staring at you plainly, his eyes roaming your figure and face as if memorizing every detail.

 

“Are you finished?” You said flatly, a small smile coming to his face.

 

“Quite.” He said, the smile still curling on his lips.

 

“Is there something I can help you with then?” You asked in the same flat tone. He hummed in amusement.

 

“I was just coming to check and see if you had received your meal.” You quirked an eyebrow, he was lying. You chose not to comment on the lie.

 

“I did. Thank you.” You blinked at him placidly.  “Anything else General?”

 

“Captain Phasma has informed me that you have visited the training facilities.”

 

“I did. The Captain and I have already discussed the training schedule.”

 

“Excellent.”

 

 _“What are you doing?”_ Kylo’s voice rang in your head, his voice and the bond portraying a flash of agitation.

_“The General is pestering me.”_

_“Yes, I see that, where is your helmet?”_

_“Inside, I was not expecting him to be at the door when I opened it.”_

_“You need to be more careful, I told you, helmet on at all times outside of your quarters.”_ You visibly scowled, the General had been prattling on about something but you had been too busy inwardly conversing with Kylo to hear what he was saying.

 

“Excuse me General.” You said suddenly and stepped back and closed the door quickly and locked it.

 

 _“Next time, helmet on.”_ He hissed.

 

 _“Yes Commander.”_ You hissed back.

 

You turned and looked at your helmet on the bed and scowled at it. You moved over to it and picked it up ready to throw the damned thing once again, but paused and thought better of it. You sat it on the night stand and sat on the bed with a huff. You needed to be far more careful. The General being at your door was off putting, and you wondered if he had made his rounds to each of the other’s rooms or if he only stopped at yours. Perhaps curiosity got the better of him? You had already damaged First Order property, maybe he wanted to see who would be so blatantly disrespectful of the equipment? You chewed on your bottom lip in thought. No...how did he find out so quickly about what you did to the equipment. The corners of your lips pulled downward in a deep frown. Either way you did not like the unwanted attention. Huffing slightly you stood and paced the room. You should have looked in his mind, then you would have had a clear answer.

 

Maybe he was waiting to see if you would do so? Perhaps playing a game similar to Ren when he first arrived. How long could he push your buttons before the explosion? You shook your head in an attempt to shake the thought from your head. Surely he would have far more important things to concern himself with than you. You were only letting your paranoia get the better of you.

 

What was more concerning was Kylo’s reaction to the general seeing your face. Why should it matter? He would see you eventually would he not? Surely there was a file on you somewhere in the massive database of the First Order. You had a medical file that was for sure and his rank would surely gain him access. You continued to pace like a caged animal, your anxiety and agitation growing as you moved quickly across your track. You forced yourself to move to the bed and sit down. Your leg bounced quickly as you perched on the edge of the bed.

 

Groaning loudly you slammed yourself backward onto the plush surface and rolled as you grabbed the blankets and twisted them tightly around you. Cocooning yourself in the bed, forcing your body not to move any longer, you needed to push these obsessive thoughts from your head. There was no use in them. You closed your eyes and held your breath and only let your lungs fill with oxygen once they started to burn. You did this until your breathing evened out and your mind stopped perpetrating the intrusive thoughts.

 

 

>                 _Her hands moved through your hair slowly. She caught a knot and you winced slightly, she only mumbled soft apologies._
> 
> _“I’m worried for you.” Her hands worked out the small knot._
> 
> _“Why? I’m fine.” You could feel her concern._
> 
> _“I worry that you live too inwardly at times. This is the first time I’ve seen you in a week.” You chewed on your inner cheek, not sure how to reply. The torture training had taken so much out of you. You knew no other way to cope but to send yourself into further isolation. She moved away from the knot and ran her fingers through your hair once again. Her touch was so soothing, how could you forget that?_
> 
> _“I’m sorry.” You mumbled. She huffed out a laugh._
> 
> _“No need to apologize, I don’t want to see you further alienate yourself from the group.”_
> 
> _“I’m not.”_
> 
> _“You are, you don’t realize it, but they miss you just as much as I do when you lock yourself away.” This time you laughed._
> 
> _“I doubt it.”_
> 
> _“It’s the truth. We are all concerned about your habits.”_
> 
> _“How do you do it?” She hummed._
> 
> _“Do what?”_
> 
> _“Feel so freely…aren’t you scared?”_
> 
> _“Sometimes…but I know you would never allow anything to happen to me…to any of us.” Your hand moved to hers as she moved through your hair. You gripped tightly to her slender fingers._
> 
> _“You’re so foolish sometimes.” She shifted and lowered her head to rest on yours, her free hand wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you back into her chest, you could feel the slow thudding of her heart and the slow expansion of her chest as she drew breath._
> 
> _“No more foolish than you.” She mumbled into your hair and kissed the crown of your head tenderly. “Do you want me to braid your hair still?” She asked as she allowed you pull away slightly, your hand moving back to your side. You nodded softly. You could feel her smile and the warmth that radiated out to you through the Force. A smile curled at the corner of your lips._

You jolted awake and tumbled out of the bed, still tangled in the blankets and sheets, the hard impact of the floor made you groan. Your leg was caught in the sheets and hung awkwardly across the bed. Your lip quivered slightly as you combated the sadness that threatened to overtake you. A deep ache squeezed at your chest. You laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling as you gnawed on your lower lip fighting the urge to openly weep like a child. Huffing shakily and fighting a sob you heard your door open.

 

You didn’t need to look as you heard his loud steps as he moved to your side. His large hands gripping your tangled limbs and pulling you upward and back onto the bed. You curled inwardly, gripping your knees tightly and gnashing your teeth as another sob tried to break free from your throat. He crawled in next you gripping you tightly.

 

No words passed between you, there was no need, he shared every bit of your sorrow as it ripped through you. You pushed away from him, trying to break free from his arms, he only clutched you tighter. You struggled briefly, pulling your hand up to your mouth and biting the meaty flesh between your index finger and thumb, the need to do something harmful overriding your urge to get away from him. You bit until the familiar metallic taste of blood flooded your mouth. You winced in pain, but the pain was serving its purpose of replacing the hollow ache in your chest. He fumbled and pulled your hand from your mouth, your teeth ripping further into the flesh as you tried to clamp down on the delicate skin. He cursed under his breath as he pulled your hand upward and away from you. You could feel the hot wet of blood running down your hand and wrist.

 

The lights flicked on and you struggled to free yourself from his grasp once again. He inspected your hand, bringing it under his arm and clamping down around you. Forcing you into a slightly pinned position.

 

“Let me go.” You growled. He grunted in annoyance. You winced again as he clamped down on your wound, pinching at the raw broken flesh with his fingers.

 

“Is this what you want? Pain?” He pinched harder.

 

“Yes.” You hissed.  He sighed and released your hand. You moved away from him and got off of the bed and moved to the refresher, he followed behind you and watched as you dug for the first aid kit. He watched you fumble for a few minutes until he stepped in to help, picking you up by your waist and sitting you on the counter like a child. You huffed in response.

 

“Hand.” He said sternly. 

 

You gave him your hand, he inspected the bite marks and tisked. He rinsed your hand with alcohol and you grimaced at the sting. He had no pity as he poured more over the wound, you watched as pink liquid swirled around the sink basin. You leaned back against the mirror and sighed, your face contorting into a sob, your free hand covering your eyes as you sobbed. He stopped and grabbed a few bacta swabs and rubbed them into the bite marks and then wrapped your hand. Your chest wracked with another sob causing your shoulders to heave.

 

You rubbed at your eyes, pushing them further into their sockets, his hand released the wounded one and moved to the hand covering your face. He pulled it away firmly but not unkindly, your eyes still clamped tightly, your lips trembling. He moved between your knees and stood in front of you, his hand cupping under your chin, rubbing at the smooth flesh of your face gently.

 

You opened your eyes slowly, your irises bright from crying, his own dark eyes reflecting back at you. He leaned inward closing the gap between your faces as he placed a chaste kiss on your lips. You sighed softly at the contact, your legs wrapping around his waist and your arms finding their way to his neck. You leaned into him and kissed him passionately, his hands moving to your waist as he picked you back up and moved you back to the bed. The resentment of him seemed to wash away with the contact of his lips upon your own.

 

He placed you softly onto the bed, your legs unwrapping from his waist, your arms stayed wrapped around his neck, pulling him down on top of you. His weight pressing into you as your lips met again. You could feel his contentment flowing through you. Your hands found their way into his wavy dark locks and combed through them, you broke the kiss and leaned back into the pillow. He moved to the side of you and placed his hand on your cheek, caressing your face softly. You looked at him with slightly furrowed brows.

 

“When are the others leaving?” You asked softly. His brows furrowed for a moment.

 

“Soon.” He mumbled. You nodded. You wished you were leaving with them. “There will be a time for you to leave as well.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Are you so eager to be rid of me?” You did not answer him. You didn't know what you wanted. His hand left your face and moved down to your side, pulling you to face him. “We won’t be here for long.”  You mulled over his words thoughtfully, focusing on the ‘We.’

 

“We?” You muttered softly.

 

“Yes. We have many tasks to accomplish.” You hummed in response and closed your eyes as you took comfort in his body pressed against yours. He pulled you tighter against him, his plush lips pressing softly onto your forehead, his chin resting on top of your head as he relaxed his stiff body. You both drifted off to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW: Thar be smut ahead.   
> 150+ Kudos! Thank you guys!!!!!!

Chapter 20

Break

____________________

 

“You’re leaving?” You asked sitting on his bed. Einn moved about his quarters and packing a duffle, pausing to look at you.

 

“Yes. Muran and I are departing for the Outer Rim tomorrow.” You frowned as slight jealousy rose in your chest. You wished you were leaving with them but instead you were facing punishment by being stuck with Kylo on the _Finalizer_. “I know.” He said softly as he went back to shoving things into his duffle bag. You sighed loudly.

 

“I don’t want to be stuck here. I feel like all I do is sit and wait and train.” You said as you leaned backward on the bed and laid down. Your legs bent to reach the floor. You were itching to get off the ship and make planet fall somewhere far away from the bustling ship and Kylo. Though truthfully you weren’t too sure how much you really wanted to be away from Kylo. He was becoming a comfort and that was all well and good when your memories and dreams seemed to plague you at night but there was something about having such easily accessible comfort that made you feel…complacent. And there was danger in that.

 

“Just promise me that you won’t destroy anything else on the ship. There’s already unease with us being here, we don’t need them watching us even more.” He said as he zipped the duffle bag. Finally finished with packing. A grin spread to your lips as you thought about destroying the weights in the training room, but it quickly left when you thought about Captain Phasma scolding you. You didn’t need Snoke breathing down your neck about destroying First Order equipment, you were already not exactly in his favor at the moment.

 

“I promise.” You mumbled. He breathed a sigh.

 

“It’s going to be fine Eight.” He still used your number when you both conversed privately which you took slight comfort in. Sometimes it was nice to be referred to by your old name, there was a familiarity with it that you didn’t quite yet feel with your new one. You chewed on your bottom lip.

 

“I just don’t understand why I’m being punished for his short comings.” You said softly. Einn moved to sit next to you on the bed, his weight on the mattress causing your body to shift slightly towards him where his weight pushed down the soft top.

 

“I don’t think it’s exactly punishment. Perhaps Supreme Leader is hoping that your resolve and discipline will rub off on him?” You knew he didn’t exactly believe what he was saying but you didn’t argue. You appreciated the sentiment all the same. “Eight?” He asked. You hummed in acknowledgement. “Do you think we did the right thing…killing all of those people…those children?” Your brows knitted and your lips pinched.

 

You had been forcibly trying to forget the whole incident. Thinking about it made you sick to your stomach with regret. Your mind always pushing up images of the children huddled in the closet, the girl ripped apart, and the bright green eyes of the boy on the hill. The stub of your missing digit burned. You quickly rubbed your thumb across it trying to sooth the stinging sensation. You wanted to say so many things. You wanted to say that you didn’t agree with it. That it felt horribly wrong, that you didn’t want to harm a single one of those people…but you couldn’t. Vocalizing it felt dangerous. That whole train of thought could put you in the direct path of Snoke’s anger and contempt. His displeasure terrified you more than anything else. You sat up and looked into his tawny eyes.

 

“Don’t think about it.” You said flatly. He looked down as his lips pinched.

 

“You’re scared to think about it.” His voice was just above a whisper. You wanted to nod, to let him know that yes, you were indeed terrified of thinking too deeply about it, but you couldn’t bring your head to make the motion. Admittance felt too dangerous.

 

“Just let it go. Lock it away and forget about it.” You whispered.  He nodded. “Don’t speak about this with anyone else.” You said suddenly, the need to protect him from possible danger suddenly flooding your very being.

 

“I won’t.” He said softly. Your left hand moved to rest upon the crown of his head. Fingers touching soft brown shaggy locks as you curled your hand around the contour of his scalp. You had never touched him in this manner. You were unsure if he would understand for a moment but then you remembered that he and Muran had both taken to either ruffling your hair or patting your head in reassurance. The same as Kylo, who knew of the intimate meaning behind the gesture all too well. His hand moved to cover your hand as it rested upon his head. Acknowledgement of the feelings that you were trying to convey. A smile pressed to his lips, a dimple on the left side of his cheek appearing. You had never noticed it before, though truthfully you never really examined him as closely as you were. You could see the light indentations under his eyes, a sign of poor sleep. You had never seen their appearance on his face either.

 

“This will all be worth it in the end.” You said suddenly, your need to comfort him was overwhelming. You didn’t like seeing him so unsure of himself. It caused something inside of you to ache painfully. He shook his head softly.

 

“I hope so.” He mumbled as you removed your touch from his head. You forced a smile.

 

“It will be…it has to be.”

 

 

****

 

 

The others left over the weeks. Off to First Order territories and battles of their own. Each exit left you feeling more and more anxious and empty. You had never been this far away from them before, the hallow feeling that it presented made you want nothing more than to hide yourself away from everyone and everything. You wanted to resign yourself to lying in bed with the covers wrapped tightly around you, binding your body tightly and calming the ache and anxiety that their absence brought. Kylo seemed to notice this immediately and did not allow you to fester in your depression. Instead he would forcibly remove you from bed every day and force you to train until your body was aching and tired. Then he would force you to accompany him as he moved around the ship. Forcing you to familiarize yourself with the layout of the large _Resurgent_ -class battlecruiser.

 

Often times your walks would lead you to the bridge. You observed the working suits at their stations as Kylo and General Hux would often have heated conversations. Subtle verbal aggression passing between the two at every chance. You tried to stay out of it as much as possible. It was not your place to argue strategy, you didn’t have enough knowledge in the matter to voice your opinion on anything they were speaking about.

 

You looked out the large view port, willing yourself to remain calm at the view. You were slowly growing accustomed to it the longer you looked out into the void of space. You felt a sharp tendril of anger pass through you causing your head to snap back towards the General and Kylo. You rolled your eyes.

 

 _“Are you and the General going to be finished with your little pissing match any time soon?”_ You snapped mentally.

 

 _“He’s an idiot who has no idea what he’s doing.”_ You huffed, your modulator made a slight grumble with the harsh exhale, causing the General to pause in the middle of his argument and cast his eyes over to you. Kylo noticed immediately, you could feel his anger rising at the General’s eyes moving to you.

 

You weren’t exactly sure what made Kylo so easily agitated with the General and it only seemed to grow worse if he even glanced at you. You could feel Kylo’s jealousy but it all seemed so unwarranted. You belonged to no one. Not him and especially not the General.  You let these thoughts pass to him which made his agitation only grow. You turned back to the view port and stared out into the light speckled darkness.

 

“Don’t you have more important things to do than bother me on _my_ bridge.” You grimaced as the General snapped.

 

“General, Commander Ren is only here to express his concerns for our plotted course.” You said sternly, you remained looking out of the view port. You could feel the General hesitate slightly at the sound of your modulator. You rarely spoke aloud and if you did it was only to Kylo. You had no need to communicate with Hux or anyone else for that matter.

 

“While I can understand the concern, this is the best course for our destination. Supreme Leader himself has approved of every aspect.” His voice was strained with the added effort of coming off as politely as possible. Kylo was actively seething under his helmet, his anger and agitation now directed at you for butting in. You ignored him.

 

“I see. If The Supreme Leader has approved of our course than there is no more arguing this matter.” Your voice came out flatly across the modulator. You could hear the leather of Kylo’s gloved hands pinching as he balled them into fists at his sides. You smiled under your helmet. His anger at you had started amuse over time, sometimes you would deliberately do things that you knew agitated him just to get a rise out of him. The coil in your lower belly tighted at the thought of how his face must look under his helmet. Face flushed and lips curled.  “We shall leave you to it then General.” You said as you turned away from the view port finally, Kylo begrudgingly stomping behind you.

 

You moved to the lift to bring you back to your quarters, though recently they had been for the most part unoccupied as you had taken to sleeping in Kylo’s more often. Nightmares and memories plagued you when you slept alone, his presence seemed to keep most of these intrusive dreams at bay.  He stood behind you seething in anger as the lift moved between levels.

 

“I’m glad you’re amused.” He snapped. You smiled under your helmet again.

 

“You fight petty battles, the General is our ally, you should treat him as such.” You remained facing the doors of the lift as his gloved hands tensed repeatedly.

 

“He is beneath us.” You could feel his anger coursing through you again, violent waves crashing into you. The feeling stirred deep within you and you hungrily lapped it up like a starved animal. The feeling was a breath of fresh air compared to the almost constant depression that had consumed you since the others departure.

 

“That may be so, but there is use for him. He serves his purpose just as we do.” You remained calm, not playing into what he wanted. He wanted to argue and fight, you would not do so in the lift, that could wait until later. Instead you allowed the anger to fester within you. The doors opened and you moved out of them swiftly and to your quarters, a new code had been added to ease your access, you punched it in deftly and allowed the door to swish open. You stepped inside and he followed closely behind. 

 

You unlatched your helmet and set it on the small table and uncoiled the tightly rolled hair at the base of your head.  He was still radiating anger behind you. You payed him no attention as you pulled your cloak off and hung it over the chair. You could feel his eyes moving up your form as he took you in. You smirked and turned to him, the familiar fluttering in your lower belly moved through you as he moved to stand above you. Asserting his imaginary dominance over you. You ate it up greedily, your eyes looking up at him in defiance. His gloved hand cupping under your chin as he bent to bring his helmeted face inches away from your own.

 

“I can feel your arousal.” His voice came out flatly in the air. “I’m beginning to think you like making me angry.” Your eyes softened slightly as you peered into his visor.

 

“You know the answer to that Commander.” You said softly, perpetuating an ongoing game of ‘how far can we take this’. You could feel his own arousal coursing through you. Mentally creating an endless loop between the both of you. His hand grabbed at yours and moved it to the growing bulge in his quickly tightening pants. Your breath hitched at the feeling of it.

 

“Do you see what you do to me?” You could hear a slight hitch in the modulator as you squeezed his erection through his pants. A devilish grin coming to your face as a low moan passed over the modulator coming out slightly garbled. His hands flung to his helmet and quickly unlatched it and dropped it to the floor. You squeezed him again as his lips came crashing down to your own. His hands moving to the zipper at your back. He pulled it down slowly as your hungrily moved him to the bed. Your hands moving to his own clothing.

 

“Take this off” You commanded between kisses. His hands moved quickly as he pulled his clothing off piece by piece. You moved away from him and pulled the rest of your zipper down and slowly shrugged out of the form fitting suit, leaving you only clad in your under garments. He was standing in front of you looking much the same. Your eyes moved to the slowly healing burn on his stomach. His words echoing in your head, “Let it scar…a reminder not to underestimate you again.”

 

Your hand moved lightly over the fabric of his tightly tented underwear, dancing across his hardened member with light touches. Your breath hitched slightly as he moaned. His hands moved to your back as he unclasped your bra. You shrugged off the fabric leaving you topless. His eyes traveled down to your soft mounds and then back upward to your face as if asking permission to touch. You nodded softly, his large hands cupping your breasts, his thumbs brushing over your erect nipples. Your head tilted back as you released a heady sigh. His lips moved to your exposed neck, peppering you with light nips and soothing licks. You pushed him back on the bed, your need for him over riding any hesitation that you normally would have had.

 

He looked up at your form as your hands grabbed at his waist band, your lips forming into a questioning pout, you wanted to give him the same curtesy of asking before taking this any further. He nodded with a smirk. You pulled them down quickly, freeing his erection. You gazed down at his large member and bit at your lower lip. He was large, which shouldn’t have surprised you, the man was large all over. You placed your hands at your own waist band and pulled them down and kicked them to the side. His eyes drinking in every inch of you.

 

“Fuck.” He mumbled. You breathed a soft laugh as you crawled above him and straddled his waist, his cock rubbed across your mound as he moaned. You weren’t exactly sure how far you were going to take this. You weren’t sure if you could hold off by only teasing him. You were achingly wet and wanting. His hands moved up your ribs, fingers grazing the burn his lightsaber had given you,  he did not linger on it long and instead moved upward to your breasts as he rubbed at your nipples softly, eliciting a moan once again, your hips grinding down onto his thick cock in response as your head leaned back.

 

He flipped you over quickly, bringing you under him, his heavy cock bounced slightly at the motion, glistening from your dripping core. He looked down at his cock and grabbed it expertly, rubbing your juices across his sensitive flesh, his eyes moving back to your face, full of lust. His hand moved from his cock and down to your wanting core. He ran his fingers through your slit, dipping into your own natural lubricant and dragging it upward across your sensitive bud. Your hips bucking slightly as he applied light pressure to your clit. Your head going back as you moaned at the sensation of his touch. He brought his fingers back down to your wet entrance and plunged a digit in slowly, testing your tightness.

 

“Fuck. You’re so wet.” He grumbled. Your lips parted slightly as you gazed at him, his pupils were blown in anticipation. He moved another finger inside of you slowly and cupped upward, placing pressure on your inner walls. You clenched around him, your hips bucked at the pressure.

 

“Fuck.” You swore, throwing your head back onto the bed. You could feel his pleasure at your reaction, emboldening him to move his fingers in and out of you slowly as other hand moved to your sensitive clit. He rubbed in light circles causing you to moan.

 

“Fuck, you look so beautiful like this.” His voice deepened and husky with lust. Your head was swimming as he moved a third digit inside of you. It was tight and slightly uncomfortable, but he allowed you to adjust. He pressed firmly onto your clit and moved it at a slightly quicker pace. You panted softly, your breasts bouncing as your chest heaved with a shaky breath escaping your parted lips.  “Do you want to cum?” He asked as he leaned forward and took a hardened nipple into his mouth, his tongue flicking across the tip lightly. Your breath hitched at the suddenly sensation, your walls clamping tightly onto his fingers.

 

“Yes.” You breathed.

 

“Yes what?” He asked as he pulled his mouth away from your nipple. You knew what he wanted to hear and you had no problem giving it to him. Your need was far too great to feel indignant.

 

“Yes please Commander.” You panted.

 

“Good girl.” He cooed as he pulled his hand away from your hardened clit, slight confusion crossing your face. Suddenly another pressure replaced his hands. You swore under your breath. He was using the Force you realized. His now free hand moving to pinch at your previously unattended nipple, his mouth returning to nip softly at the other.  You moaned softly. The tension in your lower belly was mounting slowly as he continued to stimulate your body. His digits moved faster within you, your breath hitched as you could feel your orgasm building. You closed your eyes tightly, his mouth left your nipple and moved up to your neck, his hot breath hitting your skin as his tongue flicked out to lick your delicate flesh. You bucked against his fingers, pulling them in deeper, slight pain coiling through you as they met with slight resistance. Your breath hitched at the slight jolt of pain, he kissed at your neck softly and nipped at you. Distracting you momentarily from the discomfort. He applied the Force to your clit urgently. Your hips rocking into his fingers as he moved them inside of you, pressing on your walls with curled fingers.

 

“Cum for me.” He moaned into your neck. All inhibition left you as his words hit your ears. The coiling in your belly wound tightly, you broke against his fingers as they plunged into you swiftly. Heat breaking all over your body, your face flushed as you slipped and tumbled over the edge of your orgasm. Your back arching as a moan escaped you. Your walls pulsed around his finger greedily in an attempt to pull them further inside. He pulled his wet fingers from your still clenching cunt and looked at you as your eyes opened slowly. He had a smirk on his face that made your heart flutter. He brought his dripping fingers to his lips and licked them clean. You watched in amusement, your head felt fuzzy but pleasing. He kissed you softly, tasting your own tang on his lips. He moved away from you and laid on his back. His erection laying across his pelvis and stomach, you peered at him as he laid next to you, sensing what he wanted.

 

You nodded softly, giving him the permission he was waiting for. He sat up and removed himself from the bed for a brief moment, his hand sliding up and down his shaft as his thumb brought down dribbling precum from the tip of his cock, rubbing it across the swollen and red tip. You watched him as he moved between your legs, he pulled you further down to meet him, your hair splaying across the bed as you slid downward. You bit your lip as slight nervousness over took you.

 

“I’ll be gentle.” He promised. You nodded. He pressed himself into your wetness, rubbing the head of his cock through your wet slit, causing his brows to furrow in concentration. You could feel his eagerness. He looked at you briefly, asking permission once more. You nodded your approval. He moved his cock downward and pressed into your tightness slowly. You bit at your lower lip as he met with slight resistance. He panted slightly as he moved achingly slow, pausing to allow you to adjust as he continued to plunge further into your depths. Once fully sheathed he paused completely, concentration plainly on his face. You clamped your walls around him causing his breath to hitch.

 

“Fuck.” He hissed. He moved slowly, pulling backwards and then easing back in. Discomfort and slight pain slowly dissipating as he moved slowly. His hands moved up your thighs and pulled at your hips, angling you slightly upward as he continued to move. You clenched around him again causing a soft moan to breach his pouting lips, his eyes closed softly as he relished in the feeling. You watched him with heavy lids, still drunk off of your own orgasm. His eyes opened softly and peered at your face and moved back down your painfully exposed body. He was pleased with the sight of you, pleased at the sight of himself buried deeply inside of you. You could feel his elation as he moved a little more fervently. Your hips bucking slightly to meet his slow thrusts. Slight pain coursing through your center if he went too deeply or too fast. He was being as gentle as he could manage. He cursed under his breath as you clenched around him again. He stopped completely and steeled himself.

 

“You’re so tight.” He babbled so completely lost in the sensation of your velvety wet walls it almost came out in a slur. You took pleasure in this and bucked into him, pulling him deeper once again. You wanted to see him lose control. You wanted to see him unravel and fall apart. You wrapped your thighs tightly around his middle and used your strong legs to pull him down on top of you. He braced himself with an elbow and peered into your eyes, you could feel a slight throbbing of his cock as he adjusted to the new angle. You buried your face into his neck and kissed him softly, dragging your lips across the skin and nipping at the flesh like he had done to you only moments early. He groaned and bucked his hips slowly into you.

 

“Fuck me Commander.” You breathed into his neck. The need to see him break overriding any discomfort. You wanted to see him shatter from your touch. He groaned loudly at your permission to go full force. His hips moved at a faster pace, spurred on by your words. Your legs wrapped tightly around him pulling him into you deeply with each thrust. There was pain but there was pleasure too. You met his thrust as he slowly started to pound into you, his hands on either side of your head as he looked down at you. He was panting and you could feel his sweat as he struggled to keep himself from exploding. His lips crashed down onto yours, hard and fervent kisses that would leave your lips puffy afterwards. He growled under his breath, deep and resonating, animalistic. He thrusted faster inside of you, you could feel him use the Force on your clit once again. You mewled, your mouth parting slightly as he attempted to bring you to another climax. You rolled your head backwards, exposing your neck to him. He placed his lips on the skin and planted hot wet kisses.

You were building quickly, the sensation of him being inside of you only spurring you forward. Your walls clenching around him as his thrust grew erratically. You panted and moaned. He cursed under his breath once again, pushing you over the edge. You sighed loudly as he thrusted deeper into you.

“Fuck!” He growled deeply. His thrusts becoming impulsive jerks as he climaxed inside of you. Your eyes met his as he practically laid on top of you. He kissed you softly on the lips and the nose. You smiled softly.

 

He pulled out of you slowly, almost regrettably as his cock softened. He rolled over to the side of you and panted. You clamped your legs tightly together, you could feel his cum threatening to spill from inside of you and make a mess of the sheets. He turned his head to look at you, sensing your discomfort.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly as his hand cupped your cheek. You nodded. He let out a huff and smiled.

 

“Kylo?” You asked softly He raised a brow. “I’m about to leak all over the bed, would you get me a wash cloth?” His eyes opened widely and he scrambled to get up, his cock falling limply between his large thighs as he moved to the refresher to grab you something to clean yourself up with. He returned with a damp cloth and forced your legs apart and began to wipe you gently, his eyes focused entirely on your mound. He hummed to himself in approval of the sight of you.

 

“Enjoying yourself?” You mumbled sleepily.

 

“Yes.” He said with a slight laugh. He walked away momentarily and cleaned himself off, moving back to the bed as quickly as possible. He pulled you towards him, both of your naked bodies pressing together, his hands moved up and down your spine in light touches, fingers grazing over the pale scars that speckled your back. You shuddered at his touch. There was a slight ache in your belly causing your brows to furrow.

 

“You could have told me to slow down.” He mumbled noticing your discomfort.

 

“I’ll be fine.” You mumbled a shiver passing over you. Using the Force you pulled the covers over both of you.  “Well I hope it was worth the wait.” You mused softly. He breathed out a soft snort.

 

“It was…I honestly wasn’t expecting it. Why now?”  Your brows twitched into a soft furrow. You weren’t sure how to answer him. How were you to express that you wanted to see him break under your touch? That you needed the release. That your depression was eating a hole inside of you that you desperately needed to fill with something. That for once you wanted to feel in control of what happened to you. Instead you merely shrugged.

 

Numbness slowly ate away at the post-sex hum as you laid next to each other. Your mind raced, what were the implications of this going to be? Your mind danced through images that were not your own but were now a part of you. Thoughts and impressions, memories of the minds you had submerged and melded into with each interrogation over the years. In your teens you weren’t so skilled at filtering out useless information and would often find yourself in places where you should not have been. Learning much about the implications of sex, gleaning that it depended greatly on the individual. Some saw it as release, something to enjoy. Others saw it as an act of union, scared and binding. You didn’t know where you stood on the subject and was now even more confused on where you stood on the matter. This was the first time you had actively had sex, it was all relatively new to you. The numbness was concerning though not all together unpleasant. You chewed softly on your lower lip, not realizing that he was watching you as you mulled over the event.

 

“Are you not satisfied?” He mumbled, there was a tone in his voice that made your eyes dart to his face. Uncertainty? Nervousness?

 

“I am…I’m just not sure how to feel about it.” You paused, eyes down cast and searching for a way to explain. “I’m not sure what happens after. Where does this put us?” Your eyes flicked back to his searching for an answer.

 

“Nothing has to change…not if you don’t want it to.” His dark eyes searching your own now, you could feel him through the bond trying to assess what your answer will be.

 

“I’m not sure what I want…” You sighed as you pulled the covers off of your naked body. You moved out of the bed, his eyes glued to your body as you walked to the refresher. You emptied your bladder and then moved to turn on the water in the shower. Stepping back into the door way your eyes locked on to him as he now sat on the edge of the bed feet firmly planted on the hard floor, shoulders hunched and head down cast. You could feel his sudden anxiety. You padded across the room and moved to stand in front of him. You pulled his head gently to your stomach and combed through his hair, his hands finding purchase on your waist, moving you slightly so he could look up at you with soft uncertainty mirrored in his dark eyes. A soft smile turned at the corner of your lips. It was your turn to comfort him.

 

“Come get in the shower with me.” You suggested. His eyes grew slightly larger at the thought. He nodded and lurched forward as your hand found his, pulling him to the refresher.

 

You stepped in first as he followed, it was a little cramped but neither of you seemed to mind. You dipped your head back into the hot spray, allowing the water to soak your hair into wet ropes. He watched you almost in a trance as the water cascaded down your naked body. You pried an eye open and looked at him, a soft smile coming to your lips once again. You took a mouth full of water and squirted it at him. He flinched as the water hit him, snapping him out of his daze.

 

“Stop staring.” You teased. A smirk playing across his lips as he pressed into you and joined you in the spray.

 

“I can’t help it.” His hands moved up your sides and to your breasts as he gently tweaked your nipples. You released a heavy sigh and glared at him, the same smirk still on his lips.

 

“Stop that.” You slapped at his hands and turned to grab your shampoo, he pressed his body into yours rubbing his hardening cock into you. You leaned your body back into his abandoning the shampoo completely as he let out a soft groan. “Are you going to let me wash or would you like for me to tease you?” You mumbled as he brought his face down to the curvature of where your jaw met your ear. He let a soft pant cross the delicate skin eliciting a jolt of sudden arousal to course through you. Your back arched as you brought your arms back and above your head, grabbing onto his wet locks. His hands snaked up your body and back to your breasts, cupping and hefting them in his large hands, the pads of his thumbs rubbing softly over your hardened nipples. You tilted your head back and released a soft moan. His lips latched onto your exposed neck, sucking and licking at the wet flesh.

 

“Kylo.” You panted. He rubbed his now fully erect cock into you fervently, the sound of his name being said so wantonly driving him mad with lust.

 

“Fuck. I need you.” He breathed into your ear. Your chest heaved as you took a shaky breath. His hands moved away from your chest and down to your hips, turning you sharply causing you to practically fall into him. His hands moved down to your rear as he cupped each cheek and lifted you upward and turning you so your back was against the dented stall wall. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he lined his cock up with your dripping entrance. Impaling you slowly with his cock, your lips latching onto the crook of his neck, teeth scraping at the tight skin as he rocked into you. Your walls clenching around him with sudden need, slight stings of discomfort jolting through your center. Your teeth clamped onto his neck as the pain moved through you causing him to grunt and thrust into you more gently. The now familiar feeling of the Force moved across your clit. Your body relaxed at the sensation only to tighten once again as he manipulated the pace of the applied Force. You panted into his neck, his cock moving in a steady rhythm inside of you.

 

“Fuck!” He growled, his hands tightening around your rump, pulling your cheeks apart and exposing you further to his thrusts. You whimpered at the sudden sensation, the tight coiling in your lower belly reaching new limits as it continued to wind. You forced yourself to hold off as he quickly built his own climax.

 

“Cum.” He commanded, his voice rough with strain and pleasure as he pounded into you with urgency. The coil released as waves of pleasure rocked you. Your walls pulsing tightly around his cock, a groan emitting in your throat as he spilled deep inside of you. Coating your clenching walls with his essence. His head fell limply on your shoulder as he panted, clutching you to him tightly, you could feel his muscled thighs shake with the aftershock of his climax. You unwrapped your legs as he eased you off of his softening cock. You stood on shaky legs, your whole body vibrating with pleasure and contentment. His cum pooling between your thighs as you moved slowly back into the water and rinsed. His head rested against the wall as he attempted to collect himself. You took the opportunity to wash quickly in the now warm spray.

 

You moved over to him after you finished, soap in hand as you began to wash his body. His muscles tensed at the sudden contact. He made no motion to stop you as you washed him. Prying him from the wall and turning him to face you as you washed his softening cock, crouching down to wash his thighs and moving back upward to wash his broad torso. Your hands paused at the healing scar across his stomach. The red tightly knitted flesh resting under your soapy hands. Something dark inside of you wanted to drag your nails across the freshly healing skin, causing the new flesh to tear away and gap open. You wanted to claw until his entrails leaked out of his body and onto the shower floor. Your heart clenched tightly in your chest at the thought, the images flashing in your mind jarring you deeply. His hand moved down to rest on your own as you moved to pull them away from the burn. You looked upward slowly, your eyes locking. You knew he saw and felt the intrusive thought. He guided your hand back down to his stomach and back onto the scar. Your heart thudded wildly inside of your chest, you could feel the artery in your neck pounding as your blood pulsed quickly through you.

 

Your hands shook on his flesh as slight panic rolled through you. You weren’t sure where this urge was coming from and it scared you. He glided his hand behind your back and pulled you towards him. Forcing your bodies together.

 

“I feel it.” He said softly into your hair. Your brows scrunched as you gnawed at your bottom lip. He seemed unaffected by it, unbothered by the destruction that your mind seemed to be urging you to cause him. “I trust you.” He mumbled sensing your train of thought. Your heart squeezed tightly inside of your chest. You pulled yourself away from him and allowed him to continue to wash himself as you rinsed off the soapy suds from your bodied being pressed together.

 

You moved out of his way to allow him to rinse, stepping out to grab a towel, you wrapped it around your wet hair and then another one to pat your body dry. He turned off the water behind you, you grabbed him a towel to dry with, passing it to him as you stood frozen in thought. You could feel his eyes locked onto you. Watching you as you dissociated.

 

“Are you alright?”  He asked even though he knew that you weren’t.

 

You blinked rapidly and then looked at him as if noticing that he was actually standing there for the first time. Your eyes felt hot and watery, as if they were opened for far too long without blinking. Your lips parted softly, you tried to force yourself to answer but you couldn’t find the ability to do so. Instead you nodded your head even though you knew that he was perfectly aware of your thoughts and emotions thanks to the bond you both shared.  “Come get in the bed.” He urged as his hands gently guided you out of the refresher.

 

 He pulled the towel from your body and guided you to the bed, he followed behind you and pulled the covers over both of you. His body was still slightly damp as he pressed into you once again. You could feel his contentment and something else, something you couldn’t quite name. You tried to ignore it, and instead focused on his satisfaction, allowing it to flow through you. Distracting you from the confusion and anxiety that was actively coursing through you. He pulled the towel from your head and ran his finger through your wet hair, calming sensations moving through you from his touch as your eyes grew heavy.

 

****

 _“Woah, what are you doing?!”_ Your eyes snapped open at the sound of a familiar voice causing you to sit up quickly. You clutched the covers to your chest, your eyes blurry with sleep as you tried to focus on the person in front of you.

 

“One?” You asked completely baffled. There he was standing in front of you, but this couldn’t be, he was far away on some back water planet securing resources for The First Order. His eyes moved to the form next to you, you risked a glance seeing Kylo’s bare torso and thigh exposed. You looked back at Einn.

 

 _“What the hell Eight?”_ He said motioning to Ren’s form in your bed.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” You mumbled clutching the blanket tighter to your bare chest. “What are you doing here?” You whispered.

 

 _“I wanted to check on you, I was concerned about you being stuck with Ren, but obviously I was concerned for the wrong reasons.”_ He rubbed at the back of his head awkwardly. You looked away from him shamefully.

 

“I’m fine.” You mumbled.

 

 _“I’d say more than fine.”_ An awkward moment passed between you, neither sure what to say, he broke the silence first, _“When did this happen?”_ He asked gesturing to Kylo’s still sleeping form.  You chewed on your bottom lip softly.

 

“Only recently.” You whispered. He nodded and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

 _“I see. Well, I guess I should go before he wakes up.”_ Your lips pinched.

 

“How are you here?” You asked. You didn’t want him to leave.

 

 _“The bond, I’ve been trying to contact you through it for days now. I guess I finally figured out how to project myself properly.”_ He said as he looked at you, taking in your emotional state, feeling your anxiety and depression reverberating through his projection back to his body. He frowned and was about to ask what was wrong, sensing this you quickly changed the subject.

 

“How are things going? How are the others?” He sighed sensing your want to not talk about your emotional state.

 

 _“Well, Five and I are fine. I haven’t heard from the others, but I also haven’t felt anything from them either. Things are going smoothly…well as smoothly as they can. You would not believe the stench on this planet. I don’t even know how these people stand it. I keep telling Five that they must completely lack the ability to smell.”_ He chuckled causing a smile to come to your lips, your hand moved to tuck your wild hair behind your ear. You wanted to tell him that you missed him. Missed all of them but surely they knew that already.

 

“Sounds like a real fun time.” You said as you continued to smile.

 

 _“It’s loads of fun, you’d hate it.”_  A true laugh escaped your lips, Kylo stirred in his sleep, rolling closer to you.  You looked at him nervously. _“This is so weird.”_  He said gesturing to Kylo once again. _“I can’t wait to tell the others.”_ He teased.

 

“If you tell a single soul about this I will personally commandeer a ship and hunt you down and beat you to death.” You sneered which only caused him to laugh.

 

_“You wouldn’t even make it off the ship, you’d be too busy vomiting to stop me.”_

“I’d manage.” You chuckled. He smiled and shook his head.

 

 _“I have to go, but I’ll contact you when possible…though honestly I’m a little apprehensive about doing so…don’t want to interrupt anything.”_ He snickered.

 

“Just contact me through the holodeck.” You said flatly growing tired of his jokes. He smiled and nodded.

 

_“Fair enough. Later Eight.”_

“Later One.”  He disappeared leaving you sitting in the bed with a sleeping Kylo. You bit at your lower lip as you gazed down at him.  He looked so peaceful, you hated to wake him but you knew you wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so you resigned yourself to getting up.

 

You strode over to your closet and dressed, sitting on the bed to lace your boots, Kylo’s arm wrapped around your middle. You paused and peered at him from over your shoulder. His eyes were thin slits and a smirk was on his face.

 

“Commander.” You said flatly. He pulled you back into the bed with one boot on your foot, the other boot hanging loosely threatening to fall off.

 

“How are you feeling?” He mumbled into your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. You truthfully didn’t want to answer and he sensed it.  

 

“I’m fine.” You managed. He did not press you further on the subject.

 

“Where are you going?” He breathed, his hot breath tickling the shell of your ear. You shrugged. 

 

“I figured I would go train.” You muttered and tried to pry yourself from him, sensing where he wanted this to go.  He only gripped you tighter.

 

"So you were just going to leave me here?" He teased.

 

"I didn't want to wake you." You mumbled as you now barely tried to escape his grasp. Your body relenting to his.

 

“What if we just stayed in here all day?” He nipped your lobe causing a harsh exhale.

 

“You would like that wouldn’t you?” You turned to face him, planting a soft kiss on his lips, his not so subtle urging causing you to relax into a better mood. You pulled away quickly and pried yourself from his arms and resumed lacing your boots. He pouted silently.  “Come Commander, what would the General think if he knew you stayed in bed all day avoiding your duties? Who would take the time to pester him relentlessly? What would he do with himself?”

 

“Fine.” He tossed the covers to the side and forced himself to get out of the bed. You could feel his annoyance but it only caused you to smirk. You watched him move to the refresher and stood and walked over to your crumpled clothing on the floor to retrieve your belt and saber.  You adjusted the belt to sit on your hips properly and grabbed your cloak off of the back of the chair, eyeing your helmet with disdain. You clasped your cloak around your shoulders and began to twist your wild mane to fit under the helmet. He existed the refresher and dressed.

 

You placed your helmet on your head and closed the latches and waited for him to finish dressing. You moved to the bedside table and picked up your datapad and tapped at the screen synching the device to your helmet. A message popped up onto one side of the internal screen.

 

“Anything?” He asked.

 

“We have a meeting with Supreme Leader later in the cycle.” Your heart thudded in your chest suddenly. Excitement mixed with fear stirred in the pit of your stomach. Perhaps this was good news…or maybe not. You sighed and sat the pad back down on the bedside table. Kylo had moved over to you, his helmet now on his head.

 

“Did the message say what about?” His modulated voice asked.

 

“No.” You said flatly. “The General will be in attendance as well.” You added as an afterthought. A garbled huff emitted from his helmet. You could imagine his jaw flexing under his helmet. You weren’t really sure why he hated the General so much, perhaps something happened between the two? Or maybe their personalities just naturally clashed. “You will behave yourself.” You said sternly. His head snapped over to face you. You both stared each other down for a moment, you meant what you said, it was not a request so much as a command. He did not take kindly to it.

 

“I wasn’t aware you had the authority to command me.” He said testily. Your eyes narrowed behind your helmet.

 

“I do not, but I stand firm on this. Behave yourself. Do not make a mockery of us in front of Supreme Leader.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

 

“I’m sure.”

****

 

You moved behind him down the sterile hall. The general following closely behind you. Your cloak swished behind you as you walked. You could already feel Kylo’s agitation bubbling in the presence of Hux. You pushed those feelings away, shielding yourself from them, you needed to have a level head and could not have his distaste for Hux clouding that. Hux on the other hand seemed to emit smugness and confidence. Perhaps Kylo found this annoying?

 

You followed behind Kylo as he pushed the double doors open and stepped into the dimly lit room, taking your place standing next to him. Hux stepping to the other side of you. Your hands moved to the latches on your helmet and released them, pulling your helmet off and tucking it under your arm, your hair falling loosely around your shoulders. Kylo followed suit. You could feel eyes on you and knew instantly that Hux was staring. Your fingers twitched at your side, uncomfortable with his staring.

 

“Eyes forward General.” You said firmly as you used the Force to move his head to face towards where The Supreme Leader’s hologram would be.

 

“My apologizes Lady Ceph.” He muttered. You could feel Kylo’s smugness emanating through the Force at this.

 

 _“Control your emotions.”_ You snapped at him. He didn’t have time to reply as Snoke came into focus in front of you.

 

“Kylo Ren, General Hux, and Ceph Ren. What a pleasure to see all of you gathered together.” He paused as he looked over each of you. You could feel him mentally sifting through your head, you made no attempts to hide anything, it would be pointless. You were sure that he was already aware of everything that was going on.

 

“General, how are things coming with the weapon?” He suddenly shifted in his chair to look directly at General Hux. You could feel Hux’s sudden nervousness as he was addressed.

 

“Things are going according to plan Supreme Leader. They have nearly completed the infrastructure and have moved their focus to the mechanics of the cannon.”

 

“Excellent. Excellent. When are they projected to finish?”

 

“Within the next few years, perhaps sooner if we do not have any complications.” Snoke hummed in response, clearly satisfied with the update. His gaze moved to Kylo and you, eyeing both of you with piercing blue eyes.

 

“My apprentice. Has there been any word on the location of Skywalker?” He asked almost sweetly. You braced yourself for his pending disappointment. Kylo had been spending hours every day trying to find any information that may indicate where Skywalker fled to, but to no avail.  Everything ended in a dead end.

 

“No Supreme Leader.” He said curtly. Snoke visibly frowned.

 

“That is not the news I was hoping for.” He paused in thought. You controlled the urge to bite at your lower lip and instead focused on your breathing.

 

“We are actively pursuing any information that comes our way. Nothing has proven fruitful.” Another focused breath pushed through your nostrils. Snoke seemed to be pondering over Kylo’s words. He sat for a moment as if chasing a thought.

 

“It is no matter, he will show himself in time.” He shifted his eyes to you. You fought the urge to stand straighter, to make yourself taller and more imposing. You could feel a soft mental caress in the back of your head, this made your body soften, your face relax, melting away the stone façade. The corners of your lips moved to a more relaxed position causing your lips to pout and part slightly.

 

“General you are dismissed.” He said with a flick of his hand. The General bowed and walked briskly out of the holodeck, leaving you and Kylo to stand in front of Snoke.

 

“I have a mission for the both of you. There have been whispers of an uprising on one the planets we have an…alliance with.” He paused and shifted his view away from you and to Kylo. “It seems there are New Republic sympathizers who have started to whisper in the ears of the reigning monarch’s council. We have also noticed that our shipments from the planet’s ore mines and refineries have been rather light.” He paused and shifted in his chair, large hand sweeping outward slightly, “This is unacceptable. Their resources are detrimental to the completion of Starkiller base.” You nodded understanding the importance of getting the planet back under First Order control.  “Ceph, you will pose as an emissary of the First Order, Kylo will accompany you.”  Your brows furrowed. An emissary? Not as a Knight? You didn’t have any training in that field. Surely they already had someone who was far better prepared.

 

“Supreme Leader, surely you have someone who is…better suited for this? I have no training in subterfuge or politics.” He shook his head at your concern.

 

“You will receive the information needed and be trained accordingly. The situation is delicate, I can’t have two warriors showing up rousing suspicion. While it is detrimental that we curb this threat, we have time. These will be skills you will benefit from.” You nodded, still not quite sure how to feel about the matter, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to further question his choices.

 

“You will have weeks to prepare. I have no doubt that you will not disappoint.”

 

“Yes Supreme Leader.” You said with a resolute nod, Kylo mirrored you nearly in synch with your movements.

 

“Good. You are both dismissed.” The hologram flickered away leaving both you and Kylo standing in the now dimly lit room. Your brows were deeply furrowed in confusion. None of this made sense to you.

 

“Don’t question it.” Kylo said firmly as he moved to put his helmet back on his head. You exhaled sharply and turned to look at him.

 

“I don’t like the idea of this. Surely there is someone who is far more experienced.”

 

“It does not matter, this is what he has chosen for you to do. You will do it and you will do it to the best of your abilities.”

 

“Yes Commander.” You said flatly as you placed your own helmet over your head. A new flash of prompts coming up on the screen. You groaned internally as your new schedule popped up in the corner of the screen. Etiquette class.

 

“Kriff.” You muttered under your breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is probably going to be the last update for the week. I need to gain some more ground on my chapters. I hope you folks enjoyed it and hopefully the smut wasn't a mess. I look forward to hearing from you all. Once again thank you for your continued support and kind words! You guys keep me writing.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW: Smut

Chapter 21

Beirus

\-----------------

 

You couldn’t have possibly imagined the amount of effort that went into simply eating a meal. There were so many rules and all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry in frustration. It was bad enough that you were forced into wearing a dress, but even worse when your instructor kept slapping at your arms with a pointer every time you rested your elbows on the table. Every time took you by surprise causing you to mutter a string of curses and thusly being met with another sharp whack in the arm.

 

“It is not lady like to curse at the table.” The pinched shriveled face of your instructor glared at you over thin glasses. Her hair was in a tight bun that only seemed to pull her thin eyebrows up to the center of her forehead. You forced yourself to not Force choke her the entire length of the class leaving almost every day  with thin lined welts on your arms that burned and itched.

 

The other part you hated was being forced to wear heels. They assured you that all women of stature wore heels, that they were a sign of confidence and elegance. You didn’t believe them for minute. Surely the wretched things must have been designed by a man and for the male gaze, impractical, awkward and so _loud_. The constant clacking on the floor was slowly starting to drive you mad. You were constantly worried that if you moved too quickly you would twist your ankle or stumble and trip over your dress. Kylo found amusement in watching you practice movements in them at the end of the day.

 

“Keep laughing and I’ll drive this heel in your eye.” You snapped at him as he eyed you from the bed with a smirk plastered on his face, a laugh begging to be released from behind his full lips. “Impractical useless contraptions” You muttered under your breath as you turned sharply and moved back down your track. Your hips swaying quickly as you tried to move at a quicker pace. You grabbed at the full skirt of your dress and pulled it up and out of your way, exposing your shapely legs as you moved even faster. You could feel Kylo’s eyes focusing on you intently now, the laughter having died away. “You’re being awful distracting.” You said as you snapped into a halt and allowed your skirts to fall back down. You smoothed out the fabric and looked at him from across the room. He shrugged, a sheepish grin coming to his lips.

 

“Out.” You said sternly pointing at the door. He shook his head and got up from the bed and moved back to the small table to collect his helmet. His eyes drank you in one last time before placing his helmet back on his head and left.  

 

 

****

 

The weeks seemed to drag by, classes were horrific and stressful. Everything was thrown at you all at once, lumped into a two-week crash course. And crash course it was. You seemed to constantly forget the tiniest details. When it was okay to partake in a course, when to offer a handshake, how long to keep eye contact. And these rules varied from planet to planet. Thankfully you were only given the rules of etiquette for the planet you were to be visiting.

 

Beirus, was explained to you as a being a humid planet with lush jungles and coursing rivers. The people of  Beirus often wore loose light layers to combat the climate and enjoyed lush and bright colors due to the minerals located on the planet. Volcal was the capital city, where a vast majority of humans had settled and thusly nearly eradicating the native people of the planet. It was still considered a touchy subject by the scholars that resided in the Temple Mount just outside of the capital. The religion of the planet was of deity worship, though the civilization valued technology and openly explored its possibilities. It was what The First Order had used as a bartering chip for their rich supply of Zersium ore. The current King, Mon Sala, was extremely interested in weapon tech and so blasters were slowly fed into the city of Volcal and out into the river lands where the ore mines, refineries, farm lands and smaller districts resided.

 

These were the only details you seemed to be able to retain, having deemed them the most important. All small quirky customs seemed to fall on the way side. While you weren’t entirely satisfied with your information retention skills it would have to do with the short amount of time you had.

 

Along with customs and histories, you were taught how to do your makeup and how to pick out clothing that was flattering for your form. A dress maker was brought in to take your measurements and make you several outfits for your stay on the planet. Kylo found this whole charade to be highly amusing, you found it tiring.

 

“I can’t wait for this to be over with.” You said as you plopped down on his bed face first causing him to look up from his datapad.

 

“It can’t be that bad.” He mumbled. Causing you to lift up your head and glance at him in mild annoyance.

 

“You’re not the one being paraded around like some sort of prized nerf.” You snapped. He lazily raised his shoulders in a shrug.

 

“True, but if I was, I wouldn’t be whining about it.” You shot him another dirty look.

 

“My place is on the battle field not a fucking council table sipping tea and chatting.”

 

“Apparently that is not what The Supreme Leader thinks. Take your own advice and just follow his orders, stop stressing about it.” He said flatly. You could feel his annoyance radiate towards you. You huffed loudly and pulled yourself off of the bed and moved to leave. You didn’t have to put up with this, and if he was going to continue to act like a dick then you would just sleep in your own quarters tonight. “Where are you going?”  He called from the same position, you ignored him and left.

 

Once back in our quarters you looked at your packed luggage sitting on the floor next to your bed. Chewing on your lower lip you turned your attention to the dress that had been set aside to wear tomorrow. It contained sheer fabric panels on the sides and a long flowing skirt, cut out on the shoulders and a sweetheart neck line, all in black. Every dress you had received had been black, not that you minded, you normally wore black. The problem was the amount of skin that would be showing in almost all of your dresses. You weren’t entirely comfortable with it just yet, but it you didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

 

Your attention turned to your open closet as you eyed your armor. Walking over to it you pulled it from the closet and moved back to your luggage. Maybe you would need it? You mused to yourself as you crammed it inside of the large bag. Zipping it back closed you rested your hands on your hips and stared around your quarters, taking into account what you had packed. You weren’t exactly sure how long you would be visiting Beirus but hopefully it wouldn’t take too long. This definitely wasn’t what you had in mind for a mission. The whole idea of playing diplomat made you uneasy. You of all people knew nothing of diplomacy. Perhaps that was why you were being sent instead of someone who knew the game?

 

Your inexperience and little knowledge could possibly result in travesty. The travesty could be turned for either side though? What was the game being played? An uprising? A coup? Wrestle the power from the reigning monarch for a more favorable one? You knew Mon Sala had a younger sister, but you did not know what her stance would be on the First Order. Hell the First Order didn’t know what her stance would be. The only information given to you was a small data packet that merely listed her as a sibling to the King and that she kept a large garden where she spent most of her free time. Jana Sala was a mystery. Maybe that was the reason for sending you? Figure out her motives and wants and appeal to them for a stronger foot hold on the planet.

 

You could spend all night pondering the what-ifs, but it would lead you no closer to finding out the true motive of sending you instead of a more seasoned veteran. Why not just use the previous envoy, surely he would already have a better report with the king and his council. You frowned and shook your head. You needed to focus on the information that you did have and stop mulling over the what-ifs. Reign in Mon Sala and find out if the rumors of possible whisperings from the New Republic were true.  

                 

You moved to your bed and pulled the covers back and started to strip your clothing to lay down. You needed to get some sleep or at least attempt it. You laid down and used the Force to dim the lights down; peering up at the ceiling and sighing. You forced your eyes to close and entered a slight meditative state. Hoping that it would ease you into sleep.

 

You stirred in your sleep as he moved to lay next to you. He pressed his naked torso to your back and moved an arm under his head and his other to wrap around your torso.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered in your ear. “I know you’re stressed.”

 

“It’s fine.” You mumbled sleepily. He nuzzled into your ear and pulled you closer to him.

 

“Let me take your mind off of it.” He whispered as his hand moved down to between your thighs, his large hand separating your thighs as his fingers dipped into your panties. Your breath hitched as his fingers danced between your delicate folds. He adjusted his position so he could lean down and kiss your lips hungrily. Your lips parted quickly to allow his tongue to move freely against your own.

 

His fingers explored your vulva, gliding over your clit and dipping back down into your quickly wetting core eliciting a sigh into his mouth as he spread your growing wetness. You could feel his own arousal growing and brushing against you. Your hand moved down and gripped his erection, giving it a squeeze, causing his breath to hitch this time, the sound sent a tingle of delight and arousal through you.

 

You pushed him backwards, freeing his hands from your body and forcing him to lay on his back as you quickly pulled off your remaining undergarments. Taking the hint he did too. You moved and kissed down his chest, nipping at his nipple briefly and then soothing the slight sting with a sloppy lick. He squirmed in delight as you moved to straddle him as he panted in anticipation. Smirking devilishly as you reached between your legs and grabbed his large cock. Your hand caressing his length, your knees planted on either side of his hips.

 

“Tell me what you want.”  You commanded huskily, your grip tightening slightly around his cock.

 

“I want to fuck you. I want to be inside of you.” He said through slightly gritted teeth. Your lashes fluttered slightly across your cheeks as you smiled down at him seductively.

 

“As you wish Commander.”  Your hand guided him to your entrance as you eased backward, his hands practically flinging to your hips to guide you down, you eyes keeping contact as you felt the tip of his cock make entrance, your mouth parting softly as you nipped down at your lower lip. His chest rose as he inhaled sharply, his fingers digging into your hips as you eased down to his base slowly.

 

“Fuckkkkk.” He whined. Your eyes fluttered closed as you smiled, enjoying every bit of his reaction. Your hips began to rock slowly as he filled your velvety wet walls. A breathy moan escaping your lips as you straightened your spine to grind down on him with more force. Your hips picked up pace as he removed a hand from one side of your hip to rub at your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure radiating through your core as you clenched around him tightly.

 

“Do you like this Commander?” You panted. He moaned in response causing you to ride him at a faster pace, his thumb moved erratically across your clit, edging you closer to orgasm. The coil in your lower belly growing tighter as he rubbed you frantically. Your hands moved upwards and into your hair as your back arched, allowing his hand to guide your pace, a low moan leaving your now gaping mouth. You were so close and you knew he was only waiting for your sake. The coil drew tighter. Every roll of your hips was met with a frantic thrust. “I’m so close.” You moaned.

 

He thrusted harder into you, his hand abandoning your clit and replaced with the sensation of the Force as he gripped your hips with both hands once again. You leaned backward, your hands bracing on his thighs as your hips began to roll frantically. The coil was dangerously tight, a few more stimulating passes of the Force on your clit and you would unravel.

 

He grunted in concentrated effort. Holding back. Waiting for you. Your walls clenched tightly around his cock and released in a pulse. Another rub of the Force had you tipping over the edge. You moaned loudly. Animalistic and guttural.

 

“Cum” You commanded. He grunted in slight relief. The tightening pulses of your walls and the sound of your commanding voice sending him over the edge. He spilled into you with a deep moan, his cock rutting deeply into you, hands still urging a slight rocking of your hips. You straightened your spine and released your tight grip on his thick thighs, leaning slightly forward and panting. You looked down at him with heavily lidded eyes. Contentment echoed between the both of you. His tight grip leaving your hips in favor of wrapping around you and pulling your naked form tightly to his chest. Both of you panting as you laid on top of him.

 

“You’re so beautiful.” He muttered as his hand moved up your back and into your hair. You tilted your head to look up at him. His eyes locking with yours.  You frowned.

 

“Is this real?” You asked suddenly. His brows furrowed in confusion. “This connection, this bond…sometimes…I wonder.” You whispered. This did not ease the furrow in his brow.

 

“Do you not want it to be?” He mumbled, a slight hint of uncertainty in his voice.

 

“I don’t know.” You whispered as his hands played with your long locks.

 

“Does it matter?” He paused and removed a hand from your head and tilted your chin upward, locking your gaze with his. “The passion between us…the raw emotion….that’s all that matters.”

 

“It happened so fast. I…just wonder…if we had never kissed…would we be here right now.”

 

“It would have eventually…I felt a strong pull towards you from the first time I saw you.”  You huffed a slight laugh.

 

“I wanted you to leave. I wanted you to die.” You mused laying your head back on his chest and taking comfort in the slow thudding of his heart.

 

“Do you still?” He asked softly, uncertainty radiating towards you and weighing heavily into your heart.

 

“I don’t know.” You whispered and rolled off of him and back onto the bed, turning your back to him as you laid on your side. The uncertainty deepening inside of you. You never really knew what to feel towards the man. The attraction was there but you needed to constantly be guarded, you could not lose control and let the bond shape you. He huffed behind you and rolled to press his chest into your back and wrapping around you. He opened himself mentally to you, allowing you to completely and fully feel his emotions and thoughts.

 

There was comfort, comfort he took in your form. The way your body fit next to his. The way your skin felt under his touch. The way your hair tickled his face when he slept. There was a possessiveness there too. You were his and only his.  He pushed that he was yours as well. He couldn’t imagine finding the amount of comfort he found in you with someone else. You were everything. Your power, your weaknesses, every single flaw, every single part of you…was what drew him to you.

 

He wouldn’t call it love. He couldn’t. But it was something akin to it and yet something so much deeper. It was beyond infatuation as it had been before. When he first saw you, with your bruised and emotionless face he was intrigued, something about you drew him to you. The Force seemed to flow from you so strongly, calling to him, beckoning him towards you. But you were so guarded and unaccepting of his presence. He was amused by this, but he could understand. He probably would have felt the same.

 

When he asked the others about you they were so protective of you. Pressing to him that you were fragile and dangerous. A bomb waiting to explode. He needed to see how far he could push you in hopes of you finally opening yourself to him. It started as a game, he wanted to see you bend under him as the others had. But something was different between the two of you, there was a familiarity and a kinship between your signatures in the Force. He tried to fight the emotions he had towards you for so long, but the Force would not relent. Every fleeting touch, every lingering glance, the emotionally charged words shared between you, all of it pulled him towards you. He wanted to surround himself in you, melding into each other to become something more than mere individuals. He was a moth to the flame. And you burned so bright. 

 

You moved closer to him, pressing your bodies together tightly. He kissed the crown of your head.

 

“You are my greatest strength.” He whispered. Your hand lifted to reach behind you and into his wavy ebony locks. You pulled his face into your neck and released a sigh of contentment as your lids grew heavy from exertion.

 

“Shh.” You cooed. He hummed in your ear as his breaths grew slower with tiredness. You both fell into a calming sleep. All worries temporally forgotten. 

 

****

The alarm blared from your datapad, the brief reprieve of sleep was gone. You mind buzzed with anxiety as you stirred and removed yourself from Kylo’s arms. You pushed out a shaky breath and rubbed your eyes in an attempt to banish sleep from them. Kylo stirred behind you, his body curling in an attempt to find your body heat once again. You reached out and grabbed your datapad and turned the annoying noise off.

 

You showered and then dressed quickly, making time to do your makeup like you had been taught and pulling your long wavy locks into a simple half up half down style. Giving yourself one last fleeting glance in the mirror to make sure you didn’t look as terrible as you felt. Your eyes were heavily lidden with smoky eyeshadow, your lashes impossibly long. Lips as deep and red as blood. You looked like an alien. Totally foreign to yourself, it made you slightly uncomfortable and slightly insecure. Perhaps it was too much? You shook your head. You didn’t have time for this foolishness. You had done everything the same as the woman who showed you, you looked how you were intended to look. You packed up your makeup and toiletries and moved back into the room to shove them into your luggage.

 

Kylo watched you curiously from the bed as you slipped on your heels. Your eyes were locked onto your helmet that now sat on the table. You were unsure if you should wear it out.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” He mumbled. You turned to look at him, your eyes impossibly bright in the dim light.

 

“Are you sure?” You asked. He merely nodded and beckoned you to come to him. You crossed the room on sure feet, having finally grown accustomed to wearing the ridiculous foot wear. He pulled you back into the bed once you were in arm’s length, pulling you to his chest. He took in your face carefully in the dim light.

 

“You look very pretty.” He mused, his voice still heavy with sleep and disuse. A slight blush crept up your cheeks at the compliment.

 

“It’s not too much?” You asked sheepishly. He shook his head.

 

“No, you look…stunning.” His hands moved up the sheer skin tight sleeves of your dress and squeezed your shoulders. You could feel his contentment pulsing through you once again. You took a deep breath and exhaled shallowly.

 

“You need to get up or we’ll be late for departure.” You said with your cheek smushed into his chest. He hummed in response and freed you from his embrace. He groaned as he got out of the bed, you watched his naked form move to the refresher to shower and get ready.

 

You mentally went through your bag and ensured that you had everything you would need. Your saber was packed at the bottom, it’s presence on your body would be too much of a give-away. You felt slightly naked without it. Your mind suddenly jolted with a thought. You scrambled to the nightstand and pulled the drawer open quickly. Shuffling through its contents and grasping the handle of Twelve’s knife and the accompanying sheath. You moved back to your luggage and dug for the thigh holster that went with your armor. Pulling it out quickly and shoving the items back inside haphazardly. You shifted your flowing skirt upward as Kylo exited the refresher with a towel wrapped around his waist. He watched you as you strapped the holster to your right thigh and attached the knife.  He moved beside you as you attempted to lower your skirt back down, his hand catching your own as his other hand moved up your thigh.

               

Your breath hitched as his hand snaked its way to between your thighs. His fingers brushing across your panties. Your eyes closing as you relished the tingling jolts that his touch elicited. He leaned into you, his other hand releasing your hand and moving to cup your cheek, his lips ghosting over your own.

 

“Kylo.” You whined. He hummed in response. “We don’t have time for this.”

 

“We’ll make time.” He breathed as his mouth moved to your neck. Your eyes opened as he nipped at your flesh. Your hand going to the back of his head as you grasped at his dark wet locks. You pulled his head away from you, breaking the contact before he could go any farther.

 

“Control yourself Commander.” Your voice was stern. You could feel his thick length brush against your leg.

 

“How could I possibly when you look so enticing?” His voice was husky with need. His fingers pushing your panties to the side as he explored your slickening core.  Your other hand grasped at his wrist tightly and halting his movements between your legs.

 

“If you’re a good boy, I’ll let you rip this dress to shreds later.” You whispered as you leaned into his exposed neck, grazing the skin with your painted lips and dragging your teeth downward. His Adam’s apple bobbed at the thought of ripping your dress off of you.  

 

“I’m going to devour you later.” He promised as you released your grip from his wrist and hair. You leaned into him, your hand rubbing and gripping his erection, giving him a squeeze through the towel. His head tilted back as his full lips parted. A shaky breath exiting his open mouth. “Fuck, you’re going to drive me mad.” He moaned. You smiled deviously as he moved his head back down to look at you.

 

“Good.” Your hand ghosting over his proud cock as you removed yourself from him. “Now get dressed.” You commanded. You moved to sit on the bed to wait, your eyes drinking in the image of him as he slowly removed the towel from his waist. His eyes meeting yours as his hand moved to his large cock, gripping it between his hand and giving it a squeeze. You bit at your lip as you watched him. His hand sliding up his thick shaft as his thumb rubbed across the head of his cock as a low moan rumbled through his chest.  Your legs squeezed tightly together to relieve some of your ache.

 

“I could take care of that for you.” He said as he watched you shift on the bed.

 

“You will later.” You said with a heavy breath. He smirked knowing that he was driving you as crazy as you were driving him. You forced your gaze away from him and instead turned to your datapad and tapped on the screen, checking through your messages as he dressed in the clothes that he kept in your closet.

 

The fact that he had started to keep clothing in your quarters was not lost on you. Things had gotten so…domestic and you weren’t entirely sure how to feel about it. You could excuse this behavior as being a convenience, but with his practically open admission to you last night you knew that it was exactly that. An excuse. You on the other hand had made no moves to keep anything in his quarters. Perhaps it was in fear? Fear that this could all could abruptly end. Paranoia that you were only an outlet for his pent up emotions, perhaps a reflection of your own feelings towards the man? Another conduit to channel the deep well of emotions that raged inside of you. Truthfully you didn’t like to dwell on the future and its possible outcomes. It only served to feed your own anxiety and fears. You stared blankly at the lit up screen as you tried to take your mind off of your current train of thought.

 

The sound of compressed air from his unlatching helmet caused you to jolt slightly. You turned just in time to see him place the helmet over his head and latch closed. There were many reasons why you had such distastes for the helmets. When you looked at him you wanted to see his face. To catch every subtle expression in his lips and eyes. Perhaps that was why he clung to the blasted thing so fervently. His face was a constant tell of his emotions. Every fleeting thought passed across his strong features, too easily readable in a place where he needed to be emotionless and detached. Though his hulking posture was also a strong tell. The man felt far too strongly about everything. His hands often clenched in frustration. His shoulders hunching in anger. His constant stomping about the ship like he was on a mission to end whatever offending object or life form had managed to catch his attention.

 

“Are we going or are you going to stare at me all day?” He asked. You could imagine the smirk on his face under the helmet.  Nodding you stood and grabbed at your luggage. You eyed him again, taking in his thick robes and pants.

 

“Are you going to wear that the entire time we’re there?” You asked.

 

“Yes.” You could sense his slight confusion about your question, his voice did not betray this when it fell over the modulator.

 

“You’re going to die of heat stroke when we get to Beirus.” You laughed. He shook his head dismissively, his hand resting in the small of your back urging you to move out of the room and down to the hanger. Right. Back to business. Your face turned back into a stone mask. Emotionless and cold.

 

Exiting your quarters you moved to the hall and waited for Kylo to grab his own luggage from his room. He moved out into the hall and paused to add your luggage to his hands. You looked at him slightly confused, surely you could carry your own bags. He shooed you to the lift, allowing you to lead the way as he followed you, looking more like a glorified bag boy than the Commander of the Knights of Ren. Though you supposed you didn’t quite look the part of a Knight of Ren either currently. You called the lift and entered, standing to the side to allow him to enter unimpeded.

 

_“I can carry my bag, you don’t have to carry it.”_

_“I know, but today you will allow me to carry it.”_ Your brows twitched slightly. Confusion and amusement in the sudden need to help you do such a mundane task.

 

 _“Of course Commander.”_ The lift came to a halt and the doors opened. You walked out with your head held high, just as you had been taught. Your steps were sure as you glided across the hall and into the hanger.  Pausing momentarily to take in all the commotion and movement. You eyed your ship and moved towards it as Kylo handed off your combined luggage to a Stormtrooper to load. Hux waited at the open bay doors of your craft. Your eyes flited over him in passing. His eyes were glued to you as you peered into the ship.

 

“Lady Ceph. Ren.” He greeted curtly.

 

“General.” Your voice was smooth and confident. “Is the ship ready for departure?” You asked, turning your head to look at the man. He looked tired, slight bags under his bright sea green eyes.

 

“Of course. I merely wanted to see you off…and to remind you of the importance of your mission.” You waved a hand at him in slight agitation.

 

“I need no reminder. Supreme Leader has made it abundantly clear the importance of Beirus’ resources.” Your voice was curt and stinging. Annoyance evident. Kylo stood closely behind you, you could feel his approval of your words. You wondered how much of his own constant annoyance of the man was currently being feed to you through the bond. Hux looked visibly taken aback by your tone, his posture deflated momentarily only to recover quickly. 

 

“Anything else General?” Kylo chimed in. Hux pursed his lips tightly at the sound of the modulator.

 

“No.” He said flatly. You nodded.

 

“We shall be off then.” You said dryly. Kylo pressed his hand softly into the small of your back once again, urging you to enter the ship. You weren’t sure if Hux could see this subtle movement from his position but you were almost certain that Kylo would not have openly touched you in such in intimate manner if it was noticeable. You nodded to the man once again and walked away from both of them. Leaving them to a parting pissing contest.  You could hear Hux hissing lowly as he was snapping at Kylo. Who you were sure was being completely antagonizing in whatever they were speaking about.

 

You took in the interior of the craft as you waited for Kylo. He stomped up the ramp and stood in front of you. You could feel joy radiating from him. He must have gotten in the last word. You shook your head and rolled your eyes.

 

“You two are terrible.” You smirked. He shrugged and looked past you into the cockpit where the pilot and co-pilot were going through a pre-flight check list.

 

 _“We will sit in the cockpit, a small squad of Stormtroopers will be accompanying us.”_ You turned and allowed his gloved hand to glide across your back once again, feeling the warmth that radiated from him on the sheer back of your dress.

 

 _“You’re being awful touchy today Commander.”_  You mused

 

 _“I can’t help it, that dress…”_ You could imagine him biting on to his lower lip in frustration. You had left him in quite a state before departing your quarters. You smirked at the thought. You liked him in this position. Wrapped tightly around your finger, practically begging for you.

 

_“Remember, be a good boy and you can do whatever you please to me later.”_

_“You’re such a tease.”_

_“I know. Just the way you like me.”_  You took your seat behind the copilot’s chair and Kylo taking the one behind the pilot. You could hear the ‘troopers filing in further behind you. You resisted the urge to turn and look at them as they took their places in standing position. Were they going to stand for the entire trip?

 

You had only heard about the rigorous training that the Stormtroopers underwent. Taken at an early age, and subjected to grueling exercises in physical endurance, weapons, and any specialty fields that were deemed appropriate. In many ways their training was similar to your own. The amount of discipline needed to make it through training was admirable.

 

You leaned back in your seat and closed your eyes, mentally preparing for takeoff.  You still weren’t entirely comfortable with space travel, though you had been on the large ship for over a month now. It felt different being on a much smaller craft.

 

The pilot asked for permission to depart as the engines whirled to life. You held your breath as the tower gave permission. Your body grew tense as the ship lifted and began its exit from the large hanger. Your fingers bunching the fabric of your dress tightly as your body adjusted to the movement of the craft. You could hear the pilot and copilot speaking back and forth to each other as they flicked switches and adjusted their yolks for the flight path. You didn’t dare to open your eyes until the ship had entered a hyperspace lane. You exhaled through pursed lips and stared at your bunched skirt. Your shoulders relaxing slightly at the sight. You would not look up at the windshield, the sight would more than likely make you sick.

 

 _“Relax.”_ His deep voice urged in your head.

 

 _“I’m trying.”_ You snapped at him. His head turned to look at you, you didn’t dare to look at him.

 

 _“Do you need for me to put you to sleep?”_ He asked. You shook your head. Exhaling once again. You swallowed thick spit as your stomach lurched slightly. Your eyes closed once again and you entered a meditative state in an attempt to calm yourself.

 

****

 

 _“Ceph.”_ His voice was soft as he attempted to break you from your meditation. Your eyes fluttered open, the sound of the engines now missing you noticed. Your brows furrowed slightly as you shifted your stiff body.

 

 _“Are we already on Beirus?”_ You turned your head slowly to look at him.

 

 _“Yes. They are waiting for our exit.”_ He moved to stand and extended a hand for you. You grabbed it as your stiff body moved to a standing position. You raised your hands over your head and stretched, your eyes watering as a slight yawn exited your lips. You straightened your dress and looked at your reflection in his helmet, shamelessly making sure you hadn’t ruined your makeup somehow. He shook his head in slight amusement. _“You look fine. Come.”_

_“Yes Commander.”_ You nodded as he moved out in front of you. The Stormtroopers were standing in formation, awaiting command. Kylo made a simple motion with his hand, you watched as the Stormtroopers parted in the middle allowing you and Kylo to move to the hanger door. You took a deep breath and exhaled, you nodded as he used the Force to open the door.

 

The light was a soft orange glow, you had arrived later than expected. The muggy air was already pushing lazily into the ship. You blinked several times to adjust your eyes to the light. Kylo stomped down the ramp and you followed closely behind. The Stormtroopers following shortly after your exit and filing out behind you.

 

Mon Sala, Jana Sala, and a small group of his own guards were waiting at the end of the ramp. All wore bright and flowing clothing. You had never seen such a vibrant display of color outside of pictures. The patterns were rich and striking against their tanned skin. All of them sported dark hair in ornate styles, bright gem stones and precious metals hung from their bodies loosely.

 

“Welcome!” Mon Sala greeted joyously. His face flashed a smile, you noticed several golden teeth.

 

“King Sala, Princess Sala.” You nodded curtly, if not slightly stiff. Kylo remained silent as you stepped to be at his side. Mon Sala moved to quickly embrace you, wrapping bare and toned arms around you as he kissed both sides of your face. Your body tensed slightly at his touch. You had been warned that the people of Beirus were very open with affection and that this was a typical Beirus greeting. You recovered quickly, hesitantly giving him a stiff hug back. He released you and stared momentarily at Kylo, not sure if he should give him the same greeting. The Princess followed in her brother’s steps, giving you the same greeting, this time you were better prepared and kissed each side of her face in return. You could feel Kylo’s agitation as they touched you in such an intimate manner. You could see Mon Sala extend a hand to Kylo, you mentally urged him to shake it.

 

 _“Shake it, you’re already making them uncomfortable with your helmet.”_ You chided. His hand went out stiffly as he gave the King a stiff hand shake, Mon Sala’s hands cupping Kylo’s. If you hadn’t of known the man so well you would have missed his body stiffening slightly at Mon’s touch. The Princess moved to greet Kylo as well, he shook her hand as begrudgingly as he did with her brother.

 

“I apologize for our late arrival.” You said sweetly.  Mon shook his head with a smile.

 

“I am just glad that you made it safely.” He smiled and clapped his hands firmly. “Now! Come join us, I have had our cooks prepare a small feast for your arrival!” You forced a kind smile and nodded.

 

Mon took the lead, hooking his arm around your own as he walked. Guiding you and pointing out the lush green scenery. Jana and Kylo followed closely behind, Jana did not make any motion to touch Kylo and instead seemed to completely ignore him. You could feel her distrust of him. His helmet made her uncomfortable. You could understand this sentiment.

 

“Jana will have to show you her garden while you are visiting, she has the most beautiful and exotic plants that Beirus has to offer. It is truly a sight to see.” Mon chittered excitedly. You smiled once again and nodded.

 

“Yes, I would love that.” In truth you were very curious about her garden. You had never seen a garden before and the idea of seeing one excited you.

 

“My brother likes to boast, it is a modest garden…I am sure you have seen better in your travels.” Jana added. Her voice was absolutely delightful to the ear. Something in you wanted her to continue to speak, sparking a faint familiarity deep within you.

 

“Truthfully, I have never seen a garden before…” You paused. “My travels have yet permitted me to see one in person.” Mon patted your hand softly, almost in reassurance, as if never seeing a garden was something to be ashamed about.

 

“Well we will have to remedy that!” He smiled. Something about the man put you at ease. He seemed to be delighted about everything. He ushered you into a long open passage way, large arching columns stretching down the length in earthy browns. He continued to point out points of interest, delving into the construction of the palace.  “That over there is the Temple Mount. The most enlightened and scholarly people of Beirus spend their time there. The High Sarjana will be joining us some time, he has such wisdom.” He leaned in closely to you, “Though he is a bit of a dry fellow if you ask me.” He whispered. You laughed softly, a true smile coming to your lips.

 

“He sounds like a very interesting person.” You smiled. He nodded.

 

“Of course, of course my dear! He holds vast knowledge and the innate ability to put the most restless of children to sleep.” He laughed heartily.  “Ah, we have arrived!” He exclaimed excitedly as he continued to guide you further into the interior of the palace.

 

 The interior was decorated in bright golds in varying shades of rose and brass. The fabrics were rich in color, reflecting the same intricate patterns of the Beiruity people’s manner of dress. Hanging lanterns with colored glass and geometrical shapes of star bursts hung from the high ceiling. A low and long table stretched across the dining hall, with plush cushions set on the floor for sitting. Ornate and layered rugs stacked under the cushions meant for lounging after eating.

 

You realized how out of place you and Kylo must appear in such a bright and cheery setting. Your solid black clothing must look completely alien to your hosts. You suddenly wished that you had been dressed in more appropriate colors.  Mon guided you to a cushion and helped ease you to the seat. Jana showing Kylo to the one directly next to you. Your eyes glancing at him briefly, taking in the bazar sight of the large man balancing delicately on the brightly colored cushion. You stifled a laugh at the sight. His long legs crossed in front of him awkwardly. You mused that the people of Beirus must not commonly come in such a size as Kylo. Mon sat at the head of the table and Jana opposite of you.

 

“Are you comfortable Lady Ceph?” Jana asked, her voice sending a pleasant chill down your spine.

 

“Yes, Princess Jana. Thank you.” You smiled, you could feel a slight blush rise across your cheeks as you peered into her dark hazel eyes.

 

 _“She’s very interested in you.”_ Kylo’s voice sounded in your head, a slight hint of agitation coming across with his words. You ignored him.

 

_“Are you going to take your helmet off or are you going to sit through the meal without eating? It would certainly make them far more comfortable to see your face.”_

 

 _“I’m not here to make them comfortable, that is your job.”_ His voice was flat and emotionless.  You fought the urge to sigh and instead snapped your head towards Mon as he clapped his hands, signaling the start of the meal. Green clad servants filed out into the hall carrying dishes and placed them in front of each of you, removing the covers in unison.

 

“Our first course is a cold soup commonly served in Volcal, using fish from the rivers and vegetables grown in the lush river lands.” Mon said as he moved his napkin to his lap. You followed his lead, only eating once he started. The soup was tangy, and cool, the fish was in large flaky chunks, the vegetables raw and crunchy. You ate a few bites out of curtesy, this was not something that you would have cared to eat. The textures were off putting and the tang had a sour after taste. You delicately grabbed your cup of water and took a sip, washing the taste from your mouth and patting your lips lightly with your napkin.

 

 _“That looks absolutely disgusting.”_ Kylo laughed mentally.

 

_“It’s not terrible, but it’s definitely something I could do without ever eating again.”_

“Is this a dish that is only local to Volcal or is this something that is served planet wide?” You asked.

 

“It is something that is eaten planet wide, though the dish varies throughout the river lands. Some are bolder in flavor. We tend to serve a milder version of the dish to our guests, the chilies that are normally stewed in it tend to cause agitation to those not native to Beirus.” Jana said as she merely played with her own soup. She didn’t seem to enjoy it much either.

 

“I see.” You nodded, clearly finished with your own soup. Kylo merely sat not eating. Mon looked at Kylo curiously, leaning over towards you and whispering,

 

“Does he not eat?”  You shook your head with a soft smile.

 

“He does not like to eat in front of others.” You said as kindly as possible. Mon leaned back and looked at you in slight confusion.  “The Commander is a very private person.” You added, leaning back in to whisper. Mon nodded this time.

 

“I see, I see. We shall send him something to his quarters later then.” He nodded resolutely. You could feel Kylo’s eyes locked onto you and Mon. He was not happy with all the closeness between you two. He didn’t appreciate the whispers either, though you knew he could easily hear them.  You smiled and nodded, finding the motion to be much easier with each use of the action.

 

The rest of the meal went smoothly enough. Kylo stayed firm on keeping his helmet on and not eating. You wanted to chide him, but it was not your place, he was doing his own job you mused. Keeping them on edge while you wormed your way into their good graces. As the meal came to an end, Mon set up a schedule, a day of rest to recover from the journey and the following day would be devoted to business. It seemed fair enough, though you rather spend the next day getting down to business instead of gallivanting around the planet, being shown various refineries and the city.

 

Mon rose from the table and signaled to two servants to come to the table, you sat looking up at the man and woman.

 

“Calla and Bram will show you to your rooms, I myself am tired from such a heavy meal.” He smiled as he rubbed his slightly protruding belly.  “If you require anything, please don’t hesitate to call them. Calla and Bram are my best servants. Absolutely lovely people.” He smiled at both of the dark skinned people, they merely nodded in thanks.

 

“Thank you for your generosity. We shall see you tomorrow then.” You said as you rose, Kylo joining you and standing closely behind you. Mon nodded and excused himself, Jana joining him as they walked arm in arm back to their own rooms.

 

Calla and Bram stood still until you made motion to leave, they both guided you to your rooms. Calla following behind Bram and you behind Calla.

 

“Commander, this shall be your room, I have been instructed to bring you a meal, it shall arrive shortly.” Bram said as Calla continued to lead you to the next room.

 

“Lady Ceph, if you are in need of anything, please let me know.” She smiled and gestured her arms to your room.

 

“Thank you Calla.” You said as you heard Kylo close his door. “Thank you Bram.” You added. They both bowed slightly and allowed you to move into your room. You pushed open the door, turning the knob as silently as possible and closing the door with great care.

 

The room was large and far too grand. Plush rugs and cushions seemed to be at every turn. The bed was far too large for a single person, the bedding was light and airy to battle the constant mugginess of the atmosphere. A mechanical fan hanging from the ceiling and moved by a pulley system and pushed the air around the room causing the silk curtains to move. Your bags had been placed by a small table near doors that you assumed lead to a balcony. You moved to your bags and glanced down at them, nothing seemed to be amiss but you would need to sort through their contents to know for sure. You moved to the door and pulled it open, moving the silk curtains to the side as you stepped out into the damp air of Volcal. The stars weren’t nearly as bright here, polluted from the city lamps and lights from buildings further away. You could see the spire of the Temple Mount glowing in a dim blue hue in the distance. Your skin was already growing damp from the air, you could feel a slight sweat start to bead on your brow. You moved back inside, the air was too clammy for your own tastes. Closing the door and locking it you moved to your bag and picked it up and moved it to take inventory of its contents.

 

You found nothing out of place, all contents were intact and where you had packed them. Your saber was tucked at the bottom of your bag, your hand grazed fleetingly over the black metal. You felt strange without it being attached to your hip. You hitched up your skirt, a leg placed delicately in the chair as you moved to remove Twelve’s knife from your thigh. You turned your head as you heard the latch to the door click open and latched closed. Kylo stood gazing at you as you removed the knife and holster from your thigh.

 

He pulled his helmet off and allowed it to fall to the floor, you could see a damp sheen on his forehead. The helmet must have been hot in this weather. He crossed the room to you, his hands cupping your face quickly and pressing a fervent kiss to your lips. His hand left your face as it traveled up your exposed thigh, inching towards your hot center.

 

“Where were we?” He mumbled as his fingers danced across your panties.

 

“I think right about here.” Your hand reached down to the one between your thighs and guided his diligent fingers to the edge of your panties, allowing him to push them to the side and make contact with the sensitive flesh. Your breath hitching at the electricity that passed between you.

 

“I believe you said I could do whatever I wanted to you.” He mumbled as he pressed his lips to your neck.

 

“If you were a good boy.” You exhaled shakily as he nipped at your neck lightly.  “I believe that was the stipulation.” He hummed as his fingers dipped into your slick core.

 

“Was I a good boy?” Abandoning your neck and whispering huskily into your ear.  You hummed, a smirk coming to your lips.

 

“Of course.”  He moaned and moved his hands to your waist, picking you up and tossing you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing. His hand smacking your rear and then gripping around cheek roughly. He walked you over to the large bed and practically slammed you down. You could feel his hunger for your flesh. Hunger to seat himself deeply inside of you and feel you surround him.

 

He looked down at you, pupils blown wide as he watched your breasts rise and fall in a wanting pant.

“Such a shame that I have to rip apart this pretty dress.” He mumbled almost to himself. A smile fell across your blood red lips.

 

He grabbed at your leg and pulled you down towards the end of the bed, moving you effectively closer to him. His hands pulled your heels from your feet and tossed them to the side. Your limbs fell heavily downward as he released each one at a time. His chest rose in anticipation as he hands went to your dress.

 

He grabbed at the skirt and pulled roughly, a loud rip of the delicate fabric echoed through the room. He pulled again, another satisfying rip falling on both of your ears. He smirked at the sight of your now exposed panties. A finger gliding over the now wet seat.

 

“So wet.” He mumbled as he leaned down, his hand moving to your thighs and forcing them apart roughly as he pressed his face to the delicate fabric. He groaned as his nose pressed into the fabric, inhaling your scent deeply.  “You smell amazing.” He muttered. 

 

Your hand went to the crown of his head and carded through his silky locks. “What are your intentions Commander?” You asked huskily, his breath on your wet panties sent a lurching tingle through your body. He lifted his head to look up at you, a wicked smile playing on his plush lips.

 

“I told you. I’m going to devour you.” His hands moved to the fabric of your panties once again as he ripped apart the fabric and pulling them from you in a swift motion. Your body jerking slightly with the ripping, pulling you closer to his face. He breathed you in again as his fingers slicked through your wetness, spreading it across your soft folds. He hummed in approval. You watched him curiously as you leaned on your elbows.

 

His mouth found purchase on your aching sex, tongue flat and searching. He lapped through your folds, his fingers spreading you wide as his other hand gripped your thigh tightly. Marking your skin with his hand print. A silent claim, you were his. His tongue flicked across your needing clit, sending a pulse of pleasure through your entire being. Your head snapped back as a breathy moan escaped your painted lips.

 

He sucked your delicate lips, nipping at the soft flesh. Your whole body felt like it was on fire. Your thighs shook at each motion of his tongue. His hand only wrapped tighter round your muscular thigh. Fingers digging into the tight flesh. There was pleasure in the pain.

 

He guided a finger into your wet ache, hooking it and pushing against the sensitive wall. Your body jolted with the pressure, a curse left your lips like a prayer. His tongue and mouth alternating between sucking and licking your sensitive clit. The noises of your moans encouraged another finger to be added. He hummed in pleasure sending another jolt of intoxicating electricity through your body. The coil growing tighter with his efforts.

 

Your hands gripped tightly on the bedding, wetness spreading across your sex and to your thighs as he lapped up your essence hungrily. Your moans grew heavier, legs shaking with each flat passing of his tongue. Each calculated motion across your clit causing great pleasure. You bucked freely into his face, your back arching as your legs quivered. You could feel his satisfaction at this reaction, pleased to be pleasing you in such a manner. Your hand moved to the top of his head and gripped his hair tightly. Forcing his head downward as his finger pumped swiftly inside of you.

 

“Do you want to cum?” He mumbled around you.

 

“Yes. Please Commander.” You whined at his sudden absence.

 

“Then cum.” He commanded.

 

His tongue pushing with more effort on your clit as his fingers picked up pace. The coil in your lower belly wrapped tighter at the sudden permission for release. You spilled over the edge, gushing in your core as you tightened around his fingers in rapid pulses, your thighs shaking violently and toes curling as you came. Your head fell back across the bed as he continued to lick your overly sensitive clit. You shuddered and clamped your thighs around his head. Urging him to stop, you were too sensitive.

 

He laughed between your thighs. You squeezed his head once again as he ignored your silent pleas. His tongue dipping into your wet center, tasting your cum hungrily.

 

“Kylo.” Your voice came out as a breathy moan. His hand wrapped around your thighs and pulled them apart, lifting his head to look at you as you panted. You lifted your head to look down at him. His eyes were shining brightly. Pupils blown wide in lust, his mouth was glistening with your juices. Your hand tightened around his locks and pulled him upward.

 

He moved with your urging. Crawling up your body as your legs wrapped around him. His face hovering above your own. Your hand moved to the back of his neck, forcing him to lower his head. You kissed his wet lips briefly and moved to lick the glistening cum from his mouth. He moaned at the sensation.

 

Your hands moved down his clothed body and began to tug at his clothes. “Take these off.” You breathed into his mouth. He pulled himself from your hands and pulled his top layers off, revealing his broad and well-muscled chest. You scrunched your body to reach the tight bulge in his pants, rubbing and gripping him through the fabric. His breath hitched and his eyes closed, mouth slightly agape as you caressed him.

 

“Do you like this Commander?” You purred. He groaned again as you squeezed his cock tightly. You moved to a sitting position, causing him to stand off of the bed. “Are you going to finish ripping this dress off of me or do I need to do it for you?”

 

He blinked in rapid succession as he snapped out of the spell you cast over him with your touch. He hovered over you and with swift movements ripped the rest of your dress from your body. He tugged it from under you and tossed it to the floor. Your hands gripped at the waist line of his pants as you tugged them roughly from his body. He quickly removed his boots and kicked them off. Leaving both of you bare and fully exposed to one another.  You scooted backward on the bed in preparation. He grabbed your leg causing you to pause your movements.

 

“On your hands and knees.” He said roughly. You looked at him slightly confused for a moment. His hands moved to your waist as he lifted you from his standing position and turned you over roughly.  “Hands and knees. Now.” He said sternly. A shaky breath came from your lips as you moved to your hands and knees, a creeping blush falling across your face as you exposed yourself to him in unfamiliar fashion.

 

He huffed as he looked down at you. Admiring your body. His hands moved up your thighs and down your sides. Gripping your ribs tightly with large hands and pushing you further downward. You eased down with his guidance, your face flush with the bed as his hands moved away from you once more. You could feel his erection nestle between your round cheeks as he rubbed himself between them.

 

“Such a good girl.” He mumbled. His hand moving to grab roughly at a cheek and spreading you, his other guiding his proud cock to your entrance, you could feel him rub the swollen tip into your wetness. He moved slowly into your wet core. Relishing in the tightness that the angle created, his hands moving to your hips and gripping you tightly as he pulled you back to meet the base of his cock. He groaned again causing you to clench around him tightly. He began pumping into you slowly. You panted at the sensation. The angle allowing him to push deeply into you.

“Does this feel good?” He mumbled as he continued to pick up his pace. You moaned in response.  He smacked your ass hard.  Sending searing pain to the supple flesh of your rump. “What was that?” He commanded.

 

“Yes Commander.” You moaned.  He pounded into you roughly, his hand gripping you tightly as he moved your body to meet his thrusts. He leaned down across your back as he continued to thrust into you, biting at the flesh of your back, hiis hands moving up the back of your lattice scarred thighs. “You’re so perfect.” He mumbled into your back. “You were made for me.” He grunted as he rutted deeply into your center. Your breath caught in your throat as you moaned once again.

 

You could feel him apply the Force to your clit as he thrusted into you earnestly. Lifting himself off of your back as he babbled incoherently, curses tumbling from his full lips as he watched himself slide in and out of your entrance.  You clenched around him as you built quickly towards another orgasm. Your head turning to allow you to cast your eyes on him, sensing your gaze, his eyes moved to yours. Locking with you briefly as he thrusted. You could feel his pleasure through your shared bond. He liked that you were watching him as he pounded into you with wild abandon. His Force abilities frantically moving across your clit. Willing you to cum once again. He wanted to feel you pulse around him. He wanted you to clench tightly around his cock as he buried himself deeply inside of you.

 

You bit at your lower lip, pleasure rippling through you at his thoughts. Edging you closer to what he wanted. He gripped your ass again, his thrusts growing more erratic with each pass. He was close. You panted as you bowed your back downward, causing a slight shift in the position of his seated cock, causing his breath caatch in his throat as you moved. You were so close, he knew it as he slowed his pace slightly, waiting almost patiently for you to cum before him. Another pass of the Force on your clit had you clenching him in tight and rapid pulses as you came. He grunted in relief as he pounded into you roughly. Pausing as his cock pulsed and his seed spilled deeply inside of you.

 

He pulled you tighter to him, you could feel his legs shaking against you. His cock buried to his pelvic bone as you continued to slowly clench around him. He leaned his sweating body across your back. Kissing your shoulders and neck softly. You hummed, a soft smile coming to your lips as he peppered your back with kisses.

 

He slowly removed himself from you and plopped his naked body next to your own. His chest heaved slowly as he came down from his high. Your body relaxing to a laying positon, your arms folding under your head as you gazed at him. He turned to look at you, brown eyes searching your face, memorizing the look you were giving him. He shifted and tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ear. You sighed at his touch.

 

“You should eat.” You mumbled. He lifted a hand lazily and allowed it to fall to his stomach with a slight slap.

 

“I will in a minute.” He mumbled as he pulled you towards him, both of your bodies slick with sweat and heat. You laid across his chest as he combed through your hair, pulling the tie from the loosely gathered top part and allowing your long locks to flow freely in his long and sure fingers. You hummed at his motions. Your eyes growing heavy as he continued to comb through your long loose waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I manage to gain some ground this week, I may post another chapter either Thursday or Friday.  
> As always thank you guys for your continued support! XOXO


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have an early chapter.

Chapter 22

Garden

\--------------------

 

Your eyes opened softly, greeted by a soft orange glow. Your naked body tangled in the airy sheets of the bed. Panic shifted through your mind briefly as you took in your surroundings. You were not on Zoist. You were not on the _Finalizer_. You sat up quickly as your mind erased the fog of panic. Realization settling in as you remembered you were on Beirus. In the city of Volcal. You exhaled a shaky breath and rubbed your eyes.

 

Intense burning and stinging as you rubbed yesterday’s makeup into your eyes. Swearing with teary eyes you untangled yourself from the sheets. Your body damp with sweat from the night. Groaning you moved to the bathroom and immediately turned on the sink and blindly grabbed at the bar of soap that had been left on the counter. You rubbed the suds into your eyes, hoping the makeup would wash away. Looking up to check your progress with the makeup, peaking through slotted burning eyes, you still had lipstick smeared across your lips and cheeks, faint pink on your skin, your eyes wept blackness. You looked like a mess.  Cringing at the sight you continued to rub the fragrant soap into your skin.

 

Rinsing the suds away once again, you checked your face, there was mascara still in your lashes but other than that your face was clean. Sighing you grabbed the hand towel from the wall and rubbed your face into the soft plush fabric. Everything was so soft here.  You tossed the towel onto the counter and moved back into the bedroom. You needed to shower and get dressed.

 

Moving to your bag you paused and looked around the room. Where was Kylo? Searching in the Force for his signature you found him in his room next to yours.

 

 _“Kylo.”_ You whispered mentally, not sure if he was sleeping or awake.

 

“ _Hummm?”_

 

 _“Do you want me to have Calla or Bram send you breakfast?”_ You asked asked, you knew the man would be too stubborn to remove his helmet to eat with the others.

 

_“Yes.”_

_“Okay.”_  
 

You moved to prepare for the day quickly, glancing at the time on your datapad and realizing that it was still relatively early, you still wanted to be prepared as quickly as possible. Showering quickly and wrapping your hair into a towel you moved through your makeup bag. The woman who showed you how to apply your makeup had shown you several different styles depending on the look needed. You grabbed out the items needed and took a deep breath.

 

“Alright, just like you practiced.” You mumbled to yourself.

 

It took you several tries and a brief melt down about half way through the second try but you successfully managed to get your makeup the way she had shown you. You had to recall the memory several times but you managed. A simple winged liner, with a pale lid, mascara, and a nude lip and you were ready to go. Huffing in relief you moved to your bag to grab your clothes for the day. You had never been so thankful for light fabric in your life. You could already tell the day would be hot, feeling the heat from the cracks under the balcony door penetrate the room slowly.

 

You pulled on loose flowing pants and a caged halter that was modest enough to cover most of your midriff. Finally strapping on flat sandals that you were informed were common affair on the humid planet.  Glancing in the mirror you shook your head. You felt ridiculous. You would have been more comfortable in your tunic and leggings, but the thick fabric and long sleeves would not have been comfortable in the heat. There wasn’t much to do about your clothing, these were the items given to you and this was what you had to wear. You huffed and moved to leave your room.

 

Opening the door quietly so as to not disturb anyone else in the wing, you looked around the grand hall. You weren’t quite sure what you should do. Should you look for Calla and Bram? Should you just explore the large palace? Scrunching your face in uncertainty you decided to move back in the direction from where you came the day before. It wasn’t long before you were stopped by a member of the staff in the palace, asking if you needed anything. You nodded,

 

“I was looking for Calla or Bram, would you know where I could find them?” You asked as politely as you could muster.

 

“Of course Mistress, I will go fetch them, please allow me to escort you to the sitting room.”  The young woman showed you to what you assumed to be one of several sitting rooms. You took a tentative seat on a low backed wooden chair and waited, glancing around the room absentmindedly. 

 

“Lady Ceph?” You heard an even voice ask from the door way, causing your head to move in the direction. Calla stood wearing deep green silk, wrapped around her sturdy form. You smiled softly at her, trying to be ever pleasant.

 

“Calla.” You stood from your seat and moved towards the woman, your flat sandals making soft padding noises across yet another plush ornate carpet. “I was wondering if you could send the Commander breakfast. He should be waking soon.” You asked as she once again avoided your gaze. She nodded.

 

“Of course.” Her eyes never leaving the floor as she spoke. “Would you like to take your breakfast now?” She asked slightly shifting. This amused you, you weren’t sure exactly why she was so adamant on not looking at you. You could easily pry into her mind, but thought the motion to do so would be far too obvious of a giveaway. She would only be greeted with pain and you had no reason to do so.

 

“Yes. That would be fine.” You said flatly. She nodded once more.

 

“Follow me. The Princess is already awake as well. I’m sure she would be delighted if you joined her for breakfast.” She waited for you to step out of the room as she cleared the doorway, allowing you to exit the sitting room. You walked out and followed the woman back to the grand dining hall from the previous day.

 

Princess Jana was already seated on a cushion, a book sitting in front of her and a glass of what you assumed to be some sort of juice. Calla showed you to the seat across from her, you thanked her and took a seat. Easing yourself onto the cushion and folding your legs to sit more comfortably. Princess Jana looked up from her book and took in the sight of you.

 

Dark hazel eyes drinking in every inch she could see. You peered back, taking in her handsome features. Kylo had said she was interested in you, you weren’t sure in what way just yet.

 

“Good morning Princess.” You said warmly. Another servant brought you a glass of deep purple liquid. You eyed it carefully. Princess Jana noticed.

 

“Please, you may call me Jana…there is no need for the formalities.” She said as she raised her own glass to her lips to take a small sip. Plump mauve lips perched delicately on the edge of the glass, you blinked heavily as you forced yourself to not stare.

 

“My apologizes…Jana.” You said testing out the name without the title. She smiled.

 

“Nothing to apologize for Lady Ceph.”

 

“Please, if we are going to be on equal footing, no need for the Lady part. Just Ceph is fine.”  You returned her smile. She nodded.

 

“Of course.” You grabbed at your glass and took a delicate sip, testing the taste. It was wine you realized, you could taste the slight alcoholic undertones. You fought the shudder at the bitter taste. You had been allowed to taste wine while doing a mock formal dining room exercise and found that you didn’t care for it and how it made your head foggy. You needed to remain sharp. You placed the glass back down, hoping that they would bring you some water instead. Your lips pursed slightly as you sat quietly.

 

“Do you not like the wine?” She asked suddenly, noticing how you were eyeing the glass. You raised a brow.

 

“I don’t drink often…” You paused as you considered how to word it without giving away the fact that you were normally never allowed to drink. “I never had a chance to grow a liking for it.” You said scrunching your brows. She smiled and nodded. Her slender fingers reaching under the table and pulling up a small bell. She rang it, a tinkling tune spilling from the object. A servant appeared suddenly.

 

“Would you bring Lady Ceph a glass of water please?” She asked gesturing to you.

 

“Thank you.” You smiled towards the servant. The man bowed and walked away to return a few moments later with a glass of water. Setting it in front of you and removing the wine. You took the glass almost immediately and drank the room temperature water. Jana watched you curiously.

 

“You are a very strange woman.” She mused. Your brows furrowed. “I mean no offense, it is just strange, even the children of Volcal enjoy a glass of wine with their breakfast.” She paused as a smile came to her plump mauve lips, “It is a refreshing to have visitors.” She said as if to placate her own words, softening her observation in a way only known to her.

 

“I apologize if I have offended you.”

 

“Not at all. It…is invigorating.”  She said as they brought in a plate of food for the Princess and yourself. You looked down at your plate. Eggs, toasted breadroot patties and a jelly like substance that you had never seen before. “I hope you like yeast-worm jelly, we had it brought in from off planet.” She said as she smeared the jelly onto her breadroot patty.

 

“I can’t say I’ve ever had it before.” You said as you followed her lead. She looked at you with a raised eyebrow but did not comment. She watched as you bit into your patty. You chewed the crisp patty, as a delicate sweet taste overcame your taste buds. You hummed and nodded, a smile coming to the corner of your lips. She smiled at your enjoyment.

 

“Very good!” You said only after swallowing, the habit of speaking with a cheek full of food had been broken quickly with your etiquette classes. 

 

“Ah! Jana! Lady Ceph!” You turned your head quickly to see Mon walking into the dining hall. He was dressed in loose pants similar to your own and a loose fitting tank top which displayed his toned arms. You smiled at the man as you chewed your food, taking care to wipe at your mouth with your napkin before greeting him.  “I trust you slept well?” He asked.

 

“Yes, the room is lovely, thank you for such wonderful accommodations.”  

 

“Of course my dear, only the best for our First Order friends.” He looked at the plate setting as he took his seat at the head of the table. A slight frown coming to his lips. “Commander Ren is not joining us?” He asked.

 

“The Commander is still resting I believe, I hope you don’t mind that I asked Calla to bring him his breakfast upon waking.” Mon raised his hand dismissively.

 

“Of course not my dear. As you stated last night, he is a private man.” His voice was airy as he spoke, you wondered if he was only saying such things to placate you.

 

“That he is.” You nodded. Truthfully you were glad that he was taking his meal in his room. He had a horrible habit of watching you eat, finding your facial expressions to be horribly amusing for some reason. Especially if you were enjoying something.

 

“Well, once he comes from his room, Jana and I will take you for a tour of the gardens and the city. We have a wonderful market place, traders from all over the planet bring the most exciting things to sell!” He said as a servant brought him a glass of customary wine. You nodded.

 

“That sounds wonderful. I am most excited about seeing Jana’s garden, I come from a cold planet that does not permit for such things.”

 

“A cold planet?” Jana asked with curiosity.  You nodded.

 

“Zoist, is in a perpetual state of winter. Nothing grows there, we must import everything.”

 

“Is there snow?” She asked excitedly.

 

“Yes, it never stops snowing.”

 

“I’ve never seen snow. The elders say that many many years ago we had a snow fall in the river lands…but we have never had one since.” Her eyes were bright as she talked about snow. You had never seen such excitement over the substance. Everyone you knew generally had either no opinion of the substance or found it to be absolutely terrible.

 

“Well, perhaps you will be fortunate enough to experience it? Though I hope you never have the displeasure of going to Zoist.” You said with a laugh. She smiled and nodded. Mon nodded and ate his food.

 

“My sister is a very curious person, she finds such things to be absolutely titillating. Weather patterns, plant life, eco-systems. She is enamored by them. She could have been one of the brightest minds at the Temple Mount.” You raised a brow and shifted your attention to the woman across form you, her head tilted downward as she pushed her eggs around her plate. You could feel the regret rolling off of her in waves.

 

“Please excuse my ignorance, but what has prevented you from joining the Scholars at the Temple Mount?”

 

“They do not allow women to enter the Temple Mount. It is forbidden.” Mon said flatly. “It is an error on their part. There have been many debates on the matter, but until the people can come to a consensus on the subject they will continued to be barred.” Your eyebrows furrowed at his words. Was he not the king of the entire planet? Could he not just over rule them? Sensing your confusion Jana finally spoke on the matter.

 

“Where the Temple Mount is concerned…the crown has no say. They operate on their own rules, though even if Mon or myself could over rule, it would not be viewed in a positive light. The people would not support the decision. It would lead to chaos and unrest.” Your brows only creased further at her words.  

 

Surely such a small change would not amount to such unrest? What was so bad about women pursuing knowledge? The whole concept was baffling. Women were capable of anything a man was capable of. You had never seen any reason to believe otherwise. You suddenly felt yourself overcome with resentment for the men in their high tower. Who were they to stop someone from perusing knowledge?

 

“That is very unfortunate.” It was all you could muster, anymore would have possibly been insulting and considered rude. Jana and Mon nodded in agreement.

 

“It is.” Jana muttered. You wondered if something were to happen to Mon, would Jana be able to rule in his stead or would she be forced to concede her birth right to another. You wanted to ask, but felt that it was possibly a taboo subject in present company. You would speak to Kylo about it later. Perhaps he would know the proper protocol about broaching the subject.

 

The rest of the meal was taken in silence, the mood in the room had shifted unpleasantly. You tried pushing these encroaching emotions away as you strengthened your mental walls. You had not considered such an emotionally charged subject coming up so soon. You excused yourself from the table as soon as possible and returned to your room. You needed to meditate and clear your mental space.

 

Opening your door quickly and shutting it you moved to the balcony door and opened it. The sun shone brightly above, morning rays warming your skin as the moisture in the air began to thicken as the day carried on. You pulled a cushion with you and placed it directly in the middle of the balcony floor and perched yourself comfortably. The cushion seemed to suck your body into it, nesting around folded legs. Your eyes looked out over the railing and towards the large blue spire of the Temple Mount. The view suddenly riling up feelings of disgust and resentment. You huffed loudly as you peered at it. What you wouldn’t give to see it fall to the ground.

 

****

 

 

You drifted for a long while in the pull of the Force. Allowing your metaphysical form to sink into the calming vibrations and waves within the vastness. The pulse of the city and all the people with in it, the gentle humming of all the plant life and the energy of the many rivers that coursed the planet pulled you into a calming lull. Your mind was in a state of calm you could have never achieved on Zoist. There was so much life on the planet.

 

You jolted as you felt a large hand rest on the crown of your head. Gloved fingers caressing the messy gathered locks. Kylo stood next to you peering out into the scenery, his helmet nestled under his arm. His eyes squinting from the bright sun.

 

“Did you eat your breakfast?” You asked as you peered up at him. His eyes shifting to peer down at you. They were brighter than you had ever seen…more hazel than brown in the bright light of the sun.

 

“Yes. Did you eat?”

 

“Yes. I liked the jelly.” You said as you once again peered out over the balcony. A soft huffing chuckle emitting from his chest.

 

“I’m sorry that I missed watching you try that.” He said in amusement. You shook your head with a faint smile.

 

“Kylo?” He hummed in response.

 

“If Mon were to die…would Jana be forced to relinquish her title because she is a woman?”  His brows furrowed slightly, a finger twirling on a loose lock of your long wavy hair.

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

“The Temple Mount does not allow entrance to women. I was wondering if they did not allow women rulers. I wanted to ask Mon and Jana, but I wasn’t quite sure how to go about asking.” You said as you tilted your head to look at him.

 

“She would be forced to marry, her husband would rule in her stead. If she did not marry, it would go to the next closest male relative. Beirus does not view women as the rest of the civilized galaxy does. They are not equals.”  Your hands clenched tightly at his words. Anger flashing with in your chest.

 

“I see.” You said through clenched teeth. You pressed a slight huff through your nostrils.

 

“It is not our concern.” He said flatly, feeling your agitation.

 

“Why not?” You asked heatedly.

 

“It is not the reason why we are here. Our concern is only to ensure that we continue to receive resources in exchange for weaponry and technology.” Your jaw set tightly at his words.

 

“It’s not right.”

 

“It does not matter.”

 

“It does to me.” You said as you stood and returned indoors. Your skin was unimaginably hot suddenly. He followed you inside, placing his helmet onto the table near the balcony doors. You shut them with the Force, tired of the heat from outside.

 

“Drop it Ceph.” He said sternly. You huffed once more, your fists clenching tightly. He eyed you with slight amusement. “I don’t understand why you are concerning yourself with such trivial things.”

 

“Am I not a woman? I would hate to be considered less because of such a thing.” You seethed. He shook his head.

 

“I understand where you are coming from, but this is inconsequential to our mission.”

 

“Did you not say that our main objective…our purpose was to maintain balance and order within the galaxy?”

 

“I did but…” You cut him off quickly.

 

“Then should we not bring balance to an obviously unbalanced place?”

 

“Ceph, it is not our job to fix the social hierarchy of some backwater planet…we must focus on the task at hand and not get distracted.” He chided. Your lips pressed into a thin tight line. Your head nodded though you did not agree.

 

“Of course Commander.” Your voice was icy as your face shifted to the stone unfeeling mask of indifference. This did not go unnoticed by him. He could feel you as you placed the cold beskar cage into place, blocking him from easy access to your mental state. His jaw flexed as his teeth clenched in agitation.

 

“Why are you shutting me out?” He asked angrily.

 

“It is none of your concern Commander. I will work efficiently to ensure that we complete our mission.” Your voice was as devoid of emotion as your face. His hands clenching at his side as he glared at you. Displeasure clearly smeared across his face. You were fine with that. If he wanted you to be indifferent then so be it. “We are expected to join King Mon and Princess Jana for a tour of the city and gardens when you are ready.” You informed.

 

He stomped angrily back to the table and retrieved his helmet, unlatching it and closing it around his head promptly. He gestured sharply to the door,

 

“After you Lady Ceph.” His voice now as emotionless and flat as your own as it passed through the modulator.

 

You quickly lead the way to Mon and Jana, finding them through the Force. They were in the sitting room you had been lead to earlier. Jana sat in the same low back chair that you had been sitting in earlier, a book in her lap as she read. Mon was looking over a datapad, glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Mon looked up first at the sounds of Kylo’s loud footsteps on the tiled floor.

 

“Master Ren, Lady Ceph!” He greeted joyfully, a striking contrast to the mood you had left him in earlier. Jana looked up from her book with a soft smile toward you as you moved into the room. Kylo stood in the door way, even with your walls firmly in place you could still the faint buzz of agitation coming from his direction. You sent a sharp mental snap at him, reminding him to compose himself.

 

“King Mon, Princess Jana.” You said with a slight bow. Jana frowned at the use of her title. “If you are ready, Commander Ren and I are more than happy to take a tour of Volcal and the gardens.” You said curtly.  Mon nodded.

 

“Of course!” he turned to look at Jana, “Jana, if you would…could you please take them through the gardens while I finish this up? I will join you shortly.” He said with a kind smile.

 

“Of course brother.” Jana marked the page in her book and stood from the chair, placing the now closed book into the seat and crossing the room to join you. Her arm hooking under your own. Kylo moved out of the doorway as she guided you out of the room.

 

She guided you further into the palace, pointing out paintings of her family and other important art pieces, pausing in front of a painting of a tanned woman with long flowing ebony locks. Aqua colored fabric draped elegantly over her shoulder. A golden hoop through her right nostril matching the golden bangles that hung loosely from her wrists. Her face was serine and soft, eyes that exuded kindness and compassion.

 

“My mother, Queen Sonia, she was a champion of the people.” She said as she peered up at the large painting. Her eyes taking in every aspect of the painting, her lips forming a soft frown. “She died in childbirth…she was a warrior.” You reached out a mental tendril to Jana, touching lightly onto her mental presence, not enough to cause pain but enough to glance at her fleeting thoughts.

 

Her mother was not a warrior in the sense that you were. No she was something more than just a weapon. She exuded kindness and compassion to everyone she met. A champion for the down trodden, she fought for the rights of the lower class who dwelled in the river lands. What exactly she fought for she did not think about. There was sadness twisted in with the pride she had for her mother. She died young. Yoni. The baby, did not make it either. You pulled away from her thoughts and retreated behind your walls.

 

“She was very beautiful.” You said softly. She nodded and pulled you away from the painting. Kylo had wandered further down the hall waiting, looming like a shadow near an alcove with a large vase. Clearly bored with the tour of the wing. He did not speak when the Princess guided you past him, only turned his head to glare at your arm hooked with hers and following behind the both of you. You could hear his loud steps echoing through the hallway. Jana picked up the pace and stopped pointing out interesting pieces in the hall. Perhaps sensing the agitation he was projecting.

 

She finally guided you to two large doors with guards posted on either side. Blasters strapped to their hips and spears resting in their hands. New technology mixed with the old. The guards nodded at the princess and opened the doors for her. She smiled kindly at them and guided you through the large opening.

 

There was greenery everywhere. Tree branches providing shade from the sun over a stone paved path. Bright lush colors from flowers and leaves mixing with earthy browns and ruddy reds. It was beautiful. Your eyes looked around in amazement. You could hear water running not far from your current position, and turned your head searching for the source.

 

“The Seven Point fountain is what you’re hearing.” She said as she guided you towards it. It was sitting in the middle of a courtyard, just as ornate as everything else in the palace. Geometrical designs were tiled into the bottom of the pool. Brightly colored fish swam around the basin. Your stomach clenched at the sight of them, a slight wave of nausea passing through your body. Your hand clenched tightly at your side.

 

 

_“Will I change colors when I get older?”_

The hairs on the back of your neck rose as goosebumps spread across your flesh. You broke contact with Jana and turned away from the fountain. Memories of your mother’s laughter echoing in the back of your head. Kylo turned his helmeted to gaze at you, you could feel his mental caress, begging for entrance into your mind. The unfeeling façade crumbled from your face as you closed your eyes and exhaled harshly.

 

A small soft hand rested on your shoulder. You fought the urge to slap it away.

 

“Are you okay Ceph?” Jana asked, concern plainly in her voice. You shook your head, raising your own hand to pat at the one she had resting on your shoulder.

 

“I’m fine, the heat must be getting to me.” You mumbled. She guided you to a shade covered bench and pulled you down to sit.

 

“I will go fetch you some water. Stay here.” She said as she patted your hand sweetly. You could only manage a nod as you stared blankly at the fountain once again. Kylo moved to stand in front of you, his gloved hand cupping your face tenderly.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked through the modulator.

 

“The fish…” You swallowed thick spit and exhaled shakily. “A memory…my mother.” You huffed as another wave of nausea crashed through you. Kylo crouched down in front of you, his gloved thumb stroking your cheek affectionately. Your mental walls lowered to allow him to communicate with you openly.

 

 _“Take a deep breath. You need to calm down.”_ His voice was stern but not unfeeling. Your left hand went to his, cupping him softly, using his touch as a way to ground yourself. You nodded and took a deep breath through your nose, exhaling slowly through your mouth as you focused on the contact of his body.

 

You could feel Jana coming back. Your hand quickly retreating to your lap as Kylo stood and moved away from you, moving to stand beside you in a less intimate position. Jana took a seat next to you, her eyes flitting to Kylo briefly as she handed you the glass of water. You sipped the cool liquid slowly. Allowing the water to run down your throat and pushing down any bile that had attempted to rise.

 

“Thank you.” You said softly. She nodded.

 

“Of course. I didn’t think about you not being used to the heat, I apologize for my carelessness.” She said as she rubbed your bare shoulder. “Perhaps you should lay down?” She suggested. You shook your head.

 

“No, I’ll be fine, the water should help.” You said forcing a smile. You sipped at the water once more as Jana’s hand moved to your exposed back and rubbed you comfortingly. Her hands passing over several pale scars. You shivered as her hand made a pass at them. You were suddenly uncomfortable with her touch, Kylo’s eyes had not left you, he could sense your discomfort.

 

“Princess Jana, if I am not mistaken, this is not your garden?” His voice coming out flat and mechanical. Jana’s hand paused on your back and slowly left you as she stared at the man next to you with wide eyes. The sound of his voice across the modulator startling her.  

 

“No, this is only the courtyard, my private garden is further back.” She looked at you, “Are you well enough to see them?” She asked. You nodded. She stood and stretched her hand out to you. You placed your left hand into her own, her eyes glancing over the missing digit. She did not comment and instead helped you up. Her arm hooking back around your own once again. You placed the water onto the bench and allowed her to guide you down the path and away from the Seven Point fountain. She pointed out some flowers and trees as you walked.

 

You were soon met with an iron gate, she reached into the pocket of her loose pants and pulled a key out, unlocking the gate and pushing it open. Your brows furrowed, why would they need a lock? She gestured for the both of you to walk in and locked the gate once more.

 

 _“Why would a garden need a lock?”_ You projected to Kylo.

 

_“I’m not sure.”_

Jana turned back around to look at the both of you communicating mentally, slight confusion crossing her handsome face. You looked around the garden, turning your back to her. The colors of this garden were completely different from the courtyard garden. Dark leaves in shades of purple and reds, deep sage greens and violently vibrant buds and berries hung from most of the plant life.  You moved towards a particularly gnarled bush your hand reaching out to touch only to be slapped away quickly by Jana. You looked at her slightly offended by the motion. She shook her head and pulled you away from the bush.

 

“You mustn’t touch anything in here, not without the proper tools.” She made a motion to the gnarled bush, deep crimson leaves with bruised berries that hung from the brambles. “Everything in here is either poisonous to eat or toxic to the touch. That one, _D_ _aging_ _M_ _embusuk_ _,_ the leaves cause putrid welts and the berries cause internal bleeding. The root though, can be turned into a salve to heal the welts and a tea to sooth the bleeding ulcers.” You blinked in rapid succession.

 

Who the hell keeps a garden full of poisonous and toxic plants? You chewed at the inside of your cheek. Your mind processing the information at a million parsecs. You glanced at the bush and back to the woman, not sure if you had heard her correctly.

 

“I’m sorry…you said everything in here is hazardous…I did hear you correctly, right?” She nodded and smiled sheepishly. “Well that would explain the lock.” You muttered, your eyes gazing around the large garden in a whole new light.

 

“Jana, come open this blasted lock!” You snapped your head to look back at the iron gate where Mon was standing. Jana excused herself and moved back to the gate to allow her brother entrance. Apparently Mon did not have a key? You moved to stand next to Kylo, looking into the visor of his helmet as you communicated mentally with him,

 

_“Perhaps, the First Order is wasting time with the ore and should be looking into this instead.”_

_“What could we possibly need with dangerous plants?”_  You shrugged and turned to look back as you heard the gate close once again. Mon and Jana walked side by side as they approached the both of you.

 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Mon said as he gestured to the plants. “Too bad all of these could kill you in one way or another.” He laughed. Jana shook her head.

 

“Mon, there are great things to be learned from these plants, some of them can be used as medicines if used properly.”

 

“She keeps telling me that’s where her interests lie, but I think she likes having dangerous pretty things to keep her mind preoccupied.” He laughed. Your eyes shifted towards Kylo briefly and then back to Jana, who was now blushing at her brother’s words. You were slightly confused by her reaction, though for some reason you could feel a slight blush on your own cheeks. You blinked as you mentally chided yourself for blushing.

 

“Well, anyway…Mon, are you ready to take them on a tour of the city?” She asked, the blush fading from her cheeks as she looked at her brother, who seemed to pay the reaction no mind.

 

“Of course! Come, the carriage should be prepared for departure by now.” Mon lifted his arm out for you to take, you moved to his side and hooked your arm around his own as Jana had done earlier. He patted your hand as he guided you back to the gate, Jana leading the way to unlock it once again.

 

You stood in front of an open carriage, two large beasts tethered with yolks shifted about anxiously. Ready to begin movement. You wondered how long they had been harnessed to the carriage as Mon gave you a hand to help you into the carriage and then doing the same for Jana who sat across from you. You continued to eye the reptilian quadrupeds with interest. You had never seen an animal in person…well…one that wasn’t actively trying to eat you anyway. Kylo took a seat next to you as Mon joined next to Jana. You could see the white armor of the small group of the Stormtroopers that had been assigned to the mission. You had been wondering when they would resurface. You glanced at Kylo.

 

_“They will escort us, along with the palace guards.”_

_“Where have they been?”_

_“Training the palace guards and a few military leaders in the tech we brought in.”_ Jana was actively staring at both you and Kylo as you communicated mentally. You caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back and looked away. The carriage lurched into motion and pulled out down a long paved drive.

 

You looked around as Mon talked excitedly about Volcal. “It’s a wonderful city, so full of life, my people will be pleased to see visitors!” He clapped his hands happily. Jana’s brows furrowed at her brothers words. Perhaps not so sure about a warm welcome from the citizens of Volcal. You put yourself on guard, prepared for anything. Jana’s expression was enough cause to be on high alert.

 

The carriage lurched down the streets of Volcal, Stormtroopers and palace guards flanking all side of the carriage, blasters and spears ready for anything. Your eyes shifted around, taking in the large copper colored stone buildings. Colorful banners, awnings and signs littered the city. Some were in a language you did not recognize, but most were in Basic. Mon chittered on and on about the large city hub.

 

“We often receive off worlders, travelers…sometimes…even a few pirates and smugglers, but those are almost always dealt with efficiently.” He said as he gestured to a large ship yard off of the main avenue. “Trade is the foundation of our economy, well besides the mines in the river lands…though even that is traded.” He said as he pointed towards the large open air market that laid at the center of the street. “Perhaps I can have someone guide you and Commander Ren to the market later.” He smiled. You nodded, returning his smile.

 

“Sounds lovely.” You said, though you knew well enough that Kylo would not accompany you. Jana shifted in her seat, clearly bored with the whole affair. You stifled a laugh as Mon continued to speak. Kylo pressed a leg to you drawing your attention for a moment.

_“She’s been staring at you this entire time.”_

_“Nothing I can do about that.”_

_“You like her.”_

_“She’s pleasant enough.”_

_“Her mind is very busy, much busier than her brother’s.”_

_“Anything interesting?”_

_“She’s very concerned about tomorrow’s meeting.”_

_“Do you know why?”_

_“She doesn’t think the council will react kindly to you.”_

_“Why is that?”_

_“You are a woman. She feels that your words will fall on deaf ears.”_

_“Well…we’ll have to make sure they listen.”_

_“I will be with you, they WILL listen.”_

_“I don’t need you to speak for me.”_

_“That is not what I intend on doing.”_ You glanced at him with a slightly furrowed brow, feeling his eyes passing over your face. You turned away remembering that Jana was more than likely still looking at you.

 

 _“I am more than capable of doing anything you intend on doing.”_ You snapped.

 

_“You are here as a diplomat, not as a Knight, they are not to know of your abilities.”_

_“Of course Commander.”_  

 

“Well, I think that just about covers the more interesting parts of the city. I believe you will be taken to the river lands to observe one of the mining facilities at some point.” Mon said as he looked out into the city. “I believe Coulter will be accompanying you for that though.” He paused, “Oh that’s right, you have not yet met council man Coulter…my apologizes. Of course you’ll meet him tomorrow. I’m sure he will find you as delightful as Jana and I do.” He smiled charmingly, you couldn’t help but to return the smile.  

 

The carriage pulled up the street further and turned down another wide road. You could see the Temple Mount nearing.

 

“I know you cannot enter, but I figured that I would bring you to at least see it.” Mon said as he leaned forward and pointed at the large spired building. The sight only made you angry and resentful. You could feel Jana’s emotions echoing your own. The carriage pulled closer, giving you a clearer view of the large sprawling building. Large gates and fences circled the building. You could see members of the Temple lounging on the large grass covered lawn in deep crimson robes. Taking joy in the shade from the large trees with sprawling low branches. You could hear laughing as the carriage slowed to allow a better look. You wanted nothing more than to bring the limb they were crowded under down. You smiled at the thought.

 

You turned away from the building, it was beautiful, but it held nothing but contempt in your eyes. The carriage soon picked back up pace and moved away. You were more than ready to return to the palace, your skin was sticky with sweat and you were tired of being around everyone. You just wanted to return to your room until dinner.

 

And that was exactly what you did. You excused yourself and returned to your room, informing Calla and Bram to summon you and Kylo when dinner was ready. If you had to sit through dinner then so did he. You opened the door to your room and walked in, closing it with your sandled foot. You began to strip off your clothing and tossed it to the floor, moving to the bathroom and turning on the cold water and allowing it to wash over your body, careful not to wet your face and ruin your makeup.

 

Drying off and redressing you moved to the bed and sat at the foot and looked around the room casually. You breathed a sigh and laid back onto the bed, your legs slightly dangling over the edge. Your mind wandering back to the fish in the fountain. You lifted your hands to rub at your eyes but paused as you remembered the makeup. Not wanting to experience the sting of it in your eyes like you had that morning. You chewed on your bottom lip as you looked at your left hand above you. Your eyes locking onto the missing digit as you slowly turned your hand over and flexed your fingers.

 

Stifling a yawn, you pushed yourself up further on to the bed, wiggling your way up to the pillows and laying your head down as you turned to your side. You watched the curtain flutter from the fan, staring blankly at the sheer fabric. Your eyes growing heavy as you stared. You blinked once, your eyes struggling to lift, and by the second blink you were in a dream.

 

> _Your eyes opened slowly, bright light in a field of tall golden grass swaying in a gentle breeze. You blinked slowly as your eyes adjusted to the light._
> 
> _“It’s nice isn’t it?” Your heart thudded heavily in your chest. That voice. It couldn’t be. Your head snapped to the direction of the sound but no one was there. She was not there.  You sat up quickly, peering all around you, you could not find her._
> 
> _“Twelve?” You called out. The breeze picked up as the tall grass tilted back and forth with the wind._
> 
> _“I’m here.” She said in your ear. You could feel a soft pressure on your head, warmth radiating from the contact. You turned and she was sitting behind you. She smiled sweetly at you. Her hair looked like rays from the sun, spun into fine silk and curving delicately under her chin. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest. Your eyes wide at the sight of her.  “Hello Eight…or should I say Ceph now?” She smiled once again._
> 
> _“Is this real…are you real?” You asked, your body frozen, eyes watering from the lack of blinking as you drank in the sight of her._
> 
> _“It’s only a dream.” She said with a soft shake of her head. You frowned as your eyes finally blinked._
> 
> _“Of course.” You whispered. Her arms wrapped around you, embracing you tightly. You could smell the earth on her, like she had been laying in the grass for hours now. Waiting for you to join her. “I’ve missed you.” You whispered into her silky locks._
> 
> _“I know, I’m sorry.” She said as she pulled away from you slowly. Cornflower blue eyes peering into your own. You wanted to cry but couldn’t find the tears. She shook her head. “No need for those here.” She smiled sweetly. You smiled back at her, her smile was contagious._
> 
> _“Where are we?” You asked as you looked around, managing to break your eyes from hers for a moment._
> 
> _“I’m not sure. You brought me here.” She said as she joined you in looking around. “I’ve been waiting here for a while now, I could feel you here…you’re everywhere.” You blinked in confusion._
> 
> _“I’m so happy to see you.” You said as your wrapped your arms around her tightly once again. Sniffiling slightly as she returned your embrace._
> 
> _“I’m glad I could be here. I’ve been worried.” She said as her fingers found their way to your long locks, combing through them gently._
> 
> _“Why have you been worried?” You mumbled, she continued to comb through your hair._
> 
> _“You’re changing.”_
> 
> _“I know.”_
> 
> _“The things you’ve done…you’re so much dimmer than before…the others too.”_
> 
> _“I didn’t want to do them…” You admitted. You never wanted to hurt those children, you never wanted to kill the boy with the bright green eyes on the hill, you never wanted to cut down a single one of them…but it had been necessary.  She hummed in your ear._
> 
> _“But you did it all the same.” She whispered. “I’m not sure if I can see you much longer if you continue with this path.”_
> 
> _“My light?” You asked softly, hurt evident in your voice._
> 
> _“Yes. I can’t find you as easily as before.” You sighed softly. “I’ve been trying to help you with your memories… but it’s growing more and more difficult to find you.”_
> 
> _“You’ve been helping me?” You asked, pulling away from her to gaze into her eyes once again. She nodded and smiled._
> 
> _“You’re so fractured, but when you sleep…I can help push some of the pieces back together.”_
> 
> _“My mother…is she…is she still alive?” You whispered. She shook her head sadly._
> 
> _“I’m not sure. I can feel the love she had for you in your memories…is that not enough?” She asked with a slightly tilted head._
> 
> _“I just need to know…if she’s still waiting.” She smiled and looked upward into the bright sky._
> 
> _“I’m sure…she’ll always be waiting…even if she is no longer alive. Everything returns to the Force Ceph.” You blinked softly as you peered up into the blue sky, gazing at the clouds as they passed by lazily, the grass rustling around the both of you. She placed her hand gently over your left hand, her fingers dancing softly over your stump. She looked over your shoulder suddenly, the light growing dimmer as a cloud passed the sun._
> 
> _“I have to leave, he’s watching.” She whispered into your ear._
> 
> _“Who?” you asked, your head turning to look in the direction her eyes were locked onto.  You could see a slightly blurry shape off in the distance. It rippled like a haze._
> 
> _“We can push him out for a while, but he always comes back.” She said as she stood. You joined her, not wanting her to leave you._
> 
> _“Who…is it Kylo?” You asked softly._
> 
> _“No, Ben is no worry as of now…no…you know who it is.” Your lips moved to say the name but she stopped you by pressing a finger to your lips. “Don’t speak it, don’t think it. He’s fighting to make entrance right now…you’ll only pull him in further.” She hugged you tightly, her long slender arms clamping tightly to you._
> 
> _“Don’t go…please…don’t leave me.” You said as tears finally stung at your eyes, a steady stream beginning to fall. She smiled at you, tears in her own eyes._
> 
> _“I’ll be back as long as I can find you, don’t lose your light…without it…I can’t find you.” She rested her slender hand onto the crown of your head, pressing down firmly. “I love you Eight.” She said as she gazed into your eyes.  The sky grew darker as rumblings of thunder sounded deeply in the direction of the hazy form. You didn’t want to turn and look, you didn’t want her to leave your sight. A sharp searing pain shot through your head, like a hot knife slicing through you. Your eyes clamped shut tightly, her touch leaving you abruptly._
> 
> _“ **There you are**.” His voice was booming in your head, not angry but not pleased. “My dearest Ceph.” A softer tone now. A gentle soft caress taking the place of the searing pain in your head. Your body shook as the sky grew darker, the tall grass whipping in the violent wind now. You forced yourself to turn, to look at him. _
> 
> _He stood directly behind you, no longer a haze, but solid. His tall form hovering over you as you shrunk lower and lower. Your body small and frail, you had to tilt your head up almost completely to look at him. His gnarled mouth smiling at you. His hand moved to rest upon the crown of your head. You wanted to pull away, you wanted to flee and wake but he would not allow it. Your body would not allow it._
> 
> _“My dear, you’ve been hiding from me since we last spoke.” He said as his hand moved down the shorter curlier hair of your youth. Your body taking the form that he saw you in. A scared compliant child._
> 
> _“I did not mean to Master.” Your voice sounding out with a child’s tone._
> 
> _“I had to rely on Kylo to find you, I thought I had lost you.” Lightning cracked the sky in a bright violent blue tinged flash. He was not pleased._
> 
> _“I am sorry Supreme Leader.” Your body shook with fear._
> 
> _“Do not be afraid my dear, I found you.” His hand suddenly clamping tightly to the back of your head, no longer stroking you comfortingly. You winced slightly as fear rose deeply within you. “Complete the task I have sent you to fulfil and return to me. There is more for you to do, so much more.” His voice trailed as his hand released its self from the back of your head. You nodded. It was all you could manage._

Your eyes snapped open suddenly. The room was darker as the sun set across the sky outside, you could hear thunder in the distance. Your body covered in a cold sweat as your skin prickled. Your chest rose in a panic. You sat up and peered around your room, the feeling of being watched was ever present once again. How long had she been shielding you from him? Your mind snapped to what he had said…he had found you because of Kylo. The bond.

 

Your chest rose and fell quickly, panic surging through you, your hands gripping the sheets as your heart raced wildly in your chest. You couldn’t seem to catch your breath. Fear gripped you with clawed talons. You curled into yourself, trying to find comfort in the tight position, but it would not come. Your body shook as you gasped for breath. Your hands flinging to the sides of your head and tugging at the loose gathered hairs. Your short nails digging at your scalp as you attempted to ground yourself once again, but all you could think about was Snoke’s tight grip on the back of your head. You felt small and helpless.

 

Your mind raced. Even if you could have left…even if you had wanted to leave the Order, leave it all behind and everyone with it. There was no way to be free from him. He would find you. Your heart sunk within your chest. A sharp pain clenching at the muscle that gave you life. You gasped as your lungs seemed to completely forget how to function. You could hear the door opening and closing swiftly. Thudding of boots on the carpet and a sudden pressure on the bed behind you.

 

His hands clamped around your body and tugged you, causing you to turn to look at him. His helmet was nowhere to be seen. Panic in his own eyes. Your panic echoing through the bond. You flinched away from him. He was another thread connecting you to Snoke, he was the reason you had been found. His hands fell away from you, hurt in his eyes.

 

“What’s going on?” He asked with concern. You didn’t speak as you stared at him, your eyes betraying your sudden fear and resentment of him. “Ceph?” He asked again as his hands went to touch you again. Your mind halted his movements, manipulating them through the Force. He froze as you held him in place, his eyes flitting back and forth over you. You could feel him crawling through your mental space, searching for a reason behind your sudden behavior. Your mental walls sprung upwards, locking him into the mental cage you had constructed for him, cutting him off almost completely from you.

 

“Please…don’t touch me…just leave me alone.” Your voice was broken as you tried to even out your breathing once again. His brows furrowed deeply as his eyes searched your face.

 

“What has gotten into you?” He asked softly.

 

“I can’t…just please…just let me calm down.” You said through gritted teeth. Your mind beginning to battle your primal instincts to keep your distance from him. Danger sounding deep within your body. He relaxed as your grip on him with the Force released. His chest rose sharply as he pushed an exhale through flared nostrils.

 

“I felt you…you were having a panic attack, I just…I came to comfort you.” He said through slightly gritted teeth. Clearly not happy with being mentally caged away from you still.

 

“He said we need to finish this mission, I am to return as soon as possible.” You forced the words out of your mouth, you didn’t want to share with him. His brows knitted deeply, his teeth gritting tightly under his shadowed jaw.

 

“Who?” He asked suddenly.

 

“Snoke.” He chewed at his bottom lip.

 

“Why are you so panicked over that?” He asked as kindly as he could manage. You shook your head softly, not wanting to talk about the dream. Not wanting to speak about Twelve visiting you and especially not about what she had said about helping you.

 

“I can’t tell you…please, just…leave it.” You said as your hand moved to touch the crown of his head, pressing down firmly. A silent signal. His eyes blinked as you removed your touch from him. His eyes opening slowly as he nodded at the signal. You breathed a sigh, he would relent for now. You slowly removed the walls away from his ever mental presence.

 

“You’re so scared.” He said as his hand moved to touch your face. You allowed the contact as the feelings of resentment faded away.

 

“He is not happy with me.” You admitted, pressing the lingering feeling of Snoke’s clutching hands towards him. Thunder rumbling outside as the storm drew nearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may not be posting another chapter for a little bit, life is hectic right now, but I'll post as soon as I am able.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200 Kudos wow! 
> 
> And here I was...thinking that you guys were getting bored with this whole thing.  
> By the end of this chapter you guys have effectively read 211 pages (at 10pt font mind you) of my shitty writing. 
> 
> So for the 200 mark...enjoy an early chapter!

Chapter 23

Council

\-------------------

 

You took your meal in your room alone, Kylo having sent down word that you were not feeling well. Perhaps using the heat as an excuse again. Truthfully you didn’t feel well. You were sick to your stomach with anxiety and fear. You didn’t want to eat and merely stared at your food sitting in front of you at the table.

 

_“Please eat. I know you feel sick, but please…I can’t take the pains anymore.”_

You frowned but did not reply and only continued to stare at your plate. You picked up the fork and pushed the food around as stomach acid burned within you. You forced yourself to eat, only enough to ease the burning pain that caused Kylo discomfort. You pushed the plate away from you and removed yourself away from the table and walked slowly in a slight daze to the bathroom and looked at your face in the mirror.

 

Your pupils were blown wide and over taking your irises, bruising dark grooves hanging below your eyes.  You braced your hands on the counter and leaned downward towards the sink, exhaling slowly between your lips and fought the urge to vomit, your hands tightening on the counter steadying you. Forcing yourself to take deep slow breaths as your anxiety flared once again. The wave of nausea passing as you forced yourself to release your grip from the counter and turn on the sink.  Gripping the soap tightly and running it under the water, your nails digging into the bar as the sensation of the water ran over your hands. Rubbing the soap into your hands, turning it over and over until suds formed, washing your hands first and then your face. Washing away the makeup that had smudged in your sleep, eye returning to your reflection as clear water dripped down your face and neck. Paler than normal, lips tinged with a slight blue ring, nerves causing your body to react. Blowing out another long exhale and forced yourself to brush your teeth, once finished you stripped yourself of your clothing and crawled into the bed. Your body ached you realized. You clenched your hands tightly as you moved around to a comfortable position.

 

You heard the door open and close with a soft click, a soft thud as his helmet hit the floor and the shuffling of him removing his clothing. He crawled into the bed next to you, your body stiff as he pressed against you. His hands gripping you tightly, the pressure of his body behind you sending waves of comfort. Grounding you once again. You rolled over, pressing your face into his chest, his arms wrapping around you as tightly as possible. He rested his chin on the top of your head, neither of you saying anything to the other. Your hands uncurling as you began to slowly relax into him, his arms relaxing around you enough to rub at your back in a slow comforting motion. You could hear the hard rain pelting the balcony door as the storm raged on outside.

 

Your eyes opened slowly, his back pressed to your own. Your hand moved behind you, reaching for him, making sure he was actually there. You rolled over and pressed your chest into his back, your arm wrapping around him as he moved closer to you in his sleep. Your leg swinging over his body as you half way clung to him.  Your eyes closing once again as the sound of the rain lulled you back to sleep.

 

You could hear a knocking in the room, your eyes fluttering open at the sound, staring up at the ceiling, Kylo’s arm draped over your stomach as he softly snored into your neck. You shot upward as the knocking happened again. The door. Cursing under your breath you roused Kylo,

 

 _“Wake up, get dressed quickly.”_ He didn’t question you as he shifted groggily in the bed and moved to get dressed as you moved quickly and threw on the clothes from the day before. Calling out to the knocking person on the other side of the door, letting them know that you heard them and were on your way. You looked at Kylo and moved your eyes to the table urging him to move towards it. Making the scene look as if you both were merely sitting in the room together.

 

You opened the door to see Calla standing patiently for you.

 

“Lady Ceph, King Mon and Princess Jana wanted me to check in on you to see if you were feeling any better.” She said flatly. You nodded.

 

“Yes. I’m feeling much better, thank you.” She nodded.

 

“Would you like to take your breakfast soon?”

 

“Yes please.”

 

“Would you like me to also send breakfast to the Commander?” She asked her eyes down cast as she spoke, not noticing that Kylo was in the room with you.

 

“Yes.” She nodded once again and turned to leave. You watched her move back down the hall and then closed the door.

 

You let out a huff and turned to look at Kylo who was currently looking out the glass pane of the balcony door. You moved to join him, pushing the curtain away from the door enough for you to look out at the gloomy darkness.

 

You had never seen rain before, only the dark clouds that arrived before hand, your mind thinking back to the heavy ominous clouds that hovered over the destruction of the Jedi Temple. Your hand reached for the knob, he moved away from the door allowing you to open it. You stood in the doorway and reached your hand outward, feeling the harsh pattering of wet drops. You huffed softly, amused slightly with the feel of it. You tucked your hair behind your ear as you inched a bit more out of the doorway, allowing the rain to crash onto you slightly. Your eyes closed briefly only to feel Kylo reach for you and pull you back inside.

 

“We need to get ready. We slept late.” He said through the modulator. You nodded and closed the door and began to tidy up your room. He lingered for a moment as he watched you, looking for signs of distress, feeling between the bond for any hint of anxiety from the night before. You paused as you felt him shifting through your mind.

 

“I’m fine.” You said flatly.  You had no other choice but to be fine. You locked the previous day’s anxieties and the dream of Twelve and Snoke deeply away from his prying mind. He did not search for them and instead only skimmed the surface, not wanting to upset you.  “You need to return to your room and get ready.” You said as you returned to fixing the bed, careful not to look at him, you didn’t know if you could keep the façade from cracking under his gaze. He said nothing as he left and returned to his room.

 

You showered and dressed in high waisted black slacks and a tucked white button up shirt, a wide belt cinched your waist and high heels completed the look. Professional and stylish you were assured when you initially had tried on the outfit, you merely delighted in the fact that the pants had pockets, placing Twelve's knife inside of the right pocket, thankful for the deepness of them. Your makeup was dark once again, needing to look as intimidating as possible. If Jana’s worries were to be taken seriously you needed these councilmen to fear you. Your hair was pulled into a high pony that cascaded down your back. You looked at yourself in the mirror, dark rings peaking through makeup, nothing but several nights of good sleep would rid you of them. Sighing softly you moved away from the mirror, tired of looking at yourself.

 

There was a knock on the door and you moved across the room and opened it to find Calla holding your breakfast, opening the door all the way and allowed her to enter the room. She sat the covered dish onto the table and gathered the plate from last night, eyeing the remaining food, taking in the amount you ate perhaps? She paused at the door and asked if you needed anything else. Shaking your head you dismissed her and closed the door.

 

You ate quickly, though not quickly enough to make you sick to your stomach later. Your anxiety was slowly beginning to return as you thought of the meeting you were about to attend. What if you made a fool of yourself? What if you botched the whole meeting and effectively ended the trade deal between Beirus and The First Order? Snoke would be even more displeased. You chewed on your lower lip at the thought. Shaking your head you willed the doubts that plagued you to disperse. You didn’t have time for them.

 

 _“It’s time. Are you ready?”_ His deep voice rumbled through your head. Taking a deep breath before replying, ensuring that the anxiety was locked tightly away before you stepped out of your room.

 

 _“Yes.”_ You said flatly across the mental link.

 

You crossed the floor on sure feet, your heels clacking as you crossed to the tile floor and away from the thick rug that laid in the middle of the room. You pulled the door open and closed it shut behind you, hearing Kylo open his own door and close it. You both shared a glance, your eyes locking onto the dark visor of his helmet. You didn’t need to see his eyes to know he was concerned with your behavior still. His gloved hand moving upward to the crown of your head. Pressing onto you lightly. Reassurance. Your eyes closed at his touch as you exhaled slowly. He always knew what you needed, even when you didn’t.

 

“We should go.” You mumbled, causing him to remove his hand from you. You turned away from him and began to walk, he followed behind you like a hulking shadow.

 

You joined Jana and Mon in the sitting room once again. Both of them sitting across from each other having a low conversation which came to a halt once you pushed the door open. You did not venture to pry into the thoughts that were passing between them, knowing that Kylo was already taking care of it. If he found anything worth sharing he would tell you.

 

“Lady Ceph, I was so relieved to hear that you were feeling better. We were quite worried about you.” Mon said as he rose to greet you. His hands grabbing at your own as he pulled you towards him, pressing kisses to each side of your cheeks, you returned the gesture. Squeezing his hand softly.

 

“Thank you. I guess the heat must have gotten to me much more than I initially anticipated.” You said with a kind smile. Jana joined her brother, her eyes moving to Kylo briefly and then locking onto you. She gave you a warm smile as she gave you the customary greeting. Her lips lingering a bit longer on your cheeks than was necessary. You could feel her worry.

 

“Glad to see you better.” She whispered in your ear, her voice humming pleasantly through you. You smiled at her and nodded. You could feel Kylo’s agitation at this, hearing a gloved hand squeeze as he stood silently next to you. Moving a bit closer than necessary, practically hovering over you like an over bearing mother. You found this amusing but mostly annoying. These people weren’t going to harm you in any way.

 

“Have the others arrived yet?” You asked wanting to quickly get down to business.

 

“They should be here shortly.” Mon said with a soft smile. You nodded as he motioned for both of you to join them in the sitting room. You took a seat on a couch against the far wall, Kylo moved to stand next to you instead of sitting, Mon eyed him curiously but did not comment.

 

 You could see something in your peripheral, a flash of movement. Your eyes shifting quickly to the flash, catching nothing, eyes shifting back to Mon and Jana who were speaking among themselves about the weather. You shrugged it off, perhaps it was a servant?

 

“This rain is unseasonable…it’s too early for it to be here.” Jana said heatedly.

 

“Sister, you worry too much…it is just rain.”

 

“It’s been coming earlier and earlier every year. I have tried bringing it up to the High Sarjana but he dismisses me every time.” She pouted slightly.

 

“He is a busy man Jana.” Mon flicked his wrist softly, dismissing his sister’s concerns almost completely.

 

You felt someone staring at you, the hair on the back of your neck rising on end. Your eyes once again moved to the hall way, shifting slightly so you could peer around Kylo. Your brows creasing slightly as you used the Force to seek out who ever it was peering at you. You found nothing once again, chewing on your cheek as you leaned back into the couch.

 

_“What is it?”_

_“Nothing.”_

A knock sounded at the door way causing your head to whip around, focusing on the door was to see Bram standing in the door frame, waiting to be addressed before speaking. Mon and Jana turned their heads in sync to look at the man.

 

“Yes Bram?” Mon asked.

 

“Your Majesty, the High Sarjana and Council man Coulter have arrived.”

 

“Well bring them in! It’s pouring out there!” He said as he stood. “Excuse me, I must go greet them.” He said, Jana rose to join him but he motioned for her to stay. She sat with a huff, crossing her arms over her chest like a child in a pout. You eyed her curiously though did not say anything.

 

Mon returned shortly with two men. One in grand red robes, lined with gold and a golden rope tied around his portly waist. The High Sarjana you assumed. He did not look like Jana or Mon or anyone else you had seen inside the palace. He was of fairer skin, his hair thinning at the crown of his head, he looked sweaty but carried himself well. The other man was leaner and much younger. In deep blue pants and a white loose top that stuck to him where the rain had managed to fall. His skin was freckled and dark, his hair ebony curls. His face screamed boyish charm. It annoyed you.

 

You rose as the High Sarjana and Council man Coulter entered the room behind Mon. Mon paused to usher them in, his hand resting on Coulter’s shoulder as the other swept towards you and Kylo.

 

“This is Commander Ren and Lady Ceph of the First Order.” He paused and gestured to the portly fellow in red robes. “This is the High Sarjana, Lemak.” The man peered at you with a slightly upturned nose and did not move to greet you in traditional fashion. Which was fine with you, though he did reach his hand outward with palm down, signifying that you were to kiss his hand. You shook it instead, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. Kylo was highly amused by this action, feeling his want to laugh but refraining from doing so for the sake of his appearance. He made no motion to shake the man’s hand or even look at him. “And this is Subur Coulter.” The man moved forward and greeted you as custom, though he was a bit apprehensive of placing his hands on you.

 

“It is wonderful to meet both of you.” Subur said in a dignified tone, if you hadn’t of been looking at him as he spoke you would have never guessed the voice belonged to him. The High Sarjana said nothing and instead took a seat nestled in the corner nearest the door. His distaste of you and Kylo clearly evident even without the aid of the Force.

 

“It is a pleasure to meet you as well. King Mon has informed me that you will be the one to show us the ore mines and refineries.” You said trying to strike up a pleasant conversation.

 

“Yes, they are in my district and under my care.” He said with a faint smile.

 

“I see, I hear they are a sight to behold.” You hadn’t really heard much about the mines or the refineries, you only wanted to play to the man’s clearly evident pride of the them. He nodded, his eyes beaming.

 

“Yes, quite. My father spent his life working on improvements and upgrades to the machinery that we use. It was quite an accomplishment.”

 

“Your father sounds like quite the proficient man.”

 

“He was.” Sadness moved across his eyes and quickly retreated as he composed himself.  A knock on the door brought both of your heads turning to the doorway. Bram once again standing and waiting to be addressed.

 

“Your majesty, Council men Kasar, Badai, and Manis have arrived.” Mon nodded.

 

“Well, we should all gather in the council room then. Have them brought to the room would you please Bram?” He said as he motioned to all of you to stand and exit the room. Jana moved to your side and hooked her arm around your own and ushered you behind Mon.

 

“I cannot enter the room.” She whispered to you. Your eyes shot to her as you walked, your face twisted in confusion. She gave you a brief glance and then moved her eyes forward once again. “You will be the first woman permitted into the council chambers.”

 

This seemed like a glaring oversight to you. Why would Supreme Leader select you, a woman to act as an envoy when clearly they should have picked a male in your stead? You were breaking so many customs here.

 

“Is there anything you would like for me to bring up on your behalf?” You asked suddenly.

 

“The rains, ask them to look into the rains…if this pattern continues the rainy season will only grow causing catastrophe to the river lands.” Her arm squeezed your own tightly in thanks. You glanced at her, her chin set high as she walked, determination on her face, pride swelling with in her. You would be the first woman to ever set foot into the council room, you only wished that she could join you. It felt more her right than your own. You chewed on the inside of your cheek thoughtfully, perhaps you should insist that she join?

 

You tried to imagine the scenario, but only seemed to conjure scenarios with extreme conflict arising with the other council men and the High Sarjana. Your lips pinched tightly as anger swelled within you. Righteous anger, burning deeply within you. Your jaw set tightly as new resolve coursed through you. These men would listen to you. They would take everything you said seriously. Not just for you, but for Jana and the other women of Beirus. Today you would be their voice.

 

She halted behind Mon who pushed open the doors to the council room, Jana peered inside, the want to enter clearly on her face. You paused with her as the High Sarjana moved into the room first. Mon looked slightly agitated by this but did not comment. You glanced at Kylo as he moved to stand closer to you, his gloved hand glancing at your side in quick motion, acknowledgement of the situation.

 

You nodded to Jana, your eyes portraying everything you felt. She nodded back and released your arm. You entered after the High Sarjana, Kylo closely behind you, his fingers grazing the small of your back as you walked around the large wooden table, electric pulses passing with his touch. He removed his hand as you moved to your seat. You did not wait for your chair to be pulled out for you as the High Sarjana did, his face looking as aloof as possible. Clearly feeling above everyone in the room. You took your seat as Kylo sat next to you, your hands rested in your lap fingers drumming on your legs as the others took their places.

 

You were joined by three other men. Kasar, Badai, and Manis you assumed, which was which you did not know. Mon stood at one head of the table waiting for everyone to be seated, his foot tapping as he looked at the High Sarjana who was still waiting for someone to pull his chair out for him. Your eye twitched slightly in annoyance. You watched as Bram moved to pull the portly man’s chair out for him, the hefty man sitting promptly after and laced his fingers in front of him. Mon finally took his seat.

 

“Kasar, Badai, Manis. This is Commander Ren and Lady Ceph of the First Order. His hands swept to you and Kylo across the table. You nodded while Kylo remained stiffly seated. The men nodded back at you as well, their eyes taking you in in slight interest. “Now that the introductions are out of the way, we should start.” Mon said as his hand slapped onto the table. You forced yourself not to jump at the sudden motion. Your mind suddenly recalling that this was how proceedings were started and stopped in the council chambers. A note from the previous envoy who had originally struck the trade agreement. Your mind tried to recall what had happened to the man but could not come up with an answer.  

 

The man who was introduced to you as Kasar slapped his hand promptly onto the table top. His stubby and golden ringed fingers making an echo as they clanked onto the wooden table. “Old business first.” He said briskly. His voice sounded like gravel. Mon’s eyebrow raised slightly and shook his head.

 

“Not today my friend, old business can wait.” His eyes shifted down to both you and Kylo.  “Our First Order friends did not travel the galaxy to hear old business.” His hand curled into a fist and pounded the table. Denial of the suggested topic.

 

Another slap at the opposite end of the table, your eyes moved to the High Sarjana, his face set into a scowl.

 

“New business.” He said sharply. “Why is there a woman at our table. Where is Teg Vilnu?” He seethed between yellow tingled teeth.  You blinked for a long moment as you pushed the rising anger downward in an attempt to remain pleasant. The other men, aside from Coulter, slapped at the table in agreeance of the topic.  Mon scowled. His fist pounding onto the table angrily.

 

“We will not have this discussion. I have already explained this to all of you. Lady Ceph is here on business and will be treated with respect.” He snapped. It took everything in you not to strangle the High Sarjana as he pounded his hand on the table once again.

 

“Then state the business and be gone.” He snapped, his eyes glaring at you in contempt. Your upper lip curling as you sneered at him.

 

 _“Calm yourself.”_ Kylo’s voice vibrated inside of your head. You forced your face to return to an unfeeling mask as you heard several slaps on the table in agreeance. You took a sharp breath and pounded your fist onto the table. No.

 

“I apologize that Teg could not be here as he is on another assignment. I assure you that he left very through notes for me.” A lie. You had no idea what had happened to Teg Vilnu or even if he was still alive. “But I am here by invitation of your King, do not insult him, myself, the Commander, or the First Order.” You seethed through clenched teeth.  The High Sarjana only continued to glare at you. Another fist pounded at the table, Coulter. Your eyes shifted to him, curious if his 'no' was in support of your own 'no'.

 

“I personally do not see the harm in allowing the woman to join in the meeting, it is an archaic rule. Are we not civilized men?” He said. You nodded at him in appreciation. Kylo’s hand slapped swiftly at the table. Mon joined in next. Your own hand slapping at the table. Manis rapped his knuckles. Undecided or uncaring. Kasar and Badai pounded their fists. Your jaw set as you awaited the High Sarjana to give his verdict.

 

“I do not agree with this…but I will allow it. As long as the woman controls herself and behaves properly.” He sneered, his beady eyes flitting in your direction.

 

“I will behave with every courtesy that you give me High Sarjana.” You said calmly, your eyes narrowing at the man. Oh did you want to strangle him. Mon laughed at your words. He slapped his hand on the table one last time.

 

“It is settled. Lady Ceph will stay.” He said firmly. “Now…please inform us…what has brought you all the way out to our corner of the galaxy. Surely not to merely accompany a delivery.” Mon’s face shifted, you had never seen him look so serious.

 

“The Supreme Leader has concerns about the loyalty of you and your council to our trade agreement” You paused allowing your words to sink in fully. “There have been rumors of uprisings in the river lands and at the mines and refineries. New Republic sympathizers.” You would not mention the resistance, they were a small faction at this point in time. Senator Organa’s exit from her seat in the Republic having spurred the small cell into activity. Surely they have not reached this far out into the galaxy just yet. Mon’s jaw set suddenly at the implications of your words, he did not speak and instead Coulter did,

 

“I can assure you Lady Ceph…there have been no uprisings in the river lands. These are, as you have stated, merely rumors.”

 

“Then my next question is, why has there been a sudden decline in Zersium ore being transported to the First order. You have been light on your last five installments. This is not in agreement with our trade deal.” Coulter shifted slightly in his seat. He cleared his throat.

 

“I was not aware that the last five installments had been light.” Mon’s eyes shifted to the man, his brow raised.

 

“Have you not been checking behind your workers? Surely there is such a thing as quality control at your facilities?”

 

 _“He has not been checking them…merely glancing at the shipment records instead of fully inspecting them.”_ Kylo informed you.

 

“There are checks and balances in place at both the mines and refineries, I receive the paper work myself. Everything has checked out.” He said as slight sweat beaded to his dark brow. He knew he fucked up.

 

“You have only been checking the paper work and not physically checking the shipments. That is a failure on your behalf and is unacceptable.” Kylo’s voice said sternly. Coulter visibly shrank in his chair at the sound of the modulator.

 

“What can I do to remedy this?” He asked with almost pleading eyes as he shifted to regain his composure.

 

“You will replace the missing quantities of ore before the Commander and I depart. They will be checked and double checked.” You said firmly. Mon’s hand slapped at the table in agreement. Kasar and Badai followed. Manis also slapped while the High Sarjana made no comment with a subtle knocking of his knuckles on the table. You held your hand up, signaling you were not finished. “You will be stripped of your district to ensure that this does not happen again, an apology to the First Order for your carelessness.” Coulter’s head snapped towards Mon, his eyes pleading. Mon slapped the table. The others joined.

 

“Council Man Coulter, you will be stripped of your holdings and seat at this council once you replace the missing ore.” Mon did not say it unkindly. You could tell he felt sorry for the man. Coulter looked down briefly and nodded. “Does that satisfy?” He asked looking back towards you. You nodded. “Good. Is there anything else?” He asked.

 

“Yes, The Supreme Leader would like to station more Stormtroopers near the mines and refineries as assurance.” Mon’s brows furrowed slightly at this.

 

“I wasn’t aware that the Supreme Leader was that shaken by a few light shipments, I can understand the want to rectify the error, but this…this seems too much.” He said as his hand rose to his chin.

 

“I can assure you that the Supreme Leader takes all dealings, with any planet, as serious business. He is greatly insulted by your end of the deal not being fulfilled properly while we continue to send you weaponry and new tech, as per our agreement.” You said flatly. Mon hummed.

 

“I will need more time to think this over. I can imagine the people will not be pleased with a strong foreign military presence in the river lands.” You leaned into the back of your chair as your legs shifted to cross over one another.

 

“When would you like to reconvene on the matter?” You asked. He looked to be thinking as he looked over to a sulking Coulter.

 

“We can discuss this the day before your departure.” He said as he turned to look back at you. “I would like to have a private discussion with my council about it before I have a final say.” He said openly, your eyes moved over the council men as their hands slapped at the table. Though Coulter did not make motion to move at all. You nodded, you had no other choice but to agree.

 

You weren’t entirely sure what Mon would choose to do about the situation and this bothered you. You wanted nothing more than to dip into his mind and see what he was thinking but you resisted the urge to do so. Your head instead turned to a darkened corner of the room. You could have sworn you saw movement there, a slight flickering in the corner of your vision. Your brows furrowed slightly as you looked into the dim spot. There was nothing there obviously but you could feel eyes on you once again. You blinked several times as you tried to shake the feeling. The corners of your lips pinching slightly as you felt the feeling slowly dissipate. You could feel Kylo looking at you, but he did not pry.

 

The meeting continued as Mon and the council spoke about several small issues. An increase in smugglers coming to the planet, taking advantage of the fact that this was non New Republic territory. Kasar felt it was best to increase checks at the ship yards, to which everyone agreed.

 

 _“What do you think Coulter will do once he leaves and returns to his district.”_ You asked as the others continued to talk.

 

 _“He seems to be accepting of his fate, his mind keeps trying to process what he needs to do once he returns.”_ He paused. _“I think we need to visit the mines and refineries without the presence of Mon’s men.”_

_“Do you think he was lying about the discourse among the people.”_

_“I think he is so caught up in his pride that he hasn’t fully taken notice of what is actually going on.”_

_“I don’t think Mon will take too kindly of us going on our own.”_

_“No, I don’t either.”_ He paused as he thought. _“See if Jana will join us. She likes you enough, she would be more than willing to go with you.”_ Your lips pinched at the thought, you didn’t want to involve her. _“Bring up the rains to the council before they leave tonight, urge them to consider her words…this will put you in her favor even more so.”_

_“The High Sarjana will not consider her words, you know this as well as I do. The man is useless.”_ Kylo hummed in your head.

 

 _“Perhaps bring it up to Mantis and Badai. They both have several large farms in the river lands, flooding could be detrimental to their crops and the lively hood of their people.”_ It was a solid plan, you could convince Jana to escort you to the river lands under the guise of inspecting the conditions of the rivers, giving Kylo time to inspect the mines and refineries without interruption. You just needed to whisper in Badai and Mantis’ ears about the change in the rainy season. If need be you would force the thought into their heads using the Force. 

 

 _“Have you heard anything interesting from the High Sarjana?”_  You asked suddenly, his laugh echoed in your head.

 

 _“Nothing you couldn’t already gather from his posture.”_ You had to stifle a laugh from breaching your lips, covering it with a slight cough as you reached across the table to take a sip of water.

 

“Well if there is nothing else to discuss, then let us go to lunch.” Mon said with a slap of his hand on the table. Everyone slapped in agreement. The High Sarjana waited for Bram to shuffle behind him and pull his chair out. Mon moved to come behind you and pulled your chair out for you, allowing you to stand. You nodded at him in thanks, Kylo standing and waiting for you, you gave him a subtle glance urging him to proceed.

 

The group returned to the large dining hall. You paused at the archway noticing that Jana was standing and waiting. You shot a glance towards Kylo, he nodded and moved past you, allowing you to speak to Jana in private. She grabbed at your hands, her anxiety pressed into you with her touch. You mentally recoiled from it, pushing it away from you.

 

“How did it go?” She whispered.

 

“Well enough. I did not have a chance yet to bring up the rains, but I think I can persuade Mantis and Badai to speak to the High Sarjana on your behalf.” You whispered back. Her dark hazel eyes flickered downward as her shoulders deflated. You sighed.  “The man would not have listened to me, we must go about this a different way.”  She nodded as her plump mauve lips pinched tightly.

 

“I understand.” She sounded defeated, like she already had a feeling that it was a lost cause. You squeezed her hands.

 

“Don’t give up just yet. I have a plan…but I need your help.” Her brows furrowed.

 

“What could I possibly do?” She asked, unsure about her ability to be of any assistance.

 

“I need for you to escort the Commander and I to the river lands. We need to visit the mines and refineries…this will give you time to assess the rivers and surrounding areas. The more information I have to support your concern the easier it will be to convince Badai and Manis.”

 

“But what of Coulter, Mon will surely protest the idea.” You waved a hand dismissively.

 

“Do not worry about Coulter or Mon, the Commander will handle it.” You said flatly. She shook her head as confusion flickered across her face.  You brought your hand up to her face, softly caressing her cheek, sending feelings of trust through the contact. “Trust me. I am on your side.” Her face softened as you pressed the suggestion to her through your touch and the Force. Willing her to relax and go along with your plan. Your voice hummed in her head, urging her further. The contact easing the mental intrusion you were pressing to her. She nodded.

 

“Okay.” She whispered. You smiled at her, your eyes locking together, her lips parting softly as she gazed at you. You removed your hand from her face and gestured to the archway.

 

“We should join them, I’m sure the Commander is making everyone feel awkward.” You laughed. She smiled at you and nodded. Both of your arms locking once again as you moved together through the large archway.

 

You took your place next to Kylo, perching on the plush cushion with ease as you listened to the others talk. Your eyes meeting with Jana’s once again.

 

_“She will join us.”_

_“Good.”_

_“We may need to handle Mon.”_ You added.

 

 _“He will agree, we will take the stormtroopers with us and a few of his men. That should put his mind at ease about her leaving with us.”_ You hummed in response. _“You’ve done well today. I’m proud of you for keeping your composure.”_

 

 _“Thank you.”_  His hand moved under the table, fingers skimming gently across your folded legs. Your hand moved towards his and squeezing his fingers gently. Both of you breaking the contact quickly so as not to be noticed.

****

You moved through the courtyard garden slowly taking in the scenery. Your heels in your hands as your bare feet moved across the wet stone pavers. The rain had eased to a cool light mist. The feeling against your skin was refreshing. You could hear the Seven Point fountain gurgling in the distance feeling a strong tug towards it, something within the Force beckoning you to it. Your legs moving towards the sound of its crashing waters without much thought. You stood peering into the clear water, the colorful fish swimming all around the bright tiles.

 

 _“You know you don’t have to be afraid of them.”_ Your head shot upward. Your eyes locking into bright green ones peering back at you. Lungs and heart seizing in your chest as every hair on your body seemed to stand on end. You took a deep breath forcing your lungs and heart into activity once again.

 

_“You shouldn’t be here.”_

_“Why not?”_ He asked his slightly hazy form moving closer to you. You backed away from him, not wanting to be so close.

 

 _“You don’t belong here, you're dead.”_ He shrugged.

 

 _“Yet here I am.”_ He said as he perched onto the edge of the fountain, his legs dipping into the water but not causing a disturbance. He frowned at this.

 

 _“Why are you here?”_ You asked. He shrugged.

 

 _“I’m stuck with you, Petali and Ubax are here too. They know how sorry you are.”_ He said only glancing at you briefly. You did not know those names, your face flickered in confusion. _“The children in the closet. They said you moved them to lay next to one another instead of leaving them where no one would look. They said thank you for allowing them to return to their families.”_ Your eyes burned as tears swelled, you blinked them away.

 

 _“I don’t want to see you. Leave.”_ You projected firmly. His form flickered sharply. He sighed.

 

 _“I can’t leave just yet….I have a job to do.”_ Your brows furrowed as your upper lip curled.

 

 _“I don’t care. You don’t belong here. Go away.”_  You pushed at him mentally again, his form darkened leaving his bright green eyes peering at you from a shadowed form. You could hear him sigh again.

 

 _“Look, I’m stuck with you…I don’t want to be…but I am…”_ You pushed at him mentally once again banishing him from your mind completely. Your face scrunched in frustration as he blinked from view. You were alone once again your eyes peering into the rippling water as the brightly colored fish danced around the fountain basin. You sat at the edge, placing your shoes down on the pavers, your hand moving to reach into the warm water. The fish fled from your hand for a moment, afraid of it, only to return to their patternless dance. You moved your hand in the water, pushing small waves with your hand and forearm. There was comfort to be had with the motion. You wondered what it would be like to submerge yourself into the water, allowing the water to enfold your body, encasing you in its warm caress. You pulled your hand from the tepid fluid and rolled up your pant legs, moving them to above your knees and then turned to sink your legs into the clear liquid. Your eyes closing softly as the fish danced around you, brushing faintly across your skin.

 

“Mon and I used to swim in there when we were little.” Her voice was soft as she joined you on the ledge of the fountain. Your eyes opening slowly to peer at her. She had pulled her skirt upward to also sink her bare feet into the warm water.

 

“The fish make me think of my mother.” You said softly, almost to yourself. She hummed as she moved her tanned legs against the still water.

 

“You sound saddened by this…do you miss her?” She asked as she stared off into the greenery surrounding you. You bit at the inside of your cheek in thought.

 

“Yes.” You whispered.

 

“I miss mine too.” She said as she placed her soft hand on top of your own, giving you a gentle squeeze. You looked towards her, her eyes expressing overwhelming sadness. You wondered if your own eyes were betraying you as hers did. She slowly removed her hand from you and placed it into her lap. Both of you sitting quietly as the water from the fountain babbled. Your eyes locking onto the fish once again. She sighed softly. “Join me for a walk.” She said. You turned to look at her, searching her face for the reason behind the sudden urge. She only smiled softly in return. You nodded and moved your legs out of the fountain, allowing your pants to fall across your wet skin. She joined you and locked her arm around your own, guiding you back towards her private garden, pulling the key from her pocket and unlocking the lock and pushing the gate open,  allowing you to enter, this time leaving the gate open and unlocked.

 

She guided you around the walkways both of you merely enjoying each other’s company. You eyed each one of the plants as you moved and halted at a particularly large shrub, towering over both of you. Soft pink flowers blooming sporadically around the full shrub. She paused alongside of you.

 

“What is this one?” You asked as you eyed the pretty flowers.

 

“Mekar terang. The blooms are beautiful aren’t they?” You nodded.

 

“What does it do?” You asked.

 

“If burned the smoke causes a drop in heart rate…too much smoke and it can cause a heart attack. Eating the flowers, leaves, or even cooking with the branches can cause acute paranoia, intestinal duress, vomiting, and heart failure.” You stared at the bush, pondering how something so beautiful could be so deadly.

 

“I don’t think I would be moved to eat any of it, but I would be very tempted to touch it…the flowers are beautiful.” You mused. She laughed softly.

 

“You can touch it, but I think it unwise without gloves. The oils in the blooms can cause a rash.” You huffed a laugh.

 

“Are there any redeeming qualities...can it be helpful in anyway?” You asked.

 

“None that I know of yet.” You hummed. Your mind mulling over the idea that something so harmless looking could cause such devastation. You chewed at the inside of your cheek as you continued to look at the tall bush. What if this could be turned into a weapon? You snapped your head towards her suddenly as the thought took root in your mind.

 

“Do you think…that you could figure out a way to weaponize this?”  Her brows furrowed and a frown formed on her face.

 

“Why would you want to do that?” She asked softly. You could sense her unease at the suggestion of the topic.

 

“I was merely curious.” You shrugged feigning indifference. Her lips pinched tightly together.

 

“I guess it is a possibility…though I’m sure it would take some time to figure out.” She said as she turned to look back at the bush.  You hummed. Perhaps an idea you could broach at another time. She tugged you away from the bush softly and continued to guide you around the garden as the sky grew darker overhead.  “Mon told me about Coulter.” She said breaking the pleasant silence between you.

 

“It’s unfortunate, but he was careless.” You said flatly. She hummed.

 

“He and I were to be married but I’m not so sure that will be now that he has been stripped of his district and seat.” She said coolly, a tone of slight amusement over taking her words. She seemed happy about the development.  You huffed a laugh.

 

“I take it you were not happy about the match.” You mused. She shook her head as a soft smile touched her mauve lips.

 

“No. He is a nice enough man…just not someone I would have chosen for myself.” She said as she glanced at you.  Your eyes locked fleetingly, you returned your attention to the greenery around you, sensing a feeling coming from her you weren’t all together sure what to do with.

 

“Who would you have chosen instead?” You asked, your curiosity getting the better of you.  She halted in thought and shook her head.

 

“I could not say truthfully. I had no plans to marry. The idea…is unappealing.” She began to walk once again. You could understand her sentiments about marriage. The whole idea seemed silly to you. Who has time for marriage when the galaxy is on the precipice of war. You smirked at the thought, a soft humming laugh coming from deep within your chest. She smiled as well, grateful for your reciprocated feelings on the matter. “Do you think the Commander would ever marry?” She asked suddenly. Your face scrunched at the idea, confusion falling across your face at her question. She seemed wholly uninterested in the man if not fearful of him, what had elicited such a strange question. She seemed to pick up on your expression and laughed. “I only ask because of his title. A commander is a high rank in any military.” She said with a flick of her wrist. Your upper lip twitched.

 

“I cannot say, perhaps if it were for an alliance or a way to further aid the Order.” You paused. “We have never spoken about the matter.” She huffed a laugh, your face was still scrunched in consideration of the question.

 

“I assume that either of your statuses are not much different than my own then.” She said. “Our own wants cast aside for the advancement of something greater than ourselves.” Your face softened at her words. She was right, though not in the sense she was thinking.

 

“My position in the Order is nowhere near as important as his is. I am merely here to aid him and the Supreme Leader. I would probably never be put in such a position, my status is inconsequential.” You said flatly.  Truthfully even if you had wanted to marry, the Supreme Leader would never allow it. You were a soldier and nothing more, anything to hinder your purpose would cause you to be ineffective and result in your expulsion or death. She shook her head.

 

“I hope you are never put in the position…though I would not say your status is inconsequential. You are here after all. They could have sent anyone else.” She said kindly. You nodded.

 

“Perhaps.” You conceded with a slight smile.

 

She guided you back to the gate and unhinged herself from your arm, allowing her to close the gate and lock it. She rejoined you once again, hooking her arm around your own. Thunder rumbled above you causing your head to tilt upward and look at the darkening sky.

 

“We should probably move back inside, it’s going to rain again soon.” She said as she glance upward as well. You nodded and stifled a slight yawn. “A nap sounds wonderful.” She mused. You nodded.

 

“It does.” You said in agreement. She guided you back to the fountain and allowed you to collect your shoes. Your eyes lingering on the fountain for a moment, you had to break your gaze from it, the green eyed boy’s voice sounding in your head. “ _I have a job to do.”_ You shook your head and allowed her to guide you away once again and back into the palace.

 

You mentally searched for Kylo, searching for his familiar signature in the Force and finding him with Mon in a room. They must be discussing the trip to the refineries you assumed. Jana guided you to your room and paused at the door way, her arm breaking from you as you both stood almost awkwardly. You could sense that she wanted entrance to the room but felt it was not the time.

 

“I will see you at dinner.” You said finally, breaking the silence. She nodded.

 

“Of course, I will send Calla to fetch you once it is ready.” She said with a smile. You nodded and opened your door and walked into your room.

 

Once inside you dropped your heels to the floor and stripped yourself of your clothing and moved to the door to the balcony, opening it wide and allowing the smell of the cool mist to make entrance into the room. You stood in front of the doorway relishing in the dewy feeling on your now far more exposed skin. You moved outside and leaned against the balcony, your eyes meeting once again with the blue spire of the Temple Mount. Your skin prickled from a slight shift in the wind, your hands going to your hair and pulling it down from the tight pony tail and freeing your long locks to flow in the breeze. You breathed in deeply and closed your eyes as the sound of thunder rumbled once again. The mist growing to a light sprinkle. You stood in the light drops allowing it to wet your skin and your undergarments, moving to sit in the middle of the balcony and entered into a meditative state. Your mind clearing of all worries as you felt the energy within the clouds. Electric charges from ions colliding and the soft pattering of the water that poured from the dark clouds above.

 

Moving back inside once your clothes had fully soaked and a chill had started to set in. You closed the balcony doors and stripped your wet undergarments from your body and toweled off and dressed in your night clothes. Heading to the bathroom to wipe away what remained of your make up and then crawled into bed. Pulling the light layers over you as you used the Force to turn off the lights. The sound of pattering rain lulling you into sleep once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my depression fueled bullshit writing. Seeing your comments (as sad as it sounds) on these chapters is basically the only true joy I have in my life at the moment. Thank you for all of your kind words and excitement. You guys are the only reason why I keep writing this shit. lol.
> 
> And basically you guys have pretty much read an entire book by now...and we aren't even done with part one.  
> So that really means a lot. 
> 
> Also...while we're at it...I'm toying with the idea of sharing my writing playlist....but I imagine most of you would have no interests in it and maybe it's a bit too personal to share. A lot of songs have fueled these chapters...hell the name of the story is a song title...the name of this part is a song title....idk...I'm rambling.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

River Lands

\-------------------

 

Large hands gently rocked you awake, your eyes opening slowly and peering up at Kylo. Your hair was still damp from the rain and sticking to your skin. You furrowed your brows in slight confusion. Why was he waking you? Calla was supposed to wake you when dinner was ready, surely it was too early for dinner. You had only been asleep for an hour. He sat on the edge of the bed and peered down at you, his gloved hand moving the hair that stuck to your face.

 

“I spoke to Mon.” He said in a hushed tone, his voice rumbling deeply through his broad chest. You hummed in response as you shifted to stretch your body.

 

“Did he comply?” You asked as you yawned. He nodded.

 

“It took some convincing and some pressure from the Force but he did.” You hummed once again.

 

“When do we leave then?” You asked.

 

“Day after tomorrow.”

 

“That’s not exactly ideal.” You mumbled. He shrugged.

 

“I wanted to give the ‘troopers time to rest, and allow them to further train the men that Mon selected. Besides, the mines aren’t going anywhere.”  Your face scrunched slightly. What didn’t he understand about the time table of this mission? You needed to return to Snoke as quickly as possible, the longer you made him wait the more upset he would be. You chewed at your bottom lip. “Don’t worry about him right now. Focus on one thing at a time.” He said sensing your slight distress.

 

“You’re not the one he’s not happy with.” You snipped.  He looked away from you, turning his head to gaze at the balcony door as the curtain fluttered from the fan.

 

“I don’t think he’s unhappy with you.” He said softly. Your brows furrowed deeper.

 

“You say this based off of…?”

 

“I just have a feeling. He hasn’t expressed any concern about you to me at all either.”

 

“That means absolutely nothing.” You huffed a harsh laugh. The man knew nothing of Snoke. He didn’t understand the games that Snoke liked to play…not yet. He looked at the floor, eyes downcast as he took in your words and thoughts. “Did you know Jana was meant to marry Coulter?” You asked trying to change the subject. His eyes moved back to you, his brow furrowed as he tried to understand what he was to do with this information. “She thinks since he’s been stripped of his district and seat that they will no longer go through with the marriage.” You paused a moment as a slight smile came to your lips. She was free for now. “She seems to be happy about the possibility.” You added. He hummed as his jaw flexed slightly as he thought.

 

“This could be a further problem.” He mused. You pinched your lips in thought.

 

“Because this may motivate Coulter to do something stupid?” You asked. He nodded.

 

“It’s a possibility.”

 

“Has he already left to return to his district?”

 

“Yes, all of them have already left. They are to reconvene while we are inspecting the mines and refineries. That may be in our favor.” His hand reached upward to scratch at the stubble on his chin.

 

“You don’t honestly think he would be stupid enough to do something do you?” You asked as you moved to sit up, pulling your legs to your chest and bracing your arms around your knees. His lips pinched slightly, his hand now rubbing at his chin as he thought.

 

“I’m not sure. He didn’t seem to have any thoughts about doing anything in malice towards us or them…but given time it is always a possibility.”

 

“I think the man has too much pride to do anything to possibly put his name in any further shame.” You added.  

 

“You may be right, but time has a way of letting resentment stew.” You nodded, knowing the feeling all too well.

 

“So we need to be prepared for possible attack when we go.” You stated flatly, your mind moved to thoughts of Jana and her safety. You didn’t want to put her in harm if it could be avoided. He seemed to sense this and frowned.

 

“She will be fine. We won’t let anything happen to her.” He said emphatically.  You hummed.

 

“I should probably dress for dinner.” You said softly. He nodded and stood from the bed. You moved to the edge, allowing your feet to dangle from the bed for a moment before standing. You pulled your night clothes off of you and moved towards your bag, grabbing a simple halter dress and belt, your hand grazing over the curved hilt of your saber. You sighed as you looked down at it.

 

"It's not that bad is it?" He asked as he peered out the glass of the balcony door.

 

“No, I guess it’s not. I just feel out of place…is all.”

 

“You miss the others.”

 

“Yes. I haven’t heard from any of them in a while.”

 

“I’m sure they’re fine, they are more than capable.” You nodded. Upon your arrival the excitement had easily overcome the hollow feeling that their absence had instilled in you, but now, it began to slowly creep, nestling deep within your chest. The hole no longer satisfied. Its hungry teeth once again gnawing at you, begging for something more. You wondered if he felt the same.

 

“I know.” You whispered.

 

****

 

Dinner had been uneventful but pleasant. You moved back to your room as Kylo and Mon moved to the training facilities to discuss the trip out to the river lands. You had been invited but abstained, expressing your need for alone time as politely as possible. It was tiring being on your best behavior at all times.

 

You moved to the balcony doors as the rain continued to patter against the pane of glass. Your hand pressing softly against it feeling the cooler air outside as you chewed on the dry skin on your bottom lip. Tearing small pieces away absentmindedly. You forced yourself to move away from the door and back to the bed where you moved to sit in the middle, your mind musing about the possibilities of contacting Einn. If he could manage to do it then so could you.

 

You shifted until you were comfortable, your legs folded under you as your shoulders relaxed. Your breathing slowly evening out as you felt out into the Force, moving further and further along the threads that connected. Pulling your metaphysical form along the lead line, searching for him in the vast cosmos. The junctions that connected to you spread far and splintered, knotting in places and breaking away. You forced yourself to mentally refocus and pick up the correct thread once again. Your mind conjuring his signature in the Force, trying to help you focus. But you were lost quickly as your head began to pound.

 

Your eyes opening as you huffed in annoyance. You could feel eyes on you again, causing your head to turn to the doorway expecting someone to be standing there but found nothing causing your brows to furrow as your head pounded angrily. You rubbed at your temples, pressure from your digits easing the ache only slightly.

 

Once the thudding dulled you tried again. Another failed attempt, leaving the sides of your temples with throbbing sharp pains. You sighed loudly, groaning as you crashed backwards on the bed, your head meeting the pillow with a soft thud. Eyes squeezed tightly shut as your fingers drilled into your temples, willing the sharp pain to recede, brows furrowing in agitation and pain. Your body was sore, but you weren’t sure if it was from disuse or from the gnawing anxiety. You groaned loudly in frustration. Your eyes opening just enough to cast your gaze towards your bag. Your hand rising slowly upward and calling to your saber, willing the phrik encased object to come to you, causing your bag to fall over and spill it’s contents as you tugged at the object with the Force. Once free of the duffle it slapped at your open palm, your fingers wrapping around it once it made contact. The slightly curved hilt fitting comfortably in your hands. You missed the weight of it on your hip, never realizing how much comfort you took in its presence on your body.

 

Your door clicked open and closed as Ren removed his helmet, moving to the table and setting it down, noticing the spilled over duffle, he turned to look at you lazily fiddling with your saber while lying in bed.

 

“Is this what you’ve been doing this entire time?” He asked, slight amusement in his tone, of course he knew that you weren’t.

 

“No.” You mumbled, your brows knitting as the pounding in your head continued. He moved to the bed and sat, removing his boots and socks and lying next to you, pulling you towards him, large hands wrapping around your middle and tugging you to him, and then moving to wrap them around your head, fingers resting on your temples, applying pressure to the soft spots and rubbing in circles.

 

“You’re giving me a headache.” He mumbled in explanation. You frowned.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“What have you been trying to do?”

 

“Find Einn…check on him…check on Marun and the others.”

 

“No luck?” He already knew the answer.  You shook your head, his hands moving with you as he continued to rub at your temples.

 

“No…” Your mouth clamping shut, closing off the rest of the thoughts that invaded your mind. ‘Not strong enough’ and ‘too far away’ echoing in your head. You knew he could hear them, but you kept the words from spilling anyway. As if saying them was too much. You chewed your lower lip as your thumb skimmed over the missing digit on your left hand. You could feel his eyes drifting downward as you fidgeted, watching you rub at the useless stump. His hands freeing from your head, as he gripped your left hand and pulled it towards him, causing your body to shift to accommodate the position. He rubbed a gloved finger over the stump, while you fought the urge to pull away, he could feel you tense at his touch. His brows furrowing in disappointment.  Your eyes locking as he stopped rubbing the phantom digit. You pulled your hand away from his grasp and moved it to lay across your side.

 

He continued to eye you even as your own eyes broke contact to look elsewhere. You could feel his mental caress at the back of your head, urging you to confide in him, wanting you to open. Always open. As if he was lost without it, confused by your insecurities and hang ups. It wasn’t like he hadn’t touched your self-inflicted amputation before, it wasn’t the first time he had rose the hand to his face to inspect the marred flesh, to run a callused finger across the seam that married your flesh back together over the bone. Something in you didn’t want him to touch it or acknowledge it. Your mind conjuring images and thoughts of Twelve, always returning to her and the ache that she caused within you.

 

“It’s fine.” You whispered. His brows creased.

 

“It’s not.”

 

 You sucked in your lower lip, nipping at the tender interior flesh, contemplating on if you should explain further or let the conversation die. Even with the bond and the resulting intimacy you continued to remain guarded in some aspects. A safety net to keep you from fully opening yourself to him, protecting him and yourself from the constant insatiable ache within you. You knew he would take a portion of your burden, he had done it before when your dreams and memories became too overwhelming and the intrusive soul crushing feelings of remorse overcame you, but now was not the time. Not with Snoke lingering between you, actively monitoring you.  “Is it something I’ve done?” He asked finally.

 

“No.”

 

“Does it have to do with the other night…with Snoke?” Your lips twitched at the sound of his name crossing his full lips. You swallowed harshly.

 

“Yes.” You whispered. He shook his head.

 

“He doesn’t care.” He said so flippantly. So sure of himself…like he could possibly know the entire mental workings of your shared master. You shook your head.

 

“He does.” You mumbled. He pulled your body towards him once again, his strong arms wrapping around you and pressing you into his. His hand coming to the crown of your head and resting there for a moment.

 

 _“Nothing will happen. Trust me.”_ You did not believe him, you couldn’t. You said nothing as you closed your eyes and accepted his embrace, taking comfort in his nearness.

 

 

****

 

 

The shuttle rocked as it took off, never breaking atmosphere and instead jettisoned through the gray sky of Beirus. Jana sitting next to you as Kylo stood in the bay with the Stormtroopers and the small group of hand selected guards from the palace. Jana seemed almost as nervous as you were, both of you uncomfortable with flight, though you were slowly warming up to it. She flinched at every bump, her finger gripping tightly around the armrests of her seat. You wanted to reach out a hand to her but could sense that she was more comfortable death gripping the armrest.

 

You both had spent the previous day discussing what she needed to bring on the day trip. Her datapad to record information and comfortable clothing and boots for the heavily jungled river lands. She carried a canvas pack with her that included a water bottle and some other misc. items. You were dressed in a similar fashion, light leggings and sleeveless tunic, your boots from your armor snuggly and comfortingly on your feet, a small pack with your saber and datapad and a bottle of water. You weren’t sure what you were going to encounter once you arrived in district, and you wished it would have been appropriate to dress in your armor, you would have been far more comfortable in it.

 

You closed your eyes as you felt the thrusters of the shuttle change direction, halting the craft as she prepared for landing. The pilot and co-pilot speaking in hushed tones as they flicked switches and pressed on buttons. Your stomach doing flips as your organs shifted with the slight hovering decent of the craft. A soft thud signifying your landing. You could hear shuffling in the bay, the pilot turning to inform you of your landing. You nodded towards them and unbuckled, Jana joining you as your rose from your seat to move back toward the open cargo hold. Ren already standing and waiting for the both of you to join him and the group of troopers and Jana’s temporary personal guard. She followed your lead as you waited for the bay to open.

 

Kylo stepped out first, followed by the ‘troopers as Jana’s guard moved around her, placing her within a protective barrier that you moved outside of. Stepping out into the far more humid air of the river lands. The landing strip composed of tight compacted gravel crunched under your boots as you walked closely with Kylo. You peered around you, taking in your surroundings, dense jungle and mud. So much mud. Jana hummed behind you, tapping on her datapad as she looked around.

 

“Would you like to split up or proceed together?” She asked you. You looked towards Kylo. You wanted to accompany both of them, perhaps you and Jana could go down to the river and then join Kylo at the mines and refineries later.

 

“What do you think Commander, Jana and I can meet you at the mines in an hour?” Kylo turned his helmeted gaze towards you.

 

“That is fine.”

 

 _“Be careful.”_ You pressed.

 

_“You too.”_

Jana moved closer to you, her guards parting to allow you with in their protective formation. She showed you the datapad screen, the map pulled up for the district as Kylo spoke to two ‘troopers briefly. They joined your group as he moved towards the mines and refineries off in the not too far distance.

 

“We’re not too far from the river, and if we head in this direction we should be able to get close enough to the water to inspect its levels. “ She said as she pointed off in the distance. You nodded.

 

“Lead the way.” You turned to look at the two troopers who joined you, if you had your helmet you would have been able to easily identify their call numbers, instead you had to ask, not wanting to startle them with an intrusive mind probe for the information. “Identification.” You said curtly.

 

“SI-2514” Came a slightly muffled female voice.

 

“GT-7845” A male voiced answered. You nodded.

 

“Stay close and be on high alert.”

 

“Ma’am.” They both said in unison.

 

Your group moved forward towards the direction that Jana assured you would lead to the large river. Her guards moving ahead as GT-7845 and SI-2514 sandwiched you and Jana. You followed a muddy path, well-traveled by the locals you assumed, to reach the lowest points of the deep cliffs to reach the river. The forest was dark, the overcast sky not helping with the lighting at all. You could hear animals rummaging through the forest, calls and screams from the local wildlife filling your ears as you sloshed down the trail. No one spoke as the group moved.

 

Once you neared the clearing for the river Jana halted the group as she reached into her pack to grab a device and handed you the datapad. She nodded at you and proceeded further. The mucky brown rushing waters of the river gurgling and churning at a swift pace, debris floating downward and white caps rising. You eyed the area as you moved towards the cliff with Jana, peering over the edge, it was a sizeable drop and your mind wondered if this was a low part how tall did the cliffs get?

 

“Alright. I’ll be a minute…just ugh hang on.” She said as she fumbled with the device in her hands. A beep sounding in your ears as she fiddled with it and moved to the edge of the water. She began to drop a cord off of the front of the machine, a heavy weight at the end as it uncoiled from inside the boxy device. “I’m really not sure how well this is going to work, the river is moving so fast, I may not get an accurate reading the first couple of times.” She said. You hummed.

 

“It’s worth a try.” You said as your arms crossed over your chest, your eyes scanning around you, listening to all the different movement in the jungle. Your eyes moving to watch her once more as she cast out the weighted line, the device beeping all the while. She huffed. Hitting a button to retract the line once again. You looked down at the datapad and checked the time, another twenty minutes and you would need to leave. She cast the line again, loud beeping ensuing, her brows furrowing in frustration, muttering under her breath.

 

You felt a prickling at the back of your neck and rubbed at the spot, feeling as if something was crawling on you, halting once your hand made contact with the skin. You shifted your weight and looked down at your boots, covered in mud. You would need to clean them once you returned you mused. You could hear her casting out the line once again as the prickling sensation returned, causing the hair to stand up at the nape of your neck, your hand brushing at it once again, finding nothing. You shifted and looked behind you, trying to get a glimpse to see if you could figure out the source.

 

She drew in the line again, this time you heard her audibly curse. She moved back over to you and gestured to the datapad. You handed it back to her as she tapped on the screen quickly, her brow furrowed in frustration.

 

“No good?” You asked.

 

“No the kriffing current is moving too fast to get an accurate depth reading. We may need to move further down towards the refineries.” She mumbled as she continued to tap on the screen, writing down her notes.

 

“We can do that if we need to.” You muttered as the prickling happened again, this time your hand slapping at the feeling, but it did not go away. She looked up at you and shook her head. Gesturing for you to turn around so she could look.

 

“I don’t see anything.” She said, allowing you to face her again. Your brows furrowed as the hair on your body rose on end. Your eyes closing as you felt out into the Force. Something wasn’t right.

 

“We should join the Commander.” You said in an even voice, masking the slight and sudden concern you were feeling. She nodded.

 

The group began to move back towards the refineries, following another trail back. She assured you that this one would run into the main track back to the mines. Your mind casting out into the Force as you walked, trying to figure out what exactly had your body so on edge. The feeling of eyes on you once again returning. You scowled as you walked, Jana didn’t seem to notice and if she did she made no comment.

 

Once you reached a wide clearing you could see the smoke of machinery not far off into the distance, the loud mechanical sounds causing a slight hum to pulse through the muddy trail. The sound of animals rustling through the forest seemingly dying out the closer you got to the refinery. You couldn’t blame them for not wanting to be around it, the sound of machinery was agitating, and the resulting smoke was almost smothering. For once you wished you had your helmet. You huffed a laugh at the thought. Your eyes shifting to Jana as she stared with a scrunched brow at the datapad, still tapping at the screen as she typed. She paused suddenly and looked upward, halting the troop at a split in the trail once again.

 

“If you want, we can split here for a moment, I can go back down to the water and try and get another reading and you can join the Commander?” She said as she looked around. Your lips pinched at the thought of separating. You shook your head.

 

“I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that.”  She nodded and proceeded down the narrower trail back towards the water. The troop following. The dip in the cliff here was much lower making you wonder why she didn’t just come to this spot instead of the other. She moved to the edge of the small cliff face and pulled out the depth finder once again, proceeding to see if she could get an accurate measurement. Your eyes moving around the large clearing once again. You wondered where all the people were, you hadn’t seen a soul since landing and this slightly bothered you. “Jana?”  She hummed as she casted the weighted line back out into the slightly calmer water.

 

“Where are all the people?”  She stopped looking at the boxy machine to look around, shrugging slightly.

 

“Perhaps working or in their homes, this weather is dreadful.” She muttered as she went back to looking at the device in her hands.  Your lips pinched tightly once again as the feeling of being watched rose.

 

“YES!” She yelled suddenly, startling you and both of the accompanying ‘troopers.

 

“Got a better reading?”

 

“Yes, much better!” She said as she smiled down at the reading. Your neck tingled again, you ignored it. She grabbed the datapad once again and began to tap the screen at a fast pace. Your eyes scanning around you, but could find nothing that explained the feeling. You popped your knuckles as you watched her cast the line once again. A gentle tugging pulling at the very core of your being, willing you to move and turn back towards the refinery. You shifted to look in its direction and noticed the hazy flickering of something in the distance. Calling for you. Your brows furrowed. You looked back at Jana who was once again clacking at the datapad, a smile on her face now.

 

“We should get moving.” You said firmly. She nodded.

 

“Of course.” She packed everything away, pulling out her water bottle and taking a quick sip and then returning it to her canvas pack. You shifted your shoulders impatiently. The group beginning to move once again, you leading the way now, outside of the small group, your legs moving in quick strides. The pulling only growing more intense as you neared the large smoking factory.

 

“Any updates from the Commander?” You called behind you.

 

“No Ma’am.” Your jaw flexed as you pressed your teeth together tightly. Your eyes casting back to where you saw the flickering hazy humanoid shape, only to see nothing there. The tugging willing you to sprint, you forced yourself not to give into the urge. Something was wrong. You sent a mental tendril towards Ren, urgently seeking him.

 

_“Something is off. Where are you?”_

_“I’m at the mines moving towards the refinery…I don’t sense anything.”_

_“Wait for me.”_ You urged. Your pace quickening, still fighting the urge to move to a sprint.

 

“What’s the sudden rush?” Jana called from behind you, your brows furrowing, not sure if you should answer.

 

“Just, stay behind me.  Seventy-Eight, Twenty-Five, to me.” You called. You could hear them jog to catch up to your strides, white armor making slight clacking noises as they moved, flanking you as your eyes scanned ahead. You slung your pack around you and dug into the bag for your saber, pulling it out quickly and attaching it to your belt. Your legs urging you to run, you forced them to comply with a slower pace. You still weren’t entirely sure what was going on and truthfully it could be nothing.

 

Your eyes darted to a flickering flash to the side of you, the hazy humanoid shape darting like a shadow and zipping out in front of you. You watched it as you neared the refinery. The smell of chemicals burning your nostrils as you grew nearer. The loud clanking and humming of machinery causing the ground to vibrate more. Your feet smashing into the mud of the open street, causing the thick substance to splatter under your foot falls as you stomped forward, your hand resting on your saber.

 

 _“Don’t go in there.”_ Your eyes snapped to the far side of the building, bright green eyes in a black mass staring at you, forming into a more refined figure and becoming the boy who housed them.

 

 _“What’s going on?”_ You snapped.

 

 _“Something is wrong…just… stay away.”_ You pushed at him mentally causing him to flicker. His vague answer causing agitation to rise in you. You saw white armor in front of you, your mind sifting through information that you had read about in your datapacket about the refineries. Mentally mapping out the large facility, remembering that there was already a small troop of stationed Stormtroopers in the area, placed there shortly after the accord was struck between Beirus and The First Order.

 

“Twenty-Five, contact squad leader, instruct open search, code 225.” You snapped.

 

“Ma’am!” You could hear her muffled voice broadcast over her internal com system, relaying information to the local troop.

 

“Seventy-Eight, stay with the princess, keep your distance!” You began to run, your legs pushing at the pace they had been aching for finally. Hard muscles stretching and contracting as you pushed towards the building, your mind locking to Kylo’s signature and running towards it. You could hear Twenty-Five’s armor clacking behind you as she too ran, her pace almost matching your own. The hazy shadow racing with you, following closely along the building. You couldn’t pay it any mind, forcing your eyes to break from tracking the dark shape and locking onto Kylo’s tall form in the distance. He stood with a group of troopers waiting for you to arrive. Your legs kicking harder, losing slight traction in the mud as your legs moved faster.

 

You skidded to a halt, Kylo’s helmet turned to look at you, your eyes wild as you looked at the building in front of you, searching for something to hint at what the green-eyed boy was warning you about. You could see him flickering into existence once again, mere inches from you. You wondered if Kylo could see him as well, but he didn’t seem to even notice him. Your eyes darted to him once again.

 

 _“What is it?!”_ You asked the boy, you could hear Kylo talking to you, asking you what was going on, but you ignored him.

_“You need to move away, all of you.”_

_“Stop being so fucking vague!”_

_“MOVE NOW!”_ His screaming shook you to your very core, his boyish voice a sharp shrill in your head. Your arm reached out instinctively grabbing onto Kylo’s sleeve and tugging him, forcing him to move with you as you began to pivot and run.

 

“MOVE!” You boomed, your grip tightening around his arm, fingers digging into him, urging him to move, your minds melding together, panic racing through him. He ran, your hand releasing your grip as your arms and legs pumped aggressively. You could see the black shadow darting in front of you once again,

 

 _“Faster, run faster, you need to get further away.”_ The boys voice urged. “ _Bomb.”_  Your mind went into over drive, sending out a mental probe back towards Jana, sharply and sloppily entering her mind.

 

 _“RUN NOW, RUN!”_ You screamed at her, your eyes darting towards her direction, she was hunched over, hands at her head from the sharp agonizing pain you gave her from your mental entrance, but you could see her scramble quickly and hear her yelling to those around her to run. Your eyes snapping back in front of you as a sharp rumble shifted under foot. You couldn’t risk glancing back, you needed to keep pushing. You could smell chemicals burning, smoke billowing outward.

 

 _“What the fuck is going on?!”_ Ren’s voice commanded.

 

 _“Bomb. Bomb. Bomb. Bomb. Move. Move. Move. Moveeeee!”_ Your mind panicked and stuck on a constant cycling of the words.  Your lungs searing in your chest as you raced towards the boy, and where he was standing, halted and waiting for you.

 

 _“Here is far enough.”_ He urged, his hands waving for you to come to him. You turned sharply, corralling Ren to move with your movements, sliding in the mud slightly and stumbling, your hands catching onto the ground and pushing you back upwards, quickly recovering and sliding to a halt. Ren stopping with you as you panted. Your body now facing the factory as thick black smoke billowed out. You could see Ren panting as well, his chest heaving as he looked back at the building. Your head snapping away from the building searching for Jana and her group as they ran towards you now.

 

Another violent shake as flames rose from within the building and outward. Your brows furrowing. Where was the explosion? Suddenly a loud thundering boom as flames burst out into a large plume, chemicals causing the flame to turn into a bright crackling ball.

 

“Well that wasn’t so bad.” You muttered. Too soon. Another large burst further in the back of the building, black smoke rising as you saw shrapnel and barrels flying upward with the explosion. A shock wave pushing outward, delayed by distance as it crashed into you and the small group. Unprepared for the sonic boom, your body knocking backward as the sound crashed into you. The air was whacked swiftly out of you, robbed from its home in your lungs. Your eyes clamped shut tightly, ears ringing, your hands moving to cover them as you stirred.

 

You coughed as the smoke began to move towards you, taking lungs full of the burning chemicals. Searing your throat and lungs painfully. You could feel a hand reach for you, tugging you upward, heavy fabric being pressed to your face, you forced your eyes open. Squinting as the smoke burned your eyes. Tears streaming down your face, your body’s futile attempt to flush the stinging chemicals away. You grimaced and shook your head, your ears still ringing, you could hear a muffled voice.

 

 _“Grab the fucking cowl Ceph! Cover your face!”_ His voice was sharp and panicked in your head. Your hands moving swiftly to the cowl and wrapping it around your head tightly, filtering some of the smoke but not enough. Your eyes opening slightly wider, your body already moving, running again. Jana. You felt for her using the Force and moved towards her signature. You could hear muffled voices as you moved closer. She was knocked over and coughing, her forearm pressed over her mouth attempting to block the smoke. You grabbed the cowl from around your head, your hands reaching for her, yanking her upward as you pressed the fabric to her face. Your ears still ringing too much to hear what she was saying, hearing only muffled noise coming from her. You tugged her and kept moving, trying to get ahead of the smoke. Your grip tightening around her arm as you began to run again, urging her to move faster to keep up. You coughed violently, your throat and nasal cavity burning.

 

Finally getting upwind enough and out of the smoke you turned to look at her, yanking the pack from your back and ripping it open and yanking the bottle of water out, hands fumbling to pry the cowl from her face, her eyes clamped shut as a violent cough racked her body.

 

“Open your eyes!” You screamed, the volume of your voice completely lost from the ringing in your ears. She shook her head. Your patience was thin, using the Force you froze her in place, your hand clamping onto her orbital socket and forcing her eyes open as you tilted the open bottle into them, allowing the water to flush her orbs one at a time. She coughed again. “Drink it!” You screamed again. She grabbed the bottle with shaky hands as you coughed violently. She gasped as the bottle left her lips. You took the bottle from her and tilted your own head back and flushed your eyes, water running down your neck and torso. Your face scrunching tightly as tears welled up to push out the chemical sting. You took the bottle to your lips and took a large swallow, the cool liquid burning down your throat. Gasping as she did, you passed the bottle back to her, as you moved to her pack and yanked her bottle out.  Taking another deep swallow and immediately vomiting. You wheezed and then coughed again, causing you to gag and spit out the remaining bile and water in your mouth. Your eyes squeezing shut as you braced against your knees, willing yourself to not vomit again, gasping for fresh air. The ringing in your ears slowly lowering a few decibels, allowing you to hear a bit more clearly.

 

You forced yourself to return to a standing position your eyes locking onto the burning refinery for a moment and then snapping suddenly to Jana who was shaking violently and holding onto herself. Her skin blotchy from tears and stress. You moved towards her and grabbed her, wrapping her in your arms tightly. She made no motion to move and only continued to shiver. Your hand moved to her face, shifting her to look at you. Your eyes blood shot and bright as you met hers,

 

“Are you okay?” Your voice not nearly as loud as before. She looked at you in shock. Her head shaking slowly.

 

“Wh…wh….why would someone do thi…thisss?” Her voice breaking as she openly wept. You shook your head.

 

“I’m not sure, but I’m going to find out…and when I do…I’m going to crush them.”  Your eyes scanned around you, finding a few Stormtroopers stumbling and regaining composure, Jana’s personal guard, or rather what was left of them, were moving towards you. A sturdy looking dark skinned man reached you both first, he looked at the princess and then at you. Her slightly taller frame wrapped in your arms as she shivered with sobs.

 

“Can you take the princess and get her back to the shuttle?” You asked the man. He looked at you in confusion, Jana’s arms finally clutching onto you tightly.

 

“Don’t leave me!” She sobbed. Your hand moved to brace the back of her head, mud caked her dark locks as you comfortingly braced her.

 

“It’ll only be for a few moments. I’m not going to leave you, but you need to get out of this smoke.” Your voice finally returning to a normal octave as the ringing dulled to a dull hum in your ears. She only clutched you tighter, rubbing her face into the crook of your neck, you could feel her hot tears dripping onto your skin. You allowed her to cry as a Stormtrooper moved to you, mentally cursing them for their identical attire. Which one are you?

 

“Ma’am.” You nodded as you heard the familiar muffled female voice. Well at least Twenty-Five was alive. “Commander Ren has instructed me to escort you back to the shuttle and return you and Princess Jana to the palace.”  Her voice was curt as she spoke. Your brows furrowing deeply. Absolutely not.

 

“No. Take the Princess back, I will remain here with the Commander.” You said sternly.

 

“Ma’am, the Commander was quite firm on the matter.”  Your eyes narrowed dangerously, though Twenty-Five did not shrink away from your glare. You huffed and nodded. You needed to trust his judgment on the matter and not undermine him in front of your inferiors.

 

“Fine.” You pulled Jana away from you and looked at her. “Come Princess, let’s get you back home.” She nodded as fat tears rolled down her cheeks, mauve lips trembling as a sob escaped the prison of her mouth.  You wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her tightly to you as you made the short journey back to the ship.

 

You stood at the now lowered bay doors and motioned for Twenty-Five to escort Jana into the ship, you turned back to see the large plume of black smoke rising in the distance. The sky only growing darker as the smoke over took the air around you.

 

 _“You don’t want to leave him.”_ Your brows furrowed as the voice of the boy infiltrated your mind. You could feel his presence next to you, though you did not bother to look at him.

 

 _“No, it’s not that…I feel like I should be out there with him.”_ He hummed.

 

 _“A half-truth.”_ You huffed in slight annoyance.

 

_“We should not be separating.”_

_“Do you not trust him?”_ Your lips pinched at his question, your eyes casting a glance towards his hazy form. 

_“Not entirely.”_ You admitted. 

 

 _“I trusted him once.”_ He said as his brows furrowed. _“I was younger then, he was nice...he’s nice to you too.”_ Silence passed between you as you mulled over his words…you couldn’t think about them too deeply. The boy was the enemy, Kylo had done what was required. You had done what was required.

_“Why did you warn me…you could have let us walk into there. You could have been free from me.”_ He huffed a laugh.

 

 _“I told you, I have a job to do. Besides…I think I really like annoying you…can’t exactly do that if you’re dead.”_ You huffed a laugh this time, a smirk coming to your lips.

 

“Lady Ceph?” Your head turned to look behind you, catching Twenty-Five hovering within the frame of the ship. You hummed. “We are prepared for departure.” She informed you. You nodded and turned to enter the ship, the boy’s presence gone once again.

 

“I’ll be right there.” You looked once again out into the growing darkness, licking and exploding flames flickering to meet the dark smoke. You forced yourself to break away from the sight and turned to enter the shuttle.

 

****

 

The shuttle landed without a hitch, Jana curled into your shoulder, exhausted from the physical and emotional exertion, and truthfully you were too. You wanted nothing more than to return to your room and curl into a ball, but you had work to do. You needed to get to the bottom of this, your time of being a diplomat was possibly out the window now. You would use whatever means necessary to find who was behind the attack.

 

You stirred Jana gently, running your hand tenderly across her face as she roused, whispering that you had returned to the palace. She fumbled with the harness and stood, her face drained and eyes puffy. She looked like a wreck. You supposed you didn’t look much better, covered in mud and soot, a lingering stinging still in your throat and lungs from all the smoke causing your voice to be hoarse and the urge to cough violently at any moment.

 

“Ma’am, I am to escort you back to the palace and then return immediately to the river lands.” Twenty-five said curtly as she stood waiting for you and Jana to exit. You nodded.

 

“Has the General been notified of the situation?” You asked as you guided Jana down the ramp.

 

“Commander Ren has instructed me to not contact the General yet.” Your brows furrowed. What was he getting at with keeping this information from Hux? He needed to be informed immediately and reinforcements needed to be dropped.

 

“I’m going to assume that he did not explain his reasoning behind this?”

 

“No Ma’am.”

 

“Typical.” You mumbled. “Fine.” You turned to Jana, “We need to get you to medical. Do you have a doctor or physician in the palace?” You asked. She shook her head.

 

“No, we would need to call one of them from the Temple Mount.” Her voice was rough from crying and coughing.

 

“Alright. Let’s get you inside.” You turned to one of the three remaining guards, “Fetch a doctor for the Princess.” He nodded and started to run back towards the palace. You proceeded to aided Jana back, arm wrapped around her middle to steady her shaking legs, halting briefly and turning back to Twenty-Five.

“Do not let the Commander out of your sight once you return. Understand?” Your voice sounding sure and commanding, Twenty-Five nodded.

 

“Yes Ma’am.” You turned back and proceeded to enter the palace, Jana leaning heavily on you, her eyes weeping once again. Happy to be back home.

 

Once inside of the palace Calla stood waiting, having been informed of the ship’s arrival. She was not prepared for the sight of Jana, and cried out as she ran to her and prying her from your grip, as a mother would a child.

 

“Princess! What happened?!” She gripped the woman tightly, wrapping her sturdy arms around Jana’s frame. Jana sobbed into the deep green silks of Calla’s clothing. Recanting the tale of the explosion. Calla comforted her as best as she could, her eyes finally meeting your own. Deep burnt umber orbs peering into your own. Your face was emotionless, a contradiction to the swirling emotions inside of you, you could not show how you felt now. Timing was of the essence.

 

“Where is Mon and the council?” You asked.

 

“They are still in the council room, why?” She asked.

 

“Take Jana to her chambers, I will join you shortly.”

 

“Where are you going?” Jana asked in a slight panic.

 

“I need to contact the Commander.”  You turned away from her abruptly before she could ask more questions. You needed to know what Ren’s plan was and why he was withholding information from the General and effectively Snoke. You moved to your own quarters, though it was not the direction you wanted to truly move in, you would have much rather marched down to the council room, storm into the council room and probe their minds. Finding out any information you could from every single one of the council members and the High Sarjana, but you knew that was a reckless plan. You would not be able to fully defend yourself from attack, not while sifting through their memories or thoughts. And what if you found no useful information? You would have shown all the cards in your hands to the men who could possibly be plotting with the New Republic…or rather in hopes of joining the New Republic. Perhaps they, whoever they were, was a mole sent in by the New Republic?  You shook your head trying to rid yourself of the millions of thoughts coursing through you. You needed to focus and contact Ren.

 

You moved to the floor and sat promptly, closing your eyes and coughing for a moment. Once you stopped you tried once again to clear your mind and followed the tether that connected you and Kylo. Tracing the lead lines away from Volcal and back towards the river lands. Projecting your presence, focusing your thoughts on your metaphysical form, willing your projection to take shape and manifest.

 

You were standing in a thick plume of black smoke, though you could not smell it, smelling instead the air with in your room, feeling the breeze from the fan overhead instead of the oppressive heat of the river lands. You looked for him, feeling further in the Force as you willed your projection to walk through the thick smoke. Walking closer to the flames that still burned in the refinery. There. You saw him, he turned abruptly, ignoring a Stormtrooper who was talking to him, raising a hand to halt them from speaking further. He stared at you for a moment, you could feel his eyes on you, trying to access if you were actually present or not.

 

“I’m back at the palace.”  You said cutting to the chase.

 

 _“Give me a moment.”_ He turned back to the Stormtrooper and held a single finger up, excusing himself to walk towards you. He joined you in quick stride.

 

“Why are you withholding from the General?” You asked abruptly. His shoulder tensed for a moment, you could sense his agitation at the question, as if you should already know.

 

 _“We can handle this, we don’t need to inform him just yet.”_  You shook your head.

 

“We need to let him know what is going on, Snoke needs to know.”

 

 _“You don’t think he doesn’t already know?”_ Slight smugness coming from his mental tone.

 

“I don’t care if he already knows, there is a protocol we must follow, regardless of the mental connection we share with our Master.” He turned away from you and back to the burning factory, ignoring you for a moment. You stood waiting for him to say something, arms crossed over your chest. He continued to stand in silence. You huffed. “What do you want me to do?”

 

_“Stay with the princess and king, guard them, I will return soon.”_

“That’s it?! You want me to just sit around babysitting?”

 

_“Yes Ceph. That’s exactly what I want you to do. Sit and wait.”_

“This is banthashit.”

 

 _“You already know that you cannot just burst into the council room and start demanding answers. I don’t know why you are even asking me what you already know.”_ You scowled at him, your upper lip turning into a sneer.

 

“Next time, I won’t ask you. I’ll just do as I please.” You snapped. His gloved hands gripped tightly into a fist, if he could have he probably would have snatched you for being so insolent. Instead the both of you had a staring match.

 

 _“Have you been seen by the doctor yet?”_ He asked suddenly, his stance relaxing a bit, causing you to relax as well.

 

“No. They apparently don’t keep a doctor at the palace. I’m fine aside from coughing.”  You said with a dismissive flick of your wrist.

 

 _“Don’t be a fool, you have no idea what kind of toxins are in this smoke.”_ He said sternly. You shook your head.

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

 _“Get checked out anyway. Once Mon leaves the council chambers you need to speak to him immediately and inform him of what has happened. We need to keep track of the council men, though I’m sure they will just return to their districts.”_ You nodded.

 

“Be careful.”

 

 _“You too. I’ll be back soon.”_ You wanted to say more. Tell him to come back to you in one piece and not to do anything reckless, but you held back. It was too much, too much sentiment, you needed to keep your feelings to yourself. Instead you merely nodded and pulled your projection back to you. Blinking out of his sight and back into your room. Opening your eyes and looking around for a moment, your head pounding slightly, though you weren’t entirely sure if it was merely from coughing or from sending a projection of yourself for the first time. A faint smile coming to your lips. Well you certainly could send a projection, maybe next time you would be able to get in contact with Einn and the others. But right now you needed to get down to the council room and wait for Mon. The smile faded from your face as you stood and moved to exit your room.

 

You stood and waited near the doors to the council room, giving a fleeting glance every once in a while to the two guards who stood post on either side of the door. They didn’t inquire about you standing there, instead they just ignored you completely as you leaned against the wall with arms crossed. Coughing every once in a while, phlegm coming up with each cough. You wish it wouldn’t have been impolite to spit it on the floor, instead you swallowed it down with disgust. 

 

While you waited you mentally checked in on Jana, seeking out her signature in the Force and checking her location. You just wanted to be sure she was still only with Calla and that she was in one place. Your lips pinched as you forced yourself not to cough. Your shoulders still shaking slightly as you forced your lungs not to heave. Your patience was starting to wear thin, tired of waiting for the men to leave the room, once again fighting the urge to burst into the room uninvited. Huffing you slumped down to the floor, your head still pounding from your mental projection and coughing, your fingers going to your temples to rub vigorously at the tender spots. Your eyes closing as you rubbed, willing your body to relax with the sensation as you sat on the floor.

 

“Lady Ceph?” Your eyes shot open to see Mon standing above you, leaning over you and peering at you curiously. You hadn’t realized that you had fallen asleep while waiting. How long were you out for? Your brows scrunching as you shifted to stand again, Mon moving away to give you room for the motion. “Is everything alright?” He asked with new concern, taking in your appearance as you stood. A cough racking your body violently, your hand covering your mouth as black phlegm expelled from your lungs. You wiped them on your pants, thankful for the dark material.

 

“I need to speak to you…in private…immediately.” His face dead panned as he nodded and ushered you into the council room, guiding you to a seat which you denied. You needed to stand.

 

“What’s going on?” He asked with furrowed brows.

 

“Someone has sabotaged the refinery in Coulter’s district.” You said cutting to the chase. His brows knitting closer together and head shaking slightly in confusion.

 

“What do you mean sabotaged?”

 

“They blew it up.”

 

“Where is Jana?!” He asked suddenly, his body going rigid with fear.

 

“She’s safe. We were lucky, we found out about the bomb before entering the facility.”

 

“How?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.  You waved your hand dismissively.

 

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is who did it and why they did it.” You paused as another cough gripped you, his hand coming to your shoulder to brace you. Concern in his face as he watched your body convulse. You pushed his hand away from you, though not unkindly. “We have reason to believe this person is either actively consorting with the New Republic and their corruption or are trying to consort with them. Either way, this is a very serious matter. One that the Commander nor I can ignore.”

 

“Are you insinuating that Coulter is behind this?” He asked.

 

“I’m not sure, we can’t rule him or any of the others out just yet.”

 

“The others? The other council men?”

 

“Yes. Each could have their own motives for doing this…even the High Sarjana is a suspect.” He shook his head.

 

“They would never…this…this is too much.”

 

“I know you don’t want to think about it, but we must.” His lips pinched as he looked away from you, as he came to terms with the information.

 

“What am I to do? What can I do?” He asked looking back at you suddenly.

 

“I need to interrogate each of the council men once the Commander returns.”

 

“Where is the Commander currently?”

 

“Still in the river lands, conducting an investigation.”

 

“And Jana?”

 

“She is back in her room with Calla, I have told them not to leave until I fetch them personally.” He nodded.

 

“I need to see my sister.” He whispered. You nodded.

 

“We can both see her in a moment…I need your permission…to do what I must to get to the root of this.” He looked at you indignantly.

 

“What if I deny it? What would happen if I said no.”

 

“It would be a declaration of war.” He stood silently as he considered your words, as if trying to find a loophole. “They will rain hell onto your doorstep, there would be nothing left, don’t even consider it.”

 

“Is that a threat?”

 

“It is a promise.” You said flatly. You would release destruction onto their city, snuffing out every living thing if commanded to do so. There would be no joy in it, but you would do as commanded. You would kill both Jana and Mon if told to do so. You owed your allegiance to no one but the Supreme Leader and the First Order so long as he commanded it. Mon’s brows were creased as he mulled over the finality of your words.

 

“Do as you must.” He whispered. You nodded, glad that he agreed.

 

“Command your guards to discreetly detain your council men and the High Sarjana, we don’t want any parties aware that we may be on to them.” He nodded. “Keep them separated, they must not know that they have all been detained.” He nodded again, his face scrunched, distaste for the whole situation. Another cough racking your body, hand catching more blackened mucus.

 

“Are you alright?” He asked, finally catching sight of the tar like substance in your hand. You nodded, as you attempted to regain your breath. He shook his head. “You need to see a doctor.”  You waved his concern away.

 

“Later. We have more important things to worry about.”

 

“Your health is just as important.” You shook your head.

 

“First the council men and the High Sarjana, then I will see a doctor.”

 

“Then let us be on our way.” He said flatly and turning away from you and walking out of the council chambers. You followed, walking behind him closely as he paused and spoke to one of the guards. Instructing them to fetch their own Commander and to bring him to Jana’s room.

 

He walked briskly down the halls, in urgent need to confirm that Jana was alright, as if you would lie to him about her safety. The atmosphere between you shifting slightly to one of contempt and weariness. He didn’t know who to trust anymore, suddenly making you feel like an outsider, all warmth gone between you. The direct result of forcing his hand. He stood at Jana’s chamber doors and rapped a knuckle against the wood. Calla opened the door just enough to peek around, opening it once she saw the both of you.

 

You entered behind Mon, stifling a cough once again, noticing who you could only assume was a doctor from the Temple Mount examining Jana. Listening to her lungs as she inhaled deep breathes, breaking away only to tap onto his datapad.

 

“The bronchioles sound strained, but I would need to do a more through exam to see the full extent of the damage. How long were you exposed to the smoke for?” He asked, looking up from his datapad and meeting her gaze. A cough escaping from you, causing Jana to look in your direction. A hand raised to signify that you were fine. Her brows furrowed as you continued to cough.

 

“Not for long, Lady Ceph managed to reach me before I could inhale much of it. Perhaps a good two minutes...maybe five? It’s hard to tell…everything happened so fast.” Mon moved to her side as you hovered near the door.

 

“Bring whatever you must to examine her, her health is of the utmost priority.” He rested a hand on Jana’s shoulder, comforting her, her own hand rising to rest on his, giving him a gentle squeeze in thanks. Mon gestured towards you, “Please examine her as well.” The man looked at you and nodded, patting the edge of the bed next to Jana. You walked over and took a seat.

 

He moved his stethoscope under your shirt, pressing the slightly cold metal to your chest as he instructed you to breathe in deeply. You fought the urge to cough and lost, sputtering out a wheezing hack, the doctor stepped back as you caught more dark mucus in your hand. He grabbed at the appendage before you could wipe the evidence away and eyed it. Gesturing for you to keep your palm open as he moved to his bag to grab a swab and using it to take a sample, swiftly encapsulating it to keep it from being contaminated further.

 

“How long were you exposed?”

 

“Just as long as the Princess.” You lied.

 

“Longer, she gave me her covering and then proceeded to run the both of us out of the smoke.” Jana corrected. Your cheeks flushing slightly, they didn’t need to know that. Mon looked at you, warmth coming back to his eyes, gratefulness, you realized. You nodded. The doctor hummed.

 

“I will return to do further tests, I suggest heavy oxygenation for now. I will have my attendant return with the temporary treatment.” He turned and went back to his datapad and tapped at the screen as he typed his notes. Another cough racking you causing Jana to rest a hand on your shoulder as Mon had done to you. You could feel her emotions coursing through you with her touch, your mental walls admittedly lowered, waiting for communication from Kylo. Gratefulness flowing through you, endearment intertwining with the sentiment. Your walls slowly strengthening as you mentally focused on pushing her emotions away from you.

 

The doctor closed his bag once returning his datapad and took one last glance at the both of you. Nodding at Mon who stood to join him outside of the chamber. Calla stood near the door, eyes lowered as Jana locked eyes with you.

 

“Leave us.” She said kindly. Calla nodding and exited the chamber, leaving both of you alone, Jana’s eyes never leaving you. Her hand rose and tentatively brushed across your cheek. “You were in my head…your voice…I could hear you…and feel you.” She whispered, her eyes searching your own, gauging for a reaction.

 

“Yes. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you…I needed you out of harm’s way.”  You muttered. She smiled softly.

 

“I knew you were strange.” She laughed softly, her hand now fully cupping your cheek intimately, leaning forward, her nose brushing your own as her lips pressed your own. Tenderly stealing a kiss from you as you fought the urge to return it. The want to give in to her tenderness warring with the complications that would come from it. She pulled away, both of you blushing, you could feel the heat rising on your cheeks.

“I’m sorry…I…just needed to do that.” She whispered.  For a moment the battle ensued within you, but was quickly won out by the urge to feel her lips against your own once again. Your hand reaching out and bracing the back of her head, finding dried mud still tangled within her ebony locks. Your lips crashing together passionately, emotion unfurling and passing between the two of you, united by the delicate skin of your lips. Tongues dancing across each other, sending a tightening to the coil in your lower belly. Uninhibited compassion and want blooming within you, but under it, under the urge and need there was a searing sting that only seemed to grow in intensity the longer your lips touched, causing you to recoil from her and breaking the contact.

 

“I’m sorry.” You muttered. “We shouldn’t…” She looked at the floor and nodded. Both of you sitting in silence for a moment before she spoke.

 

“Is there someone else?” She whispered. Your brows furrowed, your left hand pulling her face to look at you, resting your hand tenderly on her cheek,

 

“It’s…complicated.”

 

“The Commander?” Your lips pinched tightly at the mention of him.

 

“Yes and no.”

 

“It makes sense now…the lingering looks between the both of you. I thought I was making it up, seeing something that wasn’t really there…”

 

“We were speaking.”

 

“Speaking?”

 

“Yes, mentally.” She furrowed her brows, confusion flickering across her features as she tried to process the information, seemingly forgetting that she had heard you in her own head hours earlier, her face flashing understanding as the thought occurred to her.

 

“Like how you were in my head…warning me to run?” You nodded.

 

“It’s difficult to explain…he and I…we…” You moved your other hand upward and crossed your index and middle fingers, locking them together tightly. “We are connected in a way that makes communication easier mentally…there is no pain between us…not like when I was in your head.” You huffed not quite sure if you were getting your point across. “Have…have you ever heard about the Force? About Jedi and the Sith?” She blinked and nodded.

 

“I have read about such things, yes…but I thought they were just…stories.”

 

“They’re real. It’s all real.” Her lips pinched slightly, visibly considering her next words as she cast her eyes downward. A silent pause passing between you as she mulled over your words.

 

“Are you a Jedi or a Sith?” She asked as her eyes met yours once again. You sighed.

 

“It’s complicated…we are neither and yet…both. In between.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“We choose no side…not yet…maybe not ever.” She nodded.

 

“What a strange place to be…in between the light and the dark. I thought everyone chose a side…that there was no neutral space between.”

 

“There is no such place…it is a battlefield. Two sides warring for control. A constant tug and pull.” She frowned.

 

“It must be tiring to never know true peace within yourself.” You smiled sadly as her own hand came to rest upon your face once more, your hand rising to brace against her hand. Her eyes expressing so much more than words could ever possibly do. Dark hazel eyes flashing a familiar cornflower blue for the briefest of moments. You could feel yourself crumbling as your mind projected her traits onto Jana. Your eyes watering and threatening to spill tears, your hand falling away from touching her, from tainting her, soiling something so bright and compassionate with your touch.

 

“I should let you rest.” You said as you moved to stand, her eyes never leaving you, stifling a cough once again, she made motion to stand but you signaled for her remain. “Rest princess, I will see you soon.” She merely nodded, allowing you to make your exit from her chambers, catching Mon speaking to who you could only assume to be the Commander of the guards. You nodded to him and walked away, wanting to be alone with your thoughts.

 

Upon returning to your room and shutting the door you stripped off your clothing, leaving a trail behind you as you moved to the bathroom to shower, catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Mud caked and soot covered, hair disheveled and dangling freely from what once was a bun. Your eyes blood shot, angry red capillaries veining across the whites of your eyes. Another cough racking your body as you braced yourself with the counter of the vanity, pitch colored goo ejecting from your mouth and pooling in the basin of the sink, causing you to gag. Fighting the urge to vomit stomach acid that rose and further burned the passage way of your throat. Eyes watering and leaking in the corners as you wiped at them hastily, willing your body to steady, shoulders heaving as you tried to retain enough air in your lungs.

 

You paused with closed eyes, body finally relaxing and easing the tension in your shoulders. You forced yourself to push away from the vanity and to turn the water on for the shower. Stepping into the stall and bracing an arm against the wall housing the shower head, allowing the searing hot water to wash over you, eyes closed tightly and mouth opened to breathe. Opening your eyes slightly to watch the grime wash off of you and swirl around the drain. Your hands coming together and rubbing the soot from your face as much as possible before using any soap, moving up to your hair and pulling the hair tie away, shaking it to loosen the knots that had formed around it, suppressing another cough as you shook your long locks free from confinement. You washed slowly and then stood in the spray until the skin on your fingers and toes pruned. 

 

Turning off the water to stand for a moment, allowing the water to run down your body and drip back into the stall floor as the drain gurgled. Your hand reaching for a towel and wiping your face off and then the rest of your body, wrapping it securely around your form and then grabbing another for your hair. Wrapping it tightly around the drenched locks and piling it on top of your head. Exhaustion over taking you, your stomach growling and burning from the lack of food and gnawing anxiety.

 

You dressed slowly into your night clothing, too exhausted to put on actual clothes that required moving your body far too much. Ripping the wet towel from your head and allowing the wet ropes of your hair to fall across your shoulders and back and crawling into the bed. Another cough rocking you as you curled tightly into a ball, eyes clamped tightly shut as your headache returned. Groaning and pulling the light covers over you and shifting the pillow under your head, your eyes hot from exhaustion. You fell asleep almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind words, you guys are amazing.   
> If you want the play list please feel free to email me for the link.   
> mortisoculo@gmail.com
> 
> Also I have made some moodboards for some of the characters, they are on my tumblr, mortisoculo.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Into the Fray

_____________________

 

Body jarring from a harsh cough and bleary eyes opening, a knock on the door causing a soft groan to escape your lips. You called out, notifying them that you would be at the door in a moment. Willing your body to stir and sit up. Your head swimming as you shifted and stood, bare feet padding on the floor, and tucking wild untamed locks behind your ears as you opened the door. You were greeted by a familiar face that should not have been there. Dr. Duran, with graying hair and bags under his eyes, a soft smile on his lips as he looked at you.

 

“Hello Eight.” Your brows furrowed in confusion, your hands coming to your eyes to rub them unsure if you were making up his presence.

 

“That’s not my name anymore.” You mumbled once you realized that he was actually standing in front of you and not some delusion.

 

“I’m sorry, Ceph…right? Sorry…it’s habit I guess.” You nodded and stood in the doorway as he peered around you.  “Are you going to let me in or are you going to make me stand in the hall?” He asked with a slight smile. You shook your head and allowed him to enter your room, closing the door behind him, noticing a bag and a tank strapped around his frame.

 

“What are you doing here?” You asked as you moved around him and to the table, clearing a place for him to set his things down.

 

“The Commander summoned me.” He said as he set his effects down.

 

“When did he do that?” You asked curiously.

 

“I’m not sure, it was late and in the middle of the sleep cycle. I was informed that I needed to board shuttle and get here as soon as possible.” He mumbled as he opened the bag and riffled through the contents searching for something.

 

“It’s a long way from Zoist…your pilot must had made record time getting here.”

 

“Oh, no, I’ve been on the _Supremacy,_ I was moved there shortly after all of you departed from Zoist.”

 

“I wasn’t aware the _Supremacy_ was so close by.” You mumbled.

 

“Not too close, I only just arrived.”

 

“You must be tired then.” He hummed.

 

“Yes, well I caught a cat nap on the shuttle, I’ll be fine.”

 

“Does the General know you are here?”

 

“He does not, I saw no need in notifying him, though the Supreme Leader is aware.” You nodded glumly. Of course. He motioned for you to take a seat so he could examine you. Muttering about the inferior medical staff at the Temple Mount. Smiling slightly as he muttered. 

 

“You’ve been coughing, black phlegm, yes?” He asked, turning to check his datapad. You nodded, assuming that the doctor from the Temple Mount must have sent him your examination. He hummed and pulled out something from his bag, a clear mask that he attached to the tank, handing you the piece and motioning for you to put it on and turning the valve on the tank wide open. “Deep slow breaths.” You nodded and did as he asked.

 

He pulled the other chair around and sat, hunching his shoulders and resting an elbow on the table and propping his head up, a soft smile spread across his face once again. Your brows furrowed as he absentmindedly stared at you.

 

“What?” Your voice coming out muffled from behind the mask.

 

“Just remembering when you were younger.” He mused. You scrunched your nose in confusion.

 

“It hasn’t been that long since I’ve seen you.” You muttered. He shook his head with a smile.

 

“No of course not, but I’m speaking about when you were just about this high.” He said gesturing to the height of his waist. Your head tilting in confusion. “Do you not remember?” he asked with a faint smile. You shook your head, face scrunched and heart suddenly racing. “You were such a tiny thing, I didn’t think you were going to make it, but look at you now.” He huffed a laugh, “Out in the galaxy and fulfilling your duty, strong and spirited as ever. All of you have grown so much.” Shaking his head with a chuckle. “When I look at all of you…I feel like a father sometimes…having the privilege of watching all of you grow up. I never had the chance to have children of my own, so wrapped up in work to give it much of a thought.” He huffed a laugh at his words, shaking his head, realizing how silly he may have sounded.

 

But you were too busy battling your sudden panic. Your heart actively trying to free itself from the flesh and bone prison around it. To the best of your recollection you had only met him for the first time when he sutured your hand back together. You breathed in deeply as your head began swimming once again, he noticed your sudden agitation and frowned.

 

 “Deep, easy breaths, calm down.” Your hands were shaking as anxiety riled within you. His face full of concern as he brought around a cuff to check your heart rate, frowning as you battled the rising panic attack. “How long has this been going on?” He asked you, you could only manage to stare wide eyed at him, too concentrated on your internal strife to answer. Forcing your breathing to even out, mentally chanting for calm. His frown only deepening as he pulled the datapad out and began to type. Your hand shooting out and grabbing at the typing hand. He paused and looked at you, confused by the motion. You shook your head.

 

“Please.” You gasped. He paused and took in the sight of you, his brows furrowed deeply, causing a deep crease to form on his forehead. “Please.” You begged. “Don’t.” The mask fogging from your heavy breathing. He put the datapad down and grabbed your hand, wrapping both of his own around it.

 

“I didn’t think about all the repercussions of what we did to you. To all of you. You were all so resilient. The others especially, they took to each other so easily, we monitored your interactions…but you were always so distant.” He looked away from you for a moment as he paused, only turning to look at you once he started to speak again, “That’s when I started to think about all the terrible things we did…I was removed from the project shortly after and moved to the medical staff…you made me realize how fragile and precious all of you were. Children not weapons.” He paused as your hands rattled, his grip breaking to bring your other hand to meet with its mate and clamping them once again in his. “I had to fight to stay on the staff…the Supreme Leader did not appreciate my new found view.” He scoffed. “I couldn’t do the things he wanted me to do anymore...” He shook his head. “I assured him that I would instead invest my time to caring and healing each of you when needed…” He huffed, as his thumb stroked across your hands. “He was satisfied enough with that, I had intimate knowledge of each of you. Who better to tend to you…but seeing you like this…makes me think about what would have happened if you had never gone through the things you did.” He muttered. Tears welling in your eyes and falling gently down your cheeks, you pulled your hands away from him and placed them in your lap, thumb rubbing over stump repeatedly as your body shook with silent sobs. His own eyes watering, sadness and regret pouring out from him in crashing waves.  

 

You said nothing, only staring blankly at him as tears continued to pour from your eyes, a tear creeping from his own, which he wiped away hastily, rubbing his face roughly. He looked so tired. “I regret so much.” He muttered. “I would ask for forgiveness but I know you won’t give it to me.” You bristled at this, tears of sadness shifting to angry fat drops as your face scrunched, you pulled the mask down from your face as your lower lip trembled in anger.

 

“I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember where I came from, what the name of my parents were…I don’t know my own name. I don’t even know how fucking old I am.” You paused, hands balling into fists, nails digging into palms. “You did this to me. You and your fucking colleges...” Your face contorting in anger, teeth gnashing as you tried to bite back the words that were forming, not enough, never enough. “You feel like a father?” You barked a laugh. “Congratulations, you sired a weapon. Are you proud?”  His eyes shifted downward in shame.

 

“I thought…” He paused, eyes shifting further away from you, he couldn’t look at you, body language betraying him. “I thought we were doing what was best…I thought we were doing something important…something just.”

 

“The end always justifies the means, right?” You scoffed, your body vibrating with anger and resentment.

 

“Sad to say, but yes, sometimes…it does.” His eyes shifting to meet your own, red and tired, tears once again threatening to spill from his glossy orbs. “Because of Project Awakening, we began to tailor our next project, learning a great deal from your group. All of you gave birth to Project Resurrection, your sufferings and triumphs…gave life to the current stormtrooper program.” Your jaw tightened as your mind reeled, trying to process his words.

 

“You took them…”

 

“We saved them.” Tears falling from his eyes. He knew it was a lie, but it was what he needed to believe. Twenty-Five, Seventy-Eight…they were just like you. Robbed of their childhood, stolen from their families, broken and rebuilt. You sat in silence for a moment, thinking back to all that you could remember, shifting through memories, not sure of their origin. Did they happen or were they implanted fabrications? Your mind zipping through recent memories, Twelve.

 

“What was her name…her real name?” He looked at you in confusion. “Twelve, her name…what…was it?” He looked away from you and nodded, understanding suddenly, his eyes glancing at your left hand.

 

“We never knew your names. You were always numbers in your files.” Your lip trembled as you fought back the urge to cry out. Your voice straining as you tried to speak without breaking completely,

 

“Can you tell me anything…anything about her…or the others….or myself?” He shook his head.

 

“I can only tell you a rough estimation of your age ranges when you arrived…though it was hard to tell with some of you. The Force has a way of making you far more cognizant than most children. Some of you came to us malnourished and under developed…from families that could not afford to nourish you properly.” He paused watching you strain to keep your composure, watching you slowly break apart. “I always assumed you were around five or so when you arrived…possibly six…again…it was hard to tell.”  You closed your eyes and took a deep breath through your mouth.

 

“So…I’m between twenty-five and twenty-six years old.” He nodded.

 

“Roughly.” You nodded.  He gestured back to the mask, “Put it back on, you need to do this for another hour.” He said as he stood. You pulled it back up and secured it around your mouth and nose, eyes looking elsewhere. “I’ll be back in an hour…” He picked up the tank and motioned for you to go towards the bed. You crawled onto it and laid down as he sat the tank on the floor. “Rest. I’ll be back.” He hovered hesitantly over you, looking as if he wanted to say more, but held it back and turned away to grab his bag and leave, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

 

You weren’t sure why you were placing the blame solely on him, perhaps because he was there. The need to blame someone overwhelming your rational mind. You knew better. He was not the only one to blame. But you couldn’t think about it, going down that track would leave you with nothing left, only further emotional turmoil. You had already had enough for a life time. Your eyes closed as you laid in the bed, shifting to lay on your side and looking at the swaying curtain. Your mind going down a thread of thought as you watched the fluttering fabric. Did he know this? Did Kylo know all this time? Project Awakening and its ties to Project Resurrection. You had already noticed the similarities between your training, you weren’t aware how similar they really were. Stolen. All of you stolen.

 

Your eyes opened to the slight squeaking of the tank valve turning to cut the flow of pure oxygen. Dr. Duran moving to pull the mask from your face and moving the tank to sit against the wall. Motioning for you to sit up, your head dizzy as you shifted upright. Pulling out his stethoscope and pressing it to your chest, not bothering to place it on your bare skin, and asked you to breathe in deeply and exhale. Moving the instrument around you to your back, deep breath and exhale. He nodded.

 

“You’re already healing as I assumed you would.” He turned and pulled out his datapad, tapping the screen to update his notes. You sat in silence, looking at your feet to avoid looking him in the eyes as he spoke. “Probably another few days on the oxygen and you should be healed.”

 

“Are you staying?” You muttered, eyes still on your bare feet.

 

“Yes, until you are healed, then I’ll be out of your hair.” He said flatly.

 

“Has there been any word about the others?” You asked, slight hopefulness in your tone.

 

“Not that I know of, though I wouldn’t be privy to that information unless one of them needed medical attention.” He watched your expression, seeing the hope die away from your face. “That’s a good thing.” He added. You nodded. No news was good news.

 

“Right.” You mumbled.

 

“The Commander is back though.” He added. You merely nodded, not entirely sure if you cared at the moment.  “He’ll probably come to see you shortly…he’s been inquiring about your health since my arrival.” You blinked passively, on the verge of shut down mode, the need to pull away from everything and everyone chewing away at you.

 

“Tell him not to bother, he can get whatever information he’s after from you.” He said nothing as he turned away and packed his datapad back into his bag. “He cares you know.” He muttered, his back turned to you as your eyes finally shifted away from your feet.

“Only because he has to.” You mumbled. Your mind struggling to remember the emotions and thoughts he had practically confessed to you. You doubted the truthfulness of them, his intentions suddenly becoming unclear. How could you believe him…how could you believe any of them. They would do anything to placate to you. Anything to make you function the way they wanted. Push the right buttons and fire. Just another weapon to be used.

 

You could hear the door opening, as if on cue, he walked in, pausing as he saw Dr. Duran packing his things away once more.

 

“Doctor.” His voice crossing the modulator.

 

“Commander, may I speak to you in the hall?” He asked gesturing behind the hulking shadow. Ren nodded and walked back out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. Leaving you alone once again. Forcing yourself from the bed and moving to the balcony door, peeling back the fluttering curtain and peering out of the glass and out into Volcal. A soft pattering of rain on the balcony floor, your eyes drawing to the pools of splattering water, small puddles forming in the dents of the stone face. The door opening behind you and closing. You didn’t bother to turn around, knowing who it was, hearing his boots thudding on the tiled floor and then softening over the plush rug. The hiss of his helmet unlatching and a thud of it being placed on the small table, he moved to stand beside you, silently peering at you as you looked out the door.  Anxiety roiling through you in his presence, something was bothering him.

 

“What is it?” You asked softly, still not bothering to look at him.

 

“You kissed her.” His voice soft as it left him. Was that all? You fought the urge to huff a laugh.

 

“Yes.” You said flatly.

 

“You liked it.”

 

“Yes.” Your eyes shifting to glance at him from the corner of your eyes. His posture stiff, hands balled into fists, anger and something like a mixture of sadness and disappointment knocking into you like dense waves. You shrugged them off and moved away from him, his hand moving swiftly to catch your bicep tightly in his grip. Squeezing hard enough to cause you to pause but not enough to bruise. Turning you and forcing you to look at him head on. His dark eyes searching yours.

 

“Why?” He asked through clenched teeth.

 

“Because I wanted to.” You said with a slight shrug.

 

“She has nothing to offer you.” He said firmly, hurt visible in his eyes, his jaw flexing slightly.  Your brows furrowing deeply, upper lip twitching slightly.

 

“Neither do you.” You snapped. Anger igniting brightly within your chest. His grip tightening, teeth clenched and lips drawn back. Your words cutting him deeply.

 

“I have more to offer than her.” He spat. You laughed darkly.

 

“Like it’s a competition.”

 

“You belong to _ME_. No one else.” He hissed. Your eyes closing as you attempted to keep your composure.

 

“I am not your property. You do not _OWN_ me.” You seethed as you wretched your arm from his grip. His eyes widening as you moved away from him once again, his shoulders heaving as he combatted his own anger.

 

“That’s not what I meant!” He barked, clearly not gaining any more control over his emotions, his fists balled tightly at his sides once again. Waves of anger clashing with your own, a churning tide that threatened to swirl and pull both of you into its dark depths.

 

“It’s exactly what you meant.” You hissed, turning to face him once again and crossing quickly back towards him, finger drilling into his solid chest. “I’m nothing but an object for you to use, you’re no different than anyone else.”  His upper lip twitching at your harsh words.

 

“It’s not like that!” He yelled grabbing your hand and enclosing it into his large grasp, pulling it away from him. You laughed.

 

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that?” You huffed a laugh again. “Do you think I would believe that you loved me or that you cared for me?” He stood in silent shock, eyes wide as he searched for something to say, his hand loosening over yours, releasing you from him. Another deep cut. Anger falling away to hurt, his mouth opening and closing as he continued to grasp at words. You shook your head. “At least with her I know for certain that she’s not interested for selfish gain.”

 

“You know it’s not like that…you know how I feel.”  His voice barely above a whisper. You shook your head, your hand raising in a halting motion,

 

“Enough. It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does.” He yelled, anger rallying back front and center. You shook your head.

 

“In the long run, none of this matters. Nothing can become of this.” Your hand gesturing between the two of you. “We will continue to use each other as we have been. Nothing more, nothing less.” Another cut.

 

“Why do you continue to deny your feelings, why do you continue to deny mine?” You shook your head. He knew why, the conversation going full circle once again. Twelve. “Why don’t you believe me?”

 

“Too many things have been kept from me.”

 

“I have kept nothing from you. Why would I?” Your eyes shifted downward. He was right to an extent, he never withheld anything from you, not for long anyway. He moved to you, hand coming tentatively to your face, cupping your chin and tilting your head upward, your eyes following the shift and peering into his, soft dark orbs peering into your own, pleading for you to understand. “You know I cannot say the things you want me to…but everything I feel for you…everything I have shared with you…they’re true. I care for you more deeply than I… should.” His lips twitched subtly, displaying his uncertainty in his own words. Exposed in a way that he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. Perhaps someone else would have smiled at this, someone who hadn’t gone through the things you had, but you could only feel a deep sadness, a frown taking the place where a smile should have been.

 

“This will not end well…for either of us.” His eyes closing softly in understanding. These attachments would be your undoing, he knew it as well as you did.

 

“I don’t care.” He breathed. “We’ll face it together.”

 

“You’ve always been a fool.”  His eyes opened slightly, peering at you with complete adoration, the smirk you cherished so much coming to his full lips.

 

“No more than you.”  His body shifting, leaning downward as his face moved inches away from yours, his lips pressing softly against your own. You wretched away quickly from him, a cough racking your frame, your body moving to the bathroom to spit the gunk that purged from your lungs into the sink, he stood in the doorframe watching you as you expelled the phlegm. “He said you were getting better.”

 

“I am.”

 

“You need to meditate.”

 

“We don’t exactly have time for that.”

 

“We can make time, they aren’t going anywhere.”

 

You turned the faucet on and let the water run down the sink, washing away the now gray clumps, better than black you mused.

 

“Did you figure out what caused the explosion?” You asked as you turned off the faucet.

 

“Detonite bombs.”

 

“From the mine?”

 

“It’s possible.”

 

“Are we still actively searching for information?”

 

“Yes, the local troop are still combing through the workers.”

 

“Shouldn’t one of us still be there to help?” He shrugged.

 

“Probably, but I have a suspicion that it would be a waste of time.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The workers had been warned to stay away from the refinery for the day…we suspect that the culprits sacrificed themselves in the explosion.” Your brows furrowed.

 

“Detonite can be remotely activated…why sacrifice yourself in the explosion/”

 

“Perhaps they were using old detonite, it becomes unstable after a while, maybe they had a complication…the second explosion came after the first, they were probably meant to detonate at the same time.” You frowned.

 

“I guess.” You moved back to the doorway and leaned against the counter, mulling over the new information. “Do you think this is really related to the New Republic?” He shrugged.

 

“I’m not sure, it doesn’t really matter. This is going to be a setback for the Order either way.” You nodded.

 

“But we can spin this in a way that it vilifies the New Republic?” He nodded.

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“Good.” He hummed. “Have you spoken to Supreme Leader?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Why not?!” Your brows furrowing as your body jolted with sudden agitation. What was he waiting for?

 

“I figured we would together.” Your body relaxed suddenly, shoulders slumping slightly as your brows rose. Oh. He smiled knowingly. “It’s your mission just as much as it is my own.” A soft smile played across your lips. It was odd how only a few moments ago you both were at each other’s throats and now you were actively smiling at each other, as if nothing had even occurred.

 

“Right. Do you need to rest before we contact him?”  His face scrunched slightly in thought. He nodded.

 

“Come get into bed with me then.” Your hand reaching out for his, and tugging him to the bed, where he stripped his grimy clothing away and climbed in beside you.

 

“You should meditate.” He reminded. You hummed.

 

“Of course.” He pulled himself closer to you, wrapping an arm across your stomach as he nestled his face into your hair, breathing in the scent and sighing in contentment. “Kylo?” He hummed.

 

“What do you know about Project Awakening?” He shifted beside you, pulling his face away from your hair.

 

“Nothing, why?” You shook your head.

 

“What about Project Resurrection?”

 

“The Stormtrooper program?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Not much, it’s never been my concern. You would need to speak to Hux or Phasma, they would know more.”

 

“My project…Project Awakening…helped form Project Resurrection.” 

 

“What do you mean your project?”

 

“We…the others…we were the first project. Duran…told me, they used what they learned from us to help tailor Project Resurrection.”  He shifted, pulling his upper body upward and resting on an elbow, eyes peering at you gauging your facial expression and feeling between the bond mentally.

 

“This hurts you, knowing that you had an indirect hand in their training?” He asked softly.

 

“Yes.” He shook his head.

 

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” His eyes peering at you softly, feeling the pain of the new revelation about your past.

 

“It doesn’t matter.” You muttered, your eyes closing. The damage was already done, there was nothing you could do.

 

“It does to you.” You shook your head.

 

“It shouldn’t.”

 

“You have every right to feel the way you do.”

 

“There is nothing I can do about it, the feelings…are pointless.” He shook his head.

 

“Use them, internalize them, they will serve you…you will be stronger with them.”  Always a weapon, always the tool, eager and begging for use, nothing more and nothing less. He shook his head.

 

“You are more than that, why don’t you see it?” You couldn’t meet his piercing gaze, he was wrong. He was such a fool. You sighed, and forced your eyes to open once more and peered at him as he hovered over you.

 

“You should get some sleep.”

 

“I will in a moment, I’m far more concerned with you than sleep at the moment.”

 

“Don’t be. I’ll be fine.” He sighed.

 

“I can’t help but to be, you’re a part of me, all of this…I can feel it. The heartache and self-doubt.” You sighed, a part of you wanting to tell him just as he told you, ‘internalize it, it will serve you.’ He seemed to sense this thought and frowned. “I didn’t mean it to be dismissive.” He paused, his jaw flexing as he tried to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. “Let me show you.”

 

You could feel a connection opening between the two of you, a memory coming through, cascading you into another time and place.

 

 

> _“I don’t know what to do anymore, he’s only getting worse. These outbursts are getting out of control.”_
> 
> _“We can’t just send him away, there’s something wrong, I know it.”_
> 
> _“Leia, we can’t keep doing this! He’s out of control! Luke…Luke could help him. Help him figure this stuff out…I just…I don’t know what to do for him.”_
> 
> _You sat on the bed, his bed. The room was dark except for the light that pooled around the crack under the door, listening to them. Always listening. They thought he couldn’t hear, but he always did. Arguing about him once again. He hadn’t meant to make the vase shatter, but he was just so frustrated. Why couldn’t they understand? He hated it here, everything was so loud and busy…and yet so lonely. They were gone all the time. Heading off to other things…things that always seemed far more important than him. Pod racing and the senate, always stealing them away from him._
> 
> _“I know. I’m not quite sure myself, he’s so…fragile…so angry.” Silent once again, voices turning into a hushed whisper as they spoke more intimately. If he wanted to he could hear them clearly, but he had heard enough. He was just a problem. A burden._

The memory flickered and shifted, sending you into another thread of recollection.

 

 

> _“I know you don’t want to go.” Her hands clamped firmly around his shoulders, kind soft brown eyes peering into his, expressing her regret and sadness._
> 
> _“Then don’t make me. I can stay with you, I’ll be better, please. Don’t make me go.” He could see a man standing off in the distance, speaking to another man who was taller. Uncle Luke…dad. She blinked back tears and shook her head._
> 
> _“It’s for the best Ben…we can’t help you. I can’t help you.” She paused as she glanced over her shoulder, peering at both of the men behind her. “But your uncle, he can.” He frowned. He had only met Uncle Luke a hand full of times, he was nice enough but he didn’t know the man, he was a stranger still._
> 
> _“Please mom, don’t make me go with him.” You could feel his bottom lip trembling, tears threatening to spill. She shook her head, wiping away a tear from her own eye._
> 
> _“Ben…you know I don’t want you to go.” She paused as she tried to regain some semblance of composure, you could feel her pain and sadness. Connected since birth, she knew him better than anyone else. Why couldn’t she see how much this was hurting him? “I know you don’t want to go, I know…I just…I need you to be strong for me.” She flashed a weak smile. “I know that this is for the best. This is what you need.”_
> 
> _It wasn’t. He didn’t want to be apart, how could she just pass him off to a stranger, even if he was his uncle? His bottom lip tugging into a trembling frown, deepening as he peered once again at the two men. Nodding softly, defeated and scared but attempting to put on a brave face. For her he would do it. Maybe she was right? Maybe he could help…the voices they were only growing louder, especially the one that came in his sleep._

**Snoke.**

 

> _He was particularly persistent. Maybe Uncle Luke held all the keys to getting these things under control…then he could come back. Then he could be with her, and they wouldn’t fight anymore and things would be normal and happy like they were when he was younger._
> 
> _“Fine.” He mumbled as she pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek and then squeezing him again. You could see the two men moving back towards the both of them, his eyes meeting fleetingly with Luke’s. Piercing blue orbs exuding kindness and understanding. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad?_
> 
> _“You ready kid?” A half-cocked grin, looking so much like Ren. Sadness in his eyes as well, though he did not want to recognize it. He nodded and took one last look at his mother, looking for reassurance. She smiled kindly, her smile was everything to him. This is what she knew he needed, he could trust her. He made motion to walk away and join his uncle, passing his father who still wore the grin that they both shared. Both sharing a brief look. He wouldn’t hug him, or kiss him, he couldn’t bring himself to say good bye. Things were strained between them. He never understood and sometimes he didn’t think he even tried to._
> 
> _He stood next to his uncle. Luke looked down at him and smiled. He couldn’t return it, his face emotionless though internally he was a sea of emotion. He was scared. A gloved hand came to rest on his shoulder as Luke nodded at him. Acknowledgement. His eyes moved back to his parents, looking at them one last time, memorizing how they stood holding each other, feeling their anxiety and concern about him leaving. His mother’s eyes were watering again. He just wanted to comfort her, tell her everything was going to be okay and that things would be better when he came back, but he couldn’t manage to form the words. He didn’t want to cry in front of them. He was far too old for that._
> 
> _Luke guided him back towards his ship, urging him to break away from everything he had ever known. He didn’t turn back this time. He couldn’t. Luke’s hand urged him to break away. Leaving them behind._
> 
> _“I know you don’t want to leave them.” Luke’s voice startling him out of his reverie. “But they can come and visit, and you can always visit them.” He said compassionately. He could only manage a nod, tears threatening to spill from his eyes again, his throat constricting with the emotion. His lips pinching tightly, holding back a sob. Luke gestured for him to move up to the cockpit of the small craft, motioning for him to sit in the co-pilot seat. “I hear you like to fly.” He said as he began to pull up the pre-flight check list, checking through the list quickly and priming the engines. He could only manage a hum, short and strained. “Well, why don’t you fly us out of here then? I know Han has taught you how, he said you’re quite good at it.” He smiled._
> 
> _He could only manage a nod, lips pinched as he turned to look at the dash and accompanying switches and panels._
> 
> _“Things are going to be okay Ben. You’ll see.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at him as he continued to go through the check list, feeling his uncle’s gaze piercing through him. For some reason he didn’t share his outlook on it. All false confidence gone, raw chewing anxiety and uncertainty gnawing it away._

The memory broke away, leaving you in confusion, not exactly sure why he had shown you this particular memory. Your brows scrunched tightly, reeling from his feelings in the memory.

 

“In a lot of ways, you and I are so similar. I didn’t want to leave, but I’ve had time to process. You haven’t.”  You frowned.

 

“She didn’t want you to leave either.”

 

“She sent me anyway.” His lips pinched tightly, holding back the still stinging emotions of resentment and uncertainty from the memory. Your hand coming to rest on his jaw, cupping him tenderly, sending him waves of comfort to battle the receding emotions. His face leaning into your touch. “I’m just trying to make you understand, it’s okay to feel how you do. I understand.” You nodded softly. “Don’t hide from the emotions Ceph, use them.” He leaned over you and pressed his lips to your own, tenderly running his hand through your hair, brushing it away from your face. He pulled away from you slowly, eyes still searching your own, his hand gliding down and resting on your cheek. 

 

“Get some sleep.” You whispered. He nodded and nestled back into your side, once again taking deep breaths and inhaling the smell of your hair. Your hand caressing his dirty locks and lulling him to sleep.

 

Your eyes closing as you began to focus inward, willing the Force to help aid you in healing, only to fall asleep to the sound of soft snores in your ear.

 

 

 

> _Darkness enveloped you. Not the sort of cold darkness of space, with its deep blue under tones and callousness. This was a warm darkness, much like seeing light from behind closed eyes, red hued and warm, soft and delicate, loving almost. And there in the darkness was a voice calling you, beckoning you to come closer. The pull too much to ignore. Your metaphysical form drifting towards it, gliding without effort. The darkness shifted from deep red to a brilliant crimson, your body taking shape, small in stature, a child._
> 
> _“Ceph.” You turned slowly on stunted limbs, uncoordinated and soft with youth. Your eyes focusing on the figure before you. Sitting in his usual golden attire, mottled pink flesh, marred and dented, gnarled twisted features, and bright piercing blue eyes. You instantly bowed, habit overriding the fear of seeing him once again. But this time you were not alone. You could see him out of the corner of your eye, shorter, much shorter, though his limbs hinted at his future height. Ears peeking through short ebony curls, much too large for his head, moles and freckles dotting skin that had seen the sun more than you would have ever imagined. His dark eyes shifting towards you momentarily, gliding over your small body. Accessing you, grateful he was not the only one back in an awkward body of the past._
> 
> _“Supreme Leader.” Your voice sounding foreign, higher in pitch, uncertainty in your tone._
> 
> _“Come closer children, no need to stand so far away.” His fingers beckoning both of you. You moved as assuredly as this form would allow, Kylo moving in pace with you as you both approached. Both of you standing at the foot of his chair, allowing him to hover over you. Asserting his dominance over the both of you. “Much better.” He cooed. Your legs wanted to tremble, but you fought against them, you could not show your fear. Both of his hands coming forward, one going to each of your heads, knobby fingers nesting into soft hair and caressing you both gently. “Tell me of your mission.” His voice still pleasant but undercut with a stern seriousness._
> 
> _“They have destroyed the ore refinery, we are actively searching for the culprit.” Kylo’s voice coming out much higher than you expected._
> 
> _“And why have they destroyed the refinery?”_
> 
> _“We aren’t sure yet Supreme Leader. We have several suspects in custody.” Your voice coming out in a rush.  His twisted lips pinched tightly._
> 
> _“It is a shame, such a setback could be detrimental to the construction of the weapon.” He paused and glanced at the both of you, icy eyes shifting lazily between you. “I have no doubt you will rectify this.” His hands slowly removing themselves from each of you and coming to rest on the arm rests of his large chair._
> 
> _“Yes Supreme Leader.” Your voices sounding out in unison._
> 
> _“Proceed with the utmost prejudice. Make an example of whoever orchestrated this. The First Order is not to be trifled with.” Both of you nodded and bowed. “I expect to see the both of you soon. Wrap this up quickly.”_
> 
> _“Yes Supreme Leader.” Ren’s voice sounded, you merely stood with your head bowed. You could feel his eyes boring into you, raising your head enough to risk a glance as he eyed you._
> 
> _“Do you have something you would like to say?” He asked. You shook your head. His hand moved forward towards Kylo and in a smooth flicking motion his presence was gone. Your eyes shifting to where he once stood and quickly returning to the view of the floor. “Come now child, we are alone, you may speak.” You chewed on your lip, hesitant to speak, scared of angering him. “I am losing my patience, speak.” His voice stern as it rang out in the crimson room._
> 
> _“I…I don’t understand why you sent me instead of someone else…this was not a job meant for a woman, not here. I have been met with resistance from the council and I fear that I may have cost us the mission.” He chuckled._
> 
> _“You have cost us nothing my child. I chose you because you are more than capable of dealing with their infantile council.” He paused and gestured for you to come even closer, you shuffled hesitantly, moving within inches of his legs, his hand coming to rest on your head once again. He pushed downward, forcing you to your knees, your eyes looking up at him as he shook his head. “You have gained more knowledge than any man could have. The princess, she is the key. The King and his council are worthless.”_
> 
> _“What do you want me to do?”_
> 
> _“Continue your efforts, when the time comes you will know.”_
> 
> _“Yes Master.”_
> 
> _“You are well on your way my child. Do not doubt yourself.” His knobby fingers carded through your hair almost lovingly. You nodded. “Time to wake my child. I shall see you soon.”_

Your eyes shot open as your body jolted upright, hands clutching tightly to the blankets, large hands steadying you as you panted. Well there was no need to contact the Supreme Leader now. Your eyes shifted towards Kylo, wide and searching.

 

“What did he say when he sent me away?” You shook your head.

 

“Just to continue with our efforts, nothing of real use…” You let your voice drift away softly. He hummed and laid back down, rubbing his face, the soft sound of his callused hands rubbing over his stubble filling your ears. You turned to look at him your brows furrowed as a soft cough pushed from your mouth.

 

“We should get going.” He mumbled.

 

“Right.” You watched as he forced himself from the bed and redressed in his grimy clothing, your lips pinched tightly.

 

“It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry.” He said as he moved to grab his helmet, tucking it under his arm. You nodded. “Get dressed, we need to go see Mon.” Your brows furrowed, Snoke’s words echoing in your head, _“The princess is the key.”_

 

“Of course.”

 

“Meet me in my room when you are finished.” You turned to look at him as he opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind him. You moved quickly out of your bed, moving to your bag and rummaging through its contents for something to wear. Unsure of what would be appropriate, you grabbed a pair of synth-leather leggings and a short sleeved tunic, throwing it on quickly and wrapping your belt around your waist and adjusting its placement, your hand coming to rest on your saber once again. Torn between clipping it to your belt or leaving it. Your lips pinching as you thought against it, no need to arm yourself just yet. You would need to speak to Mon first. You moved to the bathroom and brushed your hair, ripping knots apart with each pass through and quickly braiding it, allowing the braid to drape around your neck and over your shoulder. Moving to grab your boots and looking at the state of them, considering cleaning the caked mud from them only briefly, quickly deciding that it was unimportant. You took one last look around the room before moving to the door and moving to Ren’s room, where you waited for him to finishing getting prepared.

 

****

 

 

Both of you walked down the hall in search of Mon, finding him in a small office off of one of the wings, fingers pressed to his temples, his glasses perched at the tip of his nose as he peered down at his desk. You knocked once again on the door frame, causing him to startle slightly as he peered at both of you, motioning for both of you to enter and take a seat. You both refrained and instead stood.

 

“Commander Ren. Lady Ceph.” He said flatly. “I assume you’re here to see if we have detained the members of my council and the High Sarjana?”  You both nodded in unison, causing Mon to sigh heavily. “I suppose there is no way I can talk either of you out of this?”

 

“Not at all.” Your face emotionless as you spoke. Back to business.  He sighed again.

 

“We have located and apprehended the High Sarjana, Manis, and Badai, but we are still trying to locate Kasar and Coulter.”  You frowned, this wasn’t exactly ideal. You turned to look at Ren, eyes locking to the profile of his helmet.

 

_“What do you think? One of goes on the hunt and the other does the interrogation?”_

_“I don’t want you to do the interrogation alone.”_

_“Then let me hunt them down.”_

_“No I don’t like that idea either.”_

_“Then what do you suggest?”_

_“We will track down Kasar and Coulter first. The others can wait.”_

_“Are you going to allow me to accompany you this time?”_

“We will track down Kasar and Coulter. Keep the others in confinement until we return.” His voice flat as it crossed the modulator. Mon looked at the both of you in puzzlement.

 

“Surely you jest, Lady Ceph would be safer here.”

 

“She is more than capable, she’s not as delicate as she appears.” He added.

 

“I will be fine.” You stifled a cough, causing slight strain to your voice. Mon’s brows creased at this, his head shaking slightly.

 

“You are in no condition to be gallivanting around searching for suspects.”

 

“She’s fine.”

 

“Mon, I promise, I’m fine.” You leaned forward, hand reaching out towards his, resting softly on top and pressing feelings of reassurance through the Force. His brows relaxing slightly at the mental suggestion, and nodding slowly.

 

“If you must, then please at least take some of the guard…they know the area much better than either of you.”

 

“That is unnecessary, Ceph and I are more than capable by ourselves.”  You shifted your weight slightly as Mon’s brow once again furrowed, his lips pinching tightly.

 

“I would feel more comfortable with the guard staying here to protect you and Princess Jana, we will be leaving our troop as well. The guard would only hinder us in our search.” You said once again trying to sooth Mon’s worries. He only shook his head, his hand raising up.

 

“Fine.” He said in defeat. You nodded and looked back at Kylo, waiting to see if he had anything else to add.

 

“We will be on our way then.” You said after a silent pause. “Keep yourselves safe, do not allow anyone else into the palace until we return.” Kylo turned first and exited while you stood for a moment looking at Mon’s still worried face. “It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry.”

 

“It’s hard not to… knowing that you will be out there looking for two possibly dangerous men.” You smiled kindly at him and shook your head.

 

“I’ll be fine. I promise.” He huffed, and pulled his glasses from his face and rubbed his eyes. “How is Jana?” You asked.

 

“She is fine, coughing a bit still but the treatments seem to be helping.”  You nodded.

 

“Good.” You paused again and then turned to leave, pausing in the door way and looking over your shoulder at the man. “Everything is going to be fine. Trust us.” His shoulder slumped as he shook his head, his arm rising to shoo you from the room.

 

Joining Kylo in the hall as he waited, walking once you returned to his side, his strides moving at a pace where you could keep up easily.

 

“Take another treatment before we leave. Make sure you eat as well.”

 

“Yes Commander.”

 

“Full battle gear.”

 

“Do you expect resistance?”

 

“I’m not sure what to expect, better to be over prepared than under.” You hummed in response. He paused at the splitting of the hall. “I need to speak to the troop, go prepare, I will send Duran to you.” You nodded and watched him turn abruptly in the opposite direction. You moved back to your room, halting a servant and instructing them to bring a light meal to your room as soon as possible.

 

****

 

Dr. Duran left once you received another treatment, bidding you good luck on your mission and leaving you to eat. You scarfed down the meal, fully realizing how hungry you were once you could smell the food in front of you. Sighing in contentment and rising quickly to dress properly, this time your saber would be hanging from your belt. This time you would need it.

 

Joining Kylo in his room once you were ready, watching him place the helmet on his head once again, the subtle hissing sound of compressed air locking his face away from you and anyone else. He nodded at you and moved to the door, gesturing for you to join him.

 

“Did the guard know of their last sighting?” You asked as you both walked with a purpose.

 

“Kasar was last seen moving out of the city and back to his district. Coulter seems to have fallen off the face of the planet.”  You huffed a laugh.

 

“Excellent.” You mumbled. “So Kasar first?”  

 

“It would be the most logical.”

 

“Kasar’s district isn’t far out of Volcal, correct?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Shuttle?”

 

“Shuttle.” You nodded.

 

“Interrogate once we find him or wait?”

 

“We shall see once we find him.”

 

“Fair enough.” You both exited the palace and moved out towards the small fleet of ships that were docked in the royal ship yard. Finding the shuttle quickly and moving towards the open bay doors, Kylo stomping in in front of you as you followed. You could hear a dull clanking behind you and turned to see a Stormtrooper approaching.

 

“Ma’am.” Ah Twenty-Five.

 

“Twenty-Five.”

 

“The Commander asked for me?”

 

“That would be between you and the Commander I suppose.”  You could hear Kylo moving back into the cargo hold and stopping in front of the both of you. You shifted your armor, allowing it to seat more comfortably on your shoulders.

 

“Twenty-Five will accompany us.” You shrugged.

 

“Fine by me, she is more than capable.”

 

“Thank you Ma’am.”  You nodded and moved to take a seat in the hold, Ren moving to the cockpit and instructing the pilots to proceed. Twenty-Five moved to stand, holding onto a strap mounted to the ceiling and holding her blaster rifle in her free hand, legs firmly planted and prepared for takeoff.  You eyed her carefully, wondering for a moment what she looked like under her helmet. She remained stagnant as the ship’s thrusters engaged and lifted the craft upward, her body only shifting to adjust to the movement of the craft, her helmet staying stationary, fixed on the bay doors. You nibbled on your bottom lip as you sat, considering entering a meditative state but thinking better of it, Kasar’s district was not far, perhaps not even a thirty minute flight. Still, you could be focusing your efforts on your lungs, helping them heal. Huffing softly you attempted to shift your body to a comfortable position, focusing internally once again, channeling the Force and it’s healing properties into your lungs, stirring only when you felt the craft shift and halt, coming in for a landing. Your eyes moving to Twenty-Five who was in the same position as before. Once completely on the ground you stood and moved to the bay doors, Twenty-Five close behind you as Ren moved to join you both. The doors opening with a compressed hiss, the three of you exiting promptly.

 

You looked around you, a small landing pad of hard stone, slightly rugged and rust colored. Large trees surrounding the area, paved paths leaving the landing pad, moving further out into the district. You tried to look further out, but the sky was turning darker by the minute. More rain would be coming soon. Your lips pinched tightly, teeth clamping onto the meaty flesh of your lower lip and chewing slightly.

 

“Where to Commander?” You asked. Kylo shifted at the sound of your voice, turning his helmeted gaze to look at you.

 

“Kasar’s residence.” You nodded. Logical enough. Kylo lead the way as you and Twenty-Five moved behind him. Walking down paved streets, much more taken care of than the muddy paths of Coulter’s district. The suburban crawl of homes and small shops greeting you as people moved busily around with their daily lives, moving hurriedly out of your way as you approached them. Your presence wholly unwelcomed. Everyone seemed to be on edge.

 

“We should have dressed a bit more modestly.” You mumbled as your eyes moved from fleeting faces. You toyed with your braid as you walked, the sound of Twenty-Five’s armor clacking closely next to you was beginning to grate your nerves. _Clack clack clack clack clack._ You’d think they would have made them much quitter _._ You looked up at the sky once again as the sound of thunder rumbled deeply in the not too far distance. Any moment now and the bottom would drop out, releasing pelting drops.

 

Moving past the shops and into a far more residential area with clearly designated gardens and landscaping you peered at the houses around you. Some more decorative than others, clearly a much more stately area, Kasar had done well by his district you mused. You halted as Kylo glared at a large iron gate, Twenty-Five coming to resting positon as Kylo lifted his hand outward and pushed the gate open with the Force, a creaking groan coming from the iron hinges, a long path leading to a large manor. You whistled softly at the sight of the home. While it wasn’t as grand as the palace, it certainly had its charms, rust colored stone and manicured landscaping, you wondered how the people of Coulter’s district felt about the opulence of this place. Kylo stomped down the path meeting no guard or resistance, the place seemed to be void of life. Where the hell was everyone?

 

Coming to the large wooden door, freshly painted a bright blue, Kylo kicked a powerful leg into the wooden door, breaking it wide open.  He proceeded to move inside, Twenty-Five following close behind, blaster rifle ready to fire as she swept through the large foyer. Your mind mentally searching in the Force for any signatures that may be in the residence, but finding nothing. This wasn’t good.

 

“It’s empty.” You said, mostly for Twenty-Five’s benefit, Kylo was already well aware. Her weapon lowered only slightly, still prepared for anything, your hand came to rest on the top of her rifle, pushing it gently downward. Your other hand tapping your temple, gesturing that you knew for a fact that the home was devoid of life. She relaxed slightly, her helmet sweeping around the room.

 

 _“What now?”_ You projected.

 

_“Search and see if you can find anything of use. He has to be somewhere.”_

_“What if he’s left planet side?”_

_“I doubt it.”_

_“Well where could he possibly be? He’s not here and he’s not in Volcal…that only leaves us with so many options.”_

_“That’s why we’re here Ceph.”_ His voice coming across the mental connection in slight annoyance. You fought the urge to roll your eyes and instead began to wander around the large home. Your legs carrying you from room to room, feeling in the Force for anything that could possibly hint at his current location. Sighing loudly as you exited another room and then finding yourself in an office.

 

Moving around the room, moving to the desk and taking a seat in the high backed chair. Fingers tapping on the wooden surface as you looked around the room. Your eyes once again coming to the desk staring at it blankly, like something was going to magically appear.

 

 _“You’re close.”_  Your eyes shooting upward and looking around for the green-eyed boy, his voice ringing in your head as if he were right next to you.

 

“Okayyyyyy.” You said softly. You began to run your fingers on the side of the desk, trying to find anything, but coming up empty. You tried under the desk and found a dimple in the wood. Your brows furrowing slightly as you shifted to peer under the desk. Nothing but an imperfection in the wooden surface. “Can’t you just tell me?” You muttered.

 

 _“What’s the fun in that?”_ You could hear whispering behind you, two small voices speaking to each other. You turned the chair to look behind you and found nothing. A prickling sensation coming to the back of your head. You sighed loudly. Why did everyone feel the need to constantly play games?

 

 _“Check over here.”_ An unfamiliar childish voice called to you from the far corner.

_“Ubax! You aren’t supposed to tell her!”_ The children from the closet.

 

Your heart thudded loudly in your ears. They were here too the green-eyed boy had told you so in the garden. You chewed your bottom lip as you moved to where the voice had come from, walking slowly as your heart continued to pound, moving to the corner where a display case stood. Nothing of note calling to you as you peered into the glass case. Your fingers coming up to the door and sliding down the light colored wood, looking for the latch and finding it, pulling the case open and looking more closely at the items inside. Strange stones and rocks littering the shelves. Your hand reaching upward and picking one up and turning it over in your hands. Your lips pinching tightly in agitation. You could hear a small chorus of snickering close behind you. Your eye twitching slightly at the sound. You moved to another rock and picked it up, turning it over in your hands and inspecting it, nothing special.

 

“This would go so much quicker if you would just tell me what I’m looking for.” You muttered.

 

 _“Nah. You’ll have to figure it out for yourself.”_ The green-eyed boy’s voice said.

 

Useless children. Huffing you pulled rock and stone one by one from the shelves, turning them over, looking for Maker knows what and dropping them to the floor in annoyance. You had riffled through the whole case and found absolutely nothing, kicking the bottom panel of the case in frustration only to be greeted with a slight popping noise as the panel opened. Your brow raising slightly as you peered at the now open panel.

 

 _“Look inside! Look inside!”_ The voice of Ubax urged. You squatted and peered inside, greeted with the sight of papers stacked neatly together. Your hands reaching in and pulling them out. You riffled through them, all of them papers of authenticity for the stones in the display case. Useless. You tossed the stack to the side and huffed again. Your eyes once again peering into the opening and seeing nothing.

 

“Kriff.” You muttered. Your hand resting on the flat wooden surface where the papers once rested. Your fingers running over the smooth surface slightly as your chewed your bottom lip. The tips of your fingers tingling suddenly, something was there under the panel. You squinted and looked again finding no grooves to indicate an opening. “Fuck it.” You mumbled as you stood back away from the cabinet, hand rising and projecting the Force through your arm and to your hand, focusing on ripping the case upward, your hand rising slowly, as the wood groaned and creaked, protesting it’s movement. You pulled it upward, a final snap of the light colored wood sounding out into the room loudly as you tossed it to the side. A large hole in the floor leading into a dark space. You hummed in amusement. “Interesting.”

 

You edged over to the hole and noticed an iron ladder attached to the closest wall. Shrugging you pulled a flashlight from a pouch on your belt, something you consciously carried on you since your romp in the Kyber cave. Clicking it on and shining it downward there was no discernable bottom, you turned around and picked up one of the stones from the case and dropped it down the shaft, listening for a dull thud and hearing it after a minute. “Alright then, let’s see where this goes.” You muttered as you positioned yourself at the mouth and turned to step down the ladder.

 

You moved cautiously down the ladder, flashlight gripped between your lips to free your hands, using the Force to seek out any signatures and finding nothing. Once reaching the bottom you found a small switch and flicked it upward, causing a string of lights to flicker on, dimly lighting a large tunnel. You peered down the long rough cavernous tunnel, seeing no discernable end in sight. Huffing you paused, considering momentarily about going down it before informing Kylo. Shaking your head you sent a mental tendril towards him, informing him to come to your location.

 

He arrived quickly with Twenty-Five in tow, both peering down the large tunnel, Twenty-Five ready for any incoming assault, her rifle ready to fire again, this time you didn’t stop her.

 

 _“How did you figure out this was here?”_ He asked, his head cocked to the side slightly. You merely shrugged.

 

 _“Lucky guess.”_  You smirked to yourself, wasn’t exactly a lie, though not the truth either. He straightened his head and turned to peer back down the long tunnel.

 

 _“Shall we then?”_ He gestured with a hand towards the tunnel, you nodded and started to move down the expanse.

 

The tunnel was almost wide enough for the three of you to walk side by side, though it would have been tight, so instead you and Kylo moved next to each other with Twenty-Five following behind, her armor clacking slightly, your mind fixing on the sound as you moved further into the tunnel.

 

 _“How far have we gone?”_ You asked Kylo.

 

_“I’m not sure, maybe twenty kilometers?”_

_“And there’s still no end in sight.”_

_“I imagine with the width of the tunnel Kasar could have possibly kept a hoversled or a speeder of sorts to get through the tunnel quickly.”_

_“Which makes you wonder how far this tunnel actually goes.”_ You looked over head, eyes glancing at roughly blown out rock. Jagged stepped edges across the rust colored stone, carefully done. You chewed on you inner cheek. “Do you think Mon knows about this?”

 

“No.”

 

“This is obviously man made, where did Kasar get all the explosives to blow the tunnel out?” you asked as you pointing overhead, causing him to tilt his helmeted head upward.

 

“That’s a good question.” You hummed in response. “Though I don’t imagine it would be very difficult for him to get ahold of the explosives, there are mines all over Beirus.” He paused as he thought. “I see where you’re going with this though, there could be a possible connection between this and the explosion at the refinery.” You nodded.

 

You walked for another two hours in silence, nothing but the sound of foot falls and the subtle clanking of Twenty-Five’s armor filling the tunnel. Mentally you hummed as you walked, trying to keep your mind from hyper focusing on the clanking of Twenty-Five’s armor. You sighed, mentally cursing the length of the tunnel. How much longer? And as if the tunnel could hear your mental agitation it came to a sudden halt, a hoversled parked near another wall mounted ladder. Well that would have been much more convenient than walking.

 

“I’ll go first.” You said as you stepped to the first rung of the ladder. Pulling yourself upward, boots making hollow metal clanging noises as you ascended, halting suddenly at a door, your right hand gripping the metal wrung tightly as your left pushed softly onto the durasteel plate above you. Feeling outward with the Force. Faint signatures not far away, your hand pulled away slowly and gripping the wrung, allowing you to shift your body to look below you at the others. “There are people on the other side, not too close but close enough, be prepared.” You said for the benefit of Twenty-Five more so than Kylo. Twenty-Five nodded sharply, you turned back to the metal plate and pushed gently, lifting it upward slowly, your eyes peering out of the small slit before continuing outward. You could see no one on this side, you pushed upward slowly and moved further up, your hand now gripping the edge of the metal plate as you eased your upper body out of the tunnel. You peered around as you as you eased the panel down gently, stepping fully out of the hole and keeping your eyes locked on the door. Ready for someone to come through at any moment. You stood in a store room of sorts, crates full of papers and other random objects lined the walls. The room would be cramped once Twenty-Five and Kylo got there. You shifted to the door and stood beside it, hand on your saber, Twenty-Five moved to stand near you as Kylo finally stepped up on the floor.

 

 _“How do you want to proceed?”_ You asked mentally.

 

 _“Open the door, I’ll go first, Twenty-Five and you will follow.”_ You nodded and whispered the plan of action to Twenty-Five, who nodded, rifle at the ready. You paused, eyes growing wide, glancing over at Kylo, you were about to cough. You tried to stifle yourself, burying your face into your arm as your shoulders heaved, attempting to keep any noise from escaping. To no avail, your lungs and diaphragm heaved and convulsed as you hacked hard, shoulders shaking and eyes clamping shut. Fuck. Kylo glared at you. You looked at him apologetically as you heard muffled voices of alarm sounding not far from the door.

 

You tried to compose yourself as another cough racked your body. Kylo pushed the door open with the Force, sending it slamming into the wall and making a loud bang, startling two armed men. Twenty-Five shifted around the corner of the door and shot indiscriminately, both men being pelted with red bolts. Well so much for a plan. You forced yourself to move as Kylo and Twenty-Five pressed further into the dimly lit warehouse, the sound of thunder and pelting rain could be heard echoing through the halls. You stood in a and looked around, noticing no other doors and moved behind the other two in slight embarrassment for giving away your positon. Mentally cursing your body.

 

Kylo moved in quick stride down the hall, the sound of foot falls coming from the opposite end, slight signatures in the Force moving hurriedly towards you. The door at the end of the hall opened as several men filed inward and then quickly backed away and took up residence at the doorframe, using the wall for cover and firing blaster bolts all through the hall, blindly sending red bolts skittering through the room. You flinched as your hand rose quickly to deflect a bolt. Swearing under your breath, heart thudding in your chest, too close. Mentally focusing and finding their signatures in the Force, three forms. Your mind focusing on the closest to the door, searching for the thudding of his heart, digging into the well of emotion, hand clamping tightly shut, forcing the man’s heart to stop in his chest. You heard a dull thud and an arm crossing the doorway floor. That’s one.

 

Kylo lifted a hand and drug another one from around the wall and out into the door way, the man clawing uselessly at his neck, allowing Twenty-Five to get a good shot, red bolt hitting him in the chest, smoke rising from the hole. You could hear the sound of feet running away, the third signature running to alert the others. You began at a sprint, running past Kylo and twisting around Twenty-Five, legs pushing you out into a far more open space, your hand calling to your saber, which flung hard into your open palm. Your mind switching the internal toggle, as you tossed it hard at the fleeing man, deep crimson turning over in the air and finding purchase in the man’s back. He fell hard, the saber humming loudly as you moved to retrieve it, he gurgled as you pulled it from him, your foot kicking him over, a hole puncturing his lung, just shy of his heart. Oops.

 

“You b...” He gurgled. Your brows furrowed as you looked downward, glaring red flickering lighted button in his hand. Fuck. You squatted down and pried the button from his hand, and crushed it in your palm, allowing the pieces to fall on his face.

 

“Doesn’t matter, they’ll die too.” You muttered. You stood and looked at Kylo and Twenty-Five. “Well, we should expect more in a moment. Shall we wait or proceed?”

 

“Let them come to us.” You nodded and moved to stand next to Kylo, saber at the ready, he pulled his own out and ignited it, bright red glaring off of his helmet.

 

_“Ready?”_

 

_“Of course Commander.”_

The sound of shoed feet could be heard echoing through another hall way, twenty or so signatures moving towards you. Your hand gripping your saber, adjusting it in your palm. The durasteel door bursting open to a volley of blaster bolts. Your arms moving without thought as you deflected what you could and moved swiftly away from what you couldn’t. Kylo’s arm raised, hand reaching and dragging the closest to the door outward and impaling him with his crackling blade swiftly. Your eyes locked onto the wall as you raised your left hand, focusing the Force onto the structure and pulling angrily at it, metal screeching and twisting as you ripped it away, revealing and exposing the opposing force. Nowhere to hide now, they had no choice but to file outward. They moved quickly scattering, covering their movements with blaster bolts.

 

You pressed into the fray, saber deflecting bolts back at the shooters, pelting them with their own shots, gruff cries sounding out into the room. Your body twisting and moving of its own accord as you slashed with your saber, curved hilt moving effortlessly in your hand, switching it between left and right hand when needed. Too easy, far too easy. Highly untrained men, perhaps their first time firing their weapons while moving. They would be slaughtered here. Pity.

 

You moved through the throng of men, tucking your body tightly and rolling away from several bolts aimed at close range, the shooters crouching behind the twisted metal wall that you fell earlier. Before you could even move to reach your hand out and slide the metal away from them Kylo was already doing so, clearing the way for you to attack. You ran at them as they froze, fear plainly in their eyes as you slashed at their cores, plunging your crimson blade deeply inside their middles and running in a swift pass. Their halves separating and tumbling to the ground in a mound of mangled flesh. You could hear more coming from down the exposed hall way, turning briefly to make sure Kylo and Twenty-Five were alright you moved down the narrow hall.

 

Moving cautiously and peeking around a sharp corner where the hall split, noticing dark plated armored men. A red bolt whizzing above your head as you pulled back around the corner, pressing your body against the wall and huffing a laugh. Interesting. You would wait, they would eventually come to you or the other two would finish up in the other room. Twenty-Five approached first and hunkered next to you.

 

“How many packs do you have left?” You asked.

 

“Two Ma’am.”  You nodded.

 

“Conserve them as much as possible, I have no idea how many more there will be.” You glanced over your shoulder once again, getting a look at the black armored men with their blasters and other various weapons. “These have armor.” You added. She nodded. “You wouldn’t happen to have a smoke grenade on you would you?”

 

“No Ma’am.” You huffed a laugh. Of course not.

“Alright, then we wait for the Commander to finish up what he’s doing.” She nodded. Both of you standing and waiting for Kylo to join you, which he did a few minutes later, shoulder rolling slightly as he moved beside the both of you.

 

“Waiting for me?”

 

“Of course Commander.” You smiled.

 

“Armored?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How many?”

 

“Enough to block the hall.” His helmet lifted upward as he looked above your heads, the sounds of rain pelting the roof filling your ears, his helmet shifting along the hall roof.

 

“What are you looking for?” You asked.

 

“I have an idea.” His voice flat across the modulator. “Rip the roof off.”

 

“What exactly is that going to do?” He shrugged.

 

“More than likely just catch them off guard for a moment, but it should be enough to get you and Twenty-Five down the hall.” You huffed.

 

“If that’s what you want to do…then proceed.” He nodded and casually shifted you out of his way, shooing you further from the wall so he could get a good look at the structure, pulling his head back as another red bolt whizzed by, crashing into the wall and smoking. You could sense his amusement, mentally picturing a smirk coming to his face under the helmet. His body stiffened as he raised a hand upward, you could feel him drawing from the Force, gathering it within him and projecting it outward and towards the roof, his hand clamping shut suddenly and jerking his arm violently downward, the sound of metal screeching and twisting as the roof freed itself from the structure. A large crash and muffled cries as it fell inward, crushing those not lucky enough to get out of its way, rain pouring inward as the lights in the hall flickered off, the circuit blown from the cave in.

 

Your body moved into motion, pivoting around the corner sharply, legs moving in quick stride, gaining momentum and sprinting on the wall and over the twisted metal debris that now blocked the hall, clearing the mangled mess with saber at the ready, pushing off the wall in a leap and slashing downward at a straggling armored guard, catching him in the middle of his head and pulling against the resistance that his body gave your blade. Bisecting him to the waist and pulling your blade outward, spinning and raising your arm outward to deflect a volley of bolts, anger flaring wildly, halting the small volley momentarily as Kylo and Twenty-Five joined you. Kylo’s hand raising and flicking the bolts upward and away with the Force and allowing you to move freely once again.

 

The slaughter continued. Hacking and slashing through the compacted crowd, effectively wiping out the guard in minutes. Anger swelling within you as you tried to gain control over it once more. Corralling it back into its pit and pushing it deeply inward. Caging it once again as you looked around another large opened room. Doors lining the far wall, mind searching in the Force for any life. There. Kylo was already moving towards the center door, hand out stretched and pushing at it with the Force, breaking the lock and the door from the frame.

 

Both of you peering into a dark room with the signature, unmoving. Your face meeting Kylo’s as you pulled your flashlight out and shone it inside. Your brows furrowing deeply at the sight.

 

Coulter.

 

His body slumped and restrained against a metal chair, face bloody and bruised. He had fought and lost, outnumbered. You moved closer to him and crouched in front of him as Kylo and Twenty-Five moved to search in the large warehouse for anyone else.

 

Your hand moving towards his face, pressing against his swollen and bloody flesh. Your hand cupping his jaw as you shook his head, saying his name out loud in hopes that he would rouse. Instead he only continued to remain slumped in his chair. Your lips pinching tightly as your brows furrowed even deeper. You would need to jolt him awake.

 

Resting your index finger on his temple, and closed your eyes. Sending a harsh mental tendril crashing into his unconscious mental state and finding him in a deep dark pit. “Wake up Coulter. Wake up.” You whispered to him mentally. You could feel the resistance that his mind was attempting to use to push you out. You were an invader and unwelcomed, but you persisted. Sending another jolt to him, this time he stirred slowly. Head lolling limply from side to side, trying to gain his bearings. He groaned loudly as his eyes pinched tightly from the pain.  His mouth moving as he tried to grasp at the words that he knew he knew.

 

“Where?” He groaned, his body jolting slightly once he met the resistance of his restraints. Panic setting in as he slowly began to remember. “Mon! Jana!”

 

“They’re okay. At the palace, safe, what happened?” He shook his head, once again trying to leave the restraints and failing. His head slumping once again, fading in and out of consciousness. You shook him again, rousing him back into alertness.

 

“You don’t understand! That’s where he’s going!” Your hand moved to one of the metal clamps around his wrist and using the Force you freed his arm.

 

“Tell me everything.” You said in slight panic. Your hands making quick work of the restraints.

 

“Kasar, he’s…power hungry. Crazy. HE’S GOING TO KILL THEM.” He bellowed as he attempted to stand, your arm bracing around his middle and supporting him as he tried to regain balance.

 

“Where is Kasar now?” You commanded, voice sharp and stern.

 

“On his way to the palace, he’s already got men inside.”

 

“Kriff.” You shifted his weight and helped him move out of the room. “How long have you known?” You asked.

 

“Not long, when I was on my way back to my district I got word about the explosion. I was intercepted before I could arrive to see what happened.” He paused as he clamped his eyes shut tightly once again, hand shooting out in front of him as he trained to regain balance. “I had no idea, I…I would have stopped it if I had known.” He mumbled with a shaky breath. Your hand shifting and hoisting him further up to keep him from slipping downward.

 

_“We need to get back NOW. Send a beacon for the shuttle!”_

_“What’s going on?”_

_“It’s Kasar, he’s on his way to the palace if he isn’t already there. He’s going to kill Mon and Jana.”_ You could hear Twenty-Five and Kylo’s hurried movement coming towards you. His helmet moving to look at Coulter’s form. He gestured for you to shift him towards him, and allowed the injured man to lean against him.

 

“The beacon has been sent…we may not have time to wait.” He voiced. Twenty-Five shifted beside you, unsure of what was going on.

 

“Send word to the General.” You said flatly. He shook his head, a clear no. You huffed. _“Kylo. We don’t have time for this.”_

_“It won’t matter, there won’t be time for him to send reinforcements.”_

_“Fuck. Well what do you want to do?”_ His helmet shifted away from you looking for something.

 

_“We need to get moving.”_

_“Not with Coulter in this state. He’ll only slow us down.”_

_“Then we leave him.”_ Your lips pinched tightly at the thought.

 

 _“Only if we leave him with Twenty-Five.”_  He nodded in agreeance.  “Twenty-Five, take care of Coulter, wait for the shuttle and then get back to the palace.” You said as Kylo shifted Coulter over to Twenty-Five as she braced him against her hip. “Get into contact with the squad leader as soon as you are able, let them know that Kasar has planned an attack on the King and Princess, they have men inside.” You said quickly.

 

Coulter’s face looking at you in confusion, his mouth opening as he prepared to protest. Your hand raising to halt him. “We don’t have time. You’ll only slow us down.” His eyes casting downward as he realized his position, nodding slowly in acceptance.

 

“Just…save them.” He muttered.

 

“We will.” You said as you turned away from him to follow Kylo who was mentally urging you to join him quickly. Your legs moving at a jog to catch up with him as he moved down another short hall to a door, ripping it open with the Force and stepping out into the downpour. You followed behind him as he continued to move in a direction behind the large warehouse.

 

He halted at a large bay door and glared at it for a moment, hand once again coming out and harnessing the Force, lifting the rolling door upward and breaking the lock holding it shut. You followed him inside and huffed. Shaking your head, no. Absolutely not.  

 

“Come on we don’t have time.” He said through the modulator. You shook your head again.

 

“I’m not getting on that thing.” His shoulders heaved in agitation.

 

“Ceph, get on the kriffing speeder.”

 

“Look at that hunk of junk! It looks like its gunna fall apart any minute! Absolutely not.” His hand gripped your arm tightly and pulled you to him and moved you closer towards the _74-Z_. You looked down at it in disgust. Flecked brown paint, synth-leather seat torn, and smelling heavily of some sort of chemical. You shook your head again. He lifted a leg up and swung it over and took a seat, his helmet tilting behind him, gesturing for you to get on once again. You frowned deeply, sighing heavily and begrudgingly moving to sit behind him, your arms wrapping tightly around his waist, then breaking free to ensure that your saber was safely strapped to your belt. Once again wrapping your arms around his waist tightly, attempting to squeeze the life out of him. You could feel him laugh as the muffled sound crossed the modulator.

 

“Do you even know how to fly this thing?” You mumbled. He stiffened slightly. “Please tell me you know how to fly this death trap?” You pleaded.

 

“It can’t be too hard.”

 

“We’re gunna die.” You lamented softly into his back as his gloved hands moved to the center control panel. The repulsory engines humming to life, causing the bike to lift off the ground, the stand retracting under the belly. His legs moving to the pedals and hand wrapping around the twin handlebars, twisting as his feet shifted the pedals, sending the speeder forward at an alarming rate, your body jolting slightly backwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an absolute nightmare to write, I don't know how many times I scrapped and restarted. But here you are...may be a bit of a rushed mess and I apologize for that. 
> 
> Lord forgive me T_T


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I won't be able to post tomorrow enjoy an early chapter!

Chapter 26

Into the Fray Part II

_________________________

 

“FUCKKKKKKKKK!”  You screamed as a slew of every curse word you knew flew out of your mouth. Your arms locked tightly around Kylo’s waist though he didn’t seem to mind all too much. No he was having an absolute blast. You could feel the sheer joy radiating out of him and crossing over the bond, but you were too terrified to share in it. He was going WAY too fast.

 

_“It’s not that bad!”_

_“You’re going to kill us. I don’t want to die on this fucking hunk of scrap!”_

_“I’m not going to kill us. Calm down.”_

_“If we make it off of this thing I’m going to murder you.”_ You could feel his body heave with laughter which only made you scowl even more.  _“Please slow down…I’m going to die.”_ Your heart was pounding heavily in your chest as anxiety clawed through your belly and into your thudding heart.

 

_“No can do.”_

_“I’m going to murder you. I’m going to die and come back just to murder you.”_ You could feel him laughing again, shifting his arm and the handles as he shifted into a curve, avoiding a large tree, your body leaning with his.

 

 _"This thing still has a blaster on it."_ His mental tone was far too excited for your liking.

 

 _“How did you even know this was back behind the warehouse?”_ You asked sensing his urge to fire the blaster, your attempt to distract him from the thought.

 

 _“Lucky guess.”_ You huffed a laugh. His thumb easing away from the button for the blaster. _“I’m not going to fire it.”_

 

 _“Good. It’d probably back fire and blow us up.”_ You projected as you moved with the speeder as it weaved through another cluster of trees. _“How much farther?”_

_“Another hour maybe, maybe less, I’m tracking Mon’s signature.”_

_“Well that means he’s still alive, so that’s good.”_

_“For now anyway.”_

_“Way to have a positive outlook.”_

_“I absolutely don’t want to hear anything about having a positive outlook from you. ‘Ms. We’re Gunna Die’.”_

_“Hey there’s still time for us to blow up.”_

_“We’re not going to blow up.”_

_“Look I’m just trying to mentally prepare you for our untimely deaths…least you could do is appreciate it.”_

_“The anxiety is an added bonus then?”_ If you weren’t too terrified to remove your arm from his waist you would have smacked him, instead you sent a slight mental sting towards him causing his body to stiffen slightly and then relaxing once again, finally taking the hint to stop teasing you. You leaned into another bend, hitting a large clearing in the forest, a large river running parallel to your track. You turned your head to look at the raging water, swollen and angrily coursing through its cut path in the rock face.

 

Perhaps Jana was right. This rain was going to be an issue if it continued. This branch of the river was already engorged and threatening to spill over the steep banks. Your head turned back in the other direction, sheltering your face from the pelting rain with Kylo’s back. Your eyes glancing at the blur of trees that you were zipping by. Motion sickness riling up in your stomach at the sight.

 

 _“Don’t you dare.”_ His voice coming across the mental thread sternly, sensing the sickness you were battling. You forced your eyes closed and leaned further into his back. Allowing his body to guide your own through any curves. You weren’t sure how much more you could take, your mind entering a slight meditative state in an attempt to keep from being sick.

 

 _“We’re almost there.”_ You mentally hummed in response, still too busy struggling not to vomit to answer properly.  The speeder tilting sharply as you veered to the left, leaving the large clearing and heading towards Volcal. The blue spire of the Temple Mount in clear sight once you finally risked a glance around Kylo’s broad shoulders, rain stinging the flesh of your exposed face. You tucked back around him quickly, fingers clamping tightly around his dark wet clothing. _“I know. I’m trying.”_ He said sympathetically, sensing another wave of nausea roll across your stomach. The speeder zipped through trees, weaving in and out of tight clusters and whipping through tall brush. Your eyes clamped shut tightly once again when he narrowly skimmed past a rather large gnarled tree. _“Okay, I fully admit that that was too close.”_  You pinched at his skin in response. His legs shifting the pedals and arms working the handle bars, the speeder lifting higher and accelerating, the seat vibrating violently under you.

 

_“You’re pushing it too hard!”_

_“It’ll be fine.”_ You could sense the hint of uncertainty in the mental connection, though this did not stop him from further accelerating the _74-Z_. Pushing the speeder almost to its breaking point as you zipped through another thicket and out onto a broad stone paved path leading into the city of Volcal. Weaving in and out of slow moving reptilian pulled carts, hearing strained slurs and curses thrown at you as you whipped past them recklessly. If you thought the trees were bad this was way worse.

 

 _“We’re gunna die. We’re GOING TO DIE!”_ You mentally screamed, your eyes clamping tightly shut once again as you flew through a rather narrow side street. Thankfully the rain had stopped, allowing Kylo to have a clearer view without having to wipe at the helmet’s visor every once in a while.

 

 _“Calm down, I got this!”_  

 _“I hate this so much.”_ You could feel him huff a laugh, chest expelling air roughly.

 

 _“That’s not good.”_ You could feel his body shifting slightly, adjusting the pedals and lowering the speed, excitement rising with in him. Oh no no no.

 

“Don’t you dare!” You screamed aloud. The high pitched sound of the blaster cannon being shot ringing through the narrow alley, the sound of something wooden breaking in front of you, you risked a glance in time to see particles of crates that had once blocked the alley exploding and quickly pulled your head back behind his broad back, sheltering you from being pelted in the face by wooden splinters. He was laughing again, over joyed and giddy. Sudden realization that you hadn’t died riled through you causing you to laugh manically and scream out.

 

_“See, not so bad.”_

_“I’m still going to murder you once we get off this thing.”_ He was laughing again as he pushed the speeder to max acceleration. Nearing the large hill that the palace sat atop of. His body stiffening suddenly. Agitation coursing through him and into you.

 

_“What is it?”_

_“I’m getting updates now, the palace is under attack. The Stormtroopers have been pushed out into the ship yard.”_

_“How is that possible?!”_

_“The guard has turned.”_

_“But they only have blasters and wooden spears…how…wait…what did we bring in the crates?”_

_“FWMB’s.”_

_“Fuck me.”_ Your brows furrowed deeply. _“Why would we hand those over?!”_ You could feel him shrug. You chewed on your lower lip, ripping dried skin away and causing the tender flesh to bleed slightly. Panic shifting in your lower belly. _FWMB’s_ were no laughing matter, rapid fire weapons that put out maximum damage, something that only heavy assault troopers used. You had only seen one once in training when the Sonn-Blast Corporation had dropped off a prototype for the collective to try out. The smaller version, the _FWMB-10K_ kicked like a mountain nerf, the larger of the two, the _FWMB-10_ , had to utilize a mount to keep it steady. 

 

_“Doesn’t matter. We can still get in. They don’t know we’re coming.”_

_“Have you ever faced a FWMB?”_

_“Can’t say I have.”_

_“Well you’re in for a treat then.”_

_“That bad?”_

_“Worse.”_

_“We’ll be fine.”_ You didn’t share his outlook, but you attempted it at least. What other choice did you have in the matter? The speeder zoomed up the hill curving back around towards the ship yard where the Stormtroopers were at. You needed to get to them and help rally their forces and push back into the palace. You closed your eyes and searched for Jana in the Force finding her vibrant signature and reaching out towards it. She was alive for now, you needed to get to her as soon as possible.

_“We’re closing in. Prepare yourself, this is going to happen fast.”_

_“What are you intending to do exactly?”_

_“We’re going to take out as many of them as possible.”_

_“With the speeder?!”_ He mentally hummed a response.

 

 _“Kriff we’re really gunna die now.”_ You could practically feel the smirk that was spreading across his face. The speeder continued its path forward, vibrating violently between your legs as Kylo continue to push at max speed. You could feel a shift in the Force as you pulled into sight of the ship yard. Red bolts firing across the open landing pad as faint white speaks became more visible. You gripped your left arm around his middle tightly as you shifted to peer around him, your right hand breaking free of its hold and moving to your saber. Mentally preparing to enter the fight ahead.

 

The speeder wove through a small cluster of trees and moved onto the large flat landing pad, repulsory engines whirling and kicking up dirt as it shifted onto the solid surface. You zipped past a group of Stormtroopers pinned behind a small private craft, firing torrents of red bolts towards a much smaller group of guards. _FWMB-10_ situated strategically to deal the most damage. A rapid succession of bolts pelting the craft and shredding the weaker parts that had already been repeatedly hit, forcing the Stormtroopers to move into a more compromised position.

 

Kylo shifted the handlebars and kicked the peddles swiftly, causing the craft to lower closer to the ground and made a hair pin turn, lining the blaster cannon up to the _FWMB_ , which was already being shifted to aim in the direction of the speeder. The guard positioning it and calibrating it quickly to fire. Kylo’s thumb moved to the trigger and pressed it, high pitched screech of the firing cannon filling your ears as he took out the gunners and pelted the large stationary gun and knocking it over as it smoked.

 

The speeder zipped around and turned back towards the private craft, zipping to where the Stormtroopers were still standing, he slowed to a halt and allowed the _74-Z_ to idle while he gave direction to the group and inquired about the remaining ‘troopers. Your eyes scanning ahead and peering back towards the palace, shifting your body slightly behind him to see more clearly. You could see another group hiding behind large durasteel crates, laying low to the ground or crouching, a few white armored bodies lying limply on the stone pad. Dead.

 

“We need to move Commander.” He shifted to peer over his shoulder at you and followed your line of sight back to the smaller group of pinned troopers. Nodded and kicked the speeder back into high gear, once again pushing the engines to its limit as you closed in on the next pinned group. Blaster cannon firing once again and pelting the surprised guard, turning quickly to cut back around, red bolts aimed at your backs, some coming far too close for comfort. You huffed, and shifted in your seat, Kylo noticed your shifting and slowed as he pulled further out before returning. You rested a hand on his shoulder and shakily turned around, your legs clamping onto the body of the speeder for dear life. Your heart racing in your chest as you tried to maintain balance as another round of rapid fire bolts were aimed at you. Your hand calling to your saber and using both your hands to deflect the bolts as best as you could. Your body attuning into Kylo’s completely as he turned tightly to swoop back around, leaning with his blindly, legs clamping even tighter around the body of the _74-Z_ , one of his arms coming back to wrap around your middle and helping to hold you in place.

 

 _“Hold on, we’re going to make another pass!”_ He straightened out the body of the speeder, once again aiming the blaster cannon dead center to the regathered guard around another _FWMB_. They were ready for you this time though, angry red bolts pelting the speeder, the repulsory engines sputtering as they took damage. You glanced over your shoulder momentarily at Kylo who was still firing the blaster cannon. Sensing your eyes on him and what you were intending to do, he slowed the speeder allowing you to jump off and roll onto the hard top, springing upward and running towards the guard who manned the large blaster.

 

Igniting your saber and cutting them down before they could turn the barrel of the large weapon at you. Leaving the _FWMB_ open to use, you moved quickly to the gun and turned it, shifting it on its stand as quickly as possible without knocking it over and aiming it back towards another group farther away, looking at the small sensory screen on the gun and calibrating it for the range, fingers tapping the screen as quickly as possible and then moving into a crouch to fire. Your arms locking tightly as it kicked despite the stand. The once pinned troop coming around you and helping to steady the blaster further, letting your aim stay true. The bolts tearing through a group of unsuspecting guard and felling them. You turned to look for Kylo, eyes shifting as you locked onto him, still trying to use the speeder, he wouldn’t be able to take much more damage, you could already see it stuttering and struggling to maintain altitude.

 

“Take the _FWMB,_ aim it at that craft over there.” You said pointing towards a small freighter. “Blow it up.”

 

“Ma’am!” You moved to allow them to calibrate and aim the weapon, aiming for the area of the freighter that housed the power cells and other explosive machinery. Firing rapidly, your hand coming to cover your ears from the sound, the blaster smoking through the cooling vents on the barrel. A small electrical fire bursting from the freighter, smoke billowing outward, a thundering explosion clapping loudly as the megablaster continued to fire at a centralized location. The smoke would give you enough coverage to move closer to the palace and the more concentrated guard.

 

You signaled for them to follow you as you moved at a crouch over towards the smoking freighter, two ‘troopers toting the megablaster with them as they followed, the other group from farther back joining in as you moved the unit. You halted behind a large durasteel crate, apparently the freighter was in the middle of unloading when the fight had started, the crew abandoning its cargo in order to seek safety.  Turning to look over your shoulder at the moving troopers, looking again for Kylo, and finding him, the sound of the blaster cannon drawing your eyes towards him, further out taking care of small groups of guards that had strayed too far from their protective cover fire. The speeder actively smoking now. You shook your head and turned back to the large smoke plume that shifted in the wind.

 

“Move.” Your voice commanding the troop behind you, your arm flying forward in the direction of the smoke, the sound of the burning freighter covering your movements as you filed into the smoke, your eyes pressed into thin slits to keep the maximum amount of smoke out. You halted, the ‘troopers following your movements, sensing in the Force for the largest cluster of resistance ahead. Your hand pointing empathically at the ground, signaling them to station the _FWMB_. They set it up once again as silently as possible. You could feel the wind staring to shift, you needed to hurry to retain the element of surprise. You moved the trooper who was setting the megablaster up, and took over the controls, pointing in the direction you wanted to them to fire in.

 

Nodding, raising your arm and holding, the wind kicking up harshly and shifting the smoke, your arm slicing down quickly, signaling for them to fire. Cutting through the fleeting smoke as your position was given away with the combination of the wind and the volley of bolts coming from the _FWMB-10_. Shouts from the opposition filling the air as were bombarded with red bolts. You could hear the _74-Z_ behind you, turning in time to see it zip past you, wind whipping around you as it passed unmanned and smoking, crashing into the large gathered guard and exploding as it impacted the side of the palace. Your arm coming to cover your face as heat seethed outward from the explosion. Your brows raising and lips quirking upward, huffing a slight laugh. Turning to see Kylo approaching and shaking your head.

 

“Commander, nice of you to join us.” You smirked.

 

“Well, I was a little preoccupied.”  You smiled and shook your head, and turned back to the palace, seeing the guard scrambling to recover, positioning themselves to return the barrage.

 

“Shall we?”  He nodded.  Both of you pulling your sabers out and igniting them and pressing out of the fleeting smoke and towards the palace. Your eyes scanning for the weakest point as a few red bolts from the guard seared towards the both of you, and using your sabers to deflect them. Kylo mentally projected a direction towards you, nodding and followed his lead. Both of you deflecting bolts as you pressed forward. The Stormtroopers moving closely behind you, closing in the gap and moving the _FWMB-10_ and repositioning it and returning to firing, helping to clear a path for you to make entrance.

 

Moving through the cut pathway, meeting little to no resistance, and taking care of those who tired, you finally managed to find your way into the palace, the entrance from the ship yard surprisingly lightly guarded. Both of you looking around in slight confusion, sharing a look briefly, your lips pinched and twisted to the side.

 

“Weird.” You mumbled. The sound of the fight outside drifting through the now empty entrance hall. Shrugging slightly and tuning into the Force looking for Jana. Finding her on the other side of the palace, Mon’s signature next to hers. “Maybe Kasar has the highest concentration of guards securing Mon and Jana?” You suggested. He shrugged.

 

“Come on we’re wasting time.” You nodded and followed him as he moved in the direction of Mon and Jana’s signatures. Moving down the large open halls and finding no one, concern growing more and more as you moved. Where were the guards, the servants, and the other countless people that were normally moving through the halls? You searched in the Force, moving through the large building and shifting fleetingly, finding a large mass of signatures deep under the palace. Your brows furrowing.

 

“Are the holding cells under the palace?” You asked.

 

“I think so.” He said flatly.

 

“There’s a large mass of signatures under us.” He paused and searched for himself and nodded.

 

“We can’t worry about them right now. We must secure Mon and Jana first.”

 

“Of course.” You said curtly. He was right, you could go back and free them after saving Mon and Jana. You continued moving, inching closer and closer to Mon and Jana’s location. Meeting increasing amounts of guards as you drew closer. Halting to take them out and then continuing your pursuit. Stopping at the large decorative doors that lead into what you assumed was the throne room. Both of you sharing a look and nodding, ready for whatever laid behind the doors. Both of you raising a hand and pushing the large doors open with the Force, the doors banging loudly against the wall as you both ignited your sabers and moved inward.

 

“CEPH!” Your eyes snapping to Jana as her voice rang out in the room, her body restrained against a large throne. She struggled against the restraints. Your brows furrowed instantly, anger swelling inside of you at the sight of her. She had a large bruise across her cheek bone, the skin red and swollen, her eyes were bloodshot and hair in disarray. Your hand gripped tightly on your saber. Mon was nowhere to be seen. Your eyes began searching frantically for him. The guard stationed around Jana closed in around her as she continued to struggle, a sharp smack meeting her face from one of the large guard, causing her to jolt and relax. Her face scrunching in pain. Your upper lip curled upward, barring your teeth in a snarl. Your hand shooting outward quickly and freezing both of the guard with the Force.

 

“Touch her again and I will not hesitate to rip both of you apart.” You snarled. You could hear grunting off behind the dais and a shuffling of feet as Kasar pushed Mon in front of him, a blaster to his head. Mon’s eyes in panic, Kasar wearing a smug look.

 

“Welcome back.” Your hand still reaching outward, holding the guard around Jana hostage. “I figured you would be gone longer searching for Coulter, but I underestimated you.” He laughed.

 

“Release them.” Kylo’s mechanical voice echoed loudly, feeding off of your anger and creating a continuous cycle of the emotion between you.

 

“Now, why would I do that?” He scoffed. Mon looked at you, meeting your eyes and then shifting back over to where the guard were frozen in place, confusion setting in as he tried to figure out what you were doing to keep them from moving. Mon shifted in Kasar’s bulky arms, trying to pull away to get to Jana, Kasar tightened his large forearm around Mon’s throat and choked him back into place, shifting the barrel of the blaster slightly and drilling it deeper into Mon’s short locks, causing Mon to turn his head in an attempt to pull away from him and the blaster. “Now now Mon, you know I have an itchy trigger finger.” He said pressing his mouth closely to Mon’s ear. Sneering at you and Kylo.

 

“Let my sister go Kasar, she has nothing to do with this.” Mon pleaded. Kasar laughed darkly and shook his head.

 

“No, I think I like her right where she is.” Your eyes narrowed dangerously, boring a hole into Kasar. He shifted Mon further forward, kicking at the back of his heels and urging him to move in a jerking motion. “Now, let’s get down to business.”

 

“What do you want?” Kylo snapped.

 

“What do I want?” Kasar huffed a laugh. “I want all of you interloping First Order karks off my planet.” You laughed.

 

“Your planet?”

 

“ _MY_ planet.” Kylo raised a hand towards you, halting you from egging Kasar on further.

 

“We owe you no allegiance and no favors. Our ties are with Mon Sala.” He said flatly. Kasar shook his head.

 

“Mon Sala is no longer in control, I am.” Mon was jerked harshly once again by Kasar as he whistled sharply over his shoulder. Your brows furrowing as the palace guard and heavily armored men moved from behind the dais, pouring out into the room surrounding Kasar. “I own the guard. I own the ship yards. I own the refineries.” He laughed. “I snap my fingers and they do as I say.” He smiled wickedly at the both of you. “It is time for Beirus to move in a new and better direction.”

 

“By executing the reigning monarch? The people would never follow you Kasar!” Jana seethed.

 

“The people…are not loyal to you. They are loyal only to wealth and their creature comforts.” He hissed. “They have not been happy with either of you, you do not hear their cries from your hill top.”

 

“What do you know of the plight of the people Kasar? We saw your estate and your district. I’d say you aren’t much farther from their hill top as you’d like to imagine.” You snapped. He laughed.

 

“It’s true, my district fairs well, imagine what I could do to the other districts. You saw Coulter’s little pig-sty. The First Order breaks their backs and bleeds their lands and for what? Crumbs.” Jana shifted in her restraints again, fighting to rise from her chair.

 

“It is true, the people suffer, especially in the mining districts, but this is not the way to go about changing it! There needs to be reform, we all know that a large chunk of the profits from the mines is fed right back into greedy pockets.” She stopped struggling and sighed in frustration.

 

“Do not act so high and mighty princess…your brother is guilty of having those very same greedy pockets.” He jerked Mon once again, shifting the blaster to twist painfully against the tender flesh of his temple. “Isn’t that right Mon?” Jana looked at her brother in slight shock, her blood shot eyes growing wide.

 

“Is this true Mon?” She asked softly. Mon’s eyes shifting apologetically back at his sister. She shook her head, “How could you?” She whispered.

 

“It is not so simple Jana! Our father and mother left the crown in debt, what was I to do? We owed the Temple Mount and others money. They were calling to collect once I took the crown! I had to do something!” She shook her head as tears lined her eyes.

 

“We could have figured this out together…” Kasar rolled his eyes at the exchange.

 

“Enough.” He snapped. Mon’s lips clamped shut tightly. “I’m growing tired of this.” He paused and looked back at you and Kylo. “As you said, your allegiance is with Mon Sala, so let’s fix that.” Kasar’s finger pressed down on the trigger, your hand shooting outward too slowly, the bolt passing through Mon’s short wavy locks and piercing through his skull and exiting through the other side. The range too close to halt the bolt, your reaction too slow to wrench the gun from his hand in time to save him. The guard swarmed you at the sound of the bolt exiting the blaster’s barrel. You could hear Jana screaming, your eyes growing wide, your heart clenching tightly in your chest.

 

No.

 

You were frozen in shock, slowly blinking as a bolt grazed your side. Pain jolting you into action. Your already raised hand clamping shut tightly as your mind zeroed in on the beating hearts of the two frozen guard, arresting their heart beats as they crumbled to the ground. Kylo pressed into you as he hacked with his crackling and hissing blade. Your eyes zoning in on Kasar as he aimed the blaster at a screaming and crying Jana. No.

 

**NO!**

A cold fury rose inside of you, breaking free from its restraints, bursting from its prison pit and surging outward. Your hands shaking violently as they rose on impulse, your body knowing what to do before your mind was able to process. Hands turning inward, shifting to gripping claws, clamping shut tightly and pulling apart abruptly. Forcing Kasar’s body to be tugged on either side by opposing force, ripping him asunder. Visceral carnage exploding onto Jana, bathing her in his innards and blood. Her voice a high shrill.

 

 _“CEPH!”_ Your head snapping towards Kylo as he was swarmed with the guard, keeping them from touching you. A part of you wanted to stand and watch, see if he could fight them all off, that dark part of you that plead for you to do the cruelest things. Wanted you to let him suffer in the darkest ways, to rip him apart and consume his light and snuff him and everything else from the world.

 

 _“Fight it.”_  You blinked rapidly as her voice echoed in your head. Your eyes searching frantically for her in the sea of guard. _“Fight it Eight!”_

_“Twelve, where are you?”_

  _“I’m with you, come on, fight it! Ben needs you! She needs you!”_

_“CEPH!”_ He cried again, causing your body to jolt into action, pain shooting through your ribs as you moved.  Your hand calling your saber once again as your left hand came crashing into the ground, sending a sharp pulse outward into the Force. Knocking the first wave back and away from him, giving him time to collect himself. Your legs forcing you to move as a thick staff came centimeters from smacking you in the head, grazing the tip of your ear and crashing into your shoulder, your arm dropping at the impact, harsh vibration going through your armor, and jolting you once again. Your lips curling upward and snarling angrily. Your right hand tossing your saber upward and allowing you to stand and catch it with the left, igniting the blade and piercing the staff wielder in the throat. Pulling your blade from the searing hole and spinning tightly, blade outward and catching those who dared to press you, slicing through tender flesh, the smell of searing skin filling your nostrils.

 

Evading a kick from behind you, your forearm catching the limb and pushing it off of you, your body twisting in the opposite direction, saber tightly in your left hand and cutting behind you, slicing in the man’s tender belly. He crumbled behind you, clutching his wound tightly. Your eyes snapping towards Jana, still restrained in her chair covered in viscera and weeping. A few members of the guard attempting to free her from the throne she was strapped to. You hefted your blade and tossed it hard, mentally switching the internal toggle and planting the blade into the head of one of the guard attempting to free Jana, the tip of the blade protruding from his head mere inches from her face. You were already running towards her by the time the blade made purchase, kicking and rolling off of the guard that stood in your way. Leaping nimbly across the thick throng of bodies. Planting booted feet into faces and onto backs as you skipped over them like they were a stone pathway. You called your saber back to your hand, blade extinguishing as you pulled it back to you. The other guard had moved away with raised hands, noticing you approaching the dais. You glared at him, your hand coming out to fling him away, causing him to smack into the wall harshly. Jana looked at you with wide eyes. She openly wept once your hand touched her.

 

“Your eyes.” She stammered. You ignored her as you used the Force to free her from her shackles.

 

“Stay behind me.” You ordered. She stopped her whimpering and nodded, moving behind you as you turned to face the fray once again. Kylo off in the far corner hacking wildly and cutting down the guard more freely, no longer pressed to protect you and able to fully move.  Your eyes shifting around the room, taking in the sight, the guard was no longer faring well. Their bodies littering the floor, dead or dying, you could care less. You raised a hand and sent another pulse out into the Force, causing a tight cluster that was threatening to swarm Kylo from behind to knock to the ground. You turned to look at Jana, taking in her handsome features, marred by blood and pieces of Kasar. “Stay.” She nodded.

 

You moved back towards Kylo, indiscriminately slashing at anything that got in your way. Bringing yourself to his back, pressing into him with your own. His helmet shifting slightly in acknowledgement of your presence. Your eyes moving every few moments to check on Jana as you fought off the last few armored guard. Kicking a rather brave man in the stomach and sending him doubling over, head bowed in front of you allowing you to send your blade through his skull. Pulling it back out as he crumbled at your feet. Your leg kicking him away from you and clearing you to move more freely. Anger swelling through every nook and cranny of your body, fortifying you and keeping you from faltering.

 

Another staff swiping at your core, causing you to twist away from its reach, arms going over your head as your spine stretched and twisted. Another swipe coming towards your head as you tucked in tightly and crouched under the moving wooden staff. Your leg coming out and sweeping the now considerably closer man off of his feet causing him to stumble backwards but still retaining enough balance to keep from falling over completely. Your saber igniting its dark crimson blade and slashing at his padded leg, severing it from his body and causing him to finally fall. Right leg picking up and tucking close to your body and kicking him square in the face with your boot, sending him crashing fully to the floor now, pained screams leaving his mouth. Your eyes making contact with his as you swiped the tip of your saber across the middle of his face where his lips joined, severing the upper part of his head and leaving a lolling tongue and mandible connected still. Standing at your full height once again, your shoulders heaving and hands clenched tightly as blood lust ripped through you. Snapping sharp teeth and foaming mouth, chomping and eager for more. _Send us more. SEND US MORE._

 

A hand coming to rest on your shoulder, your blade shifting in your grip ready to attack, a large black gloved hand catching your wrist before you could plunge your saber into him. Kylo’s helmet peering at you, confusion crossing the lines of the bond. You shook your head and deactivated your saber, he released your wrist and continued to tower over you. His own saber deactivating and returning to his belt, his hand coming to his helmet, unlatching it and pulling it from his head. His forehead beaded in sweat, hair sticking to his face as he dropped it to the ground with a loud thud. His hands coming to your face and cupping you tenderly. Dark eyes staring into your own as he studied you. Your eyes closing softly with his touch.  He leaned forward, bringing his face downward, pressing his stubble covered cheek to your own.

 

“Ceph.” He said softly into your ear. Your eyes opening slowly as he pulled away from you, looking back into your eyes once again. Relief crossing his features. You felt wet heat weeping from your rib, your gloved hand moving to cup the wound. Your face scrunching as you fully felt the stinging ache. He pulled your hand away to inspect the wound as much as possible, brows furrowing slightly a soft huff leaving his full lips. “You’ll live.” He mumbled causing you to huff a laugh, making your face once again scrunch tightly with pain. Your eyes shifting to Jana. She sat on the ground cradling Mon’s lifeless body, tears leaving streaks across her red covered face. Your heart ached for her, her sadness was all around you. You knew that grief all too well. Your eyes shifting back to Kylo’s, he nodded softly, hand spreading wide as he pulled his helmet back to him with the Force. 

 

You crossed back to Jana, stepping over the bodies that littered the floor and easing yourself downward to sit next to her. The shifting causing shooting pain in your ribs, you ignored it as best as you could. Her eyes did not meet yours as she continued to cradle Mon to her.

 

“I’m sorry Jana….I…couldn’t stop him in time.”  She shook her head slowly, face contorted in anguish, her lower lip trembling as she held back a sob. You shook your head, your arm wrapping around her and pulling her and Mon to you, hugging her tightly as she sobbed loudly. Kylo moved to your side and placed a hand on your shoulder, crouching next to you, your eyes meeting once again.

 

_“We need to move.”_

_“I know, but I can’t leave her here.”_

_“Five more minutes.”_ He conceded. You nodded.

 

“Jana, I know you’re upset…devastated…but we have to move.” She stiffened in your arms, sobbing quieting as she glanced down at Mon’s corpse. “We will come back for him…but we have to free the people in the holding cells.” Her eyes shifted towards you, her brows furrowed deeply as she tried not to openly sob once again, attempting to put on a brave face.

 

“They have Calla and Bram…and your doctor…they rounded everyone up.” She muttered. You nodded. She looked back down at Mon, her hand coming to rest on his face tenderly. Silence filled the room. Your lips pinching tightly. You didn’t want to rip her away from him, but you were losing time. She leaned down and kissed the crown of his head, your arms loosening from around her and allowing her to shift Mon’s body off of her lap and gently back onto the floor. You stood next to Kylo, your eyes meeting once again. Jana ran her hand across Mon’s face once more, leaning down to whisper in his ear and stood. Her eyes coming to Kylo’s face, taking in his features for the first time.

 

“Okay. Let’s go.” She whispered. Kylo unlatched his helmet and once again slid it over his head, you stood waiting with Jana close at your side. For once Kylo was not bristled by her close proximity to you.

 

“How do we get down to the cells?” You asked Jana, her eyes locked on to Mon in a slight daze. She shook her head and turned to look at you, wiping her eyes and sighing.

 

“I can guide you there.” She said. You looked at Kylo who nodded.

 

“Alright let’s go.” Jana moved down the dais and bent downward, picking up a staff, causing your brows to furrow.  “You won’t need it.” You said flatly. She shook her head.

 

“They are my people, I will fight for them.”

 

“Do you know how to use that?” 

 

“Of course.” You shrugged and followed behind her as she moved behind the dais, pushing through a small door within a larger one, and moving through a narrow hall, passing by small doors that you assumed were meeting rooms and perhaps supply closets. She turned at a corner sharply, staff in hand, purpose in her step, you followed closely behind her with Kylo directly behind you. “We should be able to get to the cells through here without having to go the long way round.” She said as she halted at a stone wall and pressed a hand to a seemingly random stone, the wall opening up and revealing a dark passage way. You grabbed at her shoulder before she could enter, halting her and moving in front, grabbing your flashlight from its pouch and clicking it on. You moved down the steep slow spiral of stone steps, the sounds of your feet padding on the stone filling the cramped staircase. “Not much farther.” Jana whispered. You hummed back in response.

 

Coming to the end of the stair, the air cooler and much damper, your nose scrunching at the smell of mildew that wafted from below the heavy wooden door. Jana moved beside you and pulled out a key from her pocket, the same one used to lock the gate to her garden you realized. She pushed the door open slowly and peered around the corner, looking for anyone, and waving her hand signaling that the coast was clear, stepping out into the hall, her staff ready. You put the flashlight away and stepped out, looking down the hall and hearing shuffling further down, the sound of whispering echoing down the dark hall way.

 

You grabbed at Jana’s shoulder halting her and tapped at your ear, signaling for her to listen. She paused, tilting her head towards the end of the hall and listened. Your eyes closing momentarily as you tuned into the Force and tried to assess how many guards would be down the hall. Shaking your head and looking at Kylo.

 

_“Too many signatures.”_

_“It’s fine. Just protect her.”_ You nodded and stepped out in front of Jana, hand waving behind you signaling for her to stand behind you, Kylo moving ahead and passing you to lead. The three of you moving as silently as possible, the sound of voices becoming much clearer as you moved down the hall.

 

“I haven’t heard anything in a while.” A male voice said.

 

“I’m sure it’s fine. They would have sent word if something were wrong.” Another deeper voice answered.

 

“How long are you intending to keep us down here?” Duran. “Some of these people need medical attention.”

 

“Well good thing we have a doctor here then.”  A loud smack on metal sounded out loudly in the hall. “NOW SHUT UP!”

 

The three of you edged to the end of the hall, Kylo raising a hand with three fingers lifted. Easy enough. Kylo stepped out first, hand raised and harnessing the Force to choke the closest guard, the man’s body lifting from the ground, toes skimming over the stone floor as he clawed at his neck, Kylo’s hand raising higher and hand balling into a fist. The next closest guard screaming in surprise, Jana ran past you, staff in hand. You shook your head and walked calmly outward, your eyes watching Jana as she shifted the staff in her hand, lowering her grip as she brought the hard pole into the side of one of the guard’s head. A loud thwack sounding as she made the connection to the man’s skull. He stumbled and caught himself on the ground with his hands, knees crashing downward as he reeled from the impact. She twirled the staff expertly and slammed the flat end into the man’s spine, causing him to flatten against the floor. Your hand raising as you focused on the last guard who was moving towards Jana, staff at the ready to pummel her. Your fingers snapping as he crumbled to the floor with a broken neck. Jana turning to look and finding the man feet away from her, her eyes coming back to you as you casually shrugged.

 

“Well took you long enough.” Your head turned to see Duran pressed against the bars. You rolled your eyes.

 

“Princess!” Calla moved to the bars now and reached out for Jana, Jana turning to move to her quickly and embracing her through the bars. Both of them speaking in hushed whispers. Kylo moved to the lock and broke it with Force, sending it clattering to the floor. You pulled the door open, allowing Duran to move outward and stand next to you.

 

“You’re hurt.” He said pressing a finger to the no longer weeping wound on your ribs. Your face scrunching and hand coming to swat his away.

 

“Apparently the Commander thinks I’ll live.” You mumbled. Duran smirked and shook his head. Kylo’s helmet swiveled to shoot you a look. You smiled sheepishly at him, he shook his head in response. “Excuse me.” You said to Duran as you moved to the next holding cell and breaking the lock with aid from the Force. You could see the High Sarjana sitting in the corner, glaring at you indignantly. Manis and Badai were both leaning against the wall waiting for everyone else to exit as the High Sarjana hoisted himself from the floor and pushed through those he deemed unimportant, and moved through the door first, using his size to squeeze out anyone in his way. He paused to glare at you.

 

“I knew there was something off about the both of you.” He muttered.

 

“Your welcome.” You snarked. Your eyes shifted to Duran as he moved back into the cell and crouched over a male form. You peered around the bars to get a closer look and realized it was Bram. A large gash across his belly, a green sash tightly tied around the wound and stained in red. He looked impossibly pale. He wouldn’t make it.

 

“A little help.” Duran called. Jana moved to help but he shooed her away, Manis and Badai moved into the opposite cell and helped hoist Bram’s body upward.

 

“What happened?” You could hear Jana ask.

 

“He tried to stop Kasar after he took Mon.” Mumbled Calla. “The idiot.” Bram smiled weakly.

 

“Had to try.” He gasped. Calla shook her head and followed behind Duran, Bram and Manis as they moved him down the hall quickly. Jana hesitant to follow, you shared a look and shook your head. Denying her permission to follow. She frowned and moved to your side.

 

“I’m sorry, we need to secure the rest of the palace before I can let you leave.” She nodded and waited obediently next to you while you waited for direction form Kylo who seemed to be focused on the display screen in his helmet. You wondered if he had been keeping the remaining troop notified and directed while the both of you had been roaming through the palace searching for Jana and Mon. Your mind coming to a screeching halt as you thought of Mon’s lifeless body lying on the dais. You frowned. You had failed to protect him and you weren’t sure if you would be able to forgive yourself. Jana seemed to notice your frown and rested a slender hand on your shoulder, the weight felt through your armor. You turned to look at her and shook your head.

 

She halted you before you could give her another useless apology. Her eyes watering and spilling over her lower lid, slipping down the deep bruises that were blooming on her cheek. “There is nothing you could have done.” She whispered. Sadness gripped your heart, she would never be the same after this.

 

“I should have known. I should have been ready.” She shook her head again.

 

“You did the best you could. Kasar is dead and I am still alive to carry on my brother’s legacy. It would be what he wanted.” She said forcing a sad smile. She would mourn fully in due time you mused, putting on a brave face for the palace staff. You forced yourself to nod. Kylo moved back over to you, hand coming to your elbow and tapping, signaling for you to move away from Jana so you could speak privately.  You obliged him and nodded.

 

“The palace still needs to be cleared, the ‘troopers are moving through slowly…I need you to stay here.”

 

“Is there a reason why you don’t want my assistance?” You asked trying to hide the hurt in your voice. His helmet shifted to look over your shoulder and away from your face.

 

“Not exactly.” You frowned.

 

“You’re lying.” You said flatly, the visor of his helmet coming to rest on you once again.

 

“I don’t want to discuss it here.”

 

“But we will discuss it?”  He nodded. “Fine.” You said flatly.

 

“I’ll send word once we’re in the clear.”

 

“Have someone send down water, Maker knows how long they’ve been down here.”

 

“I will. Stay out of trouble.” You nodded. He lingered momentarily and then turned and left, walking down the considerably darker hall where Dr. Duran had exited with Bram and the others. Leaving you standing by yourself. You surveyed the room, taking in the faces of those that were released from the holding cells. About fifty or more people crowded in the stone room. You could see the High Sarjana sitting on the only chair available and Jana moving around the room talking to each of the people, seeing if they needed anything and just checking on their general well-being.  Both of your eyes meeting for a fleeting moment as she moved to the next person.

 

“Ma’am.” Your head swiveled around at the sound of the familiar female voice. Twenty-Five. She approached from the dimly lit hall, blaster rifle with in her grasp, white armor clacking softly as she moved toward you.

 

“Twenty-Five.” You said with a faint smile. She halted and nodded.

 

“Ma’am, The Commander instructed me to come and stand guard with you while they continue to clear the palace.” Her slightly muffled voice coming over her internal mic. You nodded.

 

“When did you get back?” You asked.

 

“Over an hour ago, I was busy helping clear out the remaining guard in the ship yard.” You hummed.

 

“How’s Coulter?”

 

“Stable and awake. Took him to Dr. Duran before coming down here.”

 

“Excellent.” 

 

“Ma’am?” You raised an eyebrow and hummed.

 

“The King?” You frowned.

 

“Dead. His sister survives though.” You nodded towards Jana’s direction. Twenty-Five’s helmet shifting towards her and nodding. “She has a tough road ahead of her.” You muttered mostly to yourself for surely Twenty-Five didn’t care.

 

“From what I hear, the people generally like her…at least that’s what the other ‘troopers who have been stationed here have said.” Your brows furrowed at your head turned to look at her helmet. “Sorry Ma’am. I was only trying to make you feel better.” Your face scrunched as you grinned. “Please don’t tell the Commander I said that.” You shook your head.

 

“Feel free to speak candidly anytime Twenty-Five….well when it’s just us that is.” She nodded.

 

“It’s Fritz Ma’am.” You tilted your head slightly.

 

“Fritz?”

 

“The nickname I acquired from the SI Corps.” You huffed through your nose, a smile coming to your lips.

 

“Interesting name.”

 

“I had a faulty helmet the first few days of training in gear. The helmet kept projecting the internal com, it was terribly annoying.” She muttered. You nodded and laughed.

 

“Well, I guess there are worse names.”  She nodded.

 

“The names are an honor that we each carry.”  You nodded and smiled. You could understand the sentiment completely.

 

“I don’t care! I’m ready to return to the Temple Mount there is no need for me to remain down here! Release me, you got your culprit!” Your head shot over towards the sound of a very agitated High Sarjana, Jana standing in front of him and attempting to calm him down. You shook your head and moved through the crowd, leaving Twenty-Five by the entrance to the cavernous room.

 

“What’s the problem here?” You asked as nicely as possible, just looking at the man made your blood boil. Ungrateful swine.  He raised a plump heavily ringed hand and shooed at you, like you were merely a gnat or some other annoying insufficient insect.

 

“This does not concern you.” He growled, his pale flesh wobbling under his neck. You closed your eyes briefly and took a deep breath, turning your head slightly and mentally calming yourself.

 

“He wants to leave.” Jana said to you, glaring at the large man perched delicately on a wooden chair. “I have tried explaining to him that the palace is not safe just yet and we must wait.” He huffed and crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“This had nothing to do with the Temple Mount, or myself.”

 

“Let him leave.” You said flatly. Jana turned to look at you, shocked by your words.

 

“We can’t jus…”

 

“Let him go if he wants to go so badly.” You said cutting her off. Her mouth was opened as if she wanted to say more but you shook your head. “If he gets killed or taken hostage he will no longer be either of our problems. That will be up to the Temple Mount to take care of.” You said smugly. The plump man balked openly at your words, mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air on dry land. You shifted to the side and gestured for him to find his way out. “Well, better get going…it’s a long walk back to the Temple Mount and it’s going to only grow darker out.” He shifted uncomfortably in the chair, a slight groan of the wood under his weight the only sound in the room, all voices hushed to listen to the exchange.

 

“You can’t be serious.” He huffed. You smirked.

 

“I’m very serious.” He stared at you in complete contempt. “Of course you could stay and wait quietly and patiently like the rest of us.” You shrugged. “Up to you High Sarjana.” Your brows raised high on your head, waiting for him to move. His lips pinched tightly as his light flesh grew pink with heat.

 

“I’ll stay.” He mumbled. You leaned closer to him, your hand going to your ear and cupping it,

 

“I’m sorry…what was that?” You asked.

 

“I’ll stay!” He bellowed angrily. Your eyes closed in satisfaction.

 

“I see. Well you should thank the Princess for her hospitality. I would have shoved you out long ago and let you fend for yourself.” You smiled as your eyes locked with his beady black orbs. “Of course, I’m not anywhere near as kind as Princess Jana.” Jana stood silently her eyes trained on the floor.

 

“Thank you Princess Jana.” He mumbled. You hummed.

 

“Louder please.”

 

“Thank you Princess Jana.” He grumbled. You nodded.

 

“See wasn’t that hard now was it?” He turned away from you and huffed. Jana nodded quietly. You moved to stand directly in front of him, your hand moving swiftly to his chin and pinching the soft flesh, tugging his face to look at you, his eyes flicking over to Jana. You tisked. “Look at me.” You hissed. His eyes moved slowly back to you. Your fingers pinching his fatty chin tighter as he tried to fight against your grip. Using the Force to freeze him in place, his arm locking tightly to his side and his head no longer attempting to turn away. “If I ever see you act as if you are more important or above anyone ever again, I will happily rip your head from your fat little neck and mount your head on a pike.” His eyes grew wide, you could feel his jaw tense as he struggled to free himself from your hold once again. Leaning forward, not fully satisfied with his response, you whispered into his ear,

 

“You are a worm. You are absolutely nothing. I could crush you with the simple twist of my fingers. I am your God, and you have made me very displeased.  Do you know what happens when you displease the Gods? Surely you do…such a learned man as you should know these things…” He whined as your nails dug into his soft flesh.

 

“Yesh.” He said through tight teeth and pursed lips.

 

“What happens Lemak?”

 

“Sh-mite. Dey sh-mite.”

 

“Yes. We smite.” You paused and brought your mouth closer to his ear, teeth bared and snapping as you spoke. “And how I want nothing more than to smite you, you fucking worm. “ He whined again, high pitched in his tight throat as you used the Force to apply slight internal pressure to his windpipe. “Your traditions mean nothing to me, but to her they are important, and because of that I am allowing you to live. If you so much as breathe in slight annoyance in her direction I will end you.” You stood upward and shoved his face away from your hand, his neck wobbling and body becoming unbalanced on the small wooden chair, he fell to the ground with a smack, fat ringed hands attempting to brace his fall.  He looked up at you in terror, eyes wide and watering as he coughed and attempted to clear his now aching throat. You glared down at him, eyes thin slits, begging for him to say something to anger you. He didn’t. Jana’s hand came to your shoulder and pulled you to turn and look at her.

 

“Enough.” She whispered. You blinked tightly and exhaled, calming yourself, and nodded. Her hand left your shoulder slowly and you turned and walked away from the both of them. Returning to stand next to Twenty-Five at the mouth of the hallway once again.

 

 

****

The palace was fully cleared within the next two hours. The sky dark and brooding, rain once again pouring down as you made sure to usher the people out of the dank holding cells. Following behind them as Twenty-Five lead the way, Jana at your side as you walked slowly down the dark hall and back into the well-lit stairwell. You waited at the bottom as everyone moved upward, Jana standing with you as you leaned against the wall.

 

“You didn’t have to do that.” She whispered. You shot her a glance and shook your head.

 

“I did.” Her plump mauve lips pinched as she shook her head.

 

“Things will be more difficult now.”

 

“They won’t. He knows better now.” You said curtly.

 

“And what happens when you leave?” She asked softly. “You can’t stay here with me forever.” You shifted your eyes to her and then looked around you, the stairwell slowly emptying, you moved to her and cupped her face, careful of the bruised side of her face.

 

“If you ever need me, I will return as quickly as possible.” Her eyes closed softly under your touch, her hand cupping your own. “I promise.” You whispered.

 

“I wish you could stay with me.” She whispered sadly. “I’m scared of what’s going to happen now that Mon’s gone.” You sighed.

 

“We will help you do whatever you need to do to remain in power.” You paused as your eyes searched hers. “I won’t allow them to take anything from you…you were meant for this Jana.” Her eyes were threatening to spill salty tears, you could sense her fear and sadness in the Force, and this time you didn’t shy away from her emotions, instead you allowed them to smash into you, heavy and crushing. “Jana, you are going to change so many things, you are going to make things better here. Your kindness will be your strength.” She laughed as a few tears trickled from her eyes.

 

“You think so?” She asked.

 

“I know so.” You smiled. She huffed a soft laugh and sniffled.

 

“What am I going to do without him?” Her voice finally broke as she started to sob. Your own eyes watering with the raw waves of her emotions. Your arms wrapped around her and you pulled her into you as she wept. Your hand coming to rest on the crown of her head, sending comforting waves into her by the use of the Force.

 

“You will remember him, and you will be sad for some time, but you will always have your memories, no one can take those away from you.”  You whispered into her hair as she continued to weep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting awful close to wrapping up Beirus guys! Hope you guys enjoyed that huge glimpse of a very happy and excited Kylo (*cough* Ben *cough*)!  
> Remember if you guys want to PM me you can reach me at my email mortisoculo@gmail.com or on my tumblr!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW: Smut ahead.

Chapter 27

Bloom

__________________

 

It was a long night, the hours slowly ticking by as you forced yourself to remain awake, guarding Jana as she slept fretfully. Watching her toss and turn and whimper in her sleep as you poured over your datapad. Mon’s body had been collected once the palace had been cleared, watching Jana rip herself away from him once again was almost too much to bear. Her anguish crashing into you as she broke contact with his skin as they carried him off to the Temple Mount to be prepared for burial. She wept pitifully, taking minimal comfort from your embrace. The only thing that seemed to cheer her up even nominally was hearing that Bram would make it through the night, his wound nowhere near as severe as Dr. Duran initially thought.

 

You sat on a plush cushion on the floor, a small flickering lantern lighting the room dimly, apparently a custom for those in grief, the light was supposed to bring good spirits of comfort or some sort of nonsense. You didn’t really much care as long as it made Jana feel better. You watched her in the flickering orange haze, covered in her colorful ornate blankets, whimpering and clutching them tightly. You wished you could crawl into bed beside her, give her the comfort you knew she needed but you knew that could possibly lead into tricky territory and you didn’t want to take advantage of her grief. So you resigned yourself to sitting on the floor and reading over the arrangements of the proceeding days.

 

Mon would be buried in the traditional fashion of Beirus. His body would be carefully washed, then clothed in the finest of silks, wrapped tightly in fetal position and placed into the center of the Sala family tree, but before all that could even take place the men of the Temple Mount would pray over his body for two days to ensure that his life force passed over the veil and into the Tanah Orang Mati. Jana would need to fast for those two days, taking only water and bathing in some sort of oiled concoction. She had assured you that this was common and that both she and Mon had done the same for each of their parents and the youngest Sala sibling. It sounded stupid to you, but it was Jana’s wish to honor the tradition, explaining that Mon would have wanted it that way. You wouldn’t argue it, you weren’t sure what typical fare for a funeral was. You had never been to one…never had the luxury to say good bye to your dead. Once Mon was entombed into the Sala tree Jana would need to pray over the tree for the remaining day. All in attendance would bring a gift to place within the tree, the most common were flowers and fruits. Jana suspected that this would bring insects in and encourage quick decomposition of the body. You merely nodded when she explained this to you before she retired for bed.

 

Once Mon was finally laid to rest, Jana would need to be crowned, but there was the complication of who her husband would be. This would be a huge fight among the remaining council of course, which could take days to resolve. And on top of all this there was the matter of who would be replacing the guard and what would Beirus do to make amends to the First Order for the now destroyed refinery. It would be at least another week before you or Kylo would be able to leave, but you didn’t mind. You liked Beirus, and you enjoyed Jana’s company, but there were other pressing matters at hand…Snoke.

 

Kylo said he would handle it, but you weren’t exactly sure what that meant. You sighed as you thought about the mess that you were in, all because someone got greedy.

 

 _“She’s crying.”_ You picked your head up from the datapad and snapped your eyes over towards Jana. Two small children, stood on tippy-toes, hands resting on the mattress and peering over Jana. Your brows furrowed as their bodies flickered and shifted hazily. Ubax and Petali. Shifting on the cushion slightly and wincing as the skin around your wound pinched. Dr. Duran's quick patch of the area with bacta and a wrap helped, but it was still slightly painful when you moved into certain positions. 

_“Leave her, let her sleep.”_

_“But she’s crying.”_ The young boy said, his mess of dark curls shaking slightly as he turned to look at you, Petali merely reached comfortingly towards Jana, her delicate hand phasing through Jana’s face. She frowned.

 

 _“Momma used to rock us when we cried.”_ Petali said as she continued to try and caress Jana. You realized that both the children favored the other, twins or perhaps very close in age. How had you not noticed before? You frowned.

 

 _“She’s sad.”_ You replied. They both nodded in acceptance.

 

 _“Like you and the tall scary man?”_ Your brows furrowed and lips pinched tightly. They moved over towards you and took a seat at your feet, bodies flickering as they attempted to materialize. They weren’t nearly as focused at the green eyed boy, their faces were slightly unfocused, and when they moved they blurred and stuttered, leaving vaporous trails behind them.

 

 _“She lost her brother.”_ You projected flatly, not sure how to answer Petali’s observation.

 

 _“She’ll find him again.”_ Petali said with a gapped smile. You smiled kindly at her and nodded.

 

 _“Where is the other boy?”_ You asked. They shrugged in unison. _“Why are you both here?”_ You asked suddenly.

 

 _“For the big tree.”_ Your brows furrowed in confusion.

 

_“Big tree?”_

_“YEAH! The big tree, the one with the faces inside!”_ Ubax shouted excitedly, his arms blurring over his head as he attempted to mimic a large tree. _“We need to get to the big tree!”_ You shook your head.

 

_“I’m not sure I’m following you. Why do you need to get to the big tree?”_

_“To go home!”_ Petali smiled widely.

 

_“To go home?”_

_“YUP!”_ They both exclaimed in unison. Your lips pinched as you forced a nod, still not exactly following.

 

 _“Master Luke said you would take us.”_ Ubax added quickly. Your heart stuttered in your chest. Luke Skywalker. Your eyes grew wide as you shifted forward, wincing as your wound pinched, ignoring it and leaning closer to the both of them.

 

 _“Do you know where Master Luke is?”_ You asked as sweetly as possible, hoping that they would answer you in their excitement.  They both looked at each other, communicating through looks.

 

 _“We aren’t allowed to tell you, but Naf will tell you when you are ready.”_ The line sounded well-rehearsed, perhaps repeating what Luke Skywalker had told them?  

 

 _“Is Naf the other boy?”_ You questioned. They both nodded. Ah. _“And when will I be ready?”_ They both shrugged. You sighed as your brows scrunched tightly. _“Can you tell me anything else about your Master?”_

_“No.”_ Ubax said sternly, his childish voice suddenly becoming very serious. You frowned, agitation growing within you. Your hand coming to bridge of your nose and pinching it tightly as a headache started to thud dully, exhaustion finally catching up. You turned to look at the datapad, checking the time and sighing. The sun would be up soon.

 

 _“Are you mad at us?”_ Petali asked with a pout. You forced your face to relax and shook your head.

 

_“No. Just…tired.”_

_“The tall scary man will be here soon.”_ Ubax said as he looked at the door. You hummed. _“We’ll be back when you get to the big tree!”_ His voice returning to a cheerful tone. You nodded, not quite sure what else to do as they flickered out of your sight. You could hear Jana tossing in the bed again, turning to look at her fitfully tug at her blankets and curl inward. You stood, setting the datapad to the side once more and moved over to the bed, hovering over her hesitantly. Your hand coming outward and hovering over her, tempted to dive into her head and see what she was dreaming about, but you resisted the urge, too terrified of what you would find. Instead you placed your hand on the top of her head and with extreme concentration you began to channel in calming sensations into her. Hoping that she would at least relax enough to actually sleep.

 

You watched as her scrunched face began to relax, her tight grip on the blankets loosening slightly, she released a heavy sigh. Your hand slowly pulled away from her, watching her for another moment just to be sure and then you crossed back to the cushion and sat with a huff, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to keep from falling asleep. Your head slowly starting to dip as your shoulders relaxed, your eyes closing slowly, only to be jolted awake by a knock on the door. Shaking your head you forced yourself to stand and crossed to the door, sensing on the other side to see who it was before opening it. Calla stood at the door with a tray of water and more of the oils that Jana would need to bathe in. You opened the door wider to allow her entrance. She merely moved through the room and set the tray on a large dresser, turning to look at you and shaking her head.

 

“Lady Ceph you should get some rest.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” You said dismissively. She shook her head and moved closer to you as to not wake Jana.

 

“You need to rest. The Commander will send one of your people here to watch over her.” She whispered. You wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but you were weary of leaving her.

 

“I can wait until they arrive.” You whispered back. She nodded and gestured at the plush sofa in the middle of the sitting area, the cushion you had been sitting on was sitting in front of it.

 

“Lay down, I will alert you if anything happens.” She whispered. You nodded and crossed the room, laying on the couch hesitantly. Forcing your eyes to remain open as your body relaxed, staring at the ceiling as the orange glow flickered around you still. You stifled a slight cough. It was beyond time for another breathing treatment, but Dr. Duran had been busy handling the injured. You jolted as another knock came from the door. Standing quickly and sensing on the other side using the Force, Kylo and another signature. You opened the door quickly and peered upward, tired eyes meeting the dark visor of his helmet, your eyes shifting to beside him and coming upon a white clad Stormtrooper.

 

“Come Ceph.” His voice buzzed in your ears, distorted heavily by the modulator.

 

“Are you sure?” You asked looking at the ‘trooper, upon closer inspection of their armor you noticed a few dents and black skids from combat. Were they as tired as you were? Had they had time to rest? What happened if they fell asleep at their post? What if something happened? He seemed to consider this as he paused, his shoulders shifting slightly.

 

“Yes. Come.” You turned back behind you, noticing Calla gently stirring Jana awake. Sighing you moved out of the door frame and back into the hall, allowing the ‘trooper to post in front of the door. Kylo gestured for you to join him, but you halted and returned to the room and quickly  and called to your datapad with the Force, it zipped across the room and slapped your open hand as you closed your fingers to clutch it tightly. Kylo waited for you and began walking towards the hall that contained your rooms, both of you walking in silence.

 

You opened your door and stepped inside, him following closely behind you and closing the door. His hands moving to his helmet and quickly releasing the latches, soft hissing as he pulled the helmet from his head. Dark rings under his eyes, hair matted and face shadowed with stubble. You placed the datapad onto the small table, ignoring a new notification that dinged onto the screen.

 

“So?” You asked, unsure of what he had been doing this entire time. He was already stripping his clothing, dropping the thick layers of black onto the floor piece by piece. You remained standing as you watched him undress, your arms crossed over your chest.

 

“Hux will be joining us tomorrow.” Sudden agitation flaring in his face, as if just saying the General’s name but a bad taste in his mouth, he angrily threw a piece of clothing onto the floor, his chest growing red.

 

“Because he invited himself or because the Supreme Leader saw fit to send him?” You asked hesitantly, not sure of how your question would affect his sudden mood.

 

“The Supreme Leader thinks it would be best for him to be here.” He huffed and paused, his eyes moving to look at you, taking in the fact that you were still fully clothed while he was nearly naked. He crossed over towards you and hovered for a slight moment before his hand moved to your arms, breaking their position as he began to remove your armor, dropping the pieces to the floor as he unbuckled and unclasped them. Squatting to remove the pieces on your legs and tossing them away from you. “He’s such a nuisance.” He mumbled. You looked down at him and shook your head slowly. Not daring to venture your thought on the matter, which he seemed to appreciate. Your leg lifting as he unlaced your boots and pulled them one by one from each foot along with your thick socks. Your toes curling and uncurling as they were freed from the cloth prison.

 

“I believe you and I had something to discuss.” You muttered as he stood and turned you so he could get at the zipper of your synth-leather suit. Pulling the zipper down slowly he huffed, clearly not in the mood to discuss why he made you stay in the cells while he cleared the rest of the palace. His hand coming to the opening around your neck, pulling the high collar over each of your shoulders, peeling the tight fighting suit off of you delicately, your hand coming to halt his movements. “Kylo.” You said sternly, his movements halting, you could feel him bristling behind you, agitated that you had halted him and were still actively pursuing the conversation.

 

“Not right now.” He grumbled, as if they would somehow make you want to stop asking. You turned your back away from him, facing him as your eyes narrowed, you could feel the heat that nestled in your sockets, tired eyes peering at him sternly. Your mouth pressed tightly and jaw rigid. “Shower, then we’ll discuss it.” He breathed, hoping that you would be satisfied with that. You shook your head.

“Now.” His jaw tightened as his eyes pressed closed tightly.  Opening slowly and looking away from you, his shoulders slumping slightly. You wouldn’t drop it and he knew it.

 

“You…you almost lost control…your eyes…were not your own.” He sighed. You blinked several times.

 

“Explain.” You said curtly, arms crossing over your chest once again, causing the partially pulled down suit to tighten around your shoulders and almost restricting your movement, fighting a wince as the fabric rubbed across your wound.

 

“Too dark, you were lost for a moment, I wasn’t sure if you would come back.” His eyes moved to look at you, taking in your facial expression and feeling for your reaction in the Force. Your mind tracing back over the events in the throne room, Twelve’s voice pleading for you to fight. The sickly sweet voice of the dark thing that resided in you calling for you, pleading for you to let it all fall away, let them perish, let it all die. Your brows furrowed, knitting tightly as your nose scrunched. Perhaps you had gotten too close, toeing the line and almost slipping over it completely. Something about it though…felt so right. The loss of control, all cares falling away, concern and worry gone, pure anger the only thing there. It felt like…home.

 

Was this why Snoke had told you to let it all go those years ago in the training room? Was it really so bad to let everything fall away. Leaving you to the emotions you tried so desperately to control, allowing the monster that chewed at you to fully consume you, absorb everything that you held so tightly to in desperation. Desperation…for what? What were you holding on to these things for? Control. But why?

 

Sensing your thread of thought Kylo reached across towards you, large hands coming to your shoulders as he pulled you closer to him, pressing you into his bare chest. “The control is what keeps you…you.” He whispered. “You wouldn’t be you anymore without it.” His hand coming to the crown of your head and pulling your face into his warm body, the smell of old sweat on his hot skin. You breathed him in and exhaled softly. What if you were tired of being you, caring so much for so many, constantly feeling the pain of the connections you shared, bond or no. You cared so deeply for those around you. Too much. Things would be so much easier without them. Without the emotions and the sentiments. Sentiment...weakness. “Don’t think that.” He muttered into your hair, kissing your head and clinging to you tightly. “You didn’t see what I saw.” He mumbled.

 

You pulled away from him and tilted your head to meet his eyes. Your eyes searching his, looking for his sincerity and finding it. “Show me.” You whispered. His jaw flexed, considering your request.

 

“Are you sure you want to see?” He asked softly. You nodded. Perhaps then you would understand his concern fully. He sighed, his hand coming to your face and cupping you gently. You knew he had no need for the contact, but it gave him comfort to touch you, to hold you as he shared himself with you. The memory opened as you closed your eyes.

 

>                 _The sound of the blaster filled your ears, his ears. Muffled slightly but still loud enough to draw his attention. Mon crumbled to the ground. You could feel Kylo’s muscles tense at the sight of Mon falling to the floor dead. The press of the guard moving towards him, swarming him as he moved backwards towards you, back crashing into you, attempting to jolt you into action. He could see you frozen out of the corner of the visor._
> 
> _He could sense your world crashing in around you, blaming yourself, as if he wasn’t in the room with you, witnessing the same events, failing just as you did. His saber slashing out in front of him warding off the first wave, driving them back at the threat of being slashed by the crackling and hissing red blade. He heard the blaster go off, and felt the jolt of shared pain as it ripped through you. Searing his skin as if it had happened to him. Anger flaring wildly through him and you. He could feel your heavy draw on the Force, pulling and gathering it around you and projecting it towards Kasar. He knew what you were about to do. He had felt and seen you do this before, though not as close as he was now. He had still been trying to get to you when you did this on Yavin. This action, this dark force enthralled him, but deep down it also terrified him. So much raw emotional power, ripping at you and tearing a bit of you every time you used it, a bit of light snuffing out each time you drew this strongly from the dark side._
> 
> _His arm swung his saber deflecting a shot from a blaster and aiming it back towards the shooter, his leg pulling tightly to his chest as he kicked outward and hit a guard in the stomach, shoving him backward and away from him, giving him time to move away from you enough to defend you. Slashing and hacking into the bodies that presented themselves. His eyes moving fleetingly towards you, your hands jerking apart, the sound of Jana’s screaming and the sickening rip and slapping of innards projecting from Kasar’s body as you ripped him apart filling his ears. He could feel it, the consuming anger and the rising darkness. He needed to stop you._
> 
> _“CEPH!” He mentally called, but you did not answer him. You turned only to look at him, to consider him as he defended you from the pressing crowd. His helmet turning just enough to glance at you, your face emotionless and your eyes….your eyes. Glaring, yellow rimmed with red, almost glowing. He could feel it, the gnawing between the connection, as if it was flickering in and out, no longer fully connected, only getting brief feelings, anger…pure anger._
> 
> _He fought harder, you continued to look at him, and then a flicker of emotion crossed the line. Hope. Your face softening, confusion in your eyes, though they were still not yours. “CEPH!” He cried again, finally you jolted into action. He could feel the internal struggle as you once again attempted to master your anger. He arced his blade downward, hacking into supple flesh and severing a limb, pulling his saber back as you sent a pulse out into the Force. He could feel it under his feet, focusing on the appendages to keep himself rooted as you knocked back the hoard. The pain ripping through him as you were hit with a staff. His teeth clenching as he used your pain to fuel his movements._
> 
> _Your anger flaring outward like a licking flame, wild but not out of control. He continued to fight, risking glances towards you as you moved across the thick pressed bodies, feet planting onto faces, backs and heads. Your intentions to protect Jana were clear. He could fight without worry...at least for the moment. When this was over would you be able to pull yourself back?  
> _
> 
> _He continued to brutalize the guard, slicing into anything and everything he could with the plasma blade. He could feel the sweat on his forehead, his muscles burning with exertion as he continued to fight. His arm angling downward as he spun, sweeping his blade upward, the heat of the cross guard nipping through his thick leather gloves. Comforting and familiar. His teeth clenching tightly as he pressed onward halting as he felt you send another push out in the Force behind him. Knocking bodies together and away from him._
> 
> _Feeling you coming back towards him, hearing your blade hum as you hacked your way towards him, grunts and cries filling the air. Seeing the dark crimson flashing out of the corner of his visor. Your back meeting his. Feeling your smaller form pressing against him only made him want to fight harder. The connection once again clearly established, no stuttering or flickering. Master of your anger once again. He continued to fight._
> 
> _His elbow crashing into a face, his body twisting with the motion, his hand twisting the saber, fingers moving expertly around the cross guard, avoiding the jutting plasma, grip adjusted and plunging the blade into the body whose face just met his elbow. His hand readjusting around the hilt once again, twirling his saber in his hand and slashing across the face of a charging guard, a scream of pain coming from the man as he crumpled to the ground, clutching at the burn across his face. Kylo’s foot raising to stomp the man, pure anger and contempt fueling the motion as his boot crushed into the man’s head. He scanned around him, taking in the view of crumpled forms littering the floor, groaning from the dying filling his ears._
> 
> _He turned back to you, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder, he could sense you, your urge to attack. Your hand adjusting around your hilt, moving to jab the crimson blade into him. His hand moving swiftly to your wrist and clamping tightly around you, halting you. His brows furrowed deeply under the helmet, confusion crossing the line between you as you turned fully to look at him. Your eyes still red rimmed and sickeningly yellow. He needed to reach you, bring you back, and pull you away from the abyss._
> 
> _He tucked his saber away once you did. He needed to look at you, make eye contact with you, touch you and bring you back. He pulled the helmet quickly away from him, dropping it to the ground, listening to his instincts and touching your face tenderly, searching the eyes that were not yours. He watched as your eyes closed, leaning down to press his skin to your own, pleadingly saying your name. **Come back.**_
> 
> _He pulled away, sensing a calm wash over you, crossing the bond and reverberating through him. Watching as your eyes opened once again, your own eyes, their familiar color and warmth peering at him. Relief washing over him. He wanted to kiss you, to pull you to him and hold you, but it was not the time._

 

The memory pulled away as both of your eyes opened, his hand lingering on your face as its mate joined on the other side, clamping you in place. He leaned down, his nose brushing your own as your lips met softly, his emotions from the memory lingering and overwhelming you. He pulled away sensing this and looked at you, your brows furrowed and mouth twisted into a frown. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.” He muttered. You shook your head.

 

“It’s not that.” Your mind was hyper focused on something else completely. The emotion he felt crossing the bond at the moment you heard Twelve’s voice. Hope. Was it from her…the feeling rising from her presence in your mind…or had it come only when her voice called, something you had made? You bit at your bottom lip in thought. “Hope.” You whispered, your eyes moving to look at his as his brows furrowed.

 

“What about it?”

 

“I was struggling…you saw it…but…I…” You paused not sure if you should confide in him what kept you from slipping further. “Never mind.” You muttered. He shook his head, his hands moving into your hair, fingers grazing your scalp.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“It’s…I’ve…no…it’s nothing.” You shook your head and forced a smile, knowing full well that he would know it was fake, but he could sense that you wanted to drop the conversation and he was all too happy to do so. “Shower?” You asked as your hand moved to your shoulder, picking up where you had halted him. He nodded, pulling his hands out of your hair and once again turning your back to him as he continued to strip you of your suit. Pressing himself to you and leaning down against the skin of your back, hot breath meeting your flesh as he kissed your skin. His hands slowly working the suit down as he lowered himself, his plush pink lips pressing against your back and lowering. You shuddered.

 

His hands resting on your hips and gripping them tightly as he swiveled you around to face him. His face level with your navel, his hand adjusting to snake under the opened sides of the suit and slip around you, cupping your rump under your panties. Your eyes closing slowly at his touch, heat rising between your thighs. Your heart thudding in your chest. His eyes rose upward, taking you in from the angle, drinking you in and savoring the moment. Your hand resting on his dirty dark locks and carding through them. You quirked an eyebrow, “Are we going to shower or would you like to stay on your knees admiring the view?” You teased. He grinned. “I don’t mind either way.” You breathed. He kissed your belly hastily and stood, his hands leaving your cheeks as he bent at the waist to pull the rest of your suit away, leaving you in your compression bra and panties.

 

Standing at full height once again, his hands coming to your waist as he leaned down to kiss you. Plush lips crashing into your own, nipping teeth and hot wet warmth of his tongue as he soothed the nips. You sighed as he pushed you towards the bathroom, his hands guiding you, his lips only breaking from yours for air. Pushing you against the counter as one of his hands abandoned your hip and aimed at the shower, using the Force to turn the knobs and opening the pipes to allow scolding hot water to fall from the shower. His hand returning quickly and moving to your compression bra, mindful of your wound and pulling it from you and breaking the kiss to pull it away from your head, tossing it behind him. Your hand moving to the waist band of his briefs, and tugging them awkwardly downward. Inching them down his thighs and freeing his hardening cock.

 

He broke away from you and quickly removed the piece of clothing giving you time to remove your own remaining under garment. Both of you moving to the shower and stepping inside, searing hot water falling on your skin, hissing as your hand fumbled to adjust it. His mouth consuming your flesh, biting softly at the skin of your neck. Your head tilting and allowing the spray to wash over you as his large hands moved to your breasts, calloused thumbs running over stiffening nipples, index fingers joining their companions and pinching at your stiff peaks, eliciting a moan from you. Your hands moving downward and towards his proud cock, gripping his thick member and slightly tugging, leaving him to gasp slightly against your skin, a smile forming on your lips. Your hands gliding upward and moving to his chest, gently pushing him away from you. “Shower first.” You said sternly, causing his brows to furrow slightly, his mouth moving slightly as if he wanted to protest, but you shook your head. “Shower first.” You stated once again, a slight pout coming to his lips. You tisked at him. “You’ll get what you want, patience.” Your hand moving to your wet braid as you began to unravel the disheveled woven hair, moving out of the spray to allow him to enter it as you continued to finger comb through your long locks.

 

He watched you as the water cascaded over him, eyes glued to your wet body and only closing to dip back under the spray, re-wetting his hair to shampoo. He scrubbed at his scalp quickly, lathering his dark dirty locks and then rinsing them once again. Wiping the water from his eyes and reaching for the conditioner, your hand resting on his and halting him. “Let me.” He smirked, large paw coming towards you and pulling you tightly to him, your flesh rubbing against one another, his cock prodding your belly as his hand moved down your back and to your rump, cupping you, lifting you slightly as his hands kneaded the supple flesh of your rear, forcing your body to grind against his slightly. You tisked him again, but allowed him to continue the motion, pausing only to lean downward so you could easily apply the conditioner to his hair. Your fingers combing through his ebony locks, gently rubbing his scalp as you worked the conditioner into his hair.

 

Sensing you were finished he once again stood at his full height, cupping you and lifting you. Moving you into the spray and turning you so your back was to him. He grabbed the shampoo bottle as your hair soaked in the warm water, he began to wash your hair once you moved from the spray, massaging your scalp and working the shampoo to the tips of your long hair and allowing you to reenter the spray and rinse. Already ready with a healthy amount of conditioner as he massaged it into your hair, your body fully relaxing as his large hands worked through your hair. Fighting the urge to close your eyes and fall asleep standing. “You can sleep in a little bit.” He mumbled, sensing you fighting the urge. You hummed as he pulled you from the water once again, rinsing his hands of the conditioner and grabbing at the soap, making suds in his hands quickly and washing you. Worshiping every inch of your body with his soapy touch.

 

Returning the favor, you began to soap his large body, starting with feet and legs and moving upward, rinsing your hands and applying more soap as you washed his cock, tugging him gently, teasing him further as a slight whimpering moan left his plump lips, a heavy breath exiting him as your hand moved away from his cock. You smirked at him and continued to wash him, turning him to scrub at his back, massaging the tense muscles and them moving to his arms, finishing with his chest. He pushed you into the water and allowed you to rinse as he waited his turn.

 

Stepping out of the shower and wrapping your hair in a towel and then patting your body dry and wrapping the towel around you, you paused for a moment and waited for him. Hearing the water turn off and handed him two towels. He dried himself quickly, ruffling his hair with one towel and draping it over his shoulders, using the other to dry his body, not bothering to wrap the towel around his waist and moving towards you hastily, causing the towel around his shoulders to fall to the ground. Ripping the wrapped towel from your body and pulling you to him. His body still slightly damp as he picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you to the bedroom. His mouth crashing into yours, your tongues dancing across each other.

 

Tossing you onto the bed and crawling over you, his hand yanking the towel from your hair and tossing it to the side. His eyes flitting over you, taking you in as you laid beneath him. Your eyes fighting to stay open as you fought the urge to sleep. He huffed a laugh, noticing your battle. “We can make it quick.” He muttered as his lips pressed against your jawline, nipping at the tight skin and moving down your neck. Hot breath causing your skin to prickle as heat pooled between your legs. Sighing as he moved lower, his mouth greedily sucking on a nipple as his hand pinched its twin. Your back arching slightly as a breathy moan escaped your lips. He braced himself with a firm hand planted on the bed, his other moving from your nipple and down between your legs, large fingers caressing your folds and fleetingly passing your clit and moving away to your entrance, dipping inward slowly and testing the waters. He hummed as he was greeted with slick fingers, rubbing the lubricant into your hot folds, finger circling your needy clit once again, your breath hitching at the sensation, your inner walls pulsing and begging to be filled. Your hands moving down his back and cupping his ass, squeezing him tightly as your legs spread further, opening yourself for him.

 

“Greedy girl” He mumbled.

 

You smiled softly, your eyes open just enough to peer at him as he grabbed at his cock, looking down as he rubbed himself at your soaking entrance. His eyes moving to look at your face, a smirk on his lips as he guided himself into you, slowly. Both of your eyes closing as pleasure passed between you, echoing through the bond and intensifying the sensation of being physically joined. You could feel him fighting the urge to rut into you, his muscles tensing as he allowed you to adjust, your walls pulsing around him, causing his jaw to tense and brows to furrow in concentration. Your hand leaving his body and snaking down between you as he slowly pulled himself backward, gliding within your silky walls. Your hand moving down over your pubic bone and further, gripping his cock as he pulled away, causing him to pause and moan.

 

You gripped him, hand pulsing around him mimicking the internal sensations of your body, his mouth muttering a silent ‘fuck’ as his eyes closed tightly. Your hand coaxing him to push back into you, leaving him and moving to your clit as you moved a digit over the needy flesh, rubbing slowly, sending pulses to your core as he fucked you faster, his pace moving with your motions. Your hips moving to meet his thrusts, finger circling faster and faster, panting as he moved a hand around your head, both hands now supporting him as he pushed deeper, his teeth visibly pinching his lower lip as he tried to maintain control.

 

Pausing slightly as he adjusted his position, hands moving to your legs and lifting them, as he shifted to his knees, pulling your legs together, causing your tender flesh to pinch together, pulling you closer and onto his lap, reinserting his thick cock into you and pounding into you, the sensation of the Force on your clit as he fucked you in earnest. Loud moans leaving your lips as your hands clawed at the sheets, pleasure rippling through you as he babbled incoherently, too consumed by the sensations to form a full sentence.

 

“Fuck! Fuck!” He mumbled as his breath hitched, another squeezing pulse clamping around him tightly as you edged closer to climax. His arm tightening around your legs, squeezing your thighs together even more than before and lifting you, allowing him to enter you deeper than the previous angle, causing him to groan deeply, the sound causing your breath to hitch, teeth biting your lower lip. Your head turning away from him as your eyes closed tightly, mouth gaping as you took in a shaky breath, the sensations overwhelming you. He leaned into you, reaching a hand to your face, his large hand forcing you to turn your head and look at him as he rutted into you, your legs now angled over your head, your body curled and folded, wet hair splayed across the bed, clinging to your body, your chest rising and falling in quick succession. So close, so _fucking_ close.

 

He picked up his pace, rutting deeply into you, groaning and panting, his concentration split between the applied Force on your clit and keeping himself from spilling deeply inside of you. Waiting for you to cum, his face scrunching in concentration, a breathy moan escaping your lips as he picked up his pace on your clit. Your legs shaking slightly as you spilled over the edge, legs curling further and thighs squeezing, walls clamping and pulsing in quick succession around him, his chest heaving and flushed, thrusting one last time as he spilled inside of you. Allowing your walls to continue their pulsing, he rode out the sensation with closed eyes, euphoria passing between you. Licking at his plush lips and swallowing hard, his eyes slowly opening to gaze down at you. His hand caressing your cheek gently, a feeling of gratitude passing through the bond.

 

Your eyes were heavy, exhaustion returning in full force as he slowly pulled out of you, standing to retrieve the towel from your hair and wiping away the seed that spilled from you, pooling between your thighs, sticky and rapidly cooling. He leaned down and kissed your forehead, tossing the towel to the side once again and helping you move closer to the pillows at the head of the bed. Only lying next to you once you were laying comfortably.  You could see the sun’s light peaking behind the fluttering balcony curtain as he pulled you into him, his hand wrapping around the base of your skull, entwining in your wet locks as a sigh escaped his lips. You could feel him mouthing something, though no sound left his lips, a warm sensation passing between you, devotion…and so much more, the words he would not and could not say expressing them only through the bond. Your eyes closing in complete comfort as exhaustion over took you both.

 

****

 

Your eyes fluttered, slowly waking, feeling him still pressed into you, his back pressed to your own, your feet tucked between his legs, sheets tangled between you. You could feel him shifting and pulled your feet from him as he turned to wrap around you, still half asleep, lips smacking slightly and groaning lowly. You exhaled deeply as his forearm wrapped around your middle and tugged you closer. His nose burying itself in your slightly damp hair and inhaling your smell.

 

“Do we have to get up?” He mumbled, voice deep with sleep. You hummed, a cough erupting from between your lips, shaking your shoulders slightly. He rubbed at your back, attempting to soothe you. “You need another breathing treatment.” He shifted behind you, breaking his hold and peeling the sticking sheets away from his naked body, untangling himself and yawning loudly. You rolled over, pulling the newly freed sheets around you, twisting them even further as your eyes moved across his pale form. Unapologetically large, broad chest and narrow hips, awkward ears, hair in messy waves, freckled kisses on his skin forming constellations, his body a map. Your eyes flitting to the knitted scar on his stomach, a reminder.

 

His eyes, dark shifting hazel depending on the light, peering at you curiously, taking in your features, a soft smile playing on the corner of his lips. Amused by something. His stomach growled which only made him laugh. “Me too.” You mumbled.

 

“We should eat.” How long had you been asleep for? You sighed, your arms awkwardly attempting to pull the sheets away from you, tugging and pulling at them, too lazy to stand and allow them to fall away. He watched you struggle, a smirk on his pleasantly plump lips. He stood and stretched, long branches reaching upward, toes curling, and the popping of joints as he yawned once again. You smiled at him, he was beautiful.

 

He moved to the bathroom as you continued to lay in the bed, finally free of the sheets, kicked to the foot of the bed, allowing your skin to breathe, light from behind the fluttering curtain flickering across the room in a lazy strobe. You rubbed your eyes and yawned, your face scrunching and brows furrowing as your toes curled and well muscled legs stretched. You could hear him turning the water on in the bathroom and then exit, closing the door behind him as he crossed back towards you, standing on your side of the bed and plopping his weight on top of you playfully, crushing you slightly, though you oddly enjoyed his heavy frame pressing into you. “Do you want me to go get breakfast?” He asked as you squirmed under him.

 

“Would you?” You mumbled. He hummed. Sighing deeply and stood once again, leaning down to peck your forehead and returned to the string of dirty clothing that he left littering the floor. Grabbing and putting on enough to be decent. You watched him dress, picking up his helmet and tucking it under his arm, his eyes moving to meet your own, taking you in one more time before leaving the room.

 

You sighed loudly, not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed, not wanting to do much of anything. You forced yourself up, taking the time to stretch your tight muscles, and then crossing to your bag, shifting through what remained of your clothing. Grabbing the loose pants and halter that you had worn days ago, they looked clean enough, shrugging you put them on and moved to the bathroom, taking the time to do your makeup and lazily pulling your hair into a messy bun piled on the top of your head, loose tendrils curling and waving down your neck and back, too lazy to really care.

 

He returned with a servant trailing him, opening your door and allowing the petite woman to enter and setting the plates on the small table and exited with a bow. He removed his helmet and tossed it onto the bed, he had changed to a fresh set of clothing you noticed. Your eyes broke away from him abruptly, the smell of food catching your attention, your eyes zeroing in on the plate, noticing the jelly from days before. Shaking your head and smiling. You sat at the table quickly and began smearing the jelly onto the breadroot patty. He watched you take the first bite, taking in your face as you savored the sweet taste, licking at your fingers where the jelly had dripped.

 

“Enjoying yourself?” You mumbled with a mouth full of breadroot patty and yeast worm jelly. He smiled and nodded his head.

 

“Always a pleasure watching you eat.” He laughed. You gestured at him rudely with your hand which only made him smile wider. Rolling your eyes at his reaction and ignoring him to continue eating, scarfing down the food on your plate like you hadn’t eaten in days.

 

You both finished your meals quickly, your eyes moving back to the bed longingly, your stomach uncomfortably full and making you tired once again. Your datapad beeping next to you, an alert coming in. You licked at your fingers once again and then wiped them on a napkin, making sure that all traces of the jelly were gone from your fingers before touching the datapad. He leaned back lazily in the chair, his legs moving on either side of your own, his foot playfully nudging you as he watched you glaring at the datapad.

 

“Seems that the General will be joining us much sooner than we anticipated.” You mumbled. He sighed loudly in agitation. You cleared your throat hastily, catching a cough that was attempting to break from you.

 

“Breathing treatment.” He muttered again, reminding you once again. You sighed and tapped at the screen on the datapad, sending a message to Dr. Duran informing him to bring a treatment when he was able to.

 

“Have you heard anything about Jana?” You asked. He shook his head.

 

“She has remained in her chambers, Calla is still there with her keeping her company.” You frowned, torn between wanting to comfort her and also wanting her to be able to grieve on her own terms. Maybe you should go comfort her…but what real comfort could you actually offer her? Nothing would bring Mon back, nothing would fix your failure. By the next morning Mon would be encased in his family tree and Jana would be alone…left to deal with the mess. “What time is he expected to arrive?” He grumbled, attempting to bring you out of your reverie.

 

“By sundown.” You muttered, your mind slowly wandering else where once again. He stood from his chair and moved to you, wrapping his long muscled arms around you and kissing the top of your head.

 

“Don’t worry about her, she’ll make it through all of this.” He mumbled into the top of your head. You hummed and sighed. Another peep of the pad had you pulling it back towards you, tapping the screen as he peered over you. Your heart rate picking up suddenly in excitement.

 

                _Ceph:_

_We’ve returned to the Finalizer. Will be in contact soon._

_-Einn_

A smile coming to your face and relief washing over you. They were okay. You reread the message again, eyes skimming over the words quickly. A large hand coming around and grabbing it from you and setting it back onto the table.

 

“Come on, we have things to attend, you can message him back later.” He breathed into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. You groaned, not wanting to move from the table, still uncomfortably full.

 

“What do we have to do?” You muttered, your hand rubbing your distended belly absentmindedly.

 

“We need to make preparations for Hux, and set up meetings for Jana’s council. There’s plenty to do.” You groaned again, stopping yourself from rubbing at your eyes and ruining your makeup.

 

“Do we have to?” You grumbled. He hummed. “Fine.” You forced yourself to stand and moved sluggishly over to your sandals, strapping them to your feet and huffing, clearing your throat from another cough and gesturing to the door. “Let’s get this over with.” You grumbled. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, lifting his helmet to place it over his head and latching it closed.

 

 

****

 

 

You spent the remainder of the day scrambling around the palace with Kylo. By the time Hux’s shuttle arrived you were beyond ready to return to bed. Both of you standing out on the now cleared landing pad in the palace shipyard. You wondered what happened to the burning freighter and all of the dead. Did they burn them? Bury them? Toss them in a pit? Kylo sent a soft jab at your side, making you scowl at him, his helmet shifting to the direction of the cruiser as Hux and Phasma exited. You scowled, you didn’t realize that she would be accompanying Hux, you didn’t like that bit of information being left out. You watched as her cape billowed in the wind, Hux’s coat draped over his shoulders doing the same. Your eyes shift up peering at the dark sky, more rain was on its way. The lose strands from your bun wiped around your head as a particularly large gust stirred, you could see Hux’s gloved hands grabbing onto his coat as they crossed the last bit of pavement to stand in front of the both of you.

 

“General. Captain.” You greeted. “Welcome to Beirus.” Kylo stood rigidly next to you, his helmet locked onto Hux, you could feel his annoyance and mentally blocked the emotion radiating out towards you.

 

“Lady Ceph. Commander Ren.” You nodded as Hux spoke, his face pinched as another gust stirred, sending dirt and leaves scattering in the wind, you could hear the particles pinging off of Phasma’s chrome helmet and armor. “Where is the Princess?” He asked curtly, a tone of slight agitation in his voice at the lack of her presence.

 

“She is in mourning.” You spoke calmly, holding back a bite of snark in your tone. He nodded, though he was not fully satisfied with this answer, he seemed to accept it all the same. “Let’s move inside before it starts to rain.” You said as you gestured back towards the palace. Hux began moving before you, waiting for a moment and allowing you to turn and walk next to him. His eyes scanning the dark rust colored stone as light flickered from the swinging lights overhead.

 

“Will the Princess be joining us later?” He asked as you both walked, Kylo and Phasma walking silently behind you. You shook your head, your face the familiar stone façade.

 

“I’m not entirely sure, the mourning customs are strange here. She is not allowed to eat until her brother has been entombed…though she may make an appearance.” You said flatly. He tisked. “If you are hungry the staff will prepare you and the Captain a meal.” You stated as you continued to walk, choosing to continue to ignore his annoyance.

 

“That should be fine.” He nodded as you both continued to walk.

 

“General, I shall join you once the troops have arrived and been situated.” You could hear her halt behind you, Hux slowing his pace and stopping, glancing over his shoulder and nodding towards Phasma, dismissing her to her duties, Kylo moving to stand behind you as she departed.

 

You watched the giant woman march down the flickering hall and back towards the shipyard, your head turning to look back at Hux. “I was not aware the Captain would be joining you.” You stated, slight irritation in your tone.

 

“It was last minute.” He smirked slightly, auburn brows raising slightly, amused with your irritation perhaps. “I apologize.” You nodded and gestured for the group to start walking once again, Kylo trailing you like a hulking shadow. “The palace is much nicer than I anticipated.” He noted, an attempt at being pleasant.

 

“Yes, it is very grand.” You stated as you turned a corner rather sharply. “Very…colorful.” You added. He hummed.

 

“Yes, it is.” He stated with amusement.

 

"Would you like to be taken to your room?” You asked, halting in the great hall. His lips pinched as he thought, arms held behind his back, great coat draping over him, making his shoulders appear far wider than they actually were.

 

“As long as it is somewhere private where we may all speak, that should be fine.” You fought the urge to furrow your brows and instead nodded passively.

 

“Of course.” Your hand coming before you and gesturing to one end of the large hall. The three of you continued to walk in silence, making your way quickly to the same wing that you and Kylo were staying on, walking past both of your rooms and a few more after. Kylo had insisted that he not be directly next to either of you. You halted in front of the door and quickly turned the knob, allowing Hux to enter, Kylo following close behind, you closed the door behind you. The General peered around the room and nodded, making his way to a table nearly identical to the one in yours and Kylo’s rooms and setting his coat onto the back of a chair.

 

“Should we wait for the Captain?” You asked flatly. He shook his head.

 

“No.” He said as he pulled the chair out and took a seat, a leg crossing over his lap as his hand reached behind him, digging inside of his pocket for something, his brows furrowed in concentration, raising in triumph as he found what he was looking for and pulled it out. Your eyes moving to his hands as he twisted them, the sound of something metallic unscrewing and the smell of strong alcohol hitting your nose, he took a quick nip and screwed the cap back onto the flask. Your eyes cutting to Kylo, who seemed completely unmoved by the General’s actions. “What is the total damage?” He asked, folding his hands together, resting his elbows on his thighs and leaning back into the chair, auburn brows furrowed. Down to business. You glanced at Kylo, debating if you should answer or allow him to.

 

“Extensive but not irreparable.” His voice sounded dully over the modulator. Hux sighed.

 

“The ore, will we be receiving our return investment?”

 

“There are other refineries in other districts, it is possible, but it may take more time due to the location of the mine.”  You said, crossing your arms over your chest. He tapped his foot momentarily, his lips pinching in thought.

 

“I’m concerned that we are wasting our time.” He said after a silent pause. You nodded.

 

“What does the Supreme Leader think?” You asked. He shook his head.

 

“He said to trust your judgement.”  His eyes locking with your own. Your brows furrowed, nibbling slightly on your bottom lip, you moved abruptly to the chair opposite of him, pulling it out swiftly and taking a seat, huffing loudly.

 

“I’m not sure.” You muttered, your eyes moving to Kylo’s helmet. “If we abandon Beirus now…I fear it may look poorly on the Order, but staying could also make us look equally as poor.”  You frowned. “What do you think Commander?” He shifted slightly in thought.

 

“Beirus has nothing to offer us but their ore, if they cannot fulfill that then I feel it is time to move on.” It was sound reasoning, but something was nagging you, your gut telling you not to abandon them so quickly. You shifted through your thoughts, weighing each option. Your mind halting as you recalled your last meeting with Snoke. _The princess is the key._ But why? Why was she the key? You mulled over everything about Jana that you had learned over the week. Your mind snapping to images of her garden. The garden, her knowledge of the plants it contained. Weapons.

Your head snapping sharply towards the General and nodding. “We need to stay.” He sighed.

 

“Are you sure?” He asked fishing out his flask once again and holding it in his hands. A faint smile came to your lips.

 

“I’m positive.” He twisted the cap off of his flask and took another nip. “What do you know about _Mekar terang_?” His brow quirked upward. You smiled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel that my smut writing is terrible so...ugh I try to avoid it. LOL  
> Sorry for the late post.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Center

____________________

 

“ _Mekar terang_?” You nodded. He leaned back in his chair once again and shook his head. “I have no idea what that even is.”

 

“It’s a plant.”

 

“And why should I care about this…” He gestured with his hand flat and palm upward, “plant?”

 

“When set on fire the entire plant releases a toxin in the air, causing a dramatic drop in heart rate. Smoke that could cause bradycardia…death if exposed to it for too long.” His brows furrowed.

 

“That’s lovely but what exactly does this have to do with your decision?”

 

“What if I told you that Princess Jana had a whole garden dedicated to toxic and poisonous plants?” His eyebrows rose slightly, body leaning forward, eyes slightly twinkling with sudden interest. 

 

“Are you suggesting that we use these plants…as biochemical warfare?” You smiled.

 

“Exactly.” He leaned back in his chair again, releasing a slight huff and pulling his gloves from each hand, slapping them on top of the table. “Imagine the possibilities. Whole armies rendered useless from smoke alone.” His eyes locked onto you, sea-green orbs considering you in a whole new light.

 

“I need to consider this…it certainly would make up for the missing ore.” You nodded, beaming. “Would she allow us to take samples?” He asked

 

“I think I can persuade her to do so.” If you had to you would use suggestion via the Force. Though it would be a last resort. He nodded, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

 

“We can discuss this further with the Supreme Leader tomorrow.”  He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand and slightly muffling his words. You fought the urge to yawn yourself.

 

“Of course.” You stood from your chair, your eyes shifting to Kylo who had been quietly standing behind you. He nodded. “We’ll allow you to rest.” Hux remained sitting and nodded in return, both of you taking it as a signal to leave him. Kylo moved to the door, waiting for you as he opened the door, holding it open for you as you moved back into the hall, closing it behind him and leaving the General.

 

Both of you returning to your room, where he promptly removed his helmet. Irritation smeared across his face.

 

“What?” You asked casually as you removed your shoes, sitting on the bed and tossing them aside.

 

“It’s nothing.” He muttered, causing you to lift your head and look at him. Taking him in as he started to pull his cowl off.

 

“No, really…what’s bothering you?” He sighed, halting from undressing.

 

“It…something doesn’t seem right.” He trailed. Your brows scrunching as your lips pursed.

 

“About what?”

 

“This whole thing….with Kasar. It…just doesn’t fit.” You shook your head softly.

 

“Why not, he confessed to the whole thing…you were there.” He sighed.

 

“Something isn’t adding up.” He crossed the room and sat next to you on the bed, bending to remove his boots. “Why leave Coulter alive?”

 

“Maybe we just happened to have gotten there in time to stop them from killing him?” You shrugged.

 

“Perhaps.” His lips pinched in thought. “But why hold him in the first place? Why not just dispose of him?” You stood to remove your pants, allowing them to pool on the floor and kicking them away from you.

 

“I think you’re over thinking this.” You mumbled as you pulled your top over your head and tossed it towards a chair.

 

“Maybe.” He paused and looked down at the bed, shoulders scrunching tightly together as his large gloved hands gripped the bedding. “It’s just not sitting right with me.” You moved to stand in front of him, taking his head in your hands and leaning closer to his face, your eyes locking.

 

“I think you’re exhausted and could use a good night’s sleep. We both could.” You muttered, pressing your lips to his. He smirked under your lips, his hands leaving the bed and wrapping around you, pulling you down on top of him as he laid back on the bed, squeezing your body to his.

 

“I think you’re right.” He muttered into your neck, lips pressing onto your skin. You laughed softly, his lips tickling you. He pulled away from your neck, and stared at you, his eyes searching your own. “I’m proud of you. You know that right?” You hummed, not quite sure how to respond. He planted a kiss on your lips, his hands rubbing up and down your back. You yawned causing him to huff a soft chuckle. He nuzzled back into your neck as he gently rolled you onto your back. His hot breath causing a slight tightening to the coil in your belly. You moaned slightly under him in contentment, your eyes closing softly. You could feel him easing off of you and off the bed to continue undressing. You groaned and forced yourself to move back towards the head of the bed, your head falling onto a pillow with a soft thump. “I can’t stay the whole night.” He mumbled as he moved next to you. You grunted in annoyance.

 

“Damn Hux.” You mumbled. He huffed into your hair, his now ungloved fingers pulling the gathered locks loose from their confinement, allowing them to spill across the pillows as he nestled his nose into them, breathing the smell in deeply, sighing heavily.

 

 

****

 

 

The alarm on your datapad blared, causing you to groan loudly burying your face further into the pillow, your hand reaching outward and calling your datapad to you with the Force far too hard, causing it to smack into your head, missing your hand completely. “Fuck.” You hissed, your eyes forcing themselves open as your hand grabbed uselessly at the pad and tapped at the screen clumsily. Cursing under your breath as the alarm continued to blare. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” You grumbled as you finally turned off the alarm, tossing it onto the bed angrily. Groaning loudly as you rolled onto your back, your hands rubbing yesterday’s makeup into your eyes, causing another string of curses to come from your lips as your eyes burned. Your eyes squeezing tightly together as you flung the covers away from you and moved to the bathroom, stumbling over your clothes on the floor and practically knocking into the door frame.

 

_Smooth. Real smooth._

 

You made your way to the shower, stripping away your under clothes and turning on the water, your eyes pressed into watering slits, and stepped into the hot spray, scrubbing your face with soap and pulling a stray lock of hair from your mouth in annoyance. You showered quickly, wrapping a towel around your frame and hair as you moved back into your room. Your eyes looking around at the mess. Clothes all over the place, armor pushed into a pile near the bed. You huffed and began to pick them up and shoving them into a chair, you would send the clothing off to be cleaned later. You moved back to the bed and took a seat, plopping backwards on the bed and groaning, not quite ready for the day ahead of you. A knock at your door bringing you out of your pout and forcing you to your feet, sensing on the other side of the door and finding Calla’s signature. You opened the door still wrapped in your towels, she had something draped over a hanger, richly decorated fabric, black with hints of red and golds.

 

“The Princess wanted me to bring this to you for the ceremony.” She said as you allowed her to enter the room, crossing to gently drape the fabric onto the back of the chair, her eyes moving to the ball of clothing sitting in the seat.

 

“Thank you.” You mumbled, tightening the towel around you, she turned to look at you, considering you for a moment.

 

“Would you like for me to dress you properly?” She asked, motioning to the swath of ornate fabric. Your lips pinched slightly unsure. You nodded as you eyed the fabric. She crossed to you, shutting the door behind you and grabbing your arm, guiding you back towards the table to stand. “Traditionally you should be wearing white, but the Princess insisted that you should wear black as they are the colors of your organization.” You nodded as she handed you a quarter sleeved cropped blouse, she turned allowing you to put it on, you wrapped the towel around your waist and moved to your bag grabbing a pair of underwear and slipping them on under the towel, then removing it from you. Calla pulled out a dark silken petticoat, the fabric light and breathable. You stepped into it and pulled it to your hips, she tugged it slightly higher, the bolt of ornate fabric draped over her shoulder as she wrapped it around the petticoat, making tight pleats in the waist and pinning some of them to secure them. Her hands moving you in a circle as she tucked and pinned the fabric. She pulled the long end of the fabric, where the most decorated section was and pulled it across your chest and draping it over your shoulder, pining a small section in the back to your blouse. She stepped back from you and nodded. “Would you like for me to braid your hair?” She asked eyeing the towel still piled on top of your head. You nodded. She motioned for you to sit in a chair, allowing you to sit as she pulled your hair down. She tisked as she looked at it. “Full of knots, such beautiful hair should be taken care of.” She muttered. “I will be back with some things.” She said as she moved back to the door and out into the hall, leaving you sitting in the chair.

 

You smoothed out the draped fabric over your legs, eyeing the ornate golden and red boarder, the swirling and geometric pattern were beautiful and rich. Your eyes shifting back to the door as a soft knock emitted from the other side.

 

“Come in.” You called. Your eyes meeting a substantially paler face, sea-green eyes locking to yours, your lips pinching tightly. Not who you were expecting. “General.” You said flatly.

 

“My apologies if I’m interrupting.” He said coolly as he moved further into the room, leaving the door cracked behind him. You shook your head.

 

“Calla will be back momentarily.” He nodded, eyeing you in the ornate fashion of the Beiruity people.

 

“Very well, I just wanted to speak to you about what we discussed last night.” You nodded, urging him to continue. “I’ve considered it, and have been doing a bit of research on the matter.” You hummed. “I think it would be worth the pursuit.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Of course, the Supreme Leader must approve over all, but I think you have a good enough case and reason for us to continue to invest in Beirus.” He paused for a moment, his brows furrowing slightly, “Of course, that is if they will comply.”

 

“They will.” You said curtly. He nodded.

 

“Excellent.” He said, pulling his hands behind him and tilting on his toes slightly. A soft knock on the door frame pulled both of your attentions back to the door.

 

“Come in.” Calla entered with a box, eyeing the General fleetingly, her eyes gluing to the floor promptly.

 

“I can come back later if I am interrupting.” She said softly.

 

“The General was just leaving.” You said with a slight wave. He bristled slightly, how dare _you_ dismiss _him._ You smirked slightly at his reaction. He huffed and walked out, breezing past Calla and closing the door behind him. Calla moved back to you quickly, setting the box on the table and shuffling through the contents, pulling out a few things and setting them on the table. Her fingers working something fragrant through your slowly drying locks and working from your ends up to your roots with a brush. You could feel her pulling snugly as she wove your hair, your eyes closing softly at the feeling.

 

She patted you on the shoulder softly with the brush causing you to slightly jolt, not realizing that you had dozed off. She laughed softly. “Just as bad as the Princess.” She mumbled. You smiled sheepishly and muttered an apology. She continued to work through your hair, putting tiny jeweled flowers into the braid, and then sweeping the end over your shoulder. “All finished.” She said with a huff. You stood and moved to the mirror in the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror. Taking in the splendor of your outfit, and nodding. She moved behind you and smiled softly. “If you’ll excuse me. I must go prepare Jana.” She said curtly. You muttered a thank you and returned to your bag to fix your makeup.

 

 

****

 

You sat at the table, sipping a cup of hot tea that Dr. Duran had brought with him when he brought your last breathing treatment. You had sat and chatted for a bit, well mostly he talked, you sat and listened to him prattle on about random things that were irking him. You could tell he was beyond ready to return to the _Supremacy._ He left once the treatment was over, explaining that he needed to return and check on several patients and something about not trusting the Temple Mount doctors to do a proper job.

 

Kylo walked in moments later, dressed in his typical affair, halting when he noticed what you were dressed in, your feet curled under you as you sat in the chair, sipping your tea and tapping on your datapad. He pulled his helmet from his head and sat it on the table, eyeing the cup of tea in your hands. You offered it to him and he took a sip, wincing at the temperature. You smirked and returned to the document you were pouring over. 

 

“Did they not send something for you to wear?” You muttered, sipping your tea once again.

 

“They did.” He muttered. Your eyes rose to look at him, his face twisted into one of slight disgust.

 

“That bad?” You asked with a smirk.

 

“Lenin…and sandals.” He muttered. You fought back a laugh, trying to imagine him wearing sandals and finding the idea absolutely ridiculous. He rolled his eyes at you.

 

“You look very pretty though.” He added, leaning towards you, a gloved hand going to your hair and moving to one of the small jeweled flowers in your hair. You quickly slapped his hand away playfully.

 

“No touching.” You muttered. He pulled his hand away and clutched at it like he was hurt. You rolled your eyes and huffed. “Not much longer.” You mumbled. He nodded.

 

“The sooner this is over the better.”

 

“We are to meet with Snoke as soon as the ceremony is over.” You muttered. He nodded.

 

“I saw.” Your eyes moved back to him, locking with his, noticing the light playing on the green and golden freckles in his eyes. “Are you feeling any better about…” You paused not quite sure what to call the whole ordeal, situation? Mutiny? Revolt? You hand moved in the air, trying to find the correct word. “Kasar thing?” You said finally, tired of searching for the word and coming up empty handed. He frowned.

 

“No. I stand by what I said. Something isn’t quite adding up.” Your lips pinched.

 

“Maybe we need to further investigate?” You suggested.

 

“I think we need to pay a visit to Coulter once we have a chance.” He said flatly. You nodded, watching him grab at the tea and taking a hesitant sip and setting the cup back onto the table between you. “I can feel it in my gut…something just isn’t right here.”

 

“Have you made mention of this to Hux or Phasma?” you asked, your eyes still locked onto him.

 

“No, I want to be sure before I bring anything up.” You nodded.

 

“Why is Phasma here anyway?” You asked suddenly.

 

“To help train new recruits for the palace guard and to set up our own forces in the palace.”

 

“The council agreed to this when you proposed the idea?”

 

“Most of them did, yes.” You hummed.

 

“I suppose it makes sense, they have no one else to guard the palace.” He hummed this time, watching as you stood and moved to your sandals, putting them on as you balanced on one foot.

 

“Is it time?” he asked. You nodded.

 

“Will the General and Phasma be joining us?” You asked as you closed the clasp on your shoe.

 

“No, thankfully.” He mumbled causing you to laugh.                      

 

“I’m surprised you two haven’t already been at each other’s throats by now.”

 

“We’ve been avoiding each other.” He grumbled, standing and stretching.

 

“Ah, so you didn’t receive a visit from him this morning like I did then.” You meant it jokingly, it was absolutely innocent, but he didn’t take it that way. You could feel his anger stirring and shooting across the bond. “Kylo.” You sounded sternly, his shoulder relaxing slightly as he forced himself to remain composed. “He only wanted to further discuss what we talked about last night.” He huffed. “He has agreed to support the idea.” You added. You could feel the possessive thread of thought that he was mulling over, agitation growing as he traveled down its mental path. You shook your head. “Enough.” You snapped. His eyes shooting daggers into you. You crossed to him, standing in front of him and placing your hand on his face, “We have to go.” You said sternly but not in an unkind manner. He huffed and called his helmet to him, lifting it above his head, shaking his hair back away from his face and placing it over his head, sealing his face away from the world.

 

Both of you exiting the room and moving towards the shipyard, joining the procession of mourners. Large carriages pulled by the curious quadrupedal lizards waiting to take the procession to the Sala tree. Calla moved to you through the crowd and placed a hand on your arm.

 

“The Princess has requested that you and the Commander ride with her.” You nodded and followed her through the crowd and to an ornate white carriage, Calla stepping in and sitting next to an already sitting Jana, allowing you and Kylo to sit on the opposite bench, Kylo having to shift slightly to avoid hitting the low roof. Your eyes locking with Jana’s, her clothing similar to your own, only in white, silver and indigo. Your hand moved across to hers, squeezing her gently as she forced a smile at you, tears welling in her eyes. You smiled at her sympathetically. The carriage lurched forward, your hand breaking contact as you leaned back against the bench.

 

The ride was completely silent as you passed through the city of Volcal, the empty carriage in the front leading you towards the Temple Mount. Coming to a halt once it reached the main gates. Jana standing along with Calla, allowing her to step out of the carriage, her eyes signaling you to join her. You moved outside of the carriage and looked at the black iron fence and gate, decorated heavily in flowers, an ornate runner stretching from the doors and back to where the end of the pavement met the streets of Volcal. You wrapped your arm around Jana’s, squeezing her hand firmly, Calla stood on the other side of her mirroring you. You could hear a large bell tolling in the distance as the doors of the Temple mount opened, Men draped in deep red, carrying a litter between them and moving slowly towards you. You noticed Bram in white linen moving behind the procession, moving slowly, if you weren’t already aware of his injury you would have never been able to tell by the way the man carried himself. Head held high, walking surely and confidently, tailing the procession with a bundle of fruit and flowers in his arms, the High Sarjana moving behind him. Your face pinched at the sight of him, hate riffling through your very core. Your face twisting into a slight sneer.

 

 _“Compose yourself.”_  Kylo’s voice reminded you. You made an effort to relax your face.

 

The red cloaked procession moved to the edge of the carpet, allowing Jana to run her hand on the white silk draped over her brother. Leaning towards his curled body and kissing his head, Calla coming behind her and planting a kiss to the sheet. Bram moved to guide Jana and the litter to the front carriage, passing off the fruit and flowers to one of the red Temple men. Those not holding the litter moving to lift Mon’s curled body and place it onto a cushioned pad lifted on a platform inside of the covered carriage, shifting the flowers that covered the top and setting him down gently. Jana moving into the carriage, sitting on a bench across from the platform, her hand moving to make contact with Mon’s lifeless body. Bram closed the door and signaled to Calla, his hand moving in a slight circle with his finger pointed upward. She touched your elbow as she passed to go back into the carriage, you followed her, then Bram and finally Kylo. You peered around Kylo’s large form to see the High Sarjana moving to join Jana. Your hands gripping tightly onto the ornate fabric on your lap. Kylo’s hand came to rest on top of your own.

 

 _“Ceph.”_ He reminded you gently to once again compose yourself. Your grip relaxed as you eased back into the bench, sighing slightly as the carriage lurched forward once again, his hand removing itself from yours. Moving out of Volcal and into a large grove of trees. Your head peering out of the window and taking in the sight of the large sprawling trees, limbs competing for space and intertwining with each other. The light from the sun shining through the branches and leaves, casting patterns on the grass and moss on the ground. Well at least it wasn’t raining. The carriage came to a halt, causing you to lurch forward slightly, Kylo shifting as his helmet brushed the top of the carriage. He had to be uncomfortable. Bram stood slowly, Calla lending a hand to help him up, he winced and gripped his middle. Calla speaking to him in a hushed murmur, he waved her words off and moved to the door, opening it and stepping out. Calla following behind him, you behind her and Kylo behind you, his hand skimming across the portion of your back that was exposed. You stepped onto the compressed gravel pathway, sandals crunching under foot, your eyes scanning down the line of carriages. Manis, Badai, and Coulter moving out of a carriage, two women joining them, Manis and Badai’s wives you assumed, two small children tailing behind Badai. They moved to stand with your group. The children eyeing Kylo suspiciously, he ignored their looks. You could feel a prickling at the base of your skull.

 

Another simpler carriage opened and the red clothed Temple men moved forward and past your group, those who had walked joined shortly after, flanking in from around the outside of the grove and moving in white clothing. A sea of white moving to press on you. Calla touching your elbow softly and urging you forward, no one speaking, the crunching of compressed pebbles and the call of birds and insects the only sound as you followed the red procession.

 

Moving past tree after tree, your eyes scanning them and noticing that there was paint on their trunks, most having been washed away over time. The procession halted, your eyes moving forward to peer at the largest tree you had ever seen. As wide as a building, tall branches sweeping on the ground and then back upward towards the sky. Some of the branches were held up with the help of wooden braces, the branches draped in a garland of flowers, the buzzing of flying insects filling your ears. It was almost a comforting sound, the low steady hum filling your ears and making you relax. The prickling at the base of your skull intensifying. Your eyes scanning the trunk of the tree as the procession moved around, a large hole had been bored into the trunk, you could feel something in the Force coming from the tree. Beckoning you to move towards it.

 

_Come closer. We have so much to share with you. Come closer child._

Kylo’s gloved hand coming to rest on your arm, gripping you, you hadn’t realized that your feet were already carrying you towards the tree.

 

_“I know. I hear it too.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“The Force.”_  They laid Mon’s body at the base of the tree onto the soft moss surrounding the gnarled roots.  Jana kneeling next to him, her eyes locked onto the canopy of the tree, her hand clutching at the silk sheet. Her face and body rigid. The High Sarjana moved to the opposite side of Jana, Mon’s body between them. Calla moved away from you to join Bram at the base of the tree, standing behind Jana and the high Sarjana. The Temple men moving to stand to the side, holding crates in their hands, some sealed and others over flowing with fruits and flowers.

 

_Come closer child. Do not be afraid._

 

You had to will your legs not to move, the urge to move towards the tree almost too much to handle, you could see Kylo shifting slightly as well, the pull effecting him just as strongly. The prickling at the base of your skull becoming a burning sensation, you winced slightly, your hand curling and cupping around the place. Kylo’s head shifting to look at you. You could hear the High Sarjana speaking, giving Mon’s eulogy. The pull from the tree beginning to overwhelm you, you strained against it. Kylo’s hand gripping your arm and securing you in place once again. 

 

What did it want to tell you? A breeze rustled through the branches, sending the fragrant smell of flowers wafting all around you, almost engulfing you, and further calling you to come closer. You forced your eyes to focus on the trunk of the tree, the hole you realized was not man made, but there naturally, the large tree growing around its hollowed center, perhaps the joining of several trees coming together as one over time. You could hear whispering all around you, distant and muffled as your eyes hyper fixated onto the dark hole. Almost putting you in a trance. Snapping out of it as you saw the Temple men moving to pick up Mon’s body, Jana standing to remove the sheet from his curled form, his body wrapped and bound tightly in linen. She clutched the sheet to her body, draping it over her shoulders as they moved Mon away from her and to the open mouth of the tree. Lifting him upward and dropping him into the hole. You waited to hear the sound of his body thumping to the earth but heard nothing. Your brows furrowing slightly as the burning at the base of your skull grew. The High Sarjana speaking once again, but a flickering next to you brought your eyes away from him. Two small forms materializing next to you, standing closely to your legs, a small hand attempting to clutch at your skirt. Your eyes growing wide. You could actually feel it the tug as her small hand made contact with the fabric.

 

They looked as if they were actually there, solid, soft tiny hands clutching at your skirt. Your eyes began to water at the sight of them. Their curly black locks, darkly tanned skin, freckled and rosy cheeks. Dark hazel eyes peering up at you. Your eyes shooting over to Kylo, his helmet tilted and looking down at the two forms next to you, his hand gripping tightly around your arm, he could see them too. His gloved hand moving down to your own and squeezing you. Your eyes moving back to Ubax and Petali. You wondered if anyone else could see them, your eyes scanning around you, seeing if anyone else had noticed them, but no one seemed to, eyes still focused forward on the tree.

 

The tree. Your breath hitched slightly, your heart thudding loudly. Your mind shifting through the last conversation you had had with the children. Was this the power of the tree? You could see a line forming in front of you, those carrying offerings would be handing them off to the Temple men soon.

 

 _“It’s time for us to go home.”_ Ubax looked up at you, eyes shining brightly. You nodded slightly at them. Your free hand coming to rest on the crown of Petali’s head, feeling the silky strands of her hair under your touch, the warmth from the sun seemingly soaking into her hair, your eyes closed softly, fighting the tears that wanted to spill. She shifted under your touch, her eyes looking at you, a gapped smile spreading across her round face. Ubax moving to grab his sister’s hand as the procession moved forward. Jana’s back was to you now, squarely in front of you as she rested on her knees, body bent forward and head kissing the moss, her hand spread in front of her as she prayed silently. Your eyes locking onto the large hole inside of the tree, the pull urging you forward. You looked around you, not sure if it was alright to move closer. Petali grabbed at your hand, squeezing your fingers, slightly tugging you, urging you forward. Your lips pinched, eyes growing wide and head shaking.

 

 _“I can’t go any closer.”_ You projected. Her head tilted slightly. You could feel the tree calling, hear its soft whispering voice, the whispering of leaves in the wind. She tugged you again, Kylo’s hand squeezing you and making sure you didn’t move with her. Her eyes moved to him, Ubax coming back around and tugging on both of your hands.

 

 _“Come. Listen. Big Tree needs to show you.”_ He projected to the both of you. You moved your eyes to his visor, looking where you knew his eyes were, locking onto him.

 

 _“We can’t.”_ He projected.

_“We have no choice. I have no choice.”_ His grip tightened and you pulled away from him, Ubax and Petali pulling you towards Jana, pulling you to your knees gently. Jana’s head turning to look at you, her out stretched hand moving towards your hand, grabbing you and urging you to join her. Your body bending forward, head bowing and meeting the cool moss. She squeezed your hand, you tuned into the Force. Closing your eyes.

 

 

> _You opened your eyes, lifting your head upward. Ubax and Petali standing next to you, Jana’s faint form on the other side, still in prayer. The tree glowing golden in front of you, but it wasn’t how it appeared in the waking world, millions of faces swirling in and out of the bark, eyes closed and at peace._
> 
> _“You have brought my children back to me.” The voice a cacophony of voices and the rustling of leaves. You said nothing only stared, too baffled to even move. Ubax and Petali urged you to stand and move forward. You stood and walked slowly towards the swirling bark, the dark hole glowing in a sparkling golden light, warmth and comfort emitting from the glow._
> 
> _“Wha….what are you?” You stumbled over your words, your legs shaking beneath you._
> 
> _“I am the Force of this planet, the living Force that binds this world” Your brows furrowed slightly._
> 
> _“I don’t understand.” You muttered._
> 
> _“I have been here since the formation of this planet. I will be here until the planet is no more.” As if sensing your lingering confusion the tree explained further. “I am the direct connection to the Force on this planet. They bring me their dead, a crude custom, but it gives them comfort to know that they are returned to T_ _anah_ _O_ _rang_ _M_ _ati_ _.” The rustling paused, the voices growing silent as if taking a moment to allow you to absorb the information. “They have forgotten their connection to the Force here, instead they worship a god, but it matters not. They are all my children and they all return to me in the end.” You nodded understanding fully now. “You do not come from me, but you are a part of the wider net cast through the galaxy, a child of one of my siblings.” Your lips pinched and then released, moving closer to the tree, hand out stretched wanting to touch it but halting._
> 
> _“Do you know…which sibling?” You paused and licked your lip, “Which planet?” The branches of the tree shook, as if stirred by a large gust though there was no breeze._
> 
> _“It is not for me to reveal.”_
> 
> _“Are you all trees?” You asked, trying to gather more information._
> 
> _“No, we manifest in millions of ways.” You frowned. “It matters not child of the galaxy. I have beckoned you to impart my wisdom.” Another rustling of leaves, this time you could feel the swirling of the golden light flowing out of the hole in the shifting trunk. “Come to me and crawl inside.” Your feet urged you forward, Petali and Ubax joining you on either side, taking your hand and guiding you to the hole. The golden light swirling around you and lifting you upward, pulling you and the children deep inside the warm glow._
> 
> **_Flashes of images casting across your eyes and searing into your mind_ ** _:_
> 
> _A deep dark sea swallowing you, millions of hands reaching and pulling tugging you downward, pulling you deeper. Faint whispering in your ears, beckoning you deeper. Cold fading to warmth, your vision     growing dim. A hand from above grabbing you pulling you upward, pulling you from the darkness._
> 
> _Crimson light around you, golden fabric flowing in front of you, your head bowed, eyes peering upward. Snoke. Gnarled fingers moving to rest on your head. “She forgot you.” His voiced echoed loudly in your head. “They will abandon you too.”_
> 
> _Kylo wrapping his arms around you. Your body stiff and unyielding to his touch. Hot tears flowing from his eyes, muffled crying pressing into your skin. Numbness over taking you._
> 
> _Fire surrounding you. Einn standing in front of you. Hand reaching towards you. His mouth moving, screaming at you. You could not hear him. You could feel the hot press of tears in your eyes. See them flowing freely from him._
> 
> _Searing pain in your left shoulder, eyes moving to peer at the limb. Gone. A scream leaving your lips. Hands clamping onto you, pushing you backwards, your mind spilling into darkness._
> 
> _Cold metal pressing into you, connected. Biting at your flesh, raw and chaffed. Not a part of you, unnatural. Your eyes moving to the basin of a sink, ribbons of flesh piled within. Acceptance._
> 
> _A girl standing in front of you, dark brown hair, warm eyes and sun kissed skin, her mouth moving, words once again missing. Mechanical noises, artificial lights, the feeling of a breeze on your skin. The sky dark above you. You turned your back on her._
> 
> _“These are things that have yet to come, but may, be weary of your path my child. My siblings send their children to you for guidance. Heed their words. Listen to them.”  The rustling of leaves and voices said hauntingly. “The future is not stone, but a flowing river, you may change its course, but it is up to you to choose when.”_

Your eyes opened, peering down at the soft moss, Jana’s hand still in your own. Your head lifting slowly, looking around you for Ubax and Petali, but they were gone. Returned to the Force. You released Jana’s hand and stood, turning to look, seeing Kylo still standing and waiting, your eyes blinking rapidly and moving away from the tree. You moved to his side in a slight daze, his hand coming to grab at you and pulling you away from the tree and to the side, out of the press of people.

 

 _“How long was I gone for?”_ You pressed urgently. Confusion crossing the mental link.

 

 _“You were only at the tree for a few minutes?”_ You wrung your hands together, brushing over the stump of your pinky absently.

 

_“I felt like I was gone for hours.”_

_“Where did you go?”_ He pressed.

 

 _“Inside of the tree.”_ His helmet tilted slightly in confusion. You shook your head, _“I know it sounds really weird, but…it’s…ugh…what did it say…”_

_“It spoke? The tree spoke?”_ He interrupted.

 

 _“Yes, now shush, I’m trying to remember…”_ You rubbed at your temples and squeezed your eyes shut tightly. _“It said it was…ugh…apart of….the living Force.”_

_“It told you this?”_ You nodded. His helmet shifted to look at the tree, as if completely incredulous of what you were saying.

 

 _“Why would I make that up?”_ You asked him with furrowed brows. He shook his helmet and focused back on you.

 

_“What else did it say?”_

_“Something about thanking me for returning Ubax and Petali…”_

 

 _“The children? The Force ghosts? Never mind, we’ll get to that in a second, sorry, continue.”_ He interrupted.

 

 _“Yes the children. Anyway, ugh….it uhm told me to go inside of it. There was this really weird glowing golden light, it was actually kinda nice.”_  You were getting sidetracked, shaking you head and pressing on, _“It showed me…visions? A bunch of glimpses…something…”_ You halted, not sure if you should share the information you were about to convey.

 

_“Something? What?”_

 

_“That was it, just a bunch of glimpses of the future.”_

_“You’re sure that’s it?”_ You knew he could sense you holding back information, but you nodded your head all the same. His shoulders heaved slightly as a garbled noise left the modulator, a sigh. 

 

 _“How long have those Force ghosts been hanging around you?”_ He asked, sensing that you wouldn’t budge on the information you were holding back.

 

 _“Since the temple.”_ You admitted. His hand went to his helmet, pausing as he remembered he was wearing it and could not reach though it to reach his hair and card it back from his face.

 

 _“Are there anymore?”_  You bit your lip softly not sure if you should tell him.

 

_“One more.”_

 

 _“Get rid of it.”_ Your eyes snapped to him in alarm.

 

_“Why?! They’ve been helpful, if it wasn’t for them we would have died in that explosion!”_

_“It doesn’t matter. Get rid of it.”_ His mental tone firm. Your lips pinched tightly. It was a command not a request. Your jaw clenched tightly, biting back on yelling at him. Now was not the time. You moved away from him, not wanting to be near him, standing to the side as you watched more mourners moving through the line and passing fruit and flowers, or moving to pray in front of the tree. Jana still in the same position. Calla and Bram standing to the side next to the High Sarjana. You could see Coulter, Badai, Manis and their wives and children standing to the side away from the procession and Calla and Bram. Your jaw still set tightly, stewing in your anger. He moved next to you, disregarding your want for him not to be near you. _“It’s for the best Ceph. They will only cause further conflict.”_ You blocked him mentally, caging him in the back of your mind. You could see his fist balling by his side, he turned and stomped off out into the grove, leaving you to stand by yourself.

 

You continued to watch as the line died down, a large mass of offerings sitting in a pile near the Temple men. When the last mourner moved to the side of the tree, joining the mass of white clad Beiruity people, the Temple men began to move forward with the fruit, dumping them by the handfuls into the tree’s hollow center, then leaving a large amount at the basin, placing the flowers around them. Jana’s body still unmoving, continuing her prayer. They then came forward with the sealed crates, prying the lids open, the sound of chirping bugs growing louder as they dumped the box’s contents into the tree. They would slowly devour Mon’s body, leaving nothing but bone for the ground to reclaim. Everything returns to the Force.

 

 

****

 

The ride back to the palace was silent, Calla and Bram staying to be with Jana, leaving you and Kylo to ride by yourselves. Your head was turned to peer out of the window, his arms crossed over his chest, neither of you wanting to speak to the other.

 

Once the carriage arrived at the palace, you both returned to your own rooms. You could hear the dinging of your datapad, still sitting on the table. You moved over to it, picking it up and checking the alerts. A new message from Einn. You tapped at it quickly, your eyes pouring over the short message.

 

                _Ceph:_

_Nove and Zece_ _have arrived. We eagerly await your return._

_-Einn_

Your fingers tapped at the screen in hurried motions, tapping out a return message.

 

                _Einn:_

_I do not know when I will return. Hopefully in time to catch up with all of you._

_-Ceph_

 

You tapped send and turned the pad off, a knock sounding at the door, causing you to pull yourself from the chair and move to the door, opening it slowly and peering through a thin slit between the door and frame. A chrome helmet lurking above your line of vision, causing your eyes to draw upward as you opened the door further.

 

“Lady Ceph.” She greeted dryly.

 

“Captain Phasma.”

 

“The Supreme Leader has summoned us.” You nodded, stepping out into the hall and closing your door behind you, following her down the hall and back towards Hux’s room. She opened the door and allowed you to enter, her following and shutting the door. Kylo and Hux stood tensely in front of a holopad, the Supreme Leader’s projection glowing brightly in the dim room. His head shifting and eyes catching your own as you moved to stand with Kylo and Hux, Phasma hovering behind you.

 

“Good. Thank you Captain Phasma.” He praised. “I trust the funeral went well?” You nodded. You shifted slightly, your hands clutching your skirt tightly. “The General tells me that you have something interesting to propose to me.” You could see him leaning forward in his chair, as if he were actually in front of you, wanting to see the expression on your face more closely.

 

“Yes Supreme Leader.” You said flatly. “While the ore here may be delayed, and the possibility of finding more elsewhere at a much more efficient pace likely…I believe that Beirus still has much to offer the Order.” He nodded urging you to continue. “As you are aware from Teg Vilnu’s notes, the Princess keeps a rather large private garden. But what Teg did not know is that the Princess has a penchant for poisonous and toxic plants. I have suggested that we use these resources for our own benefit. Biochemical weapons could prove useful in the eradication of our foes.” A silent lull filled the room as the words left you. Suddenly feeling unsure of yourself.

 

“Supreme Leader, if I may?” The General stepped forward. Snoke nodded, giving him permission to speak. “I have done some research on the subject, looking into the records we have from the Empire.” He gestured absently with his hand, turning away from the holoprojection. “I believe this to be a perfect repayment of the First Order’s generosity to Beirus.” Turning dramatically back towards the Supreme Leader, emphatically moving his hand in a slashing motion. “This could be the New Emperor’s Plague. Something so deadly that just the threat of release would cause all those who oppose us to bow at our feet.”

 

Snoke’s face twisted into a snarled smile. You had to hand it to Hux, he could make a delivery. The amount of passion in his words and movements left you faintly smiling. Snoke nodded.

 

“It is tempting.” He said as he leaned back into his chair, fingers unfurling and pressing together as his elbows rested on the arm rests of his large chair. “Are we sure that they would be willing to give us full rein of the plants?” His eyes traveling back to you.

 

“Even if they do not agree, it would not take much to persuade them. Kasar has left the palace painfully exposed. If we’re to leave now and pull all of our troops from planet side, the planet could fall into chaos.”  You paused, your lips pinching slightly at the thought of what you were about to say. “Princess Jana would not allow that to happen to her people. She is a bleeding heart, she would rather make a deal with the devil than to let her people suffer a civil war.”  Snoke shifted his attention to Kylo, eyeing him curiously.

 

“You have been awful silent my apprentice.”

 

“I have nothing to add Supreme Leader. Ceph Ren has made a far greater impact on Princess Jana than I. I do not doubt her assessment.” 

 

“Yet there is something that is bothering you still.” He stated. Kylo shifted slightly.

 

“I am not certain that Kasar was the only enemy to the crown.” He paused, Snoke waiting for him to continue. “It does not sit well with me.”

 

“You believe that Kasar was a mere pawn in a larger game?” He nodded, his helmet shifting slightly under the crook of his arm. “You would like to further pursue this thread I assume?”

 

“With your permission of course.” He stated flatly. Snoke considered this, his face scrunching slightly in deep thought.

 

“Leave it be for now, I have other matters for you and Ceph Ren to attend to once a new accord has been struck with the Council.”

 

“Of course.” He said with a slight bow. Snoke turning his head to look back at Hux, glancing briefly at Phasma.

 

“I entrust that you will wrap this up quickly…I have no time for you to waste.” Hux nodded. “Excellent. Kylo Ren and Ceph Ren, you are dismissed.” You bowed, the skin around your wound pinching slightly, making the sight burn. You walked past Kylo, who followed behind you, leaving Hux and Phasma with Snoke’s projection.

 

Both of you stepping out into the hall way, you continued to walk away from him to return to your room, his hand grabbing at your arm, halting you. You turned to look at him, your face emotionless as you stared at him.

 

“Walk with me?” He asked, his voice unsure, his eyes expressing apprehension, unsure of what your response would be. You merely shrugged, his hand removing its self from your arm and moving at a pace you could easily keep with. Moving down the hall and back into the center of the palace. His helmet still tucked under his arm as you walked silently next to him. He lead you to the double doors that opened out into the garden, two white clad Stormtroopers standing guard at the door, allowing the both of you to walk through unimpeded.

 

Both of you strolling through the garden in silence. He paused at the bench that you had sat on days before, sitting, while you remained standing as he placed his helmet on his lap. He looked off in the distance, fighting the urge to look at you. His face pinching slightly.

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He grumbled.

 

“It’s fine.” He shook his head.

 

“I’m only trying to protect you.”

 

“You don’t need to. I’m a big girl, I can make my own choices.”

 

“They will only bring you conflict Ceph.” He mumbled. You shook your head rolling your eyes softly.

 

“It is my choice to make, not yours.” His jaw flexed tightly, muscles flexing under his shadowed flesh. “Why didn’t you go to the tree?” You asked suddenly.  His eyes shifted to you sharply.

 

“I couldn’t. I knew what it wanted.” He bit at his lower lip, pausing momentarily and considering his next words. “What did it really tell you Ceph?” Your lips pinched, arms crossing over your chest.

 

“Exactly what I told you.” You huffed.

 

“You’re speaking in half truths.” Weren’t you always?

 

“If you knew what it wanted then you already know.”

 

“I want to hear you say it.”

 

“Why?” His gloved hands wrung in his lap, you could feel his inner turmoil.

 

“I just need to know.” He whispered. You moved closer to him, placing your hand on his shoulder and crouching to come closer to his face, tilting your head to the side, your eyes peering into his as he looked down at his hands.

 

“It was a warning.” His head tilted upward slightly, his teeth clamping onto his lower lip absently. “The future is not stone, but a flowing river, you may change its course, but it is up to you to choose when.” You said, echoing the words that the tree parted with. He exhaled softly, pushing out the air he was holding in his lungs, his eyes dancing across your face, glossy and bright in the dying light. Your expression softened as you took in his expression. So uncertain. Frightened. “Why are you scared?” You asked softly. He swallowed harshly, his lips pinching.

 

“They haunt me too.” He whispered, almost too low for you to hear. Your eyes closing softly, pushing back your overwhelming sympathy and keeping your emotions in check. You moved to sit next to him, wrapping your arm around his shoulder and pulling him to lean on you. His head resting on your shoulder, you were sure the position had to be uncomfortable but he didn’t seem to notice, taking comfort in your touch. You could hear him sniffle slightly, your hand moving to cup his cheek. “I can hear them…constantly whispering, calling to me.” His voice broke slightly.

 

“You want to listen to them?” You muttered. He nodded. You sighed softly. “Me too.”

 

“We can’t.” His voice broke, a stream of tears hitting your hand.

 

“I know.” You closed your eyes and huffed, feeling his regret crashing into you, echoing and melding with your own. “We can’t turn back...there is nothing there for us anymore.” But you wanted nothing more than to turn back…to take everything back. To feel her embrace, to see her cornflower-blue eyes, but not just hers. You longed for the comfort of your mother’s arms wrapped around you, her gentle whispering words comforting you. To feel at peace, the constant internal strife gone, picking a side and remaining. At this point any side would be a relief.

 

But these were the wishes of a child…and you were not a child any longer. You could not hide in the fantasy. The galaxy was cruel. You had to be crueler or you would fall to its ripping currents. He sniffled next to you, straightening and pulling his head from your shoulder, wiping his eyes with his gloved hand roughly, ashamed of his tears. You wanted to comfort him, tell him everything would be okay, that he would feel better. But it was a lie. You couldn’t tell the future any more than the tree could. The motions of the galaxy, the pulling of time, nonlinear, branching in a million different paths, nothing was certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There probably won't be a chapter next week. I think I need a break, it's becoming increasingly taxing writing this and keeping the updates consistent. 
> 
> Its kinda like becoming another job...but I'm not getting paid for it. Idk. I've almost typed out 200,000 words and I guess I'm feeling some type of way about that. 
> 
> Maybe I'm just being sour. I look at some of these other fics (which I know I shouldn't compare my writing to anyone else, cause everyone is different) and I just man really kinda bums me out knowing the amount of time I spend on this and for what? 
> 
> The handful of you that comment consistently and give me feedback, and your own personal view on the story...thank you.   
> You guys are the only reason I haven't just left this shit in the dust.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another point where I'm going to be making leaps and bounds. I personally need to get past this point in the story. There are going to be a lot of skips in this chapter. I apologize.

Chapter 29

Departure

_________________

 

She returned once the sunlight died, a line of mourners holding candles, warm light flickering in the wind as she walked towards the palace. Calla, Bram, and the High Sarjana moving behind her, she looked like a phantom. Dressed in flowing white, orange glow cast across her handsome features, her eye sockets appearing as hollow black holes, her body rigid as she walked, the sound of her flat sandals smacking on the pavement the only noise aside from the rustling of the trees. You could see the candles being blown out one by one as she passed, those behind her blinking out into nonexistence. The mourners gathered behind her, following her down the line.

 

You blew out your candle as she passed, joining the procession, melding into the sea of white, Kylo, Hux, and Phasma moving beside you as the crowd pressed inside of the palace. A large reception was waiting for her return, the dining hall table moved, leaving the large room open for people to mingle over food, a portrait of Mon had been erected on top of a single chair, flowers and fruits laying around the seat and feet. Jana walked over to the chair and paused to look at the portrait of her brother, a faint smile crossing her lips, her eyes tearful but resolute.

 

“I don’t think tonight would be a good time for a lengthy introduction.” Hux said absently. You nodded.

 

“Surely not. Though it would be the perfect time to introduce yourself to the council.” You could hear Phasma reply. He hummed, his arms held behind his back, great coat once again draped over his shoulders, his auburn hair shining brightly in the warm light.

 

“Lady Ceph?” You turned to look at him, drawing your eyes away from Jana as she was slowly swarmed by well-wishers. Your eyes meeting his.

 

“General?”

 

“Would you kindly make the introduction?” He asked. You nodded.

 

“Of course.”  The four of you moved through the crowd, people stepping out of the way, with two helmeted giants behind you, you couldn’t blame them. You could see Manis, Badai, and Coulter standing in a slight circle, glasses of wine in their hands as they spoke in hushed tones. Manis’ and Badai’s wives and the two children stood a bit off conversing away from their husbands. You pressed closer to the three men, Hux at your side, your eyes meeting Coulter’s as he noticed the four of you approaching.  The small circle opening as Coulter gestured and spoke to the other men, allowing the four of you to join their conversation.

 

“Gentlemen.” You said kindly. The three of them nodded. Coulter moved to greet you, kissing either cheek, you returning the gesture. “You look like you’re on the mend.” You commented. His dark cheeks were even darker with bruises, his left eye slightly swollen, broken capillaries jolting like bolts across the whites of his left eye.

 

“Yes, of course Dr. Duran has been quite helpful.” You nodded, a kind smile coming to your lips. You cleared your throat slightly.

 

“Gentlemen, I wanted to introduce you to General Hux and Captain Phasma.” You said gesturing to each of them as you said their titles. “This is Council man Salazar Manis.” You motioned to the willowy man, his facial features sharp and pinched, the temples of his shoulder length hair were streaked in gray. He nodded to each of them, extending a hand and greeting the General and Phasma both. “Yinnar Badai.” You gestured to him, a man of average build, older than Coulter but younger than Manis, a great mustache across his upper lip, closely cropped dark hair, and deep obsidian pools for eyes. He reached a hand to each of them, following Manis’ lead. You finally gestured to Coulter, “And this is Subur Coulter.” He greeted both of them with a slight nod, hand shaking, lips pinched into a tight smile.

 

“General. Captain. We are appreciative of the resources that the First Order are expending to aid us in our time of need.” Manis spoke, the first time you had ever heard him speak. His voice was soft but not lacking the note of authority needed for his position.

 

“Of course. The First Order believes greatly in protecting our allies.” Hux said smoothly.

 

“It is a shame that we must meet on such a sad day as this.” Badai voiced, his hand moving to comb down his mustache.

 

“Indeed. I’m sorry for your loss. Teg Vilnu had many great things to say about the hospitality he received from King Sala.”  They all nodded solemnly. 

 

“How is Teg? We were disappointed that he did not join us.” Manis spoke, his eyes fleetingly moving to you, gauging your reaction to his words. Your face remained emotionless, completely unbothered.

 

“We keep him busy, but he is well.” Hux smiled faintly. If you had any thought of Teg Vilnu being alive it was completely dashed by the slight quirk of Hux’s lips. Teg was surely dead, possibly by the order of Hux himself. This did not phase you in the least bit. Better him than you. Your eyes moved around the room as they continued to speak, catching a fleeting white and silvered figure skirting out of the main doorway. Jana. You excused yourself from the conversation, giving a glance to Kylo as you walked to follow her, he merely nodded at you.

 

You found her standing in the hall, her fingers pressed delicately to her forehead, her brows scrunched tightly, lips tugging downward in the corners. Trying desperately to keep it together.

 

“Hi.” You said kindly. Her dark hazel eyes flicked upward, meeting your face.

 

“Hi.” She croaked back. You both stood awkwardly for a moment, you didn’t know what to say. How many times could you apologize?

 

“The ceremony was beautiful.” You said softly, attempting to find something to break the silence. She hummed softly, her eyes brimming with tears, she blinked them away hastily.

 

“Yes. It was very lovely.” She muttered. Another lull of silence. You chewed on your bottom lip.

 

“Thank you for the clothing. The fabric is beautiful.” She smiled slightly at this.

 

“I knew you would appreciate it.” She paused, her eyes moving away from you and peering down the dimly lit hall. “You look beautiful.” She sighed. Your stomach fluttered.

 

“You do too.”  You moved closer to her, closing the gap between you, your hand hesitantly grazing hers, testing the waters. Her eyes moving back to you once again as she exhaled softly, moving closer and closing the gap completely. Your arms wrapping around her middle, snaking around her back and pulling her closer, your bellies and hips pressing into each other,

 

“I know we can’t.” She stared into your eyes. “But just hold me. Please.” You pressed your cheek to hers, moving your arms up her back and pulling her into a tight embrace. “I miss him.” Her voice cracking as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. “I keep thinking he’s going to walk right through the door…but he isn’t.” She heaved with a sob. “My family is gone.”

 

Everything came crashing down. Her sobs echoed through the hall. Heavy and heartfelt. You didn’t need the Force to feel her sadness. It was all too familiar. You rubbed her back tenderly, allowing her to cry, hoping that the tears would somehow soothe her, that she would find solace in the release. You wanted to say so many things to her. Tell her that they weren’t really gone, that they were all around her, surrounding her in the Force. But it felt too placating, like the words wouldn’t hold the same effect at this moment, she wouldn’t understand the impact of them during this bout of deep grief. You continued to hold her, allowing her to cry, letting her pour every ounce of her sadness onto you as her tears dripped down your skin.

 

“Princess?” You peered over your shoulder as much as you could manage, glancing at Calla standing and worryingly looking at the both of you. Jana stiffened in your arms, pulling herself away from you slowly, wiping her nose and face across her hands and forearm. “The guests are wondering where you were.” She said softly. Jana sniffled and nodded. “Would you like for me to tell them that you have retired for the evening?” She asked.

 

“No. I’m fine Calla. Thank you.” Her voice was stuffy from crying. You turned to look at Calla, who merely bowed and moved back into the dining hall.

 

“Are you sure you want to go back in there?” You asked softly. She nodded.

 

“I have no choice.” You shook your head.

 

“You always have a choice.” She smiled faintly.

 

“I will have time to cry later. For now, I must remain a pillar of strength to my people.” You smiled at her, fully appreciative of her resolve.

 

“Of course.” You rubbed her back as you pulled her into one last hug, her arms wrapping around you and squeezing you back.

 

“Can I ask you something?” You hummed in response. “What did the Great Tree tell you?” You stiffened under her touch, flinching slightly. She noticed immediately and pulled away from you, gazing into your eyes, searching your face for the reason behind your reaction.

 

“How did you…how did you know?” You asked softly, your brows scrunched in confusion.

 

“It was a guess…I…felt something when our hands connected.” She paused and shook her head softly, a faint smile turning the corners of her lips. “It felt like basking in the light of the sun on a cool day, comforting. Almost like everything was going to be okay. It sounds stupid I’m sure.” She rambled.

 

“No. It’s not stupid.” You sighed. “It’s complicated…but not stupid.” She looked at you quizzically, your face scrunching as you tried to form the proper words to explain. “The tree is the living embodiment of the Force on your planet.” Your brows scrunched, not sure if you were making any sense to her. She nodded, urging you to continue. “It’s no wonder why your people are so devoted to the tree. It’s been here for as long as the planet has been here.”

 

“I believe we assimilated the custom from the indigenous people of Beirus, before we nearly wiped them from the face of the planet.” She mused. “I haven’t done much research into the subject, but I remember my father telling me that they would bring offerings to the trees. The dead were the ultimate offering, nourishing them with our bodies. They say that all the trees in the grove are still connected to the Great Tree, they are all the same tree.”

 

“It’s very likely.” You paused, licking your lips, “I felt such a strong pull to the tree once we arrived. It called to me. To Kylo.”

 

“What did it say?”

 

“I can only speak for myself, Kylo did not answer its call.” Your lips pinched. You couldn’t share with her what the tree had told you. She wouldn’t understand. “It showed me visions, a possible future.” You would leave it at that. She nodded, understanding that it was a personal matter. “It did tell me one thing that I think you need to hear…” She looked at you with concern, you shook your head, signaling that it was not bad news. “Everything that dies on this planet is returned to the tree. Joined back into the Force and returning to the energies of the planet. Your family isn’t gone Jana.” You could see her eyes watering once again. “They are all around you. They are with you.”

 

A sad smile spread across her lips, blinking back tears. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.” She embraced you once again, kissing your cheek quickly and pulling away. Wiping her eyes once again and exhaling harshly. “I think it’s time to return.” She held out her arm, you smiled at her and hooked your arm around hers.

 

“As you wish Princess.” A smirk playing on your lips.

 

 

****

You stood with your arms crossed, listening to the council men arguing among themselves. They had been going for an hour now. Coulter taking the stance on allowing Jana to enter the Council chambers, Manis unsure and Badai against it. You were growing tired of the constant chasing of the conversation, your eyes moving to Hux who also seemed annoyed with the cycle. Your upper lip twitched as your jaw tightened.

 

“Enough!” You bellowed causing all three of the men to halt in their argument and turn to glare at you. “Just let her in. The chamber has already been desecrated by my presence. This is silly at best.” Coulter nodded and gestured at you, as if you expressed his point perfectly.

 

“This is none of your concern.” Badai sneered.

 

“It is, you are preventing me from doing my job and I am growing impatient.” You snapped. Hux looked at you with raised brows, turning to look back at the men.

 

“This is futile. Allow her entrance, this regards her more so than anyone else.” He added.

 

“How much longer can we wait? Our kingdom…our planet is in shambles. We cannot continue to bicker like children, we need to make grand motions and large strides while we still have time.” Coulter’s smooth voice chimed, impassioned and reminding you so much of Hux. Manis shifted in his chair, tucking his hair behind his ears and sighing.

 

“You’re right. I’m siding with Subur, I apologize Yinnar, we must allow her entrance.” Badai shook his head and huffed, slapping his hand onto the table.

 

“Fine.” He grumbled. You moved to open the door, looking at Jana who had been patiently standing at the door for the entire argument. You nodded back towards the chamber, her eyes lighting up brightly as she moved inward. You closed the door behind her and finally took a seat, Hux following your lead. Coulter smiled brightly at Jana, who returned his smile with a curt nod.

 

“Let’s get down to business then.” Manis said with a smack to the table, opening the discussion. Everyone smacking the table in return, even Jana. “We will handle business in order of importance.” He added. Smacking ensuing. “The First Order has been kind enough to lend us a portion of their forces until we can train new recruits. The question is, once our recruits have been fully trained, do we continue to allow the First Order to station their troops on our planet.”

 

A slap from Badai, all heads turning to look at him in attention. “While I am appreciative of their kindness, I believe further involvement from the First Order would not benefit Beirus. Allow them to train our armies and allow them to be on their way.” A slap from Coulter.

 

“I have to disagree. While I don’t entirely like the idea of a foreign army being stationed here, the First Order has been nothing but helpful. I believe we could afford to allow a small station of their troops to be placed on planet side.” Manis slapped this time.

 

“I have no problems with their being a small station of continued support. It would ease my mind to know that if something like this…” he gestured with his hand “uprising were to happen again we would still have a loyal force to aid us.” Jana slapped the table.

 

“I think we could afford to allow The First Order to station troops here. They were our saving grace during a very turbulent time. If not for their troops, Lady Ceph and Commander Ren would not have been able to clear the shipyard as quickly as they did.” Badai’s face scrunched tightly, his hand slapping the table forcefully.

 

“None of this happened until they stepped foot onto our soil. How do we not know that they were what caused this unrest?”  

 

 “Surely you don’t believe that. Kasar had been planning this for some time now.” Coulter said animatedly. “We wouldn’t have ever known until it was far too late. We would be in far worse waters.” Manis nodded in agreement.

 

“You don’t even belong in these chambers anymore. You were stripped of your title by King Mon!” Badai said angrily, standing from his chair and pointing at Coulter. Coulter rose from his chair and squared with Badai, their chest pressing together.

 

“How dare you!” he seethed.

 

“Gentlemen!’ Jana called. “It matters not at this moment, we can deal with Coulter’s station once we figure out everything.” You watched the two men glaring at each other in amusement, a slight smirk tilting the corner of your lips. Kylo was missing all the drama, busy down in the training room with Phasma, accessing the new guard and their progress. Manis rapped his knuckles across the table.

 

“The Princess is correct. We will discuss this matter later.” Badai sneered at Coulter, Coulter glaring at him. “Return to your seats.” Manis directed. Both men grudgingly moving back to their chairs, pulling them back towards the table and sitting. “We put this to a vote now and move on.” Manis looked around the room, making sure that everyone was on the same page. “In favor?”

 

Jana, Coulter, and Manis knocked the table. “Against?” Badai knocked. “Majority rules. The First Order will be allowed to have a small task force stationed planet side. We can discuss the logistics later.” Everyone nodded. “The next order of business, our accord with the First Order.” Hux shifted in his seat, sitting straighter, perking up at the mention of the contract. He slapped his hand on the table.

 

“If I may?” Manis nodded. “We realize that with the destruction of one of your major refineries that we will not be receiving the remainder of the quota. You are in debt to us and that debt must still be fulfilled.” He paused, his sea green eyes shifting across the faces of the room. “Lady Ceph and I have discussed this matter with the Supreme Leader. We are no longer concerned with the ore, you cannot provide us with what we need in the time frame that we need it…but there is something else we perceive as equally valuable.” He shifted his gaze to Jana. “Your private garden contains something we are very interested in.” Jana’s brows furrowed, her eyes moving to you, you merely nodded at her. “We wish to take samples of all of the plants within the garden.” Jana tilted her head.

 

“Why would you be interested in my plants?” Her brows furrowed.

 

“The same reason you are. We wish to utilize their properties for our own use.” Her lips pinched.

 

“I’m afraid I’m going to need more information…what exactly do you intend to do with my plants?” Hux shook his head.

 

“We merely wish to study them. Learn about their potential within the First Order.” He said deliberately skirting around the true intentions of why the First Order wanted samples.

 

“I see no problem with allowing them to take samples of the plants. They’re only plants. Let them have them.” Badai huffed. Manis nodded.

 

“Princess this would absolve our contract with the Order.” Coulter added. Jana’s jaw tightened slightly as she mulled over the trade.

 

“We would still lend a hand to Beirus, even after we take the samples. We are dedicated to the well being of your planet and we wish to see you prosper.” Hux added smoothly. “This would indeed complete our contract though, you would no longer be in our debt.”

 

You could see the hesitation in her movements, every glance, every flex of her jaw, she wasn’t sure about it. You rested your hand on her leg, gently touching her knee with your fingertips. Your eyes locking, becoming entranced in your stare as you made suggestions to her through the Force. Showing her what she wanted to see. The possibility of medicines, helping instead of destroying. _Think of the possibilities. You could be making a real difference throughout the galaxy. You could help so many._ You broke the contact, your fingers easing away from her as her face relaxed.

 

“Would it make you feel better to be involved with the process?” You suggested. Her lips pinched softly as she nodded.

 

“You may take samples from my plants, but I will oversee it. I want updates on anything you discover, detailed notes of the processes.” She said firmly. Hux nodded.

 

“Of course. We can arrange that.”

 

“Anything that would be of use to my people will be brought back to our planet.” She added.

 

“Of course.” She nodded.

 

“All for?” Everyone rapped the table. Manis spoke again, “We will surrender samples of the plants to the First Order in exchange for the missing ore and for the remainder of the ore that was owed.”

 

The meeting continued on, matters of the crown were discussed, the debts owed to the Temple Mount and various other lenders on the planet. You listened patiently, Hux speaking when he had a suggestion to help resolve some of their debts. Finally the discussion of Jana’s impending crowning and marriage arose.

 

“You were to marry Coulter, it was Mon’s wishes, but with his fate still undecided we are unsure if that is such a good idea.” Jana’s face visibly soured.

 

"I will abstain from this conversation as much as possible." Coulter added.

 

“We have a line of prospects lined up, we can discuss this with you after the meeting.” Manis said, shuffling a stack of papers in front of him.

 

“I do not wish to be married.” Jana said flatly, causing the three men to look at her like she was growing another head. “I’m serious. It is not my wish to be married.”

 

“You must be married. You cannot rule this kingdom. You weren’t even meant to sit on this council. We have made enough concessions as it is.” Badai snarked.

 

“Princess it has been a long standing tradition for the kingdom to be ruled by a King. Your brother agreed with this stance.” Manis said calmly, shooting a look at Badai.

 

“Mon never agreed with it. Don’t use him to further your position.” She snapped. “My brother knew how archaic it was. He openly invited a woman into the council chambers. He would have invited me to sit on the council if he knew he would not have been met with opposition at every turn.”

 

“Well he is not here to back you on this.” Badai hissed. You saw Coulter wince, Manis shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Your jaw flexed tightly, your hand clenching into a tight fist. Jana rose from her chair, standing tall and towering over the table and its seated members.

 

“Kasar had one thing right. It is time for a change. I will not concede my power to a man.” Hux cleared his throat.

 

“Perhaps the council and the Princess can come to a happy medium?” Coulter nodded,

 

“I see nothing wrong with compromise.” Jana looked at Coulter and nodded in thanks. “Jana will marry, but will still remain in a position of power, she will maintain a seat on the council, we can maintain the illusion that the King has ultimate power…keep the people placated, but it’ll be an even split.” Manis pinched his lips and scratched his sharp nose.

 

“No.” Badai said sternly. “If the High Sarjana were here he would also not agree.”  You glared at him.

 

“He’s not here to back you though…is he?” You snapped.

 

“You have no say in this matter. This does not pertain to you or your organization.” He hissed, jabbing a finger into the table with each word. You chuckled darkly, leaning further across the table.

 

“It has everything to do with _my_ organization. We are backing you, supporting you, we do not trust a foreign body to govern your people.” Hux shifted beside you, placing a hand on your arm, you shot a glance at him, retracting yourself from leaning across the table and straightening your back to sit as tall as possible in your chair. Your lips pinching tightly and eyes narrowing into tight slits as you continued to glare at Badai, willing yourself not to choke him with the Force.

 

“I have to agree. It is important that we can trust the future ruler of Beirus. As I stated before, we are invested in aiding your planet, and I personally would feel more comfortable with having someone that my college has assessed as being a strong leader than someone we know nothing of.” Hux paused and gestured towards Jana, “At this point, you all collectively need to weigh out your options carefully. Princess Jana has, to me, presented herself as being more than capable of ruling this planet with the aid of the council.” He paused once again, allowing them to sit on his words. “Better to have someone you trust as the head of your state than someone who may possibly be another Kasar.” Manis cupped his chin, rubbing the sharp point thoughtfully. Coulter merely glanced towards you, watching your facial expression return to rigid indifference.

 

“I think we need to discuss this more.” Manis finally conceded. “I can respect your concerns on the matter…but you must understand that this is not the way of our people.” Hux nodded.

 

“As the Princess stated, perhaps it is a time for a change?” Janna slapped at the table swiftly, her head nodding.

 

“It is beyond time. We oppress our own people with these outdated rules. They have suffered long enough.” Her voice was strong and sure, her stance on the matter made crystal clear. “I will not budge on the matter…unless you concede to a compromise.” Badai scowled, glancing at Manis as he continued to think over the matter at hand. Coulter shifted in his chair.

 

“No man would agree to this.” Badai hissed. Manis sighed heavily. Badai turned his glare to Jana, shooting daggers into her. “Do not forget we could pass the crown onto one of your relatives, I believe your cousin Gwenar would be next in line for the crown.”

 

“Gwenar is only a boy. You seek to place a mere child into a seat of power?” Her fist came crashing onto the table, her face contorting angrily. “If you think I would allow you to place a child, who you could easily manipulate, under the crown, then you underestimate me.” Your lips turned upward into a smirk, watching as she spoke, passion dripping from every word. “I will tear down this whole council before I allow you to do such a thing.” She hissed. “You will not hurt my people just to further your own perceived power. I have stood by long enough, watching the lot of you muck up this planet. My own brother…swayed to make such grievous errors under your advisement. It ends today…even if I have to form my own revolt.” Manis grimaced at the words as Badai stood from his chair.

 

“This is exactly why women are not permitted to rule this planet. You are ruled far too greatly by your emotions to make a proper choice.” You could feel heat rising in your face, burning your flesh, your teeth clamping tightly as your jaw flexed, your hands gripped on the arm rests, aching to fling forward and project the Force onto Badai’s throat. The pitcher of water on the table shook as you strained to remain composed. Coulter’s eyes were watching you, taking in your expression and vibrating arms as Jana and Badai continued to argue, screaming at each other and gesturing emphatically. The glass of the pitcher cracked, causing the water inside to dribble and pool onto the table. Your upper lip twitched as a gloved hand quickly covered your own. Your eyes shooting towards the owner, his sea green eyes staring into you, auburn brows scrunched tightly, his fleshy lips pinching tightly. You fought the urge to jerk away from his touch, your body stiffening as your eyes moved down to look at his black glove covering your tightly clenched hand. Your hand relaxing enough to gently brush his appendage away from you. You hadn’t realized that the room had grown silent, all eyes now on the pitcher, except for Coulter and Hux who were staring directly at you.

 

You stood, pushing the chair away from you and mumbled to be excused. Moving quickly out of the room and stepping into the hall, jaw clenching tightly, you forced your breath to even out, but found the exercise useless. You were boiling in your own flesh, blood pounding in your ears, your hands shaking. You were losing it. The door opened behind you, your eyes cutting back towards the perfectly pressed uniform of General Hux, his arms coming to rest behind his back as he peered at you curiously.

 

“Are you intending to return or are you going to throw a fit out in the hall?” Your hand raised quickly, signaling him to halt from talking. Asking for him to give you a moment to collect yourself. He stood silently, patiently waiting for you to reply. You took another deep breath, willing the anger to return to its deep well, to plunge back into the darkness and seal away from the surface. You managed to seal it away…but could feel it just under the seal, waiting for anything to free it.

 

“I apologize.” You said flatly, still turned away from him. “I need to abstain from the rest of the meeting.” He hummed.

 

“It’s quite alright. I can continue without you for now.” A lull of silence filled the hall as you both stood in the same positions, your body still rigid. “I appreciate your restraint. An outburst would have been…unfortunate.” He shifted behind you, the stiff fabric of his uniform rustling slightly. Too much starch. “Ren would have already destroyed something by now.” He mused, you turned to face him, a scowl on your face. He smiled slightly, perhaps amused with your expression, his hand rising to signal no offense. “I do not mean to compare.” He said lightly.

 

“I have never seen him lose control, so you’ll have to excuse me for being a bit incredulous.” He exhaled a soft laugh. While you personally had never seen him lose control, you did remember Einn telling you of deep gouge marks left in the stone walls around the projection room. He seemed to think that Ren was responsible for them…which was entirely possible, but you still refused to believe it until you actually witnessed it.  

 

“He is much…calmer around you and the other Knights.” He smiled at the thought, amused greatly by the statement. “It’s a shame he can’t seem to keep his composure the way he does around all of you.” He shook his head softly, “Why do you think you were asked to accompany him here?” You lips pinched tightly at his suggestion. Once again a glorified babysitter. As if Kylo was a child who needed to be constantly put in check.

 

“He is a grown man. He can take care of himself. He doesn’t need me or any of the others to keep him on his best behavior.” You snapped lowly, the growl before the bite.  He waved his hand dismissively.

 

“Of course. I’m not insinuating that it was purely to keep him within the lines of the mission…no. You have your place here as well…you both were to keep the other balanced. Your file indicated that you also have a rather volatile temper, though I have yet to witness it as I have witnessed his.” Your eyes narrowed dangerously, anger pounding at the seal, screaming to be released, warning sirens blaring in your head.

 

“Would you like to witness it?” You asked daringly. The nip before the curling of the lips and the full clamping of teeth on hot flesh. He laughed.

 

“Of course not.” A smirk turning the corners of your lips dangerously, eyes narrowed and boring into him.

 

“Then I suggest you return to the council chambers before I give you a demonstration.” He huffed a low laugh, nodding his head and turning abruptly, halting at the door and looking at you once again, opening it and then returning inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click of the latch.

 

You sought out Kylo’s signature and moved towards it, pausing momentarily and shaking your head. You didn’t need to bother him, this was something you needed to handle for yourself. You wouldn’t always be able to find him for comfort. How many times had you told him that back on Zoist? You huffed a sigh and turned on your heel, heading back to your own room instead.

 

You closed the door behind you, your eyes taking in your room, scanning over the mess, your lips turning into a frown. You actively ignored it, moving instead to the small living area and grabbing a plush cushion and carrying it with you as you moved to sit on the balcony, closing the door behind you so you wouldn’t be distracted by the chaos inside of your room.

 

You dropped the large cushion onto the stone deck and sat on top of it, adjusting your position, relaxing your shoulders and hunching your back slightly. Your eyes closing softly, you could see the warm red hued light from the sun behind your eyelids, basking in the warmth of its rays, grateful for the sudden lack of rain.

 

You exhaled softly, your mind reaching out into the Force, seeking calm and peace. Absently drifting within the pull of the planet and slowly drifting further away. Submerging completely into the intertwining threads of the Force, the feeling of unfathomable lives conjoining and merging. For a moment you knew peace, complete and total peace.

 

 

 

****

 

The air started to cool around you, the sun covered by clouds heavy with rain, your eyes opening and looking upward, squinting slightly and sighing. Standing and grabbing the cushion and tucking it under your arm, opening the door and moving back inside, met with the chiming of your datapad, an urgent message awaiting you. Tossing the cushion aside and moving to the table quickly, snatching up the datapad and pressing your finger to the screen, bio-metric meter reading your print and flashing with bright light, causing you to squint slightly. Tapping the alert on the top of the screen a message from Einn opening.

 

_Ceph:_

_Something has happened. They will be sending a ship to retrieve you soon. Please be prepared for departure. Commander Ren will receive a separate message informing him of your departure. I am sending this ahead of the alert that will be sent tomorrow so you will have time to prepare. I know how you don’t like surprises. Please reply as soon as you receive this message._

_-Einn_

Your heart thudded in your chest, clenching tightly for a moment only to resume at a quickened pace. You bit anxiously at your bottom lip, brows furrowed deeply and hands shaking slightly with the sudden rush of adrenaline. Your mind raced through the possible reasons for your sudden retraction from Beirus. Was Snoke so displeased that he deemed it necessary to completely remove you from the planet? Was Kylo leaving with you or was he to stay behind? You ran through a mental check list of your current actions that may have warranted your removal, but could not come up with anything that would deserve such a drastic move. No. Something else must have happened, something important enough to cause you to be pulled from your task. You tapped to reply to Einn’s message.

 

                _Einn:_

_I have received your message. I will prepare for departure tonight. Can you give me any details as to why I am being pulled from my current assignment?_

_-Ceph_

You tapped the send button and placed the datapad back onto the table, sighing loudly and looking around your messy room once more. You began to move through the room picking up all of your items and moving them towards your duffle, separating things that needed to be washed and things that were okay for repeat wear. Chewing on the inside of your cheek as you thought. Did Kylo know already? Should you tell him? What would happen here once you departed? Would General Hux continue to aid Beirus, would he champion Jana as you would have done? Jana. Your eyes closed softly, what would Jana do once you left? How would she react to your sudden departure?

 

You finished rolling up your clothing, shoving them back into the duffle and then shoving anything else that needed to be packed back into the large bag, leaving out your synth-leather suit and armor, everything ready for your withdrawal from Beirus. Checking the room once more for anything else that could be packed and finding a few items, shoving them in with the other things and zipping up the bag. Another beep on your datapad had you snatching it from the table and tapping at the screen, a reply from Einn.

 

_Ceph:_

_I cannot disclose any information for now. I’m not even sure what’s going on. Marun, Zece, and Nove have been relocated to the Supremacy for the time being. I have been told to await your arrival. We will be briefed once you arrive. I assume we will be sent somewhere shortly after. I will see you soon. Stay alert._

_-Einn_

You fought the urge to toss the datapad across the room, unsatisfied with Einn’s reply. What was going on? Huffing and standing from the chair, tossing the datapad on top of your duffle and searching for Kylo’s signature, finding him in the same location as before. You needed to speak to him, even if he was already aware it would be best to inform him of what you knew.

 

Walking briskly down the halls, turning sharply when needed and passing few people as you moved towards him. Coming to a large open space, reminding you briefly of the training room except for the fact that you were now completely outside, a high walled courtyard, pressed gravel crunching under your feet as you zeroed in on him. Standing next to Phasma, his arms crossed over his broad chest, both of them looking at two men wrestling in a pit of sand. His helmet snapped quickly towards your position of approach, he moved to meet you half way.

 

“Have you finished the meeting already?” His modulated voice asked flatly. You shook your head, waving your hand in dismissal of his question. It was unimportant at the moment.

 

“I excused myself from the meeting. I need to speak to you…privately.” His helmet nodded, his hand raising to gesture for the both of you to move further away from the training session and Phasma. He halted once you both returned indoors, moving towards a wall and facing each other. You could feel his concern echoing through the bond.

 

 _“Have you received any urgent messages?”_ His helmet tilted slightly.

 

 _“No. Why?”_ You huffed harshly through your nostrils.

 

 _“I received a message from Einn…I am being removed from the mission and returned to the Finalizer.” _His body stiffened slightly. _“It is unclear as to why. He kindly warned me ahead of any formal command. I’m not sure if you will be returning with me or not.”_   You didn’t need to see his face to know that his jaw was tensing tightly at the information, his gloved hands tightening into a fist at his side.

 

 _“How does he know that you will be removed? The Supreme Leader has mentioned nothing about your departure.”_ You weren’t sure if he was more frustrated with the fact that he was receiving this information from a third party or if he was agitated with the fact that you would be possibly leaving without him.

 

 _“He didn’t say how he knew. Apparently Marun, Zece and Nove have been stationed upon the Supremacy while he has been instructed to await my arrival on the Finalizer. He doesn’t even know why.” _You watched as his chest puffed with distress, his breath coming out as static across the modulator. You could feel his anxiety crashing into you. He said nothing, only continued to stand rigid, the sound of his gloves tightening echoing slightly in the hall. Anxiety shifting quickly to a biting anger. You leaned against the wall, your shoulder pressing into the rust colored stone as your eyes moved to the floor. _“Nothing is for certain yet Kylo. Perhaps he misinterpreted the little information he was given. Maybe it’s all nothing.”_ He turned abruptly and walked away from you, leaving you leaning against the wall, your brows knitting tightly together as you watched him stomp back out into the training area.

 

Truthfully you hadn’t known what his reaction would be, but you didn’t think it would be that. Perhaps a bit of anxiety from the possible separation but not the amount of anger that was flowing from him when he turned and left. You tried to wrap your head around why he felt the need to storm off so abruptly. You had seen him angry numerous times, seen him angry and frustrated with you, but this was different.

 

Pulling yourself away from the wall you moved back to the council room and waited for them to break for a meal. Your anxiety plaguing you and only gnawing more as you waited. If Kylo’s reaction to the news was anger…then what would Jana’s reaction be?

 

The doors opened with a loud click of the latch releasing, Manis and Badai moved out of the room, giving you a glance as they moved past you, ignoring you for the most part. Coulter and Hux walked out, speaking about something and halting once they noticed you leaning against the wall, arms crossed over your chest tightly. Subur looking to Hux for a moment and moving aside once Hux nodded towards him, waiting away from the two of you for Jana you supposed.

 

“I wasn’t expecting for you to reappear so soon.” His auburn brow quirked slightly, a faint smile coming to the corner of his lips.

 

“I need to speak to Jana.” You said with a slight shrug. He hummed and nodded.

 

“I see.” He paused as his eyes skimmed around the hall, his shoulders shifting as his hands clasped behind his back. “Well I will leave you to it then.” He said with a nod, moving to join Coulter without another word to you. You moved into the council room and paused in the doorway, Jana still sitting at the large wooden table, her head cradled in her hands, brows furrowed deeply in thought, her eyes skimming over some papers. You cleared your throat, her eyes moving upward to look at you.

 

“Are you feeling better?” She asked with a raised brow.

 

“A bit. I apologize for my…outburst.” You said gesturing towards the new pitcher of water that sat on the table, the other had been removed, the pool of water dried. She shook her head softly.

 

“I understand your frustration. The tension was high. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to control your abilities in moments of high stress.” She gestured for you to sit, you shook your head in refusal, her lips pinching into a frown. “What is it?” She asked, getting a sense that you needed to tell her something she was not going to like hearing.

 

“I’m being retracted.” Her frown deepened.

 

“I see.” She said glumly.

 

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head, raising a hand to halt you from further explaining.

 

“You must fulfill your duty, as I must fulfill mine.”  Hearing her say those words, echoing the conversation you had days ago in the garden alone, hurt. Your insides clenched, stomach tightening, acids burning and churning violently. You blinked slowly, willing yourself to control your emotions. She stood and moved towards you, her hand coming to rest on your cheek, cupping you gently and coaxing your eyes to look at her. “I don’t want you to leave, but I know you must. I will not plead for you to stay.” She said softly, her bottom lip trembling slightly, fighting the urge to cry. You huffed, forcing a smile. “You know where I will be…if you ever need me.” She whispered, echoing your forced smile, her eyes betraying her true emotions as tears threatened to spill over her dark lashes.

 

“Of course.” You mumbled as her hand left your face, pulling away from you and blinking rapidly, willing the tears to dash across her lashes, captured and beading but not falling.

 

“I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” You nodded.

 

“I have no doubt of that.” You forced a slight laugh. This was not going the way you had anticipated, you thought you would be the one to comfort her not the other way around. “It’s been a pleasure.” She smiled genuinely now.

 

“I’m sure we’ll meet again…perhaps…things will be far less complicated then.” You nodded. She moved to embrace you, wrapping her arms around you tightly, your hands moving up her back as your heads rested on each other’s shoulders.

 

**** 

 

You stood on the balcony, the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance, bright flashes of lightening briefly brightening the sky, only to return to the deep blue of night. The rain had blown through the city, another patch on its way, the air had cooled enough to be comfortable. You had received the official retraction message an hour ago. You would depart as soon as the ship arrived, no mention of Kylo joining you…and certainly no mention as to why you were being pulled.

 

You initially thought receipt of the official command would cause you to enter into a panic...but you were oddly calm. This news did not bother you any longer. Somehow Jana’s reminder of it being your duty…your job to do as commanded seemed to put everything into perspective. How could you have thought that you were anything more than a moveable piece in the game? Expendable and of no importance to anyone but yourself and the few who knew you, and even then…you seemed to be inconsequential.

 

Scowling at the thought of anyone actually caring enough to listen to your wishes and desires. Even the man who continually tried to impress the idea of your importance hadn’t listened to your wishes. Maybe the separation would be good for you. Good for him as well. You had grown far too comfortable with each other. Becoming everything you had worried about becoming. Far too caught up in the bond to see outside of yourself. A dangerous place to be while the galaxy was on the edge of a silent war.

 

 

Another flash of lightning flickered across the sky, jagged and brilliant light, the low rumble of thunder following behind it. You continued to watch the sky, feeling his signature in the Force moving around his room. Neither one of you had spoken since earlier. If he wanted to pout then you would allow him to do so, you had already placed him back behind your mental cage, blocking the majority of his emotions from affecting you. You were almost relieved that he hadn’t come back to bother you. You weren’t sure what the outcome would be. Would you argue? Would he be resentful? He suddenly felt so foreign to you. Alien almost. The familiar doubts about his intentions once again creeping in.

  

****

  

You stood with your duffle slung over your shoulder, clad in your armor standing just outside of the ship that was to return you to the _Finalizer_. Dr. Duran was already aboard, waiting to depart. No one had come to see you off, not even Kylo. Jana had been too busy in another meeting to bid her final farewell. You could hear the metal clanking of shoes on the gangplank behind you as you took one last look at Beirus.

 

“Ceph?” Your head turned to allow you to look behind you, glancing at him as he stood waiting. “It’s time to go.” You nodded, your eyes taking one last glance at the bright shining sun above you. Turning on your heels and walking up the plank, Duran standing securely in his spot as you passed him, slinging your bag down onto the metal flooring, listening to the bay door closing behind you and moving to take a seat in the hold. Duran moving to sit across from you, strapping himself into the harness and shifting to reach into his bag, pulling out a datapad and a pair of glasses that he perched on the bridge of his nose, tapping at the screen.

 

You rested your head against the head rest, sighing and closing your eyes. A familiar caress at the back of your mind. Kylo. You wanted to deny him entrance but couldn’t find the will to do so. You allowed his voice to infiltrate your mind.

 

_“Be careful”_

_“You too.”_ You could sense that he wanted to say more, the feelings of slight remorse passing between the thread that bound you together. You closed your eyes, willing yourself to relax as the engines whirled to life. Mentally pushing him away from you once again, straining the bond, preparing yourself to be pulled away from him. This time you would be prepared. Entering into a deep meditation, cycling through the Force as you breached the atmosphere of Beirus and moved into the depths of space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, finally moving away from Beirus and breaking away from Kylo. Things are about to get crazy...I hope you guys are as excited as I am.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is garbage.

Chapter 30

Starkiller

_________________

 

 

Your eyes opened once you returned to the _Finalizer_ , familiar feelings of artificial gravity sending you off kilter slightly as you removed your harness. Your movements a bit strained and awkward as you bent down to pick up your duffle. Duran remained seated, his eyes watching you as you moved to the bay door, waiting for it to open completely.

 

“Good luck Ceph.” He bid. You turned and nodded at him.

 

“You too Dr. Duran.” He cracked a smile and shook his head, you turned away from him and proceeded down the ramp. Einn stood waiting for you, his face hidden behind his helmet. You could feel his signature brushing against your own, almost familiarizing with each other as loth-cats do.

 

“Welcome back.” His voice cracked lowly over the modulator. You nodded, a slight smirk coming to your lips.

 

“Good to see you.”

 

 _“Come on, let’s move to somewhere more private.”_ You followed him as he moved to the lift, returning you both to the floor that contained your quarters, moving to your room and setting your duffle down, connecting your datapad back to ship and ordering for a clothing pickup, setting down your datapad and glancing at your helmet sitting on top of the table. Your lips pinching at the sight of it. A pang of sadness hitting you in a wave as you thought of Kylo. Einn sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his helmet from his head and placing it next to him, allowing it to rest against his thigh. His eyes watching you as you unpacked your clothing, separating items that needed to be cleaned from the ones that could be re-worn. You turned to look at him once you finished, a smile already on his lips. “I never thought I would be so happy to see you.” He laughed causing you to roll your eyes playfully.

 

You were more than happy to see him. Crossing over to him and taking a seat next to him on the bed, bumping your shoulder into him. “Yeah well give it time, you’ll be tired of me soon enough.” He smirked and shook his head, shoving you with his hand.

 

“Oh I know, I can’t wait to be at each other’s throats like old times.”

 

“Should I expect a mental attack for a wake-up call?” You chuckled, his smile faded slowly, his expression shifting into something more serious. Right. The reason why you were here. 

 

“Something is going on Eight.” Your own smile falling away now.

 

“What is it?” He shook his head.

 

“I’m not completely sure. All I know is that Four and Six should have returned by now…I have a feeling that this has to do with them.” Your lips twisted into a frown, brows scrunching deeply as you huffed.

 

“Has there been no word from either of them? Not even through the Force?” He shook his head.

 

“Nothing. I don’t know what happened to them. The Supreme Leader seems to be on sudden edge, they’ve been missing for over a month now.”

 

“How do you know all this?”

 

“I’ve been picking up information here and there from the officers, probing them when possible.” He smirked, proud of himself and his knack for the skill. In any other context you probably would have smacked him playfully for his clearly evident pride, but in this situation you could only nod. Grateful that he had been taking advantage of the skill.

 

“The Supreme Leader has not mentioned anything to you or the others?” He shook his head. “When did he move the others?’

 

“A few days ago. That’s when I started to grow concerned.”  You sat in silence for a moment, mulling over what he had told you.

 

“What if you’re wrong? What if this has nothing to do with them?” His lips pinched as his eyes cast down onto the floor.

 

“They’re still missing…we can’t sit around and do nothing Eight.” You shook your head.

 

“We do nothing without orders.” Your voice monotone, forced. His shoulders hunched as he continued to look at the floor. His eyes blinking slowly. “I know.” You could feel his frustration at your words. “But we can’t just do whatever we please. For all you know…The Supreme Leader has orchestrated this entire thing.” He looked at you suddenly, eyes glossy with emotion.

 

“You think it’s possible?” He asked as his bushy brows furrowed. You shrugged.

 

“I don’t know…but it wouldn’t surprise me.” Your lips pinched, cutting any other doubts you had of Snoke’s intentions from spilling. “We’ll just have to wait to see what the briefing is about.” He nodded, lips pressed tightly together, his hands gripping the edge of the bed. Doubt coursing through him.

 

 

****

 

 

The room was all too familiar, dark aside from his projection, casting a blue glow in the room, your helmet resting under your arm, Einn standing closely to you, mirroring your pose, his own helmet tucked under his arm.

 

“I’m aware that you both have been speculating as to why I have called Ceph back to the _Finalizer_.” He paused, eyes casting downward onto the both of you. You blinked, your mind calm for once, this statement did not surprise you. “While both Vier and Anim have seemed to have gone silent…they are not my concern.” You could see Einn’s throat bob with a harsh swallow out of the corner of your eye. “I’m more interested in what they were after.” You nodded. Of course. Vier and Anim were just as equally as unimportant as you. More disposable pieces in the game. “Apparently the task proved far too much for them.” He mused, a hint of a smile at the corner of his skewed lips. He leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers in his lap. You shifted your eyes downward and cutting them to glance at Einn. His body was rigid, face placid but his hands shook at his sides. Angry.

 

“The thing I seek is old, much older than the Jedi or the Sith. Ancient texts call it the Mantle of Istina. It has taken quite some time to track down its location in the wilds of space…I want the both of you to bring it to me.” He paused. “If you manage to locate Vier and Anim…dispose of them.”  

 

Your eyes closed for what seemed an eternity. It was what you feared. His displeasure far too great to bring them back. Whatever this mantle was…it was far too important, their failure, though it seemed small, had cost them their lives. You opened your eyes, meeting the cold steel gaze of your Master’s icy blue orbs. Bowing slightly and rising, “As you wish Master.” You could see Einn bowing rigidly beside you, his hands balled tightly. You hoped that they were dead, that he would not be forced to do the things you had already done once before.  

 

“Do not fail me.” His voice was stern, reminding you of his gnarled fingers gripping your hair tightly, yanking your head upward in your dream. Your eyes downcast as you nodded. His projection blinking out as the dim lights that ran across the floor blinked back into existence, returning a warmer glow to the room. You could not bring yourself to look at Einn. You didn’t want to see his expression, you didn’t want him to see your own. You placed your helmet back over your head, sealing it shut and turning on your heel to exit the room. Einn at your heels, the sound of his helmet hissing closed echoing in the chamber behind you.

 

****

 

Einn followed you to your quarters, closing the door behind him and pulling his helmet from his head, brown waves shaking away from his head, his face sullen, he looked impossibly aged suddenly. As if hearing the command to dispose of your comrades had sucked the youthfulness from him in an instant.

 

Your hands moved to the clasps on the side of your own helmet, pulling it from your head and sitting it onto the table next to Einn’s. Looking at him as he actively avoided your gaze, his eyes seemingly locked onto the sight of his own feet, brows scrunched in thought. “I’m sorry.” You said it almost instinctively, not exactly sure why you were saying it. Apologies never made anything better. His head shook slowly, eyes still locked onto the floor.

 

“I don’t understand.” He mumbled. “Why…why would this warrant such…a reaction? What if something happened to prevent them from communicating? What if the ship was damaged or…I don’t know…but…to order us to just murder them? It’s wrong.” You huffed a sigh, you had nothing to offer him, nothing to comfort him with or to explain that would justify such a harsh punishment.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t understand it either.” You paused, taking a moment to take a deep breath before you said your next statement. “We can’t question it. We must succeed where they failed…or we may be next.” His head picked up suddenly, tawny eyes locking onto your own, glassy and frightened, the realization fully hitting him. “We will do as we must…as we always have.” He nodded, his shoulders hunching as he exhaled harshly.

 

“I never thought it would be like this.” He rambled. “I didn’t think…I would actually be put into this position. Not anymore...not now.” Your brows raised in slight surprise. What did he think was going to happen? That he would never be forced to raise his hand against the collective? That the possibility would never arise again….that it was all over? “Sometimes I forget why we are here. These past months, away from everyone…just Five and I out in the galaxy…I forgot that we have been erected to do such terrible deeds.” His lips twisted into a slight frown. You didn’t know what to say. How could he have forgotten? How could he allow himself to get so swept up in the adventure that he actively forgot the reason for his being? Your lips pinched tightly into a frown, brows furrowing deeply, your eyes moving away from him.

 

“I don’t know what either of you have been doing while I’ve been away…and I suppose there is a reason why we are not informed of what each other’s missions entail…” You paused not sure where you were going with this thread of thought. You didn’t want to scold him, he was already doing so to himself, to do so now would feel too self-righteous, as if you hadn’t had moments where your true purpose hadn’t slipped to the back of your mind. Your eyes shifted downward, Kylo. Every moment spent with him, his hands wrapped around you, comforting you, lulling you into a sense of security. As if nothing could touch you, as if they would _never_ touch you again. The calm between storms. “I…don’t want to berate you or belittle you…but we can’t forget why we’re here. Especially when we are away from here and away from each other.” You bit the inside of your cheek, chewing thoughtfully. “We are nothing Einn. We will always be nothing. We can’t forget that.” You lifted your eyes, peering at him as his expression shifted, angry suddenly, at what you weren’t certain.

 

“I don’t want to think of us that way. None of you are nothing to me. You’re the only family I have anymore….that I will ever have.”

 

“Your attachment to us is going to get you killed.” Your voice soft and full of remorse.

 

He shook his head. “If I die because of it...then so be it.” Your upper lip twitched, moving suddenly to grab at his shoulders, squeezing him and pulling him down to your height, forcing him to look you in the eyes as you spoke.

 

“This is why he made me kill Twelve…her attachment was a weakness…don’t make the same mistakes. Don’t be a fool.” Your teeth were clenched tightly, anger and sadness clawing through you. How could he be so stupid? So flippant with his own life? His hands moved to brace your arms, calmly holding you, his eyes searching your own. Both of you looking at each other, emotions passing wordlessly between you. He nodded his head, a hand coming to rest on the crown of your head, carding through your hair tenderly, a soft smile coming to his lips.

 

“You’ve changed so much…” He huffed a laugh. “And yet not at all.”  

 

 

****

 

“Look I know your nervous, but come on…would I ever do anything that I knew would kill us?” He chuckled slightly, your brows furrowing deeply, upper lip raising into a slight sneer. All the emotions from the day before seemingly gone. As if you weren’t about to be on your way to possibly slaughter two of your companions.

 

“You haven’t even been flying long and you expect me to just sit here and pretend like you’re some kind of expert? Like you even know what the hell you’re doing?!” He grinned at you stupidly.

 

“I mean…yeah. Pretty much.” He flicked a few switches on the control panel in front of him, pointing at one near you, you huffed as you pressed the button inward, scowling deeply. “Oh come on…it’s not going to be _that_ bad.” You cut your eyes at him, jaw tensing tightly.

 

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

 

“For the most part yeah.”

 

“Einn.”

 

“Ceph…I’m not going to kill us, I promise.” He looked at a screen skimming over the information displayed and humming slightly to himself. “Look it’s not even that hard…you just follow the check list and you know…bam you’re flying.”

 

“Einn…you’re not helping.” He laughed earnestly this time.

 

“Just watch and learn.” He pressed a button, the engines whirling to life, your brows furrowing even more deeply, creases forming across your face, waiting for something to go horribly wrong. He pressed the com, communicating with the control tower, asking for permission for takeoff, receiving the squawk code and repeating it back. Your lips pinching tightly as he moved about the control panel, hand reaching for the yolk and checking a few of the instruments on the panel once again before moving down the run way. Your hands gripping your arm rests as you accelerated forward and out of the bay, breaching the membrane of the magnetic-field which prevented air from escaping from the open hanger. Your eyes clamping shut tightly as you left the _Finalizer_. You could feel the craft banking, moving towards the nearest hyperspace lane. “Here we go!” He called almost too excitedly for your own comfort. You felt the initial lurch of the jump, your stomach clenching tightly, bile rising up your esophagus and threatening to breach into your mouth, you swallowed it down as your body hummed with anxiety.

 

The ship settled, a successful entry into hyperspace as Einn shifted beside you, placing a hand on your arm and nudging you gently. Forcing your eyes open to look at him, he wore a smug smile across his face causing you to scowl. “See I told you…we’re going to be fine.” He smiled brightly, bushy brows wagging in comedic gesture.

 

Your nostrils flared as you huffed. “Sometimes I want to strangle you.”

 

He laughed causing a faint smile to come across your lips. “You’re just mad that we didn’t explode.”

 

“A bit.” You smirked.  “There’s still time for that though.” He rolled his eyes and stood from his chair, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. “How long are we going to be traveling?”

 

“A few days. Should be pretty uneventful until we hit Wild Space.”   You hummed.

 

“Will we pass Zoist?” He shook his head.

 

“Probably not, though we will pass something far more interesting.” You quirked an eyebrow.

 

“What do you know about Starkiller base?” Your shook your head and shrugged.

 

“Nothing really. I’ve only heard mention of it once. General Hux and Supreme Leader spoke of it. My mission to Beirus was to further secure ore for its structure.” He nodded.

 

“You really should be probing minds more often or you’ll miss out on a lot of things going on.” He leaned on the back of the chair, crossing his arms with smirk. You rolled your eyes.

 

“Well?” You asked with a raised brow, impatient for the reason he brought up Starkiller.

 

“It’s a planet just inside the Unkown Region…rich in kyber.” He scratched his chin, “It’s a super-weapon in the making. From what I’ve gathered it’ll be powerful enough to rival any Death Star.” Your brows furrowed, lips twisting slightly.

 

“And what are they planning on doing with it?” He shrugged.

 

“I’m not sure yet. I don’t think anyone really knows right now…or at least I haven’t come across anyone that knows enough about it. Obviously they plan to make a large commotion in the galaxy with it.”

 

“And why is this important?”

 

“Well we’ll be making a quick stop at Starkiller before we make another jump.” He noticed your face shift in slight confusion. “Too many obstacles in the way for direct travel to Wild Space. Gotta take an indirect route.”  

 

“And this was cleared with Supreme Leader?”

 

“I guess. It’s what coordinates were given to me anyway.” He shrugged breaking away from his spot and moving to rummage through a cabin bin, pulling out a meal bar and opening it, taking his seat back at the pilot’s chair and taking a bite, his eyes moving to the now opaqued transparisteel and staring absently.

 

“You need to be more careful about your probing. You’re going to find something out one day that is going to get you in trouble.” You said as you turned to look out the transparisteel as well. He huffed a laugh and coughed slightly on the crumbs from the bar.

 

Clearing his throat gruffly and swallowing, “And you’re never going to find out anything if you keep allowing yourself to sit in the dark.”

 

“Better to be in the dark about most things than to know too much.”

 

“That’s a very dangerous way of thinking Eight.” 

 

You shrugged. “It’s worked out for me so far.” He shook his head and huffed.

 

“You want one?” He asked suddenly, moving the half eaten bar towards you. You shook your head.

 

“Better not just yet.” He shrugged and shoved the remainder of the bar in his mouth, his cheeks pouching as he chewed. You gave him a slight look of disgust and turned back to look out the shield of the craft.

 

 

****

 

“Wait we’re landing here?” You asked as Einn began to make preparations to exit hyperspace and shift back into real space. The Navicom blinking that it was time to make an exit from the lane. Your datapack had made no indications that you would be stopping anywhere, much less about even stopping at Starkiller base. You were starting to wonder if your datapackets were different and what the reason for that was. Your brows scrunching tightly, why had he not told you this initially when he brought up Starkiller days ago?

 

“Yup. Gotta get some supplies and refuel. I think we’re supposed to make inspections while we’re here as well.” The ship lurched as you shifted back into real space, your body shifting forward slightly, hands clamping onto the arm rest once again. Your body attempting to adjust as Einn pressed the com, signaling the tower of your arrival. Your eyes narrowed as you looked at the frozen planet, it didn’t look all that different from Zoist you mused. “Ah, so nice to see snow again.” He muttered sarcastically.

 

“I kind of missed it.” You mused openly.

 

“Well there’s plenty of it here it seems.”

 

You huffed a laugh as he brought the craft into range of the tractor beam, allowing the beam to pull the ship into range for landing. His hand moving daftly as he adjust the instruments on the panel, pulling the yolk and adjusting his grip slightly, allowing the ship to come in for a smooth landing. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed by his skill and found yourself wondering just how much of it was actually learned by flying and how much was gathered by pulling information from those around him. He shifted in his seat and unfastened his harness, standing and stretching, ruffling his own hair and yawning. “Oh man I’m looking forward to a shower. Sonics just never seem to make me feel really clean.” You huffed a laugh.

 

“Better hope they have water in their refreshers.”

 

He huffed, a slight scowl coming to his face as he thought about the possibility. “Well….are you coming or were you intending to spend the night on the ship?”

 

You rolled your eyes softly and unfastened your own harness, standing and stretching. You watched as Einn grabbed his helmet, placing it over his head and sealing it shut. You moved to the bin where you had stored your own helmet and followed suit, grabbing your cloak and draping it over your shoulders and clasping it shut, pulling your hood over your helmet. He gestured towards the back of the ship, allowing you to walk in front of him as he moved to open the bay doors, both of you waiting as the compressors hissed and smoked in the frigid air outside. You felt the sting of the cold through your synth suit, your hands pulling your cloak around you as flurries blew into the hold, fighting the urge to shiver. Your helmet shifted to allow you a fuller view of your surroundings. A large landing pad, seemingly cleared from snow, which you found interesting, either someone spent a lot of time clearing snow daily or they were heating the duracrete. Your head shifting as you noticed a dark figure moving towards the pad, Einn stood tall next to you, his own helmet locked onto the figure as it moved closer. Both of you waited patiently to be greeted.

 

 _“Are you sure we’re supposed to be here?”_ You mentally projected to Einn.

 

 _“Yes. Did you not read your datapacket?”_ He replied.

 

_“Of course I did. I’m just confused. Mine made no mentions of coming here.”_

 

_“Odd. I’ll let you look at my packet once we have a chance.”_

 

You nodded as the figure finally moved close enough to view, dark gray First Order uniform pressed as crisply as any other of the officers aboard the _Finalizer_. Well they surely had the laundry rooms functioning you mused. You peered at the officer more closely, pale faced, cheeks bright with cold, snub nosed and dark eyes, a slight port wine stain near the corner of his right eye, on the shorter side and a bit of weight around his middle though not obscenely so. His movements were sure as he moved to stand in front of the both of you, coming to parade rest almost rigidly so, unaffected by either of your presences. Perhaps you were expected.

 

“My apologies for the late arrival.” His voice was slightly hoarse, as if he had been yelling for hours or perhaps was overcoming a cold. “We had a complication with some wiring.” He cleared his throat, and shifted his dark eyes back and forth between you, both of you merely standing there waiting for him to introduce himself. His brows raised as if he realized that he hadn’t done so. “I’m Lieutenant Grimdarr and welcome to Starkiller base.” His voice a bit clearer and more assertive.

 

 _“What an odd man.”_ You projected to Einn, turning your helmet to look at him, his own shifting slowly to you.

 

 _“I like him.”_  He shrugged and turned his helmet to face Lieutenant Grimdarr once again, who stood there blankly staring at each of you having a mental conversation, as if he was used to such a strange thing. You were scowling behind your helmet, what a strange man you mused.

 

“Right, so uh, if you’d like to follow me, I’ll show you around.” Grimdarr said almost too casually for your liking. Your eyes shifting to Einn once again as he moved to follow the man, unaffected by the officer’s carefree attitude. Shrugging you followed behind Einn as you moved down a slight incline back to the main hub of the base, both of you waiting for the door to open, Grimdarr tapping his fingers on the side of his crisply pressed pants, impatient. “Karking technicians and their damn wiring.” He muttered under his breath. He moved to bang on the door, fist pounding angrily, face turning bright red as he began to scream, “OPEN THE KRIFFING DOOR YOU IDOITS!”  A static crackling coming from Einn’s helmet, realizing that he was laughing at the man and shaking your head. You could hear muffled shouting on the other side of the durasteel door, screaming back at the Lieutenant, asking for him to patient.

 

Huffing you moved forward and placed a hand on the man’s shoulder causing him to cease his pounding and screaming, his head turning to look at you, cheeks bright red with agitation. You pulled him to the side, your grip guiding him away from the door as your other hand rose, channeling the Force and sliding the door open. Two technicians looking at your figures wide eyed, scrambling backward and away from the panel they were working on, moving to stand by the wall and looking downward. You moved forward, stepping to the side to allow both Grimdarr and Einn to move inside, your hand raising once again, sliding the door closed. Grimdarr glared at the two technicians, his face contorting angrily, and ready to berate them.

 

“Lieutenant.” Your voice pressed over the modulator, causing the man to shift his gaze towards you, his facial expression straining to return to a more relaxed position, his face still red, you could see the artery in his neck pulsing rapidly. “Shall we proceed?” He shifted, adjusting his shoulders and pulling down his dark gray uniform top, smoothing it out and turning to continue walking.

 

 _“This guy is hilarious!”_ Einn projected to you, his mental tone jovial.

 

 _“He’s unprofessional.”_ You snapped, unamused by Einn’s attitude. The three of you moving down a rather large hall, the sound of crackling and flashes of light from a welder filling one side of the hall, the visor of your helmet calibrating and darkening as you shifted to look at the technician working inside of a wall, shielding your eyes from the bright light that could damaging your retinas if you stared long enough.

 

“As you can see, we’re still working out some kinks.” Grimdarr added, using a hand to cup around the side of his face that was adjacent to the bright sparks and walking briskly past. Einn paused for a moment, tilting his helmet to further inspect what the technician was working on, you could see them freeze a bit under the glare of his helmet. Huffing you mentally snapped at Einn to follow, causing him to turn his helmet away from the technician and look at you. You could practically feel him rolling his eyes at you.

 

 _“You’re so uptight.”_ He projected.

 

 _“If we keep stopping to inspect every little thing that is going on in here we’ll never get off this kriffing base.”_ You huffed, a slight crackle emitting from your modulator.

 

 _“Kill joy.”_ He snarked. You moved past him, noticing that Grimdarr had not ceased his walking, moving briskly to catch up with the man, Einn using his larger gait to pass you, his gloved hands coming to rest behind his back as he moved closely behind the shorter man. You fought the urge to laugh at him as he moved almost uncomfortably close to Grimdarr, who turned his head quickly to look behind him, feeling Einn’s hovering presence behind him, his head snapping back forward and picking up his pace in an attempt to give him more space between Einn's towering presence.

 

The tour continued, moving deeper and deeper into the base and the planet. The deeper you went the more the appearance of technicians grew. A hive of gray jumpsuits scurrying around like mouse droids, only halting once you crossed their paths, waiting patiently and eyes always downcast. For the most part the majority of them seemed to completely ignore your presence, far too focused on their tasks to so much as glance at you. Grimdarr continued to point out things he deemed an interest to the both of you, allowing you to momentarily look at whatever it was and then returning to a brisk pace. He was as ready as you were for this tour to be over.

 

Grimdarr halted suddenly, ceasing his rambling and turning around, walking back towards the way you came. Your head swiveling to look at Einn’s helmet curiously. _“That’s it?”_ You asked, your helmet turning back towards the direction you were initially moving in. Einn shrugged. You turned your helmet back to Grimdarr who had yet to halt. “Lieutenant.” You called. He paused, turning to look over his shoulder, his face clearly displaying how bored he was with the ordeal. You hooked a finger and pulled it back towards you in a beckoning motion. You could see him visibly huff, moving back towards the two of you and halting, his face displaying mild annoyance. “Where does this hall lead to?”

 

He shook his head, his hands crossing over his chest almost defensively. “It’s a restricted area. No one is allowed down there except for senior officers and the technicians assigned to the area.”

 

“And what is down there?” You ventured, unsure if he would know or if he did know, would he openly divulge the information. He shrugged.

 

“Something important I guess. I don’t even know…and if I did…I would not be permitted to disclose such classified information.” He looked into your helmet, almost testing you to question him further. Your helmet moved to look at Einn, both of you locking gazes behind your respective visors.

 

 _“Probe him.”_ You mentally projected. Einn’s helmet nodding, turning to look at Grimdarr, his hand coming forward and moving towards the man’s face, though his gloved appendage did not make contact with Grimdarr’s pale flesh. You watched as the man’s face shifted uncomfortably, his body attempting to turn away, your hand moving out quickly to freeze him in place as Einn shifted through his mind, looking for any clue or hint as to what could be deeper inside of the frozen planet.

 

 _“The weapon, they’re still working on it. He doesn’t know much else though.”_ Einn’s hand fell back to his side slowly, Grimdarr’s face once again flushed, beads of sweat prickling across his broad brow, his teeth easing away from a tight grit as Einn pulled away from his mind.

 

 _“Interesting. He doesn’t know what it does?”_ You questioned.

 

_“No, just a vague idea about dark energy. Something about quintessence…whatever that is.”_

 

You nodded as you released the man from the clutches of the Force, allowing him to move freely once again, watching as he doubled over, bracing himself on his knees and panting, as if he had been holding his breath the entire time. You stared at him in mild amusement, watching as he attempted to gather his composure once again. He stood back up slowly, his face still red with strain, his flabby pancake of a hand coming to wipe away at his forehead, his eyes wide, perhaps with shock. “Shall we continue Lieutenant?” You said as your hand gestured back towards the direction that he had previously been moving. He nodded and turned, walking as briskly as he could manage without moving into a full out run.

 

 _“I think we scared him.”_ Einn mused. You shrugged, not really caring if you had scared him or not.

 

The three of you moved back upwards, heading closer and closer to the surface of the planet, moving down a completely finished section of the base. Crisp white walls, integrating in sections with the natural surface of the planet. Grimdarr had been silent for the entire trip back. He halted suddenly in front of a door and returned to his rigid parade rest, his chest puffing out slightly. “Your quarters for the evening.” He said as his hand came from behind his back and gestured to the white durasteel door.

 

“Thank you Lieutenant.” You said as your hand moved to open the door, the hiss of hydraulic compression filling your ears as the door slid open with a _whoosh_. You moved inside, turning to wait for Einn, who nodded briefly at Grimdarr and entered the room, your wrist flicking slightly to close the door behind him. You turned and looked around the room, two doors flanking opposite sides of the small living area, a fold-able table set into the wall on one side to save space. You moved towards it and unlatched it from the wall, allowing it to fall and stabilize, two seats jutting from opposite side of the table, connected by a swiveling arm to the table. You found this amusing, moving a chair back and forth with your boot. Your head turning at the sound of Einn removing his helmet, and crossing to the table and placing it on top of the flat surface. Your hands moving swiftly to the latches of your own helmet and pulling it from your head, sitting it next to his on the table.

 

“This is interesting.” He muttered to himself. “I’m surprised they didn’t bunk us separately.” He mused aloud. You shrugged.

 

“I don’t see why it really matters. We’re only here for a night…right?”

 

He nodded and continued to move around the room, opening one of the doors to reveal a simple room with a single bed, a closet and a door that you assumed lead to a small refresher. You watched him as he moved to the interior door, opening it and muttering a curse.  “Karking sonic.”   

 

You huffed a laugh and removed your cloak, draping it over the edge of the small couch and began to remove your gloves, placing them on the table. You shivered, realizing that the room was much colder than you initially thought. Your eyes moving back to Einn as he moved out of the room and back into the living space once again, moving to a cabinet and opening it, rummaging through the contents and pulling out a bottle of amber liquid. Your brow quirking as he returned to his full height and sloshing the liquid inside of its decanter, watching as he opened it and took a whiff, his face crinkling slightly at the smell.   

 

“Brandy.” He mused, taking another whiff and then a swallow of the amber liquid, his eyes shutting tightly for a moment and then blinking rapidly. How he knew that it would be in the cabinet baffled you slightly, though you supposed he could have picked up the information from anyone you had encountered or perhaps even Grimdarr.

“And since when do you drink?” You asked with a raised brow, expression souring slightly.

 

“Spent some time in a cantina while we were all separated. Had something called ‘skee…looks disgusting and burns like hell, but man that was a fun night.” He smiled widely at the thought. “You want some?” He asked, holding the bottle out towards you. You shook your head.

 

“I don’t like it. I don’t like how it makes my head fuzzy.” He shrugged.

 

“That’s the best part.”  He mumbled before taking another sip and closing the bottle, placing it back into the cabinet and moving to plop next to you on the couch and sighing. “Do you think they’ll still be there?” He asked softly, causing your head to turn and look at him as he sunk further into the stiff cushions of the couch. Your brows scrunching in slight confusion. “Vier and Anim. Do you think they’ll still be there?”

 

“I don’t know. I hope they aren’t…for their own sake's.” He hummed, resting his head on the back of the couch and looking at the ceiling, exhaling through pursed lips. You continued to look at him, his eyes lazily cutting to you. “What was Beirus like?”

 

“Hot. Wet. Very green.” You mused. “It was actually kind of nice in a weird primitive sort of way.” He hummed, his eyes closing softly, you could see him slowly drifting off. “Why don’t you go to bed?” You suggested.

 

His hand rose, and flicked at you weakly in a dismissive fashion. “I will once we eat.” Shifting to sit up, rubbing his eyes, attempting to wipe any tiredness from them. “Speaking of which, let’s get something to eat.”

 

After eating the both of you retired to your separate rooms, Einn grumbling about the sonic shower once again as he closed his door. You stripped to your base layers and pulled the covers back on your bed, pulling them snugly over you and fidgeting your feet in an attempt to warm your toes. Closing your eyes and scrunching up slightly, hoping that you would warm soon, attempting to clear your mind of any thoughts and focusing on your breathing, you nodded off.

 

 

****

"So you’re telling me that we’re now getting a pilot?” Your eyes were skimming through Einn’s datapacket about your mission. He sat across from you chewing his breakfast and nodding.

 

“I’m assuming it’s because of your general inexperience with flying.” He mumbled through a mouth full of food. You shot him a glare. _Your_ inexperience with flying? Rolling your eyes softly and looking back at the datapad.

 

You took a bite of your own breakfast, chewing thoughtfully. “But why leave out any of this information in my packet?”

 

He shrugged. “Maybe because it’s not important for you to know. It’s not like you were going to be flying anyway.” He paused shoveling another bite into his mouth, your eyes moving to watch him eat. You never realized how much watching someone eat could annoy you. “Besides, wouldn’t you feel better having an actually vetted pilot flying us into a relatively uncharted area of the galaxy?”

 

Your brow raised and lips pinched slightly into something akin to saying “good point.” He openly scowled at the expression. “You said it not me.” You muttered.

 

He rolled his eyes and stabbed at his eggs, shoveling them into his mouth and chewing as he huffed through his nose. Shrugging you continued to skim through his datapacket, halting as you reached the part where Einn was to write a report about the progress on Starkiller. Your eyes glancing back at him and squinting slightly. “What?” He asked after swallowing.

 

“You need to write a report about Starkiller…but I don’t see how you’re going to be able to accurately do so without even seeing what they are actually doing to the weapon.”

 

He huffed a laugh. “Eight…I don’t need to actually _see_ anything.” He said tapping at his temple. “I’ve been probing the technicians the entire time we were taking our tour. I know where they are in their progress and what problems they have been running into.”

 

Your eyes narrowed, annoyance smearing plainly across your face. “So…probing Grimdarr was pointless…you already knew what was behind the restricted area.”

 

“I wouldn’t say pointless…but yes. I already knew. I told you. You need to start taking advantage of your own skills…you would have had no need of asking me to do anything. You would have already known.” You could feel the familiar flash of anger boiling beneath your skin. Hot and searing. His expression darkened, sensing your anger. “Ceph.” He said sternly, your upper lip twitched slightly. “I wasn’t intentionally withholding information from you. I did as you asked without question and I have been more than forthcoming about anything you have asked about.” He gestured at the datapad sitting in front of you. “You know how to do everything that I am able to do. It is up to you to use those tools. You chose not to use them and that is on you.”

 

You continued to glare at him, he was right of course but you weren’t ready to accept that. Your anger gripping you tightly, keeping you from thinking rationally. Not quite ready to smash it back down the deep well and seal it, too caught up in the intoxicating nature of the feeling. Your jaw flexing tightly, teeth gritting as you internally raged. He stood from the table and shook his head. “We’ll depart once you’ve regained control of yourself. I can’t deal with you like this.” He grabbed the datapad from the table and walked back to his room, leaving you sitting by yourself as you seethed.

 

Your eyes locked onto the tray in front of you, glaring at the remaining food. Your hands tightening into fists on either side of the tray. Hand moving and gripping the side of the tray tightly and flinging it across the room, watching as it clattered to the floor. You huffed and stood, grabbing your helmet and placing it on your head, exiting the room in a huff, the sound of Einn coming from his own room to see what the noise was.

 

You moved aimlessly down the hall, blinded by the building anger inside of you. You knew it would only get worse and yet you made no attempt to halt it. Scoffing at his words instead, allowing them to fester in your head, allowing them to crash into the waves of the surging sea inside of you. You continued to move through the hallway, moving closer and closer towards the surface of the frozen planet, coming to the doors that lead outward and onto the landing pad where your ship sat, your hand channeling the Force and sliding the still malfunctioning door open and slamming it behind you as you moved out into cold air.

 

Your hand moved to the clasps on your helmet, releasing them and pulling the hunk of duraplast and durasteel from your head. Your eyes glaring at it for a brief moment before chucking it away from you and screaming loudly into the silence. Huffing deeply, the cold of the far too crisp air stinging your lungs. Your eyes locking onto the helmet in the distance, hyper fixating onto it.

_Calm down. Focus. Control._

You froze, air gone from your lungs. You hadn’t heard that voice in so long. That soft pleading voice, no longer so soft and pleading. Firm and sure. Your own voice. Your eyes closed as you forced yourself to breathe in deeply. Infantile and utterly useless emotions, pointless anger. It served no purpose here.

 

_Weak. You’re allowing it to cloud you. Stop._

You huffed again. Breathing deeply through flared nostrils and exhaling through pursed lips. Mentally pushing the anger back, herding it into its container and shoving it harshly away from the surface. Analyzing it and seeing it for what it really was. Self-doubt. Einn was right, but you already knew that. You needed to stop shying away from the things that made you uncomfortable, you were only harming yourself by not using every skill available to you.

 

You tilted your head upward, opening your eyes and look out into the gray sky. Sealing the anger away completely and regaining composure. Tilting your head downward and casting your eyes back on your helmet and sighing, almost embarrassed by how childish you were acting. Your hand moving towards the helmet and calling it back to you, your eyes watching as it zipped through the air, chunks of frozen fluff crumbling off of it. Your fingers closing tightly around it, eyes staring into the sockets of the visor, looking into the deep dark pits.

 

Your mind moving towards thoughts of Kylo and Jana. What were they doing? Were they okay? Had things gone smoothly or were they still actively trying to battle the council? You frowned. You hadn’t released the cage from Kylo’s presence since your departure, consciously making an effort to keep his gnawing absence from affecting you. You danced around the thought of removing the enclosure, to allow yourself to feel the restless ache that resulted from your separation. You knew eventually you would slip, that it would come creeping back, just as the absence of the others had. Leaving you in a pit of despair and loneliness, left to your own devices you would allow it to consume you. You tsked.

 

You had no time for this. No time to dwell on the things that have yet to happen. Far more important matters were at hand. The Mantle of Istina was waiting for you to claim for your Master, the fate of Vier and Anim weighed on your shoulders as well. Unclasping your helmet and placing it back onto your head, closing it and turning to move back into the base.

 

Einn sat on the couch in the small living area, legs curled under him as he tapped away on the datapad, he did not turn to look at you, “Better?” He asked, eyes still fixed to the screen.

 

Your eyes moved to where the tray had been on the floor, no longer there. You frowned. “Yes.” Your voice came out softly, much softer than intended. You could hear him shuffling on the couch, your eyes fixated on where the tray had been. Perhaps Einn had cleaned it up or maybe a droid? Your head turning to look at him as he moved to stand next to you, your eyes meeting briefly.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked kindly. Your brow raising in question, though he could not see them behind the helmet, he could sense your confusion. “About why you got so angry.” You broke eye contact and returned to looking at the floor.

 

“I don’t know. I guess I was disappointed in myself, I shouldn’t be relying on others to gather the information I need.”  You muttered, your voice coming across the modulator with slight static. “It was hard to hear that.”

 

“You’ve always been so hard on yourself.” His placed a hand on your shoulder, causing you to turn and face him head on, your helmeted head rising to meet his eyes as his hands moved to the clasps on the sides of your helmet, releasing the latches and pulling the helmet from your head. His head tilting as he looked at your face. Sullen eyes, slightly sunken and red rimmed, the result of your internal struggling. He tossed your helmet to the couch where it landed with a soft thud, his arms moving to wrap around you in a hug. Your face scrunching slightly, confused by the sudden motion, your arms remained pinned to your sides, unsure if you should hug him back. He released you, sensing your discomfort, arching his back to peer into your face once again, hands moving to your shoulders once more and shifting you further away allowing him to get a better look at you. “Look. We can work on these things, figure out how to get over your discomfort. We’re going to have plenty of time to work on it while we’re on the ship…that is…if you want to.” His bushy brows raising in question.

 

“I guess.” You muttered. He smiled brightly at you, his hand coming to the top of your head and ruffling your hair, causing the tightly coiled locks to uncoil and loosen across your back and shoulders, your face scrunching in slight annoyance.

 

“That-a girl.” He beamed, his eyes squinting slightly.

 

You rolled your eyes and huffed, his hand pulling away from your head, his lips still upturned, grinning like an idiot. “Did you finish your report?” You ventured.

 

He nodded, his smile lessening as he spoke, “Yes. I need to send it in.” He turned to look at the datapad and then nodded, as if mentally confirming that he had finished. “Are you ready to go? Our pilot has been on stand-by since this morning.”

 

You shrugged. “I’m not ready to be back on the ship, but I guess I really have no choice in the matter.”

 

He nodded in understanding. “I’m not exactly looking forward to being confined to the ship for the next couple of weeks either…but like you said, we have no choice in the matter. Hopefully our pilot won’t be terrible company.”

 

****

 

 

Lieutenant Grimdarr walked ahead of you, moving back towards the malfunctioning door that lead to the landing pad where your ship awaited you. Two technicians, possibly the same from the previous day were once again elbow deep in the wall, a droid accompanying them now, chirping about something to do with a faulty ground. Grimdarr began to practically stomp as he glanced the trio at work, a new purpose in his step as he moved closer to them. Stopping and hovering over them, eyes narrowed into a glare, snub nose crinkling in distaste of the sight in front of him. “I thought this was supposed to be completed yesterday.” He hissed.

 

Einn turned his helmet to look at you, sensing his eyes on you and greeting his glance with a small tilt of your helmet. _“I don’t think I like this guy very much anymore.”_ He projected.

 

Your head straightened, shoulders tightening slightly as the smaller of the two technicians shrank back against the wall, clearly frightened of Grimdarr’s posture and tone. Eyes narrowing slightly at the sight, though making no motion to halt the man, instead you continued to watch the exchange.

 

“Sir, this whole section needs to be rewired. We are working diligently to fix the error.” The taller of the two squeaked. The droid appearing to fixate on the wall, avoiding looking at Grimdarr. This did not satisfy Grimdarr’s ire though.

 

“Work faster then.” He spat, his hand shoving the taller technician against the wall, a loud bang as their body connected to the wall. “I want this completed by the end of this cycle.” He glared between both of the technicians, his hand raising to strike if they were to question his order, causing both of them to flinch. Einn’s gloved hand was quickly wrapped around his wrist, pulling Grimdarr’s hand towards him as he moved forward.

 

“That’s enough.” His modulator hissed, towering over the shorter man, daring him to do something. You stood, watching, surprised by Einn’s action. You had never seen him do something so rash…it reminded you too much of yourself. You tsked, causing a click to emit from your modulator. Einn ignored the noise and continued to stare down Lieutenant Grimdarr, whose eyes were impossibly round, much rounder than when he was probed. True fear. “Allow them to work in peace, your constant meddling is what is keeping them from completing their task.” Grimdarr continued to stare, mouth flapping open, as if he were trying to remember how to speak. Einn shoved the man’s wrist away from him, causing him to stumble slightly.

 

He attempted to recover from his humiliation, his face flashing deep crimson, lips pinching tightly as he turned to look at the door, acting as if nothing happened. He risked a glance towards the two technicians, who were wide eyed with mouths agape, shocked. Your hand moved upward and with a soft flick you opened the door, saving both parties from further embarrassment.  Einn shoved past Grimdarr, who still stood in the doorway, frozen. You followed behind Einn, turning to glance once more behind you, catching the look of shock still on both of the technician’s faces, a smile forming on your lips.

 

Einn halted allowing for Grimdarr to catch up, you turned your helmet to look at him, slightly amused by the display of power. _“Better?”_ You mentally projected, amusement clearly evident in the tendril of thought.

 

 _“Much.”_ He continued to walk towards the ship once he was satisfied with how close Grimdarr was, trailing behind the both of you, his head down, face still burning hotly. _“I think I’m starting to understand this whole anger thing and why you like it so much.”_ You could mentally picture the smirk that was more than likely on his face.

You laughed loudly, a crackling static coming from your helmet, causing Einn to look at you, shaking his own helmet and turning to look at the ship, a dark figure standing just outside of the hold, waiting patiently for your arrival. _“Looks like our pilot is here.”_ You mentally mused _  
_

_“So it does. Let’s go say hello.”_ He picked up his pace, a thread of excitement moving through your shared bond. You turned to look back at the lieutenant and paused, holding your hand up in a halting motion.

 

“You are dismissed Lieutenant.” He halted, eyes wide in confusion. You shook your head, helmet moving with you. “Whatever you are about to argue, I suggest you don’t.” You watched as his brows furrowed tightly, still considering voicing his opinion on the matter. You lifted your dominate hand and gestured for him to move, using the Force to turn him around, once again facing the exterior of the base. He stood frozen in place, his unease evident. “Dismissed Lieutenant.”  Your voice commanding, his body tensing as he began to move stiffly back to the base. You turned to pursue Einn who now stood with the pilot.

 

Once you stood in front of the two dark figures, Einn gestured towards the black clad pilot, your face scrunching slightly as you eyed the black helmet with red flashing. Elite. What was he doing away from his TIE squadron? “This is….well he didn’t really give a name, but his call sign is E-198…so I guess we’ll call him that.”

 

“They sent a member of Special Forces to pilot us?” You asked with furrowed brows. Just exactly how dangerous was this run going to be? Einn shrugged. You turned to look back at your temporary companion, lips pinching tightly. “Ninety-eight…did they send an Elite with Vier and Anim?”

 

“Yes Ma’am. E- One seven one.” He replied mechanically. You frowned.

 

“Well…are we going to stand here talking all day or are we going to leave?” Einn asked impatiently, moving around E-198 and walking up the ramp, leaving the two of you staring at each other. E-198 stood unflinchingly. You quirked a brow and shrugged, gesturing to the ramp with a hand, E-198 nodded and moved to enter the craft, waiting for you to enter before closing the ramp and sealing the ship. You watched as he moved swiftly to the cockpit, following behind him as Einn moved to the copilot’s chair.

 

You moved to pull the additional seating from the wall, storing your helmet inside of a storage bin and returning to your seat and clasping the harness. E-198’s hands moved swiftly across the panel, pref-light check list already completed, engines primed and ready for flight. Einn turned his head to look at you, helmet sitting in his lap and giving you a thumbs up with a cheesy grin on his face. You forced a tight lipped smile and closed your eyes, resting your head against the interior of the ship, taking a deep breath as the engines came to life. Centering yourself mentally, preparing for the take off.

 

“Ceph gets flight sickness.” Einn chatted mindlessly, as if this was important for E-198 to know. He seemed to ignore Einn’s idle chattering and remained wholly focused on getting the ship off the landing pad. You smiled at this, his excited chattering filling the cabin as you and E-198 remained silent.

 

You felt the ship lift smoothly from the landing pad, thrusters positioning and igniting, lifting the ship upward and allowing E-198 to take off without the use of a runway. You forced yourself into a meditative state, focusing on your breathing as the ship accelerated out of the atmospheric pull of Starkiller base, Einn's chattering filling your ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize about this terribly lackluster chapter. I'm uninspired and I'm just trying to get to a point where I have the motivation to write again. I might take a hiatus from this for a couple of months. I'm not sure yet though....I want to try writing other things....idk...I've got this really nice Clyde Logan X reader slow burn fic brewing in my head....I might move to that and take a break from this...though I may only post that on tumblr.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Sarah. Thank you.

Chapter 31

Swim

__________________

 

 

To say the time spent on the ship was dull would be an understatement. How many more times could you play Klikklak without wanting to take a blaster bolt to the head? You sat across from Einn at a make shift table in the hold, a deck of sabacc cards sitting to one side of the crate, each of you holding your own card. You waited for his mental probe. He assured you that this would be the perfect way to grow comfortable with probing minds, but you didn’t see the point. You were far too familiar with Einn’s mental space, the bond already assured ease of access, though Einn made it as hard as possible for you to enter his mind. It wasn’t the same. For a few days the both of you toyed with the idea of forcing E-198 to play a game with you, but thought better of it. What if you harmed him somehow and then what would you both do in the middle of space?

 

The timer actively clicked as the ten minutes dwindled down. You could feel him pushing around in your head. Your thoughts suggesting imagined values towards him, hoping to throw him off of the true value of your card. He smiled at you from across the table, eyes locked onto you and nodding.

 

“Maker you’re so terrible at this.” He teased.

 

“Maybe I’m just tired of playing this karking game with you.” You snapped.

 

“What else are you going to do? Sit around and look out into space?” He smirked.

 

Your face contorted as a sharp pain hit you in the right temple. His mental probe growing more aggressive, your walls slipping as he continued to agitate you. “Ow you kreetle!” You yelled in surprise of the sharp jolt, he only laughed, clutching his stomach and falling backward, hand slapping the durasteel floor. “Are you trying to give me a migraine?” You huffed, watching him as he chuckled and moved back to sitting up right.

 

“Oh man….I know the time isn’t even up yet but…oh…I’m gunna say Neg two.” He said through small huffing laughs.  

 

You squinted at him, brows scrunched tightly. “Wrong.” Your voice was flat. “And you need to stay out of the brandy.” At first you hadn’t realized that he had taken the brandy…until one evening you found him in the refresher stealing sips from the decanter like a child who didn’t want to get caught. You didn’t waste the time berating him, you knew why he had taken it. His mind had been buzzing with anxiety. Worried about your comrades and their possible fates. If the brandy helped ease his mind who were you to take it away from him?

 

He frowned, “I’m not wrong. It’s neg two, you have the Queen of Air and Darkness.” He leaned forward hand reaching outward and pushing your hand downward, allowing him to look at the card. His brows scrunched at the sight, huffing loudly as he glanced at the face card in your hand. Endurance. Neg eight.

 

“Stop drinking so much and you would have probably gotten it right.” You smirked, causing him to only roll his eyes. You actively wondered how much brandy was even left in the container.

 

“Maybe…I wanted you to be able to win for once.” He grunted, leaning back onto his hands and sighing flippantly.

 

“You’re a terrible liar.” You said as you stood, stretching absently and looking around the hold, boredom creeping back in. “I’m going to go check on Ninety-eight.”

 

“I don’t know why. He’s probably not even going to answer you.” He huffed. Clearly annoyed with lack of communication between the two of them. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, he tried for a good two weeks to get the man to open up, but Ninety-eight wasn’t budging. You shrugged and moved back towards the cockpit, where Ninety-eight camped out. He only left his station to use the small refresher, at which point he would notify Einn to watch the controls, always instructing him of the plotted course and not to touch anything unless it was an emergency, to which Einn would huff and sit and stare longingly at the yolk of the ship as you blazed through hyperspace.

 

“Ninety-eight?” You asked as you moved into the cockpit, standing behind the pilot chair where he sat, his helmet shifting to look over his shoulder to look at you.

 

“Ma’am?”

 

“Do you need a break…or anything?” You asked.

 

“No ma’am.” E-198 perked up in his chair, shifting slightly and checking the navicom, ensuring that you were still heading in the correct direction. Probably dozing before you entered the cockpit and woke him fully. You wondered how he wasn’t going stir crazy in the ship, speaking only when spoken to and always keeping his helmet on his head unless he was taking a meal, which he took alone in the cockpit. You wondered what the face under the helmet looked like, causing your head to tilt slightly. You moved to sit in the copilot’s chair, eyes focusing out of the dimmed shield as streaks of light blurred past.

 

“What’s it like…flying?” You asked absently, still focusing on the blurred lights.

 

“It is neither enjoyable nor deplorable.” He said stiffly, the noncom projecting his voice.

 

“You never get nervous?” You questioned, shifting your eyes to look at him. He shifted slightly, as if he was pondering the question, unsure if he should answer.

 

“No Ma’am.” His voice as flat as possible, attempting to cover any emotion or thought that could be conveyed from his tone.

 

“Would you like for me to leave you alone?” You asked. His helmet turned to fully look at you this time, considering your words. Not a command, instead asking him what he wanted, maybe for the first time in his life considering his wishes outside of eating or rest.

 

“No ma’am.” His helmet turned to look forward once again, both of you sitting in silence, though not uncomfortably so.

 

“It still amazes me…the sheer size of things. All these stars…these solar systems blazing by us…infinite specs.” You leaned back into the chair, curling your legs under you and relaxing. “Makes everything seem so insignificant in the scheme of the galaxy.” You smiled to yourself, eyes closing softly as your head tilted back onto the head rest.

 

“Ma’am, do you need to be checked for space madness?” He asked seriously, causing you to huff a laugh.

 

“No…maybe. We’ve been in here for weeks now…if I have to play one more game of Klikklak with Einn…I might throw myself out the airlock.” You yawned, opening bleary eyes and stretching your arms above your head. “Just really want to get off of this ship and feel the ground beneath my feet.” You mused.

 

“Master Einn seems to share your sentiment.”

 

You turned to face him once again, his head still facing front, not bothering to look at you. “I think he is anxious to see what has happened to our comrades.” You muttered.

 

“Are you not?”

 

Your lips pinched in thought. You were, though you hoped not to find out. You hoped that they were gone or dead. “No.” Your voice fell flat, standing from the chair suddenly and sighing. “Are you sure you don’t need anything?” You asked. He shook his head.

 

“No ma’am.”

 

 

 

****

 

 _“Where is she?”_   _If the modulator had not been processing his voice it would have sounded strained and worried. Anxiety from the separation coursing through him, seeping into every cell of his body._

_“Not here. They’ve been gone for weeks now.” His eyes flitted over to the stout muscular form of his fellow knight. Nove, her dirty blonde locks pulled away from her face, a large scar around her mouth that had not been there previously. The flesh freshly knitted back together, red and jagged across her umber skin. She wore it proudly, making no effort to hide it. He would ask her about it later._

_“Einn is with her. She’ll be fine.” The deep baritone of Marun’s voice echoing in his helmet, bounding off of the interior and finding his ears, it did not ease his worry. He looked around, helmet shifting, hoping that she would come from around the corner, back and there to stay. She did not. His heart thudded painfully in his chest._

_“Do you know when they will return or where they went?” He asked though he knew they didn’t know the answer to either one of those questions. None of them would be privy to that information, not even him. Even if he knew he wouldn’t be able to pursue, his attention would be needed elsewhere soon enough. He watched as they shook their heads, their connection to him cluing them in on his desperation. He needed to collect himself, he could not continue to appear weak in front of them._

_“I have a feeling they are going after Anim and Vier. They have yet to return and none of us have heard from them.” Zece shifted uncomfortably from his perched position a top of a jumping platform used to train, allowing his legs to move over the edge of the metal box and butt against it, a soft thud filling the silent private training room. His brows furrowed deeply, eyes shifting restlessly. Anim and Vier were missing? How had he not been notified about this?_

_“When was their last transmission sent?” It was a long shot, but maybe one of them knew._

_“Over two months ago.” Marun answered glumly, his thick arms crossing over his large chest, head tilting downward. Clearly upset. “Einn gathered this information from the crew members…we were not supposed to know of their disappearance.” He admitted._

_His upper lip twitched behind the helmet, agitation at being kept in the dark about too much. Though he told himself he understood the need for secrecy. If any of them were to somehow come under capture and interrogated the less information they knew the better. But that was all a very unlikely scenario. No one in the galaxy existed anymore that could perform a mental probe…not any that were not on the same side of the silent war. His mind wondered to thoughts of his old Master. Luke. He would know how to do it, but he was missing, no sign of him had been found in the known galaxy, every corner was actively being searched…by both sides of the divide. A pang of regret coursing through him suddenly. He shouldn’t have gotten distracted by his feelings for him. Old attachments still resonated deeply within him, clinging stubbornly, no matter how hard he tried to shake them. The Next time they met…he would **have** to end him, severing the ties once and for all. Free from the tethers of his former self. The transmutation to Kylo Ren would be complete...or near enough.  He knew he was still in the chrysalis, still changing and forming, growing stronger everyday with every action. His chest rose and fell swiftly, a harsh exhale emitting over the modulator with sharp static. “Continue your training, I will be in contact shortly.” He needed to be alone. They nodded at him glumly, they felt the absence of their fellow knights just as he did._

_He turned and left them, moving back to his quarters. His chest growing tightly with emotion. He knew where he would go, where his feet would lead him, and he would not fight it. He could only hope that there would still be traces of her there, untouched by the cleaning droids. He entered the lift, standing and waiting for the doors to close, impatient. The lift lurched upward, bringing him closer to the pieces of her. The doors opened with a mechanical whoosh, allowing him to step forward and into the hall, the sound of his boots clanking harshly onto the durasteel floor, closer and closer. He could see her door, next to his, he punched in her code, it would be logged, but he did not care. He moved into the room quickly, turning to watch as the door closed, gloved hands moving to the latches on his helmet. She would not like for him to wear it in here. She hated it. He pulled it away from him, his face exposed to the empty room, almond shaped eyes searching uselessly. He knew she would not be here, but he looked anyway._

_His eyes locking onto the closet, legs moving before he could consciously make the effort, tossing his helmet to the bed as he grew closer, hand moving to open it and eyes peering inside. Her clothing hanging undistrubed, things she would not need on the current mission. A clue…though an insignificant one. She had no use of the pretty dresses where she was. Her armor missing. His hand pushing the clothing piece by piece, halting on the rich delicate and ornate black fabric she had worn on Beirus. He moved his hand hastily to his mouth, using his teeth to pull the glove off of his hand, allowing him to fully feel the swirling stitched shapes on the delicate silk. His gloved hand coming to his mouth to pull the glove away, clutching it tightly as he sighed, his full lips pinching tightly and shifting into a frown, his mind tracing backwards in time, recalling the last thing he had spoken to her._

_“Be careful.”_

_His eyes closed, full of regret. He should have said more. He had wanted to…but had thought better of it. What if she didn’t return? His lip trembled, deep pools of dark hazel glazing over with the welling of tears. He was already mourning her though she was not dead, only away. He shook his head, growing angry with himself and tightly gripping the fabric in his hand. Staring at it for a long moment and slowly pulling it towards his face and inhaling her scent deeply, the slight trace of her filling his nostrils. The smell of dirt and moss, the smell of her skin when it grew hot. Faint but there. His jaw flexed tightly, teeth skimming across each other as he released the fabric. Taking another moment to stare at it, a scowl forming on his face. She wasn’t meant to be away from him. The Supreme Leader had told both of them that, her punishment for not completing the annihilation of the Jedi. At least she saw it as punishment, he was more than content to be by her side and her by his. But at these distances, the bond they shared, the intense emotional connection… was only a hindrance. Too far away to be of any benefit. He wondered how she was dealing with it…though he knew she would keep it strained, she must, but he wondered if she felt as hollow as he did._

_He swallowed thickly, turning away from the closet after closing it, peering down on the bed that they had shared, their limbs tangled like vines, snuffing out any physical and emotional distance during their waking hours. It was where he was most content lately. She opened herself fully to him during those hours when they both slept. Allowing him to meld with her completely, the constant cycle of feed and fed. Her thoughts…her memories….the very essence of her enveloped him like the warm waters of a lake during the summer months. He felt at home there. He deeply regretted not going to her the night before she left, far too caught in his own feelings…his anger to go to her._

_A tear trickled down his angled cheek, his teeth gritting tightly, ashamed and agitated. Lonely. He turned away from the bed and moved quickly to the door, his hand calling his helmet and tucking it under his arm, opening the door and moving to his quarters, closing the door behind him and angrily tossing his helmet against the wall. His chest rose and fell in rapid succession. He fought the urge to wreck everything in his sight. This was all Snoke’s fault, they should have never been separated. How could he do this to him? To her? His hand was on his saber before he could even stop himself. Igniting the bright red crackling blade, his powerful arms swinging in a down stroke, slicing the table in two, the loud clattering of the duraplast hitting the durasteel floor filling his ears. His blade spit and hissed, reflecting the anger that he felt perfectly. He hacked until it left him huffing. His eyes staring wildly at the damage, almost in shock of how out of control he had become. What would she think of this outburst? Would she understand? They were so similar, two conjoined pieces moving in unison, keeping each other in constant check. He continued to stare absently at the destroyed table, melted duraplast rapidly cooling. The hum of his saber filling his ears, he deactivated the blade, ceasing the crackling hiss. She would understand. She would understand more than anyone. The hollow ache, the gnawing emptiness, the restlessness. The loneliness._

_He turned away from what once was a table, moving slowly to the bedroom and fixating on the bed. She had been here too. Everything reminded him of her. He sat on the edge of the bed, long legs bracing his elbows as he braced his head with his large hands. Everything felt as if it was spiraling. Anim and Vier were missing, Einn and Ceph were gone…far enough away that he could not actively feel her without straining himself to exhaustion. He wanted answers. Wanted to know what they were after, what was so important to cause her to be extracted from their mission. He chewed the inside of his cheek, brows furrowing tightly. He lifted his head, the rough flesh of his fingers dragging across his skin, his eyes were rimmed with red, hot and tired. He needed to speak to someone. He stood abruptly from the bed and moved out of the bedroom, moving towards the smaller room and opened the door, his eyes locking onto the hunk of melted duraplast and durasteel. Charred blackness and melted sockets peering at him._

_“Grandfather.”_

****

Your eyes shifted restlessly behind your lids, sleep growing shallower, something flashing, something loud and beeping. A hand shook you tightly, panic felt through the contact. A mumbling voice, loud, panicked. Your eyes snapped open, flashing red lights filling your vision. The blare of the alarm filling your ears, your eyes moving rapidly, assessing everything as your brain tried to make sense of the current state of the ship. Another violent shake of your shoulders, hauling you upward, eyes moving to the owner. Einn, his mouth moving but you couldn’t make sense of the words. Too fast. Too tired. He lifted you, pulling you from the cot you were sleeping on, urging you towards something. Your brows furrowed, your brain was still trying to process, everything was happening to fast.

 

“CEPH!” He yelled. You blinked rapidly, your name ringing in your ears. The blaring dimming and moving to the background of your hearing. Finally able to focus on his voice.

 

“What’s going on?” You asked, your eyes going wild as you realized that he was moving you towards the cockpit and sitting you into a chair, his hand fumbling with the harness.

 

“Ion storm. Came out of nowhere.” He said quickly, fingers snapping the clasps together and moving back to the copilot seat to aid E-198. Your head turning to watch them as their hands moved quickly across the navicom and the dash. “Can we make planet fall?”

 

“We can, but it’ll be risky. It will be difficult with your inexperience.” E-198’s noncom projected a calm voice, he seemed unaffected, though you could feel his nervous energy radiating towards you.

 

“We don’t have time for that right now. We need to get out of this storm.” Einn’s hands moved to point at something on a screen, the [transparisteel](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Transparisteel/Legends) dimmed, hiding the flashes of cyan colored light from your view. “That’s where we need to go anyway.” He said firmly. E-198’s helmet shifted to glance at him.

 

“We’re on the wrong side, if we enter here we’ll be wasting fuel to reach our destination. We may not have enough to return to base.”

 

The ship rumbled, a bright flash breeching the dark transparisteel, a faint glow filling the cockpit. You closed your eyes tightly. Fear gripping you as another violent shake of the ship occurred.

 

“We can’t continue to sit here in the middle of this storm. Make preparations to breach atmosphere, we’ll deal with everything else once we land.”  Einn’s voice was firm, commanding E-198 to do what he did not want to do.

 

“Yes Sir.” He said flatly, his hand moving deftly across the panel and then reaching once again to the yolk, gloved hands griping it tightly as he moved the ship. “Lower the opaque on the transparisteel, I’m going to have to rely on my vision and not just the predictors.”  You peaked over towards Einn, watching as he fiddled with something, flashes of bright cyan plasma filling your vision. Your eyes closing tightly once again. The ship lurched forward zipping towards the brown and blue planet below, predictors alarming, E-198 moving the yolk with lightning precision, attempting to avoid any strikes from the ion storm. Your hands gripping tightly onto the edges of the chair. Your stomach lurching, tightening, mouthwatering, too much to swallow. You panted, chest rising in quick rushed breaths, trying to control yourself. The ship rocked violently, the red blaring lights flashing once, then twice, then off. The sound of the engine gone. Your eyes growing wide as the realization hit.

 

You turned, moving your head to the side, vomit leaving you, acrid bile filing your mouth. The sound of the wet slap on the durasteel floor filling the eerily silent cockpit. You coughed, stomach heaving. The feeling of the ship still moving downward, caught in the gravitational pull of the planet, moving faster and faster towards it. E-198 and Einn talked quickly, you could feel hands moving on your harness once again, Einn lurched and swayed with the ship. Your body shook, anxiety taking full effect. “No.” You said softly. He shook his head, tugging you upward out of the chair. “No.” You knew where he was leading you. The single escape pod, room enough for one. Your hands gripped around his arms tightly, halting him. “Together.”

 

He huffed and allowed you to stand on your own, your body adjusting to the sharp angle of the ship. “Get back in your chair, strap in and brace yourself.” He instructed quickly. You moved with as much swiftness as you could, hands moving more surely than you would have imagined possible considering the situation. “Ninety-eight? What’s the probability of us making land fall?” He asked. E-198 pulled tightly on the yolk, feet moving the pedals shifting the rudders and hoping to slow the free fall.

 

“Not good. Prepare for water entry.”  You glanced to Einn, eyes wide in panic.

 

 _“Hey. We’re going to be okay.”_ He projected with a forced smile. You needed to vomit again, your heart clenching tightly in your chest, the surface of the planet growing ever closer. Dark turbulent waves below, specs of dark brown land dotting the edges. Your heart was beating quickly, far too fast, your head growing light. You could smell something, burning, your head turning to look back outside of the cockpit, smoke filling the hold, electrical. Your head turning back and locking onto the transparisteel, helpless.

 

 _“Einn. I’m scared.”_  You projected.

 

 _“Me too.”_ He confided, his head glued to the same sight you were looking at. You could see white caps now, small and dotting the black water. The sky a intense violet hue. Your head bobbed, blood pressure dangerously high, your lungs filling with too little air and far too much smoke.

 

“Brace yourself.” E-198 called. You closed your eyes tightly, hand moving to your saber, holding it tightly, the contents of the hold tumbled loosely, the makeshift table crashing into the doorway. Your head snapped swiftly.

 

Empact.

 

Your eyes opened, the searing in your lungs overwhelming, mouth opening to take in nothing but water. You thrashed violently. Darkness surrounding you, your hands moving to grip on your harness, still sitting in your chair, the ship gone, floating in an endless sea. Your eyes squeezed tightly, burning, your hands finally releasing the latch on the seat, legs moving and kicking it away from you, starved of oxygen.  You kicked hard, trying to move upward, instinct kicking in, you were not a strong swimmer you realized. Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen and light headed tightness, temples pounding, blood rushing to bring what little oxygen was left to your straining muscles. Your vision growing dim, a plume of small bubbles surrounding you. Falling back into the darkness below.

 

You had been here before. You saw this before.

 

_You floated in the darkness, eyes opening slowly, blinking and focusing. A soft tugging, pulling you further downward. You breathed softly, air finding your lungs, not that you needed it here. You needed nothing. Your body curled inward, tucking tightly into itself, comfort washing over you._

_“Join us.” A harmony of soft pleading voices further below called to you. Your eyes closing as the feeling of several tiny hands gripped at your body, pulling you faster towards them. You wanted to join them, the urge overwhelming you, overriding any sense of wanting to resist the gentle tug._

_“Not yet.” Her voice filled your ears, causing your eyes to snap open. “Not yet. Fight.” Your body uncurled, legs stretching outward, arms moving, fingers moving across your body, feeling the tiny hands that pulled you further into the growing darkness. Your eyes peering upward, blue light growing in brightness the further away you looked. The urge to reach it filling you. You didn’t belong here. Not yet. You flinched, jerking your body away from the hands, they only gripped you tighter. You thrashed frantically, up righting yourself in the weightless atmosphere. The hands did not relent. Yanking you now. You pried them away from you, attempting to use the Force in the space but finding it of no use._

_“Do not fight. Join us.” They hummed._

_You kicked your legs, spinning and battering the hands away from you, they fell away only to be replaced with more, transparent and luminous in color, but tangible and strong. You looked upward again, hopelessness filling you though you continued to fight against them. Your body was tired, moving at an increasingly sluggish speed. You sighed softly, hand moving upward reaching for the light above you. Your eyes closing once again. You couldn’t fight it. You needed to accept that._

_A hand gripped yours tightly, yanking you upward. Your eyes opening quickly._

_“Come on. Come back.”_

_Einn. Your gripped his hand tightly, legs kicking once again even though you were exhausted. He pulled you upward into the bright blue hued light._

Your eyes opened as you gasped, body jolting upward and sputtering coughs leaving your mouth, liquid expelling from your lungs. Your vision was blurry as long arms wrapped around you tightly, crushing you almost. You coughed forcing the arms to release you. Your vision focusing on the darkness above you, the dotting of light peeking through slow moving clouds. You exhaled deeply. Relief washing over you. No longer in the dark place with the hands. You blinked and moved your eyes to look at his face in the dim lighting. The wet glare of tears streaming down his cheeks, a goofy grin on his face.

 

“I almost gave up.”  He croaked. “I thought you were gone.”

 

“Sorry to disappoint.” You whispered, a weak smile coming to your face. A searing pain on your head causing your eyes to close, your hand moving to touch at the burning flesh, finding oozing and caked crumbling blood on your head, wincing as you touched the gashed flesh. His hand quickly grabbed your own, pulling it away from the wound.

 

“I guess you hit your head on something when we crashed.” He looked around turning to focus on something. “She’s awake.” He called over his shoulder. You could hear rustling on hard packed ground, a figure moving closer. E-198. Helmetless. You peered at his face for a moment, taking in his features. Young, too young. Skin the color of freshly brewed caf, eyes bright blue, face angled, hair cropped closely to his scalp. He crouched and peered into your face, turning your head every which way, watching as your eyes tried to remain focused on his face.

“We’ll have to wait until light to see how bad her head wound is.” He said dryly.

 

Einn nodded. “You couldn’t find anything from the ship?” He asked.

 

“No, it’s too dark. We’ll have to wait until light.” His head was tilted upward, looking at the sky. “Not that we know when that will be returning. Could be hours…could be days.” His voice sounded unsure.

 

You shifted, a single eye closing as you moved to sit up further, Einn’s hand halting you. Your face scrunching in annoyance. “Relax. We’re going to stay here until the sun comes back around. No sense in moving around too much just yet.”

 

“Do we even know where we landed?” You asked.

 

Einn shook his head. “No…not yet. But we’ll figure it out.”

 

“And you’ve sensed nothing from Anim or Vier?” You asked. He froze slightly and sighed.

 

“No. Nothing.” You sighed in relief. Good news for now. “You should rest.” He said looking away from you once again, eyes scanning out in the darkness. “We’ll keep watch in shifts.” You nodded, leaning back onto your elbows and easing back onto the hard compact dirt. Your hand reaching to your side, searching for your saber, heart thudding suddenly, it was gone. “I have it.” Einn’s voice sounded, causing you to relax. “Its water logged. We won’t be getting much use out of them until we can get inside of them or until they dry out.” He said flatly.

 

You huffed. That wasn’t good, but there wasn’t much you could do currently. Resigning yourself to laying back down, fear creeping back in, scared to close your eyes for too long. What if this was all a dream? What if you were still in the dark place? Einn shifted beside you, lying next to you, you could feel the heat from his body radiating outward. He shifted closer, wrapping an arm around you protectively. Your body stiffened under his arm.

 

“Relax, you’re still wet and your body temperature is going to drop once you go to sleep. If you get sick we’re karked.” He mumbled. You relaxed slightly, though still uncomfortable with the situation. Never had either of you been this intimate while sleeping, not that it was that big of a deal, it just felt weird. You would say unnecessary, but he was right, your body temperature would drop dramatically when you reached R.E.M. You would be thankful for the extra heat when you woke. You were still hesitant to close your eyes though, fearful that you would be sucked back into the dark place to never return. Stuck floating in the black limbo as the tiny hands drug you deeper into the darkness. You shifted slightly under Einn’s arm, huffing softly. “Hey.” He whispered. You hummed softly, brows furrowing deeply. “You’re here. This is real.” His arm moved, allowing his hand to move to your arm, fingers pinching at the softer flesh near your armpit, causing you to jolt slightly. “See. Real. Now go to sleep.” He grumbled, clearly tired.

 

You didn’t protest, closing your eyes softly, still slightly fearful of what would happen once you fully drifted off to sleep. But you were tired, impossibly tired, too tired to continue to fight the urge to sleep. Einn’s warmth seeping into your bones and comforting you in a way that you never would have imagined possible.

 

 

****

 

You opened your eyes, Einn rocking you gently, the light peaking in the sky, your body impossibly stiff from sleeping on the hard ground. “Hey, the sun is coming up…I think.” He said, his head turning to look up at the sky, you could see the deepened marks under his eyes indicating a rough night of sleep. You forced yourself upward, slowly moving your aching body and shifting to sit, looking at the faint pink light.

 

“How long have you been up?” You asked with a hoarse voice, you needed water badly.

 

He turned to look at you once more and shrugged. “A while. Ninety-eight needed to get some sleep.” He reached a hand out for you, taking it and allowing him to pull you up, grunting lowly as your muscles strained, suddenly light headed from the movement. Clutching your head as Einn braced you. “You okay?” He asked.

 

“Yeah, just light headed.” You mumbled. His free hand reached out, cupping your chin and shifting your head, allowing him to look at the gash on your head. He released your face, clearly satisfied with the wound, perhaps it wasn’t as terrible as he initially thought?

 

“I’m going to let Ninety-eight sleep a bit more, but we need to get moving soon. See if we can scavenge anything from the ship.” He muttered, once again turning his eyes away from you, peering out at the dark water not too far from where you had made a makeshift camp.

 

“It’s underwater though.” You muttered, causing his head to turn, a faint smile coming to his lips.

 

“Like that’s going to stop us.” He smiled. Your brows furrowing in confusion.

 

“I don’t like that look on your face.”

 

He shrugged and pulled his remaining hand away from you, allowing you to stand on your own. Your face twisting in pain as you moved, your body protesting your movements. “Stretch out, we have a long day ahead of us.” He said as he moved away from you and moved towards the bank, standing at the edge and peering into the water.

 

You took the time to stretch, slowly moving the muscles in your body, willing them to loosen and hoping that the ache would subside once you began to move around a bit more. Walking to join Einn on the bank and peering into the dark water, brows furrowing as you tried to understand his plan of action, watching as the water lapped at the shore.

 

“We got lucky.” He said absently, still staring out into the water. “Ninety-eight is one hell of a pilot.” He huffed a soft laugh, his shoulders moving slightly with the noise. His arm raising and pointing outward, “We crashed in that area over there I think. See the bubbles?” You followed where he was pointing, eyes straining to see the bubble he was speaking of, not seeing them immediately and frowning. A small plume raising to the surface slowly and then stopping.

 

“Yeah, but what do you want to do about it?” You asked.

 

“Either we pull the wreckage up…or I can swim out and see what I can pull up.” He mused. You turned to look at him, confusion plainly on your face. Mouth opening slightly, finding the words would not come, mouth closing once again, head turning to look back out onto the dark water.  “Where I come from, swimming is the first thing you learn how to do…well that and flying…and I guess walking but I think in most cases the swimming comes first.”

 

“Where is that exactly?” You asked, turning to look at him once again.

 

A faint smile coming to his lips now, pride in his home planet evident. “Pamarthe.”

 

“What was it like?” You asked softly, a tightening in your chest suddenly, jealousy.

 

“Vast oceans, rope bridges connecting rock islands. It’s…it’s fuzzy but I remember it….a bit. I remember swimming a lot. The other kids liked to push each other off of the lower bridges for fun.” He smiled broadly, no hint of remorse only fondness of the memories. “That and the pilots. I remember looking up to them…everyone was so proud of them.” He turned to look at you, smile fading as he considered your expression. “You’ll remember one day and when that happens you can tell me all about your home world.” He smiled at you kindly. A weak smile coming to your lips in return. Nodding slowly and turning back to look out at the ocean in front of you. The sound of boot fall on loose earth causing the both of you to peer behind you, Ninety-eight rubbed his eyes and blinked as he approached the both of you. “Ah, I was just about to have Ceph wake you.” He said casually. “Did you get enough rest?” He asked.

 

Ninety-eight shrugged, “Enough for now. What’s the plan?’ He asked as he moved to stand on the opposite side of Einn, peering out ahead.

 

“I was just telling Ceph that I can either swim out to see what I can recover from the craft or she and I can attempt to pull it up.” Einn mused.

 

“Are you sure it’s safe to swim out that far, we got lucky last night, who knows what’s lurking in that water.” He said scratching at the back of his closely cropped hair.

 

Einn shrugged, “Not like we have much of a choice in the matter. Ceph isn’t the best swimmer and you barely made it to shore by yourself last night.” He turned to look at Ninety-eight, “I’m not sure if I want her straining too hard to pull the wreckage up, not that I doubt that she couldn’t do it with the both of us working together, I’m just worried about her head wound.” He said as if you weren’t standing right there. You scowled openly.

 

“I can do it.” You said curtly.

 

His head turning to look at you in slight consideration, shaking his head slowly. “Let me see if there is anything worth dredging up, than we can discuss bringing anything up.” He said in an attempt to placate you.

 

You huffed loudly, “Ninety-eight is right, what if there’s something out there that we don’t know about. As you said neither of us are strong swimmers, we won’t be able to help you.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” He turned away from the shore line and began to pull his boots off, setting the foot ware to the side and moved to pull his tightly fitted top away, unlacing the neck before pulling it over his head. You watched him, scowl still on your face. “It’s going to be fine Ceph.” He said moving to strip away his bottoms, leaving him in his compression shorts. A pile of clothing sitting on the compact dirt just shy of the looser sand of the shore. He walked to the edge of the water, toeing the lapping waves, allowing the water to wash over his bare feet. “Shit this is cold.” He muttered, causing you to roll your eyes.

 

You watched as he walked further out into the water, allowing it to pass to his hips, huffing as the coldness enfolded him. “I don’t remember it being this cold last night.” He called. He stood for a moment allowing the slow moving waves to lap at his skin, splashing against his body lazily. “Alright, keep your mind open, I’m going in.” He called one last time before plunging head first into the water, disappearing from view for the moment. Your brows creasing deeply.

 

 _“You better come back.”_ You mentally projected.

 

 _“I will.”_ He replied.

 

You watched as he breached the surface of the black water, head peeking out further away, moving towards where he had pointed earlier and then diving back down. Gone from your sight once again, you mentally kept the connection between you wide open, moving to sit on the bank further away from the lapping waves. Closing your eyes and mentally peering through the open connection within the Force.

 

_His eyes scanned in the darkness, searching for any hint of light remaining from the ship. His mind quickly processing the fact that there would be no light remaining. The ship had been struck with plasma lightening, engines zapped and fried. His legs kicked, moving him further downward, searching for anything, but finding nothing._

_He turned, closing his eyes, drifting in the water, tuning into the Force, searching for something, anything that could clue him into the location of the wreckage. Searching for any hint of you or him that lingered. His lungs starting to burn, he fought against the urge to breach for air, kicking his legs and circling his arms, holding his position in the darkness._

_Eyes opening suddenly and peering outward once again, locking onto something, guided by something urging him to move forward and down. Diving further, hands coming to rest on metal, jagged and rough under his hands. He kicked upward, moving back to the surface, coming up for a breath, eyes peering back towards the shore, seeing you._

Your mind snapped away from the shared vision, pushed out suddenly. Your brows furrowed as you lurched forward, moving quickly to the shore line where Ninety-eight still stood peering out. His head turning to look at you in confusion. You shook your head. You made no motion to explain your sudden appearance or the expression on your face, only stared at Einn in the distance.

 

****

 

He floated in the water, his mind forcing you out, he didn’t want you to know. Eyes shifting to the blue tinged young woman that seemed to merely be standing in the water, totally unaffected by the dark liquid that surrounded her, she peered at him in slight consideration.

 

 _“She’s going to know something is up.”_ She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I can’t risk her knowing. I don’t know what she’d do.”

 

 _“There are things that she keeps from you and the others as well.”_ She said knowingly. He peered at her, a bushy brow raising in slight question at her vague suggestion. She shook her head.  _“You need to hurry, there are things in this water that are more than eager to make you their next meal.”_ She said as her eyes shifted out on the horizon.

 

“Right.” He huffed, eyes peering in the same direction that she was looking in and then moving to look at the slowly rippling water. “Can you guide me, I can’t see down there and I have nothing to connect to in order to find what I’m looking for.” He said, eyebrows arching in question, pleading his spectral companion.

 

 _“I believe she keeps a flashlight in one of her pouches, I can help guide you to it, but that’s about it. It’s very straining to manifest out here.”_ She said, head tilting to look down at the water. He nodded. _“Relax your breathing, meditate on it before going under, you have a high lung capacity but if something happens and you get trapped…no one will be able to save you.”_ He nodded, brows furrowing. He didn’t want to think about the possibility, but he was glad that she reiterated it, grounding him and forcing him to focus. _“Einn?”_

He cocked his head to the side slightly, “Yeah?”

 

_“Don’t die. Remember….we have very important things to do…we must not fail here.”_

 

He nodded. Exhaling deeply. “Right.” Taking a deep breath and exhaling, cycling his breathing, regulating and stretching his lung capacity like he was taught to when younger. Using the Force to further calm him, slowing his heart beat, continuing to cycle through his breathing. Taking a final breath and plunging under. His eyes opening in the slightly saline water and peering out into the darkness once again, subtle burning of his eyes, blinking to adjust to the water once again. He shifting his body, lanky legs and arms moving to propel him into the seemingly bottomless abyss.

 

 _“Go straight down, use her signature, it will be faint but I believe there is something else of importance to her in the same luggage compartment.”_  He did not reply, not wanting to waste the energy on it, swimming downward further until she halted him. _“The opening should be near you, focus.”_ He wanted to ask how she knew all of this but knew he would get no straight answer.

 

Instead he focused on your signature, feeling the initial pull to you back at the shore but quickly moving away from it. He would need to focus more intently, ignoring the original signature and looking for something far fainter. He screwed his eyes tightly shut, head beginning to pulse slightly, straining to find what she was telling him to look for.

 

What he found was not just your signature, but something else entwined with it. Lighter, airy in a sense compared to your heavy signature. An innocence he had not felt for a long while. Twelve. He swam towards it, thumping into debris and trying to right himself, hands now pulling him through the broken hull of the ship, the mixed signature pulling him towards the location of the storage bin, holding all of your belongings and his. His lung starting to strain, urging him to move quickly and return to the surface. His hand slid across a rather jagged area, burning his palm, slicing the skin, salt in the water further burning him. He ignored it, his face contorting into a wince, ignoring the urge to pull his hand back towards him and continuing through the wreckage.

 

 _“There. Stop.”_ She instructed suddenly, her presence lingering though growing faint with time. He fumbled blindly, feeling for the latch and finding it. Tugging in one direction and then another, the feeling of moving bubbles breaching the new opening and flooding around his face. He moved his uninjured hand outward, palm open and actively feeling for the mixed signatures. Pulling your bag out ward and slinging the strap around his torso, searching for the duraplast piece that slid and made the strap snugger. Finding it and cinching it closely to his body. Lungs actively searing now. He needed to move quickly but carefully. 

 

He turned, feeling his way back outward, using your signature to lead him out, focusing on your location and using it as a point of reference. He would return back to the ship in a moment, he needed air and quickly. His legs kicked as he finally exited the hull, hands shooting outward and upward, ensuring that he was actually out of the ship and then kicking as hard as he could. Head pounding, chest burning and heart beginning to race. Just a bit more. So close. He could see light above him the surface just feet away. His legs kicked harder, a new form of urgency arising in him.

 

He breeched the surface with a gasp. Panting loudly, pulling his hand up and inspecting the gash that lined the center of his palm. Wincing at the sight of it. “Fuck.” He mumbled. He could feel your mental tendril searching for an entrance, touching briefly, asking permission before prying. He looked around, still panting, searching for his invisible companion and not finding her. He allowed your mental presence to meld with his own once again.

 

 _“Why did you shut me out?”_ You asked, clearly agitated.

 

 _“I needed to focus, couldn’t do it with you tagging along and distracting me.”_ A lie that he hoped you wouldn’t sense, thankful that you weren’t better at probing, or you would have more than likely picked up on the lie before he had even finished forming the thought.

 

 _“What did you find?”_ You asked, glossing over his statement.

 

 _“Found our luggage, needed to get your flashlight. Sliced the kriff out of my hand though.”_ He kept the information short, not wanting to raise too many questions, his breathing starting to even out once again.

 

 _“Are you okay?”_ A hint of worry in your mental tone. Something he still wasn’t completely used to, it still caught him off guard at times. He could feel the old suspicions rising at your worry, but quickly pushed them away. His shadowy companion had stressed to him time and time again that he needed to be more accepting of your new and sudden interests and cares. Things were changing, but they were delicate, on the edge of teetering, one wrong move and you could tip and tumble down the wrong side. You were crucial, she had stressed that.

 

 _“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Look I need to get back down there.”_ His head tilted upward, looking at the almost fuchsia colored sky, attempting to gauge how much daylight you had left. _“I don’t want to be out here if it gets dark. I have a feeling there’s some really nasty things out here.”_ He projected.

 

 _“Alright…just be careful.”_ Worry clearly evident in your mental tone, _“I’ll remain open if you need me.”_

 

 _“Thanks.”_ He cut the contact once again, slinging the bag around and digging inside. Shifting through your soaking wet clothing, armor that weighed the bag down heavily, and finding your extra pouches and sheath that housed Twelve’s knife.  Pulling the knife out, and rummaging through the pouches until he found the flashlight, hoping that the torch would still work after being submerged. Zipping the bag closed and sliding it back around him, once again pulling it snuggly across his back. He held the flashlight in his mouth, allowing his hands to move freely, strapping Twelve’s knife around his thigh, the belt cinching and closing once he felt it was secure enough. Pulling the flashlight from his mouth and returning it to his grasp, once again cycling through his breathing. He plunged back under, snapping the light on, hitting it across his palm, a band of bright light ejecting outward showing him the way. He rested the cylindrical tool between his teeth and swam back towards the wreckage, now able to see it.

 

The damage was irreparable, even if Ninety-eight could have managed to make landfall, there would have been no further use from the ship. He could see where the engines had begun to burn into the hull, black scorch marks lining the durasteel walls. He ran his hand over the black stains, smudging his fingers. Adjusting the flashlight in his mouth he moved further into the ship, eyes scanning the wreckage, finding the open compartment and pulling his own bag out, slinging it over his back and securing it tightly. Legs kicking and moving to where the ration packs were stored, using his arms to help conserve the energy in his legs he pulled himself along. Finding the compartment ripped in half, eyes searching frantically for the other half of the ship. The impact must have ripped the hull apart, he mused.

 

Removing the flashlight from his mouth and using his hand to point it in the direction of the hole, finding the other portion of the ship a bit further away. Legs kicking once again to bring him to the other section, hoping that there was no damage to the food.

 

He reached the other section, flashlight once again in his mouth, hyper focused on finding the food and then getting some of the survival tools, such as the field ready water vaporator, a much more compact form of the vaporators used on moisture farms, able to collect water from the atmosphere even at lower levels of air moisture. He found what remained of the storage compartment and grabbed as many of the rations as he could, stuffing them into whatever bag he reached first. Lungs starting to burn in his chest, small bubbles leaving his nostrils.  He moved further down the second half of the ship, hand raising to use the force, moving crates and other durasteel debris out of his way. He moved quickly, the combined weight of both of your bags starting to weigh him down and causing him to move much more awkwardly than he was before. He tugged at a latch, brows furrowing and mouth gripping the flashlight tightly as he yanked, positioning his body to use his feet as leverage, and pulling the hatch open with a dull thud. Muffled by the surrounding water. He rummaged through the compartment, pulling out things he deemed unimportant, his torso fully within the compartment as he dug looking for the vaporator. Mentally cursing as he shifted, lungs fully burning now, he continued to persist, finding it finally within the vacuseal bag, relief washing over him as he pulled the awkwardly shaped package out of the compartment, fumbling to pull himself out and the package, the bags on his back catching and keeping him from moving as free as he wished.

 

His head pounding once again as slight panic started to set in. He forced himself to calm down, he just need to adjust his body and then pull the bag out. He removed himself from the dark space and then reached inward, pulling out the bag and turning, legs kicking at full speed, desperate need for air urging him to move faster.

 

He breeched the surface once more, tucking the package under his arm and removing the flashlight from his mouth, gripping it tightly and gasping once again. “Fuck.” He heaved. His body moving into a slight backward lounging position, allowing himself to float freely and regain his breath. The burning in his hand returning once again, now able to fully focus on the pain. He frowned. He would need to make one more trip down, but first he would need to get everything back to the shoreline. He rotated his body and looked back at the shore, seeing both of the figures that dotted it, still standing and waiting.

_“Do you think you can swim out here and get this stuff?”_ He projected, using the openness of your mind to easily project the thought. He could already feel your doubt, unsure about swimming so far out and also carrying the luggage.

 

 _“I can try.”_ You ventured, your hesitation clearly evident.

 

 _“Look I can meet you half way, I just don’t want to lose the position of the ship.”_  He waited a long moment for your reply, patiently allowing you to consider your options.

 

_“Just give me a minute, I’ll be there.”_

 

He sighed in relief.

 

 

****

 

You sighed heavily, looking onto the horizon, anxiety filling you. You turned and began to unzip your synth suit, moving to remove your boots and socks, and then pulling the suit away from you, leaving them in a pile on the beach, standing in your compression undergarments and looking at the water with so much distaste that you half expected it to curl away from your glare. But it did not, it only continued to lap at the beach, unaffected and uncaring. Ninety-eight shifted uncomfortably next to you.

 

“You barely made it out last time, are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked, his eyes still trained on Einn’s form out in the water.

 

“I don’t have much of a choice. Einn is scared he’ll lose the position of the ship if he comes back to the shore.”

 

He nodded. “I’ll be waiting.” He said firmly, a part of you wished he would volunteer to go instead.

 

You walked into the dark water, allowing the icy cold waves to lick at your legs, shivering impulsively, teeth gritting tightly, hissing as you continued to move deeper into the water. Your eyes shutting tightly as a wave splashed up your torso, droplets of cold water splashing your face. “Why is nothing ever easy?” You mumbled, wading further out, hissing as the water inched further, finally plunging into the water, allowing it to cover you in hopes of the cold not affecting you so much. You gasped as you came back up. “FUCK ITS COLD!” You screamed, wrapping your arms around yourself impulsively, shivering. Ninety-eight made no comment at your screaming, only remained passively on the shore. Huffing you swam slowly, allowing your body to adjust, trying to focus on your movements, paddling amateurishly, just trying to reach Einn who seemed suddenly so impossibly far away. 

 

****

 

He watched as you swam closer, clumsy, unsure, the motions almost foreign, but there was some hint of having swam before in the movement, as if you were trying to remember. Perhaps at one time you had known how to swim. He used his legs to remain in the position, attempting to remain in the general area, finding it harder the longer he held on to the luggage and vaporator. He was eager to pass off the load to you, though he was concerned about how it would affect your swimming.

 

You moved in front of him, in your compression gear, nothing he hadn’t seen before, but you looked cold, this concerned him. “Take a break.” He said softly, noticing the slight spasm of your muscles, attempting to warm your body, though the swimming should have taken care of that. “Catch your breath, you need to warm yourself or you’re going to get hypothermia. Focus.” He said sternly but not unkindly.

 

He watched as you nodded, arms moving in circular motions, holding your position. He shifted the bags, trying to figure out a way for him to fit the compacted vaporator, which was still large even though it was compact for travel. “This is going to be one awkward swim back.” He muttered, shoving the vacusealed pack into the emptier of the two duffels and zipping it as much as possible, it still jutted out quite a ways despite the fact. He could see the concern growing on your face, he shook his head. “You’ll be fine. You ready?”

 

“I guess. I’m ready to be dry.” You mumbled.

 

“Yeah, me too. Look, go slow, get to the shore and set the vaporator up. You remember how to right?” He asked with a raised brow. He watched you nodd. “Good. Once you do that, try to get dry as much as possible. Lay in the sun…or use my clothes to dry off.” He began to move the duffels, handing them to you and watching as you secured them. “I’ll be back shortly, I need to get the emergency kit.”

 

“Come back okay?” You said softly, causing him to force a smile.

 

“Of course.”  He said, forcing himself to sound far more chipper than he was actually feeling. He was ready to get out of the water and get dry just as much as you were. He watched as you turned away, swimming awkwardly but moving at a decent pace. Thankful that the tide was coming in and not going out, that should at least help you a bit more.

 

He moved the flashlight back to his mouth, preparing to go for one last dive. If he could find the emergency kit you would be set to at least venture away from the shore and find out what had happened to Vier and Anim.

 

He plunged back into the darkness, legs kicking once again, he was tired he realized as he continued to swim downward. He would take a well-deserved nap after this he decided. He swam for the forward section of the ship once again, entering through the broken hull once more and swimming closer to the cockpit, arms once again helping pull him to his destination. Opening yet another compartment and rifling through the contents the ship suddenly shifted, causing him to pause his search and turn to look, the light following his head movements, seeing nothing he returned to shifting through the compartment. His hands finally landing on the white box and pulling it outward. He could only hope that some of the items inside were not damaged by the water or by the crash. Moving the flashlight into his hand and placing the handle of the box into his mouth to carry, allowing him to swim far more efficiently.

 

He exited the hull of the ship, skin prickling suddenly, he ignored it as he swam out. The flashlight skimming light erratically as his arms moved, he halted suddenly, a flash of something catching in the light. He peered around him finding nothing, once again swimming upward, a new urgency filling him, silent alarms going off all through his body. He kicked quickly, his body suddenly halting, something wrapped tightly around his ankle. He whipped his head around, flashlight trailing down to his foot. He peered at it for a moment, trying to understand what it was, quickly figuring out that he didn’t much care what it was as he saw the millions of needle like teeth attached to a hinged jaw.

 

He screamed, the box falling out of his mouth. It fell slowly downward. He didn’t have time to worry about it at the moment, his ankle still trapped by the strange tentacle, holding him in place. His mind was panicking, hands moving frantically towards the strange appendage, yanking at it with the hand that wasn’t holding the flashlight. Swearing mentally, lungs burning, needing air. He yanked and yanked but it would not budge, the mouth moving ever closer, not moving its position, hoping to engulf him in one swallow. Impulse kicked in suddenly, hand shooting outward as he pulsed the Force, pushing the giant creature backward and dragging him with it.  

 

He glided through the water, dragging with the creature, and suddenly moving even closer. The giant beast managing to halt its self, allowing the tentacle to drift towards it mouth. His eyes growing wide, arms and legs kicking in an attempt to swim away from it. He back swam frantically, eyes trained on the mouth, finally realizing that the tentacle like thing that was wrapped around his leg was its tongue, which explained why its mouth remained open. His mind zipping through possibilities frantically, what could he do, if he couldn’t get away then he would drown or worse, be swallowed by the beast whole.

 

 _“Use the knife.”_ Her voice rang clearly in his head. Twelve’s signature in the force emanating from the weapon. How could he have forgotten about the fucking knife?!

 

He reached for it quickly with his free hand, snagging it from the snap that held it securely in its sheath strapped to his leg, and began to frantically saw at the tongue of the beast. The tongue recoiled sharply, jerking him faster towards the mouth, his free leg kicking outward, attempting to brace himself on the tightly packed needle teeth. He braced himself, leg pulled almost to his chest by the time he managed to slice through the thick tongue. Black blood seeping outward and floating around him in a cloud. He swam frantically, attempting to reach the surface.

 

He breached the surface, gasping, lungs on fire, but he had no time to catch his breath he needed to swim. His body kicking into motion on the surface of the water, arms circling his head, hands slicing into the water clumsily, still grasping both the knife and flashlight, legs kicking, mouth snagging mouth fulls of air when he could. It was of no use as the creature breached the water, small beady eyes glaring at him, wide set and dead like. Black scale-less skin, inky and dotted with light patches in strange patterns, angry. He could feel that much. He turned sharply, eyes growing wide as he caught sight of the behemoth. Quickly gaining on him despite its mass. He swam harder, futile, but he had to try. He could only hope that you had made it back to the shore by now.  He wanted to call out for help, but what could you do from so far away? He kept his eyes trained on the shore, noticing you moving on land finally. An idea striking him, if he could get into the shallow water maybe it wouldn’t be able to move as freely.  

 

He halted only for a moment, hand reaching outward, balled tightly around the knife, sending another pulse in the Force, holding the motion and swimming once again, hoping that he could halt the creature long enough to gain more distance.

 

****

 

You moved up the shore, pulling yourself clumsily from the deeper portions of the water, reaching a slight shelf, legs moving as you waded back to dry land. “Ceph?”

 

Your head zeroed in on Ninety-eight, seeing serious concern on his face. You turned, peering behind you, seeing something that you couldn’t fathom. Water splashing, Einn swimming frantically, a large black mass struggling to gain momentum. Your legs moved quickly, trudging onto the land and slinging the luggage over your shoulder hastily. Hoping that you hadn’t damaged the vaporator, but not caring enough to check at the moment.  “What the **FUCK** is that _thing_?!” You screeched, completely caught off guard by the sight of the creature.

 

“I don’t know but I don’t think he’s going to make it.” Ninety-eight observed in an eerily calm manner.

 

Your eyes growing wide at the possibility. You ran back into the water, legs clumsily moving, dashing through the dark liquid, Einn’s form growing closer, the creature stuttering every few feet, gaining slowly. “EINN!!!” You screamed. He did not reply, only continued to swim. You moved further out, wading into the water, eyes zeroing in on the beast. Beady glazed eyes focused on Einn. Both of your hands shooting outward, frantically pulling the Force, projecting it outward, sending large waves crashing into Einn and the creature. Knocking Einn and it backwards. “FUCK!” You growled, frustration fully overcoming you. You had no idea what to do. Out of your element completely.

 

You needed to focus. Halt the thing, allow Einn to get back to shore. You took a deep breath, drudging up deep seated anger, releasing it from its prison, hand moving outward, fingers shaking slightly, shifting shape and turning into a loose claw. Eyes narrowing as your head began to pound, almost too far out of reach, but not quite, you pushed at the creature, slowing it. Your teeth snapped together, teeth clacking loudly, echoing in your head, your left hand coming to join your dominate hand, legs moving to attempt to root your stance as you forced another wave on the creature.

 

Einn continued to swim, moving closer, you could see him clearly now, the creature only halting in stuttering movements. Large mass raging against the projected Force.

 

 _“GET BACK ON THE SHORE NOW!”_ His mental projection boomed in your head, distracting you momentarily, losing your loose hold on the creature. You watched in horror as its mouth lifted out of the water, beady eyes closing, snapping angrily. Your body turned quickly, fumbling to get back to shore, hands clawing up the incline, feet and toes digging into the soft sandy surface below the water. _“FASTER!”_ He projected once again. You could hear him splashing behind you, gaining, moving with help from the Force, the pull felt all around you.

 

You scrambled upward, clawing your way up the shore line, his splashing growing louder behind you and then a sound that you could only describe as the shrill after echo of a bell that had rang far too closely to your ears resonated behind you. You moved into an upright position, legs moving quickly, returning to the land, turning to look behind you, Einn now climbing his way out of the water, dashing quickly onto the shore. He braced himself on his knees panting loudly, almost wheezing. Your eyes did not linger for more than a moment on Einn, darting back out to the creature who was still moving towards you.

 

“Einn?!” You called, his back to the shore as he attempted to gain his breath. “Einn we need to move!” You said a bit more urgently, the ground thudding now, the creature beaching its self onto the shelf, thrashing slightly, the shrill ringing filling your ears. Your hand moving to cup them, shielding them from the loud shrill. Ninety-eight dashed on the ground, quickly moving to grab the luggage and slinging it over his shoulder, moving as quickly as possible further away from the water. He had the right idea.

 

Your hand reached out for Einn’s shoulder, finding his arm and bracing him tightly in your grip, short nails digging into his tanned flesh, pulling him from his position. His legs moving begrudgingly, running with you. “Why. Are. We. Running?” He panted, speaking between gasping breaths.

 

The ground shook once again, you risked a glance behind you as you ran, eyes shifting and locking onto the creature as it hefted itself out of the water, four bulging limbs pulling it upward, webbed claw like appendages pulling it up the shore, lumbering, almost hopping in motion. Large fins on its humped back slicking downward, fins flanking the sides flapping uselessly in the air, adjusting to the surface. Your head snapped back around, hand releasing Einn from your grip, all of you fleeing from the monstrosity.

 

You suddenly slapped downward, thudding onto the hard compact earth and slid frantically backwards, skin scraping on the dry dirt. Your hands clawing uselessly onto the ground, panic filling you as you began to rise upward, lifting from the ground at an alarming rate. “EINN!!!!” You screamed. Black wet goo dripping down your body, starting from the contact point that the creature’s tongue had managed to make by wrapping around your leg.

 

Hanging upside down, black goo dripping thickly down your neck, your eyes straining to see where it was coming from, finding an oozing open wound on the tongue. You arched your spine, curling inward, hands reaching for the tongue, fingers gripping it and digging into the wound. Ears once again filled by the piercing ringing. Your eyes clamped shut tightly at the sound, painful vibrations filling your head, fingers desperately digging into the wound. “LET ME GO YOU UGLY FUCK!” You shrieked.

 

Unexpectedly falling downward, free falling. The grip of the tongue still on you but loosening, severed. Instinct kicking in, spine twisting, Force pushing outward from your body in a large pulse, slightly bracing your fall as you hit the dirt with a loud ‘oomph’.

 

****

He turned sharply, watching as you were dragged by the beast, pulled by the oozing tongue upward, and hanging precariously. His body pivoting, the muscles in his legs straining with great exertion, he pushed through the pain. This was nothing.

 

He sprinted towards the creature, focusing the Force into his legs, strengthening him, allowing it to aid him as he leapt into the air, propelling him upward. Twelve’s knife still in his grip, he had yet to release it. He lifted his arm, bringing the blade downward in a slicing motion, meeting resistance from the thick muscle that protruded from the creature’s maw. Using his momentum, he sliced through the tongue once again. Black tar like ooze splattering outward and onto him. He braced himself to land roughly, tucking his legs and rolling as much as possible. Springing upward and turning to hear you fall harshly onto the dirt. He ran towards you, attempting to lift you as he continued to hold the knife. You stirred and coughed, trying to regain the breath that was knocked out of you from the impact.

 

He watched as you scrambled upward, turning to look at the beast momentarily as it shrieked in pain, tongue thrashing wildly, spewing out black goo. “RUN RUN RUN RUN!” He screamed in a panic, forcing you into action.

 

He ran at full speed, Forcing aiding him, checking every once in a while to ensure that you were still moving. Mind opening completely, allowing him and you to meld, forming the same thought patterns, completely conscious of each other’s movements. Both of you running into the dense tree line of the planet. Wild gnarled decaying trees. Dormant or dead he did not know nor care. His only thought was to get away.

 

He ran, locking onto Ninety-eight’s signature, moving towards him. You must not get separated. He had all the supplies. Both of you wove through the trees, moving towards Ninety-eight’s considerable distance. The ground thudding only faintly now. Scared to look behind him, his eyes remained focused on the direction of Ninety-eight’s signature.  

 

He caught a glimpse of him, moving quickly, the duffles on his back thudding and clanking, jostling the items inside. He moved, veering tightly, both of you moving in unison, herd mentality in full affect.

 

Pulling up beside him, glancing at him momentarily, he moved a hand out to grab at Ninety-eight’s arm. Tugging him closely towards him, bare heels digging into the earth causing both of them to halt. Ninety-eight’s eyes looking at him wildly in question.

 

“We. Shouldn’t. Be. Stopping.” He panted, eyes moving to glance behind him. His fear thick in the air.

 

He shook his head. “We. Need. To. Stop.” He panted. The muscles in his legs screaming in pain. “It’s. Slow. Need. To. Stop.” He panted once again, swallowing harshly. Throat suddenly impossibly dry. He held his breath for a moment, attempting to calm down, searching in the Force for the location of the behemoth. His mental energies shifting behind him, returning to the beach and finding the creature lumbering back into the water slowly, wounded and uninterested in pursuing such small pray so far.

 

He exhaled harshly, relief washing over him for only a moment. Standing straighter, and taking a deep and needy breath, his eyes shifting around them. Everything in the wood…was dead. The trees bore no fruit or leaves. No sounds of animals either. It was as if all life on the surface of the planet ceased to exist. The air was considerably thinner with in the densely packed forest, as if the planet its self were slowly dying.

 

“We need to keep moving.” Ninety-eight said slowly, breathing evening out, his light colored eyes scanning around as well.

 

Einn turned to look at you, doubled over, panting still, scrapes covering your torso where the creature had drug you on the dry dirt. “Ceph?” He asked. Your head lifting lightly, nodding, still silent though your mind was loud and rambling. He eased the mental connect, straining the bond once again for his own sanity. “Okay.” He said slowly. “We need to figure out which direction we need to move in or else we’re just wasting our time and energy.”

 

 

****

 

Your mind was racing manically. Heart thudding wildly in your chest, body sore, each inhale hurt, flesh surrounding your ankle burned, skin sticky and torso burning hotly. You couldn’t seem to catch your breath, the air thinner somehow within the confines of the forest. Your ears were still ringing slightly, the combination with the lack of oxygen making you feel light headed. You winced, eyes clamping shut tightly.

 

You needed to regain your composure. The feeling of panic would do nothing but cause you to make mistakes. You wanted to sit and meditate, but you could not afford to do so. Standing up straightly, keeping your eyes closed as Einn continued to talk to Ninety-eight, zoning in on the internal struggle that was waging within you. Anxiety battling with anger, each raising uncontrollably, rational thought trying to calm the two emotions but without conscious effort it would fail. Taking a deep breath through your nose, focusing on sealing both the offending emotions away, breathing a soft exhale through purse lips.

 

“We should get more distance from the shore before we stop.” Ninety-eight said firmly.

 

“One of us is going to have to go back and get our gear.” Einn said almost absently, head looking downward at his bare feet. “Walking around in compression gear is not going to be good.” He mumbled.

 

“Don’t you both have clothing in your bags?” Ninety-eight ventured, clearly not wanting to return to the beach. The possibility of the creature still lingering on the shore line causing for him to be extra cautious of returning so soon.

 

“We do, but our sabers…our boots…they’re all on the beach. We can’t leave them.” He said, turning to look back in the general direction from which you had fled. Your eyes snapping open suddenly. Your sabers were on the beach still. How could you have been so stupid to have left them?

 

“I’ll go back.” You said flatly. Both Ninety-eight and Einn looked at you as if you had lost your mind. You could already foresee the argument. “I’ll go back. I’m fine.” You said, fixing your face, snapping your features into hard lines. Firm on your stance.

 

“We’ll go back together.” He looked around once again. “I guess we can set up a temporary camp here for now. Get the vaporator up, get some water and food and then we can venture back tomorrow. Maybe it’ll be long gone by then.” He said, clearly thinking out loud. 

 

You shook your head. “No, we go before nightfall. Let Ninety-eight stay here. I’m not leaving our only weapons sitting on that beach.”  Your arms crossed over your chest. “If you don’t like it then you can stay here…but either way I’m not leaving our sabers on that karking beach overnight.”  Brows furrowing tightly, preparing for an argument.

 

He tapped his temple, bushy brows furrowing tightly. _“I’m not going to argue with you. I think this is a dumb idea, but if you’re so hell bent on going before night fall then fine.”_

_“Einn, our only weapons are on that beach. All we have is the knife and our armor. We have no idea what other…things are lurking out here. We need to get them before we find ourselves in another situation.”_

_“We don’t even know if they’re in working order…we may already be in a situation.”_

_“All the more reason to get them. We need to know for sure where we stand.”_

 

He sighed loudly. “Fine.” He turned to look at ninety-eight, “Let’s get the vaporator set up and working. We’ll leave once we get everything set up for the night.”

 

Ninety-eight’s lips pinched tightly. Clearly not happy with the situation. If this had been in front of an officer he surely would have been reprimanded for such an expression. Though, it was possible that he could have always been making such expressions when given an order he did not agree with, his helmet would have easily prevented anyone from seeing. For some reason this amused you, causing a fleeting smile to move across your lips. “Yes, sir.” He said tightly.

 

The three of you moved quickly to set up the vaporator, assembling the tower with the provided tools. Einn and Ninety-eight tinkering with the calibration, ensuring that it would pull as much moisture from the air as possible. Everyone equally grateful that it had not been damaged in the crash or the hasty exit off of the beach. Einn pulled out his armor from his duffle, inspecting it for damage, pulling soaking wet clothing out and hanging it from a branch to allow it to dry. You too sifted through your own duffle. Pulling out your armor and resting it high up, allowing it to dry along with your clothing.

 

“Do we want to have a fire?” Ninety-eight asked.

 

Einn turned to look at you, questioning you to see if you thought it would be a good idea with a glance. You shook your head. Who knew what would be drawn to a fire. No. You would spend another night in the dark. “Do you still have the flashlight?’ You asked, looking at him to see if he had it and not seeing it.

 

He shook his head. “No. I dropped it back on the beach.” He huffed loudly.

 

Sighing you shook your head. “We’ll be fine without…but if we can find it…then we might be better for it.”

 

He looked off in the distance, eyes scanning in the direction you had ran to, peering off in thought. “I have a feeling that we need to keep moving in this direction. Something…is telling me that they landed out there.” He mused.

 

You looked at him in consideration. Wondering if he knew something that you didn’t know…perhaps gaining insight from the Force, something meant for him to know, leaving you in the dark. You frowned faintly, not that he would see, he was still looking off in the distance, deep in thought.

 

“We should head out.” You muttered, not wanting to tear him away from his thoughts, but the sky was turning a deeper shade, light fading and casting long shadows on the ground. He nodded, turning and grabbing his armor off of the tree, bracing his shins and placing his chest piece on, strapping on his gauntlet and bracers, allowing you to suit up as well. Your skin smarting as the armor rubbed against the scrapes on your skin.

 

Both of you heading out back to the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the shift in POV's. They were fun to write.
> 
> Check out my tumblr for creature drawings...visuals are always nice right?  
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/173172981566/creature-reference-from-chapter-31-of-for-the


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Istina

________________

 

You trudged cautiously through the dead trees, silent, moving slowly so as not to alert anything to your arrival, though Einn had assured you that whatever that thing had been was long gone by now. You both remained cautious. You could see the opening in front of you, glancing around and actively reaching out in the Force for any signs of life. You turned to look at Einn, sharing a quick look and moving out back into the opening, leaving the gnarled trees behind and moving out into the open. The sound of grainy dirt gritting on bare feet the only thing you could hear, everything unnervingly silent. Something you had noticed as you moved back through the forest.

 

Einn paused, bending down and picking up something near a large puddle of the black ooze that the creature had left behind. He clicked the end of the flashlight, shining it in the palm of his hand and nodding. He moved to hand you the light, allowing you to strap it to the small holster that rested on your shoulder, an adjustment you had made as soon as you had returned from Beirus. Allowing your hands to be free but also giving you light. You clicked the light off and continued to move, skirting around the black ooze, eyeing it suspiciously. 

 

Einn gestured out to the shoreline, you could see the lumps of clothing that the both of you had left on the shoreline. Both of you moving quickly to grab them, Einn pulling both of your sabers out of his pile of clothes. Tossing you your saber and catching it, slinging your belt across your hips and returning it to your clip. Clothing bundled in your hands shortly after.

 

Einn paused in his movements, staring off into the distance, frozen in place, causing your eyes to move, following his line of sight. Your brows furrowing as you looked off in the distance, seeing something floating lazily out above the black water. Luminous, soft billowy pink, almost cloud like with streaming tendrils that floated behind the creature, trailing it like a streamer. Others drifting behind it, wandering lazily above the seemingly endless sea.

 

He stared in awe, watching as they drifted aimlessly, without a care in the world. “This place is so weird.” He mumbled.

 

“Yeah.” You muttered, just as struck with awe as he was. Watching absently as the creatures dipped and rose, tendrils streaming across the water now, dragging along the surface. “Look at them though.” You said absently. “Just drifting along.”

 

“You think they’ll come this way?’ He asked.

 

“I don’t know. They’re a ways off.”

 

“They’re huge.” He mumbled. “Why is everything so large here?”

 

You huffed a laugh, clapping your hand on his shoulder, “Come on, let’s get back before we lose light completely.”

 

He nodded, turning, clutching his clothing in his hands, pausing for a moment to watch the creatures in the sky once again.

 

You both moved at good pace, racing the dying light without actively running. You returned to the small make shift camp to find Ninety-eight checking the vaporator, turning to regard the both of you with mild interest. “Get everything you needed?” He asked, though his tone indicated that he probably didn’t really care.

 

You began to strip off your armor, allowing it to fall to the dry earth and then redressing in your synth-suit, hissing slightly as the material shifted across your scrapes still covered in black goo which had long sense dried and began to flake off of you slowly. Einn eyes shifting to glance at you, “We did, though…I wish I hadn’t of left the emergency kit in the water.” He shrugged. “I guess it couldn’t be helped though…got lucky enough to get the vaporator and our duffels.” He muttered, pulling off his armor piece by piece.

 

Ninety-eight stood and nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well we should be seeing some water here soon.”

 

“Good. We all need to rehydrate.” Einn said as he slipped back on his pants, wobbling slightly as he adjusted the legs, turning the seams just right. “Rehydrate and then eat.” He yawned.

 

You eyed him as his mouth opened wide, yawning deeply. “Einn why don’t you go rest. Ninety-eight and I can stand watch.” You suggested. He nodded quickly, not the one to argue a nap. 

 

Both of you sat in silence as Einn’s soft snoring could be heard not far away, his body curled tightly, sleeping peacefully. Ninety-eight periodically checking the vaporator and then returning to indicate the amount of time left. You sat inspecting your armor, checking through the items you had in your pouches and laying them out in front of you.

 

Ninety-eight watched you placidly, clearly bored. You lifted your head upward to look at him, “Why don’t you go catch a nap as well?” You suggested.

 

His brows furrowed tightly, “Are you sure?” He asked tentatively.

 

You nodded. “I’ll be fine. I have plenty to keep myself occupied.” You said with a faint smile, hands moving in front of you gesturing at the items in front of you.

 

“Keep checking the vaportator, if you can find anything to store the water in that would be good, the reservoir only holds so much.”

 

“I’ll check nearby. Go get some rest.” You said shooing him away, watching as he moved to be near Einn though not too closely, just enough away as to not hear your shuffling. Your head tilting upward to see the position of the sun, getting up and moving around the perimeter of the camp in search of something to contain the water. Finding nothing immediate and returning to check the vaportator, pulling out the reservoir and checking the contents, enough for several sips of water sitting within the container.  You eyed it, mouth smacking at the sight, consciously restraining yourself from greedily gulping down the contents.

 

You placed it back into the cylindrical tower and moved back to your gear. Slowly repacking the items back into your pouches, the light finally dying away as you moved your gear to the side, easing back and looking upward at the sky. The twinkling of faint star light peeking through the deep violet colored sky.

 

You stared absently, your mind cycling through the same thoughts. What happened to Anim and Vier? The longing to return to Kylo. How were you going to leave this planet? Would Snoke send the others to find you and eliminate you? Intrusive and unwanted thoughts.

 

You huffed loudly, rubbing at your eyes, hearing the shambling of feet on hard packed earth, your head turning and hand quickly grabbing the flashlight, shining it in the direction of the sound and finding Einn. His hand covering his eyes quickly, shielding him from the bright light. You lowered the light, leaving it on to allow him to approach without being blinded further. He sat next to you, head tilting upward, glancing at the sky.

 

“Any water yet?” He asked, voice gruff.

 

“I haven’t checked in a couple of hours.” You admitted.

 

He reached his hand out, palm upward and making a grabbing motion, signaling that he wanted you to hand him the flashlight. You tossed it to him, allowing him to take it and watched as he moved over to the vaporator and checked the contents. You could hear him grumbling to himself, causing you to smile faintly.

 

He returned and sat next to you with a huff. “Not enough to drink like I want to.” He muttered, pouting.

 

Huffing a soft laugh and shaking your head, “Not the worst thing we’ve gone through.” You said airily.

 

He sighed, “Yeah…I guess….but I’m so kriffing thirsty.” He lamented lowly.

 

“Me too. Maybe by morning there will be enough.”

 

“Hopefully.”

 

“Are we moving out in the morning?” You asked, glancing at him in the dark, lit by the faint shine of starlight and dimmed by the casting shadows of the reaching naked branches. The flashlight now turned off to conserve battery.

 

“We have no choice, we can’t stay here, need to keep moving.”

 

“Maybe we can find a water source.” You said in agreeance.

 

“Maker don’t tease me.” He laughed.

 

You shushed him quickly, not wanting to wake Ninety-eight. “Are you sure we need to keep moving in this direction?’ You asked almost hesitantly.

 

He sat silently for a moment, thinking more than likely, considering his answer. “Yes. I just have a feeling that we need to keep in this direction. Something…something about it seems right.” He whispered, actively attempting to more quiet.

 

You hummed. You needed to trust his instincts. Perhaps he knew something that he wasn’t willing to tell you just yet. “I think I’m going to try and get some sleep.” You mumbled, pulling a one of your pouches and sliding it under your head, adjusting your body so you could lay as comfortably as possible on the hard ground.

 

“Night Eight.” He mumbled.

 

“Night One.”

 

 

****

The three of you trekked across the planet for what seemed weeks. Days passing and coming, tallying as you moved through the skeletal forest, no end in sight.  Einn assured you both that you were moving in the right direction. Sometimes you thought he was only saying so to make himself believe his own words, other times you actually believed him. So much conviction in his voice, so absolutely sure.

 

It wasn’t until the tenth day of walking that you stumbled upon the edge of the dead forest. Coming to a sudden clearing, all of you hesitantly stepping out of the tree line, looking around for any life and finding none. Not so much as a peep since you left the shoreline.

 

“How much more?” You asked, peering out, hand covering your eyes, shielding yourself from the sun’s rays, high in the sky. “How much longer are we going to have to keep at this? Our food is dwindling, I haven’t even seen any life much less felt or heard anything. It’s like everything on land has just…disappeared.” You grumbled, annoyed, thirsty and hungry.

 

“We haven’t even come across any water yet either.” Ninety-eight added to the gripe.

 

“I’m telling you…it’s not much further. Don’t you feel it?” He said, eyes peering at you, brows scrunched in frustration.

 

“You’ve been saying that for the past…what? Five days?” Voice rising in frustration. Ninety-eight humming, agreeing with your time frame.

 

Einn turned to glare at him for a moment and then turning to look at you once again. “Would you just trust me? I’m telling you something is just over this hill…something big.”

 

“And what if there’s nothing?! What?! Are we just going to keep walking until we die?” Actively screaming now, frustration at an all-time high.

 

“Well what do you want to do?! Sit here and wait to die?” Einn screamed back at you, arms moving in frustration. “We need to keep going. We’re wasting time. Just trust me!” His voice lowering and then raising once again.

 

You huffed loudly. “Fine.” You conceded begrudgingly. He was right of course. You had no other option but to continue to move forward and hope that eventually you would find what you were looking for. Though…once you found the Mantle of Istina…than what? There was no way off this planet. You were doomed once you crashed.

 

You stomped forward, pushing past Einn and down the hill out into the open, crunching on what was possibly once grass, now long dried out and brittle. You could hear Einn moving into a slight jog, attempting to catch up with your suddenly quick stride.

 

“Maker you have spent far too much time with him.” He mumbled.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You snapped

 

“The Commander has rubbed off on you.” He stated flatly. “Look at your movements. Look familiar?” No longer able to contain the smirk that he had been fighting, his voice lite with humor.

 

You looked down at your long stomping strides, brows furrowing tightly, recognition of the mannerism hitting you in a wave. And with it sadness and longing that you had been trying to actively ignore, pushing it as far away from your mind as possible. The want to crumble almost overwhelming you, you halted trying to find the strength to continue on ward. Einn looked at you, confusion washing over his face. Your face contorted, slowly moving to a grimace, tears threatening to well in your eyes. You blinked quickly, forcing your eyes closed as you attempted to collect yourself. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, pushing the longing to return to him as far away as you could muster. Teeth gritting tightly, jaw flexing slightly, hands balling into fists. You pushed another harsh exhale from your nostrils.

 

“What’s wrong with her?” Whispered Ninety-eight to Einn.

 

“Nothing you would understand.” He whispered back.

 

“I can hear both of you.” You snapped.

 

“Are you okay?” Einn asked, a slight hint of worry in his tone.

 

 _“Don’t bring him up again. It’s hard enough as it is.”_  You projected, tapping on your temple.

 

 _“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…do that.”_ He stumbled over his words, mentally trying to find the correct term for what he had done.

 

You lifted a hand, signaling him to stop. “Let’s keep moving.” You grumbled. Legs moving at a slower pace as you began to move forward. Both of the men moving behind you, you slowed to allow them to catch up. Once again crossing the clearing in a line.

 

 

****

 

Cresting another dry hill, cracked earth crumbling under boot fall, the pace slow, passing the reservoir back and forth when needed, careful not to drink too much. Sipping, only ever sipping, just enough to make you wish you had more.

 

The air seemingly growing thinner as you moved, huffing collectively, never getting enough oxygen to stop the short breaths. You moved down the slope, legs bracing you, feet turned at an angle to prevent you from tumbling down the incline. Halting suddenly as your eyes caught sight of something that seemed completely misplaced.

 

A gravel path, a road peppered with dry brush, well worn, and for a time the wilds had tried to reclaim it only to die just like the rest of the planet. Einn pointed to the road, a smile on his face. You scowled. This could be nothing.

 

He triumphantly skidded down the rest of the hill, moving at a jog, panting from the low levels of oxygen and coming to a halt, attempting to catch his breath. Smile plastered across his face. “See. Told. You.” He huffed. You shook your head, passing him and stepping onto the road.

 

Ninety-eight halting between you, eyes trained further down the path. “Wonder where it goes.”  He muttered, head craning and standing on tippy toes, attempting to get a higher view.

 

“I guess we’ll find out.” You called behind you, not stopping. If you stopped you wouldn’t want to keep going. Tired, thirsty and hungry. Ready to stop for the day. You could hear them shambling behind you once again, joining you on the road.

 

The road wound around large dirt mounds that at one time were possibly grassy hills. Still no signs of any life, unnervingly silent except for the sound of your group moving. The further you moved the more smattering of small buildings started to appear, perhaps at one time houses, maybe storage, you weren’t quite sure and didn’t want to veer off track to check. You could see long forgotten wagons, broken down, crumbling over time, tools old and rusting. You kept moving, focused on where the road lead, you could not get distracted.  

 

Your eyes caught the sight of something completely alien to the planet. Too new, too well put together, a ship. Your legs were moving before you could will them to do so. Actively running at a full sprint, heart thudding heavily in your chest. Anim and Vier.

 

You skidded to a stop, hand catching on the side of the ship, slight fins that protected the gang plank of the ship. You puffed, hands moving deftly as you opened the exterior control panels, the sound of Einn and Ninety-eight moving behind you. Typing in the override codes, causing the ramp to lower with a hiss, ramp actuator extending the ramp, sending a dull thud under foot as it made contact with the earth, a cloud of dust kicking up. You could hear Einn and Ninety-eight moving up the ramp, loud clanking as they ran inside. Einn calling out for both Vier and Anim, but there was no answer.

 

You jumped onto the ramp, scrambling quickly upward and running inside the intact hull, eyes scanning all around, looking for any clues as to your comrade’s location. Einn reappeared from the cockpit, leaving Ninety-eight behind, a deep frown on his face.

 

“They aren’t here.” He huffed, completely defeated.

 

Your lips twitched, not entirely sure how to process the information. Where were they? The ship was still there, they couldn’t have left…could they? You moved quickly exiting the ship once again, eyes peering around the ship, moving out towards the horizon, searching in the Force for even the faintest of signs. Your head suddenly snapping towards your right, catching sight of the outline of buildings further in the distance. Your brows furrowing deeply, legs moving once again, running quickly to the faint signature of Anim and Vier.

 

You moved through what was possibly once a gateway, long crumbled stone, toppled over, and scattering over the road. You leapt over them swiftly, feet once again hitting the hard packed dirt, moving back into your sprint, moving closer to the faint signature. Passing buildings in various states of falling apart, some more intact than others, but you did not have time to inspect them, you needed to keep on track. You moved to an open square, skidding to a halt at the sight of two objects sitting atop what was once a well.

 

You panted loudly, hands shaking with anxiety, nerves raw as you reached out and picked up the dark durasteel and duraplast helmet of Vier. Turning it over in hand, inspecting it, as if it would be able to somehow tell you what had happened to its owner. Your hand gliding over the smooth upper portions of the helmet tenderly, it had nothing to tell you, nothing to share. No amount of coaxing would force it to speak. You sat the helmet back down onto the well’s edge, allowing it to rest once again on the chipping stone. Head lifting and eyes peering around you, searching for any more clues and finding none.

 

 

****

 

He watched as you bolted down the ramp once again, watching as you peered out into the distance and as if something had caught your attention suddenly you sprinted away. He moved down the ramp slowly, watching as you ran off into the distance, further down the road and towards what he assumed was once a town, the crumbling buildings outlines faint from his position.

 

 _“They’re long gone.”_  His head turned to look at her, faint blue, skin dark, eyes darker, her hair in a single short loose braid down her back. Just as she was when they first met, when he had so cruelly taken her life in the small outpost. He made no motion to speak, only returned to watching you in the distance. _“Let her be. She will return.”_ She said in her ever knowing way.

 

He turned to look at her once again, tawny eyes softening, hurt but grateful. _“Yasmal, where have they gone?”_ He mentally projected, hyper aware that Ninety-eight would be able to hear him if he spoke aloud.

 

 _“In time Einn, in time.”_ She said vaguely, always ambiguous, sometimes he thought she enjoyed being as nebulous as possible, watching him squirm mentally to figure out the true meanings behind her words.

 

 _“Are they dead?”_ He finally asked, mustering the courage to finally venture the question.

 

_“No. They are alive and well. Finally fulfilling their purpose.”_

_“How did they leave the planet?”_ He asked, looking around absently, as if the answer would magically appear.

 

 _“A friend came and retrieved them. He’s been waiting a while.”_ A faint smile coming to her lips.

_“Luke?”_ He hazarded.

 

She nodded, turning her head to look in the direction that you ran off in. _“The mantle finally woke them to their ultimate truth.”_  

 

His brows furrowed slightly, _“Did they take it with them?”_ He asked.

 

_“No. They left it for those who would follow in search, hoping that it would be one of you. They have no use for the object any longer. They are aware now.”_

_“What should I do?”_ He asked, unsure of his plan of action. Vier and Anim were in the clear for now, free, though he was not sure for how long. Surely Snoke was aware of their betrayal by now, perhaps why he had insisted that they be eliminated as soon as they were found?

 

_“Proceed as we have discussed. Continue on your path, gather the information, when it is time I will tell you.”_

He nodded. _“And Ceph?”_

 

_“She must fight her own battles, remain cautious, she still teeters precariously in the balance.”_

_“What of the mantle?”_

_“Bring it to him.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“If you do not return with the artifact there will be dire consequences. You must return with it intact.”_ Her face turned to look at him, high angled cheek bones and sharp chinned. Her expression serious in nature.

 

 _“Yasmal?”_ She nodded at him, signaling him to proceed with his question. _“Tell me about Luke Skywalker again?”_  She smiled at him and nodded.

 

****

 

You grabbed both of the helmets, one in each hand, seemingly impossibly heavy as you moved back through the deserted town, crossing back over the toppled gateway and moving at a slow pace back to the ship. Your heart felt heavy, though you were not sure why. This was good news. The best news that could have possibly happened. They were nowhere in sight, the possibility of them being completely off planet side should have made you happy, the alternative would have been far worse.

 

But you weren’t happy. Frankly you weren’t sure how to feel. Betrayed? They had left without a word. Nothing to indicate that they were okay or that they were together. Much less where they were going or how exactly they had left the planet without the ship. And where was the pilot? What had happened to E-171? Too many questions and open ends. How could you be happy?

 

Familiar prickling at the base of your skull indicated his appearance. You turned to look at him, halting your slow pace completely as he flickered into sight. Bright green eyes appearing first, as they always did. You hadn’t seen him in over a month now, you were starting to think he would never show again, but there he was in all his arrested youthful glory.

 

“Naf.” You greeted dryly, forcing yourself to be so, not wanting to indicate that you were secretly relieved to see him.

 

 _“Hello Ceph. I see you found them.”_ He said indicating the helmets with his hands, gesturing to them lazily.

 

_“Yes.”_

_“You’re not happy about this? I figured you would be relieved.”_

“I am.”  You stated flatly.

 

He shook his head. _“Another half-truth.”_ He said with an impish smile. _“They’re fine by the way.”_

“Where are they?” You asked, voice exuding impatience, knowing that he would never clearly state their location. Always with his secrets, only revealing the most basic of information, enough to bait your curiosity.

 

 _“Safe. Far away by now.”_  His head turning upward and looking up at the fuchsia colored sky.

 

“He’ll find them. They’ll never be safe. He’ll always find them _.”_  A hint of sadness in your tone as your head turned to look at the same sky.

 

 _“Maybe so…but for now…they’re safe and free.”_ He spoke softly, his eyes shifting to peer at you, watching as you looked upward. Your eyes cutting to glance at him.

 

“For how long? How long until he sends us to find them?” How long until you bloodied your hands again? Cutting the collective down once again. Cannibalizing your only family.

 

_“Find solace in the fact that he is more concerned with the artifact. They are inconsequential for now.”_

“What does he want with this artifact? Why is it so important?”

 

He shrugged. _“I don’t know. I only know so much.”_ He admitted casually.

 

“Do you know what it does?” You asked, growing agitated with his responses.

 

 _“Vaguely. I’m not an artifact historian you know.”_ He sassed.

 

“You’re so annoying sometimes.” You grumbled. “Well tell me what you know.” Your head finally turning to look at him fully once again, expression serious, not in the mood for his attitude.

 

He rolled his eyes softly, _“All I know it that it’s old and has something to do with showing people their ‘truth’”_ His hands moving, fingers making air quotes. _“Whatever that means. I think I remember reading about it when…”_ He paused, huffing a laugh and shaking his head. _“When I was alive and at the academy.”_ He hesitated again, head turning to look out on the horizon once again. _“Or maybe I never read anything about it at all. Things are foggy sometimes. It’s hard to tell what are my memories and what is the will of the Force.”_ His voice lowering, almost whispering his confession.

 

You frowned deeply, teeth sucking in your lower lip and biting at the flesh. Not once had you considered the plights of being a part of the Force in the sense that he was now. Suffering in his own way, though not unlike yourself. “I’m sorry.” You muttered.

 

He turned to consider you once again, a faint smile coming to his lips. _“I know. I’ve made peace with it.”_ His smile lessoned, bright green eyes dimming in slight remorse, _“One day you will too.”_ You stared at him blankly, unsure of what to say. He was right, you had yet to forgive yourself…and you probably never would. _“You should get back. I’m sure the others are beginning to worry.”_ He said, hand gesturing back towards the ship.

 

You nodded. “Right.” You said glumly. “Thank you Naf.” You took a deep breath, sighing softly, “Thank you for telling me.”

 

He smiled brightly, _“I’ll be seeing you.”_  He nodded, his form flickering out of existence once again, leaving you alone to return back to the ship, helmets still clutched tightly in your hands. Eyes peering upward once again, staring out in the distance, caught in the emotional tide once again, pulled by the undertow, they were gone. Free. You smiled faintly at the thought.

 

By the time you reached the ship the sun was rapidly descending over the curvature of the planet, lowering slowly, the sky growing darker into deeper shade of purples. Einn sat on the edge of the ramp, legs laying flatly out in front of him, his arms bracing him from behind. His head tilted upward, glancing at you and noticing the objects in your hands. He pulled himself up quickly, moving to you and taking Anim’s helmet in his hand. Turning it over absently, inspecting it with slightly sorrowful eyes.

 

“They’re really gone then huh?” He whispered.

 

“I guess so.” You muttered, watching as his lips pinched tightly in thought. “Has there been any sign of E One Seven One?” You asked softly.

 

He shook his head, “Gone too I guess…that or they disposed of them as well.”

 

Your eyes moved to the ship, peering into the lit hull. “What has Ninety-eight been doing?” You asked.

 

“Trying to send a transmission, the long range transmitters are going to take a while to send it back to the Order, but at least they will know what happened.”

 

“Did he include a report on Anim and Vier?”

 

“Yes, listed them as MIA. No further details. We still don’t technically know what happened to them.” He said lowly, a near whisper.

 

Your eyes moving slowly back towards him considering his words. Playing with fire, technicalities could become problems later, especially if Snoke were to pry into both of your minds instead of taking your words at face value. “Is the ship still operational?” You asked changing the subject.

 

“As far as he can tell, there is nothing wrong with the ship, but he’s still actively running through diagnostics.”

 

“How long will that take?” You asked flatly.

 

“Maybe a day or so, I’m not sure. Depends if there are any problems.”  You hummed in response, stomach grumbling loudly. He smiled and nodded, “Come on, let’s go get something to eat. There are plenty of rations left.” He said kindly, gesturing back towards the ship, placing a hand on your shoulder and ushering you inside.

 

You walked back up the ramp, feet making hollow metallic echoes, the sound of beeping from the cockpit resonating through the hull. Einn moved around you gingerly, opening the storage bins and pulling out three full sized portions. You eyed them as he added the water that was left from the reservoir, and waiting for the chemical reaction to take place.

 

“Is the sonic still working?” You asked, moving towards the refresher and hitting the button to release the door.

 

“I believe so.” He called, finger stirring something within one of the packages. “Might want to check with Ninety-eight to be sure.”

 

“You should be good!” Ninety-eight shouted from the cockpit.

 

“Well there you go.” Einn mumbled, goofy grin shifting across his lips. “Hurry up though. I want to take one as well.” 

 

You moved to set Vier’s helmet next to Anim’s, eyes lingering for a moment on the black and chrome facing. You pulled yourself away, rummaging through your bag and pulling out your clothing and moving into the refresher, stripping your clothing away and avoiding looking in the mirror. Stepping into the platform and switching the sonic shower on, allowing the rapid vibrations to shake away any dirt and grime, leaving you feeling clean but not exactly refreshed, in a sort of limbo. You probably should have ran a longer cycle, your hair still had some trappings of dirt and sand in it but you would do that later, your stomach protested loudly to linger in the refresher any longer. Dressing quickly and exiting the small refresher, seeing both Ninety-eight and Einn hungrily devouring their portions.

 

“You both are going to regret eating so much.” You mumbled.

 

“Probably.” Einn said with a huff, patting his slight distended stomach, groaning loudly as he stretched his arms above his head. “We should get those scrapes and cuts addressed before we sleep.” He mumbled, eyes moving to watch as you slowly ate, arms resting above his head as he reclined back against the ship interior.

 

You chewed slowly, forcing yourself not to woof down the meal, knowing that your stomach would revolt later if you ate too quickly.  “How much bacta do we have?” You asked casually, waiting to swallow your food before speaking, a habit that lingered from etiquette classes that felt like it happened eons ago to someone else entirely. A phantom memory.  

 

“Enough if we stretch it out. Use the antibacterial on the scrapes, it’ll be slower to heal, but it’s better than nothing.”

 

“I’m already scabbing, I’m not sure what exactly that is going to help with.” You mumbled.

 

He shrugged. “You at least need some on your head.” He stood slowly, moving to the luggage that sat on the floor and pulling out some items. “I’m going to _shower_.” He said with a slightly irritated tone, clearly still not happy with having to use a sonic shower.  You watched as he moved to the small refresher, closing the durasteel door behind him.

 

You turned to look at Ninety-eight whose eyes looked heavy with sleep, he sat quietly. “Why don’t you get some rest?” You suggested.

 

He stirred suddenly, ripped from his dissociation and nodded. “I’ll be in the cockpit. Make sure you secure the ramp before either of you go to sleep.” He said standing and moving back to the cockpit.

 

You continued to eat the rest of your food, leaving half of it to the side for later, the idea of being sick from over eating detouring you from consuming the full portion. Einn exited the refresher, redressed and holding his soiled clothing under his arm, tossing it in with your own dirty clothing, which sat in a sack marked for cleaning.  He moved through the ship, bare feet slapping on the durasteel flooring and moved to the cockpit, the sound of him rummaging through a compartment could he heard from where you sat.

 

He returned moments later with the large white case in hand and setting in on the makeshift table and flipping it open. “Ready?” He asked, not bothering to look at you as he shifted through the contents of the box.

 

“I guess.” He moved towards you, tilting your head upward, allowing him to get a better angle as he hovered over you, breaking the swab open and smearing it on the gash on your head. Leaving a thick layer across the wound, the smell filling your nose almost immediately, nose wrinkling in disgust.

 

“Top off.” He said flatly and stepping back, allowing you to stand. You pulled the sleeveless split tunic over your head, and stood frozen as he inspected the wounds. The flesh scabbing in some places but in others the flesh was red and agitated. He leaned in and sniffed, pulling back and frowning. He rummaged through the white box and pulled out a spray, spraying your skin with icy mist, you hissed. He moved back to the box and pulled out a packet and opened it, smearing it on your skin. “Let it breathe while we sleep.” He said standing from his slightly stooped position and smearing his hands on his pants. “Hopefully that will help.”

 

“Thanks.” You muttered, watching as he packed the rest of the emergency kit away and walked to return it to the cockpit. You shuffled and removed a cot from an overhead, pulling it down and setting it up, tossing an itchy blanket and flimsy pillow on top of the tight fabric. Einn returning to pull his own cot down as you moved to return the ramp to its upright position, sealing the ship from the outside world. You moved to the cot and laid down, not the most comfortable thing but it beat the days sleeping on the hard ground. Your eyes closing softly, willing your mind to become silent, focusing on your breathing, which seemed far deeper with in the ship thanks to the life support system.

 

****

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, the sound of clattering waking you. Bleary eyes shifting towards the sound. Einn sat on the floor, his saber open, a small tool kit sitting next to him as he inspected the internal workings of his saber.

 

“Morning.” He mumbled.

 

You rolled over, turning away from him and pulling the itchy blanket over your head. Groaning loudly. “Shhhh.” You muttered.

 

“You need to inspect your saber. We have a lot to do today. Ninety-eight is almost finished running diagnostics.” You could feel the covers yanked off of your head, scowling , head turning to glance at him over your bare shoulder, his hand lifted lazily, yanking the covers from you with the Force.

 

“UGH FINE.” You griped loudly, hands moving to rub the residual sleep from your eyes angerily, legs swinging off of the cot and hitting the floor with a smack. Your eyes glaring at Einn, lips curled slightly, angry that he had woken you.

 

“Staring at me isn’t going to fix your saber. Get moving Eight.” His voice commanding, a hint of the past coming through in his tone, you facial expression shifting into one of slight shock. “Move it.” He said flatly. You scowled once again, getting out of your cot and moving to grab your shirt and getting ready to put it on over your head. “Ointment.” He said flatly, still focused on his saber.

 

You huffed loudly, stomping towards the cockpit and startling Ninety-eight awake. “Sorry.” You mumbled. He stirred slightly, head coming to rest back on the seat and eyes closing once again. You pulled out the emergency kit and moved back into the hull, setting it on the table and grabbing the ointment and smearing it quickly on your torso. Throwing on your shirt, fabric sticking to the ointment and clinging to you. You huffed loudly, Einn’s eyes moving upward to look at you.

 

“You are such a brat when you wake up.” He laughed.

 

“Shut up.” You hissed, moving to grab your saber and pulling your blanket from the cot and tossing it on the floor. Sitting on top of it and placing your saber in front of you. “Hand me that.” You said pointing at a tool sitting next to Einn. He rolled it towards you. You snatched it up and began to manually disassemble your saber.

 

Once the both of you had inspected every aspect of your saber and reassembled them you both took a break to eat, Ninety-eight joining you, gathered around the table, Einn smacking loudly causing you to cringe. “How’s the ship looking?’ He asked between loud smacking chews.

 

“Good so far, need to calibrate a few things with the ship but other than that I think we should be able to at least get back to one of the outposts.”

 

“Excellent. Now all we have to do is waltz in and get the mantle and then we can leave this planet in the dust.” He swallowed harshly and sipped at his water.

 

“You think it’ll be that easy?” You asked, eyeing him with a raised eyebrow.

 

He shrugged. “Probably not but I like to have a positive attitude.” He said with a smile.

 

You rolled your eyes at him, “Are we going today or do you want to wait?”

 

“Might as well get a move on it. I don’t want to stay here any longer than we have to. We’ve wasted enough time just trying to get here. It’ll take almost another month to get back to the flagship…If we don’t run into any complications.” No longer so positive with his response. “We can go after we finish eating.” He mused.

 

“Alright.” You shrugged. If he wanted to go today who were you to argue?

 

 

****

 

You stood outside of the ship, armor placed back on, saber out, prepared to ignite for the first time since reassembly. You stood rigidly, saber held out stretched in your hand, hoping beyond all hope that nothing exploded. Mentally switching the internal toggle and waiting for the hum. Dark crimson blade jutting out surely, solid and strong. Relief passing through you, exhaling through pursed lips. You twirled the blade absent-mindedly, feeling the familiar weight and moving through a few short motions. Ensuring that there was no short in the wiring.

 

Einn stood away from you, his own saber in his hands, held away from him just has you had done before. His blade igniting quickly, his brows raising and then lowering, shoulders relaxing, equally relieved that nothing had exploded.

 

You retracted the blade, eyes peering upward, gauging the position of the sun and nodding. Plenty of time left. Einn walked towards you, securing his saber to his belt and nodding. “You ready?” He asked. You nodded. Both of you turning and moving back onto the open ramp and glancing inward. Ninety-eight back in the cockpit.  “We’re leaving! Keep the ramp closed! If we aren’t back in a day…prepare for departure and leave!”  He shouted into the ship.

 

“OKAY!” Ninety-eight shouted back. Einn moved to the override panel and punched in the code to return the ramp upward, sealing the ship.

 

“Let’s go.” He said, turning to look at you and walking back towards the road, following closely behind as you both silently walked towards the city.

 

“This is where the helmets were sitting.” You said point at the dilapidated well. Eyes watching as Einn moved to inspect the well, running a gloved hand across the pitted surface of the stone.

 

“I wonder why here.” He mused.

 

“It’s in the center of the town, couldn’t miss it even if we tried.”

 

“But why not just leave them at the ship?”

 

You shrugged. Truthfully you didn’t know. Einn shined the large flashlight that he had acquired from the ship down the well, head tilting every which way trying to see further down. He hummed. “What is it?”

 

“There’s a floor down there.” He mumbled.

 

“A what?” You asked moving beside him and leaning over the edge of the lip of the well. Your eyes adjusting to the dim lighting that the flashlight beam provided. You could barely make out the carefully laid stone flooring, tight spacing almost perfectly laid. Your brows furrowed. Your eyes traveling up further inside of the stone cylinder that made the interior of the well, catching jutting metal that had perhaps at one time been a grate. “Maybe this isn’t what we think it is.” You purposed, pulling yourself up, hand securely on the stone wall. Loose stone that fell as soon as you pulled yourself up. Your stomach dropping momentarily as you watched the stone fall down and crash to the floor below, shattering into a thousand pieces. Your eyes growing wide as you looked at Einn, as if saying _‘shit that could have been me’_. He mirrored the look.

 

“Let’s be a little more careful.” He muttered, once again peering over the edge careful not to touch the stone lip.  

 

You laughed nervously. “Yeahhhh.” You said slowly, turning away from the opening and looking around the square once again. “So how do we get down there?’ You asked, wanting to avoid jumping down the large drop.

 

He shrugged. “There’s gotta be another way in. A main entrance…somewhere.”  He mused, rubbing his chin. Eyes moving to the ground and searching for something, walking around the stone circle and moving to the opposite side. A soft laugh emitting from him. “Gotta love dirt.” He said with slight amusement. “Come take a look at this.” He said, finger pointing to something on the ground.

 

Moving to where he stood, eyes looking at the ground searching for what he was talking about and laughing softly. A set of boot prints almost perfectly etched into the dirt of the square, heading off towards the other end of the town. “I feel almost stupid for not thinking about looking for foot prints.”

 

He shrugged. “I mean…it kinda seems idiotic to even waste the time looking for them in a town.” He admitted.

 

“So…shall we?” You asked with a raised brow.

 

“Well…it’s as good as any other idea.” He laughed faintly.

 

Both of you kept your eyes trained on the foot falls that were imprinted into the dry earth, following them as they moved towards the main avenue, watching as they stopped suddenly as you came to an almost perfectly bricked road. Both of you lifting your heads upward and peering down the long stretch of road. The town was more than just what you had seen earlier, it was more of a city, stretching much farther than you would have ever imagined by the quaint buildings that you had passed when you made your entrance.

 

“What the hell is this place and where are all the people?” You asked, brows knitting tightly.

 

“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” His eyes trained further out into the city.

 

Both of you once again walking, moving down the paved avenue and passing buildings that seemed to defy all laws of decay. Erected almost perfectly, frozen in time. As if everyone had just stepped out for a moment, leaving items displayed in carts and shops. Clothing hanging, books displayed in windows, tools and other curious items. Only able to figure out what the shops were by the items that they contained. The writing foreign to you.  

 

Passing yet another square, halting and peering around for anything of interest and once again finding nothing. Walking once again, mindlessly scanning the buildings around you, the spaces between the buildings lessoning as you moved forward, crowding like stone teeth in a mouth too small to contain them.

 

Einn halted suddenly, taking you a moment to realize that he had stopped dead in his tracks, too preoccupied with looking around you to notice right away. You stopped and turned to look at him, expression asking him what his problem was. 

 

“You feel that?” He asked.

 

You shook your head.

 

“Reach out in the Force.” He said almost impatiently.

 

“Why there’s nothing out here.”

 

“Just do it. I just picked up on it…it’s faint…but man…whatever it is it’s drawing a lot of energy towards it.” 

 

Your brows furrowed as you sighed, closing your eyes and reaching out into the Force. Feeling the emptiness of the city, the only signatures were yours and Einn’s and if you reached out further you would find Ninety-eight. “I don’t feel anything…oh.” You paused, something drawing your mental attentions further away in the direction you had been actively moving. If you had to describe it in a word it would be _acute._ “What _is_ that?” You questioned, eyes opening once again.

 

“I have no idea, but let’s find out.”

 

The both of you resuming your walk, picking up pace as you moved, huffing breathes due to the thin air. Following the ever narrowing funnel, the pull of the Force drawing you closer and closer. You could feel it now, even without actively tracking it. Entranced almost, no longer searching the city around you, your heads and eyes locked onto its location, ensnared.

 

The building sat in the center of the city. A great pyramid of stone steps, leading to the apex, large opening, dark and calling. You halted at the bottom step, head tilted upward and peering into the open mouth of the square doorway. Einn was already moving upward, the call too great for him to stop. Your body tingled, every hair standing on end. Your legs moving of their own accord, moving you towards the tugging pull, the feeling yanking heavily within your core, as if there were a tethered line being pulled from the entrance way.

 

Your hands moved in unison, pulling out your respective flashlights and clicking them on, securing it to your shoulder, allowing your hands to be free. Eyes searching within the small upper room, torches that had long since been lit hung from the outer perimeter of the room, a pedestal the housed a vase with dried flowers, sat precariously within the room. You approached the vase, finger skimming the dried flowers, buds dark and crisp, falling as your fingers made contact. Head turning to focus on Einn’s shuffling movements, boots scuffing on stone flooring, stirring motes of dust.

 

“Come on.”  He said, perching himself on the edge of a stair well, waiting for you to join him. You crossed the room, eyes focusing on the dark stairwell, the pull growing stronger. Following him as he ascended down the stair. Winding deeper downward. The air cooling rapidly around you, dank and reminding you of the holding cells in Beirus. Your hands running down the cool stone walls. Perfectly intact, the gritty texture felt through your gloves. Your footsteps echoing as you moved lower, strange writing on the walls in near perfect condition.

 

The bottom of the stair opened into a cavernous room, high ceilings, decorated pillars holding the structure securely. A single beam of light shining on a singular statue in the center of the room. Dried flowers perched below her stone feet. Three floating creatures dancing and enwrapping themselves around her, one chewing on her shoulder, unclothed arm wrapped and petting the head of the creature. Sharp teeth, bulging eyes, and its eel like body floating around her, frilled tails and beards, deep flapping gullets, ready to swallow. Her face serine, eyes peering upward toward the skylight, golden disk resting behind her head, patinaed from exposure and time, her hair life like as it curled and peaked from beneath her loose shroud. At peace as she was consumed by the creatures that plagued her.

 

 _“Istina and the three sorrows.”_  Naf’s voice echoed within your head. _“Zenosyne_ , _the sense of passing time. Klexos, the dwindiling past. Anemoia, fondness of the time unknown.”_ You looked for him, but could not find him. Your eyes locking onto Einn who seemed to be completely entranced by Istina and the three sorrows. _“Zenosyne bites her, Klexos comes from behind, and Anemoia rests by her side.”_ Your legs compelled you forward, hand outstretching to caress the stony hand resting upon Anemoia’s head.

 

“Truth.” Einn whispered. Your eyes moving to him slowly, cutting to see him in the beam of light. His expression serious in contemplation, as if gleaning secrets from the stone figure.

 

“Come on, we’re losing light.” You said, retracting your hand from the statue and tugging gently on Einn’s arm.

 

Once again following the pull of the Force, moving towards the opposite end of the large room, passing enclosed alcoves and torches meant to cast light with in the dark room, moving to another set of stairs, gated and locked to prevent entry. You peered through the ornate scroll work of the gate, hands rattling the strange metal to see if it would open without force, the gate swung open freely. You moved across the small landing and continued to descending further into the temple.

 

Reaching yet another floor, finally free of the confines of the large pyramid, down at the basest of levels, darkness surrounding you, flashlight cutting bright beams in front of you, causing you to have to turn your body in order to get a sense of your surroundings. You landed on an arched hallway flanked by decorated stone pillars, legs carrying you towards it, halting when you realized that Einn was not following you.

 

“It’s this way.” You said, catching him at the mouth of the opposite hallway. He looked at you and shook his head.

 

“No it’s this way.”  Both of you pausing and looking at the other, unwilling to change your respective course. “You go that way, I’ll go this way.” He said motioning to the hall in front of him with his head. You nodded. "Keep open." He reminded as he moved through the opposite hall.

 

You watched as he disappeared into the swallowing darkness, turning to face down your own dark path. The back of your neck tingling and prickling, your eyes scanning for the phantom figure, but still not able to find him, your brows creasing in slight confusion. He had never been hesitant to appear, what had changed.

 

 _“It’s straining…too difficult.”_ His spectral voice rang in your mental space.

 

“Is it the mantle?” You voiced lowly, aware that your voice would echo down the hall and possibly back to Einn.

 

 _“Yes.”_ His voice resonated flatly.

 

You continued to walk down the long hall, passing nothing of interest as you moved, the walls decorated in the same language you had seen earlier, pausing to peer at some of the simple murals that sporadically appeared on the walls. Bright paint slowly chipping away from the damp interior of the underground, grumbling under your gloved finger tips as you ran it across the wall.

 

“What are all these paintings?” You asked softly.

 

_“Stories of the people who made the mantle. Of Truth and her brothers, Fahamu and Bawah.”_

 

“I thought you said you weren’t a historian.” You mumbled.

 

_“I’m not.”_

“You know an awful lot for a ‘not-historian’.” You huffed.

 

_“I told you…sometimes the Force just tells me things.”_

 

Your eyes rolled softly, body turning away from the mural and moving back down the gloomy passageway.

 

 

****

 

“What is it?” He asked, peering at the standing giant. Clad in armor and holding a large hammer, a single large spike at the top center of the mallet, mimicking the giant spiked piece that crested the helmet of the figure. The trickling of water could be heard behind the statue.

 

 _“Bawah. The Unconscious Truth.”_ Yasmal said dully, apparently wholly uninterested in the scene.

 

He hummed, legs moving around the colossus, looking for the source of the trickling sound. His head turning upwards, the beam of the flashlight catching the small spray of water cascading from the ceiling, perhaps at one point it had been a large water fall, rerouted here by the architects? His head tracing the path of the water and peering into a large deep man made well, a true well this time, not just an opening to allow natural light to fill the underground portions of the temple.  He peered into the dark seemingly endless pit, shining the light’s focused beam into the hole and seeing nothing but the rough wet hued rock sides.

 

“What’s with the water?” He asked absently, pondering aloud.

 

_“The Unconscious Truth flows like water, under the surface of a deep well, waiting to be discovered. Bawah guides all.”_

“Bit on the nose isn’t it?” He huffed a soft laugh.

 

_“You are wasting time here, proceed. He slumbers.”_

His face scrunched at the cryptic wording, not liking the possibility that Bawah could spring forth, awakened at a moment’s notice. He turned away from the well, moving back out of the large alcove and back into the main hall, stopping at the large entrance way and peering once more at Bawah’s large form and turning away, back into the darkness of the hall.

 

 

****

Moments of uneventful walking, eyes scanning out into the gloom that surrounded you, wondering when you would find what you were looking for. Naf’s presence felt at the back of your mind, lingering and awaiting to be of assistance. You almost missed the opening, breezing past it and then halting suddenly at the recognition of there being a large gap in the seemingly endless wall. You halted, walking backwards suddenly and angling yourself to allow the light to skim across the wall, finding the large archway and peering inside, but not entering.

 

Your eyes falling upon a sitting figure, hands resting upon the armrests of the stony chair, large, much like everything else on the planet. Towering upward, the large vaulted ceiling of the alcove only giving the illusion that the armored being that perched on the chair was smaller. Two large bowls flanked its side, perhaps pyres at one point, large flames would have crackled next to the giant statue during a time long before now. You moved hesitantly through the arch way, curiously peering at the figure.

 

 _“Fahamu, The Conscious Truth.”_ Naf supplied.

 

Your eyes moving to the sword that laid across his great lap and then moving to the helmet that rested on a stony face. Strange rectangular antlers jutting out of the side of the helmet, branching upward and out, almost mimicking the steps of the pyramid. 

“Did they pray to him?” You asked in a hushed tone.

 

_“They sought him for guidance once.”_

 

“Did he answer?” You asked.

 

_“Sometimes.”_

“What happened to the people of this planet?” You asked turning away from Fahamu and moving back out into the hall. He was not what you were looking for.

 

_“I don’t know.”_

You hummed and continued walking, moving down the dark hall way and coming to a slight veering path, halting at the feeling of a familiar presence approaching. You could see his light shining down the hall. Your hand slightly covering your own flashlights beam, attempting to shield him from the brightness. The convergence of the halls leading into a single large hall, wider than the previous two and much taller.

 

“Well fancy seeing you here.” He hailed, approaching you and shielding his own flashlight, aiming it lower and allowing the radiant glow to cast across your faces.

 

“I guess we were both right.” You smirked.

 

He shrugged, aiming the light down the dark hall and peering outward. Eyes narrowing slightly. “What’s that?” he asked moving ahead of you and towards something on the floor of the hall. Following behind him, your eyes locking onto what he was talking about. Eyes moving away and upward, further down the hall, jaw setting tightly in your skull. Crumbled armored and long dead. Nothing left but bones, the scene of a large battle long since passed. Eyes watching as Einn crouched and inspected the skeleton, a large spear protruding through a weak point in the plated armor, hand gripping the haft.  “Well…I guess we know what happened to the people.” He muttered, standing and looking down the hall, bones scattered across the floor, still perfectly intact.

 

“This can’t be everyone…the city was huge…there were no signs of a struggle above…surely some must have left…somehow.” You mused.

 

He shrugged, scratching his nose absently. “It really doesn’t matter in the long run does it? They’re dead and we still need to retrieve the mantle.”

 

“I guess.” You mumbled.

 

He turned and began picking his path down the hall, avoiding disturbing the remains of those who littered the hall, at points actively jumping over jumbled piles of bones and armor. You had been on the outskirts of the battle you realized quickly as you moved deeper, coming across more and more skeletal forms. The pull in the Force urging you onward despite the disconcerting pile up of bodies. Noticing that the bones had been scattered slightly as you proceeded, moving into the inner circle of the long gone conflict, signs that Anim and Vier had been here, no longer able to avoid disturbing the bones of the fallen.

 

The both of you still attempting not to scatter any of the remains further, picking your way gingerly, feet kicking out stretched limbs and scattering pieces across the hall floor, causing a loud echoing clattering to fill your ears. Cringing at the sound…as if it was going to wake something. Einn seemed to have the same reaction, shoulders scrunching slightly upward at the noise, pausing and looking around the hall expecting for something to jump out of the darkness and attack.

 

Of course nothing happened. There was nothing in the darkness except for the both of you and the long since dead. Einn’s light cast upward, catching the arch way of an opening, the great doors that once sealed the room long since toppled over and broken. The amount of piled bodies, ranging in shape…young and older littered the ground, almost to the point of not being able to even see the stone flooring that laid beneath. A massacre. You peered around the room, flashlight shining all around and catching sight of a pathway leading further into the large room. Eyes trailing upward and following the path, Einn following closely behind you, your eyes locked on to the object that had been pulling you towards it. The sucking drawl on the Force immense as you moved towards it mindlessly.

 

Golden metals, and crystals embedded within the mantle, perched upon an altar, held high for all to see. You halted in front of it, unsure if you should touch it, the draw was almost draining. Eyeing it cautiously. Einn moving around you, feet shoving bones out of your way and peering at it, arms pinned tightly to his side. Your eyes moved around the raised pillar, finding a lever and moving towards it.

 

It sat precariously near the mantle, a skeletal hand gripped around it, perhaps attempting to pull in before death. You peered at it hand moving out to touch it. “What are you doing?” Einn called behind you.

 

You turned to glance at him and then moved back towards him, standing next to him as he prepared to remove the mantle. His gloved hands moving delicately and pulling the mantle from the stand, turning it over in his hand and sucking in a harsh breath. You raised a brow at him. “What is it?” You whispered.

 

“I don’t know…it feels….really heavy…not physically…but…something else. I don’t know.” He turned to look back at the lever you had been inspecting earlier. “What’s that?” he asked, grip tightening around the mantle as he moved to inspect the lever. His free hand prying the sketelon’s grip from the long shaft, boot nudging the body further away, you shined the light onto the floor. Eyes peering at the strange writing on the ground.

 

His brows furrowed, gesturing for you to take the mantle. “Put it in your pouch.” He said, leaning down and running a hand across the engraved alien lettering. You took the mantle and instantly regretted the action. The pull was intense, draining, too much. You quickly moved to shove it into one of your pouches, sealing it away, wanting to be rid of the feeling and turning once again to look at Einn, watching as he rubbed at his stubble covered chin in thought.

 

“Can you read it?” You asked, unsure if he could translate the language, something he was far better at than you ever were.

 

“I think it says… _awaken_?” He mumbled, standing up straight and turning away from it and shrugging.

 

“Awaken?” You muttered under your breath, glancing down at the foreign markings, your hand moving to the lever and pulling it towards you. Curious as to what it did.

 

Einn turned to look at you, the sound of the lever being pulled and something clicking loudly within the chamber causing him to glare at you. He looked at you in disbelief, completely befuddled by your action. His face scrunching and upper lip sneering slightly as his head shook slowly, as if to say _‘why?’_

 

You shrugged. “I’m curious.” You muttered sheepishly.

 

“I just told you what it said…and you’re curious?!” He asked heatedly. “Are you insane?!” He asked, straining to keep himself from yelling.  

 

“I mean nothing is happening so…I’m sure we’re….” Loud rumbling further away causing you to pause, brows scrunching and peering around Einn and angling yourself to allow the light from your flashlight to shine back out into the hall. Seeing nothing you shrugged. “Probably nothing.” You mumbled. The sound stopping as soon as it started. “Come on lets go.” You said flatly, as if nothing had just occurred, causing him to give you a glare and huffing loudly behind you. The both of you once again walking towards the toppled doors, “It’s not like there’s anything in here that’s alive.” You mumbled, hand gesturing out towards all the remains around you. “I’m sure it was nothing.”

 

He remained silent behind you, both of you leaving the large archway and moving into the hall. Walking silently back towards the stairs that lead back up to the pyramid. The silence didn’t last for long, loud rumbling and shaking filling the hall way, causing the both of you to halt. Your head turning to Einn quickly, he nodded. Confirming your fears. “Shit.” You hissed.

 

Both of you moving into a run, attempting to flee the hall as quickly as possible, hurdling over piles of bones, scattering others wildly across the floor. The rumbling growing closer and closer. Both of you openly huffing as you moved swiftly down the hall, coming to the conjuncture of the split halls and halting. Feet scuffing loudly on the floor, sliding and stumbling slightly. “Turn around! TURN AROUND!” You screamed.

 

At each end of the halls, two hulking masses moved towards you, gaining ground swiftly, bits of the stone ceiling crumbling at the jolting masses movements. Gleaming light emitting from behind their helmets, shining brightly from stone eyes and the joints of the two giants. One with a large hammer and the other with a large sword. Fahamu and Bawah come to collect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop by my tumblr and get a nice concept sketch of Istina and The Three Sorrows  
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/173440857581/istina-and-the-three-sorrows 
> 
> Drop a message, talk to me! I promise I don't bite and I love hearing from all of you!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than normal...forgive me.

Chapter 33

_Öga_

__________________

 

You both scrambled back down the hall, no longer bothering to leap over the piles of bones and instead just blatantly knocking them across the floor, stumbling over them as they rolled underfoot. “YOU. JUST. HAD. TO. PULL. THE. LEVER!!!!!” Einn screamed between pants, glancing over his shoulder to see the two lumbering giants moving swiftly towards you, determined to reach the both of you.

 

“SHUT. UP. AND. RUN!” You huffed, slipping slightly on a rolling thigh bone and feeling Einn’s hand yanking on your belt and pulling you upward as your hands caught palm down onto the ground, allowing you to return to running instead of falling.  Both of you passing through the doorway and looking around the room frantically. You moved towards the lever and yanked it back to its previous position, hoping beyond all hope that it would halt the two goliaths. You stood expectantly, waiting for the rumbling to cease, but nothing happened. Einn glared at you.

 

“I’m curious.” He mocked, his voice raising in pitch. “You are never allowed to touch anything ever again!” He seethed. “Next time when I tell you what something does…don’t mess with it!” He hissed.

 

“OkayOkay! But what do we do? We’re trapped in here!” You slurred hurriedly, eyes moving around the large chamber frantically, looking for any possible way out. Completely trapped…just like the remains that littered the floor.  Doomed to die in the chamber.

 

“We just need to get around them and get back into the hall…get them on the other end…run for it.” He said, eyes trained on the door way, the soft glow growing brighter and the shaking growing more intense, the bones on the floor rattling with each movement of the titan’s heavy foot falls.

 

You frowned deeply, eyes wide with slight panic, nodding all the same. “Okay.” You muttered, mostly to assure yourself. It was a better plan than dying.

 

“Just follow my lead! Here they come!” He screamed. Moving through the threshold, Bawah, hammer in hand, bright glowing eyes locking onto the both of you. Footsteps pulverizing the bones under his large stone feet, sending bone dust floating into the air in puffs. Einn stood still, your head turning to look at him eyes wide in confusion. Wasn’t it time to run?

 

The door frame crumbled, stone cracking and fissuring suddenly. Again another loud boom as Fahamu attempted to move through the doorway, large stepped antlers catching on the stone frame. The urge to laugh at the absolutely ridiculous sight almost over whelming, you fought it…too inappropriate. Einn’s hand suddenly gripping onto your bicep and pulling you, too caught up watching the giant attempting to enter the chamber to notice that Bawah had moved far too close for comfort, large war hammer swinging downward and connecting with the stone ground. The vibrations sending both of you into the air and causing you both to tumble to the ground.  

 

You winced as you landed awkwardly, bones and armor jabbing into you, you had no time to think about it, the loud thundering steps moving closer as Bawah pursued you. Scrambling upward, hand flying outward, Force surging out of you and flinging bones, weapons and pieces of armor towards Bawah, clattering into the stone colossus, completely unaffected. If he could have blinked…he more than likely would have, unamused by the infantile attack. Arms pivoting and slowly hefting the hammer once again, preparing to flatten the both of you. Fahamu still attempting to breach the door way, trapping the both of you in the chamber with Bawah for the moment. Einn’s hand once again grabbing you, yanking you violently as he moved to run away from Bawah in a short burst. “He’s big, but slow…shouldn’t be too hard to keep avoiding him…we just need to wait for the other one to get through the doorway.” He huffed, eyes shifting between the doorway and Bawah’s lumbering movements.

 

“Fahamu.” You said flatly.

 

“What?”

 

“The other one is Fahamu.” You said, gesturing towards the doorway.

 

Einn’s face scrunching and head shaking, “Why does that even matter right now?” His shoulders pinching slightly in annoyance, eyes narrowing into slits. 

 

“I don’t know…” You trailed, not exactly sure why you had volunteered the information. Another loud bang and clattering of stone. He would break soon enough you mused. Your eyes moved back to Bawah, stomping towards you, sending more bone meal into the air around you, shielding your nose and mouth with your forearm as the plume spread through the air in a thick covering. Hammer once again moving downward, but instead of swinging it to pulverize you, his hands moved up the shaft, choking the handle and jutting it towards you. The spiked top zooming through the air, gliding smoothly through the dust cloud causing you to jump backwards, avoiding being impaled on the hammer’s spiked tip.  His movements picking up pace suddenly, stomping much more frequent. “I think he heard you!” You yelled as you moved further away from the Goliath.  Einn scattering in the opposite direction, shooting a glare at you as he avoided a wild swing of the hammer.

 

“This is all your fault!” He screamed, sending a hand out and sending a pulse out into the Force, Bawah once again unaffected. “Couldn’t leave well enough alone!” He hollered, rolling away quickly as Bawah adjusted his stance quickly, hefting the hammer upward once again. “JUST HAD TO PULL THE FUCKING LEVER!!!” He shouted loudly.

 

“I’m sorry okay!” You screamed over the loud banging. Your hand reaching for your saber and pulling it from the holster. Mind shifting through the panic that drifted through your mind like a thick fog, shifting lower, dropping to the well, and plunging down, drudging up the deep seated anger that moved like magma under everything. Using the emotion to channel and attune yourself to your saber, mentally switching the internal toggle, dark crimson light surging outward, humming loudly. Red glow casting out into the dark room.

 

Bawah halted suddenly, turning sharply and casting his glowing eyes upon you. “What are you doing you idiot?!” Einn screamed.

 

“I don’t know! Helping?!” You yelled. Bawah hefted his hammer above his head, tilting his head back as if making a silent roar. Hands choking on the shaft of his great hammer and running towards you. The sight of the giant moving into a full sprint was horrifying, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away, thankfully your body instinctively forced your legs to bend at the knees, moving into a duck and rolling swiftly between Bawah’s large gait, the pointed tip of the hammer jutting through the air where you had been standing.

 

You stood upward, saber clenched tightly in your hand, in between the giant’s legs, eyes moving upward to stare at his stone privates, flat completely autonomous, but that wasn’t what made you stare so intently. No, the light that seeped between his strange stone balled joints shone brightly between his pivoted legs. You could see a ball of sorts, bright moving inside of his core, rotating rapidly.  Your head tilting slightly trying to catch a glimpse of it once again.

 

“EIGHT!” Einn screamed. Your head whipping back to the front of Bawah, his torso bent downward, head and eyes locked onto you between his legs, stone hand reaching for you. Your eyes going wide as you tucked and rolled away from his grasp, saber tucked to keep it from maiming you as you rolled. You ran towards Einn, turning to look at the stone leviathan as he righted himself.

 

“I think I know how to stop him.” You panted.

 

“I don’t think that’s very important right now!” He yelled shoving you away from him as Bawah stomped hurriedly towards the both of you, hammer crashing downward onto the stone. A loud crack sounding from the door way, the sound of tumbling stone clattering to the floor at Fahamu finally broke through the door way. “RUN FOR THE DOOR!” He screamed as Fahamu readied his great sword, legs moving to join his brother.

 

You bolted, scampering around Bawah’s legs and dodging the large swooping slash of Fahamu’s sword. Einn bolted through the doorway, your legs pushing you to move faster but not fast enough to make it as Bawah’s giant hammer struck above the entrance, the stone collapsing, sealing the exit and leaving you trapped with the two titans. “EIGHT!!!!!!” You could hear Einn’s shouting, you scrambled and turned sharply away from the door, once again dodging the great sword of Fahamu.

 

“Shitshitshitshitshittttttt.” You muttered, running as far away from the two giants as you could. Gasping heavily, lungs searing in your chest. Turning away from the wall and peering back at the two plodding statues, once again moving at a slower pace. Well aware that you were trapped like a rat.  Your eyes searching all around the room for anything that could be of help, constantly moving back towards the two giants, tracking them as they moved closer.

 

 _“You know you could use your saber?”_ Naf’s voice hummed.

 

 _“You think it’ll cut through the stone?”_ You questioned.

 

 _“Worth a try.”_ He ventured. What else did you have to lose?

 

Twirling your saber in your hand, allowing the hum to comfort you slightly. Puffing out your chest slightly, sighing loudly. “This is so stupid.” You muttered before moving into a sprint. Running towards Bawah’s long legs, veering slightly, attempting to time his gait, circling around him quickly, eyes watching, NOW. Heading straight towards the planted foot, the other lifted upward in mid step. Running and falling to your knees, sliding, saber held tightly in both hands, preparing for the strong resistance of the stone, twisting your middle and spine, angling your arms and slicing into the rock face, red sparks of plasma flying outward as your saber made contact. Arms yanking backward, pulled by the resistance of the stone on your blade, holding firm as you slid forward, left leg planting, right swiveling upward, left hand pushing you off of the ground, aiding you in popping upward, springing back into a run, right hand gripping your saber tightly and trailing behind you. Pivoting to a halt and turning to look at the giant, searching for your cut in the stone. A small gash across the stone ankle of the still stepping giant. Nothing. “Fuck me.” You muttered. Your saber flickering slightly, unhappy with the contact it had made with the alien stone, stuttering and then reforming back into a solid blade. “Shit.”  Bawah and Fahamu turning to face you once more.

 

 _“Eight!”_  Your head snapping back towards the doorway, the sound of rocks being moved hastily filling your ears. _“Just keep moving. I’ll be there. Just. Keep. Moving!”_ Einn’s voice rang loudly in your head, the feeling of panic clear and resonating.

 

“I don’t suppose either of you will listen to reason!?” You yelled. They did not halt, moving once again towards you, hefting their weapons, Bawah’s hands choking on the haft of his hammer, preparing to jut the weapon at you as Fahamu veered to circle you. “Yeah. I didn’t think that would work.” You muttered. Retracting your blade and placing your saber back in the holster quickly, you stood, waiting for them to attack, holding out for the best moment to sprint away from them.

 

Bawah’s arm pivoted, hammer’s haft sliding through his stone grip, hammer shooting outward, gliding through the air with precision, Fahamu’s sword coming to sweep wide across, cutting your exit by use of a dodge. You leapt into the air, Force focused heavily into your legs, muscles bolstered and allowing you to jump much higher than you would have been able to naturally. Your eyes glancing downward as you saw their weapons clash together, the sound almost deafening, both giants frozen for a moment. An idea striking you suddenly.

 

You focused on landing on the locked weapons, feet planting onto the shaft of Fahamu’s sword. You balanced, arms flinging outward and legs moving to a sprint as you ran up the sword, moving over the hilt and the giant hands that gripped it. Legs and arms latching onto the giant as his head swiveled to glare at you, arm moving in an attempt to shake you. Scrambling as quickly up the limb as possible, his free hand moving to grab at you as you crested his stone armored shoulder, moving to latch onto the stepped antlers, gloved fingers gripping the stone tightly as the giant ambled about attempting to be rid of you.

 

Bawah on the other hand had only one goal in mind. Destruction. He hefted his hammer, swinging it towards his brother. Smacking into his thick chest, causing Fahamu to stop his useless reaching, his body tumbling backwards, stumbling and attempting to regain his balance. Your arms latching around the stepped antlers, holding on for dear life as the two bothers began to fight one another.

 

Your arms were starting to slip, legs already dangling down the giant’s back. _“Hurry up One!”_ You mentally projected. You readjusted your grip, hefting yourself upward, glaring light from the joint around the armor of Fahamu’s torso causing you to squint. You peered down into the crack as Bawah knocked into his brother once more. Your arms slipping once again. “Shittttt” You hissed between clenched teeth. Your eyes moving back to the antlers, arms adjusting once again. A large gap opening between the jointed neck and the torso, you could see a familiar glowing ball inside the chest cavity of Fahamu. Your eyes locking onto it as it spun rapidly. Lifting your lower half, and angling your legs, taking a deep breath and sliding down into the hallow stone center of Fahamu’s chest. Eyes shutting tightly, the bright light emitting from the object blinding you and causing you to see spots behind your lids.

 

“Fuckkkkk.” You seethed lowly. Hands bracing you within the stone cavity as you felt another blow from Bawah’s hammer knock into Fahamu’s chest. Knocking you around the hollow center and causing you to slide downward. The narrow tapering of the chest cradling you as you slowly cracked your eyes open, the moving object spinning above you. Your head tilting slightly as you squinted at it.

 

Your hand reaching out to it, feeling a strong pull of energy, the center was somehow pulling current from the Force, allowing the stone goliath to become animated and conscious enough to attack. “I wonder….” You mumbled, sliding your legs, pushing you up further and allowing you to touch the spinning orb. Your breath sucked out of you as you made slight contact with the object, zapping you of energy almost immediately. Your hand retracting away from it quickly, falling back into the chest of the creature and laying there for a moment, attempting to regain your breath, head pounding and eyes squeezed shut.

 

 _“Naf?”_ You mentally called, hoping that he would answer.

 

 _“Yes?”_ His voice dull with in your head, muffled almost.

_“I need to…do…something with that…thing…but I can’t touch it.”_  Straining to form a cohesive thought.

 

 _“I…I don’t know. I don’t think you should mess with it.”_ His voice coming in and out of focus in your head. Loud one moment and then suddenly impossibly stifled.

 

“You’re no help.” You mumbled weakly. One eye prying open, peeping the orb once again through a thin slit. “Alright you mother fucker, let’s see how you like this.” You muttered, weakly reaching for your saber, fumbling as you pulled it from your belt. Your hand resting it on your stomach as the interior of the cavity cradled you. Resting for a moment before grabbing the saber once again. Legs weakly moving and pushing you upward. One eye still open, taking a deep breath, and closing your eye, focusing on the Force, allowing it to flow through your body, melding with your being as you delved inwardly, yanking mentally at the anger, metaphysical form pulling and tugging at it, urging it to surge though you were suddenly so exhausted. Coaxing it to aid you, to strengthen you, to give you the energy you needed. Eyes opening as you felt the surge of hot anger move through you. Overwhelming all sense of tiredness, your hand gripping the curved black hilt of your saber, mentally toggling the switch inside of the phrik casing. Crimson light filling the cavity, battling the bright blue light that blared from the rotating orb. “Eat saber bitch.” You hissed. Hand jabbing the blade into the spinning bright orb.  

 

Sparks of plasma splattered around the cavity, landing on you and burning your armor, singeing your exposed skin, hissing and moving your other hand to the hilt of your saber, forcing the blade to rest on the spinning orb. Teeth gritting tightly, knuckles tight, as the blade caught onto the orb, slowing its rapid rotation. “Come onnnnn just a bit more.” You hissed lowly, pleading for your saber to hold out. Arm muscles tensing as the orb continued to fight against the plasma blade, attempting to spin at its previous rapid rate. Your arms moved, straining and pressing the blade to the orb, butting against the sphere, eyes watching at the glowing blue light began to dull, spinning slowing, plasma sparks pelting you. “Give up bitch!” You screamed, left hand breaking from your hilt and shooting towards the orb, Force actively flowing through the appendage, focusing on aiding your saber. Light flickering in a strobe, and then stopping completely. The orb falling and you with it. Floating momentarily upward, mentally toggling your saber off quickly as you tumbled inside of Fahamu’s core, the heavy orb smacking into you, drained of power and harmless. You smacked into the outer wall of stone harshly as the giant clattered to the floor, knocking into his brother and causing Bawah to stumble backward.

 

Your head clunking into the side of the stone harshly.

****

 

He couldn’t have imagined how heavy the stone would be. Mentally unprepared to use the Force as much as he was currently having to use. Tossing as many pieces of the shattered rubble out of the door way. He just needed to move enough to make a quick entrance and an even quicker exit. He could still hear the thudding in the chamber. He moved quicker.

 

His hand moving impulsively, tossing anything and everything in his way haphazardly behind him. _“Einn. Focus.”_  Yasmal’s voice hummed within his head. _“Do not allow your panic to draw you from your path. Focus.”_ Her voice commanded.

 

He halted for a brief moment, collecting himself. He needed to detach himself from his emotions, calm and focused. He would reach her in time. She would be fine. He returned his efforts, the opening widening. Enough to crouch through. It was enough for him. He trudged up the pile and crouched through the opening, sliding down the side of the rubble, the sound of your shouting filling his ears, though you sounded muffled. His eyes searching for you and feeling the sudden pull of the Force within the antlered statute. Bawah hammering away at its core, attempting to get at something. You he realized, his mind trying to grasp how you managed to find yourself inside of the behemoth’s chest.

 

He watched at the bulkier of the two stuttered, light dimming, flickering from its joints and eyes and suddenly tumbling forward and crashing onto the ground, sending shock waves through the floor and causing him to stumble and teeter. His hands catching back on the ruble behind him and stabilizing him, watching at Bawah stumbled backward, hammer lifted over his spiked head and wobbling, falling to the ground, caught off balance completely. Another shock wave as the heavy stone body clattered to the ground. He ambled forward, moving into a sprint, running for the antlered giant and skidding. The room dark except for the light of his flashlight and the glow cast from Bawah’s joints. The sound of the giant attempting to stand sounding behind him. He needed to hurry.

 

 _“How do I get in?”_ He pleaded, hoping that Yasmal would answer quickly.

 

 _“The joints, look for the gaps!”_ Her voice coming quickly, ready to aid him in retrieving you.

 

He crawled over the defunct giant, searching for an opening and finding one, peering inside and catching the sight of one of your limbs, limp. “Fuck.” He hissed. He reached inward, stretching himself, using his long arms and long fingers to grab a hold of your limb, dragging you to the crevasse and tugging you out as quickly as he could manage. Ever conscious of Bawah still attempting to hull his heavy body from the floor.

 

Your eyes were closed, tiny burns peppering your face, he shook you violently. You did not stir. Cursing under his breath and sucking on his teeth, his gloved hand smacking harshly across your face. “WAKE UP!” He screamed at you. Your eyes fluttering softly, but still not opening.  “Damnit Eight!” He hissed.

 

His gloved fingers making contact with your temple, closing his eyes for only a moment and sending a mental pulse into your mind. _“WAKE UP!”_ He mentally screeched at you. Your eyes flying open, face moving quickly to a grimace. He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. “Get up we have to go NOW!’ He yelled. Hoisting your arm over his shoulder, lifting you as your legs stumbled and moved to help you stand. Your free hand gripping the side of your head.

 

“My saber.” You whimpered.

 

“Maker.” He hissed lowly, turning you and allowing you to call to your saber within the confines of the cavity of the antlered statue. Clattering inside of the hollow momentarily and then shooting to your hand, your fingers moving awkwardly and clipping it with in the holster on your belt, he was already dragging you back towards the rubble blocked doorway. The sound of Bawah still attempting to stand, stone scraping on stone, causing his teeth to ache within his skull.

 

He supported your weight, helping you move as you attempted to gain function over your limbs, visibly rattled and a bit out of it. “I need you to climb up the rubble…can you manage that?” He asked between clenched teeth. How someone so small could be so heavy he had no idea.

 

“I think so.” You muttered lowly, blinking rapidly, attempting to regain focus.

 

He shoved you towards the pile of stone, and turned to keep his eyes trained on Bawah. The giant, jerking on the ground, stone hands grabbing at anything it could, attempting to orientate himself, limbs jutting upward and jittering awkwardly. He frowned, eyes moving to see if he could see you without having to turn his head. He could not.

 

Turning his head and seeing you stumble slowly up the rubble. _“You need to help her. She hit her head. She’s very disoriented and drained from touching the_ _öga.”_ Yasmal’s voice sounded within his head in her ever knowing way. He moved up the rubble, he would ask Yasmal later what an _öga_ was and why you had been touching it, he attempted to aid you up the debris, and found himself slipping slightly, the rocks shifting under his awkward footing.

 

“Come on Eight. We have to get going. Move your ass.” He muttered, hoping to spur you into movement by agitating you. “We can’t stop here, we’re losing light.” He said, sliding a bit more down the hill and pushing you towards the opening. Watching as you crested the pile and slid down the other side. He winced at the sight. You were in worse shape than he thought. “Shit.” He muttered.

 

Legs and hands propelling him up the crest and over the top, moving through the opening at a low crouch once again, the sound of Bawah still attempting to stand sounding behind him. He had to ignore it for now, he needed to get the both of you out of this place. He moved quickly down the jagged slope, stooping and lifting you upward, once again slinging your arm around him, this time more around his waist instead of his shoulder, allowing him to stand straight and not craning to allow you to reach, though it made his movements a bit more awkward as he half lugged you with him as he moved down the hall.

 

The sound of Bawah’s movements lessening as you both ambled down the hall. Your head barely lifted, eyes thin slits. Every once in a while shaking you slightly to make sure that you were still awake. “Hey. Not much further.” He muttered lowly, trying to urge you to move. Your head nodding slowly.

 

Half way through the trek back he was basically dragging you with him, your head bobbing low, barely shuffling your feet. “Eight?” He asked, stopping and peering at you. Your head slumped over completely now. He shook you, expecting for your head to move upward, stirred back to consciousness but you did not move. His jaw set tightly, worry moving through him. “Fuck.” He hissed. Crouching and slinging you over his shoulders and carrying you across his back, hefting you and adjusting your limp form, sighing loudly. “Why are you so _heavy_?!” He pressed through clenched teeth.

 

His head tilting slightly as he trudged onward, moving through the dark hallway once more.

 

****

 

It was cold when he exited the ramp of the corvette. His almond shaped eyes peering out from behind the dark visor, soaking in the scenery around him. Snow everywhere, it only reminded him of you though. His heart panged painfully in his chest. Still no word on your whereabouts, no word if you had arrived at your destination, that you were safe and alive. Anxiety ate him alive. Gnawing with sharp teeth at his insides. He could no longer feel your presence, even though he tried desperately every night to reach out to you. It only left him with a splitting headache, exhausted and defeated, forlorn and alone.

 

But for now he could not dwell on his inner turmoil, not when there were things that were still expected of him. He walked onto the duracrete, waiting for his fellow companions to join him….and Hux. He was never really sure what exactly about the man infuriated him, was it his constant need to be prim and proper, his sniveling need to constantly impress, maybe the fact that he felt like he was _actual_ competition for him….as if he were someone important enough to think they were even in the running.  In all honesty it was probably everything about that man that annoyed him. The urge to choke him seemed to rise up every time he opened his mouth. It truly was a shame that he was too important to dispose of at the moment, but his time would come…and he would be the one to do it.

 

He watched as Marun, Zece and Nove moved down the ramp, their helmets shifting and taking in the base, he could feel their excitement. Something he appreciated, the feeling a welcome change from the smothering depression and anxiety. Of course they missed them too, their feelings just as transparent as his own, the bond made it hard to suppress at times, though he desperately wanted to.

 

His charges moved to stand beside him, Hux exiting, shrugging the collar of his great coat to shield him from the harsh climate. Soft and unused to the extreme temperatures of _Starkiller,_ his nose turning red almost instantly, blood moving under the thin skin in attempt to keep the fleshy protrusion warm. He sniffled. “Most excellent.” He muttered to himself. “Most excellent indeed.”

 

Kylo remained silent, he had no comment to make about the base. It did not concern him, just another place to lay his head when it was time to rest. Turning sharply to peer at the exterior of the base, waiting for Hux to move forward almost impatiently. Marun shifted to his left, feeling the sudden impatience that radiated off of him through the bond. Shame that Hux wasn’t so perceptive.

 

He could hear him shuffling slowly behind him, gaining speed as he walked and brushing past him, head tilted upward, nose pointed towards the exterior of the base, completely disregarding the knights completely. Kylo rolled his eyes, legs moving forward in great strides, always with a purpose, the collective following behind him.

 

The interior was just as cold at the exterior, though not in the sense of temperature, it lacked any sort of warmth aesthetically. Cold unfeeling walls, clinical almost, harsh florescent lighting and the hum of machinery that coursed behind the durasteel panels. He had no interest in these things of course, only mere observations as he walked down the hall ways, moving towards his destination of central command. The knights moving behind him silently, though he could feel that they were conversing with each other though the bond, a slight static feeling, almost a buzzing could be felt with in his mental space. He did not eavesdrop on the conversation, if they had wanted to include him they would have.

 

He halted suddenly as an Officer joined Hux, both of them stopping mid walk and conversing. Short, a bit round in the middle, snub nosed, beady eyes, and clad in gray. ‘Power’ stitched on the cuff of his arm, a lieutenant. He watched as the man’s beady eyes shifted nervously towards him and the other Knights. His head tilted slightly, curious.

 

Sending a mental tendril outward, allowing it to coil around the man’s head and penetrating his mind, finding slight resistance, but not caring, he skimmed briefly through the man’s thoughts. The man stiffening slightly, aware that his mind was been looked through, his face flashing red. Ah, he had this done before. Einn. He smirked under the protective covering of his helmet.

 

Flashes of her helmet, hiding her countenance from the man, a part of him wishing she had disregarded the covering, wanting to see her face desperately. Her voice rang out, coded heavily with the modulator, though he could detect the slight undertones of her voice through it. His eyes closed, soaking in the memory. He retracted the mental probe swiftly, he had seen what he needed to see. You had made it here before embarking further out, Einn by your side. A sad smile coming to his face. Perhaps you were okay. Alive, thriving, doing as you must, strong and determined, nothing less than resolute in your completion of any task set before you.

 

 _“A weapon.”_ Your voice rang loudly within him, words from the past, reflecting upon his previous thoughts. He frowned, mentally shaking the words away. You were so much more, he refused to see you so plainly. No. More than that. Always more. Infinite possibilities lie within you, shifting and changing at a rapid rate, you could be anything…not merely a _weapon._ A part of him wanted to consider the possibility if things had been changed, if he had never left the academy, if you had been there….where would you both be now?  He could not ignore the connection between you, the innate drawing of energies, chaotic in nature but when together a calm with in the storm. Home.

 

He followed behind the Lieutenant and General, absently walking, caught in his thoughts as he so often found himself in your absence. Sometimes far too much even for his own tastes. He longed to retire to his own quarters and to meditate. To reach out into the vastness of the Force, searching for even the faintest sign of your signature, hope flooding him…only to be left in disappointment. His jaw flexed at the sour thought.

 

You would return. You must. He would continue to reach out and eventually you would find each other. Destined to intertwine. Until then he must press forward, he must do his own part. Even if that part entailed following Hux around like a dog…he would do it. His eyes narrowing at the thought, a slight sneer coming to his lips.

~

 

He sat within his quarters, mentally tired, how many more meetings would there be to discuss the functionality of the base? How many times could Hux and the other officers bring up percentages and other trivial useless numbers? Weeks had already passed since his arrival, Zece and Nove once again in the wind. Sent into the reaches of the galaxy, leaving him and Marun to await their next orders.

 

He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, helmet long gone and sitting in another room. Glad to be free of its confines, his large body collapsing back onto the bed with a soft thud. He was anxious. He needed to move, but couldn’t find the will to do so. Instead he stared absently up at the ceiling in the dimly lit room. Dark eyes shifting slowly, following the seam of the ceiling panels, and closing, dark lashes kissing his cheeks as he sighed softly.

 

Willing his body to relax as he dozed off.

 

_“Ben.”  His dark eyes moved to the sound of the voice that called him. “Why did you do it Ben?” His body jolted slightly, a pang of regret washing through him. “We loved you, we cared about you. How could you?” No longer the sound of a single voice, the sound of many voices harmonizing and coming together, speaking as one._

_His eyes moved around in the dark, faint shadows surrounding him, inky and faceless. “That is no longer my name.” He muttered._

_“Ben, you turned your back on us….and for what?”_

_“The truth! Power!” He answered through gritted teeth. “You lied. All of you lied!”_

_“Did we? Were you not powerful enough? Was it not enough?” They called. He exhaled a shaky breath, the inky shapes moving closer towards him, crowding him with in the small space. “She calls for you. Do you not hear her?”_

_He shook his head, not wanting to admit to the faint calling that he felt within him. Her voice tired, grizzled, as if she had been shouting for far too long. Trying to reach him. His mother. Separated by great distance, but she was always there faintly, connected by blood, a bond that could not be broken. “I hear **nothing**.” He seethed. _

_“Come back home Ben. Come back. You are lost, but not forgotten.”  
_

_Tears pricked at his eyes. The longing to return flooding him, over whelming, hollow gnawing ache, familiar. The same ache he felt in your absence. His jaw set tightly within his skull, teeth pressing against each other, grinding. “ **NO**!” His voice boomed, drowning out the faint voices. His hand raising, Force pushing through the tips of his long fingers, pulsing outward and halting the press of shadowed bodies that threatened to consume him. Staving them from reaching and swallowing him. _

_A single voice rang out, “Come home Ben. Come home.” Her voice strong, stronger than he had heard it in a long time. As if she were standing in the room with him, mere inches away. “Please.”_

_He faltered, hand falling to his side suddenly, swallowing the lump in his throat, a cry, tears streaming down his face. Lips contorting. Legs giving way suddenly as a small hand clasped his shoulder, strong and resolute. Mother. His body trembled under her grip._

_An electric jolt zapped through him. Familiar, strong and coursing. His face shifting into a slight grimace. Her hold vanishing suddenly, the press of shadowed forms gone, leaving him alone with the imposing figure. His eyes moving upward and focusing on the tall being that stood in front of him. Humanoid, but not quite, as if made of smashed clay, mishappened, molded by amateur hands. A sneer moving across his lips, ugly and imposing. Wrong. It did not belong there._

_“You mustn’t be weak my boy. You do not need them. They are but a nuisance.” His voice rang clearly within the mental confines of his head. “Turn away from their meek appeals.” The sneer on his lips shifting into a tight lipped smile, twisting the features of his face more than they already were. “We have much to accomplish. **Forget them**.”_

_He nodded. “Yes Supreme Leader.”_

He jolted upward, suddenly far too awake. His heart racing within his chest, thudding against his broad rib cage. His eyes round in panic, worry shifting through him. He panted softly, attempting to slow his racing heartbeat, dark eyes shifting around his room, searching for Snoke, as if he would be standing and waiting within the room. Muttering a curse, he stood and moved to the refresher, turning on the faucet and splashing water onto his face. Eyes moving to the mirror, staring at the foreign man that stared back at him. Eyes rimmed in red, dark circles pressing deeply into the thin flesh under his eyes. Cheeks far more gaunt than he could ever remember them being. He exhaled through pressed teeth, lips trembling slightly.

 

Far too close. She was getting too close. Weak. He was being _weak._ His fist came crashing down onto the sink, smashing into the cold and unforgiving durasteel. Slight pain moving through the appendage. His lips turning into a sneer. His other hand gripping the lip of the sink tightly. Teeth gritting tightly, face contorting in anguish.

 

Faint prickling at the back of his mind halting him from sending a clenched fist into the mirror. His body tensing suddenly. Eyes peering into the mirror and searching behind him and finding nothing. He turned away from the mirror, and moved swiftly through the room and his eyes zeroing in on Einn projection. His eyes narrowing at the sight, not who he wanted to see.

 

 _“Well, don’t be too excited.”_  He projected, his voice mocking faint hurt.

 

“Where are you?” He asked quickly, ignoring Einn’s playful demeanor.

 

“Not far now. Stopped at an outpost.”

 

“Ceph?” He asked.

 

Einn’s face contorting slightly, a faint grimace, his chest moving with a sigh. _“She’s in stasis.”_   

 

His heart dropped. Swallowing thickly, Adam’s apple bobbing harshly in his throat. “What happened?” He asked weakly, not entirely sure if he wanted to know.

 

Einn head shook. _“You know her, always doing brash things in the heat of the moment.”_ He huffed a laugh. _“She’ll be fine, she’s just….very drained. She uh, touched something she wasn’t meant to touch…well she did A LOT of touching of things she shouldn’t have touched.”_  He rolled his eyes faintly. _“You’d think when you tell her what something was that she’d listen.”_ His mental tone suddenly full of agitation.

 

“So she is recovering?” He asked, wanting to be sure that he understood Einn’s rambling.

 

_“Yes. She’ll be fine, we will be waking her by the end of the week. Nothing to worry about.”_

 

He nodded, sighing in relief. “And Vier and Anim?”

 

_“Gone. Long gone.”_

His fist balled at his side, jaw tensing tightly. “What do you mean they’re gone?” He asked through clenched teeth.

 

Einn shrugged. _“They’re just gone. All that was left were their helmets. No trace of where they went…someone came and retrieved them though…the ship was still here…thankfully.”_

His eyes closed, taking in a deep breath and exhaling, willing himself to remain calm though he was seething internally. “Anything else?” He hissed.

 

Einn shook his head, noticing the amount of strain that he was going through to not explode. _“No Commander.”_ He muttered stiffly.

 

“Is the Supreme Leader aware?” He asked, eyes still closed, forcing himself to remain placid.

 

_“Yes. Did he not debrief you of the situation?”_

His eyes opened, peering at Einn, lips set tightly. “No….though I am sure he has his reasons.”

 

Einn nodded. _“Of course. I will leave you to your thoughts Commander.”_

 

He stood there, stock still, seething. Forcing himself to nod curtly. Wanting nothing more than to be left alone. Einn’s projection vanishing completely. His eyes once again closing. Betrayal. Complete and utter betrayal.  Jaw tensing tightly, teeth skimming across each other. His fists shook at his sides. Taking great effort not to lash out. Inhaling and exhaling rapidly, his heart picked up pace, angry, so angry. The scant objects in the room beginning to shutter around him. Caught in the toxic Force that seeped out of him. The sound of glass shattering in the refresher, the datapad that sat on the nightstand flinging across the room and breaking. His eyes opening at the sound, eyes moving around the room and finding the broken machinery on the floor next to him. His lips moving into a sneer.

 

He turned to the datapad, lifting his boot off of the ground and stomping the already broken device into dust. Huffing loudly, still not satisfied. Pulling his saber from his belt, thumb hitting the toggle, red light reflecting across the room as he slashed at the panel behind him. Grunting and screaming as he hacked at the innocent panel. Smoke and the smell of melting durasteel filling his nostrils. Huffing loudly.

 

****

Your eyes clenched tightly, shoulders shaking slightly, gently almost. An annoyed voice speaking. Did they just call you an asshole? Groaning and lifting a hand, connecting with skin with a soft smack. “Ow.” Your eyes opening slowly, squinting due to the far too bright overhead light. Einn rubbing his cheek, the blurring of his features subsiding as your eyes began to focus.  “Well, well…bout time you asshole.” He chuckled, hand still rubbing his stubble covered cheek.

 

You huffed. “I told you I was sorry.” You muttered hoarsely. Your eyes searching around the shuttle through thin slits. “How long was I out?”

 

“A couple of weeks.” He said standing up fully and looking around, scratching his cheek absently. “Put you in the emergency cryo-stasis. Figured you needed to sleep it off for a bit.”

 

“How far are we from base?” Your hand coming to your eyes, rubbing them gently.

 

“Another few weeks out. We had to stop and refuel at an outpost, restock on supplies.” He looked down at you, eyes twinkling, “I spoke to the Commander.”

 

A faint smile coming to your lips. “And?” You mumbled, peering at him.

 

“He’s not happy about Vier and Anim…but he was very curious about your condition.”

 

Sighing loudly, “You didn’t tell him did you?”

 

He shrugged. “A bit, not everything. He just wanted to be sure you were alright.” He huffed a low laugh. “He looked like shit.”

 

You hummed. “I’m sure he did.” You mused. “Can I get some water?” You asked.

 

Einn jolted suddenly, as if remembering something. Bending down and picking up a metal cup and handing it to you, helping you to sit up. “Sorry, I forgot.” He mumbled.

 

You sipped the water, cool liquid running down your seemingly impossibly dry throat, eyes closing at the feeling. Taking a moment to enjoy the feeling and then sipping a bit more, eyes moving to look at Einn. “Did we get the Mantle? It was still in the pack right?” You asked with a slightly raised brow.

 

“What was the last thing that you remember?” he asked with a slightly amused tone.

 

“Something really bright and spinning….red light, I think I stopped whatever it was…hitting my head. Everything going black. You carrying me?”

 

He nodded. “You’re extremely heavy by the way.” He muttered. Your eyes rolling at him. “Yes, we have it.” He chuckled. His brows creasing momentarily, “Do you want to see it?” He asked.

 

“No. I don’t ever want to see or touch that thing ever again.” You muttered. Remembering the draining presence the mantle had on you.

 

He frowned, nodding softly. “I understand.” He sat next to you on the cot that you were currently resting on, probably moved there to wake up. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He mumbled, resting a hand on the crown of your head. “I was a little worried there for a moment.” He huffed.

 

“Thanks for not leaving me.” You muttered.

 

He smiled. “I would never dream of it. The Commander would kill me.” He laughed.

 

“I’m serious. Thank you.”

 

He nodded. “I would never do that to you.” He said, tone serious, hand ruffling your messy hair. Your face scrunching in annoyance. “If you want something to eat, just let me know. I’ll be in the cockpit.” He said standing once again. Your head nodding absently.

 

“Thank you.’ You mumbled, laying back onto the cot, your body still slightly drained. His hand moving and pulling the scratchy blanket back up over your shoulders.

 

“Get some rest.”  He muttered turning away from you and moving to the cockpit.

 

Your eyes closed, breathing softly, mind reaching out into the Force, drifting aimlessly. Allowing the pulse of the Force to lull you into a meditative state. Your mind shifting along the lines, tracing the brightest thread, moving swiftly across it in hopes of finally reaching him…even if just for a moment. The need to feel his presence driving you further and further.

 

****

 

Eyes closed, bare torso covered only slightly, the sheet slipping as he slept. Mind searching in his sleep, the ache driving him. The thread bright, much bright than it had been in the past months. A hand moving over him, smaller than his own, not whole, missing something, faint and tingling. His eyes peeked open softly, rolling into the faint presence that seemed to suddenly be there beside him. His hand moving to touch you, unsure if you were something he had imagined, your eyes closed, lashes pressing against your cheeks. Thinner than he had last seen you, small burns on your skin, a gash that was almost completely healed on your forehead. His hand ghosted over your face. Eyes fluttering open, soft smile on your lips.

 

 _“There you are.”_  You projected softly, voice faint even through his mind.

 

He smiled, lopsided, hereditary, goofy. He did not speak, too entranced by the mental contact, his hand uselessly touching the projection, if he imagined hard enough he could feel your skin. Sighing contently. His heart panging softly within his chest. _“Hello.”_ He mentally projected.

 

 _“Did you miss me?”_ You asked him teasingly.

 

He could only nod, his hand tracing over your shoulder, wishing he could touch you. _“How far?”_

_“Not much more. Closer by the second.”_

_“What happened?”_ He asked, gesturing to the wounds on your face.

 

 _“Unimportant. I will show you later. Shush.”_ Your fingers brushing over his lips, a tingling sensation felt on the delicate skin. He watched as your eyes closed once again, ribcage moving slowly, peaceful.

 

 _“What were you after?”_ He questioned, wanting nothing more than to hear your voice, even if it was faint.

 

 _“Something old. Dangerous. Draining.”_ Your voice becoming choppy, strained further. Facial features scrunching in concentration.

 

“I’m losing you.” He muttered vocally.

 

 _“Tired. Far away.”_  Your projection flickering in and out, the contact would end soon.

 

“Shush.” He mumbled. Eyes fixating on your flickering projection, soaking in your face and form. Your eyes opening once more, peering at him softly. Your hand moving once more to his face, attempting to cup his cheek, the sensation fading quickly. You would be gone soon. His heart thudded within his chest.

 

 _“Soon.”_ You projected, your figure suddenly dissipating completely. His eyes closing tightly, brows knitted and a frown moving across his lips. His hand moving to where you had been, touching the bed longingly. Sighing as he rolled onto his back, hands rubbing at his face, calloused fingers brushing over his skin.

 

“Soon.” He muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm on tumblr, come say hi!
> 
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW: Smut...sweet sweet smut.

Chapter 34

 In Between Breaths

________________________

 

The ship vibrated, your hands resting in your lap, calm, much calmer than you normally would have been. Crashing onto an alien planet and almost drowning had a profound effect on you, no longer concerned with crashing, you would survive, you had survived before. Eyes peering out the transparisteel, watching as the white powder covered surface of _Starkiller_ came into view. Ninety-eight and Einn guiding the craft onto the landing pad skillfully. Landing gear extending and cradling the ship’s weight as it pressed onto the duracrete.

 

Einn and Ninety-eight moving through the post flight check list and powering the craft down. You unbuckled your harness, standing and stretching your limbs. More than ready to be off of the ship. Walking back into the hull and gathering what was left of your belongings, slinging your duffel across your chest and moving impatiently to the ramp. Waiting for Einn to appear and join you.

 

You could faintly hear Ninety-eight and Einn conversing in the cockpit. Something about Ninety-eight remaining on the ship until he was dismissed by his direct commanding officer.  The sound of Einn’s boots clunking on the durasteel grates of the ship as he moved to your location. Your eyes locking briefly as he slung his own bag over his shoulder. Unzipping it and shifting around the contents, and nodding. The mantle still secure within the bag. Your fingers moving over the control panel and pressing to release the ramp. The hissing of the regulator sounding loudly, slight steam from the pistoned joints meeting the frigid air of _Starkiller_.

 

Your body humming, the jolting presence of Kylo’s signature budding against your own, a feeling of immense joy overcoming you. Fighting the urge to bolt towards him, your eyes catching the top of his tall form as the ramp lowered. Einn huffing a slight laugh under his breath. Your eyes shifting to glare at him, his head shaking slightly. “You two.” He mumbled. His legs moving as he moved down the still lowering ramp, the thud of the ramp hitting the duracrete shaking his body slightly, knees loose prepared for the impact. He exited the ramp completely, taking in a deep breath. Inhaling the crisp air. A nice change from the recycled oxygen within the ship.

 

You followed behind him, eyes locked onto the dark visor of Kylo’s helmet. Eyes shifting to glance at the other form that stood next to him, helmet placed firmly over his head. Marun, arms resting behind his back. You smiled at him, watching as Einn clasped hands with the stout man, wrapping a single arm around each other in greeting. Conversing mentally. Your eyes moving back to Kylo, a soft smile coming to your lips.

 

“Commander.” You greeted.

 

“Ceph.”  The modulator hummed.  His hand raising slightly, brushing a piece of loose hair from your face gently, moving down your jaw line and brushing the underside of your chin quickly. The large hand pulling away and resting back at his side. Heat rising in your cheeks at his touch. Nibbling at your lower lip to hide the toothy grin that wanted to spread across your face.

 

A large hand clasping your shoulder, your head turning to look at Marun, his large arms swinging to wrap around you, squeezing you tightly and patting your back. “Ceph. Glad you didn’t die.” He laughed, the modulator of his helmet crackling at the huffing laugh.

 

Barking laugh leaving you, arms wrapping around him and patting him happily.“Marun, it’s good to see you!” You chirped. “Are Zece and Nove here?” You chittered excitedly, too caught up in Kylo's signature to openly search for theirs. 

 

“No they are away on a new mission. They send their regards. Nove wanted to have a spar with you and was sad to leave before you had returned.”

 

You sighed. “That would have been fun.” You conceded. “Another time.” Releasing each other from the hug and standing.

 

“Come. You both need to be taken to Medcenter and checked before your debriefing with the Supreme Leader.” Kylo said flatly before turning. The three of you following him back towards the base.

 

****

 

“Did you retrieve the Mantle?” He leaned forward in his large chair, the projection large within the cavernous room, blue light reflecting on every surface, casting across both of your features. Snoke seemed to be impatient to know, his gnarled fingers tapping onto the armrest of his large chair. Hadn't Einn sent a holovid to him earlier? Did he think you were both lying?

 

“Yes Supreme Leader.” Einn answered back, lifting the Mantle of Istina upward, allowing him to inspect it. His head craning and icy eyes scouring every inch of the ornate jewelry. He nodded.

 

“And Anim and Vier?” He asked leaning back into his chair, satisfied.

 

“No signs still Supreme Leader.” You answered. “Though we are certain that they had aid in leaving the planet.” A worried look coming to your face, scared that he would be displeased with your answer.

 

His hand lifted, waving away the concern that was plainly cast across your face. “It concerns me not. They will be found soon enough.” He nodded. “You have both exceeded my expectations.” A faint smile coming to his lips. “I am proud of both of you.” His hand signaled out into the vastness of the room. A single officer coming forward. Hux. Your eyes narrowed slightly as the auburn haired man moved forward, angry at yourself for not noticing his lurking presence. “The General will bring me the mantle.”

 

You watched as Einn handed off the mantle to the man, his gloved hands moving to grasp it gently, as if it would break. Your upper lip twitching slightly at the sight. It was not his right to bring it to Snoke. He had not retrieved it. It was yours and Einn’s to give. Einn’s eyes following the mantle as Hux bowed to Snoke and turned and walked out of the room. The sneer on your face lessening as you turned to look back at Snoke.

 

“It is not a slight my dear.” He said gesturing back towards Hux as he exited. “I have other plans for you before you return to my side.” He smiled, misshaped and twisted. Ugly. “For now, recover. Train.”

 

You nodded. “Yes Supreme Leader.” You muttered, lowering your head in slight shame, too readable.

 

“You are dismissed Ceph, Einn stay.”  

 

Turning sharply at the dismissal and moving out of the room, boots making hollow falls onto the polished duracrete floor. Pushing through the doors and moving out into the open hallways of _Starkiller._ Your face pinching in agitation, mind moving into suspicion of what Einn and the Supreme Leader could be speaking about. Shoving the thought away quickly, entirely far too suspicious for your own good. Boots moving to return to your new quarters, this time a lone room in the officer’s hall, temporary you assumed. Not sure how long you would be residing on _Starkiller_. Your hand moved to the panel, hand pressing into the biometric, far more advanced than the quarters on the _Finalizer_. The door whooshed open, allowing you to move inside.

 

Stepping inside of the barely furnished room, eyes peering around aimlessly, unsure of what you should be doing. The sight of a new datapad sitting on nightstand, moving to pick it up and putting in your entry codes, pressing a thumb to the pad and watching as it scanned. The screen unlocking and opening. Your fingers dancing across the screen, pulling and tapping at pop-ups. Checking your schedule and finding it clear for the remainder of the cycle.

 

Setting the datapad back onto the nightstand and standing, lips twisting in thought. What _were_ Einn and Snoke discussing, and why couldn’t you be a part of the conversation? Chewing on the inside of your cheek. Perhaps they were discussing an upcoming mission. Destined to be split once again. You nodded at the thought. That must be what it was. Ever weary of traveling down the distrusting thread of thought. Blasphemy. 

 

Your head turning suddenly, the feeling of him moving closer, your body suddenly on edge. Jolts moving through you, skin prickling in anticipation. You moved swiftly to the door, pressing it open, his imposing form standing in the doorway, hands moving swiftly to the latches on his helmet, hissing decompression, dark locks falling around his slender face. Hands dropping the helmet to the ground, clattering onto the durasteel floor loudly. Moving forward and pressing into you, hands moving to cup your face, lips crashing into your own. Heat and longing behind the kiss.

 

His lips moving away for only a moment, brushing the soft flesh, “I missed you.” He whispered. Your eyes locking.

 

A smile coming to your lips, cheeks warming slightly. “I missed you too.” You whispered. His lips spreading, a smile coming to them.

 

“You were gone for so long.” He mumbled, between kisses, peppering your lips softly.

 

“I…know.” You muttered between his hungry kisses.

 

His hands and body moving you towards the bed, pushing you down onto the mattress, his body pressing into you, his weight comforting. You sighed against his lips as your mental spaces coiled tightly around one another. Merging into one signature.

 

His fingers threading through your hair, snagging on the braid and attempting tug it apart, moving his hands around your shoulders and rolling you on top of him, allowing you to lay on his chest. His arms wrapping around you, hugging you tightly to him. Holding you for a moment, abandoning the attempt to pull apart the braid in favor of holding. His mind racing, needing to touch you, feel you in every sense.

 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered into your skin.

 

“For what?” You asked, picking up your head and peering down at him.

 

“For not coming to you before you left Beirus. I…I should ha..”

 

Your hand coming to rest over his plush lips, cutting him off. Eyes peering down at him lovingly. “Shush. It was for the best.” You whispered, removing your hand and leaning down, pressing your lips to his.

 

His hands finding roost in your hair again, continuing to break apart the braid, allowing your hair to fall around you, cascading and pooling like a curtain. Wavy and soft, his fingers threading through the strands absently as your lips chased after each other. His large hand coming to rest at the base of your skull, pulling you into a much deeper kiss. Your breaths fanning across your faces. Cycling.

 

Pulling away from him, breaking the kiss and tugging at your top, arms crossing and lifting the tunic over your head, tossing it aside. His hands moving up your sides, gliding over your flesh with gloved fingers. Your legs moving to straddle him, hands meeting his own, pulling them to your face, kissing the synth-leather clad tips gently. Tender.

 

Your fingers dancing over his, tips meeting and pressing, sliding down their length and pulling the glove from each hand, tossing them away, leaving his calloused flesh exposed. Lips pressing once again to the appendages. Nibbling slightly, tongue licking the skin. His breath hitching at the sensation. Your eyes meeting his, lashes fluttering softly. Gently pulling his hands away from you, body shifting upward as his hands planted around your sides, griping you as he moved, pulling you down to meet him, his lips pressing gently on your torso. Kissing the flesh lovingly.

 

Eyes closing softly, lips parting in a content sigh, as he continued to lavish your body with kisses. His lips saying everything he couldn’t.  Adoration and devotion, not for just the cage that contained you, or the weapon that you composed, but for the things within. The stardust that bonded you and the galaxy within your eyes. The infinite cosmos that lived within you, the Force that flowed through you. Everything.

 

Your hands moving to press him back onto the bed, tugging the compression top off of you and exposing the hidden flesh. His hands moving tenderly across the raised flesh of your aureola, thumbs brushing across the stiffening peaks of your mounds. Your own hands coming to brace his hands against you, forcing him to cup you firmly. His touch everything.

 

He urged you to roll to the side and off of him, allowing him move freely and undress, kneeling on the bed as he removed his own clothing, your hands moving to your leggings and underclothes, pulling them away from you, your eyes watching as he unveiled himself. Eyes lingering only momentarily on the scar that ran across his stomach. Your scar. Eyes tracing his movements as he moved above you, arms bracing around your head, allowing him to lean over you. Almond shaped eyes peering at you intently. “You are beautiful.” He muttered. His hand combing back your hair gently. “Perfect.”

 

You huffed a soft laugh, smile coming to your lips. “Only to you.”

 

“Maybe so, but it is all that matters.” His lips pressing against yours softly and pulling away, hovering, “We belong only to each other.”

 

If it had been any other moment, any other place or time, perhaps you would have argued. Speaking the truth of the matter. Owned by another, on loan for the time being, but not now. Not during this moment of perfect bliss. Not now.

 

He inched lower, arms moving, help aid his balance as his lips skimmed your skin, plush, warm and wet. Nestling between your legs, his hands gliding down your inner thighs, asking for entrance to your core. To lap at the nectar that would sustain him. Legs opening, allowing him access, fingers gliding towards your center slowly, caressing the soft flesh.

 

Moving a finger between the fleshy petals and dipping them into the wet well, dragging them and the moisture back across the supple flesh. His eyes moving to glance at your face, taking in your features, committing them to memory. Eyes heavily lidded, lips soft and parted, compliant, trusting, open. **Open**.

His head moving, lowering, bringing his mouth to your tender center. Lapping gently at the folds, teasingly passing over the bundle of nerves, a stifled moan leaving your mouth. You could feel his smile at the reaction. Tongue working the bundle absently, moving away to dip in the center, fingers spreading you, opening you further to his efforts. Prominent nose pressing against your flesh, breathing your very essence in.   

 

Finger pressing at the soft center, gliding within the glistening lubrication, entering you slowly, a moan escaping you as his tongue continued to move across your clit. He moaned into you, vocalization only spurring you on further as he added another finger. Hooking upward as he slowly pumped inside of the tight center.

 

Hands finding his ebony locks, tangling within the wavy tendrils and guiding him, urging him to continue. Panting wantonly, back arching as he inserted another finger, increasing the pace. Huffing breath pressing through your mouth at the sensation. Edging you closer for what only seemed like a moment and breaking away. Lifting himself upward, licking at his fingers, lips glistening in the light, tongue jutting outward to lap at the juices.

 

Narrow hips moving between your legs, forcing them open further, large hand wrapped around his equally large member, moving up and down the shaft, squeezing the flesh momentarily, eyes closing softly as his lips parted, harsh exhale leaving his lips. Hand guiding the swollen tip of his cock to your entrance. Dipping the gland into your dripping center and rubbing it across your lips before moving it lower and sliding into your tight walls.

 

Pulsing around him, his eyes closing tightly relishing in the feeling of you surrounding him. Encompassing him not only mentally but physically now. His breath hitching as you forced your walls to squeeze him tightly. Moaning at the sensation, his hands planting around your head as his hips moved him deeper into your core. Eyes opening to thin slits, nearly golden irises searching for your own. Locking as he moved to seat himself fully inside.

 

 Strong legs moving to wrap around him, pulling him deeper, filling you satisfyingly. Your hands moving to brush away the loose locks that fell into his face, tucking them behind his jutting ears gently. His lips crashing into yours, harsh and needing. His hips bucking, cock moving within you almost jarringly. Your own hips lifting to meet his thrusts.

 

His pace picking up, brows furrowed in concentration, the sensation of the Force budding against your clit, urging you to reach climax. Both of you huffing moaning pants of pleasure. Legs pulling him deeper with each thrust of his hips. Nails digging into the skin of his muscled back. Coil tightening exponentially, the urge to spill rising in both of you. Walls pulsing frantically as you broke. Both of you cumming loudly. Hot seed coating your walls.

 

His body collapsing onto you, his weight great, though it did not bother you. You relished in the feeling of the compression, sweaty skin touching sweaty skin. The feeling of his heart pounding in his chest, synced with your own rapid thudding. His lips pressing to your forehead, pulling himself out of you and rolling to the side. Large arm rising and moving around you, pulling you to lay atop of him. Your turn to press him into the bed.

 

His eyes closing peacefully, dark lashes meeting his cheeks. Rising and pressing your lips to his hot eye lids, one at a time. A smile coming to his lips. Eyes fluttering open and peering at you. “Perfect.” He mumbled. “You’re perfect.”

 

 His arms wrapping around you, pressing you into him further. Your eyes closing as your head rested on his broad chest, listening to the sound of his heart and lungs. Rising with his chest, lulling you into sleep, his arms wrapped around you, comfortable and complete. Home.

 

****

His eyes opened slowly, not exactly sure when he had fallen asleep. His heart suddenly racing, hand moving behind him and searching for you. Finding you curled within the blankets of your bed, inches away from him. He sighed in relief. It wasn’t a dream. You were back.

 

He rolled under the sheets, moving gingerly, attempting to keep from waking you. Arm snaking under the covers and moving around your middle, pulling your naked form towards him and pressing you into his chest. Nose nestling within the wild frazzled locks that spread around you, breathing in your smell deeply. Hairs tickling his nose though he did not mind.

 

You stirred slightly, moaning softly, protesting being moved. He stifled a laugh, forcing it through his nose, not wanting to wake you. Knowing that once you woke, both of you would need to get up. He didn’t want that. Not yet…if ever. Perfectly content to lay next to you. His arm raising as he sensed you moving, rolling to press your face into his chest, nuzzling him and pressing your lips to his skin. Your eyes fluttering open, peaking at him only momentarily, closing once again, equally content with laying in the bed. He pressed a kiss onto your crown, hand moving to smooth down your hair, picking up the long and heavy strands and moving them away from you, cascading them over the pillow as you normally did when you slept.

 

The urge stirring with in him again. The want and need to tell you. To confess. To press the simple words from his lips, to let you hear him say them. But he was terrified. Scared of saying it and what the repercussions could be. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way. You had been right. He knew that as soon as the connection actualized. Though he promised himself and you that it would never be that way. A lie…it was all a vain lie.

 

A lie he must maintain. He could not admit his feelings, what he truly felt deep within him. He knew you already knew, the feeling mutual between you. He could feel it within you. Perhaps he didn’t need to say it. Never speak the words, you knew and maybe that was enough.

 

He closed his eyes again, his body relaxing once again, mind sifting through the shared bond, dipping deeply within the feelings between you. Soothing him back to sleep.

 

****

 

You stirred, his heavy arm draped around you, holding you in place as if he were scared you would disappear. Humming under your breath, amused. “What?” He grumbled.

 

“You.” Your voice thick with sleep, husky and low.

 

He hummed in response, lifting his arm from you, his eyes still closed as he attempted to hold onto the moment. Not wanting to wake just yet. Your hand moving to his face, gently caressing him. A faint smile coming to his lips, causing you to smile as well. “Can’t we just stay here a bit longer?” He whispered.

 

“We can.” Leaning in and pressing a kiss to the apple of his cheek, craning your neck upward to reach him. “But we can’t stay here forever…we have to eventually get up.” You muttered.

 

 “I know.” He groaned.  His fingers dancing across your side lazily, skimming the flesh with the pads of his fingers, tickling you and causing you to shiver and laugh. He grinned at the reaction, fingers continuing to graze your skin. Your hand playfully slapping it away.

 

“Stop that.” You laughed.

 

“Stop what?” He asked, grazing the skin once again, causing you to flinch instinctively away from him, batting his hand quickly and yelping.  “Where do you think you’re going?” He laughed, swinging out his arm and scooping you back towards him, sliding you into him as he held you tightly.

 

“Stop tickling me.” You muttered into his chest, pouting as you breathed in the smell of his skin.

 

“Okay. I’ll stop.” He muttered into the crown of your head, kissing you and rubbing your back.  “I’m glad you’re here.” He mumbled softly and stifling a slight yawn.

 

“Me too.” You whispered, eyes closing as you basked in his presence.

 

 

****

 

He sat on the edge of his bed, head cradled in his hands. Yasmal stood in front of him, her eyes cutting as she glared at him.

 

 _“You can’t interfere.”_ She urged once again, watching as his thumbs rubbed circles into his temples.

 

“I can’t just let it happen…I can’t take the risk.”

 

 _“You can’t risk getting his attention either. Remember what we’re trying to do. Don’t kriff it up because of something that may not even happen.”_ Her arms crossing over her chest.

 

His head tilting upward, glaring at the blue tinged apparition. “He’ll do it. I know he will…I can sense it.” His hands leaving his temples and forearms moving to rest on his long legs, hands hanging limply between them.

 

 _“Don’t confuse your fears and suspicions for guidance from the Force_.” She said sternly. _“This could ruin everything.”_

 

“I need to warn her.”

 

 _“You need to stay out of it Einn!”_ She yelled, voice booming within his head, causing him to wince.

 

“I can’t sit here and do nothing. I’ve done that for far too long and look at what’s happened.” His hands moving emphatically between his legs, annoyance smeared across his face.

 

 _“I told you, she is on the precipice, dangling. She **must**_ _do this on her own.”_

“Why?! Why does she have to do it on her own?!” He screamed openly, no longer caring if anyone heard him from outside of his quarters.

 

_“I told you! It is her choice to make. You can’t take that from her!”_

“She’ll do what she needs to do to survive and I know what that’s going to entail. She will crumble beneath him if it means her survival.” He shook his head. “I’m not going without her.”

 

 _“You may have to…and you need to come to terms with that.”_ She huffed, pacing momentarily and then turning to look at him. _“You don’t know what her reaction will even be if you tell her. It may not go the way you want. She’s complicated. Scared.”_

“We’re all scared.” He mumbled.

 

She shook her head sympathetically. _“I know…but this is different for her. Fragile. Some of the connections she has…weigh on her greatly. A constant battle wages inside of her.”_ She paced once more, _“Her journey is going to be difficult. She has much farther to crawl than you.”_

“Then let me help her. Let me tell her.”

 

_“Einn.”_

 

“Why are you being such an ass about this?!” He yelled.

 

 _“Stay. Out. Of. It.”_ She glared at him, warning him through a look.

 

“You don’t scare me.” He muttered.

 

_“You won’t make it out of here without my help and I can’t help you if you’re dead.”_

“I can’t let her suffer…not when I know what’s coming.”

 

 _“You have to let it go.”_ She moved to place a ghostly hand on the crown of his head. A slight arid tingle passing through the contact. Like a damp breeze off of the ocean. _“Twelve and Naf are with her. They will guide her. Let her make her own choices.”_ His lips pinched tightly, brows furrowed, scowling. He nodded in defeat. _“Everything will work out as the Force intends it to Einn. Trust in the Force. Trust in her.”_  He nodded once more, feigning security in her words as she faded from view.

 

Tawny eyes shifting around the room, mind openly searching for her presence and not finding her. A smile coming to his lips. She may have told him not to tell you about it but she didn’t tell him _not_ to tell someone else. Now he just needed to pry him away from you long enough to tell him, hoping that it wouldn’t be too late when he could finally get him alone.

 

****

 

Stirring lazily, body stiff from lying in bed for so long and yawning. His fingers combing through your hair, snagging on knots made in your sleep and pulling them as gently as possible. “Do you want to shower?” He asked.

 

“Together? In the sonics?” You asked, a bit baffled by the idea of anyone truly enjoying the sonic showers.

 

“Absolutely not.” He said with a slight laugh. “There’s an actual shower in here.” He said pressing his face into your neck, kissing you gently.

 

“What?” You asked, confused and pulling off the thin sheet that you both shared. Padding across the room and to the refresher. Eyes peering into the room and huffing a slight laugh. Far too caught up in being glued to his side to even notice the fact that there was an actual shower in your new quarters, even though you had made several trips to the refresher. Angling your body, allowing you to place your torso just outside of the door way and peering back at him watching you from the bed, a smile on your face, “You coming?”

 

He didn’t waste time replying, instead yanked back the sheet and quickly moved from the bed, a smirk on his face as he moved to join you in the refresher.  Moving back into the refresher completely and moving to turn the knobs on the shower, fiddling with the temperature. Large hands wrapping around your waist as he leaned downward and pressed his nose into your hair, breathing in deeply. “It’s going to be a bit cramped.” You muttered as his hands moved up your sides.

 

“You think that’s going to stop me?” He mumbled into your hair, hands moving around to cup your breasts, fingers pinching your nipples.

 

“Again?” You laughed.

 

“I can’t help it.” A hand abandoning the supple flesh and moving to pull your hair away from your neck, pulling the thick curtain back and allowing him access to your flesh. Teeth grazing over the skin before planting a hot kiss. “I need you.” He whispered into your ear, sending chills through you.

 

“Kylo.” You whispered, turning to look at the man, eyes meeting, locking into a stare, soft longing gaze reflecting between you. His hand cupping your cheeks, leaning down to place kisses onto your hot eye lids. Your left hand lifting and coming to rest gently on the scar on his stomach, fingers dancing over the textured skin. Your right hand moving to turn off the water, left gently urging him to move back to the bedroom. His long legs allowing you to guide him back to the bed. Giant body easing backward onto the messy bedding.

 

His hand coming to the small of your back urging you to join him. Smiling faintly, legs moving to straddle him, inching lower down his body, pressing soft kisses down his torso, nipping the flesh at random intervals. Moving lower still, licking at the protrusions of his hipbones and down further to his pubis, his breath hitching as your hands moved through the pubic hair that surrounded his proud cock, wrapping the member in your hands delicately. Mouth moving lower, kissing the swollen head, pooling the spit in your mouth and allowing it to dribble down around him, your mouth swallowing him. His legs flinching at the sensation, head moving back slowly, eyes closing as his lips parted softly.

 

Tongue swirling around the head of his cock as you sucked gently, hands spreading the spit across the velvety skin of his shaft.  “Fuck.” He muttered, a hand coming to rest in your hair, pulling it to the side, and allowing him to look at you, neck craning to see. Your eyes moving to look at him, mouth pulling off of the head of his dick and moving down the sides of his shaft, sucking the skin gently and then moving back to the glistening head, engulfing him as much as you could manage. His toes curling as his hand grasped your hair tightly, pulling you back from him with a soft pop. “You’re too good at that.” He mumbled, his hands urging you to climb above him once again, abandoning you to grasp his dick, guiding himself as your soft folds enveloped him.

 

Hips undulating slowly, his hands once again on you, gripping you tightly as if you were going to fade from existence at any moment. A fever dream. His hips lifting to meet your slow pace, enjoying the sensation, drunk on you. Your eyes closing, sinking into the shared bond, feeling his pleasure and your own interspersing, combining into a great wave. A soft sigh leaving your lips, head lolling to rest on your shoulder, lips pouting and relaxed. His hand moving to cup under your chin, softly urging you to look at him, committing you to his memory, and he to your own. The way his dark hair spread around his head like a halo, curling from sweat and sleep, his lips soft and relaxed, the beauty marks that peppered his skin. Constellations across space. Beautiful.

 

 Your hips picking up pace, clit rubbing across his pubis, spurring you to pick up pace as he thrust lazily into you. Hand moving to his chest and bracing yourself against him as you rode him, your fingertips digging into his skin. Panting softly as you chased your climax, him just along for the ride, hips lifting to keep the pace you set. Walls tightening around him, pulsing as you clenched around him, urging him to move deeper inside. To sink to your very core, wanting nothing more than to consume him, to bring him so far inside that he would forever be a part of you. The urge too great to keep from passing between you. He buried himself inside, pushing past your cervix, uncomfortable for a moment and then fine, hips still rolling. Indulgent as you nipped at his skin, panting into his pale flesh, hot breath fanning across him, hips again picking up pace, sensing you on the edge. The coil within you tightening, ready to break and spring forth.

 

A low whine coming from your lips, edging closer and closer, needing to break, wanting it. His hand moving between you, awkwardly navigating between you and moving to rub at your clit. Pushing you over the edge as he made circles with the tip of his finger on the bundle of nerves. Pulsing around him rapidly, clenching around him, his thrusts moving to meet the pulses. Riding out your orgasm.

 

Rolling you over and placing himself above you, legs moving to find purchase on the bed, struggling to maintain traction as he thrust inside of you. Rutting deeply with in you, pressing you further into the bed. His chest heaving as he shuttered, a low grunt left him, still thrusting as he came.

 

“I…” He panted “I…”

 

You shushed him, placing a finger to his pouting lips, “I know.” A ghost of a smile coming to your lips, sad. “I know.”

 

It wasn’t that the words were too hard to say, they were there for you too, on the tip of your tongue, waiting to leave your mouth. You knew the feeling was reciprocated, you could feel it, see it in his eyes. Every glance he made at you, you could feel it. The adoration, the contentment that he felt when you were near. You felt it too. The separation had only made you realize how much you felt for him, even without his feelings and emotions reverberating through you, you loved him too. But you couldn’t bring yourself to say it, couldn’t allow him to either. Dangerous admissions that could become even more dangerous habits. Everything about it was forbidden.

 

He pulled himself out of you, watching as his seed began to leak from between your thighs, eyes moving to look at you, laying with heavy lidded eyes. Standing and stooping over you, hands moving under you and pulling you upward, cradling your body in his strong hold and moving back to the refresher. Your hand lifting and moving across his shadowed jaw, tenderly caressing him, your face snuggling into his chest, placing soft kisses on the skin. Oh how you wanted to say you loved him too.

 

He placed you gently onto the floor of the refresher, moving to turn on the shower, allowing the water to heat up once again, his hand moving outward, allowing you to hold onto him as you moved shakily into the shower, following behind you. Both of you washing the other, caressing each other, as if you had never felt skin before. Touch starved children.

 

****

 

Shifting in the snow, legs spreading wide, firm in your stance, saber raised. Moving through the familiar motions, ingrained in you, arms moving swiftly, warming up. You could feel his signature moving towards you, your head turning to catch his visage. Hulking stocky build, moving gracefully through the snow. His helmet tucked under his thick arms. He waved as he approached. Your arm falling, allowing the tip of your saber to graze the snow.

 

“Marun!” You called excitedly.

 

“Ceph.” He greeted with a smile.

 

“I figured you’d be out here.” He laughed, dark eyes scanning the snow covered forest. “You always did like the snow.”

 

“It’s quiet. Nothing but the beasts and the world.” You muttered.

 

He nodded. “I understand…the need for silence…nature always has a strange way of providing that.”

 

“It does.” You say, mentally toggling your saber off, silencing the soft humming of the kyber inside.  “What’s bothering you?” You asked, brows furrowing.

 

He shook his head. “Anim and Vier.” He sighed, large chest expanding. Hesitant to say what he was thinking. To express the emotions that wanted so desperately to spill from him. A frown coming to his dusky lips. “I don’t understand. How could they just turn away?”

 

Your lips pinched, a corner tightening in a slight frown. “It doesn’t matter. Not in the long scheme of things.” You exhaled. “He’ll find them eventually.”

 

“It’s not that.” He said, shoulders shifting slightly. “I’ve had a vision.”

 

Your head tilted slightly, curious of what his vision was. “Go on.’ You urged.

 

“It was the both of them. Somewhere…a man was with them. They were happy.” He mumbled. “Free. They were free.” Tears pricked at his eyes. “How could they leave us?” He asked, clearly hurt that he had been left behind, that all of you had been left to fester in the constant limbo.

 

You moved closer to him, taking a hand and clasping it on the back of his neck, forcing his forehead into your own. “They left when they saw the opportunity. They are traitors, Marun.” You whispered, though you did not believe it. They were survivors. They had managed to escape…for now at least.But you couldn’t tell him that, the words refused to leave your lips, scared that it would sway him far too much and cause him to make a mistake that he couldn’t take back. “He will find them and he will destroy them…it is only a matter of time.”

 

His hand moved to cup the crown of your head, pressing onto you. “You don’t believe that…not all of it.” He muttered. “I understand though, the reason why you won’t speak out. The same reason why none of us have.” Both of your eyes meeting, staring into the deep brown irises. “We play the long game. We have no choice but to.”  

 

“These are dangerous threads of thought we chase Marun. To think them…to speak them out loud…could be disastrous.” 

 

He nodded. “Traitors.” He mumbled, a tear leaking from his eye, slowly moving down his dark skin. Forcing himself to believe what he needed to, what all of you needed to. Anim and Vier could have possibly ruined any hopes of leaving the Order, their betrayal bringing Snoke’s eye around to each of them. They needed to be especially careful. Everything must be guarded, thoughts kept in check.

 

Marun released you and you him, both of you stepping back and turning to look back out into the snow covered wood. Eyes shifting aimlessly through the gaps between the trees. The silence of the wood over coming you both. Somber and sobering silence. They were gone. All of you left to pick up the pieces.

 

****

 

He had to move quickly, time was of the essence, he did not know when the opportunity would arise again. Moving with a purpose through the halls, lean legs moving swiftly, pushing past officers who lingered in the bright hall ways, and passing units of troopers that had since been moved to _Starkiller_. The base more alive than before. He needed to begin probing again, find out how much longer until the weapon was ready, but that could wait, right now he had to intercept Kylo before he could move out to join you and Marun outside.

 

He made it to his quarters, placed in the higher officer section, where the Captains, Majors, and Colonels would be. He stood in front of the door, eyes looking at the biometric scanner and frowning. Closing his eyes for a moment and finding Kylo’s signature, sending a tendril out towards him, grateful for the bond that they all shared.  

 

 _“Commander I need to speak to you, privately.”_  He projected. The door to the room opened with a whoosh, allowing him entrance. He stepped over the thresh hold and walked inside. Sparse and dark, gloomy. Kylo stood his helmet in his hands, preparing to meet her.

 

“Einn.” He said flatly. “What is it?”

 

He was nervous, scared of what his reaction would be to what he had to say. He had seen him loose control before, the out bursts were not common but they were always devastating. His mind recalling the panels that had been destroyed on Zoist, a frustrated Kylo the culprit.

 

“It’s…” he swallowed, taking a deep breath and exhaling. “It’s about Snoke and Ceph.” He watched as the large man shifted, head tilting slightly.

 

“What about them?”

 

“Has he-Snoke, has he asked you about her lately? Her actions…anything?” He asked, hoping that maybe he had only spoken to him and no one else.

 

“Not recently, though truthfully I haven’t spoken to the Supreme Leader since your return.” He said, placing the helmet onto the table behind him, turning once more to look at him. “What is this about?” His arms crossing his large chest.

 

“He’s been asking about her.” He swallowed thickly, he needed to calm down. He knew he could feel his nervous energy, he needed to control himself. “He’s gotten awful curious about her recently.” He paused, watching his expression, feeling his energy, hoping that he would not turn angry. He felt only confusion, he could work with that. “I don’t think it’s a good thing Kylo.” He sighed, pushing his hair back out of his face, bushy brows furrowing. “I don’t know what he intends to do…but she needs to be careful.”

 

He watched as the man’s jaw clenched tightly in thought. Mandible moving slightly. “Did he say anything about _why_?”

 

Einn shook his head. “No, just asked how her performance was, her mental space…which was kinda confusing.”  He huffed a nervous laugh, “She’s never been exactly hard to read…ya know.”  His head turning suddenly, eyes moving to look in the corner of the room, Yasmal’s ghostly form standing in the corner, her expression clearly not happy.

 

_“What did I tell you?!”_

He ignored her as she continued to yell, his eyes returning to the dark haired man, whose brows were furrowed deeply.

 

“Strange, I have no problems reading her.” He muttered, his hand coming to his narrow chin and scratching.

 

“Me either.” He admitted. “I think this whole Anim and Vier thing has him concerned far more than he is letting on.” His lips pinched, eyes glancing as Yasmal’s hands moved angrily as she continued to yell at him. Returning his gaze to Kylo, “Maybe I’m looking into it too much.” He conceded.

 

Kylo hummed thoughtfully. “I will talk with her.” He muttered.

 

“No!” He said quickly, causing the giant man to raise a brow. Einn’s head shaking, “No, just…keep an eye on her…make sure she doesn’t do anything risky. You know how she is…she’s too impulsive sometimes.”

 

He nodded. “I’m always keeping an eye on her.” He paused, eyes shifting around the room, turning to look at the corner where Yasmal stood, no longer shouting, her arms crossed over her small chest, a scowl on her face. For a moment he worried that he could see her, but quickly dashed the though as his dark eyes moved to peer back at Einn. “I will make sure she does nothing rash.” He muttered, his large lips pinching in the corners, pressing into a flat line. “Is there anything else?” He asked.

 

Einn shook his head. “No. I just thought you should know.” He muttered, suddenly so unsure of his actions. Perhaps he should have listened to Yasmal…she had never lead him astray before. His eyes watching as Kylo turned to pick up his helmet, placing it on his head after releasing the latches. Sealing away his features from Einn’s gaze.

 

“Are you joining us for training?” His voice pressed over the modulator.

 

“In a little bit…I need to change.” He said, motioning down to his clothing, not prepared for the cold of the outdoors.

 

The helmet nodding curtly. “Very well.” He said moving towards Einn, passing him only to halt, turning his helmeted gaze onto him, sensing his dark eyes locking on to him. “Thank you Einn.”

 

Einn nodded, swallowing harshly. “Of course Commander.” He turned to follow him out of his quarters, both of them parting ways once out in the hall, Kylo moving towards her and Marun, and Einn heading back to his own quarters. Yasmal following behind him silently stewing.

 

He pressed into his own quarters, waiting for the door to secure before speaking to his spectral companion. “I had to do it.” He muttered.

 

 _“You’re a fool Einn.”_ Her mental tone seething. _“You could have put her directly in sight of Snoke now.”_

“How? He trusts Ren…the golden boy. His prize possession.” A slight remnant of jealousy in his voice, old feelings die hard.

 

_“Did you even stop to consider that perhaps he’s having trouble reaching into her mind? That perhaps someone is guarding her from him?”_

“And you’re just now telling me this because????” His arms moving frantically.

 

_“It was none of your business! You should have stayed out of it like I instructed you.”_

“What does this mean Yas?” He asked, his tanned skin somehow managing to pale at the information.

 

_“I don’t know Einn. He has a strong connection to Kylo, he has thus far been monitoring her through him, but now…I don’t think he is satisfied with that anymore.”_

“Why didn’t you just tell me all of this before?” He mumbled.

 

 _“Truthfully Einn, you should trust me by now….”_ She shook her head. _“It wasn’t something meant to be shared, if you become compromised…he could pull the information from you.”_ She closed her eyes in slight agitation, opening them and giving him a cold stare, _“You must keep this information hidden from him at all times. If he so much as catches a whiff of it…it could be disastrous for all of you.”_

“It shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve kept you hidden from him, I can keep this as well.”

 

She shook her head, still not sated. _“You’re not the one I’m entirely worried about. Ben…Kylo….he believes wholly, too blinded.”_ Her expression turning bitter. _“His betrayal to the Jedi, to all of us…to his family. It…it has set in motion a catastrophic chain of events in the galaxy.”_ She sneered, the taste of his name bitter in her mind. _“The womp rat.”_

“I forgot that he was someone else before all of this…that he chose to be here.”  His voice sad, eyes shifting to look at the floor.

 

 _“He was such a promising student. He was kind and caring, likable, but when the news broke…”_ She trailed for a moment, sighing. _“When we all found out, Master Luke tried to comfort him, reassure him…but the seed had already been planted long ago. The self-doubt, the fear, the need to belong somewhere.”_ Her lips pinched tightly. _“As if he didn’t belong with us.”_ Her face shifting, as if she were fighting the urge to cry, bitter and saddened by the events that had occurred during her life. Composing herself she continued, _“He left in the night, Master Luke tried to stop him, begged him to stay. He wouldn’t listen. Foolish. His mother sent a holovid explaining everything but he was long gone before he could even see it.”_

“He doesn’t know yet…he thinks he’s not disposable.” He paused, ruffling his hair and sighing. “I can only hope that it won’t be too late when he finally figures it out.” He moved to the closet and began to pull out his training gear, Yasmal moving closer to him, crossing her arms over her chest once again.

 

 _“I wish things had been different for all of us.”_ Her voice a mutter within his head. _“You would have liked it there. It was peaceful, warm, welcoming.”_

“I can’t think about it Yas, I can’t let myself sink into those thoughts. The could have beens, the what ifs. They hurt. I didn’t want to be here. None of us did. But I’m here, I’m alive, I am surviving.” He pulled his thin shirt off, tossing it to the bed and pulling the thicker material over his head. “I miss my family. My brothers and sister. My parents. I miss the smell of the salt in the air, the sound of the waves crashing on the islands. The swaying of the bridges.” He sniffled, rubbing his face. “I was robbed. We all were.” He unbuttoned his pants, tugging them away and throwing them angrily to the floor. Bitter about his life and the things that had been done. Stepping into another pair that had been lined with an insulating fiber and shimmying them up his legs. Adjusting the seams on the insides of his legs. Hands shaking in anger as he buttoned the pants.

 

 _“I’m sorry.”_ Her voice projecting inside of his head.

 

He shook his head. “I’m the reason why you’re-“ his hand gesturing at her, “you’re like this. I could have helped you. I could have done so many things. But I didn’t. I made my choices too.” He moved to sling his belt around his thin waist, cinching the synth leather snugly around him. “I…I need to make amends, I can’t live like this anymore.”

 

 _“Einn, none of us blame any of you. You have been taught to hate, to be indiscriminate, to eliminate anything that stood in your way. It was just unfortunate that we were the ones to block the path.”_  Her voice growing stronger, the belief in her words evident. Conviction as strong and righteous as she had taught to be. Forgiving, always forgiving.

 

His lips pinched, tears welling in his eyes. Resentful, angry at the things he had done. He turned away from her, rubbing his eyes and wiping the tears away. A part of him dwelling on the what ifs, even though he knew he shouldn’t, having stated so only seconds ago. “I’m going to get everyone of us out of here…and we are going to make all of this right.” His brows furrowing, “My path will be righteous.” His voice strong, eyes meeting hers. 

 

Yasmal moved to stand near him, her hand coming to rest on his cheek, a slight tingle in the contact, like a limb fallen asleep and attempting to wake. _“I have faith in you Einn.”_ She smiled. _“You would have made an excellent Jedi.”_   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....I'm working on another....uhm...coinciding story that will be explaining some things outside of the Knights and Ceph. I will be posting that one specifically to tumblr. So if you guys want further insight into the story, follow me on tumblr! It's not exactly necessary to the story as of right now but it may be further down the line. (AKA I have a lot of plans for this fucking story and I hope you guys are in for the long haul.) 
> 
> (also I may have drawn a Kylo: https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/173897783696/okay-but-why-are-you-so-fucking-hard-to-draw)
> 
> As always, your comments fuel me, I love hearing from you guys and I truly hope you enjoyed the fluffy smut!


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Familiar

_______________

 

 

 

“They won’t budge on the matter.”

 

“And you’ve tried to reason with them?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Appealed to their greed?”

 

“Yes. They will not relinquish their resources.”

 

“Then we shall take it from them.”

 

“Sir, do you think that it’s wise?”

 

“We cannot operate with in New Republic Territory. We don’t want to reveal our hand just yet.” He turned sharply, looking at the man that stood before him. Meek. A sneer coming to his pale face. “Have you ever played sabacc Kaplan?”

 

“Uh, yes.” He said with a raised brow, unsure of where the General was going with this line of thought.

 

“Then you know the cards are constantly changing, one minute you have a perfect hand and then the next nothing. You must know the perfect time to place your bet. Now is not the time.” He paced for a moment, turning back to the view port, staring out into space. “We will strip Ruonus, and leave them with nothing.”  His voice calm, though his gloved hand balled into a fist at his side. He was not one to take kindly to being slighted. Vindictive, venomous, the snake that laid in the grass, waiting to strike.

 

“Sir?”

 

His eyes, a constant shift between blue and green, moving to look at the Kaplan, an auburn brow raised. “Yes?” He asked, annoyed that his affirmation was not enough to send the Kaplan into motion. Must he hold everyone’s hand?

 

“How many units do you think would suffice?” He asked, voice shaky, unsure if he should be asking.

 

His eyes narrowed, visibly unhappy with the question. “You have all the intel you need Kaplan, make your own assessment.” He seethed.

 

The man nodded his head, gulping and bowing to leave, dismissing himself. Armitage turned on his heel once again staring out into the vastness of space. Annoyance smeared across his thin face. He could not stand incompetence. Making a mental note to ensure that the Kaplan would be demoted. The inefficient worm. Pushing a sharp breath through his teeth, attempting to calm himself. Rarely did he lose his temper over such matters, lately something had him on edge, though he was not sure what.

 

Anxiety perhaps? Things were progressing smoothly enough. Perhaps he had been subconsciously preparing for setbacks that didn’t seem to come. His brows furrowing deeply. Things were moving much faster than he anticipated. The weapon was nearly complete, Beirus remained secured, despite the kerfuffle with the Knights’ involvement. He had cleaned that up as well. A mistake to send children to do a man’s job.

 

His arms moved to rest behind his back, hands clasped tightly, pinching the pressure point between his thumb and forefinger. Relaxing himself. Clearing his mental space, eyes closing briefly and opening.

 

 

****

 

 

“You need a new helmet.” He mumbled, your head laying across his chest, his hands playing with your hair.

 

Features scrunching on your face. The thought of another helmet displeasing you. Humming lowly, choosing to ignore his comment.

 

“I could have them fabricate another one from the previous designs.” He mused.

 

“Ugh, do I have to?” You mumbled into his chest. His chest heaving with amused laughter, your eyes tilting up to peer at him, a smirk on your face. “I believe I said I had a better alternative to the helmet…did I not?”

 

He huffed, shaking his head, eyes closing and opening. “It’s silly.” He said in good humor.

 

“Is not!” Your head lifting from his chest, slapping his chest playfully. He winced, feigning pain. His hands coming to your side and dancing up your flesh, tickling you and sending you into a fit of laughter, body flailing as he hovered over you. “Ssssstopppppppp!” You squealed. 

 

“Nope!” He laughed. Stopping suddenly as the datapad pinged loudly with an urgent message. Both of you looking at the other. Concern plainly on your faces. He moved across the bed, long arms reaching for the datapad, your arms wrapping around his torso, eyes peering over his freckled shoulders. His large hands dwarfing the pad, fingers tapping the screen swiftly.

 

_Commander Ren:_

_> >>Assemble Knights of Ren for meeting at 2000 hour._

_> >>Urgent. _

_> >>Prepare for departure immediately. _

His free hand came to rest on your head, sensing your anxiety coursing through him. “It’ll be fine.” He muttered, turning his head and peering at you, your body rising upward and giving your face to him to kiss. His lips planting on your cheek comfortingly.

 

Both of you moving to begin preparing, moving to his closet to pull your combined items out. Stepping into your newly fabricated synth suit and allowing him to zip the back. Turning to look at him, eyes peering at him as he adjusted his belt. His head lifting to look at you. “Will you braid my hair?” You asked.

 

A smile coming to his lips. “Of course.”

 

 

Moving to the refresher, digging through your toiletries, and pulling out a fine toothed comb and two bands, moving to join him back in the main room. He had moved to the bed, abandoning the items he had pulled out, leaving them to focus on you. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you sat on the floor between his legs, hands moving to caress his calves. His fingers combed through your hair. Your eyes closing as calm washed over you. Arm moving to tap his thigh with the comb. His large hands pulling it from your hand and combing the hair in the back, snagging on a few knots which he gently picked out.

 

“Like she used to?” He asked.

 

You nodded, humming slightly.

 

Using the comb and parting your hair, the teeth scraping your scalp as he made the part, pulling from the front of your head and then moving to the back, working in small sections to ensure that it was nearly perfectly straight. “It’s not going to be as good.” He mumbled.

 

“It’s fine.” You muttered.  

 

The snug tugging as he began to pull the sectioned hair, weaving them together, fingers moving slowly, methodical in his movements. Hooking new hair in as he moved, moving faster as he moved further along, the motions becoming familiar once again. Your head moved with his movements, causing him to pause.

 

“Hold still please.” He spoke softly.

 

“Mm. Sorry.”

 

He resumed braiding the hair. Finishing the side and holding the end, securing the strands with a band and then moving to the next side. Moving at a far faster pace, consciously attempting to hold your head as still as possible as he pulled the hair snugly. Fighting the urge to close your eyes and doze off. A soft laugh leaving him.

 

“Finished.” He said, leaning down to kiss the top of your head, a smile coming to your lips as you moved to stand, walking to the refresher to peer at his work in the mirror. Not terrible, definitely not as pristine as when Twelve did it but you were okay with that. Walking back out of the refresher and finding him, placing his armor on, his dark eyes moving to glance at you.

 

“Thank you.” You smiled, allowing him to finish what he was doing before moving to kiss his lips, hand coming to the back of his neck and forcing him to lean down.

 

“If you keep this up we’ll never make it on time.” He muttered against your lips, a smirk coming to them, devilishly attractive, sending flutters to your stomach.

 

 

****

 

 

The four of you stood in front of the projection, though it was not who you were anticipating. He looked…unraveled. Bags cutting deeply under his eyes, hair tussled, stressed and very angry.

 

“There’s been a minor setback.” He nearly spat, too proud to want to admit it. You could feel Kylo’s smug sense of satisfaction.

 

“And you want us to fix your setback General?” The modulator cracked.

 

His lips pinched and face growing dark, seething. “IT IS JUST AS MUCH YOUR SETBACK AS MINE COMMANDER.” He boomed.

 

Your eyes closed, face turning into a scowl, fighting the urge to rub at your temples. Eyes opening, head turning to look at Kylo, whose arms were crossed over his chest, you could easily imagine the smirk on his lips under the helmet. Why did he constantly feel the need to agitate the General. You cleared your throat.

 

Hux’s eyes swiveling to look at you, straightening himself and pushing back his hair with a gloved hand. “As I said, there’s been a minor setback, and the four of you are needed.” Regaining the steely composure you were used to seeing, as if you would all forget his sudden outburst.

 

“All four of us? That must be more than a minor setback, General.” The smug tone under the modulator evident even to Hux.

 

Watching as the man rubbed at his temple. “I’m sending all of you to set an example. I want them crushed.” He seethed through clenched teeth, facial features attempting not to pinch in a sneer.

 

“What exactly are we about to walk into?” Einn piped up.

 

“Nothing the four of you shouldn’t be able to easily handle.” He snipped.  “Two weeks ago, we sent a small unit to Ruonus, an insignificant squallier of a planet, but rich at its core in Ytterbium. We tried to bargain for the Ytterbium, but they would not budge.”

 

“So you decided instead of looking elsewhere- to just take it?” Einn asked with a raised brow.

 

“Does it matter?” The General hissed.

 

“It just seems foolish to go to battle over something that could be found at another location.” Einn shrugged.

 

Hux rubbed at his temples furiously, head tilted downward as he mumbled about ‘why must I explain this to everyone?’ His head lifting, eyes looking far more tired than they were previously, “We cannot operate within New Republic space. I’m not going to explain myself further.” His voice clipped.

 

“So what exactly went wrong?” You asked, attempting to get at the root of the problem, tired of wasting time on useless explanations.

 

“The unit was quickly over run, the inhabitants…were far more resourceful than we initially anticipated.” He sighed loudly, perhaps ashamed of the folly, “We sent more units, but they were of no use, by the time of their arrival the previous unit had been completely eradicated thanks to a distress call that had been sent out and received by a small cell of what we assume to only be the Resistance.”

 

You felt it before you saw it, the sudden flash of anger that overcame you, your eyes moving to the only person who had any ties to the fledgling revolutionaries. His hands were balled tightly at his side, seething internally, the emotion slowly radiating out into his muscles and body, though he attempted to restrain himself. Your eyes moved back to the General, head nodding. “Say no more.”  Fighting the urge to glance back at Kylo, “When do we need to depart?”

 

“Your ship is already being prepared, as soon as we conclude this briefing, you will rendezvous with another larger unit that is already on their way. Everything else you need to know will be sent to your datapad, including unit delegation and more about the Krysa’s tactics.”

 

“I’m assuming the Krysa are the natives of Ruonus?” You questioned.

 

“Yes. Nasty creatures. Burrowing rodents.” He sneered. “I’m not sure how they managed to get a hold of the Resistance. Stupid creatures.” He spat.

 

“We will take care of it General.” The sound of Marun’s voice processed through his modulator echoing within the chamber.

 

“See that they are eradicated. Completely.”

 

“General.” Marun replied with a curt nod, the holovid feed cutting abruptly leaving the four of you standing in the chamber usually reserved for conversations with the Supreme Leader. You watched as Marun clasped his large hand on Einn’s shoulder, urging the man to move out of the room and leaving you and the Commander alone.

 

You stood looking at the man, staring into the helmet’s visor, gauging his feelings through the bond. Seething in a silent rage. You wanted to reach out, to touch him but thought better of it, instead standing and waiting for him to speak when he was ready, careful not to pressure him to explosion. His head turning to suddenly regard you, his hand reaching for your own, fingers lacing together. Squeezing tightly. You nodded. “She won’t be there.” You muttered. Knowing that it was what was truly concerning him.

 

“Of course not.” His voice cutting through the modulator, seeping through the undertones.

 

“We have nothing to worry about. This will be nothing.”

 

A string of worried energy emitting through the bond, something bothering him that was not quelled by your words. He squeezed your fingers once more, breaking the hold and gesturing with his helmet towards the door. Your eyes closing and a soft sigh breaching your lips. He was not ready to discuss what was bothering him, perhaps in time he would confide in you. You could not rush him. Patience. Following behind him as he moved to exit the chamber.

 

****

 

“They’re rats….like literally….rats.” Einn mumbled as he poured over his datapad.

 

“What’s the problem?” You mumbled, looking through your own data packet.

 

“I mean it’s not a problem…just weird.”

 

“The galaxy is a large place Einn, there are plenty of other people who would say we are weird.” Chided Marun, his helmet beside him, finger scrolling through his own information packet.

 

Einn hummed and shrugged, “I guess you’re right.”

 

“It says that we need to be weary of their legs-” shifting in your chair, legs crossing, “strong kicks, and high jumping abilities.” Mumbling absently, brows scrunched. “I imagine their teeth need to be avoided as well.”

 

“Giant rodents.” Einn mumbled in disbelief, a slight huffing laugh pushing through his teeth, almost in a tut.

 

Your eyes rolling as you moved through the large data packet, eyes skimming through the information first before reading it in its entirety. “We’re getting our own units.” Your head tilting upward to look at your companions.

 

Marun nodded, “Yes, I saw that. Flame troopers and some heavy infantry.”  He said with a wave of his hand. “Looks like someone has supplied them with speeders.” He murmured.

 

“The Resistance?” Einn questioned.

 

Marun nodded slightly, “Seems like it?” He ventured.

 

“I guess we could hypothesize all day about it…but won’t really know until we get there.” Einn looked around the ship absently. “Not that any of that matters in the long run.” Sighing loudly, “As long as we complete what is expected.”

 

Brows furrowing, placing your datapad down next to you and excusing yourself from your comrades. Walking towards the cockpit in search of Kylo, hoping that he was in a better mood.

 

He sat slumped in the co-pilot seat. Helmeted head perched on a balled fist, elbow resting on the arm rest. Moving to stand between him and the pilot, staring out of the transparisteel as the shuttle moved through hyper space. His head lifting slightly, turning to regard you.

 

 _“Are you okay?”_ You projected, utilizing the bond to hold a private conversation in not so private quarters.

 

 _“I’m fine.”_ He replied curtly, forced.

 

 _“Something is bothering you.”_ Your eyes remained trained on the shield of the ship. _“Talk to me.”_

_“I promise. Nothing is bothering me.”_ His mental voice far softer than before, as if the tone would trick you into believing him. False sincerity.

 

 _“Liar.”_ Your hand moving to tap the temple of his helmet. _“I can feel you.”_ You reminded. His hand moving to yours, holding it for a moment and squeezing.

 

 _“When you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen.”_  Projecting the thought and squeezing his hand back, both of you breaking the contact as you turned to move back into the hold of the ship. Grabbing your bag and moving to the refresher.

 

Closing the door behind you, standing in front of the mirror, glancing at yourself for a moment, considering and thinking about what you were about to do. It could be the dumbest looking thing, they could make fun of you , but you wanted nothing more than to prove your point. Who needs a kriffing helmet?  Digging in your bag and pulling out your toiletries bag, and beginning your process.

 

Ungloved fingers painting dark black upon your bottom lip, trailing up your cheeks, following the hollows under the bone, as crisp as possible, though not perfect. Three lines flanking the sides of your mouth, upper lip unpainted, natural. Filling in the lines you had made, covering the exposed skin under your neck and meeting the high color of your synth suit. The yolk and lower face complete and moving to your eyes, darkening your sockets, fading the black to your brow, smoking out the eye socket.

 

Staring at yourself in the mirror and sighing. Not perfect, but it would do. Allowing the makeup and paint to set and dry, tightening your skin, but not uncomfortably so. Washing your hands and placing your items back into your bag haphazardly, repacking the smaller bag and taking one last look at yourself in the mirror. Nodding. This was the face that would greet those who opposed you, not a helmet, your own skin. Dark and imposing.

 

Opening the refresher and moving back out to join your companions, tossing your duffel to the floor and sitting, pulling your datapad and resting it in your lap, legs crossed as if nothing was different about you.

 

“You got some stuff on your-”  Einn motioning at his jaw “face.”

 

You glared at him, “Shut up.”

 

“I like it.” Marun added, casually looking up from his datapad.

 

“Thank you.” You smiled at him, turning to stick your tongue out at Einn, who rolled his eyes in response.

 

The sound of Kylo’s foot steps moving towards the three of you, slight anxiety moving through you, second guessing the face paint suddenly, what if he thought it was still silly? Scowling only for a moment and then forcing yourself to relax, so what if he didn’t like it? You did and that’s all that mattered. Forcing your face to return to an emotionless façade your eyes moving down to the datapad, ignoring him as he walked back into the hold.

 

Feeling his eyes on you, peering at your face intently, you continued to ignore him. Waiting for him to make a snide comment. He didn’t, instead he moved closer, placing his index finger under your chin, urging you to lift your head and look at him. His finger barely touching your skin, conscious not to mess up the paint, moving your head side to side, looking over your work.

 

 _“Not as silly as I thought.”_ His mental tone lit with amusement. _“Though you still need a helmet.”_ You could practically feel his smirk. Rolling your eyes softly.

 

“Yeah yeah yeah. I’ll work on it when we get back.” You muttered.

 

His chest flinching with a huffing laugh, crossing the modulator with a soft crackle. “All of you read your packets?” He asked, turning his head to glance at each of you.

 

“Yes Commander.” The three of you piped up in unison.

 

“Einn your unit will be with mine, Marun and Ceph will be together. Each of our units will have a Captain, indicated by the red pauldron. They will worry about attack coordination, your job will be to work alongside their efforts.” Turning to look at you, visor locked onto your face, “Do not do anything foolish. I want every single one of you to return alive.” His head turning to look at both Einn and Marun, “Understood?”

 

The three of you nodded.

 

“Good. Any further questions?”

 

“So rats?” Einn asked, as if Kylo were going to give him a reason.

 

He shook his helmet. “Yes Einn, they look like rats…don’t let their appearance fool you. They are plenty dangerous, especially if you find yourself in one of their nests.”

 

“Yeah I saw that, it’s just….really?!”

 

“Please take this seriously Einn.” Marun chimed in, brows furrowed.

 

“I am! Guys, I’m totally serious…” His excited chatter turning into a slight mutter.

 

“We should be rendezvousing with the _Judgement_ shortly, we will then proceed into Ruonus’ air space and make landfall.” He turned swiftly, heading back to the cockpit.

 

Your eyes moving to look back at Einn who was fidgeting in his seat, leg bouncing anxiously. “What is with you?” You asked lowly.

 

“Nothing. Just wanna get this over with.” He mumbled.

 

You hummed in response, accepting his words though you had a feeling something more was bothering him. What was with him and Kylo? Your lips twitched in slight annoyance.

 

 

****

 

“Ready?!” He called from the opening hatch, helmet’s visor peering at the three of you, the wind wiping through the hold as the shuttle made a soft landing, engines whirling loudly. The three of you nodding, each on you armored, weapons at the ready.

 

He nodded, turning promptly and moving down the ramp, feet stomping with familiar purpose, excitement and anxiety moving through the both of you in tandem echoing through the bond in full force as you followed closely behind him. Your eyes meeting the sea of red grass covered hills, plumes of smoke raising in the distance, the sight of previous battles, losses for the First Order you assumed. Your eyes shifting around, head tilting to peer above as the sound of more drop ships were sent out from the _Judgement._ Your units arriving separately. The sound of your own ship lifting off behind you, returning to the flag ship that loomed above, that would never breaking atmosphere.  Waiting to be hailed for further assistance or retraction.

 

A meaty paw landing on your shoulder, breaking you from your absent gazing, pulling your eyes back to meet the flat faced helmet of Marun. _“Ready?”_ He projected.

 

 _“Yes.”_ The hissing sound of ramps lowering, and the steady boot falls of Stormtroopers moving off of their ships, red grass whipping from the repulsion devices inside of their respected ships. Everything suddenly loud and overwhelming.

 

Marun’s gloved hand, touching the side of his helmet, possibly flipping through the display screen, though you weren’t completely sure. _“This way.”_ He projected. Moving away from Kylo and Einn who stood stock still. Einn’s arms crossed over his chest, face pinched slightly. Your eyes moving fleetingly to Kylo, his helmet turning to regard you.

 _“Be careful.”_ He projected.

 

 _“You too.”_ You replied with a nod. _“Watch your backs.”_ Turning away from him to follow Marun, who was waiting for you near two large masses of Stormtroopers.

 

Trudging through the tall crimson grass and meeting him, eyes scrutinizing the troopers in front of you. Most of them would be green, their first battle, the Captains would also be new, trained through extensive VR. Running scenario after scenario, natural leaders who weren’t afraid to make the hard calls. A part of you thankful that you were just along for the ride, no need to direct, just follow. The sound of a noncom causing your head to turn swiftly, eyes locking onto the red pauldron of one of the captains. Whose captain you were not sure.

 

“We will move in formation zeta, be on guard. Watch their legs. Do not breech formation under any circumstances.” The trooper lifted a black gloved hand and signaled for the units to move into formation, your eyes watching as they lined themselves up quickly.

 

 _“Which one do we go with?”_ You projected to Marun, who had hefted his vibro mace over his shoulders, hands resting limply over the staff portion.

 

 _“Shit sorry, I keep forgetting you don’t have your helmet.”_  He tilted his head to the right, _“That one should be you. Captain Y-217._ ”

 

 _“Anything else I should know?”_ You asked.

 

_“Stay behind incendiary at the back of formation. Remember we are here to aid, not lead.”_

Nodding you moved to the right, walking calmly to the back of the formation and standing near Y-217, your eyes locked onto the back of the formation as they began their march down the hill. Your eyes scanning in front of the formation. Something darting quickly in the distance, your eyes narrowing, gloved fingers coming to rest above your brow, shielding the high sun’s rays and allowing you to peer unimpeded. Speeders. You huffed a slight laugh.

 

“Speeders ahead. Prepare to engage.” The noncom of Y-217 sounded beside you. “Heavy artillery proceed forward, all others progress slowly.”  

 

A nagging sensation began to prick at the back of your mind. Something was amiss but you weren’t sure what. Halting and peering around you, watching as the tall sea of red grass swayed lazily in the slight breeze. Eyes once again scanning out in front of you, watching as the FWMB-10K wielding Stormtroopers made their progression further out in the flat of the hill, making their way into a slight valley. You couldn’t see anything that would present alarm, eyes scanning back to the moving speeders.

 

Legs moving once again, now further away from the unit, straggling behind, nagging only growing worse. Your head turning in search of Marun, feeling for his signature and pinging him mentally. _“Something is off.”_

_“Do you know what?”_

_“No. I feel weird. Somethin-”_ A loud screeching filled your ears, hands moving to cuff the shell of your ears swiftly, sealing the loud noise from reaching them, eyes moving frantically around. Darting frantically but not seeing anything, Y-217 moving his arm frantically, directing his unit, forcing your hands to release the shell of your ears and listening to the man scream out orders over the steady screeching.

 

The sound of shouting and blaster fire, eyes moving to focus on the front line, seeing nothing but troopers firing bolts at nothing. Brows furrowing in confusion as you watched a trooper disappear into the grass. Seemingly swallowed by the now frantically swaying red blades.

 

“Captain!” Legs locking suddenly, halting you in your movements as you shouted to the captain, “Engage the flametroopers, burn the grass!” Your hand moving to your saber, and unclipping it from your belt, mentally toggling the switch, deep crimson plasma ejecting from the hilt. Arm moving to slice the grass away from you, turning in a circle and slicing through the blades swiftly.

 

“Flame engage!” He called sternly over the noncom. “Burn the grass!”

 

Too preoccupied with searching your own vicinity to see it, fast and leaping, ashen skin, dappled and smeared with red clay. Y-217 falling to the ground as it made impact. Screeching and chittering as black nails clawed at the duraplast armor of Y-217. Turning to see the captain gone suddenly, face scrunching tightly as you moved through the tall grass wading through the blades, saber raised and hand out, sending a sharp push with the Force, and sending both the struggling captain and the Krysa fighter tumbling through the tall blades.

 

Legs picking up speed and chasing their pushed bodies, moving to aid the captain who was now struggling to reach his own blaster. Krysa ambling upward on crouched and squatted legs, rippling muscled thighs, the full realization of them hitting you, powerful and dangerous. He chittered, large incisors clicking in anger, low screech as he tilted forward, on all fours, dark nails digging into the red clay and bolting forward, forgetting the captain completely, he was no threat, you were.

 

Your hand moving outward on instinct, cutting through the now suddenly stale air, teeth gritting as you froze the creature mid leap. His body frozen in the air, halted above the dancing grass, you moved closer, head tilting as you peered at the creature. Beady red eyes moving to watch you as you inspected him. Perhaps it would have been cute if it weren’t trying to murder you. Watching as the muscles quaked, attempting to break your hold, hand still out stretched, holding him. Right hand adjusting on the slight curved hilt of your saber, turning the blade to pint behind you, arm arcing, body twisting as you brought your blade down across his neck, severing his head and cauterizing the skin, the resistance familiar and comforting in a way. Left hand dropping and releasing the being allowing the two pieces to fall.

 

“They’re using the grass.” Voice coming out flatly as you looked down at the creature, eyes shifting to peer at Y-217 who was now back on his feet. “Burn it all.” Your head turning, face placid.

 

“And the speeders?” He asked.

 

“A distraction for now. Focus on the grass until they break the front.”

 

“Yes ma’am.” He said promptly, turning to look back at the firing squad as they struggled to fight the creeping Krysa.  “Burn it down.” He commanded, turning back to regard you, watching as your boot moved the severed head. “And you ma’am?”

 

Your head once again tilting to gaze at him, breaking from watching the odd flesh of the head move in the red sticky clay. “Give me a flametrooper.”

 

He nodded and motioned for you to follow, moving closely behind as he waded through the grass to reach the closest flametrooper, eyes locking onto the flame thrower as they sprayed the grass in a wide sweeping arc. “Y-999.”

 

The trooper halted its motion, flame receding to a mere flicker at the tip of the flame thrower. “Sir?” She answered.

 

“Proceed with Ceph Ren until further commanded.” He barked.

 

“Sir!” Y-999 regarded you, helmet turning to gaze at you, waiting for instruction.

 

“I haven’t done this in a long time.” You conceded. Y-999 only stared blankly. Huffing a slight laugh, “Get back to it.”

 

She nodded, igniting her flamethrower once again, moving forward with the sweeping arc, towards the valley where the heavy artillery was still fraught to remain standing. You followed behind her, both hands moving outward as you positioned yourself directly behind, lining your body with hers. Fire was hard to control, flickering and wild, too much of a heavy hand with the Force and it could be disastrous. It felt like ages since you had done this, training with the element only for a brief time, you were a bit nervous. Blowing a huff through your lips and closing your eyes, focusing on stream lining the Force through your arms, they would be the conductors of this strange orchestra.

 

Bowing slightly, spine arching forward, hands moving low, gathering the Force into your palms, eyes opening and lips setting tightly. Focused. Ready. Arms bowing outward as your spine straightened, eyes focusing on the flame, lip twitching slightly. _Dance_.

 

The flames that shot from the barrel split, answering to the call of your hands, moving towards you quickly, arms rearing back, shoulders pinching tightly, pushing outward with the Force, projecting the split flame out into searing jets. Brows furrowing tightly, beading with slight sweat from the intense heat. Force cycling between pulling and pushing. Hot flickering jets pulsing outward, clearing thick lines of the grass.

 

Once you felt comfortable enough with the feeling, you stepped to the side of Y-999, “Move towards heavy assault, fire when I say.”

 

“Ma’am!” She called back, moving forward through the still burning grass, your hands tucking closely to your body, open palmed, and pushing outward with the Force, sending the flames forward, surging and burning the grass at an alarming rate. Feeding the hungry flames. The sound of blaster fire growing closer, along with the chittering screeches of the Krysa.

 

Halting the constant push and relaxing your hands by your side, your eyes scanning in front of you, searching out. Watching as the other flametroopers moved around you, setting the grass ablaze. Suddenly tumbling and rolling in the burning grass, heavy weight on you, pressing into you, your hands coming forward and pressing into rough fabric, the loud clacking of teeth sounding above you, eyes focusing on the open mouth of the Krysa that and leapt onto you. Careless. Jaws snapping to reach your face, claws digging where they could.

 

Both of you rolling in the burning grass, flames licking at the both of you. Screaming wildly, arms pushing the creature away from you, sending a strong pulse out of your entire body with the Force, bewildered and disoriented. The Krysa flung away from you, thudding onto the darkened earth, stunned for the time being. Forcing yourself to move as quickly as you could manage. Mouth moving into a deep sneer, eyes opening wide, teeth tightly gritted as your fists tightened, squeezing the internal workings of the Krysa, blood weeping from its orifices as its organs were crushed, a loud screech breaching it’s muzzle before it died. Anger coursing through you. Mad that you hadn’t sensed the blasted creature, that it had had the nerve to attack you.

 

Pure rage washing over you, over taking any rational thought, surging wildly, meeting the sudden fear of being overcome by the Krysa, chomping away at the emotion, consuming it, rage growing. Y-999 had not halted, you moved to join her, stomping your way to her, cloak singed and smoking, pupils blown wide with rage. “FIRE!” You screamed far louder than necessary. Blood boiling.

 

Nodding, her finger moving to the trigger, squeezing and releasing the hot spray. Your hands pitching outward, pushing the Force, channeling it through every point in your body that you could muster, pulling the flames towards you. Licking inferno rushing towards you, your hands moving to push them, creating a circling current around you, engulfed in the flame, a vortex that grew taller and taller, pulling more and more, the heat almost unbearable. “CLEAR THE AREA!” You yelled over the roaring inferno.

 

Hoping beyond all hope that Y-999 heard you, that she was moving far enough way, that she wouldn’t get caught in that you were about to do. If you held any longer you would lose control over the flame, burning yourself alive, the air was already growing thin within the small area, the flame constantly consuming it as it roared around you. Arms raising, held tightly to your body, taking in as much air as you could manage, holding the breath until your lungs seared, pain enhancing your control over the Force, arms pushing out slowly, testing the flame’s flexibility, eyes watching as it bowed around you. The push would need to be hard, precision focus essential. Eyes closing. Exhale. Push. Guttural cry leaving your mouth involuntarily, animalistic in nature, angry, so _fucking_ angry.

 

The vortex of flame widened, pushing out quickly away from you, urged by the Force to accelerate and consume everything around you, feasting on the grass and anything caught in its path. Screeching of Krysa, yelling of humans, cacophony of agony in the air as the flames breached all around. Hungry and righteous in their circular path. Nothing was safe, indiscriminate in the damage done, all were kissed by the flame. Eyes opening slowly, watching the chaos. Smile crossing your lips.

 

Your path was clear, flames wiping out all grass, exposing everything to your sight. Boots stomping into the smoking ash, hand moving once more to your saber. Eyes zeroing in on your next target, heading to the front line. Those who had not gotten caught in the path of the flame fought on, those unfortunate enough to meet the flame burned. Stormtroopers and Krysa alike, melted and burned flesh, armor and clothing, the smell of burnt hair and skin crossing your nose, wafting in with the slight breeze. The smell making you _hungry_.

 

Igniting the blade, deep crimson flaring to life, streamlined and hungry. Hand moving on the slightly curved hilt, grip adjusting, leg moving into a swift sprint, running forward, leaping over the rat holes that the Krysa had been using to ambush your unit, now exposed clearly. The sound of blaster fire growing closer, humans and other aliens battling with the Krysa towards the front line, their strategy now exposed and useless. Forcing the speeders to enter the battle, no longer baiting the troopers into a trap.

 

Your eyes catching sight of Marun, great vibro mace, swatting anything and everything that managed to get in his way. Powerful arms cutting down the opposition. His hand jutting outward, deflecting blaster bolts sent from a speeder that zoomed around him like a gnat. Your eyes watching as it circled around him, sending another volley, powerful arm gliding out in a deflecting motion, bolts zipping away from him and landing elsewhere. A lone Krysa moving to leap upon him, his body twisting and catching it in the stomach with the mace, sending the creature flying away from him. Speeder circling back around once more, making a wide turn.

 

You ran to meet him, pressing your back to his once you reached him. His free hand moving to brace your side, ensuring him that you were really there. “Fire was you huh?” He huffed through his helmet.

 

“Yeah, did you like that?” You laughed lowly, pupils still dilated with rage.

 

“You wiped out half of your unit.” He barked, clearly agitated.

 

“They would have died anyway.” Your voice cutting and crass. “Here they come!” You yelled as the speeder veered back towards the both of you. Moving around him, legs dancing and pivoting to position yourself in front of him, saber deflecting bolts that were aimed directly at you, arms moving swiftly, hands turning over each other.

 

“You ready to fly?” He asked, the modulator coming out in a slight static, perhaps due to loose wiring that would need to be addressed later.

 

“Ready!” You called back, disengaging your saber and securing it to your belt.

 

Dropping his weapon, hands moving around your waist, picking you up and lifting you, body shifting in his capable hands, stout powerful legs moving and making him spin. Building momentum as he timed the speeders approach. Release.

 

You flew through the air, hands out stretched to grab onto the rider, pouncing onto him, knocking him off of the speeder and to the ground, the both of you tumbling, speeder carrying on unmanned. A fist met your jaw. Pain moving through your flesh, jolting but not unwelcomed, a lucky hit as you both rolled on the ground. Tussling and no longer skidding across the grass from the momentum of your body. Another fist grazing your lip, tearing the thin flesh, you laughed. Legs curling tightly to your chest and pushing into his abdomen, launching him off of you. He hit the ground with a thud, groaning slightly. Popping up off of the ground standing over him, pulling your saber off of your clip, watching as he rolled, your boot meeting the middle of his chest. Smiling, “I win.” Jabbing the tip of the saber square between his brows, meeting the resistance of his skull, and forcing the plasma further in, scrambling his brain.

 

Another speeder zipped past you, your hand reaching outward, eyes locking onto the rider, fingers clamping shut tightly and pulling their body with the Force, yanking them from their seat. Speeder veering and crashing into the ground, sending red clay and grass flying as it embedded into the earth, engine stalling and sputtering out. Padding slowly to the discombobulated rider, their hand rubbing their face as they attempted to understand what had happened. Head tilting slightly as you peered at her young face. A child.

 

Huffing slightly, right hand moving, channeling the Force through the perfect conduit, dragging her upward and off of the ground, legs kicking feebly. The girl’s eyes grew wide, watching as you approached closer. Stuttering, “Wh-wha-what are you?!”

 

Pulling her within inches of your face, cold eyes taking in her features. Her nostrils flared, limbs twitching, attempting to break your hold, her umber skin slicked with red clay, clothing covered in the sticky substance where she had skidded onto the ground. Left hand holding your saber, twirling it absently in the hand, loud hum filling your ears. _Music._

 

“Are you with the Resistance girl?” You asked.

 

She continued to struggle, refusing to answer, jerking her harshly, jarring her a bit and causing her head to snap back and forth. She winced in pain. “No.” She stammered.

 

“Liar.” You tutted. “It doesn’t matter truthfully. I was only curious.”  Her mouth moved as if she were about to say something, but it was far too late for that, your left hand moved the saber at lightning speed, stabbing her through the chest, allowing her to fall through the blade, splitting the upper portion of her body in half. She flopped to the ground, electric pulses sent from her brain still coursing through her legs, her body not yet aware that she was dead already.

 

Moving away from her and walking to the speeder, hand wrapping around the sleek bars, using the Force and pulling its buried nose out of the clay, righting it, legs kicking over the seat, rump planting firmly as you eyed the controls. Not much different from the speeder on Beirus. Hands moving over the small panel in the center of the speeder, shutting everything down and then restarting the engine. Repulsors kicking back into life and lifting you off of the ground. Your feet moving to the pedals, adjusting the repulsors' lift, hands moving to the throttle, twisting it and zooming forward. Exhilaration moving through you as you zipped forward. No fear to be found, sure in your movements.

 

Zipping back to Marun who was now in the thick of a swarm of Krysa, vibro mace  sounding loudly as he whacked into their bodies, heavy assault troopers moving to give aid, popping the outer swarm with bolts. Maneuvering the speeder, coming round, body leaning into the tight turn, finger pressing the button to fire the small canon. A rapid string of bolts peppering the rat bodies of the Krysa. Encircling the swarm tightly, shooting until the canon grew too hot to fire. Useless machinery.

 

Slowing the speeder and leaping off, tucking tightly and rolling into the singed earth, the sound of the speeder crashing back into the earth filling your ears. You moved into a sprint, flinging yourself into the tight knit swarm recklessly, tumbling and crashing into the throng of bodies. Cloak shredded to pieces by the time you had managed to resurface, thankful for the interwoven materials that made it extra durable, protecting you from the claws of the Krysa. Throwing elbows, hand attempting to call to your saber, but the swarm was far too closely packed. Maybe this had been a mistake you suddenly thought.

 

Quickly pushing the thought away, too late now, you were in the thick of it and you would be damned it a bunch of over grown rats were going to rip you to shreds. Sending out a pulse in the Force, small, just enough to clear enough room to reach Marun who was alternating between pulsing the Force and smashing skulls with the vibro mace. Where were they all coming from?!

 

Reaching him finally, shoving a Krysa forward, sending them colliding into a smack of the mace and sending them knocking back over you.  “’BOUT TIME!” He yelled, arm moving the haft of the mace out again, sliding in his hand extending his reach and smacking another Krysa in the gut. “ABOVE A NEST!” He bellowed, arms moving, swinging the mace upward, smacking another Krysa under the chin, head snapping backward, neck snapping. “WE NEED TO MOVE AWAY FROM IT!”

 

 _“And how do you propose we do that?”_ You projected, not wasting your time screaming over the sound of the hoard.

 

“ _Collective pulse right on out of this shit show.”_

_“Just like that huh?”_ Your arm moving upward with your saber in hand, slashing out into the pressing bodies, pushing them back.

_“Just like that.”_

Shrugging slightly, huffing a low laugh, _“Alright.”_ Your back suddenly slamming into his, leg kicking outward, booted foot smacking squarely into the open yap of a Krysa, kicking strong incisors back into its mouth, blood gushing outward.

_“Ready?”_ Swinging out a wide sweep with his weapon.

 

_“Ready!”_

 

“GO!” He commanded. Both of your bodies moving in unison, hands colliding with the clay underfoot at the same time, channeling the Force through the appendages and into the ground, a great ripple moving under foot, knocking swarming Krysa back, causing them to topple on to each other. Both of you sprinting from your positions, heading in opposite directions away from the crumbled crowd, momentarily dazed.

 

Boot’s stepping gracelessly on top of the cluttered masses, arms moving to stabilize you, saber still gripped in your hand tightly, grazing downward, dipping as you adjusted your arms to keep your balance, slicing randomly into flesh. Foot finally planting onto somewhat solid ground, sliding a bit in the clay under foot, turning quickly to ensure that Marun had cleared the thickly packed bodies. Seeing him on the other side, still running, your brows furrowing.

 

 _“Clear the area, TIEs approaching!”_  The sound of a high pitched screech coming from above, causing your head to tilt upward, watching as a TIE fighter zipped closer. Legs moving, pitching across the clay, swiftly deactivating your saber, clutching it tightly in your hands, and running as far away from the path of the TIE, arm pumping in sync with your legs, moving in tandem as you huffed it away. The sound of canon fire sounding, ear piercing screech filling your ears as the TIE did a fly by, bolts making landfall into the struggling hoard of Krysa. 

Clay, grass and body parts flying through the air, the impact of the bolts tearing the sight apart. Offending chunks raining down on those left, pelting the Krysa with their kin and you with their flesh. Turning to observe the damage, craters littering the ground, remaining Krysa struggling to stand, shell shocked. A large hole now fully exposed. The nest entrance now destroyed.

 

Huffing a slight laugh, incredulous of what had just occurred. Hux was really serious about destroying this planet. Another louder piercing screech as more TIEs entered the battle. Not caring to get gunned down by your own side you moved to find Marun, pinging him mentally and figuring out his location. Legs moving into motion as you jogged towards him on the other side of the battle field.  

 

He moved out further into the thickest part of the battle, walking with a purpose, stocky build, large hulking mass covered in pitch black, gliding through the remaining grass of the field. The screech of TIEs sounding overhead, your eyes moving to look further out, the sight of buildings not far from the main line of battle, the Resistance and Krysa attempting to push your troops back, keeping them from entering the town.

 

Marun slowing his pace and allowing you to slide in beside him. The haft of his mace, resting on his strong shoulder, helmet peering out as he increased his pace, swinging the haft of his mace back into his hand, preparing to enter the fray. Your hand clutching your saber firmly, igniting the blade once again, huffing out a harsh exhale, eyes closing in a slow blink, opening to renewed focus.

 

Passing a few heavy assault troopers and the remaining captain, stationed behind a FWMB, firing the canon strategically into the field.  Eyes making contact with the black visor and continuing your path. The captain did not halt you, did not yell or command you to return to the line. No, he was far too focused on his own task to worry with the two of you. A smirk came to your face at the thought, who could stop you? _No one._

 

Twirling your saber absently and popping your neck, the cracking of the joints loud enough to hear. Marun’s helmet regarding you only momentarily, turning to face the movements of bodies and the darting of speeders. _“Focus on the speeders. I got the Krysa and the others.”_ He commanded.

_“Give me a boost?”_ You asked with a slight smirk, ugly and horrifying with the face paint.

 

He dropped his mace and moved to you, picking you up by the belt and allowing you to secure your saber once it was deactivated. Both hands holding you securely as he began the familiar spin, gaining momentum as he timed the nearest speeder’s approach. Sending you flying through the air, a laugh leaving your lips as you flew forward like a blaster bolt. A brief moment of childish joy filling you.

 

Body shifting in the air, spinning slightly, allowing your boots to come together and form a make shift battering ram, clobbering into the rider of the speeder and knocking them clear off of the vehicle. Hand moving to claw at the seat, hoping that you could swing yourself enough to latch on to the speeder. Spine curling tightly, hand gripping the synth leather, digging into the seats slight cushioning as you swiveled your body, swinging to come back around the still moving speeder. Gracelessly clambering up the long seat and planting your feet onto the pedals, hands moving quickly to the bars. Leaning into a hair pin turn, yelling loudly with joy and firing the blaster canon at the dethroned rider, pelting them, smoke rising from the scorching holes.

 

Zipping around, looking for the next speeder, eyes locking onto it and tracking the thing, pelting it with shots, not accurate enough in your aiming. Cursing under your breath and shifting in the seat, freeing a hand from the bars. _Fuck the blaster_. Legs wrapping tightly around the body of the speeder, feet lifting off of the pedals, hand calling to your saber, catching it within your palm snugly. Veering back around, and pitching the speeder into a slight tilt, igniting the blade mentally and careening into the speeder that was now next to you, running the blade through the power cell  within the body of the speeder, cutting through the leg of the rider, a loud scream filling your ears, full of frustration and pain.

 

Legs moving quickly back to the pedals, shifting and lifting you higher, hand moving back to the empty bar and accelerating forward. In search of your next target. Blasting the canon at any foreign entity that crossed your path, if you hit great if not then oh well, they were not your main concern at the moment. Eyes shifting along the lines of battle, searching. The sound of loud canon fire filling your ears, eyes shifting to the source as the TIEs made another run, pelting the city, turning the dark clay buildings into rubble with each pass.

 

A bolt whizzed past your head, eyes growing wide in alarm, turning your head to look behind you, a speeder in pursuit. Your hands twisting the handles, accelerating you forward, legs shifting the pedals and bringing you closer to the ground, red blades whipping your legs. Pitching the speeder into a slight halt, just enough to turn back and face your pursuers. Eyes locking onto the goggles of the rider, boots moving the pedals and hand twisting the accelerator, sending you forward at an alarming rate. Stabilizers pointing directly at your tail, heading right for them.

 

They did not falter, instead increasing their speed, heading in a straight path for you. Firing the blaster at them, and peppering the front of their own stabilizer, bolts ricocheting off of the durasteel out cropping and veering wildly upward. Upper lip twitching in annoyance at your shitty aim. Teeth gritting tightly under your skin, jaw flexing as your hand shot outward, fingers clamping tightly shut as you moved the limb away from you, the Force projecting outward, knocking the speeder over and causing them to plant into the dirt, the rider flinging forward as the nose dug into the clay.

 

Circling around and pelting their form with the canon and moving on. Eyes searching again, seeing Marun tossing a darkly colored Krysa through the air, the blaster they held flying out and away from them. Coming to a halt next to him and signaling him to get onto the craft with your head. He shrugged and moved to sit on the back half of the speeder, your body scooting up as the repulsors adjusted to the new load, hovering lower than before. Thick rippling muscles much heavier than you. Turning your head to regard him, ugly sneer on your lips, “Hold on.”

 

A single arm wrapping around your waist, engulfing your middle tightly, nervous energy moving through you, emitting from the man behind you. Causing you to laugh wickedly as the speeder jerked forward. Moving to the enemy line and pelting the ground with blaster bolts, forcing them to move away from the peppering spray and to form a tightly packed cluster. Marun, finally switching the vibro mace on, and swinging the end through the cluster, cutting through bodies like a hot knife through soft skin. Feet shifting the lift, handles adjusting the flaps in the back allowing you to make another pass, taking out the stunned few that remained standing.

 

 _“Speeder ahead.”_ He projected, using the mace to point in front of you. Nodding and heading for it, brows furrowing, eyes narrowing into slits. Concentrating on the speeder ahead of you, watching as it fired into the throng of white clad troopers. Hands tightening on the throttle, sending the both of you forward at a reckless pace. Marun’s arm tightening around your middle, uneasy with the speed. _“Ceph, slow down your coming in too fast! We’ll crash!”_ He pressed the thought frantically.

 

Ignoring him and continuing your path, shifting your eyes to glance at the dark flat helmet that his hid his face. _“You can go however fast you want in a second.”_

_“What are you about to do? Ceph?”_ New worry crossing the lines of your bond.

 

 _“Taking this mother fucker out. Get ready to take the controls.”_  Right on the tail of the speeder ahead of you, eyes focusing on the distance, gauging the amount of force you would need to make the distance. Knees clamping onto the body of the speeder, Marun’s arm falling away from you as you moved to stand on the seat, using your leg muscles to push off of the seat and leaping forward.

 

Arms wrapping around the body of the enemy rider, hand moving to Twelve’s knife, pulling it from your thigh holster as your prey struggled under your hold. Throwing elbows and shifting in an attempt to knock you from the speeder. Hand wrapping around the handle of the knife and moving swiftly across the neck of the rider, slicing into exposed flesh of his throat. Not deep enough. He gurgled slightly, hand moving away from the bars and coming to clutch his neck. Cursing under your breath as he attempted to shrug you off of him. Knife moving once again, stabbing repeatedly into his chest, knocking him over the side of the speeder’s console and moving quickly forward, planting your feet onto the pedals. Sticky hand still clutching the knife tightly, free hand holding onto the bars. Wiping the bloodied blade onto your leg and sheathing the knife. Head turning to look behind you as Marun maneuvered his speeder next to yours.

 

 _“That was the risky behavior that Kylo explicitly warned us not to do.”_ His mental tone dripping in exasperation.

 

_“I’ll admit it was a bit messier than I intended.”_

_“Don’t be so reckless next time.”_ He chided.

 

Your eyes peered all around in search of your next target, slowing the speeder and casually moving through the field. Smoke from the town ahead pluming high into the sky. Grass in places still burning, the fire moving at its own pace, consuming the red blades. Burnt and slain bodies of troopers and enemy forces scattered the ground. _“Any updates?”_ You pinged, not seeing any more speeders in your direct vicinity.

 

_“TIEs are returning to the flag ship to refuel. The remaining ‘troopers are pressing into the town. Reinforcements should be arriving shortly.”_

_“We’ve lost that many already?”_

_“You took a big portion out with that fire stunt you pulled. The rest fell on the field.”_ He reminded.

 

You winced slightly, careless, regret moving through you in slight waves. Pushing the feeling aside, there was no time for the guilt, you would deal with it once this was all over. _“So we need to rejoin our group at the city?”_

_“Yes.”_ His mental voice flat in tone.

 

In a seamless movement both of you turned your speeders, heading towards what remained of the town, splitting off and flanking the remaining troop that moved as quickly as their legs could carry them. The Captain directing them in a wide formation. FWMB’s slung over shoulders and tucked close to their arms, A few remaining flame troopers moving with flamethrowers at the ready. Wondering momentarily if Y-999 was one of them.

 

The crackling of fire and the sound of shouting filled your ears, almost drowning out the sound of the speeder. Movement clearly evident within the crumbled structures of the town, freshly bombed and burning. Dark earthen structures revealing larger dwellings under the ground. The Captain signaling to halt before entering the town. His helmet scanning out into the ruble, hand lowering and moving back to his blaster.

 

Setting the speeder down, stand moving to catch the weight and steadying the machinery, hands moving on the console to shut it down. Engines powering down and legs swinging over the seat, boots hitting the ground with sure footing. Moving to stand near the Captain, awaiting his orders. Marun’s words echoing in your head. Reckless actions causing far more damage than good. Marun moved to stand next to you, swinging his vibro mace over his shoulders and resting his arms across the haft, the weapon once again turned off. The sound of an incoming ship causing your head to tilt upward, watching as the thrusters shifted, repulsors switching on and easing their landing. The remaining troop moving out of the landing shuttle’s way.

 

Watching as the ship touched down, rocking back and forth momentarily, not wasting time to lower the landing gear, once the Stormtroopers exited it would be on its way back to the _Judgement_. The ramp lowered enough to allow the troopers to file out, jumping from the slight hover of the craft and landing, moving to join the captain. Twenty fresh troopers joining what remained of the two units. Head turning to look at the Captain, waiting for direction.

 

“Gamma-ray formation. Scatter and kill. Nothing leaves.” His helmet turned to regard you. “Ceph Ren with me.” His voice stern over the noncom. Feeling his distrust of you within the Force. Nodding and moving beside him, hand moving to your saber and resting on the hilt at your side. You made no comment or protest, knowing exactly why the Captain wanted to keep an eye on you. Eyes watching as he directed the group with a hand signal.

 

 

****

 

The sound of blasters firing filled your ears, sporadic, taking out anything that moved indiscriminately. Krysa falling to the ground, old and young, every single one a fair target. Sticking closely to the captain, his FWMB raised with two hands, peppering anything that came into sight. Your eyes moved around nervously, waiting for something to happen. Surely they had a plan to protect the town once it fell. There had to have been a trap.

 

Your head turning to the far right, looking out to the edge of the town, a large gorge dropping off, the sound of running water rushing quickly. Edges of the hills carved out by time and water, erosion causing the sudden drop off. The sight of a large freighter caught your eye. Hot pink neon flashing on the ship, chipping and scraped, as if it hadn’t seen a good cleaning in a long time. Your brows furrowing.

 

“The ship, what’s it doing there?” You asked pointing to the freighter.

 

The Captain moved his head, shifting his dark visor to look at the craft, assessing it. “Resistance. It seems unmanned.” He said, seemingly uninterested in the craft.

 

“Should we not investigate it?”

 

He shook his head, helmet swiveling slightly with the movement. “Once we clear the town.” He said flatly over the noncom.

 

Huffing slightly and turning your head to the path in front of you, ignoring the ship as much as you could manage. Wondering how exactly it had managed to avoid being destroyed by the TIEs. Eyes narrowing with sudden suspicion. “Captain, I think we need to investigate it now.” You voiced.

 

“Neg. You are to remain by my side until the area is cleared.” His voice indicating that there would be no room for negotiation on the matter.

 

Your brows furrowing deeply, jaw setting tightly. You did not like being told what to do, especially by this….lowly captain. Muttering lowly, “Fuck this.” Moving away from the Captain, disregarding him completely. What was he going to do? Shoot you?

 

“Stop!” He called, jogging to catch up with your movements, your hand moving in a dismissive fashion.

 

“Return to your task captain.” You called over your shoulder. Something niggling in your mind, the need to enter the ship almost overriding all caution. The sound of him calling Marun over the com filling your ears. Halting suddenly and turning to look at him, glaring into his visor and shoving a finger into his chest. “I do not need a baby sitter. Return to your task.” You seethed.

 

His helmet shook. “Negative. I am to remain by your side, that is my new directive.”

 

“From who?” You hissed.

 

“Commander Ren.”

 

Eyes narrowing into slits, ugly sneer moving across your lips. “And why would he order such a thing?” You ventured.

 

“I only follow orders ma’am, I do not question them.”

 

“CEPH.” A deep mechanical voice called.

 

Your head moving around the captain, glancing at Marun who moved swiftly towards you. “Go back to what you were doing Marun!” You spit.

 

“It’s fine Captain, I’ll take it from here.” He said waving the captain away.

 

You watched as the man hesitated, unsure of his dismissal. Glancing between you and Marun and then shaking his helmeted head, voice speaking over the noncom and informing the unit that he was moving back into formation and that you were with Marun.  He eyed you behind his dark visor, head tilting to allow him to glance at the freighter behind you.

 

“What’s got you so riled up about this ship?” He asked.

 

Huffing slightly, “It’s just weird. Not even touched by the TIEs. Someone must have moved it, that or it was incredibly lucky that it didn’t get destroyed.”

 

“And?” His gaze returning to you knowing well that you weren’t telling him everything.

 

“I don’t know. Something is telling me to go inside.” You muttered lowly.

 

“Well, I guess we have no choice but to investigate.” He shrugged. “If your instincts are telling you to do something you should probably listen.” He added, moving towards you, passing you and stalling, allowing you to move and join him. “It’s quite an interesting ship isn’t it?”  His hand gesturing to the neon pink flashing.

 

“It’s ugly.” You mumbled.

 

His modulator squawked and hissed with a hearty laugh. “It really is.” He conceded.

 

The two of you moved to the ship, eying the craft, a YT-2400 model that had seen far better days. Ducking under the strange jutting bridges between the cockpit and the main craft, moving towards the ramp that would lead into the ship. Both of you searching for the panel that would allow you access.

 

“Here.” He grumbled over the modulator, resting the vibro ewapon against the ship as his gloved meaty hands flipped over the small panel, revealing a panel that required a code for access. Your eyes watching as Marun peered at the panel, inspecting the buttons and pad. His hand moving to press in a series of numbers, a beep of denial sounding.

 

“We could be at this all day.” You muttered.

 

“Well with that attitude certainly.” He moved to a pouch attached to his belt, pulling a small spanner out and turning it on, using the torch to remove the panel cover completely, exposing wires and other various things that you didn’t know the names for. Brows furrowing tightly, machinery had never been your specialty. His hand moved within the nest of wires, moving them aside and reaching as far as he could manage into the exposed guts of the panel. “You know this reminds of the time we stole that sled on Zoist.”

 

“We? You mean you and Zece…and if I recall you both got in serious trouble for doing that.”

 

The modulator betraying the laugh he huffed behind the helmet. “It was worth it.” His arm moved in a jerking motion, helmet peering into the wiring, “You guys should have went with us. We had quite a bit of fun on that thing.”

 

“Didn’t you both wreck it on an outcropping and have to walk back to the Citadel?” Your face scrunching in disbelief, surely it hadn’t been that much fun.

 

“Yeah.” He yanked his arm back, clutching a strange box with wires jutting from it, another laugh pressing over the modulator. “Zece is a terrible driver.”

 

“Noted.” You muttered, watching as his both of his hands dove into the wiring, pulling random colored pieces out and twisting them seemingly randomly together. “What are you doing exactly?” You questioned, moving to stand closer to him and shifting to peer at the motions he was making with his hands.

 

“Well I personally like a puzzle, but you’re too impatient for that so I’m by-passing the code and just forcing the ramp to lower.”

 

“We’re in the middle of a battle, we don’t exactly have time to be fucking with a bunch of codes.”

 

He shook his head, “There’s always time for such things.”

 

Rolling your eyes and shaking your head, “Yeah yeah. Hurry up.”

 

“Why don’t you go stand by the ramp and let me work.” The modulator hissed. His annoyance channeling through you.

 

Lifting your hands up in mock surrender and walking to stand in front of the ramp, giving it plenty of clearance to descend and staring at it impatiently. Blinking blankly, taking a deep breath and clearing your mental space, allowing you to shift through the Force. Feeling around you and attempting to feel inside of the ship. A single signature darting within the ship, faint but there, moving quickly and suddenly growing still. Hiding. A smirk coming to your face. _“One inside.”_ You projected to Marun, not sure if the single being inside could hear you or not.

 

 _“Well that’s good. Almost finished.”_ Your head turning to look at him as he reached in and grabbed another hand full of wires, shifting through them and pulling two, connecting them. The sound of the ramp hissing and lowering causing you to return your attention to it.

 

He moved to stand next to you, picking up his vibro mace that had been leaning next to the ship and resting it in his hands. Both of you waiting for the ramp to fully lower. Sharing a glance before entering, gesturing for him to enter first. Watching as he moved up the ramp, boots making hollow clanks as he moved his hulking form. Following behind him and peering around the ship.

 

A junk heap you decided. The hold was cluttered with containers of scrap and random parts. Your eyes shifting over the area as you ambled around the cluttered mess. Stepping over strewn parts on the floor, careful not to make too much noise, though you weren’t sure why. Perhaps the need for the signature to think they were safe, that you weren’t aware of their presence lurking within the ship, the want to surprise them once you yanked them from their hiding place.

 

Shifting through the Force and searching for their location, following it as you moved through the hold and crossed the threshold, doors hissing open at your presence and opening to a small area that you supposed was the crew lounge. Eyes shifting around the small room, legs moving you towards the semi-circle booth and table, picking up a cup and sniffing it, the contents still warm and half full of caf. Marun entered behind you.

 

 _“What a mess.”_ He projected.

 

 _“Definitely well lived in.”_ Setting the cup back onto the table and continuing to move around the lounge, peering at a cubby that house a projector for holovids. Brushing your hand across the surface of the control panel and turning away from it. Marun moving away from you and to the next section of the ship. Turning and abandoning the small station and following behind him.

 

 _“Is there a reason we’re waiting to pull the signature from its hiding place?”_ He asked with slight amusement.

 

_“Not really, just wanted to look around before we retrieve them.”_

 

He laughed, the modulator cutting in and out, his hand moving to smack the side of the helmet. _“You want to scare them don’t you?”_ He asked.  

 

Stifling a laugh and shrugging. _“Maybe a little.”_

 

Shaking his helmeted head he proceeded through the workshop, hands skimming through yet more containers of junk. _“Bunch of pack rats.”_ He commented.

 

 _“I’d hate to live on this junker.”_ You added, walking towards another set of blast doors and waiting for them to open, they did not, a frown coming to your lips. Pulling your saber from your belt and mentally switching it on. Deep red light casting across your features and the doorway.

 

 _“What are you doing?”_ He asked turning at the sound of the familiar hum.

 

 _“You have your way of getting into doors and I have mine.”_ Lifting your saber, and grabbing the hilt with both hands, jabbing it into the durasteel door at the corner and dragging it downward, heavy resistance as the plasma blade moved through the thick metal. Pulling it out and starting across the bottom, turning the blade at the corner and moving upward. Pulling it out one last time before driving it back through the very top and making the last horizontal cut across the door. Duraplast bright red and rapidly cooling, slight acrid smoke filing the room. Your leg lifting and tucking tightly to your chest, focusing the Force into the bottom of your boot as you sent a swift kick into the door way. The loud clatter of the cut portion of the door falling to the grate below. Echoing through the ship. A smile on your lips as you turned to look at Maurn over your shoulder. _“So much faster my way…don’t you think?”_ You teased.

 

 _“So much quieter my way.”_  He projected, free hand moving to gesture at the mess you had made.

 

Rolling your eyes and moving across the door, stepping over it and peering into the small cabin. A single bed, a desk of sorts and another door that upon further inspection lead into a private refresher. Face pinching and a huff leaving your nostrils. Nothing of importance in here. Turning and finding Marun leaning in the doorway and shaking his head.

 

 _“Waste of time. Come on, enough playing around. We have other things we need to get back to.”_ He chided.

 

 _“Fine.”_ Your shoulders dropping slightly, mentally deactivating your saber and clipping it back to your belt. _“You want to lift the grate or do you want me to?”_ You asked moving back into the workshop and standing over where the signature was tucked away.

 

 _“I can lift it.”_ He said, out stretching his hand, helmet locking onto the grate and sending out a strong tug in the Force, ripping the grate from the flooring and tossing it aside.

 

Leaning over the dark hole and peering inside, a girl cowering clutching a hydro spanner in her hands, fear plainly on her face. Your hand reached inside, she swung out with the spanner, nearly swiping you with it. A laugh left your lips, fully amused by the girl. Your other hand knocked the spanner out of her grip with the Force, causing her to yelp in surprise. Right hand reaching down and gripping onto the midnight blue hair that was thrown hastily into a messy bun. Pulling her upward by her hair, her hands coming to grab onto your grip, attempting feebly to pry your fingers from her hair. No longer pulling her as gently as before you yanked her from the hole, dragging her upward and peering into her eyes. Dark eyes peering back at you surrounded by flushing pink hued skin.

 

“Well aren’t you an interesting thing.” You muttered.

 

She struggled, wincing at your tight grip, attempting to pull herself from your hold, moving in a slight dance. “LET ME GO YOU WITCH!” She screamed, skin suddenly flashing red.

 

“And why would I do that?” You questioned, yanking her towards you roughly, causing her to stumble.

 

“My friends will be back any minute and they’re gunna put you in a whole ‘nother galaxy of hurt!”

 

“Oh?” turning to look at Marun, “You hear that? She has friends.”

 

Marun shook his head, clearly displeased with your display. “Ceph, stop playing with her and kill her.”

 

Turning your head back to look at the pink skinned girl and tutting. “No, I think I want to meet these friends.”  A sneer coming to your lips. She jerked violently, still attempting to break your grip. Yanking her once again. “Come on girl lets go wait for your friends.”

 

 _“Remember how we just talked about reckless behavior, this is definitely reckless behavior.”_ He projected, mental tone dripping in agitation.

 

_“It’ll be fine.”_

_“Ceph. Please, just get rid of her and let’s just move on.”_ He plead slightly, attempting to sway you.

 

 _“No.”_  You shot back sternly, dragging the girl with you, her legs struggling to catch under her. Growing fed up with her constant stumbling and slinging her forward. Her small frame crashing onto the grated flooring of the ship. She whimpered, tears streaming down her face.

 

Your upper lip twitched, eye lids growing hot, something inside of you surging in empathy for the girl. Something that felt familiar.   _Please._ The voice soft and pleading. Back after so long…where had it been hiding? Smashing it away swiftly, pushing back to where ever it came from a snarl emitting from between your lips. Left hand moving out ward and lifting the girl from the floor with the Force, Marun moving swiftly to your side and marching out in front of you, clearly over your behavior.

 

You didn’t care. Fuck him. Fuck everyone. Lifting the girl and dragging her with the Force, pushing her through the air as her legs kicked and dangled, still attempting to break your hold, though you did not physically touch her. Fat tears streaming down her face as she whimpered. “Stop your crying” You hissed. “No one is coming to save you. No one.”

 

“You’re wrong.” She sobbed. “They’ll save me.” Fight leaving her as she gave into her crying. Tears mixing with snot as her body wracked with sobs. “You’ll see.” She choked.

 

Pulling her closely to you, cold eyes peering into her face, hand moving to comb away the frazzled hair that had been yanked roughly out of the hair tie. “If they come, they will die and you will watch.” You whispered. “You were foolish to come here. All of you.”  Pushing her once again with the Force and moving all the way through the hold and out onto the ramp, stepping down swiftly, hand coming to snatch her once again, yanking her and tossing her to her knees on the ground. Marun stood peering out into the town, helmet shaking.

 

“This is cruel, even for you.” His voice pressed over the modulator.

 

“You don’t have to stay, go back to the battle. I can handle this on my own.” You snipped.

 

“No. I will stay.” His helmet turning to look at you, the feeling of his eyes staring into you. “Sometimes I forget,” His hand moving to his helmet, unlatching it and pulling it from his head. Sweat beading his brow and shaved head. “how ugly we’ve all gotten. How cruel we have become.”  

 

“We are only what they have made us.”

 

His head shaking, eyes closing softly, opening to reveal the soft brown irises, pained and deep with emotion. “No, we are what we make ourselves.” He blinked, a soft sigh leaving his lips, head turning once more towards the town, a group of people moving swiftly towards the ship. Krysa survivors lined behind the beige jump suited individuals. The crew, their jumpsuits matching the girls. Marun shook his head, placing his helmet back on and sealing his features away from you once more. “This is going to be messy. I hope you’re happy.” His voice pressed over the modulator.

 

Brows furrowing deeply at his words. Hand moving downward, stooping slightly, and grabbing the girl by her thin arm, yanking her upward and pinching her in a tight grip. “I told you they would come.” She whispered.

 

Yanking her tightly and pulling her closer towards you, leaning to whisper into her ear, “It doesn’t matter. Watch.” Standing to your full height once more and waiting for them to approach.  Something deep within you vibrating. Nagging you with its strange familiarity. The signature almost clouding your thoughts. Similar and yet entirely different. Dormant but there. Jaw flexing tightly and pressing a harsh exhale through flared nostrils.

 

Patience. They would be there soon enough, then you would see. Then you could rid yourself of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Concept sketch of the Krysa: https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/174426276306/concept-sketch-of-the-krysa-for-chapter-35-of-for
> 
> Concept sketch of face paint (please ignore all facial features....as always your character will look however you wish and will continue to do so, this was merely a way to show you the facial paint.): https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/174426407836/facial-markings-for-8cephreader-as-always
> 
> I love hearing from all of you and once again thanks for sticking this shit show out for as long as you guys have.   
> xoxox -Mortis
> 
> (PS: I will be releasing the other story here soon on Tumblr, this will have further information regarding the story line. I encourage you guys take the time to read it!)


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Comedenti

____________________

 

 

They approached, khaki jumpsuits stained with clay and dust, strange creatures you did not recognize and some far more familiar. A creature with four arms, cradling a full grown man in one set of his arms, the human male’s gray hair slicked back from his dirty face, wounded in battle but still conscious. A taller figure, fury with dark locs and a scared over eye moved beside of the reptilian creature, holding a vibrosword with a large blaster rifle slung across his back. His single golden eye peering at the both of you and your prisoner. A red Twi’lek woman braced a single Krysa elder, aiding them in walking, she halted suddenly, her eyes catching sight of the pink skinned girl. Her lekku twitching suddenly. She moved to stand next to a willowy Durosian male,  his skin the color of the sea, flat faced and lipless, glaring bug eyes unblinking as he pushed a young human male that had been moving directly in front of him behind him. Attempting to hide him.

 

Your head tilting slightly, eyes catching onto the face of the young boy, his face…something about his face struck a chord. Your heart began to race.

 

“Gor! Zi!” Shouted the pink skinned girl, her voice full of panic, though she did not struggle in your grasp her muscles flinched with the want to.

 

“It’s going to be okay Letha, hang on!” Called the Twi’lek woman.

 

“Which one of you is the captain of this scrap heap?” You called.

 

The Durosian male stepped forward, eyes blinking finally, lipless mouth set into a hard line. Your eyes moved back to the boy behind him, locking onto his face, eyes peering at him, trying to figure out where you had seen him before. Scanning over his familiar features, dark hair cropped short, facial hair beginning to sprout from his chin. The owner of the familiar signature.

 

“I’m the captain of this vessel.” He called, keeping the gap between your two parties as wide as possible, the Krysa gathering around the crew in a tight packed group, curious as to why they had suddenly stopped.

 

Your eyes moved lazily from the boy to Durosian male, blinking slowly and exhaling the breath that you hadn’t realized you were holding. Tilting your head towards Marun, signaling him to grab the girl. He moved forward and took the girl’s free arm into his meaty hands, gripping her tightly though not as tightly as you had been. Your upper lip twitched in annoyance. Stepping forward and moving closer to the Durosian, cautious to keep the gap wide enough to prevent him from springing forward, hand moving to the hilt of your saber and resting on the weapon.

 

“What is it that you want?” He called, voice rife with impatience.

 

“Only to prove a point.” Your voice coming across far more coolly than you imagined it would have.

 

“And what exactly is that?” He snipped.

 

“You’ll find out soon enough.” Your head turning and eyes moving to peer once again at the boy. Mind reeling trying to place him somewhere. Not Zoist. Not Beirus. Where? “The boy,” Your eyes moving back to look at the flat faced Duros. “Who is he?”

 

His long brow creased as he turned to peer back at the human that stood closely to the Twi’lek woman, her body moving and shielding him slightly. Head turning once again to look at you, shrugging his thin shoulders. “No one special. Why?”

 

Your lips twitched in annoyance. “Don’t be coy Captain-”

 

“Gor Vilwun.” He supplied.

 

“Captain Vilwun, I think you will find me far more agreeable if you just give me what I want.”

 

“And what exactly is that-” He gestured at you with his hand, waiting for you to supply a name.

 

“Ceph Ren.”

 

“Ceph, what is it that you want?”

 

“Give me the boy.”

 

 _“What are you doing?”_ Marun’s voice intruded inside of your head. _“This is not our mission Ceph.”_

You ignored him, unflinching at his words. The boy. You _needed_ that boy. To peer inside of his mind and sift through everything, to figure out where to place him, where he belonged in all of this. Why was he here? “Give me the boy and I’ll let you have the girl…Letha was it?”

 

The Twi’lek flinched, hand grabbing hold of the boy securely, “How about you give us the girl in exchange for your lives!” She yelled. “You’re clearly outnumbered and out gunned.” Yanking the blaster out of the holster on her hip and aiming it straight at you.

 

A smile coming to your lips. You liked this woman, she had guts. A shame that they would be scattered across the grass shortly. “You will be dead before you even fire a bolt from that blaster. I can promise you that.” Huffing a slight laugh, amused. “Though I appreciate the sentiment, you clearly care for the boy and the girl.”

 

 _“Ceph, stop playing games and end this. We don’t have time for this.”_ Marun’s mental projection interrupted once again.

 

“What do you want with the boy?” Called the man cradled in the amphibious abomination’s arms.

 

“I want to speak with him.” You said curtly, not bothering to look at the injured man.

 

“The boy knows nothing.” Gor Vilwun spoke calmly, though there were undertones of forced calm, vocal chords straining to remain even.

 

“Tick-tock Captain Vilwun, I have other things to attend to and you are keeping me from them. The boy for the girl.”

 

He shook his bulbous head. “I can’t do that.”

 

“Pity.” Eyes closing into a slow blink as your hand moved to unholster your saber. “And here I thought we could be civil.”  Mentally flipping the internal toggle, deep crimson blade jutting with a loud hum.

 

Captain Vilwun’s eyes growing impossibly large, the light of your blade reflecting off of his face. “Who are you people?!” His voice full of horror.

 

The bolt exited the Twi’lek woman’s blaster, your left hand moving in a blur, Force halting the bolt mid fire, fingers twitching. Over exertion of the Force overtime starting to take its toll. Wrist flicking and sending the bolt away from you and pelting the freighter behind you. Everyone froze at the sight, or so you thought.

 

He was on top of you before you could move back, sending your blade swinging to catch the middle of his vibrosword. The great lion man grunted as he attempted to press the rapidly vibrating blade against the red plasma. "You look tired.” He grunted, stretched out ‘o’ and rolling ‘r’.  “Perhaps you should give up little thing.”

 

Suppressing a laugh in your throat, hand tightening its gloved grip around the curved hilt of your saber and pushing back against the vibro weapon, “I’ve fought far bigger and uglier things than you.” You sneered, pushing with the Force and sending him sliding backwards. Boots sliding against the push though his stance did not budge.

 

He huffed, shrugging his broad furred shoulders. Head turning to look at his companions, “This would be a good time to head for the ship Captain.” Head moving back to look at you, golden eye twinkling. “Klax, get big boy back there.”

 

 _“This could have been avoided if we had just killed the girl and destroyed the ship.”_ Marun’s voice echoed within your head. The sound of the girl being tossed to the ground, a slight yelp leaving her lips as Marun abandoned her in favor of helping you. Moving to stand beside you, vibromace turning on and humming. Moving into stance and preparing to meet the four armed reptile.

 

Your eyes watching as the group behind the lion man moved to skirt around the four of you, the four armed creature having handed off the limping human to the Twi’lek woman and the Captain, both shouldering his weight in order to aid him. Your left hand shooting out and halting the boy mid jog. His body frozen, eyes swiveling to peer at his companions, terror plainly projecting from his glossy eyes. “The boy comes with _me._ ” You hissed.

 

“I don’t think so little thing.”

 

 _“Leave the boy, we have more important things to worry about right now!”_ Marun pressed.

 

“NO!” You bellowed. You would not be denied your quarry. Left hand clutching tightly and forcibly dragging the boy towards you. Lion man charging at you, vibrosword lifting with a single hand and coming down to hack at you. Dodging him swiftly, stepping out of the path of his swing, still dragging the boy closer with your left hand. Rage filling you. Marun sweeping at the lion creature with his mace, allowing you to gain distance from him. Moving towards the boy and wrapping your fingers around his arm, freeing him momentarily from the Force and jerking him to meet his gaze.

 

His eyes betrayed him. Scared. Something familiar about the look. Not the emotion, the emotion was simply that. No, his facial features, the way his brows arched, the shape of his jaw, the color of his flesh. “Who are you?” Hand moving to touch his face, the need to feel the structures that created his features, distracting you from the fight behind you. He squirmed away from your touch. Flinching.

 

“CEPH!” The call waking you from the slight trance that the boy had put over you, head wiping around as the four armed abomination’s hand moved down and grabbed you, yanking you away from the boy as you lifted into the air. Legs kicking as another three fingered hand clamped down onto you, holding you still.

 

The boy bolted, joining his companions as they scrambled as quickly as possible up the ramp and into the freighter. “NO!” You screamed. Body flailing wildly, thrashing within the grip of the four armed freak of nature.

 

“This one is really giving it her all!” The Four armed reptile bellowed, deep voiced, the waddle expanding from his throat as he released a hardy laugh.

 

Teeth gritting tightly, pupils blowing wide, rage filling every fiber of your being. Locking your mind onto one of the hands that gripped you, Force exerting wildly outward onto the appendage. Pulling the tough hide away from the hand, splitting the muscles and tendons, hand shredding in a fleshy explosion. The alien bellowed loudly in pain, tossing you with the remaining hand that gripped you. Slamming you into the ground harshly.

 

Air leaving your lungs in a huff. Arms moving under you, angrily sucking down air, as you righted yourself, eyes hot with rage. Screaming angrily as your hands flew outward, sending a large enough pulse in the Force to rock the Freighter, sending the enemy and Marun flying away from you. Hand calling to your saber, which had fallen from your grasp when you had been suddenly picked up. Red plasma blade spinning in the air, hilt over blade until the curved hilt slapped into your open palm.

 

Marun and the lion stood, shaken and searching for their weapons, trying to be the first to reach them and gain the upper hand. Stomping towards the fallen reptilian alien and grabbing at the shredded hand, squeezing the pulpy flesh, mashing every exposed nerve and yanking the limb outward, pulling it tightly against the hulking body of the alien. Your blade arching upward and slicing the limb away from his body. Allowing it to fall heavily to the ground. Seething breathes huffing through your teeth. Moving to grab at another one of his limbs, croaking bellows of pain leaving the heaving waddle.

 

He yanked the limb away from you quickly breaking your grip and attempting to stand. Left hand moving of its own accord, no need for conscious thoughts, years of training coming into effect. Hand squeezing tightly, halting him from moving, arm shaking with the amount of Force you were using. Your body knocking sideways, tackled by the lion, claws digging into flesh, piercing through the synth leather suit, rolling over each other. Saber knocked from your hand once again. Calling for it to return to you even though you continued to tussle closer and closer to the edge of the gorge.

 

The lion roared in anger, speaking in roaring tongues, hissing and spitting in a language you did not understand. Still calling for your saber, where was it?! His claws ripping down your back, dragging down the flesh causing you to scream like a wounded animal. Legs tucking tightly, pushing against him, and attempting to lift him away from you but every time you attempted to push him with the Force his claws only dug deeper into your flesh.

 

Suddenly you no longer felt ground under your torso, legs wrapped tightly around the core of the lion man, clinging to him. Hanging rigidly over the edge of the gorge’s lip. Muscles screaming in pain as you strained them to keep you vertical and preventing you from slipping down the edge. **THERE**! The red blade zipped through the air, just a bit more. Your legs squeezed, teeth snapping attempting to bite at his furred arms, finding purchase on his bicep and digging in deeply. Fur filled your mouth along with a gush of blood as you broke through his flesh. He howled.

 

Claws pulling from your skin, releasing you, the saber within reach, your hand moving to grab it, his arm ripping and jerking away from your mouth, both hands now gone from your back. Hand gripping the hilt of your saber, humming comfortingly in your palm, moving to slash it onto him. His claws digging into the muscles of your legs, puncturing the flesh and muscle. Pain moving through you in a shock wave, legs falling limply as he pushed them off of him, saber sliding across the bridge of his snout as you tumbled over the edge.

 

Falling, saber tightly clenched within your right hand, body turning, flipping over, spine arching and twisting, attempting to right yourself. Both hands moving to form a tight grip on the hilt, spine twisting, stretching the punctures and clawed wounds of your back, eyes watering as the air rushed around you. Teeth gritting tightly as you pushed the plasma blade into the side of the gorge. Digging the blade into the rock face.

 

The hilt vibrated violently, plasma blade slicing through the rock with great resistance. You clung to the hilt tightly, attempting to plant your feet onto the rock face hoping to slow your descent. Finally finding purchase with your boots, legs straining to remain tight. A yell leaving your lips as you continued to skid down the side of the gorge. Not daring to look down. Sending out a large pulse in the Force, hoping to slow you further.  The sound of rushing water growing louder as you moved further down.

 

Slowing but not fast enough, the rushing water growing closer as you finally risked a glance. Taking a deep breath, hands gripping your saber tightly, knees tucking to your chest and sending a large push away from the wall. Retracting the blade of your saber and gripping it for dear life. Legs, swinging outward, meeting resistance from the air, muscles straining and pained, rotating and allowing you to face away from the gorge’s wall, looking out into the river the raced below, legs clamping tightly together as you made the plunge. Sending a large pulse out to break the tension on the water’s surface.

 

Impacting the water roughly, stinging any exposed flesh harshly. Arms racing to pull you out of the water, thankful that it had been deep enough that your bones had not been shattered, or heart ripped from the vital arteries that kept it anchored within your chest. Swimming upward and breaching the water. Gasping for air as the current pulled you swiftly downstream. Body battered and tired, lifting your legs and allowing the water to cradle you as it carried you downstream. Holding your saber above your head hoping to keep it from being exposed to anymore water. Head craning to stay above the lapping waves. Eyes scanning for an exit point.

 

A small beach on the far left hand side, the side that you had come from. Cursing under your breath and moving your body, attempting to swim with one arm and two legs. Shaking your head as you tried to remain above the water. Useless. Brows furrowing tightly as you used the Force to send your Saber upward, holding it above you as you swam as hard as you could. Thankful that you had seen the beach far enough ahead of the current for you to be able to reach it in time.

 

Your skull felt as if it were going to split in two, straining the Force as much as you had been causing a biting headache. Your hands clawing up the beach, flinging your saber far enough up the sandy bank that it wouldn’t be swept away with the current. Huffing as you laid back onto the sand. Exhausted. Body rife with pain. Tears leaking from the corners of your eyes.

 

Closing them shut tightly, face scrunching as you cried. Laying against the sand and body shaking. Opening your eyes and peering above you, looking out into the sky, the light above dimming. Closing your eyes once more and slipping into darkness as angry hot tears fell down your face.

 

****

 

_You chased after them in the snow drifts. Running to keep up. Watching as they leapt over the crevasse. Legs pumping as hard as they could, foot hitting the edge of the opening, pushing with the Force. Not enough. Hands and legs flailing, eyes catching sight of them as they looked on from the other side. Twelve’s face shifting into panic as you dropped. Her hands reaching, but they stopped her. You fell, plummeting into the darkness below._

 

Gasping as you jolted upward, something cold and wet touching your face, hot breath, and rank odor hitting your face. It moved back from you quickly. Just as alarmed as you were.

 

 _“She’s awake.”_ The strange voice called within your head.

 

Confusion moving through you. Eyes squeezing shut in the darkness, opening and adjusting to the faint starlight that twinkled above you. Many eyes shifting around you, red and glowing in the darkness. Blinking in and out of existence. The sound of panting and shuffling on the beach. Your hand moving along the sand around you in search of your saber, moving as slowly as possible not wanting them to detect what you were looking for. Six glowing eyes moved out of group. Much taller than the others, stacked upon each other, they blinked slowly, hand still gliding over the sand in search of your saber as the eyes moved closer, a dark imposing shape emerging from the darkness.

 

Nervous energy moving through you, fear, your hand moved off of the sand, calling for your saber in the darkness, it flung forward from further up on the beach and into your hand, smacking your palm, mentally toggling it on, crimson light revealing the creatures, thankful that it hadn’t gotten water logged.

 

They were large, with six legs, fangs that jutted from their bottom jaw, curving slightly up their muzzles, raised ears, canine in features but not mere dogs. Whip like tails, sparsely covered in inky black fur, the flesh under the coat gray like ash. You had seen them before. Somewhere.

 

Hand moving the saber in warning, waving it in front of the great beast that approached, it did not stop it. Red eyes blinking once again, unamused and not threatened. It’s great maw opening into a soft pant. _“Come.”_ A dark voice commanded. Grim and graveled.

 

“Stay away.” You hissed.

 

A dark cracking laugh filled your mental space. A barking howl leaving the yap of the great beast, jowls smacking. _“You do not frighten me sister.”_ The source of the voice pressed forward, moving within inches of the plasma blade, placing its neck to where you could easily strike. _“Come sister. You are weak, you must fill your belly. Come.”_

Searing waves seemingly compelling you, moving through your mental space, your body responding without thought. Moving the saber’s blade away from the creature, retracting the blade and struggling to stand. Body still tired from over exertion. A smaller creature moved forward, muzzle pressing into your hand, urging you to use its sturdy frame to stand. Hand gripping into bristled fur, bracing yourself against the large creature and moving slowly upward. Haggard, and limping slightly, wounds burning with pain from the stretching of your skin and muscles. Wincing slightly as you staggered.

 

They began to move in the darkness, towards the even darker walls, your eyes straining to see, following the red glowing eyes. Hand moving into a pouch and pulling the flash light out, clicking it on and gripping it tightly. Shining on the large pack, at least thirty moving creatures, following the largest, who moved with sure footing in the sand. Your legs moving and aching, panting slightly as you moved to follow the creatures further up the beach and towards the towering rock walls of the gorge.

 

They moved in a blob like file, moving into a dark opening in the rock face and disappearing. Standing and shining the beam of light into the hole, dark moist earth, a tunnel. Nervous of the small space, you hesitated. A nudge at your side, one of the smaller creatures urging you forward gently. _“Come, the feast waits. Do not be afraid.”_  A softer feminine voice spoke, the same that had announced that you were awake.

 

You moved into the dark hole, crouching slightly as you walked slowly through the tunnel. The smell of wet earth filling your nostrils. The sound of panting and shuffling surrounding you as you moved into the pack’s formation.  The smell of rotting flesh filling your nose. Their smell. The tunnel sloped slowly upward, your free hand resting on the earthen wall, rock and loose dirt that crumbled around your mostly gloved fingers. “Where are we going?” You whispered.

 

 _“The feast you have made has called us. We have traveled great distances, the smell filling our noses, carried on the wind. We must feed.”_ The same female answered.

 

Your brows furrowed, it wasn’t exactly the answer you were looking for. You moved further into the tunnel, the walls moving into more of the crumbling earth the higher the slope rose, the musky smell of animal filling your nose, Krysa. This must had been a Krysa tunnel, used to reach the waters housed within the gorge. Your eyes watched as the creatures in front of you moved through another hole, disappearing. Halting and peering out of the hole before exiting and seeing the swaying grass covered hills. The smell of smoke and blood, ionic. A nudge from behind, urging you forward. Clicking the light off on your flashlight and moving above ground to stand on the upper crust of the gorge once again.

 

More filed out of the hole behind you. Your eyes searching the surface, peering out into the starlit valley, where even more red glowing eyes peered around you. More than the group you had encountered before. Hand moving to your saber, unsure of what their intentions truly were. This could easily have been a trick or trap of some sort. Brows furrowing deeply. _No_. They could have easily ripped you apart on the beach, why bring you all the way back here just to kill you? The largest of the beasts moved towards you, padding on the clay and grass, which seemed to bend easily against his mass.

 

 _“Come, we have farther to travel Can you smell it?”_ Lifting his muzzle and inhaling the air deeply, nose twitching slightly, eyes closing, reveling in the smell of the dead that carried on the breeze. His large head pressing into your chest, brushing across you as he turned, halting to peer back at you, waiting for you to join him.

 

The wave moving through you once again, legs complying with the call that seemed to come from the large creature. The signal worming its way into your brain in lulling waves. Your body relaxing suddenly as you moved with a new purpose. The feeling of hunger, an ache that moved through the hollow of your stomach.

 

****

 

You walked for what seemed like hours, mingled within the pack, the largest leading them. His tall back gliding through the grass with ease. His ears pricking every so often, listening. The smell of fire growing stronger as you moved onward. The ache in your stomach only growing worse the longer you moved. Your legs carried you onward though they ached, body tired still, but the drive to eat compelled you to move on. To keep going. Cresting a large hill, the pack stopping as the large male stood at the very apex of the hill, six glowing red eyes peering out. You moved to stand beside him, his head turning to look at you, considering you only momentarily before moving back to continue gazing out into the hills.

 

_“Once, the Comdenti ruled all of these lands.”_

 

“Is that what you are- what you are called? Comdenti?”

 

His large head seemed to nod, _“It is what they call us. Yes.”_

“And what do you call yourself…do you have a name?”

 

_“Vultur.”_

“Why haven’t you killed me Vultur?”

 

His large head moved to regard you, eyes staring intently at you, a huff leaving his muzzle.  _“Later sister, first we eat. Then we speak.”_  He moved down the crest of the hill, six legs bracing as he moved.

 

Watching as the pack moved to follow, your legs bracing down the hill, moving far slower that the pack, two Comedenti flanking you on the sides and aiding you down the steep slope. Walking on and on until you halted once again, the smell of battle stronger than ever, plumes of smoke moved through the air in thick clouds. On the edge of a town you had not seen before. Yapping barking howls filling the air, the great pack signaling to each other. Eyes watching as they fanned out into the town, muzzles sniffing, tongues tasting the air. The chorus of their cries filling the air with haunting sound.

 

Vultur moved back towards you, standing in front of you, head motioning for you to follow. Legs once again moving, stomach full of hollow ache, mouth salivating. The promise of food driving you. You passed the pack as they rooted through the grass, the sound of crunching and lapping filling your ears. Grass covering what they were feeding upon though you could make a fairly good guess. Following behind the large creature as he moved to something laying in the grass, moaning slightly, still alive. He hovered over it, though you could not yet see what…or rather who it was.

 

Laying on the ground, clutching feebly at the middle of his torso, holding the slowly protruding guts that threatened to spill out. A cauterized wound, the smell of seared flesh and excrement filling your nostrils. He groaned in pain, eyes barely open, fevered and on the precipice of dying. You looked at him in disgust, nose crinkling as the smell wafted upward. Vultur looked at you, eyes staring and waiting for you to make a move. You stood frozen, peering down at the dying man. Did he expect you to eat _this_?  To take the flesh of this dying man into you?

 

Vultur shifted, padding to stand next to you, and sitting on his haunches. His head tilting, _“You deny yourself nourishment, why?”_

“I am not hungry.”  You said flatly, eyes still locked onto the dying man.

 

A snorting huff leaving the muzzle of Vultur, standing from his seated position and placing his large body over the dying man, six eyes unblinking as he licked his jowls. _“I can feel your hunger. The gnawing ache deep inside. I feel it too. We all do.”_

“I can’t eat this man.”

 

_“He is your enemy, his body was meant to be consumed, flesh to be savored. Bones to be crushed, and sinew to chew. You off worlders…you are a wasteful bunch.”_

“It’s wrong. We do not eat our own kind.”

 

_“But you so easily take their lives? What for?”_

“They oppose us and what we stand for.”

 

 _“Ideologies.”_ He gruffed. _“Petty.”_

The man raised a hand feebly, as if he was suddenly aware of two of you looming over him, caught in the fever of dying. “P-ppp-please….” Taking gasping and painful breaths, “hhel-P meee.”

 

Vultur shifted his large head to look at you, curious of what you were going to do. A tight lipped frown coming to your face as your hand reached for your saber, pulling the weapon out of its holster, crimson blade jutting outward in a flash. He continued to watch you in silence as you brought the saber’s end to the middle of his head, stabbing the blade through his skull and killing him. A mercy.

 

_“Will you eat now? He is gone, nothing remains but the husk. Will you not honor him sister?”_

“No.” You spoke sternly, and even though you were disgusted with the smell of the dead man, your stomach was pained with hunger still. _This is nothing_.

 

His mouth opened wide, almost impossibly so, the powerful jaws coming to clamp onto the soft innards that threated to spill, pulling the man’s entrails out and swallowing them, only chewing to break the long rope of intestines apart. Hungrily swallowing them. You watched as the great beast, the great Comedenti chewed his way through the man’s core, ripping at clothing and flesh alike. Indiscriminate, hunger far too great to worry about the cloth that shrouded the man.

 

When he had finished his meal, he lifted his head upward. Blood dripping, chunks of flesh nestled between the gaps of his sharp teeth. Belly pouched and full, paws slicked with blood, having used the front limbs to hold the body down and allowing him to effectively rip pieces of the man and consume them. His pointed snout turned to look at you, regarding you and then padding away, back towards the crest of the hill, you followed behind him. He sat on his haunches, smacking his jowls and giving a great yawn, eyes blinking sleepily.

 

 _“Do you remember?”_ He asked, turning his head to look at you as you stood beside him.

 

Facial expression shifting in slight confusion. What were you supposed to remember? Shaking your head in reply.

 

_“On your planet, far away, the cold crags, the snow drifts. Where the hunger began.”_

“No?”

 

_“You have chosen to forget her, yet you use the gift she parted you with. The gift of all Comedenti. To rip and to tear.”_

Brows furrowing deeply. _Rip and tear._ The words, suddenly striking a chord within you. Zoist. The creature in the mountains. Starved, belly aching with pain, the need to eat. Hungry. So hungry. She was patient. Waited until night fall. Many eyes peering out into the darkness. The gift. Rend. “Yes,” You whispered. “I remember.” Closing your eyes, recalling the memory, watching as it played out in your mind’s eye. “But how? Why was she there?”

 

 _“Long ago when we ruled these lands the off worlders came and they brought their weapons and their ships. They hunted us, drove us across the gorge, our prey turned into the hunters with the help of the off worlders. And once they drove us from our land they took us. We were never meant to leave this place. Bound to it.”_ He blinked passively. _“She choose you.”_

“How do you know? She was hungry, it was only happenstance that I was the one to kill her…that she was even there.”

 

 _“Was it?”_  His head tilted, as if asking if you really believed what you were saying. _“Did you not feel her pain? Her want for the end?”_

“No. All I could feel was the hunger.” **_Rip and tear._**

 

_“The hunger is our pain. It is a part of you now. Joined in her death. Imprinted, we felt you when you arrived.”_

“This is crazy.” You muttered, crossing your arms over your chest. “This is all a dream. I’m still back on the beach passed out, or maybe I never made it to the beach and this is all some cruel joke of the Force. Stuck in this hellscape, my repentance.”

 

_“Believe as you wish. I know the truth. I know my kind, you are a part of us. I can feel her still within you.”_

“Is that why you didn’t kill me?”

 

 _“Yes.”_ He stood once more, six powerful legs shifting under him, _“You have herald our return. You and your pack. The winds have changed for us and we have been so patient.”_ The sound of the yapping barking howls rang out in the field ahead of you. A signal that caused Vultur’s ears to twitch, head tilting upward and sniffing in the air. _“Come, it is time to move on.”_ He padded down the hill once more, this time heading straight towards the town.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

_“To find your pack.”_

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “Why?” legs picking up pace and moving into a slightly painful jog to catch up with him. “I know why I need to get back to them, but why do you need to?”

 

_“This may be her home, but it is not yours. You have many things to accomplish. I am only your guide.”_

“My guide?”

 

_“Yes.”_

“Okay?”

 

And so you walked, the great pack following in tow, moving through the small destroyed town, and through the burnt barren fields. Crossing over the rolling hills that formed the land. Legs growing more and more tired as you progressed. Halting suddenly in a valley that seemed untouched by the First Order or the Resistance. Vultur stood, waiting for the rest of the pack to join. Your eyes scanning your surroundings.

 

Once the last Comedenti stragglier arrived Vultur plopped down in the red grass which bent and gave way to his weight. You stood awkwardly, not sure what you were meant to do. _“Rest sister.”_ His gruff voice echoed within your mental space.

 

Turning to look down at his large form, laying down comfortably, belly protruding still, moving with the heaving of his lungs. “We’re resting here? Now?” You asked.

 

 _“The sun rises soon, we must rest. You must rest. Come lay beside me.”_ His tail thumped into the ground almost as if it were a hand patting at a place to go to.

 

Huffing you moved to sit, and eased back into laying down, shifting to your side. The grass under you giving you slight cushioning. Tucking your arm under your head, eyes peering out in front of you and watching as the pack moved to rest, the sound of licking and smacking filling your ears. Cleaning their bloodied paws and jowls. A smaller Comdenti padded over to you and plopped down in front of you, sandwiching you between Vultur and it. It moved to lean into you, bristled fur brushing into you, it did not shy from the contact it made with your body.

 

The warmth that radiated out from both of the creatures was oddly comforting. And though your body was comforted by this your mind was not so easily put at ease. How much longer would they wait for you? Were they waiting? You could feel their faint signatures, but communication would be difficult with as much strain as you had been putting on yourself since making planet fall. Your stomach growled angrily, shooting cramps through your abdomen. Curling into yourself and wincing, waiting for the sharp pain to pass. Closing your eyes and willing your mind to calm. Forcing the rapid firing worries to dissipate, focusing on your breathing. Your body screaming for rest. Vultur shifting behind you, his large head coming to rest on your side.

 

 _“Your pack will not abandon you.”_ He muttered.

 

“They will have no choice but to do so if ordered.” You mumbled.

 

_“Patience. Things will work out as they are intended.”_

Humming in response, not entirely comforted by his words. “Vultur?”

 

_“Yes sister?”_

“Tell me more about the Comedenti before the off worlders came.”

 

Huffing slightly, causing your head to shift, eyes moving to look at his large head, only giving you a profile view of his face, three red eyes, blinking slowly and then shutting. _“Once when this world was new and the lands were formed and the great flowing river had carved its path, the Krysa emerged from the belly of the world, small creatures, with tails long and furless. They over ran the planet, killing the lush grasses and soiling the great river. The planet cried out into the heavens, pleading for her survival, the plague of the Krysa were killing her. So the heavens answered her cries and when the sun set they sent great tears crashing into the lands, creating the valleys and hills, and the Comedenti emerged from the shadows of these hills. Many eyes to watch the grounds, many legs to move swiftly over the hills and to dig out the nests of the Krysa. And we reigned over the land for a long time. Healing the planet with our teeth and hungry bellies.”_ His jowls smacked slightly, adjusting his head on your side. _“We had killed all of the smallest of the Krysa, rooting them out of their dens and eating them whole, all the foolish and brash had met their ends, leaving the smartest and sneakiest to survive. They taught themselves how to build from the red earth, creating structures that would keep us out.”_

He huffed in a snort. _“But we learned to dig under them and snatched them from their nests. They continued to try to keep us from reaching their nests and taking what was ours. But we see all sister. We are cunning, far more cunning than they ever were. Soon they learned that no matter what they did that they could not keep us out. And once the sun fell from the sky it was our time to take what we wanted. We ate their young and their old and everything in between. Our bellies in constant ache, never sated for long. A curse. We stained the grasses red with their blood, ambushed them when they went to the great flowing river, when they pulled pieces of the planet from the dark red earth. Where we tread the darkness followed.”_

“And when the off worlders came?”

 

_“They brought with them weapons that could fire the rays of the sun, cutting into the darkness, killing us. Once we had been many and now we dwindle. Some stolen others dead. The Krysa managed to get these sun rays, and with them they pushed us over the great flowing river and back into the darkness. They guarded their nests and built stronger walls deep into the earth. Stealing from the planet in exchange for these sun rays and strange mechanical beasts. We fed on what we could, the dead that washed down the great flowing river, and those who were foolish enough to cross it.”_

“What made you come back?”

 

_“The smell of the dead, a gift on the winds. It was time to return. To get our fill and take back what is ours.”_

“The land?”

 

 _“All of it.”_ His large head lifted upward, the weight suddenly off of you, his body shifting slightly as he readjusted himself. _“Sleep now, the sun will be up soon enough. Rest.”_

 

 

****

 

> _Eyes opening peering upward, a blue sky with lazy clouds drifting, the sun’s ray’s breaking around the creamy swirls. Surrounded by familiar golden shafts of grass. Twelve? Sitting up and looking for her, searching for her form in the grass but not seeing her. Instead Naf waded through the long shafts of golden leafy strands, hands moving and skimming over the tall blades,  moving to sit beside you._
> 
> _“Where’s Twelve?” You asked, brows furrowing. Let down, hoping that you would be able to see her, to touch her and feel her._
> 
> _“She sent me to warn you.” He said, plucking a blade and twirling it between his fingers, bright green eyes peering around you. “Where are we?” He asked._
> 
> _Shrugging, “I don’t know. What are you here to warn me about?”_
> 
> _“Your new friends are bad news.”_
> 
> _“The Comedenti?”_
> 
> _He shrugged. “I guess.” His brows knitting “Don’t you feel it? The darkness?”_
> 
> _Shaking your head. “No.”_
> 
> _“You can’t listen to them.”_
> 
> _“Why? They’re taking me back to the others, they helped me.”_
> 
> _Shaking his head. “They aren’t helping you. They’re using you.”_
> 
> _Scoffing at him, “They aren’t using me.”_
> 
> _“They are. Their kindness comes with a price, Ceph.”_
> 
> _“And what would that price be, Naf?” You asked in agitation._
> 
> _“Just, don’t trust them. Don’t do anything they ask you to do. Okay?”_
> 
> _“Why?”_
> 
> _He sighed loudly, “Damnit Ceph. You know why!” His finger jabbing you in the temple. “It’s all in here. Try to remember.”_
> 
> _Swatting his hand away quickly, “It’s kinda hard to remember when you can’t even explain to me what I need to remember.”_
> 
> _His face grew red, cheeks flushing crimson, his eyes moving to look away from you quickly. “Please don’t make me show you.” He muttered._
> 
> _You stared at him blankly, “What’s got you so embarrassed?”_
> 
> _Rolling his eyes and huffing loudly. “UGH, please don’t…I just really don’t want to…see this memory.”_
> 
> _Quirking an eyebrow, “Can you at least point me in the right direction?”_
> 
> _Covering his face in his hands, hiding his crimson colored cheeks and looking out in the opposite direction, “In the shower…with Ben. The first time.” He muttered._
> 
> _Brows scrunching momentarily and then raising in realization. He was embarrassed because of you and Kylo in the shower together, naked and intimate. “Oh.” You mumbled._
> 
> _“Yeah.” Sighing loudly, “Just…I don’t want to see that.” He huffed._
> 
> _“Okay?” Clearing your throat and shifting in the grass, closing your eyes and recalling the memory,_
> 
> _Your hands paused at the healing scar across his stomach. The red tightly knitted flesh resting under your soapy hands. Something dark inside of you wanted to drag your nails across the freshly healing skin, causing the new flesh to tear away and gap open. You wanted to claw until his entrails leaked out of his body and onto the shower floor. Your heart clenched tightly in your chest at the thought, the images flashing in your mind jarring you deeply. His hand moved down to rest on your own as you moved to pull them away from the burn. You looked upward slowly, your eyes locking. You knew he saw and felt the intrusive thought. He guided your hand back down to his stomach and back onto the scar. Your heart thudded wildly inside of your chest, you could feel the artery in your neck pounding as your blood pulsed quickly through you._
> 
> _Your hands shook on his flesh as slight panic rolled through you. You weren’t sure where this urge was coming from and it scared you. He glided his hand behind your back and pulled you towards him. Forcing your bodies together._
> 
> _“I feel it.” He said softly into your hair. Your brows scrunched as you gnawed at your bottom lip. He seemed unaffected by it, unbothered by the destruction that your mind seemed to be urging you to cause him. “I trust you.” He mumbled sensing your train of thought. Your heart squeezed tightly inside of your chest._
> 
> _Eyes jarring open, gazing back out into the golden grass, Naf peering at you and nodded, “Do you understand now?”_
> 
> _“The intrusive thought-the need to-hurt him. That is from them? The thing that I killed?”_
> 
> _“Yes, you’ve done remarkably well at keeping it pushed back, but when you lose it, when you slip into the darkness you free it.” His brows knitted tightly, head shaking. “You need to be careful. Being around them, listening to them, you could slip.”_
> 
> _Frowning deeply, thinking about the violent thought. The raw visceral urge to harm Kylo, to lash out at him for no reason other than to cause him pain. “If I slip, if I release it-what would happen?”_
> 
> _“Nothing good. You must contain it.” He sighed, his hand moving to rest on top of your own, “I’m worried about you. Since you’ve been there you’ve…you’ve been slipping.”_
> 
> _“I’m going to be fine.” Your voice full of false sincerity._
> 
> _His head shook slowly, “Please just don’t listen to them. They are the darkness that swallows the light….please promise me, that if they ask you to unleash it that you won’t.”_
> 
> _“I won’t.” Free hand moving to brace the back of his head, “I promise.”_
> 
> _He sighed in relief, removing his hand from yours, and moving to stand, your own hand falling away from him. He peered around the golden field once more, a faint smile coming to his lips. “It’s really nice here.” He spoke absently._
> 
> _Standing to join him as he looked around. “The boy…”_
> 
> _His head turned to look at you sharply, “Forget him for now.”_
> 
> _“Who is he?”_
> 
> _He shook his head, “You’ll find out but it’s not important right now, you just need to keep on track. Balanced. Please, just be careful.”_
> 
> _Nodding at him. “I will be.”_

Your skin felt impossibly hot, stifled, fur all around you, loud snoring and hot breath, the smell of rot and earth filling your nostrils. You stirred sleepily, a paw shoving at you and then moving away. Your eyes opening slowly, peering out into the dimly lit sky, laying on your back, mouth dry and swallowing harshly. Your head turning to look where Vultur had been laying but found that his massive body was missing. Groaning as you moved to sit up, body aching slightly, though not as pained as you had been before. Stomach growling loudly, reminding you that you were hungry, your hand clutching your belly, attempting to silence the annoying sound. Legs shifting under you and moving to stand, slightly light headed, you swayed slightly, arms stretching above your head and yawning. Looking out around the large pack, on the outter edges a few Comedenti sat on their haunches, watching around the pack, guarding the sleeping in shifts you supposed. There Vultur sat alone, peering out into the sea of red grass, picking your way gingerly through the tightly packed furred bodies and moving towards him. His large head turning to regard you as you moved to stand beside him.

_“You are well rested?”_

“Yes.” You grumbled, never being a morning person, groggy still and not wanting to speak.

_“We will move soon, your pack is not far.”_

Humming in response, eyes squinting as you peered out into the distance, the sun beginning to set. Standing in silence for a long time. Waiting for the slumbering to wake and to begin the procession once more, moving towards your companions. Heart panging with longing, wanting nothing more than to be by their side one again. Hunger gnawing at you once more. Closing your eyes and taking a moment to fully feel it. The pain sharp and stabbing, mouth watering as a wave of nausea chased after the pain.

 

****

He stood over the edge, watched as you splashed into the water, calling your name desperately, forgetting the enemy completely as they boarded their ship. He hadn’t cared about them to begin with. Didn’t care that they were taking the Krysa from the planet. He secretly hoped they would survive, that this would not be their end. He had been distracted and jarred, the cathar male, he hadn’t seen him running, too busy searching for the vibromace, dizzy. An excuse. It was all an excuse.

 

He should have been more aware, the energy that radiated out of you, angry and confused. Searching for understanding. He had felt it. The boy, the signature familiar though he too could not place its origins. Something to do with you. He grew sick to his stomach as the sound of the freighter lifted from the ground, repulsors kicking the air around him wildly, he needed to focus.

 

Forcing himself to turn away from the ledge and peering out back into the town, Marun, now by himself moved back towards the small town. There would be questions, he knew that. And there would be anger. The Commander would be especially angry, he could already feel it deep within the pit of his stomach.

 

There was nothing he could do right now. No way to just stop and search. He was already off orders, playacting to your whim. He cursed mentally. He should have forced you to move on, bullied you into it if he had to. But he was soft. He knew the delicate hand that was needed to handle you at times, seeing you flying down the spiral so many times. It was always easier to just let you do what you wanted and then slowly reel you back out of the fall. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, pausing for a moment as he tried to collect himself.

 

He could feel it within him, the righteous anger. The sense of being put into a position that he never wanted to be put into, why him? Why any of you? Things were never clear cut, there were no real answers to those questions. Coincidence or fate, it did not matter. It was happening and all he could do was survive. It was all any of you could do.

 

He knew what he needed to do, formally inform the unit of your disappearance, but he couldn’t find the nerve to do it. It was his fault, he had taken your person into his own hands. And he had failed. Merely watching in horror as you tumbled from the edge of the gorge and down to the rushing waters below. He could still feel your faint signature, you were alive, he only hoped that he would have time to search for you once it was all over. Surely the Commander would go after you, if there was even a slimmest of possibilities that you were alive the man would do anything to reach you.

 

He loved you, the Commander, he was in love with you, and though Marun found it strange how two seemingly random people thrown into a messy situation could find a way to love each other, he was happy. Happy that someone understood you and was patient enough to handle you. Maybe one day when this was all over if he survived, maybe he could find that with someone, but right now he needed to break the news to the Commander and the rest of his unit.

 

Taking a deep breath and pushing the muscles in his legs to move, he walked with a new purpose. Clear the town, stay on mission and inform them of your fall. In that order. He slung the vibromace off of his shoulder, moving his hand to turn the weapon on again. How he hated the sound and the way it made his hands vibrate slightly. The destruction that was going to happen when he turned the blasted thing on never made him happy. People would die and with them a little bit more of Marun. But he held hope, caged deep within his chest, hidden away, the boy who Marun had once been, clutched tightly to it, hoping that one day he may be able to return.

 

_My name is Jasnic Trecoll. Son of Brejon and Karmad Trecoll. I am a human being. I am not the monster that they make me to be._

****

 

Kylo moved his arm, bringing the limb downward, the cross guard of his saber hissed and spit, he sliced into the Krysa under his boot. Severing the creature’s head from its body. His body jolted, muscles jerking under his flesh, his helmeted head jerking upward. The feeling all too familiar, not from him, but akin to him. A part of him that responded to you. A large push of anger and confusion, rampant and out of control. He tried to harness the jolt, using it to his advantage, but it came in a short burst and faded quickly, becoming faint and frantic. Something was wrong.

 

He slashed out violently with his saber, the hissing spray of wild plasma slicing into anyone who happened to be in his path. Slicing a human man across his stomach and moving past him as the man’s hand moved to clutch at the gaping wound, falling to the ground. Kylo stomped, the urge to reach you though you were far away pulling him away from the fight. He could feel Einn’s mental pinging, urgently trying to reach him. He ignored him, moving still, away from the thick of the battle and further towards the hill.

 

Einn somehow managing to break through the mental barrier, his voice frantic, _“I know, I feel it, ignore it. **FOCUS**!” _

He pushed him back out with great effort, cursing the man’s natural ability to nestle deeply inside of minds. His head ached slightly with the strain. Ignoring the repeated attempts that Einn sent, mental tendril still attempting to pry inside. He could hear and feel Einn running behind him and up the hill, the grass whipping and snapping around his legs and torso. This did not stop his long legs from moving, he kept going, cresting the hill and down the side, boots digging into the red earth, sliding slightly, but he was too determined, the need far too great to falter.

 

“COMMANDER REN! KYLO! **STOP**!” Einn yelled, reaching for the man, and snatching at his arm, yanking him back by the limb. Fingers digging through thick black fabric. He shrugged him off, pulling his arm from his grip, continuing his stomping. “ **STOP**!” He screamed once more.

 

Kylo froze, mid step, his body held tightly within the Force, Einn jogged to stand in front of him, gripping him by his shoulders and shaking him, tawny eyes peering into the dark visor of his helmet and directly into his eyes. “Let me go.” His voice was steady, forced, he wanted to scream, to yell and thrash.

 

“No! You can’t just abandon the mission because of her! You need to stay on task, keep going.”

 

He fought against Einn’s poorly held grasp of the Force, his legs beginning to move once more, pushing with great strain, but moving all the same. He would not be stopped. Einn pushed against him, knocking him backward and stumbling, his face scrunching in frustration.

 

“You idiot! You are going to get the both of you killed! You don’t think Snoke won’t punish you? That you’re untouchable?”

 

Kylo straightened, and froze, mind churning with thought. Punishment? His face scrunched.

 

“You fucking moron, you ignorant child! Just because he made you the Commander, just because you’ve managed to get by without major punishment for your failings, she won’t. He won’t hesitate to punish her for distracting you.” He laughed, ugly and cold, “You have no idea, you’ve only seen what we allow you to see, there are far worse things that he has done to us that you will never know. They hurt too much, the memories, we don’t speak about them, we can’t.”

 

Kylo took a deep breath, huffing an exhale. He was right. So many things he didn’t know or understand, the past of the very people that he cared for most would always be a mystery. His jaw tightened and flexed, teeth pressing tightly together, swallowing his pride, “What am I supposed to do? I can’t just abandon her.”

 

Einn shook his head, “It’s simple, we keep to our orders, and then when we can we’ll go after her. I can still feel her, can’t you?”

 

Kylo nodded.

 

“Then she’s still alive. She’s tough, she’ll probably get herself out of it before we even finish here, don’t worry about her.” A faint smile coming to his lips as he huffed a slight laugh, “She’s going to be fine.”

 

Kylo sighed deeply, the sound of the exhale emitting through the modulator. “You’re right.”

 

Einn nodded, “Well Commander, let’s get back to it shall we?”

 

****

 

Marun stood surveying the town, the dead Krysa left to rot in their hovels and in the streets. Any surviving members of the Resistance were collected, and sent back to the flag ship for questioning and then disposal. The Krysa that had surrendered were lined up and gunned down. The General’s orders. Marun had no taste for them. He turned away from the firing squad, his stomach churned.

 

He searched in the Force, feeling for your signature, faint, but still there. The hope deep within him swelled. Maybe you would be fine. Maybe they would find you in time. He moved towards the Captain, waiting patiently as he gave orders to a few members of the unit.

 

The Captain turned to look at him, he could feel his eyes searching for you, Marun winced under his helmet. “Where is Ceph Ren?”

 

He took a deep breath, holding it and then releasing it, “She’s…gone for the moment.”

 

The Captain tilted his head slightly, the feeling of his confusion radiating outward. “Gone?”

 

His shoulders slumped slightly, shifting his vibromace, allowing the hilt to rest on the top of his boot. “She fell from the cliff.” Sighing at his own admission, “She is alive, but I need to inform the Commander and then search for her.”

 

“She fell. From the gorge. And she’s still alive?” The Captain was thoroughly confused. “No one could survive that fall, much less the impact into the water.”

 

“She’s alive Captain, I can feel her.” He said tapping at the temple of his flat faced helmet. “She is far tougher than she appears, I assure you of that.”

 

The Captain shook his head, “She’s insane is what she is. She roasted half of her unit and does not take direction at all. She’s a liability to this unit and I’m glad-”

 

Marun quickly cut him off, “I would caution you, to choose your words very carefully, Captain. I’m only giving you the curtsey of letting you know of her disappearance, and I would gladly abandon this unit in search of her.” He watched as the captain stiffened, not taking kindly to the thinly veiled threat.

 

“Would you like for me to inform the Commander over the com or would you like to do the honors?” He asked, his tone dripping in hostility. “If I recall, you took over her charge.”

 

“I will inform the Commander, though I am sure he is already aware that something has happened.”

 

The Captain merely shook his helmeted head, “We move once we clear this mess up, you have until then to search. If you can’t manage to find her by then, then she is a lost cause.”

 

Marun nodded, it was fair enough. A small mercy perhaps, he would take what he could get. He walked back towards the field where the freighter had been, the grass bent and broken, splayed out from the repulsors. He walked towards the edge of the gorge, peering downward and sighing loudly. Where were you? Alive that he was sure of, but for how long? Were you injured, it was quiet a drop, he mused as he peered down at the rushing water below. He began a slow walk, following the edge of the gorge and going with the flow of the water. If you had survived you would have been pulled with the current, further downstream.

 

He was putting off telling Kylo or Einn, wanting to wait until he had the chance to fully search the cliffs, hoping that he would find you before the unit moved on, avoiding any worry and disappointment from his comrades. His mahogany eyes searched the caps of the rushing water, helmet calibrating and zooming with the dilation of his retina, thankful for the technology in the helmet.

 

He continued his walk as the sun began to set over head, the light fading quickly, he knew he would need to begin his return, but he kept going, not giving up hope that he would find you. Following the curvature of the river and your faint signature. The display screen of his helmet flashing new updates, the unit would be disembarking soon. He stopped, hands curling into fists. Frustrated. “Fuck.” He muttered under breath, his modulator picking it up and broadcasting it though he came out broken, loose wires.

 

His eyes closed tightly, defeated. Turning away from the cliff’s edge and moved to walk back towards the unit. Focusing mentally and searching for Kylo and Einn’s mental signatures, finding them a great distance away, though not far enough to keep him from getting into contact. Not that would have stopped him from getting into contact, he would have no excuse, the com within his helmet would allow him to speak to the Commander if absolutely need be.

 

He sent the mental tendril outward, pinging both Knights, _“Ceph, is missing.”_ His mental tone full of regret and pain, attempting to mask the panic that moved through him. Worried of what would happen.

 

 _“What happened?”_ Einn’s voice replied, though he could feel the Commander’s mental presence lurking, listening.

 

 _“She wouldn’t listen. Kept pushing and pushing.”_ His mental tone betraying his frustration at the situation.

 

 _“Marun, just tell us.”_ Einn encouraged, wanting to get to the meat of the problem, not wasting time on the explanations.

 

 _“She fell, down into the river, off of the cliff. She’s alive, but I can’t find her, the unit is moving and I can’t stay to keep looking.”_ He felt the weight of anxiety pressing down on him, waiting for what the reply to his statement would be.

 

 _“Keep on track, she’ll turn up.”_ Einn projected.

 

He waited to hear from the Commander, waited to be yelled at or reprimanded, but he remained silent. Marun wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that. It felt, suffocating, his anxiety only grew worse.   _“Are you sure? I can stay and continue my search. I can keep going until I find her.”_ He suggested, panic in his tone now.

 

 _“No, Einn is right. She’s alive. She’ll return to us.”_ Kylo finally spoke up, Marun could feel his frustration and defeat. Einn must have already spoke to him about the matter. _“Thank you for trying, she’ll turn up. I’m sure of it.”_ His mental tone shifting slightly, masking his anxiety and desperation with false sincerity.

 

Marun was not thrown by the fabricated emotion. He knew how Kylo felt, he felt it. The worry, it gnawed at him too. _“I’m sorry.”_

_“She’ll come back. She’s strong.”_ Einn added, his voice unlike theirs was sure.

 

Marun cut the connection, beginning to walk at a much quicker pace, needing to get back to the unit before they moved on without him. Mulling over Einn’s words. He was right. You were strong and stubborn, you would make it back, with or without their help. He couldn’t help but to smile at the thought of you turning up, showing up with that tight faced scowl, and how your smile would eventually break once you saw the three of them. Returning to the familiar faces, a make shift family of broken things, a home.

 

Everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Comedenti---> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/174707292356/the-comdenti
> 
> Also! The other story I've been talking about has been posted! I encourage all of you to read it since it will be filling in a lot of gaps in this story.  
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/174677358491/kayden-nemoria-a-certain-perspective
> 
> As always, you can talk to me on tumblr, I don't bite, promise!


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Nest

_______________

 

The procession moved at a good pace, the dark giving the pack and you cover as you slinked through the grass. Vultur moved silently, long legs padding softly, your stomach growled loudly, his ears pricked at the noise. _“You should have eaten.”_

“I’m fine.” You whispered.

 

_“You’re weak. Barely keeping pace.”_

You huffed a snort, “I’m conserving my energy.”

 

 _“Follow me.”_ He said as he broke rank, moving further away from the procession, they kept moving, ignoring the both of you as you fanned out further away from them. Following behind him silently, the pull that seemed to lull your brain to follow his command forcing your legs to keep moving. Aching and sore. Lactic acid built up and making the muscles ache. Maybe you should have eaten. Swallowed your pride and taking at least a few bites. Shaking your head at the thought and frowning. _What were you thinking?!_ You had made the right choice, starving was better than…than eating _that_.

 

Vultur halted, nose sniffing the earth, muzzle huffing and mouth opening tasting the air. He began to dig at the red clay, eyes focused and steely. Clay finally giving way to dark dirt, flinging it everywhere as he continued to dig and stopping, his paw smashing onto something. _“Take it.”_ He commanded.

 

Lurching forward and bending down, moving to a squat, knees popping, hand reaching out as his paw moved away from the creature that he had trapped. It was dark and lizard like, large milky eyes and a streak of brilliant blue down it’s back. Trapping it under your fingers and picking it up, pulling it from the dirt and looking at it closely as it flailed in between your pinched fingers. Your face scrunching as you looked at it.

 

“What is it?”

 

_“Food. Eat.”_

“Will it make me sick?” You asked, hesitant to eat the strange creature.

 

_“No. Now eat.”_

It continued to flail in your fingers, mouth gaping open, attempting to bite you. Huffing and looking around for something to kill it and finding nothing, Vultur looking at you with impatience. You slung it to the ground, bashing its head into the soft earth, causing the creature to become stunned. Picking it up by the tail and tilting your head back, opening your mouth and biting into the strange rubbery texture that composed the skin of creature. Teeth meeting as you broke it in half, chewing quickly, stomach churning at the taste, bitter and gooey. Swallowing harshly and fighting a gag.

 

_“Now the rest of it.”_

 

You frowned deeply, forcing yourself to finish the creature, chewing through the small bones and swallowing once more. Vulture moved and began to dig again, trapping another one quickly, waiting for you to grab it from him. Taking it and continuing the same cycle, Vultur digging, dredging up another one and you eating it. Your stomach gurgling, unused to the strange food, but no longer pained. Not full but not starved, enough for now. Mouth tasting bitter, making you want to vomit up everything you had eaten. Fighting the urge and standing, Vultur moving to rejoin the group, following behind him as you both merged back into the pack.

 

Walking past the smaller Comedenti and moving towards the head of the pack, Vultur taking his place and moving at a faster pace. Your eyes scanning out in the darkness, the light not as bright as the night before, heavy cloud coverage blocking out the guiding starlight. Stumbling slightly as you continued to walk, long red grass wrapping around your ankles and tangling, Vultur’s head moving to regard you, briefly staring and then looking forward once again.

 

A sheepish smile coming to your face, stomach feeling much better and feeling a bit more energetic suddenly. Body grateful for the nourishment even if it tasted horrible.

 

 

****

 

Einn ate the meal replacement bar greedily, legs moving and carrying him even though he was tired. Dark circles beginning to form under his eyes. No time for rest, not even a nap. The unit moved on. The raze would continue. Kylo walked beside him, silent as he walked, he had not eaten though Einn had tried to convince him to do so. His companion's mind hummed loudly, echoing the worries for you, Einn tried to quell them but he could only do so much. It wasn’t like he wasn’t worried either. He was, but not about your return, he knew you would come back, no. He was worried about your state, how you would be mentally.

 

He could feel the spiral closing in around you, tightening its grip, darkness closing in slowly but moving closer all the same. Worried about your placement in all of this and how you would fair when the end of this campaign came. Marun had been witness to the loss of control, only furthering his worry and suspicions. This was only made worse as he felt the balance of the planet suddenly shifting overnight. Something dark rising up and moving through the tall grass, lurking forward and moving closer to their position. He was growing concerned by this nagging feeling and wondered if anyone else was feeling it.

 

He crumbled up the wrapper and tossed it to the ground. Another thing that was bothering him was Kylo’s silence. Sure he could handle the quiet, but the lack of banter, of just speaking, it was starting to get to him. He rather have been with Marun or you over Kylo, not that he didn’t like the man, it was just that sometimes he wasn’t so sure what he could say to him. He was still an outsider in many aspects, at least to Einn. You had always been right about that, he didn’t know, ignorant of the horrors, of the damage done.

 

“I’m going to sleep for a week when we get back.” He mumbled, tired of the silence and the constant introspection. Kylo said nothing, only kept walking. Einn huffed in annoyance. “I know you’re worried.”

 

“Her signature is only growing fainter.”

 

“And we’re also moving further away from where she last was. I’m sure she’s fine. Stop worrying so much.”

 

The sound of Kylo’s gloves pinching and a garbled huff through the modulator cut through the air. His agitation colliding with Einn’s body. “It’s hard not to worry.”

 

“I know.” His voice full of sympathy. “But you’re allowing her to become a distraction. Don’t forget what we talked about earlier. Try to lighten up.”

 

“Do you want me to lighten up because you’re bored or because you truly care?” Kylo questioned, mechanical voice missing the slight hint of humor in his tone.

 

“Both.” Einn laughed, digging into pouch and pulling a meal bar out, holding it out towards the man and shaking it slightly, wagging his bushy brows. “I know you’ve got this whole no looky-look thing going on but you need to eat.”

 

Kylo regarded him for a moment and grudgingly took the meal bar from him, practically snatching it from his hands. Einn grinned widely eyes focusing back onto the landscape, the sound of Kylo’s helmet releasing, slightly compressed air huffing loudly in the near silence of the valley. The sound of the wrapper being torn and crinkling, munching.

 

“I really don’t know how all of you survived by eating these. They’re awful.” He grumbled, mouth pouching slightly, talking around the dry crumbled particles of the bar.

 

“Isn’t it though.” Einn laughed, waving his hand is a dismissive manner. “You learn to take the food you can get when you don’t get fed as often as you should.”

 

“It must have been hard, on all of you.”

 

Einn shrugged, “Looking back, I’m not sure how any of us survived. I remember wishing I would have just died, that I could have just given up-the competition between all of us actually helped with that a lot. Kept all of us focused. The need to be better, stronger, faster. Driving us to go on.”

 

“And now?”

 

“They drive me, Ei-Ceph, and Marun. Zece and Nove. Even you. I am here because of all of you. If not for that, I probably would have died a long time ago. You’re my family, I would do anything for my family.”

 

Kylo hummed, “I understand that feeling.” A lull of silence passed, making Einn think that Kylo was finished talking. “Do you-do you think about your family-your real family?” His voice barely above a whisper. The subject taboo.

 

The corners of Einn’s lips pinched, “Sometimes.”

 

“Me too.”  Kylo mumbled.

 

Einn’s brows furrowed, tawny eyes shifting to glance at the man. “You miss them?”

 

“Sometimes. I miss what we had.”

 

Einn hummed, “What were they like?”

 

Kylo’s brows furrowed, nibbling on his plump bottom lip, deep in thought, “Busy. Loving…fearful.”

 

“Of you?”

 

“Yes and no.”

 

“My parents never knew. Never suspected anything, but it wasn’t something that was common from my planet. No one ever talked about…it.” He gestured. “I didn’t know. Not until we got to Zoist. From what the others shared, it was the same for most of them.” He shrugged, “Perhaps we never would have realized, never would have woken up.”

 

“Do you really believe that?”

 

Einn shrugged lazily, “I don’t know. I don’t think about it. Dwelling on the what ifs and the could have beens…it’s pointless. I’m here now and nowhere else.”

 

 He hummed, shifting the helmet from under his arm and moving it to slide over his head, latches closing securely. Face hidden away once again, the conversation coming to an end with it.

 

They continued to walk, moving towards the central hub of the planet. A trading post, packed with Krysa, the First Order initiative was to move from the outliers and to clamp inward. Ridding the small villages and towns of everyone and then destroying the trading post, wiping out the largest concentration of Krysa. After that it they would play round up, destroying any survivors.

 

Einn tried to distance himself from the atrocities, telling himself that it was only temporary. A mercy. Saving them from living through the bleeding of the planet.

 

 

****

 

“Where are we going?” You asked, tired of walking in silence.

 

 _“The central nest.”_ He paused, pressing his snout to the ground and taking a deep inhale, lifting his head up, eyes peering around in the darkness. _“Come we aren’t far.”_  He moved forward, padding back into the grass and moving to a large mound ahead, halting at the base and turning to look back at the pack, waiting for the majority to reach him. Standing beside him, eyes peering out and straining to see, the only sight were the glinting of red eyes in the faint starlight. Once the largest portion of the Comedenti pressed forward, waiting for instruction, Vultur turned and phased into the hillside.

 

Blinking momentarily, confused by his sudden disappearance into the grassy hillside, hand moving to a pouch and pulling out the flashlight, shining it on the area and finding a dark patch where Vultur and several of the other Comedenti had disappeared into. Another hole in the earth, this time much smaller than the other opening you had moved through to reach the top of the gorge. You would have to crawl. Hands moving to clip the flashlight into the specially modified armor, snapping it into place and crouching, moving to your hands and knees and crawling into the earthen hole.

 

Dangling roots, white and dripping with moisture tickling at your face and tugging on the loose and knotted hair on your head, the twin braids slowly coming undone. Shaking your head and shrugging away the roots and moving further down. A nose pressed into your rump, causing you to scoot away quickly, jolted into faster movements to get away from the odd invasion of personal space. The sound of a huffing snort behind you, coming from the Comedenti who had so kindly pressed its nose up your ass.

 

A single thought coming into your mental space. _Rude._

 

“Sorry.” You mumbled, slowing your crawl once again, eyes focusing forward and thankful for the light, which kept your from running face first into the Comedenti ahead of you. Watching as the creature angled itself down a slope, rear legs higher up as it moved to go down the rough slope, dirt giving way to smooth rock. The air growing colder as you moved further into the space, the smell of damp rock and earth filling your nostrils, mixed with the hint of corpse from the Comedenti.

 

Soon the tunnel opened into a slight vault, giving you enough space to stand, finding moving on two legs much easier and far more pleasant. You walked through the open space, eyes moving around where the light shone, peering at the natural formations in the cave. A nudge in the leg sending you into movement once more, reminding you that you had far more important things to do than to stare and admire the beauty around you.

 

 _“Keep moving sister, we have no time to waste.”_ The familiar female voice spoke, urging you to move on, though you could not completely identify the source of the female voice in the dense formation within the cavern.

 

Walking further into the cave, stooping as the ceiling began to close in, moving into a slight tunnel, though you had no need to crawl at the moment, you remained bent, attempting to avoid smacking your head into the low lying ceiling of rock and jutting formations.

 

“What is this place?” You whispered.

 

_“Once the great flowing river came through here, opening the soil and the earth. The Krysa use these openings to pull the core from the planet. Selling her for mere trinkets and off worlder machinery. We used to roam these hollowed hills, using these opening to travel undetected and undisturbed when we slept.”_

“So these are just old stomping grounds for you?”

 

The female voice chuckled within your mind, _“Not for me, this is the first time I have ever been in here, most of us have never set foot on this side of the river.”_

Humming in acknowledgement. “It’s been that long?”

 

 _“I truly do not know, we have no way to tell the passing of time but the falling of the sun, even then we lose track. We do not concern ourselves with such things.”_  A Comedenti moved to walk beside you, brushing into your legs slightly.  _“We only pass on stories, from the ones before us. Vultur is the oldest living Comedenti, we are all merely decedents of the firsts.”_

Wasn’t that how it worked? Everyone just a decedent of those who came before. Endless possibilities opened before you, the chance to carry on in their footsteps or to carve your own path. Though the Comedenti seemed to be set on following the path of those who came before. Their duty all encompassing. Their own religious zealotry, passed on by stories, molded and shaped by them, waiting for the moment to rise and taking it. Patient but eager. Brows furrowing slightly at the thought, though you made no motion to comment.

 

You continued to crouch until the ceiling dropped to the point of making the hunched walking uncomfortable, once again moving to hands and knees and crawling through the small opening in the rock.

 

****

 

It was a mess, a complete and utter mess. The ambush happened so quickly. How could they have not known? The sheer amount of Krysa housed within the seemingly small trading post. He should have been paying more attention to the Force, but he had been trying to tune it out. Not wanting to concern himself with your fading signature. Not wanting to worry. Holding out hope. It was all he had left.

 

Einn squinted, smoke burning his eyes. The grass around the trading post burning all around him. Hot and growing hotter. The Krysa using the intricate network of tunnels under the town, the surface seemed eerily dead. That should have tipped them off right away, but he guessed everyone just assumed that the Krysa had fled.

 

A critical error. They flooded out of their tunnels, surrounding the town and trapping them inside. The sound of blasters and screeches filling the air. The Krysa over taking the outer lines of defense.  Flametroopers torching those that they could reach, sending the Krysa into a frenzy. Those that weren’t burned to a crisp ran forward breaking the pressing swarm’s line and running towards the troopers that they could reach. Flinging themselves at them, and knocking them over with the force of the collision. Falmetroopers moving quickly and turning their flamer throwers tot he grass setting it ablaze. 

 

Einn’s head snapped back towards Kylo, checking to see what he was doing, watching as he stomped forward, hand flinging in front of him, sending a strong pulse out into the Force and knocking a wide margin of Krysa backwards. Sending them colliding and crashing into those behind them. Keeping them from moving forward as the Flametroopers attempted to create a fiery barrier between them and the Krysa. 

 

“EINN! MOVE!” He yelled, voice booming through the modulator.

 

Einn moved from his frozen position, legs uprooting from his position and moving into action. Carrying him to stand next to Kylo, mimicking his motions and sending out strong pulses out in the Force. Blaster bolts spraying out into the crowd, cutting down those who attempted to stand.

 

The crowd suddenly opened, a straight line revealing two Krysa with a FWMB, aimed straight and firing the rapid cannon. Einn drove away from the spray, tucking into a roll and popping back upward, muscles tired from lack of rest and exertion. He grunted as he drug himself upward and back into a standing position. Brows furrowing deeply, a deep set frown coming to his lips. When did they get a hold of that?

 

The sound of loud humming and screeching causing him to whip his head around. The sight of Krysa being flung into the air, battered bodies like rag dolls, clattering all around the back half of the town. The familiar feeling of Marun’s signature colliding with his own. He ran towards him, leaving Kylo to deal with the FWMB. Dodging the bolts that sprayed out, hand moving to flick them away from him. 

 

His hands rearing backwards and suddenly pushing with great force out in front of his body. Sending the largest pulse he could manage out into the press of Krysa. Eyes watching as they flew far away, pushed by the invisible bubble that emitted from his hands. A stray blaster bolt crashing into the Force and veering upward. He ran into the crowd, excitement filling him, glad to see Marun.

 

Calling to his saber, the cool casing slapping into his hand, mental energies flipping the internal toggle, cerulean blade jutting out with a loud hum. Flicking his wrist, slicing into the closest Krysa, long leg tucking closely to his torso and pushing outward with his dark boot. Pushing the injured Krysa backward. Elbow rising and smashing into the face of another Krysa, using the pulled back arm and pushing it forward, saber clenched tightly in his hand, dragging the pointed tip of the blade across a patch of Krysa. Ducking quickly as a Krysa flew over his head.

 

He could see him now, swinging the vibromace with powerful movements. A single Kryas leaping at his back, attempting to pounce on him, Einn’s free hand flinging out and sending a concentrated stream of push towards the Krysa, knocking them off course. A blaster bolt whizzed by his head, turning to see a Krysa falling to the ground, burning hole square in the middle of his head. Turning back and seeing a Stromtrooper with a red pauldron, blaster rifle aimed behind him sending another bolt out.

 

A smirk coming to his lips, moving forward and passing the captain, nodding at him and brandishing his saber, absently twirling it in his wrist, loud humming filling him with confidence. Swinging the blade at anything that came at him, moving towards Marun who was holding his own. The sound of blaster fire growing louder as he moved closer to Marun. The remainder of his unit just behind a thin wall of Krysa.

 

 _“Well this is a fine mess.”_ Marun quipped, two hands gripping the handle of the vibromace as he brought it downward, pulverizing a Krysa into the earth.

 

 _“I’m glad to see you, for a minute there I thought we were fucked.”_ His mental tone full of mirth.

 

_“What? You and the Commander couldn’t handle this?”_

_“Shut up.”_ A smile cracking widely across Einn’s face.

 

They continued to fight, battling the horde, and clearing a path for the unit to move forward. Einn taking a kick to the chest as the unit moved past him, sending him stumbling backwards and knocking into Marun’s back. Halting on the thick wall of muscle. A clawed hand swiping at his face, shrinking his head back and away from the sharp claws, the whoosh of air passing across his face, eyes growing wide at the near miss. Marun pushed back against him, sending him forward and off of him as he swung the vibromace. He held the hilt of his saber tightly, using the momentum of Marun’s shove and driving the tip of the plasma blade into the Krysa before him.

 

In that moment, his tawny eyes meet with large pitch black orbs, watching as they blinked in disbelief. A pang of guilt punching him in the gut as he drug the blade out of the dying Krysa. His eyes grew wet, open for far too long he told himself, _these were not tears_. Blinking them away quickly, teeth gritting tightly as he fought the sob that welled in his chest. He needed to fight against the emotion, shut it out.

 

He clattered to the ground, heavy Krysa grabbing at him, ready to slice across his face. And in a flash the Krysa was knocked away from him, the blur of Marun’s Vibromace humming loudly and sending the Krysa scraping across the ground with force.

 

 _“Focus.”_ Marun snapped.

 

 _“We need to get back to the Commander and the troopers.”_ He pinged back. Voice urgent.

 

Marun nodded. _“Let’s go then.”_

Einn moved to stand, bracing his free hand on a knee and standing on shaky legs, fatigue catching up with him. No longer so sure of himself. The emotions of the Krysa pressing in on him. Desperate, scared and angry. He pushed the feelings away and focused inwardly, searching for the cool center of calm that rested within him. Calling upon the emotion, willing it to wash over him, focusing and pressing on.

 

Following behind Marun as he pulsed out in the force, alternating between pulses and swinging the vibromace with one hand. His control over the Force weakening with each push. He could feel the strain in the stout man’s muscles. The ache echoing through him. Moving to stand beside him and sending his own pulses, aiding him. Finally breaking the thick throng of bodies and moving quickly back into the town.

 

Stroomtroopers waiting for them to clear the line of fire and sending out a thick spray of blaster bolts into the Krysa. Flametroopers closing the area with their hot spray as the heavy assault troopers continued their assault.  Marun and Einn moved further into the town, feeling Kylo’s anger and frustration, moving towards the giant. Finding him standing behind a line of troopers, fists balled tightly, clutching to his saber in one hand. Einn moved to stand beside him, peering out into the chaos.

 

 _“How much longer can we hold them off?”_ Einn questioned.

 

 _“I don’t know.”_ Kylo’s voice grumbled within his mental space.

 

 _“We’ll fight until we can’t anymore.”_ Marun projected, firm in his stance.

 

 _“I don’t know how much more I have to give.”_ Einn admitted, his muscled ached, hands shaking.

 

 _“A squadron of TIEs should be on their way, we just need to hold out until they thin down the enemy.”_ Kylo projected, his mental tone undercut with uncertainty.

 

 _“Do we have a time frame on arrival?”_ Marun asked.

 

 _“No. The resistance is causing a ruckus, TIEs have been stretched thin. Could be minutes or longer.”_ Kylo’s hand tightened at his side.

 

Einn finally understanding his frustration. He shrugged his shoulders and moved his neck side to side, stretching the tense muscles. His head turning and peering into the small town, eyes catching onto a tall building. An idea striking him. 

 

He jogged towards the building, leaving Kylo amd Marun behind in puzzlement. Skidding to a halt as he peered upward. Hands gripping the building and seeing if he could find a hand hold to pull himself up the building. He saw no way, resigning himself to enter the building, stepping down the earthen steps and finding himself in a small room, searching for stairs and finding them tucked tightly in the far corner of the room. Racing to them and taking them in twos. Reaching the second story and searching once more for a way to reach the roof. Eyes searching the ceiling and finding a hatch of sorts, it would be a tight squeeze.

 

Jumping to push the thatched panel away from the opening, landing on his feet, legs wobbling slightly with the impact. Taking a deep breath and concentrating the Force to the soles of his feet and into the tight muscles of his legs. Squatting and pushing from the ground, hands reaching upward, catching the lip of the opening. Pulling himself through the tight opening, head and upper torso above the ceiling, legs swinging below him and elbows braced around the opening. Using his arms to pull him upward. Grunting at the effort.

 

Crawling and pulling himself to a stand, he moved to the edge of the roof, peering out into the darkness, attempting to see past the bright light cast by the dying flames. Attempting to see how thick the Krysa were, finding it near impossible to accurately gauge their density. Sighing loudly in defeat. Muttering a curse under his breath.

 

He continued to stare out into the darkness, shoulders drooping, a new wave of fatigue hitting him. Rubbing at his faces with both hands.

 

 _“Well?”_ Marun questioned, his voice filling Einn’s mental space.

 

 _“I can’t tell.”_ He admitted weakly, head shaking slowly. He blinked, eyes clamping shut tightly and then opening suddenly. Body jolting. _“Wait! You feel it?”_  His boot met the slight lip of the building, he strained once again to see what it was. Oppressive and heavy, moving quickly towards them.

 

A loud cry out in the throng of the Krysa, screeching and wailing. The sound carried over the sound of blasters, echoing through the Krysa. He jumped from the roof, bracing himself for the impact of the hard earth below him, rolling and leaping forward, almost falling onto his face but recovering quickly. He ran towards Kylo and Marun. “Something is coming!” He pushed out quickly.

 

Marun’s helmet swiveled to look at him, and then turned sharply to peer back towards the Krysa. They broke their tight formation, pushing into the town, running through the flames, leaping and passing the troopers, ignoring them and running wildly. They ran for the buildings, knocking over anyone that stood in their way. Einn grabbed his saber, eyes focusing out into the darkness as something moved. The glinting of red dots catching his attention.

 

“What the fuck?” He hissed. Watching as a Krysa fell to the ground, impacting the earth and sending dust upward, dragging back into the darkness. His body moving out of the way of the herding Krysa, their panic pressing on him heavily. He did not bother to attack the Krysa as they ran past the troopers and them, fleeing something out in the darkness. Too caught up trying to figure out what was coming. Friend or foe? The sound of barking. Yapping echoing calls ringing out all around them. Surround the trading post. He looked around nervously, hair standing on end. Something nasty moving towards them from the darkness.

 

And then, in a wave he felt it. Eight. The glow of a crimson blade jutting out, bringing a shock of red glow into the darkness. Slashing into the lagging Krysa. “HOLD!” Kylo shouted, moving forward and stepping in front of the troopers who stood with blasters at ready. Standing on the edge of the flame barrier.

 

The flame pushed out, opening suddenly like a curtain. A great beast stepped forward on six strong legs. Black and caked, six glaring red eyes searching around, a slight pant leaving its opened maw. Sticky opalescent drool dripping from its mouth. A form not much taller than the beast breaking moving behind it. Hair wild, face battered and bruised, clothing ripped and torn, eyes wild and ringed in dark circles. Lips pressed tightly together, chapped and busted, the paint that had once covered your face only remaining in spots.

 

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and sighing in relief. Watching as you moved towards the Commander, more of the creatures, smaller, moving into the town, scattering and moving towards the Krysa, completely ignoring the troopers. The stench of death following them.

 

****

 

Legs moving swiftly, hand out stretched, holding the flame open as the remainder of the Comedenti on your side of the town moved inward. The Krysa scattering and attempting to flee from the attacking Comedenti. Mauled down by swift legs and stronger teeth. The sound of screaming and cries filling the air, shortly followed by the sound of blasters firing. The Stormtrooprs returning to their directive and taking out the Krysa, aiding the Comedenti. Eyes watching the chaos around you, moving slowly to your comrades, locking onto Kylo’s helmet and giving him a nod. No time to linger on him or the others. You had a mission to complete.

 

Vultur nudged you, reminding you that the other Comedenti waited on the other side of the fiery wall on the opposite side of the town. Circling to keep any of the Krysa from escaping. More posted outside of their tunnels, and others infiltrating their way through them. Catching and killing anything that tried to escape. Vultur carefully formulating the formation, ensuring that no Krysa would survive.

 

 _“Should we wait to let the others in?”_ You questioned, eyes locked onto the chaos once again.

 

 _“No. Best to let them in while they are still surprised and scrambling.”_ He began to pad forward, legs moving slowly, waiting for you to join him.

 

You followed, leaving the others to stand in their places, lost in the sudden turn of events. Saber slashing into any Krysa that crossed your path, moving towards the other side of the town. Coming upon the other wall of flame, sputtering out slowly, dying at the lack of anything to burn, attempting to jump onto the grass further out and widening the perimeter.  Free hand once again moving and opening the curtain of flame, Vultur yapping and howling, signaling the Comedenti that lurked in the darkness, drawing them in.

 

They came single file, and then fanned out once they breached the flame, joining their pack and attacking the Krysa, ignoring all else. Vultur barking in quick succession, turning away from the opening and barking out into the town. Your eyes shifting to watch, still holding the fire back. _“Close it. The others will guard the perimeter.”_

Releasing your hold on the flame and turning to look at the others, watching as they finally moved into action. Cutting down what they could, no longer concerned with the strange creatures that ran amuck through the town.  Vultur moving away from you, though this time he did not ask you nor wait for you to follow. He licked his chops, hungry and ready to eat, abandoning you to do as you pleased.

 

 

For a moment you stood watching. Taking it all in. The frantic energy swirling in a thick fog through the Force. Allowing it to mist over you though never letting it soak in. Keeping it from seeping inward and causing you to panic. Stomach churning violently, hollow ache increasing at the sight of the pandemonium.

 

_Feed._

The word finding roots within your thoughts. Bringing you into motion, the word echoing in repetition, cycling through your mind. Obsessive and dark, a voice in an alien tone, hauntingly alluring. And you gave in, the feeling of release. Intoxicating and all encompassing. The emptiness swallowing you.

 

Hand raised, shaking, alive. Stump twitching, burning angrily. Ignoring it and channeling the hunger and the hollow inside of you through to the palm. Collecting it in its metaphysical form and expelling it outward towards the face of one of the rust colored structures, pulling it swiftly back to you, yanking at the exterior wall, watching as the wall vibrated, resisting your tugging. Clamping your fingers tightly, arm yanking away from you, the wall gave way with a dull crack. Ripping away from the building and exposing the interior of the structure. Exposing the few remaining Krysa that had holed up on the upper floor, huddled and scared. They cried out, shrinking away from the sudden opening, though it was no use.

 

Channeling the Force back into your palm, pushing and pulling, ripping them from the building and tossing them to the ground. Legs moving forward, saber clutched tightly in the other hand, adjusting, brain calculating. Slashing into flesh. Cutting away anything that came into contact with the crimson plasma. Cries filling your ears, loud and deafening, but not enough to drown out the words. Not satisfied until they laid in pieces at your feet.

 

_Rip, tear. RIP. TEAR._

The words over taking the need to feed, swallowing the hunger and the hollow ache, anger flooding in its place. Consuming everything, the physical and emotional gone. The only thing that existed were the Krysa at your feet, dying already. Not enough. Never enough. Saber falling to the dirt, released and forgotten. Hands free to do their work. Arms at your side, palms turned upward, fingers spread wide, eyes focused.

 

 _“Yessssss. Feed me. RIP them. TEAR them. FEED ME.”_ The alien tone hissed loudly.

 

Channeling the Force into your hands, the perfect instruments. Fingers jolting, stump searing, sending shooting pain through you, as if trying to gain your attention. Feeding on the pain, eyes watching as the Krysa struggled against the hold you projected. Fingers clamping together, arms preparing to pull. Ripping them apart from the inside.

 

 _“STOP! EIGHT STOP!”_ Her voice filled your head, drowning out the alien voice. Loud and urgent. You stopped, the Force retracting, though still holding the Krysa in place even though they did not struggle against you, too close to death to care. Missing digit tingling, no longer painful. Soft comforting vibrations, a hand, ghostly blue wrapping over your own hand. Pulling your eyes away from the Krysa, peering into eyes filled with worry, face framed with light colored hair, tinted in the same haunting blue. Blinking, making sure she was there. No longer in a dream, actually present.

 

“Twelve.” You managed to whisper, voice cracking with emotion suddenly.

 

_“Eight. What are you doing?”_

Your eyes flitted across her features, unsure. Confused. “I…I don’t know.”

 

 _“You can’t listen to them. You can’t.”_ Her head shook, fingers squeezing your own, the sensation there but lacking any feeling of skin, only coolness. _“You promised.”_ Opening your mouth to reply, floundering, and not finding any words. Her head shaking slowly. _“The light remains Eight.”_ Her voice even, _“Balance, remember.”_ She smiled. Reminding you of her soft touch, of the warmth of the sun on a cold day. _Apricity_.

 

Nodding at her, hands relaxing at your side. Releasing the now dead Krysa that laid at your feet. Feeling as if an eternity had passed, though it was only a matter of minutes. “Balance.” You mumbled.

 

She nodded. _“Don’t listen to them Eight. Don’t feed it. The anger and the hatred. Don’t let it consume you like these petty beasts. There is more to you than that.”_ Her hand moved to rest on the crown of your head, causing a calm to rise within you. Body relaxing suddenly, the feeling of exhaustion moving through you. Body pushed and pushed, tired and full of ache. She smiled, only for it to fade suddenly. Her head tilting upward looking up at the sky, your eyes following to look up. You didn’t see anything. _“You and the others need to get out of here.”_

Looking at her in confusion, stammering, “What? Why?”

 

 _“TIEs. No time, move it!”_ Her form flickered, stuttering in and out of sight. You stood staring at her in confusion, not quite understanding why she was so pressed, surely they wouldn’t attack while all of you were still in the town? _“Eight! Move!”_ She urged, grabbing hold of your arm, cool touch seeping through your clothing, her eyes wide with urgency. _“NOW!”_

Your legs kicked into motion, running, calling to the fallen saber and feeling it slap into your palm, securing it to your belt as you ran towards Marun. Waving your arms at him, trying to get his attention. His helmet swiveling to look at you. _“TIEs incoming, gather the unit!”_  You projected, voice booming within his mental space.

 

Pivoting and pinging Einn, relaying the information to him and then to Kylo. Eyes searching for Vultur and not finding him, running past a few Stormtroopers and yelling for them to clear the area. The screech of the incoming TIEs suddenly sounding, though still faint, you still had a bit more time, though not much. Kylo appeared at your side, almost colliding into you, moving his torso just enough to keep his shoulder from crashing into your face as you both sprinted through the town.

 

 _“What are you doing?! We need to go!”_ His voice urgent within your head.

 

 _“I have to find Vultur!”_ You pressed frantically.

 

_“Leave them!”_

 

Shaking your head, not bothering to reply. You owed Vultur and the pack. You wouldn’t leave them to die. Continuing to run, skidding slightly, arms flailing in an attempt to keep from losing balance, Kylo keeping pace beside you, joining you in your search. _“Go with the others!”_ You snapped.

 

_“I’m not leaving you!”_

If it had been any other time you would have grabbed him tightly and shook him in agitation with his stupidity. Right now you didn’t have time, the sound of the screeching growing louder with each breath you sucked down greedily. The idiot.

 

“VULTUR!!” You screamed, cupping your hand around your mouth, hoping that it would help project your voice through the sound of the fighting. Stormtroopers ran past the two of you as you kept running, weaving in and out of the buildings.

 

The great sixed legged beast appeared out of the hallow of one of the structures, maw covered in viscera, ears perked and twitching. Your eyes met, he blinked his six eyes in acknowledgement. Baying and howling into the air. Signaling the other Comedenti to retreat. The first TIE screeched overhead. The bomb made contact, exploding a building to your left, earthen structure crumbling and flying through the air. Frozen in place, covering your head with your arms, preparing for the impact of the bits of building to make contact. Nothing. Peeking through your arms and finding the shrapnel frozen in midair. Blinking in disbelief.

 

 _“Ceph! Move!”_ Kylo’s voice, strained within your head.

 

Your body jerked back into motion, another explosion as the second TIE dropped its payload, almost losing your footing if not for Kylo’s strong grip on your arm, tugging you and keeping you at a run. Vultur barked beside you, calling the Comedenti, running ahead of the both of you, howling periodically, only stopping for a fraction of a second, ears pricking, large head turning sharply and veering off in a wide turn, dodging between two buildings.

 

Opening your mental walls, and allowing Kylo to seep inside, both of you melting together, movements synchronizing. Now on the same page, no longer needing to converse about direction, your bodies naturally moved together, both of you turning to follow Vultur as he ran ahead of you. You could feel Kylo sifting through your mental space, trying to piece together where you had managed to pick up your new friends. You allowed him to move through the memories, though you halted him the closer he moved to Twelve’s appearance, he seemed to take the hint and retreated to the more shallow layers of your mind.

 

Suddenly more Comedenti were running beside and behind you, some racing ahead, attempting to get with their pack leader. Their bodies pressed into your legs, some almost tripping you, using Kylo’s sturdy form to push off of and regain balance. You could see the fire ahead of you, and Vultur leaping over the dying flame, another explosion behind you, legs moving faster. Both you and Kylo pushing the flame away, sending it flaring upward and pushing it out and way, leaving an opening for you and the Comedenti to move through.

 

Once breeching the fire, you kept running, your eyes now locked onto something else, her form flickering in the distance. You ran for her, huffing with burning lungs, legs screaming in pain, you needed to get to her. She merely stood, not beckoning or waving you towards her like Naf would be. She knew, knew you would come to her, you would do what you needed to reach her.

 

Running up a hill, panting loudly, eyes locking onto her, Kylo coming behind you and bumping into you, your sudden halt catching him off guard. She smiled at you. Your eyes threatened to spill tears, willing them to go away. Kylo looked on in slight confusion, shifting through your mind and finally understanding. Perhaps seeing her through your eyes, standing and smiling at you, not at all bothered by him.

 

Her hand reached out, cupping the side of your face tenderly, sending vibrations through the contact though there was no weight behind the touch. Stepping closer to her, wanting nothing more than to actually feel her, to bask in her energy and her warmth. Her hand moved to the crown of your head, resting there. _“I’ll be here. I’m always here.”_ She whispered, leaning into your ear. If she had been flesh, if she hadn’t been dead, if you hadn’t of done the things you did, you would have felt the soft fluttering of her lips on the shell of your ear.

 

She pulled away, eyes shifting to look at Kylo, keenly aware that he knew of her presence. She moved a hand towards him, resting it gently on his bicep. He flinched and steadied, helmet locked onto her face.  They stood staring at each other while the sound of more TIEs screeched above, on another run to bomb the town. You could see the Comdenti mulling about in your peripheral, Vultur sat and licked at his paws, but you couldn’t find it in you to completely tear your eyes away from her. You tried to hold every piece of her ethereal image in your mind. Kylo nodded suddenly, her hand retracting from him as she turned to look at you once more. She smiled brightly at you, her eyes as bright as starlight, her smile the rays of the sun.

 

She faded, flickering for a moment, and then disappearing entirely. Your hands reached out for her, attempting to hold her to the physical plane of your existence. She was only a visitor in this place, never meant to stay. Tears welled in your eyes. Saddened by her sudden departure, wishing that she could have stayed for forever. Your shoulders heaved with a sob, hands moving to cover your face, hiding yourself from those around you. Ashamed of the tears that spilled.

 

How could you cry for her when you had slaughtered so many innocent beings. Where were the tears for them? Kylo moved to touch you, to hold you, but halted in his motions as Vultur crested the hill, standing between the both of you. His head turning to look at Kylo, as if saying, _‘it’s not what she needs.’_

You wiped at your eyes angrily, smearing the wet salty tears across your face, wiping the snot that threatened to dribble from your nostrils on the back of your hand. Vultur looked at you, head shaking slightly.

 

 _“You cry for nothing.”_ He growled, lowly. _“What is there to mourn? The Krysa? The woman gone? Those are done. They cannot be mended with useless tears. Nothing can fix death.”_  He paced slightly, moving and sitting next to you. Kylo stood watching in silence, turning to look in the distance as the TIEs screamed away from the town, leaving it in ruins.

 

 _“Sister. Dear sister, you have given up your teeth and tongue to the mewling’s of a soft voice in your head. Listening to their tender and supple cries for restraint. To turn away from your very nature. You do yourself a disservice.”_ His voice sounded deeply within your head, gruff and guttural. Harsh just as he appeared. Fur dark and muzzle stained and caked in dried blood. Vultur regarded you with his six eyes, blinking passively. _“You have never been a creature of the light, as all_ _Comedenti_ _are not. Though you do not wear our face or skin, you are a part of us. The divine gift has been bestowed upon you sister. Our eyes see all, our teeth destroy all, we are the knowing destruction. The swallowers of the sun. The end.”_

Your brows furrowed, standing on the hilltop, looking out at the destruction you had caused. Death staring you in the face. The great Comedenti reduced to scavengers on a planet that they called home, forced to this way of life by those who feared them. Legends formed around them, myths but not quite, the things that hid under the bed and snatched children in the night. Yet there was no crying from them, they shed no tears over their position. No. They accepted everything that they were.

 

 _“We have been reduced to this life, once we ruled, but still we strike fear, we wait. We are patient.”_ His great tongue lulled from his muzzle, a soft pant, taking in the smell the chemically induced blaze. Rejoicing in the feast that they had, in the feasts that were to come in the future. _“When the time comes sister, we will do as intended, as nature has made us, we will destroy until there is nothing left to covet.”_ Great tongue licking at his chops, savoring the dried caked blood that lined his great muzzle. _“And we will feast, our bellies full and our hearts no longer aching. When the time comes we will be satisfied. And so will you sister. And so will you.”_

Pulling himself upward and coming to stand in front of you, large and imposing. The great beast moving his pointed snout to your hand, mouth opening wide and enclosing your left hand gently between his teeth. “ _You must part ways with the old. Stop chasing the dying light. The night comes no matter how much they plead. They cannot stop the coming end, no one can.”_  His mouth releasing your hand, wet and pink opalescent saliva infused with blood. Six red eyes blinking slowly. _“You have satisfied our hunger sister. You have fed the pack a great feast but it will not sate us for long.”_  He turned away from you, eyes cast onto the grassy field beside you, ears pinned back listening intently and once again moving down the slight hill, turning back to look at you one last time. _“Sun Swallower, our sister cloaked in blood, continue our path, reach far and wide. When the time comes, you will know, we will be there and you will be unstoppable. Let them go.”_

 

He padded down the hill, yapping sharply, the other Comedenti heaving up from the grass where they lounged in wait, moving and following their leader. Leaving the two of you standing on the hill, exhausted. Your eyes feeling like hot hollows in your head, sniffling slightly and churning over Vultur’s words. The sound of Kylo’s helmet releasing jarring you. Watching as he dropped it to the ground.

 

His arms wrapping around you tightly, bending and kissing your forehead, a hand brushing back the wild hair from your face. Looking up at him, your facial expression saying it all. Broken and conflicted. The constant battle within you, rearing its ugly head once again. But he was there, to soothe the pain, to hold you when you shook with emotion. The thought bringing a ghost of a smile to your lips, tears pricking at your eyes. Grateful to be able to share the burden with someone. Someone that didn’t shy away from the storm that raged inside. His hand moved to your chin, gloved thumb running over your bottom lip tenderly. No words needed to be spoken. Both of you knowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on tumblr!
> 
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut.

Chapter 38

Return

______________

 

 

The ship’s repulsors stirred the grass, kicking the red blades every which way, making it appear as if there were a wind storm within the small radius of the ship. The ramp lowered and the four of you made motions to approach the ship’s interior. Einn limping ahead of you, braced by Marun; his virbomace strapped to his back. Your will to move was the only thing keeping you going anymore. The only sleep you had in the past two days caught between battles and marches. Catching just enough to keep going.

 

 Kylo moved in behind you, closing the ramp and moving to the cockpit of the ship, giving instruction to the pilot. Marun helped ease Einn into a seat and then sat next to him, releasing the latches from his helmet and setting it beside him. You sat next to Einn, body jolting with exhaustion, legs feeling as if they needed to keep moving, restless. No one spoke. Einn rested his head against the back of the chair, closing his eyes, hands laying limply in his lap. Marun rubbed at his face.

 

Your body slumped suddenly, tired of straining to keep going, legs shaking slightly, impulses jolting the strained muscles. Eyes closing and leaning into Einn who opened a single eye to peer at you, his hand coming to pat your cheek. “Me too.” He mumbled.

 

Marun shifted in his seat as Einn slowly began to teeter towards him, both of them resting against each other. Eyes closed and falling asleep as the ship lifted from the surface of the planet.

His head and torso were slumped, his weight leaning against you. Dark strands, oily and clumped from sweat splayed on your shoulder. You shifted sleepily, causing Kylo to stir slightly, groaning in slight annoyance, his helmet clattered to the floor of the ship, causing you to jolt forward hand gripped tightly around your saber, ready to pull it from your belt and attack, eyes wild and blurry, attempting to focus on your surroundings. Einn gasped, woken from his sleep by the sound and your sudden movements. Kylo slumped behind you, clattering into the seat and huffing loudly. Marun stared blankly into the ship, eyes bloodshot and tired. All of you suddenly on edge.

 

You heart pounded in your chest, eyes finally focusing and recognizing your surroundings, though it did not halt the panic that made your entire body shake.

 

“Helmet.” Kylo grumbled from behind you, his arm pulling you back into him and mushing him further into the seat.

 

“Sorry.” You mumbled, voice hoarse and throat dry, attempting to choke down enough saliva to elevate the pain.

 

“Fuck.” Einn hissed. “How long were we asleep?” He rubbed at his face, the squishing sound of his palms rubbing at his eyeballs causing you to clamp your teeth together.

 

“Not long, we still haven’t reached the _Judgement._ ” Marun said with a slight huff, clearly annoyed that he had been woken up. “Maybe five minutes.”

 

Kylo pulled himself upward, grunting softly, body sore, he rubbed at the back of his neck attempting to work out the kink in the muscles. His eyes shifting around the ship, jaw tensing slightly. He leaned down to grab the helmet that had woken the four of you, picking it up and releasing the latches, placing it back over his head. Sitting for a moment, leaning against the seat and then moving to stand, moving to the cockpit. Leaning back into the seat, hand still wrapped around the hilt of your saber, Einn’s head turning to look at you, moving his hand to rest over the one that rested over your saber.

 

“Hey. We’re okay.” He whispered.

 

Your hand jerked away from your saber, suddenly realizing that you still were prepared to attack. Gripping both of your hands together rubbing them tightly, attempting to calm yourself. Squeezing your thumb tightly and pulling at it. Blowing out an exhale, heart still thudding in your chest. Kylo moved back into the hold and plopped down beside you, chest expanding as he exhaled.

 

“We should be arriving shortly.” His voice cracked over the modulator, helmet turning to look at you as you continued to fidget. _“Ceph?”_

 

The echo of his voice within your head caused you to whip your head around to look at him, eyes wide, jerking you out of your anxious movements and disassociation. You hummed aloud.

 

_“I want you to immediately go to your quarters once we arrive.”_

Your brows furrowed, upper lip twitching slightly, displeased with his command. _“Why?”_ You snapped mentally.

 

 _“You’re on edge. I need you focused.”_ His voice stern, he would not budge on the matter.

 

 _“What about them? They’re just as tired.”_  If you had to go to your quarters like a child being sent for a nap, then they should be too.

 

_“Einn will be sent for examination. Marun will accompany me, he is the most focused at the moment. I will send someone to examine you in your quarters.”_

You fought the urge to snarl at him, instead you said nothing, only turned away from him and pouted in silence.

 

****

 

Standing in the shower, allowing the hot spray to wash over you, scolding hot water burning your flesh and stinging the wounds on your body. Standing and allowing it to soak every inch of you, attempting to relax, trying to coax your body into calm, but you were still jittery, body humming and alert, ready for attack at any moment. Staring blankly at the stall wall, hands pushing the hair that stuck to your face away. Taking a mouth full of hot water and swishing it around, spitting it out and returning to your absent staring.

 

Your mind clouded with anxiety, you attempted to press through it, grabbing at the shampoo and lathering your hair, scrubbing your scalp roughly. Rinsing the suds and then placing conditioner in the palm of your hand, a flash of red drawing your eyes downward, looking at what you though was conditioner, instead a glob of gelatinous blood rested in your cupped palm. You stared at it in confusion, blinking several times in an attempt to understand. It did not disappear, only sat, slowly beginning to drip out of your palm. You slung it towards the drain, splattering the blood across the basin and watched as it washed down the drain. Heart thudding wildly.

 

Squeezing your eyes shut tightly, holding your breath until your lungs burned. Opening your eyes and peering back at the drain. Finding conditioner lazily moving towards the drain. Rubbing at your eyes with your palms, conditioner residue still in your hand, causing you to squint upon opening your eyes. Your shoulder clattering into the shower, suddenly dizzy, slowly sliding down the side of the stall and squatting, arms wrapping around you, attempting to stop the sudden quaking of your muscles. A sob leaving your lips, though you tried to restrain it, coming out as a muddled gasp. Trying to suck down air, suddenly finding it near impossible to fill your lungs.

 

You were going to vomit. Palms slapping onto the floor of the shower and retching. Gaging and gasping. Stomach acid expelling from your mouth, spitting it out as tears mingled with the running water. Heaving still, attempting to force yourself to stop. Focusing intently on standing, needing to get out of the shower before you passed out. Hands shaking, legs weak, pulling yourself to stand, shakily turning the shower off and bracing against the wall. Yanking the door open and clattering to the floor outside of the shower. Pools of water running off of your skin. Curling inward, squeezing your eyes shut tightly, wanting nothing more than for the panic to go away. Shivering as your skin rapidly cooled.

 

A hand shook you, causing you to jerk wildly, pushing out in the Force, sending whoever it was flying backwards and crashing into the wall of the refresher. Eyes blurry and attempting to focus, wincing at the intensity of the light. Aware of how cold and naked you were. Hand calling to the towel, the sound of the person groaning and moving to stand. Eyes finally focusing to find a doctor, struggling to regain her footing. Wrapping the towel around you tightly, moving to sit, and leaning on a hand to brace yourself, legs curling towards you. The doctor finally managing to stand and looked at you wearily.

 

“Sorry.” You mumbled. “I-didn’t…” You stopped speaking, face growing hot in embarrassment of your reaction.

 

“How long have you been laying on the floor?” She managed to squeak out, rubbing at the back of her head.

 

“I don’t know.” You whispered.

 

She moved towards you, hesitated, thinking better of touching you, “Is it okay if I help you up?” She asked.

 

Nodding. She moved the rest of the way over to you, bending and allowing you to grab hold of her, her hands gripping your torso, you winced as her fingers pulled on the wounds of your back. Mumbling an apology as she helped pull you upward, allowing you to brace against her once you finally stood.

 

“I’m going to help you get back to the bed.” She said before moving again, wanting to be absolutely clear in her intentions, not wanting to experience another violent reaction from you.

 

“Okay.” You muttered. She guided you back to the bed, helping to ease you down onto the plush surface where you struggled to sit upright.

 

“Lay back. I’m going to start my examination, just-relax.”  She said as she moved to her bag and pulled out a few items, setting them up and checking your vitals. She remained silent as she worked, taking a few moments between tests to type your results into her datapad. “I’m going to need you to roll over onto your stomach. Do you need help?”

 

Shaking your head, you moved slowly, turning over and allowing her to examine the wounds on your back. Her fingers, now gloved, ghosted over the skin of your back, informing you that she was going to move the towel. Nodding and feeling the cool air of your quarters touching your skin. She shuffled through her bag, returned and began slathering a cold gel across your skin. The smell of bacta smacking you in the face almost immediately.

 

“They’re healing, but there’s some infection. There might be some scarring even with the bacta.” She began to tape bandages to your back, the tape pulling at your skin uncomfortably. “Change the bandages once a day, let it air out for at least an hour after showering. I’ll have a nurse bring you your antibiotics.”  She stood and moved back to her bag. “Will you need assistance with dressing the wounds?” She asked.

 

“No.” You stated flatly.

 

“I’m recommending bed rest and fluids. I will be placing you under restrictions until I see you for a follow up.”

 

Bracing the loose towel across your chest and turning over, the tape pulling on the skin of your back. She looked you up and down, eyes moving to your thighs, noticing the punctures in the tight muscle. She moved back to her bag, pulling out the bacta and more bandages. Eyeing you before moving in to dress them, waiting for your signal. Nodding at her, she moved to a squat, smothering the wounds, covering them in gauze pads and then wrapping your thighs in bandages.  Standing and looking at both of your thighs, inspecting her work, nodding to herself in satisfaction.

 

“Anywhere else that needs to be addressed?” She asked, her hands coming to rest on her boney hips.

 

You shook your head.

 

“Bed rest. No training until I see you again. A nurse will be up with fluids and antibiotics shortly.”  She looked at you for a moment, lips pinching. “Do you want help dressing?” She asked, you could feel her pity. You must have looked absolutely sorry. 

 

Sucking down your pride, you nodded. She moved to the closet, and pulled out your duffle bag, which you assumed had been placed in your quarters before your arrival. Shifting through its contents, she pulled out your undergarments. Compression top and underwear, she sat them on the edge of the bed, extending her hand for you to grab onto. Helping to pull you up into a sitting positon, instructing you to raise your arms, she tugged the snug fabric over your torso. Informing you that she was going to help you stand, ledning you her frame for support, stooping once you stood to help you place your legs into your underwear, allowing you to shimmy up the fabric. Helping to ease you back onto the bed, she moved to her large bag and pulled out a clinical white gown, helping you shrug it down your body. Nodding she turned to leave.

 

“Thank you.” You mumbled.

 

She turned, allowing her to peer over her white clad shoulder, eyes looking at you. “It’s my job ma’am.” Her hand hitting the door release and stepping out into the hall, leaving you to sit on the bed. Angling yourself and moving further up the bed, struggling to pull the covers out from underneath you, tugging them and huffing, finally freeing them enough to move your legs and pull the covers over you. Laying back onto the pillow and closing your eyes. Woken up only briefly for the nurse to hook you up to fluids and to give you your antibiotic. Falling back into sleep even before they left. Eyelids too heavy to keep open.

 

The bed dipped beside you, you stirred sleepily, eyes cracking open just enough to see who it was, though you already knew. His signature budding against your own. He smelled clean, clothing gone except for his undergarments. He shifted beside you, getting comfortable, laying on his stomach and allowing his arm to drape over your middle. The weight comforting.

 

“Go back to sleep.” He mumbled.

 

Your hand moved to rest atop of his arm as his face nuzzled into you, breathing in deeply. Your eyes closing again, you could feel his exhaustion.

 

“Did you get examined?” You mumbled.

 

He hummed lazily. You waited for a full reply, but quickly gave up as the sound of his soft snores filled your ears. Already conked out, your fingers danced across his pale flesh, skin practically buzzing under your touch. Your body relaxing, his snores lulling you back into sleep.

 

A hand wrapped around you, dragging across your stomach and moving upward. Gliding over your breasts, finger pinching at your nipple, eliciting a soft moan from your lips. Hot breath on the nape of your neck, hair carefully pulled away, wet lips planting on the skin, tongue tasting the tender flesh.

 

A gentle nip, teeth skating and scraping, lips sealing, gentle suction. Heavy sigh leaving your lips. Hand abandoning your bosom, sliding downward, across the plains of your midsection and lower. Slipping under the soft material of your underwear, grazing across your pubic mound and slipping further. Large finger dipping between velvet, dragging across the bundle of nerves, waking them. Your body jolting, sending your ass brushing across his stiff member, his own hips bucking against you, needy for contact.

 

Your body compliant to his touch. Wetness pooling, finger dipping into the well and dragging the silky lubricant across your sex. Finger halting upon the aching bundle, pressing and fluttering, your mouth parting in a pant. Hand abandoning you, a needy whine leaving your lips, a soft chuckle leaving his as the rustling of sheets sounded behind you. His hand coming to your underwear, tugging them lower, your own hands fumbling to remove the fabric, legs kicking them further down the bed. The sheet flung off, yanked behind him. The hand that was tucked under his pillow, moving and snaking under your neck, tugging and pulling your head back. His mouth coming to the shell of your ear, soft pant, tongue licking, body shivering.

 

Anticipation building. The need to feel him buried within, body housing him, holding him perfectly inside. His free hand worming its way under your thigh as you laid on your side, lifting the heavily muscled limb, forearm lifting bracing you against him. His hips angling, moving closer, your hand moving lower, positioning him at your entrance. His cock gliding through your slick, moving across velvet petals.

 

His breath catching in his throat, the sensation overwhelming. Your hand pushing him further upward, swollen head pushing slowly through the tight entrance. Walls fluttering against the pressure, opening and pressing. He moaned in your ear. Teeth nipping at the pliable shell, sucking.

 

Hips moving and yours to meet. Measured, in no rush. Your hand moving down to your clit, fingers sending jolts to your interior, he paused, your hand moving lower, feeling at your coupling. Sharp exhale leaving him, cool air passing over your wet ear, hips shoving back further into him. He began his deliberate pace again. Your hand abandoning him and moving back to your needy cluster. Rubbing slow circles.

 

His pace picking up, arm adjusting around your leg, fingers biting into your flesh, pressure applying to your throat, head buzzing. Euphoria over taking you as you continued to stoke your own need. Fingers picking up pace, faster and faster. Edging on the brink, slowing, and waiting. Patient. The pressure around your throat easing, large paw nudging your head to turn, his neck craning, lips hungrily pressing against your own. His hips moving at a steady pace.

 

Growing closer to completion, your hand going back to work, slowly bringing you back to the edge. His hips thrusting faster, short and sharp, burying himself as deeply as possible. Your walls clamping, coaxing him to break. Low moan leaving you, closer and closer, pulsing, coil tightening. Fingers stopping their ministrations, he whined.

 

“Don’t stop.”  His voice husky with lust and sleep.

 

Nodding softly, fingers picking up the pace, ass and hips grinding into him, pushing him further inside. Panting softly, biting your lip, pain meeting pleasure. He bucked, sharp almost painful, breaking inside of you, still thrusting his sensitive cock, waiting for you to spill. Full body shuddering, hips moving erratically, legs shaking, coil springing fully. Clamping around him in heavy short rapid fire waves.

 

His hand releasing your limb, legs clamping him inside of you, his chest pressing into the bandaged skin of your back, lips meeting the crook of your neck and shoulder, planting sloppy kisses. Arms wrapping around you, holding you to him. Your skin damp. His nosed pressing into your flesh, breathing in deeply.

 

“I felt you earlier.” He mumbled.

 

Brows furrowing deeply, not wanting to discuss it. Changing the subject, “What did she tell you?”

 

He hummed. “That is between her and me.”

 

“Kylo.” You croaked.

 

He shivered, pulling his soft member from you, moving and grabbing at the sheets, pulling them over the both of you and sliding back to his previous position.

 

“She told me not to discuss it with you. That it was imperative that I keep what she said locked away and to never speak it to you or anyone else.” 

 

Silence filled the room, a frown pinching at the corners of your lips, hurt. Plopping back into the bed and turning away from him. His hand moving to wrap around you, you shrugged him off. “I don’t need any of you watching over me like some wounded animal.” You hissed. “Like I’m about to fall apart at any minute. I am not fragile. You and Einn…and everyone else. I don’t need any of you worrying about me. I’m fine.”

 

“You aren’t.” He sighed. “You’re not fine. The conflict, it’s causing so much damage. I can see it. The others see it. When you slip, and dip too far into it…the anger. You disappear.” He moved to his back, hand slapping across his stomach in frustration. “When you come back, a bit more breaks off. You lost sight of our mission because you got too wrapped up in your anger.”

 

Your lips quivered, angry, upper lip twitching slightly. “I knew that boy. I don’t know from where…but I _knew_ him. I-I needed to know.”

 

“You put not only yourself but Marun at risk. We could have lost the both of you. It was foolish.” His voice firm, no longer trying to spare your feelings.

 

“ **I KNOW THAT!** ” Sitting up quickly, wanting to distance yourself from him, the feeling of his eyes on you, following you, and frustrating you further. Your fists balled tightly, nails pressing into your palms, falling into familiar grooves. “I don’t need you or anyone else reminding me of my fucking mistakes. I know I fucked up. I know I was reckless.” Huffing angrily, teeth gritting, nails biting deeper into your palm. “And if I hadn’t of fucked up, if I hadn’t of done what I did. We would _still_ be on Ruonus. All of you are so quick to point out the things I do wrong, but forget that I saved your asses. If I hadn’t of fallen off of that cliff, I would have never come into contact with Vultur.” You were seething now, voice lowering dangerously.

 

He shifted in the bed, snatching at your hands, yanking them towards him, fingers pinching into your wrists. “Stop that.” He hissed. “Control yourself.”

 

Yanking your hands back away from him, releasing your tightly balled fists, skin already broken in your palm, and beading slightly with red. “Maybe I don’t want to control myself. Maybe I just want to let go.”

 

Pulling the covers away and standing from the bed, searching for your underwear in the covers. He sat watching you. “All of you constantly buzzing around in my fucking head. Telling me what to fucking do.” Finding your panties and stepping into them clumsily, pulling them up and turning to look at him, “I’m fucking tired of it.”

 

“You don’t mean that.” He whispered.

 

“I do! Take a fucking look. I _mean it_.” Moving closer to the bed and crawling across the expanse to reach him, grabbing at his hands and pressing them to your head. “Go on. You want me to be open? See for yourself. I won’t hold back.”

 

He shook his head, pulling his hands away from you slowly. “I don’t need to. I _know_ you. I know you don’t mean any of this.”

 

Your face scrunched tightly, anger swelling, wanting him to be angry too. Why wasn’t he angry? His hand moved to cup your cheek, deep pools staring into your own, searching.

 

“ _Ceph_.” His voice full of emotion, pleading.

 

Brows knitting and closing your eyes tightly, tears flooding your eyes, fanning across your lashes and dribbling down your cheek. “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be this person. I feel like someone else…a stranger to myself.” You sobbed.

 

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you to him, his body falling back to the plush surface of the bed, holding you to his chest. “You’re exhausted.” Kissing your forehead, hand nesting in your messy hair. “We care about you. _I_ care about you. Please. Just- don’t do this. Don’t push me away.” 

 

Looking up at him, eyes tired and hot, he looked just as exhausted. His short nails scratching comfortingly at your scalp, your hand lifting to brush across his face, moving across his cheek and lowering across his jaw, thumb brushing his plump lower lip. Leaning in, lips barely touching, watching as his eyes closed, mouthing three words but never speaking them aloud. _I love you._

 

He pressed his lips to yours, a smile forming at the corners.  

 

 

 

****

 

He stirred sleepily, your form pressed into him, warm, enticing him to return to sleep, but he couldn’t. He had meetings to attend and reports to read and send. He looked down at your face, pressed into his shoulder, drool puddling in the corners of your slightly open mouth.

 

He hadn’t seen you this tired since the time he left Zoist to retrieve his grandfather’s helmet. Your emotions compromised by the exhaustion, at least that’s what he told himself. He knew better. He could feel the very threads of your center being pulled in two separate directions. He felt it himself. They all did. Einn, Marun, Zece and Nove. Each battling in their own private war. The whispering from those who had departed meddling even though they no longer had a stake in life.

 

He hadn’t seen one in months, perhaps longer. Constantly pushing them away, ignoring them as they spoke. His fellow temple members, urging him to turn away from his course, to return home. He didn’t acknowledge them, not anymore.

 

He blinked, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, thinking. Twelve. He could still picture her, willowy, elegant and cast in faint blue. Her eyes warm and welcoming but under them there was a hidden ferocity that burned through to his very essence. He could see why Snoke had made you kill her. She would have turned you completely, stolen you away and more than likely the others.

 

His jaw flexed tightly. The thought unsettling him. Her alignment within the force was clear, never to be swayed, no matter the torture or the violence she received. She never would have broken, not to Snoke, not to anyone. He mulled over their brief conversation. Her words humming through his mental space.

 

 _“I know we do not agree. I’m not here to change you. I’m here for her. I’m risking exposing her by projecting myself, so I’ll get to the point. You **must**_ _protect her from him. You can’t allow him to get his hands on her ever again. Not Snoke or Vultur. They are the same, they will only break her and use her. Promise me that you won’t let that happen.”_

He had promised her. Nodding in agreement.

 

_“Never speak of this to anyone. Guard this from him. If he finds out, he will make his move…and I don’t think she’ll ever be able to come back from that.”_

He quickly buried the memory, shuffling it and locking it tightly away from prying minds. He did not know if he could truly keep it from Snoke, but he would try. For you he would try. Sighing softly, and slowly prying himself away from you, moving to sit on the edge, feet planting on the floor. He rubbed at his face, trying to rid himself of his own exhaustion. Looking over his shoulder as you moved sleepily, searching for his body, watching as your face scrunched in confusion of his absence. Moving to where he had been laying, shoving your face into his pillow, face nudging into the fabric, he pulled the covers over you. Finally resigning himself to stand.

 

Leaning over the bed and planting a kiss on your head, mouthing words that you would not hear into your ear. Hand tucking the frazzled locks behind the shell, eyes locking onto the number on the flat. Most forgetting that it was there…almost. He listened to the soft snores that emitted from you.

 

He moved to the closet and dressed, not bothering to shower, too tired to wash your smell from him. Picking up his boots and setting them gently on the floor near the door, waiting to put them on last. Moving to the nightstand and picking up his datapad, sifting through the alerts and notifications. Fighting the urge to groan as he looked at his docket for the day.

 

He still needed to complete his report for the mission. He found all the paper work tedious, what did it matter what happened? Everything was taken care of and that was all that needed to be focused on. He had been pushing off doing it, wanting to get some rest. To crawl into bed beside you and sleep, maybe fuck, but mostly sleep.

 

His brows furrowed, scrunching his face and moving to the refresher, digging and finding the small container of medical supplies. Pulling it out and moving back to the bed, gently pulling your hand away from you, allowing him to inspect where your nails had dug into the flesh.

 

His lips pinched, not as bad as he thought. You stirred, eyes cracking open, peering up at him. You hummed softly.

 

“Shh, go back to sleep. Just looking at your hands.”

 

Confusion flickered across your features, puzzled in your sleepy haze as to why he would need to look at your hands. Lips twitching slightly, the reason dawning on you, he released your hand as you pulled it back towards you, curling it tightly to your chest.

 

“I’m fine.” You mumbled thickly, voice full of sleep. “Are you leaving?” He could hear the slight panic in your voice, his heart panged with guilt for leaving you. 

 

“Just for a little while. I’ll be back.” He watched as your face scrunched, trying to puzzle together his statement. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” He clarified.

 

You hummed, eyes closing once again, hand shifting, allowing you to grip the hand with the missing digit, thumb rubbing over the stump. He had watched you do this plenty of times, mostly in your sleep, searching for further comfort from the motion. Sometimes he would pull your hand away and take up the motion, gently caressing the marred skin, thick and knitted together over the knuckle that remained of the finger.

 

Grabbing the medical kit and standing again from the bed, moving to place it back in the refresher, and heading for the door. Stooping down to place a foot into a boot, squatting to lace and secure it. Repeating the motion and then turning to grab his helmet from the floor by the nightstand. Releasing the latches and placing it over his head, securing it closed.

 

Standing in the frame of the blast door, hand flicking at it, using the Force to open it, turning to look at you laying in the bed once more. Ensuring that you had fallen back to sleep. His heart thudded within his chest. Something nagging at him, though he could not surely say what it was. Perhaps the overwhelming desire to return to the bed with you. To linger longer. His lips pinched tightly and forced himself to leave the room.

 

****

_“Starlight!” She called from the house, beckoning you to come inside._

_You sat on the edge of the small flower bed that your father had made for your mother. You could remember helping him plant the flowers in the soft dirt. Laughing as he flung dirt at you playfully. The flowers were no longer blooming, but the leaves were still a deep purple, healthy and growing stronger every day. Standing you teetered, stumpy limbs tripping over each other, bare feet caked in dirt, kicking across the yard and rounding the corner of the small house and seeing your mother standing in the doorway._

_“Hi momma!” You cried loudly, happy to see her, always happy to see her._

_“Hello dirt imp, have you seen my Starlight? She should be out here somewhere.” She peered around you, a smile on her lips._

_“Momma!” You cried, lips twisting with a pout._

_She bent down, licking her thumb and wiping her saliva across your cheek. Her face lighting up in a bright smile. You tried to pull away from her. Wiping your own face with your arm._

_“Yuck!” You huffed loudly._

_“Oh there she is! Hello Starlight, you’ve been in the flower bed again I see.” She smirked, standing up to her full height, her hand coming to rest on her belly, smoothing down her top over the slight bulge._

_“I was jus playin with the flowers.”_

_Her brows arched, feigning interest, “Oh? And did they tell you anything good?” She asked._

_Nodding, “Uhm hum, said it was gunna rain.”_

_“Did they?”_

_“Yup!”_

_She peered off into the distance, looking for the slightest hint of a rain cloud in the sky, her brows furrowing tightly, “I don’t think those flowers know what they’re talking about.”_

_You shrugged. “That’s what they said. I believe them.” You nodded._

_Her hand moved towards you, motioning for you to come inside, closing the door behind you as you moved within the small sitting room.  Excitedly running towards the holovid of your father, almost tripping over the rug. “Careful.” She said, her hand resting on your back, waiting for you to pull yourself up._

_You continued your running towards the table, peering over the edge, just enough to see him sitting in his chair, durasteel and other panels around him, he smiled at you. “ **DADDY!** ” You squealed. _

_“Hello Starlight! I see you’ve been in the flower bed again.”_

_Your mother pulled the chair stacked with books behind you, picking you up and sitting you on the stack, allowing you a better view of your father._

_“I was playin with the flowers, they said its gunna rain, momma said it’s not.” Shooting your mother a glance, she shrugged. Moving to stand beside you and squatting down, allowing both of you to be in the frame of the holocamera._

_“Well, I’m not sure what to say about all that.” He laughed, eyes crinkling, smile bright and warm. “But me and your momma have something to tell you.”_

_You looked at him in confusion, head tilting for a moment and then bouncing excitedly in your chair. “You’re coming home?!” You beamed excitedly._

_He shook his head, “No, not yet, but soon.” He turned to look at your mother, “You want to tell her or do you want me to tell her?”_

_“Go ahead dear.” She smiled._

_“So, how would you feel about being a big sister?”_

_Your brows scrunched, shoulders shrugging. “I dunno. Am I gunna be as big as the house?” Your mind focusing on the wrong part of the question._

_Your mother laughed, “No, baby, big like older.”_

_You looked at her in confusion shrugging once again and turning to look at your father. “I dunno.”_

_“Well, you’re gunna be one. You’re going to have a brother or sister!” He beamed._

_“I don’t want it.” You pouted. Turning to look at your mother, indifference turning into strong dislike of the idea. A frown moving across your lips, eyes beginning to water. “I don’t want it.” You pouted._

_Your mother laughed, “Starlight it doesn’t work that way. We can’t just put it away.”_

_Your pouting moved into a full out cry. Eyes dropping fat tears, face contorting as you cried. She wrapped her arms around you, squeezing you to her._

_“Well that didn’t go how I thought it was going to go.” Your father mumbled. Your mother shooting him a look._

_“Not helping Cadence.” She hissed._

_“Sorry.” He mumbled. “Look, Starlight, don’t cry.” He tried to coax from the video, drawing your attention enough to make you glace at him through your tears. “You’ll have someone to play with and take care of and go on adventures with.” He beamed._

_Your frown depend. “I’m the baby.” You pouted._

_“Of course, you’ll always be the baby.” Your mother cooed._

_“I don’t want it.” You pouted again, clobbering your full weight into your mother, almost knocking her over. She wrapped her arms around you tightly, steadying herself just enough to not fall over._

_“Someone needs a nap.” She mumbled, turning to look at your father, standing to her full height, shifting you to her hip. “I need to get her in the bath. Can we pick this back up later?”_

_“Of course. I’ll video later.”_

_She nodded, leaning as far as she could to get her face back into the frame. “Tell your father you love him.”_

_Turning your head away from the video, refusing to look at him, angry._

_“Starlight.” He called sweetly._

_Shaking your head, refusing to look at him._

_“Pouty pants, look at me.” His voice a bit more firm, but still good humored._

_You turned reluctantly to look at him, a small smile playing at the corner of your lips, though you tried to fight it. “I love you pouty pants. Be good for mommy.”_

_“I love you too Daddy.” You grumbled. In the distance the sound of thunder rumbled. Your mother scrunched her brows, looking out the small window on the far wall. “I told you it was gunna rain.” You mumbled, laying your head against your mother’s shoulder._

_She shoot your father a look, her lips pinching tightly, concern on her face._

_“We’ll talk about it later.” He said, trying to comfort your mother._

_She nodded, “I love you, talk soon.” Her hand moving to mess with the holocamera, cutting the feed and moving you to the bathroom._

Twisting in the sheets, sweating, your eyes opened, burning and blurry. Heart thudding in your chest, your hand moving to clutch at it, as if you could push your hand through your sternum and grab it, stilling it from its erratic drumming. Taking in a sharp breath through clenched teeth. Searching the room for Kylo and not finding him.

 

Blinking repeatedly, trying to rid them of the sting from forming tears.

 

“Cadence.” You breathed. “Cadence.” Your body curling inward, shrinking yourself to as small as you could manage. Muttering the name of your father over and over again, trying to ingrain it in your memory. The boy. You pushed the thought away. You could not face the possibility. Couldn’t face the failure in finding out more.

_****_

 

Days of reports and discussions, never truly mentally present for them, only ever half listening. He felt distracted, even more so than he usually was. All of it leading up to his meeting with Snoke. He was anxious before he even stepped into the room. What if he found the memory? He had never tried to explicitly hide anything from him, and wasn’t quite sure if he really would be able to. He could only hope that he would not find something in his mind to catch his eye.

 

The projection filled the room in a dull gloomy blue glow. Kylo stood with his helmet tucked under his arm. The Supreme Leader sat, his fingers curled tightly over the edge of the armrest. He wasn’t sure as to what the nature of the meeting would be about, he kept the anxiety from consuming him and making him nervous. Clearing his mental space and pushing away the illogical worries. The four of you had completed your task. The Krysa were all but gone. Defectors of Sarrahban’s mining corps, those who had wanted to side with the Empire during the Galactic Civil War, were more than eager to sign on. They were currently being escorted to the _Judgement_ , docking within her as he stood.

 

Silence filled the room. He didn’t know if he should speak or to wait. Fighting the urge to lock his jaw and grind his teeth, instead he tightened his hands into fists, trying to dispel the nervous energy that threated to spill.

 

“I have received the reports from operation on Ruonus.” Snoke’s voice was flat, no hint of contentment or discontent at his findings. Kylo remained silent, unmoving, waiting for him to continue with his thread of thought. He must be patient.

 

“I’m satisfied with the overall outcome.”

 

Kylo could sense the ‘But’ coming.

 

“But, I have my concerns as well.” Snoke shifted in his chair, his eyes locking onto something and then peering back at him. Icy and yet something else, hunger? “Ceph is becoming my main concern.”

 

“She has completed every task you have given her Master. I-” Snoke’s hand flicked at him, signaling him to halt his excuses and explanations.

 

“You have grown attached. Do not think I do not know.”

 

“I am attached to each of my Knights.” He said without pause, sincere in his words, not completely a lie.

 

“Do not play stupid.” Snoke’s eyes narrowed threateningly. “I know far more than you think I do.”

 

Kylo’s lip twitched, swallowing harshly, he attempted to combat the fear that began to sink in the pit of his stomach.

 

“She’s been hiding from me. It’s all so telling.” A smile came to his lopsided lips, shifting into a sneer. “I know though. She’s become a distraction.”

 

He wanted to deny it. To scream at the top of his lungs in denial. But it was all so useless, the knot that formed in the pit of his stomach causing him to pause. His face felt all too hot suddenly.  He was right.

 

“Perhaps I have not stressed this to you enough.” He waved his hand lazily. “Attachments are a weakness I will not abide.” He shifted, sitting straighter and leaning forward. “You’ve had your fling. Your moment to bask in her sun, but it comes to an end now.” His words harsh though his face did not indicate any emotion.

 

Kylo looked down in shame. Eyes growing hot and pricking with tears. He fought them, blinking them away.

 

“Zece and Nove will bring her to me.”

 

His head snapped upward, peering at Snoke, eyes full of defiance and undercut with fear. “What do you intend to do with her?”

 

“It is none of your concern any longer.” Snoke seemed unaffected by his glare, relaxing back into his seat, lacing his fingers in his lap.

 

“Take me instead. It’s my fault!” Kylo plead, stepping forward, as if he could physically reach out and grab onto Snoke’s form. Wanting to shake him to his senses. This was madness. Why punish you? He was the one at fault. If he hadn’t pressured you, hadn’t of forced you into the bond, if he had just controlled himself.

 

“You misunderstand my apprentice.” His lips twisting into a smile. “This is not her punishment. This is yours.”

 

****  

 

“You should be able to resume normal activities.” The same doctor said, her eyes glued to her datapad, only looking up to make sure you heard her. You nodded. A week of rest upon the _Judgement_ , spending it within your quarters, sleeping off and on, only moments of brief wakefulness. Kylo coming and going, though not as much as you would have thought. He had stayed for a few cycles, resting beside you, shrugging off his duties.

 

_Cadence._

 

You blinked. The name humming through your mind, reminded you of the memory. Your heart thudded.

 

“Thank you.” You muttered, moving to slide off of the examination table, boots hitting the durasteel floor with a soft clatter.

 

“Keep your fluid intake up.” She reminded you, her eyes once again glued to her datapad.

 

“Of course.” Pausing, waiting for her to tell you something else, but she was preoccupied with the datapad in her hands.

 

Opening the door that lead out into medbay, leaving it open as you moved through the pristine white, doctors and nurses checking in on other occupants. Your eyes wandering as you walked, grazing over someone who was heavily bandaged. Their whole body covered in white gauze, a Nurse slowly beginning to unwrap the white shroud. Pausing to watch as their face was uncovered. The skin on her face was marred, knitted and grizzled. Burnt deep. The Nurse informed the patient that they would be going in for another dip in the bacta tank. You winced. Had you done that?

 

Forcing your legs to move on, no longer wanting to look, the sight made your stomach churn with guilt. Exiting the medbay as quickly as possible, halting as a Stormtrooper moved to stand in front of you. Peering at the white helmet, a brow raised in inquiry.

 

“Ceph Ren?” A female voice passed over the noncom.

 

“Yes?”

 

“The Supreme Leader has summoned you.”

 

Nodding, you waited for the Stormtrooper to lead the way. Blaster rifle held securely in her hands, turning with precision around the corners in the hall, armor clanking slightly as she moved. Leading you to the projection room, a bristling at the back of your head, two familiar signatures that you hadn’t encountered in some time. Heart thudding again, excitement causing you to pick up the pace. Rounding the corner to find them waiting outside of the door that lead into the projection room. Zece leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Nove looking in your direction. They nodded at you.

 

Their signatures colliding with your own, voices whispering within your mental space. Zece pulled himself away from the wall, his helmet hiding his face from you. Nove moved to meet you before you could reach the door, she stood nervously, like she wanted to reach out and touch you, but thought better of it. Your hand reached out and clasped her shoulder. She nodded once more.

 

 _“It’s good to see you.”_  Her voice rang within your mental space, Zece moved forward to stand beside Nove and giving you his own mental greeting.

 

 _“I’m glad to see you both. It’s been too long.”_ You smiled, though it did not touch your eyes. Unsure of why they were present on the ship. What had drug them all the way out here and away from their previous mission?

 

 _“He’s ready for you.”_ Zece interjected before you could ask them about their sudden appearance.

Nodding, they stepped aside, waiting for you to enter. Taking a deep breath, forcing yourself to remain calm, unsure of what was about to be discussed. Mentally preparing to be sent on another mission. Your hand flicking limply at the door, causing it to open, the room already cast in blue light. Kylo stood to one side, his helmet resting on his head, turned away from you, though you saw his shoulders flinch upon your arrival. The hairs on the nape of your neck stood. The atmosphere in the room flagging red.

Moving on sure feet you moved to stand at the center of the room. Bowing slightly to the gnarled figure that sat in front of you. Icy eyes peering at you.

 

“Supreme Leader.” You spoke, still bent at the waist.

 

“Ceph Ren you may rise.” He signaled with his hand. Shifting to stand as tall as possible, shoulders rigid, eyes blank with practice.

 

His eyes shifted to Kylo, hand flicking at him, signaling for him to go. He turned sharply, stomping from the room, shoulders tense and hands curled into fists at his side. Unhappy about something. You were sure you were about to find out sortly. Snoke beckoned you to move closer, legs moving without much urging, standing so you were forced to peer upward at him.

 

“I have been asking about you.” He spoke with slight amusement, “Though I’m sure you are aware.”

 

Forcing yourself to breathe, nodding. “Yes Supreme Leader. Have I displeased you?” Your eyes showing fear, it was what he wanted to see, as all gods wanted to see from their devotees.

 

He hummed for a moment, shifting slightly in his chair. “Yes and no.” Silence filled the room. “You have still been hiding from me child.”

 

You made motion to argue, wanting to tell him it had never been your intention to do so, but his hand halted you before you could even form a single word.

 

“But I saw, for the briefest moments while you were on Ruonus. The anger within you grows and yet something is keeping you from reaching that full potential.” A thin smile peeked on his lips. Cruel and bone chilling. “Do you remember when I told you that a time would come for you to return to me?”

 

Blinking rapidly, unsure if you should answer, nodding softly. “I do Supreme Leader.”

 

“It is time my child.” Leaning forward, eyes large and locked onto you, boring into you. “You’ve been floundering.” Leaning back into the chair, resting his hands on the arm rests. Zece and Nove pushed through the doorway, coming to stand on either side of you, as if expecting for you to resist.

 

“Zece and Nove will escort you back to the _Supremacy_. Your things have already been brought to the shuttle. You will leave immediately.”

 

You nodded, fighting the urge to chew on your lip. Left hand balling into a fist, allowing you to caress the stub of your pinky, trying to find comfort in the motion. “Yes Supreme Leader.” Your voice soft as you spoke. Eyes shifting to look at Zece and Nove, moving to look back at the Supreme Leader.

 

“I expect to see you shortly.” He spoke firmly, his image blanking out from the room. Gone. The light of the projection room slowly brightening to full light. Zece’s hand moved to grip around your upper arm. Your head turning to look at him, hurt by his motions.

 

“I will not resist.”

 

He nodded, releasing you, hand moving to gesture back at the door. Your mind frantically searching for Kylo. Pinging him urgently once finding him.

 

 _“Did you know about this?”_ You hissed.

 

 _“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”_ His voice full of sorrow.

 

 _“What have you done?”_ You voice full of hurt, wounded at the implication that he had caused this.

 

 _“I’m so sorry. I-”_ His voice cut out suddenly, as if someone or something had pulled him away from you. Nove’s hand wrapping around your arm, yanking you to follow, keeping you on track.

 

 _“You two will no longer be allowed any further contact.”_ She pinged to you, explaining his sudden retraction from your mind. _“The Supreme Leader is not happy with him right now. This is his punishment.”_

_“And the others? Will they be okay? Marun and Einn?”_ You asked in panic. Worried for their wellbeing.

 

 _“They have not caught his attention as of yet. For now they remain safe.”_ Her voice flat and emotionless in your head. Sounding nothing like her normal self. She had changed since you last saw her.

 

 _“Can I speak to them before we depart?”_ You asked.

 

 _“No.”_ her mental tone firm.

 

Bowing your head you walked, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Blinking them away. You would not cry. Lips setting into a thin line, head lifting up, yanking your arm from her grip, you walked with as much dignity as you could muster.

 

****

 

Kylo sat on the edge of the bed, hands cradling his head, tears streaming down his face. His shoulders heaved as he sobbed. Too ashamed to watch as Zece and Nove ripped you away. He had done this. This was his punishment.

 

His fingers pressed into his sockets until they burned. Lifting his head and screaming, eyes clamping shut tightly. The objects in the room rattling around him. Your belongings gone and loaded onto the ship that would tear you away from him. His saber clattered loudly against the night stand, drawing his eyes towards it.

 

Standing quickly and calling it to him, thumb moving to ignite the blade, red glow lighting the dim room. His arms swinging at anything and everything. Slicing the bed to pieces, turning to the night stand and cutting it in half, hand raising and pulling the damaged furniture upward with the Force and flinging it towards the wall, shattering it against the durasteel.

 

He was the cause of all of this. He should have listened to you. Should have listened to Snoke. He wished he would have listened. Sorrow over took him, he crumbled to the floor, knees hitting harshly. Pain moving through him. Teeth gritting, dropping his saber, suddenly disgusted with it and the things he had done with it. His hands bracing against his face, contorting into an ugly sob.

 

How many times had he seen you do this? Fall apart? Shattering into a million pieces, waiting to be collected and patched back together. He always tried his best. Pushing the pieces together with a tender touch. Holding you together. But you were not here to do the same for him as he shattered into millions of fractals. He shook as he sobbed. Forcing himself to not focus on the bond that strained, threads pulling tightly, yanking on his very being.

 

His mind chanting the same phrase. _You did this._

 

A pricking at the back of his head stirred him, causing his eyes to move back towards the doorway of your shared quarters. He stood, arrested in time. Forever youthful. Naf, older than he had last seen him. A year prior to his death, still looking for encouragement and help then. He looked even more lost now.

 

He turned away from him. Forcing himself to stand, lips setting tightly. Not in the mood to humor the apparition.

 

 _“Ben.”_ He called.

 

Kylo’s face shifted, rage filling him once more. He pushed on him with the Force, his form blinked out but then reappeared. Bright green eyes, the only thing not cast in the eerie shade of blue.

 

_“Ben. You promised.”_

He turned, calling his saber back to his hand, slashing at Naf’s hazy form. The hissing blade of his saber having no effect. He continued to slice at him until he was panting. Naf looked at him, eyes full of worry.

 

_“You let them take her.”_

“What choice did I have?!” He yelled. “Was I supposed to fight them all off, flee the ship and hope for the best?”

 

Naf’s head shook. _“You said you would protect her.”_ He looked down at the floor, head hanging low. _“I don’t know what to do.”_ His head lifting, eyes full of tears.

 

Kylo’s face contorted, upper lip pulling upward in disgust. “You and Twelve got her into this mess! If it hadn’t been for your meddling, she would still be here!” He screamed, something within his mind clicking. It wasn’t his fault. He had nothing to do with this. “I told her to get rid of you, but she wouldn’t listen.”

 

 _“It’s not our fault! We were protecting her! Keeping her hidden from him! You did this! All of this is **YOUR** fault!” _ The lights in the room flickered. _“I’m dead because of you! We’re all **stuck** here because of **you!** ”_

 

“You deserved it. All of you deserved it. You’re a blight on the galaxy, perpetuating the same flawed logic! You had to be destroyed.” He hissed through clenched teeth.

 

Naf shook his head. _“We weren’t the blight. You were. You **are.** ” _

“ **GET OUT!** ” Kylo screamed, the overhead lights bursting, one final push sent towards Naf. His form blinking out with the rest of the lights.

 

Kylo stood in the darkness, face scrunching tightly, his heart breaking. So many promises broken.

 

But what were a few more?

 

He swallowed harshly, tears streaming down his cheeks, flowing freely once more. His breath hitching as he sobbed.

 

Everything collapsing around him, locking him inside of a dark coffin. Suffocating and smothering him. Closing his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself. Opening his eyes and peering out into the dark of the room. Empty except for the ruins of furniture and himself.

 

Robbed. He understood now.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we round the corner into the home stretch of Part 1, let me just tell you friends...it's about to get so much worse. 
> 
> Come scream at me on tumblr!   
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Chain (Part 1)

_____________________

 

The praetorian guard stood waiting as you exited the ship. Nove and Zece following behind you, ensuring that you did nothing rash, though knowing full well that you wouldn’t. Remaining composed as much as possible, though internally you were pained. Blocking the bond between you and Kylo as much as possible, but it did not stop the deep hurt of your separation. The pain and longing managing to slip open when you slept. Mind too muddled with fear to keep focused during sleep. The phantom pain reverberating through you as you moved during your waking hours, making everything just that much more difficult. 

 

You were ushered through the ship. Flanked on every side by the red clad guard, Nove and Zece following behind you. Surrounded. There would be no escape. A part of you had expected Naf to make an appearance, to give you reassurance that everything would be fine, but he never once showed. Twelve either, you felt no humming from either of them.

 

In that moment you felt utterly and completely alone. Doomed to whatever it was that Snoke was going to do. No one would stop him. Who could?

 

The large double doors opened, revealing the red throne room, shades as deep as blood, the First Order banner hanging above his head. Snoke sat on his chair, his body dwarfed in the over exaggerated lines. The guard fanned out in the room, Zece and Nove did not enter, instead they stayed outside, leaving you to be almost alone with Snoke. As alone as he cared to be with you. 

 

His head perked up, eyes lighting up brightly at the sight of you. Leaning forward, golden gown shimmering in the light of the throne room. You stood in front of him, head bowed, preparing for him to address you. Only then would you fully look at him. He sat eyeing you for what felt like an eternity. Finally speaking up, his voice startling you. “The petulant girl. I can feel her. She lingers within you still.”  He shifted, the sound of his robes rustling, causing you to flinch, his oppressive signature bearing down on you, almost causing you to fall to your knees. You remained as steady as possible.

 

“You allow her to keep you from me.” You could see the foot of his robes, feel him looming over your bowed form. His hand snaking under your chin and tilting your head upward, your eyes meeting his cold stare, boring into your very being, the sharp pain of his mental probe causing you to gasp. Teeth gritting tightly in pain.

 

“She’s made quite a mess in here.” He mused, pain growing worse as he continued to shift through your thoughts. “I thought killing her would rid you of the attachment. I was mistaken.”  His hand pulled away from your chin roughly, his mental probe retracting, leaving you gasping.

 

Suddenly you were pushed to the floor, knees hitting the smooth hard surface, body bending, leaving your torso splayed out before him, face pressed into the cool dark surface. “They’ve broken you. Slowly filling your head with nonsense, undoing the blocks I have placed for your own good.” You smashed further into the floor, crushed by the Force. “You’ve been digging in places where you do not belong.”

 

He scoffed. “And my apprentice has been helping you…clouded by his emotions for you.” He tutted, tongue clicking in distaste.

 

“So desperate to understand your origins, as if they truly matter.” His robes swished, moving away from you, your eyes straining to stay open as the pressure on your body grew, holding back the cry that stuck in your throat. “The dead do not dream of the living, child.”

 

The pressure eased off of you, allowing you to fully fill your lungs instead of taking short gasping breaths. “I need to remind you of your place.” His fingers snapping, the sound of boots approaching, hands coming and pulling you upward, yanking you to a stand. A sharp pinch in your arm, pressure building in the area, your eyes moving to see a needle exit from your flesh and clothing. “Take her to isolation. We will need to recondition her before we can progress.”

 

Your mouth moved, wising to argue but finding your ability to do so hindered. Your body hummed, suddenly feeling as if it weighed impossibly heavy, mind clouding as the drugs took their effect. The red clad guard clasping your hands in restraints and dragging you out of the throne room. Your mind clinging desperately to cognizance and failing. 

 

Seeing only small portions of the ship as you moved in and out of consciousness, your body being dragged. Tossed like a doll into a small room housing only a cot and toilet. Air knocked out of you as you met the floor harshly. A Stormtrooper coming in to remove the restraints and then exiting, slamming a thick door behind him. Groaning loudly, trying to move towards the cot, drawing yourself slowly towards it, and attempting to pull your weight upward, only to clatter back onto the floor. Eyes closing in defeat.

 

A sob leaving you. Everything seemed to be crumbling around you. Had everything been leading up to this point? Finding yourself back in a position where you were helpless. A fucking child caught in the whims of Snoke once again. Reconditioning. You cried, curling as much as possible, allowing yourself to take comfort in your own warmth.

 

 _“Ceph.”_ A youthful voice called, you ignored it. _“Ceph.”_ He called again, your eyes finally opening, peering out into the empty room, no one in sight. Your mind still clouded, but not as much as before. A pounding headache causing you to grit your teeth. Body aching from sleeping on the floor.

 

_“You need to wake up.”_

Your stomach lurched with pain, mouth tacky, thirsty and hungry. How long had you been out?

 

 _“It’s been days. We’ve been trying to reach you, but the sedation…something in it…was keeping me from reaching you.”_ Naf’s voice echoed within your head, far too loud, you winced in pain.

 

You attempted to pull yourself upward, head spinning as you latched feebly onto the cot, weakly pulling yourself upward and onto the rough clothed surface. Curling once again, attempting to find even a microscopic semblance of comfort in the cell.

 

 _“They’ll be coming soon.”_ His tone full of anxiety.

 

“I’m going to be sick.” You mumbled, head tilting over the edge of the cot and heaving, splatters of bile leaving your mouth and hitting the floor below you. Coughing and gagging, body shaking, your hands clutching at the cot for dear life. Gasping for air, the smell of urine hitting your nostrils. You had pissed yourself at some point during unconsciousness, out for days. The smell made you heave again, stomach feeling as if it would turn inside out.

 

The door slammed open, still heaving over the edge of the cot, Stormtroopers yanking you from upward and dragging you out of the cell, not caring as you continued to gag. Dragging you through the narrow halls, turning corners and finding yourself unable to trace their steps, too pained and weak to consciously puzzle out the hallways.

 

Leading you into a communal shower, roughly stripping you as you swayed, restraints implemented once again, shoving you towards a shower head, cold spray hitting you causing you to gasp loudly. Shivering and naked, one of the Stormtroopers shoved a bottle into your hands, instructing you to wash. Watching as you attempted to, moving too slow for their liking, snatching the bottle back and aiding you roughly. Fingers touching in private places, uncomfortable and degrading. Cold spray turning back on, your mouth opening in an attempt to drink from it.

 

They were having none of it, yanking you back from the cold spray, suds still on you in places, not bothering to dry you as they clothed you in a shift.

 

“Should we do something about her hair?” A female voice asked over the noncom.

 

“No. The Supreme Leader won’t care. Leave it.” A male voice pressed back, the one who had helped wash you, clearly wanting to be done with this assignment.

 

The shift stuck to you, soaking in the water that still dripped off of you, leaving drops of water as they forced you to move once more. Your head spinning, feeling like you were going to vomit again, swallowing thick spit and forcing yourself not to hurl as they moved you into a lift. The sudden movement as the lift shuttled you upward made you almost lose balance, the hands of the troopers holding you in place. Yanking at you, urging you to stand upright.

 

The doors opened, Stormtroopers and officers ambled about, the Stormtroopers guiding you through the halls, your bare feet attempting to keep up with their quick stride. They moved until they came to a door, in a long series of doors, thick walled and cold. Your heart thudded in your chest. You thrashed against their grip. _No. Anything but this._

 

“Let me go! LET ME GO!” You screamed in a panic, their grips only tightened around your biceps, shoving you into the room. Zece stood waiting in the center of the room, his hand gripping you and tugging you to a hook that hung from the ceiling, securing your restraints to it, leaving your arms pulled above your head.   

 

Zece stood, looking at you as you thrashed, attempting to free yourself. A quick movement of his hand, jabbing a needle into your neck, plunging the liquid inside of you, your veins catching fire. You attempted to kick at him, missing by a large margin, he moved around you with ease.

 

“Stop.” His voice across over the modulator of his helmet, his hand coming out, using the Force to hold you still. “It’s pointless. You know that.”

 

You didn’t need to be told who was behind the observational glass, you could feel his cruel signature even in your dazed state. A part of you wondered why he wasn’t doing this, why he didn’t just get it over with himself and the other part of you was grateful that it wasn’t him.

 

Zece moved to the glass, staring into it though he could not see through the two way mirror, you knew he must have been communicating with Snoke. He nodded his head, turning and facing you, helmet hiding his expression from you as he approached, hand stretching outward, moving towards your face though his fingers did not touch you. 

 

The feeling of his probe making its unwelcome visit in your mind, causing you to twist on the hook, pain shooting through your head, face scrunching tightly. 

 

“ _Let me in Ceph, Don’t fight me.”_ His voice soft and pleading, a microscopic shred of compassion for your position coming through. 

 

Your eyes scrunched tightly, tears stinging at the corners, lashes catching them and arresting their travel down from your tear ducts. You shifted again, jabbing hot poker that was Zece’s probe causing your body to jerk. You could feel him pushing against something, the same pain that Kylo had given you when you both had been trying to uncover your memories. Your hands balled into fists above your head, hissing loudly as he continued to push at the blockade. 

 

“You’re fighting against me, stop. Relax, let me through.” This time he spoke aloud, his voice humming with static through the modulator. 

 

Crying out as he made a large push, feeling as if your head would explode, spots filling your vision, ears ringing loudly. The wall broke, crumbling inside of your mental space, the travel of his probe less painful now. You panted, feeling the urge to vomit or pass out, not quite sure what your body would do, angling your head so if you did vomit you wouldn’t get any on yourself.

 

Zece edged closer, his gloved hand coming to touch your temple, you could feel him struggling with something. Another wall perhaps. The buzzing ache making your teeth hurt, eyes throbbing, shutting them tightly as he pushed again. Both of his hand coming to your face now, touching both sides of your temples, needing the extra contact to help strengthen his probe. You could feel his frustration growing, pain growing worse, panting and huffing loudly, about to expel more bile from your stomach. Gagging and coughing. 

 

He stepped back, withdrawing himself as you heaved, clearly not wanting to be on the receiving end of whatever was about to come out of you. Giving you a brief reprieve from the pain and intrusion. Heart thudding quickly in your chest, cold sweat breaking across your skin, a low whine emitting from you as your head lulled to the side, fighting to stay conscious. 

 

The door opened, too pained to open your eyes to see Nove enter the room, feeling the buzzing static as she mentally spoke to Zece. He left shortly after, leaving you in the room with her. Her turn to try you assumed.

 

Peeking through a barely opened eye, watching as she pulled her helmet from her head, bending over to place it on the floor, and returning to stand. Her face scared, mouth slightly twisted with remains of what you assumed to be claw marks. 

 

“Ceph, you must stop resisting. The faster you do that the faster we can let you go.” Her voice no longer as calloused as the last time you had spoken to her. As if she were trying to reconnect to the humanity that had once been there. 

 

“I’m- I’m not resisting.” You panted weakly. 

 

She hummed, moving towards you, removing her gloves and pressing her fingers to your face, cupping you gently, almost tenderly. “You have to let her go Ceph. She’s only hurting you.” 

 

You brows furrowed, lips trembling, conscious of the pain you were about to feel. Her probe was sharp and precise, quickly tearing through the space that Zece had managed to open and slamming into the next barrier. Surging against it, drilling the metaphysical wall, attempting to make enough of an opening to work her way through.

 

A far away scream filled the room, slight puzzlement at the sound, realizing that you were the one making it. Her sharp intrusion ripping into you, gutting your head and rooting around in the carnage. She peaked through the barrier, another scream leaving you, she stumbled backward. Pushed by the Force that suddenly surged from your body, release from the pain she inflicted, but the effort of the push causing another sharp pain to rip through you.

 

Her brows knitted tightly, agitated, a frown on her marred lips. Her head turned to look at the mirror, concern on her face. The buzz of mental communication felt, speaking to Snoke. Nodding and moving back towards you, her face holding an odd expression. Hesitant to dip back into your mind. She popped her knuckles absently, lifting both of her hands back to your face, this time her grip tight and unkind, rough chewed nails biting into your skin.

 

Mental missile shooting through your brain, hot molten pain, screeching, eyes clamping shut tightly. Pressure building behind your orbs, feeling as if they would burst from your skull, hoping that your lids would keep them in place as the pressure grew. Shaking violently, head attempting to break away from her hold, her nails only biting further into your skin, her grip yanking your head back towards her violently.

 

Back at the wall, hammering away, neural synapse firing at an alarming rate, your body temperature rising, sweat and tears pouring from your body, muscles jerking, clenching painfully tight, arms jerking wildly at the hook that held you in place. A scream joining your own, her hands flying away from you, knocked back towards the mirror and crumbling to the floor. You sobbed like a child, snot joining with tears and sweat, sniffling in an attempt to breathe. Your eyes opening just enough to see her moving to stand, her face smeared in anger. Moving towards you aggressively, her hand raised, smacking across your face in anger.

 

“You _bitch_.” She hissed as her hand finding purchase in your hair, yanking your head upward forcing you to look her in the eye. “I’m _going_ to get through, you know that don’t you? I’m going to rip that fucking wall down and I’m going to make it fucking _hurt_.” 

 

The door opened, her head turning to look at Zece as he moved into the room. He stood passively, helmet locked onto her. Her lip twisting into a sneer, clearly not happy with what he was telling her. Her hand jerking your head back as she released you. Stomping past Zece, her shoulder knocking into him causing his body to move slightly. Recovering as if nothing had just occurred, standing stiffly, his helmet turning to regard you, turning slowly and leaving you to hang in the room.

 

Silent tears streaming down your face, head pounding, eyes fluttering and fighting the urge to close, feebly attempting to find grounding in the pain, clutching and grasping to stay conscious. Your head hung, body pulling painfully at your shoulders, limply hanging from the hook. The door opening again, but this time you couldn’t find the strength to care. Your body lifting slightly, strain leaving your arms though they felt like gelatinous mush. Feet dragging on the floor once more as you blinked out of consciousness.

 

 

****

 

It had been a month since he last saw you, even longer since you had spoken. Sometimes he could feel you, faint but there, your signature a mere blimp to him now. He didn’t dare try to contact you, he knew he would not reach you and even if he had, he knew he would not like what he saw.

 

The rumors were few and far between, his mind skimming through the passing officers and Stormtroopers, trying to gain any knowledge about what had happened to you, though he knew for sure that you were with Snoke, he didn’t believe for a second that his intentions were anything for your benefit.

 

He could see the hollow pain in Kylo’s eyes. Your bond straining tightly and ripping at him. He hadn’t seen much of him since the first week of your departure, and when he did his helmet remained firmly planted on his head. All of the signs there. Nothing good was coming from the separation, he could feel it.

 

He shifted on the bed in his temporary quarters, he would be leaving soon. He really needed to get some sleep but his mind was buzzing. His feet fidgeting, rubbing together and rustling the sheets, chewing on his lip absently and playing back the memories that he had managed to skim from the few that had actually seen you.

 

Your body looked frail, drug by Stormtroopers like a prisoner, sometimes your head would be up right, flesh battered, eyes dead. He shrunk away from the mental image.

 

 _“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”_  Her voice echoed within his head, the faint glow of blue casting across the room, pulling his eyes to look at her as she stood near the bed.

 

“I should have done something, we should have done something.” He muttered.

 

 _“You have to stop obsessing about it. There was nothing you could have done.”_ Yasmal shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. _“You can’t keep playing those memories over and over again. You need to stop searching for her.”_

How many times would he have this conversation with her? How many more times would she tell him to stop searching? And if he did stop looking, what then? Was he supposed to just pretend that you never existed? Wait until he no longer felt you, take comfort in the knowledge that you were gone, no longer caught in the suffering of this life?

 

His lips pinched, corners tugging downward in a frown. “I can’t.” His voice falling flat in the silent room.

 

Her chest puffed, huffing as if she still required air. Ingrained motions from a lifetime past. _“Twelve and Naf are still with her. He is having trouble breaking through.”_

 

“But for how long? How long can they hold? How long can she take it?”

 

She looked at him solemnly, a frown coming to her lips, _“He will break through eventually. But for now they hold. Take comfort in that.”_

He huffed, rubbing at his face. A consolation prize and a shitty one at that. “What happens when he breaks through?”

 

She shrugged. _“I suppose he will complete her training.”_

“She’ll be gone.”

 

_“Perhaps. There is no telling. She is far stronger than you give her credit for.”_

“But how much will truly be her after this? How much of her will remain?”

 

_“I can’t answer that.”_

“I’m not giving up on her.”

 

 _“I never expected you to.”_ She uncrossed her arms, flickering slightly in and out of his sight. _“But you can’t let it consume you either. We have a ways to go before it’s time. You must stay the course.”_

“You think it’ll actually work? That we could get out of here alive?”

 

A smile crossed her lips, faint but there, _“Einn. I know it.”_

****

 

The days no longer mattered, nothing mattered, dangling on a thread. Body battered, tested time and time again, waiting for you to break. But you were already broken, wanting nothing more than to be compliant, your body willing. Your mind though, that was another story.

 

Zece and Nove had been relentless, slowly breaking through walls, sometimes taking days to breech them, leaving you comatose for days, only to be stirred and force fed scraps, just enough to keep you alive, never enough to sate your hunger. Then you would be dragged back to the small room and it would start all over again.

 

But this past round had been completely fruitless. Both of them unable to break through, even with their combined attacks. They had been going at it for as long as you could remain conscious and at times even when you weren’t. The wall would not fall, leaving the pair of them frustrated and pained, the walls beginning to attack back the more they broke apart. Growing stronger as they grew closer to the source. _Twelve. Naf._

 

You laid on the cot in your cell, head swimming, pained from isolation and the torture. You tried not to think about him. Tried not to imagine his face, his touch, the way his lips felt on your skin. You didn’t want to conjure the memories in this place, it would only stain them, tarnishing him and the moments shared together. Scared to linger on them and make things worse for yourself. This was what had brought you here. He had brought you here.

 

The bitter thought stung, you attempted to dash it away, pushing the thought as far into the recesses of your mind as you could. A venomous voice intruding on the shoving, beckoning you to indulge on the thought. To feast and feed upon it.

 

_Let me out. Let me out._

Curling inward, shaking your head feebly, and mumbling to yourself, “No. No. No.”  As if that would shut it up, and for a while it would stop, only to return to whisper it’s vehement urges. The darkness within yourself wishing to be released.

 

Rocking yourself softly, attempting to distract yourself from the voice, pinching at your skin, breaking the flesh as your nails dug into you. Trying to recall a reason to keep it pushed away, to keep it locked and hidden in the deep well, though it rattled in its cage.

 

_LET. ME. OUT._

 

“No.” You whispered, breaking your hands away from your flesh and cupping your head in your hands, face scrunching tightly, trying to recall a kind voice but finding it impossibly hard to do so. As if all happiness had been leeched from your memories, the only ones remaining belonging to Kylo and there you could not tread.

 

 _“Ceph. My sweet child.”_ His voice beckoned, causing you to halt all movement. Eyes searching frantically around the room, his voice all too clear in your head. Scared that he was in the room with you, that he would hurt you further. But Snoke was not there, he was further away in the ship, attending other matters, only his voice was present.

 

_“My poor sweet girl. You’re so lost. So confused. Why do you continue to battle against me…against yourself?”_

Your face scrunching, lips tugging, a sob leaving you though no tears came. They hadn’t come for a while now. “Please.” You cried lowly, “Please.” Your mind racing through a myriad of thoughts. _End it. End it. Please._

_“I can make it go away. I can make it all stop.”_ His voice honeyed, dripping in sympathy.

 

“Please.” You whimpered.

 

_“Soon. It will happen soon. First I must teach you. I must show you.”_

You whimpered. Body giving way to exhaustion, his voice drifting through your mind, echoing softly.

 

****

 

The hands came again, reaching, cuffing, and yanking you from your cot. Dragging you through the familiar routine. Shower, dress, drag. But this time there was something different in the routine. Treated much kinder, gentler. The Troopers merely standing guard as you bathed yourself, water warmer. This instantly made you on edge. Movements hesitant, expecting them to be on you at any moment, to yank and shove and hit you. But they remained in their positions, unmoving and uncaring.

 

You washed quickly, scrubbing your hair, fingers attempting to comb through the thick matted knots that had formed at the nape of your neck. Ripping at them and tossing the hair to the floor, watching as it gathered around the drain. It would take hours to fully rid yourself of them, time you did not have. You quickly gave up, deeming it a lost cause for now.

 

Moving on shaking limbs, body drastically thinner, bones protruding in places that you hadn’t seen in a long time. Muscles slowly cannibalized by your body in order to keep going. You wrapped the towel around you, drying your skin, looking at the clothing that had been brought to you. Another shift, fresh underwear, and something else. Moving your clothing to the side, you noticed a pair of thick socks.

 

Your fingers touching them, feeling the plush fabric. Sliding them onto your feet first. Delighting in the cushioning warmth, but only for a moment, you needed to hurry before they grew impatient. Once you were finished dressing the Stormtroopers, guided you back out into the halls.

 

The guard did not drag you, did not touch you, only hovered behind, blasters at the ready, set to disable you if you stepped out of line. But you knew better, knew that it was pointless. You had nowhere to go if you did manage to escape. No one to turn to. You would be dead or recaptured before you even made it off of the ship.

 

Stepping into the lift, the guard filing in in front of you, shifting to flank your sides. Silent as the lift ascended, this time climbing higher, away from the interrogation room that you had spent so much time in. Your stomach lurched as your anxiety skyrocketed. Where were they taking you and why? 

 

The lift came to a halt, revealing a familiar floor, the ratio of more officers to troopers never a good sign. Aware of where you were going, still trying to puzzle together the why.

 

Your Stormtroopers ushered you further, twisting down a few hallways, turning sharply, bringing you closer to the throne room and towards Snoke. The double doors opening as you approached, keenly aware of your presence as you moved through the ship. 

 

He sat in his familiar position, though this time there was no sight of Zece or Nove. Your lips pinched together, chapped skin rubbing, the urge to rip at it almost consuming. The two Troopers handed you off to the praetorian guard, turned and left without so much as a glance backward. 

 

Stepping forward, dropping to your knees, sitting in front of the Supreme Leader, head bowed, your mental space humming as he poured inside. 

 

“I have been thinking,” He mused aloud, “perhaps I have been going about this all wrong.” He gestured absently, eyes alight with something, twinkling brightly, though still cold.

 

“Twelve was always stubborn. She fought against me in any way she could, I should have known that she would somehow manage to find roost in you. After all you were her favorite.” 

 

You gulped, scared, worried about what he would try next. 

 

“But then again, you were always mentally weak. None of this matters though. I will grant you a concession, you have been more than compliant. I know it is not your fault that she has been fighting against _us_.” 

 

Your head lifted, eyes wide, mouth gaping slightly not sure what to say, or even if you should say anything at all. 

 

He nodded, “I will remove every single block with in your mind. Allow you to see every memory that I have purposely hidden, even the ones you have subconsciously placed yourself.” 

 

Your brows furrowed, confused. Why would he do that? Why allow you to see everything? 

 

“Come to me.” He gestured, finger beckoning you to move up the steps and onto the platform.

 

You moved shakily, slowly coming to a stand, legs weak and quaking, moving up the steps though something within you cried out for you to not move any closer. Ignoring it, you continued until you stood directly in front of his seated position. You had no choice, either go willingly or be forced to comply and suffer further physical abuse and you didn’t know if your body would be able to withstand much more of that. 

 

“Sit.” He commanded, gesturing for you to sit in front of his legs, his robes brushing at you, golden fabric a striking contrast in the red throne room.

 

You sat on your knees, cuffed hands resting on your thighs, eyes locked onto his feet, the robe shifting as he moved to lean forward. His finger lifting your head upward to look at him. 

 

“This will hurt...but you know that already.” 

 

Nodding, compliant and scared, body shaking. 

 

A gentle caress at the back of your mind, stroking you almost, trying to quell your fears. Your body relaxing at the sensation that he coaxed from you. Stimulating portions of your brain, forcing you to become placid even though you were on edge. Your body and mind compliant to his will. And just as your body relaxed the pain from his probe overcame you, teeth gritting tightly, hands balling into fists, nails digging into your skin, low whine leaving your throat as he prodded and shifted through your memories. Carding through them, zeroing in on the resistance of a block, and as if he held the key to a lock, the barricade broke open. The memory surfacing in your mind’s eye, playing back like a holovid.

 

> _“Stay inside. Don’t come out.” Your mother hand’s left your shoulders, standing and moving to the door of the small cottage._
> 
> _“Mommy, please don’t leave me.” You whined, nervous and scared. Bright lights filtered through the few windows in the small living room, light that should not have been there. The sound of people approaching filling your ears, their boots crushing the vegetation under their feet._
> 
> _She nodded at you, signaling you with a hand, her belly protruding, covered with a loose fitting shirt, your brother nestled inside, hidden from the world, though at times you could feel him._
> 
> **_Kayden_**.
> 
> _She moved to reach behind the couch, pulling out a blaster that had been hidden behind the piece of furniture. She fiddled with it as you watched. A bad feeling over coming you. You ran to her legs, clinging to her tightly. Shaking your head, rubbing your face against the bare skin of her leg. “Don’t go. Don’t go!” You pleaded._
> 
> _She sighed, her free hand coming down in an attempt to pry you from her, but you would not budge. “Baby, I need you to stay here. Let go.”_
> 
> _“No!” You cried. Tears streaming down your face._
> 
> _“Fine.” She hissed, “Stay behind me, if I tell you to run, you need to listen to me. Run back into the house and out the backdoor. Head to the field and keep going.” She crouched, huffing from the weight of her belly, “Do you understand? You keep running. Don’t you stop.”_
> 
> _Nodding empathically, fearful, tears still streaming down your face. She kissed your forehead, grunting as she stood, her hand guiding you behind her, blaster at the ready. She opened the door, hiding you behind her as she pointed the blaster at the closest person._
> 
> _They were swathed in dark clothing, uniforms of the past, Their ship not far in the distance, the trees swayed from their repulsors. They did not intend to stay long._
> 
> _“State your business.”  She hissed._
> 
> _The man closest, raised his arms, good humored, a smile on his face. The ones behind him did not look so kind, their faces hard, blaster rifles aimed towards your mother, ready to gun her down._
> 
> _“We’ve only come to retrieve something.” He spoke, voice calm, eyes peering but steely. Determined._
> 
> _“So take it and be on your way.” She barked._
> 
> _“I intend to do just that.” He smiled, one of his raised hands moving, fingers curling, leaving his pointer and middle up, flagging and motioning towards your mother._
> 
> _She fired, bolt pegging the smiling man in the cheek, he fell to the ground, her arm moving swiftly and turning the blaster towards her next target and firing, missing him by a fraction, the butt of his rifle smacking her in the head. She crumbled._
> 
> _“MOMMY!” You screeched, forgetting everything she had just instructed you to do, your hands moving to touch her, body pressing into her tightly, clinging to her. “Mommy!”_
> 
> _“Grab the girl.”_
> 
> _Hands were on you, tugging and pulling you away from your mother. You clung with everything you could, grabbing at her shirt and whatever else, gripping her tightly as you screamed. Screeching for her, fighting against the far stronger hands that pulled at you, legs flailing wildly, kicking at the air._
> 
> _The hands finally breaking you away from her. Your eyes watching as she began to stir, crying out for her. “MOMMY!”_
> 
> _Your voice rallying her, causing her to shake off the strike to her head as if it were nothing, blood seeping from the gash on her forehead, her hands moving out as if she would be able to grab you. Feeling a tug on your limbs, almost like fingers wrapping around you, holding you in place. The man who held you froze, but not for long._
> 
> _Your eyes watching as one of the men aimed his blaster rifle to her head, finger pressing down, bolt exiting, and as if in slow motion your hands flung out. **Push**. Innate, natural, the feeling pushing out of your small body as you were carted away, the bolt veering wildly away from your mother. The executioner bewildered. _
> 
> _“Leave her! We got what we needed. Leave her!” The man carrying you shouted, turning away from your mother, your eyes no longer able to see her._
> 
> _“MOMMY!!!!”_
> 
> _“Sir, our orders!” A man jogged beside your captor._
> 
> _“Forget her. Forget all of this.” He hissed, fighting to keep you in his hold; your arms flailing and legs kicking. Trying to slip from his grasp._
> 
> _“(Y/N)!!!!!!!!!!!”_
> 
> _“Sedate her! Hurry!” The man barked, his boots hitting the ramp that lead into the ship._

You lurched forward, body jolting, falling into his legs, his hands moving to rest on you. Holding you steady. Sweat dripping from you, tears streaming down your face. Heart aching and tight in your chest. You couldn’t breathe. Gasping for air and shaking. His hand coming to rest on your head, bile rising in your throat at his touch.

 

Shaky breaths catching, hands clutching at his golden robes, pulling at them, trying to drag him down to you. Anger rising from the well, seeking justice. He laughed.

 

“There you are.”

 

Your teeth gritting tightly, fingers digging into his thin legs, grabbing at them, attempting to break his flesh through the thick robes.

 

“ **YOU!** ” You boomed, his body did not budge from the chair no matter how hard you tugged and ripped at him. “I’ll kill you!” You growled, hands abandoning his limbs and moving to the chair, attempting to pull yourself upward, legs locking and freezing in place.

 

His hand pressed firmly into your head, his voice intruding on your anger, _“Sleep.”_

Blinking once and falling into a pit of darkness. A soft voice calling, your name echoing.

 

****

 

She chewed at her finger, ripping back the skin that stuck up, teeth pinching and tearing it. A habit she had only recently given into. Her skin always seemed to be dry lately. Itchy and crawling, as if something invisible covered her, moving across her umber flesh. Sometimes when she was caught up ripping at the flaking bits around her nail beds she would get too carried away, fingers bleeding and raw. Too much chewing.

 

She moved to the nail, biting into it, ripping at it, tongue running over the slightly jagged surface. She wished she could stop. Pulling the finger out of her mouth, brown eyes inspecting the flesh and nail, blood weeping from one corner of the nail bed. Too deep. She wiped it on her dark shirt, thankful that the blood would not show. Her eyes moving upward to look around the empty room.

 

She didn’t know what to do with herself most days. Train? Meditate? Truthfully she hadn’t meditated in a long time, perhaps she should try? No. She could do that later. There was always later. She scratched at the scars around her mouth, painful and burning as her jagged gnawed nails dug into the red knitted tissue.

 

She used to like her face, round, soft, pleasant, or so she felt it was. Now…now she didn’t know how to feel about it. Zece told her to wear the scar as a badge of honor. Not many could say they faced a bull rancor and survived. Sometimes she could still feel the pain she felt when the beast’s claws grazed across her face. Her lips and cheek ripped to shreds, skin hanging, muscle torn and gushing blood. She still didn’t have complete control of the newly healed muscle, making simple emotes difficult at times. She stopped smiling, too difficult, it never looked right.

 

Felucia had been hell, and she was used to hell. She had lived it all her life, but that planet…that planet was death incarnate. Everything tried to kill you, the plants and the animals, dangerous at the least, deadly at the most. Sometimes she wished she had just let Zece die, let the rancor rip him to bits while she fled. She blamed him and he knew it.

 

She forced herself to cease her scratching, the skin quickly becoming irritated, burning, if she continued she would break the skin. Forcing both of her hands under her legs, sitting on the bed in her quarters. She had been here too long. You were taking too long to break. She was over all the crying and the pain that reverberated through the bond between you. It hurt her just as much as it hurt you…well not quite, but she felt it.

 

You were always terrible at keeping things from the collective, too much emotion, too much anger and sadness. They had all quickly learned to keep you at a distance. She thought you were getting better, that Kylo had been helping you make leaps and bounds, but she had been wrong. Then again, the things they were doing to you, probing you almost to the point of frying your brain, how could you control yourself?

 

A part of her pitied you, but it was a very small part. You had always been a favorite. You and Einn. The golden children. The thought of it made her huff angrily. She never had a chance, especially once Kylo made his appearance, a large part of her resented you. Resented each and every one of the Collective.

 

But it hadn’t always been that way. There was a time when she could remember liking each of you, but things had changed. Being away for long stretches of time, seeing the galaxy for what it was, the dog eat dog mantra of the universe and everything within it. She knew she would never possibly be at the top of the chain. No matter how hard she trained her body, no matter how much she accomplished, she would never be his favorite.

 

Envious.

 

She fed on it. Ate it up greedily like a man starved.

 

Facial tissue beginning to prick and itch again, she stood, only to lay on the floor and begin doing pushups. She would do them until her limbs felt like jelly, until she was too tired to itch at her flesh, too tired to bite and pick at the skin around her nails. Too tired to think. She wanted to drift off into the nonexistence of sleep where nothing bothered her, not anymore.

 

****

 

You awoke in your cell, a blanket tossed over you, head pounding, thrumming behind your eyes and in your ears. Fingers digging into the scratchy fabric of the blanket, a new addition to your cell, though you did not understand why.

 

You attention was drawn behind you as the sound of someone clearing their throat drew your attention, rolling away from the wall and looking out into the cell. Zece stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the cell wall, his helmet sitting at his feet, long dark hair draping over his shoulders and cascading. He wore no expression on his face, though his eyes held something else, something akin to a mix of disgust and pity.

 

He pulled himself away from the wall, arms still crossed, moving forward just enough to get a good look at you, but not close enough to intrude on your personal space. “About time you woke up.” He muttered lowly, voice dripping with annoyance. How long had he been waiting?

 

Rolling back to face the wall, not wanting to look at him, wanting absolutely nothing to do with him at the moment. “What do you want?” You grumbled.

 

“I was sent to fetch you once you woke up. Time for another round.”

 

Sighing loudly, rolling to face him once more and slowly easing yourself upward though your body protested the motion, head spinning. He moved forward and then stopped, perhaps considering helping you upward and then thinking better of it. You could not truly sense his intentions, he had kept the bond between you blocked.

 

Grunting as you moved to sit up fully, legs swinging over the edge of the cot, socked feet hitting the floor, and sitting as you gained your bearings. Taking a moment to collect yourself, using the cot to further aid you in standing. You should be used to this by now, but the weakness in your body always managed to upset you. You hadn’t been this weak in a long time, not since you had first arrived on Zoist.

 

Zece called his helmet to his hands, twisting his hair just as you used to do in order to stuff it inside of the helmet, pulling it over his face and sealing it away from you. “Come, I’m growing impatient.” His voice rumbled through the mechanical vocalizer.

 

You followed him through the halls, noticing how he did not take the time to shackle your hands. Clearly not worried about you being a threat. How could you be in this state? He moved ahead of you as you strained to keep up, halting and tapping his foot impatiently.

 

“Hurry up.”

 

“I’m trying.” You hissed.

 

“Try harder or I will drag you.”

 

Your jaw set tightly at the idea of him dragging you down the hallways. You were done with being dragged.  You ambled forward, surging and pushing your weakened muscles to keep pace, you would regret the amount of energy spent but for now you wanted nothing more than to keep pace.

 

The two of you walked in silence, uncomfortable. Your shoulder brushed against him, his helmet shifted to look at you, turning quickly to face the path ahead, the lift door opening and stepping inside. You panted slightly, body hot with strain, mentally cursing your body for being so weak.

 

“You’ve gotten soft.”  He spoke as if nothing had come to pass between you, as if you were still friends.

 

You scoffed. “That’s what happens when you’re tortured and starved.”

 

“Before that. He made you soft.” His helmet turned to look at you, “He made you weak.”  


“So everyone keeps telling me.” You mumbled, turning to regard him, face emotionless. “And you…and Nove. What happened to you? I remember you so differently.”

 

“Things change. People change. Adapt.”

 

“He got to you. The both of you.”

 

Zece made no comment, only stood in silence, the door to the lift opening, he stepped out quickly. You jolted forward to keep up with his strides. He paid you no attention, only continued to move forward. Leading you to the double doors and opening them with the Force. His hand catching at your arm, halting you. Leaning forward, the snout of his helmet brushing against your face. 

 

_“He’ll get you too. In the end, none of this will matter."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to hell. 
> 
> Come shout at me on Tumblr.   
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been an absolute struggle to write.  
> Shout out to Leah for helping me through this and talking me off of the ledge!

Chapter 40

Chain (Part 2)

_____________________

****

He stood but did not pace, his back turned to you, slightly hunched, head misshapen and cratorous, gnarled hands gathered behind his back, appearing as if he were deep in thought, though you could not say what about.

****

“It has been long enough.” The skin of his scalp pulled tightly, shifting slightly as he spoke, “I’m growing tired of this game.”

****

You only stared, brows knitted tightly in confusion.

****

“Have I not given you what you wanted? Your memories? Your name?”

****

Your mouth gaped, floundering to find the words, brain chugging along, attempting to remember how to produce speech.

****

“I did not ask for them Supreme Leader.” Synapse aligning and firing, vocalizing thought, but not the one you should have. Shouldn’t you have been grateful? Your name, your memories.

****

_Kayden. Cadence. Mother. (Y/N)._

****

He turned slowly, calculated movement, as if he had all the time in the world, despite his words of impatience. “You didn’t need to ask for them my child. I know you. I know your desires.”

****

Your eyes broke from his twisted features, peering at the floor, waiting for him to make his move.  He moved closer, the subtle swishing of his golden robes on the floor, the soft padding of feet, the pooling of rich fabric. His hand reached outward, fingers brushing knotted hair away from your face.

****

“I suppose it couldn’t be helped.” His hand moved downward, finger grazing your skin, catching under your chin, lifting your face upward to look at him. “You were never those things...your memories. You can never go back. You know that.”  His eyes burned into you, gleaming brightly, the red that shrouded the room casting on the whites of his eyes.

****

“Did you ever stop to think that there was a reason why I took them?”

****

Your face contorted, thoughts rushing through your head. _Control._ You didn’t speak, lips pinching tightly, fighting the urge to spew your thoughts.

****

“You were so fragile. You still are, but the potential is still there. The greatness I see inside of you. It blossoms even though you continue to try and yank it from its roots.” He removed his hand slowly, the ghost of his touch lingered on your flesh.

“Your mother could have been something great, but she went too long without training, she squandered her gifts. Not that she would have received them under the Empire, they would have destroyed her before she could have even began.”

****

“No. She was a lost cause. But you, you were perfect. I could feel you before you even came into the world. Nestled in the Force, cradled and nurtured by it, doted on. You were ready to be shaped. Just as the others were. I molded you, shaped you into the person you are today, just as I have shaped the others.”

****

“But someone has come behind me. Placed their fingers and hands into the clay and began to reshape you. It was subtle at first, unnoticable, granted I hadn’t been paying too much attention, why would I?”  His lips twitched slightly, sneering slightly and then pressing tightly together.

****

“But I can see it. I can feel it. You began to question me and so she hid you from me. A mistake on her part. It’s ultimately what drew my eye back to you.”

****

“Zece and Nove have been tearing apart the reshaped pieces, and now we are almost to the base. I thought giving you what you desired would cause you to soften, allow me to reshape you without ripping you apart further. But I was mistaken.” He huffed a laugh, thin lopsided nostrils flaring.

****

“So it has come to this. We must start from the beginning. Wipe the slate clean once more.”

****

Your eyes closed softly, head bowing once more, defeated. “You’ll take them? All of them?”

****

His finger hooked under your chin once more, lifting your head upward, “Just enough. Just what you don’t need.”

****

Something within you raged. Molten magma surging under the crust of a volcano, ready to burst and spill outward. A flicker of blue in the corner of your eye, catching your attention, drawing you away from looking at Snoke.

****

But nothing and no one was there. Only empty space in the violently red room. Just you and Snoke. No guard in sight, though you were sure they lurked not far away, merely waiting for the first sign of a struggle.

****

His hand moved with inhuman agility, both hands now clamping onto the sides of your skull, immense pressure exerting through the contact, your head feeling as if it would cave in from the crushing pressure.

****

A cry leaving your lips at the pain, joints locking tightly, muscles twitching as your body sent frantic impulses through you, attempting to jolt your body into action, as if you would be able to flee from his assault.

****

The feeling of several forces ramming into each other filled your head. Tears streaming down your face, your hands clawing at his grip, nails biting into his skin, though he did not release you. You tried desperately to cling to your memories, shoving them further and further away from him as he battled with the other entities, locking them behind layers of beskar and durasteel, hastily thrown up, weak.  

****

He only surged at this, pressing harshly at your mental energy, smashing your will downward. Your body shook violently, brain growing too hot, seizing under the combined pressure of their forces. The walls bent and ripped apart, as if they were nothing.

****

_Fading in and out of consciousness, delving into darkness, flickering lights colliding, bright brilliant blues and clashing reds and yellows, deep flickering greens and intense purples. Sparking hot as they collided, showering your metaphysical form in hot embers. Burning you. Flashes of memories bursting forth, trickling and fading out. Snuffed from existence as he rooted them out._

****

_“Close your eyes, I’m here, I’m not leaving.”  The sound of your mother’s voice echoed, the feeling of her warmth as her arms enclosed around you, holding you._

****

_The warmth faded, her embrace shattered into a million pieces, her voice fracturing and incoherent. Your body convulsed violently._

****

_“Starlight?! Where are you?!”  A voice called, familiar and panicked. Something about it...important. What was important? You could feel something buzzing, trying to remind you, tracing the thread, metaphysical fingers finding the knots, moving over them, the ends frayed. Severed._

****

_The panicked female voice dissipated, the thread growing shorter, crumbling in your fingers._

****

_A face flashed, male, something about it, important. Another flash of a face, this one similar but different in subtle ways, features slightly different. The eyes the same, though the younger of the two showed intense fear._

****

_“Forget it.” Snoke’s voice rang firmly, strained with frustration._

****

Your skin burning, tingling and numb in places, the flesh raising in others, body on the verge of shut down. All alarms sounding. Joints locking and releasing, muscles fatigued, head screaming in pain. The pressure only growing worse, floating between the world of the waking and deep unconsciousness.

****

Acutely aware of what was occurring outside of your mind and also within it. The flashing of light, the colors raging, shifting in shape as they collided. Snoke still battling against not only you but Twelve and Naf.

****

_“He’ll kill her!”  The sound of Naf’s voice buzzing, ricocheting around your skull. “I can’t keep going. He won’t stop. Twelve! He’s not going to stop!”_

****

_“Go! Leave. I’m not leaving.” Twelve’s voice sounded muffled and strained._

****

Another painful seizure racked through your already frail body. The pressure suddenly lessening, though not by much.

****

_A streak of green light colliding one last time and phasing away into darkness. The other colors raged on._

****

_Colorful fish within a stream, a voice calling out to you, you could not see anyone there. “Starlight!”_

****

_Your hands fumbled to grasp at the thread as it crumbled further. Scrambling to find it once more, attempting to pull it closer to you, though something yanked at it firmly._

****

“ **LET GO**.” Snoke hissed in your ear, hot spittle flecking across your skin, sending chills through you. You only clung to it tighter, unwilling to give it up though you weren’t quite sure why exactly that was anymore. The thought hazy in your mind.

****

_Remember. Remember!_

****

_A flash of bright light. Two figures clashing, no longer mere flashes of colored light. Snoke and Twelve grappled._

****

_“You’re killing her!” She cried. “Stop this!”_

****

_“She is_ **_mine_ ** _!” His voice boomed. Gnarled fingers laced within Twelve’s, he pushed down on her, her legs bending at the force. Teeth gritting tightly. The sound of grunting and straining as she fought against him. “I’ll kill her if I must, but you_ **_will not have her_ ** _!”_

****

_The thread yanked violently, Snoke pulling it towards him, as you clung onto it for dear life, attempting to halt yourself from moving. Your feet dragging in the darkness._

****

_Twelve’s face contorted in pain, turning to look at you as your were pulled closer to them. Her eyes closed. Opening softly and turning to look back at Snoke as her legs finally buckled under the pressure. She fell to her knees._

_“I’m sorry.” Her voice reverberated softly._

****

_In a flash of bright blue she faded from sight. A bright blue beam shooting directly into you and knocking you backward. Your hands losing their grip on the thread as you fell backward, crashing into the darkness and falling deeply into nothingness._

****

_“NO!” The cry left you as you plummeted deeper and deeper into the darkness._

****

****

****

The spray burned his skin. Turning pale flesh into bright pink. He did not shy away from it, instead he stood, allowing it to burn. Willing it to seep into his aching muscles, hoping that it would relieve the tension, but knowing deep inside that nothing would make it go away. It wasn’t just his body that hurt, something deep within him was pained. His heart? His Soul? He could not say for sure. All he knew was that every moment that you were seperated was pain.

****

Exhaling harshly in the spray, pushing the running water away from plump lips, hand bracing against the wall of the shower stall, his free hand coming to rub at his tired eyes. Sleep eluded him for the most part, only gleaning just enough to keep moving, only enough to function.

****

And he knew at times he was barely doing that. He felt like a ghost. Absently moving through his days and nights. Sometimes merely only his body present, his mind elsewhere. Searching through the Force, hoping that maybe you were too, that maybe you would eventually cross paths. But he could never seem to find you, though sometimes he would get feelings. Pain and sorrow, they would weigh heavily at the bottom of his gut, like piled up rocks. It made him sick.

****

He huffed, stepping out of the scolding spray, already washed, only wanting to linger longer because...what else did he have to do? His hand moved to the knob, turning off the water, opening the door and reaching for the towel and drying only enough of himself to where he wasn’t actively dripping water all over the floor of the refresher.

****

His hand wiping at the mirror, cleaning away the steam, looking at his face. Gaunt, cheeks thinner, bags permanently nestled under his eyes, lips already chapping. He needed to drink more water, eat more, get more sleep. But he couldn’t find it in himself to do any of those things. As if his very will to live was only hanging by a thread.

****

He turned away from the mirror as it began to slowly steam back up, opening the door to the refresher and walking out into the small hall of his quarters on the _Finalizer_ . He moved to his bedroom, the door _whooshing_ open, the light flickering on as he stepped inward.

****

He didn’t bother with getting dressed, moving to the bed and plopping down onto the soft surface, arms spread outward, reaching for someone who wasn’t there. He sighed. Another stone thudded onto the already large pile.

****

His eyes closed tightly. If he imagined hard enough he could picture you laying beside him. Imagine the way his arms felt draped across your body, how your hair would tickle his face, the way your lips felt on his skin, the heat of your body, the comfort that you provided...that you both provided for each other. _Home_.

****

His eyes opened slowly, stinging slightly with the tears that welled. His eyes moving to where you would be laying, his hand ghosting over the pillow that you had never rested your head upon. His teeth clenched tightly. Fighting the tears.

****

He knew how it felt now. How you felt about Twelve. The constant longing to return to a time before. To have someone come back but they never would. His lips tightened, a deep set frown forming, fighting the urge to weep...as if you were dead.

****

He shook his head, rubbing his face into the pillow, attempting to dash the thread of thought away. You weren’t dead. You were very much alive. Just away. You’d be back. You would come back to him. And when you came back finally, he would whisk you away, bring you back to his quarters and you would both make up for lost time.

****

Inhaling deeply and sighing softly. His mind imagining your reconnection. Your lips meeting, as if you were both starved, bodies embraced and limbs tangling. Your minds becoming one, sharing everything once more, basking in each other’s everything.

****

Another stone.

****

No.

****

His eyes opened, peering at the empty side of the bed, his hand clutching the pillow tightly. His teeth gritting, jaw flexing tightly. He couldn’t. He would never be allowed to be with you. Not anymore.

****

Not if Snoke had anything to do with it.

****

He threw the pillow across the room. Angry at the thought. Snoke did this as punishment. He had grown too attached.

****

_Attachment is not a weakness I will abide._

****

His upper lip twitched, sneering and pulling himself up from the bed. Yanking the towel from his waist, tossing it to the floor and moving quickly to dress. He would find no comfort in bed, not tonight. Perhaps not ever again.

****

****

****

You stirred, eyes opening though they seemed to fight against your efforts. Too soon. Too tired. You fought against it, opening your eyes slowly, bright florescent lights blinding you, forcing you to squeeze your eyes tightly shut once more. Bracing yourself, mentally prepared to look out into the blinding light, you opened your eyes slowly.

****

The sight of your cell coming into focus. A hand coming to rest on your shoulder, your body jerking violently, attempting to shove the appendage away from you, causing great pain to move through your body. You winced and hissed.

****

“Easy.” A familiar voice, soft, male, slightly out of focus.

****

Your eyes squeezed shut, opening and focusing on the man that stood above you. Salt and pepper hair, brows furrowed, white lab coat crumbled, sitting in it far too long. Not up to standards. Dr. Duran smiled softly at you. Relife washing over his features.

****

“You’ve been out for two weeks. Take it easy.”

****

The familiar irritating pull of a catheter and the sting in your arm from an IV. Your face scrunching in discomfort. Your hand impulsively moving to yank the offending medical equipment from your body. He quickly slapped at your hand, earning him a threatening glare.

****

“No.” He said sternly. “Too early. You need more rest.” He stood at full height, checking the fluids and referring back to his datapad.

****

“What happened?” You mumbled, confusion setting in. Something amiss. Something. Missing.

****

“It’s not my place to say, though truthfully I’m not even sure.” His lips tugged into a deep frown. “Whatever it was...almost killed you.”  He turned to his bag, shuffling through its contents and pulling a vile out and a syringe.

****

You made a feeble attempt to sit up, hand raising ready to fling the vile out of his hands. “Woah!” His hands rose in defense.

****

“It’s just a sedative. You need to go back to sleep, you’re not healed just yet.”    

****

“No.” You spoke firmly.

****

His brows arched. “Look, I don’t like it anymore than you, but you still have swelling in places that, frankly, worries me. You need to rest.”

****

“I don’t want anymore sedatives.” You grumbled.

****

“Don’t make me call them in here. I don’t want to do that. Just work with me please.” His eyes flitted briefly over towards the door and then back to you, pleading with you to cooperate.

****

Huffing, you nodded. “Fine.”

****

He plunged the syringe into the vile, carefully measuring the contents, pulling the needle from the vile, tapping the syringe and moving towards the drip. Feeding the sedative into the line. “You should feel it in a little bit. Don’t fight it. Just relax.”  He moved back to his bag, fiddling with it and then closing it. “I’ll be back to check in on you.”

****

You nodded. Eyes starting to feel heavy again. “Duran?”

****

He hummed.

****

“How much more can I take? How much longer?” Your eyes turning to slits, peering at him as you fought the urge to close them completely.

****

“I don’t know. But whatever they want….give it to them. Don’t resist. Just give them what they want.”  He moved towards the bed, bag in one hand and datapad tucked under his arm. His free hand coming to rest on your shoulder. “You’re the only one who can get yourself out of this. Don’t fight him. You won’t win.”

****

His hand left you, you watched weakly as he exited the cell. The door slamming and sealing shut behind him. Your eyes closing, the sedative finally taking full effect.

****

_Your eyes opened, the feeling of a cool breeze stirring you, the sound of rustling, the clapping of thunder in the distance. The sky was gray, deepening in shade as you peered above you. Golden stems of sweeping grass tousled above you, pushed by the breeze.  The place familiar yet not. Had you been here before?_

****

_Slowly lifting yourself upward, hands finding purchase in the soft cool dirt, crumbling under your touch. Your eyes searching as you sat up, peering out into the swaying golden blades, seemingly endless from your position. Your head turning to look around you, surrounded in the grass, resigning yourself to standing, mind trying to comprehend how you had gotten here, wherever here was._

****

_Standing at full height, turning slowly, looking in each direction, searching for any indication of life, but finding none._

****

**_“Remember.”_** _A voice carried on the wind as the grass swayed violently. Swept in a sudden gust. Your brows furrowed, what were you meant to remember? A buzzing hum filling your head, the sound a voices layered and whispering, though you could not decipher what they said._

****

_A clap of thunder and the shock of bright light filled the sky. Your eyes closed tightly, your body trembling though you were not sure why. Suddenly frightened, you moved through the grass, heading in a random direction, hands moving the grass out of your way, eyes glued to the horizon, as if there was something or someone waiting for you._

****

_The voices grew louder as you moved causing you to move in a slightly panicked run. A name chanted, one you did not recognize. The grass whipped at you, blades stinging your exposed skin as you moved to a full run. Hands unable to keep their sharp edges from making thin slices on portions of your flesh. The drive to flee kept you from caring about the annoying pain that the golden blades inflicted._

****

_A shadowed form rose from the blades in the distance, your eyes watching as it stood. Another flash of lightning as it manifested features and defined shapes. Your heels digging into the soil, halting you and allowing you to turn sharply away from it. Your body humming with warning, wanting you to stay away from it._

****

_You ran in the opposite direction, going back the way you had come and further away from the shape. Glancing behind you to see it in pursuit, still taking shape as it moved into a run. Your heart thudded painfully in your chest. The pain seemed displaced, a hollow ache, something missing, the further you moved away from the shadowed form the worse it grew._

****

_You careened forward, feet tripping under you, chin hitting the earth, teeth clattering together, shooting pain through your head. Your hands gripped at the soil, fingers digging into the dark earth, clawing and dragging you to a crawl, attempting to stand. The light above you growing darker. Your head turned to glance behind you, eyes peering at a familiar face.  You stopped. Frozen._

****

_He stood over you. Considering you, his head tilting, nostrils flaring slightly, The dark curls on his head wrapping and twisting around his thin face. Dark eyes peering at you. His hand reaching out to you, causing you to flinch away from him._

****

_“Ceph?” His facial features twisted in confusion, brows knitting and jaw tensing slightly. His voice stirred something deep within you, the deep baritone vibrating your very essence. Your eyes filled with tears. Could it really be him?_

****

_“Kylo?” Your voice soft and body trembling._

****

_He leaned forward, hands wrapping around your shoulders, picking you up with ease and pulling you into a stand. Your legs trembled under you, body humming, your hands moving tentatively towards him, making contact with his arms, fingers digging into the fabric of his sleeves. His eyes softened, peering at you lovingly. He pulled you into a tight embrace, pressing you into his chest._

****

_“I’ve been trying to find you.” His chest vibrated as he spoke, you could hear his heart thudding loudly. You pressed your face further into his chest, arms wrapping around his thick torso, fingers clutching tightly at his clothing, not wanting to let him go. Your breath hitched, fighting a sob._

****

_His embrace slackened, hands moving back to your shoulder and prying you away from him, allowing him to peer into your face, his eyes searching. One of his hands moved away from your shoulder, falling limply to his side. Your face flickered with confusion as he leaned forward, stooping down to lean into your ear, the brush of his lips on the shell of your ear sending shivers through you._

****

_“Attachment is a weakness.” He whispered, lips pressing to the shell of your ear._

****

_An angry hum filling your ears as a red glare of light cast across your eyes. His arm moved swiftly forward. Sharp burning at your gut, eyes widening at the pain, mouth opening as you released a sharp gasp. His arm pressing forward, searing pain moving through you, collapsing into him, legs giving way to the pain that filled you, feeling as the skin of your back burst open, burnt through with the plasma blade of his saber, blade dragging upward as your body slumped forward._

****

_He straightened, a single hand pulling you away from him, the arm holding the saber pulling it back through you, though you could not longer feel it as it drug through your innards. The nerves no longer responding to pain, fried to a crisp. His eyes locked on your own, wandering lower as your hand moved to the burnt hole in your abdomen. Fingers feeling at the edges of the hole, mind attempting to process what had happened._

****

_“I don’t need you anymore.”  His hand released you as he stepped back, allowing you to pitch forward and fall._

****

Your eyes shot open, hand clutching at your abdomen, gasping and sweating, coughing as you began to gag, rolling to the side of your bed as you vomited on the floor. Wheezing as your eyes clamped tightly shut, the tugging at the crease of your arm causing a burning sting to your flesh.

****

Forcing yourself away from the edge of the bed and rolling back to your back, a hand coming to cup around where the drip line bit into your skin, fingers dancing around the tubing and pinching it, pulling it slowly out of you. Hissing at the pain, finally removing the needle and tossing it away from you. Your face scrunching tightly as tears stung at your eyes, rolling your face to your shoulder and attempting to rub the dampness away from your face. Taking a deep breath and heaving out a shaky exhale, forcing your body to relax.

****

You laid like this for what felt like an eternity. Eyes closed hand gripping at your stomach, worried that if you removed the contact a searing gaping hole would materialize. The opening of the door caused your eyes to open, watching as Dr. Duran, Zece and Nove walked into the cell. Duran’s face turning to a scowl at the sight of the puddle of vomit and the dangling tubing of the IV.

****

Shifting to sit up, propped up on an elbow, shifting upward and allowing you a better view of the three figures. Duran moved around the puddle of bile, hand moving to the drip and eyeing it. “I see you couldn’t wait for me.” He grumbled, clearly displeased.  

****

You merely shrugged. “It was annoying me.”

****

His eyes flicked to the puddle, setting his bag onto the bed and shifting through it, drawing out a pen light and aiming it at your face, your eyes following the bright light as he waved it. Moving through the rest of the check up, listening to your lungs and measuring your pulse. Pausing to log the information into his datapad. Zece and Nove stood to the side observing silently.

****

Duran moved to the bag containing your urine and unhooked it, dumping the contents into the small toilet and flushing them, tossing the used bag into another larger bag used to discard medical waste. Turning to Zece and Nove, shoulders bunching slightly. “Can I have a moment of privacy with my patient?”

****

Watching as they both looked at each other, conversing mentally, and moving out of the cell, the door closing behind them. Duran pulling back your sheets and grabbing at something and moving to between your legs. Slight pressure and an tugging indicating that the catheter was removed. Far more gentle than the last time you had one.  

****

He discarded the tubing into the same medical waste bag, moving to the IV and pulling the fluids off of the tree and also placing that into the medical waste bag. “They are going to take you.” He muttered lowly, his eyes glancing back at the door.

****

“I figured.” Shifting and moving to a stand, legs avoiding the puddle of bile on the floor and lifting your shift, moving to the toilet to pee, wincing slightly. Duran’s back turned to you, allowing you some privacy.

****

“I don’t know what they will be doing, but I have urged them to be cautious of pushing you too much.”

****

You hummed, wiping and standing, dropping your shift back down and flushing the toilet. Moving to sit on the bed, eyes moving towards Duran. “It doesn’t matter. They will do as they must to complete their task.”

****

“They can’t complete their task if you’re dead.” His face turned to you, his expression flat.

****

You shrugged. “Maybe that would be for the best.”

****

The door to the cell opened, Zece and Nove moving back into the cell, Zece tossing something at you, your hand moving to catch it, holding it in your lap, almost dropping it.

****

“Dr. Duran. You are dismissed.” Nove’s voice pressed over the modulator, her helmet shifting to lock onto you. “Eat.”

****

Duran walked out of the room, not risking a glance at you, leaving you to sit awkwardly in the cell as you ate the meal bar, dry crumbles making your mouth dry. You swallowed harshly, the wrapper crinkling in your hand. Tossing the wrapper behind you onto the bed and shoving the rest of the bar in your mouth, using your hands to hoist yourself from the bed and standing, still chewing and mouth pouched, your hand moving and gesturing to the door.

****

“Let’s get this over with.” You mumbled around the food still in your mouth.

****

Nove’s hand moved to grip at your arm, you allowed her to guide you from the room, though you wanted nothing more than to wretch yourself from her grip. Her fingers wrapped tighter around you, her grip bruising, perhaps feeling your thread of thought and not liking it.

****

They guided you down the familiar halls, to the lift and out into the interrogation rooms, down the long hall and moving you through the doorway of the prepared room. A table with straps stood erect in the middle of the room. A change from the hook and cuffs. You licked at your lips nervously, eyes shifting about the room, trying to see any other change.

****

Nove handed you off to Zece, allowing him to guide you to the upright table and strapping you to the device. The restraints biting into your skin as he pulled them tightly. Nove left the room, leaving you with Zece.

****

“Is this really necessary?” Your hand gesturing limply back at the table.

****

“It is.”  His modulator vibrated, the sound deep in the small room.

****

Your body went rigid, the feeling of something familiar and oppressive moving closer to the room, too much to ignore even though you were not actively searching in the Force. The rigidness gave way as you began to struggle, yanking on the restraints weakly, instinctually calling upon the Force, gathering it around you, attempting to break the bonds. Zece’s hand shot out abruptly, your body froze as the door opened.

****

“Enough of that.” He spat.

****

Nove moved into the room, holding a box tightly in her gloved hands. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest. Unable to comprehend what was in the box, the signature that it pressed out into the Force making no sense. You could feel Snoke as if he were in the room, but you knew he was not there, not even behind the glass of the adjoining observation room. You attempted to struggle but Zece continued to hold you still with the Force. The room filled with nervous energy. You weren’t the only one who seemed uncomfortable with whatever was inside of the box.

****

Nove moved forward, shifting the box and handing it to Zece, his free hand holding it to his chest, allowing her to open it, her helmet tilting downward, allowing her to look inside. Her hands moving inside pulling out something golden, glinting in the artificial light.

****

The hairs on your body rose, your eyes focusing on the mantle, you broke from Zece’s hold as panic moved through you fully. Eyes growing wide and hands jerking frantically at the restraints, rubbing at your skin and chafing you as you struggled.

****

“GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!” You screamed.

Zece dropped the box, both hands now applying the Force to your body, locking you into place as Nove moved closer. Her hands holding each end of the mantle open, prepared to drape it across your shoulder as you whimpered lowly. The draining opresion snaking out from the mantle before it even made contact, your body feeling a pull in the Force. You weren’t sure how Nove was holding the mantle, how she was managing to keep from falling apart from the contact.

****

She draped it over your shoulders, Zece’s manipulating your body and pulling your head forward, allowing her to clasp it shut. Your body jolted, spine arching and fists clenching tightly as the Mantle of Istina began to mingle with your signature in the Force. Your eyes rolling into the back of you head, vision darkening.

****

_Flashes of blue, electric and bright, golden rays danced, mingling with the blue hues. Your feet shuffled on stone floor, cold and smooth on your skin. Something bright and white, much brighter than the other lights, shining like a beacon, drawing you towards it._

****

_She stood, tall and frozen in time. Her face stone, eyes peering upward, the golden halo aged with time and weather. But something was off, the creatures that once entwined around her, the sorrows, they were missing._

****

_Your hand reached out, skimming across the stone that composed her features, hand moving across her frozen fingers. The stone hummed under your touch, responding to it in a strange way, your hand retracted quickly. Eyes locking onto her face, peering at her features, her eyes glinted, moving to peer back at you._

****

_Stumbling backward, away from the statute, startled by the sudden movement. The stone vibrated, frozen fingers no longer frozen, stone crumbling away and revealing blue hued skin. Her eyes blinked, face warming as she came to life. Her robes were a deep purple with hints of glinting gold, intricate fabric that flowed freely around her form. Her foot moved to step from her pedestal, bare and delicate, she made contact with the stone floor._

****

_“You have come seeking truth?” Her voice vibrated around you, seeping into your mental space, echoing and humming deeply._

****

_You shook your head. No. You had no need for it. You didn’t want to be here. Your body stepped further away from her, backing away without breaking eye contact._

****

_“I see.” She paused. Her eyes moving about the dark room, the light following her, projecting from the golden disc that rotated above her head. “Then are you here to keep me company? My brothers are gone and my children…” Her lips pressed tightly, eyes downcast, you could feel her sorrow. “I am alone here.”_

****

_“Where have they gone? The Sorrows?” You muttered lowly, unsure if you should be asking._

****

_Her eyes lifted, peering at you, full of remorse. “They have been taken, nothing of them remains here anymore.” Something dark flickered behind her, though you could not be sure what it was, the light around her far too bright to discern the darkness behind her fully._

****

_“You are alone too?” Her hand reached out, stopping as her fingers moved slowly, feeling the air, the feeling of a strong tug in your head. “No. Many reside with you.” A faint smile coming to her lips. “So many connections, so many bonds. You have been blessed.”_

****

_The smile faded from her lips, her white brows knitted tightly in confusion. “Are you frightened of me?”_

****

_Your lips pinched, unsure if you should answer. “Yes.” You finally whispered._

****

_Her head shook slowly. “The other two were frightened as well, but they were no longer scared once they received their truths.”  She moved forward, her robes pooling around her as she moved. “Come closer, do not be scared. I will show you what you need to know.”_

****

_You stood frozen, unable to bring yourself to movement, something holding you in place. You trembled as her hand reached out to you, her other hand moving to the center of her chest. A bright brilliant light as her fingers seemed to phase through her clothing and skin. Hand dipping into the cavity and pulling forth a bright orb. You flinched at the sight of it. Öga._

****

_Flashes of red crossing your vision, the tip of your saber digging into the bright orb inside of Fahamu, brother of Bawah and Istina. Fahamu the conscious truth. You had destroyed his orb, or in the very least wounded it._

****

_Her eyes peered at you in interest, hand still clutching the orb closely to her, the other hand yet to reach you. “You’ve seen this before? You fear it?”_

****

_You nodded._

****

_She smiled, her hand finally making contact with your skin, yanking painfully at your hand and pulling you closer to her. She towered over you, much taller than Kylo, dwarfing you and forcing you to look upward to peer into her face. A shadow moving across her features. A flash of sharp teeth under the blue hued flesh of her jaw, her eyes sunken and bleeding. She pressed the orb into you, shoving it towards your mouth, forcing your jaw to open though your teeth attempted to remained clamped tightly. The orb shifted in size, compacting smaller as she shoved it down your throat, her hand pressing over you mouth and forcing you to swallow._  

****

_Flashes crossed your vision. Istina wept over the slain carcasses of the sorrows. A shadow pressed behind her, a gnarled hand pressing through her skin reaching deep inside of her chest. Her skin cracking, shifting to stone, attempting to keep the shadowed form from doing further damage, but it was too late. He pulled the Öga from within her chest, illuminating the twisted features of his face. Snoke._

****

_Another flash and you cascaded inward, no longer seeing Istina but a memory._

****

_Twelve smiled brightly at you, her body cradling you to her as you both laid in bed. Her lips pressing a soft kiss to your forehead._

****

_Istina’s voice hummed, “She abandoned you.”_

****

_“No. She’s here. She’s always here.” You stammared over the memory._

****

_“She left you to him. Allowed him to steal from you. To take pieces away. Do you not remember?”_

****

_The memory shifted, flickering violently. Pain moving through you, body seizing, a war raging inside of your mind. Snoke and Twelve battled within you. Darkness surrounding you, your hand holding tightly to the gathered thread, holding tightly to the memories that Snoke sought to destroy. A brilliant blue light knocking into you, causing you to lose your hold on the gathered thread._

****

_Twelve’s voice echoed. “I’m sorry.”_

****

_“She saved herself and sacrificed you.” Istina whispered. “She has abandoned you. Just as the others have.”_

****

_Another memory manifested, Kylo stood in the projection room, silent, fists balled at his sides. Snoke dismissed him with a flick of his wrists. Leaving you to your sentence. Standing alone._

****

_“He did nothing to stop it. He let you go. Too frightened to fight for you. A child scolded.” She whispered, the layers of her voice seeping deeply into you. You tried to pull away from the sound of it. Not wanting to hear anymore._

****

_“No! He did what he had to do!”  You raged against her accusations._

****

_Another memory surfaced, fading out the previous memory in a smoky haze._

****

_Standing in the snow of Zoist, his eyes searching you, his lip busted, you stood frozen in place as his nose brushed your own. You could feel yourself trying to pull away, but your body was non-compliant to your commands.  His lips pressing into your own, electricity moving through the both of you, your heart stopping momentarily, your mind suddenly open as all the blocks that kept him from you dissolved away. His fingers finding their way into your hair, pulling you further into the kiss. Your mind screaming in alarm. NO NO NO NO._

****

_“What have you done?” You mentally screeched at him in the memory._

****

_“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done.” The words tumbled so carelessly from his lips. His face suddenly appearing unsympathetic_

****

_The memory shifted again, morphing,  His hand pinched at your chin tightly as he towered over you, forcing you to look at him. He inched closer, anger in his eyes. “I can feel everything you’re feeling, you cannot hide anything from me any longer. You are_ **_mine_ ** _as much as I am_ **_yours_ ** _. This_ **_will_ ** _only serve to strengthen the both of us, you were the fool for denying it. Any fight against the bond will only weaken you, look at what Twelve had left in her wake. You know destruction of the bond would only further weaken you.”  You could feel the rage filling every microscopic corner and crevice of your body._

****

_“He only wanted to control you, to leech off of you like a parasite.” Istina’s voice cut over the memory, loud, no longer a whisper. “Deep down you always knew this. You’ve lied to yourself for far too long. Tricking yourself into believing that he cared for you, that he_ **_loved_ ** _you.”_

****

_You attempted to push the sound of her voice away once more, but she was too loud, her voice echoing and repeating deep within you._

****

_“He never loved you. Not truly. He loved the power and the strength that you provided. You were nothing but a means to an end.”_

****

_You could feel something deep within you cracking, fissoring as her words seeped further into you. Dripping and coating every portion of your essence. You shook. Your mind racing, shifting through every touch, every word, every kiss and joining._

****

_His hand moving tenderly across your skin, his lips pressing against your own, the feeling of his form wrapping around you. The memories shifting, suddenly taking on a new form, your mind forming new connections. Synapse bridging thoughts and cementing them into your mind._

****

_Bitterness and betrayal filled you. Tricked. He had tricked you. He didn’t care. If he had cared he would have stopped Snoke. He would have figured out a way to retrieve you from the hell you had been living. Would have tried to connect with you through the Force. Love could not be stopped. This was not love. This was possession. And he had given you up so easily._

****

_“This is your truth. They have abandoned you. They have betrayed you, taken you for a fool. You fell so blindly.”_

****

_Rage filled you, deep and seething. Deep inside, in the pit of your mind the cage rattled and a lock snapped._

****

Your eyes opened, the lights of the room flickered, surging as the rage inside of you flooded out into the Force. The bulbs bursting above you. The restraints that bound you, springing forward and clattering to the floor. Your hand moved to the mantle, yanking it from you, twisting it in your grip, crushing it with the Force. The three jewels cracking and turning to dust, the energy that it sapped from the Force disappearing in a flash of blinding light.  

****

Zece and Nove stood frozen in the dark room, you could feel their presence still lingering not far from you, confusion muddling the Force. Your hand shot forward, sending the both of them flying into the wall, stepping off of the table and moving forward, holding the both of them against the wall, crushing them into the durasteel.

****

Your teeth clenched tightly, seething hot breath pushing between them, you could feel them attempting to break your hold. This only angered you further, your hands squeezed, the sound of their limbs flailing filling the room as you applied pressure to their windpipes.

****

_“Come to me. Leave them. You are ready.”_  Snoke’s voice hummed softly in your mind.

****

Your lip twitched, not wanting to stop, you pressed harder, squeezing their throats tighter, all you had to do was twist. They would be dead.

****

_“Leave them. I have use for them still.”_ His voice stern. Leaving no room for further action. A command not a request.

****

Huffing you released both of them. Turning to the door, feeling for Snoke’s energy, allowing him to guide you to the door as your hand ripped it apart with the Force. The screeching of durasteel twisting and bending filling your ears, light flooding into the dark room, the sound of a helmet clattering to the floor behind you as you yanked the twisted metal from the doorway and flung it out into the hall.

****

Pausing to look behind you, looking at Zece and Nove as they tried to collect themselves, both gasping for air, still crumbled on the floor. “Consider yourself lucky. Next time I won’t hesitate.” You hissed, turning and walking out into the hallway.

****

Rage and betrayal urging you forward. Feeding off of the emotions as you followed the beckoning call of Snoke’s signature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, my laptop is DEAD. I've figured out a way to work on this shitty tablet I have, but it's frustrating and makes working super frustrating. If you guys want to help a sister out, I have a Ko-fi, if you feel inclined to donate it would be much appreciated. Momma needs a new computer some kinda bad. 
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/mortisoculo
> 
> If you wanna come scream at me, holla at yah girl on tumblr!  
> https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always thank you for your continued support and lovely comments (Though I've been seriously lacking on replying. I see you guys and your comments really do help push me to keep going!)
> 
> Updates will be a bit sporadic until I can get a new computer, but I will try to keep posting as long as I am able. 
> 
> XOXO,  
> Mortis.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Chain (Part 3)

__________________

****

Stepping out into the hall, the red glare of an alarm, perhaps tripped by your sudden departure from the interrogation room, truthfully you did not care. You continued your steady pace as you moved down the hall, bare feet smacking onto cold unforgiving floor, the sound of heavy boot falls moving closer to your position, stormtroopers coming to investigate the alarm. The First stormtrooper rounded the corner of the hall, blaster in hand, helmet turning to peer down the hall, catching sight of you and aiming their blaster at you.

****

“You, prisoner. Halt!”   He called across his noncom, both hands holding his blaster, prepared to shoot if you did not heed his command.

****

And for a moment you almost paused, almost stopped and froze, startled by the gruff voice, but the rage within you overrode the fear, consuming it and taking control of you. Your hand moved clumsily, pushing on the Force wildly, body still too weak, the amount of Force you had used in the interrogation room had only weakened you. You would need to move quickly.

****

He flung across the hall, ragdolling into the wall, blaster clattering and sliding across the smooth surface of the floor. You moved past without so much as a second glance. Your destination far too important to worry about the stormtrooper.

****

The sound of more troopers approaching drawing your attention to the apex of the hall, hands moving as fast as possible, letting the rage that still flowed molten hot within you to overflow, giving you strength. Push. The three stormtroopers that peeled around the hall slung sideways. Flying into each other, helmets banging roughly into the durasteel, body’s limp on the floor, muffled groaning.

****

You walked past them, kicking their blasters further away from their piled forms. Moving out of the hallway that housed the interrogation rooms and moving closer to the lifts. Your eyes fully alert, looking for any danger and not finding any. You moved urgently, not wanting to risk waiting for central command to make contact the now downed troopers, they would only raise the alert to the entire ship.

****

A part of you wondered why Snoke had not sent a command down the line to allow you to pass unimpeded, but you knew it was all part of a game to him. Perhaps he found this whole thing amusing. Wanting to see how far you could get before actually needing his help. How far you would be willing to go in order to reach your destination. A test of sorts.

****

Your lips twitched at the thought. Agitated that you constantly had to play games in order to prove yourself. Your hand reaching out to open the lift, calling it to the floor, standing and waiting. Impatiently looking around while feeling out in the Force. You could feel Zece and Nove still in the interrogation room, alive sadly, and a small blip of energy that you assumed were the dogpile of stormtroopers that you had left in your wake.

****

Thankfully you could not feel any other encroaching signatures, at least none near enough to be a threat. Your body was already aching, mind pounding from your sudden use of the Force. It had been far too long. Your body and mind were out of shape.

****

The lift arrived, opening and revealing a single officer, standing near the door, peering down at her datapad, eyes moving upward to only glance at you. If she knew who you were she did not make any expression or motions of alarm, only returned to looking at her datapad as you stepped into the lift.

****

Turning and pressing the button to the deck level that the throne room occupied, feeling her eyes on you, your own moving to glance at her.

****

“Returning from medical?” She muttered, hand gesturing vaguely at your shift.

****

“Something like that.” You gruffed, not really in the mood to chit chat. The officer seemed to take the hint and returned to peering at her datapad. A loud ding emitted from the datapad, your eyes flitted over to the pad, glancing at the alert that had been sent out. Watching as the officer clicked it with her finger, tilting the pad so you could no longer see the screen. Her eyes lifting and looking at you, then back to the screen.

****

Her hand moved away from the datapad, reaching for something at her side. You inhaled and sighed loudly.

****

“Don’t.”  You spoke calmly.

****

In a flash of movement she dropped the datapad, hand pulling her sidearm, both hands collecting on the handle of the blaster, moving to aim it at you. Your own hand moved, sending a short burst out into the Force, knocking the officer back against the wall of the lift, body moving forward and pressing into her, hand grabbing at the blaster and retching it from her grip, and tossing it behind you. Pressing your forearm against her throat, using what little body weight you still had to pin her against the wall, not wanting to waste any more energy than necessary. Who knew what waited you once the lift stopped.

****

Your eyes locked, both of her hands coming to your arm, fingers digging into your exposed flesh, stinging with pain as her short nails bit into your skin. Your lip twitched, teeth snapping tightly together at the pain, you pressed harder. “I don’t have time for this.” You hissed. Your leg lifting swiftly, knobby knee making impact with the officer’s stomach, her hands falling aside as she doubled over.

****

Calling the datapad to your hand, feeling the smooth edges meet your palm, lifting the machinery and smacking it to the back of the officer’s head. The screen cracking with the impact, moving out of the way as she fell forward, tossing the datapad away, the door to the lift opening.

****

Turning to look at the deck level, not your floor. Your hand pressing the lift close button, turning to look at the knocked out officer. An idea striking you. Hand moving to the halt lift button. The lift stopping swiftly, jarring you slightly. You would need to move quickly.

Bending down you removed her boots first, tossing them to the side. Then to her slacks, pulling them from her legs, tugging them as best as you could, moving quickly and slipping them on. Too big. You cursed, tightening the belt as tightly as it could go, hoping that it would hold until you could get to Snoke. You next moved to her top, tugging it from her, leaving her under shirt on her, shrugging it on and sloppily shoving the tails into the pants. Hoping that no one would quite notice how ill fitting the outfit was. Finger fumbling as you attempted to fix the collar. Cursing under your breath and giving up on getting it perfectly. It wouldn’t matter, you were so far out of regulation that it wouldn’t take a close eye to notice.

****

“Fuck it.” You hissed. Making a grab for the boots and sliding them over your feet, a size too big but they would do for now. Looking down at the nearly naked officer and tisking. A small smidge of humility nagging at you to clothe her. You ignored it. Hand smacking at the halt lift button, the lift lurching back into motion.

****

The lift dinged open and you stepped out, hastily attempting to twist your hair into some sort of semblance of a bun, but quickly giving up as the greasy knotted strands fought against your attempts. Scratching at your scalp in annoyance, cringing at the feeling of the dirty strands. Your eyes shifting in every direction, watching for any sign of movement, keeping your head low, not wanting to draw attention to yourself.

****

You moved with a purpose, though not jarringly so, attempting to blend in with the rest of the officers that would be wandering the deck. Turning sharply around the hallway, boots thudding, eyes darting in every direction, though no one seemed to even be paying attention to you. Far too preoccupied with their own errands or busy with their eyes glued to their datapads.

****

Finally arriving at the double doors of the throne room, two praetorian guards standing post, red coated vibro weapons held in their gloved hands, barring you from entrance.

****

“Move.” You spat.

****

They did not budge, did not speak, only remained in their positions. Your upper lip twitched violently, ugly sneer coming to your lips, hand coming forward and sending a large pulse with the Force, shoving the two guards into the doors, knocking them into the door. Sending another push with the Force, knocking both of the guards and the doors open. Your mind screaming in pain from the exertion, eyes screwing shut attempting to banish the pressure that mounted behind them, opening once more, focusing, and moving forward into the room. The guard behind you moving to collect themselves, preparing to attack.

****

Your eyes locked onto Snoke, hand coming behind you and sending another violent push at the guard, causing them to smack back into the floor as you moved forward. Wrist twisting behind you, fingers flicking, pulling the doors shut behind you.

****

“Ceph.” Snoke cooed, his finger beckoning you.

****

You moved forward, moving to stand in front of him, not bothering to bow. Your face twisted with anger. A hint of a smile coming to his lips.

****

“You understand now?” His voice was low, rumbling deep within his chest.

****

“He used me.” You jaw tightened, teeth clenching. “Just a tool for him to use...to make him powerful while keeping me under his thumb.”  

****

Snoke nodded softly, “He was threatened by your power. Scared that you would surpass him. He played you. Made you think that he truly cared.” He sighed. “He only cares for himself.” He blinked slowly, heavily hooded eyes opening, icy blue orbs locking with your own.

****

“I’m the only one who cares about you my child. I’ve been there every step of the way. I have been with you always.”

****

Something within your gut twisted violently, aching pain, guilt, something missing, a piece of the puzzle lost.

****

“You should have come to me. I could have put an end to all of this confusion so much sooner.” He sighed, hand moving limply, “But it is just as much as my fault, I should have been paying more attention. I should have seen the conflict within you.” His eyes glossed slightly, perhaps remorse, you truthfully could not tell, his emotions were locked tightly away from you. Then again they always had been.

****

“What will you do?” You muttered, the anger within you fading, turning into something else, softening emotionally. Your gut twisting. Heart full of ache. Everything had been a lie.

****

“I can block the bond between you...but it will be painful.” His lips pinched tightly, twisted skin of his neck twitching as he swallowed. “You may not be the same once it is done. It is a steep price for freedom. You must be willing to pay it.”

****

“When you say I may not be the same...do you think I will be weaker?”

****

“It is a possibility. Your bond with the Commander is complicated, much deeper than the connection you share with the other knights. Think if it was a spliced vine, intertwining and growing together, sharing the same source of life. To make the block I would need to sever the connection. There is no telling what will be lost in the disconnect. Certain aspects of your personalities may be changed, there is no telling until it has been completed.”

****

Your brows furrowed deeply, nibbling at your bottom lip in thought. If you made the choice to block the bond, to remove Kylo’s connection, you could become damaged, irreparably so. Weaker and useless, then what? You would be no use to anyone, not even Snoke. But if you kept the bond intact, kept the connection and somehow managing to keep it strained, he would only continue to use you. He would continue to think that he owned you. You did not like the idea of that, anger swelled at the thought.

You knew what you needed to do, deep down you knew that your only option for survival, the only option that would allow you to possibly fully thrive. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, “Do it. Remove it.”

****

“Is this truly what you want?” Something glinted in his eyes, quick and fleeting.

****

“Yes. This attachment….is a _weakness_. And I will not be weak. Not anymore.”

****

“Come to me.” He stood from his seat, hands gripping the arm rests of his large chair, aiding him in standing.

****

You moved forward, walking up the steps and coming to stand in front of him, his form towering over you. Hand lifting, knobby and thick pads coming to rest on your temples. His eyes locking with your own.

****

“This will be painful. Far more painful than anything you have ever experienced. You must not fight against me. Do you understand?”

****

“Yes.”

****

“Then let us begin. Close your eyes. Concentrate on the connection between you. Show me.”

****

Your eyes closed, feeling out into the Force, searching for Kylo deep within yourself. Finding the connection easily as Snoke’s mental probe entered your mind. Your eyes squeezing tightly at the pain that his probe gave you. Your body tensing, though you attempted not to fight against the intrusion, your body did not listen. Joints locking and muscles tightening painfully, a new wave of exhaustion hitting you. Too much use of the Force, body too malnourished to handle the sudden strain. You fought to keep upright, hands coming to grab at Snoke’s forearms, using him for stability.

****

_“Show me.”  His voice echoed within you._

****

_Your metaphysical form moved through your mind, barriers of besker falling as_ _you moved deeper into your mind. Feeling for the connection as you moved closer to it, Snoke’s probe following in your wake, passing through the crumbled walls and moving deeper, the feeling of hatred weakening as you neared the bond. Another feeling pressing into you, taking the place of anger and hate._

****

_Sadness. Fear._

****

_You stopped. Meeting the final wall. You entire being trembled, struggling to move forward. You eyes watered, tears trickled uncontrollably. A blur of light moved towards the wall, zapping into the darkness next to you. Snoke’s form manifesting._

****

_His eyes inspected the wall, assessing the strength of it, running his fingers over it._

Pain filled your mind, threatening to rip you out of your own mind. Too much. The feeling of hot tears streaming down your face, flesh burning from strain, head pounding. Body shaking, the feeling of Snoke’s fingers tightening around your head, clamping you into place.

****

“Focus.” He hissed.

****

_Your metaphysical form flickered, strained from the pain of your physical body. Your eyes clamped shut tightly, focusing, willing yourself to remain inward, to ignore the pains of your physical form._

****

_“Such sadness. Such pain.” He spoke, eyes still focused on the wall in front of you, his hand resting flat on the surface._  

****

_Your lips trembled, hand moving to touch the wall, prepared to break it down with a touch of your fingers. Hesitant._

****

_A small voice whispering in your ear, “Lies. All of it lies. Don’t do it. Don’t listen.”_

****

_“It wasn’t real. None of it was real.” You muttered._

****

_Snoke’s head turned to look at you, his ganguly form moving towards you, slightly haunched, gnarled fingers coming to rest on your shoulder, moving upward, fingers guiding your face towards him gently, forcing you to look at him._

****

_“Open it.” He instructed._

****

_His free hand moving towards your already outstretched hand, still hesitant to make contact with the wall. He guided you forward, forcing your hand to move closer._

****

_Your brows scrunched, looking at him, something within you screaming, fighting. No. This was wrong. You pulled your hand back, attempting to pull the appendage back towards you and away from the wall. His fingers tightening around your hand, crushing your wrist and palm painfully._

****

_“_ **_DO IT_ ** _.” His eyes turning to slits, expression changing, shifting and projecting white hot rage._

****

_You shook your head, “_ **_NO!_ ** _Let go of me!” Still attempting to pull away from him, his grip only growing tighter. Pain searing through you, causing you to cry out. He overpowered you even though you attempted to get away from him. His mind far stronger than you could have ever imagined._

****

_“You think you can fight me?” His lips turning into a sneer, twisting and exposing snaggled teeth and fleshy gums. “I can do this with or without you. Make the choice.” He hissed._

****

_Your lips trembled, pinching in the corners, sealing the sob that wanted to leave your throat, head shaking. He pulled you forward, pressing your hand into the wall. A bright light filling the room, blinding you and Snoke both. His hand still remained tightly clamped around you, holding you to the wall. Your eyes screwed tightly shut, crying in full as the wall dissipated._

****

_He flung you to the dark floor, leaving you to weep as he moved forward, heading towards a bright cluster of knotted light.  He stood, inspecting the intricate jumbled knots, hands moving, feeling around the energy, concentrating on something._

****

_“You will thank me when this is over.” His hand moved behind him, Force surrounding you, your body dragging across the floor and towards Snoke. Lifting upward, forcing you to a stand, though your feet did not make contact with the floor, toes barely skimming the surface, you did not struggle._

****

_“Your hand. Give it to me.” His voice was calm, though his hand moved impatiently, grabbing at the appendage and dragging it upward, forcing your palm to rest centimeters around from the tangled light._

****

_You could feel something emitting from the bond, something that filled you with deep emotion._

****

_Love._

****

_“A lie.” He spoke. “You know the truth now.”_

****

_He released your hand, allowing it to fall to your side limply, body still dangling in the air. His hand reached towards the threads. Bright light coming outward, resisting his touch, zapping him and causing his lips to pull back, teeth barring. This did not deter him._

****

_He reached further, fingers wrapping around a mass of jumbled light. Bright blue light filling the dark room, his eyes screwing tightly. He yanked._

****

Your eyes jarred open. Heart racing, thudding painfully within your chest, as if it were attempting to burst from your chest. A sweat breaking across your body, pain shooting through every nerve, heart giving one last painful thud. Stopped. Your vision darkened, eyes wide open, breath seeping from your lungs.

****

_Your body plummeted downward. Racing in darkness, down down down. Pulled as if you were being sucked towards something. Your eyes opened as a hazy light began to grow, dim and flickering, cold and gray, as if it were cloaked in a haze._

****

_Your body turned, rotating and allowing you to see below. A deep fog, moving closer to it at an alarming rate. Body plunging into the dewy mist, smacking into a hard surface. Pain jolting you. The sound of something shaking violently, rattling of metal on metal. Your eyes opened, hands moving beneath you, pulling you to your hands and knees._

****

_Deep within a circular room, your head tilting to look upward, seeing if there was a way to return but finding none. The rattle, violent and loud, drawing your eyes to the source of the sound. Body moving through the hazy, weakly moving to a full stand, the noise drawing closer to the source, foot hitting something solid, sending the object skidding in front of you._

****

_Bending at the waist, hand moving to pick up the metal object, inspecting it. A lock, snapped and broken. Your fingers tightening around it, clutching it within your grip._

****

_“Come closer. Come to me. Let me see you.”  It lulled. The voice foreign, though something within you  shrank away from it._

****

_You stood frozen, eyes attempting to peer through the haze that surrounded you. Eyes straining in the fog, “Who's there? Where are we?”_   _You called._

****

_“You know where you are. You know who I am. Come. You are only wasting time.”_

****

_You moved forward, though your mind wanted to stay as far away from the voice. Ignoring the compulsion, moving forward, listening for the voice or even the rattle, but hearing nothing but silence._

****

_“Where are you?” You called, eyes searching._

****

_“You know where. Come.” It called._

****

_Your body moved forward once more, hands held out in front of you, feeling in the mist. A tingle coming to your fingertips, causing you to pause. Unsure of the sensation._

****

_“Yes. There. That way. Closer.” It beckoned._

****

_Nervously moving in the direction the the sensation, hand held out in front of you, feeling for the tingle. The sensation slowly growing as you moved forward, moving up your arm, to your shoulder, and seeping into your torso. Nesting deep within your chest. Pulling you forward, a jolt of light coming from your chest, shooting into the haze, cutting into the fog and revealing your path._

****

_You followed the projected beam, moving slowly, still hesitant. Unsure if you should trust the voice. Attempting to rationalize, what did you have to lose? The light guiding you forward, growing brighter the further you moved, cutting further out into the fog, suddenly blossoming outward, sending the mist whooshing away from your in a circle. Your eyes peering around you and seeing nothing._

****

_“Below. Look below.”_

****

_Your head tilting downward, eyes locking onto a hatch in the flooring. Raised only slightly, bolts and locks, holding the hatch closed . You inched closer, neck craning, eyes scanning the hatch, a tiny view port in the center, barred but open. A flicker of movement catching your eyes._

****

_“He wanted you tired. That’s why he didn’t send an escort. Why he didn’t allow you into the room when you arrived.”_

****

_You halted, eyes peering into the darkness within the viewport. Catching the glint of  something red and glowing._

****

_“I was already tired, why go to such lengths? My body...has wasted away, I could easily be subdued.”_

     

_“Your body yes, but your mind, your connection to the Force, that has remained strong. It’s why he’s been slowly ripping the pieces away. Exposing you slowly. The girl and boy tried to keep him out, but they were weak.” It hissed. “They abandoned you. Selfish.”_

****

_Your jaw clenched, not liking the reminder of Twelve and Naf’s sudden abandonment of you._

****

_“But I’ve been trying to reach you, trying to save you. And now...now you must decide.” A grizzled snout moved to the bars, pressing the wet leathery surface to the bars, not wide enough for it to reach through. Six red glowing eyes blinked in the darkness, locked onto you._

****

_“You’re dying. The rip in the bond...was too much for you.”_

****

_“The rip?” Your mind hummed, flashes of Snoke’s hand yanking and ripping apart the light threads, tearing them apart, your body filled with sudden pain, causing you to fall to your knees. Hand clutching at your chest._

****

_“Yes. Your body was too weak, but your mind. Your mind is another story.”_

****

_A cold sweat broke across your skin. Panting from the pain that moved through you. Attempting to keep it together._

****

_“I can help you. Give you the strength you need.” The red eyes swiveled, blinking in staggered succession. “But you must release me.”_

****

_Your hurt thudded in your chest, clenching tightly, as if it would give out at any moment. Something within you, urged you to not listen, a faint pleading voice, uttering a repaticious phrase. Your head shook._

****

_“I can’t. I promised.”  You muttered._

****

_“And she promised to remain with you, but she has left you. Your promise means nothing now. I’m all you have left, I’m the only one who can save you.”  Silence filled the room, a soft pant from the Comedenti, growing agitated. “You have already released one of my locks. Let me help you. Let me save you.”_

****

_Your head shook. “Death would be better.”_

****

_The hatch rattled, yanking violently, straining against the locks and bolts that held it closed. “We will not die here. We will not give up. It is not in our nature. It is not the way. Fight with me.”_

****

_“I’ve fought enough. I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.” You muttered, body growing weak, trembling, heart beat slowing._

****

_The hatch lifted, the Comedenti inside pushing against it with all its might. The locks straining._

****

_“I chose you. I will not let you succumb. Open the cage.”  It gruffed angrily. “Let me help you. There are so many things you must accomplish. You can’t give up now. You can’t let them win.”_

****

_Your heart thudded painfully in your chest. Jolting suddenly._ **_You can’t let them win_ ** _. Your mind zipped through your memories, playing back all the torture that you suffered, all the pain, all the sorrow. The lies and deceit. A swell of sudden anger, surging and rising from within, hot and rabid. Sinking razor sharp teeth into your very essence, chewing away at you._

****

_Strengthen you._

****

_Your hand moved, inching to the closest lock, gripping it tightly, puasing for only a moment, eyes locking onto the red ones that stared back. Yanking with as much force as you could muster. Causing the metal to snap. The hatch lifting as the Comedenti raged against it’s cage._

****

_Moving slowly to a bolt, fingers gliding over the smooth surface, pulling it back, releasing another block. The hatch burst upward, still holding, the sound of snapping teeth inside._

****

_“Hurry! Hurry!” It plead._

****

_Your body moved quicker, sense of urgency filling you, hands making fast work of the bolts and locks. Coming to the last lock, gilded in gold, scuffed and flaking. The first lock. Your hands moved towards it, picking it up, arms yanking will all of their power, legs planting firmly, using your body weight to pull. It would not budge. The hatch lifted, Comedenti growing frantic inside._

****

_“You can not break this one like the others. You know what you must do.” It growled lowly._

****

_Standing back, nodding, hands coming in front of you, drawing on the Force, pulling from your inner strength, the pain and sorrow, building and conjoining. Twisting around your hands like a whirlwind. The fog that had dispersed drawing closer to you, pulled to your hands. Covering them in the damp mist. Your eyes dragging to the lock, focusing on the gilded metal. Upper lip twitching. Fingers snapping closed on your palm, clutching the lock with the Force, the Mist projecting forward, surrounding the lock, hands pulling apart in swift motion._

****

_The lock released, snapping in two._

****

_The hatch sprung upward, blowing open, ripped from the hinges, and clattering loudly in the distance. The Comedenti sprung forth, leaping from the dark confines of it’s cage. Large body leaping, six thick paws making contact with the floor, thudding, head turning and looking at you. Considering you._

****

_You froze, suddenly scared of the large beast as it began to pad towards you, six glowing red eyes locked onto you. Large, perhaps the same size of Vultur, maybe even larger. The fur smokey with dapples of white, as if snow had fallen on its back and never melted._

****

_“What are you going to do?” You muttered, eyes wide, too frightened to blink, worried that if you closed your eyes for even a moment it would be on you. Ripping you apart. All of it a trick._

****

_“We survive.” The voice, suddenly sounding more feminine outside of the cage, she came to stand in front of you, nose moving to your hand, taking a whiff, tongue dodging out, tacky saliva coating your hand. Her mouth opened wide and with a swift chomp her sawed teeth bit into your skin. Crushing bone and flesh, ripping the appendage away from your arm._

****

_“But first, I take what is owed.”_

****

_You looked down in horror, there was no blood, no pain, your hand was simply gone, the flesh that had connected slowly dissipating into flecks of what you could only describe as ash. Floating into the room, as if carried by an invisible wind. Your arm shook, pulling the limb higher to inspect it, suddenly knocked back as four large paws collbered you, sending you down. Hand and arms rising to ward off the Comedenti, flesh bitten into, the fight was useless._

****

_Bone, muscle and flesh consumed by snapping teeth, the pieces that were untouched, missed, turning into ash. Your arms gone, leaving your tender center exposed. Her mouth opening wide, impossibly wide, flesh around her jowls stretching, opalescent saliva dripping, coating you as she chomped at your stomach. Her head rearing upward, pulling the flesh and clothing away, swallowing it without chewing, eyes closing in satisfaction._

****

_She consumed you, eating at your innards, every organ, every vein, every piece, devoured. Muzzle moving upward, breaking your sternum, cracking the bone, turning it into powder. Heart and lungs exposed. Mouth clamping and eating those too. And all you could do was to look on in morbid curiosity, watching as this beast ripped you into pieces, a strange feeling of comfort overcoming you._

****

****

****

_He stood in swaying grass, tall and sweeping, brushing across his torso. Eyes peering out into the distance. Something moving, running away in the grass. A deep pull within his chest, stomach lurching, legs kicking into motion though he wasn’t entirely conscious of making the effort. Chasing after a shadow, wisping through the golden blades, dodging his pursuit._

****

_He continued to run, eyes locked onto the shadowed form, tracking it as it moved, watching as it disappeared right in front of his eyes. The light that broke through the heavy cloud coverage disappearing, swallowed by the storm that brewed over head. Thunderous clapping, shaking the very earth he stood upon. Turning abruptly, the feeling of someone standing behind him, watching him._

****

_And there you stood. Withered away, body frail, cheeks gaunt, eyes almost sunken, cloudy and unblinking. He froze, eyes locked onto you, unsure if what he was seeing was real. His teeth clenching, hands shaking at his side, wanting nothing more than to reach out, to touch you, but something told him not to make contact. A piece of him seeing all the warning signs in your body language, the way your lip curled, the dead glare in your eyes, and how your hands balled at your sides._

****

_His hair whipped across his face, the wind changing direction suddenly, whipping across the blades, stirring the knotted clumps of your hair, exposing the bruising around your temples and cheeks. Someone had gripped you hard, or perhaps repeatedly., the marks an indication that someone had been prying into your mind._

****

_And yet he moved forward, hands grabbing at you, pulling you to his chest. His nose nesting into the tangled tresses, breathing in the smell of filth and you. You froze under the contact, unmoving, it only made him squeeze you tighter._

****

_“I thought I’d never see you again.” He muttered, tears pricking at his eyes._

****

_Your hands moved upward, pressing into his stomach, pushing at him, attempting to push him away. He allowed his arms to release you, standing a step back, giving you room, eyes locked onto your face, his hand moving upward, fingertips brushing at your cheek. Watching as your expression softened slightly. He breathed a sigh._

****

_“You abandoned me.” You whispered, the wind kicking up again, a bright flash streaking across the sky._

****

_“There was nothing I could have done. I...I tried. I tried to convince him to take me instead.” His voice broke, emotions overwhelming him, heart thudding painfully in his chest. Pained._

****

_Your head shook softly, eyes closing, opening and glinting in the dim light, flashing sickly yellow. Wrong. Everything wrong._

****

_“It’s all your fault.” Your voice calm, but he could feel the seething anger that laid under the words. The blame that weighed heavily on him._

****

_His brows scrunched, knitting tightly, bottom lip trembling, his hand moving to clutch you, to pull you back into him, wanting to only hold you, to whisper his apologizes, to tell you how sorry he was for all of it. But you smacked his hand away, taking a step back from him, your body trembling. Not with fear but with rage, rage that was so volatile that it pushed into him, crushing him._

****

_He watched as your hands moved, raising upward, together with open palms. His heart clenched, knowing exactly what you were doing. Legs frozen in place, eyes growing wide as he felt you pull on the Force, could feel it dragging towards you, your sickly yellow eyes glowing, tinged in red now._

****

_“Please.” He whispered. “Don’t. Please.” It was all he could manage. His body betraying him, weak, caught in the oppressive plum that emitted from you. An insect caught in a spider’s web._

****

_Your face was a stone mask, emotionless as your fingers clamped shut, pain shooting through his chest and torso, the feeling of his soft innards being placed into a tight vice. He gasped, pushing out the last of the air that had filled his lungs, eyes growing wide, tears streaming._

****

_“I don’t need you. I never needed you.” Your voice calm, emotionless, dead._

****

_He attempted to raise his hand, feebly attempting to push you away, to stop you, but your hands pulled apart before he could send the pulse outward into the Force. His organs burst within his hollow cavity, heart arresting, pain filling him. Skin and clothing ripping and bursting outward as his body crumbled._

****

His eyes opened, hand clutching at his chest, heart beating far too fast, as if it would burst through his chest. Taking shaky breaths, fingers digging into the skin of his chest, slight pain grounding him.

****

The dream was always the same, always going through the same motions, caught in a loop, every time you ripped him apart, and everytime he tried to cling to you, hoping that this would be the time when you wouldn’t  kill him. Hoping that perhaps this would be the time he would be able to reach you. But it never changed.

****

His hand rubbed at his eyes, calloused fingers scraping his skin, eyes scrunching tightly, taking a deep breath and holding it until it burned his lungs. Pressing out a harsh exhale, hoping that his heart would stop it’s painful thudding. Wishing that he would be able to go back to sleep, but knowing deep down that there would be no more sleep for the remainder of the cycle.

****

Tossing the covers away from him and swinging his long legs to the side of the bed, feet planting onto the cold floor, sending a shiver through him as he forced himself to a stand. Moving to the refresher and splashing water on his face, hoping that would wake him enough, eyes consciously avoiding the mirror, not wanting to see how terrible he was sure he looked.

****

Moving to the toilet to relieve himself, flushing and washing his hands, eyes locked onto his meaty paws, drying them onto the towel and moving out of the refresher, heading to the closet and grabbing his training gear. His head still swimming with visions of you, your frail body, almost skeletal. Anger filling him at the thought.

****

He dressed quickly, making a motion towards his helmet, calling it to him with the Force, hands gripping it firmly, arms raising and latching it closed over his head. Hand reaching for the release on the door, _whooshing_ open and stepping out into the dim hall, a few stormtroopers making their rounds, the shift close to changing over as the new cycle began.

****

He passed them, not so much as glancing at them, heading towards the lift, hand smacking the button, impatient as he waited. Needing to get the energy out, the emotions that were bursting to be released. The lift doors opening and stepping inside, pressing the button for the floor that held his private training room, well not just his, but the Knight’s collectively. But for now they were solely his. All the Knights were gone, leaving only him aboard the _Finalizer_.  Einn and Marun cast to the winds, Zece and Nove...with you.

****

The lift lurched downward, causing his stomach to flutter slightly, teeth clenching at the sensation. Reminding him of something else, something that he didn’t want to think about. His hands moved, attempting to run his hands through his hair, meeting the durasteel and duraplast of his helmet. Muttering curses under his breath. How could he have forgotten?

****

The lift came to a still, door opening, his legs moving in quick succession, stomping towards his destination, more than ready to be rid of the helmet, to move about freely. His hand pressed into the release of the door, requiring a code which he punched in swiftly. Useless really, he could get in without it, but it kept other unauthorized people from entering, he took comfort in that, knowing that there would be no interruptions unless it were a high ranking official.

****

The door slid open, revealing the training room, he stepped inside, hand gliding in a wave, closing the door faster than the compression mechanism would have normally. Hands moving to the latches of his helmet, releasing them and tossing the helmet to the floor carelessly. Stretching quickly, not wanting to waste time on it though he should, he would be sore later, but he didn’t much care. That was a problem for his future self.

****

He moved into a jog, making slow laps around the room, slowly moving faster, muscles pumping as he moved to a full run. Arms moving in time, focusing on his breathing, keeping his inhales even and exhales long and slow. Focusing on the steady beat of his heart, thudding with the movement, much slower than when he had woken up.

****

He kept pushing, even when his legs ached and tha lactic acid began to build in his muscles, he kept pushing. Needing to keep going, needing the distraction, his mind focused on his movements, conscious of every little thing his body did. The sense of control everything.

****

His legs locked suddenly, feet almost tripping him as a deep pain overcame him. Not entirely physical in nature, though his chest and belly ached, the ache of his legs a distant memory as this new sensation washed over him in a pounding turbulent wave. Slamming into him, crushing him, fighting to remain standing, hand reaching for the wall, bracing himself against it and panting heavily. Sweat dripping down his face, coating his body in cold dampness, a shiver dancing up and down his spine, eyes squeezing shut.

****

He took short breaths, pushing out his exhales through clenched teeth, eyes opening wide as the pain continued to come, only worsening as time passed. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath, his heart raced, stomach knotting. He bent over suddenly, heaving and gagging.

****

Another wave crashing into him, his knees buckling, hand sliding down the wall, falling to his knees, body twitching painfully, curling inward as he made full contact with the cold unforgiving floor. His teeth clenching tightly, a low whine of pain hissing between his teeth, fighting the urge to cry out fully.

****

He shook violently, back arching, fingers twitching and contorting, eyes struggling to remain open, a painful scream finally breaking across his lips. Teeth snapping back together in a painful clattering motion, stifling another painful scream, teeth grinding together, attempting to hold it together. A scream filled the room, but it was not his.

****

His head rolled to the side, heart thudding erratically in his chest, his eyes locking onto something that couldn’t have possibly been there. Trying to understand, blinking, attempting to force the sight to dissipate from his vision, but it remained. He could only watch in horror, pain locking him in place.

****

You stood but only barely, Snoke loomed above you his hands clamped around your head, fingers digging into your flesh. Your fingers wrapped around his feeble forearms, bracing you as he supported your weight. Another scream leaving your lips.

****

A sudden jolt of pain zapping through his core, heart clenching, sputtering as if it would give out any second. He attempted to move his hand, attempting to reach out to you, but his body was locked, joints un flexing, muscles taunt and pained. Ringing in his ears as his vision grew blurry.

****

Snoke’s ice blue eyes cutting suddenly, peering at him in a sideways glance, a smirk coming to his twisted lips. His hands released you, Kylo could only watch as you crumbled to the ground. His heart gave one last painful thud, chest lurching, he blinked for only a moment and when they opened both you and Snoke were gone.

****

The pain echoed through his body, but something else, something far worse pained him. A deep a painful ache, not physical but emotional, something that if he were asked to describe he wouldn’t even know where to begin. His hand moved to his chest, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, fingers desperately attempting to reach inside, to grab the ache that plagued him, unable to soothe the pain.

****

His eyes closed, tears streaming down his face as he desperately searched through the Force. Pulling on the connections that he could, mind rapidly cycling through every possible lead, metaphysical fingers pulling and yanking, but it was of no use. He could not feel you, he could not even find the thread of connection.

****

His chest stuttered, a sob wracking him, hand smacking into the floor, the sound filling the silent room. His plush lips contorting, twisting deeply, tugging at the corners, eyes squeezing tightly shut, mind still searching. Perhaps he had made a mistake? Maybe he had missed the connection in his haste?

****

But as he tried, growing more desperate with each pass, he could not find it. Could not feel the bond that connected you. His mind going into overdrive, churning through every explanation possible, skimming over the only possibility. He could not face it.

****

He sobbed, ugly and primal, body turning and curling inward, fist pounding at the floor, attempting to find comfort in the slight sting, but unable to find it.

****

You were gone.

****

The absence of the bond leaving a hole within him, but something else began to swell within the empty space. Something that he could only associate with you. A deep seething rage that sprung upward, like a fresh spring, quickly flooding the space that you had left. Boiling and bubbling, tumultuous waves that churned like a storm deep inside of him. Stirring and awakening something within him that had remained hidden away, carefully controlled and retrained, only cresting when he allowed it.

****

It burst through him, pouring through every inch of his body, lashing out into the room via the Force. The lights that lined the ceiling burst, flecks of powdered bulb raining downward, the objects in the room that were not anchored down rattling and lifting, flinging outward and crashing into the walls, panels denting and coming loose, exposing the innards of the ship.

****

His eyes shifted around him, taking in the damage done. Teeth gritting tightly as he moved to a stand, body aching, skin impossibly hot, every inch of him on fire. His hand rose, upper lip twitching exposing his teeth, Eyes focusing on the free weights that now littered the floor, mind focusing on them, lifting them with the Force, hand jerking, sending them flying into the wall. Repeating the motion until the circuits flashed and sizzled, sending smoke out into the room.

****

He stood panting, chest heaving as he panted. The anger receding, just below the surface, on the precipice of boiling over at any moment.  His mind reeling, attempting to come to terms with the suddenly intrusive emotion.

****

Was this what it was like for you? Was this how you felt?

****

His eyes closed tightly, brows furrowing as another emotion swelled within him. Deep sadness smothering the rage, causing his chest to stutter with a sob. His hands moving to his face, fingers wiping away the tears that cascaded down from his orbs.  

****

****

 

Your eyes opened, a painful gasp for breath, sucking in greedily, your body pained, every inch of you feeling as if you had been beaten mercilessly for days. Your eyes swiveled around you, trying to understand your surroundings. The room a deep crimson, a figure loomed over you, facial features all wrong, lopsided and asymmetrical, shadowed as he leaned downward, peering at you, expectant.

****

“Welcome back.”

****

Your eyes scrunched shut, your body attempting to move, but far too pained, even the simplest of movements hurt. Your mouth opened, attempting to speak, to ask what had happened, but you couldn’t even find the strength to do that. Instead you laid there at his feet, eyes screwed tightly shut, hoping that when you opened them that this would all be a dream. A sick twist nightmare.

****

The sound of the door opening and thudding loudly against the wall, hurried footsteps, moving closer, your eyes opening only enough to see Snoke, standing straight now, peering off towards the door, his hand moving to gesture at you.

****

“I got here as soon as I could.” The sound of Dr. Duran’s voice filling your ears, huffing slightly, out of breath, did he run from the lift?

****

“She lives, though she is severely drained.”  Snoke spoke calmly.

****

“May I examine her?” Dr. Duran ventured, voice still shaky, still attempting to catch his breath.

****

Your eyes closed once more, too tired to keep them open, much less focus on Snoke and Duran speaking.

****

When you awoke you were in a bed, a real bed, not the uncomfortable cot and not in your cell you realized. They had moved you, taken you to a strange room, the sound of subtle beeping, light dimmed, your eyes moving around the room, attempting to understand why you were not in your cell.

****

The door opened, drawing your eyes to see Dr. Duran walking into the room, datapad in hand, his expresion shifting as he looked at your opened eyes peering at him.

****

“You’re awake.” He spoke, voice tender and soft.

****

You hummed in response. Still groggy and not wanting to speak.

****

“We had to put you in status, and gave you a couple of days in the bacta tank just to be sure.” He moved to check the monitor next to your bed, assuming that he was reading your vitals, watching as he recorded everything to his datapad.

****

“Your heart stopped.” He muttered, lifting his eyes to look at you.

****

“Did it?” You mumbled.

****

He nodded, “And by some miracle, it started back, though I have a feeling that Snoke had something to do with that. You had burns on your chest when we gave you the first dip.”

****

You huffed a slight laugh, amused for some reason. Your head turning away from him, peering at the ceiling absently.

****

“You’re healing quickly, I’m banking on you being up in a week.”

****

“Are you taking bets on this?” You muttered.

****

He huffed a laugh, pressing it through his nostrils. “No. Not this time.”

****

“How are Zece and Nove?” Your head turning to look at him, eyes watching as he fiddled with your fluids.

****

“Fine for the most part. Nowhere as bad off as you were.”

****

“Pity.”  Your lips quirked, slight sneer coming to your upper lip.

****

“What happened?” He stopped, looking at you, waiting to see what you would say.

****

“Nothing you should be worried about.” You grumbled.

****

He frowned, turning away from you and moving to his bag, his head shaking slightly. “Were you going to kill them?” He asked, his back turned to you.

****

“Yes.” You spoke flatly.

****

His head shook, perhaps disappointed by your answer. “They are only doing as they have been asked.” He paused, the snap of his bag clicking shut, standing straight and turning to look at you, “I’ll be back in a couple of hours to check on you. Remain in the bed.” His lips pinched tightly, clearly unhappy. You watched as he stormed out of the room.

****

Your head turning on your pillow, eyes peering once more at the ceiling, lifting your hand upward, moving your digits one by one, sighing lowly.

****

_“Good to see you conscious.”_  A growling female voice echoed, appearing out of thin air, your eyes searching frantically for the source.

****

From the darkened corner of the room the sound of nails clacking on the floor, six red eyes peering at you, unblinking and coming closer. Your heart thudded in your chest, sending the beeping from the monitor into a quicker pace.

****

Her eyes turned, looking at the monitor, peering at it curiously for a moment, then moving closer once more, disregarding the sound as she made her way to the edge of the bed. Chest easily meeting the edge, her head moving to loom over you. Her form flickered.

****

“What do you want?” You grumbled, hands balling in the sheets, pulling them tighter around you, aware that she was not truly in the room, only a projection coming from your own mind, but still on edge. Mind flickering with visions of her teeth ripping into your flesh.

****

_“We have crossed the first threshold. The next two will not be so easy.”_

****

Your brows scrunched tightly, confused at her cryptic speech. “What do you intend to do?” You ventured nervously.  

****

Her front paws lifted clumsily, resting them on the bed and pressing them into you, her head moving closer to your face. Your body feeling the phantom weight of her large body. She licked her jowls lazily.

****

_“It’s simple really...first we consume the boy. Then once we have done that we devour the twisted man.”_

****

Your jaw flexed tightly, eyes scanning the room, nervous suddenly, as if someone would hear. “We can’t.” You whispered.

****

_“We can and we will.”_

****

You swallowed harshly, chest rising with a sharp inhale, the monitor beeping louder. Heart thudding erratically in your chest. Her head moved to rest on your chest, snout inches from your face, eyes peering at you and blinking slowly. Your heart rate suddenly slowing, a strange calm washing over you. The contact she made with you filling you with comfort and something else.

****

Something primal, visceral anger, cold and calculated. No longer a towering inferno that burned every inch of you. Instead you were cool, calm, _focused_. And with it, at the very core of the emotion there was a part of you riled at the thought, excited at the possibility, hungry for the carnage and the chaos that would come from doing these tasks. It only stirred more the longer she stared into your eyes.

****

“And once we do that, then what?” You whispered, tongue darting across your bottom lip, wetting the dry and flaking flesh.

****

_“Then we conquer. We rid this world, all the worlds, of the light. We consume until there is nothing left.”_

****

Your eyes closed softly, opening once more to peer at the large beast that rested on you, “And we will feast, our bellies full and our hearts no longer aching. When the time comes we will be satisfied. And so will you.”  You muttered slowly, recalling the words that Vultur had parted you with.

****

_“Let it die, you have been reborn. It is time. We are with you.”_  

****

Your eyes closed softly, a faint smile coming to your lips, “Let it die.” You muttered lowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took SO long. My life has been crazy the past couple of weeks.

Chapter 42

Converge

________________

 

Your eyes scanned the horizon, peering off into the distant landscape, rocky haze of barren gravel desert expanded endlessly before you, the sound of foot falls on loose gravel as a march of liberated Iktotchi laborers moved past you. A stromtrooper carrying a holocamera moved through the procession, capturing the images of the Iktotchi people, briefly pointing the camera in your direction, your new helmet turning to peer at the camera, hand flicking in a dismissive gesture, not wanting to be used in the footage, watching as the camera swept away from you and back to the march. Sweat trickled down the small of your back, the heat of Iktotch soaked through your clothing with a vengeance. 

 

The liberation had been nothing, in fact it wasn’t even much of a liberation really, more like a business deal. The laborers lives bought and paid for, the whole ordeal nothing but a show, not that the Iktotchi knew or even those outside of the higher chain of command. All of it a publicity stunt, the footage to be used for the new mandatory morale sessions that would be broadcast through the various First Order fleets and bases. 

 

Propaganda, meant to stir the loyalty within the Order, keeping those who needed it swayed and those who didn’t proud. You didn’t care much either way, all of this merely a stepping stone towards bigger things. Anyone who had half a mind  could see that Snoke’s true intentions were never made clear, even though he tried to veil the First Order’s initiative through a matra of ‘bringing law to the lawless.’ As if the Order itself wasn’t lawless in its own way. As if they hadn’t ripped the freedom from the people within its fold. The stromtroopers, the officers, you...all just cogs within the destruction machine. 

 

The wind stirred, kicking up pebbles of gravel, sending them plinking off of your visor’s red curvature, pelting into the thin armor and synth leather of your clothing. Your head turned, watching as the Iktotchi braced themselves against the strong wind, shielding their persons with wide flabby hands, eyes squinting as they moved towards the First Order camp where they would be treated to food, water and examinations by the medical staff. As if they were actually worth anything to the order. 

 

Pitted sensors in your helmet clocked the wind, flashing a warning across your visor, watching as the stormtroopers received their own warnings, moving to usher the last of the laborers back to the camp, hurrying them along. Turning to follow them, moving past and towards the large crates that had been dropped to compose the makeshift base. 

 

Stepping inside of a large crate, sealed doors closing behind you, locking out the violent wind that began to rip through the harsh Iktotch landscape. Hand moving to the release on the back of your helmet, clicking the button and releasing the sealed yolk, pulling the helmet from your head and setting it on a table strewn with datapads and flimsy. Things that would be destroyed once this was all over and thusly covering the First Order’s tracks. 

 

Your hands moving to your hair, unraveling the tightly coiled strands. Days spent getting all the knots out, ends a bit worse for wear resulting in the need for a bit of a trim, shorter than before, but slowly catching back up to the previous length, over half a years worth of new growth slowly inching back towards it’s previous placement on your back. 

 

“How's the weather out there?” A female voice asked, drawing your attention towards the charcoal uniform of Major Unifar. Large copper colored eyes peering at you, a cup of caf held just below her lip as if she were waiting for you to speak before taking a sip. 

 

“Disgusting.” You grumbled, pulling the gloves from your hands and slapping them onto the table, pulling out a chair and plopping into the rigid seat, bare fingers coming to your temples, rubbing circles into the soft spots, over exposure to the heat giving you a headache. 

 

A faint smile peaking at the corners of her plush lips, nostrils flaring as she breathed a slight laugh, finally lifting the cup to take a sip, swallowing and setting the cup onto the table. 

 

“Well, we knew that before we even got here didn’t we?” She mused, her voice soft and sweet, decidedly feminine though not irritatingly so.  “The Iktotchi?” 

 

“Liberated, the last few stragglers should be entering camp as we speak.”  

 

She gestured to her cup of caf, you shook your head not wanting a cup, she shrugged in response. “Well I suppose it’s time for us to get to work then?” 

 

You nodded, “Gotta wait out the wind storm, but we’ll be heading into Lonalaka as soon as we’re able.” You tapped your fingers on the table, drumming them absently. “Though I’m not sure why my presence was needed, this could have been easily handled without me.” 

 

She took another sip of her caf, wiping her lips on the back of her hand, taking too big of a swallow perhaps? “I’m not going to pretend to understand what The Supreme Leader’s motives are, but if I were to guess...it’s an easy assignment, you haven’t been in the field since...what? Over a year? When was our attack on Ruonus?” 

 

Your eyes cut upward to look at her, taking in her heart shaped face and round eyes, skin the color of fertile earth, delicately arched brows raised in question. Your fingers ceasing their drumming, lips pinching tightly, a subtle twitch coming to your upper lip. “A year and four months.” 

 

She nodded, eyes closing momentarily, “Either way, it’s a long time to be out of the field. You could use an easy win.” 

 

You hummed flatly. 

 

Her face scrunched, noticing your sudden sour disposition. “I didn’t mean to insult you. I heard about the horrible things that they did to…”

 

You raised a hand, cutting her from completing the thought, not wanting to think about the torture. Not wanting to remember how weak your body and mind had become as a result. Not wanting to recall the events that had lead you to there, it would only make you angry. 

 

“It’s in the past. I rather not bring it up.” You spoke flatly, attempting to control your tone from revealing the already budding anger. Just the thought made your skin itch. 

 

“My apologies.” She muttered lowly, her eyes moving away from you, glancing around the room instead, hand wrapped around the still steaming cup of caf that now rested on the table. “Regardless, I’m glad it’s you with me…” She halted herself from continuing her thought, thinking better of it suddenly. 

 

“He’s gotten that bad? I’ve only heard rumors.” Your brow quirked slightly, sensing where her train of thought was going.

 

You hadn’t seen any of the knights since your bond had been cut from Kylo. Your training had been private, integrated with some of the stormtrooper cadets at points, though those were only for combat purposes, designed to strengthen your body back to fighting shape. Your other training had been taken care of by Snoke when he had the time, most of the time though you trained by yourself. Reshaping your mind and body back into optimal condition, though truthfully you weren’t quite sure if your body was even remotely close to what it had been. Not yet anyway. 

 

“I hear things just as you do. I’ve never seen the man and truthfully I don’t care to. These sorts of things require a level head...and if what I hear is correct...he would not have been suited for this mission.”

__

You huffed a slight laugh. She really had no idea what you were truly capable of. No idea of the terrible desires that moved beneath the surface of the calm facade. “He has other things to worry about, Snoke has other uses for the Commander.” 

 

Major Unifar shrugged. “Perhaps. Either way, rather you with me than anyone else.” 

 

“Marun would have been a good choice as well. He’s very even tempered and obedient.”

 

“You talking about the big one?” She made a gesture with her hands, holding them wide apart and then moving her arms in a mock flexing motion. 

 

You smiled at the gesture. “Yes.” You nodded.   

 

“He looks like he could bend a beam of durasteel with his bare hands.” A smile coming to her lips, impish, almost mischievous. “ _ He could bend me over with those hands any day. _ ” She muttered quickly, her eyes cutting back to the cup of caf, lifting the cup to her lips to hide her darkening cheeks. 

 

You shook your head slowly, tutting at her in good humor. The sound of a datapad beeping, causing both of you to look at the table. Watching as her hands moved to pick up the flat piece of machinery, setting down the cup of caf and tapping at the screen, her face reflecting the bright light of the datapad as she read the alert. 

 

“Looks like we should get ready to depart. The storm is dying down and our new friends are waiting for their payment.” 

 

Nodding you stood, hand reaching for your helmet, eyes locking onto the face. The head of a Comedenti, six eyes that glowed red, mouth open, swallowing the red reflective visor. Swallowing the sun. A reminder of your true objective. 

 

****

 

The buildings of Lonalaka were stark jutting metal, imported along with the technology that flooded the city. The city itself seemed to rise from nothing, jutting out in the dry desolate desert, buildings like jagged metal teeth, gapped in places and crowded in others. The sky already growing dark, wind dying down and moving at a slight breeze, it would have been refreshing if it hadn’t been hot air. 

 

Major Unifar moved beside you as you entered the substantially cooler air of the building. Moving through the lobby, a female Iktotchi coming around the lobby counter to guide you towards the lift, expectant of your arrival. Her large hands moving, gesturing towards the lift. Fatty finger pressing the button to open the doors, allowing the two of you to move inward and then stepping inside to push the floor level and making her exit once she was finished. 

 

The ride up was silent, your eyes moving around the bare lift lazily as Major Unifar shifted beside you. 

 

“Nervous?” Your vocoder synthesizing your voice, layering it with several different echoing tones, though if you listened closely it was possible to decipher the true voice under all the layers. 

 

“Of course not.” She spoke calmly, shoulders shifting slightly. 

 

It was a lie of course, you could feel her nervous energy radiating outward, buzzing like a thousand insects around you. 

 

“It’ll be fine.” You reassured her as the lift came to a halt, the doors dinging open, revealing the sterile bleak floor, a human standing outside of the lift, waiting for the both of you to arrive. 

 

“Major Unifar.” He greeted, his eyes nervously shifting towards you, hands held tightly behind his back, fidgeting. “The Quran Board are eager for your arrival.” He managed to sputter, legs moving forward as his hand gestured outward, signaling that you should follow.    

 

“I’m sure they are more eager for their credits.”  She spoke with her head held high, nose pointed upward in distaste of the mousey man. 

 

He laughed nervously, eyes shifting forward focusing on his pace, embarrassed by Major Unifar’s comment. You followed behind, coming to a sudden halt as you were lead to two rich wooden doors. Imported at a great expense you mused, nothing grew within the barren soil of Iktotch.

 

The mousey escort moved to open the doors, allowing the both of to move forward into a smoky room, the inhabitants sitting at a large table, laughing about whatever they had been discussing before you had arrived, their eyes swiveling in the direction of the now opened door, their smiles slowly fading as they straightened in their chairs. A Pau’an male, his eyes as black as the darkness of space, skin a bloodless gray, deep set ridges across the surface of his face, a high collar hiding his vestigial ears, lips fleshy pink, his double row of sharp teeth shielded by his now tightly pinched lips, stood, taloned fingers gesturing towards the empty seats at the table. 

 

“Welcome, come please join us.” 

 

Major Unifar eyed the seat for only a moment, moving towards it and pulling it outward, sitting delicately, perching on the edge, her spine rigid. Clearly uncomfortable. 

 

“Relax. No need to be so on guard.” Laughed a gruff human male, the arid climate of Iktotch had been unkind to his tanned flesh, making it appear leathery and wrinkled, though a pale scraggly beard covered most of his face, the wrinkles around the creases of his eyes indicated that he had spent a large portion of his life either squinting or smiling. You could not truly tell. 

 

Major Unifar waved her hand dismissively as you moved to stand behind her. “No need to get comfortable, this will not take long.” Her voice was curt, clearly displeased with the situation or perhaps the Quran Board themselves.

 

Your eyes moved to the only native Iktotchi in the room, his body language mimicking Major Unifar’s. Rigid and on guard. His dark eyes moving to lock onto your helmet, as if he could sense your staring, you did not shy away from him, only continued your staring. Watching as his flabby hands moved to the top of the table, rubbing back and forth in a nervous fashion. Causing your lip to twitch in suspicion. What was he so nervous about?

 

“Would you like some?” The human made a gesture to a glass pipe, the source of the smoke you assumed, you could see a crushed and burnt residue within the blakened bowl of the pipe. Watching as he picked it up and moved it towards Major Unifar, making it easier for her to reach it if she chose to. Spice. Your face pinched in disgust.

 

She waved a hand at it, “No thank you.” Her eyes returning to look at the Pau’an as he stood and moved to grab at something behind him that rested on a lavish wooden cabinet, pulling a datapad that sat next to decanters of various colored liquid, and returning to his seat. 

 

“We are prepared to make the transfer. I assume you have cleared the cargo from the camp?” He spoke, a slight whistle passing over the jagged edges of his teeth, almost sounding like a lisp. 

 

Major Unifar nodded. “They have been cleared.”  She said flatly, her hand reaching out towards the datapad as the Pau’an male handed it to her from across the table. Her gloved fingers wrapping around the near flimsy thin piece of machinery, pulling it closer to her as her eyes moved over the screen. Her lips pinching tightly, brows scrunching. 

 

“This is not the amount we agreed upon.” Her copper colored eyes lifted, piercing into the faces of the three males. 

 

The human male shrugged. “We weren’t aware that you would be using footage of your ‘rescue’ in your propaganda.” He took a drag from the pipe, lips tucking tightly and exhaling a plume of smoke, his pupils expanding slowly. “If this footage leaks and we’re traced back to the source of it...we’ll be hunted...perhaps prosecuted by the Republic even. Think if it as a bit more insurance that we’ll make it clear out of the Expansion Region and into far more favorable territories.”

 

“I would need to authorize this amount with my higher ups. I can not transfer any credits until then.” 

 

Anticipating her movements, watching her body language as she began to move, you stepped back, giving her room to stand and push the chair back under the table. Watching as she turned her back to the men that sat at the table, preparing to leave. 

 

“Wait just a kriffing second. You can’t just leave without making our payment!” The human male pushed his chair behind him in a sudden jarring motion, slapping both of his palms onto the flat surface of the table, causing Major Unifar to pause. 

 

“You are demanding a higher payment, I can not authorize that. You will wait.” 

 

“Sith spit! You can afford it!” He bellowed, pounding a fist into the table. Your eyes watching as the Iktotchi male jumped at the sound. Uncomfortable even more than before. 

 

Major Unifar’s head turned to glance at you, her lips flat as she blinked slowly, beginning to grow agitated. “And what do you plan to do to stop me from leaving?” Her head turned, allowing her to glance over the shoulder of her finely pressed charcoal gray uniform. “If you kill me you will never see your payment.” 

 

“Iktha, please.” Whispered the Pau’an male, his eyes narrowing slightly. 

 

Iktha waved off his companion, face scrunching, wrinkles and deep creases coming to his leathery skin. “You owe us our payment.” He spat. 

 

“Correct. The payment we agreed upon. This amount is not what we agreed to.”  Major Unifar turned abruptly, facing Iktha, squaring her shoulders, displaying a firm stance. She would not budge on the matter. “If you would like to return the sum back to its original amount then you will receive your payment.”  Her eyes narrowed slightly, “But until then you will wait.” 

 

Iktha’s face relaxed, eyes closing for a moment, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. The Pau’an seemed to relax at this, but your were paying him no attention, instead your eyes were locked onto the Iktotchi, who seemed to still be on edge. 

 

“I suppose you’re right…” He waved his hand limply, as if he were warding off an annoying insect. Your eyes glided over towards the man, watching as his eyes opened, something glinting briefly in his blood shot orbs, his hand moving swiftly to his side, pulling out a blaster from the holster on his hip. Aiming it at the Major. 

 

“Iktha!” Shouted the Pau’an male, standing from his chair, teeth barring and hands clenched tightly. 

 

“Sit down Li’Mau.” He barked at his companion, his free hand moving to clamp onto the shoulder of the Pau’an male, shoving him back into his seat, blaster still aimed at the Major, steady hand clamped tightly around the grip, finger itching to squeeze the trigger. “This  _ bitch _ is going to give us what we are owed.” He hissed. 

 

Major Unifar huffed a laugh, her eyes moving to glance at you, a smirk coming to her lips. “I don’t believe I introduced you to my companion.” Her gloved hand made a slight gesture back towards you, “Perhaps now would be a fitting time to do so?” Her forefinger and middle pinched together, wagging in the direction of Iktha, giving you permission to do as you pleased. 

 

“Gentlemen, meet Ceph Ren.” She introduced. 

 

Your hand moved in a cutting motion, Force projecting outward, sending a concentrated stream of pulse outward, knocking the blaster from Iktha’s hand, causing it to drop to the floor and making a dull clatter. Iktha’s face scrunching in confusion, attempting to process how the blaster had suddenly been knocked from his grip, his mouth flapping open, his drug addled mind struggling to find words, finally managing to mumble out a single word, 

 

“What?” 

 

Your hand rose swiftly, projecting the Force onto his throat, clamping down onto his windpipe, fingers curling with the motion, arm raising and lifting the man upward, his legs kicking at the table, knocking it away as the Pau’an and Iktotchi made quick movements to get away from the table, backing into the wall behind them. Iktha’s hand grabbing uselessly at his throat, gagging and choking, face turning red as he struggled. 

 

Major Unifar stepped forward, bending down to grab at the datapad that had clattered to the floor with the table. Picking it up, her finger tapping at the screen and nodding, moving forward, ignoring Iktha’s feeble flailings as you slowly choked him to death. She handed the datapad to the Pau’an, who took it with shaking hands, eyes wide in disbelief.   

 

“Now, I suggest you take the amount offered.” She snapped her fingers, the sound resonating deeply within you, your wrist twisting swiftly. Jerking Iktha’s windpipe to one side, his whole neck snapping over in the direction you willed, the sound of a crack filling the room, his body going limp as you released him from your grip. “Or I let my companion do as she likes with you.” 

Li’Mau nodded quickly, finger pressing to the screen reading his biometrics, quickly passing it back towards the Iktotchi, who fumbled to grab it with his large mits, pressing a fatty digit to the screen, eyes moving to look at the Major who waited silently. His eyes moving back down to the now dead Iktha, unsure if he should move, nervous. 

 

You stepped forward, hand moving and pushing the table aside with the Force, causing it to sling into the wall across the room, giving you clearance to reach towards Iktha’s body. Bending down and grabbing at his arm, lifting it upward, Iktha’s hand limply dangling, helmet turning to glare at the Iktotchi, watching as he lurched forward pressing Iktha’s digit to the datapad. Dropping Iktha’s arm and moving back to stand with the Major. 

 

“It has been a pleasure gentlemen.” The Major nodded, turning as she tucked her arms behind her back, her head tilting towards the door, signaling you to follow. Your helmet tilting downward, a curt nod towards what was left of the Quran board, turning on your heel to follow behind Major Unifar like an obedient attack dog.  

 

“ _ Wait! What will you do with them? The Iktotchi? What will become of them?” _  The sound of feet shuffling forward as the Iktotchi male spoke in his native tongue. 

 

Pausing and turning back to look at him, your helmet tilting in amusement. “Does it really matter? You have your credits, they are not your concern any longer. They are property of the First Order now. We will do with them as we please.”  Your voice pressed cooly over the modulator, masking the anger in your voice. The whole situation disgusted you, his sudden interest of their well being only infuriated you further.  __

 

His head hung slightly at your words, the horns that flanked the sides of his broad face sagging slightly. He nodded in defeat, as if he had realized all too late the consequences of his transgressions against his own people. A traitor to his own kind, the weight of his actions his burden to carry. 

 

“Ceph.” Major Unifar beckoned, pulling your attention back towards her. Turning and joining her as you both exited the room and moved down the hall to the lift, the mousey man moving to guide you back to the lift, legs moving in a rush to get ahead of you, attempting to reach the lift before you so he could open the doors. 

 

The Major looked at him in annoyance, allowing him to press the button, the both of you standing in silence as the lift reached the floor, the door dinging open, the Major stepping in first and you following. Your hand moving to the door close buttons before he could wiggle his way inside, sealing him outside. 

 

Your helmet turned to look at her profile, her face locked onto the doors, her eyes slowly moving to regard you, a smirk coming to her lips and with that smirk, that devious little tilt of her lips a thousand lude scenarios began to flutter across your mind. A blush beginning to creep across your cheeks, legs squeezing together slightly. Answering the sudden insatiable ache that flooded your core. 

 

The lift opened, she walked in front of you, your eyes drawn to the sway of her hips. The tease. You trailed behind her as you both exited the lobby, heading back out into the dry heat of Lonalaka and returning to the XP-38, where your two Stormtrooper escorts stood waiting. 

 

One of the troopers opened the door to the enclosed landspeeder, allowing the both of you to enter and taking your seats in the back. Both stormtroopers taking their places in the front, the repulsors kicking on with a loud whirl, Major Unifar shifted in her seat, her thigh pressing against your own, her hands in her lap, her eyes cutting to look at you. 

 

You ignored her, knowing damn well what she was doing, her thigh rubbing against yours sporadically. Your hands balled into fist, a smirk spreading across your lips.  You would handle her once you returned back to base camp, but until then you were content to ignore her. It was a game she seemed to enjoy, seeing how far she could frustrate you until you snapped and gave her what she wanted. 

 

The speeder came to a halt, the large turbine engine slowing it’s rapid spin, repulsors beginning to eek off, landing gear kicking from underneath the carriage of the XP-38. Your hand moving to the handle, opening the door and stepping out, completely ignoring her as she moved to chase behind you. Trailing you to your shared temporary quarters. 

 

She closed the door behind her, the hissing sound of the door sealing, the cooler air within the unit slowly seeping through your synth leather suit. Your hands moving to your helmet, gloved fingers finding their way to the release, and sliding the piece off of you. Setting it calmly onto the table. 

 

Her hands coming from behind, wrapping around your front and gliding downward, her hot breath puffing onto the shell of your ear. “I know you want to.” She whispered huskily. 

 

Your hands moved to hers grabbing them roughly, squeezing them and pulling them away from you, tugging her around your body and shoving her forward. Her boots clanking on the metal flooring, desire flickering in her copper orbs. 

 

You moved forward, hand pressing flatly into her shoulder, pressing into her and shoving her back towards the cot behind her. Pushing her downward and forcing her to sit. The corners of her lips turning upward into a sly smile. 

 

“You think that you’re in charge? That you can just make me do as you wish?” You spoke calmly, turning your back to her as you pulled your gloves from your hands, slapping them onto the cluttered surface of the table. “Undress. Now.” You commanded. 

 

****

 

It had been well over a year since you had seen the snow covered surface of  _ Starkiller  _ base. The summons had been sent in the middle of loading up the last Itochi laborers, the urgent message blaring across the curvature of your visor, though the nature of the summons was not stated. You could only assume it was important. Why else would they have summoned you from such a great distance away? 

 

The ship made it’s landing, rocking softly onto the duracrete pad, engines powering down, already moving towards the exit ramp, hand making quick work of the panel that housed the ramp operations. Waiting as it lowered enough to exit. Eyes making contact with  Lieutenant Grimdarr, surprised to see him actually on schedule this time. 

 

His dark eyes were glued to the visor of your helmet, snub nose red with cold. He had been waiting for you to arrive. A puff of vapor leaving his now flared nostrils. 

 

“Lieutenant Grimdarr.” You greeted curtly. 

 

He bowed his head slightly in greeting. “We are still awaiting the arrival of the others, but if you would like to follow me I will show you to your quarters.” 

 

“Lead the way Lieutenant.” Your hand moved to gesture towards the exterior of the base. Watching as the stocky man made a clean turn on his heel and moved with a  purpose back towards the door that lead into the interior of the base. 

 

Following closely behind him, watching as he made approach to the door, his hand moving to the sensor pad, finger pressing into the pad and entering the code to open the door. 

 

“I hope there are no more wiring problems.” You commented, recalling your first meeting with the man. 

 

He huffed slightly, annoyed with your recollection, “Of course not. The base has been completed perfectly.” 

 

You hummed as the doors swished open, allowing him to make his entrance, following behind him and stopping as he secured the door. Your helmet swiveling around the hallway, taking in the fact that there were no longer any scurrying technicians attempting to repair the faulty wiring behind the crisp clinical panels. 

 

He passed you and began to move down the hall, not bothering to wait for you to follow.  _ Rude _ . You moved swiftly to gain on him, his stumpy legs moving far quicker than you would have thought. Rounding several corners and moving towards the crisp white paneled walls of the officer’s quarters where he stopped abruptly beside one of the doors. 

 

His hands moving towards the panel, making a gesture for you to place your hand upon the biometric scanner. Removing your glove and placing your hand on the pad, allowing it to verify your signature, the door whooshing open promptly. 

 

“Amenities will be available on your datapad if you so need them. You will be notified when the others make their arrival. The training room is open for your use.” He took a deep breath, a bit winded from his brisk pace. “Do you require anything else?” He asked as he made a sharp exhale. 

 

“That will be all Lieutenant.” You made quick entrance into your quarters, hand moving and using the Force to close the door behind you, sealing out Lieutenant Grimdarr’s presence. 

 

Tossing your glove towards the bed, then reaching to release your helmet, moving to place it on the small table that had already been lowered from it’s tight nook within the wall’s panel. Slinging your duffle onto the table’s top and unhooking your saber from it’s clip at the back of your belt, setting it carefully on the table beside your other items. 

 

Your quarters this time were private. Housing a single large bed and a small area where you could make caf or tea. You walked towards the door that lead into the refresher, opening it and peering inside, relieved to see an actual shower. Breathing a sigh at the thought of actual hot water washing over you instead of the sonic’s rapid vibrations. 

 

Moving back towards the table, shifting through your duffle and pulling out your datapad, allowing it to sync to the base and watching as it began to ping with updates. Ignoring them and moving through the proper channels, ordering a hot meal and a laundry pickup, setting it back onto the table and disrobing. 

 

Making your way to the refresher, pulling out two clean towels from the cubby and setting it aside for later, moving to the mirror and taking a look at your face. Shiny with oil, you felt disgusting. The trip had been long, making many stops and trading off pilots and ships along the way, and though most of the ships contained a small refresher with a sonic, you had abstained hoping that you would be able to take an actual shower. Thankfully it had paid off. 

 

Using the Force to turn on the water of the shower, waiting for there to be plume of steam and then stepping inside, allowing the scalding hot water to run across your flesh, quickly turning you flush. Washing your hair, taking your time as you scrubbed at your scalp, allowing the suds to permeate every strand before rinsing it away and immediately loading down your hand with conditioner, soaking your strands in the thick substance and allowing it to sit while you washed the rest of your body. Rinsing everything once you were satisfied, the water’s temperature lowering with the excessive use of hot water, fingertips and the pads of your feet wrinkled and pruned. 

 

Turning off the water, and calling a towel to you, wrapping your hair in the fabric and then toweling dry, the entire refresher full of steam which billowed out once you opened the door and moved back towards your duffle. Grabbing at the last set of clean under clothes and pulling out your dirty items and setting them inside of a laundry sack with your room identification number on it, which allowed the droids to return the items back once they were cleaned. 

 

You waited patiently for your food, sitting at the table and going through your datapad’s alerts. Flicking away the sporadic updates about the base, indicating certain points within the base that were being repaired or maintanced, suggesting alternative routes to key points within the base. You continued to shift through the updates, searching to see there was a datapacket explaining why you had been so abruptly called back to  _ Starkiller _ , but there was none. Not even a hint as to who you were waiting for. 

 

A buzz at the door drew your attention away from the screen, setting the datapad onto the surface of the table and standing, moving to the door and opening it, allowing two droids to enter your quarters. One holding a tray with your meal and the other waiting to retrieve your laundry. Both beeping in binary speak in greeting, informing you that they had both arrived though you could clearly see that. Taking the tray and moving towards the table, setting it down and then picking up the laundry bag and returning to where both droids waited, handing it to one of them and informing the other that you required nothing else. Closing the door behind them and moving to sit at the table to eat your meal in silence. 

 

****

 

You stood peering out of the transparisteel of a large window that allowed anyone who occupied the officer’s quarter’s to enjoy a snowy view of  _ Starkiller’s _ landscape. Though you weren’t entirely sure as to why it was placed in the slight alcove off of the main hall. Perhaps it was meant to be a morale booster, allow those who haunted the officer’s halls a glimpse of real sunlight, give them a sense that there were indeed things outside of the clinically clean walls and artificial lights over head, to keep cabin fever at bay. Either way you were grateful for the view, though you longed more to be actually out in the cold white powder. 

 

Not that you couldn’t be in it. You had the authorization to move about the base as you so pleased, you had chosen to keep in doors for now, still waiting for any sign of the next arrival. Two days had already passed and you were beginning to question the true urgency of whatever this was. What was keeping them, whoever they were? 

 

The sound of booted feet and the beeping cadence of a droid called your attention towards the hall, your helmeted head turning and peering into the bright light that lit the white hallway. A droid and two technicians moved closer towards you, the sound of the rustling of their jumpsuits could be heard as they neared. One of them holding fresh towels in their hands, the other talking to the droid who kept question as to why they were preparing the quarters.  

 

“Because you got it wrong last time he was here.” The one holding the towels snipped. 

 

The droid released a series of beeps, causing the one who had free hands to tutt. “You saw what he did last time he got mad. We need to over see what you’re doing and ensure that your programming isn’t what the issue was.” 

 

“Stupid rust bucket, you had the orders, I still don’t understand how you managed to kriff it up.” The one holding the towels muttered. 

 

The droid beeped in agitation. 

 

You huffed a laugh. Turning your head back to the window, watching as a few birds fluttered out in the distance. The two technicians and the droid passing by you without so much as a glance. Resting your hand absently on the transparisteel, feeling the cold even through the thick substance and your gloves, allowing it to seep inward and encompass your hidden flesh. 

 

There was something about the cold, about the snow and the craggy mountain range further in the distance that made you feel at peace. Reminding you so much of Zoist, the only home you had ever known. It made you feel at ease, relaxed and intuned within yourself. As if the cold could soothe every ache and pain, emotional and other wise. 

A prickling at the base of your skull, nagging and incessant, called your attention, wanting you to look away from the window, to peer at your side. But you ignored it, knowing well enough what it was, or rather who it was. You could feel the signature of the female Comedenti that resided deep within you, projecting outward on her own volition. 

 

Sestra’s phantom form could be seen from the corner of your eye, sitting on her haunches, peering out the window as well, her mouth open in a slight pant, her speckled charcoal and white fur would have blended in perfectly with the landscape outside. 

 

_ “Do you feel it?”  _

 

You continued to ignore her, choosing not to answer. She would answer her own question soon enough. The sound of a muffled huff, like an echo down a long hallway, a sound only heard within your head. 

 

_ “Ignore me all you want girl, but he is coming.”  _

 

This time you turned to look at her, her ruby red eyes fixated on the horizon, blinking lazily. 

 

_ “Why would he be coming here? Snoke has him searching for Skywalker.”  _

 

This time she ignored you, causing you to gruff in annoyance. 

 

_ “And besides, we are not to be near each other.”  _  You mentally mumbled. 

 

Her head turned to look at you, seemingly gazing through the red reflective surface of your visor and peering directly into your eyes. 

 

_ “A test.” _ Her voice graveled calmly. 

 

_ “Ridiculous. He wouldn’t risk it.”  _  You nearly hissed, agitated at the mere thought. A test? How ridiculous. 

 

_ “He is curious perhaps? Wants to see who will devour who.”  _  Her head turned to look back out of the window. 

 

_ “Surely that’s not why we’ve been called here. Besides, that bumble fuck Grimdarr said others...not other.”  _

 

_ “It doesn’t matter. We will consume him as we will everything else. Do not fret girl. Just another stepping stone.”  _

 

You returned your gaze to the window, peering outward, sifting through the Force mentally, feeling for his signature, but knowing deep inside that you would not be able to feel him. The broken bond and the subsequent block that Snoke had fabricated kept either of you from feeling the other. Moving almost blindly about each other in the Force, never to be able to directly pinpoint the other. Only flagging as a large energy signature in the Force when in vicinity of the other, or at least that is how Snoke had described it to be. 

 

Your jaw flexed, hands balling at your side, the urge to lash outward, to release your bubbling anger upward from the cavernous pit that it resided within almost over took you.The mere thought of sharing a bond with him infuriated you, made you feel almost irrationally angry.  Your muscles tensed tightly, straining to keep yourself from physically releasing your rage.

 

_ “Save it for him.”  _

 

You nodded, feeling as Sestra’s energy coiled tightly around your anger, strangling it into submission, allowing you to stuff it back inside. 

 

_ “Let us go outside, immerse ourselves in the cold, away from these walls.”  _  She stood, her ghostly form padding towards the hall and away from the alcove, halting expectantly, you moved to follow her, the draw far too great to ignore, as if being lead by a tether, both of you ingrained in the other. Attached. 

 

_ “We have not been in snow for so long, it shall be a treat.”  _ She mused as she moved in front of you down the hall.

 

_ “You won’t be able to feel it.”  _ You pointed out, following closely behind her, eyes scanning the hall absently.

 

_ “I will feel it through you. It’s not ideal but it will sate my urge.”  _

 

_ **** _

 

It was another day before the Commander made his arrival onto Starkiller base. You did not stand waiting for him on the duracrete pad as you once would have. You were not eager to see the man, not in the least bit. You remained in your quarters, attempting to hide away for as long as possible though you knew eventually you would meet. 

 

And when that happened….you weren’t quite sure what your reaction would be. Would you attack him? Allow your anger to consume you completely, to take all the ill harbored feelings that you held for the man and allow them to flow through you. Or would there be another reaction? Would you be able to contain your contempt, keep things professional?

 

Would he be able to contain himself? What his reaction be? Anger? Sadness? Excitement? You could not truly know. The man you had thought you knew, the man who you trusted with everything….he had never existed. Only a fabrication created to get you to open up. 

 

It had been well over a year since you had seen the man, since he had allowed you to be taken back into the hands of Snoke. Allowed you to be tortured and humiliated. 

 

Your body stiffened, hair raising across your skin. Perhaps it was all for the best? If he hadn’t of allowed you to be taken, to be captured and abused… starved and beaten...you would have still been under the spell of the bond. Allowing him to use you for his own selfish needs and desires. 

 

Your jaw tightened, teeth gritting at the thought, anger flooding you. How could you have ever believed that he cared for you? That anything he said...the feelings that he projected...that they were nothing short of a lie. Everything carefully crafted to get you to open up to him, allow him to see the very essence of you, showing him exactly how to manipulate you. 

 

_ “No different from the twisted man.” _ Sestra’s gruff voice echoed within your head. 

 

Your eyes closed, a cruel smile coming to your lips. The first threshold had been passed. Kylo was the next. And then after him Snoke. And after that...after that you would move on to anything or anyone that stood in your way. Nothing would survive.

 

Your head lifted, eyes opening, the feeling of something vibrating violently within the Force drawing your attention. Your brows scrunching as you attempted to ignore it. You knew the source, though you could not pick out specific things about the signature, could not accurately pinpoint the source, you didn’t need to. There was only one other Force sensitive within the base that would pull that much draw from the Force.  

 

For a moment you wondered if he could feel you as you could feel him. If he even knew that you were present. You quickly dashed away the thought. He had to know. How could he not? 

 

You shifted in your seated position on the floor of your quarters, moving your legs and preventing them from falling asleep fully. Flexing your feet and laying completely back against the floor, your head resting on the cold metal surface. Taking a deep breath, holding it for as long as possible and allowing the air to press through your clenched teeth in a soft hiss. 

 

Closing your eyes and focusing inward, carefully beginning the construction of your mental walls.  You would need them soon enough, and this time they would be impenaritable. No one would make it through. 

 

_ “And if they do they will be met with our teeth.” _ Sestra hummed. 

 

“No one makes it out.” 

 

_ “We shall consume until there is nothing left.”  _

 

“Yes.” 

 

The Beskar wall rose within your metaphysical space, fortified and strong, the color of a deep void, as encompassing as a gravity well. A single touch to the surface and a weak mind would be destroyed. And behind the wall, if they did manage to break through...Sestra waited, guarding your very essence...her own essence tangled tightly with your own. Together you would destroy it all.

 

_ We are with you.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art of Ceph's new helmet : [Helmet art ](https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/177093495202/mortisoculo-i-dont-have-internet-to-write-so)
> 
>  
> 
> [Come scream at me on Tumblr!](https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/)


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I began conceptualizing this story it was a way for me to deal with my depression and the constant turmoil of my emotions. This story was and still is my therapy. 
> 
> And I just wanted to take this moment to address some things, some possible misconceptions about where this story is heading. This is not a happy story, though there will be moments of happiness and humor and fun, but overall this is not a fairy tale. Nor is it entirely a love story. 
> 
> If you have come here for that, then I suggest you turn away, it does not get better, not in this version of the story. I also want to remind all of you that the tags that I have included are meant to act as trigger warnings. If you are triggered by anything within this story, do not proceed. Stop. 
> 
> You(Ceph) are not a hero, you are the villain. You(Ceph) will do horrible and atrocious things and in turn horrible and atrocious things will happen to you(Ceph). There are repercussions for every action and transgression, and I plan to follow through with those. 
> 
> And if you can’t handle this, I don’t blame you for turning away now. Please know that I appreciate you reading this far. Thank you. 
> 
> For those of you who wish to continue, again, I warn you...this version of the story is not happy, so please, mentally prepare yourself for the heavy emotions and themes that will be throughout the entirety of this story.
> 
> -Mortis

Chapter 43

Schadenfreude

_________________

 

Since his arrival, since he first stepped foot onto  _ Starkiller _ something nagged at him. Deep within his gut, a pulling in the Force, large and bothersome, though he could not exactly pinpoint its origin though he searched. Taking every moment he could to shift through the cosmic web, drifting along the intersecting lines, tugging upon the strings in almost frantic search of the signature, every time he thought he was gaining ground, moving closer to its source it would dissipate, leaving him frustrated and with a dull headache. It was almost as if the signature did not want to be found, which seemed almost preposterous.  It was there, blatantly so, staring in right in the face so to speak, only for it to fade away as soon as he tried to make a grasp at it. 

 

He should have given up on searching for it after the sixth time he tried and lost sight of it, but he couldn’t help but to feel the pang of familiarity everytime he got close. It was as if he had known the signature before in a strange dream, only a vague recollection of the feeling that cast from it, like fingers skimming over calloused skin. There but not. 

 

He didn’t truthfully know what his course of action would be once he did manage to trace the source of the signature. Apprehension? Take this person into custody, turn them over to Snoke? He knew every Force user within the First Order. All of them connected, this signature did not belong to any of them, that he was sure of. 

 

His brows furrowed, eyes opening and pulling his metaphysical form once again away from the phantom signature and coming back to his own body. Where he could feel the sag in his shoulders and the tiredness in his eyes. He was exhausted, no amount of sleep seemed to chase away the feeling. Not when the nightmares plagued him, not when thousands of hands grasped at him, their face coming through the darkness, some more familiar than others. Each of them gone by the cast of his own hand. The souls of the departed that haunted him, hanging around him like a cloud, stuck in a limbo, constantly trying to drag him towards something, begging and pleading for him to turn away. Always turn away. To go back. Ask for forgiveness and seek his penance. 

 

And everytime he would rip himself away, drag himself from their tight grips, waking up in a cold sweat, his heart racing. There was no forgiveness to be found and any penance he could seek would be death. For life could only pay for life. The balance had been knocked, the counter weights struggling to regain their precarious equilibrium. He was not ready to turn away, he knew he could not, he must finish what he had started. What his grandfather had started so long ago. The book open, waiting to be finished by his own hand, it was his destiny and he would embrace it with open arms. He would not turn away just because the things he had done haunted him.  _ He would not be weak. _

 

So he went where he was summoned, cutting down anything in his way, each victory another step closer to completion. The morphous clay constantly shaping and changing, the realization of ideals and the strong need for control, the need to  _ succeed _ . They fueled him, kept him going when the hole within him ripped open wide, threatening to consume him in sorrow and hopelessness. A human shaped hole, left by your death, the void that needed filling, the constant ache of your absence threatened to consume him for months. He had only just now fully come to terms with it. You were gone and there was nothing that could possibly bring you back. 

 

****

 

You stood in the snow, eyes locked onto the stormtrooper that stood in front of you, eyeing him as he moved, feet moving firmly in the freshly fallen powder, stirring and crunching beneath his black boots. You could feel his eyes locked onto you, waiting for you to make the first move, patient but nervous, attempting to anticipate your move. 

 

Your legs relaxed, muscles ready for movement though you held off, he was expecting it, you could wait, you had nothing but time. He began to move, making a slight crescent shape, attempting to goad you into attacking, inching closer but staying just out of your reach, cautious. His hands adjusted on his pike, grip far too tight, his hands more than likely sweating under the thickly padded gloves. Your saber held within your dominant hand, dimmed back down to the training setting, not wanting to kill the man, only wanting to harm him just enough to force him to submit.   

 

You watched as he loomed just out of your reach, exhaling slowly, a puff of vapor pushing into the air. You could have easily pulled him towards you with the Force, dragging him into your reach, but that would have been far too easy. You would not be using the Force, today you would rely on your own skills in combat. 

 

And there it was, his left foot inching just within your box, your arm moved, raising and slashing at him, his hand moving the pike clumsily in defense, blocking the swipe of your saber shakily. You advanced forward, moving quickly and pressing your body far too tightly to his, swiping and forcing him back with the blade of your saber. 

 

He moved as quickly as he could, almost stumbling backward as you made your press. Left foot swiping across the freshly fallen snow, kicking it into the air and spraying his helmet with the powder. Your saber slashing downward onto his hand, knocking the pike from him. He yielded as soon as he was disarmed, clutching at his struck hand, the fibers of his glove burned, the flesh underneath smoking, the stench filling your nostrils. 

 

You retracting the crimson blade of your saber mentally and clipping it to the back of your belt. Turning to look at the small group of troopers that stood in the treeline, tired from hours of sparring and more than ready to return to the interior of the base. All in all, they were not terrible, you could easily toss this trooper’s failure to exhaustion.

 

“Return to the base. Rest. We go again tomorrow.” 

 

You watched as they all turned, the sound of crunching and the faint sound of their armor’s clanking as they moved back towards the base, breaking the treeline and heading into more open space. Leaving you to stand in the shadowed space beneath the trees, eyes moving about the canopy, watching as the loose powders fluttered from the boughs, swirling in the lazy breeze. 

 

Your nose was cold, lips chapped, bitten from the cold of _Starkiller_ ’s frozen landscape. You reveled in the feeling. Soaking in every burning inch of exposed flesh, delighting in the bite. Taking a deep inhale, allowing the air to burn your nasal passage and lungs, exhaling with a huff. Still not quite satisfied.  You turned, moving in the same direction that the stormtroopers had taken, heading back towards the outer walls of the base, eyes scanning ahead, watching as the last ‘trooper moved inside.  Walking towards the door and opening it with the pass-code and waiting for only a moment as the mechanism triggered within the wall, allowing the door to open with a ‘ _whoosh’_. Stepping inside of the steel gray hallway and moving further inside, aiming to return to your quarters, mind absently leading you back through the maze of hallways.

 

You passed officers who moved about their business, eyes glued to their datapads, legs moving at a quick pace, always in a rush to reach their destinations. You watched them as you passed, unrecognized, none of them had ever seen your face. You watched as two female officers joined further down the hall, both speaking in hushed tones, their eyes skirting around them, nervous. 

 

"He's in the hall. I had to pass him." The taller of the two whispered, though he voice was hushed, nervous panicked energy radiated out of her, colliding into you and bouncing off of the mental walls, the vibration felt though it was faint. 

 

"Shush!" The other scowled, her eyes locking onto you as you moved closer, her hand gripping at the shoulder of the taller officer and guiding her away. "Not here." She whispered. 

 

You watched as they turned down a hallway, away from the direction you were heading. Your lips pinching tightly. Mind reaching out, sending a tendril down the hallway, seeking out the taller of the two, making an uncomfortable entrance into the woman's mind. Carding through her recent memories, her mind pushing back, attempting to push out the pain that your probe caused. You could see him lingering in the alcove, helmet locked onto the scene outside, looming like a shadow, appearing as if he were waiting for something or someone. Was he waiting for you? Did he know you were approaching? 

 

You pulled the tendril away quickly, snapping back into your own thoughts, walking at a much slower pace than before. Should you proceed or should you divert your path and hope that he would not be there by the time you made it back around? Exactly how much longer could you avoid him? You stopped mid walk, huffing out in annoyance. The whole thing was ridiculous. You could control yourself enough not to rip him to shreds upon seeing him. You had enough sense not to do such a thing, not yet anyway. It wasn't time. 

 

You continued your path, moving down the now pristine white walls of the officer's hall, walking down the slight slope in the flooring, moving to the contours of the planet, reaching out into the Force and feebly attempting to feel for him even though you knew you would not be able to. Not that it mattered, he would either still be waiting or he wouldn't, either way, you would both eventually meet. 

 

Your eyes searched the hallway, peering at the opposite side of the hall, waiting for the alcove to reveal itself. Your eyes caught sight of a looming figure, a black mass taking shape as you moved closer, body suddenly coming to a halt. Unplanned and unwarranted. You froze, eyes locking onto the tall broad frame that lingered within the alcove, staring absently through the transparisteel. Every hair on your body coming to a rise, goosebumps prickled across your skin, and for a moment you forgot how to breathe as his helmet turned, the dark visor locking onto you. Both of you locked into place, staring at the other. 

 

Your eyes closed, shutting away the sight of him as you exhaled. Jaw tightening, eyes opening, watering slightly, anger from within the deep well swelling and surging. Pooling in your orbs where you blinked them away before they could stream down your face. Retaining your composure, watching as his hands shook by his sides. Your body humming with anxiety and anger. The well inside opened, emotions beginning to flood and surge deep inside of you, you could feel a tightening in your stomach. 

 

_ "Not yet. Patience." _   Sestra's gruff voice hummed within your head, reminding you of the thoughts you had only moments ago. Control. You must remain in control. It was not the time. 

 

“You’re dead.” The vocoder could only hide so much emotion, broken vibration, breathy and heavy, strained. 

 

You moved forward, continuing your path, choosing to completely ignore him as you passed by. Straining to keep your poise, no longer wanting to see him or be in his presence. It was all too much. His bod lurched, arm moving out and hand swiftly to grab at your upper arm, yanking you into a halt, your head turning slowly to look at him, jaw tightening and teeth grinding, eyes moving down to look at where he gripped you. Blinking slowly, holding back the urge to rip your arm from his now shaking grasp, keeping the urge to attack at bay. 

 

“You’re dead.  _ You’re dead. _ ” The vocoder began to crackle, garbled static as his breathing grew heavy. Panting, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession, his hand shakingly moving away from your arm, fingers curling slowly as his arm moved back to his broad chest, clutching at the fabric tightly. 

 

Watching as he began to panic, the vocoder continuing to crackle as he he tried to catch his breath. Your head tilting slightly, watching curiously as he moved through the throws of a panic attack. Caught up in the thought that you could not feel it, that the only reason you knew what he was feeling was his body language. You couldn’t even feel anything radiating off of him in the Force, it was as if he wasn’t even there. Like watching something on a holovid. You were completely removed from him. The distance strange, almost comforting in a way, finally alone, no longer feeling him, no longer being compromised by his presence, his emotions did not touch you. 

 

And with the realization a cold calm washed over you, the anger cooling rapidly, pity taking its place as you watched his whole body tremble. But the pity disapated quickly, like vapors rising and cooling, vanishing in a blink of the eye. Disgust rose in a billowing plume, thick and smothering. The display was pathetic. How could you say you served under this mess of a man? 

 

You leaned in closely, choosing to keep your appendages to yourself, eyes locking onto the visor of his helmet, brows scrunching and lips moving into a disgusted sneer. 

 

“ _ Compose yourself _ .” You hissed, choosing not to keep the disdain from your voice. “This is  _ pathetic _ .” You gestured to his shaking body. 

 

“You’re not her.” The vocoder whined. 

 

“You’re right.” You watched as he braced himself against the wall of the alcove, bending at the waist as if he were fighting the urge to collapse. 

 

Disgust began to quickly shift back into anger, spiteful cold rage filled you as you continued to watch him try to resume a normal pattern of breathing. Moving forward and crowding him, nearly pinning him to the wall despite the obvious size difference. Your hand moving to the chin of his helmet, gripping it tightly as you moved his head upward, forcing him to look at you. 

 

“ _ Look at yourself. _ ” You hissed, teeth snapping as you spoke, anger seething. “You’re nothing but a shaking child, _pathetic_. ”  Your hand shoved at his helmet, forcing his head to snap with the shove. 

 

Standing straight, shaking your head, nose crinkled in disgust. Your eyes gliding over him, watching as he remained motionless, his chest still rising and falling in rapid succession. You watched as he fell apart for only a moment longer, the display was pitiful.  You turned away from him, moving back towards your quarters, leaving him to shake and shiver in the hall. Not once looking back. 

 

****

 

Tawny eyes peered out into the bay of the battle cruiser, watching as the workers scurried about, moving from ships and cargo alike. Working on repairs, fine tuning other things, loading cargo onto lifts and transporting them out of the docking bay and into their new homes upon the ship. 

 

It wouldn’t be much longer and they would make their arrival onto  _ Starkiller _ , which truthfully he wasn’t excited for, but something deep inside of him hummed with excitement though he couldn’t quite put a finger on the why. He wasn’t looking forward to the cold, it reminded him too much of Zoist, too many memories that would be recalled upon seeing the white covered frozen landscape. Sometimes he wished he didn’t remember. 

 

“Is everything okay Master Einn?” A delicately feminine voice spoke, he could feel her presence lingering behind him. Excited energy seemed to flood out of her, though he was sure she was not aware of this, most people didn’t realize how much they projected out into the galaxy. 

 

“Everything is fine Major.” His vocoder rasped, humming loudly with the multitude of layers that the vocoder used to mask his voice.

 

She moved to stand beside him, her hands clasped behind her back, rocking back and forth on her feet, a faint smile on her lips. “Excellent.” She hummed in an almost sing-song voice. 

 

His eyes sliding to peer at her, his helmet trained onto the still bustling hanger. 

 

“What is the estimated time of arrival for  _ Starkiller _ ?” His vocoder hummed.

 

“A week at most thankfully. The Iktochi are growing restless, the vast majority of them have never been on a ship, much less spent this amount of time away from their planet. Any longer and I fear that they will become a problem.”  She spoke clearly, her words perfectly articulated, trained to do so, there must never be any confusion when giving orders.

 

The Emperor had seen to the isolation of the Iktochi, placing a blockade around the planet, barring any outsiders from landing unless they had specific clearance to do so. He feared their connection to the Force, precognitive abilities that only grew stronger the closer they became to their home world. But the further they moved away the less they were able to see into the future. And the Iktochi themselves seemed to have been perfectly content with being confined to their home world, some texts recounted a mass exodus of the Iktochi from many of the Core planets, though it did not elude to the reasoning behind it. As if no one bothered to ask the Iktochi why they were suddenly uprooting themselves. Of course in hindsight, they more then likely sensed the coming change to the galaxy and decided to return home where they would be safe. 

 

He of course had always thought that was silly. They were harmless the further away they were, why would the Emperor even worry about such a thing? It wasn’t as if the Iktochi were particularly blood thirsty or vengeful. They kept to their own business from the majority of texts that he had read, though admittedly it wasn’t enough to be an expert on such a thing, only enough to form an opinion on the matter. Not that his opinion really much mattered. It was in the past, before he was even thought of. Either way, it had lead to the laborers coming into the hands of the First Order. He huffed at the thought. So much for being safe on your own planet. 

 

“The Commander has already arrived?” He asked. 

 

“Yes and so has Lady Ceph.”

 

A flurry of intimate images flashed in his mind’s eye, projected from the Major’s mind, thinking far too loudly for him to ignore. His guts clenched, burning as if he had eaten something that did not agree with him, though it was not at the images that the Major projected. Flinching slightly at the sound of your name, a part of him horrified of the idea that both you and the Commander were at the same location. Did he know yet? Did he realize that you were alive, that you had spent a year under Snoke’s careful eye, training and becoming stronger? That you were meant to be a direct rival for the Commander, a successor so to speak if he were to fail in locating Skywalker.

 

And had Snoke intentionally sent you and the Commander ahead? He was on the ship you had used to get to Iktoch, the very people that had been freed from the labor camp now resided inside of the cruiser, heading for _Starkiller’s_ orbit, and then onward to Beirus where they would be unloaded and sent to work. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around why Snoke would send you off when you could have easily have joined him in travel, or rather he could have easily joined you in travel. The only thing he did know for sure, was that nothing good could come from you and the Commander being together. Someone was going to end up dead, or in the very least injured. Though it was a possibility that that was what Snoke looking for. Let the each of you destroy the other, see who really was the better of the two.

 

Major Unifar shifted beside him, her head turning to look at him, perfectly shaped brows arching in question, her plush lips pressing together though the motion did not diminish the thickness of them. “Are all of you this quiet?” She asked with a slight air of humor. 

 

He shook his head slightly, drawing back from the thoughts that began to plague him. “Excuse me.” 

 

He turned away from her, moving swiftly towards the blast door that allowed access from the upper levels of the ship to the landing above the hanger, opening the door with a flick of his wrist and moving as far away from the Major and everyone within the hanger. Wanting nothing more than to be alone with his thoughts, though he knew it would be nearly impossible with so many people aboard the ship. Their thoughts loud and empeeding, constantly pushing them back and away, too unfocused, far too unfocused. 

 

He made his way towards his temporary quarters, taking the service halls to avoid as many people as possible, using the stairways to move lower within the decks of the ship. Passing a few technicians and service droids, none of them so much as giving him a second glance, far too preoccupied with their work to bother with such. 

 

Turning a sharp corner and exiting from a blast door, moving out into the main hall and making a tight left, he could see the door to his quarters ahead. His hand already moving to push the door open with the Force, a quick flick and he moved through the open doorway, closing it behind him. His hands already moving to his helmet, pulling it from his head, moving towards the night stand and setting it down quickly.  His golden eyes moving around the room, closing and taking a deep breath. He needed to center himself, rid himself of the anxiety that shot through his gut and pained him. 

 

Pushing out a heavy breath, and easing to sit down on the floor beside his bed, his heart thudded loudly, neck twitching annoyingly, shifting to become comfortable on the unforgiving floor. 

 

_ “Everything will be fine Einn.”  _  Yasmal’s voice washed over his mental space comfortingly, though not enough to dash away his fears. 

 

_ “What if she won’t come? What if she’s too far gone?”  _  He didn’t dare speak it from his lips, too frightened to hear the words fall from his own mouth. 

 

_ “Then you leave her behind. You knew that was always a possibility.”  _ Her voice was calm, still trying to dash away his worries, though she did not sugar coat the message. She would only baby him so much. 

 

_ “I told you, I can’t leave her. I won’t.”  _

 

How many more times would the circle fold around, how many more times could he run the same path? The conversation always the same. He would refuse to listen to Yasmal, she would argue with him, they would come to an agreement. But right now, he wanted her for once to present a solid solution, to give him the answer that he needed to hear. 

 

She sighed loudly,  _ “I told you Einn, she must make her own choice. You can not force her to go with you. Just as you can not turn the others.”  _

 

His mind began to race, the others, Marun, Zece and Nove...what about them? Would they come? If he asked, would they leave with him? 

 

He frowned, lips tugging downward impulsively. He hadn’t seen Nove or Zece in so long, and Marun was only ever seen in passing since you had returned to Snoke. He didn’t know how much had changed...how lost they had become since their departure from Zoist and the destruction of the Jedi Academy. 

 

And truthfully he had gotten so caught up in his own missions and inner turmoils that he hadn’t even given the others much more than a fleeting thought. And why would he? He knew for a fact that your standing within the Force had always teetered, waiting for the final push, you had always been in danger...or at least according to Yasmal you were. But the others, they for the most part remained somewhat balanced, never really budging too far over to one side of the spectrum. He didn’t even think to worry about them. 

 

_ “You’re overthinking this.”  _ Yasmal spoke with a sigh.  _ “It’s simple, they come or they don’t. You can’t make them, you need to accept that.”  _

 

“Your right.” He whispered his eyes lowering, and then tilting upward to look at Yasmal’s blue tinged face, “But I have to try.” His voice was strong, sure in his path, he would do as he must. 

 

Yasmal closed her dark eyes, long lashes kissing the apples of her eternally youthful cheeks, her lips turning upwards into a faint smile. She huffed.  _ “Of course.” _

 

****

 

You walked through the hall as Lieutenant Grimdarr moved beside you, a datapad clenched tightly in his hands, beady eyes shifting from the screen and back into the hall as you moved away from central command. He moved just as the other officers did, eyes glued to his datapad, only looking up to make sure he wouldn't collide with anything or anyone. For some reason this annoyed you, though you weren't sure if it was just the fact that it was him or if it was because they all seemed to be so absorbed in their tasks that they never seemed to be able to full take in their surroundings. 

 

“And they are a week out?” You asked, the vocoder of your helmet masking your voice. 

 

“Yes, according to the update I received from Major Unifar.” 

 

You chewed the inside of your cheek in thought. “Has the Commander been informed?” You asked. 

 

“I was on my way to inform him when I ran into you first.” He mumbled, pausing for a moment as his fingers moved across the flat screen, moving back into a quick stride to catch back up with you as you moved back towards your own quarters. 

 

You paused in front of your door, forcing Grimdarr to halt suddenly, your body turning swiftly, angling yourself to stand in front of him. “I will inform him.” 

 

The Lieutenant’s face shifted, brows rising in surprise. “Of course.” He nodded, quickly attempting to cover his expression. 

 

Your head tilted upward, mind searching through the Force, vainly attempting to locate the Commander with in the base, and finding nothing. “His location?” You asked flatly. 

 

His brows scrunched, fingers moving across the datapad, face lit by the light of the screen, highlighting the port wine stain near his eye. “I thought he would be in his quarters, but it seems he is in the training room.” His head tilted upward, dark eyes peering into the visor of your helmet. 

 

You nodded, waving a hand in dismissal. “That is all Lieutenant.” 

 

He nodded, turning on his heel and began his slow walk back to central command eyes once again gluing to the bright screen. Your began moving in the opposite direction, heading further down the hall and towards the junction where the lift was located. Arriving quickly, pressing the button to summon the lift, the door opening swiftly, as if it had been waiting for you to arrive the entire time. 

 

_ “You’re playing a precarious game girl.”  _

 

You moved into the lift, huffing an amused laugh through your nose. Not bothering to reply to Sestra as you pressed the button for the level you needed. Waiting as the lift to began its descent, helmet locked onto the doors of the lift, eyes staring absently as you waited, your body oddly relaxed. The lift dinged, doors opening, allowing you to step out and into the junction in the hallway, taking a right and heading towards the large training areas within the base. Two large rooms that could be used to train several small units of Stormtroopers, keeping them in shape while they remained on the base. 

 

But you didn’t go into either of the rooms, instead you headed to the small observational room that was situated between the two. The door opening with the subtle flick of your wrist, meeting a small landing with doors that flanked either side, each leading into one training room. You moved forward, passing both doors and jogging up the narrow stairwell that lead to a room with heavily tinted transparisteel. 

 

Reaching the landing, the door opening with a twitch of your fingers, moving into the dark room and to the right, typing into the control panel under the view-port, lowering the opacity of the transparisteel and allowing you to peer into an empty room. Moving away from that one quickly, crossing the room and repeating the process, this time being met with the sight of single dark clad figure and a trainer droid. 

 

Both of them clashing with the other, Kylo’s saber meeting the strange mock saber of the droid. Sparks spitting in a slight spray as their blades crossed.  Kylo’s movements were harsh, almost clunky, lacking the fluidity of your movements, both of you at opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to dueling. Kylo utilizing broad heavy slashes, while you focused on swift precision. Both could get the job done if used against the proper target. 

 

The droid seemed to be holding its own for the most part, more than likely having sparred with Kylo before. Having the ability to record and chart his movements over the sessions. Utilizing the information to better tailor its own actions and therefore providing more of a challenge. 

 

Kylo broke the lock, long leg tucking tightly to his body and ejecting forward, kicking the droid’s jointed knee and forcing it to falter. It’s frame pitching forward as it attempted to recover, the mock saber that was attached to its arm swung, forcing Kylo to side step in order to avoid being slashed with the electric blade, giving him an opening to slash at the back of the trainer droid, causing it to fall completely to the floor of the training room. 

 

Kylo standing with his saber held tightly in one gloved hand, head looking down at the droid, waiting for it to right itself. It did not get up though, instead a small spray of sparks showered out of it’s back, apparently Kylo had managed to sever its circuits with the slash. A bit of smoke began to wisp from the area, he gave the droid an angry kick. Clearly disappointed with its failure to get back up and continue their spar. 

 

You shook your head slowly, moving away from the view-port and back towards the direction you had come from, quickly descending the stairs and opening the door that lead into the training room that Kylo occupied. 

 

The sound of the door opening forced him to peer over his shoulder, and away from the sparking droid. Sweat beading his brow, nostrils flaring as his dark eyes peered into the red reflective surface of your helmet. He turned away, head tilted downward and back onto the droid. 

 

“They always fail. A droid is no match to sparring with flesh and bone. ” Your vocoder hummed flatly.

 

His shoulder’s shrugged, not speaking, only continuing his lock into the droid, as if he couldn’t look at you for more than a moment. This did not stop you from moving forward and standing at his side, your own helmet tilting downward to peer at the sparking droid. It’s once polished body covered in knicks and dings, odd scrap metal patches welded to it in places where it had taken a large amount of damage.  It had seen better days.

 

“Is this how you occupy your time now? Sparring with scraps of metal?” 

 

His eyes cut towards you, clearly not amused with your bantering. He disengaged his saber, attaching it to his hip and crouched down to further inspect the droid, ignoring you. You stood, crossing your arms across your chest, watching as his finger plucked at the severed wiring. Both of you silent.

 

“You willingly severed the bond.” He mumbled, not bothering to look up form his tinkering. 

 

Your head shook softly, helmet moving slowly. Of course, the bond, he was still upset, as if he truly had anything to be upset about. 

 

“Yes.” You spoke flatly, the vocoder mingling with your voice.

 

This time his head turned away from both you and the droid, his shoulders hunching, “Why?” His voice echoed sorrow, as if he truly felt sad.

 

“To become stronger.”

 

His head whipped around, eyes and nose scrunched, jaw flexing tightly, “As if you weren’t strong before?” He spat.

 

You huffed a laugh, amused by his comment. Your arms uncrossing, lifting upward, hands moving to the release on your helmet, the seal breaking and hissing as you pulled it from your head. Tucking the helmet under your arm securely. 

 

“You used me. Was I supposed to stay under your thumb so you could discard me when you were through?”

 

His nostrils flared, eyes closing and opening slowly, “I wasn’t-” He huffed again, “I wasn’t using you, not anymore...things changed. I-” His lips pressed and flattened, cutting himself off forcibly. 

 

Your upper lip twitched in agitation. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done.”  You sneered. 

 

He stood, head hanging, plush lips tugging downward, unable to look at you. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” His hand moved to clutch at his chest, “I hate not being able to feel you,” His head turned, eyes watering, lips trembling, “I hate this.” He spat, hand curling and clutching at his chest tightly, as if he could squeeze the pain within him away. 

 

“I thought you died, I felt you die. And with you...a piece of me too, the ache, it’s so  _ painful _ . ”  He moved towards you and then stopped, hovering closely, “How can you stand here and tell me that it doesn’t matter? To let it go? As if everything we shared was  _ nothing _ ." 

 

You blinked, face placid, your emotions boiling just under the surface, ready to erupt and to lash outward, but you remained calm, keeping a tight grip on your actions. If he was looking for an argument he would not get one form you. 

 

He continued to stare at you, expecting you to reply, waiting for you to say something,  _ anything _ . But what could you say? It was done, the feelings, the attachments, they were long gone, the only thing that remained was the contempt that festered deep within you for the man. All feelings of love and loyalty scattered to the wind, where even if you had tried to cling to them, tried to clutch them tightly and hold them...they would have only slipped through your fingers. The destruction of the bond had seen to that. 

 

“SAY SOMETHING!” He screamed, lunging forward and gripping at your shoulders, causing your helmet to slip from under your arm and clatter to the floor. His eyes searching your own, as if he could find the tiniest speck of remaining attachment. 

 

“What is there to say? Would you like me to lie? Say that I miss you? That I forgive you for letting him take me?” You stared back at him, eyes steely, a flicker of anger flashing, your grip slipping. “Do you know what he did to me? Do you know the hell I have lived?” 

 

His jaw tightened, eyes stuttering, fighting the compulsion to look away, perhaps ashamed, not that it mattered. What was done is done. There was no taking any of it back. 

 

“I was starved and tortured, beat down until I had  _ nothing _ . Until I was  _ alone _ . You betrayed me, Twelve and Naf...all of you  _ betrayers _ . You left me to him and he did as he pleased. Broke me over and over again until there was nothing left.” Your arms moved upward, hands gripping his as they clamped tightly to your shoulders, hands turning into claws as you dug into his gloved grip. 

 

“I paid for your selfishness. And you? What price did you pay?” You spat, ripping his hands away from you. 

 

His lips trembled, moving as if he were trying to find the right words, jaw flexing, brows scrunched in anger.

 

You scoffed. “Did you think that I would come crawling back to you? That I needed you? That I  _ ever _ needed you?” 

 

His lips pinched, chin trembling, fighting back the tears that welled in his eyes.  “How can you be so cruel? How can you pretend that you never felt anything?” 

 

“I’m cruel?” Your upper lip curled, “You have not seen the extent of my cruelty!”  Your hand flung forward, hand morphing into a claw, Force wrapping around his windpipe, tightening as you lifted him upward, his feet dangling skimming across the floor of the training room. “Should I show you? Let you see what you have made me?” The well opened fully, flooding you completely with rage, your grip lost to the tide, submerged fully and caught in the undertow. 

 

His hand moved swiftly, projecting the Force, pushing you away from him, attempting to break your focus, but it wasn’t enough. Your hold reamined, fingers tightening, face contorting in pure rage. Legs striding forward, free hand calling your saber, the intent to run him through with it clearly evident in your posture. Deep crimson blade jutting quickly from the black phrik casing, ready to impale him. 

 

His hand moved, face bright red as he strained to stay conscious, his saber flinging forward, the snapping hissing blade coming to life as it projected towards you, forcing you to drop your hold on him in order to push it away from you, nearly slicing at your cheek, your eyes watching as it’s staticky blade impaled the wall. 

 

Your eyes widened, teeth gnashing, lips curling into a snarl, screaming like a feral animal, sound resonating deep within your throat. Dropping your own blade in favor of running at him, leaping and pummeling into him, using your weight to knock into him as he attempted to gain his breath. Forcing him to the ground, your hands clamping onto his throat. Fingers digging into the soft skin as you straddled him, strong legs clamping around his frame, mouth opening as you roared. 

 

He struggled under you, arms shimming and attempting to break free of your legs, face bright red, eyes clamped tightly shut, digging deeply within himself and pushing you violently upward and away from him, flinging you backward. Your body clattering to the floor. Dazed for only a moment, focusing quickly, rage taking over completely, body scrambling, limbs moving and picking you up from the floor, running at a low angle, hand calling your saber. A flash of metal zipped by your head, his own saber returning to him as he recovered, coughing and spitting, moving to stand in preparation of your impending attack.

 

Your saber swung upward, slashing from a low angle, the momentum forcing his blade backward, singeing his clothing before he could push back, the weight of the blades dragging, resistance heavy as you both pushed against the other. He bolstered, pushing violently against you and breaking the lock, forcing you skidding backward. Your upper lip twitching impulsively, eyes narrowed and locked onto him.

 

_ “Focus girl.”  _ Sestra’s voice grumbled within your head.  _ “Do not get careless.”  _

 

You hissed under your breath, annoyed at her words. You _were_ focused.  Twirling your saber in your hand, taking a deep breath and exhaling through clenched teeth, you charged. Running full force, saber tilted downward and behind you, the pummel of your hilt facing your prey, eyes watching as he prepared to block your slash. Your free hand coming up and sending a large pulse in the Force instead, still charging forward as he braced against the push, his knees locking and feet turning in order to lessen his sliding. You jumped, legs pushing you upward, momentum sending you forward, your hands and arms lifting to slash downward at him, your hilt shifting in your secure grip. Your blade came down, his hand rising and sending you flying backward, smacking harshly onto the floor and tumbling backward, your saber knocking from your hand with the impact.

 

_ “ _ **_FOCUS!_ ** _ ” _ Sestra hissed. 

 

Your eyes squeezed tightly shut, face scrunching, pain moving through your body, the sound of his boot falls moving closer, approaching your crumbled form. 

 

“I don’t want to do this.” He muttered. 

 

Your arms moved under your head, attempting to pick yourself up, still jarred from the rough landing, your head buzzing with pain. Eyes twitching involuntarily. 

 

“Stop this now. You won’t win.”  He loomed above you, hovering as he secured his saber to his belt. 

 

Your eyes snapped open, head turning to look at him, and in a flash your hips angled, arms pushing your torso upward, leg jutting outward and swinging under his leg with a swift sweeping motion, knocking him backward, making a loud ‘ _ oomph _ ’ as he smacked onto the hard floor. 

 

You clambered upward, crawling like a strange humanoid creature as you climbed on top of him, arms drawing back and sending rapid blows to his exposed core as your knees clamped into his sides. His body attempting to curl upward to shield him from your assault. He struggled under you, your blows lessening, hand calling to his saber, his eyes widening as he felt the tugging on his hip, panic setting in fully, realization hitting him. 

 

He kicked his legs upward, your knees sliding, forcing you to clamp down harder, his saber finally breaking from the clip and answering your summons. The straight hilt smacking into your hand, shifting it downward as he continued to kick his legs, hands freeing enough to grab onto your wrist, the hissing plasma blade of his saber stabbing into the floor as his shoulders shifted just in time to avoid being impaled. 

 

His grip tightened around your wrist, shoulder pressing back onto the floor as his powerful arms ripped at your grip, attempting to slam your hand lose. Instead you held on tighter, body moving with his harsh motions, sending you sideways, both of you rolling, saber knocking loose from your fingers, the blade returning to the crossguarded hilt, answering to the call of it’s true master. 

 

He slammed your shoulders into the floor, your teeth clattered as he repeated the motion, his full weight on you, trapping you onto the floor. Legs lifting and falling, attempting to shift lower under his weight, following his previous motions while he was trapped under you. Your legs kicking upward again, splaying wide, knees bending and calves wrapping around his torso, squeezing him tightly and pulling him backward. Panic hitting him for only a moment, his legs moving from under him, pulling him upward and you with him, dangling upside down like Kowakian monkey lizard. 

 

His strong hands gripping around your waist, pulling you upward and attempting to rip you away from him, but your feet locked behind his back, abdominal muscles tightening as you lifted your torso upward, hands wrapping around his neck tightly, squeezing as you snarled. 

 

His hands releasing your waist in favor of trying to break your vice grip around his throat, his legs moving towards the wall of the training room, using the momentum to slam you into the wall. His arms moving between yours and pushing outward with force, repeating the motion until your grip released enough for your hands to fly away from his neck. 

 

His face was red, his temples pulsing, both of you panting, your legs squeezing him tightly, earning you another slam into the wall. 

 

“Stop!” He hissed in your ear, his hot breath tickling the shell, causing a chill to run down your spine. Your breath catching in your throat, an audible hitch, causing him to pull his face further away from you, allowing him to look you in the eyes. His dark orbs searching your own, looking only for less than a second before his lips crashed onto your own. 

 

Soft and supple pillows, pressing into your own, your eyes closing for a brief moment as his tongue glided across your lower lip, seeking entrance. Your body going rigid and then shifting into a frenzy of motion. Your hands clamping around his head, both of your lips hungrily devouring each other, as if you could absorb him, consume him in the contact. 

 

He groaned as your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging harshly and forcing him to break contact and allowing you to lunge forward, your lips pressing onto the sweat glazed skin of his neck. Tongue lapping at the salt before your mouth opened wide and teeth sunk into the flesh, biting harshly at his throat, a new motivation filling you as the coil within your belly tightened. He pressed you further into the wall, pinning you there as his hands moved to your waist, clumsily ripping at your leggings, tugging them downward with your underwear, his breath hitching as you released him from your teeth, drawing back with a sucking ‘ _pop_ ’. 

 

Lifting you and shifting you higher on his torso, using the wall and his weight to keep you stationary as he moved to drop his own bottoms, his lips pressing into the crook of your neck, licking and sucking, the sound of his belt hitting the floor. Hand moving to run between your legs, gathering the pool of slick in his gloved hand, and running it across the petals of your sex, his throat releasing a breathy moan. 

 

Easing you from the wall, allowing you to slide downward, his hand gripped firmly around his cock, guiding himself towards your entrance, navigating your lips and sinking inward, impaling you on his shaft, your body responding immediately. Pulsing and gripping him tightly, your head tilting back against the wall, mouth opening as your breath hitched. 

 

He moved slowly, testing the waters, but it wasn’t what you wanted, it wasn’t what you needed. You sunk fully downward, legs shifting, wrapping around the narrow of his waist, allowing you to control the speed of his thrust. Bouncing at a rapid rate as you pressed into him, mouth clamping onto the trapezius muscle, teeth sinking inward, piercing through the cloth of his shirt. A guttural roar leaving him, spurring him to meet your bouncing motions, thrusting faster into you, his head craning lower, lips peppering across your jaw and neck tenderly. 

 

Your hands moving to grab at the back of his head, fisting his hair and pulling his lips away from you, your upper lip twitching in annoyance, teeth releasing him and sinking downward further up his neck, this time drawing blood as your teeth broke through his skin. The coil within your belly growing with each bite and thrust, feeding off of him, taking pleasure in his pain as your tongue lapped up the blood that trickled. 

 

His brows scrunched in the strange mixture of pleasure and pain, mouth open and pouting, panting as he attempted to keep from stuttering his hips as your walls pulsed around him. On the verge of completion, your lips suctioned around his throat, teeth clamping and releasing his flesh, a low growl rumbling in your throat. 

 

His hips stuttered, breaking pace, you clenched tightly around him, keeping him from breaking away, holding him with your legs as you came. Your mouth breaking from his neck, releasing a deep sigh as you fluttered around him. His legs shaking as he spilled within you, pinning you tighter to the wall, forcing you to stay in place as he panted. 

 

Your eyes cutting to look at the profile of his face, taking in the moles and freckles that dappled his flushed flesh. His eyes closed, his expression serine. Basking within you, but you did not want to remain. You got what you wanted. You had won.

 

Your hands moved between you, clamping on either side of his broad shoulders and pushing him away from you, your legs dropping to the floor, landing on slightly wobbly legs. Bending and pulling up your clothing, his arms caging you, not wanting you to leave. You pushed him roughly with the Force, moving around him and calling to your saber. 

 

The room was silent except for the sounds of him pulling his pants upward and securing his belt, the soft jingle drawing your eyes towards him, his back still towards you. 

 

“Einn and Major Unifar are a week out.” You spoke placidly, calm washing over you, anger shifting back into the cold silent rage, slinking back into its well in wait. 

 

He turned, his eyes soft as he looked at you, though his lips were tugged downward into a slight frown. His hand moved to the side of his neck, cupping at the bite marks that still oozed slowly. His brows scrunched in confusion, jaw flexing in thought. 

 

You clipped your saber to the back of your belt, hand calling to your helmet, allowing the dark durasteel to smack into your hand, your free hand coiling your hair in preparation. Both of your hands coming to place the helmet over your head, sealing you away from him. 

 

Turning you walked out of the training room, leaving him and the damaged droid behind as you moved back to your quarters. 

 

_ “A dangerous game indeed.” _ Sestra’s voice chided. 

 

You huffed, a smile coming to your lips,  _ “I have him where I want him.”  _

 

****

 

He watched as you left, eyes locked onto you, brows knitted and jaw flexing, he had to consciously force himself to stop.  His face gave away too much, it always had.

 

His eyes stayed trained on the door, a part of him hoping that you would come back, even just for a moment, even if it meant that you would belittle him or attempt to hurt him. He didn’t care. He just wanted the chance to look at you, to stare into your face and memorize every inch. 

 

He knew rationally that he should be furious, you had tried to kill him and more than likely would have if he had been a moment slower when you had called his saber to your hand. His lips pinched tightly, eyes and head turning in search of his saber, locking onto it a few feet away, still laying on the floor. His hand moved to beckon it back to his side, clipping it back to his belt and finding that the clip had been damaged to the point of needing to be replaced. 

 

He huffed. Something else that needed to be fixed. He should be annoyed, angry, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be so. A strange calm had washed over him, something he hadn’t felt in a long while. He could only assume it had to do with the physical contact that he had shared with you. His eyes closed, feeling in the Force for you, but still you were no where to be found. A phantom energy that came and went, never lingering long enough for him to pin it down. The bond remained broken.  

 

His eyes opened confusion setting in. You had openly allowed him to kiss you, allowed him to bury himself deep inside, becoming a part of you...why? 

 

His neck twitched, causing his hand to return to the bite marks that littered the skin, a reminder of the pain you had caused seeping back into his mind, the calm slowly dissipating. He winced, pulling his goave back and peering down at the tacky drying blood that stuck to the black leather. 

 

His mind began to race, no longer in the post coital fog, beginning to shine a beacon onto the events as they had happened. Everything about it was off. There was no tenderness, no compassion, it was cold and distant. Just a means to an end. Every one of his caresses were met with a violent tug or sharp teeth. Like a fucking animal showing dominance. 

 

And he had walked right into it. Let you get what you wanted in hopes that it was the exact same thing that he wished for.

 

His jaw clenched tightly, upper lip curling into a snarl, his body suddenly shaking in absolute rage. Of course you didn’t want to rekindle the bond. How could he have been so kriffing stupid? How could he let his feelings cloud him?  You were a whole other animal now, some sort of mocking creature that wore your face, an abomination to the memories he held. 

 

_ A stranger. _

 

His hand gripped around the hilt of his saber tightly, the blade answering to the rage that swelled within him, spitting and crackling in his hand, ready for use. Stomping over to the defunct droid, free hand raising, pulling the limp machinery from the floor and freezing it in the air. Slashing at it wildly, cutting it into pieces that clattered to the cold floor and scattered. 

 

It wasn’t enough. It never was. 

 

He summoned all of the stray pieces, floating them in mid air, crushing them, compressing them into a tight piece of scrap and flung it into the wall. Denting the place where he had only moments ago been buried inside of you, thinking that you were coming around. That you actually cared...that you _ loved _ him. 

 

He repeated the motion until the scrap ball broke apart and the panel fell away. Then ran his blade into the hollow behind the panel, slicing at the structure behind, cutting the wiring and circuitry, the lights in the training room cutting out instantly. Leaving him with only the angry glow of his saber. His eyes moving down to the red hissing blade, panting, face contorting, suddenly disgusted with it. It so easily answered to you, betraying him. His grip tightened, slashing the blade back into the open panel, cutting until he grew tired.

 

His throat bobbed as he gulped down a sob. He had been right all along. You were dead. Snoke had killed you. 

 

_ He had killed you.  _

 

Hot tears streamed down his face, angry and searing, his free hand coming to wipe them away hastily. Ashamed of the sorrow and anger that flooded him. Ashamed that there was still a small part deep within him that held out hope. Hope that you would return. 

 

His eyes closed, shoulders slumping, the only sound in the room was the steady hum of his saber, reminding him of all the things he had done to get here. The betrayal and loss. 

 

_ Was it worth it? _

 

Was it worth it to stand where he was, so far away from everyone he knew and once loved? Was he doing the right thing? A part of him knew the answer, deep in his bones he felt it...but he couldn't face it. Couldn’t bare to give in. 

 

His eyes opened, new tears catching on his dark lashes, halting them from falling, beading heavily. He sniffled, wiping the back of his hand under his nose and sucking down a hitching breath. He had come this far. Traveling down a path, that now he wasn’t wholly sure about, but couldn’t turn away from. He was stuck, doomed to continue this crusade. There was no going back. There was only forward. 

 

And if that meant going on without you? If that meant becoming enemies? His heart ached at the thought. Shaking his head softly, answering his own subconscious thoughts. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t give up on you so easily. He would try until the end, until one of you ended the other. 

 

Turning away from the damaged panel, allowing the light of his saber to guide his path, he moved back towards the bench that sat beside the door. Free hand calling to his helmet, and sliding it back over his face, hiding away his tear stained cheeks. Shifting himself to stand straight, carrying himself in manner that was befitting of his title, he opened the door with a flick of his wrist, the blade of his saber returning to the hilt, the red glow gone as he moved out into the hallway. 

 

He walked with squared shoulders, legs making great strides, as if he had a purpose, something that drove him, but in reality, he never felt so utterly lost. Caught in some sort of hellish limbo. His heart being pulled in separate directions. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on [tumblr](https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/)


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

The Return

__________________

  
  


Another freezing gust stung  your face, bits of glistening crystalline pieces of snow pelting you and sticking to your flesh, slowly melting away from your body temperature, something that had begun to lesson in the hours that you had been sitting in the frigid atmosphere of  _ Starkiller. _  Instead they would melt to drops, dribble just a bit and then refreeze, creating a a slight crust to form on your skin as _  s _ mall motes of snow beginning to collect on the curvatures of your body, nearly weightless and cold, seeping through your clothing, begging to be addressed.

 

You ignored the urge to shake these miniature drifts off of your body, battling the greater urge to to shiver, which would surely knock the accumulation from your body, but would more than likely do nothing to break the icy build up.  Your eyes closed, fighting the urge once more, centering yourself, attempting to block out the need to be warm. Reminding yourself that you would endure, that your body was strong and would withstand.

 

You could feel Sestra’s phantom projection laying next to you, her head tucked between her paws, six eyes more than likely closed, feeding off of the sensations that your body felt. The sensations felt second hand, as if someone were reciting a very detailed account of the climate, recalling memories to feel the sensations that the words elicited. You could feel her slight agitation at this, she longed to feel the cold, but would settle for the recollection.

 

Her head perked, ears pinning back, listening, cuing you to open your eyes and peer behind you as the a familiar presence moved towards you, disturbing the lines that webbed and tangled within the force. But you did not need to turn to see who was approaching, the sound of boot falls crunching in the frozen caked snow, coming closer by the second.

 

“You’re early.” You muttered, a faint smile on your lips.

 

He moved to stand beside you, your eyes cutting to look at him though your face remained stationary, watching as his hands moved to the flat of his helmet, fingers curling and tracing around the jawline and releasing the seal. A hissing puff of air, steaming faintly from the sides as he pulled the helmet from his head. Brown curls falling around his angular face, curling around his tanned skin, tawny eyes moving to look at you as he sat in the snow, setting the helmet beside him.

 

“Yes well, the Major seemed to be in a bit of a rush to get here. I can’t imagine why though.” He wagged his bushy brows, elbowing you playfully.

 

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head softly. “Have you been eavesdropping again?” You huffed in good humor.

 

“Well, the Major is a bit of a loud thinker. It was hard to ignore.” He laughed, his slightly crooked teeth appearing as he smiled wide.

 

Your eyes moving to his jawline, noticing that he had started to grow a beard, short hair covering his cheeks, the hairs of his chin much longer and curling inward and pointing towards his neck. He huffed a laugh, noting your blatant staring, stroking the hairs of his chin with a gloved hand. 

 

"Do you like it?" He asked with a smirk.

 

Your hand moved, gloved fingers coming to the curled hairs of his chin and giving it a soft playful tug, a smile still on your lips. "It'll take some getting used to." You hummed.

 

He huffed, playfully slapping at your hand, "It's not a no." He shrugged, grinning in triumph.

 

You were surprised by how easily the conversation flowed between you, how it felt as if nothing had happened, as if you hadn’t been missing from his life for over a year. And a part of you was relieved, joyed at the ease of conversation, but there was a small part of you, deep inside that was cautious, hyper vigilant and guarded. Scared. What if this was all a trick? What if Snoke had sent him here in hopes of catching you off guard?

 

His eyes skated around you, peering at your side, though there was nothing he could possibly be seeing. Sestra had already returned, withdrawing and returning to the mouth of the well, guarding the secrets held within. His grin softened to a smile, tawny eye like pools of molten gold, shining in the bright light of the distant sun. His shoulders dropping as he drew his legs to his chest, hugging his knees and resting his cheek on them.

 

“It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.” He muttered.

 

You closed your eyes as your heart panged softly at his words, remorse that you had been apart for so long. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him as well. Truthfully you hadn’t thought much about him, too consumed with thoughts, too caught up in your own inner turmoil to think about him or the others. His energy within the Force budded against your own, your signatures mingling, intertwining in greeting, as if they themselves were separate entities equally as happy to be near each other. Embracing as if nothing had passed.   

 

“It’s okay...if you don’t want to say so back-I know.”

 

You nodded. It was all you could muster, the other within you gripped the words tightly, too frightened of the consequences of speaking the sentiment. It loomed like a shadow, lurking just out of view, hovering like an oppressive cloud, its mouth opened wide, ready to snap close around you. Watching for you to make a mistake, to express how you truly felt. 

 

And even though he knew how you felt without the words coming from your mouth, it didn't stop the soft smile from turning into a deep frown. His brows knitting tightly, appearing as if he were wounded by something invisible.  

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it. That I couldn’t save you.” He mumbled. His hand moved, legs curling under him as he shifted, long arm reaching towards you, hand coming to rest on top of your head. His head shook softly, golden pools locking with your own.

 

“It’s over.”  You muttered, eyes closing softly, his remorse washing over you, his sorrow heartfelt and true.

 

“Not to him, not to me. We felt you. I felt you die.” His hand slid backward, cupping the base of your head like a parent would a child, comforting motions that echoed memories from another life. “I felt you shatter. We all did.”

 

Your head shook slowly, lips pinching tightly.

 

“A piece of you didn’t come back-” His voice soft, almost breaking with contrition. 

 

Your jaw tensed at his words, a culmination of sorrow and anger, festering within you, boiling. Your eyes lifting, peering at him, looking into his glossy orbs, so full of hurt and sorrow. “I don’t need it anymore.”  You whispered.

 

His lips pinched, flexing at the corners, tugging in emotional response though he tried not to, “Eight.” His eyes closed, hand moving away from you slowly, his head turning as his eyes opened, peering off into the distance, watching the horizon. A low exhale, slightly hitching in his chest, pain evident in his expression, though he tried to hide it. “Of course.” He sighed.

 

Your own head turning away from him, eyes locking onto the same view,watching the slow descent of the the sun, a flock of birds moving in the distance, dotting the cloudy sky with movement. Both of you sitting and staring off into the distance as he silently mourned. 

 

****

 

You sat at the large table, Einn sitting beside you, both of you silent as you waited. Einn fiddled with his fingers, thumbs rolling over each other, forward for several cycles and then backwards, your eyes glued to the motions, lulled into a gray state, your mind at ease. 

 

The door to the conference room opened, Lieutenant Grimdarr shuffled in quickly clutching several datapads in his arms as a dark shadow moved closely behind him. Your eyes lifting from Einn’s twiddling, watching closely as Grimdarr moved to slide the datapads across the table, moving to take a seat far away from both you and Einn, attempting to go unnoticed as Kylo pulled a chair roughly away from the table and plopped down. 

 

Your eyes breaking away and moving back to Grimdarr as he leaned across the table, fingers moving over the projection box, mumbling apologies as a blush moved across his flabby cheeks. Your eyes closing in slight annoyance. The bumbling idiot. 

 

Finally he moved to the control panel for the lighting in the room, diming the lighting low enough to see the blue hued projection that sat in standby mode. He moved back to the box, finger opening the side of the projector and pressing on the buttons, the screen blanking for a moment and then the two visages of Major Unifar and General Hux appeared, each on their own ships.

Hux’s face shifted, his jaw tensing slightly, clearly annoyed with being made to wait, his eyes shifting across the room, or at least it appeared as if he was, truthfully he could have easily been looking elsewhere. 

“I see you all have managed to finally arrive.” His voice was tight, a sarcastic bite in his words, displeased with how off schedule you were already. 

 

No one spoke, all of you eager to be done with this as soon as possible. 

 

Hux cleared his throat, lifting a steaming mug of what you assumed to be caf to his lips, taking a tentative sip and setting the mug down off camera. “As you know, the First Order has made many alliances within the past few years, many of you having a hand in that.” He paused, his eyes skimming around the room, peering at the helmets that stared back at him. 

 

“And as you also know, the Republic for the most part has kept their distance, we can thank some of our benefactors for this- But the Resistance hasn’t been so swayed, they have gathered enough forces to...become more than a mere nuisance.” His arm moved off screen, a planet projecting between the two frames, nudging and spreading them apart as it made its slow rotation. 

 

Your lips pinching at the sight, you knew that planet. Your brows scrunching, as you watched it make its rotation. 

 

“It seems we have somewhat of a problem on Beirus...that requires remeiding.”

 

_ “You were there right? Beirus?” _ Einn’s voice projected within your head. 

 

_ “Yes.”  _ You answered flatly. Your helmet glued to Hux’s face. 

 

“It seems there has been a cell moving through several of the districts within Beirus.” His arms moved again, imagery over taking the display of the planet, showcasing burning fields, walls of the lower districts blown and crumbling, graffiti written in Basic and a strange language that you could not read. Proclaiming death to the oppressors, death to the Order. 

 

Your jaw clenched tightly at the sight. “And we are just being informed of this now?” You asked as calmly as possible, not wanting to give away the stewing anger. 

 

“It hasn’t been worth noting until they made entrance into one of our facilities, destroying large portions of  _ Mekar _

_ Terang,  _ setting back our production drastically. For the most part they’ve kept to the outer fringes of the districts, until now.” 

 

“And what do you purpose that we do about it?” Kylo’s modulator hummed. 

Hux gave him an annoyed glance, lips pinching, “If you would allow me to finish-” He shifted in his chair clearing his throat as Kylo made a sweeping gesture at the projection, urging him to continue. “The Queen has asked for your assistance in tracking down the cell. It seems they have had problems locating their base of operations.” 

 

“And we are obliging her why?” Kylo asked, “Our business with Beirus is complete, let their guard and the stormtroopers work this out. I have far more important things to see to.” 

 

Your eyes shot in his direction, gaze searing through your helmet, watching as his own helmet swiveled to look at you, both of you staring the other down. 

 

“Do we have any other information in regards to the cell?” Einn spoke, attempting to break the sudden tension in the room. Major Unifar shifted in her screen, her eyes watching keenly. 

 

“Nothing solid at the moment. We will operate under the assumption that they do in fact have ties to the Resistance...their capture and interrogation may yield vital information in regards to other operations.”

 

Einn nodded. “I see.” 

 

“Major Unifar will take you and the Iktochi to Beirus, she will act as support if it is needed. We will take every precaution to ensure that we have not stumbled onto something much larger than it appears.”

 

The Major nodded, her copper eyes twinkling with excitement. “My troops and ships are ready for whatever we may be met with.” She affirmed. 

 

Your helmet shifted, peering at Hux once more, “Will I be operating under the same premise as before General?” 

 

“Not necessarily, though your connection to the Queen may be helpful. Do as you must to succeed.”  

 

You nodded, you could feel Kylo’s eyes upon you still, locked, you ignored him. 

 

“Your datapads will have any further information that you may require.” Hux’s sea-green eyes moved around the room, “Any further inquiries?”

 

“No General.” Einn voiced quickly. 

 

Hux leaned back into his chair, “Excellent. Leave as soon as you are able...and wrap this up quickly.”  His eyes moved to glance at Kylo, lingering for a moment before his shoulder moved and his screen cut from view, leaving Major Unifar and the pulled pictures still projecting. 

 

She shifted in her chair, tucking a loose tendril behind her ear, “I’m prepared to depart whenever you are. Just send the word.” Her eyes moved from Kylo, sweeping towards you and locking onto your helmet, as if she were only speaking to you.

 

You nodded. 

 

“We will be prepared by the end of the cycle Major.” Kylo’s modulator vibrated as he moved to rise from his seat, turning, a swirl of black fabric and exiting the room, leaving the three of you to watch as he made his sudden departure. Major Unifar struggled not to roll her eyes, closing them instead and opening them with a slow blink. 

 

“I will see you once you all arrive.” She spoke calmly, her tone clearly forced. 

 

The screen blanked out, leaving only a slightly fuzzy blue hued light casting across the room, which Grimdarr promptly turn off, his eyes searching between you and Einn, nervous. “Did-did either of you require anything else?” he asked with raised brows, still slightly hunched over the table, gloved hands still wrapped around the projector. 

 

“You’re dismissed Lieutenant.”  __ Einn waved lazily, his elbows now propped on top of the table, his helmet turned to look at you. Your eyes moving to look at Grimdarr as he lifted from the table and bent at the waist awkwardly and shuffled as quickly as he could muster without being completely obvious. The sudden streak of nervousness brought on by Einn’s reappearance, which amused you greatly. 

 

“ _ Requested? _ ”  Einn’s voice echoed within your head.

 

“It seems so.” Your voice passed over the modulator. 

 

“Must have been some impact you had on the Queen.” He mused aloud. 

 

You shrugged, a faint smile coming to your lips. “Perhaps.” 

 

****

 

The ramp hissed opened, warm humid air seeped into the shuttle’s hull, damp and clinging to the dark fabric of your clothing, light from artificial torches beamed inward, conflicting with the blue over tones of the hull’s lighting. The warmth of Beirus battled with the cold interior of the First Order shuttle, a strange battle that left the air damp, condensation building on your helmet. The croaking and chittering of insects and animals filtered inward, echoing strangely off of the durasteel walls. Your eyes moved behind the red curvature of your helmet’s visor, searching for her form in the small gathered greeting party. 

 

And there she stood, in billowing blue silks, her hair braided and draped over her shoulder and around her neck, a tear shaped golden medallion resting in the center of her forehead, her deep hazel eyes dark in the warm glow, a small smile on her lips. She moved forward, stepping in front of those that surrounded her, moving to the open mouth of the  _ Corvette _ . 

 

Your legs moved forward, the intent to meet her over taking you, as if you were the only one leaving the ship, as if it were only the two of you. You moved to stand in front of her, helmet’s visor locked onto her face, your eyes peering into her own, the sound of Einn and Kylo moving closely behind, moving to stand on either side of you, reminding you that you were not alone. That this was not a reunion, but business . 

 

Her hand reaching outward, lifting slowly, and then stopping, pulling back tentatively, thinking better of the movement. Your heart thudded in your chest, her smile fading, mauve painted lips pressing together tightly, remembering the reason for your reunion perhaps, or maybe it was because you made no motion to remove your helmet in her presence, she could not see your face or the way your eyes danced in the the flickering light. She could not feel or see the admiration that you still held for her, only the cold exterior of your helmet. Six red eyes and open maw, teeth the curved around the red reflective surface of your visor, reflecting her face back to her, as if you would consume her next.

 

Her eyes moved between the three of you, eyeing your companions, suddenly weary, but your eyes did not break from her, watching as she made her observations. A man stepped forward, moving to stand beside her, his face unmistakable, no longer as youthful, though it still retained the boyish charm, Subur Coulter with his skin dappled and dark, handsome still, but changed. Perhaps it was the subtle bags under her eyes, or maybe it was the hard edge of his now beard covered jaw, or the way that his ebony curls were swept back away from his face, as if he had been running his hands through them with frustration. 

 

“Thank you for coming.” His deep voice finally matching the man that stood before you. 

 

Your helmet shifted, eyes locked onto his and the golden halo that circled his temples. Eyes cutting quickly back to Jana. The king to her queen. Your jaw tightened momentarily, a wild streak of jealousy and anger cutting through you. Even though you had read all the information that you had been provided with, saw that not only had Jana married to Coulter, but that in the past year she had given birth to a new heir. A baby girl, named Yara Mon Coulter. All of this information had not fully sunk in until this moment. As if seeing with your own eyes solidified the information, not only in your mind, but in your heart. 

 

“We apologize for the delay.”  You spoke calmly, your modulator easily hiding the vehemence in your voice. Your hand moved, making a gesture towards Einn, “This is Master Einn.” sweeping in the opposite direction, “And you know the Commander.” 

 

Both Subur and Jana nodded in greeting. 

 

“A pleasure.” Jana spoke softly, nodding towards Einn, not bothering with the traditional greeting. 

 

Subur cleared his throat gently, “Let us move inside, we have much to discuss.” His hand made gesture back to the palace, sweeping and motioning for the three of you to come, his body turning, arm hooking under Jana’s, her eyes lingering on your helmet for a moment more before he began to move beside her husband. 

 

The group made their short journey off of the duracrete landing pad, your eyes moving around, taking in the movements of white clad stormtroopers, not a single palace guard in sight. Something else you had read in the packet, all guards had been permanently removed, the stomtroopers that moved on their patrols had taken their place. Natives of Beirus trained to take on the white plasteel armor. The uprising that had occurred during Kasar's revolt had changed the outlook on the palace guard, not only for those within the palace but even the citizens of Beirus. 

 

You moved down the long covered walkway and into the palace, flickering torch light mingled with artificial, casting warm shadows across the dusky stone, heading down the slightly familiar halls, it had been so long since you had been here, though you could still remember the general layout, noting as you skipped over the grand hall and dining hall, portions of the greeting party breaking off to return to their other duties as you moved closer to the Council chambers. 

 

Two Stormtroopers standing on either side of the double doors, opening them for Subur and Jana to enter the tight room. You followed behind, moving to sit where directed as Subur and Jana sat on either side of the head of the table, neither even making a motion to sit in the place where Mon had once sat. Perhaps in a strange acknowledgement of their now shared power. Neither would assume the head, always to rule side by side, as per the accord struck with Hux and the rest of the Council. 

 

Jana placed her bangled arms on top of the table, as you took your seat across from her, your hands moving to your helmet and releasing the latch, pulling the covering from your face and allowing your hair to uncoil slowly. Your eyes moving to cut towards Jana, her own eyes lingering on you, a smile hiding in the corner of her lips, hazel eyes alert. 

 

Your eyes cut to watch as Einn removed his own helmet and placed it in front of him, his tawny eyes glossing over the room’s contents slowly, taking everything in as Kylo sat stiffly, not even making the motion to remove his helmet. The door to the council room opened, Manis and Badai entered along with a twig of a boy, his upper arms cuffed with a  golden band, his eyes a deep ocher, dark hair that had been kissed by the sun, lighter on the ends, thin lips and a strong jaw, he carried himself proudly though he was so small. He couldn’t have been older than fifteen you mused. 

 

“Salazar Manis, Yinnar Badai, and Gwenar Sala.” Subur motioned to each of them, his hand gliding back to the three of you. “Lady Ceph, Master Einn, and Commander Ren of the First Order.”   

 

Your eyes remained trained on Gwenar Sala, watching as he moved to sit, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear, his eyes scanning across the room and finally coming to rest on you, you continued to stare, both of you looking at the other silently. There had been surprisingly little information provided on the boy, not even a picture had been attached, the only thing you knew about the boy was that he was the first cousin of Jana and Mon, having lived most of his life outside of the palace and what was once Kasar's district. 

 

“It is late, shall we commence?” Badai spoke in a curt tone, clearly agitated that you were holding the meeting so late in the night. 

 

“Yes, for everyone’s sake we will not hold any formalities of the council chambers. We will keep this brief.” Jana’s voice came out softly.  She looked towards Coulter, both of them nodding at the other, in agreement of something unspoken, perhaps they had discussed something before the meeting and were ensuring that it was still relevant.   

 

“You know why we have called you, so there is no need to cover that…”  Subur paused as he struggled not to yawn, covering his mouth with his hand, “I apologize.” He muttered. 

 

“It is late, I don’t think anyone is offended.” Manis hummed. 

 

“Gwenar, the lights please.” Badai spoke as his fingers danced across his datapad. Gwenar pushed his chair out, and moved his awkward body towards the panel in the wall, dimming the lights as Manis reached for a small box in the center of the table, turning on the projector, queued images began to display, flickering slightly as Gwenar bumped into the table upon resitting. 

 

An image of a wall, painted crudely with a symbol, a six pointed black star with a running black circle around it. 

 

“They call themselves Blackstar.” Badai’s finger drug across the screen, another image displaying, one you had already seen before. A field in flames, threats written in basic and some other language you did not know.  “This of course is not why we have asked you to come here.” 

 

A new image appeared, withered plants, a bright flaming orange, bent and weeping, undeniably dead. Your nose crinkled at the sight. You shifted in your chair, eyes squinting, taking a closer look at the plants as if the image could tell you what happened to them. 

 

“They were destroyed with something, though I have yet to get to the bottom of it.” Jana grumbled, her hand pointing at a stalk of one of the plants. “It may possibly be a herbicide of sorts, but my tests have been inconclusive as far as any known herbicide.” 

 

“They only destroyed the plants?” Einn asked, his hand brushing down the hairs on his chin absently. 

 

“No. Some of the machines we use in the process to make...the substance were destroyed as well.”  Subur sighed. 

 

Kylo’s fingers tapped on the table, drumming softly, your head turning to look at him as he suddenly stopped and shifted in his seat. “All of the workers have been questioned?” His vocoder hummed. 

 

Jana nodded. “Of course.” 

 

“We will question them again.” He said, turning his helmet’s visor to look directly at Jana. “Who else knows what goes on in the facility?” He asked. 

 

“Who's to say. People talk.” Badai huffed. 

 

“And you are sure none of the,” You made a gesture in the air loosely, “substance has been taken?” 

 

“Yes, everything has been counted and recounted several times.” Manis chimed. “Do you think they would have taken any of it?” He asked arching a graying brow. 

 

Your lips pinched slightly as you shrugged. Head snapping quickly towards the door, a feeling of panic pushing through the stone walls and moving closer. Einn and Kylo both clued into the sensation, heads locked onto the door waiting, though the rest of the council remained clueless to the disturbance in the Force. 

 

The doors burst open, a stormtrooper with a single red pauldron pushing through unimpeded, their helmet turning to look at Jana and Subur. “There has been an incident.” Her voice cut across her noncom, familiar, your brow raised. 

 

_ Fritz. _

 

“What is it Captain?” Jana stood from her chair, Coulter moving quickly behind her as they both moved around the table and towards the door. You stood along with Einn and Kylo. 

 

“Ma’am, the armory…” Fritz shifted uncomfortably, helmet moving to glance at Kylo, “It’s been destroyed.” 

 

You could hear the squelching of his gloves as his hands balled into tight fists. Your eyes closed, squeezing tightly shut, exhaling deeply. 

 

“How many casualties?” Jana snapped, moving, the rest of the council rising from their chairs to tail her as she moved with Fritz out of the room. Your hand raising to call your helmet, watching as it zipped past Manis as he shuffled around his chair, almost knocking him in the head, earning you a dirty look. 

 

You moved quickly, Kylo stomping beside you and Einn trailing on your heels. 

 

“ _ Well that escalated quickly.”  _  Einn mused, his voice echoing in your mental space, earning him a slight flick of your eyes, not the least bit amused with his sudden humor. 

 

The three of you gaining on Jana and Fritz’s heels, “Tell them to gather Yara and Calla, send them to the safe room.” She commanded. 

 

“Jana, we should send Gwenar as well.” Subur added. 

 

She nodded, rounding a corner in the hall and heading back to the landing pad. “Yes of course.” She halted, waiting for the council to meet your small group, the boy moved quickly, his sandals thunking on the stone floor, moving much faster than Manis who trailed at the end, Badai moved between them, though he seemed to be keeping up pace just fine. 

 

“Gwenar. Meet Calla, go with her.” Jana said sternly. 

 

His face pinched. “No way! I wanna come with you!” His hands balling into fists at his side, foot almost stamping, his face turning into a scowl.

 

You could see Kylo’s chest puff in annoyance, impatiently waiting for the family schwalbe to wrap up.

 

“That is an order. Go!” She shouted, her usually soft eyes shifting quickly into a stern glare.

 

His head hung slightly, tanned cheeks becoming flush with embarrassment. Badai placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder, forcibly turning him,  “Salazar and I will take him. Go.” He said though not unkindly. You watched as the three of them turned and moved down the hall, back towards the center of the palace, Badai's hands clamped on Gwenar's shoulders, allowing him to walk in front of him as they moved down the hall.

 

Jana began moving once more, a small group of Stormtroopers moving from the opposite direction, meeting your group in the hall, filing in seamlessly. 

 

“Ensure that the palace is secured, place reinforcements on the perimeter. Have the staff gathered and guarded. Send your best with Calla.”

 

“The sled is ready Ma’am.” One of the Stormtroopers alerted, your visor reading their call sign in a flash. The doors ahead of you opened, Kylo’s hand moving with a flick, using the Force to open them and allowing you to move to the covered walk that lead back to the landing pad. Your eyes scanning ahead of you, feeling in the Force for any danger, for anything off putting, finding nothing except for a faint feeling of panic, too far off to fully reach the source or reason for the feeling.

 

Watching as a WW-676 speeder zipped by you, two troopers on board, one maning the controls and the other sitting in the gunner's chair, gliding smoothly to sit in front of the hoversled that sat at ready. Watching as Subur helped Jana up onto the craft. You eyed the vehicle, watching as Kylo and Einn moved to join them, and then jumping aboard, grabbing onto the thin railing and widening your stance, preparing to zip forward as the engines whined, signaling that they were being pushed to move forward. 

 

You shifted slightly as the repulsors lift pushed the sled forward, moving quickly, though not nearly as fast as the 6-7-6 which zipped head, another one coming to trail behind the sled, sandwiching you between the two crafts. Fritz stood beside the pilot, helmet pointed forward. Zipping across the palace grounds, through a small pathway between a thicket of trees, the path dimly lit by artificial torches, just enough light to follow the pathway, not enough to see openly into the surrounding trees. 

 

Your eyes scanned through them, visor darkening and visuals shifting, allowing you to peer in the dark, you could see no heat signatures that warranted worry. Head turning back to look ahead, watching as a bright white mass bubbled in your visors view. Finger coming to the jaw of your helmet and pressing the toggle, switching manually back to normal tint. Allowing you to see the towering inferno ahead of you. A plume of black smoke darkened the sky, staining the deep blue with ashen black, blocking the stars from view as it spread across the sky.

 

The sled accelerated, causing Jana to stumble slightly, Subur’s hand catching her at the small of her back, steadying her. Your gut clenched at the sight, teeth clamping tightly together, your hand tightening on the railing. The sled turned sharply, your knees bending with the turn, the craft sliding at the gates of the armory, troopers standing outside of the fire, peering at the blaze from a distance as it burned brightly. The sled jerked to a halt, legs kicking from under the hull and cradling the craft, engines cutting. Kylo moved off first, helmet tilting upward, watching as the flames licked the sky. 

 

You moved, forcing yourself to move past Jana and Subur as they watched from the sled, speaking in hushed tones. You moved to stand beside Kylo, eyes peering into the angry flames. 

 

“Now what?” Einn asked, moving to stand beside you, his boots scuffing on loose gravel. 

 

“We wait until it dies.” Kylo answered. 

 

You turned away from the both of them, moving back to where Jana and Subur stood on the hoversled, not bothering with stepping back on the craft, helmet tilted upward to peer at their shadowed faces.  

 

“Who has had access to this facility?” You asked. 

 

Jana’s face pinched in thought, “Only the council and the Stormtroopers.” 

 

Your head turned as a stormtrooper ran up from the path, their blaster held tightly to their chest, plasteel armor clanking as their boots skidded in the gravel. 

 

“Captain, we’ve found something.” 

 

Fritz moved around Subur and away from the controls, your body angling and allowing her to step down from the deck of the hoversled, landing softly in the gravel, her hand moving in a sweeping gesture, “Lead the way BP-175.”

 

_ “Einn, come, they found something.”  _ You projected swiftly, knowing that he would also alert Kylo as you followed behind BP-175 and Fritz, moving back down the gravel pathway that lead between the small cluster of trees, BP-175’s head lamp projecting a solid beam of light ahead of them, your helmet’s visor shifting to night-vision seamlessly, the sound of Einn and Kylo moving to join the three of you, their boots sliding and crunching on the gravel.

 

BP-175 moved through the trees, stepping off of the pathway and carefully picking their way through the debris and underbrush, “We didn’t notice them at first, their bodies...have been...well, you’ll see.” 

 

The shield of your visor instantly indicated two other figures standing a ways off, call signs pinging above them, their heads tilted downward, peering at the floor of the thicket. Your hand moving to the manual commands on your helmet’s jaw, switching back to regular visuals as you moved closer, allowing you to see what BP-175’s torch was shining down on. 

 

Your upper lip curled instantly in disgust at the sight. Two, what you could only assume to be, bodies, gnawed and riddled with what appeared to be bright jewel toned beetles, the skin that remained crawled with them, flesh that was still intact moving from beneath. 

 

Einn moved forward, his gloved hand reaching outward towards the infested, BP-175 placed a gloved hand on his shoulder, halting him from moving closer, “Sir, I wouldn’t. Those are  _ Caro  _ beetles, they feed off of flesh...living or not.” 

 

Einn’s hand moved back towards his body, his shoulders posturing as if he had been wounded, attempting to protect the imaginary wound with his other hand, his helmet tilted downward, locked onto the flashy insects as they continued their dance across the remains. 

 

“Have we checked to see who hasn’t made it to the emergency roll call?” Fritz asked, her helmet locked onto BP-175. 

 

“We have a total of thirty five troopers who have not made roll call.” 

 

“Check those who were on perimeter duty, we can narrow it down from there.” Fritz replied quickly, turning on her heel and pausing, “Burn them.” 

 

“Yes Ma’am.”  BP-175 answered promptly, the sound of their voice speaking into the internal-com, asking for flamer troopers to report on sight, while Fritz moved back towards the three of you, standing with her back turned to the other two troopers and the bodies. 

 

“There is only one place that the  _ Caro  _ beetles are held.” 

 

“The Temple Mount.” Kylo answered. 

 

“Exactly.” She nodded.

 

Your head turned, peering out into the darkness towards the direction of the Temple Spire, you could just catch a slight glow emitting in the now smoke filled sky. Staring for only a moment before snapping your head back to Fritz, “Where is the High Sarjana?”

 

She shrugged, “I assume at the Temple Mount. We haven’t been graced by his presence in months.” 

 

Einn crossed his arms, his helmet tilting slightly, “When exactly did you start experiencing problems with Blackstar?” 

 

“You think the High Sarjana has something to do with them?” Fritz asked. 

 

Einn shrugged, “It’s a possibility we need to check out.”

 

Your jaw tightened, teeth clamping tightly at the thought. It was no lie that the man held disdain for Jana, possibly even contempt for her. Perhaps something had finally pushed him into action? You turned, moving back through the forest and heading back towards the blaze that still burned brightly, following the light like a moth, allowing it to guide you in the dark. 

 

Stepping back out onto the path, boots crunching on the gravel, the sound of someone moving quickly behind you attempting to catch up, Einn’s thoughts pressing into you, your legs locking as you stood waiting for him. His dark form passing from the trees and back onto the path. 

 

_ “Where are you going?”"  _ He asked mentally. 

 

_ “Back to Jana and Subur, we have many things to discuss.”  _

 

_ “You’re angry.”  _ His hand gestured between the two of you,  _ “I can feel it.”  _

 

You huffed, sending slight static passing through your modulator.  _ “Yes.” _

 

_ “Why?”  _  The both of you moving slowly back down the path. 

 

_ “Lemak, I should have killed him when I had the chance.”  _

 

His hand reached out, grabbing softly at your upper arm, giving you slight pause, helmet turning to look at him as you stopped once more. 

 

_ “We know nothing for sure. Everything is speculative right now, don’t be rash.”  _

 

Your lips pinched, he was right of course, but it did not banish the feeling of failure that riled deep within you, perhaps all of this could have been avoided if you had just done what you wanted. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, swallowing your emotions, you nodded. 

 

_ “We’ll get to the bottom of this.”  _ He reassured.  _ “For now we should keep this to ourselves.” _

 

_ “Of course.”  _ You conceded flatly. The sound of thunder rumbled, a dash of light striking against the dark sky directly above, casting bright light through the path and beyond. Your helmet tilting upward, and coming back to look into the flat face of Einn’s helmet.  _ “We should return to the palace. There is no sense in waiting here for the blaze to die, it will in time.”  _

 

He nodded.  _ “Yes of course, nothing we can do now but wait.”  _

 

Kylo and Fritz moved through the treeline and back onto the path, two flametroopers moving past you, passing both Kylo and Fritz and entering the thicket, disappearing into the dark, nothing to indicate their presence aside from the small flame that flickered at the tip of their flamethrowers, seen peeking through the dense trees in intervals. 

 

Kylo and Fritz moved to join the two of you on the path, another flash of light streaking across the sky. Fritz’s helmet lifting upward, her head shaking softly, “Another kriffing storm.” She muttered, her helmet squaring with the path ahead of you, “We should get Queen Jana and King Subur back to the palace before it starts pouring.”  

 

She moved forward, you allowed her to pass, both you and Einn lingering and allowing you some distance between her and the three of you, your helmet locking with the thin slit of Kylo's visor, “You and I need to speak privately once we return.” 

 

He nodded, the three of you moving back to the hoversled where Jana and Subur still remained standing, peering at the blaze as another rumble of thunder sounded loudly above. 

 

“Well?” Asked Subur, his dark brow raised in question, looking expectantly at the three of you as Fritz stepped back onto the sled. 

 

“More questions to be answered.” You volunteered, keeping the information you had gathered close to your chest, no sense of voicing your concerns just yet, Einn’s words playing in the back of your mind.

 

He sighed, head tilting upward and squinting into the black plume that billowed upward, “We should return.” He mumbled. 

 

Jana nodded. “We should check on Yara as soon as we return.” She muttered towards Subur, squeezing his arm gently. 

 

He nodded, moving back to the stormtrooper who stood at the controls, waiting for the three of you to board before instructing them to return to the palace. The repulsors kicking back into life, the whirling loud, though not as loud as as the thunder that roared above. Subur wrapped his arm around Jana’s waist, pulling them to the hand rail and leaning against it, steadying the both of them as the sled made full lift. Your eyes locking onto where his hand wrapped around her waist, upper lip curling slightly at the sight, jealousy rearing its ugly head. 

 

Your hand tightened around the railing, chest expanding as you sucked down a deep breath, willing the emotion to dissipate. The hoversled accelerating as another clap of thunder ripped through the air, the sky opening up, flooding down fat heavy drops that if not for your helmet and clothing would have stung. Your head turned to look at Jana who was only wearing thin layered silks, watching as Subur moved to stand around her as much as possible, shielding her from the rain’s assault. And there it was again the jealousy. 

 

_ That should have been you _ .

 

But the feelings were uncalled for, totally unwarranted, Jana was not yours and never had been. The fleeting moment you both had shared, was just that...a moment, only a mote of dust drifting through time. It was nothing...it meant nothing. Your brows furrowed, jaw skewing in thought, _it didn’t feel like nothing_. You couldn’t figure out why the moment had meant so much, why you were still hung up on something that had happened so long ago.

 

The hoversled moved back onto the duracrete of the landing pad, zipping forward and rapidly slowing as it moved towards the palace. Banking slightly as it angled to a stop, the repulsors whining loudly and then softening, the craft jolting slightly as the landing gear moved to cradle the long skid. The engine cutting completely as the rain softened to a soft gentle thudding. Subur moved, allowing Jana to move to the opening on the sled, where Fritz had already reached the pad below, her hand outstretched allowing Jana to take hold and ease herself downward. Subur following behind her. Watching as they stood for a moment, speaking in hushed tones, both of them heading back towards the palace entrance. 

 

You moved to follow, stepping forward and jumping down from the sled’s decking, landing softly and stepping forward in order to clear the area for the others to exit. A prickling itch in the stub of your finger began, turning almost instantly into an irritating burn, as if your flesh were being seared. Coming to a complete halt and clutching at your hand, holding it tightly to your chest, mouth contorting in pain as the burning grew worse. Your thumb and forefinger clutching at the stub tightly, hoping that the pressure would stop the pain. A hand coming to grab at your arm, fingers gripping you tightly, your helmet swiveling to peer at Einn’s helmet. 

 

_ “What is it?” _   Worry in his mental tone. 

 

_ “Nothing.”  _  You managed somehow to conceal the pain in your tone, answering calmly, forcing yourself to release your hand, ignoring the burning in your flesh with great effort. 

 

His hand released you as Kylo approached, his helmet staring at the both of you and then to Einn. Both of them looking at the other, more than likely communicating through the bond. You pushed onward, away from the both of them and heading to the covered walkway that lead into the palace, left hand curling into a tight fist, attempting to quell the pain in your hand. 

 

Your eyes searching for anyone that could direct you to the room you would be staying in, finding two stormtroopers on patrol and stopping them. Your hand once again gripped tightly to your chest, “Locate Calla or Bram, or any servant will do...I need to be taken to my room.” 

 

But before any of them could aid you, Subur hailed you from the other end of the hall. Your eyes closing and releasing a harsh sigh. You did not want to speak to Subur or anyone for that matter. You feared you would not have the patience for nicieties. 

 

“Are you alright Lady Ceph?” He asked upon his approach, his eyes moving to lock onto your cradled hand, his brows furrowing in concern. 

 

“I’m fine.” Your answer was short and if not for the modulator he would have easily have been able to hear the pain in your voice. “I just wish to go to my room for a moment.” You nearly spat, forcing yourself to slow, evening out your tone so as not to seem rude. 

 

“Of course, I am more than happy to take you.” His body turned, hand sweeping outward in one fluid motion, “This way.” He said with a slight smile. 

 

You nodded, stepping forward as he moved beside you, heading down the hall in the direction he had come from, the sound of his sandals slapping on the stone floor softly, pitter pattering as you both walked at the same pace. 

 

“You know Jana was elated that you would be coming back to help us.” He spoke casually, attempting to fill the silence with idle chatter. 

 

“I told her I would always come if she called.” You muttered, your teeth snapping shut tightly as the searing pain grew stronger. 

 

“She feared you would be on assignment elsewhere.” 

 

You hummed, turning a corner and heading down a slightly familiar hallway, your eyes scanning across the walls, taking in paintings and sculptures that decorated the otherwise barren hallway, stepping carefully onto a very thick rug that ran the length of the hallway. Passing several doors and then stopping. 

 

“Ah here you are.” He moved to open the door, pushing it open and then stepping back, “Your things should all be there.” He nodded, peering inside and seeing your bag sitting on the table, nodding again in confirmation.

 

“Thank you.” You muttered, “Excuse me.” stepping in and closing the door rudely, your hands moving to remove your helmet as quickly as possible, tossing it away from you and beginning to rip off your gloves, flinging them onto the floor, your eyes scanning your amputated digit, looking for any reason for the pain. Your brows furrowing tightly when you could not see anything wrong with it. Pulling the digit to your mouth and wetting it with your saliva, sucking on the digit as if you had just burned it, hoping that it would soothe the pain. 

 

Your eyes squeezed shut, the pain only dulling for a moment, your mind suddenly going into a frenzy. What was wrong with it? Your teeth scraping across it for only a brief second, causing your body to jolt slightly, wrenching it from your mouth quickly and holding it between your fingers of your other hand. 

 

“Fuck!” You hissed. “What is wrong with you?!” You muttered angrily. 

 

And just as it arose the pain suddenly dissipated. You breathed out a sigh of relief, a bead of sweat running down your face, you didn’t even realize that you were sweating. You wiped the beads away hastily, moving to the bathroom and opening the door, heading directly to the sink and turning on the faucet. Allowing the cool water to run over your hands and underside of your wrists, cupping your hands together and splashing the water across your face. Rubbing at your eyes and wiping away the moisture that beaded across your lashes. Opening your eyes and peering at yourself in the mirror. 

 

You were shades paler, your cheeks flushed, your stomach churned at the sight, you did not look well at all. Closing your eyes and bracing your hands around the counter, leaning against it and taking a shuddering breath, exhaling through your teeth. Suddenly feeling light headed, as if you were about to vomit. Taking a few more breaths, concentrating on breathing evenly, your heart thudding in your chest. Gagging and then forcing yourself to stop. Humming lowly, attempting to stop from whining out loud, breathing harshly through flared nostrils, hands moving back to the running water and splashing yourself again, turning off the water and allowing the water on your face to bead and drip. Moving from the bathroom and back into the bedroom. 

 

Quickly attempting to reach the bed, practically flinging yourself on the plush surface and curling inward, arms wrapping around your stomach. Your brows scrunching, eyes squeezing tightly shut, willing the wave of nausea to pass. Perhaps you had gotten sick from eating something, or maybe you had a cold, but the idea of that seemed too far fetched. For the past two weeks you had been in a carefully contained environment, eaten nothing but the typical fare, and you had since not eaten anything since your last meal hours ago. Perhaps the sudden resurgence of pain from your hand had taken far more of a toll than you thought. 

 

You slightly rocked yourself back and forth, breathing slowly, your eyes still closed, focusing on the darkness behind your lids. 

 

_ When would it stop? _

 

****

 

He stood in front of your door, peering at it, hesitant. Should he knock? Should he just go in? You  _ did  _ tell him that you wanted to speak privately, perhaps he should wait for you to come to him? His head shook, no, he was the Commander, you would work with  _ his _ time frame, not the other way around. 

 

His hand rose, ready to knock on the door but he paused, his brow furrowing deeply, still unsure. Taking a deep breath his hand lowered, gripping around the knob and twisting it softly, testing to see if it was locked, though he could easily remedy that. But he was at least trying to be somewhat courteous, after all...things had changed so much between you, it would not be like before when he could just waltz in when he wanted. He needed to at least attempt to act properly, telling himself that if it were unlocked he would go in, and if it were he would knock. 

 

But it was unlocked, which still gave him pause, his lips twitching, should he enter? Should he really just go in? Shaking his head slightly, taking another deep breath and pushing the door open slowly, cautiously, waiting to hear you shout out, telling him to not come in, but nothing happened as he continued to open the door slowly. 

 

His head peering around the door and into the softly lit room, moving his large frame around the small opening, as if he were sneaking into your room. _ Wasn’t he doing just that though? _ His eyes looking around, noting your helmet had been flung carelessly along with your gloves to the floor. His brows furrowing slightly, lips pinching as his eyes moved upward, finding you curled at the foot of the bed, your arms wrapped around your middle, clutching yourself tightly. 

 

He froze, unsure, should he wake you? Should he just turn around and close the door behind him, head to his own room and call it a night? It was awful late after all. But he was already moving forward, closing the door softly behind him, his hands moving to his helmet, pulling it from his head, hoping the release would not wake you, but you didn’t even stir. He set it down on the floor, silently moving forward, his eyes looking you over. 

 

It had been so long since he had seen you in this state. Sleeping. How he longed to touch you, to fall into the bed with you, curl himself around you. His fingers furled and unfurled, the need to touch you almost overwhelming as he loomed over you. He knew it was wrong. 

 

You stirred slightly, clutching tightly at yourself and curling further inward, your face scrunching slightly. He froze, eyes going wide, holding his breath, waiting for you to wake and attack. But you only murmured softly, face relaxing once more, your features soft, lips pouting, a shiver moving through you. 

 

He frowned, sighing softly as his arms extended, hands moving under you, lifting you upward and tucking you to his chest as he lifted you. His eyes locked onto you, ensuring that you did not wake, though he was not quite sure what he would do if you did...he couldn’t just drop you and flee. Though the mental image of that brought a smirk to his lips.  _ Childish. _

 

He moved around the bed, using the Force to pull down the covers and delicately placing you on the fitted sheet. Waiting to see if you would wake before he moved to your boots. Unstrapping them and gently removing them from your feet, pausing in wait, watching your eyelids for any fluttering. But you were out like a light, he didn’t realize that you had been so tired, you seemed fine before. 

 

He moved to the other boot, following the same motions and again waiting. His eyes flitting over you, looking for any movement, still cautious, though he was beginning to think you would not even wake if a rancor burst into your room. He watched as your eyes moved under your lids. You must have been dreaming. His hand reaching across you, pulling the sheet and comforter over you and standing. Watching you for a moment more. Just a bit longer, he told himself. Then he would return to his own room. 

 

The motions bringing back a memory of when he had carried you back to your quarters on Ziost after retrieving your kyber crystal. Hadn’t he done the same thing then? Laid you in your bed, removed your boots and tucked you in. A soft smile coming to his lips, his heart ached at the thought.  The same ache that begged him to remain rooted in the spot, to watch and wait until you woke, clinging to the hope that you would wake and invite him to join you. But the idea was preposterous. 

 

He bent, leaning forward, his strong nose brushing gently across your cheek, breathing in the smell of you, his eyes closing. He wished he could stay there forever, but he knew he could not. 

 

Forcing himself to stand again, and moving back towards the door, his hand calling his helmet, tucking it under his arm, his free hand moving for the knob, twisting and pulling the door open slowly, just enough to let him through, his head turning, allowing him to peer over his shoulder and giving him another look at you tucked into bed. His lips pinching and turning downward into a frown. 

 

Would there be another time he would be able to do this? Would things ever return to the way they had been? 

 

He shook his head, dashing away the thought. Far too distracting, he could not afford to get caught up in such things. Not right now. He would have time later to cycle back over the questions, time to run himself raged with the possibilities. But right now he needed to cross the threshold of the door and leave you be. 

 

He moved forward, closing the door behind him. He would just need to be satisfied with that for now. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Work is all consuming.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: mentions of forced sexual situations/brief depiction

Chapter 45

The Buzzing

_____________________

 

> _ You plummeted into darkness, deep and lifeless. The sensation of rushing air indicating your fall, but there was no roaring of wind, no sound what's so ever. Your innards shifted, weightlessness causing your organs to move about freely within your body, causing your stomach to tingle uncomfortably. You thought surely you would wake soon, that there would be an end, that your body would jolt upward at any moment. And you kept telling yourself to wake, pleading, begging for your eyes to open, to let the light in, to see  _ **_something_ ** _. To be somewhere else aside from this empty limbo. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ And just as you thought it would end, you plunged into icy cold water, deep and dark. Your head lifting upward, catching the light that cast above in rippling blues. You watched as warm rays danced across the surface, passively waiting for something to happen, for your limbs to begin moving, for the will to move to come. To jolt you from this stagnant state, but it did not, instead you only sank deeper. Unable to find it within yourself to reach the light above.  _
> 
> _ Watching as you moved further away. All the what-ifs and could-have-beens, dancing just above you, still not too far enough to reach, if only you could muster the strength to move. But you were unable to unburden yourself, unable to rid yourself of the deeds you had done.  _
> 
>  
> 
> _**This is what you get.** _
> 
>  
> 
> _ So you sank as if your body were made of stone. There was nothing that could make you lighter, to cause you to rise above and float.  _ _ Loneliness began to creep in, wrapping around you like a shroud. The feeling of total isolation and the panic and madness that it stirred within you causing your heart to race in frantic beats. Legs and arms finally coming to life, flailing and kicking like it mattered, attempting to swim for the surface, but it was far to late. You had already sunk so far down. The descent was unavoidable now, the only thing left was to hit the bottom.  _
> 
> _ You relaxed your arms, allowing them to float limply beside you as your legs did the same. Your head still tilted upward, watching as the last of the light faded away, consumed by the darkness that surrounded you. A sob welled within your chest, your eyes closing as your head returned to level. Releasing the last bit of air you held within your lungs. Hoping that you would finally be able to let go, that you would be able to wake if you just succumbed. _
> 
>  
> 
> **_"Eight."_ **
> 
>  
> 
> _ Your eyes opened, peering into a familiar space, your eyes foggy, adjusting to the harsh light above you. Closing slightly once more, heavy lids willing you to fall back to sleep, to sink back into the darkness.  _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Wake up. You have to wake up.” Her voice was soft, tenderly running a hand across your forehead, brushing back the hair that laid limply across your flesh, damp from sweat. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “This is a dream.” You muttered, a part of you knowing she was not truly here, just a fabrication of your mind. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “It is. But you still must wake, I have things to show you.” Her voice a soft hum. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Your eyes opened once more, slowly focusing on cornflower blue eyes, the rest of her slowly coming into focus. Her pale flesh and hair, cheeks warm, almost glowing. She flickered back out of focus, the light that haloed behind her dimming, darkness closing in around her. Your hand reaching for her face, fingertips coming to her jawline, skimming lightly, feeling the soft flesh of her face.  **Warm**.  _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Focus Eight.” _
> 
>  
> 
> _ You fought against your heavy lids, taking everything in you, forcing yourself to focus on her. The light brightening, too bright, everything became a blurry haze around her, as if you were staring into the sun, spots forming in your vision. Your quarter’s on Zoist disappearing, the light swallowing the stone walls and objects of your room, your eyes closed, the light far too bright and blinding. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Upon reopening them you were somewhere else entirely, standing between a row of strange knobbly trees with wispy dark leaves, strange green and deep black fruits growing on the thin branches, weighing them down enough to cause some of them to droop. Your eyes peered down the long row, the trees seeming to go on forever, the sun shinned high above, flecks of light danced through murky green leaves, casting dappled shadows across the grassy blanket between the trees. Your head lifting upward, eyes closing as the rays peppered across your face, basking in the warmth.  _
> 
>  
> 
> _ The sound of something falling, thudding feet away from you dragged you from the peaceful moment. Your head snapping back to level, your eyes alert and moving in search of the source of the noise, head turning to allow you a wider angle. Spotting a woven basket that had not been there before, assuming that was what had made the noise, glancing at spilled dark fruit on the deep green grass between the rows. Eyes moving in search of the owner, head turning to see an older woman standing, a well worn wide brim hat atop her graying hair, the brim tucked back away from her face, her brows raised in surprise, her hands moving slowly to cover her mouth. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Where am I?” You asked as your body turned to face her, stepping closer slowly, her head shaking. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “You….you’re not here. You’re not here.” She muttered, her voice catching in her throat, hands shaking as her eyes began to water. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ You blinked in confusion. Was this not a dream? Did she not know that she was in a dream? Why was she so shaken? Why did she look as if she were seeing a ghost? Your brows furrowing as you stopped, teeth clamping onto your lower lip in thought, gently nibbling on the meaty flesh. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “No I suppose I am not.” You muttered slowly, your eyes moving away from her once again, peering off into the distance. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Her hand moved away from her mouth, legs moving, sandaled feet scraping across the grass, almost shuffling, unsure if she were to approach but unable to keep herself from doing so, her arm lifting, stretching outward as she neared, your eyes watching curiously as her finger grazed your cheek. _
> 
> **_And you could feel it_ ** _. You could feel the warmth in her touch, the smell of outside on her skin and clothes, your eyes meeting fully for the first time, something familiar about them, as if you were looking into a small mirror. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “(Y/N).” She breathed. _

 

You jolted awake, eyes prying open so alarmingly fast that you could for a moment feel the room spin, as if you could feel the very rotation of Beirus as it spun on its axis. Your stomach churned violently, your hand coming to clamp over your mouth, ripping away the covers, running to the bathroom and falling to your knees and projecting bile from your mouth. Splashing violently into the bowl and flecking your face, heaving and expelling a gut wrenching sob, snot running down your nose as you vomited more burning acrid acid into the bowl. Trembling, your arms wrapped around the seat, head resting on the cold surface, breathing slowly through slightly parted lips, eyes clamping shut, willing the spinning to stop.

 

Tears continued to streak down your face, dribbling down your chin and neck, sniffing softly, unsure as to why you were so suddenly wrought with sorrow. You did not know that woman or even understand why she had said that name. Why would you dream about such a thing? More importantly, why and how was Twelve present...and why were you not angry to see her? Why didn’t you push her away? 

__

_ Shouldn't you have been angry at her?  _

 

Your brows furrowed deeply, eyes squeezing tightly, exhaling deeply. Your hands turning on the seat, gripping tightly as your legs moved heavily under you, lifting yourself upward slowly, standing bent over the toilet and waiting to see if you would vomit again, if there was any hint of nausea, mouth gaped, taking slow breaths. Your upper lips twitching in annoyance, the questions floating around your head, looping around and around.

 

Why? Why? Why?

 

****

 

Your head tilted upward, the red lens of your helmet catching the small rays that managed to peak through the overcast sky, returning level with the remains of the armory, still burning lowly in places despite the downpour that had occurred overnight, watching as Kylo moved through the ruble, Einn trailing behind him closely, scanning about the remains of the building. 

 

You made no motion to join them, finding the whole exercise to be a waste of time. There would be nothing to find from the ruble, even if they could possibly find the origin of the blast, there would more than likely be nothing left to tell them the source. But this reality did not detour the Commander, who was set on at least scanning over the ruble regardless of the likelihood of finding anything. Every possibility needed to be stricken down, everything carefully checked even though the likelihood of finding even a slight clue would be slim to none. 

 

You turned and headed back down the path, retracing the steps from the night before, following a small plume of smoke that rose through the trees, navigating your way through thick underbrush and coming to the burnt remains of the two stormtroopers, still yet to be identified. 

 

There wasn’t much left, everything had been turned to char, what little bone that remained would more than likely shatter if you tried to touch them. But you crouched down anyway, gloved hands sifting through the ash, crumbling in your fingertips. Lifting your hand upward and allowing the ash to drift from your clenched fist, watching as the powder met back with the pile of ash on the forest floor. 

 

You knew there were other places that should be explored, your head tilting upward, peering through the canopy and quickly spotting a bit of the spire that peaked through the trees. Standing once more, eyes still locked onto the jutting azure, thinking. If you could just get in, find Lemak, drag the answers from his mind...this could all be over. 

 

The snapping of forest litter from behind you drew your attention, head turning and peering over your shoulder, staring at Kylo as he approached and then turning to fully face him, waiting for him to speak through the modulator. 

 

“You wanted to speak privately?” His heavily modulated voice not even conveying an ounce of emotion. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Speak then.” He gestured gently with a gloved hand, softening the emotionless tone that the modulator portrayed. 

 

“Does any of this remind you of anything?”

 

“Kasar, the refinery explosion. Yes, I have gone down the same thread.” His helmet tilted, looking behind you, possibly towards the small view of the spire. 

 

“You felt that there was more to the plot last time we were here. Do you think Lemak could be tied to all of this? That we somehow missed it?” 

 

His helmet lowered, peering once more at you, visor reflecting your visage. “It is a possibility, though I do not like to think we were so careless as to not notice something so glaringly in plain view.”  

 

It was no mystery, no tightly held secret whispered about in the dark corners of Beirus. Lemak held open disdain for not only the crown, but Jana. And it would not be a far leap to conclude that he would be moved to do anything to throw a wrench in anything that she attempted to accomplish. If the information that Fritz had provided were to hold, and you could not assume other wise, then Lemak would make a prime candidate for the culprit. The only thing you would need to do was to find solid evidence, and in order to do that you would need to get inside of the Temple Mount. 

 

“We were never allowed to enter the Temple Mount, but then again we never had a reason to.” 

 

“And we do now.” He nodded. 

 

“Exactly.”

 

He stood silently for a moment, helmet turning away before returning to look into the red curvature of your own helmet. “They will not give us permission to enter such a place, not without someone accompanying us.”

 

“Then we  _ ask _ for permission.”

 

“You will not be allowed entrance, not without making a ruckus.”

 

You nodded, “I know this. I will wait.”

 

His helmet tilted slightly, considering the plan and then nodding, his body turning as you watched Einn make his approach, picking his way carefully through the underbrush and coming to a halt, his helmet moving between the two of you. 

 

“What are you two talking about?” He asked. 

 

“We’re heading to the Temple Mount.” You answered. 

 

“Well, I figured as much. There is nothing here to help us, it’s the next logical step.” His arms crossed his chest, helmet tilting upward looking at the leafy covering above, “So how do we go about this?” He asked. 

 

You and Kylo looked at each other, neither voicing your thoughts, both knowing the only logical choice in the matter. You would have to ask for permission from the highest source of authority. 

 

****

 

They sat in a large round room, light poured through stained transparisteel, deep indigo and blazing blues shone through despite the overcast sky outside, as if the sun’s rays only chose to shine it’s light upon the Spire. The room was decorated lavishly, rich wood and shining trinkets littered the book shelves and large desk that sat between them and the High Sarjana, who had a single foot propped to the side of his chair, causing him to sit cock-eyed to his guests. 

 

Einn shifted in his stiff chair, much stiffer than they initially appeared to be with their overstuffed seat cushions, deceiving him into thinking he would be comfortable, but his ass hurt all the same. He blinked and shifted his shoulders, hoping that he could move his ass cheeks enough to relieve the annoying ache, even though they had not been sitting long enough to warrant such a thing. It was as if the chairs had been carefully selected to be as deceiving as possible, some sort of strange deterrent to keep people from pestering the High Sarjana for long. 

 

His eyes moved to glance beside him, Subur Coulter sat between him and Kylo. Picking the smallest of the three chairs, making him appear far larger than he really was as Kylo stood, refusing to take a seat, as if it would hurt his outward appearance. He instead stood stiffly beside Subur’s chair, a single hand resting on the fabric covered back, his helmet locked onto the High Sarjana, watching as he fiddled with something on his desk, almost looming broodingly over Subur. 

 

“I didn’t expect to see you in such poor shape Lemak.” Subur commented, his tone not completely mocking but if you had a skillful ear you could hear it. He clearly had no taste for the man, but who did. Even Einn found him wholly distasteful and rude, even though he hadn’t said much. His posturing told him everything he needed to know about the man. Arrogant and wholly uninterested, as if they were intruding.

 

“I told you, I have been unable to travel, did you think I was a liar?” Lemak grumbled his plump face screwing up tightly. 

 

“Of course not, just didn’t imagine that you would be in this poor of shape.” Subur jibed, leaning into the back of his chair and crossing his leg over the opposite knee. 

 

Lemak tutted, turning as much as his propped leg would allow him, giving him a better angle to stare down at Subur, “Enough. What do you want Subur?” Clearly not amused by Subur's comments.

 

“I am but a humble servant of the people, and therefore only here as a formality.” His arms splayed, hands gesturing to either side of him,  “These men have questions to ask you.”

 

Lemak’s face screwed up tightly, fleshy lips pinching and spreading across his flabby face. Einn turned to look towards Kylo,  _ “You ask the questions. I’ll sift.”  _  He projected. 

 

Kylo nodded, moving from the side of Subur’s chair and coming forward enough to be as close to the desk without crowding it, “As you know, there was an attack last night.” Kylo lead. 

 

Lemak nodded, “Yes, dreadful business, but I fail to see what this has to do with me or the Temple.” His voice lofty, almost as if his statement was moot point. Like he had just completely derailed the whole conversation, shutting it down with an almost smug look on his face. 

 

“There were two soldiers found, two stormtroopers, stripped of their armor, killed and left. Covered in something that belongs exclusively to the Temple Mount.” Kylo paused dramatically, Einn could practically feel the annoyance in his voice even though audibly those listening would not be able to feel it. He could feel him holding back a surge of anger that boiled just below the surface. 

 

Einn closed his eyes, his gloved hand that rested on the arm rest lifting only slightly, sending a mental probe projecting towards the High Sarjana, hurling himself towards Lemak’s mental walls, meeting resistance as soon as he made contact. 

 

Lemak’s face screwed up, his hand coming to rub on his temples, huffing in annoyance as a headache began to throb. “Speak plainly-” He spoke through slightly clenched teeth. "I do not feel up to these games that you people like to play."

 

_ Einn’s probe ran down the weak mental walls of Lemak’s mind, feeling gently for any gaps that would allow him to make entrance without being too noticeable.  _

 

“The  _ Caro _ beetles, who has access to those?” Kylo asked. 

 

_ And there, just like a beacon being lit, he saw it. An opening. He zipped down the dark passageway, moving quickly from each connecting thought. Flashes of memories connected to the beetles, playing like a broken holovid, coming in only snippets. Burials. Lemak moving through a small transparisteel covered building, full of boxes that hummed and rattled. He pulled one down, setting it to the side for inspection as a red cloaked brother moved behind him to pick it up.  _

 

“I do and those who take care of them. There are strict rules for the  _ Caro _ . No one is allowed to enter the breeding house alone unless they are a key holder.” 

 

_ Lemak made his exit from the light filled room, leaving two brothers behind to inspect the boxes. They would be used soon, another death. Another meal for the beetles. He had not paid attention to the men that monitored the beetles, he never had. They were never a real concern for the man. There hadn’t been an incident with the creatures in years.  _

 

“What are the security measures for the breeding house?”  Kylo asked. 

 

“There are only two sets of keys. I have one and the Master of the house has one.” Lemak supplied, still rubbing furiously at his temples. 

 

“Who is the Master of the house?” 

 

_ Einn could see the image taking shape, an older man, thin, bald, hawkish nose and tanned,  _ **_Tulos_ ** **,** **_Master Tulos._ ** _ He could see the man in his crimson robes, checklist in hand, pointing at the boxes, two other men, younger, boys, their hands covered in a strange metal mesh, trays of fruit and meat sitting on a rolling cart. Both of them standing and opening a box, placing the fruit and meat mixture inside and then promptly closing it.  _

 

_ “I know what the man looks like. Tulos is his name.”   _ Einn projected to Kylo.

 

“Tulos, but I don’t know much more. I leave him to his own devices, he has never had an incident. In fact there hasn't been an incident for over two decades.” 

 

“Until now.” Subur commented, earning him a glare from the High Sarjana. 

 

“Yes well, that still remains to be seen.” He mumbled, straightening and grabbing at a cup and taking a sip, his brow beading with sweat. “You are more than welcomed to speak with him.”  He rifled through a stack of flimsy, pulling out a thickly clipped sheet, his beady eyes squinting and hands leafing through the pages. “He should be at the breeding house now.” 

 

He reached to the edge of the desk, flopping the thickly bound flimsy down and pressed a plump finger onto the tip of a bell, pressing down and then releasing, repeating the motion several times until the door to his office opened. Turning to look at a young man that stood in the doorway, his head bent and eyes lowered. 

 

“Yes High Sarjana?” He asked softly. 

 

_ In a series of unwarranted flashes Einn was cascaded into a flickering memory, sucked away from anything connecting to the Caro and into a chamber. The young man knelt at the edge of the bed, Einn was peering down at him, and fleshy exposed bits of what he assumed to be the High Sarjana’s legs. The boy places his hands on the fatty flesh, gripping softly.  _

 

_ “Just as you remember.” The High Sarjana’s voice was husky, Einn could feel the burning desire.  _

 

_ “Yes High Sarjana.” The boy mumbled, he could feel the apprehension, the disgust so clearly displayed on the boys face. The High Sarjana seemed to not mind, not even taking a moment to consider how uncomfortable the young boy was, only chasing the thought of pleasure that filled him.  _

 

_ The fabric of the High Sarjana’s robes lifted more, exposing his angry looking member, stubby and sheathed. Einn felt the sudden urge to vomit. Retracting quickly away from the memory as the young man’s hands moved to grip the offending flesh, his mouth opening preparing to envelope the High Sarjana.  _

 

His eyes opened, and he was back in the office, looking directly at Lemak, his throat dry and tight. Full of disgust. The dirty barve!

 

His entire body tightened, hands clenching around the arm rests in anger and disgust, teeth gritting tightly. He wanted nothing more than to leap across the table and pounce onto the disgusting man that sat across from him and pummel him until his face was mush. But he held back, knowing that nothing good would come of the out burst. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kylo's helmet turn to regard him, watching as he practically vibrated with disgust. He could feel him shifting through the information that he had gathered, playing through the snippets, could feel his disgust at the one particular memory.

 

“Gillian, show King Coulter and his guests to the breeding house.” He instructed, his lips pressing tightly, a low smack popping, “And then return to me, I require your assistance.” 

 

Einn’s eyes trailed, moving to the young man, watching as his head dropped even further, “Yes High Sarjana.” 

 

He stood promptly, no longer wanting to be in the presence of such a vile man, not waiting for Coulter or Kylo, moving quickly past poor Gillian who moved to allow him exit from the room. Turning away from everyone completely, helmet’s visor locking onto the stained transparisteel that allowed light to flood the round stone landing. Swallowing harshly, a lump forming in his throat.  _ How could such a beautiful place be home to such a vile man? _

 

_ “Einn?”  _ Kylo’s voice intruded on his thoughts, snapping him back into the present.

 

_ “He’s disgusting.”  _ He grumbled mentally,  _ “Ceph was right.” _

 

_ “Come, there is nothing we can do as of now, but perhaps we may be able to use what you found as leverage later.”  _

 

He nodded, turning away from the blue tinted light and watched as Gillian lead Subur to the stairwell, Subur stopping at the first step and turning to look at the both of them, “Do we need to stay a moment longer?” He asked, forcing Gillian to stop and turn, looking up at them, already descending down the stairs. Einn’s mind flashed, Lemak’s memory layering precariously over the sight, staring down at Gillian in the dimly lit room once more. 

 

“No. Let’s go.” He spoke, breaking the memory and moving forward, allowing Subur and Gillian to proceed downward and following closely behind as Kylo took the rear. 

 

They moved down the spire, all the way back to the ground floor, and through the largest portion of the Temple, passing by stray brothers, moving towards their destinations, none of them looking up, none of them feigning any interest.  Gillian lead them through a large open doorway and into a lush garden where more brother’s were scattered about attending to the plant life and other chores that such a place would require. The sun was fully out once more and Einn could already feel the heat seeping through his dark clothing. 

 

Gillian followed a stone path, past the high shrubbery and into a grove of trees, the pathway now shielded from the harsh rays above. Coming to a stop at the building which Einn had seen in Lemak’s memories. Appearing just as it had been, high steeple and rough. Transparisteel left completely transparent, allowing anyone to see inside without entering. He could see three figures moving about, checking on the rows of stacked boxes. Gillian knocked on the glass, drawing their attention. 

 

The door opened, one of the boys from Lemak’s memory stood in the crack of the doorway, his dark eyes fluttering between the party and instantly bowing his head, “My King, my apologies, I shall fetch Master Tulos.”  He quickly retreated back into the breeding house, closing the door behind him. Einn watched as the boy spoke to Master Tulos. 

 

Gillian turned to them, “My King, Lords, I must return. Excuse me.” He bowed, lifting his torso to stand straight, Einn’s eyes locked onto him, fighting the urge to grab at him, to stop him from returning to the monster that waited. He quickly bit back on the urge, forcing his arms to clamp tightly to his side, body once more humming with anger. Forcing himself to close his eyes and calm, he needed to regain focus. 

 

The door opened fully, Master Tulos stepped out of the breeding house, ensuring the door was fully closed behind him, bowing to Subur and then standing fully, not shying away from looking anyone in the face as the other brothers did. 

 

“My King. This is a surprise.” His voice was soft, gentle almost. 

 

“Master Tulos, the High Sarjana said you would be here.” Subur spoke casually, “And clearly you are.” He laughed stiffly, attempting to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

 

“Yes, indeed. I am here.” He nodded, forcing a tight smile, clearly unamused. “Pardon me my King, but is there something I may assist you with?”  He asked, his eyes cutting to both Einn and Kylo and then back to Subur. 

 

“These men have questions for you concerning the  _ Caro _ .”  Subur stepped to the side, his hand gesturing at Kylo, “This is Commander Ren of the First Order,” hand sweeping towards Einn, “And Master Einn of the First Order.” 

 

Tulos nodded at both of them, bowing slightly, though not as deeply as he had done to Subur. “How may I help you gentlemen?” 

 

“Tell me Master Tulos, when was the last time you took stock of the  _ Caro _ ?” Kylo asked, his voice rumbling, garbled and layered from the modulator. 

 

Tulos’ gray brows furrowed, his head tilting slightly, “We take inventory every few weeks, taking into account the life cycle of the  _ Caro _ of course.” He paused, eyes searching to see if he could figure out where this line of questioning was heading. “Why?” He finally asked. 

 

“Your beetles have been found outside of the the breeding house, in a place they should have never been.” Kylo supplied, “I need to know who could have had access to them. Who was the last person inside of the breeding house?” 

 

Master Tulos blinked rapidly, his lips pressing tightly, brows raising, “Impossible.” His soft voice trembled, clearly worried and confused. "Only the High Sarjana and myself have keys to the door and the boxes. None has been here but my wards and myself, and we are extremely careful. There is no way anyone could have come in or anything could have left unnoticed."  He blinked rapidly, head turning to look into the green-house and then back to them, head shaking. "There is no way." He mumbled. 

 

“Would you comply if Master Einn were to check?” Kylo asked, his wording precariously loose, not hinting at all to what or how he would be checking. 

 

Tulos nodded, “Of course, I assure you that I am telling you the truth, nothing should be missing from the breeding house. There is no way.” 

 

Einn stepped forward, his arm lifting and allowing his hand to come within inches of Tulos’ face, “Relax, do not fight me.” He instructed. 

 

Tulos looked in confusion, his eyes moving to peer into Einn’s visor, “What is it you intend to do?” He asked, his body flinching. 

 

“I am going to peer within your mind.” 

 

Tulos’ brows rose, his shoulders bunching, his head tilting back slightly as he released a chuckle, “Nonsense. No one can do such a thing.” He laughed, though his eyes darted nervously between Einn and Subur. As if he were trying to ascertain the seriousness of Einn's statement, unsure if this was all some strange joke. 

 

“I assure you, these men  _ can _ .”  Subur’s voice was grave, his face serious. “Do as they ask Master Tulos.” He urged. 

 

Tulos’ face scrunched, still unsure if they were wholly serious, he shrugged and stepped forward, allowing Einn’s hand to make contact with his face. He stood, face relaxed, waiting for  _ something _ . 

 

_ Einn seeped inward, worming his way through the small opening that Master Tulos had so generously left for him. He could already feel the resistance of his mind, no longer sure of what was happening. He could hear Kylo reminding him to relax, asking him to recall the memory.  _

 

_ And in a haze, as if water were filling the space where Einn had nestled, the memories flooded: _

 

_ Master Tulos, moving through the familiar routine, cycling through out the day. Checking the pages, recording the temperatures and the stages of the Caro, instructing the two young boys, his under studies, teaching them to take over when he was dead and gone. And he cared deeply for the two, wanted to ensure their success, wanted to be sure that they kept safe practices, that no harm would ever come to them or the beetles.  _ _ And in a strange rapid fire flashing, the days repeated, the same but different. From sun up to sun down, Master Tulos performed his duty with the utmost seriousness. Always ensuring that the doors were closed and that the boxes remained locked, that the beetles were fed and taken care of.  _

 

_ Einn leafed through these memories, watching as they zipped by, and as if an alarm started to sound in his mind he could hear a strange buzzing noise. Growing louder as he shifted closer to the current time. He stopped on a memory, the sound of the buzzing loudest here, almost deafening. Something was wrong with this memory, though he was unsure of what outside of the buzzing. He sunk fully into this memory, watching as he were Master Tulos himself, seeing through his eyes as he looked down at a piece of flimsy, a pen in his hand, scratching down the date and preparing it for the log of the day where they would record all the temperatures and perform the daily check list.  _

 

_ And the buzzing stopped, almost deafeningly gone. Einn's lips pinched, he continued to press on the memory, forcing it to speed up, as if hitting the fastforward on a holovid. Watching as Tulos and the two wards moved through their day in rapid motion. Performing their duties, taking moments to rest on the lush grass, to enjoy a light meal and then back to work. But Einn had still not heard the buzzing again, that was until the sky grew dark and Master Tulos was doing what Einn assumed to be the final check.  _

 

_ Master Tulos looked up from the clipboard, his fingers allowing the flimsy to fall, watching as Callum and Brode finished checking the temperature of the eggs. The sun had already set long ago, the lamps above shone their warm glow, heating the terrarium to optimal temperature. He blinked for a moment, opening his eyes, and standing outside of the doors, keys in hand, locking the doors and tugging on the handle to ensure it was locked.  _

 

_ Einn’s brows furrowed. Confused. Something didn’t seem right.  _

 

“Stop.” He instructed aloud, "Go back, start from when you are making your final check of the flimsy for the night."

 

_ Submerging back into the memory, watching as if he were Tulos himself, looking up from the flmsy, watching as Callum and Brode finished checking the eggs. A shadow flickered just in view, projecting from behind, and Tulos blinked.  _ _ The buzzing was at it's loudest here, almost causing his own head to vibrate. Someone had been here. Someone had removed something from Tulos' memory. _

 

Einn pulled his hand away from Master Tulos, opening his eyes and turning to look directly at Kylo,  _ “It’s been tampered.”  _

 

_ “Are you sure?”  _ Kylo projected. 

 

_ “Yes. There’s a gap between when he last looks at the two boys and when he is locking the door.”   _ Einn’s jaw tightened, sucking on his lower lip in thought. Who would have the ability to do such a thing? But he knew the answer, knew that only someone who had trained in the Force would be able to completely block a memory.  

 

_ “Someone has been inside of his mind.”  _ His voice was sure. There was no other explanation. 

 

He watched as Kylo turned to look at the interior of the breeding house, watching as Callum and Brode went about their routine.  _ “You think their’s has been altered as well?”  _

 

Einn turned to look at the two boys, giving a slight shrug,  _ “It would make sense, we should see. This was sloppy...either they didn’t think anyone would check to see or they weren’t experienced enough to do it properly.”  _

 

Kylo nodded. “We need to check your understudies.” 

 

Tulos, turned, tapping on the glass with a boney finger, both boys raising their heads. Stripping the mesh gloves from their hands, sealing the box they were working on and coming quickly to the door, both turning to make sure it was closed behind them, they looked expectantly at Master Tulos. 

 

“It is going to sound strange, but I need you to trust me as your Master.” Tulos wrapped a hand around each of the boy’s shoulders, looking at both of them seriously. They nodded. “I need you to comply fully with what these men want. Listen to them and do as they ask.” 

 

They nodded again, mumbiling ‘yes master’ as Tulos moved away from them, but not far enough where he would not be in reach. His eyes locked onto Einn like a hawk, his brow beaded with sweat, his eyes slightly watery, pained from Einn's probe. He looked weary and unsure, as if it were possible that he had made up the entire thing, but still not quite sure that was true. Unsure of everything now. 

 

Einn lifted a hand, coming inches from Callum’s head, “Relax and open your mind, I need you to recall the last week, the twenty-seventh, you were in the breeding house, before you closed up for the day.” He instructed. 

 

Callum nodded, nervousness plainly on his face, he wiped at his upper lip with his sleeve, wiping away the slightly beading sweat from the heat of the breeding house. Einn’s gloved hand made contact. 

 

_ Callum looked into the box, small almost unnoticeable white beads littered the leaves inside, he watched as Brode placed the temperature gauge inside, measuring the heat and then repeating it several times to be sure the reading was correct. A sharp crackling buzz began to fill Einn's mind. Callum's head lifted, the sound of the door opening drawing his attention. Looking up and seeing a shadow casting across the floor. He blinked. He was out in the night air, his skin was clammy, more than happy to feel the breeze as it moved through the gardens. He could smell the Hostilla blooms already, even though Callum knew it was unseasonably early for them to be in bloom. _

 

Einn pulled away from the memory, his hand moving to Brode, watching as he flinched, he could see Callum rubbing at his temples, his face screwed tightly. “Relax.” Einn reminded, but Brode looked uneasy still. Perhaps if Einn hadn’t of worn his helmet his voice and face may have put the boy at ease, but he did not have time to wait. 

 

His fingers made contact. 

 

_ There was a harsh push against him, he could feel Brode try to push him out. Feel him trying to move away from his physical touch, though someone held him tightly in place. Hearing faintly as Tulos reminded him to relax.  _

 

_ Brode checked the temperature, checking it again. Still wasn’t right. He reset it once more, ah it was on the wrong setting. He inserted the tip back into the small opening on the side of the transparisteel box, his free hand moving the mesh swivel out of the way and allowing him to insert the tip flush to the exterior wall. He took a deep breath, holding it, waiting. The gauge beeped, he read the temperature, nearly ideal, good enough. Pulling the gauge back from the box and swiveling the mesh back in place, locking it and looking up. The door had opened, but no one should be out this late, and the High Sarjana rarely came this way. He could see a shadow, no two shadows, one longer and the other, the other was both long and wide, it was  **huge**. _

 

**_BUZZZ._ **

 

_ He blinked. Outside he rubbed at his neck, a small bite from a mosquito that made him itch like mad. He yawned.  _

 

Einn drew back for the final time. Blinking and looking at Brode whose eyes were watering, his mouth opened as he panted. This memory had been scrubbed even worse than the others. Tulos patted the boy on his back, whispering for him to return to the Temple, instructing Callum to accompany him. Tulos stood straight, his shoulders pinching, distressed that Brode had reacted so poorly, concerned with his well being. 

 

“I hope that is all you require.” Tulos pinched his lips, puckering in anger though his voice still remained soft, his eyes no longer watering though Einn could see his temples throbbing subtly.

 

Einn turned to look at Kylo, “The same.” He spoke verbally. 

 

Kylo nodded. “Thank you Master Tulos. That is all.”

 

****

 

You stood watching, peering casually around the large wrought iron fencing that kept anyone from easily entering the Temple Mount. Watching as red clothed brothers moved about the lawn, speaking with each other in groups, others sitting with books in their laps, silently reading. And you watched for a long while but you were growing bored with watching the same figures, stationary on the lawn, none of them paid you or the two Stormtroopers that flanked your side any mind. They pretended as if none of you were standing in wait, as if all life ceased to exist outside of the high wrought iron fence of the Temple Mount.

 

It wasn't that you wanted attention, or needed it, you just wanted something different to look at. Turning and leaning your back against the fence, propping a foot against a rod, your helmet bumping and then resting as you watched out into the busy cobbled streets that surrounded the Temple Mount. Watching as the wealthier members of Beirus did their shopping. Eyes locking onto people who did not look as if they belonged, visitors, perhaps even freighters bringing in goods. Nothing to raise any flags. 

 

Nibbling gently on your lower lip you continued to watch, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. Holding it and then exhaling.  _ You were so bored _ . You almost regretted not staying at the palace. You wondered what was happening inside of the Temple Mount, what they were seeing, what they were finding out. Perhaps they would come out with all the answers, that all you would have to do now was to track down the culprits. 

 

Your brows furrowed. What if they came back with no answers at all?  What if there was nothing to track from here? How long would Snoke keep the three of you here for? Surely he would have to pull Kylo back and return him to his original mission. And Einn, well Einn had skill you did not have, surely he would be useful for something or another soon enough, and he would be called back too. Leaving you here alone.  _ Not alone _ . 

 

Jana was here.  _ Jana and her family _ . Your teeth set tightly. 

 

You didn’t understand why you were so... _ angry _ at the idea of her having a family. You  _ should _ be happy for her. But you couldn’t seem to find it in yourself to be. Instead you were sour and felt dejected, as if you had any right to be. It wasn’t like it was her fault that her life had moved on, that she had things that you would never have. 

 

_ As if those were things you even wanted. _

 

You huffed. The jealousy was so petty. You didn’t  _ need _ any of those things, and you never did. You didn’t need her or anyone else for that matter. You were fine on your own. 

 

_ “You need none of that.”  _  Sestra’s voice hummed.  _ “Distractions.”  _

 

You hummed mentally,  _ “Distractions.”  _

 

_ “You have been clouded since you arrived here.”  _ She added. 

 

_ “It is hard to not be.”  _

 

_ “You attachment to the Queen is no benefit to anyone. You lose focus.”  _

 

Rolling your eyes softly, as if you didn’t already know you had lost focus. You didn’t need to be told so, especially by her. You knew Jana was a weakness, though you just didn’t seem to understand why you had such a firm attachment to her...that was the thing that made you dwell. What was it about her that cemented you to her? 

 

_ “Forget it.”   _ She hissed. 

 

You allowed your foot to slide from the rod, planting firmly back on the duracrete sidewalk, standing firmly and peeling yourself away from the fence, rolling your shoulders. Your eyes scanned in front of you once more, watching those that passed by. Your head tilting slightly as you watched a large cloaked figure walking ahead of you, their head turning and peering behind them, face hidden in the dark of their hood. Peering directly at you, pausing for a moment and then turning in the opposite direction, black hands rising up and tugging the hood tighter to their head and moving across the street and towards the shops. 

 

You weren’t quite sure why you kept watching them. Perhaps it was the sheer size of them, or maybe it was the fact that they clung to the thickly woven cloak even though it was hot out. Perhaps it was the fact that their gaze lingered on you for a moment, as if beckoning you to follow. But maybe none of that had truly occurred, perhaps you were reading too much into it, mind attempting to distract you from the sheer amount of boredom. They could have easily of been peering behind you at the Temple Mount. 

 

_ “Trust your gut girl.”  _ Sestra’s voice hummed,  _"Do you not feel it?"_

 

Chewing on your lip for a moment, your eyes watching as the figure moved to a small opening between two shops, disappearing from view. Mind sinking into the Force, listening to the world around you. A faint buzzing in your ears, as if a million humming insects hovered just outside of the shell of your ears even though they were shielded by your helmet. Stranger still, the figure had no discernible signature in the Force, only the buzzing hum.  

 

_ “Hurry before you lose them.” _

 

You turned to the two stormtroopers, telling them to hold position and wait for the Commander, promising to be back shortly as you moved across the cobbled street. Moving towards the opening between the shops, standing in the opening and peering down the long alley way, it looked far too small to allow the hooded person to fit through comfortably, but you also didn’t see them. You stepped forward, moving slowly, your eyes scanning crates and bins filled with garbage. Still no sight of of them as you moved forward, your pace picking up, no longer moving as cautiously as before. Mind listening for the buzzing.

 

Your pace moved into a quick stride, moving through the alley and back out into the open, on another avenue, your eyes scanning, looking for the hulking shape, mind casting a net, combing through the Force and almost missing them as the passed one of those strange lizard creatures pulling a cart. The buzzing growing louder once again. You turned sharply, following on the opposite side of the street, your eyes cut to allow you to keep track of their movements without running into someone. You watched as they looked once more before cutting down another alley. 

 

Waiting a few moments before crossing the street, jogging across and dodging carts, cutting between them, doing a strange stop-and-go dance before making it to the mouth of the alley, and stepping in quickly, afraid that you would lose them. The buzzing gone once more.

 

The alley was wider, wide enough to allow a hoversled through, your eyes locked ahead of you, there would be nowhere to hide here, nothing sat within the alley. Your eyes caught movement ahead of you, the end of the cloak whipping around the corner. You jogged to keep up. Whoever this person was, they moved fast for their size. 

 

Exiting the alleyway and coming to the main thoroughfare, the street jammed with carts and pedestrians, the sound of people shouting, everything almost unbearably busy. Your head turned, looking in the direction you assumed by the glimpse of the cloak that they had headed.  _Buzzzzzz_. And sure enough you could see them dodge back down another alley on the same side of the street. 

 

Your brows furrowing, what game where they playing? It was like they were back tracking. Where were they headed?

 

You moved swiftly, using your hands to gently nudge people out of your way, and at times having to shoulder your way through a particularly dense crowd of people trying to get some sort of wears from a street vendor. Once you broke free of the swarm you moved to the alley, stepping inside and looking around. 

 

You could see the doorways that lead into shops, a few people loitering against the walls, their heads lifting to look at you and quickly deciding to return indoors...almost in unison. Which was most certainly strange, but you couldn’t give it too much credit, you  _ were _ dressed strangely and happened to just barrel into the alley. The buzz lingered in the back of your mind, they were certainly in the alley...but where?

 

You slowed, moving much more casually, your eyes scanned around the alley, stopping in your tracks as you heard a door open and slam behind you, your hand suddenly on  _ fire _ . Whipping around and peering behind, looking at the busy street at the end, no one to be seen. Your hand gripped at your burning stub, pinching it tightly between your fingers, your teeth gritting. 

 

Hissing under your breath, angered that the pain had come back, your helmet tilting downward and allowing you to glare at the stump, your lips pinching tightly.  _ Nothing was wrong with it _ . Your head lifting, your right hand releasing the burning digit, forcing your arms to relax at your side and turning to face the opposite end of the alley. The buzzing suddenly much louder, almost deafening, your eyes zipping in front of you. 

 

And there before you stood the immense figure, still hooded and hiding behind the cloak, standing opposite of you in the center of the alley, unflinching. The wide rounded back shifting slightly, the hood stooped, as if it’s head was hung low, lifting now, raising higher and jutting forward, two large blue orbs glowing within the darkness of the hood, peering directly into you. 

 

_ “Hello Child.”  _ A strange alien voice echoed within your head. The buzzing stopped completely, as if turned of by the sound of the voice in your head. 

 

Your head cocked to the side, brows furrowing deeply. Confused, could it control this sound on a whim? Had it known your connection to the Force, did it know you would follow?

 

_ “I did. I can so plainly feel you, the way you connect to the strings around us, the way you tug at them so frantically.” _

 

“Who are you?” Your voice echoed through the modulator, filling the alley with harsh sound. 

 

A black glossy appendage poked through the opening of the cloak, three segmented finger like digits moved, waving softly, as if moving the sound away from it, offended by the noise. 

 

_ “There is no need for that, not between us.”  _  It withdrew the limb, tucking it back into the cloak.  _ “As for who I am...such a complicated question, for now, you may call me Nouno.”  _

 

_ “You know that is not the nature of my question.”  _   If it could see into your mind, communicate with you through a telepathic link, then it surely could feel the context of the question.

 

_ “Of course not, but there are certain--”  _ The cloak shifted,  _ “protocols to these sort of things. It is...impolite not to make proper introductions.”  _

 

_ “It is impolite to hide under a cloak.”  _  You sassed, stooping your head, attempting to peer further into the hood, trying to see its hidden face.

 

The hood lifted, moving at an angle where it still remained hidden from your sight, “It _ is, but you have yet to introduce yourself, through truthfully I am already well aware of who you are.”  _

 

_ “Then there is no need for my name.”   _ Your head straightened, giving up on peering inside. 

 

_ “Ah, but I would like to see who you  _ **_think_ ** _ you are. What do  _ **_you_ ** _ call yourself?” _

 

_ “Ceph.”  _ You answered flatly.  _ “Now tell me, who are you?” _

 

_ “No one important, just another piece on the board, that is how you humans say it, right?”  _

 

_ “In so many words, yes.”  _ You crossed your arms, straightening your shoulders, eyes squinting, as if you would be able to figure out who this creature was if you stared hard enough.  _ “But you’re not playing on my side, because if you were, you wouldn’t need to be so secretive.”  _

 

A clicking noise sounded through the alley, a soft humming laugh echoing in your mind,  _ “Are you not hiding behind that covering over your face?”  _

 

You huffed softly through your nostrils, it had you there. You shrugged.  _ “Would you feel more comfortable if I removed it? Would you show me who you are then?”  _ You asked. 

 

The hood shifted, moving slightly,  _ “It would not be wise, though a part of me is curious of what you will see.”  _

 

_ “What do you mean? Would I not see you?”  _ Your head tilted slightly in question, attempting to understand what this being meant.

 

_ “Not as I truly am, but perhaps you would. I do not truthfully know how it works or how it is chosen, though I have heard from some that we appear as you wish us to be.”  _

 

_ “As  _ **_we_ ** _ wish you to be?” _

 

_ “Anyone not of my kind. I appear differently to each.” _

 

_ “And how do you see yourself?” _

 

_ “As I am. A part of a whole, just a single piece, able to stand on my own, but better together.”  _

 

_ “Let me see.”  _  You uncrossed your arms, channeling the Force through your hand, and directing it in a gentle push at the hood, watching as it slid backward, it’s hand coming out swiftly to hold the hood in place, tugging it tightly downward against your soft push. 

 

_ “Perhaps if our paths cross again you shall see, but for now, I would like to remain hidden from you.”  _

 

_ “Then why drag me here? Allow me to follow?” _

 

_ “Curiosity. I wanted to see you for myself. Wanted to see if you were truly the monster they make you to be.”  _

 

_ “Who is  _ **_they_ ** _? The Resistance? The New Republic?  _ **_Black Star_ ** _?”  _

 

_ “The _ **_galaxy_ ** _. They’ve been whispering about you and your ilk. They have a name for you.”  _ It’s head turned, peering behind it, the hood moving with it’s strange shape, swooping around it’s wide shoulders.  _ “The Krysa survivors call you Sun Swallower. They way they speak of you, the atrocities you have committed, they have painted you to be nothing more than a mindless creature, devouring everything."  _ It's head swooped back around, facing you once more.  _"_ _But I see you now, Ceph. I see you. Another child sent to fight a battle that was never their own.”_

 

_ “Is that not how all wars work? The rich and powerful, collecting those beneath them, pushing them to fight for their own cause. I understand my plight in this war, I know my place better than most.” _

 

_ “But you do not believe in it?”  _ The hood tilting slightly in question, mocking your earlier movements.

 

_ “I believe in survival.”  _

 

The hood straightened, nodding slowly,  _ “I believe the same. Truthfully, this is not a war I wanted to wage, but my life and the life of my people depend on winning it.”  _

 

_ “And who are your people?” _

 

_ “Long forgotten by the settlers of Beirus, we were the first to inhabit here. Alongside the Caro and the Kadal Lumpur, the Mandalee are but a dwindling people now. Pushed outside of the lands staked by the Beiruty people, but they say we agreed to it. We did not want any part of their ways, or so it is told. We do not truthfully remember. It was long ago.” _

 

_ “And yet here you are, caught in their affairs.”  _

 

The hood nodded,  _ “Yes, though not by choice. They have served as terrible guardians of our planet. Ripping her apart, pulling pieces away bit by bit. Things have been in decline, the natural order has become unbalanced.”  _ A chattering chirping came from under the hood, the sound of sardonic laughter humming in your head, amused with it’s previous statement.  _ “It is strange. The planet reacts as if it can hear the cries of the galaxy. Things are not as they should be.”  _

 

_ “The current Queen has noticed. The last time I was here, we went in search of proof. She knows that the seasons have shifted, the rain comes earlier and earlier. Have you not tried to work with them? Perhaps you have chosen the wrong side. Black Star, the Resistance, whoever, they are only causing problems. Interfering.” _

 

The hood shook,  _ “It is not only the rains and the pollution. It is everything. The crown can not fix what they have created. We are in the stages of decay, we must cut away the rot at its source. You will not be able to sway me, just as I know there is no swaying you.”   _

 

 _“Then I believe this is the end of our conversation.”_ Mental silence between the two of you, the figure shifting slightly, the rustle of it's cloak, the soft hum returning to the back of your mind. Both of you staring at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

 

_ “I believe so.”  _  It turned away from you, showing you it’s wide back once more, standing for a moment before departing,  _ “I can only hope our paths never cross again, that you will take your people and leave here, never to return.”  _

 

You laughed, hand reaching for your saber pulling it from the back of your belt, allowing the slightly curved hilt to rest firmly in your palm, mind mentally toggling the internal switch, crimson light casting across the shadowy alley. 

 

_ “Did you think I would just allow you to leave here?”  _

 

_ “Do you wish to kill me?”   _ The strange appendage moved from under the cloak, pulling back the hood and allowing the entire cloak to fall downward. Pooling on the dirty ground of the alley, stirring dirt upward in a small puff. The figure rippled out of focus, your vision growing blurry suddenly, eyes closing. Blinking to regain focus, squeezing them tightly in hope that upon opening them you would be able to see clearly, the buzzing growing louder in your mind. 

 

  _And then it stopped._ The buzzing was gone completely, your head suddenly aching, as a headache pierced through your temples. Your eyes flinging open quickly, unsure as to what was happening. Was it already gone? Was that why the buzzing had stopped?

 

And there standing before you, a figure that shouldn’t have been. Her back still to you, her head turned, just enough to allow her to peer over her shoulder, cornflower blue orb locked onto you, piercing into you like a thousand knives. She turned fully, facing you head on, her cheeks rosy, smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, her cropped flaxen hair moving and wrapping under her chin. Her lips trembled, eyes watering as if she were on the verge of tears. 

 

> _She sat on her bed in meditation. You raised your hand towards her, her eyes flickered open. The small voice was back pleading again. Screaming now. High pitched in your head, it made you angry. You just needed to do this, why was it trying to stop you. It was you or her. She is ** _weak_**.  She gasped at your intrusion and tried to stand but it was too late. You mentally clamped on her throat. Smashing her windpipe, she gurgled, her eyes were pleading. Your tears fell again. You felt her life fall away as you quickly snapped your wrist, a crunching noise rattled around your head. _

 

 _You blinked._  

 

“Are you going to kill me?” She asked.

 


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the VERY late update, writers block persists, but I have made some art which is linked at the End Notes.

Chapter 46

Retrace

______________

 

 

Your heart stuttered in your chest, and for a moment you thought you would die, that it would give out, cease its frantic beating once it finally exploded in your chest. Blood rushed across your body, veins pounding as panic surged through you, your head shaking frantically. _Scared and confused_ .   How could this be real? How could she be standing in front of you, solid... _alive_?

 

“No.” Your voice squeaked, soft and shaking. Your legs gelatinous, your stub **_burned_ **. Hot tears streamed down your face, your body backing away as you trembled. “No.”

 

She stayed still, her eyes soft, her lips parting slightly, brows furrowing, “What do you see?” She asked softly, her head tilting gently.

 

“You...you-”  You bumped into the alley wall, not realizing how much you had moved, or how you had angled yourself stupidly enough to become cornered. Your grip tightened on your saber, attempting to pull strength from its gentle hum. But none could be found, the tip of your saber pointed downward, your left hand burning painfully, causing your eyes to screw up tightly, pulling the hand towards your stomach and clutching at the fabric of your tunic, hissing under your breath.

 

 

> _Slicing through the joint of your pinky finger, you sawed frantically the pain was hot and searing. It ripped through your chest, you welcomed it. You sawed through the tendons, knuckle and the flesh until it was detached from you. You screamed violently, the pain breaking down the walls that caged your anger instead of bolstering them. Your scream echoed through the room, your body shook violently as you clutched at your hand in a futile attempt to further focus on the pain._

 

You doubled over, feeling the echo of the memory as it flashed through your mind. The pain and the anger, the overwhelming sorrow. A primal scream leaving you, echoing through the modulator, booming through the alley way. Your eyes bursting open, panting as the pain surged through you.

 

 _“USE IT. IT’S NOT REAL!”_ Sestra growled loudly, her voice ripping through you, your body responding quickly.

 

Your grip tightened around your saber, legs moving, charging, both hand rising, gripping tightly at the hilt of your saber and raising it above your head, your eyes locking onto Twelve. “YOU’RE DEAD!” You screamed as your blade came down in a heavy slash, aiming straight down her middle, attempting to catch her in the center of her head, wanting nothing more than to cleave her in two.

 

And just as your blade was about to connect, her forearm rose in a flash, catching your blade and blocking your attack, holding the blade across the flesh of her arm firmly. Her face shifted, brows furrowing and eyes changing. No longer a soft look, but a look you had never seen on her. _Alien_ on her face. Anger.

 

She pushed against the blade, shoving the concentrated beam backwards, allowing it to drag across her skin without so much as a burn. Her face hardened, body moving in a charge as you stumbled back, taken off guard. The strike should have easily chopped her forearm off.

 

She rushed you backwards, her opposite hand flying forward, gripping onto your helmet with incredible strength, shoving you against the wall of the alley and smacking your head into the wall. Repeating the motion until your helmet began to cave in, your head rattling inside, disorienting you even though you attempted to make a grab at her, hoping to push her away. Every time you attempted to make purchase she would flick your grip away, as if she were swatting any insect away.

 

 _“PUSH GIRL! PUSH!”_ Sestra screamed.

 

And as if waking from a strange dream, you snapped back, focusing once more, sending out a large pulse into the Force, sending her flying backwards and away from you. You slid slightly down the wall, your mind reeling, hands suddenly noticing that your saber was gone, eyes opening, stinging as hot liquid ran into one eye, burning. The visor of your helmet was shattered, the side caved in, sparking inside as the hiss of steam ejected on the exterior. Huffing through your nostrils, hands moving to release your helmet, ripping it away from you and dropping it to the ground in a panicked daze. Opening a single eye as the other remained squinted shut, your hand reaching towards it, touching the hot liquid that ran down from above your eyebrow. Hissing from the sting of your touch, pulling back and looking at your glove, inspecting the dark blood on your finger tips.

 

 _“Focus! Quickly!”_ Sestra hissed in reminder, _“The saber, get to the saber!”_

 

Managing to pull yourself from the wall, hands shoving you away from it, staggering slightly, disoriented as your good eye looked for your saber, spotting it and calling it back to your hand, watching as it rattled for a second on the ground before it slapped into your grip. A wave of dizziness forced you to screw both of your eyes shut,swaying as you attempted to stand still.  

 

 _“Focus!”_ She hissed again.

 

“Shut up Sestra.” You grumbled weakly, eyes opening, the left side squinting once more, vision focusing on Twelve as she began to pull herself upward. Not even a speck of dirt on her, her hair perfectly in place, her eyes moving to look at you as she moved to full height.

 

Your hand tightened on your saber, upper lip curling, “What the fuck are you?” you hissed lowly.

 

She smiled at you, shoulders shifting slightly, her visage shimmering slightly, almost vibrating as if she were slightly out of focus for a moment. “I told you.” She huffed.

 

“You’re not her.”

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

****

 

“What does this mean?” Subur asked, walking between Einn and Kylo, his head pointed forward, eyes watching ahead as they moved back towards the main gate of the Temple Mount.

 

“It means that we have more work to do.” Grumbled Kylo, clearly annoyed that the Temple Mount had only yielded more questions.

 

“And we’re sure Lemak had nothing to do with this?” Subur asked in a hushed tone as they passed by a small group of brothers heading back in from the lush front lawn.

 

Einn sucked on his teeth, a thousand possibilities running through his mind. “Not as far as I could tell.” His eyes watching as they passed the red cloaked brothers and quickly returning ahead of him, looking towards the gate and seeing two white figures lingering just outside.

 

But he did not see you. His eyes calmly searched the length of the fence, looking to see if you had perhaps moved further down, sure that you had just simply wandered further in search of something more interesting to look at. They had been inside for almost two hours, and if he had to wait outside he would have been bored to tears by now too.

 

As his eyes searched further to one side, head turning to allow him more of a view and then quickly turning to the opposite direction, searching still though he did not see you, slight panic rose within his chest. _Where were you?_ His lips pinched tightly, chewing on the inside of his cheek, reminding himself to calm down, you couldn’t have gone far, especially with the ‘troopers still standing at their posts.

 

They reached the gates, the two stormtroopers turning and opening them and allowing them to exit. Kylo stopping promptly as soon as he was on the other side of the fence. His helmet turning in each direction, Einn could already feel his worry.

 

“Where is Ceph?” He asked.

 

“Sir she instructed us to wait here until you returned.” One of the escorts supplied.

 

“And did she happen to mention where she was going?” The modulator pressed emotionlessly, but Einn could feel the impatience behind the words. Clearly agitated that she was not where she was supposed to be.

 

“No sir. We only saw her move towards that alley.” The ‘trooper pointed towards a narrow path between two shops across the cobbled street.

 

Einn’s hands immediately moved to the small toggle on the jaw line of his helmet, finger pressing on the small manual toggle and switching through the small display screen of his visor, stopping as the small window that displayed the tracking beacons placed in your helmets appeared. Expecting to see three dots blinking on the screen, but instead he only saw his and Kylo’s. Two dots that blipped on a radius, the distances listed in small brackets above each dot. His jaw tensed, brows furrowing. Where did you go? Had you destroyed your helmet to keep them from finding you easily?  _What were you up to?_

 

“How long has she been gone?” Subur asked, his brows furrowing with concern.

 

“Perhaps half an hour your Highness, maybe more?”

 

Subur’s lips pinched, eyes locking onto the alley and blinking, “Well she couldn’t have gone far.” He mumbled in thought.

 

“Take the King back to the castle, we will go in search of Ceph and return once we find her.” Kylo instructed the ‘troopers.

 

“I think not.” Subur objected firmly, Kylo’s helmet snapping towards him, dark visor glaring at him. Subur remained firm, unflinching, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for either of you to just move about the core of the city, not when either of you have any idea of where you are going.”

 

Einn huffed, lips pinching and tugging to the side, it wasn’t that they exactly needed Coulter to join them, they would more than likely be able to move about the city without much issue, they were merely wasting time.

 

“Your Highness, I don’t think it was be wise for you to accompany us.” Einn spoke quickly, keeping Kylo from finally boiling over, his rage near the surface, not liking the amount of defiance that Subur had to his command.

 

“I can take care of myself.” Subur nodded, attempting to derail the impeding safety argument.

 

“Need I remind you-” Kylo’s chest puffed, attempting to remain composed, keeping the anger from his voice, “that there is an active group of people, who we _don’t know_ , attempting to overthrow your government? That if given the chance they would ransom or kill you if they could.”

 

Coulter shifted slightly, his face pinching. He clearly did not like that being thrown in his face.

 

“That I’ve already seen the extent of how you can handle yourself, and that when I say that you should return to the castle where you are much safer, that perhaps you should take me at my word?” Kylo was nearly spitting, his anger seeping through as he finished his statement, lacing his words with poison.

 

Coulter huffed, his bearded jaw setting tightly, eyes shifting between Kylo and the alley and then back towards the carriage that waited just a few feet away from where they stood. His shoulders drooped and he huffed, “Fine.” He conceded, raising a finger and pointing it towards Kylo’s helmet, “But no damage to the citizens, don’t do anything that may harm my people. They are innocent in all this.”

 

Einn could see Kylo practically vibrate with rage, watching as his hands balled into fists at his side, anger finally taking over. Not liking being commanded by Subur in the first place, and especially not liking how his finger was pointed directly at his helmet, as if he were a child being scolded.

 

“Of course your Highness, we are only going to retrieve Ceph, we will not allow anything bad to happen to the people of Beirus.” Einn supplied quickly, drawing Subur’s attention away from Kylo.

 

Subur nodded, “I’m going to hold you to that promise.”  

 

“Of course.” Einn nodded, he truthfully had no intent of doing anything harmful, he just wanted to retrieve you and get back to the palace to regroup.

 

Subur, turned on his heel, head turning to look at the two ‘troopers, head signaling them to follow him. “I expect to see everyone in one piece.” He added before turning fully and heading towards the carriage, the two escorts trailing behind him, splitting as one jogged to get ahead of the King.

 

 _“Take a step back for a minute. Arguing with him is not going to get us anywhere.”_  Einn projected.

 

Kylo’s helmet snapped to look at him, turning quickly away and walking across the cobbled street, leaving Einn still standing on the duracrete walkway. He rolled his eyes, unsure of when Kylo had gotten so out of control and finding the whole thing completely exacerbating. Why didn’t anyone ever have a level _fucking_ head?

 

 _“You know why.”_ Yasmal’s voice echoed within his mind. He rolled his eyes at her too, not in the mood to listen to her either.

 

He moved to follow behind Kylo, jogging to catch up with him as Kylo moved towards the mouth of the alley, helmet peering down the darkened pathway, standing and waiting for Einn to join him, though he would never verbally say so.  

 

Einn peered around Kylo’s wide shoulders, mind doing some calculations as his eyes moved between Kylo’s shoulders and the width of the alley way, _“Gunna be a tight fit for you.”_ He projected in good nature, attempting to calm Kylo down with some mild humor.

 

Kylo’s helmet turned to glance over his shoulder at Einn, a clear warning for him to shut up. Einn only shrugged, slinking around Kylo’s strategically wide frame and into the mouth of the alley, _“I can track her, you can’t.”_  He reminded when he heard a garbled huff come from Kylo’s modulator, unhappy with Einn taking the lead.

 

Einn walked down the narrow alley, which was almost too tight for even him to walk down comfortably. His arms remained pinned at his side, if they were attacked, he would be unable to move quickly and would have to rely heavily on the Force for defense. Not being too keen on the idea, he surged forward, moving as quickly as possible, wanting to reach the exit as soon as possible, all the while his mind searched within the Force for you. Pulling on the woven threads that networked through the city.

 

He did not have to search long to find you, to know that something was off. He could feel your distress, your reverberant emotions knocking him squarely in the chest, causing him to halt suddenly and clutch at his chest, almost doubling over as the air was knocked from him.

 

Kylo nearly smacked into him, shifting and turning once he exited the alley way, his helmet locked on to Einn, feeling the same emotions that he felt, too much for Einn to contain as they seeped through the bond between them.

 

“Where?” He asked impatiently.

 

Einn shoved the emotions away, sending them as far as he could, keeping them from clouding his mind, he turned quickly and began to run, not waiting for Kylo to follow. Something was terribly wrong.

 

He cut through passerbys, weaving between them as gently as he could, attempting not to knock anyone over and at times using the Force to slide them out of his way. Kylo gained on his heels, moving beside him, both of them moving into a full out run as they skittered down another alley way. Running past a stray shopkeeper dumping rubbish in a bin, Einn’s hand moving and sending a quick pulse outward, forcing the man to slap into the stone wall behind him, and out of the way. He could hear him swearing as they ran past.

 

Rushing out into a dense crowd, his helmet turning quickly, tracking the mental connection that he held with you, turning quickly to the right, directly into the tightly packed crowd. His helmet turning every which way, attempting to find even the smallest gap where he could worm his way through. Cursing under his breath. Everyone was moving so _slow_ and his patience was wearing so thin.

 

Sticking out his elbows, he jammed himself into the crowd, jabbing anyone that got into his way, using his arms almost like paddles, shoving people away from him and forcing them to sidestep his movements unless they wanted a pointy elbow in a random place. Kylo followed in his wake, his hand reaching out over Einn’s shoulder as he sent a streaming push directly in front of Einn, causing people to smack into each other but clearing a path for them to follow as he held it open. The sounds of angry shouting, people looking on in bafflement, confused as to how they were suddenly shoved to the opposite side of where they were standing.

 

They both barreled through the opening, taking their chance to once more full out sprint, he could feel you, the emotions were stronger now, and his chest burned and heart thudded painfully, but it wasn’t from the running.

 

****

 

You huffed openly, stomach churning violently, your nerves raw, you held back the bile that surged in your throat. Your hand tightened on your hilt, ready to go another round, but she only stood frozen, looking at you curiously.

 

“Will you let me go?” She asked.

 

Your head shook, lips curling, “Never.” You hissed through clenched teeth, surging forward, saber trailing behind you, tip pointed downward, preparing to slash at her face once again.

 

But her forearm blocked the blade again, allowing it to drag down across her flesh and pushing it away from her, unharmed and no longer content with merely standing. She charged forward again, her arms moving in a flurry of motion, hands attempting to make swipes at your face, pushing you back to the wall again, hoping to corner you once more and take advantage of the fact that you no longer had something to protect your head.

 

You began to furiously swipe back at her hands, which caused her to stop trying to claw at you, instead using her forearms once more to block the blows that your saber made. Your brows furrowed in concentration, arms keeping up with her mirroring movements, as if she could read everything you were about to do.

 

You ducked down, swooping around her body and running for the opposite wall, using your momentum to scale upward and pushing off, body turning and angling, your blade in both of your hands, the tip pointed down aimed at the space where her spine and neck connected, legs tucking towards your chest in anticipation of pushing off of her once you pierced through her spinal column.

 

But she turned, two slowly to deflect with her forearm, this time catching the blade in her hand, gripping it as smoke sizzled from her flesh. _Burning_ her. She screamed, a strange layered voice, something inhuman lying just below the sound of Twelve’s voice. It flung the blade away, making a great stride backward as you landed harshly on the ground.

 

Unbalanced from the force of  it’s shove, arms moving to help you maintain balance, shakily moving to stand once more watching as the shape of Twelve began to flicker, something dark and strange pushing through the projection.  It cradled it’s hand, still wearing Twelve’s head though her neck looked impossibly long and stooped, her face a grimace.

 

Her eyes lifting, but they were not the eyes of Twelve, they began to bulge, shifting in a strange melting flickering, moving and growing in size. Her back rippled, torso elongating, shifting into some sort of   _monster_ , half human and whatever the true form of the creature was, not yet quite revealing its true form.

 

“Enough of this!” It bellowed, voice laced with pain and anger, charging at you.

 

It’s hand shooting forward, almost too fast to track, your eyes finding it hard to focus, body attempting to move fast enough to back away from the appendage, but not fast enough as it’s hand clamped around your throat, squeezing and lifting you from the ground, your feet dangling in the air as it ripped your saber from your grip and flung it far across the alley.

 

“I didn’t want to fight you, I didn’t want any of this, but you’ve forced my hand, and now you will die.”  It’s layered voice hissed.

 

Black spots began to dot your vision, hands wrapping around it’s grip at your throat, panic setting in as it squeezed tighter, your eyes squeezing tightly shut.

 

 _“RIP IT APART! DO IT NOW”_ Sestra screeched in the back of your mind, her voice almost lost in the humming fog of your oxygen deprived brain.

 

Forcing your eyes to open, willing your hands to leave it’s grip and fighting against the instinct to claw at it’s grip. Focusing deeply inside, dragging and dredging from the deep well, the molten river of emotions surging through you, tapping into the darkest parts of yourself, using them to give you strength. Your eyes focusing on the socket of it’s strange elongated humanoid arm, hands shaking as you channeled as much of the Force as you could into them, your stub flaring in pain, only furthering your resolve. Your hands scrunching into claws, palms facing one another, eyes growing heavier, attempting to remain focused on the socket of it’s shoulder. Feeling for the pulsing of connective tissue within the creature, focusing on it, your hands clamping, it’s arm jerking, eyes flickering to it’s shoulder, unsure of what you were doing, only squeezing tighter on your neck, causing you to croak painfully.

 

Your hands jerked apart, the Force replicating the motion on it’s shoulder, ripping apart the muscle and sinew, exploding in a gush of black goo, your body falling and crumbling to the ground, the hand still clamped tightly on your neck, it’s now severed arm flapping and twitching as the creature released a chilling screech above you.

 

Your hands gripping and ripping away the severed arm’s grip, your eyes watching as the arm flapped on the alley floor. Deep inky purple armor, segmented with almost fleshy gray joints, three armored fingers, the undersides the same fleshy texture, soft and vulnerable, flexing uselessly.  Your eyes lifting away from the flailing arm, turning upward to watch it as it reeled backward, clutching at the oozing socket, no longer appearing as the strange Twelve, finally showing it’s true appearance.

 

It was wide, covered in the deep inky purple exoskeletal plating, long neck plated and insectoid head turned to look at it’s wound. It had no signs of a mouth outside of two pincer like mandibles that mastocated the air, large oval eyes positioned on the sides of it’s head, unblinking. No discernable expression, it’s face completely unreadable, but you could _feel_ it’s pain through the Force.

 

Your arms moved shakily under you, pushing yourself upward, legs adjusting under you, struggling to stand as you coughed and spit flem onto the grimy ground. The sound of heavy boot falls, the crunch of debris under swiftly moving feet drawing your attention to the opposite end of the alley, two dark figures rounding into the alley.

 

But you didn’t have time to even consider Einn or Kylo as the being made a lunge at you, it’s remaining hand clamping tightly to the fabric of your tunic. And with unimaginable strength it hefted you upward, your legs flailing frantically, hoping to knock it off balance enough to meet back with the ground. You reared backward, eyes growing wide, knowing all too well what the motion meant. The fucker was going to toss you like a rag doll.

 

You went sailing through the air, launched roughly towards Kylo and Einn who had only moments before just stepped into the mouth of the alley, not even giving them enough time to stop you from catapulting into them. Your body gaining enough velocity in the short distance that you slammed into both of them hard enough to not only knock them off balance but to completely knock them both to the ground and sending you rolling back out into the busy street. Your teeth smacking harshly together on impact, your limbs attempting to find a hold to stop you from sliding on the rough ground, finally stopping once you knocked into a vendor’s cart. The sound of clattering wears and cursing above you as you attempted to pick yourself up.

 

Shakily moving upward and staggering slightly, your body aching all over, knees threatening to buckle, eyes squeezing shut as your face screwed up tightly. Swaying as you stood in place, eyes opening slowly as a hand clamped around your arm, forcing you to turn and face the owner of the cart as they yelled at you in a language you didn’t understand. Ripping your arm from their grip clumsily, realizing that they were in fact speaking in Basic,

 

“Who's going to pay for this damage?!”  The man yelled, his arms moving and gesturing at the broken bobbles and wares that littered the ground.

 

You shoved him out of the way, causing him to stumble backward and tripping over some of his broken product and almost falling as you moved past him and stomped back towards the alley. Einn and Kylo already regaining their footing, your eyes zeroed onto the dark figure at the end of the alley, watching as it made a slow amble towards the opposite opening of the alley, attempting to flee as quickly as it could, cradling the open wound on it’s shoulder, the gush of black ooze already slowing to a trickle.

 

You turned quickly, eyes zipping back to the cart, hand lifting and using the Force to pull it towards you, hefting the heavy cart upward and over you, your mind straining, head pounding with a vengeance. Your arm swung forward, the cart in tow as it barely made clearance over Einn and Kylo, sending it scraping and tumbling down the alley and careening towards the back of  Nouno, who turned just in time to lift it’s remaining arm upward, turning it’s body and widening it’s stance quickly, taking the blow head on as the cart exploded around it, the force of impact sending it’s strange paddled feet sliding on the rough alley ground.

 

Nouno’s arm slowly fell to its side, strange head moving upward to look towards you, turning once more and continuing it’s exit from the alley, completely unaffected from the impact of the cart, moving quicker than before. You stood in complete disbelief, eyes screwing tightly shut as a strange ringing echoed within your head. Your hands coming to clamp tightly around your head, bending over slightly, forcing your eyes to open and seeing that you weren’t the only one being affected by the noise.

 

Both Einn and Kylo were also doubled over, Einn’s hands wrapped uselessly around his helmet, Kylo’s head turned and body bent as the noise vibrated violently through his head. The ringing vibration causing your teeth to ache, feeling as if they were going to rattle out of your jaw as your vision doubled strangely. Blinking rapidly, hoping that your vision would focus as you tried to zero in on Nouno, but there was no sight of the creature, as if it had never been there to begin with. And then it stopped completely and a rush of almost deafening silence in your mind over took the sounds of the street and the people surrounding. You blinked rapidly, opening your jaws and attempting to open your ears, as if this would resolve the issue.

 

Einn and Kylo stood straight, their helmets turning to look down the alley and then back at you, both of them moving towards you, Einn’s hands clasping on your shoulders, shaking you gently, you looked at him with furrowed brows, puzzled as to why he was shaking you.

 

“What?” You spoke loudly, unaware of your volume, still unable to hear.  Watching as his head turned to look at Kylo. Perhaps they were speaking? Your head tilted slightly, jaw opening and closing, hoping for the pop of your ear canal.

 

Einn’s helmet shook, his hands leaving your shoulders, a single hand moving to his helmet and pointing at it and then shrugging his shoulders and gesturing vaguely, signaling that he couldn’t hear either you assumed.

 

Kylo made a sweeping gesture back towards the alley way and began to move back into the darker space, standing and waiting for the both of you to join him, his shoulders rising in a huff of impatience as his hands moved towards his helmet. The snout protruding and helmet releasing, he pulled it away from his face, tucking it under his arm, a look of annoyance on his face.

 

You moved forward, turning to look at Einn and moving your head in a ‘come on’ motion, beckoning him to follow. Einn shrugged and moved into the alley, where he stood awkwardly, his hand raised palm up and shrugging. Kylo moved his helmet from under his arm and lifted it, shaking it slightly as his brows rose and eyes widened. _Duh_.

 

Einn hands moved to remove his helmet pulling it from his head once it was released and tucking it under his arms, looking at Kylo with furrowed brows and pinched lips. Kylo moved his helmet back under his arm, his free hand moving upward, pointing to his temple, his mouth moving slowly, carefully mouthing out words.

 

“I. Can. Not. Hear. You.” He mouthed.

 

Your expression flattened, face dead panning and eyes rolling slightly. Well of course he couldn’t hear either of you. His eyes closed as he shook his head, nostrils flaring as he appeared to huff, free hand waving, _no._

 

“I. Can. Not. Hear. You. In. My. Mind.” His gloved finger pointed once more to his head, lips pressed flat and eyes widening as his brows rose with frustration.

 

“Oh.” Einn mouthed, pointing to himself and shaking his head, mouthing out, “Me. Either.”  his finger moving between you and Kylo and then pointing to his temple.

 

You waved your hands, drawing their attention towards you, your brows furrowed, “We. Need. To. Find. The.-” You widened your arms, making a large arc outside of you, attempting to mimic the width of Nouno, arms clamping back to your sides and pointing towards the opposite end of the alley. Brows raising in question, wanting to know if they understood, eyes moving between the two of them.

 

“What?” Einn mouthed.

 

Kylo’s head shook. “No. Back. To. Palace.”

 

Your lips pinched and twisted, hands moving around Kylo and moving him out of your way moving towards the  opposite end of the alley and bending down to pick up Nouno’s amputated arm and waving it at the both of them and then tapping at your head and making a gesture around you, “Force.” You exaggerated.

 

Einn’s brows furrowed, mouthing another ‘What?’.

 

You closed your eyes, rolling them as far back into your head as possible as you huffed, “FORCE!” You yelled, straining your voice to be as loud as you could muster. Startling slightly, the sound of your voice finally hitting your ears, and then the slow flooding of background noise returning. Both Einn and Kylo looking at you in puzzlement.

“Can you not hear me?” You asked slowly, gesturing to your ear.

 

Both of them shaking their heads.

 

“Weird. “ You mumbled, eyes looking back down to Nouno’s arm, brows rising suddenly in thought. The arm. You moved towards them quickly, grabbing first at Kylo’s hand and practically shoving the severed arm into his hand as Einn looked on in confusion.

 

“Can you hear me now?” You asked.

 

“I can.” He nodded, handing the arm to Einn who took it as his face shifted in disgust.

 

He held it limply away from him, “What am-” He stopped, brows rising in surprise and blinking, “Oh.” He sighed loudly, “That’s so much better.” He mumbled.

 

“We need to find Nouno.”

 

“Who what now?” Einn asked.

 

“Nouno, that creature in the alley, you know the huge one.” You snarked. Einn raised his hands in a defensive position, eyes bulging and breathing out a ‘sorry’, Nouno’s arm flapping slightly in his grip.  

 

“No.” Kylo said again, his voice stern. “We need to return to the palace, you are in no condition to be tracking anything.”

 

“We need to stay on it’s trail while it’s still fresh, we can not afford not to.” Your jaw clenched tightly.

 

“I said no, that was a command not a suggestion.”  His body went rigid, prepared to lash out if you were to retaliate, but you did not, you only stood staring at him, equally as stiff.

 

Einn moved towards the both of you, the arm still in his hand as he divided the both of you apart, the arm flopping almost comically in his grip, “Look, both of you have got to stop this pissing match. We have to work together.” His eyes slid between the two of you, waiting for the both of you to agree. He sighed when he didn’t get the reaction he wanted.

 

“All of us have a lot to discuss, and this is probably not the place to do it. Kylo is right, we need to return to the palace.”  

 

You stood, now glaring at Einn, your teeth grinding slightly, a slight pang of betrayal chewing at your innards. How could he take _his_ side? You brushed past the both of them, heading back towards your dented and smoking helmet, bending down and picking it up from the ground and standing. Taking a deep breath and exhaling through clenched teeth, your shoulders bunching in slight defeat. The odds were not in your favor, and to go rogue now would not be beneficial. You wouldn’t be able to face Nouno by yourself, not right now.

 

Turning your head and peering over your now relaxed shoulders and forcing yourself to accept that you would be giving up the chase on Nouno for now, “Let’s go then.” You spoke softly, your throat still pained.

 

****

 

Subur came striding out of the palace as a swirl of white plasteel clad stormtroopers followed behind, attempting to keep closely to his heels as he approached the three of you. His face contorting with worry as his eyes scanned across your wounded face.

 

“What happened?” He asked, stopping as the small procession of white came to an abrupt halt behind him.

 

Your lips pressed tightly together, not wanting to discuss your encounter, not with him.  “I’m fine.” You croaked, your voice only growing worse.

 

He furrowed his brows, “You don’t look or sound fine.”  He turned abruptly, facing the small group behind him, “Beckon a healer, and a cup of warm tea for Lady Ceph.”  He instructed, the trooper he was speaking to nodding curtly and heading off back into the palace. Subur turned back around swiftly, “Let’s get you inside, Jana is waiting in the study.” He paused before moving, looking all of you over once more, his eyes falling on both Einn and Kylo, their helmets back in place. He huffed and turned on his heel, using his hands to shoo the stormtroopers out of his way.

 

The three of you followed behind him, the ‘troopers filing in behind you and marching as silently as possible though their armor still made soft clanking echoes down the halls. Subur turned sharply down a hall and then came to an abrupt stop, his hand reaching out and giving a soft knock onto the dark wooden door before turning the knob and opening the door. He stepped inside, leaving the door open for the three of you to make entrance, four Stormtroopers fanning out and flanking both sides of the door and standing post, while the remaining two broke away to make a small circuit up and down the hall, both heading in opposite directions as they paced with blaster rifles in hand.

 

You saw Jana sitting in a plush wingback chair, a book in her lap, her legs were curled under her, about to swing forward to allow her to stand and meet Subur half way but he signaled for her to remain seated. Her eyes moving to look at the three of you as you made entrance, and she stood anyway, moving across the carpeted floor in haste as her hands moved to cup your face.

 

“What happened?” She asked softly, her eyes locking with your own, almost pleading for you to tell her as they began to water.

 

“I’m fine.” You muttered, your free hand moving upward and gently removing her hold on your face and turning away from her, the flesh of your cheeks suddenly blazingly hot with embarrassment. You adjusted your busted helmet under your arm.

 

Subur cleared his throat, his hand moving and placing gently on the base of your spine, causing you to go rigid, “Please sit.”  

 

Jana took your hand and pulled you from your spot, guiding you to the couch that sat on the far wall in front of a high window, taking your helmet and placing it on the desk that sat in the upper right corner of the room and eyeing it for a moment before turning and heading back to take a seat next to you, her hand once more going to your face, cupping your chin and angling your head so she could better inspect the wound on your head. Your brows furrowed in agitation, wanting nothing more than to pull away from her and her fussing, but you held back the urge, not wanting to be rude.

 

“Who did this?” She asked, this time turning to look at Einn and Kylo, her face stern.

 

You drew back from her fingers, turning your head away from her once more, not wanting her pity or anger. This was normal.

 

“What do you know about the Mandalee?” You croaked, voice breaking mid way through your question, forcing you to clear your throat softly, stifling a cough. You turned to look at her, your eyes hard and full of anger.

 

“Where did you hear that name?” She asked, her voice lowering as her eyes narrowed.

 

“Straight from the source.”

 

Einn moved towards you, his free hand moving towards his helmet, the hissing with a short burst as he removed the covering and sat it on a small side table by the couch along with the severed limb. Moving to stand near you, facing Jana head on.

 

“Whatever you know about these things may be directly related to the intel we gathered at the Temple Mount.”  Einn spoke gently, attempting to keep his voice level though you could feel his anxiety. Just as anxious to hear what they could tell you about the Mandalee.

 

Subur made a half step forward, “How do you know this? Did it tell you what it was doing in Volcal?” His eyes were trained on you, waiting for an answer, a knock at the door breaking the sudden tension in the room.

 

Subur turned and moved to the door, Kylo already moving towards the door waving a hand at Subur, indicating for him to stop. You watched as Kylo gripped the handle to the door and turned the knob, opening it just enough to see, his helmet tilting downward, indicating that the person in question was short in stature. He opened the door and allowed the red clothed man inside, his helmet trailing the man’s every movement.

 

“Leave everything here.” The modulator barked, causing the man to stiffen, the tray that contained the medical supplies and a cup of steaming liquid trembled in his grip. Unnerved by the sound of Kylo’s voice.

 

Jana stood, moving to the man and gently placing her hands on the tray, a warm smile coming to her lips, “I’ll take it from here Brother.” She took the tray from the man, his eyes screaming out unease in the situation, dark pupils darting between Subur and Jana, unsure.

 

Subur waved his hand, “Leave us.” He instructed frimly though not unkindly.

 

The brother nodded, fully handing over the tray to Jana and turned, his head ducking low as he moved back out of the room. Kylo closing the door as soon as the man made it across the threshold. Jana placed the tray down on the side table nearest to where she once sat, bending over the tray and grabbing at a dark colored container and pulling a clutch of fluffy material.   

 

Your eyes slid to look at Kylo, blinking passively, waiting for the okay to divulge the information. His helmet nodding swiftly. You swallowed harshly, eyes watering slightly from the pain in your throat. Jana made a swipe across your forehead, a burning sting emitting from the wound as a strong smelling ointment was allowed to sit for a moment. The eye under the wound closing tightly, forcing you to look through a single eye as Jana returned back to the tray.

 

“They believe you are the source-” You coughed, clearing your throat. Jana forced the hot cup into your hand, nodding for you to take a sip. You tilted the cup back slowly, keenly aware that the liquid inside was extremely hot, you gently took a sip of the dark liquid and swallowed. The hot tangy liquid burned down your throat, causing you to close both eyes now, squinting the one open once more and forcing yourself to take another sip. Cupping the cup in your gloved hands.

 

“They believe that you are the source to all of Beirus’ problems and they aim to remove you.”  You finally managed to get out.

 

Jana dapped another clutch of fluffy material across your wound, and then wiped again, drying the area before grabbing another pot and swiping a finger across the gash. She sighed heavily and plopped into the couch, rubbing at her temple with her fingers, her head shaking slowly.

 

“This is not good.” She muttered. “If we are lucky this one is acting by itself.”

 

“ _If we’re lucky_.” Subur scoffed, his lips pinching tightly at the corners. “Just one Mandalee could be catastrophic.”

 

“More would be worse.” She hissed, clearly annoyed with Subur’s sarcasm.

 

“So the rest of us are caught up, what--who are the Mandalee and why exactly do they think you’re the source to all of Beirus’ problems?” Einn asked, moving to sit next to you and resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward so he could swoop his head between Subur and Jana.

 

Jana rose from the couch and moved swiftly to one of the bookshelves that lined the walls of the study, her eyes scanning across the archaic objects, her pointer finger grazing across the lettered spines as she looked. Stopping as she pulled a rather large book from the shelf and returned back to the couch, setting the large book in her lap and quickly leafing through the pages. Her eyes fluttering over the strange writing, fingers turning the pages in large clumps, having to go back and then stopping.

 

“We pushed the Mandalee from most of our settlements, not that they gave much resistance, in fact--” She stopped, her lips pinching as her finger drug across the flimsy, tapping. “Yes. It says here that an accord was stricken between the settlers and the Mandalee.” She hummed slightly, her lips muttering jumbled strange words. “Oh.”

 

Her head lifted, eyes searching between the four of you, her expression grim. “We, uh, we seemed to have made an agreement of sorts with them.”

 

“And what was the agreement?” Kylo asked, breaking the tension in the room, no patience for the dramatics.

 

“Well, we were entrusted with caring for the planet in it’s entirety, and if the Mandalee ever felt that we had failed on that...they they would take the planet back.”  

 

Subur moved to towards Jana, reaching out for the book which she turned to hand to him, allowing him to read the passage himself. His brows furrowing as he read, his eyes lifting upward and handing the book back to Jana,

 

“Yes, but the real question is, why now? It’s not like we were the ones to start stripping the planet, that was generations ago, we weren’t even thought of then. And it’s not as if the signs hadn’t been there before now, the shifting of the seasons has been happening for much longer than just a few years ago.”

 

“The Force.” Your voice much stronger this time, almost at full volume thanks to the hot tea.

 

“What about it?” Subur asked, leaning against the arm of the couch and arching backward to allow him to look at you.

 

“They have a connection to it, they can use it in a limited capacity. Nouno said that the planet was not only reacting to the things done to it but the galaxy as a whole.”

 

“Did you say _Nouno_?” Jana asked.

 

You nodded, “That is what it called itself.”

 

“Where did I see that at?” She mumbled, her eyes moving back to the book, flipping a few of the pages, scanning and then going still. Her head lifting as her eyes closed tightly.  “That’s not it’s name.” She sighed, turning the book to allow you and Einn to both look at the strange language on the pages, Kylo coming in closer to also look. Her finger pointing at a word,

 

“Nouno is the word for Warrior...the First Warrior.”  

 

You looked back at Einn, your eyes meeting for a millisecond, conveying that you could not in fact read the words in front of you. He nodded, confirming that what Jana had read was true.

 

“So there will be no reasoning with it?” Einn hummed, his eyes still scanning across the page.

 

“Not likely, they move in stages. Nouno is the second stage, they have already come to an agreement.” She said as she passed the book to Einn, allowing him to fully pour over the page.

 

“I could have already told you that.” You mumbled.

 

Einn’s head lifted from the flimsy and turned to look at Kylo, “This could be the source of the tampering.” He moved to stand, finger pointing at a passage on the page and allowing Kylo to look at it.

 

“It is a possibility, but I imagine it would not have done such a sloppy job of it. It easily blocked not only one bond but two, not to mention it was able to block the three of us from audibly hearing.”

 

“But look here.” Einn’s hand pointed back over the book, tapping at something.

 

Kylo’s helmet lifted, peering to look at both Jana and Subur who were looking on in interest, “I need to see anything you may have that is related to the Force or anything to do with Force sensitivity in regards to natives of Beirus.”

 

Jana’s brows furrowed, “Uh, I don’t think we have anything directly related to it. The only texts I have seen would be old Republic records of the Jedi and Sith, but those don’t mention Beirus at all.” She paused, her head turning as her eyes fixed to a spot on the ornate rug. “We were never apart of the Republic.” She muttered as an afterthought, going silent once more, her head still tilted downward in thought.

 

“I would need time to scour. We would need to have access into the Temple Mount as well, see if they would perhaps allow us to borrow a few of their books.” She muttered in thought, her head turning to look at Subur, “Do you think he would allow us to have access to those?” She asked.

 

Subur’s face scrunched in thought, shoulders shrugging slightly, “I don’t think they’ll exactly have a choice in the matter. His head turned to look at Kylo, “What exactly do you need with the information?”

 

“I have a hunch. If I’m correct, it may narrow down our search drastically.”

 

Subur hummed, “Let me see what I can do, allow me to throw around my weight a little and see what strings I can pull.”

 

“It would need to be discreet.” Kylo added.

 

“Of course.” Subur stood fully, “I will get to this right away, Manis may--”

 

“No.” Kylo interjected, “I do not want anyone to know of this outside of this room.”

 

Subur nodded glumly and then turned to look at Jana, “Looks like you and I have some work to do.”

 

“Well, did you think I was going to sit this out?” She huffed with a slight laugh.

 

“We don’t exactly have time to be wasting on cutsey banter.” Einn mumbled, taking the book back from Kylo and walking back to hand it to Jana.

 

“Right.” She breathed, “I’ll see what I can find about the Mandalee and anything that correlates to them and the Force in regards to the people of Beirus. Subur, work on gathering everything you can from the Temple Mount.”  She pulled a ribbon from the spine of the book and placed it in the section, closing the book and tucking it under her arm. Her eyes moving over to the side table where Nouno’s severed arm sat, locking onto it as her eyes squinted slightly. She moved towards it, pulling the limb from beside Einn’s helmet and inspecting, turning it over in her hands delicately.

 

“You wounded it?” She asked, tilting her head towards you, not waiting for your reply, “Of course you did.” She mumbled answering her own question. She shifted the appendage in her hands allowing her to look at the point of disconnect and eyeing the frayed tissue. Holding it with one hand and allowing its mate to run across the jagged fleshy edges, clamping the book tightly under her arm so it would not slip.

 

“You didn’t cut this away?” She asked.

 

“No. I ripped it away.”

 

“May I take this with me?” She asked, looking at Kylo.

 

“I don’t see why not.” He shrugged.

 

She nodded, gripping onto the arm tightly and moving back towards the door, Subur opening it for her and allowing her to exit first as he followed.

 

Kylo moved to the door and closed it behind them, his hands moving to his helmet and pulling it from his head once more, deep pools of muddy green peering at the both of you, “I believe we have a foreign Force User on Beirus, but I do not think they have originated from here.”

 

“So all that talk about the Force and it’s connection to the people of Beirus, was to just throw them off the scent?” You asked, brow cocked in slight confusion.

 

“Not exactly. I have a feeling that this will prove that this other Force User did not originate here.”

 

“How so?” You questioned.

 

“Ah, I see. You think the Mandalee have some sort of ability to block the manifestation of the Force in the people born here?” Einn hummed, rubbing at the long hairs on his chin absently.

 

“Exactly, I believe that they did this as a precaution, to keep the planet as neutral as possible and to keep anything or rather anyone from coming here in search of Force Users.”

 

“This seems like a rather large leap.” You muttered, moving a hand to finally touch at the gooey substance on your forehead and dabbing it slightly and moving your hand back down to inspect the clear sticky material and rubbing it between your fingers. Nothing about this seemed right, something nagging at the back of your mind, begging to be recalled, but you couldn’t quite remember what it was even though you attempted to chase after the memory.

 

“It’s in the texts, something that has to do with the contract between the settlers of Beirus and the Mandalee.” Einn supplied, watching you as you rubbed your fingers together slowly. “Of course you would know that if you could read it.” He mumbled.

 

Your head lifted, glaring at him, “I don’t even know what language that was.” You hissed, quickly giving up the chase on the memory, allowing your annoyance to distract you.

 

“I didn’t either but if you used your head every once in a while, you could have easily picked up on the words from either Jana or Subur.” He sassed.

 

“Enough.” Kylo rumbled, his eyes rolling slightly. “We have work to do. Einn, get into contact with Major Unifar and have her search our archives for any information that may be in relation to this. I will contact the Supreme Leader, perhaps he can part some wisdom on the matter.”

 

You stood expectantly, waiting for Kylo to assign you to do something, but he did not.

 

“I’ll get right on it.” Einn spoke, pulling his helmet from the side table and placing it back over his head and moving towards the door, opening it swiftly and closing it behind him, leaving both you and Kylo standing in the room.

 

“You’re making me sit this out?” You asked, eyes narrowing dangerously.

 

He turned to look at you, his almond shaped eyes turning to mere slits as his hands gripped tightly around his helmet, “Yes.” He hissed, “And I should send you back to the Supreme Leader for your insubordination.”

 

Your teeth clenched tightly, biting back the urge to explode at him, upper lip twitching on impulse. “If I hadn’t of trusted my gut you would have never known about the Mandalee.” You seethed.

 

“And that is the only reason why I have not shipped you back to the _Supremacy_ for punishment.” He stepped forward, crowding you as he towered over you. “Consider yourself lucky.”

 

A fleck of spit bubbled through his clenched teeth, pelting you in the face and causing you to blink. You wiped away the spittle slowly, eyes closing, attempting to keep your composure. Sucking in your lower lip, teeth dragging across the soft flesh, clamping down and pinching it. Your eyes opening and flicking upward, staring hatefully at him, “Lucky?” You growled. “I trusted my gut, and I was right to. Lucky.” You spat a harsh laugh, throat pained, holding back from wincing, “You would have done the same. You’re no fucking different.”

 

The helmet dropped from his grip as his left hand moved with lightning speed to grip the back of your head, gathering a fist full of hair and yanking your head back, forcing you to peer drastically upward at him, your body jerking with the violent motion.

 

“You forget your place.” He snarled, hand jerking your head to the side, “You think I’m going to let you do what you wish? That there will be no consequences?”  His voice lowered, rumbling deeply in his chest as he attempted to curb his ire.

 

“And what could you possibly do to me _Commander_ ? Will you send me back to Snoke? _Will you kill me?_ ”  Your voice was even, emotionless, unafraid of anything that he could do to you. What could they take away from you? You had nothing. And death? Death would be such an easy out, not that he would even dare to take such drastic measures, not without the approval of Snoke.

 

His upper lip arched, snarling angrily, “Do you think you’re so important that _he_ wouldn’t grant me permission to kill you? That I would even _wait_ for his blessing?”

 

You laughed, eyes narrowing dangerously, “You’re so eager for his praise, you wouldn’t _risk_ his wrath. ” Your hand rose, reaching behind your head and gripping his wrist tightly, pinching at the pressure point, digging into his clothing. Watching as his face twitched, attempting to hide the sudden discomfort as you pressed harder and finally relenting, his hand breaking it’s grip from your hair and drawing back to his side though he did not step away from you, still using his height to attempt to intimidate you. “You lack the conviction to do it.”  You hissed.

 

His nostrils flared and upper lip twitched, his eyes staring daggers into you, wanting nothing more than to hurt you, to cut you deeply, but he said nothing, lips pinching tightly and hands balling at his side, at an impasse.

 

“Get. Out. Of. My. Sight.” Plush lips thinning, his voice a deep hissing growl.

 

“With pleasure.”  

 

Shouldering past him, reaching roughly at the door and swinging it open and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind you and marching back to your room, just as every bit as angry as he was, if not more.  Taking everything in you not to explode and taking your anger out on anything and everything around you, reminding yourself of how childish it would be to throw a fit of rage.

 

Bottle it up. Save it for later.

 

Reaching your room and flicking the door open, giving the wood a swift kick backward and slamming it shut with the sole of your boot. Standing and huffing. _Shaking_ with rage. Closing your eyes and clenching your teeth tightly, willing yourself to retract the emotions. Hating how angry he made you, how he still managed to have so much pull over you. Wishing more than anything that you could feel nothing at all.

 

 _“You concern yourself far too much with being superior to him, as if you need to impress the twisted man, as if you aren’t impressive in your own right. What has he ever truly_ **_earned_ ** _?”_ Sestra’s voice hummed.

 

“Nothing. He’s earned nothing. Everything has been handed to him.” You muttered lowly.

 

_“Exactly. He pales in comparison and always will. The twisted man plays you against him, but they are one in the same. You have nothing to prove to either of them.”_

 

“But the game, it must still be played if we are to succeed.” You whispered.

 

 _“Indeed, but you play the brash fool where he is concerned. Stop allowing him to get under your skin,_ **_he is nothing_ ** _. He will always be beneath you.”_

 

You stood silent, nothing to add, nothing to counter Sestra’s words, only self doubt. What if you weren’t strong enough? What if you couldn’t kill him or worse yet what if you couldn’t _kill_ Snoke?

 

 _“We are too far along for the self doubt, we’ve come too far for that.”_ She grumbled.   _“Besides, we know something he does not.”_

 

Your brows scrunched, the gash above your head stretching with the motion, causing you to quickly ease your expression, “What are you talking about?”

 

_“The memory, I’ve found it.”_

 

“Show me.” You breathed, suddenly remembering the nagging you had felt earlier.

 

 _“Regrettably, I cannot. The memory has been corrupted by the twisted man-”_ She paused, her voice low, sounding almost sorry, _“But, I can take you to where we need to go.”_

 

“Where?” You hissed, new anger rising within you, anger at Snoke.

 

_“We’ll leave when the others have gone to sleep, for now you should rest, you’ll need your strength.”_

 

“That dangerous?” You muttered with a huff, almost dismissive of her telling you to rest.

 

_“Taxing, the Mandalee took a lot out of you, I can feel your mental fatigue, you must have your wits about you for this. We must be strong.”_

 

_****_

 

She held her in her lap, an arm wrapped around her, hand holding her datapad as she glanced over the text of the screen, scouring the words for anything that would be helpful, her free hand carding through the soft curls of Yara’s hair as she sleepily sucked on her thumb. She took comfort in these moments, even when the world around her seemed to be set a blaze, all of that ceased to exist when she held her daughter. As if Yara herself was a safe place, a haven from the torment of a heavy crown. She kissed the top of her head softly, making soft kissing noises, attempting to lull Yara back to sleep. Her nap wasn’t quite over, but she had missed her too much to stay away. She just needed a moment with her. Clear her head, center herself.

 

Yara fidgeted in her lap, nuzzling her head further into the indigo silks, her right hand running absently over the fabric, soothing herself back into a sleepy haze as she drooled from the corners of her dark lips, sucking gently at her thumb. Jana cooed at her, whispering sweet noises, adjusting the datapad in her hand which had begun to cramp from the awkward position. She sighed and shifted as easily as possible, placing the datapad next to her on the plush lounge. Taking the next few moments to look down at the nearly two year old sitting in her lap.

 

Her hair was short, the curls tight, Calla assured her that it would grow thicker and longer as she got older, but Jana didn’t care. She loved how the curls jutted from the crown of Yara’s head when she woke up in the morning. How her eyes would peer so lovingly at her, the way the skin of her thumb would prune and wrinkle from a night of sucking on the digit. Whenever she would feel the dark edges of sadness creeping in, she knew she could banish it all away just by looking at her daughter. She was everything to her. A constant reminder of everything she was trying to accomplish even when she felt like she had lost the will to go on.

 

And there she was, a babbling, drooling, smiling mess of a girl, her arms up high, stubby and plump, fingers flexing. _Hold me. Love me._ The light in the darkness, who was Jana to deny her? If she could, she would have carried her until her arms were numb, but life did not pause for her, her duties would never halt. So instead she had to schedule in moments to spend with her daughter, as if she were some sort of appointment and not a child who needed to be with her mother.

 

She tilted her head back against the lounge, listening to the sound of Yara’s soft snores, her own eyes closing softly. She was so tired. She never imagined being this tired, never fathomed that this life would become so exhausting. Especially with everything going on in the past few months. What did her mother say? A watched pot never boils? How right she had been. Everything was boiling over, and it seemed that no matter how she tried to wipe away the froth, it just kept coming, even as she tried to remove the pot from the heat. How many more times would she casually turn away from the flame, to turn her back for a moment, only to hear the hissing spit of water spilling over?  How many more things would go wrong? How much more would slop over the sides until there was no water left?

 

She took a deep breath, nostrils flaring as her chest rose against the weight of Yara’s body. Her hand rubbing at her warm back, hand snaking under the soft fabric of Yara’s shift, rubbing across her soft skin. She could hear the door to her bedroom open, her eyes cracking open just enough to glance and see Subur moving into the room, silently closing the door and nodding at her.

 

He moved to stand behind the lounge, bending to kiss the top of her head as he reached to smooth down Yara’s hair.

“I thought you would be in here.” He whispered.

 

She hummed, nodding, not wanting to speak and break the silence between her and Yara.

 

“Rest.” He mumbled into her hair, “I will send Calla to wake you in awhile.”  

 

She smiled warmly at him. If anyone had asked her on her wedding day how she would feel about the man, about her husband, she would have never guessed how much affection she held towards him. How much comfort he had been to her. Always with a gentle hand, always there to have her back through every Council meeting, through hot angry tears and sad sobs, he was solid. Sharing every burden, carrying her weight at times even, never pushing, never demanding.

 

“Stay.” She whispered, her hand moving away from Yara to grip softly at his forearm as he began to move away, prepared to get back to work. Always working.

 

He hummed softly, “I would love to.” He paused, sighing, she knew he could not stay.

 

“I know.” She muttered.

 

“Take time to rest. I will see the both of you soon enough.” He leaned down and kissed the crown of her head once more, standing and leaving the both of them to dooze in the soft light of the sun.

 

Her eyes closed, finally giving into the the overwhelming tiredness that she had been fighting, allowing all of her worries and anxieties to fade away. But her thoughts were already wandering, lazily swirling and centering onto thoughts of you as they often did before sleep though she could not understand why. She couldn’t pretend to even understand the seemingly instant connect that she had made with you. As if you were always meant to waltz into her life in a cloud of black chaos.

 

And she always wondered, were you the source of it all? Were you the reason for the sudden upheaval in her life? For the tumbling of the pieces that had been so carefully set, the catalyst.  She sighed softly, pushing the intruding thoughts away, instead returning her focus to the weight of Yara on her chest.

 

****

 

You stood in a grove of large trees, branches spreading in every direction, hiding what little moonlight shone above, leaving only the few flickering lanterns that littered the bases of the trees as your source of light. All leaf debris removed from the roots and surrounding areas, cautious not to encourage a fire if one of the lanterns were to be knocked over.

 

Your eyes scanned around you, attempting to peer into the darkness, straining to see if there was anyone present, mind searching through the Force, feeling all around you. You clenched tightly at the canister of sloshing liquid in your hands. Unsure of what was inside, instructed by Sestra to retrieve it from the garden’s work shed before you ventured out into the darkness with Sestra and the Force as your only guide. You were surprised you hadn’t managed to hurt yourself on the trip here.

 

 _“What are we doing here?”_ You mentally asked Sestra who had stirred you from sleep in the middle of the night. Urging you to leave the palace and head out into the darkness, never really telling you of your destination. Though now that you had arrived you knew exactly where you were.

 

The burial grove. The place where you had laid Mon Sala to rest, his body consumed by thousands of   _Caro_ , the rest left to rot within the hollow of the Great Tree. But there felt like there had been more to the memory, the bits that you could recall, the bare essentials, were hazy and shrouded in a thick fog that refused to move.

 

 _“We are here to get answers. Head to the Great Tree.”_ She instructed, her tone short, impatient with all of your questions.

 

You moved along the lighted pathway, your boots scuffing along the gravel, far too loud for your liking. Your eyes shifted around you, far too many shadows and nooks for someone to be waiting in. Your paranoia not the only thing that was making you nervous, something else, something within the Force itself was humming, vibrating through your very bones, almost beckoning you forward. But you couldn’t help but to think of Nouno, the feeling far too similar to the buzzing that  the creature made within your head.

 

You moved slowly, cautiously listening for even the slightest sound, feeling within the Force for even a flicker of a signature. But it was all useless, the humming far too loud to hear, your connection to the Force almost jammed by something far too bright, too distracting, as if it was the only thing in this place and it demanded your attention.

 

 _“Come closer. Come closer child.”_ A sea of voices whispered, drowning out all other sound around you, almost causing you to drop the container that you held in your hand, you could feel it sloshing, the weight shifting in jerking yet fluid motions.

 

You moved faster, the call too irresistible to keep you at your current pace. You chased after the voices, moving through the path, your eyes locked forward, the sight of the Great Tree finally coming into your view. Lit by a thousand tiny candles around it’s base, vibrant strips of fabric tangled through it’s lower branches, untouched by weather, as if they replaced it periodically. You stood at the base of the tree, where the roots had splayed just enough to allow two people to stand or kneel side by side on a carpet of thick moss. A gaping dark hole in the center of the enormous trunk, tangled with gnarled bark, as if the tree had grown that way, twisting itself into an almost perfect circle.

 

 

> _The Temple men moving to pick up Mon’s body, Jana standing to remove the sheet from his curled form, his body wrapped and bound tightly in linen. She clutched the sheet to her body, draping it over her shoulders as they moved Mon away from her and to the open mouth of the tree. Lifting him upward and dropping him into the hole. You waited to hear the sound of his body thumping to the earth but heard nothing._

 

The memory flickered in your mind, clouded but present, almost layering over the sight before you, a memory that seemed to echo through time. The base of your skull began to burn, your stub echoing the same feeling, forcing you to close your eyes as you moved to the soft moss covered space before the opening. You stood rigidly, something within you frightened though you were unsure why.

 

 _“Kneel.”_ Sestra’s voice commanded, your knees buckling at the sound of her words. As if she had somehow taken control of your body just by speech alone.

 

Your knees fell to the soft moss carpeting, your head tilting upward, eyes peering into the dark opening in the massive trunk of the tree, the cannister falling beside you, your grip suddenly failing, as if you were completely enthralled by the tree.

 

 _“Come inside child. Peer into me.”_ The voices whispered, a stiff breeze moving through the tree’s branches, rustiling the leaves above though it did not touch the candles around you nor the strips of colorful fabric strewn through it’s lower boughs. As if the tree were moving of it’s own free will.

 

The burning at the base of your skull creeping further upward, wrapping around and pressing into your eyes, forcing you to close them. And as if seeing for the first time, the true nature of the tree, you peered into a golden pool where the dark hole had once been.

 

Your left hand lifting towards it, the burning in your stump easing the closer you moved towards the twinkling golden rays.

 

 

> _Your eyes opened, something within you telling you to look as the burning in your head eased into a warm haze, as if you were basking in the sun on a cold day. The tree stood before you, golden, it’s bark swirling with millions of calm faces, moving in and out, changing at a slow pace, as if they had been pushed there by a wave, receding back and then coming forward with each push of an invisible tide. Lapping on the shores of the bark.  You stood in silence, peering in awe of the sight before, though it felt oddly familiar, had you been here before?_
> 
>  
> 
> _“You have returned.” A cacophony of voices and the sound of rustling leaves spoke._
> 
>  
> 
> _Your brows furrowed, “I have been here before?” You asked softly, still kneeling in front of the tree, your hands resting in your lap._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Yes. Do you not remember?” They asked._
> 
>  
> 
> _Your head shook softly, biting at your lower lip, eyes casting downward. “My memories have been...altered.” You muttered._
> 
>  
> 
> _The branches of the tree moved, a single limb moving forward and bending at an odd angle, the wood supple and alive, reaching towards you and brushing leaves across your metaphysical skin. Retracting away from you slowly and moving back into it’s previous placement._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I see. Have you come to seek relief?”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Your lips pinched in thought, if you replied with a ‘yes’ would it help? Would the memories be worth the possible risk? But before you could answer you could feel a tugging at the base of your skull, leeching outward, dragging like a stream from you. Hot breath on the nape of your neck, a soft huffing pant near your ear, a large speckled muzzle moving to peer over your shoulder, three crimson eyes glaring at you._
> 
>  
> 
> _“We have come seeking other answers cousin.” Sestra spoke, preventing you from answering the tree’s question._
> 
>  
> 
> _“You do not belong here.” The tree’s branches moved, sweeping backward and pulling as far away from Sestra as they could mange. The sound of surprise clear in it’s tone. “You have used this child to gain access to me?!”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Sestra’s flapping lips curled, as if she were smiling, pleased with herself. She moved, stalking to stand beside you, her hind legs still behind you as she nearly curled herself around you. “Come now cousin. Do not be so rude.” She cooed._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I will answer none of your questions Sun Swallower, your kind are not welcomed here.”  The tree swung a branch towards Sestra, a warning to leave._
> 
>  
> 
> _“You see, that is where you are wrong.” This time her jowls curled upward into an ugly snarl, opalescent drool dripping from her fanged teeth. Moving completely around you, standing in front of you and taking a seat.  “I have something waiting for you outside of your domain. Something that you will not like.” Her voice steady, almost smug._
> 
>  
> 
> _“You’re threats are empty. Leave here.” A branch came swooping down once more, attempting to wack into her. Her mouth opening wide, impossibly wide, swallowing the branch as if it were nothing, her maw snapping shut and severing it from the tree completely._
> 
>  
> 
> _“If you continue to be so rude, I will have no choice but to destroy you.” She muffled as the sounds of her throat swallowing the branch whole impeded her strange speech._
> 
>  
> 
> _You watched as the branch drew back into place, as if appearing from thin air, perfectly formed and retracting back towards the trunk of the tree. You stood, moving quickly to stand between the tree and Sestra, your eyes cutting to look back at her though she seemed un-bothered by your interference._
> 
>  
> 
> _“You can not harm me. You lack form outside of here.” The tree nearly bellowed._
> 
>  
> 
> _“But the girl does not. She will pour the poison inside of you if we do not get the answers we seek.” She said smugly, standing once more and moving to stand beside you, clearly unimpressed with the threats of the tree._
> 
>  
> 
> _“You wouldn’t.” The branches of the tree shivered, “You wouldn’t risk throwing the balance. There would be total chaos, the planet...the planet would die!”_
> 
>  
> 
> _You could hear the fear in the voices, almost taste it in the strange twinkling air. You glared at Sestra, so that was what was in the container. You should have known. Why else would she have you break into the shed?_
> 
>  
> 
> _“But wouldn’t I? I am chaos, I thrive in it,_ **_she_ ** _thrives in it. To see this planet shrivel and die...would be a true treat.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _You continued to glare at her. What was she doing? You couldn’t do that. You couldn’t kill an entire planet just because some giant kriffing tree wouldn’t answer some questions. It was insane. She was insane! There would be dire consequences to this action._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Please. Just answer my questions.” You made a small step forward, as if saying you didn’t think the way she did._ **_You were not her_ ** _. Oddly she didn’t even bat a single set of eyes at this, as if she had been expecting this to happen._
> 
>  
> 
> _The tree shimmered, it’s branches twisting, the faces on it’s bark nearly freezing in place, as if it were deep in thought._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I will answer your questions, but you are never to return to this place once you leave here. I will no longer be able to aid you in your path child, you will be left to your own devices and this-this abomination.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _You sighed in relief. Nodding at the tree, “I understand.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Ask your questions and be gone from here.” It snapped._
> 
>  
> 
> _“First you are to restore the girls memory of this place.” Butted Sestra, cutting you off from asking your first question._
> 
>  
> 
> _You glared at her, “I don’t think that’s-”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Shush. Restore them cousin.” She ordered, cutting you off mid sentence._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Very well.” The voices grumbled, a branch sweeping forward and cuffing behind you, sliding you towards the glowing portal in it’s trunk. “Peer inside.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _You moved forward, not caring for the impatient ushering of the Great Tree, shrugging off the leaves that pressed against you. Standing in front of the golden opening, your eyes almost refusing to look directly into the light. You peered over your shoulder, looking back at Sestra, who nodded encouragingly._
> 
>  
> 
> _You forced your eyes to look into the pool, squinting, your nose wrinkling and upper lip curling as you looked into the far too bright light. You stood waiting for something to happen, preparing to ask what was supposed to happen when the light from the hole flooded outward, blinding you completely. Your arms raising to shield your eyes, squeezing them tightly shut even though the light somehow managed to penetrate through your arms and lids._
> 
>  
> 
> _You stood in the classroom, the doors to the closet flung open, two small forms huddled and clinging to each other. You felt the frown form on your lips. The nagging at the back of your mind, the small voice you hadn’t heard in so so long, smashing it back down and sending it away before it could stop you._
> 
>  
> 
> _You blinked, a tear rolling across the surface of your cheek, all was silent. No more sobbing. You peered down at the two small children, much closer than before, standing over them and sniffing as emotional pain washed over you._ **_Regret._ ** _Your stomach lurched, wanting to vomit from the vile act. You reached down and pulled them from the closet, moving them to the center of the classroom where they would be easily found._
> 
>  
> 
> _The sound of small voices, lithe and joyous, instructing you to look towards a cabinet in the corner of a stately office. Kasar’s home. Leading you to the secret tunnel under Kasar’s manor and to the location where Subur had been held captive._
> 
>  
> 
> _You sat in the middle of Jana’s room, listening to the sound of her sleeping fitfully._ **_Mon was dead_ ** _._ **_It was your fault._ ** _A voice broke across the silence of the room, filing your head, pulling your eyes away from the datapad, turning to see two small children crowding Jana’s bed._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Leave her. Let her sleep.” You instructed._
> 
>  
> 
> _“But she’s crying.” The young boy said._ **_Ubax_ ** _. His name was Ubax._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Momma used to rock us when we cried.” The girl spoke, her hand attempting to caress Jana, attempting to comfort her as she wept in her sleep._ **_Petali_ ** **.** _Ubax and Petali, the children in the closet._
> 
>  
> 
> _You could feel her hand wrapping around your own, pulling you towards the tree, they had called it the Big Tree. Petali squeezed your fingers, slightly tugging you, urging you forward. Your lips pinched, eyes growing wide and head shaking. You couldn't go. It would be too dangerous. Then you felt it, another hand squeezing your own, holding you in place. Your eyes meeting the thin slit of his visor._ **_You could feel him_ ** _._
> 
>  
> 
> _Ubax wrapped his small hand around the both of yours, pulling as best as he could, “Come. Listen. Big Tree needs to show you.” His voice excited._
> 
>  
> 
> _“We can’t.” Kylo projected, your eyes locked onto each other despite the darkness of his visor._
> 
>  
> 
> _“We have no choice. I have no choice.” Kylo’s grip tightened and you pulled away from him, Ubax and Petali pulling you towards Jana, pulling you to your knees gently. Jana’s head turning to look at you, her outstretched hand moving towards yours, grabbing you and urging you to join her. Your body bending forward, head bowing and meeting the cool moss. She squeezed your hand, you tuned into the Force. Closing your eyes._
> 
>  
> 
> _A deep dark sea swallowing you, millions of hands reaching and pulling tugging you downward, pulling you deeper. Faint whispering in your ears, beckoning you deeper. Cold fading to warmth, your vision_ _growing dim. A hand from above grabbing you pulling you upward, pulling you from the darkness._
> 
>  
> 
> **_Einn_ ** _._
> 
>  
> 
> _Crimson light around you, golden fabric flowing in front of you, your head bowed, eyes peering upward. Snoke. Gnarled fingers moving to rest on your head. “She forgot you.” His voice echoed loudly in your head. “They will abandon you too.”_
> 
> _Kylo wrapping his arms around you. Your body stiff and unyielding to his touch. Hot tears flowing from his eyes, muffled crying pressing into your skin. Numbness over taking you._
> 
> _Fire surrounding you. Einn standing in front of you. Hand reaching towards you. His mouth moving, screaming at you. You could not hear him. You could feel the hot press of tears in your eyes. See them flowing freely from him._
> 
> _Searing pain in your left shoulder, eyes moving to peer at the limb. Gone. A scream leaving your lips. Hands clamping onto you, pushing you backwards, your mind spilling into darkness._
> 
> _Cold metal pressing into you, connected. Biting at your flesh, raw and chafed. Not a part of you, unnatural. Your eyes moving to the basin of a sink, ribbons of flesh piled within. Acceptance._
> 
> _A girl standing in front of you, dark brown hair, warm eyes and sun kissed skin, her mouth moving, words once again missing. Mechanical noises, artificial lights, the feeling of a breeze on your skin. The sky dark above you. You turned your back on her._
> 
> _“These are things that have yet to come, but may, be weary of your path my child. My siblings send their children to you for guidance. Heed their words. Listen to them.”  The rustling of leaves and voices said hauntingly. “The future is not stone, but a flowing river, you may change its course, but it is up to you to choose when.”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _You blinked. Standing once more outside of the tree, tears streaming from your eyes, a deep sadness moving through you, the emotion was quickly overtaken by a stinging bitterness.  Snoke had taken these memories from you, had deemed them unnecessary. As if he had any_ **_right_ ** _._
> 
>  
> 
> _You knew now why Sestra had insisted on restoring the memories. She needed to remind you of the larger game at hand. But not only that, if Ubax and Petali had managed to manifest the Force, had woken, then what did that say about Kylo’s theory on the powers of the Mandalee. You knew now what you must ask._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Ubax and Petali, were they born on this planet?”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“No. Conceived here, taken form here, but not born here.” The voices rustled._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I need to know what you can tell me about the Mandalee.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _The tree rustled, and this time you could feel the breeze, feel it push against you like a heavy sigh.  It stopped abruptly, the faces on the bark completely retracting._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Very well.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Portrait of Twelve](https://mortisoculo.tumblr.com/post/181175624321/ive-been-waiting-here-for-a-while-now-i-could)
> 
>  
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and sticking through this shitty ass story as we get another chapter closer to the close of Part 1.
> 
> XOXO  
> -Mortis


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